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MIS?ING
And so, dear witchlings
we have cleansed our home of heavy energies
with palo santo.
You can use juniper for the same purpose,
which actually is the sacred tree of our people
and the go-to material of our ancestors
for banishing evil spirits.
If for some reason smoking indoors doesn't feel good,
you can simply put
a juniper branch in a vase.
Fun fact! Juniper also symbolizes perseverance,
so you can channel energy from it
for example, when doing different kinds of projects.
Also, juniper has not been protected since 2006, so
with respect and gratitude
it can be collected in moderation for magical uses.
Remember everyone's rights.
Okay, next time witchlings.
Always with love.
10,000 followers.
Think about that, mother.
Read the comments.
"You're such a big inspiration, you don't even know."
"I just raised the ace of cups. So ready for love."
"Lulu-witch, your aura is so bright."
"So empowering, thank you."
"I admire you and your courage to talk about these things."
"The world needs you and your magic,
never stop XO XO."
"You're not a real witch, look into it."
"You're pure magic."
Stop reading.
I'm pure magic...
Tomorrow when we trim your hair,
should we also pluck those eyebrows apart?
I can see under these just fine.
Hey, I can see too and I have two on top of each other.
I've never seen you without the those.
No one else has either.
And probably won't either.
Come on, get out of there!
Is this for real...
Ok, ok!
Can I get your attention?
We have a reason to celebrate today.
Our own social media witch Lulu, has reached a significant milestone!
How many was it?
3,000, 5,000, 7,000?
10,000 followers!
How does it feel?
Actually,
Lulu, tell us
where did it all really start?
Thanks, Harri.
You know that
I've always been interested in witchcraft and my inner witch.
Connection to nature and understanding my primal nature.
Intuition, dreams.
Different forms of divination.
All these topics are somewhat of a taboo.
Not yet something to talk about around the coffee table,
but thanks to my channel, these things are becoming more normalized.
Become normalized?
Your channel seems quite commercial.
I have partners in esoteric fields.
They want to work with me.
Then I'll explain honestly
what their products are like and
are they real tools for understanding your own witchcraft.
I have some ethics here, after all.
Are you comparing your hobby to my job?
Hobby?
This is my job!
Six years in a university
versus a month long book course in school of witchcraft?
Ok, this discussion is done
quite a few times already and the end result is always the same.
100 to 0!
What is this?
I'll present this in my next social media livestream.
This is a pendulum.
This gives "yes" and "no" answers.
It also works for finding lost items.
Really handy.
Hey, these are familiar to us.
Lulu, give us an interpretation, for us, for tonight.
- Yeah, I'm in! - Good, Minni.
No, I'm not in.
You never join these.
You can't force anyone to join.
Everyone will participate. Kalle too.
Of course, maybe we will get some kind of evidence.
Minni is right. You at least...
Those are shitty European cards.
They talk.
I believe in different things.
Here's Kalle, an old nationalist.
Rationalist.
Basically, a freeloader,
who has agreed to peek through the curtain of the future.
KT...
KT, KT, KT!
Stop it!
I've told you about Ämmi,
who I spent my whole childhood with.
In Tyrväntö, around there.
I remember when I was 4 years old.
I spent the summer there with Ämmi.
We were just going to eat
and suddenly we heard a terrible bang from the window.
Ämmi asked me
did I know what it was?
I thought it was a bird.
Ämmi turned completely white.
She wrapped me in her arms and said
"Sweetie, now we'll be together forever."
"You're not going anywhere."
That same day I heard that
my parents had died in a car accident.
Ämmi is like a mother to me.
That's why I'm afraid of those divinations.
You never told me.
It is a pretty difficult subject for me.
When will I get to meet Ämmi?
Would you like to?
Isn't Ämmi a witch?
Mhm. She has spoken.
About me? Is she my follower?
Ämmi is a bit soft and insane.
It would be so great to have a real witch on my channel.
- She could teach me everything. - KT, my therapist says
that you have to confront your fears.
- Harri, stop it. - Did you hear me? Stop it!
Great.
A death card doesn't always mean death.
