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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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"PINAKAMAGANDANG BLESSING
ANG KAKAYAHAN NATING TUMAWA"

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LAGING NAGBA-BACKOUT SI TRUMP

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{\an8}Mag-ingay para sa aking tropa, si Mo Amer!

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Tangina ni DJ Khaled.

7
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Oo.

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<i>Biteezak.</i>

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<i>Biteezak.</i>

10
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<i>Biteezak.</i>

11
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Ano talaga…

12
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Ginawa ko 'to do'n sa nakaraang special.
Ang meaning niya, "Pakyu."

13
00:01:34,708 --> 00:01:36,958
Kung di n'yo pa napanood,
ang meaning "Pakyu".

14
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Sa totoo lang, akala ko nga,
di ko na uli gagawin, e.

15
00:01:41,083 --> 00:01:44,583
Di ko naisip, kasi madalas akong
ma-<i>Biteezak </i>sa daan, e.

16
00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:48,916
Tapos laging Mexicans, laging Mexicano.

17
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Naglalakad ako sa daan
tapos siya, "Hoy, Mo!"

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Sa isip ko, "Wag kang lilingon, Mo.
Wag kang lilingon."

19
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"Sige na, bro.
Ako ang biggest fan mo, 'tol."

20
00:01:57,375 --> 00:01:59,416
Paglingon ko, <i>"Biteezak</i>, gago!"

21
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:00,750
Sabi ko, "Hay, naku!"

22
00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:03,625
"Bakit, Jose, ha?"

23
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,833
Pero si DJ Khaled, sigurado,
deserve niya ma-<i>Biteezak.</i>

24
00:02:07,916 --> 00:02:10,791
Dapat lang, <i>Biteezak.</i>

25
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Nakakalungkot kasi isa siya sa 'min, e.

26
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Palestinian siya,
tapos di siya nagsi-speak up.

27
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Ni hindi nga niya ina-acknowledge, e,
kaya mas nakakainis.

28
00:02:23,291 --> 00:02:26,416
Pero naka-follow pa rin ako sa kanya
sa Instagram.

29
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,375
Oo, tapos maraming nagme-message sa 'kin,

30
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"Bakit naka-follow ka pa rin
kay DJ Khaled?"

31
00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:33,458
Sabi ko,
"Para makita 'yong ginagawa niya."

32
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"Para pag-tripan ko si gago,
importante 'yon."

33
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Sobrang self-aware pa naman akong tao,
sobrang self-aware.

34
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Pero pag nakikita ko siya sa Instagram,
sasabihin ko, "Tanginamo baboy."

35
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"Gurang, gago, tabatsoy."

36
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"Matabang gurang, duwag, gago, taba."

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"Matabang panay kain ng maqluba,
tabatsoy, duwag."

38
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"Pare, bakit ka may side boobs?
Pucha, may side boobs?"

39
00:02:59,583 --> 00:03:02,500
"Matabang gurang na may side boob.
Tingnan mo, o, may boobs uli."

40
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"Another one, another boobs."

41
00:03:06,208 --> 00:03:08,000
Tapos sabi ng tropa, "Pare, mataba ka."

42
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'Ka ko, "Mataba na athletic, iba 'yon."

43
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"Binubuhat ko, 300 pounds, siya sandwich."

44
00:03:14,375 --> 00:03:16,541
"Matandang gago, duwag, mataba."

45
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Kasi dapat magsalita ka, e.

46
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Dapat magsalita, di pwedeng hindi.

47
00:03:21,791 --> 00:03:25,500
Sobrang importante ang sasabihin mo
at kung kailan, di ba?

48
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:29,708
No'ng sinusulat ko 'yong Season 2,
October 1 kami nakabalik galing sa strike.

49
00:03:29,791 --> 00:03:32,625
Tapos pagdating ng October 7,
sobrang naging magulo.

50
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Tapos nag-decide akong pumunta sa D.C.
para sumali sa rally ng JVP.

51
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Jewish Voice for Peace,
grupo ng mga batang…

52
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Gan'yan nga.

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Ang astig, mga batang Jewish people

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saka mga batang Palestinian
na gustong gawin 'yong tama.

55
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Tapos nasa Kongreso ako,
sabi nila, "Pwede kang mag-speech?"

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Sabi ko, "Medyo hindi ito 'yong stage
na nakasanayan ko,

57
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sa totoo lang."

58
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Sabi ko, "Sige, ako 'yong last."
Ayaw mo namang sa gitna ka

59
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kasi baka 'yong susunod,
"Tangina nila, patayin silang lahat!"

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Tapos sa diyaryo sa susunod na araw,

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"Anti-Semitic na Semitic
na komedyante kagabi

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sumali sa anti-Semitic na Semitic rally
sa Washington, D.C."

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Gusto ko kasing gamitin 'yong art ko.

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Feeling ko kasi,
huling malayang art form na ang stand-up.

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Kaya tinawagan ko ang D.C. Improv.

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Tapos sinabi ko,
"Gusto kong gamitin 'yong venue

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"na nag-sold out ako
lagpas isang daang beses sa career ko."

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Pero umayaw sila. Sabi ko, "Naku."

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Sabi ko sa manager ko,

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"Wala akong paki kahit saang venue,
hanapan mo 'ko"

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Ang ironic sa nangyari, 'yong venue
na pumayag na gawin ko 'yong gagawin ko,

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e, isang gay German beer bar.

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Sabi nila, "Oo, gusto namin si Mo Amer,
please, sige.

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"Dito na kayo, ooh, sige."

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00:04:52,541 --> 00:04:55,041
"Payakap nga, huggable ka.
Oo, ayos lang, sige."

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Sabi niya, "Sa basement namin kayo,
Monday at Tuesday.

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00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:01,291
"Kaso nga lang,
fully booked kami sa Wednesday. Ha?"

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00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:04,500
Sabi ko, "Wag n'yo nang ipaalam
ang mangyayari dito sa Wednesday."

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Nagawa naman, na-record,
pero di ko nilabas.

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Masyado kasing galit at emosyonal, e.

81
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Saka nag-focus na lang ako sa nag-iisang
Palestinian-American show sa television.

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Do'n ko gustong mag-focus.

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Ever!

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Binigay ko lahat ng energy ko do'n.
'Yong puso't kaluluwa ko nando'n.

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Tapos pansamantala,
may mga pop-up ako sa Houston.

86
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Maliliit na show,
para lang kumustahin 'yong community ko.

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Tapos sa gulat ko,

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lahat ng mga galit na white people,
inuubos 'yong mga ticket.

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Pagdating ko sa show isang gabi,
di ko pa hawak 'yong mic,

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may babae,
"Sabihin mo 'yan sa kanila, baby.

91
00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:47,208
"Sabihin mo mismo ang nararamdaman mo.

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"Sabi nila, mag-research daw ako.

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"Nag-research nga ako."

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Ang lala ng Israel,

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ngayon, pati mga redneck
sumusuporta na sa Palestine? Grabe.

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Tinanong ko,
"Ma'am, ano'ng pangalan n'yo?"

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00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:10,125
Sabi niya, "Myrtle." Sabi ko, "Myrtle?"

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00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:12,291
'Ka ko, "Pucha, Myrtle,

99
00:06:12,375 --> 00:06:15,000
"dadalhin kita sa bawat news interview ko

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"mula ngayon hanggang mamatay ako."

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Lalo na sa mga interview na

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minsan 'yong mga journalists
gusto kang paikutin o ano.

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Ganito sila sa 'yo,
"Mo, bago natin pag-usapan ang Season 2,

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kinokondena mo ba ang Hamas?"

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00:06:29,041 --> 00:06:31,291
Tapos ako, "Teka. Myrtle, please?"

106
00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:36,208
"Ako'ng bahala, Mohammed,
Akong bahala, baby, oo.

107
00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:40,416
"Ano, e, pinapaikot mo
'yong tropa kong si Mohammed, e.

108
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:44,458
"Uh-huh, pucha gotcha question 'yan, e.
Lose-lose tayo d'yan, ika nga nila.

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00:06:44,541 --> 00:06:47,375
"Uh-huh, turuan kaya kita
para di ka tatanga-tanga?

110
00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:50,916
"Narinig mo na ba ang Nakba? Ha? Hindi?

111
00:06:52,458 --> 00:06:58,250
"Noong 1948, pinalayas nila
ang mahigit 750,000 Palestinians.

112
00:06:58,333 --> 00:07:01,791
"Nasa 500 villages ang sinira nila.
Ewan kung ilan do'n ang pinatay nila.

113
00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:04,541
"Hindi, Mohammed, hayaan mo 'ko,
baby, hayaan mo 'ko.

114
00:07:05,916 --> 00:07:07,958
"Nagbasa pa ako, nag-research pa,

115
00:07:08,041 --> 00:07:11,875
"tapos nalaman ko na may half a million
Palestinian na nasa Santiago, Chile.

116
00:07:11,958 --> 00:07:15,041
"Sabi ko, pucha,
ano'ng ginagawa nila sa Santiago, Chile?

117
00:07:16,208 --> 00:07:19,250
"Binusisi ko pa, tapos nalaman ko
karamihan sa kanila, Christian.

118
00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:23,625
"Sabi ko, teka, Palestinian,
Christian, Bethlehem, Nazareth.

119
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:27,333
"Diyos ko, Palestinian si Jesus.
Gulat na gulat ako."

120
00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:39,583
"Malamang Palestinian siya,
kaya nga siya gustong patayin ng mga Jew."

121
00:07:39,666 --> 00:07:44,416
"Hoy, relax lang. Time-out muna, Myrtle,
time-out. Naku, easy ka lang."

122
00:07:45,708 --> 00:07:47,208
Minsan sumosobra sila, e.

123
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:58,208
Alam n'yo ba na may four cities sa America
na Palestine din ang pangalan.

124
00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:00,291
Nagkataon, 'yong isa nasa Texas.

125
00:08:00,375 --> 00:08:03,458
Iniisip ko lang sa broadcast na 'to,
may dalawang Texan

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00:08:03,541 --> 00:08:07,041
na nakatira sa Palestine, Texas,
na nalilito, gets n'yo?

127
00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:10,041
Sasabihin nila, "Ano bang nangyayari
sa Palestine, Jebediah?

128
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:12,083
"Okay naman lahat dito."

129
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:17,500
"Di 'yong Palestine dito,
'yong original na Palestine, Palestine."

