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Who showed up, man, who!
I love you! I love you!
Johnny!
Let the party begin!
Johnny!
Go and do my move, go for it!
-The move? -Yes.
Johnny!
-Please. -Just a second.
Mic check! Public service announcement!
Any drinks purchased in the next half hour in this club,
will be fully covered by Johnny Baltă, the money boss!
DACIAN BARBARIAN
THE BARBARIAN HERD
Five minutes of holding your breath under freezing water, my Dacians!
You feel the cold slapping every cell in your body and saying:
Wake up, baby, it's time to become a monstrous brute!
Back in the day, a real Dacian would fight a bear with his bare hands.
And you can be just like that now, if you buy my courses
on Dacian beastification, from me, Flex the Barbarian
The King of muscles!
Stop being a softie! Be a true barbarian!
Grigore, the meat!
Stork drumsticks, we also have badger ribs,
but most importantly: morning, night, and midday, you must focus on foal neck.
The species doesn't matter, as long as it's got biceps.
And what do we do, Grigore, when we see a bicep?
We poke it with our finger.
-Why, Grigore? -To see if it's well done.
No, Grigore! No, no! Grigore, you got nervous again.
Live Q&A now with Grigore, folks, yes!
I'll ask you a question, and you answer yes or no, okay?
Yes or no, simple, right?
Does your mother know you're stupid?
Next question.
Do you speak English?
Yes, boss!
Good! So here's the catch:
go out back and help the guys carry those logs,
and when you're done, come back and give the final answer, okay?
Yes, boss!
Go, go!
Lovin. The new guy. Tell us, son, is the Dacian-mobile clean?
Did you wash the Dacian-mobile?
-The car? It's shining! -Good, good.
Hey, but…
Tell us nicely here on the livestream, what do you do, what's your job?
I'm a fitness gym model.
How, man? You're fat.
I'm the guy in the before photo. After, that’s a different guy.
You're ridiculous!
Life isn't just about muscles.
You're pathetic, you meat-eaters!
Big biceps equals small dickceps.
What?
It's them again, those sectarians of that herbivore, Sandra.
We've passed 10,000 live viewers, Sandra.
Attention!
Come on now, leave the toxic males alone.
The astral plan is calling us. It's time to transcend.
We begin with basic incantations.
Just like you can also learn at home, from my bestseller,
Soul Rub,
available only on my website, shop.sandrasenzorial.org.
Oh, Universe, fill the tanks of our daughters with feminine energy.
Hold on, we're having some streaming issues.
The chat is full of bots. Buy… Robbycoin… What is Robbycoin?
I can't believe it! It's that loser!
-Robby! -Robby!
Greetings, sovereigns and all my followers!
Anonymous Robby here, coming to you from the only account on social media
that teaches you how to get rich!
Hey, aren't you tired of being non-rich?
Not to say poor?
Don't forget, the only thing that moves this world is money.
So listen to Robby,
because the only way not to die non-rich is crypto.
That's why I launched the digital coin
Robbycoin.
Sure, right now it's dipping, it's falling, but that's exactly why
I'm telling you, this is the perfect time to invest big. It's a buying opportunity!
Okay, now let's take some questions, let's hear from my community.
One second.
-Yes! -Hi!
-Yes, hello! -You're Anonymous Robby.
Yes! Anonymous Robby.
-Do you want an autograph? -No, bro. I want, listen…
I want you to come outside for a bit so we can talk.
Get your hand off me! Want me to spill my Pepsi on the upholstery?
Dude, I bought some of that Robbycoin of yours, it crashed,
I lost everything, and now I want my money back, man.
Ah, I'm so sorry, because I'm not sorry. But you know why?
Attention, chat! Financial advice live!
Because… look me in the eyes! Because you're stupid!
Because it's important to… have a fool present. How could you sell?
You should have waited for it to go back up, to regain value, right?
Wait, are you calling me stupid?
Why do I even bother with idiots like this?
How can you sell Robbycoin when the market's down?
-What do you want, man? -Come outside. Let's talk!
Take your hands off me!
The government wants to take my life! Because I know too much.
Help, community! I'm at Kaufland Barbu Văcărescu.
-Come outside, man! -Help! Help me, followers!
What's up, my favorite Keychain?
All good, boss! Just hanging with a cup of coffee.
Of course you're hanging, that's why you're a Keychain.
But you're drinking coffee at 2PM. Early riser!
I just got back from the party.
Ah! So you stayed for the after-after. Anyway, the reason I called…
Get on Insta, they're fighting again on the livestream.
-Flex, Robby, and Sandra. -All three?!
Yeah, bro!
Muscle for brains!
You see, Robby, my man, had you bought my Tae Kwon Dacian course
of Dacian martial arts-you'd know now how to do the badger twist and get away now.
Robby, ask the gentleman what his zodiac sign is?
Hey, wait!
Wait!
Robby, tell us where you are so we can call the police?
I'm a sovereign citizen! I don't believe in the police.
Dude, Mirel! These three are the geniuses of the 21st century.
Hey boss, I'm finishing my coffee and heading to a pool party at the club.
Wanna come?
Didn't you hear I just got back from the party last night? Haven't even slept yet.
You don't need sleep! Big boss said she left some instant coffee in the glove box.
A serious traffic accident occurred in a village near Bucharest,
luckily with no casualties. Ionuț Baltă, son of Dorin Baltă,
the famous billionaire and owner of the banking empire by the same name,
crashed his luxury car into a villager's property.
The young man was taken to the police station and we'll soon find out
whether preventive arrest will be ordered.
With on-site updates, here comes our correspondent.
Good afternoon! What's the news?
Yes, good afternoon! It seems the heir to the Baltă empire has messed up again.
The young man is inside… Yes, Mihai, shoot this right now,
Mr. Baltă just arrived. Roll the camera!
-Mr. Baltă! -Mr. Baltă!
Mr. Baltă, your son has had three accidents in the past year.
Do you consider him a public danger?
Considering his priors and the high-risk drugs found at the scene of the accident,
the young man faces a sentence of three to seven years in prison.
It appears his father's connections have once again saved the speedster.
Tell us, are you hurt? Did you take any substances in the car?
I drank still water that's all. Come on, move along!
Mr. Baltă, a statement for our viewers who are shocked to see that a rich kid…
Shocked, miss?
Do you think our Romanian people, I mean, Romanian citizens are so petty,
as to take pleasure in my son going to prison?
So you and your family are above the law?
No one is above the law. God bless! Have a great day.
Your son did drugs!
He could've killed someone!
So, another public slap in the face from the richest and most influential Romanian.
Dorin Baltă once again chooses to cover up…
Did you see that, Ionuț? Hey, daddy's little sweetheart!
You disgrace of this family!
What kind of example are you to the young people of your generation?
Don't you see everyone's watching us?
What kind of example are you to your sister?
Dad, can't you be happy I'm alive, buy me something nice,
help me get over this trauma faster?
Instead, you come with this negative energy.
Now, I'm going to treat you like an adult. Do you know what an adult is?
Of course, I only watch adult movies.
Was that a joke or what? Jesus Christ!
