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♪ He's hurrying to his girl ♪
♪ The lively boy ♪
♪ With a twinkle in their eyes They shake hands ♪
♪ The summer night is so beautiful ♪
Somewhere, far, far away, there was an explosion.
And somehow, it reached me.
13 BILLION YEARS EARLIER
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178 DAYS EARLIER
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37 DAYS EARLIER 25 DAYS EARLIER
14 DAYS EARLIER
I'm so close.
-Am I too heavy? -Got my hair stuck.
I'm sorry. A quick pause?
-My arm's going numb. -Okay.
I need something hard to put underneath.
You mean like a book?
No, something to prop my legs up.
Hold on, hold on.
How 'bout this? Is it hard enough?
What a miraculous moment.
What if it's the big guy sending a message?
Come to bed, my love.
Babies, babies, babies.
Some consider them small miracles.
The world population will reach 11.9 billion by the year 2100.
11.9 billion.
Billions of babies.
Can you even imagine such overpopulation?
Not so long ago, our greatest fear was locusts.
Now it'll be swarms of infants.
Do you think God understands numbers?
Uh… can you repeat those numbers?
The world's population will reach 11.9 billion.
It's a lot of zeros.
And a fair amount of diapers.
And I'm not even talking about other problems.
Global warming, melting ice caps, pandemics.
We're in big trouble.
Does God have a plan? Are we getting wiped out?
The Lord does work in mysterious ways, does he not, Matias?
Perhaps we'll start with that idea in our next session.
Our time's up.
Another half hour flown by so quickly, as usual.
-Thank you, Pastor Joel. -Hmm.
-Our talks are very helpful. -Hmm.
-They renew my optimism. -Matias!
-You're staying for coffee, aren't you? -I think I will, Pirkko.
I can never turn down your coffee.
Hmm.
We didn't have time to talk about the meteorite from the sky.
Meteorites do come from there, yes.
Yes. From the heavens.
In a way.
The house of the Lord.
Or outside the Earth's atmosphere.
Sure.
Either way, they're saying it's worth a fortune.
Uh… I also have a few of those raisin buns you like so much.
-Raisins. Excellent. -They are good.
That rock is all anyone in town can talk about.
It could've been inhabited, you know.
An entire planet that just exploded.
One second, they're hiding Easter eggs in the bushes
while the kids are jumping on the trampoline, and then… boom.
-Ah. -Their world is a giant ball of flames.
Why don't we save that for next time and you go enjoy your coffee and raisins
in a lighter mood.
Matias.
-I've put a twist on my recipe. -Is that so?
I serve them with homemade whipped cream on top.
-And some strawberry jam on the side. -That sounds lovely.
We can talk about Ebola Phase 2.
Oh! Phase 2, sounds fascinating.
LITTLE SIBERIA
Pastor.
-Hello. -A cold one, isn't it?
-Aren't they all? -So, uh…
Are you getting used to the temperatures here?
I do, um, have a question.
What the hell?
Guys? Hey.
What have you got there?
I'm thinking it's a moose.
Or a red-nosed reindeer.
Räystäinen's got a wicked sense of humor, see?
Hunting season's been over for a month, you know?
Jumped in front of us.
It was depressed. Couldn't take the winter cold.
Inside already! Coffee and buns.
I didn't make them, so you can eat as many as you want.
-They're meteorite buns. -Suicidal moose.
Did she say meteorite buns?
So, what I was saying before.
The meteorite is getting picked up and shipped to London for evaluation
in five days.
-Buns and coffee… -This… Yes. Hot and fresh. There's plenty.
It's a big deal. And I think, unfortunately, someone has been trying
to sneak in to steal it.
The museum's only staffed at night by the old guard.
He can barely stay awake during the day.
I need a competent night watchman.
-A trained soldier. -Hmm…
Please. We need you.
-Just for five days. -I'm sorry, I can't.
-Joel. -That old rock…
It is something that could change the village's future.
Which means… the future of my business.
People will come from all over the world.
-America, China, India, Japan, Africa… -We must be strong.
Hey. The Lord is testing us.
The emerging economies, that's where we should focus our efforts.
-Hello, everyone. -Oh, hey, hey.
-Hi, guys. -Because that means money.
That's why I invited you all here.
-Entrepreneurs are the soul of our town. -Hi, honey.
The election's over. Get to the point!
The point is, that rock is our future.
Have you been a naughty boy?
I'd like to say thanks to the Veterans Association
for keeping watch at night--
Why can't we just sell the rock and split the money?
What I would like for us to do today is to brainstorm--
-Shut up, Jukkis. -Don't be rude, Rolle.
It belongs to me.
It crashed through the roof of my car.
It's my ore deposit 'cause you were driving on my land!
It's a celestial body…
What we would like is for the community to get involved.
So even if you all have your opinions, what we wanna focus on at this meeting
is to tell you about the new Golden Moon drawing contest.
The winning drawing of the meteorite
and what it means will be used to design a monument…
If we leave right now, do you think we still get the buns?