The story isn't over. This is...
A turning point on the pathway to change and growth.
I have to go now.
Can I come with you?
If I come with you or
- maybe I can call a cab? - No, I'm going now.
Okay, see you tomorrow.
Harri!
Why can't you read the room at all?
You encouraged her to open up about things
that she didn't want to talk about.
Are we still going somewhere?
Thanks.
I'm glad you could have me without an appointment.
We have an office party tonight.
Well, men are easy and quick.
Besides, today's first customer didn't show up.
Would you like to go to the party with me tonight?
Me? Why?
I don't have a date yet
and you seem lovely.
I don't think so.
35 euros.
Okay.
Thanks. 160b
WHERE U?
Strong recommendation for this pendulum.
And hey, during this weekend
with the code LULUWITCH you get -20% off all orders.
And now, fun fact!
Witches don't eat children.
I've received so many comments and messages about
whether I eat children
and the short answer is that I don't.
Hi KT! Nice to have you here.
This is an urban legend that gets...
"See you in Mändälii."
...started because...
"See you in Mändälii."
Because there are so many kinds of people and...
"See you in Mändälii."
Wonderful.
This is a topic that I'll make a separate YouTube video about,
so if you have any questions or comments,
leave them down below.
Wonderful.
Bye, dear witchlings. Until next time.
Always with love.
- Sorry. - Man in a suit.
Beautiful man.
You've achieved everything you wanted.
For real...
Libra is meaningful to you.
It brought you wealth.
Mom and dad are proud.
That's none of your business.
Are you happy?
No one has asked me for a long time.
Would you like to be?
You have to dare to walk towards the thing
that calls to you as yourself.
The connection to come has to be based on freedom.
Otherwise, the blessing will turn against itself.
The connection to come?
With who?
Do you see something?
What do you see?
Sometimes she gives more of herself than is good for her.
It's a good thing for you, but...
I don't understand anything.
I gave you 20 euros.
Hey, Järvinen! What's up?
Hey, how are you, man?
Did I interrupt something?
It was nothing.
Suit man! You'd better be brave!
Someone has to help them.
I gave her...
Sorry, I have to take this.
No problem.
I assume KT has not answered your messages either?
But she came to my live stream
and kept saying the same thing over and over.
I'd say
that we had a telepathic connection
and she asked me for help.
Asked you for help on a live stream?
Wow.
Yeah, exactly.
Is that why we came here?
She didn't show up at the salon today and didn't say anything.
If there really is reason to be worried,
we can call the police.
What?
No.
The police won't do anything at this point.
And that is why we will go to KT's apartment,
so we can get inside her energy field,
do you have her spare key?
Yeah, I have the spare key.
Maybe we should have a look,
since we're already here.
This is insane.
These are our glasses from yesterday.
Could it really be
- that she has not been here last night? - Mm-hm.
Why can't we contact her?
Let's gather around this table.
Minni, can you put that glass away?
Harri, put the books down.
Should I record this?
Your followers need to join.
We are about to enter a sacred moment.
We ask all of our spirit guides
to watch over this space,
so that we are in the energy of light and love,
and so that all messages come pure,
from a good source, and not from the dark side.
KT, this is Minni.
I'm worried about you. I miss you.
Calm down.
Let's make a connection.
Breathe.
Find a memory.
A moment that was significant with KT.
Let's focus on that memory.
Why do you want to be a social media witch?
Well, I want to
bring pagan values and way of life
to the attention of the general public.
So crystals and dream catchers?
Well, they're just a inducement.
Why do you want to be a social media witch?
Because I believe that
through my content people can find the courage to come out of the closet.
Why do you want to be a social media witch?
Why are you suddenly so interested?
Why did you want to be a social media witch?
Because I love it
when people praise me in the comments.
I believe in everything I preach.
So?
Witchcraft.
What is it?
Rituals, divination,
walking your own path.
So not adopting the teachings of your grandparents,
nurturing a connection with nature or listening to your intuition.
Followers are more interested in bling bling.
But I will become a real witch.
Are you a witch?
I don't even have green eyes.
Where is your strength, woman?
