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(liquid whooshing)
(bug buzzing) (birds chirping)
(gentle music)
(music continues)
(Corinthia chuckles)
- Someone's changed their tune.
- I've got so much to tell ya,
but I think I love you, Miles.
- Sometimes I feel that and then I don't know,
other times I, not so much.
Over the last week, I've had a lot of time
to think about my life, my future work,
what I'm doing, who am I spendin' it with?
And I don't know, like the last week,
we've connected better than ever before, but-
- I need to tell you something.
- Oh no, just let me finish.
I dunno what it is.
Like somethin' feels different,
and it's like the spark in our relationship is back
and it's never been any better.
Like, I dunno, maybe it's just me,
maybe I've had a lot of time to think.
Don't know.
- Maybe it's something more.
- The one thing I'm sure about
is I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
- Miles, wait.
- Gemma, will you marry me?
And I know it's just a band,
but I promise you when I get the money,
I'll get you a diamond.
What do you say?
- I've got something to confess.
- What?
- I'm not Gemma.
- Yeah, you are.
- I'm not Gemmy.
- (chuckles) You are joking, right?
- No.
I met Gemma just under a week and a half ago,
and it was (indistinct) that we were twins,
and I mean, you were really surprised
with the piano playing.
Miles, please.
I can explain.
- Gemma, you could've just said no, all right?
Instead of making up a ridiculous story.
- [Gemma] Look, Miles, please.
(music continues)
(mellow techno music)
(singer vocalizing)
- There a problem?
So salty.
(music continues) (vocalizing continues)
(both laughing)
Don't play this rubbish too long.
I don't want the electricity goin' through the roof.
- Come on, Trace, have a dance.
- Yeah, come on, Trace.
- Some of us have work to do.
- (snorts) Work?
You haven't had a job since 1997.
(Simone laughs)
- Cheeky.
I'm workin', all right?
- Oh, workin', eh?
(both laughing)
Definitely a scam.
(fist knocking)
- Lend us a tenner, Mum?
- (scoffs) I'm not made of money.
- Don't be so stingy,
I don't get paid for another two week.
- I'm sure I can work somethin' out.
- You want a job, cash in hand?
- [Gemma] Sounds good.
Are you scheming?
- Me, scheming?
- "Tracey's Luxury Getaway."
Isn't this about- - Never you mind.
- Mama.
- (scoffs) Okay, you remember
that holiday letter scheme I had?
- Well, you're gonna have to be more specific than that.
- The cockroaches.
- Oh, gross. Yeah.
What about it? - Yeah.
Well, those cheap places, they don't give refunds do they?
They give vouchers, but I ran that scheme five times
before they worked it out.
Now I've got good credit.
- Okay.
- So, I now rent a place, sublet it on my website.
I've put a few targeted adverts in posh areas.
- Surely this can't work.
- It has.
I've just rented an art deco cottage.
I've rented it a couple of days either side,
so you can go in, sort the place out,
then clean up before they real owners
get in and check it out.
- How much then?
- [Tracey] 50 quid.
- Deal.
(computer chimes) (Tracey chuckles)
Oh God, it's meathead.
What does he want?
(phone ringing) (Tracey groans)
(bell tolling)
- Hello?
Yes, this is she.
Yes.
I've just got your booking.
- Oh, I'm just wondering how private
and secure your listing is.
Yes, the family does need security in a private environment.
- [Tracey] Don't worry.
It's a lovely, quiet area.
Perfect for walks.
- Oh, excellent.
One of our party will be coming and arriving on the Saturday
and the rest of the party
will be arriving the following day.
- Perfect.
And you're happy to pay for the security in advance?
- [Connie] Oh yes, of course.
That's not a problem.
- (chuckles) Wonderful.
You will of course get it back when we've checked
over the property after your client leaves.
- Oh, wonderful.
If I have any more questions, I'll give you another ring.
- [Tracey] Happy to have served you, Madam.
- Okay, goodbye.
- [Tracey] Bye bye.
- Is everything confirmed?
- Oh yes, Princess, your getaway awaits.
Would you like me to tell Hi and Her Majesty?
- No, no.
I'll tell them at the luncheon.
- Is anything wrong, Princess?
You do look us though you've got
the weight of the world on your shoulders.
I have something to tell them when we're on holiday,
and I don't think they're going to be very happy with me.
- Well, I'm happy to listen.
- Perhaps I'm just being silly.
- Anyway, we need to look at next week's schedule.
- Of course, the schedule.
- Mm.
Mm.
- Oh, I'm wildly starving.
- Gems, what you doin'?
You're gonna choke.
- As if.
(Gemma coughing)
Oh.
- Told ya. - Shut up.
- You think there should be more to life than that?