130
00:08:17,583 --> 00:08:19,916
"Teka, may iba pang Palestine?"

131
00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,208
"Oo, kung sa'n galing si Jesus."

132
00:08:23,291 --> 00:08:25,583
"Teka, galing sa Texas si Jesus?"

133
00:08:27,125 --> 00:08:30,458
"Oo, siya na si Hesus ngayon.
Siya si Hesus."

134
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,541
Pagpalain siya nawa.

135
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:39,583
Baka magulat kayo.

136
00:08:39,666 --> 00:08:43,083
Isa sa close friends ko,
tinulungan niya ako sa show, Jewish siya.

137
00:08:43,166 --> 00:08:46,333
Nakakatawa, kasi ang tawag niya
sa sarili niya, recovering Zionist.

138
00:08:47,041 --> 00:08:49,083
Di ko naisip na no'ng ginagawa 'yong show,

139
00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:51,333
may sariling emosyon
din siyang pinagdadaanan.

140
00:08:51,416 --> 00:08:53,916
Lalapit siya sa 'kin, sasabihin,
"Mo, may naisip ako."

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00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,166
Sabi ko, "Ano?" Sabi niya,
"Alam ko na kung ano ang Israel sa 'kin."

142
00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:58,125
Sabi ko, "Ano?"

143
00:08:58,208 --> 00:09:00,875
Sabi niya, "Parang baby mo 'yong Israel

144
00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:04,916
"na mahal na mahal mo, tapos,
paglaki niya naging school shooter."

145
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,041
Sabi ko, "Tangina, a."

146
00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:11,083
Di ako ang nagsabi, ha?
Siya. Alam n'yo 'yon?

147
00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:14,125
Alam n'yo na kung bakit bawal mag-phone?

148
00:09:25,916 --> 00:09:29,666
Sa totoo lang,
naiinggit ako sa mga Jewish people.

149
00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:33,583
Totoo, kasi ang gagaling n'yo,
nagtutulungan kayo.

150
00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:36,250
Di ba? Pag may Jewish
na may-ari ng bagel shop,

151
00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:38,625
lahat nagtutulungan,
saka nagkakasundo sa presyo.

152
00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:41,625
Sasabihin nila,
"O, sino'ng may-ari ng bagel shop?"

153
00:09:41,708 --> 00:09:43,666
Bad Jewish impression ko 'to, ha?

154
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:47,208
"May bagels ka? May-ari ka ng bagel bitty.
Nasa 'yo 'yong bagel."

155
00:09:47,916 --> 00:09:50,625
"Okay, $5, lahat payag na $5?"

156
00:09:50,708 --> 00:09:53,000
"Okey, $5 na."

157
00:09:53,083 --> 00:09:55,375
Pero pag mga Arabo naman,
ang lala namin ngayon.

158
00:09:55,458 --> 00:09:59,333
Malala! Sobrang lala! Ang lala talaga!

159
00:09:59,416 --> 00:10:02,208
Di kami ganito dati, hindi,
pero ngayon, oo.

160
00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:04,375
Sa dami naming magagandang naimbento,

161
00:10:04,458 --> 00:10:08,083
mga university, algebra, sabon. Oo, gago.

162
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:11,666
Sabon, kape, lahat 'yon.
Pero ayaw naming magtulungan.

163
00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:13,833
Kung may falafel shop ang isang Arabo,

164
00:10:13,916 --> 00:10:16,333
tapos may isa pa sa kabilang kanto,

165
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:19,083
ganito siya, "Magkano? $4.99?

166
00:10:19,166 --> 00:10:21,208
"Tangina mo, $3.99."

167
00:10:22,583 --> 00:10:24,625
"$3.99, tangina mo, $2.99."

168
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,458
"$2.99, libre na, tangina mo, free."

169
00:10:29,208 --> 00:10:31,416
"Kukuha ako ng loan,
malulugi tayo at mamamatay."

170
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,458
"Salamat sa Diyos."

171
00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:36,125
Ano ba'ng ginagawa natin?

172
00:10:37,833 --> 00:10:40,708
Ano'ng ginagawa natin?
Ang hirap na nga dito, e.

173
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:44,791
Hindi madaling gawin 'yong Season 2.

174
00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:46,750
Hindi madaling gawin.

175
00:10:46,833 --> 00:10:50,125
No'ng ginagawa ko siya saka after,
nakikinig pa lang ako ng comments,

176
00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:51,958
sobrang nakakainis na, e.

177
00:10:52,041 --> 00:10:55,333
May comment akong nakita,
ang sabi… isipin mo 'to, ha?

178
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:59,458
Sabi, "Mo, napanood ko 'yong Season 2,
Episode 8.

179
00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:02,125
"Pinagmumukha mong masama ang IDF, Mo.

180
00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:04,750
"Pinagmumukha mong masama."

181
00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,750
Sabi ko, "Pinagmumukha ko…

182
00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:12,458
"na masama ang pagsakop ng Israel?
Ako ang gumawa no'n?

183
00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:16,166
"Isama mo pa na kina-carpet-bomb nila
ang isang buong civilian population?

184
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:18,875
"Tangina mo, umalis ka dito, please."

185
00:11:22,791 --> 00:11:24,791
Kalokohan.

186
00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:27,458
Wag magtiwala sa gobyerno,
dapat makakaasa tayo sa sarili.

187
00:11:27,541 --> 00:11:29,958
Kaya nga ito 'yong pinili kong location.

188
00:11:30,041 --> 00:11:33,000
Nasa kabilang kalye lang
'yong mga baliw, 'no?

189
00:11:33,708 --> 00:11:36,125
Gusto kong sabihin
na di kami takot, nandito kami.

190
00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:38,833
Wala akong paki sa ginagawa n'yo,
magkakasama kami.

191
00:11:41,625 --> 00:11:43,125
Di n'yo kami matatakot.

192
00:11:44,541 --> 00:11:46,000
Di n'yo kami matatakot.

193
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,500
Ang katotohanan ay katotohanan, man.

194
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:52,375
Wala akong tiwala sa gobyerno.
Ano ba'ng nangyayari sa kanila?

195
00:11:52,458 --> 00:11:55,875
Mga weird na mga relasyon,
si Elon Musk, nag-break sila.

196
00:11:55,958 --> 00:11:58,958
Ewan ko- Saka weird si Elon Musk na tao,
aminin n'yo.

197
00:11:59,041 --> 00:12:01,291
Di nga yata totoong tao 'yon, tingin ko.

198
00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:05,041
May human skin suit siya
na laging pumapalpak.

199
00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:09,708
Di siya totoo, may chip sa utak 'yon.
Tapos nagre-restart lang lagi.

200
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:17,291
Ayaw kong pag-usapan ang mga bata,
pero 'yong anak niya sa Oval Office sabi,

201
00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:21,541
"Tumahimik ka. Tahimik.
Isara mo 'yang bibig mo, puta"

202
00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:24,833
Di ko alam kung sinabi niyang "puta,"
pero parang gano'n kalala, e.

203
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:28,875
Sino ba 'yon? Si E equals MC squared.
Kaso di ako magaling sa math.

204
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,291
Tapos 'yong tatay niya,
nasa biggest stage sa mundo,

205
00:12:32,375 --> 00:12:35,666
wala sa sarili, nasa biggest stage
sa mundo tapos gumaganito…

206
00:12:40,666 --> 00:12:44,875
Di ko gagawin 'yong buong salute,
pero alam n'yo na 'yon. 'Yong ano…

207
00:12:48,708 --> 00:12:54,041
"Anti-Semitic, Semitic, white supremacist
na komedyante kagabi sa Washington, D.C.,

208
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:57,916
dere-deretsong nag Nazi-salute."

209
00:12:58,833 --> 00:13:00,333
'Yong picture ko sa diyaryo.

210
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,916
Di siya totoong tao. Hindi.

211
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,375
Feeling ko pag nakita ko siya ulit,
ita-try kong alisin 'yong mukha niya.

212
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,250
Pag inalis ko yata 'yong muhka niya,

213
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:15,958
nando'n 'yong maliit na character
sa <i>Men in Black</i>, e.

214
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:21,000
Tapos sasabihin, "Ang sikreto ng universe

215
00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:24,708
ay nasa listahan ni Epstein."

216
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,083
"Ano'ng nasa listahan?"
"Listahan ni Epstein."

217
00:13:29,166 --> 00:13:31,541
"Ano ang nasa listahan?" "Epstein."

218
00:13:33,666 --> 00:13:35,916
Hindi!

219
00:13:36,625 --> 00:13:38,625
Hindi na natin malalaman.

220
00:13:42,458 --> 00:13:46,083
Pag pinupunasan ko 'yong noo ko, seryoso,
feeling ko ako si Louis Armstrong.

221
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:49,083
<i>I see trees of green</i>

222
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,958
<i>Red roses too</i>

223
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,333
<i>I see them bloom</i>

224
00:13:55,416 --> 00:13:58,000
<i>From me and you</i>

225
00:13:58,833 --> 00:14:01,291
<i>And I think to myself</i>

226
00:14:01,958 --> 00:14:04,958
<i>What a wonderful world</i>

227
00:14:05,041 --> 00:14:07,083
Nice one, pare, suwabe 'yon.

228
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:09,750
Astig 'yon.

229
00:14:12,583 --> 00:14:14,041
Bale, 'yong mundo ko

230
00:14:14,541 --> 00:14:17,166
talagang nagbago na, kasi may baby na ako.

231
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:19,000
Oo.

232
00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:23,583
Naghahanap nga lang ako
ng magiging ina niya, saka…

233
00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:26,750
Muslim kasi ako,
may tatlong slots pa, kaya…

234
00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:36,875
I-joke ko raw 'yon,
favorite ng asawa ko 'yong joke.

235
00:14:36,958 --> 00:14:39,083
Seryoso nga, gusto niya talaga.

236
00:14:39,166 --> 00:14:40,875
Gustong-gusto niya 'yong joke.

237
00:14:40,958 --> 00:14:43,875
E di, nasa Doha kami,
may show ako para sa 5,000 na tao.

238
00:14:43,958 --> 00:14:45,375
Bago sa stage, sabi niya,

239
00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:48,625
"Sabihin mo 'yong joke na 'yon,
kailangan, matatawa sila."

240
00:14:48,708 --> 00:14:52,208
Sabi ko, "Una sa lahat, wala kang alam
sa stand-up comedy, okay?"