Think!
I am a spiritual person.
My mother was too.
She hung out a lot with the genie in the bottle.
And I couldn't save her from that.
I would have done anything.
I would do anything.
Still.
KT,
give us a sign.
Something we can't ignore.
What was that?
KT!
Stop it already.
The door is open.
You're crazy.
Me?
Wipe your nose.
I'm scared!
Let's go.
KT...
Stay inside my energy field.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Wow.
I think we weren't exactly in this world.
Can we grab coffee or something?
I don't want to be alone right now.
Yeah, let's go.
I think I'll go home.
Morning shift.
Are you sure?
Mm-hm.
Ground yourself.
You're eating something hefty.
You've just experienced something paranormal.
I don't want to talk about it.
I hope we hear from KT soon.
Exploiters belong in the compost!
That's where they belong.
Natural diversity is under threat.
That means
our very existence is being threatened too.
If humans continue with this kind of recklessness,
we'll lose everything.
Food, medicine, a place to live.
We need more harmony.
Human and nature!
Tapio, wouldn't it have been more effective
to station ourselves at a logging area?
We'll have an effect like this.
Tapio, you mentioned the compost.
Right?
There's something to fill it with.
Natura primus.
Hey! Hey!
Hey! You dropped this.
This is trash.
Could you take it to the trash can?
No.
Is this Hansel and Gretel or something?
Maybe.
Could you take this to the trash can?
Let's all just mind our own business.
Protecting nature is my business.
And yours.
Do you think this garbage will disintegrate just like that, huh?
I don't care.
Damn it...
Hey!
This needs to be taken to the trash can!
Natura Primus! Natura Primus!
Hey! Hey!
Would you really have hit me?
Would you really have hit a gay man?!
This is going viral.
The fact is that we opened a door to the spirit world
when we held that session.
The fact?
Oh, that's a fact?
A more believable fact would be that the insulation
in that apartment is asbestos
and we experienced some kind of collective hallucination.
You don't hallucinate from asbestos.
You don't from sessions either.
We called KT and she gave us a vision.
Why didn't she send a message?
I'll never be able to sleep again.
Stop it.
I wonder if we fell into a trance?
What?
Ancient Finnish witches and shamans
fell into a trance state.
They traveled to the underworld to ask for advice from the spirits of the dead.
Those who gained real power
could retrieve people's souls from there.
Or fragments of souls.
That was an instruction.
An omen, or
- a warning that we don't understand yet. - Omen?
Is this some kind of nightmare or what?
- Fragments of people's souls? - Yes.
When a person is traumatized,
fragments come out of their soul.
They have to be sewn back together,
otherwise the person dies.
Psychiatrists do that.
Nothing happened there.
The lights were out in the stairwell
and we were stumbled in the dark.
Why does this annoy you so much?
Nothing happened there that would annoy me.
I'm not annoyed.
Harri got into some trouble.
"I was almost beat up."
"Are you okay?"
"Apparently eating meat is a bigger crime than staining windows."
"Do you want to talk?"
He doesn't.
Did I really conceive such a freak?
Good morning!
You don't have to look good even in Mändälii.
Defense attorney Järvinen, please.
Elina, tell me your own view of the course of events
before you stabbed your partner.
I had promised Johnny
that food would be ready when he gets home from work.
I was making his favorite dish, perch fillets.
Johnny caught them himself on a fishing trip with the boys.
I was happy to cook them.
It always felt so safe when he brought home something like that.
Get to the point, please.
Take it easy, Elina.
It's okay.
Just tell me what happened.
I had cooked only half of them.
Johnny came home a little early.
He was so disappointed.
He had caught them with his own hands after all.
I just had to cook them.
Prosecutor Salo.
Could you describe the perch?
Striped. Red.
Larger than usual.
And you were only supposed to cook them?
Yes.
But you didn't?
It looked like they were smiling at me.
And you were cooking these perch at the time?
I rest my case.
Defense attorney Järvinen. Do you wish to add anything further?
Go ahead.
And when your partner came home
he behaved aggressively towards you?
Johnny has attacked me before.