I think we should hear him out.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Hold the mic. I wanna show our audience…
-Not the Japanese culture book? -Yeah, yeah.
They're gonna love it.
To make sure that we're all ready for our overseas visitors,
let's all learn how to bow in greeting to our future Japanese friends.
Watch.
Hai!
Can you pull over?
I want my hot chocolate.
This is a good place.
You mean Hurmevaara?
Sort of. Hurmevaara. Planet Earth.
You mean the place that you called, if I remember correctly,
"A godforsaken hicksville in a pig's rectum?"
-It wasn't meant as an insult. -Ah.
It was the complimentary version of a pig's ass.
You're the ass.
Watch this. This is Planet Earth.
And this is Hurmevaara.
Venus is around there. And this is Mars and Jupiter.
There's an asteroid cloud in between.
Then the Andromeda galaxy and a bunch of infinity.
And back here
is our destiny.
Why's that?
Because… I'm pregnant.
-You're sure? -We did it!
-We did it? -We actually did!
Oh Lord.
PRESCHOOL
I'll see you after class, my love?
-Of course. At four, right? -You're picking me up? Yes. Four.
-Mm. -See you.
-Bye. -Bye.
I served as a peacekeeper some years ago.
And…
I was wounded… by a mine.
Sometimes I…
have insomnia, nightmares, or pain.
-Not good. -Mm-hmm.
It was a pretty damaging event.
Brutal.
Including there.
-Not good. -Yes.
And even though everything still works,
I was told I couldn't have kids.
Not good.
But I never…
Mentioned that side of it to your wife?
That's not good. I feel for you.
So I… I would like a second opinion.
Good idea. Let's get started on that.
Can you get a full erection?
Uh… yes.
-Sort of. -Percentagewise, what are we talking?
Percentage? I think it's…
Hmm.
This much?
-Not really. -Hmm. How about this?
It's more…
Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It works.
It… It's more like this. Except I only see it from here.
It's like…
this.
Ju… Just like that.
-Hmm. -Not good.
Is it the angle or something? Because you know I can change it.
No.
I've just never met a man with shrapnel in his balls before.
Fill this up.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Whoa.
Walk it back and pose.
Touch your heart, reach out and now shimmy,
shimmy, all the way down.
Mm. Ah!
Let me see.
-Pop out when you come up. -Boom.
-I really felt that one. -That was a good one.
All right, keep going!
♪ Watch me do it Watch me do it right… ♪
-I love the new choreography! -I'm sorry, Pirkko.
-Joel is waiting for me. -All right.
I just wanted to tell you everyone's having a great time in your dance class.
-Okay! -We've never had anything like this!
-We're so glad you moved here! -Thank you!
See you.
She's a wonderful person.
Bye!
Why did Pirkko have our punch bowl?
We had a little get-together when you were away at that seminar.
Ah.
It turned into quite the party, actually.
Especially when she took over the dance floor.
The fundamentalist secretary I work with
who has to have everything in the office just so?
That's the one.
I have a feeling you might be short a few gallons of sacramental wine
since that night.
I'll make a note of it.
Who else was there that night? The guys?
Or was it one of those ladies' nights, just the girls?
Were Räystis and his friends there?
Of course it wasn't a ladies' night.
We both know that if there's ever anything going on in the village,
everyone's going to show--
I don't think dancing is safe for our unborn child.
It's really good exercise and it's my job in case you've forgotten
that I also happen to have a career.
Or whatever of it is left since I decided to follow you to the frozen sticks.
Sorry. I meant…
I worry about you, that's all.
Okay.
There's something…
important…
that I've been meaning to tell you.
I…
What?
Jukkis…
…asked if I'd take overnight watch.
Which means you already said yes, didn't you?
Four nights. Maybe you and Pirkko the party animal can get together.
There are only so many '90s techno hits
I can take in one evening, so I'll pass, thanks.
Oh, I was about to go home and dust off my Doctor Albans CDs.
Yeah, no.
You know, I just realized how cold it is out here.
And I shouldn't take any chances slipping on ice with the baby and all.
So It's better if I drive.
You can get to the museum on foot.
Hmm.
The exercise will do you good, Honey.
Brake gently like this.
Around here, you learn to ride these before you can walk.
You need to glide.
Hey, there!
Tarvainen is a persistent guy.
He's been trying to get a statue built at the intersection
paid for by the village for about ten years now.
He calls me about it drunk at least once a month.
A statue?
In honor of him and his former copilot.
Now he's dropped that obsession and moved on to the meteorite.
Mayor, why is the government covering up that the meteorite is an alien vessel?
Why don't we sell little pieces of it to the villagers?
-Perhaps. Nice to see you. -Yeah.
See that? Now imagine all the tourists in line next summer.
Flashlight.
When it's dark, it's dark as all get-out in here.
We try to save on electricity.
This exhibition is my pride and joy, Joel.
Rifles and grenades.
And this cutie here.
Thank God for eBay. I got these for next to nothing.
And the crown jewel.