Listen, put everything you have in your pockets on the table right now!
Credit cards, house keys, car keys, everything you got from me for free.
From now on, you're on your own.
-Come on, Dad, don't… -No "come on, Dad!"
I said, put everything on the table!
You'll go get a job, rent a place, manage on your own.
If in six months you can't prove you've changed
and become a responsible adult
who can take care of the family business, I'll disown you!
I don't want to hear from you again! You're an embarrassment to this family!
Put it all on the table! Why are you just standing there stiff?
-Come on! -No "come on!"
Put it all on the table, I said! You're the biggest disappointment!
And the house keys. And the Porsche? Put the Porsche on the table too.
-Come on, Dad… -No "come on, Dad!" What don't you get?
Like, leave.
Wait!
-Take this. -What is it?
A business card. That's what a business card looks like.
Take it and read it!
It's a treatment clinic with Harvard-trained psychologists.
They know what it's about, I've already spoken to them.
-Come on, Dad! -Hey!!
No emotional blackmail here! Get going!
Did I scare you, daddy's girl?
-No. -Good, you take after me.
Johnny?
-Johnny? -What?
I wanted to thank you for not telling Dad that the bag in the glove box was mine.
As if he would've believed me. What's gotten into you?
You're not even into that kind of stuff.
I wanted to surprise you.
-Didn't I tell you I quit? -You've always said you were quitting.
Come on, just say it! That I'm immature, go ahead!
Why does everyone have to be mature?
Does it help with anything in life? Does it make you happier?
Someone has to be mature, Johnny, to take care of kids like you.
I can't let Dad think I'm a failure, you understand?
Yeah…
Just so you know, I looked at the Schedule for that clinic too.
You wake up at 6AM, treatments, pills, courses, no internet,
so no adult sites, no visits. I don't know…
-Sounds like a mental hospital, Johnny. -So what other option do I have?
Those mentors you keep following on Instagram?
Flex, Robby, and Sandra? They're not mentors. They're geniuses.
That's what I'm saying!
Let's make them an offer they can't refuse.
We're back live on Kiss FM and streaming on our show's Facebook page.
This is Dan Fințescu and Nico from the radio.
Hello everyone!
Today in the Kiss FM studio, we have a guest who's a friend of the show…
…the biggest fitness influencer in Romania, over one million followers,
-Flex the Barbarian! -Flex the Barbarian!
How are you?
Fine.
The listeners can't smell it, but what's that awful stench?
Thanks for asking! It's my new fragrance, Beast Essence, with pheromones,
created by my own personal brand, Dihor (Ferret), with a 100% natural formula,
passed down from the ancient Tarabostes healers.
And you say it's made in your own lab?
Personal and private lab, yes.
Where we process various animals into various products.
And is this lab certified?
What kind of question is that? Who certifies the tiger to hunt gazelles?
Who authorizes the polar bear to eat a rhino?
Well, those aren't even on the same continent.
What are you getting at?
Nothing, I just want our Kiss FM listeners to be correctly informed
and to only buy certified products.
Cut!
Looks like we're having some technical difficulties.
We'll take a short break and be right back. Commercials.
Dude, Dan, you trying to ruin a business?
You know how much those certifications cost?
Then maybe you can tell me where to get the money and we'll handle it!
What do you want, man? Come in, Lovin.
That's exactly what I wanted to show you.
Isn't that the son of that guy… the richest man in Romania?
Yep. And the offer's legit.
His sister wrote us herself… his brother's sister, that is.
Are you serious!?
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My dears, I've just been offered a million bucks to mentor
Johnny Baltă.
Work is for tractor drivers, man!
People with brains run real businesses, not steering wheels.
-Man, what are you doing? -Get lost! I've got my hazard lights on.
Flex!
Hi, Robby!
-Cheers! -Wait, you're allowed to drive?
-It's non-alcoholic drink, dude. -No! I meant on account of your eyes.
Well, well! What are you doing here, missy?
Didn't see the sign: Watch out! Vegan Deer!
If your head had anything in it besides that sweaty cap,
you'd know all deer are vegan.
But what can I do
if my tantric gravity keeps pulling you into my orbit, caveman?
Flex, I'm your biggest fan!
-Can I get an autograph? -Of course.
But you didn't say you were my biggest fan.
I am! Honestly, I love all three of you.
So you want me to split the money with them?
Never!
Here's the deal:
To prove to my dad that I can change, I need to learn something from each of you.
Learn what, man…
I have over a million followers.
Over!
Johnny, I feel you're a soul that needs me. Nothing else matters.
I can split the money if that's what will make you happy.
Wait! What do you mean?
And if they don't agree, I can take the whole amount myself.
Money, like age, is just a number.
-Alina? -Oh, yes!
You're aware of the power of crystals, right?
This is tiger's eye.
The energy of this stone will help you and guide your life decisions.
Here comes the nonsense flood!
Tell him they're actually stones from an angel's kidneys.
You absolutely need past-life regression therapy,
some Balinese hypnosis.
Nonsense! Here, this is hypnosis, Sandra!
Feel your eyes going wild? Come on, touch them, they won't bite.
I'm the only wild thing here. This bicep is completely domesticated.
-Brain, not biceps. -Wait!
The simplest thing is for Johnny to give each of you a share of that million
based on how much he feels he's learned from each one.
Oh, really! So if nothing gets into his head, I lose both time and money?
First of all, the money's with his dad.
If Johnny doesn't get it, you don't get it either.
Second, don't worry… my brother is very easy to train.
-Check this out! -Oh! That's my anthem!
Well, in that case, I'm in too. Can't let Sandra take all the money.
Then if you insist, I'm in too, because, as they say…
get rich or die mining.
-What? -I accept.
My bro, the Keychain, found me a place to stay.
Look, Magda, you said I couldn't count on him, that he's only in it for himself.
-But look, friends! -If you've got friends, you're never poor.
Well, unless your friends are poor too, in which case you're stuck together broke.
-Ah! Magda, thanks for the scooter. -Don't mention it.
Bye!
177 DAYS LEFT
Mr. Johnny Baltă, my respects, boss! How are you?
-I'm okay, thanks. -One moment, please.
Is what people are saying true, boss?
About your dad, the money, the inheritance?
-No. But how do you know about that? -Eh, people talk, boss.
I figured it wasn't true, but still… We do have a small favor to ask,
if you don't mind, please use the regular entrance today.
-What… -Boss, this is the VIP entrance.
We just don't want any trouble. There are cameras everywhere.
We have bosses too. Don't want to cause a fuss, no offense.
You're not allowed!
-It's full! -Mirel?!
Mirel!
You're bothering the other clients.
He's new. Let him be, chill. What's the deal? How's the apartment?
The studio? It's okay.
What do you want? My dad doesn't have your dad's money.
Better than sleeping on the street, right?
Dude, wait, let me explain! Come here!
Stick around, I'll take care of you. You're my brother.
After all you've done for me, listen… I'm not gonna let you… sink.
It was right here… Wait a sec. Give me your phone.
Here! Take it!
Whatever you need, you do it. If you've got problems, call me.
