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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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[woman] Ladies and gentlemen,
my mom, Leanne Morgan!

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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-[cheering and applause]
-[R&B music playing]

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[vocalizing]

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[cheering and applause continues]

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[chuckles]

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[music fades]

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Thank y'all,
darling Wilmington, North Carolina.

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Honey, thank y'all.

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[cheering and applause]

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And thank y'all for watching
that first Netflix special.

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Thank y'all. Thank y'all.

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That changed my life.

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And I have only watched it one time

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because, if I watch myself,
I feel like I'm gonna vomit.

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-[audience laughing]
-And…

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And I'm ashamed to tell y'all,
when I watched that thing,

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I should've been thinking,
"Oh, I should've done that better,"

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or, "I should've said that,"
or, "I could've done that."

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No.

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All I could think of
the whole time I watched that thing

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was, "When did my breasts…"

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[audience laughing]

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"When did my breasts get so fat?"

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[audience laughing]

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And I'm not talking…

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You North Carolina boys,
I'm not talking about a cute fat.

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[audience laughing]

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I'm talking big old mamaw breast.

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[audience laughing]

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[laughter and applause]

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And it felt to me like one was going
that way, and one was going that way.

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[audience laughing]

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And then, y'all, okay, I was in a movie
with Reese Witherspoon and Will Ferrell.

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[cheering and applause]

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I know. That was crazy.

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That came out of nowhere.
I'll tell you who did that.

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That little Reese Witherspoon.
That doll, that smart thing.

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And she made me her big sister, Gwyneth.

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And… and let me tell y'all

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that Reese Witherspoon
is the size of this glass.

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[audience laughing]

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And she stood next to me in that movie,
in that wedding movie,

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and her little head hit right here.

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[audience laughing]

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And when I saw the movie, I thought,

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"Oh, her head's the size of this breast."

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-[audience laughing]
-[Leanne sighs]

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And we shot that thing in Atlanta.
It took two months, and it was so fun.

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And it was like being at summer camp.
It really was.

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But I was scared to death.

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Before I went down there,
I thought I was gonna get the shingles.

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-[audience laughing]
-I was scared to death.

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And I thought,
"Well, I bet I'll lose weight."

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"I bet I'll lose weight
'cause I'm scared to death,

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and I'll probably have
explosive diarrhea every day."

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[audience laughing]

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And then I thought, "All those
little people in Hollywood are so tiny."

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Everybody's frail and little bitty.

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The men have got big heads
and little legs.

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I don't know if y'all have noticed that.

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Think of Tom Cruise.
Big head, little legs.

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[audience laughing]

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And I thought,
"Well, I bet they don't feed

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those little Hollywood people
when they're doing a movie."

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"That'll be good for me.
I can go without food for two months."

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Well, no, that's not what happens.

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There's a thing called crafty.

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And these darling people
cook all day long on a movie set.

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And because it's in a union,

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they have to feed you a hot meal
every two-and-a-half to three hours.

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Reese didn't eat it.

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But I did.

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[audience laughing]

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Let me tell you this about movies.

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You sit there for a long time
during the day with nothing to do

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until they call your name,
and you get kind of bored.

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And then some little darling man
will yell, "Empanadas,"

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and I would just take off running
as hard as I could.

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[audience laughing]

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I wore the same shoe
throughout that movie,

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and it was a wedge
with a strap going up my ankle.

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And by the end of that two months,

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those darling wardrobe people
had to poke an extra hole in my strap.

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[audience laughing]

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[slight chuckle] Because I was
retaining fluid so bad.

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Look at these darling men here tonight
that live in Wilmington, North Carolina.

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[cheering and applause]

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So cute.

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Y'all could be home watching baseball.

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But you're gonna have to hear about
my fat breast and my retaining fluid.

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-[audience laughing]
-[scattered cheering]

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If I have time, I'll talk about my reflux.

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[audience laughing]

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I don't know.
Just hold on, boys. I don't know.

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[audience laughing]

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Okay, let me tell y'all

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that I fell in love
with everybody on that movie set,

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but I really got close
to the hair and makeup people,

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and they were all local people
from Atlanta.

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And every time I went in that trailer,
they would say to me,

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"Leanne, you have got to let us
be the ones

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to take you
to this historical place in Atlanta."

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"Everybody's gotta go
at least one time in their life."

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"Please let us be the ones to take you."

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And I was like, "Okay."

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"I love history."

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[sighs]

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They wanted to take me

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to the Clermont Lounge.

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Anybody here heard of that?

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[scattered cheering, applause]

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Well, let's tell all these other
innocent and sweet, precious people

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what that Sodom and Gomorrah is.

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[audience laughing, whooping]

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The Clermont Lounge
is in the Clermont Hotel,

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and that's, I guess, a historical hotel.

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And they painted it pink.

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And I think it's expensive to stay there.

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There's a rooftop bar where young people
take their Instagram pictures

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and put it on there.

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And then inside the hotel
is a restaurant, a bar, and a coffee shop.

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Down in the basement…

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[audience laughing]

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…in a dark, black hole

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is the Clermont Lounge.

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And that is a strip club.

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[audience laughing]

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[man] Whoo!

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And when I found that out, I said,
"Oh, I'm sorry. I have the Holy Spirit."

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[audience laughing]

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[cheering, whooping]

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I know. I'm like,
"I'm not going to that mess."

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They were like,
"It's not what you think it is."

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"Just trust us.
It's not what you think it is."

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The only thing I've ever known
about a strip club…

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There was one in Knoxville, Tennessee
that was on the side of the interstate,

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and it was called The Catch,

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and my little children thought
it was a Mexican restaurant.

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[audience laughing]

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And then I've seen movies, you know.

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I've seen movies with strippers
and professional athletes

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and lights and poles
and all that kind of stuff.

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This is not that.

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[audience laughs]

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This is more like
Ripley's Believe It or Not.

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[audience laughing]

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But I didn't know that.
And they kept begging me to go.

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And I was so freaked out,
I asked my middle child, Maggie.

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I said, "Do you think
if I go to this thing,

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I'm gonna feel the presence of Satan?"

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[audience laughs]

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And she said, "Yeah, girl, I do."

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[audience laughing]

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And I said to my baby child,

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who's fascinated by sin…

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[audience laughing]

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[audience whooping]

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I said, "Do you think I'll feel Satan?"

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She went, "No, I don't think so."

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[audience laughing]

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They both know I'm very sensitive.

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I have felt the presence of Satan

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on Bourbon Street in New Orleans.

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-I think he lives there full-time.
-[audience laughing]

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And in Las Vegas twice.

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[audience laughs]

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So they kept begging me to go,
kept begging me to go.

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And so, we go down these dark steps,

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down in this hole.

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And there's these big men standing
at the bottom, and they go, "Cash only."

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"If you take your phone out and use it,
we'll beat you to death with it."

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[audience laughing]

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Well, they didn't say that,
but it felt like that.

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[audience laughing]

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The hair and makeup people said,
"You'll get new material out of it."

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Anytime anybody says that to me, I know
something traumatic's about to happen.

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Okay, we go into this basement
of this hotel,

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and it's a basement,

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and there are no lights, no poles,
nothing like that.

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There's a tiny little stage with…

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The bar is built around it,
and it's got a low ceiling.

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So all these women that dance there
that are over five feet tall

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have to dance like this.

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[audience laughing]

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We go in there…

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And this is the impersonation
the hair and makeup people had of me.

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They said that I held my purse all night
and went…

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[audience laughing]

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After I was there for a while, I realized

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there's people
that like to go to this place.

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First of all, darling gay men.

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Darling, precious gay men.

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And I don't know if it's because… Hey.

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[audience laughing]

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I don't know if it's 'cause y'all like
to encourage and lift up and cheer.

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You know? I think so, you doll.

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Okay. And then women's groups.

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Women's groups go.

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That sounds like Bible study. Not that.

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[audience laughing]

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It's like girls
with cowboy hats on and boas.

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And they're going for bachelorettes
and birthdays, and going… [ululates]

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-That kind of… that kind of girl.
-[audience laughing]

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And then serial killers.

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[audience laughing]

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Serial killers like to go.

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I know I looked in the face
of a serial killer.

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[audience laughing]

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The first woman that came out

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was at least 70 years old.

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[audience laughing]

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Before I start talking
about these little women,

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I don't want y'all to go, "Leanne's making
fun of women trying to make a living."

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Ain't nobody making any money.

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All right? Nobody. [chuckles]

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[audience laughing]

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This ain't about the money.

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[audience laughs]

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And it's sweet
that they let everybody participate.

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[audience laughing]

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But anyhoo, all right,

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that little woman comes out,
and she's got on a pump about that long,

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but her little foot's about that long,

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and it was swimming around
in that big pump.

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[audience laughs]

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And after more people came out, I thought,

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"Nobody's shoes fit."

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[audience laughing]

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Everybody was sliding around
and dancing in their shoes.

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[audience laughing]

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And I thought there must be
a big pile of shoes in the back…

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[audience laughing]

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…and they tell them,

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"Get you on a pair of shoes
before you go out there and dance."

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[audience laughing]

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But this little woman had on
a denim pair of shorts and a tank top,

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and that's what she danced in.

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And it looked like
somebody would wear that

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on a Saturday morning
in the Dollar General store.

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-That's what it looked like.
-[audience laughing]

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It looked like somebody that would go,
"I just need some Diet Dr Pepper,

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and a couple of cans of Hormel Chili."

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[audience laughing]

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The second woman that came out
was a young girl.

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I think she was probably about 30,

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and she had blonde, curly hair
and black, horn-rimmed glasses.

249
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:23,367
She was very enthusiastic.
She came out, and she was like…

250
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:25,745
[audience laughs]

251
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,538
I thought, "Who does she look like?"

252
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:30,624
"Ooh, Mrs. Frizzle on Magic School Bus."

253
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,251
[audience laughing]

254
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,420
On PBS.

255
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,422
My kids loved that show.

256
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:43,053
And that little thing danced
in a 4th July, patriotic-themed,

257
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:46,390
red, white, and blue bra and panty set.

258
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,142
[audience laughs]

259
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:51,061
And I'll just tell y'all,
it was a little dingy.

260
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,147
[audience laughing]

261
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,525
And as a mother,

262
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,738
all I could think of
when that little thing was dancing was,

263
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:03,574
"Man, I wish I could
take that bra and panty set home…

264
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:04,742
[audience laughing]

265
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,453
…and Biz that overnight."

266
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:08,913
[audience laughing]

267
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,998
Oh. Mm.

268
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:13,083
You can do anything with Biz.

269
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:14,460
I love Biz.

270
00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:17,671
I thought, "If I could
just get a Tupperware bowl,

271
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,757
put about that much Biz in it,

272
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:24,553
then fill it with water,
soak that bra and panty set overnight…"

273
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,097
-[audience laughing]
-[scattered applause]

274
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,892
[scattered cheering]

275
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:31,894
I know.

276
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:34,647
[scattered applause]

277
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,899
[cheering and applause]

278
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:38,275
Oh, y'all.

279
00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:40,027
Thank y'all.

280
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,822
[cheering and applause continues]

281
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,991
Thank y'all. Well, I like doing laundry.

282
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,034
Okay.

283
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:50,120
But you know, that night,
I walked away thinking two things.

284
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:51,038
I really did.

285
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,958
First, I thought,
"You know what, if times get bad…"

286
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:57,586
[audience laughing]

287
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,630
"If times get bad,

288
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:03,676
I think I'd be a big deal there. I do."