I should probably borrow it to take it to the church on Sunday.
Not a chance.
How ya doing, Hannes?
How's your watch going so far?
I was just resting my eyes a little.
You know you shouldn't sleep on duty.
Pastor.
Isn't this meteorite a sign of something?
Like, a miracle?
Those do seem to be going around these days.
"The beloved meteorite of Hurmevaara is a rock fallen from space."
"It is estimated that its current value is in the area of…
one million euros."
Did you want my attention?
Is it a message about something?
Is it?
Show me that you exist.
That this is from you.
I need more than an old rock.
Do you know what it feels like to love?
We were visiting Bethlehem once in our early days.
Krista disappeared into the crowd.
She was wearing a long summer dress with no pockets
that she adored.
And she didn't have a purse, so I had her wallet,
passport, phone, car keys, everything.
I was looking for her everywhere,
but there were too many people.
I remembered a café she'd noticed earlier.
And there she was.
Laughing her beautiful head off
with the man who owned it.
Krista looked at my worried face, but still acted like nothing happened.
She just said,
"I always knew you would find me, sweetheart."
Wait, I'll… I'll fix it.
I didn't think it was working.
-Nothing ever works around here. -I think it's fine.
Did you… wanna discuss something right now?
Actually, Pastor, I do.
A spiritual matter?
Mm.
-The meteorite, I wanna have another look. -You can't. You should go home now.
The museum opens again tomorrow.
-Oh. -At nine o'clock.
-Hmm. -Just a really quick look.
-Hey, hey! We're closed. -Lemme see my rock.
Hey! Listen, you need to go.
Ah!
Sorry. Sorry, old habits.
Go home, now. We'll talk tomorrow.
No traction. Fucking hell.
Tarvainen, the champion!
-Hmm. -Ha!
Tarvainen the champion, indeed.
What the hell?
Go! Let's go!
So, they took a grenade?
Yes. But I'm pretty sure what they were after was the, uh…
meteorite over there.
It was dark in here because the lights were off
and I surprised them, I think.
So, I'm… Huh…
Hmm.
A weapon like that would be very handy for holding up a bank or something.
-Banks don't keep cash these days. -Thank God. It's still with us.
It's still with us.
Can't say so much for the burglar.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
We didn't even bother asking for the dental records.
Of course not. Why would you?
I… If it helps,
I'm pretty sure there were three or… or even four burglars
besides the one who blew up.
-Hmm. -We only had one body in the car, right?
Uh-huh.
One had a very distinct smell.
A… one got stuck in the broken window, so he probably needed stitches.
Right now, our primary concern is
how the hell you got hold of a live grenade for your museum, Jokinen.
Well…
-It was cheap. -What about this one? Is it live too?
I wouldn't think so.
They were supposed to be deactivated.
The seller assured us that's the case.
See if there's any rust, or…
Just a lick of paint and it's as good as new.
Will you have the baby in a carrier while you teach?
I don't see why not.
-I might have to turn the music down. -That'll be fun.
Why's your face full of blood?
I had a rough night trying to stop a bank robber from blowing himself up.
What time is it? I have my consultations to get to.
You have to cancel.
Joel.
There's no way you can show up to work in the state you're in. You haven't slept.
A meter-thick layer of ash. The Yellowstone Caldera.
An underground supervolcano that erupts at regular intervals.
The previous eruption caused waves of extinction and changes in the climate.
It measures approximately 50 by 70 kilometers.
Half of North America would be choked by the eruption.
The cloud of ash would block the sun.
That would mean a nuclear winter with no escape from the cold.
Is there any hope for us?
Our Lord Father says we must practice hope.
I predict a new ice age.
And practice is the only thing you can suggest?
What's that, Matias?
Pastor, I've lived here for a while now.
I know everyone.
And from what I've gathered while talking to you,
it seems that nearly everyone in this town has more faith than you do.
-You know everyone in the village? -Even beyond that.
Because my ex-wife and I moved here almost 40 years ago now.
Her entire family's from around here.
Every person who was born here since I arrived,
has learned to play flute from me.
I'm also a member of sports clubs, moose-hunting groups
and the summer theater.
You can't throw a rock in any direction without hitting someone that I know.
I'm looking for answers too.
I come looking for answers about the apocalypse. So far--
And I think I've come up with something very helpful
that requires discretion.
And probably for us to meet on a set schedule.
A regular slot to meet you and discuss things?
Yes, I'm still working out details, but since you know everyone
you must be familiar with the smells of everyone in town.
Yes. Some I'd like to forget.
Well, I'm looking for a sort of…
strong aroma that's noticeable, but not heavy.
With, um… musky notes and citrus.
Yeah. Musk and citrus. But maybe we could lock in the appointment first?
Why don't we get it on the calendar right now.
-Tarvainen. -Get lost.
Last night, did you wanna talk about something?
I wanted to know what the hell God is playing at.
Well…
I don't know.
My old man used to always say
that the Lord moves in mysterious ways.
But that nothing happens by chance.
That meteorite wanted to find me, Pastor.