No worries, I'm here, I got my boys, I got everything, alright?
Now go!
Another round of shots!
Chin up, prince, your crown's slipping!
No booze before gym day, Piggybank!
-Come on! Faster! -Go, my Barbarians! Hurry up!
-Roll call! -But when's gym day?
Every day is gym day, Piggybank! Welcome to the Dacian Barbarian Herd!
Hit him with some protein, he's looking squishy.
Come on, hit it! You've got two more to chug before bedtime. Hit it!
What, son? Don't like it? You allergic to bananas? I got you, bro.
Lovin, go get him two big chocolate ones from the car. Move, man! Go!
Do you think I still need it?
I took one sip and already feel my muscles growing.
Chest out and aggression!
You're a man, for God's sake! Life is violence.
The only answer to violence, Piggybank, is…
-Is… -To turn the other cheek?
What cheek, man?! Even more violence!
-Okay, got it. -Stand up straight!
Alright, I'm going! Lovin? Lovin!
Go!
Hola, mami, qué guapa! Miau miau.
Hi boys! Has anyone taken your order?
No, but I'd love for you to take an order.
Hey, leave her alone!
You twig, sit your ass down, or I'll smack you into spare parts!
-What's your problem, man? -Sorry!
It's a reflex from back when I had bodyguards.
Damn, you de-hardcoded him!
The only answer to violence is even more violence.
Oh, really?
Come on, guys! Let's go!
Enough!
Hey, you Flex guys are pretty full of yourselves!
But no worries, the Titans are gonna put you in your place.
-Let's talk! -Talk about what?
You guys again?
-You know them? -Who?
These pixelated dudes who look like they work out in Minecraft?
It's Cornel's gang. Cornel the Titan.
The second biggest muscle influencer in the country.
Only because Flex buys likes online.
Better than buying botox. Or is that pout of yours naturally swollen?
-Call Flex! -You sure?
I'll keep them busy.
-Come on, man! -What?
Aren't you taking your tank top off?
I only take my tank top off at the beach.
-How come? -Listen here, bodybuilder! I have a motto:
Better one week of shame at the beach than a year of pain in the gym.
Oh! Oh! Damn, you'll see what I do to you!
Flex! They attacked us! Lovin!
-Who, man? -The Titans.
-Outside, now? -Yeah.
You two go out and face them!
You, Grigore, go film it, we need content, yeah? Go!
Relax or you'll fill your diaper!
And anyway, looks like you don't have much muscle.
Hey, man, I'm in bulking phase. Flex taught me.
First you build the inside, then the outside.
I bulk up like a boulder and only then I sculpt, like a statue.
Bravo, man!
What statue?! You look like you've got lard for muscle!
If you were with the Titans, you'd be all shredded in two weeks!
Come on, show him that move!
Dude's pec just popped.
Cornel the Titan. We meet again.
I'm the king of muscles in Romania!
The internet disagrees. You're in second place.
Look closely at this chest, Cornel the Titan!
Because from second place, all you can see is my back!
Yeah? Let's see what real life says, not just the internet!
Your risk. But I'll send you to the hospital!
-Yeah? I'll send you to the morgue! -The morgue's in the hospital, dumbass!
Not always. Sometimes it's in an annex, dumbass.
-Where's that punk? -What?
Where's that punk?
His pec popped, but now that Flex is here, everything's fine.
If there's a fight, I'll call the police.
No one's fighting! What they're doing is far more dangerous.
Pathetic! Let it be known! From today on, Flex the Barbarian, the influencer…
Man, Cornel, you can't even skip leg day.
That's it for Cornel the Titan!
He won't be flexing around this city anytime soon.
Now listen up!
As of tomorrow, you're on a diet. You eat only what I send you.
I've got a butcher shop… my passion project…
and with your dad's money, we'll certify it.
And the training? When do I start?
We'll start training next week. Let's rest for now.
Come on, as of today, you're a man!
Considering I only pee in urinals, I thought I already was a man.
Not in my eyes, Piggybank!
A real man never pees in another man's eyes, Flex.
Come on, guys!
-Hey! -Hey!
Thanks for stepping in when that jerk got handsy.
But it wasn't necessary. We have bodyguards. I can handle it.
It was instinct. That's how I am.
When I see a woman being harassed, I immediately jump in to get beat up.
I noticed you've changed your crew. You're not with the VIPs anymore.
I'm going through a life-change phase, you know?
-A… -Hopefully a good one.
-I'm Cristina. -Johnny.
Yeah, I know who you are.
I never forget a client who leaves a fat tip.
Hope you've got an elephant's memory.
Let me walk you out. Walk you out?
Yeah. Come on.
I can't believe this. You don't have any money left.
You, who used to blow in one night what I earn in three months.
Wait… you work three months just to party for one night?
Okay! I hadn't thought of it that way. So how are you gonna manage on your own?
Is that the issue? I've been alone my whole life.
Having no money is what's harder.
It's easier if you've got people around you.
Yeah, if you're missing stuff. I never lacked anything.
Okay, if I did, I just called Mom or Dad and a package showed up at the door.
Why did you have to call them? Weren't they home?
They came on holidays, but otherwise they had vacations, businesses,
and anyway, when they did come, I was in the west wing.
They stayed in the east wing and we rarely saw each other.
Wow, you grew up like that, all alone?
No! There was my sister, the gardener,
the housekeeper, the drivers, lots of people.
-We never lacked anything. -I don't know what to say to that.
-Hey, can I ask you something? -Yeah.
-I was thinking… -I'm not going on a date with you.
No, wait! No, sorry! No! I mean, you seem like a really nice guy,
it's just… I like simple things
and you seem to go through a pretty complicated phase right now.
-Okay. -Okay?
Then something else. Do you know any of those…
what are they called… jobs?
-Sorry! Are you serious? -Unfortunately, yeah.
Well, yeah, we have something at the club. But, what can you do?
-I can tell jokes. -Oh, look, it's the great stand-up guy!
-No! Can you do anything useful? -Nothing, but I learn fast.
165 DAYS LEFT
Hello! Yeah, Dad! I found a job.
You didn't expect that, did you?
Catering-related services.
-Put down that phone! -Hold on, Dad.
Put it down! Only two things clean themselves, your eye and a cat.
You wash the dishes, and remember you're still on probation.
Fine, call it dishwashing if you want to make it sound degrading.
You're not supporting me at all. I'm doing the best I can, okay?
At least I'm not laundering money, okay?
-Your Highness! -I have to go. Bye!
Go all in, 'cause after the dishes, you gotta clean the toilet too.
-What's this? -Foam.
-What kind of foam? Party foam? -No, my prince! Bathroom-cleaning foam.
Tub, sink, toilet, the whole deal. And listen up:
It works right-side up and upside-down.
-Got it. -It's like a metaphor for your life.
Okay, I got it.
Now go be unstoppable.
Come on!
We're rolling, right? With good vibes, boys!
Guys, make room for Ms. Sandra.
-Johnny! -Sandra!
Oh my God, I'm so glad to see you.
But what's with all the cameras?
I'm filming a pilot for a show. TV networks will fight over it.