241
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:54,416
"Pangalawa, geographically,

242
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:57,083
malala 'tong lugar na 'to,
para sa joke na 'yon."

243
00:14:57,875 --> 00:15:01,416
Sabi niya, "Bakit?" 'Ka ko,
"Kasi nando'n lahat ng mga asawang babae."

244
00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:05,250
Pero ginawa ko pa rin para sa kanya.

245
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:08,916
Tapos wala, ni isa, walang tumawa.
Tapos may narinig ako gumanito…

246
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,625
Pagkatingin ko, 'yong asawa ko pala.
Naisip ko, "Ayos, a."

247
00:15:14,833 --> 00:15:16,500
"Maraming salamat honey, ayos."

248
00:15:18,875 --> 00:15:23,166
Grabe rin kasi, siya 'yong nabuntis,
pero ako 'yong may symptoms.

249
00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:26,041
Totoo 'to, ang tawag sympathy symptoms.

250
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:28,416
Lahat meron. Siya 'yong buntis,
ako 'yong nahihilo,

251
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,916
may diarrhea ako, nagsusuka ako lagi.

252
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,666
Sobrang okay niya. Nagja-jogging siya,
pucha, nagyoyoga pa at kung ano.

253
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:37,083
Sobrang okay. Tuwing umaga nagsusuka ako.

254
00:15:39,916 --> 00:15:41,416
Sasabihan ako, "Ayos ka lang?"

255
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:44,041
Sabi ko, "Bitch, buntis ako. Maawa ka."

256
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,958
"Masakit ba 'yong boobs mo?
Kasi may nafi-feel ako."

257
00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:52,291
Grabe, pero lahat ng symptoms ko nawala

258
00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:55,291
no'ng narinig ko
'yong heartbeat ng baby ko, promise.

259
00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:59,166
Lahat. Sabi n'yo "Aw". Ako natuwa, e.
Parang, "Pwede na akong magyosi uli."

260
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,583
'Ka ko, "Salamat sa Diyos."

261
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:03,958
Sabi ko, "Buntis ka, ako hindi."

262
00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:07,583
Tapos siniguro ko na 'yong doktor
saka 'yong ospital, dapat lang,

263
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:10,750
Tapos kinausap niya 'yong
mayamang white friend niya, si Denise.

264
00:16:10,833 --> 00:16:14,958
Tapos sabi ni Denise,
"Kumuha kayo ng doula saka midwife

265
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,166
"saka mag-natural home birth kayo."

266
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:21,333
Sabi ko, "Wag kang magtiwala kay Denise,
nagsasapatos sa bahay 'yan

267
00:16:21,416 --> 00:16:24,500
"tapos sa labas walang sapatos.
Wag kang maniwala sa gagang 'yon."

268
00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:34,458
Wala akong gustong baguhin, 'ka ko,
"May doktor pa rin tayo."

269
00:16:34,541 --> 00:16:38,166
Imi-meet namin 'tong doula saka midwife,
maganda ang reputasyon nila.

270
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:42,500
Pero pagpasok namin, sabi nila,
"Welcome sa midwifery services."

271
00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:46,583
Pero 'yong salitang midwifery, honestly,
medyo nakaka-off. Di ba?

272
00:16:46,666 --> 00:16:51,541
Para kasing may magic na kasama
o ano, e. Midwifery!

273
00:16:51,625 --> 00:16:55,458
Ewan, weird lang. Pero ano rin,
nakasuot sila ng football jersey

274
00:16:55,541 --> 00:16:58,041
na may nakasulat sa likod
"Number one home birther".

275
00:16:58,125 --> 00:16:59,625
Parang, "Ganito na tayo?"

276
00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:02,791
"Si Tom Brady 'yong magpapaanak sa 'tin?
Ang weird."

277
00:17:02,875 --> 00:17:06,083
Pero tinuloy namin, kinuha namin sila,
pero di nila ako ni-ready.

278
00:17:06,166 --> 00:17:09,791
Di nila sinabing, "Mo, ito 'yong gagawin
pag may contraction na."

279
00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:11,458
Wala. Narinig ko lang…

280
00:17:17,666 --> 00:17:19,500
Akala ko nasapian 'yong bahay, e.

281
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:20,458
Nagdasal ako, e.

282
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:23,500
Protektahan nawa ako ng Diyos.
Wala nang hihigit pa sa Diyos.

283
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:27,875
Nagsindi pa 'ko ng insenso saka sage.
Pucha, kahit ano'ng kailangan.

284
00:17:27,958 --> 00:17:30,791
Tapos pumasok ako,
nasa gitna siya ng contraction. Ganito…

285
00:17:32,333 --> 00:17:36,166
Tapos ang tanga-tanga ng tanong ko.
"Time na ba?"

286
00:17:37,041 --> 00:17:38,916
Sabi niya, "Pucha, ano pa nga ba?"

287
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,375
Sabi ko, "Sorry." Tumawag ako, sabi ko,

288
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:43,666
"Hello, mga bruhang kumadrona, ganito."

289
00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:47,500
"May contractions na siya,
Di ko alam ang gagawin."

290
00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:49,541
"Tawag ka uli pag five minutes apart na."

291
00:17:49,625 --> 00:17:51,750
Sabi ko, "Ayos." Binaba ko 'yong telepono.

292
00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:54,708
Bumalik ako sa kuwarto,
may contraction siya uli.

293
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,500
Kaya binigyan ko siya ng advice.

294
00:17:58,583 --> 00:18:01,583
Sabi ko, "Honey, ibuka mo lang
'yong legs mo, ha?

295
00:18:01,666 --> 00:18:04,375
"Lambutan mo 'yong hips mo,
ibuka mo 'yong legs."

296
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:07,541
Sabi niya,
"Di mo alam ang pinagsasasabi mo!"

297
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:09,291
Sabi ko, "Tama ka.

298
00:18:10,291 --> 00:18:12,500
"Di ko alam ang pinagsasasabi ko,

299
00:18:12,583 --> 00:18:14,125
"pero ginusto mo 'to.

300
00:18:14,708 --> 00:18:16,583
"Gusto mo ng natural home birth,

301
00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:20,458
"e di ngayon, komedyante ang magpapaanak
sa 'yo. 'Yon ang mangyayari.

302
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,625
"Knock knock, who's there?
Si Mo Amer, siya 'yong nandito.

303
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:30,333
"Di kita ginagago. Pag pinagdikit mo
ang mga tuhod mo, walang lalabas!"

304
00:18:31,375 --> 00:18:33,041
Tapos may contraction uli.

305
00:18:33,125 --> 00:18:35,750
Tapos gumalaw siya nang weird,
parang surfer, ganito…

306
00:18:38,125 --> 00:18:41,500
Kaya sabi ko, "Ganyan nga, baby,
sakyan mo 'yong alon, ganito."

307
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,375
Sabi, "Tumahimik ka.
Di mo alam pinagsasasabi mo!"

308
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:48,458
'Ka ko, "Oo nga." Tumawag ako,
sabi ko, "Mga bruhang kumadrona, ganito.

309
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:52,291
"Mag-jersey na kayo, game na."

310
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:00,541
Siyempre,

311
00:19:00,625 --> 00:19:02,750
no'ng dumating, naka-jersey nga talaga.

312
00:19:03,666 --> 00:19:06,333
Pumasok sa kuwarto
'yong doula saka midwife.

313
00:19:06,416 --> 00:19:08,791
Maya-maya,
may contraction na uli 'yong asawa ko.

314
00:19:11,041 --> 00:19:16,000
Sabi ng doula, "Baby, ibuka mo 'yong legs.
Lambutan 'yong hips."

315
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:19,166
Sabi ng asawa ko, "Wag kang magsasalita."

316
00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:23,000
'Ka ko, "Wala akong sinasabi,"
Tapos parang surfer siya uli. Ganito…

317
00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:27,666
Tapos sabi ng doula, "Ganyan nga baby,
sakyan mo parang alon, ganito."

318
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,666
Di ko napigilan,
"Pucha, sabi sa 'yo, e!" Sabay walk out.

319
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:36,500
Nag-smoke ako ng joint,
seryoso, lumabas ako.

320
00:19:36,583 --> 00:19:39,375
Naisip ko,
"Nakaka-overwhelm 'to, ano'ng nangyayari"

321
00:19:40,625 --> 00:19:44,083
'Tong kawawang babae, 27 hours na,

322
00:19:44,625 --> 00:19:46,541
tapos walang epidural,

323
00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:50,750
na-stuck sa six centimeters
sa huling seven hours.

324
00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:53,583
Okay? Nagti-twerk siya nang walang music.

325
00:19:53,666 --> 00:19:56,416
Di na niya maramdaman 'yong legs niya.

326
00:19:57,625 --> 00:20:01,375
Sa isip ko, "Kaka-twerk mo nang ganyan,
bubuntisin kita uli, sweetheart."

327
00:20:02,041 --> 00:20:03,791
Di ko sinabi, pero naisip ko.

328
00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:07,500
Tumawag ako ng timeout,
"Game over, mga bruhang kumadrona.

329
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,791
"Dadalhin ko na siya sa ospital.
Sobra na 'to."

330
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,416
Pinasok ko siya, sabi ng nurse,
"Ano'ng nangyayari?"

331
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:16,791
'Ka ko, "27 hours na siyang nagle-labor,
stuck sa 6 centimeters last seven hours.

332
00:20:16,875 --> 00:20:19,375
Sabi, "Bakit alam mo?"
'Ka ko, "Ako 'yong nurse."

333
00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:21,916
Sabi niya, "Diyos ko,
kailangan siyang maipasok agad."

334
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,916
"Kailangan niya ng epidural,
kailangan ma-sanitize nang buo.

335
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,083
"Kaya kailangan mo nang umalis."
Sabi ko, "Ayos."

336
00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:31,750
Lumabas ako sa harap ng ospital,
nagsindi uli, sobrang stressed ko, e.

337
00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:37,541
Tapos nag-text siya galing
sa hospital bed. Sabi niya, "Diyos ko,

338
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:39,500
"sobrang bumuti 'yong pakiramdam ko.

339
00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:44,041
"May contraction ako habang ka-text kita,
pero di ko nafi-feel."

340
00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:49,916
Dito talaga ako nainis, e, sabi niya,
"Oh my God, ang tanga-tanga natin."

341
00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:57,250
Nag-init 'yong ulo ko, "Natin?
idadamay mo pa ako sa kalokohang 'to?