289
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:04,969
[audience laughing]

290
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,136
I do.

291
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,222
[cheering and applause]

292
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:11,475
Thank you.

293
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,769
I'm tall. I'd have to hinge at the hip.

294
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:14,979
[audience laughs]

295
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:18,816
The second thing I thought was
Satan wasn't there.

296
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:22,570
I don't think Satan was there.
I think Satan was like, "I'm good."

297
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,739
[audience laughing]

298
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:31,036
Okay, let me tell y'all
that after my first Netflix special,

299
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,415
my team said, "Where do you want
to work out this new material?"

300
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,667
"Let's send you to Southern California."

301
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,794
"Sunny Southern California."

302
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,963
"You can get away
from that Tennessee winter."

303
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,673
I was like, "Okay."

304
00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,884
This was January 2023,

305
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,845
and I know y'all don't remember,
'cause sweet Californian people

306
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:50,598
have been through so much
with weather and all that stuff,

307
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,642
but this was an unbelievable rain.

308
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,562
Like an unusual rain
that they had not had in decades.

309
00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:58,522
And they called it biblical.

310
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:03,694
And so my travel agent called me the day
that we were flying out, and she said,

311
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,280
"A biblical storm
is hitting Southern California!"

312
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,324
"You're not gonna make it!"

313
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:11,118
And she sent me an article
that had the word "ark" in it.

314
00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:12,161
And I was like…

315
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,330
[audience laughing]

316
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,166
But me and my baby child went out there,

317
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,418
and we landed,
and everything was all right.

318
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:21,587
It really wasn't that much rain.

319
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,839
They're just not used to it out there.

320
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:24,798
[audience laughs]

321
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,718
I don't know if they don't have
drainage systems or what,

322
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,887
but everybody was
running through the streets

323
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:32,306
with their bra
on the outside of their clothes.

324
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:34,141
[audience laughing]

325
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,727
But we made it okay,
and this baby went with me.

326
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:40,105
And she's backstage.
She's my makeup artist full-time.

327
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,815
[cheering and applause]

328
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:42,983
Thank you.

329
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:47,029
But anyway, thank the Lord
she went with me

330
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:50,699
because I can't be driving and all that
out there in Southern California.

331
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:54,411
And I don't think 59 is old,
but I do think my nerves are shot.

332
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:55,496
[audience laughs]

333
00:15:55,579 --> 00:16:00,793
So we go, and we get a rental car,
and we go to eight hotels in four weeks.

334
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:03,504
And by the end of that month, she said

335
00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:05,839
she was gonna slap my teeth out.

336
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,051
[audience laughing]

337
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,100
[laughter continues]

338
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:20,229
She's not listening,
'cause she's sick of me, I think.

339
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:22,356
But I'm scared of her.

340
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:23,899
[audience laughing]

341
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:28,320
But anyway, she said that I got
on the passenger side of that rental car

342
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,657
and held onto that handle the whole time,

343
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:35,327
and put my brakes on
on the passenger side.

344
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,121
And maybe I did,

345
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:38,747
but somebody had to do it.

346
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,082
[audience laughing]

347
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,459
And then I like to wear an Apple Watch

348
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:45,295
because I like to monitor
my own heart health.

349
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,380
[audience laughs]

350
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:49,508
And I like to push that button
that tells you where your iPhone is.

351
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:51,885
That's the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

352
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,345
[audience laughs]

353
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,263
I know.

354
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:57,891
And by the end of that month,
she screamed at me and said,

355
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:01,145
"Quit dinging that Apple Watch."

356
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:03,230
[audience laughing]

357
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:06,066
"Your iPhone's in your lap."

358
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,652
[audience laughing]

359
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,368
The first place we go to
is Oxnard, California.

360
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,579
I don't know if any of y'all
have ever been there,

361
00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:20,914
but it is beautiful. Beautiful.

362
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,375
I'd never even heard of it.
It's on the beach.

363
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:26,211
I rented a little bungalow
about two blocks from the beach,

364
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:29,381
and a little man came up to me
and gave me the keys and said,

365
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:33,135
"Water's gonna come up out of this ocean,
come up over this thing and kill y'all."

366
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:36,055
[audience laughing]

367
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:42,895
Okay, let me tell y'all, it's probably
like Wilmington, North Carolina.

368
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,314
Big, fine homes, one right after another,

369
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:49,693
with boats pulled up to 'em in the water,
like cars in a driveway.

370
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:54,531
And I'd never seen anything like that,
and I thought, "Who are these people?"

371
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,658
So I said to 'em,

372
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,077
"Who are you people?"

373
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,536
[audience laughing]

374
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,246
"What do y'all do for a living?"

375
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:04,625
And they said, "We farm.
A lot of us farm."

376
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:08,045
And I said, "What?
I'm from farming people."

377
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:10,255
"What are y'all farming out here?"

378
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,675
And they said, "Strawberries and dope."

379
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,552
[audience laughing]

380
00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:23,560
They're growing a lot of dope

381
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:25,729
in California.

382
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,606
And see, I'm not used to that.

383
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:32,277
Tennessee… There's nothing legal,
recreational or medical, in Tennessee.

384
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:38,617
But CBD stores have popped up
all over Knoxville, Tennessee.

385
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,369
And the rumor is

386
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,162
the dope is a-coming.

387
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,581
[audience laughing]

388
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,461
And they say
that's where the dope is a-going.

389
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,379
[audience laughs]

390
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,339
It's in those CBD stores.

391
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:57,177
So I was with my physical therapist,
Justin, and he was working on my sciatica,

392
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,264
right here,
and, uh, inflammation in my hip,

393
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:04,017
and then sometimes
my plantar fasciitis flares up

394
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,104
when I'm eating too much bread.

395
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:11,942
And he said, "Leanne, I've been hearing
a lot of good things about CBD."

396
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:15,362
"I think it's very anti-inflammatory."
He goes, "Why don't you…"

397
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:18,782
"There's a woman that's opened up
a CBD store in this strip mall."

398
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,326
"Why don't you go talk to her
when we get finished?"

399
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:24,538
And so I walked down there,

400
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:27,124
and I had to pass the Subway.

401
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,209
Sandwiches.

402
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,627
[audience laughing]

403
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:33,172
And it was hard for me not to go in there,

404
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,007
because I like that bread.

405
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:38,010
But it causes plantar fasciitis.

406
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,263
But anyway, I go in that CBD store,

407
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:44,766
and it smells like patchouli and Subway.

408
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,727
[audience laughing]

409
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,437
And that little woman's in there,

410
00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:51,815
and she's a hippie-looking little woman.

411
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,901
[audience laughing]

412
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:58,405
I don't know why I'm doing that.

413
00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:00,324
-Okay.
-[audience laughing]

414
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:01,825
Okay.

415
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:07,164
She looks like one of those little women
in North Carolina

416
00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:09,208
that likes to blow glass.

417
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,585
[audience laughing]

418
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:16,590
Some of you girls in Asheville…
Asheville, North Carolina.

419
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:19,343
[scattered cheering]

420
00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:23,055
She looks like one of those little
artsy women that likes to wear a clog.

421
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:26,642
You know, maybe go
to a storytelling festival on the weekend.

422
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:27,935
[audience laughing]

423
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:28,977
Yeah.

424
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,646
She had hair under her arms.

425
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,064
-[laughter]
-[woman] Ew.

426
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:35,734
And I thought, "You know what, I get it.
I'm tired too. I get it."

427
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,444
[audience laughing]

428
00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:40,239
But anyway, she said,
"I think I can help you."

429
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,908
And she went and got a bag of gummies,

430
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:45,911
and… and it had Delta-8 written on 'em.

431
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,871
[audience] Oh.

432
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:48,997
[audience laughing]

433
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,207
No.

434
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:55,128
I know. What is Delta-8?
I still don't know what it is.

435
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:58,215
But I do feel like if dope's right here,

436
00:20:58,298 --> 00:21:00,550
it must be right up under dope.

437
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,302
[audience laughing]

438
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:05,847
And maybe sprinkled with LSD, maybe.

439
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,391
[audience laughing]

440
00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:09,685
She said, "Okay,
this is what you're gonna do."

441
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:12,854
"Take one a night. You gotta be
consistent over time with it."

442
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,189
And I was like, "Okay."

443
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,817
It scared me to death.

444
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:19,027
And I got it in the car.

445
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,280
And I thought, "I better not drive fast."

446
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,323
[audience laughing]

447
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:26,910
And I got it home.

448
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,829
And Chuck Morgan was there.

449
00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:30,372
[audience laughing]

450
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,374
And I didn't tell him what I had done.

451
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,209
[audience laughing]

452
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:35,544
And I went, "Hey."

453
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:39,673
[audience laughing]

454
00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:43,677
I got it and took it back
and put it in my closet.

455
00:21:44,177 --> 00:21:46,430
And I waited until nightfall.

456
00:21:46,513 --> 00:21:49,016
[audience laughing]

457
00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:51,226
And I… I was scared to death. I just…

458
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,104
I took a nibble off of one. Just a nibble.

459
00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:56,356
I didn't even take a whole one.
Just a nibble.

460
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,525
And I don't know if this was in my head,

461
00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:02,154
but 20 minutes later,
my heart was beating out of my body.

462
00:22:02,237 --> 00:22:03,405
[audience laughing]

463
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:06,450
And I thought, "Oh my Lord,

464
00:22:06,533 --> 00:22:09,411
I'm in A-Fib. I'm in A-Fib."

465
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,705
[audience laughing]

466
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:18,253
"And I need to go to the emergency room
right now."

467
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:19,296
[audience laughing]

468
00:22:19,379 --> 00:22:22,341
But I thought,
"I didn't tell Chuck Morgan what I'd done,

469
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,593
and he's not gonna know
what to tell the doctor."

470
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:26,219
Everything went through my head.

471
00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:28,555
Then I started thinking,
"The police are coming."

472
00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:29,973
"The police are coming."

473
00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:33,477
I sat up until 2:00 a.m.,

474
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:36,480
monitoring my own heart rate.

475
00:22:36,563 --> 00:22:38,273
[audience laughing]

476
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:41,818
I eventually fell off to sleep,
but it wasn't a good sleep.

477
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,363
I wallowed in the bed.

478
00:22:44,988 --> 00:22:47,866
And for all the people
in the United States, wallowing means

479
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:49,785
I wallowed in the bed.

480
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:52,120
[audience laughing]

481
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:54,289
-I just…
-[applause]

482
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:55,415
…wallowed.

483
00:22:57,042 --> 00:23:00,670
I wallowed all night in the bed
and dreamed horrible things.

484
00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:03,131
I dreamed that me and John Wayne

485
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,926
fought Ricardo Montalbán…

486
00:23:06,009 --> 00:23:08,428
[audience laughing]

487
00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:11,807
…on horseback all night.

488
00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:16,853
I've never taken
another one of those gummies.

489
00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,064
But I… I didn't throw 'em away.

490
00:23:19,147 --> 00:23:20,482
They're in my closet.

491
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:22,442
[laughter and scattered cheering]

492
00:23:22,526 --> 00:23:25,695
I don't make eye contact with them.
I just walk by 'em.

493
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:27,614
[audience laughing]

494
00:23:27,697 --> 00:23:31,159
The second weekend we were in California,
we went to Brea,

495
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,286
which is beautiful too.

496
00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:36,289
And beautiful, sweet, precious people
there too.