Do you even know how much professional equipment costs? Never mind!
I'll pay off my debts with your dad's money. Let's talk about you!
Let's talk about you! It's time to let your destiny unfold.
I have something for you.
I already started working on that, Sandra. I have a plan.
Excellent!
I started from the bottom, now I'm washing dishes.
If I do a great job, I can move up to bussing tables, then waitering, and
and in a few months, maybe bartending or shift manager.
But until then, I want to learn flair bartending.
Superb! But what's flair?
Let me show you.
We need to move. Come on.
Watch out for Sandra everybody.
-Look, this is flair. -Fascinating!
And if I train properly, in about six months,
I can do cool tricks like this too.
Johnny!
Johnny, look into the camera.
If you want to become a flair bartender, you don't need training.
Everything you need to know is already inside you.
-Yes, it's inside him. -Yes, but some training would help.
Nonsense! It's all about motivation.
Do you want to be a flair artist with your whole soul?
-Yes, I do! -With your whole being? He does.
Boss, do you have a minute?
Access your motivation, Johnny! Motivation!
Okay, that's it. I've seen enough! You're fired.
162 DAYS LEFT
Come on… How did it dropped like that?
-Good afternoon! -Robby!
Hi! Cristina, this is Robby. Robby, Cristina. He's one of my mentors.
-I know exactly what you want to do. -Yeah?
Can't wait to see what lesson you've got for me today. Can you…
-You mind if… Are you sure? -Go!
-Bye! -Goodbye.
-What do you say? -I say mark her as spam.
Pay attention to me now!
Money comes, women come. Women come, money goes.
Money goes, women go. Women go, money comes.
And that's what we want.
Johnny, do you know what a man is without a woman?
-What? -Happy, focused, so-ve-reign.
That's how you need to be. But man can't be sovereign around women,
because women only wants two things:
One, to change you
and two, to buy dresses, bags, and shoes with your money. Listen to Robby…
The moment you let a woman into your house,
that house becomes a currency exchange desk.
-But I like women. -I know, me too.
They're my favorite people in the world.
But when you're a hustler, you don't have time for that!
So check this out. Look here!
-Are these your girlfriends? -Kind of.
No, they're girls I subscribe to on OnlyFans, get it?
And they only do what you say and don't try to change you.
They don't wear dresses, bags, or shoes and they stay silent.
Listen! Let's talk finances now.
What money-making schemes do you know?
Yeah… it's tricky for me financially,
in the sense that I don't know how much things cost, you know?
I never really bought anything in my life.
I had Keychain, you know? If I wanted something,
he had my dad's card and brought it. Anything I wanted…
a crossbow, a Lamborghini, a pommel horse, vault table, anything.
It's hard to start from scratch. I know.
I've started from scratch at least 15 times.
That's what my dad said too… that when you have millions, it's not hard.
But just don't ask how he made his first million.
-How?? -I insisted, and he told me.
How?
Tax evasion.
A real entrepreneur, not like you.
-Johnny. -Yeah?
Look at me. Do you believe in me and my financial supremacy plan?
-Yes, absolutely, with my whole being! -Johnny, do you believe in Robbycoin?
-I believe! -I can't hear you!
-Do you believe in Robbycoin? -I believe!
That's right!
I don't really understand what Robbycoin is though…
I mean, no, wait! Like, it's a cryptocurrency,
but I don't really know how it works, you know? But I believe!
Perfect! You already know more than most people.
Johnny, I've got big plans for you. We need to prove to your dad that
we can start a business from scratch, right?
That we've got vision. I mean, you do! Then we convince him… the two of us…
to integrate Robbycoin into the banking system and ka-ching!
Boom! We're both billionaires in every currency on Earth,
U.S., Switzerland, the U.K., Botswana, whatever you want!
Though technically you already are, but not really.
Yeah, my dad has money, and all I got is…
…the currency of Botswana.
Johnny, all these years your dad gave you an allowance, as big as you wanted,
and you never saved a single penny, like invested anything in your name,
never acquired an asset?
-Oh! I just had a great idea! -What?
I just remembered where I put some valuable stuff.
Great! Let's go, get it, and pawn it. Let's go!
-Damn! Do we have to dig or something? -No, no, you'll see.
-They live here. -Who?
The girls. They'd hit on me in clubs and then we'd come here.
What? Just like that?
Yeah, we'd stay the night and in the morning I'd leave them a gift
on the nightstand… diamond rings, earrings, expensive bracelets,
all kinds of stuff.
-Dude, were you paying them for sex? -No, man! No!
I was giving them a gift after sex. A gesture of appreciation!
Don't you know women want attention?
I get it, bro. So basically, you paid them a sex tax with perks.
Wait, sorry but I have to ask, did you leave the receipt with the gift?
Of course! They insisted I leave the receipt. Yeah.
Do you even know what this place is?
It's a student dorm. That's where they live.
Anyway, we go in, I tell them I've got some money issues, you know,
and I ask for some of the stuff back.
So let me get this straight.
All those college girls you hooked up with…
They all live in this dorm?
Yeah!
-So, what are you trying to say exactly? -I'm saying it's a brothel. Brothel!
Brothel? Yeah, I know him. That comedian guy.
I know! That Moldovan dude from iUmor.
He's not all that. You could do better, honestly.
Hey!
Johnny, love of my life, welcome!
What a surprise!
We need to talk. Let's… let's…
Please, I beg you.
Girls, look who missed you!
-Johnny! -Johnny!
Can we talk for two minutes?
Girls, enough! Girls…
Girls, leave him. Girls, come on, calm down!
Just one private word with him and then he can choose any of you lot in private.
-Vanessa. -Alexandra.
Luana.
It's just a bit complicated… We need to talk…
Baby, what beautiful legs we have! I'm curious what you've got between them.
Same thing you got, just in XL size.
Oh, sorry! The girls… I was looking for the girls.
What's wrong, honey? Never seen a man in heels up close?
I meant girls… I was told… I'm looking for girls…
Probably never seen girls in heels up close either.
Alejandro, perfect timing. Let's show this boy what he's missing.
-What's with that face? -I… I had a crypto crash.
I mean earlier, it peaked hard, and now, suddenly, it dropped. It crashed!
-Come on, maybe we can help. -I appreciate it, but no need.
So, heads or tails?
Heads or tails? Which one is who, I mean…
Sorry, can I make a call, I'm not feeling well, not well at all!
Johnny, baby, I get it and I'm sorry for what you're going through,
but I can't give you your money back. This is a business.
You paid for a service.
You're telling me all these girls I thought were into my smooth talk…
They were into you, or, well, You into them, as you pleased…
But the smooth talk definitely helped.
So basically, if I'm broke, I've got no chance with a girl like you?
Well… depends how broke.
If you make €2-3,000 a month, maybe I'd go for a drink with you.
But really broke? No chance.
You've also got that beggar face…
which didn't show before, because of the money.
Johnny, why so down?
I just realized all the women in my life are in it for the money.
None of them liked me for real.
So what?
In life, people don't need to like you, Idiot. They need to envy you.