Has attacked before...
Can you tell me where?
It happened in Mändälii.
Excuse me, where?
At our cottage.
In Mäskälä.
Yes.
Excuse me...
Can we take a short break?
Let's take a ten-minute break.
Thank you.
- Hey. - Hi
Hey, has everything been normal here?
Yes. Why?
And has nothing suspicious been found?
Found?
Anything hidden anywhere?
Or something like that.
Roger that.
Sorry, I have to go now.
No problem.
Radalla Resort, Harri speaking.
How can I help?
Please check if Ahtiainen's reservation is okay?
Sure.
Yes, all good.
Hello?
Yes.
The reservation is all good.
Welcome.
Hey, you had mail. 474b
"Greetings from Mändälii"
Dear witchlings.
Wonderful, there are so many of you here and...
I ask you for help now.
Channel light and strength for me.
My dear friend is out of reach.
Physically.
Since I am a witch,
I was able to connect with her yesterday during a session.
I ask that we all
connect to the same frequencies.
We open our senses and we clear a path
so that she can find her way back home.
The path of love, from Mändälii.
What are those?!
Witchcraft equipment.
We are transferring the wisdom of the old people here
to your daytime.
To be manifested in everyday life.
Yeah, I thought we could initiate these at the same time.
You don't need any of this
until you've found your true power.
Why did you do that?
Still only bling bling in mind?
Do you really want this?
I do, but my followers...
Your followers?
Do you think about them in this moment?
You have to overcome every single hell and madness
that's been placed in your path.
Until you don't care
what people think of you.
Then what?
Only then will you be ready to be initiated into witchcraft.
I want to help.
I want me to be initiated into witchcraft.
But I'll also learn
to do magic spells.
You will learn to not care
what others think of you.
And to live just the way that's right for you.
That's magic for modern people.
You'll learn to harness your every move so
things will really start to happen.
And if you still care about those followers at that point,
they'll find you.
Väki will start working with you.
- What is väki? - You're talking about energies.
I'm talking about power of väki.
It's everywhere!
Strongest is the väki of vulva.
The frenzy of the vulva is sturdy.
They bleed for a week only.
Bleeds, but a woman won't die.
The gateway to the sacred power of creation.
To youth and new life.
Blesses the spouse, who fell into the swamp.
Curses the faith of the far-sighted.
Show your cunt for the selected only,
do not abuse the power.
What the hell?
Your account has been reported.
Hi! Hello!
Are you be interested in a quick tarot reading?
We could peek behind the curtain of the future a little,
we could check the energies for today.
No thanks.
I used to ask cards for guidance every day.
I don't think they spoke to me in any way.
Mm. What kind of things did you ask guidance for?
Basic things.
Does my boyfriend really love me?
Is it worth applying for a job?
Yeah. Okay.
What about you?
I actually read them too,
I have a manual for reading them.
Have you ever thought that someone
more experienced interpreter could read the cards for you?
No, I have that manual.
- I've always read them... - Come on, Sammy.
She's not a real witch.
I'm speechless.
Is everything okay?
Yeah.
Actually, everything is not okay.
No shit, Nostradamus!
Someone reported my account,
I'm rapidly losing followers.
I have to call Angelma & Mäkelä.
Call the accounting firm about something like that?
It's not just an accounting firm.
They help me with everything.
You went from being a social media witch to being a normie.
I lost my job.
I have to do something unprecedented.
Become... A real witch.
Lulu.
Have you ever lied?
I mean, when do you do tricks
with those cards?
I don't do any tricks with tarot cards.
I channel information and insights through them.
I chose the death card for KT from the deck.
What? Why?
Harri, why?
Tarot cards are not just a fool's play.
It's a centuries-old way of interpreting the future.
KT ran away from death.
To Mändälii!
I was told about the same location.
Me too.
Could it be home of Ämmi?
Or the name of the farm or something?
KT said that Ämmi has gone crazy or something.
Could she be dangerous?
I don't think she would hurt KT?
I guess.
Let's take my van.
To Tyrväntö.
I can't find my makeup foundation.
KT sent me the location.