497
00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:40,127
And that was gonna be the weekend
that my baby child turned 25.

498
00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:42,129
Her daddy said, "I wanna be with y'all."

499
00:23:42,212 --> 00:23:44,840
"I'm gonna buy a plane ticket,
and I'm coming out there."

500
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:49,010
So I called my travel agent, and I said,
"You better get another room."

501
00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:51,012
[audience laughs]

502
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:53,932
"'Cause their daddy misses me."

503
00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:55,934
[audience laughing, whooping]

504
00:23:57,352 --> 00:23:59,688
[scattered applause]

505
00:23:59,771 --> 00:24:01,523
[scattered cheering]

506
00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:08,697
I don't know what it is
about Chuck Morgan in a hotel room.

507
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:09,865
[audience laughing]

508
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:13,702
But he gets in a hotel room,
gets a glazed look over his eyes,

509
00:24:14,202 --> 00:24:16,079
and I feel like I'm doing this.

510
00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:18,832
[audience laughing]

511
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:23,170
And the reason
why I had to get another hotel room

512
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:25,881
is because this baby and I
have been touring together.

513
00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:29,801
She's with me all the time.
I've done 150 dates with her.

514
00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:32,179
And their daddy
does not want me to spend money,

515
00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:34,389
and so we've had to share a room.

516
00:24:34,973 --> 00:24:40,228
So we've been butt-to-butt
in a king-size bed everywhere we go.

517
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:41,855
And all of my married life,

518
00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:44,274
Chuck Morgan has told me
not to spend money

519
00:24:44,357 --> 00:24:47,194
and that we were gonna lose everything.
He's tried to scare me.

520
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,279
And he's been in my ear.

521
00:24:49,362 --> 00:24:53,450
I can hear him saying, "You better eat
that free continental breakfast."

522
00:24:53,533 --> 00:24:55,869
[audience laughing]

523
00:24:58,830 --> 00:25:00,916
"Don't you dare go to Panera."

524
00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:03,752
[audience laughing]

525
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:08,507
But, okay, so Chuck Morgan
buys a really cheap airline ticket.

526
00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:10,759
He had to get up
in the middle of the night,

527
00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:14,804
and connect
all over the United States of America.

528
00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:16,097
[audience laughing]

529
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:19,768
He finally gets there,
and he is worn to a frazzle.

530
00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:20,810
[audience laughing]

531
00:25:20,894 --> 00:25:24,022
And Chuck Morgan doesn't nap,
but he napped on and off that day

532
00:25:24,105 --> 00:25:27,317
and watched Tennessee play basketball
in the hotel room.

533
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,779
And then I went to a club
and worked two shows.

534
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:33,114
I was supposed to be thinking
about new material,

535
00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:36,243
and all I could think of
the whole time I was up there was,

536
00:25:37,452 --> 00:25:39,246
"He's gonna get a lot of rest."

537
00:25:39,329 --> 00:25:42,082
[audience laughing]

538
00:25:50,131 --> 00:25:51,841
And I'm gonna have to do

539
00:25:52,342 --> 00:25:54,094
unspeakable things…

540
00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:57,180
[audience laughing]

541
00:25:57,264 --> 00:25:58,473
…all night…

542
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,100
[audience laughing]

543
00:26:00,183 --> 00:26:02,102
…so my baby will have a good birthday.

544
00:26:02,185 --> 00:26:04,187
[audience laughing]

545
00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:07,524
I hate to even say that.

546
00:26:07,607 --> 00:26:09,943
If there's young girls in here
that are 20 and 30,

547
00:26:10,026 --> 00:26:11,861
I hate to say that to y'all,

548
00:26:12,362 --> 00:26:13,863
but I want to be honest.

549
00:26:13,947 --> 00:26:14,906
[audience laughing]

550
00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:17,325
I don't wanna blow smoke
up y'all's butthole.

551
00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,160
[audience laughing]

552
00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:21,788
And I'm not saying y'all have to, but

553
00:26:22,289 --> 00:26:25,292
I have prostituted myself to Chuck Morgan…

554
00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:28,086
-[audience laughing]
-[scattered applause]

555
00:26:28,169 --> 00:26:30,839
[cheering and applause]

556
00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:36,219
…for over 34 years now…

557
00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:37,262
[audience laughing]

558
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:39,723
…so my children would have good shoes.

559
00:26:39,806 --> 00:26:40,890
[audience laughing]

560
00:26:40,974 --> 00:26:42,851
And Chuck's in the back tonight.

561
00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:45,812
He would love to come out here
and say to y'all right now…

562
00:26:45,895 --> 00:26:48,064
[audience cheering]

563
00:26:48,148 --> 00:26:50,400
[cheering and applause]

564
00:26:54,237 --> 00:26:56,865
Uh-oh, y'all.
Chuck Morgan's gonna get the big head.

565
00:26:56,948 --> 00:26:58,617
-Um…
-[audience laughing]

566
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:01,036
He would love to come out here
and say to y'all,

567
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,663
"Oh, don't worry,
she hasn't been a good prostitute."

568
00:27:03,747 --> 00:27:05,790
-That's what he'd say.
-[audience laughing]

569
00:27:06,541 --> 00:27:08,668
Okay, y'all, when it was time
to go out there,

570
00:27:08,752 --> 00:27:10,337
I thought I better take a notebook.

571
00:27:10,420 --> 00:27:13,006
I'm in my fifties.
I can't think of my name.

572
00:27:13,715 --> 00:27:17,385
And I looked in my children's playroom.
I'm in the house I raised my children in.

573
00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,929
And I don't know if y'all got girls,
if they did this,

574
00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:22,599
but mine, when they were little,
it didn't matter where we went,

575
00:27:22,682 --> 00:27:26,353
if it was Walgreens, Target, Walmart,
wherever, they would say,

576
00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:28,146
"I'm gonna need a notebook."

577
00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:33,026
"And it needs to be purple or pink,
and it needs to have a heart on it."

578
00:27:33,109 --> 00:27:36,696
And then they would take it home
and write one dramatic sentence in it

579
00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:38,406
and then throw it away.

580
00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:39,741
[audience laughs]

581
00:27:39,824 --> 00:27:43,703
I've kept all those notebooks, and I found
this little purple one with a heart on it.

582
00:27:43,787 --> 00:27:47,248
And my Maggie, my middle one,
who is my most sensitive,

583
00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:49,417
had written a sweet note
to her fourth-grade teacher

584
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:52,629
about how much she loved her and what
she was gonna buy her for Christmas.

585
00:27:52,712 --> 00:27:54,172
And that made me think of this.

586
00:27:54,255 --> 00:27:57,759
When I was a young mama,
I always had a minivan.

587
00:27:57,842 --> 00:28:00,595
And Chuck Morgan was out
making us a wonderful living,

588
00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:03,848
but he was gone
traveling all over the United States.

589
00:28:03,932 --> 00:28:06,226
And I had these little children
all close together,

590
00:28:06,309 --> 00:28:09,896
and everybody seems like they were always
crying and whipping each other.

591
00:28:09,979 --> 00:28:11,272
[audience laughing]

592
00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:13,233
And I would be white-knuckling it,

593
00:28:13,316 --> 00:28:15,276
trying to get somebody
to a soccer practice

594
00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:17,404
that they really didn't want to go to.

595
00:28:17,487 --> 00:28:19,489
[audience laughing]

596
00:28:20,198 --> 00:28:21,491
What was that?

597
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,079
And everybody would be crying and yelling,
and that sensitive baby, that middle one,

598
00:28:26,162 --> 00:28:29,624
would ask me deep, deep questions
all the time.

599
00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:33,002
For example,
questions about the solar system.

600
00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:37,006
And finally, one day, I said,
"Baby, I didn't pay attention in school."

601
00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:40,009
[audience laughing]

602
00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:46,975
Is there anything you'd like to know
about Young and the Restless?

603
00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:49,602
[audience laughing]

604
00:28:49,686 --> 00:28:52,939
[cheering and applause]

605
00:28:55,608 --> 00:28:57,777
And let me tell y'all,
she went through a phase

606
00:28:57,861 --> 00:29:00,697
where she was worried
who was gonna get to go to heaven.

607
00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:02,615
She wants everybody to go to heaven.

608
00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:05,076
And I remember her asking me about people,

609
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,288
and everybody would be yelling
in the back seat, hungry and all that,

610
00:29:08,371 --> 00:29:09,914
and her little voice would say,

611
00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:12,834
"Mommy, is Johnny Cash going to heaven?"

612
00:29:12,917 --> 00:29:14,294
[audience laughing]

613
00:29:14,377 --> 00:29:16,337
I remember that day,
and I remember what I said.

614
00:29:16,421 --> 00:29:17,797
I said, "Yeah."

615
00:29:18,715 --> 00:29:20,258
"Yes, Johnny Cash is going to heaven."

616
00:29:20,341 --> 00:29:24,471
"He and June have spread the gospel
with Billy Graham all over the States."

617
00:29:24,971 --> 00:29:27,015
"Yes, he'll be in heaven."

618
00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:32,437
Okay, and I got to thinking about this
when I was… All this was in my mind.

619
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,564
I've got a daughter-in-law who is…

620
00:29:34,647 --> 00:29:37,609
We are in love with her, and she is
so smart and such a good mama,

621
00:29:37,692 --> 00:29:40,028
and I watch her talk to my grandbabies,

622
00:29:40,111 --> 00:29:41,863
and she makes sense.

623
00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:43,948
[audience laughing]

624
00:29:44,032 --> 00:29:46,075
And it's just made me look back.

625
00:29:46,159 --> 00:29:47,577
[audience laughing]

626
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:51,289
And… and I think I said some crazy mess.

627
00:29:51,372 --> 00:29:53,082
[audience laughing]

628
00:29:53,166 --> 00:29:54,876
But I was tired.

629
00:29:54,959 --> 00:29:57,545
[audience laughing]

630
00:29:57,629 --> 00:30:00,799
So she was worried about
who was going to heaven, and she asked me

631
00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:02,217
about J-Lo.

632
00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:03,259
[audience laughs]

633
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:05,720
And this was years ago,
and I'm a huge J-Lo fan.

634
00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:08,181
And she said,
"Mommy, is J-Lo going to heaven?"

635
00:30:08,681 --> 00:30:12,227
Just let me tell y'all,
I was in a bad place, okay?

636
00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:15,897
I was in a bad place, and I think
I'd gone up a size in my pants.

637
00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:16,981
[audience laughing]

638
00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:18,483
And she asked me about J-Lo.

639
00:30:18,566 --> 00:30:21,694
She goes, "Is she going to heaven?"
And I said, "I don't know."

640
00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:24,322
[audience laughing]

641
00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:27,867
"I don't know.
I think she needs to mature spiritually."

642
00:30:27,951 --> 00:30:29,035
"And, um…"

643
00:30:29,118 --> 00:30:30,411
[audience laughing]

644
00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:32,413
"…she's going through
a lot of men right now."

645
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:35,041
[audience laughing]

646
00:30:35,124 --> 00:30:38,336
I said it. I remember saying it.
And it was wrong.

647
00:30:38,419 --> 00:30:40,421
And I'm sorry.
And I should have never said it.

648
00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:41,798
One reason I shouldn't have,

649
00:30:41,881 --> 00:30:45,802
I went through as many men as J-Lo
ever thought about going through, honey.

650
00:30:46,302 --> 00:30:47,220
Just, um…

651
00:30:47,303 --> 00:30:48,471
[cheering and applause]

652
00:30:48,555 --> 00:30:51,140
It was terrible. Terrible.