And then Jukkis comes and says it belongs to the village
and sticks it under glass.
Maybe you know what it feels like
to have a life-changing gift taken from you.
Goddammit.
I already lost my copilot.
Two little girls lost their father.
I thought that rock was my second chance.
And I might actually have been given a fresh start
and a means of paying off my debt.
To get back in the driver's seat, you know?
I deserve to have that meteorite.
What we deserve and what we get are very different things.
Is he testing us, Pastor?
-The Lord? -Uh-huh.
There's a chance.
In my humble opinion, the fundamental question is
whether the universe,
life,
with all of its galaxies, stars,
meteorites…
is constructed like a precise machine with a goal of its own.
A purpose.
Or is it just an endlessly floating and meaningless pile of waste,
formed by millions and billions of tiny coincidences?
I hear you.
Hey! You can't drive in that state.
Go ahead and call the cops.
They'll get here in about two hours.
Yes?
This is Doctor Aziz Delai from the Joensuu Central Hospital speaking.
I got your results.
I'm afraid there haven't been any changes.
-Meaning? -The little rascals don't swim.
You still can't have any biological children.
Are you sure?
Miracles do happen.
I think you might have a book about that.
Right.
I'll take a phone.
Don't think my battery's holding up in the cold,
so a spare one would be good.
"Hi, Krista."
"I had to get a new number."
"I miss you."
"Can we get together?"
"I'll be waiting for you tomorrow at eight o'clock at the old mine. X"
That should do it.
And send.
SENDING TO KRISTA
There.
Shit, shit.
Shit! Idiot. Shit!
No! No!
Pastor.
-Hello. -So I've been sniffing around the village.
No one's noticed a thing.
But I think that I might be onto something.
Uh-huh.
I stumbled onto evidence while I was running my errands.
And you'll never believe this.
I read this book called Past Scents by Jonathan Reinarz.
Did you know that for hundreds of years, human beings have--
Matias.
Pagan folk, religious folk, Christians, etcetera.
Even priests.
The one thing they all have in common is falling in love with certain smells.
Matias, I really have to go.
Helps!
Uh, hi, sweetheart.
Joel.
I think I've sprained my ankle.
Oh. Oh, uh…
Are you okay? I mean, uh…
Does it still hurt?
I don't think I can put any weight on it at all.
-Can you come, please? -Are you…
in our front yard?
I actually came out to the woods.
What were you doing at that old mine, anyway?
I was planning to go to Räystis' gym today.
I came out here to get a bit of fresh air first.
The scenery is prettier too.
Yes, but now you've got a sprained ankle.
Better than showing up at work with an open head wound, don't you think?
I'm not gonna be able to teach for a while.
What am I supposed to do with myself?
Ah! Praying again, Pastor?
Ah. I didn't quite finish up here.
I've got an upset stomach. I went to Golden Moon for lunch
and Jokinen's sausages give me the runs.
I'm finished setting up the books for service
and like the way these look.
1.2 meters. 1.2 meters.
-1.2 meters. -Were you praying?
I was in the middle of vacuuming.
You don't mind, do you? It's like white noise.
Very soothing. Like that ASMR stuff.
Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response.
Hello there.
-Pastor. -Räystäinen.
I'm pretty sure you're not here to get your car checked?
Get ready to sweat.
For me, that would be just a warm-up jog.
Keep going.
Sixty-three.
You know,
I'm surprised that you actually know how to do these exercises.
Sixty-three.
But I suppose you have to keep in shape
with a hottie like Krista at home.
Who are you working out for, then?
A special someone?
Hit the bench press.
-What did you find? -Listen.
About that scent. It was very punchy.
Dare I say,
it was almost a little seductive.
Musky with hints of nutmeg and lemon zest.
That's it. On who?
And don't forget to leave your drawings for the contest.
Yes, right.
Good evening, Pastor Joel.
Jukkis.
-Cheers. -Yeah, cheers.
You too.
Don't you have night watch?
I thought I'd treat myself to a quick beer to recover from that workout first.
You should rest after straining your muscles.
Rolle can take your shift at the museum.
Rolle!
-Hay-ya! Karate man! -My drawing.
I think I'll be just fine, thank you.
I didn't even get to coloring it yet.
Hey, guys. The kitchen's closing soon.
Do you wanna order something?
The special is a nice chicken breast in curry sauce.
I could really use a saucy breast.
-They're very tender. -I'm more of a thigh guy.
Very hot and plump.
♪ Karoliina, Karoliina I miss you day and night. ♪
Breast and thigh. You got it.
Order up!
LEAVE YOUR DRAWING HERE
Can I have a beer, please?
I can't believe what you have to put up with.
Yeah, well. Those guys are a whole lot of talk and very little action.
As long as their EU subsidies and benefit checks keep coming in,
they're more than happy to sit in that corner all night.
And you know they'll still be over there yapping long after I'm gone.
On the house.
Thank you.
You were at the museum when the robbers came, right?
Yes.
Bumbling idiots took a grenade instead of the rock they were after. Hmm.