- What do you mean?
- I feel stuck, you know?
Same old job, same old friend, same old, everything.
You know?
- Until I win the lottery or marry a prince,
this is all we've got.
- [Gemma] And what about us?
- [Gemma] What do you mean?
- Well, where do you see us heading?
- I'm not having kids, if that's what you mean.
- No, I don't mean.
- [Gemma] My mum will kill me if I making her a grandmother.
- You're bein' silly.
- She's got a knife in garage bigger than Rambo's.
You said you had something to tell me.
Is that it?
- No, it can wait.
(both chattering) (upbeat music)
(both laughing)
- It's gorgeous.
A little Bohemian.
- What do you know about Bohemian?
You're a (indistinct) girl.
- Watch it, Trappy.
Besides, wish I could stay here.
- It's already spotless.
- What do we do then?
- Well, we've gotta clean up after ourselves
and then we're gonna swap the brochures
and the guest books to me mum's so they think it's hers.
- Oh, easy.
Besides, we won't make that much mess will we?
(both laughing)
(indistinct singing) (upbeat music)
- Do you know, Miles don't excite me anymore.
- What about that fella
that tried chattin' us up in the club last week?
He was fit.
- Oh no, not my type.
- Yeah, well, ain't Miles your type?
- Hm, he used to be but I don't know, never beats my ass.
- Hm.
(birds chirping)
(Gemma groans)
- Stop.
Don't take my pillows away.
- These are my pillows, love.
(phone chimes)
Oh my God!
They're checkin' in in an hour.
Quickly!
- (laughs) Keep your hat on.
- Hey.
Oh yeah, Mum.
Oh yeah, we're fine.
We're just during final checks and that.
Yeah, yeah, when the first person arrives.
Yeah, yeah, fine, fine.
Yeah, later.
Clean up, now.
- 'Kay.
(Gemma groans)
(bottles clinking)
(light classical music)
- Oh, great, we're here.
- Oh, finally.
Be so good to just relax
and know how to think about my duties.
And I've just got one last email to send.
- Oh, okay.
I'll go and grab the keys.
(music continues)
Oh, excuse me?
Morning.
Sorry, we're a bit early.
- No problem.
We're just finished.
I've got the keys here for you.
- Oh, thank you.
I'll give these to my boss.
- Great, I'll just go grab my colleague.
(music continues)
- Where is it?
- You there? - All ready?
- Okay, I'm just doing this last little bit.
- Babes, babes,
I'm gonna make a dash to the train, all right?
Me auntie wants her nails doin' and she's always generous.
- Okay, see you later, sweet.
- I'm shooting off.
Have a lovely stay.
- Oh, thank you.
- I think I'll go and crash on the lounge.
I just want to relax, unwind, and let it all hang out.
- Oh, are you sure you'll be okay, Your Majesty?
- Oh, yes.
There's a little shop just down the road.
- A corner shop?
Have you ever been in a shop before?
- Is it like Harrods?
(music continues)
- Oh, wow.
You really are letting it all hang out,
aren't you, Princess?
Oh, you should put a cardigan on in case of the paparazzi.
Oh.
And to keep you warm.
- What?
- [Connie] I'll have to run now, Princess.
- Excuse me?
- Oh (laughs),
I've gotta go and do a shift
at the teabag factory and have a hot pot.
Oh, you do amuse me, Princess.
- Call me Princess again
and I'll show you how amusing I can be.
- (chuckles) Ta ra, love.
- Sorry, love, I mean, Madam.
I've just left my phone.
I'll just grab it.
- Oh, don't mind me.
(both gasping)
(both screaming)
- Listen, I've had the place redecorated.
Now, I've already put in some scratches
so they'll knock 10% off,
but you'll have to pay for the rest.
(Tracey scoffs)
Maybe it's time your constituencies
and your wife found out what it is you get up to.
(scoffs) Don't get funny with me, buddy boy.
I've still got the photos.
You've got plenty of money.
Good.
That's better.
Now, I want it (indistinct) out by the end of the day.
- Who was that?
- Mayor?
- What?
- I used to date him about 10 year back.
You wouldn't believe the dirt I've got on him.
- Oh, oh my gosh.
- It's the goat I feel sorry for.
Anyway, what can I do for you, lover boy?
- I've come to see Gemma.
- Oh, she's not here.
She's at our holiday cottage.
- You've got a holiday cottage?
- Yes.
Well, kind of.
Anyway, she'll be back in a few hours.
- This is well bizarre.
- Maybe we're dops gangers.
- I think we're a bit more than lookalikes, flower.
- [Corinthia] So, what are we?
- Who's your dad?
- Well, my father is king of a small island
under British rule.
- That's good, 'cause my mum's the Queen of Sheba, love.