653
00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:54,727
The only difference was,
mine were not successful people.

654
00:30:54,811 --> 00:30:56,187
[audience laughing]

655
00:30:56,271 --> 00:30:58,773
So real quick,
let's just recap some of J-Lo's men.

656
00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:01,568
-We don't have time for all of them, but…
-[audience laughs]

657
00:31:01,651 --> 00:31:03,778
Remember that little first one,
the backup dancer?

658
00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,656
Remember him? Cris?
I think his name was Cris.

659
00:31:06,739 --> 00:31:09,742
What happened to him?
Has anybody checked on him?

660
00:31:09,826 --> 00:31:11,744
[audience laughing]

661
00:31:11,828 --> 00:31:14,747
And then she was with Ben Affleck
the first time,

662
00:31:14,831 --> 00:31:17,375
and they could have eaten
each other's lips off.

663
00:31:17,458 --> 00:31:20,253
I don't know what happened.
Maybe it was too volatile.

664
00:31:20,336 --> 00:31:23,047
And then he married
little Jennifer Garner.

665
00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:24,465
[audience cheering]

666
00:31:24,549 --> 00:31:28,261
I know! And I've never met her,
but she looks like she'd be precious.

667
00:31:28,344 --> 00:31:30,930
And she looks like she shops at the Loft.

668
00:31:31,014 --> 00:31:32,390
Like everybody else.

669
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:36,644
And then J-Lo married
that little bug-eyed Marc Anthony.

670
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:38,730
[audience laughing]

671
00:31:40,106 --> 00:31:41,858
Big head, little legs.

672
00:31:41,941 --> 00:31:42,984
[audience laughing]

673
00:31:43,067 --> 00:31:43,985
Yeah.

674
00:31:44,068 --> 00:31:45,236
[applause]

675
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:46,321
Yeah.

676
00:31:46,404 --> 00:31:48,823
He's the size of my cough drop.

677
00:31:48,907 --> 00:31:49,949
[audience laughing]

678
00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:52,911
Look at that. Talented. Very talented.

679
00:31:52,994 --> 00:31:56,414
And then she was with big ole A-Rod.
And I forget about big ole A-Rod.

680
00:31:56,497 --> 00:32:00,209
And then she got back with Ben Affleck,
and they married, and I thought,

681
00:32:00,293 --> 00:32:02,587
-"Ooh, this doesn't look good."
-[audience laughing]

682
00:32:02,670 --> 00:32:05,131
'Cause every video or picture
you'd see of them,

683
00:32:05,214 --> 00:32:07,717
they'd be coming out of somewhere,
and he'd be going…

684
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,303
[audience laughing]

685
00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:14,766
And you know that he worshiped her
because she glows.

686
00:32:14,849 --> 00:32:18,728
Have y'all noticed that? She glows.
I think she's so beautiful.

687
00:32:18,811 --> 00:32:21,940
I read in People magazine
that she eats a lot of salmon.

688
00:32:22,023 --> 00:32:24,901
[audience laughing]

689
00:32:24,984 --> 00:32:25,985
Okay.

690
00:32:26,069 --> 00:32:28,279
[laughter continues]

691
00:32:29,197 --> 00:32:30,323
She does.

692
00:32:34,744 --> 00:32:36,996
We all need to be eating a lot of salmon.

693
00:32:37,538 --> 00:32:42,543
Okay, so here's another story
about my middle child being so sensitive.

694
00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:45,254
My children went
to a small Christian school in Knoxville,

695
00:32:45,338 --> 00:32:47,757
and we loved it.
It was like a family to us.

696
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,344
And the elementary school was tiny.

697
00:32:51,427 --> 00:32:54,639
The girl that worked the front desk
was Jeannie, a good friend of mine.

698
00:32:54,722 --> 00:32:57,183
And I dropped
my little children off that morning,

699
00:32:57,266 --> 00:32:58,685
and I came back that afternoon,

700
00:32:58,768 --> 00:33:01,604
and Jeannie saw me walk in,
and she grabbed her chest and said,

701
00:33:01,688 --> 00:33:04,107
"Oh, my gosh, Leanne,
how are you walking?"

702
00:33:04,607 --> 00:33:08,069
"Do you need me to call somebody?
Do you need to go to the hospital?"

703
00:33:08,152 --> 00:33:12,448
I said, "What are you talking about?"
She said, "Maggie said you had surgery."

704
00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:14,283
"She's asked for prayer."

705
00:33:14,367 --> 00:33:17,161
[audience laughing]

706
00:33:17,245 --> 00:33:20,540
"We've been praying for you
over the intercom all day."

707
00:33:20,623 --> 00:33:22,625
[audience laughing]

708
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:27,213
I said, "Jeannie, I got my IUD replaced."

709
00:33:27,296 --> 00:33:29,132
[audience laughing]

710
00:33:29,215 --> 00:33:31,217
[scattered applause]

711
00:33:35,054 --> 00:33:37,724
I want you boys in North Carolina

712
00:33:37,807 --> 00:33:40,977
to know, honey, that I was very fertile.

713
00:33:41,060 --> 00:33:44,272
-[audience laughing]
-I was very fertile, praise God.

714
00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:46,232
I was as fertile as the Napa Valley.

715
00:33:46,315 --> 00:33:47,525
[audience laughing]

716
00:33:47,608 --> 00:33:50,403
And I think it's 'cause
I'm from farming people.

717
00:33:50,903 --> 00:33:52,697
We killed our own beef.

718
00:33:52,780 --> 00:33:55,616
And I've got thick ankles,
and I can work in the fields.

719
00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:56,576
[audience laughs]

720
00:33:56,659 --> 00:33:59,537
But anyway, I had to get an IUD
every five years

721
00:33:59,620 --> 00:34:02,040
because Chuck Morgan
didn't get a vasectomy, and…

722
00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:04,542
But whatever. It's okay.

723
00:34:04,625 --> 00:34:08,921
Let me tell y'all that that precious
Christian school put me on a meal chain.

724
00:34:09,005 --> 00:34:12,258
[audience laughing]

725
00:34:12,341 --> 00:34:14,761
They put me on a meal chain.

726
00:34:15,803 --> 00:34:17,805
And somebody brought me a meatloaf…

727
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:19,682
[audience laughing]

728
00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:21,309
…that afternoon.

729
00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:24,145
And it was a good one.

730
00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:26,522
[audience laughing]

731
00:34:26,606 --> 00:34:28,357
And so my hope and prayer,
and I mean this,

732
00:34:28,441 --> 00:34:29,901
my hope and prayer for all of y'all

733
00:34:29,984 --> 00:34:32,195
is y'all have a good friend
who'll make you a meatloaf

734
00:34:32,278 --> 00:34:33,863
when you get your IUD replaced.

735
00:34:33,946 --> 00:34:34,906
[audience laughing]

736
00:34:34,989 --> 00:34:36,365
I know.

737
00:34:36,449 --> 00:34:37,700
[applause]

738
00:34:37,784 --> 00:34:39,160
I know.

739
00:34:43,039 --> 00:34:45,083
But y'all, people ask me all the time,

740
00:34:45,166 --> 00:34:48,878
"Does Chuck Morgan get mad at you
talking about him?" And I go, "No."

741
00:34:48,961 --> 00:34:51,297
"He wants me to talk about him."

742
00:34:51,380 --> 00:34:53,341
He'll say, "Tell 'em this."

743
00:34:53,424 --> 00:34:56,260
[audience laughing]

744
00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:59,305
He goes, "Why don't you tell 'em
about the time I got arrested?"

745
00:35:00,389 --> 00:35:01,349
Okay.

746
00:35:01,432 --> 00:35:02,809
[audience laughs]

747
00:35:02,892 --> 00:35:04,519
It was over 25 years ago.

748
00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:06,979
We had three little children
under the age of five,

749
00:35:07,063 --> 00:35:09,565
and his company sent us,
the very first trip,

750
00:35:09,649 --> 00:35:11,692
to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

751
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:14,403
And I was so tickled
that I was gonna get to go.

752
00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:16,197
I'd never been anywhere like that.

753
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,492
And my little mom and daddy
took care of my babies for a week for me,

754
00:35:19,575 --> 00:35:21,494
so I didn't have to worry about them.

755
00:35:21,577 --> 00:35:22,870
And I was so excited.

756
00:35:22,954 --> 00:35:26,999
We flew out of our little airport
in Knoxville, Tennessee, and took all day.

757
00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:32,046
Like 12 hours. Like mules, trains,
planes, boats, I don't know,

758
00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:34,549
to get on the other side,
the Pacific side.

759
00:35:34,632 --> 00:35:36,509
And we get in the hotel room.

760
00:35:37,009 --> 00:35:39,220
And I had to do unspeakable things.

761
00:35:39,303 --> 00:35:41,305
[audience laughing]

762
00:35:44,267 --> 00:35:46,269
[laughter continues]

763
00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:52,358
For seven days.

764
00:35:52,441 --> 00:35:53,776
[audience laughing]

765
00:35:53,860 --> 00:35:56,028
[scattered applause]

766
00:35:59,866 --> 00:36:02,952
I never saw Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

767
00:36:03,035 --> 00:36:05,830
[audience laughing]

768
00:36:05,913 --> 00:36:08,416
By the end of that week, I was depleted.

769
00:36:08,499 --> 00:36:09,458
[audience laughs]

770
00:36:09,542 --> 00:36:13,087
Then it was time to fly all the way back.
It took another 12 hours to get back.

771
00:36:13,171 --> 00:36:15,423
We get into East Tennessee
to our little airport,

772
00:36:15,506 --> 00:36:16,883
and we landed at midnight,

773
00:36:16,966 --> 00:36:20,386
and we had to drive into East Tennessee
where we were living, and I thought,

774
00:36:20,469 --> 00:36:23,014
"If I can just put my hands
on those babies and go to bed,

775
00:36:23,097 --> 00:36:24,891
everything's gonna be all right."

776
00:36:25,391 --> 00:36:28,311
But darn if Chuck Morgan
doesn't get pulled over by the police,

777
00:36:28,394 --> 00:36:29,729
I think he was going too fast.

778
00:36:29,812 --> 00:36:33,399
What he ended up getting arrested for
wasn't bad, but we didn't know that.

779
00:36:33,482 --> 00:36:36,235
I think it was another ticket
that he needed to pay.

780
00:36:37,528 --> 00:36:40,573
We're on the side of the road,
and the police car is in front of us.

781
00:36:40,656 --> 00:36:42,909
I'm looking through the headlights
at the police,

782
00:36:42,992 --> 00:36:46,454
thinking, "This won't take long.
We'll be out of here before you know it."

783
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:48,998
"I'll be home. Mm-hmm."

784
00:36:49,081 --> 00:36:51,417
They come around,
and they get his license.

785
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:54,253
They get him out of the car,
and take him around the front.

786
00:36:54,337 --> 00:36:58,174
And I'm watching all this
in the headlights, and they cuff him.

787
00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:02,386
And he turns around at me, and I go…

788
00:37:03,012 --> 00:37:05,097
[audience laughing]

789
00:37:05,181 --> 00:37:06,682
[mouths] What?

790
00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:10,102
[mouths] What?

791
00:37:10,186 --> 00:37:11,729
[audience laughing]

792
00:37:11,812 --> 00:37:15,775
And he mouths something at me,
like, "Oh good Lord, Leanne."