Good.
So she's okay.
Hey!
Oh my!
My first trip abroad.
Look at these eggheads.
Five people like this meet in Berlin.
We were united by loneliness,
that's what KT always said.
It was my prize trip,
after I finished my thesis and graduated.
We remember.
I had already been an au pair for six months.
A week off before returning home
I wandered around somewhere around Kreuzberg and wondered
what to do next.
There it was.
Tarot deck in the bookstore window.
Didn't you have something going with Kalle on that trip already?
Didn't everyone have something going with Kalle,
except me.
Why are you talking about me like I was not here?
It's KT who is missing.
We're off to see KT.
We could have been a good couple
if you didn't start messing with witchcraft.
Actually...
My ideal man is a real alpha.
Someone who brings his woman
prey he catches with his bare hands.
Like an animal himself.
Still, I feel like we're each other's twin flames.
It's a bit strange
that you eat meat, even though you're a total hippie, Lulu.
Strange?
We're all just parts of the food chain.
Fun fact!
What you consume is meant to strengthen you.
Then you choose for yourself
the kind of energy that is at the same time...
Hey, there's a gas station over there.
I need a makeup foundation.
Fill up the tank?
- Now that was an exceptionally ugly person. - Hey.
Hey.
Observation.
No offense.
I guess old age and ugliness don't always go hand in hand.
Nor do old age and wisdom.
What are we talking about here?
Absolute balderdash.
Then you just
slowly drift into lunacy.
It would be nice
if I could find a successor to my life's work, but
but I'm not going to chase gas station customers.
Gas nozzle in hand, yee-haw!
At some point
it's better to give up.
Why don't you pick up?
My love,
let's go home already?
I have my own home now.
You don't own anything.
Ah, you're so helpless
now that KT isn't there to help you.
When I see a pile of soft dough like you,
- I want to... - There's nothing real about you.
But you still listen to me.
I don't listen to you.
Because I'm the only one who's willing to love you.
- I have to go to the bathroom. - You always do.
- I dumped you already. - But I still never left.
KT left.
And soon everyone else will leave, too.
I'm the only one who stays.
Always with you!
Minni!
Let's go! Puke was over there!
There was no one there!
Anyone hasn't here in 20 years.
- Really? - No.
Not after
a couple ran their car through that wall.
Okay, how far are we from Mändälii?
The driver of the wrecked car could tell you, but
if you decide to leave now, then
you'll be there by evening.
Thank you.
We're on the same side.
Oh really?
Good luck.
Nothing's happened in 20 years
and now all this traffic.
Fill up the tank?
Puke is in jail.
He said terrible things.
Hey, even a first-time offender wouldn't have been released yet,
even with good behavior.
I peed on his face.
I'm crying so much that my eyelashes are falling off.
You don't need them.
You're gorgeous.
- Right now. - What do you mean?
Now that you're not pretending.
I noticed his selfish traits.
Come on, he's a full-fledged narcissist.
I should have supported him more.
I loved him.
Why? What did you love about him?
He's the only one who told me how beautifull am
every morning and evening.
And he brought me roses every day.
Until he moved in with you.
He didn't even have its own apartment.
We tried to tell you,
remember?
Yes, he called you names.
He assaulted you.
He lived on your wing and almost isolated you from us.
I thought I could...
I'm so dumb.
You're free from him.
Did you cut the crotch off his pants
before you threw him out?
I couldn't have done it without KT. 722b
Wait... who's actually driving this van?
Guidance... Thanks!
Wait a second!
How did we not notice?
What?
Well, anything, that someone jumped behind the wheel at the gas station
and started driving while we were
giving Minni a therapy session.
- Therapy session? - Really.
Some wacko is on the loose here
and you're just giggling about guidance.
This is Mändälii!
We can't just go in blind.
This is really sick.
We will wait here for her to respond.
I'm going to pee.
You can pee in the car!
And then empty the tank?
There could be anything out there!
We're in Mändälii,
nothing to worry about here.
We'll wait for you right here.
You can come with me, to shake it.
And remember to run really fast
when a monster comes.