You need envy, not…
Hey! Who do you think you are?
You think anyone liked me and that's how I got where I am?
Johnny, leave him. Don't listen to him. You really are a nice guy.
Like a solid five out of seven.
You'll find a girl who likes you for real.
Maybe one with a more common face.
Or from a common village.
Or even a pretty one, but with a mole right here on her cheek,
exactly where her mustache ends.
Or one with a huge tooth gap, so big soup flies out when she eats.
Or one with crossed eyes, both on her face and her chest.
Johnny, please, I really don't want you to leave here upset, so on the house…
Please, on the house… any girl you want.
Thanks, but I'm in a bad mood. It's not necessary.
It's on the house!
Ma'am, I'm actually in a really good mood.
Yeah, we can tell. Johnny, we exist to change your mood.
Vanessa and Luana, just for you. They're yours all night.
-By morning, you'll be a new man. -Enough, I've had it.
I think I need something real. No!
Please! Final offer. Vanessa, Luana, and Rose.
Just for you.
In a whipped cream bath.
Don't leave upset, Johnny.
I appreciate it, but it's not needed, and I'm not upset. You opened my eyes!
And I thank you, and thank you all!
Hey, if the gentleman isn't going to use his ticket for Vanessa, Luana, and Rose
in whipped cream, part one… I will!
If you bring a woman into the house, the house becomes an exchange house.
Okay, stop!
-What's wrong, are you okay? -Her perfume's still on my cheek.
-She kissed you? -No, she slapped me.
128 DAYS LEFT
123 DAYS LEFT
Welcome to the fascinating world of the hypermarket,
where we, ordinary folk, get stuff for ourselves.
Let me explain how it works, so you understand.
You go left and right, take a product, put it in the cart,
and then go to the checkout and pay for it.
Oh! And don't forget this card.
It's got lots of combos and a bunch of discounts.
-Got it? -Yeah!
All clear? Let's see how you do.
Alright, I got bread, right?
I got eggs. I got… very important… instant soup,
and remind me later to give you a hot tip about that soup.
Okay, may I try now?
-Tissues. -Come on, let me try too!
Okay, you can buy… liquid detergent.
Liquid? Sorry, I'm more used to other liquids, that you combine with, Pepsi.
This is liquid detergent, and you put it in the washing machine.
Sorry, I'm used to other kinds of machines. And I don't know, sorry.
-Why are you always a contrarian? -Sorry. I'm being pro-active!
-Shall we head to the checkout? -Give it to me!
Hey, you're learning fast. I'm almost impressed.
Aren't you?
Alright, kiddo! Starting today, we move on to advanced lessons.
But first and foremost, you have to take one very important step.
Forget everything those two weirdos taught you.
104 DAYS LEFT
Because those two clowns didn't learn a thing from life.
I'm the only one who can actually help you become a winner.
You must trust me and me alone.
In life, you have to focus on one single thing.
91 DAYS LEFT
You can have a thousand problems in life,
but if you have a health issue, then you only have one problem.
You must become an indestructible wall!
And two more things your brother wants to tell you:
Brain and blockchain. These are the only paths to success.
Go big or go home.
To the moon, my little Prunariu.
Because in this life, you must…
…not starve to death.
You can't do anything if your stomach's growling in the background, so,
you crack an egg, toss it in like this, add a slice of bread,
and trick hunger for a few hours. That's how you feed…
…your spirit. The key to happiness is a spirit fed with positivity.
As an empath, I figured out what your spirit animal is.
The noble and majestic… rabbit.
The gentlest of animals.
To spiritually immerse yourself in nature, this week you'll follow the Rabbit Diet.
That means eating only what a rabbit eats. Nibble, nibble.
This week you'll follow the Rabbit Diet.
Which means eating only rabbit, and only males, so you absorb their rage.
48 DAYS LEFT
This week, you'll be in Rabbit Mode.
No, forget about rabbits! I don't want to be any rabbit.
Relax, man, it's just an expression.
I need you to do a whole bunch of stuff quickly, then vanish. Got it?
Like a rabbit. Hop, hop. Hey, are you listening? Look at me!
You need to place massive buy requests for Robbycoin from hundreds of accounts.
Don't actually pay yet! The system will see the demand spike,
and automatically raise the price, and that's when we jump in as saviors!
We tell the buyers who want to pay the new price, that we can give them
the best offer on the market. See?
Win-win! You understand? Exactly!
Come on, Piggybank! Come on, by yourself!
One with nature!
Faster!
Pun in some proteins!
Come on! Faster!
Proteins!
Come on, Piggybank!
I'm the strongest!
Pull, pull!
Ayahuasca, changa, mescaline.
It's time for your first transcendental experience.
Stop! You were only supposed to take one sip!
What's the bucket for? Election bribes?
Don't panic! It's part of the experience.
It helps cleanse your toxins and free your spirit.
Promise me you'll never forget this experience.
31 DAYS LEFT
As I said, I'm waiting for someone else.
I understand, you need more time.
No problem. Would you like some more water?
No. I told you, I have some.
I'll get back to you.
A FEW HOURS EARLIER
My little mentors, I need you all.
-Was that Vlad? -Looked like him.
Okay, never mind. I need your help. I have a date with Cristina.
How cute! Yin and Yang.
Careful, women are sneaky. She might pull a Maradona on you.
The thing is, she caught me during a complicated time, like five months ago,
and now I'm in the friend zone.
She wants to "just be friends", and I want something more.
You want to get your badger in her burrow?
-What? -Get your spoon in her polenta.
Get your dipstick in her oil.
Move your sausage into her fridge.
Get your hot dog in the microwave.
Put your baloney in the bun.
Polish her interior.
Feed her hen.
Poison her well.
-You know the one with the bat? -It is Vlad!
Flex, you're disgusting! Johnny wants a loving relationship.
And sex is important.
Because love without sex is like… sex without a partner.
-Say it, Robby! -Here, I agree with Flex.
Because lack of sex causes a lot of sadness and many other things
I can't even say because I'm about to cry.
Leave it to us, young padawan.
Your mentors will teach you everything you need to know.
Don't listen to those two!
They've only seen women on screens, surrounded by piles of tissues.
Aquamarine. The stone that activates your sacral chakra,
your tantric libido.
You'll see what a powerful connection you two will have.
An alpha male never makes mistakes.
Whatever happens, happened because you wanted it that way.
Are you okay, are you hurt?
Never let them help you.
That was on purpose. That's my move.
You're a bit late.
No apology either.
I know. That's how I wanted it.
Beast Essence, with pheromones.
Body language is essential. People like people who are like them.
That's how you create connection.
Try to subtly mirror her gestures.
-You feel it too? -You feel it too?
-Bon appétit! -Thanks!
Thanks!
Neurolinguistic programming through subliminal messages.
Try to introduce words with sexual connotation in your conversation.
Sex.
-What? -What?
-I thought you said sex. -Why would I say sex?
Sex.
-You said sex. -You imagined it.
Maybe you're subconsciously thinking about sex, and that's why. Cristina…
Okay, why are you mimicking me?
You're mimicking me, not me.