793
00:37:15,858 --> 00:37:17,985
[audience laughing]

794
00:37:18,653 --> 00:37:21,614
And my whole life flashed before my eyes.

795
00:37:22,114 --> 00:37:24,283
I thought, "He's in a drug cartel."

796
00:37:24,367 --> 00:37:27,578
[audience laughing]

797
00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:33,084
"He has another family in Idaho."

798
00:37:33,167 --> 00:37:35,127
[audience laughing]

799
00:37:35,211 --> 00:37:37,797
I've always thought
he had another family in Idaho

800
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,926
because, all of our married life,
he has said, "I told you that,"

801
00:37:42,009 --> 00:37:43,344
and he hasn't.

802
00:37:43,427 --> 00:37:44,470
[audience laughing]

803
00:37:44,553 --> 00:37:48,432
He thinks he's told me stuff,
and he has not.

804
00:37:49,141 --> 00:37:51,978
And I've said,
"I've never heard that before in my life."

805
00:37:52,561 --> 00:37:56,482
Finally, one day, I go, "Are you
telling a woman in Idaho all this?"

806
00:37:56,565 --> 00:37:59,110
[audience laughing]

807
00:37:59,193 --> 00:38:02,238
I said, "Are you gonna
let her go to Panera, Chuck?"

808
00:38:02,321 --> 00:38:03,281
[audience laughing]

809
00:38:03,364 --> 00:38:06,909
Okay, let me tell y'all
that Chuck Morgan, when we met,

810
00:38:06,993 --> 00:38:08,995
we were at the University of Tennessee.

811
00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:10,246
[cheering]

812
00:38:10,329 --> 00:38:11,330
Go Vols.

813
00:38:11,414 --> 00:38:12,665
[cheering]

814
00:38:12,748 --> 00:38:16,127
And he was getting a master's in business
and making straight A's

815
00:38:16,210 --> 00:38:19,547
and working three jobs and wooing me.

816
00:38:20,047 --> 00:38:22,049
And I was…

817
00:38:22,758 --> 00:38:24,927
[audience laughing]

818
00:38:25,011 --> 00:38:26,929
[Leanne groaning]

819
00:38:27,013 --> 00:38:29,390
…a wreck. A wreck, honey.

820
00:38:29,473 --> 00:38:31,726
I barely got out
of the University of Tennessee.

821
00:38:31,809 --> 00:38:34,645
I graduated through the skin of my teeth.
It took me years.

822
00:38:35,146 --> 00:38:38,774
I would drop out, go back, all…

823
00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:39,817
Okay.

824
00:38:39,900 --> 00:38:41,485
[audience laughing]

825
00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:44,697
But when I knew that I was gonna
get to marry Chuck Morgan, I thought,

826
00:38:44,780 --> 00:38:47,074
"Oh my gosh."

827
00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:49,035
"He is so smart."

828
00:38:49,118 --> 00:38:51,829
"He can do anything.
He's gonna take care of everything."

829
00:38:51,912 --> 00:38:53,581
"He's gonna work like a mule."

830
00:38:53,664 --> 00:38:54,749
[audience laughing]

831
00:38:54,832 --> 00:38:59,295
"And I'm just gonna have a ball.
I'm just gonna…" [sings playful melody]

832
00:38:59,378 --> 00:39:01,380
[laughter and applause]

833
00:39:02,423 --> 00:39:05,468
Well, we married,
and I had my first baby by him.

834
00:39:05,551 --> 00:39:07,678
And it dawned on me one day.

835
00:39:07,762 --> 00:39:10,765
I thought, "He's smart at work."

836
00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:13,976
[audience laughing]

837
00:39:19,148 --> 00:39:20,399
"Not at home."

838
00:39:20,483 --> 00:39:22,943
[audience laughing]

839
00:39:23,027 --> 00:39:27,239
And I thought, "Oh no.
Surely I'm not in charge."

840
00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:29,492
[audience laughing]

841
00:39:29,575 --> 00:39:32,495
"Surely I'm not gonna be the one
to have to tend to all this."

842
00:39:32,578 --> 00:39:36,499
Because it was three years before that,
I was dancing to Prince, "When Doves Cry."

843
00:39:36,582 --> 00:39:37,875
You know, I was like…

844
00:39:37,958 --> 00:39:39,126
[audience laughing]

845
00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:41,212
Let me tell you
when it really freaked me out.

846
00:39:41,295 --> 00:39:43,214
I had my second baby.

847
00:39:43,297 --> 00:39:46,300
She was born April 3rd.
This was the last week of March.

848
00:39:46,384 --> 00:39:51,138
I was gonna go at any time and give birth,
and a big snow came in east Tennessee.

849
00:39:51,222 --> 00:39:52,765
There was snow on the ground.

850
00:39:52,848 --> 00:39:58,437
And I had, um…
My oldest baby was… my Charlie, was two.

851
00:39:58,521 --> 00:40:01,065
He had quit taking a nap,
was still in diapers.

852
00:40:01,148 --> 00:40:03,484
But he was a precious baby,
but very active.

853
00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:06,028
And he would beat on the front door,
trying to get out

854
00:40:06,112 --> 00:40:08,697
so he could run
down the yellow line of the highway.

855
00:40:08,781 --> 00:40:10,491
[audience laughing]

856
00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:18,332
And I was worn to a frazzle.

857
00:40:19,166 --> 00:40:23,504
And I was about to give birth
at any minute, and I got strep real bad.

858
00:40:23,587 --> 00:40:28,759
And my OB-GYN was Pete,
who was in our Sunday school class.

859
00:40:28,843 --> 00:40:30,928
And he was so cute.

860
00:40:31,011 --> 00:40:33,055
And I hated for him to see me that way.

861
00:40:33,139 --> 00:40:35,307
[audience laughing]

862
00:40:35,391 --> 00:40:37,977
But Pete said,
"You've got a horrible case of strep."

863
00:40:38,060 --> 00:40:41,397
"I'm gonna have to put you
in the hospital, Leanne, overnight."

864
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,983
"You're gonna have to get
a bag of fluids and rest."

865
00:40:44,066 --> 00:40:45,276
And I said,

866
00:40:45,359 --> 00:40:46,569
"For real?"

867
00:40:46,652 --> 00:40:48,404
[audience laughing]

868
00:40:48,487 --> 00:40:49,780
"For real?"

869
00:40:49,864 --> 00:40:51,532
"I get to go in the hospital?"

870
00:40:51,615 --> 00:40:52,825
[audience laughing]

871
00:40:52,908 --> 00:40:54,368
"Overnight?"

872
00:40:55,536 --> 00:40:58,080
It's like somebody sent me
to Turks and Caicos.

873
00:40:58,164 --> 00:41:00,458
[audience laughing]

874
00:41:00,541 --> 00:41:02,543
[applause]

875
00:41:07,089 --> 00:41:08,507
They took me to the hospital.

876
00:41:08,591 --> 00:41:10,801
Chuck had our two-year-old, Charlie.

877
00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:14,680
And they dropped me off
early that morning and then disappeared.

878
00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:17,558
And didn't come back
until late that night.

879
00:41:17,641 --> 00:41:19,226
And I said, "Where have you been?"

880
00:41:19,727 --> 00:41:21,145
And he went, "Nowhere."

881
00:41:22,396 --> 00:41:25,733
I said, "What are you doing
wearing a sweat suit? You're sweating."

882
00:41:25,816 --> 00:41:29,153
He said, "Okay, Leanne, I've been
playing basketball at the rec center."

883
00:41:29,653 --> 00:41:31,238
I said, "Full-court?"

884
00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:34,950
[audience laughing]

885
00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:36,035
He went, "Yeah, why?"

886
00:41:36,118 --> 00:41:38,037
I go, "Who was watching our baby

887
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,080
while you were playing
full-court basketball?"

888
00:41:40,164 --> 00:41:43,918
And I looked down, and my baby's got on
a diaper swollen down to his ankles.

889
00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:46,295
[audience laughing]

890
00:41:49,215 --> 00:41:51,258
And I said, "What has he eaten?"

891
00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:53,052
And he said, "Eaten?"

892
00:41:53,135 --> 00:41:56,222
[audience laughing]

893
00:41:56,305 --> 00:41:58,599
I said, "Chuck, they… Listen to me."

894
00:41:58,682 --> 00:42:00,976
I go, "They're gonna discharge me
tomorrow at noon,

895
00:42:01,060 --> 00:42:03,312
and they need you to bring me an outfit."

896
00:42:06,565 --> 00:42:08,234
Let me tell y'all…

897
00:42:08,317 --> 00:42:09,401
[audience laughing]

898
00:42:09,485 --> 00:42:12,154
…what he brought me to the hospital.

899
00:42:13,572 --> 00:42:15,824
He brought me a pair of panties…

900
00:42:15,908 --> 00:42:17,952
[audience laughing]

901
00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:19,495
…that were a triangle…

902
00:42:19,578 --> 00:42:21,080
[audience laughing]

903
00:42:21,163 --> 00:42:22,748
…with strings on it.

904
00:42:22,831 --> 00:42:24,250
[audience laughing]

905
00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:26,794
My belly button was that big.

906
00:42:26,877 --> 00:42:28,712
[audience laughing]

907
00:42:28,796 --> 00:42:31,799
My stomach was out to here.

908
00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:36,470
I had to somehow
try to get these panties on.

909
00:42:37,137 --> 00:42:39,181
I think I was crowning.

910
00:42:39,265 --> 00:42:40,933
I think I was crowning.

911
00:42:41,016 --> 00:42:43,727
[audience laughing]

912
00:42:45,104 --> 00:42:47,940
Those panties were
the size of Marc Anthony.

913
00:42:48,023 --> 00:42:51,569
[audience laughing]

914
00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:57,658
He brought me a pair of six-inch pumps.

915
00:42:57,741 --> 00:42:59,118
[audience laughing]

916
00:42:59,201 --> 00:43:01,704
Black. Black pumps.

917
00:43:01,787 --> 00:43:05,040
Okay, you girls that are my age,
do y'all remember when Kathie Lee Gifford

918
00:43:05,124 --> 00:43:08,252
had her own line
of maternity wear at Walmart?

919
00:43:08,335 --> 00:43:10,462
-Did y'all remember that?
-[scattered applause]

920
00:43:10,546 --> 00:43:12,131
It was to die for.

921
00:43:12,631 --> 00:43:15,843
It was very inexpensive.
Basic pieces. Mix and match.

922
00:43:15,926 --> 00:43:16,969
I loved it.

923
00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:19,847
And then something happened
with a sweatshop overseas.

924
00:43:19,930 --> 00:43:21,807
[audience laughing]

925
00:43:21,890 --> 00:43:24,226
And they shut her down,
and I was devastated.

926
00:43:24,310 --> 00:43:25,185
[audience laughing]

927
00:43:25,269 --> 00:43:29,356
But anyway, he brought me a pair
of Kathie Lee Gifford summer capris.

928
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:33,027
Summer. There was snow on the ground
in East Tennessee.

929
00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:34,236
[audience laughing]

930
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:35,404
Summer capri.

931
00:43:35,487 --> 00:43:37,406
He brought me a summer top

932
00:43:38,157 --> 00:43:39,825
that was not maternity.

933
00:43:40,659 --> 00:43:42,494
So it hit me about right there.

934
00:43:42,578 --> 00:43:43,871
[audience laughing]

935
00:43:43,954 --> 00:43:46,540
And then a big old fake fur black coat

936
00:43:47,374 --> 00:43:50,753
that I definitely danced to Prince in
at a club, honey.