Mm. We have our fair share of idiots.
And here I thought Hurmevaara meant charming.
Unfortunately, my time here has shown that the charm has all dried up.
So your friend Jesus,
did he walk on water?
I wasn't there for it.
Too young?
No, I just, uh… had a lot going on that day.
But you still helped roll the stone.
Well, 2,000 years ago,
I think we were all still playing with rocks.
-And flint stones. -Mm-hmm.
-And now one is worth millions. -Siberia.
It's freezing here.
Yeah, yeah. Oof.
Say hello to Krista for me.
How do you know each other?
From here, of course.
She likes her drinks.
Does she drink with other people?
Mm-hmm.
I like your hair.
Got for it.
-I like it. -Me too.
-How are you? -Not bad. I'm good.
Get a move on!
You're late for guard duty!
Father.
A ride?
No, thanks.
-It's good exercise. -You are priest.
Help with worries?
Yes.
It's so dry here.
Siberia.
Well, I'm receiving visitors at midday tomorrow in the church, so…
This worry needs to be addressed now.
You drive.
Towards the museum?
How about we talk somewhere else first?
Turn left here. There.
A priest.
It's good.
Essential work, huh?
Souls are so torn apart in this day and age.
I'm Mikis.
-Joel. -Uh-huh.
Sorry about this car.
Local people don't understand style.
Please, don't try.
Huh. Take the next on the right.
Let's stop here.
Adam and Eve.
They weren't grateful.
God gave them everything, huh?
The only thing they had to do is to accept the gift and have faith.
I offer you paradise.
Tonight, the only thing you have to do is
to leave the museum door open.
10,000 euros if you go out for a cigarette.
10,000 euros?
Immediately.
I have it here.
-Smoking kills. -I got a Beretta.
She can kill also.
And I could just get the meteorite. Who'd stop me?
A small-town priest from Siberia.
Serpent.
Mikis? What's going on here?
Mikis?
Hey!
Stop!
Ow.
Hey!
There you are.
You killed Mikis.
And now I'll kill you.
Your banging interrupted my shut-eye.
It's still here.
It's all good.
Forgive me, Father.
He was down there.
-And you say he was a big Russian guy? -A giant.
-Yes.
Sorry. I… I got sick.
-I smell a little like throw-up. -Pasi.
-Yeah? -There's nothing here.
-There's nothing there? -No, just snow.
Copy that.
Did you have any alcohol last night?
A little.
-I had a beer at the Golden Moon. -Just one?
Yeah, then I came here.
That's where I first saw them.
Mikis and the giant came.
And they seemed to know the other guys around the table.
Karoliina too.
And… Räystis.
So you went to the bar, threw up and fought.
Yes. I struggled with Mikis in the car.
When I saw what happened, I got--
Your story's got more holes in it than my grandma's stockings,
Because we didn't find a car or a dead guy.
Huh?
When's the last time you slept? You look like hell.
Um, I don't know.
Uh…
-At least 72 hours or more. -It shows.
I suggest you start going easy on the booze
and go home and get some sleep.
What?
Hey. Hey!
Excuse me.
The reason I haven't slept is because I have insomnia.
What happened in there has nothing to do with any of that.
-Everything I told you is true. -I think you need a vacation.
Check yourself into a clinic for a few days, you'll be good as new.
-What? -Well…
I'm just tired. I don't need to check in anywhere.
Well, maybe you need to be made aware of the budget cuts we're dealing with?
Have you considered how much gas we use to come all the way out here?
Twelve liters worth.
And do you know how many blue notebooks we could buy with that instead?
As of the other day, the bean counters at the top have a new rule.
We're not allowed to have a new blue notebook
until the one we're using is all filled up.
And here you are, boozing it up all day.
And we come out here and you make us look like fools.
There, there.
-Always with the fucking priests! -Pasi.
You're getting worked up.
Remember what the crisis therapist taught you.
Inhale through the nose.
Exhale through the mouth.
Maybe you should read some self-help books, huh?
Do yoga.
You need to loosen up.
Yeah. Thanks.
We're here to serve.
-Mm. -Krista is still in the shower.
Okay.
It's good to be clean.
I could use a shower.
Hmm.
I, uh… brought the groceries she ordered.
Oh. Right.
First thing in the morning?
She actually placed her order last night, but I couldn't make it.
I see. What's in the bag?
Mostly sweet and salty things.
There's some milk and cookies, sausage, bread rolls and Belgian chocolates.
And some lingonberries.
Right.
I would think
you'd have a higher minimum for home delivery.
The gas alone must kill you.
Well, I'm focused on pleasing our customers first. It's our thing.
Minna and I.
We literally go the extra mile for you.
She says it's a little bit like Moses who went somewhere.
I know it's got something to do with him. Minna says he was a good climb--
Moses went to the mountain, is what you're looking for?
Right. Exactly.
-Mm. -I'll let you take care of the food.
Hey! Don't you want to wait so you can say hi to Krista?
Catch up?
We did that already.