-Okay. -Okay.
Don't be afraid to show your emotions. Women like sensitive men who open up.
A true macho man isn't afraid to cry in front of a woman.
After I had Covid, my sense of taste completely changed.
Yeah?
-Now I can't even feel spicy food. -Me neither.
Then why are you crying?
I just remembered I drank two liters of water. You know…
And there are kids in Africa, for example, who might not have two liters of water.
Okay, you know what?
What?
-I'm leaving. Where are you going?
Sorry!
Wait a second.
Thank you, I feel ready.
If not me, then when? If not now, then who?
No… I'd bet a hundred euros he's not flying the bat into the cave tonight.
I get what you're saying.
Speaking of euros, we're splitting the million evenly, right?
Of course, babe! Fifty-fifty-fifty.
Do that again!
-Fifty-fifty-fifty. -Are you trying to Maradona me?
Hey, Flex!
Oh no! Leave me alone.
-Please give me another chance. -Leave me alone!
Please!
What was all about over there?
I tried some personal development techniques.
-From who? Those mentors of yours? -Yeah.
Do you like me?
I'm crazy about you!
That's why I turned to them, because I'm confused when I see you,
don't know what to say to seem cooler, funnier.
You silly man, I like you too.
I honestly want you near me,
I want you the way a mother wants her Tupperware back.
You reminded me of my mom.
She used to send you food in Tupperware?
No, she owned a Tupperware factory.
So, as you can see, I say whatever pops into my head, okay?
I don't recite stuff I heard somewhere else.
Why can't you be natural too?
Because I'm afraid I'll sound stupid when I'm just being myself?
You think it's possible to be dumber than you were tonight?
Please, forgive me!
So when you walked me home that first night, that really impressed me
because you were being yourself.
I honestly thought, what a funny guy, what a gentleman.
What the hell reeks so badly?!
It's Beast Essence. It's Flex's pheromone perfume.
Oh God, Johnny!
Look at me.
Tell me how you'd like tonight to go. But no personal development lessons.
I want to hear you, not those three guys through you.
-Okay. If it were up to me… -Yes!
I'd invite you to my tiny attic studio,
which I'd normally be too shy to invite you to.
Okay. And what would I do in your attic?
We'd hunch over and drink the last unjustifiably expensive bottle of wine,
which I stole from my dad anyway, and then…
I'd lick you all over until my tongue thawed out,
because honestly, I can't feel it anymore.
I'm surprised I managed to articulate all these words in the first place.
Sounds good.
-What? -Yeah.
Yeah, but first I want you to take a shower,
scrub yourself with vinegar, I don't know,
but don't come near me smelling like that beast essence.
Johnny, you smell like a dog bed.
Come on! I left the money inside.
That was…
It truly was. But were kind of on rabbit mode, huh?
What's everyone got with rabbits these days?
You know, I'm impressed.
I really didn't think you were that romantic.
How did you come up with the candle idea?
Honestly? It's the electricity bill.
I thought about what you told me earlier. That "be yourself" advice was really good.
Have you thought about becoming a mentor?
Yeah, getting paid to spout clichés.
Drink water, appreciate what you have, live in the moment.
What you told me really helped. I mean, my whole life I only did what
others told me to do, and this is the first time I'm being myself,
and it turns out I'm doing okay, you know?
I'm doing okay with you, I'm doing okay with this broke life. It's good.
You actually think you know what it means to be poor?
Yes, and I like it. I'm actually starting to enjoy myself… it's good for me.
It's like a productive kind of poverty, you know?
I don't get why people complain about…
Seriously?
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean…
You really think you know what it means to be poor? For real?
What do you mean I'm not really poor?
You're not, because you can always go back to your parents. You have options.
You think that
taking a little trip into the world of the poor, you understand us?
-Hold on. You're poor? -No, I'm not poor, but I used to be.
And it was really hard to feel like you had no chance,
to feel like you had no future, to feel like you were alone.
Anyway, I was lucky I found something I'm good at, you know, but others
aren't that lucky, and some are lucky to be born into wealthy families.
Okay, so what? Is it my fault my dad's rich? I don't get it.
No! It's not your fault. But it is when you talk about things you don't know.
Where are you going? Wait, Cristina! Cristina!
Cristina!
HOW'S THE DATE GOING?
Badly.
DAD
-Good evening! -Good evening!
So formal, cold and distant. Are you still mad at your dad, huh?
Don't worry, I'm mad at his son too.
That's the a thing, it's a step forward. You realized you're a mess.
How's the whole self-discovery going?
With the Übermensch program or whatever you guys do?
Time flies, son.
I feel like I didn't learned anything.
I just wasted time with a bunch of online celebrities.
So you didn't go to that place, you didn't do what I told you to?
Why does it have to be like you said?
-Because I know what's best! -Well, I don't agree, okay?
I figured you wouldn't.
And stop yelling!
Help! Wait!
8 DAYS LEFT
Tell me, is this meat local or imported?
Why? You want to test it or talk to it?
I want to let it know that what you're doing here is illegal.
It probably understands better than you.
Hey, listen! Do you know who's a shareholder here with me? Dorin Baltă.
Wait a minute. Dorin Baltă?
The most successful Romanian since the invention of Romanians,
invested in a business with steroid bodybuilder chickens?
-Yes! -But why Dorin Baltă?
Elon Musk was busy? Jeff Bezos rejected your texts? What happened?
You don't believe me, do you?
Where is Piggybank? Call Piggybank.
Get him here, didn't you hear?
He hasn't been here all week, I don't know where he is.
I know you're in there! Open up!
Where is he?!
It's dead! It's dead, man! They killed it!
What do you mean dead?! Who killed who?
Those idiots who trusted in buying it, raising it big and strong,
selling it and getting rich.
What are you saying right now?
Robbycoin, it's dead.
They killed Robbycoin! It's in the red.
Do you understand that now I have to pay someone to buy it?
He went from crypto to the crypt.
Drop the crypto nonsense! Where's our guy, tell me?
-Johnny? -Piggybank, where is he?
Johnny? I don't know, I haven't seen him since the other day when we all met.
The other day? You idiot? It's been two weeks!
One was supposed to stay with you. One with me.
-Now he's gone and we don't know where. -He hasn't been here. I'm in mourning.
Tell me, did you snitch on me to Consumer Protection?
Consumer what?
Sandra…
There's no such thing as bad publicity. What?
What do you mean it's not the right time for a TV show? Hello?
The others said the same.
No, this is an inside job.
Hey witchy, where did you hide Piggybank, you zen sorceress?
Late again, caveman. Wasn't he supposed to be with you this week?
-He didn't show up. -Nor at my place.
I haven't seen him since that date with Cristina.
-Here's where she's working? -Yes. You're calling them?
She stole our Piggybank. I knew she was trash.
I could feel that scummy aura. Damn shameless woman!
It's her!
My dear, namaste! It's me, Sandra.
-Just half for me, as usual. -Yes, of course.
What did you find out? Does that girl know anything about him?
No. And he hasn't shown up at the club either.