937
00:43:50,836 --> 00:43:52,212
[audience laughing]

938
00:43:52,296 --> 00:43:55,716
And I remember
those sweet nurses rolling me out.

939
00:43:55,799 --> 00:43:58,427
[audience laughing]

940
00:44:02,389 --> 00:44:05,643
I know they got back in that hospital
and looked at each other and said,

941
00:44:05,726 --> 00:44:07,770
"She's a prostitute."

942
00:44:07,853 --> 00:44:10,272
[audience laughing]

943
00:44:16,904 --> 00:44:20,658
Let me tell y'all
about my precious grandbabies.

944
00:44:20,741 --> 00:44:22,451
Mm, mm, mm, mm!

945
00:44:22,534 --> 00:44:25,663
-Thank you. Thank you.
-[cheering and applause]

946
00:44:25,746 --> 00:44:27,039
Thank you.

947
00:44:27,122 --> 00:44:29,083
Oh, yummy, yummy, yummy.

948
00:44:29,166 --> 00:44:31,251
I'm in love with them,
and I hope I have ten more.

949
00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:34,963
But I've got two boys,
and they are two and four.

950
00:44:35,047 --> 00:44:37,675
And my oldest one calls me Grandmama.

951
00:44:37,758 --> 00:44:41,178
When he spends the night, he'll hold on
to the railing, hold on to my hand,

952
00:44:41,261 --> 00:44:44,139
and he'll say,
"Hold on, Grandmama, hold on."

953
00:44:44,223 --> 00:44:46,058
[audience laughing]

954
00:44:46,141 --> 00:44:47,685
He thinks I'm feeble.

955
00:44:47,768 --> 00:44:50,354
[audience laughing]

956
00:44:52,314 --> 00:44:55,234
It's very different being a mama
than a grandmama.

957
00:44:55,734 --> 00:44:58,070
They're both wonderful,
but they're very different.

958
00:44:58,153 --> 00:44:59,822
This is the difference, I think.

959
00:44:59,905 --> 00:45:03,325
When my babies want something,

960
00:45:04,785 --> 00:45:06,245
I'm gonna give it to 'em.

961
00:45:06,328 --> 00:45:08,288
[audience laughing]

962
00:45:08,914 --> 00:45:11,667
And my boy and his wife
are wonderful parents,

963
00:45:11,750 --> 00:45:13,419
but they say crap to me.

964
00:45:13,502 --> 00:45:15,713
[audience laughing]

965
00:45:16,505 --> 00:45:19,091
Things like, "No more riding toys."

966
00:45:20,175 --> 00:45:23,262
[audience laughing]

967
00:45:24,930 --> 00:45:29,059
And I'm like, "Okay, but I cannot
take back this Chevy with a gooseneck."

968
00:45:29,143 --> 00:45:30,936
[audience laughing]

969
00:45:32,896 --> 00:45:34,273
They said to me the other day,

970
00:45:34,356 --> 00:45:36,692
"We're gonna have to wean this one
off his pacifier."

971
00:45:36,775 --> 00:45:40,446
And I was like, "Yep, that's a good idea."

972
00:45:41,071 --> 00:45:44,283
And then I went home and ordered
as many as I could off the Internet.

973
00:45:44,366 --> 00:45:46,368
[audience laughing]

974
00:45:47,369 --> 00:45:50,831
Now I know why my little mom and daddy
acted the way they did.

975
00:45:51,331 --> 00:45:54,334
They helped me so much. My children
would spend the night with them.

976
00:45:54,418 --> 00:45:58,881
And I remember going to pick them up,
and I said to my little daddy,

977
00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:04,511
"Daddy, they've got a yellow film
over their teeth."

978
00:46:04,595 --> 00:46:06,138
[audience laughing]

979
00:46:06,221 --> 00:46:10,601
"Have they brushed their teeth
since we've been gone?"

980
00:46:11,101 --> 00:46:14,396
And my daddy shook
and got so mad at me and said,

981
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:16,023
"They didn't want to!"

982
00:46:16,106 --> 00:46:18,859
[audience laughing]

983
00:46:18,942 --> 00:46:21,528
[scattered applause and laughter]

984
00:46:24,156 --> 00:46:26,909
My little mama, Lucille,
every time when they were little,

985
00:46:26,992 --> 00:46:30,537
they'd go visit them, Mama would
sling open that back door and say,

986
00:46:30,621 --> 00:46:35,000
"Welcome. Here's some Magic Markers.
Write on the wall."

987
00:46:35,083 --> 00:46:36,794
[audience laughing]

988
00:46:37,669 --> 00:46:41,298
"Come on into Mamaw's house,
and go back and get in Mamaw's bed,

989
00:46:41,381 --> 00:46:43,300
and take this bucket of chicken with ya."

990
00:46:43,383 --> 00:46:44,676
[audience laughing]

991
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:48,722
"Take this bucket of chicken with ya
and this little bag of mini marshmallows."

992
00:46:48,806 --> 00:46:49,848
[audience laughing]

993
00:46:49,932 --> 00:46:52,017
"And wallow in Mamaw's bed."

994
00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:53,185
[audience laughing]

995
00:46:53,268 --> 00:46:56,230
"And watch Disney
until 3:00 a.m. in the morning."

996
00:46:56,313 --> 00:46:57,648
[audience laughing]

997
00:46:57,731 --> 00:47:01,235
I do the same thing, honey.
I do the same thing.

998
00:47:01,318 --> 00:47:03,111
[applause]

999
00:47:03,195 --> 00:47:04,029
I know.

1000
00:47:04,112 --> 00:47:05,364
[cheering and applause]

1001
00:47:05,447 --> 00:47:07,074
I know.

1002
00:47:07,825 --> 00:47:09,827
Who doesn't love chicken in the bed?

1003
00:47:09,910 --> 00:47:11,161
[audience laughing]

1004
00:47:11,245 --> 00:47:14,957
And let me tell y'all that we beg them
all the time to go on vacation with us.

1005
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,333
We want these babies.

1006
00:47:16,416 --> 00:47:18,460
I want all my children
and my babies with me.

1007
00:47:18,544 --> 00:47:21,922
And let me tell you
that I'm a beach person.

1008
00:47:22,589 --> 00:47:24,800
-I'm a beach person.
-[audience cheering]

1009
00:47:24,883 --> 00:47:29,054
And y'all have it made here.
Y'all do. I hope y'all know that.

1010
00:47:29,137 --> 00:47:34,560
If I hit it big someday,
I would love to be at the beach.

1011
00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:37,729
But Chuck Morgan doesn't believe in joy.

1012
00:47:37,813 --> 00:47:38,772
So…

1013
00:47:38,856 --> 00:47:40,899
[audience laughing]

1014
00:47:43,235 --> 00:47:47,239
His favorite vacation is snow skiing.

1015
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:53,203
And so when we met in college, he said,
"I'm gonna raise my children snow skiing."

1016
00:47:53,287 --> 00:47:56,290
-And I thought, "Ooh, what is that?"
-[audience laughing]

1017
00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:58,917
Because I didn't know much about it,

1018
00:47:59,001 --> 00:48:00,961
'cause I was raised
in a town of 500 people

1019
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:04,631
on the Kentucky-Tennessee border,
and people don't snow ski there.

1020
00:48:04,715 --> 00:48:07,759
And I remember seeing it
every once in a while on TV and thinking,

1021
00:48:07,843 --> 00:48:09,845
"That must be the queen and her people."

1022
00:48:09,928 --> 00:48:11,471
[audience laughing]

1023
00:48:12,055 --> 00:48:14,474
But anyway, Chuck Morgan, when we married,

1024
00:48:14,558 --> 00:48:18,478
he wanted me to learn,
and so he bought me a really nice outfit.

1025
00:48:18,562 --> 00:48:19,730
One of those ski outfits.

1026
00:48:19,813 --> 00:48:23,025
And y'all know if you snow ski,
all that stuff is very expensive,

1027
00:48:23,108 --> 00:48:25,485
so I had to wear that for 15 years.

1028
00:48:25,569 --> 00:48:28,238
[audience laughing]

1029
00:48:31,033 --> 00:48:32,993
And I did not keep my weight down.

1030
00:48:33,076 --> 00:48:34,620
[audience laughing]

1031
00:48:34,703 --> 00:48:39,458
So the first time I went, he sent me
to beautiful Beaver Creek, Colorado.

1032
00:48:39,541 --> 00:48:41,460
That is beautiful, I know.

1033
00:48:41,543 --> 00:48:44,922
And he put me in ski school
with a group of people,

1034
00:48:45,005 --> 00:48:47,549
and our instructor
looked like Mitt Romney.

1035
00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:51,386
And I was up on that mountain,
and I wanted to be…

1036
00:48:51,470 --> 00:48:58,477
I had on my outfit, and I wanted to be
that thin, young, cute, fun ski girl.

1037
00:48:59,269 --> 00:49:00,103
Okay.

1038
00:49:00,604 --> 00:49:03,357
A big old cold front came in.

1039
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,652
Some big weather front came in,
and snow was blowing sideways.

1040
00:49:06,735 --> 00:49:08,654
You couldn't see your hand in front of ya.

1041
00:49:08,737 --> 00:49:11,114
And Mitt looked at all of us and said,

1042
00:49:12,199 --> 00:49:13,784
"If we get down…"

1043
00:49:13,867 --> 00:49:16,828
[audience laughing]

1044
00:49:17,871 --> 00:49:20,082
"If we get down this mountain,

1045
00:49:20,165 --> 00:49:23,168
I'm gonna have to check
y'all's noses for frostbite."

1046
00:49:23,251 --> 00:49:24,294
[audience laughing]

1047
00:49:24,378 --> 00:49:26,588
"It's 19 below zero."

1048
00:49:27,089 --> 00:49:29,591
And I remember thinking, "Fun?"

1049
00:49:30,384 --> 00:49:32,594
"What are we doing up here?" Okay.

1050
00:49:32,678 --> 00:49:34,179
The next time I got to go,

1051
00:49:34,262 --> 00:49:37,474
we waited until our little children
were three, five, and seven,

1052
00:49:37,557 --> 00:49:39,935
and Chuck Morgan came to me and said,

1053
00:49:40,018 --> 00:49:44,564
"I'm gonna take y'all from Tennessee
to Colorado for a week for snow skiing."

1054
00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:47,401
And the only thing
that I can compare that to

1055
00:49:48,151 --> 00:49:50,153
would be maybe working in a coal mine.

1056
00:49:50,237 --> 00:49:52,948
[audience laughing]

1057
00:49:56,034 --> 00:49:58,704
I've never worked in a coal mine,
but it looks bad.

1058
00:49:58,787 --> 00:50:00,872
[audience laughing]

1059
00:50:00,956 --> 00:50:03,000
So, this is my take on snow skiing.

1060
00:50:03,083 --> 00:50:06,378
At the mountain,
that's where the hoop-de-do people are.

1061
00:50:06,461 --> 00:50:09,798
That's where they rent and own
and ski in and ski out,

1062
00:50:09,881 --> 00:50:11,591
and they all look like Bo Derek.

1063
00:50:11,675 --> 00:50:12,968
[audience laughing]

1064
00:50:13,051 --> 00:50:15,637
Chuck Morgan likes to roll on a budget.

1065
00:50:16,138 --> 00:50:20,100
He likes to rent an apartment
about three towns away from the mountain.