-Mm. -At length.
Wait.
Can you help me with this?
Okay then.
-Is there anything else? -You tell me if there is.
No. I need to get to work.
The museum. I'll go make sure everything's okay.
Your coat's over there.
I forgot.
I'm all turned around.
THE METEORITE DRAWING CONTEST
Coffee.
Mm.
Thank you.
Krista says hi and said to ask when the next party is.
Here?
I'd say this place is a non-stop party.
Play a game with me.
I'll ask you something and then you'll ask me.
Why are you spending your nights watching a rock and not with your wife?
I needed something.
A heavenly message?
I dunno.
Is this hamlet too boring for you?
Are you hiding from something or…
Do you have something to hide?
My turn.
The guy whose lap you were sitting on…
Mm.
Do you know where he's from?
You heard his accent?
Are you…
looking out for me, Pastor?
Do you need my help?
I think that we could help each other, maybe
How's that?
How many of the commandments do you follow?
-I have a-- -Karoliina!
My usual! My breakfast of champions. Coffee, vodka, and sausages.
I can't take another day in this place.
JOEL HUHTA PRIEST
STAY AWAY FROM THE MUSEUM!
If you ever intended to share some answers,
now would be a good time.
Father?
Do you have a moment?
Yes.
Ah, yeah. Um…
God is testing.
Slippery stairs.
You're bound by… confidentiality, right?
Whatever you say stays here.
My friend… is dead.
I'm sorry.
He was murdered.
Oh.
-There's been nothing in the news. -Mm.
The bullet went straight through his heart.
It was a professional job. Someone here.
Someone here that fired a gun before.
So…
Hardly you, right?
Could you open this, please, Father?
Yeah.
In Hurmevaara,
I don't think that…
professionals…
Mm.
I will…
find him all right.
Sure you will.
Mikis was a father to me.
He was your father?
The father I never had.
Of course I had a father who fathered me, right?
But Mikis, he protected me. Taught me everything I know.
A father.
We were supposed to travel to Hawaii.
But then we came here, to Little Siberia…
for business, to trot around in the… the cold.
And then I fell in love and…
Yeah.
Mikis died.
You fell in love?
Yeah.
Her name is Karoliina.
Mm.
What would you do if someone, uh…
murdered your father?
My father drowned.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Huh.
Mm.
Do you have a wife?
Children?
Yes.
Children…
Not yet.
Ah, so you're in the "making a child" phase.
That's the best part.
The rest depends whether you like children or not.
If you do,
you don't want anything bad to happen to them, nor to you,
nor to the mother of the child, right?
Right.
I want to apologize to him.
Up there.
Apologize for what?
For everything I have done.
And what I'm going to do.
I've tortured.
Broken bones.
Torn out nails.
Torn out teeth and uh… chopped off fingers, ears, nose.
And I've burned people with, uh… What's it called again?
It has, uh, gas and a flame.
Blowtorch?
That's it! A blowtorch.
Yes, right. Thank you.
I have… I have burned people with a blowtorch.
Anyway…
Now I have changed.
I met the love of my life.
I want to live a life without violence.
I'll just do one more thing first and I will… apologize for that.
-Father? -Mm-hmm.
Would you do me the honor to… join me in a small prayer?
Of course.
For me to find Mikis' murderer.
Mm.
Um…
You're a good priest.
A good listener.
My name is Petar.
I can explain, sweetheart.
If I gave you a chance to explain,
it would be more consideration than I got from you.
I sprained my ankle after you tricked me into going into the woods.
Yes, but that wasn't what I wanted.
Do you have any idea what it's like to be stuck here day in and day out
in this godforsaken house that doesn't feel like home?
Do you expect me to be your quiet little pastor's wife?!
No, and I never have.
So, let's go!
-What the hell were you after? -I wanna know who the father is!
I don't understand.
-Joel? -I'm sterile because of my injury.
-What? -I can't have biological children.
How long have you known?
Since Afghanistan.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
-I've tried so many times. -Don't touch me.
Krista.
-Krista. -Please leave me alone right now.
I can't do this.
Go see your rock and get your head kicked in some more.
You kept things from me too.
Tarvainen.
Tarvainen. Hey!
Hey! Wake up!
-It belongs to me, Pastor. -Please go home and get some rest.
Isn't this what they hired you to do, though?
Guard the meteorite? I volunteered when I was asked, yes.
Now, would you please go home?
The museum's closed. You can't come in.
I mean to talk to people.
Oh, I see.
It landed right there.
Told me to stop and… live a little longer.
We should talk more.
Please, come see me at the church any time.
How's it doing?
The church?
My meteorite.
We have a therapy group that meets once a week.
It could be a good starting point. And…
"Rally or die, my brother."
That's what Sulevi always said.
He said what?
Would you look at that!
-The pastor and the champion. -Rally or die, my brother!
-Rally or die, my brother.
Joel!
That's what it looks like.
One million euros.
Yeah. Lots of folks seem to think so.
People believe what they want.
Did you get a professional opinion?