She said the date went badly. Usually, when he's down, he grabs Keychain
and takes off somewhere fun… Ibiza, Dubai, Palma.
-And how long does he stay? -I don't know… a month, a year.
No way! Our money!
You should've kept an eye on him.
I really needed that money.
If it weren't for you, I would've shown him how to control his emotions.
Screw emotions! I'd have made him a real man.
And what, you're a real man?
Your cap's flopped, dude.
You don't even know what a real man is!
A real man wants the hole, not the aura.
You think if you pump up your muscles and reek of badger grease,
that makes you a real man? You've never seen a…
-…real woman, in your life -Real because what? What?
Because you walk around with twigs in your hair and dirt on your feet?
Oh, just kiss already!
Wait, I was just joking!
-Just so you know, I still hate you! -And I hate you!
But the spectrum of human emotion is very complex.
What plants do you put in this tea? It's delicious.
I ratted you out to Consumer Protection.
-You little brat! -Now what?
Enough! That's it, I have some reps to do with you.
I'm doing shoulders, you're doing thighs.
Take me, Flex!
7 DAYS LEFT
Do you realize that if we have kids, half will be vegan, half carnivore?
One will eat animals for dinner and the other will eat the animals' dinner.
I need that money, Flex.
How could our little one run away from home?
Didn't we give him everything he needed?
Magda.
Hey, hi! So, I looked into it, and my brother didn't run away.
Dad forced him into a clinic.
I'm trying to get the address and I'll send it to you.
Okay.
-We have to save Piggybank. -So, where do we find him?
I've got it covered.
-Robby? -Yep!
What the hell are you doing there?
Drinking horsetail tea.
With one hand. Cut the crap. What are you doing with the other?
I know exactly how to find our guy. I put a tracker on his phone.
Take me, Flex! Take me!
-This is it. -Wow! Looks like a prison.
It really does.
Step on it!
Alright, stop here. Stay put in case we need you, okay?
Yeah. Oh, look, I just got a ride request on the app. Surge pricing, baby.
Remember when you laughed at me for buying an EV?
Who's raking in the cash now?
Out!
Out, you're scaring my customers. Out, faster, out!
Stop staring, I know who to call to get us out of here.
What the hell is that?
I got Johnny grilled tikka chicken from Stradale.
It's his favorite, and I figured that might lure him out, you know?
-What chicken, from where? -Chicken, man, I ordered it on the app…
Come on, man!
-The fence is so tall! -You think? Let's go!
-You. -You. You're the light one.
You're the kind that doesn't even trigger the scale.
-Me first? -Who then? My mom? Come on! Jump on it!
-Not me first! I can't… -Put your foot here!
The cable! What if it's active?
What? Who wires the fence of a mental institution?
-Come on, I'll make a ladder. -I can't! Where am I going?
I can't do anything with you! You're small, crawl under the wire.
Come on, put your foot here! Come on!
-Our money! Say it! -Our money! One, two, three, go!
Our money!
It's too tall! I'm turning back!
Come on! You're almost there.
Go, go!
-You think something happened to him? -What could even happen? He's a man!
Robby?
See, he's not dead. Look, he blinked!
Quiet! Quiet or they'll hear us. You're fine.
It's just your physical leg. Spiritually you're good.
Come on, it's just a scratch.
Get up, we don't have time for this nonsense.
It's broken!
What, are you made of glass? Walk it off.
He's right, stop teasing him.
Robby, look into my eyes. I'm starting theta healing now.
What?! Call an ambulance!
Why are you panicking, seriously?
Focus on me, Robby!
Feel how I'm transforming your cerebral energy into theta energy?
Use emotional energy and your natural intuition.
Focus your immune system on your leg.
Woman, are you insane? Can't you see it's turned upside down?
Come on, you'll heal!
What, it seems like I have a nature-defying leg?
Leave me! Let me do it.
One, two, three. Birdie!
There, man, I fixed you. You're back to factory settings.
Hey, hey, what happened?
We're Johnny Baltă's spiritual family.
And we're not leaving until we see him.
And why didn't you use the gate? It's visiting hours.
Yeah, we saw that… after he jumped.
-I hope you didn't move him? -No.
At our sanatorium, we take maximum care of our patients.
We use holistic playful therapy, we heal through art, through games,
we have the best psychiatrists in the country.
Sounds like a cult of brainwashed people.
-Ma'am. -Miss.
Miss, I assure you that Mr. Ionuț is in the best hands.
In just three weeks of treatment, his progress is phenomenal.
We're still working on childhood traumas.
His father didn't allow him to develop his independence.
We want to see him now.
Of course.
You keep him tied up here?
We don't keep anyone here by force.
All our patients are free to leave at any time.
Here he is.
Where? Here?
HOW TO STOP YOUR WIFE FROM SLEEPING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND
If only I'd read this book sooner!
-Johnny? -Sandra!
Flex! I'm so glad to see you!
Dude, are you okay?
I've never been better in my life.
Johnny was suffering from ADHD,
attention deficit with hyperactivity.
You probably noticed
he couldn't stay focused on anything for more than two minutes,
but he's been on medication for three weeks.
Flex, how about a game of chess?
No, but we should definitely move the bishop.
Do you see what they did to our little guy? They turned him into a nerd.
Sandra? Flex? Guys, you abandoned me?
Your friend. Looks like they fixed his leg.
-Who? Robby? -He's not our friend.
We barely tolerate him.
Come on, follow me. Let's go!
What do you think of Mr. Ionuț?
What happened? Did you find Johnny?
Yeah, but I don't know…
Maybe it's better if he stays there.
After all, we tried everything we knew, but…
I grabbed him! Run!
Wait a minute!
Doctor, fetch!
Come on! Move it!
Guys, wait! Wait a second!
-Magda! -Hop on!
Hey, hey, wait! We treat many conditions, you know?
Superiority complex, megalomania, narcissism, paranoia.
At least take my business card… you might need it. Hey!
I don't understand what's going on. Why did you take me? I felt great there.
Johnny, that's not you talking. It's the pills.
They brainwashed him, they hypnotized him.
That place was the Matrix, bro! You took the red pill.
Dude, snap out of it!
Give him something to drink! There's a bottle of vodka in the back!
Brother, don't worry, we'll fix you.
Next week we're throwing the biggest party for you, my dearest brother,
to help you bounce back and remember who you really are.
1 DAY LEFT
Shot! Shot! Shot!
Come on, bro, more energy! Everyone's here for you.
I don't get it! What's the point?
To help you remember who you are?
Wasn't I supposed to change who I am?
Nonsense! I want you to be you.
Magda!
YOU!
You never wanted me to change. You!
Come on! It's your song!
You've been influencing me from the start! And the clinic, what a trick!
You convinced me not to go!
So what? Didn't you have more fun with these three idiots?
Flex, Robby, and Sandra…
…are just some washed-up influencers.
Sorry for the redundancy. If I had thought they were geniuses
and they could change you, I would've sent you to them?
And you even gave me that pink scooter to make me look ridiculous.
Magda, do you want to ruin me?
Ruin you? I'm the only person in the universe who wants
what's best for you, Johnny.
You could never be happy as a businessman.