- Is she really?
Oh, he was born in this country.
They had to reside here during the coup.
The Isle of Marwood is prone to it, unfortunately.
We did try to move back, but ended up right here.
So, technically my father is nothing more than Lord.
- Hm.
Well, that sucks.
Was your dad a bit of a Lothario?
- I beg your pardon?
- I never met me dad.
Me mum says they were like ships passing at night.
They might have done more than a night, would they?
I mean, 33 years ago.
- When's your birthday?
- April 1st?
- Mine too.
But I'm 39.
- Fine, all right.
I'm 39.
We're obviously twins, everything matches.
- Well, how are we gonna find out?
- Hang on. (phone ringing)
- Where are ya?
- [Gemma] I've got a question for you, Mum.
- All right, spit it out.
Was my old man a king or a Lord?
- Who are you talkin' about?
Are you takin' them mix?
- No.
Do you reckon he was?
- He were barely a court jester, love.
- Well, I don't suppose you had two kids and gave one away?
- (scoffs) Have you been drinkin' again?
(phone slams)
- I mean, it's impossible.
My mother gave birth to me.
- Well, it's a mystery.
Hold on.
You're kiddin' me.
- What?
- I'm just dreaming.
Wait.
Bloody hell.
Oh (sighs)!
- You're not dreaming.
It's real.
- Look, I'm gonna have to go soon.
- [Corinthia] Why?
- Yeah, I've gotta get back on the grind.
I can't sit here with you all day being a princess.
- Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be,
I can assure you.
- Yeah, well try bein' me,
tryin' to scrape by with a boring boyfriend
who I'm pretty sure can't stand me right now,
let alone me mother.
Christ!
- She's not nice?
- No, I wouldn't say that, but she's just complicated.
She must be doing all right, though.
She has a second property.
- So, what's so bad about your life, Princess?
- Well, I'm expected to act a certain way,
and project a certain image and well,
I just didn't feel true to myself.
I have to have dinners with lords and ladies,
politicians, kings and queens sometimes.
I mean, I even used to date William before he met Kate.
- Seriously?
- Yes.
It's just such an effort having
to dress up all the time and be so demure.
(Corinthia chuckles)
- What is it?
- Well,
we went to a gala a few weeks ago,
and there was a lady playing the piano.
I've been learning the piano for years,
and I start to listen to her,
but my mother wouldn't let me.
She said she was merely the hired help.
I just didn't understand why they made me learn
to play if I wasn't ever able to.
I felt so trapped,
and she just looked so free.
- Well, I can tell you, being the hired help
ain't what it's cracked up to be.
I'd love to feel important, be the center of attention.
- I have an idea.
- [Gemma] What?
- Why don't we spot places for a week?
- You're havin' a laugh, aren't ya?
- No, I'm being serious.
- [Gemma] A week?
- Why not?
We're identical.
We just need to go over everything that we need to know.
- Bugger it.
Why not?
- You serious? Let's do it.
(upbeat music)
(music continues)
(crickets chirping)
Sorry, I know it's late.
How are you getting on?
- Getting there.
- I have an idea.
Hit me with it.
- Well, I know a photographer
and I can get access to his studio in the morning,
so we could go through the physical side of it all.
- What do you mean?
- Well, you walk like a member of Oasis.
No offense.
- None taken.
- I need to teach you how to walk, talk,
and eat like a princess.
- What next, poop Like a princess?
- How vulgar.
I've got my work cut out for me.
- Sorry.
- You get some sleep now.
We've got to start early before my family arrives.
♪ I wanna talk like a princess
♪ I wanna walk like a princess
♪ I wanna dress to impress like a princess ♪
♪ But I'm not goin' to be your princess ♪
♪ I'm gonna be my own princess
♪ My own princess
♪ Be my own princess
♪ I am goin' to talk like a princess ♪
♪ I am goin' to walk like a princess ♪
♪ I am goin' to dress like a princess ♪
♪ I am goin' to be
♪ My own princess
♪ I am a princess
My family want to know where I am.
- Yeah, me mum and me boyfriend wanna know where I am.
- You want to do this?
- Sure.
You?
- Yeah.
I'll get Connie to pick you up from here.
- And I'll get an Uber to take to me (indistinct).
- What on earth is an Uber?
Does it ride? - No.
Forget that.
We're gonna have to swap clothes, too.
- Oh, this is really comfy.
Well, you need to do some.
Stand up, shoulders back.
- You know, good luck.
I'll get a taxi to pick you up and drop me off at mine.
It's just opposite the flower shop.
- I'm nervous.
- Well, I'd say it don't be,
but me mum can be a bit scary sometimes.
- Morning.
- You all right?
- Nice.