The doctor said I'd need a mi…
miracle and then some.
Don't you think we both deserve one?
We should've talked more, sweetheart.
I should've known something was wrong.
You shut down when we started trying.
Because I was afraid.
I was considering fertility treatment if things didn't work.
Would you have just let me start taking those hormones?
I was scared that you would leave me if I told the truth.
And I was scared to death that you were seeing someone else.
I couldn't get your attention.
Especially on the days when we were trying.
It doesn't help that you need so much attention.
It seems like we're living in two separate worlds.
Yeah, yours with Räystis and Jukkis
with your hands all over their sweaty hips.
That's what a dance teacher is supposed to do.
-Then you party together. -It's called socializing.
You should try it!
People talk about this rock being a message from above.
What do you think?
I dunno.
Possibly.
If it is, the message isn't very clear.
Imperfection is what makes our world exist.
Nothing in the universe would've happened without it.
We both made mistakes.
And we do need to talk.
But here's what I suggest.
If you wanna share this gift,
come home to us.
Otherwise, go straight to work in the morning.
And I'll pack my bags and go home.
I'll be on the first train back to Helsinki, and we'll both move on.
Either way, I really hope you find your faith again, Joel.
That's why I fixed this.
For better or for worse.
I meant every word.
Because I've never loved anyone this much.
Krista?
The door was open, so I came in.
I didn't know you were home.
Joel.
What the hell?
Where is my wife?
Isn't she here?
-Are you the baby's father? -What are you talking about?
Please, don't kill me!
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that. I'm…
preaching forgiveness while I act like a man possessed.
You gave in to a strong temptation. I get it.
I understand.
I should congratulate you on your wonderful news.
Um… I can't have any children.
-But the pregnancy? -I wish.
My swimmers are weak.
Minna and I have wanted children for years, but no luck.
I think she might actually move back down south.
But I'm talking about your affair with my wife.
We're expecting.
I mean, aren't you the father?
Where did you get that idea?
You've been coming around when I'm… I'm not here.
And my injury…
When I was in the service…
Krista's pregnant?
-Yes. Yes, she is. -That's wonderful.
Congratulations.
I would love to be the father.
You're lucky.
Here.
I made this from Räystis's last kill.
While I was skinning him, I was thinking
how we must've had a lot of females and made lots of young.
He had a massive dick, much bigger than this sausage.
I'm sure it worked great too.
I'd give anything
to have just one good swimmer.
To become a father.
Minna says her talks with Krista were always really helpful
and boosted her spirits.
That's why I was here.
To tell her how much I appreciate it.
And I promised her this as a thank you.
I won't bother you any longer.
The meteorite will be picked up tonight. Don't tell anyone.
Come to the museum alone.
If you call the police or tell anyone,
you will never see your wife again.
Pastor.
Kitchen.
Where is she?
-Tell me. -I have a brilliant idea.
Worth a million, or so I'm told.
If it's the meteorite you're talking about, what will you do with it?
How about putting an end to 36 years of boredom and bullshit?
You don't need millions to start a new life somewhere else.
Doing what? Standing in breadlines?
Putting my ass on display with my OnlyFans website?
We're not all priests with secure jobs.
So, at 2 a.m., you'll have two burglars interrupt your night shift.
One'll come in the back door hoping to surprise you.
You'll be prepared.
You'll hear everything because your ears are so used to listening.
Your training will kick in.
You'll fight to defend the village's treasure.
The burglar will get shot. It'll count as self-defense.
You want me to shoot him?
I know you've done it before.
It'll turn out the dead one is on the run and wanted in several countries.
Later,
his accomplice will be found… frozen.
And that will make it very difficult to determine the time of death.
The meteorite will have disappeared.
That million-dollar rock from outer space will be long gone.
Only you'll still be the hero.
And the whole village will become famous.
Everyone will be happy, and boatloads of tourists will show up.
Remember, the first guy will come in the back door at two.
And you will kill him.
I'm worried about you having this.
You don't have to worry, it's for guard duty.
Did you bring the ammunition?
One bullet?
I figured one would be enough.
You know…
our talks have given me renewed hope.
And if that goes away,
this rope will be strong enough.
And it's eco-friendly.
It could be used for other things after.
And it's quite long.
Please let this one bullet be enough, Lord.
Open, fuck.
Hands up!
-Priest? -Drop the knife.
Keep your hands where I can see them.
Okay. Keep your hands up. Keep your hands up.
Why are you holding a rifle?
You're going to shoot me, are you?
Go to the pole. Go to the pole!
Drop on your knees.
Drop on your knees now!
Spit on your hands. Spit into your hands!
Yes. Spit, spit.
And now put them a… around the pole.
Grab it. Grab it. Grab it.
Like that. Yeah.
And now you stick your tongue onto the pole.
Lick the pole! Lick the pole!
Yeah.
Ah. Ah!
One bullet.
PUT THE ROCK IN A BAG.
DON'T CALL THE POLICE AND YOU'LL GET KRISTA BACK.