342
00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,541
"Sinabi nang
wag 'tong midwife, midwife, e"

343
00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:02,208
Delete.

344
00:21:03,250 --> 00:21:05,083
Mali 'yon, mali.

345
00:21:11,458 --> 00:21:15,666
Sabi ko, "Honey, gusto kong suportahan ka
sa home birth journey mo, e.

346
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:18,416
"Pero alam kong malaking red flag 'to

347
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:21,500
"no'ng putang ina,
nakasuot sila ng football jersey!"

348
00:21:21,583 --> 00:21:23,916
Delete.

349
00:21:24,458 --> 00:21:28,041
Sabi ko, "Honey, masaya ako na masaya ka."
Send. Gano'n.

350
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:37,916
Umakyat ako sa hospital room,
ngayon pareho na kaming high, gets?

351
00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:42,333
Sabi niya, "Uy." Sabi ko, "Uy."

352
00:21:44,708 --> 00:21:46,208
Tapos gagawin niya ulit,

353
00:21:46,291 --> 00:21:50,500
"Mas madali talaga, sobrang tanga natin."
Sabi ko, "Oo, sobra."

354
00:21:54,333 --> 00:21:57,041
'Yong kawawang babae,
stuck uli sa six centimeters,

355
00:21:57,125 --> 00:21:59,208
halos seven hours na uli 'yong lumipas.

356
00:21:59,291 --> 00:22:02,833
Sa wakas, nagpakita 'yong doktor.
Sabi, "Kailangan nang ilabas 'yong baby."

357
00:22:02,916 --> 00:22:05,583
Sabi ko, "Aba malamang,
kailangang ilabas 'yong baby.

358
00:22:05,666 --> 00:22:07,500
"Breaking news, kailangang nang ilabas,

359
00:22:07,583 --> 00:22:10,875
"'yon nga ang pinaka-purpose
ng ginagawa dito, ilabas 'yong baby."

360
00:22:10,958 --> 00:22:13,625
Sabi, "Relax,
pero kailangan nating mag-cesarian."

361
00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:17,500
'Ka ko, "Ang akin lang, gawin natin
ang best para sa asawa ko saka sa baby."

362
00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:19,625
Tapos may pinakilala siyang doktor.

363
00:22:19,708 --> 00:22:24,000
Sabi, "Tutulungan niya ako
para sa delivery at procedure ng anak mo."

364
00:22:24,083 --> 00:22:26,333
Pagtingin ko, may suot siyang yarmulke.

365
00:22:26,416 --> 00:22:29,875
Sa isip ko, "Setup 'to. Setup!

366
00:22:30,791 --> 00:22:34,041
"Gustong kunin ng Mossad
'yong Palestinian Baby ko!"

367
00:22:35,166 --> 00:22:38,458
Nakakainis na ganito ako, Diyos ko.
Tapos lumapit sabay sabing,

368
00:22:38,541 --> 00:22:39,458
"Salam alaikum."

369
00:22:39,541 --> 00:22:42,583
Sa isip ko, "Asa, 'yan din
ang sasabihin ko pag Mossad ako, oo."

370
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,791
"Wa alaikum salam."

371
00:22:49,958 --> 00:22:53,416
Tapos lumapit siya,
kinausap niya 'yong asawa ko,

372
00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:56,875
pero ako talaga 'yong kinakausap niya.
Nabisto ko, e, sabi,

373
00:22:56,958 --> 00:23:01,708
"Ganito. Bilang Moroccan Jew, tutulong ako
sa pag-deliver ng anak n'yo.

374
00:23:01,791 --> 00:23:05,333
"Uulitin ko, bilang Moroccan Jew
na naniniwala sa Diyos,

375
00:23:05,416 --> 00:23:08,291
"nandito lang ako para tumulong
i-deliver ang anak mo."

376
00:23:08,375 --> 00:23:10,166
'Ka ko, "Gets ko 'yong ginagawa mo, e.

377
00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:14,708
"Pagpasok mo, nakita mo, Palestinian ako,
tapos ayaw mo ng political conversation.

378
00:23:14,791 --> 00:23:17,708
"Nag-salam alaikum ka para kumalma.
Kinausap mo 'yong asawa ko,

379
00:23:17,791 --> 00:23:20,708
"sinabi mo, Moroccan Jew ka
saka taga-North Africa para sabihing,

380
00:23:20,791 --> 00:23:24,000
"Halos Arabo na rin ako, pero hindi,
muntik na, pero parang.

381
00:23:24,791 --> 00:23:26,875
"Jewish ako, pero hindi Zionist.
Okay lang ba?"

382
00:23:26,958 --> 00:23:30,333
'Ka ko, "Oo na, okay,
pero babantayan kita, Dr. Mossad."

383
00:23:31,166 --> 00:23:33,708
Tapos binigyan nila 'ko no'ng
one-size-fit na scrub.

384
00:23:33,791 --> 00:23:36,541
Na hindi totoo, ha?
Hindi siya pwede sa lahat.

385
00:23:36,625 --> 00:23:39,416
Ganito ako maglakad sa delivery room, e.

386
00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:42,250
Tapos para akong baliw,
pinanood ko 'yong buong operation.

387
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:45,625
Sabi nila wala pa raw gumagawa no'n
sa history ng lahat ng operation.

388
00:23:45,708 --> 00:23:47,541
Akala mo alam ko 'yong ginagawa nila, e.

389
00:23:47,625 --> 00:23:50,583
"Kidney ba 'yan?
May dalawa siya, alisin mo.

390
00:23:50,666 --> 00:23:52,458
"Okay lang, alisin mo lang."

391
00:23:52,541 --> 00:23:55,250
Tapos sa wakas ayan na 'yong anak ko,
tapos sila, "Picture."

392
00:23:55,333 --> 00:23:59,250
'Ka ko, "Ayokong mag-picture."
Sabi niya, "Picture-an mo."

393
00:23:59,333 --> 00:24:00,458
Sabi ko, "Bro!

394
00:24:00,541 --> 00:24:04,500
"Forty hours na sa checkpoint na 'to
'yong Palestinian baby ko.

395
00:24:10,375 --> 00:24:12,416
"Wala nang oras para sa pictures."

396
00:24:13,208 --> 00:24:15,541
E di nilinis ko siya,
tapos binigay ko sa mama niya.

397
00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:18,541
Umiiyak pa siya no'n,
akala ko mao-overwhelm ako.

398
00:24:18,625 --> 00:24:21,333
Pero wala. Wala akong naramdaman,
Tina-try ko, e, parang…

399
00:24:22,416 --> 00:24:23,958
Walang nangyari.

400
00:24:24,041 --> 00:24:28,208
Sabi nila totoo raw 'to.
Sa mga lalake, late nangyayari.

401
00:24:28,291 --> 00:24:31,916
Mabuti na lang nangyari siya no'ng
ginawa ko 'yong skin-to-skin.

402
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,875
Nilagay ko siya sa chest ko
tapos naiyak talaga ako.

403
00:24:34,958 --> 00:24:37,541
Talagang naiyak ako, sabi ko, "Diyos ko.

404
00:24:38,291 --> 00:24:40,958
"Diyos ko, baby nga, baby.

405
00:24:41,791 --> 00:24:44,791
"Aayusin ko 'yong 401K ko
<i>habibi</i>, kailangang nang magtino.

406
00:24:46,583 --> 00:24:49,375
"Aalagaan ka ni Baba.
Wag kang mag-alala, <i>habibi</i>.

407
00:24:50,250 --> 00:24:53,333
"Siya nga pala,
pinangalan kita sa great-grandfather mo.

408
00:24:53,416 --> 00:24:56,500
"Pati sa lolo mo,
saka sa great-great-great-grandfather mo.

409
00:24:56,583 --> 00:24:59,875
"Pati great-great…
nasa pito 'yong Muslim names mo, <i>habibi</i>.

410
00:24:59,958 --> 00:25:02,708
"Talagang mahihirapan kang lumaki
sa America.

411
00:25:02,791 --> 00:25:04,125
"Sobrang hirap.

412
00:25:05,041 --> 00:25:08,708
"Pero alam mo mismo
kung sa'n ka galing, <i>habibi</i>."

413
00:25:08,791 --> 00:25:12,250
Tapos pumasok 'yong nurse,
"Okay ka lang?" Sabi ko, "Okay lang."

414
00:25:13,541 --> 00:25:16,416
"Okay lang ako, alam mo ba,
no'ng umpisa ng pregnancy,

415
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:18,541
"nasa 'kin lahat ng symptoms, 'no.

416
00:25:20,208 --> 00:25:22,875
"Nahihilo ako, may diarrhea,
lahat meron ako.

417
00:25:22,958 --> 00:25:25,666
"Tapos wala akong na-feel,
ngayon nga lang, e.

418
00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:28,875
"Tapos lahat sila nagsasabay-sabay ngayon.

419
00:25:28,958 --> 00:25:31,708
"Tapos pinangalan ko siya
sa great-great grandfather niya.

420
00:25:31,791 --> 00:25:32,833
"Purihin ang Diyos.

421
00:25:32,916 --> 00:25:34,666
"Kamukha niya great-grandfather niya.

422
00:25:34,750 --> 00:25:39,416
"Di mo naman alam ang <i>subhanallah</i>
pero tingnan mo 'yong picture mamaya."

423
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:42,666
Sumagot, "Di, dumedede siya sa suso mo."
'Ka ko, "Hala, Diyos ko."

424
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,833
"Kuha tayo ng gatas niya," sabi ko. Oo.

425
00:25:48,375 --> 00:25:51,250
At gano'n pinanganak 'yong anak ko,
si Ali, guys.

426
00:26:00,791 --> 00:26:02,291
Little Ali Alooshi.

427
00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:05,500
Pito talaga 'yong pangalan niya.

428
00:26:05,583 --> 00:26:07,125
Sinadya ko talaga 'yon.

429
00:26:07,208 --> 00:26:10,750
Kasi gusto ko, alam niya mismo
kung saan siya nanggaling.

430
00:26:10,833 --> 00:26:12,458
Importante talaga.

431
00:26:13,291 --> 00:26:15,208
Sobrang importante.

432
00:26:16,250 --> 00:26:19,416
Kaya sinama ko 'yon
sa huling episode ng Season 2.