Your family's waiting for you
at the holiday at cottage.
- Spiffing.
When's high tea?
- High tea?
- Yeah, like cucumber sandwiches and all that (chuckles)?
- All that?
Are you playing with me?
- (chuckles) Yeah.
You got me.
- After you, Your Royal Highness.
- I do crypto.
And eh-oh.
Eh, oh (groans).
Have a bob.
- What about you, eh?
Bloody hell, Gemma.
Barely saw you yesterday.
You been on the extra insiders last night?
(both chuckling)
Well, come in.
- [Corinthia] Oh, yeah.
- Well, well, well, the princess returns.
Her Majesty has deigned to share her presence.
- Excuse me?
I don't know what you're talking about.
- Simone, was Gemma with you last night?
- No, I thought she was back here.
- Well, I just fancied a night out.
I mean, is that a crime?
- Do what ya like.
But I had to entertain your dopey boyfriend.
- Oh, Miles, for God's sake.
- Bloody hell, lad, it's like looking in a butcher's window.
Cover yourself up.
- Gems, can we have a chat later?
- Tea bags there.
Oh, Connie.
Oh, thank God.
We've been stuck here without any help for an hour.
- It's been frightful.
We're dying for a cup of tea.
I've no idea how the contraption works.
The thing.
- You mean the kettle?
- Oh, that.
- Don't worry, Your Majesty.
I'll make the tea.
Is Diana here yet?
- She's outside in the courtyard.
- Oh, good.
All right.
- Oh, what's the matter, Your Majesty?
- Since when do you call father
and I Your Majesty, young lady?
- Oh, sorry, Mother.
- Did Nancy do your makeup?
It's too much.
You look like one of those American princesses.
- I did my makeup.
- Well, it looks like you've used a spray can, darling.
Have your sister do it.
Nancy has the week off.
- Diana?
- Yes, Diana.
Go on.
Shoo, shoo.
- Hey, Sis.
- You've never called me sis before.
And Heavens, who did your make up, a mortician?
- Mother's asked you to help me.
- Fine.
(gentle music)
- Oh, it's great.
- Don't make habit of it.
- Thank you, Diana.
- I don't think you've thanked me for anything.
- Oh.
Sorry.
- And you've never apologized either.
Did you get a visit from three ghosts last night?
Did they know they're too late for Christmas?
- So, what do you think about the holiday cottage?
- I don't know what possessed you to book this
when we could have gone to Uncle Jar's Chateau in Monaco.
- I think it's nice to switch things up a little.
- You're odd today, Corinthia.
Very, very odd.
- I'm just happy to see you.
- Ew.
Look, just pick out a nice dress.
Daddy's been invited to Lord Withnale's latest gathering.
We're to make our token appearances.
- Is it gonna be posh?
- Lord's, dignitaries, royalty.
Not posh at all, darling.
Did you bang your head?
(crowd chattering) (upbeat music)
- All right, love.
Pour us a pint of bitter, will ya?
(music continues)
♪ They're gonna find out
♪ Yes, they're gonna find out
♪ About you
♪ I know your secret
♪ Imposter, imposter
This is an open bar, is it not?
- The bar is paid for, yes.
- Drink, Connie?
- I can't, I'm working.
I think you just need to relax.
You look a bit uptight.
- Come on, let's go out.
- Better get off soon.
Coverin' someone's shift.
I really wanna go to clubbin' tonight instead.
- Oh, why don't ya?
- 'Cause if I don't work, I don't get paid.
Don't get paid, can't pay me bill.
On and on it goes, right?
You can't just ask for some money off your parents.
- My jailbird daddy,
if (indistinct) somewhere,
he wouldn't tell me where it was.
Mum's more broke than me.
- How long have we known each other now?
- Blimey.
What were we, four, five?
Back in primary school and a lifetime
of shenanigans ever since.
(both chuckling)
- Did I ever tell you about me dad?
- Only that your mum didn't know who it was.
- But do you think she's lying about that?
- Honestly, I never know with your ma.
But she's a lover.
You should get ready for Miles.
- Yeah.
- Look, if you're gonna dump him,
let him down gently, all right?
He's a nice guy.
- Why would she...
I mean, why would I do-
- What about me Amny Gran?
Do you remember her?
Or Daphne Breen. - Huh?
- Oh, nevermind.
Go easy on him, all right?
- Yeah, okay.
Do you know the way to Nachant?
That's where I've gotta meet him.
- You don't remember?
- Well, not exactly, no.
- Share a cab with me.
We'll dump you off on the way, sweet.
(Corinthia chuckles)
- Honestly, Corinthia.
I've never seen you act like that before.
What were you drinking?
Not beer was it?
- It was bitter, Papa.