1066
00:50:20,183 --> 00:50:22,853
[audience laughing]

1067
00:50:22,936 --> 00:50:26,231
So we all go out there,
and every morning, he would get up

1068
00:50:26,314 --> 00:50:28,567
and start saying,
"We gotta get on that ski lift."

1069
00:50:28,650 --> 00:50:31,528
"I paid all this money. We gotta go.
We gotta get up there. Everybody."

1070
00:50:31,611 --> 00:50:32,904
And these little children,

1071
00:50:33,405 --> 00:50:34,531
stunned.

1072
00:50:35,240 --> 00:50:36,116
Wake up.

1073
00:50:36,199 --> 00:50:38,660
And then I had to get
all those little children dressed

1074
00:50:38,744 --> 00:50:39,870
with all those layers.

1075
00:50:39,953 --> 00:50:42,372
All those layers. Long underwear.

1076
00:50:42,456 --> 00:50:45,542
Going down the line,
trying to get kids dressed,

1077
00:50:45,625 --> 00:50:47,961
and they were half asleep, flopping.

1078
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:50,672
[audience laughing]

1079
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:57,679
By the time I got 'em dressed,
I felt like I had hoed an acre of tobacco.

1080
00:50:57,763 --> 00:50:59,806
[audience laughing]

1081
00:50:59,890 --> 00:51:02,142
And then I'd have
to make lunch for everybody

1082
00:51:02,225 --> 00:51:05,771
because three chicken tenders
cost $45 up on that mountain.

1083
00:51:05,854 --> 00:51:07,564
[audience laughing]

1084
00:51:08,899 --> 00:51:12,736
And then it'd be time to get on
that shuttle to ride up to the mountain,

1085
00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:16,615
and we'd have to carry everybody's stuff
'cause they were little bitty children.

1086
00:51:16,698 --> 00:51:20,994
They'd go, "I can't hold my helmet.
I can't carry anything."

1087
00:51:21,078 --> 00:51:24,289
"I've lost my gloves.
I don't know where anything is."

1088
00:51:24,790 --> 00:51:28,960
And we were packed like pack mules
trying to get everything on that shuttle.

1089
00:51:30,545 --> 00:51:32,798
Then I'd have to put ski boots
on little children.

1090
00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:35,884
They'd go, "No, Mommy, no.
Don't put those ski boots on me."

1091
00:51:35,967 --> 00:51:37,886
-[audience laughing]
-And I don't blame 'em.

1092
00:51:37,969 --> 00:51:40,222
-Have y'all ever had a ski boot on?
-[scattered cheers]

1093
00:51:40,305 --> 00:51:43,642
Every time I've ever put one on,
I think, "My shins are bleeding."

1094
00:51:43,725 --> 00:51:46,353
[audience laughing]

1095
00:51:49,564 --> 00:51:52,859
"My boots are filling up with blood.
I can feel it."

1096
00:51:52,943 --> 00:51:55,278
[audience laughing]

1097
00:51:55,362 --> 00:51:56,863
Here's one of the memories I have.

1098
00:51:56,947 --> 00:52:00,242
This baby child back here that's
my makeup artist and travels with me,

1099
00:52:00,325 --> 00:52:02,661
she says now she's my caregiver.

1100
00:52:02,744 --> 00:52:05,205
[audience laughing]

1101
00:52:05,288 --> 00:52:06,748
She kinda is.

1102
00:52:07,290 --> 00:52:09,876
But she has been a joy.
That's my third baby.

1103
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:14,172
And, uh, she's been a joy and so funny,
but she's been a booger.

1104
00:52:14,256 --> 00:52:16,967
She's been a booger, honey.
She does what she wants to.

1105
00:52:17,050 --> 00:52:21,012
She has since she was 18 months old.
You can't do a thing with her.

1106
00:52:21,096 --> 00:52:24,182
And we were skiing.
She was probably four or five that year.

1107
00:52:24,266 --> 00:52:27,519
And I bought her, you know,
a hot pink outfit from Lands' End.

1108
00:52:27,602 --> 00:52:29,020
I was so tickled.

1109
00:52:29,104 --> 00:52:31,314
Everybody had gone off skiing.
It was just me and her.

1110
00:52:31,398 --> 00:52:33,984
We were going in the little gondola
up to the bunny slope,

1111
00:52:34,067 --> 00:52:36,945
and it doesn't take long
to get up there to that bunny slope.

1112
00:52:37,028 --> 00:52:38,488
Nobody else was on that gondola,

1113
00:52:38,572 --> 00:52:41,408
and she starts
taking all of her clothes off.

1114
00:52:41,491 --> 00:52:42,450
[audience laughing]

1115
00:52:42,534 --> 00:52:45,453
Everything. I'm talking everything.

1116
00:52:45,537 --> 00:52:48,498
In two seconds, she's nude.

1117
00:52:48,582 --> 00:52:49,916
And I…

1118
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,751
I go, "What are you doing?"

1119
00:52:52,335 --> 00:52:54,212
And she said, "My butthole itches."

1120
00:52:54,296 --> 00:52:56,381
[audience laughing]

1121
00:52:59,759 --> 00:53:02,846
[laughter continues]

1122
00:53:04,764 --> 00:53:06,349
And I remember…

1123
00:53:06,433 --> 00:53:08,143
I remember praying.

1124
00:53:08,226 --> 00:53:10,478
I remember praying to the Lord

1125
00:53:10,979 --> 00:53:13,565
and saying, "Dear Lord,

1126
00:53:14,357 --> 00:53:16,651
what did I do that was so bad…"

1127
00:53:16,735 --> 00:53:18,653
[audience laughing]

1128
00:53:18,737 --> 00:53:20,780
"…that this is my vacation now?"

1129
00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:23,450
[audience laughing]

1130
00:53:23,533 --> 00:53:25,952
So then I just looked at her, and I said,

1131
00:53:26,661 --> 00:53:27,662
"Scratch it."

1132
00:53:27,746 --> 00:53:30,123
[audience laughing]

1133
00:53:30,207 --> 00:53:32,667
[scattered applause]

1134
00:53:35,921 --> 00:53:39,007
We try to go every year 'cause
Chuck Morgan and the children love it.

1135
00:53:39,090 --> 00:53:40,175
All my kids love it.

1136
00:53:40,258 --> 00:53:43,762
But the last time I was on skis,
I was 47 years old.

1137
00:53:43,845 --> 00:53:45,388
Now I'm 59.

1138
00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:49,559
And I had… We were going to Alta, Utah,
which is beautiful.

1139
00:53:49,643 --> 00:53:51,519
And I had on that tight outfit.

1140
00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:53,480
[audience laughing]

1141
00:53:53,563 --> 00:53:55,440
And I was going up the ski lift.

1142
00:53:55,523 --> 00:53:57,400
I was on the ski lift, about to get off,

1143
00:53:57,484 --> 00:53:59,527
and I had every intention
of skiing that year.

1144
00:53:59,611 --> 00:54:01,696
I had on everything. I was ready to go.

1145
00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:05,075
And I know how to get off a ski lift.
And I know how to ski.

1146
00:54:05,158 --> 00:54:09,287
But something did not click that day,

1147
00:54:09,371 --> 00:54:14,334
and I just fell off that ski lift
into the snow.

1148
00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:17,963
And it… That thing kept going around,
so I just…

1149
00:54:18,463 --> 00:54:20,006
[audience laughing]

1150
00:54:25,345 --> 00:54:28,014
And then this long-haired boy
that worked there,

1151
00:54:28,098 --> 00:54:30,934
with this stuff
hanging out of his eyebrows,

1152
00:54:31,434 --> 00:54:34,271
came up to me and said,

1153
00:54:35,814 --> 00:54:36,815
"Get up."

1154
00:54:36,898 --> 00:54:38,692
[audience laughing]

1155
00:54:45,323 --> 00:54:46,616
"Get up."

1156
00:54:47,450 --> 00:54:50,912
And I'll just tell you boys
in Wilmington that

1157
00:54:51,454 --> 00:54:53,164
I had let my core go.

1158
00:54:53,248 --> 00:54:54,291
[audience laughing]

1159
00:54:54,374 --> 00:54:55,333
And…

1160
00:55:01,172 --> 00:55:03,508
Real bad. Real bad.

1161
00:55:03,591 --> 00:55:05,677
I had let my core go.

1162
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:07,220
And I still had my skis on.

1163
00:55:07,304 --> 00:55:09,723
I had to get my poles up
and try to do that.

1164
00:55:10,223 --> 00:55:12,183
I don't know how I got up.
I don't remember.

1165
00:55:12,267 --> 00:55:15,395
I feel like I blanked out
'cause I don't remember a thing.

1166
00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:19,399
But my boy was standing over there
and saw the whole thing.

1167
00:55:19,482 --> 00:55:20,525
My sweet boy.

1168
00:55:20,608 --> 00:55:23,028
And I somehow
got to the top of that mountain,

1169
00:55:23,111 --> 00:55:25,030
and he… he looked at me, and he goes,

1170
00:55:25,655 --> 00:55:26,906
"You're okay."

1171
00:55:27,615 --> 00:55:30,410
"Okay? You're okay, Mom."

1172
00:55:30,910 --> 00:55:32,203
"You're okay."

1173
00:55:32,954 --> 00:55:35,206
"Let's get down this mountain."
I went, "No."

1174
00:55:35,290 --> 00:55:37,542
[audience laughing]

1175
00:55:37,625 --> 00:55:41,880
He said, "You're okay. Everything's fine."
I went, "No. God spoke to me."

1176
00:55:41,963 --> 00:55:44,132
[audience laughing]

1177
00:55:44,215 --> 00:55:46,718
He said, "No, he didn't.
I said, "Yes, he did."

1178
00:55:46,801 --> 00:55:49,220
"It was… it wasn't an audible voice."

1179
00:55:49,721 --> 00:55:51,181
"It was in my heart."

1180
00:55:51,681 --> 00:55:54,601
And he did. God spoke to me.
And I remember what he said.

1181
00:55:54,684 --> 00:55:57,854
He said, "Get off these things, Leanne."
That's what he said.

1182
00:55:57,937 --> 00:55:59,397
[audience laughing]

1183
00:56:00,315 --> 00:56:02,317
And then I think he said,

1184
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:05,195
"Go sit down at that pizza shack
for the rest of the week."

1185
00:56:05,278 --> 00:56:06,404
[laughter and applause]

1186
00:56:06,488 --> 00:56:07,405
I was like,

1187
00:56:08,031 --> 00:56:08,907
"Okay."

1188
00:56:08,990 --> 00:56:10,200
[applause]

1189
00:56:10,283 --> 00:56:12,577
Okay, y'all have been darling.

1190
00:56:12,660 --> 00:56:15,497
And let me tell you, okay, it's 8:30 now.

1191
00:56:15,580 --> 00:56:18,792
I'm gonna have y'all in the bed by 9:15.

1192
00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:20,460
-Okay?
-[audience cheering]

1193
00:56:20,543 --> 00:56:22,337
I'm gonna have y'all in the bed.

1194
00:56:22,420 --> 00:56:24,297
[applause]

1195
00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:25,507
[cheering]

1196
00:56:25,590 --> 00:56:29,552
So if y'all got a melatonin or a magnesium
in your purse…

1197
00:56:29,636 --> 00:56:30,762
[audience laughing]

1198
00:56:30,845 --> 00:56:34,182
…hold on. Give me a few more minutes
and then you can take it.