433
00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:22,250
Sabi ng teacher ko,
"Pangalanan mo 'yong great-grandfather mo

434
00:26:22,333 --> 00:26:26,166
sa father's side." Tapos di ko masagot.
May pangalan sa isip ko,

435
00:26:26,250 --> 00:26:27,916
pero di ko alam kung sino.

436
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,166
Sabi, "Lahi n'yo 'yan,
kung sa'n kayo galing.

437
00:26:31,250 --> 00:26:33,083
"Ga'no kayo kadali makalimutan?"

438
00:26:33,166 --> 00:26:35,000
Sabi ko, "Bars!"

439
00:26:36,041 --> 00:26:39,125
Kaya talagang ginawa kong purpose
na malaman ang pinanggalingan ko.

440
00:26:39,208 --> 00:26:42,875
Talagang sineryoso ko
na no'ng last episode ng Season 2,

441
00:26:42,958 --> 00:26:47,791
bawat cutaway na nasa Palestine,
'yong village talaga namin 'yon, sa Burin.

442
00:26:47,875 --> 00:26:50,250
Do'n kami galing.

443
00:26:51,041 --> 00:26:52,250
Kasi…

444
00:26:52,875 --> 00:26:54,875
Kasi para siyang historical archive.

445
00:26:54,958 --> 00:26:58,250
Kahit ano'ng mangyari, mababalikan
ng anak ko 'yon at masasabi niya,

446
00:26:58,333 --> 00:27:01,250
"Dito ako nanggaling." Gets n'yo?

447
00:27:01,333 --> 00:27:03,000
Importante talaga.

448
00:27:04,166 --> 00:27:05,000
Oo.

449
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,166
Nagpapakatotoo lang ako palagi.

450
00:27:08,250 --> 00:27:12,500
Nagsimula akong mag-stand up, bata pa,
no'ng 14 ako, sa South pa, ha?

451
00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:15,875
Karamihan sa napuntahan ko,
di pa nakakakita ng Arabo.

452
00:27:15,958 --> 00:27:17,666
Nagpakatotoo lang ako lagi.

453
00:27:17,750 --> 00:27:21,750
Umpisang-umpisa ng career ko,
magpalit raw ako ng pangalan.

454
00:27:21,833 --> 00:27:25,166
Pumunta daw ako sa L.A.,
saka wag kong sabihing Palestinian ako.

455
00:27:25,250 --> 00:27:29,250
Malaking bagay 'yon. Sabi ko, di ko kaya.
Mawawala 'yong pagkatao ko.

456
00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:33,333
Pero, pagkatapos ng 9/11,
Italian muna ako nang dalawang buhay.

457
00:27:36,541 --> 00:27:38,666
Ilang buwan lang naman.

458
00:27:40,166 --> 00:27:42,458
Kasi dati ko pa nafi-feel
na di ako belong, e.

459
00:27:42,541 --> 00:27:44,958
Sigurado, maraming nakaka-relate
sa inyo, di ba?

460
00:27:45,041 --> 00:27:47,625
Pinanganak ako sa Kuwait,
nag-New English School ako.

461
00:27:47,708 --> 00:27:51,958
British English na school 'yon.
E di, may British accent ako.

462
00:27:52,041 --> 00:27:56,291
Ibig sabihin, pagdating ko sa America,
nagulpi kagad ako. Gets mo?

463
00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:58,166
Pagdating ko sa school, "Hello!"

464
00:27:58,250 --> 00:27:59,791
Gets? 'Yon ang nangyari.

465
00:28:00,583 --> 00:28:04,458
Di ko alam kung ano ang cool,
isuot mo 'to, isuot mo 'yan.

466
00:28:04,541 --> 00:28:06,250
Wala akong alam, okay?

467
00:28:06,333 --> 00:28:09,958
Kaya sobrang blessed ko
na pinakilala ako ng dalawang friends ko.

468
00:28:10,041 --> 00:28:13,625
Si Bruce, Black siya,
saka si Jose, Mexican naman.

469
00:28:13,708 --> 00:28:17,083
Si Bruce, nalaman ko agad 'to
tungkol sa mga Black people,

470
00:28:17,166 --> 00:28:19,625
kung may bagay man na dapat i-point out,

471
00:28:19,708 --> 00:28:21,916
pag may mali sa attire mo,

472
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,625
ipapahiya ka sa harap ng buong school, e.

473
00:28:25,708 --> 00:28:28,833
Di ko alam 'yon, papasok ako,
mali 'yong sapatos ko.

474
00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:31,416
Tapos si Bruce, "Naku po!"

475
00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:33,833
"Hoy, kayong lahat, tara dito."

476
00:28:33,916 --> 00:28:35,666
"Jose, panoorin mo 'tong tropa mo."

477
00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:40,666
"Naka-Pro Wings si Moe, galing Payless.
13.99 lang, mahirap sila."

478
00:28:40,750 --> 00:28:42,291
'Ka ko, "Ay."

479
00:28:43,333 --> 00:28:45,583
Sabi ko, "Ako? Mahirap?" Gets n'yo?

480
00:28:48,250 --> 00:28:50,000
Pero si Jose, medyo mas malambing.

481
00:28:50,083 --> 00:28:52,416
Mas mabait nang konti
no'ng pumapalpak ako.

482
00:28:52,500 --> 00:28:55,166
Mali 'yong suot ko,
tapos si Jose sasabihin,

483
00:28:55,250 --> 00:28:56,291
"Bro, ano,

484
00:28:57,166 --> 00:28:59,333
"mukha kang bitch, bro.

485
00:29:01,041 --> 00:29:03,291
"Sino'ng nagbihis sa 'yo, bro?

486
00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:06,458
"Seryoso, gusto kitang sampalin
nang matindi, bro.

487
00:29:06,541 --> 00:29:09,041
"Ano, di tayo makakapaglaro ngayon, ha?

488
00:29:09,833 --> 00:29:12,041
"Sigura bukas, okay? Baka bukas.

489
00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:15,083
"Uy, aalis na ako,
wag mo akong i-fist bump, ha?

490
00:29:16,500 --> 00:29:17,625
Gano'n, e.

491
00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:21,500
Di ko pa alam na iba 'yong British English
sa American English.

492
00:29:21,583 --> 00:29:24,583
Kaya lagi kong pinapahamak
'yong sarili ko, e.

493
00:29:24,666 --> 00:29:28,083
Binigyan ako ng kapatid ko ng kuting,
para makatulong sa PTSD.

494
00:29:28,166 --> 00:29:30,625
Bale, ang problema,
British English ako magsalita.

495
00:29:30,708 --> 00:29:32,333
Sa bahay, hindi "pusa" ang tawag.

496
00:29:32,416 --> 00:29:36,208
Sasabihin ko, "Here, pussy."

497
00:29:36,291 --> 00:29:39,791
Tapos walang nag-correct sa 'kin sa bahay.
Sabi ko lang, "Here, pussy."

498
00:29:40,541 --> 00:29:43,250
Kaya naisip ko, no'ng recess,

499
00:29:43,333 --> 00:29:46,750
sasabihin ko 'yong nangyaring bago
sa kaibigan ko, kay Bruce.

500
00:29:46,833 --> 00:29:50,000
Nilapitan ko, 'ka ko, "Bruce, hulaan mo."

501
00:29:50,083 --> 00:29:51,416
Tapos sabi ni Bruce, "Ano?"

502
00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:53,916
Sabi ko, "May pussy na ako, ayos ba?"

503
00:29:55,041 --> 00:29:57,291
'Ka niya, "Ha? Ano'ng sabi mo, man?

504
00:29:58,208 --> 00:30:00,000
"Mali yata 'yong dinig ko."

505
00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:03,416
"May pussy ako, maliit saka fluffy,
gusto mong makita?"

506
00:30:05,041 --> 00:30:08,458
Agad-agad si Bruce,
"Hoy, kayong lahat, tara dito."

507
00:30:08,541 --> 00:30:10,125
"Jose, tingnan mo 'tong tropa mo."

508
00:30:11,416 --> 00:30:14,666
Sa harap ng buong school,
sabi niya, "Mo, may pussy ka ba?"

509
00:30:14,750 --> 00:30:17,916
Sabi ko,
"Oo, may pussy ako, ang galing 'no?"

510
00:30:18,416 --> 00:30:20,958
Tapos si Jose nagulat, ang sabi, "Ha, bro?

511
00:30:21,041 --> 00:30:23,083
"Seryoso ba? May puke ka?

512
00:30:23,166 --> 00:30:24,583
"Totoo? May ano…

513
00:30:24,666 --> 00:30:28,541
"Kaibigan kita magmula noon,
pero di ko alam na may puke ka?

514
00:30:28,625 --> 00:30:30,666
"Totoo ba 'yon, bro?

515
00:30:30,750 --> 00:30:33,000
"Niloloko mo ba ako?"

516
00:30:33,583 --> 00:30:36,833
Tapos tumigil tapos sabi,
"Pwede ko bang makita, bro?"

517
00:30:39,708 --> 00:30:41,458
Napaka-inosente ko, di ko alam.

518
00:30:41,541 --> 00:30:44,666
Parang, "Oo, pero pumunta ka sa bahay
para makita mo 'yong pussy ko."

519
00:30:45,250 --> 00:30:47,000
Sobrang lala, nakaka-trauma.

520
00:30:47,083 --> 00:30:52,125
Pero totoo, sobrang bata ako nag-start
mag-stand-up. Nag-tour ako sa buong South.

521
00:30:52,208 --> 00:30:55,375
Saka seryoso nga, ako 'yong unang Arabo
na naka-interact nila,

522
00:30:55,458 --> 00:30:58,666
karamihan sa kanila,
mataas na percent na gano'n.

523
00:30:58,750 --> 00:31:01,083
Umabot sa punto na nasa-shock
'yong mga taga-South.

524
00:31:01,166 --> 00:31:03,458
Lalapit sila, sasabihin,
"Sigurado kang Arabo ka?"

525
00:31:04,166 --> 00:31:05,375
"Di ka mukhang Arabo."

526
00:31:05,958 --> 00:31:08,375
Dapat ba lagi akong may camel? Gano'n?

527
00:31:08,958 --> 00:31:12,083
'Yon ba ang palatandaan para maging Arabo?

528
00:31:12,166 --> 00:31:13,708
May camel ka tapos, "Excuse me,

529
00:31:13,791 --> 00:31:16,041
"may camel lang, dadaan, Arabo, e.

530
00:31:16,125 --> 00:31:19,250
"Wag n'yong laruin, nangangagat."
Gets n'yo ba? Pucha, ano ba naman.