- A princess does not drink bitter, beer, lager,
or anything you might find in a public house,
unless it's high cast spirits, like champagne,
and good champagne at that.
- Can I not drink cider?
What?
It was a genuine question.
- Listen, Corinthia,
you need to start to improve your behavior.
We have our reputation to uphold.
Show some decorum.
- I'm not gonna let that happen.
(King Ralph exhales)
- Well, that went surprisingly well.
- Anyway, what's a decorum?
- It's like etiquette.
You took classes in it.
- Oh.
- You've upset your father, young lady.
- I'm 39, Your...
Mother.
- Well, perhaps you should act like it.
Now, we have something important for you to do next week.
Father has some friends in Switzerland, very upper crust.
He's told them he spent two years at RADA
and perform plays across Europe.
- Why'd you tell him that?
- Because you did, Corinthia.
So, we'd like you to do a short performance for them.
We've booked a rehearsal space in two days.
We'll let you know what play it is when we decide.
But you know them all off by heart anyway.
- Gee, thanks.
- Stick to her like glue.
Make sure she's focused and no more foolishness.
Okay, Connie?
- Yes, Your Majesty.
- Miles?
- Hello?
Are you here?
Miles?
(soft piano music playing)
(playing continues)
(Miles clapping)
- Gemma, that was amazing.
Like, I'm genuinely stunned.
- Oh, it were nothing.
- Why didn't you say you could play music?
I mean, I know you went to acting school, but music?
You should have said.
- People like me don't get to show off really,
besides, no one cares.
- I care.
I love music.
- [Corinthia] You do?
- You know I do.
I used to play when I was younger.
Nowhere near as good as that.
That was brilliant.
This place is lovely.
Yeah, it's not a bad place to work, is it?
- [Corinthia] What do you do?
- (chuckles) Gems, I told you about
this last time I was there.
(indistinct)
I'm the maintenance guy,
so I make sure the stage mechanics
and the sound are tip top.
- How marvelous.
- I need to lock up now, okay?
So, why don't we go for a walk and go to the pub?
Have a game of darts?
Yeah, let's have a game of darts and a few drinks.
- Why don't we go on a walk?
I mean, it's a lovely day out.
And do you know any good viewpoints?
- Sure, yeah.
And maybe we can have a chat about things.
- [Simone] You sure it's not dodgy?
- Would I do anything dodgy?
- Hm, where'd you get 'em?
- They were end of line at a jewelers I do some cleanin' at.
They were just goin' to throw it out.
- Throw it out?
It's not cabbage, Trace.
It's jewelry.
Hm, good stuff in here.
Even some diamonds.
- Of course, I'll give them a cut once we've sold it.
But what I need you to do is to pass it off
on a couple of pawn shops in town.
- Why can't you do it?
- You know, I would, but I've heard many
and technically I'm on disability benefits,
so they can't see me rushin' up and downtown,
you know, between pawn shops.
- Hm, I'll think about it.
- [Tracey] Well, don't think too long, love.
(birds chirping)
- [Corinthia] Oo!
- Oo, careful.
(both laughing)
You all right?
- Yeah.
You know, it's so beautiful out here.
Just so peaceful.
- Yeah, I know.
It's why I come up here quite a lot
to clear my head and...
- Yeah, I can see why.
- Really?
This isn't your cup of tea, Gems.
You never really want to do this stuff.
- More for me, innit (laughs)?
(Miles chuckles)
- Yeah, I suppose.
Are you cold?
- Yeah, it's chillier than I thought (chuckles).
- Come here.
(Corinthia chuckles)
This isn't normal?
- Really? - Yeah.
But right now normally you'd say hugging's woke,
and laugh your ass off.
(both chuckling)
- What did you need to tell me?
- Do you think we're good together?
- What do you mean?
- I don't know, sometimes I feel like
you're not really that into me.
- No, I'm sorry.
Sometimes I just get caught up in me-self.
Look, you're really warm-hearted and you're wonderful.
I mean, is that...
That's a bit forward of me to say.
- Not really, Gems.
Like, we have been going out for a year now.
(both chuckling)
Come on.
Should I get you home?
- Yeah.
- Something the matter?
- You wouldn't care, Sister.
You never do. - Of course I do.
- Shouldn't you be offering
a groveling apology to Mumsy and Dadsy?
- Dadsy already gave me a roller king.
- [Diana] Roller king?
- Hey, you know what I mean.
- Must say I found it rather amusing.
- Okay, Sis, what's his name?
What's he done?
- How on earth do you know?
- Mm, I know that look.
Come on then (indistinct).
- It's Nathaniel.
He's up to his old tricks again.
Father is insistent that he's gonna
make an excellent husband,
but he's only considering Nathaniel's family
and their standing, as for Nathaniel himself.