What the hell…
Do as I say, and it might still work out.
Turn around.
Now you smash that glass.
Do it now.
-Karoliina. -Do it now!
Do it now!
Good boy.
You could've just used the keys.
Then you wouldn't get caught
after trying to disguise your attempted theft as a break-in.
The meteorite will be gone,
but there won't be any signs of forced entry.
Only your fingerprints all over this place.
I do appreciate you opening the door for me, Pastor.
Chivalrous.
Now, take that pretty little rock out of the case.
Petar.
Wait. Wait.
-Karoliina… -Take the backpack.
Stone in the bag.
Come on.
Now I wanna see Krista.
-Krista? -Yes, I wanna see her.
You guys are all the same.
-What? -Nobody move!
-Tarvainen. -You don't know who I am.
If you say so.
Put the gun on the floor, then kick it away.
The backpack.
Throw me the fucking backpack!
If I see so much as your shadow behind me, I'll shoot.
Stay here… or die.
Nothing works around here, does it?
This fucking rifle.
It's a piece of shit.
Joel.
-What do you want? -Krista.
She's not here.
Tell me where she is right now.
How would I know?
Anything else?
Uh… I'm taking that meteorite.
Sulevi sent it for me.
Sulevi?
Your copilot.
That happened during a rally in Corsica.
We were eight seconds behind the leader.
Sulevi got a reading wrong.
A slight right turned out to be a hard one.
I was mad, so I started shouting at him, and I lost focus.
Next thing I know, we're underwater.
I couldn't save him.
It was an accident.
Mm.
I could start racing again.
And show Sulevi that I got his message and it wasn't all for nothing.
That his death wasn't a complete waste.
Rally or die, my brother.
Mm.
Sulevi isn't angry with you.
Neither is God.
They forgive you.
For as you well know, if you forgive others their trespasses,
your Heavenly Father will also… also forgive all yours.
Matthew.
Yes.
That doesn't explain why you're here, though.
I'm here because I really need that meteorite.
I need it more!
Stop!
I HAVE KRISTA NOW.
BRING THE ROCK TO THE GYM. K.
Help me.
-Please. -Where's Krista?
Petar and…
-Karoliina. -Where are they?
They wanted me out of the picture. Get me off this thing!
I'll tell the cops everything. I'm sorry, Pastor.
Please.
You're……the one who kidnapped my Krista?!
Because the bank was going to shut down my business.
Where did they take her?
-This place is my whole life. -Where's Krista?!
They're out back waiting for you!
Don't go!
Help me!
-When are your first clients getting here? -At six.
Those rusty grenades don't actually work.
The one that exploded was a fluke.
We think.
Don't leave me here!
Get ready to sweat!
Come on, you shit!
You fuck!
Take me to Krista!
I'll take the fucking knife out of your chest.
And I'll fucking stick it up your arse!
-Karoliina! -Stop, Petar! Or I'll shoot!
Joel!
What are we gonna do now, huh?
We need to take it easy and talk!
You get your boyfriend and the meteorite,
when you give me my wife!
Or you forget this whole crazy thing and let Krista go!
Sorry, Petar.
Come out with the bag where I can see it.
Or I shoot your wife next!
Do you understand?
Give me Krista, then I'll bring you the bag.
Karoliina!
Get out!
Bring me the bag!
Forgive me.
I'm sorry for being such an idiot, sweetheart.
You are my universe.
You're the most beautiful thing in the world.
Especially… when you're doing what you love most.
And I love your pirouettes.
-What? -The pirouettes that you do.
-They're perfect. -Enough, Joel!
Joel?
Is that a knife?
Joel.
My heart knew you would find me.
-We're fine now. -I was meant to find you.
Are you all right, sweetheart?
-Both of you? -Yeah.
Good.
My little miracle.
You're my miracle.
My… miracle.
Somewhere, far, far away, there was an explosion.
And somehow, it reached me.
Good afternoon, Pastor.
Hello, Matias.
I'm still on paternity leave. I just stopped by to pick up a few things.
I see. So…
What has your son been up to?
Well, mostly eating, pooping and sleeping.
Especially in the car.
-A good trick. -Mm.
So… I didn't come to talk.
I mean, I didn't come to have a conversation session with you.
Oh.
I have a whole other set of preoccupations now.
Mm.
I went on this app, Tinder, that helps people find love.
-Good for you. -And then boom!
I hit the bullseye with the first one.
Really?
She's a fiery angel.
And her smell is earthy and intoxicating.
While we're at it, I was wondering
if the confidentiality rules apply for you even when you're not working?
Mm.
She's out of this world.
A phenomenon in every single regard.
Safe words handcuffs, leather and whipped cream.
It's a whole new universe I'm discovering. It's something else.
Truly something else.
It's so good to have found true love, that I even had a vasectomy.
Perfect.
-You do seem in lighter spirits. -What's all this?
Oh.
The doctor suggested more exercise, so I took up diving.
Matias.
We have to go. Now.
There's my little angel.
-Shall we go for a swim? -Yes.