531
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:21,583
Ang weird, e, okay?

532
00:31:21,666 --> 00:31:23,291
Before 9/11, may shows na 'ko

533
00:31:23,375 --> 00:31:28,583
saka after ng 9/11, bandang 2003,
May tumawag galing Houma, Louisiana.

534
00:31:28,666 --> 00:31:33,458
Ang lapit na lang sa New Orleans.
Talagang Cajun hick 'yong lugar.

535
00:31:33,541 --> 00:31:36,000
Tinawagan ako, sabi, "Hello!"

536
00:31:36,083 --> 00:31:38,458
"Si Mo Amer ba 'to?"

537
00:31:42,083 --> 00:31:43,708
Sabi ko, "Oo, si Mo 'to-"

538
00:31:43,791 --> 00:31:47,666
Sabi, "Yeah boy, marami akong narinig
na magagandang bagay sa 'yo, baby."

539
00:31:48,833 --> 00:31:50,166
Sabi niya, "Makinig ka."

540
00:31:50,250 --> 00:31:53,791
Ni isang S,
wala siyang sinabi sa buong usapan.

541
00:31:54,500 --> 00:31:59,333
Sabi, "Makinig ka, may club ako,
Lanya Muted Cafe."

542
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,166
'Ka ko, "Music?"
Sabi niya, "Oo, Muted Cafe."

543
00:32:04,333 --> 00:32:07,166
"Magco-comedy kami dito pag Wenday night."

544
00:32:07,250 --> 00:32:08,625
Sabi ko, "Wednesday ng gabi?"

545
00:32:08,708 --> 00:32:11,583
Sabi niya, "Tama, Wenday ng gabi."

546
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,208
Sabi, "Punta ka dito.

547
00:32:14,291 --> 00:32:17,000
"Isa nga lang 'yong hotel room ko,
dalawang kama."

548
00:32:17,083 --> 00:32:19,166
"Magdala ka ng sarili mong opening act."

549
00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:21,250
'Ka ko, "Ayos, magkano ang bayad?"

550
00:32:21,333 --> 00:32:23,750
Sabi, "Babayaran kita ng $1,000."

551
00:32:23,833 --> 00:32:27,000
Ako parang, "Shit, baby, Papunta na ako."

552
00:32:27,875 --> 00:32:30,208
"Punta kami sa East ng camel ko."

553
00:32:34,250 --> 00:32:36,166
Na-excite talaga ako, alam mo na.

554
00:32:36,250 --> 00:32:41,125
Isang gabi, $1,000, tapos 2003? E di,
tinawagan ko si Gary Bell, kaibigan ko.

555
00:32:41,208 --> 00:32:44,791
Komedyante siya na nakatira
sa border ng Texas at Lousiana.

556
00:32:44,875 --> 00:32:47,416
Tapos, "Ganito rin siya magsalita, yeah."

557
00:32:48,083 --> 00:32:50,375
Sinama ko hindi dahil nakakatawa siya.
Hindi, e.

558
00:32:50,458 --> 00:32:54,000
Ang lala niyang comedian,
di niya kaya, walang pag-asa.

559
00:32:54,083 --> 00:32:58,000
Ito na 'yong pinakasikat niya
na tina-trash talk ko siya sa stage.

560
00:32:58,916 --> 00:33:01,583
Pero dinala ko siya
na parang proteksiyon, alam mo na.

561
00:33:01,666 --> 00:33:05,791
Para kung may mangyari, sasabihin niya,
"Hindi, hayaan n'yo siya."

562
00:33:05,875 --> 00:33:08,125
"Regular na Mohammed 'yan dito."
Alam mo 'yon…

563
00:33:08,958 --> 00:33:12,291
Kinuha ko lang siya dahil do'n.
Alam din niya.

564
00:33:12,791 --> 00:33:18,041
Pumunta kami, nag-check-in do'n sa hotel,
pumunta kami sa Lanyard Muted Cafe.

565
00:33:18,625 --> 00:33:22,291
Pag-akyat sa stage ni Gary Bell,
agad-agad, ayaw nila sa kanya.

566
00:33:22,375 --> 00:33:26,000
May nagsabi,
"Sino ang nag-book sa gagong 'to?" Gano'n.

567
00:33:27,250 --> 00:33:29,750
Nag-panic si Gary, gusto niya,
mas maka-relate sila.

568
00:33:29,833 --> 00:33:31,791
Sabi niya, "Na-try n'yo nang mag-hunting?"

569
00:33:31,875 --> 00:33:35,416
May nagsabi,
"Patayin na kita sa stage ngayon, e."

570
00:33:36,833 --> 00:33:39,416
Umakyat pa talaga ako sa stage
para kunin 'yong mic.

571
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:42,333
Do'n ko lang ginawa 'yon
sa buong career ko.

572
00:33:42,416 --> 00:33:44,500
Ginawa ko 'yong set ko, maganda.

573
00:33:44,583 --> 00:33:47,041
'Ka ko, "Ikaw talaga ang problema,
Gary, hindi sila."

574
00:33:47,875 --> 00:33:50,583
Bumaba ako ng stage,
binigyan ako ng may-ari ng $1,000.

575
00:33:50,666 --> 00:33:52,958
Sabi ko, "Mayaman na ako."

576
00:33:53,041 --> 00:33:57,125
Tapos lumingon ako, may detective
saka police officer na nakatayo.

577
00:33:57,208 --> 00:33:59,791
Tapos sabi ng detective, "Halika, bata."

578
00:33:59,875 --> 00:34:03,500
At lagi namang walang magandang nangyayari
pag sinasabing, "Halika, bata."

579
00:34:03,583 --> 00:34:06,166
At pareho lang 'tong sitwasyon, di ba?

580
00:34:06,250 --> 00:34:08,541
Sabi, "Ibigay mo nga
'yong driver's license mo?"

581
00:34:08,625 --> 00:34:11,458
Sabi ko, "Oo, eto,
Eto 'yong driver's license ko."

582
00:34:11,541 --> 00:34:14,791
Tapos itinawag niya, ganito,

583
00:34:14,875 --> 00:34:19,208
"Driver's license number one, two, seven,
nine, seven, six, two, seven." Gano'n.

584
00:34:19,291 --> 00:34:22,333
Tapos tumawag agad 'yong babae,
"Oo, siya 'yan."

585
00:34:22,416 --> 00:34:24,375
Sabi ko, "Siya 'yan?"

586
00:34:25,625 --> 00:34:27,833
"Oo, ikaw 'yon." Sabi ko, "Ako 'yon?"

587
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,000
"Oo, ikaw 'yon." "Sigurado bang ako?"
Sabi, "Oo, ikaw."

588
00:34:32,083 --> 00:34:34,708
'Ka ko, "Sino ako, sino kayo, sino tayo?"

589
00:34:34,791 --> 00:34:36,541
"Iisa tayo." 'Di ba?

590
00:34:36,625 --> 00:34:39,250
Sabi niya, "Hindi, baby, ikaw lang."
Sabi ko, "Naku."

591
00:34:39,333 --> 00:34:43,208
Tapos dinala ako sa labas tapos parang
may isang dosenang pulis na inaantay ako.

592
00:34:43,291 --> 00:34:45,708
May anim na squad car, lahat nakailaw.

593
00:34:45,791 --> 00:34:48,166
Parating na 'yong mga nanood sa show.

594
00:34:48,250 --> 00:34:52,500
May tumigil uli na pulis,
binaba 'yong bintana, sabi, "Siya ba?"

595
00:34:52,583 --> 00:34:57,625
Sabi ko, "Ikaw ba 'yan, Jebediah?"
Tangina, ano ba'ng nangyayari, di ba?

596
00:34:58,458 --> 00:35:00,541
May detective na pumunta
sa 'kin uli, ang sabi,

597
00:35:00,625 --> 00:35:03,875
"Ano'ng ginagawa mo dito
sa Houma, Louisiana?"

598
00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:06,666
Tapos nakatayo ako
sa tabi ng marquee na ang sabi,

599
00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:10,291
"Nandito ngayon si Mo Amer, 8 p.m."

600
00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:12,333
May picture ko din, naisip ko,

601
00:35:12,416 --> 00:35:15,833
"Bro, ewan ko lang
sa mga imbestigasyon mo dati, pero…

602
00:35:17,291 --> 00:35:20,791
ito na yata 'yong pinakamalalang
detective job mo, 'no?

603
00:35:20,875 --> 00:35:22,291
Nakikisali na 'yong mga nanood,

604
00:35:22,375 --> 00:35:25,750
"Hayaan n'yo siya, nakakatawa siya."
Sabi ng isa.

605
00:35:25,833 --> 00:35:28,291
Tapos may isa uli,
"Kung may aarestuhin kayo,

606
00:35:28,375 --> 00:35:31,291
"arestuhin n'yo 'yong gagong si Gary Bell.

607
00:35:33,875 --> 00:35:36,208
"Sa pag-impersonate ng isang komedyante."

608
00:35:37,666 --> 00:35:39,750
Tapos sa isip ko, "Pucha, nasa'n si Gary?"

609
00:35:39,833 --> 00:35:43,625
"Ito nga mismo 'yong dahilan
kaya ko sinama si gago, e."

610
00:35:44,125 --> 00:35:46,583
"Tapos nawawala siya?." Di ba?

611
00:35:48,166 --> 00:35:51,500
Grabe, tapos sabi ng pulis.
"Ano'ng ginawa mo sa Japan at Korea?"

612
00:35:51,583 --> 00:35:53,208
Sabi ko, "Teka, time-out.

613
00:35:53,291 --> 00:35:56,625
"Pucha, pa'no n'yo nalaman
na galing akong Japan at Korea?"

614
00:35:56,708 --> 00:35:59,916
Sabi, "E di, nag-search kami
sa kuwarto mo."

615
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,666
'Ka ko, "Grabe, nag-search kayo
sa kuwarto ko.

616
00:36:02,750 --> 00:36:05,375
"Wow, baka magulat kayo, ha?

617
00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:09,125
"Kasi sa labas ng Houma,
may napalaking mundo pa.

618
00:36:09,666 --> 00:36:11,583
"Pangarap kong maging komedyante.

619
00:36:11,666 --> 00:36:14,750
"At 'yong pangarap kong 'yon,
dinala na ako sa Japan at Korea.