- So he's a moron then?
- Yes, I suppose so.
He might have been born with wealth,
but not so much of a brain.
- And what has Nathaniel done?
- He can't keep his hands off the maids.
His father had to fire several of the house staff
for fraternizing with Nathaniel after dark.
- Ugh.
So he can't be trusted?
- God, it's ridiculous.
These men in high society are almost expected
to behave like this and suffer no consequences.
- Mm, oh, he should suffer consequences
like a swift knee to the family jewels.
- Sister.
And perhaps you're right.
Besides (chuckles), those 12 months studying judo
under Grand Master Takashi that father paid for,
I suppose I could put them to good use.
- Whatever you do, don't settle for second best.
Always follow your heart.
I mean, you might not always be right.
Wouldn't be all bad.
And not father's judgment.
I suppose I should get ready to face him.
- I'm going to Nathaniel's family manor tonight
with Mumsy and Dadsy.
- Forget the bit about the meat of the spuds.
(Diana chuckles)
- Just be firm and honest (chuckles).
(tea splashing)
(milk splashing)
Cup of tea?
- Why, sure.
- You look so surprised.
- You never made a cup of tea before.
But you usually ask me.
- Well, I can assure you, I make a great brew.
So sit down, relax, take a weight off.
- You seem very different.
I'm impressed.
- (chuckles) It's only a cup of tea, Connie.
Anyway, I've been an ugly aunt all day,
so if you want to chat, go ahead.
- Me? Chat?
About what?
Your love life.
- (chuckles) My love life?
Good God, if you want to talk about disasters,
let's talk about, I don't know, Pompeii or Titanic.
(Connie chuckles)
- So, there's no man in your life?
- Oh no, no man.
No woman either.
Well, the truth is, working for a family
of royals takes all my time.
Don't get me wrong.
I do love it, but it takes all my time.
And I am on call 24/7.
- Well, we need to set some boundaries and some terms.
- What?
- You know, workers right and all that.
- You of all people are saying that?
- Anyway, this tea looks like it needs biscuits.
And I know you work with the royals
and probably love a rich tea (chuckles).
I prefer custard cream.
- Me too.
Do you know what?
I've got some upstairs in my suitcase.
My guilty pleasure.
- Go grab 'em then.
- Yeah, I've got me daughter's mate to do it.
She's gonna do the one for me.
It's a bit risky,
but I reckon there's a fair few grand there.
How do you think I've got it?
Five finger discount, mate.
Oh, yeah.
You'd be surprised at what I've stolen (laughs).
- Whatever she's told you to do, don't do it.
- Why not?
- Well, I think she's doing something unlawful.
- (smirks) Shock horror.
So what?
- You can't take the risk for someone else.
- Ugh, lighten up, Gems.
You've been well uptight lately.
Come on, let's have a rave (chuckles).
(upbeat music)
♪ Can you handle hearing
♪ Can you hear the beat
Come on, you're normally leadin' the way.
♪ Me move, me move
♪ I'm in the groove, the groove ♪
Christ, you look (indistinct).
(Simone laughs)
♪ Move to the base beat
♪ Beat
Oh, that's more like it.
♪ Base beat
Woo (laughs)!
(crickets chirping)
(Connie chuckles)
(gentle music playing)
- Come on.
- This is much nicer.
- It is, actually.
(music continues)
- I say, what are you two girls doing?
- We were just dancing, Your Majesty.
- Dancing, why?
- I was teaching her how to dance.
- If I had a reason for Corinthia to dance,
we would've paid a teacher,
something to do with Royal London School of Ballet
to teach her.
- We tried that once, Ralph.
She has no rhythm, like Bambi on ice.
- Oh, yeah, actually, yes.
Of course.
A word, Connie.
(music continues)
Corinthia, sit there.
Right, Corinthia (indistinct),
I think you need to start to focus a bit.
We've got a busy year ahead.
It's very important that everybody is on the ball.
We have a reputation too.
- [Gemma] Right you are, Kingy.
- Kingy?
Kingy?
- Sorry, Father.
- Prepare for a performance to the theater.
I wasn't to see your "Midsummer Night's Dream,"
or "Macbeth."
Perhaps "Hamlet."
- [Gemma] What?
- Prepare yourself.
You will do a pre room, the day after tomorrow.
And then next week you'll perform in Switzerland.
- This is bad.
I mean, I haven't acted in years, and Shakespeare?
So old.
He's dead, ain't he?
- I should hope so.
(upbeat music)
♪ To be or not
♪ To be
♪ It's just too much for me
♪ I'm not what you want me to be ♪
♪ To be
♪ Or not
♪ To be
(music continues)
♪ To be or not
♪ To be
♪ Or not
♪ To be
♪ It's just too much for me
♪ I'm not what you want
(music fades)
(Miles chuckles)
- You all right?