You're only happy when you blow money and party.
Seriously, I'll handle it. I'll take care of everything.
So what, you want Dad to disown me?
Yeah. I actually like business.
I'll take over everything and set up an allowance for you,
so you'll never have to worry again and everyone will be happy.
Bravo! You're just like Dad. Bravo!
He also thinks he knows best how I should live my life.
Bravo! Congrats!
Johnny, wait up, man!
We need to talk about what you'll say to your dad tomorrow.
It wouldn't hurt if he invested in our slaughterhouse.
Sure, let him go into business with a mentally challenged Dacian.
You just have to mention Rubbycoin 2 Beta.
Trust me, that's how we'll make it, we've learned our lessons.
Straight into the banking system, trust me.
Enough with the babbling, guys! Johnny, don't listen to these two dimwits.
You're not a businessman, you're anointed… a star! I have a proposal.
Let's make a reality show together. What do you say? Sandra and Johnny.
Ah, no, no! Johnny and Sandra. And we'll fund it with your dad's money.
You'll become a star, a superstar, a megastar, an ultra-star.
I love you all, really, but I need some time alone, okay?
Please!
See? It's your fault. You scared him off!
Don't you pull that on me!
Hold me or I'll kil him! I kill him!
Calm down!
This would be such a peaceful fishing spot if it weren't for all these young people,
coming here every morning with their existential dread.
But please, have a seat.
So what's your problem?
Everyone wants something from me and I don't know what to do.
-What do you want? -I want to be independent.
And what's so hard about that? Look, give up everything you depend on
and enjoy the lake and the peace.
Funny thing is, where I'm from,
"lake" (Baltă) and "peace" don't go together.
Johnny, what are you doing here at this hour?
Haven't heard from you in a month.
They put me in a mental hospital… they took my phone.
Come on in.
Okay, but I really am sorry for being such a jerk and everything…
and you were right.
Of course I was right.
About what, exactly?
That I can't be independent if I have a safety net?
Did I say that?
You or some fisherman in the park, I don't remember exactly, but it doesn't matter.
The thing is, today marks six months, and I have to meet with my dad.
So what's the big rush? Can't you at least finish your coffee and take a shower?
You're wearing that same Flex perfume again.
Seriously? I didn't even spray it on.
Just a moment.
Yes.
After you shower!
Want to shower together?
Yeah, save water, you poor guy!
My mentors, I want to thank you
and let you know that to me, you've been priceless.
Eh, priceless! A million! A thousand grand split three ways.
We're coming with you for emotional support.
And intimidation. That's the most important part!
Okay, let's go!
JUDGEMENT DAY
Magda!
I understand you, and I forgive you.
But why? What did she do?
What's wrong with you?
She did everything just to impress you.
But, my princess, you don't have to do anything to impress me.
Your mere existence is impressive to me.
Just so you know, your little princess sabotaged me from the beginning.
Johnny, are you forgiving me or tattling on me? Make up your mind!
I'm not tattling, sis. I'm narrating with love.
You want dad to take you seriously? Show him exactly who you are!
A little psychopath who'd sell her own family for a drop of influence.
Did you sabotage him?
Yes. But out of love. I didn't do anything harmful.
I just wanted you to disinherit him, Dad, so we wouldn't lose the money, what else?
He was talking nonsense.
Bravo! She's just like you! Bravo! Here's the heir you've always wanted.
And you can spare me.
You spare me with your two-cent sass! You haven't changed a bit!
It didn't help you at all!
Dad, for six months I haven't touched drugs. Not once!
I still drank, but in moderation. No more accidents, no more scandals.
I lived safely, Dad.
I got a job,
I cooked my own food and it turned out almost edible.
Okay, I embarrassed myself a few times, but no one's perfect… except my mentors.
This week I'm a better man than I was last week,
and last week I was a better man than two weeks ago.
It doesn't matter how high you climb, you know?
What matters is that you climb, even if it's just one step.
Man, this kid is good at self-help! Sounds like Robby on self-sex.
You spent some time with these influencers and now you're giving TEDx speeches.
And yet, and yet… I still don't feel better.
Because there's that voice in my head that keeps nagging me.
What would Dad think? What would Dad say? What would Dad do?
Well, I'm right here and I'll tell you what I think.
But nobody asked you!
Sit down! I'm talking now! Sit down!
So I realized… you know what my biggest problem is?
-You! -Me?
Yes.
Nonsense!
And the only way I can escape your pressure
is to give it all up.
I'm giving up the inheritance, the allowance… everything.
I don't want you to be the safety net that suffocates me anymore, Dad! Understand?
Boy, do you even hear yourself? What do you want? A national scandal?
-A family scandal? -No scandal, Dad!
No! No scandal! We'll still visit at Christmas, Easter, we'll call,
"how are you," ha ha ha, hee hee hee.
I just want to stand on my own feet.
That's all! To live only off my own money and my own work. That's it!
To eat instant soup and pay my own rent.
And what are you going to do?
That's my business. Not yours anymore.
The only thing I want from you is for you to stop blackmailing me with the fortune.
I don't need anything from you anymore.
Boy, are you out of your mind?
It's a good decision, but you could take the million for us and give up the rest.
Please stay calm, everyone. Johnny doesn't forget his debts, okay?
I'll give each of you 10% of everything I make until we reach that million, okay?
Hey, calculator boy, how long will it take him to pay us off?
Minimum wage, 10%, 12 months. 300 years.
Come on, I'm not staying on minimum wage for 300 years. No!
I'll advance, I'll work! You have to trust me a little…
I trusted you, remember?
And after all, 300 years go by fast when we're having fun.
-Dad, I love you! -I love you too, you idiot!
Magda, I love you.
Alright, it's okay, it's okay.
I love you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
SHIFT MANAGER
You're a barefoot feminist herbivore.
Look who's talking, you animal! You brute!
Most followers in the country. Top influencer.
Big influencer! Lots of dumb ones! Better a few smart ones.
-Stay in your pasture. Bye! -Leave me alone! Bye!
Take me, Flex!
I'm a victim of the system!
-Robbycoin 3. -You'll go to jail!
I know exactly what I have to do for Robbycoin 3, believe me!
You'll be so sorry if you don't invest!
Do you know these permits cost a…
Phones off in the theater!
Oh, man. Good thing you didn't bang your head on that thing.
Severe car accident…
Blow from the other side.
He'll pass out from all the smoking.
Action!
Get your hand off me, stop reaching… Keep pulling, that's what I mean.
The young man… the heir son… the heir of the empire…
The young man stands before the directorate… inside the precinct…
Mr. Baltă?
My perfume…
I looked into the camera. I was on YouTube.
But you said the biggest fan of…
And usually it's the look… And usually it's like the look…
Don't listen to those two… they've never had women.
Don't listen to those two… they've never even seen women.
Robby, do you know it?
-Thanks! -Thanks!
Ah, I was supposed to go that way.
I bet he won't sink the fish…
The fish?
How long haven't you seen him?
You carry…
What was it called?
Weeds! Let's go!
Forgive me. I heard "Arrr" I couldn't…