620
00:36:14,833 --> 00:36:17,458
"At karamihan sa mga show na 'yon,
para sa U.S. troops.

621
00:36:17,541 --> 00:36:20,958
"Kasi sabi ko sa sarili ko, after ng 9/11,
takot na takot akong maging ako.

622
00:36:21,041 --> 00:36:22,750
"Kung kaya kung maging ako sa kanila,

623
00:36:22,833 --> 00:36:26,541
"E di, kaya kong maging ako
sa kahit sino. 'Yon ang ginagawa ko do'n."

624
00:36:34,083 --> 00:36:36,625
Natigilan siya, e.
Sabi ko, "Alam ko ang iniisip mo.

625
00:36:36,708 --> 00:36:38,041
"Tingin mo terorista ako.

626
00:36:38,125 --> 00:36:42,083
"Tingin mo, pumunta ako
sa Houma, Louisiana.

627
00:36:44,541 --> 00:36:46,291
"Sa dami ng target sa America.

628
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,333
"Eto lang, pare, kung terorista man ako

629
00:36:50,416 --> 00:36:53,083
"tapos may dala akong bomba
sa Houma, Louisiana,

630
00:36:53,166 --> 00:36:56,708
"malilito ako kung ano'ng putanginang
papasabugin dito, okay?

631
00:36:57,375 --> 00:37:00,875
"Sa totoo lang, mukhang pinasabog na
nang konti 'tong lugar, e.

632
00:37:01,625 --> 00:37:05,291
"Kung bobombahin ko 'to,
parang ni-redecorate ko lang siya.

633
00:37:06,208 --> 00:37:09,625
"E di, naayos ko pa
'yong crack problem n'yo, meron, e.

634
00:37:09,708 --> 00:37:13,500
'Yong pulis seryosong sumagot,
"Oo, may crack problem nga kami."

635
00:37:15,625 --> 00:37:18,041
Binigyan niya ako ng trash bag
na may mga gamit ko,

636
00:37:18,125 --> 00:37:20,916
tapos pumunta raw ako
do'n sa isa pang officer.

637
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,458
Tapos sasamahan raw niya ako
pabalik ng hotel.

638
00:37:23,541 --> 00:37:28,291
Habang naglalakad, sumulpot bigla si Gary
galing sa damuhan sa likod ng club.

639
00:37:28,375 --> 00:37:30,916
'Ka ko, "Pucha, Gary, sa'n ka galing?"

640
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,791
Seryoso niyang sinabi,
"Gusto nila akong patayin."

641
00:37:36,625 --> 00:37:39,208
Sabi ko, "Akong papatay sa 'yo,
pumasok ka nga sa kotse."

642
00:37:39,291 --> 00:37:42,625
Weird, kasi, mas nalungkot ako
para sa kanya, kaysa sa sarili ko.

643
00:37:43,750 --> 00:37:46,166
Sumakay kami sa kotse.
Hinatid kami sa hotel.

644
00:37:46,250 --> 00:37:49,000
Pagdating, nag-sorry 'yong pulis sa 'kin.

645
00:37:49,083 --> 00:37:53,125
Sabi niya, "Pare, sorry talaga
nangyari sa 'yo 'to, seryoso."

646
00:37:53,208 --> 00:37:54,708
"Pero di kami 'to, ha?"

647
00:37:54,791 --> 00:37:57,750
"'Yong hotel ang tumawag ng pulis sa 'yo."

648
00:37:57,833 --> 00:38:01,625
Sabi ko, "Diyos ko, officer,
Gary, pumunta tayo sa hotel."

649
00:38:01,708 --> 00:38:04,000
"Ico-confront natin 'yong security guard."

650
00:38:04,083 --> 00:38:06,500
E di pumasok ako, tapos agad-agad,

651
00:38:06,583 --> 00:38:10,166
"Sino? Sinong tumawag ng pulis sa 'kin?"

652
00:38:10,250 --> 00:38:13,583
Tapos may babaeng galing sa likod.
Naka-jacket na pang security.

653
00:38:13,666 --> 00:38:16,000
Saka wala halos ngipin sa harap.

654
00:38:16,625 --> 00:38:21,000
Tapos tuwing nagsasalita siya,
bumubuga ng hangin o kaya sumisipol, e.

655
00:38:21,541 --> 00:38:23,500
"Bakit mo tinawag mga pulis sa 'kin?"

656
00:38:23,583 --> 00:38:25,750
Sabi niya, "Teka lang."

657
00:38:26,833 --> 00:38:29,250
"Teka lang muna."

658
00:38:29,333 --> 00:38:31,541
Sabi ko, "Nanonood ka ba ng basketball?"

659
00:38:31,625 --> 00:38:33,125
"Tangina, ano'ng nangyayari?"

660
00:38:33,625 --> 00:38:37,125
"Parang sneakers sa hardwood floor, e.
Pucha, ano ba'ng nangyayari?"

661
00:38:37,208 --> 00:38:38,791
"Sandali nga lang."

662
00:38:38,875 --> 00:38:42,750
Biglang nagsulputan 'yong mga asong gala,
'Ka ko, "Kaninong mga aso 'to?"

663
00:38:44,583 --> 00:38:46,625
Sabi ko, "Bakit mo ko sinumbong sa Pulis?

664
00:38:46,708 --> 00:38:48,000
Sabi niya, "E ano,

665
00:38:49,208 --> 00:38:50,833
nakita ko 'yong pangalan, Mohammed,

666
00:38:50,916 --> 00:38:55,375
e di naisip ko,
'Hala. May terrorist situation kami, a'"

667
00:38:55,958 --> 00:38:59,708
Sabi ko, "'Yon lang?
Nakita mo 'yong pangalang Mohammed

668
00:38:59,791 --> 00:39:02,166
tapos may terorista na agad?"

669
00:39:02,833 --> 00:39:05,166
Tapos sabi niya,
"Sinong sumisipol?" Ganito ako…

670
00:39:05,875 --> 00:39:07,041
Sa isip ko, "Okay."

671
00:39:08,083 --> 00:39:09,208
Sabi ko, "Oo."

672
00:39:10,875 --> 00:39:14,250
Sabi ko, "Sorry ha, pero di ka dapat
nagsusumbong sa pulis

673
00:39:14,333 --> 00:39:16,000
"dahil lang sa pangalan.

674
00:39:16,083 --> 00:39:18,291
"Kailangan may ebidensya ka talaga.

675
00:39:18,375 --> 00:39:21,541
"At sorry binigo ka ng bansa natin,
saka pinaniwala ka sa lahat

676
00:39:21,625 --> 00:39:24,083
"ng pinapakita nila sa 'yo sa TV.

677
00:39:24,166 --> 00:39:25,333
"'Yon ang gusto nila, e.

678
00:39:25,416 --> 00:39:29,375
"Gusto nila, magkaaway tayo
para matalo nila tayo, di mo ba nakikita?

679
00:39:29,458 --> 00:39:31,333
Kaso, parang walang narinig.

680
00:39:31,416 --> 00:39:35,333
Sabi niya, "Teka lang,
Nakita ko 'yong pangalang Mohammed

681
00:39:35,416 --> 00:39:39,041
e di, naisip ko, 'Naku.
May terrorist situation kami dito, a.'"

682
00:39:39,125 --> 00:39:40,458
Tumingin ako do'n sa pulis,

683
00:39:40,541 --> 00:39:43,333
"Sigurado, may crack problem nga
kayo dito. Seryoso."

684
00:39:45,166 --> 00:39:47,875
Tumingin sa 'kin 'yong pulis,
"Alam mo, may naisip ako."

685
00:39:47,958 --> 00:39:50,666
Sabi ko, "Ano? Ano pa bang meron?"

686
00:39:50,750 --> 00:39:53,708
Sabi niya, "Buong kuwarto kami naghanap."
'Ka ko, "Sabi n'yo nga."

687
00:39:53,791 --> 00:39:56,333
Sabi niya, "Naba-bother ako,
pero parang alam ko na."

688
00:39:56,416 --> 00:39:58,041
Tapos tumingin siya kay Gary, sabi,

689
00:39:58,125 --> 00:40:01,250
"Gary, sa 'yo 'yong porn magazine, 'no?"

690
00:40:01,333 --> 00:40:04,458
Tumingin ako kay Gary, sabi ko,
"May dala kang porn magazines?"

691
00:40:04,541 --> 00:40:07,916
Sabi ko, "Nasa iisang kuwarto tayo, bro,
kadiri ka naman."

692
00:40:08,666 --> 00:40:11,541
Pagpasok ko sa kuwarto,
sobrang gulo lahat, e,

693
00:40:11,625 --> 00:40:14,000
maliban sa kama ni Gary, ang ayos, e.

694
00:40:14,083 --> 00:40:17,791
Tapos iniwan nilang nakalabas
'yong mga porn magazines para sabihing,

695
00:40:17,875 --> 00:40:20,833
"Hoy mga queer,
alam namin ang ginagawa n'yo."

696
00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:24,000
Tiningnan ko saka binilang, "Twelve?

697
00:40:24,083 --> 00:40:27,166
"Nagdala ka ng isang dosenang
porn magazine?"

698
00:40:27,250 --> 00:40:30,166
"Bro, ilang beses ka ba
magjajakol mamaya?"

699
00:40:30,250 --> 00:40:32,541
Sabi ko,
"Buti tinawag niya 'yong mga pulis."

700
00:40:33,916 --> 00:40:37,750
Sabi ko, "Napigilan niya 'yong isa pang
terrorist plot ng gabing 'yon."

701
00:40:42,250 --> 00:40:46,291
Pero lagi ako…
Lagi akong pinaghihinalaang terorista.

702
00:40:46,375 --> 00:40:48,666
Hanggang sa nagkaro'n ako ng TSA PreCheck.

703
00:40:50,041 --> 00:40:52,583
Kung di n'yo alam kung
ano 'yong TSA PreCheck,

704
00:40:53,083 --> 00:40:56,083
pupunta ka sa security office ng airport,

705
00:40:56,166 --> 00:40:58,625
magbabayad ka ng $100,
tapos may sasaguting paperwork,

706
00:40:58,708 --> 00:41:01,500
tapos di ka na suspected terrorist.

707
00:41:02,083 --> 00:41:04,000
Alam ng lahat,

708
00:41:04,583 --> 00:41:07,000
na ayaw ng mga terorista ng paperwork.