- Oh.
You finished for the day?
- Yeah, no.
We need to get off now because there's a booking,
but I need to (indistinct).
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'll stay outta your way.
- And then we can go to the park?
(Corinthia chuckles) (Miles chuckles)
(Connie sighs)
- Ah.
Morning, it's Miss Fronton?
- Yes.
Everything is okay?
- Yeah.
The lights are on.
The theater is yours.
The caretaker will be back later
to lock up when you're done.
And I just need to go back inside
to pack some stuff away and then I'll be gone.
- This is King Ralph, Queen Christine,
and their daughter, Princess Diana,
from the Isle of Marwood.
- It's a real honor to meet ya.
I'm so sorry about me scruffy appearance.
- Oh, not at all.
You've probably been working very hard.
- Yeah, I do me best.
- Connie, show us to the theater.
- Where's Corinthia?
- Doing warmup exercise apparently.
(Connie sighs)
- This way.
Right, you get ready and then head over to the main stage.
Do you want me to tell you where it is?
- I know where it is.
- Oh, well, good luck then.
Oh, sorry, I thought...
(door creaking)
- Connie!
- Break a leg.
What's going on?
- Come on, darling.
We haven't got all day.
- What's the matter with you?
You've been through "Midsummer Night's Dream" 100 times.
- I'm so stressed.
I've got so much going on.
I just can't remember anything.
- [Connie] Can you remember anything?
- Like, the passage from "Romeo and Juliet?"
- I need you to be my Rom King.
- Fine, fine.
- "Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art, oh Romeo?
And if I though wilt not,
but be sworn my love.
And I'll no longer be a Capulet."
(Ralph speaking indistinctly)
- What did I do?
- Are you okay, Your Majesty?
- It's silly, really.
I just got bittersweet memories of that play.
I was watching a performance
of "Romeo and Juliet" when my waters broke.
Not very regal behavior on my part.
I'll be back out in two seconds.
- Is she okay?
- Yes.
She'll be back soon.
- I think we'll call it a damned performance.
It was okay, I liked it, Corinthia.
But I think we would've been better off
with one of the other plays.
Mother wasn't a fan.
- Well, I think it was the play
she was watching while she was in labor.
- Oh, dear.
Hm.
- Oh, my darling child.
My little Juliet.
I do wonder where you are.
- Mother, are you okay?
- I'm sorry, my darling.
I was being silly.
Did you change already?
- Just briefly.
Who's Juliet, Mother?
- I'll wait out front.
We can join you there.
(phone chimes)
(Corinthia chuckles)
(phone chiming)
(birds chirping)
- Well, that's what Stacey said,
me Mother's old cellmate.
- That's impossible.
- Is it, Gemma?
We're twins.
- I mean, I know she messed up,
but I just can't imagine her stealin' a baby.
(door opens)
(door closes)
- Only me.
Sorry, His Majesty wants his golf cardigan.
He simply can't play without it apparently.
Who'd have thought a jumper would be so important, huh?
Oh, my.
(Connie gasps)
(Connie thuds)
(birds chirping)
(Connie sighs)
Oh!
- [Corinthia] Are you okay, Connie?
- Corinthia?
- Yeah, it's me.
- Gemma.
(Connie sighs)
- So, it was you this past week.
I knew something was different.
You're the bitter drinker.
- Bitter?
- That's not important.
- I'll let Gemma explain.
It's all got rather complicated.
- This had better be good.
- Me devious mother sublet this place,
we don't even own it.
And I met Corinthia when you checked in.
I mean, it was obvious we were related
and we just wanted to know the truth.
- But you swapped places?
- Curiosity.
She were tired of her life and well,
I just wanted to know what it felt like
to be a princess for awhile.
I mean, we knew deep down
it had something to do with me mum,
if I can even call her that (chuckles).
- But what did she do?
- Well, it turns out she stole
a baby when she was in prison,
on the basis of the mother didn't need to.
- That's awful.
- [Gemma] Yeah, and the king and queen kept it quiet.
- Well, I never heard anything about it, I can assure you.
- Yeah, but we need proof.
You need to get evidence of me mum.
- You have to tell the king and queen.
- We need to sort me mum...
Tracey out first, and then we'll tell the king.
I kept wondering why your voice was different,
and the accent kept slipping.
- Look, this is the real me.
I'm just a gobby Yorkshire lass.
(Connie chuckles)
- I quite like it.
- I don't know what this means between us then.
- That's...
- I like ya.
I really like ya.
- Oh, well, thank you.
This will take some explaining to do to my employers.
(Gemma laughs)
Oh.