1199
00:56:34,265 --> 00:56:37,852
Okay, I've got one more thing
to tell y'all, and then y'all can go home.

1200
00:56:37,936 --> 00:56:40,647
And y'all have been precious.
Thank y'all for doing this for me.

1201
00:56:40,730 --> 00:56:42,482
[cheering and applause]

1202
00:56:42,565 --> 00:56:44,067
Thank you.

1203
00:56:44,150 --> 00:56:45,568
[applause continues]

1204
00:56:45,652 --> 00:56:46,945
Thank y'all.

1205
00:56:47,987 --> 00:56:48,863
Okay.

1206
00:56:48,947 --> 00:56:51,491
Chuck Morgan and I
were both raised in church.

1207
00:56:51,574 --> 00:56:54,160
I wanted to raise my children in church,
and he did too.

1208
00:56:54,244 --> 00:56:58,790
And I'm not saying that, y'all,
to say, "I raised my children in church."

1209
00:56:59,332 --> 00:57:00,875
I'm saying to y'all

1210
00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:03,128
that we are so dysfunctional.

1211
00:57:03,211 --> 00:57:04,546
[audience laughing]

1212
00:57:04,629 --> 00:57:07,298
We are so messed up and dysfunctional

1213
00:57:07,382 --> 00:57:10,760
that I don't know what would have happened
to us if we had not had the Lord.

1214
00:57:10,844 --> 00:57:12,470
-[audience laughing]
-I mean it.

1215
00:57:13,054 --> 00:57:14,389
[cheering and applause]

1216
00:57:14,472 --> 00:57:15,390
I know.

1217
00:57:15,473 --> 00:57:17,517
[applause continues]

1218
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:18,726
I know.

1219
00:57:19,436 --> 00:57:22,313
I know. Hallelujah. We have the Lord.

1220
00:57:22,397 --> 00:57:25,483
But let me tell y'all
that I believe that Satan

1221
00:57:25,984 --> 00:57:28,736
did not want my family to go to church.

1222
00:57:28,820 --> 00:57:29,821
[audience laughing]

1223
00:57:29,904 --> 00:57:32,115
So he would come to our house

1224
00:57:32,740 --> 00:57:34,492
every Sunday morning

1225
00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:37,412
so he could stir up some shat.

1226
00:57:37,495 --> 00:57:39,914
[audience laughing]

1227
00:57:42,542 --> 00:57:45,795
Chuck Morgan and I would fight
every Sunday morning

1228
00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:48,715
just like two rabid dogs in the yard.

1229
00:57:49,257 --> 00:57:52,719
And I'm ashamed to tell y'all that,
but this is what we would fight over.

1230
00:57:52,802 --> 00:57:55,722
I like to be at church on time.

1231
00:57:56,431 --> 00:57:59,225
I like to get to church before it starts.

1232
00:58:00,226 --> 00:58:04,606
Chuck Morgan is a very successful person
and very anal-retentive and type A,

1233
00:58:04,689 --> 00:58:07,567
and everything is just so, so, so
in his life.

1234
00:58:07,650 --> 00:58:09,152
Except time.

1235
00:58:10,612 --> 00:58:13,072
He has no conception of time.

1236
00:58:13,156 --> 00:58:16,826
Everywhere we have ever been in 34 years,
we've been late.

1237
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:21,247
And I'm… I'm an on-time person,
so it's really been a struggle.

1238
00:58:21,331 --> 00:58:26,169
Okay. I would be sitting
in a minivan in the driveway

1239
00:58:26,252 --> 00:58:29,047
with the motor running
with three little children.

1240
00:58:29,130 --> 00:58:31,799
Chuck Morgan would be standing
at the kitchen sink

1241
00:58:31,883 --> 00:58:33,635
peeling an apple in his underwear.

1242
00:58:33,718 --> 00:58:36,304
[audience laughing]

1243
00:58:42,310 --> 00:58:45,271
And I would be furious.

1244
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:48,149
Eventually he would come out,
and I'd be so mad.

1245
00:58:48,233 --> 00:58:51,903
I'd be pitted out,
and I'd be like, "It's already started."

1246
00:58:51,986 --> 00:58:54,489
It would've already started.
I'm like, "We might as well not go."

1247
00:58:54,572 --> 00:58:57,492
"We might as well go back in the house."
Then he'd… back at me.

1248
00:58:57,575 --> 00:59:00,411
Okay. Here's another thing
about Chuck Morgan.

1249
00:59:00,495 --> 00:59:03,623
Every time we've ever had a fight,
he acts like it never happened.

1250
00:59:04,123 --> 00:59:07,460
Never wants to talk about it.
Do not mention it.

1251
00:59:07,544 --> 00:59:09,087
Poof, it's gone.

1252
00:59:09,170 --> 00:59:11,381
[audience laughs]

1253
00:59:11,464 --> 00:59:12,465
I…

1254
00:59:13,883 --> 00:59:15,885
I like to resolve conflict.

1255
00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:19,222
[laughter and applause]

1256
00:59:22,809 --> 00:59:26,271
I like to talk it over and over and over.

1257
00:59:26,354 --> 00:59:27,564
[audience laughing]

1258
00:59:27,647 --> 00:59:29,899
And then I like to hang on to it.

1259
00:59:29,983 --> 00:59:31,109
[audience laughing]

1260
00:59:31,192 --> 00:59:32,610
Push it down.

1261
00:59:33,111 --> 00:59:35,113
Get it back out if I need it.

1262
00:59:35,196 --> 00:59:38,449
[laughter and scattered cheering]

1263
00:59:39,075 --> 00:59:42,287
We would finally get to church.
It would be halfway over.

1264
00:59:42,370 --> 00:59:44,872
We would get these little children
in a Sunday school class,

1265
00:59:44,956 --> 00:59:47,625
and their teachers
would look at us like, "Do better."

1266
00:59:47,709 --> 00:59:49,043
[audience laughing]

1267
00:59:49,127 --> 00:59:51,421
And then I'd finally get in a pew
with Chuck Morgan,

1268
00:59:51,504 --> 00:59:53,339
and he'd start petting on me

1269
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:56,050
and looking at me
like he wanted to make out with me.

1270
00:59:56,134 --> 00:59:58,136
[audience laughing]

1271
00:59:58,928 --> 01:00:00,597
And he would say, "What's wrong?"

1272
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:03,266
[audience laughs]

1273
01:00:03,349 --> 01:00:06,019
I'd say, "I'm calling
a therapist tomorrow."

1274
01:00:06,102 --> 01:00:07,520
[audience laughing]

1275
01:00:07,604 --> 01:00:09,147
This is how it would start.

1276
01:00:09,230 --> 01:00:11,441
Every Sunday morning, I would get up.

1277
01:00:11,524 --> 01:00:15,486
I was the young mama, so I would get up
before everybody in the dark

1278
01:00:15,570 --> 01:00:17,155
so that I could start getting ready.

1279
01:00:17,238 --> 01:00:19,866
I wanted to take my bath
and blow my hair out

1280
01:00:19,949 --> 01:00:21,659
and put my makeup on, my pantyhose.

1281
01:00:21,743 --> 01:00:24,912
Back then, I wore pantyhose
and a dress to church.

1282
01:00:24,996 --> 01:00:26,914
Then I would get
my three little children up,

1283
01:00:26,998 --> 01:00:29,626
and I'd get them dressed and fed
all by myself

1284
01:00:29,709 --> 01:00:33,212
because my husband was young
and his frontal lobe had not developed.

1285
01:00:33,296 --> 01:00:34,756
[audience laughing]

1286
01:00:38,676 --> 01:00:41,971
And then, eventually,
Chuck Morgan would get up

1287
01:00:42,055 --> 01:00:44,932
and pop his boxers and…

1288
01:00:45,016 --> 01:00:47,060
[audience laughing]

1289
01:00:51,856 --> 01:00:53,149
…cough up something.

1290
01:00:53,232 --> 01:00:55,610
[audience laughing]

1291
01:00:59,238 --> 01:01:02,950
Chuck Morgan doesn't use a lot of words.
He doesn't like to talk.

1292
01:01:03,034 --> 01:01:04,994
He'd start staring at me

1293
01:01:05,995 --> 01:01:07,955
and doing something like this.

1294
01:01:08,039 --> 01:01:10,041
[audience laughing]

1295
01:01:13,586 --> 01:01:15,254
And I knew what that meant.

1296
01:01:15,338 --> 01:01:16,339
[audience laughs]

1297
01:01:16,422 --> 01:01:18,341
I think it's 'cause I'd had a bath.

1298
01:01:18,424 --> 01:01:20,885
-[audience laughing]
-[Leanne sighs]

1299
01:01:20,968 --> 01:01:22,929
And I had to decide.

1300
01:01:23,012 --> 01:01:24,597
It was up to me.

1301
01:01:24,681 --> 01:01:26,808
Is it gonna be a good Sunday?

1302
01:01:27,684 --> 01:01:30,269
Are we gonna get to go eat chicken
after church?

1303
01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:31,771
[audience laughs]

1304
01:01:31,854 --> 01:01:34,023
Or is it gonna be a bad Sunday?

1305
01:01:34,524 --> 01:01:37,652
And Satan's gonna cuss
all the way in the minivan to church.

1306
01:01:37,735 --> 01:01:39,404
[audience laughing]

1307
01:01:40,279 --> 01:01:41,656
It's up to me.

1308
01:01:42,323 --> 01:01:44,534
And my little children like chicken.

1309
01:01:44,617 --> 01:01:47,870
[audience laughing]

1310
01:01:47,954 --> 01:01:50,123
So I would say to their daddy…

1311
01:01:50,957 --> 01:01:53,084
And just think,
church is already starting.

1312
01:01:53,167 --> 01:01:54,711
[audience laughing]

1313
01:01:54,794 --> 01:01:56,546
I'd say to their daddy…

1314
01:01:58,131 --> 01:02:00,591
[audience laughing]

1315
01:02:06,347 --> 01:02:07,306
"Okay."

1316
01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:09,726
[audience laughing]

1317
01:02:13,271 --> 01:02:14,689
"Meet me in the closet."

1318
01:02:14,772 --> 01:02:16,983
[audience laughing]

1319
01:02:18,568 --> 01:02:19,944
"You've got three minutes."

1320
01:02:20,027 --> 01:02:21,946
[audience laughing]

1321
01:02:22,029 --> 01:02:24,615
"I'm only taking one leg
out of these pantyhose."

1322
01:02:24,699 --> 01:02:26,200
[laughter and applause]

1323
01:02:26,284 --> 01:02:28,119
Thank y'all so much!

1324
01:02:28,202 --> 01:02:31,372
-[cheering and applause]
-Thank y'all! Thank y'all!

1325
01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:33,040
Thank y'all!

1326
01:02:33,124 --> 01:02:34,459
[funky music playing]

1327
01:02:34,542 --> 01:02:35,501
Thank y'all!

1328
01:02:36,085 --> 01:02:38,963
Thank y'all!
I'm gonna bring out my family!

1329
01:02:39,046 --> 01:02:42,008
[cheering and applause continues]

1330
01:02:49,724 --> 01:02:51,100
[mouths] My baby.

1331
01:02:52,935 --> 01:02:55,730
-[cheering and applause continues]
-[no audible speech]

1332
01:03:10,453 --> 01:03:13,623
[cheering and applause continues]

1333
01:03:24,175 --> 01:03:26,385
[funky music continues]

1334
01:05:15,995 --> 01:05:17,204
[music fades]