My therapist told me to visit nature.
observe animals.
They don't care what others think of them.
Milfoil.
To relieve anxiety.
Some nettle
to strengthen physically.
Really?
KT's teachings.
Why haven't we heard anything from her?
We should ask tea leaves.
Take a cup.
Swirl the liquid
three times clockwise.
And then tip it over.
Well, what do you see?
No, what do you see?
Squint your eyes a little.
Until your vision becomes blurry.
And try it.
I think I see boobs?
Okay.
What do boobs represent to you?
Your boobs.
I still remember what they look like.
You would need to feed me
- a lot of worm cap... - Worm cap?
Only a few people know this,
but worm cap can really mess with your head.
Really?
Yeah, but...
Tell me.
Why do you have to mess up your head?
Don't...
KT has already moralized me enough...
Tell me.
I have said it.
Excellent grades.
Competitive floorball player.
Aced my law school entrance exam.
It's hard for me to achieve anything without...
My parents hate losers.
Your future true love thinks
you have to be brave and wake up that wild animal
that's been taught to only do tricks and
silenced with treats.
I screw up everything when I'm stressed.
What do I do then?
Then you'll go to the forest.
To dance naked
with your future true love.
Whoever that is.
I see you.
- Help! Help! - Lulu come here!
Harri!
What's wrong with you?!
Harri!
Kalle! Call an ambulance!
Where? Where should I tell it to come?
Call now!
Harri! Get up!
Boo!
So funny.
I just wanted to see
how fast my friends will come to help me.
Idiot.
I left my bag there!
I already asked who's driving that van?
KT!
Minni!
I'm going to get KT!
Don't let her go alone!
"I will become a real witch."
"Mom was, too."
"I would have done anything."
"I would do anything."
"Still would."
Hey, this location is no longer updating.
Should we stay here then?
I shared our location to the group chat.
Lulu, do you have your cards with you?
Why?
To have some entertainment.
We wouldn't be here, and KT wouldn't be missing,
if you hadn't misused those cards for a small laugh.
You can ask them
are there any murderers behind that tree or...
Stop it.
...Do we have to watch out for bears?
Stop it, you turn everything into a joke
when something gets to you. Why?
Yes you do.
Why?
My therapist told me
that it's hard to let go of a role you've adopted since childhood.
Still.
You should cry sometimes.
That's not something we would do.
That Christmas I was scared to saw the Christmas tree.
But I sawed it anyway.
That kind of things were important to my father.
He probably didn't remember at the Christmas table anymore.
And he didn't praise me for putting the tablecloth on.
And I didn't dare say that the liver casserole was cold.
And then Santa came.
He asked me if I wanted to sing to him or something.
And I told him a joke.
Would you like to sing to Santa?
Would you like to hear a joke?
Two grannies wanted to jam
but one got stuck in the jar.
Dad started laughing.
And he said, you're a funny boy.
You're a funny boy.
I did everything my father wanted,
but he never accepted me.
Except when I made him laugh.
Christmas was the warmest time for me.
That's terrible...
I'm sorry.
I do work on myself.
I'm hungry.
Close your eyes.
Do you see it?
There's a feast in front of us.
What's in it?
Anything.
Chicken.
Broiler.
Steak.
Chicken.
Broiler.
Steak.
Broiler. Steak! Chicken!
Broiler!
Steak! Chicken!
Chicken, broiler, steak...
The devil claims the one who dies on their feet.
Fear bites you in the ass.
The name of a witch demands it,
the sacrifice of one's own power.
Help the fading crone
to keep her from the casket.
You can save your friends,
by strengthening the dying...
There is a turning point coming, on the path of growth and change...
There is a turning point coming, on the path of growth and change.
"You have to be careful what you wish for, Lulu."
"The time for choices is over."
"You are my family."
"But so is Ämmi."
"My ideal man is a real alpha."
"Someone who brings his woman
prey that he caught with his bare hands."
"Like an animal himself."
The strongest is the väki of vulva.
The frenzy of the vulva is sturdy.
Ämmi!
"I promised to play this game with you until the end."
"Do you still want it?"