- Juliet?
- What are you doin' in my room?
- [Gemma] How could ya?
- (scoffs) What?
That's nothing.
- Why did ya lie to me, Tracey?
- How did ya find out?
- Well, it turns out I met my twin sister,
the bonafide princess were my real family checked
into the holiday cottage.
- Royals (laughs).
I knew they were rich, but royals.
I've got an idea.
You're coming with me to the cottage.
- I'm not.
We're going to the police.
- Oh, don't test me.
After all, you're not my daughter, are ya?
Now, come on.
- [Gemma] Get off me!
- Custard creams?
Are you sure?
- Live a little.
- There's no other way to say it, Mama and Daddy.
- You've not brought shame on the family, have ya?
- No, but I have a confession to make.
Over the past week, it hasn't been me.
- Silly girl.
You were here this morning.
- It wasn't me.
She might have started her experimental phase, darling.
- What have you taken, Corinthia?
- I'm not high.
- Let me shed some light.
- It couldn't be.
My Juliet.
It must be you.
- Not so fast, Queenie.
Stay there.
- Who are you?
- [Tracey] I'm her mother.
- [Gemma and Queen Christine] You're not.
- I raise you, you ungrateful cow.
Oi, you, in here.
Go on, Princess, sit down.
- What in heavens is happening, Mummy?
(dramatic music) (Connie panting)
- Get me the police, now!
- You're taking this too far, Tracey.
Stop it before it's too late.
- I ain't going anywhere without some royal treasure.
- Oh, sure.
We've got the crown jewels in our suitcase.
- Don't try and fool me, King Moron.
You wouldn't go anywhere without thousands
of quids worth of valuables on ya.
I bet Queenie here doesn't leave the house
without some diamonds on her person,
so hand it over or this family reunion
is going to be short-lived.
I've got time.
Treasure, jewels, valuables.
Now!
- I have nothing.
- Oh, come on.
Otherwise, Gemma or Juliet or whatever
her bleeding name is now, she's gonna get it.
- What about a bank transfer?
- Good idea.
I like you, Princess.
I want a million quid now.
- Oh God sakes, Daddy, just let me.
- Hey, hey. - It'll be quicker
if I do it.
- Fine, get on with it.
- Put in your account number.
- Hiya! (fist thudding)
- [Diana] Don't look at me.
(Queen Christine grunts)
- Good thing we had that year learning
from Grand Master Takashi, hey?
(cuff links clinking)
- We're arresting you on suspicion of theft,
handlin' and distribution of stolen goods, blackmail,
kidnapping, attempted assault, attempted murder.
Let's see, what else?
- Fraud.
- Yeah.
Yeah, fraud.
You didn't have to say anything,
but it may harm your defense
if you fail to mention one question,
anything you later rely on in court.
- I treated you all right, didn't I?
We had some good times, didn't we?
Oh!
- What possessed you to switch places with your sister?
- I just needed a break, Daddy.
We can't keep living by all these rules and restrictions.
It's almost like you don't trust us to live
the lives we've always wished,
without being able to hold the family name.
- I'm sorry, Corinthia.
I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you and Di.
My father did the same with us.
It's heavy weight of the crown.
- But we have to evolve with the times.
I mean, some of the traditions are just so archaic.
I have to fly to Switzerland next week
and perform Shakespeare.
- Listen, Corinthia, really, you don't have to go.
- No Daddy, I'll go,
but I have a better idea.
His Lordship, he loves Chopin, right?
- Yes.
- Well, maybe, I could play the piano for him instead.
- Hm, okay, okay.
(Corinthia sighs)
- I knew something didn't make sense this last week.
Corinthia was rarely that nice to me.
- I think perhaps this family all need
to be a bit more open and respectful with each other.
- So, what should we call you now, Sis?
Gemma or Juliet?
- Well, I'll make us all a brew
and then I'll just decide.
I mean, I like Gemma, but I really like Juliet,
and I guess, I mean, why not?
(all laughing)
We've got something to tell you all.
(gentle piano music playing)
(Connie chuckles) (Gemma chuckles)
(playing continues)
(playing stops)
- Oh, sorry, Gems, I can't...
- I told you.
I'm not Gem.
- Not this again.
- She's telling the truth, meathead.
- What?
I...
- Miles, for the past week,
I've fallen head over heels in love with you.
- Gems, I didn't know anything about this.
I'm sorry.
- Yeah, I know.
But go on, big boy.
You have me blessing.
- The question is, does your previous offer still stand?
- Well, funnily enough,
I kept it on me just in case (laughs).
(Corinthia squeals)
(Corinthia laughs) (Miles laughs)
(gentle music)
(music continues)
(music fades)
(liquid whooshing)