709
00:41:09,291 --> 00:41:12,958
Nakahinga rin talaga ako,
kasi ang aggressive ng mga TSA agent, bro.

710
00:41:13,041 --> 00:41:16,541
Di ko alam kung bakit sila galit,
ganito sila, "Ilabas mo 'yong laptop mo!

711
00:41:16,625 --> 00:41:19,583
"Ilagay mo sa ano! Ilagay mo sa
sariling compartment, okay?

712
00:41:19,666 --> 00:41:22,791
"Tapos ikaw ang magtulak. Wag ako, ikaw.

713
00:41:22,875 --> 00:41:26,291
"Bantayan mo hanggang dulo,
alisin mo 'yong sapatos mo.

714
00:41:26,875 --> 00:41:30,666
Tapos grabe, pag nagdala ka ng tubig.
Ang lala nito, okay?

715
00:41:30,750 --> 00:41:32,208
Ganito sila pag may tubig ka…

716
00:41:35,625 --> 00:41:38,083
'Ka ko, "O, bakit?
Acqua Panna? Ano'ng problema?"

717
00:41:38,166 --> 00:41:40,416
"Bawal magdala nito."

718
00:41:40,500 --> 00:41:42,750
Tapos lilituhin ka nila,
maglalakad ng three feet

719
00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:47,000
tapos sasabihin, "Bawal inumin 'yan dito,
pero dito pwede, kung gusto mo."

720
00:41:48,333 --> 00:41:53,208
Ayaw mo ring magsayang kaya lulunurin mo
na lang 'yong sarili mo. "Diyos ko."

721
00:41:53,291 --> 00:41:57,416
"Sorry, guys, may isang litro ako.
Sige na, mauna na kayo."

722
00:41:59,583 --> 00:42:04,083
Nakaka- Nakita ko, may inaaway sila
na matanda, white woman, nasa wheelchair.

723
00:42:04,166 --> 00:42:06,583
May apple juice siya
tapos pinagsasabihan talaga nila.

724
00:42:06,666 --> 00:42:08,541
Sabi, "'Bawal 'to!"

725
00:42:08,625 --> 00:42:11,666
Tapos siya, "Pero…

726
00:42:11,750 --> 00:42:13,750
"kailangan ko siya sa diabetes ko."

727
00:42:13,833 --> 00:42:15,916
Sa isip ko, "Teka lang, pucha, ha?"

728
00:42:19,666 --> 00:42:21,791
Tapos tinapon nila nang malakas
sa basurahan.

729
00:42:21,875 --> 00:42:24,500
Parang, "Tumahimik ka, puta!
Asa ka, Al-Qaeda!"

730
00:42:25,666 --> 00:42:28,083
"Asa ka, Osama!" Sa isip ko, "Relax, bro.

731
00:42:28,166 --> 00:42:31,583
Kailangan niya ng apple juice,
pucha, ibigay mo na lang."

732
00:42:31,666 --> 00:42:34,875
Gano'n ulit, matandang lalaki,
naka-wheelchair.

733
00:42:34,958 --> 00:42:37,041
Para siyang nagka-stroke na.

734
00:42:37,125 --> 00:42:39,083
Kasi hirap na siyang maglakad.

735
00:42:39,166 --> 00:42:41,500
Tapos pinadaan nila siya sa x-ray machine.

736
00:42:41,583 --> 00:42:45,625
Ganito siya maglakad tapos sabi nila,
"Itaas mo 'yong kamay mo!"

737
00:42:46,375 --> 00:42:50,291
Di niya maiangat 'yong kanan niya,
kaya binuhat niya ng kaliwa.

738
00:42:50,375 --> 00:42:53,291
Inangat niya, tapos sabi ng TSA,
"Ganyan ka lang!"

739
00:42:53,875 --> 00:42:56,541
"Ganyan ka lang!"

740
00:42:56,625 --> 00:42:58,958
Sa isip ko,
"Pucha, babarilin ko na lang lahat.

741
00:43:00,875 --> 00:43:04,583
"Babarilin ko lahat. Na-radicalized na ako
ng TSA. Tama na, ayoko na."

742
00:43:05,208 --> 00:43:10,458
Bakit baliw na baliw sila sa 3.4 ounces?
Kailangan kong malaman, okay?

743
00:43:11,458 --> 00:43:12,541
Ganito sila, e…

744
00:43:13,291 --> 00:43:16,125
"Ano'ng problema?"
"Ang problema, 4.2 ounces, e."

745
00:43:16,750 --> 00:43:19,166
"E, wala na 'yong 80% na laman,
ano'ng problema?"

746
00:43:19,250 --> 00:43:22,000
"Kahit na, 4.2 ounce 'yong bote."

747
00:43:25,208 --> 00:43:28,500
Ano ba, kasi pwedeng gawing bomba
o ewan 'yong fluid?

748
00:43:28,583 --> 00:43:30,250
'Yon ba 'yong issue?

749
00:43:30,333 --> 00:43:36,375
Kasi wala namang limit
kung ilang 3.4 ounces ang dala mo. Gets?

750
00:43:37,041 --> 00:43:39,458
Kung tutuusin, pwede mo ngang
paghalu-haluhin mamaya.

751
00:43:40,958 --> 00:43:43,333
Diyos ko, please.
Wag n'yong gawin, please.

752
00:43:44,375 --> 00:43:46,041
Please lang, walang gagawa nito.

753
00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:49,916
"Anti-Semitic, Semitic, white supremacist,

754
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,958
teroristang komedyante
kagabi sa Washington, D.C.

755
00:43:53,625 --> 00:43:57,750
Nagpo-promote ng paggawa ng parang mga
liquid bomb sa Warner Theater."

756
00:43:57,833 --> 00:44:01,958
"Mo, may masasabi ka ba?"
"Teka lang. Myrtle, please."

757
00:44:02,833 --> 00:44:04,875
"Sandali lang, anak ng puta."

758
00:44:08,333 --> 00:44:11,291
Ganito siya, "Kung ano'ng ginawa mo,
babalik sa 'yo, gago."

759
00:44:15,791 --> 00:44:17,791
Baka totoo,
kung ano'ng ginawa mo, babalik.

760
00:44:17,875 --> 00:44:21,041
Baka kaya lumalala 'yong racism ngayon.

761
00:44:21,125 --> 00:44:23,291
Baka kaya takot na takot
'yong mga white people.

762
00:44:23,375 --> 00:44:26,291
Di 'yong mga nandito, ha? Relax.
Yumakap kayo ng white person.

763
00:44:26,375 --> 00:44:29,666
Yumakap ng white person na katabi n'yo.
Promise, hindi kayo, ha?

764
00:44:30,958 --> 00:44:32,958
Pero totoo, do'n ba sila natatakot?

765
00:44:33,041 --> 00:44:34,833
Kasi alam natin ang nangyari.

766
00:44:34,916 --> 00:44:38,208
Alam natin ang nangyari
sa mga Indigenous people ng America,

767
00:44:38,291 --> 00:44:42,625
sa slavery ng mga African American,
sa mga Chinese sa railroad.

768
00:44:43,166 --> 00:44:45,125
E Mexicans, ano'ng ginagawa nila?

769
00:44:45,208 --> 00:44:49,041
Bumabalik lang sila.
Dito sila galing, e. Bumabalik lang.

770
00:44:49,125 --> 00:44:52,625
Tapos sabi nila, ang DNA…

771
00:44:52,708 --> 00:44:55,375
Nagdadala daw ng traumatic memories
ang DNA.

772
00:44:55,458 --> 00:44:57,375
Baka di rin nila alam
bakit sila bumabalik.

773
00:44:57,458 --> 00:44:59,750
Parang, "Ewan, bro, pero parang…

774
00:44:59,833 --> 00:45:03,125
"Di ko alam sa'n ako papunta,
pero, parang, kailangan, bro…

775
00:45:03,208 --> 00:45:05,208
"Kailangan lang pumunta, bro.

776
00:45:05,291 --> 00:45:09,250
"Wala akong ginawa, 'yong lolo ng lolo ko,
may nakalimutan, 'tol, 'yon lang, bro."

777
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,500
May mga Muslim din, iba-ibang klase,

778
00:45:14,583 --> 00:45:17,625
humaharap sa discrimination.
Ewan, sino'ng susunod? White people.

779
00:45:17,708 --> 00:45:21,291
Baka do'n sila natatakot,
na baka bawian sila.

780
00:45:21,375 --> 00:45:23,458
Baka may naisip silang scenario

781
00:45:23,541 --> 00:45:25,958
na may white guy, papasok sa House of Pies

782
00:45:26,041 --> 00:45:28,750
tapos may Black guy,
nagtatrabaho sa counter.

783
00:45:28,833 --> 00:45:30,958
Tapos papasok, sasabihin, "Excuse me.

784
00:45:31,041 --> 00:45:33,666
"Isa ngang slice ng pecan pie, please?"

785
00:45:34,291 --> 00:45:36,708
Sabi ng black guy sa counter, "Sorry."

786
00:45:36,791 --> 00:45:39,791
"Di kami nagse-serve
ng tulad mo dito, cracker" Gano'n.

787
00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:44,333
"Gusto mong makausap 'yong manager?
Hoy, Jose!"

788
00:45:45,875 --> 00:45:48,166
Tapos si Jose, "Bakit ka nandito, gringo?

789
00:45:48,250 --> 00:45:50,583
"Ano ba, pare, di ka pwedeng makita dito.

790
00:45:50,666 --> 00:45:52,708
"May totoong customers kami
na darating, bro.

791
00:45:52,791 --> 00:45:53,750
"Ano kasi…

792
00:45:53,833 --> 00:45:54,750
"Ew, pare.

793
00:45:54,833 --> 00:45:56,500
"Ano ba, pare.

794
00:45:56,583 --> 00:45:58,833
"A, gusto mo 'yong may-ari?
Chinse siya, bro.

795
00:45:58,916 --> 00:46:00,500
"Lahat, kanila na ngayon."

796
00:46:01,125 --> 00:46:04,750
Tapos 'yong white guy,
"E di, pakyu kayo." Sabay walk out.

797
00:46:10,250 --> 00:46:14,083
Walang nakakataas sa kahit sino.

798
00:46:14,166 --> 00:46:15,166
Wala.

799
00:46:17,166 --> 00:46:18,166
Wala.

800
00:46:23,583 --> 00:46:29,250
Pare, parang nauulit lang
'yong kasaysayan, e.

801
00:46:30,208 --> 00:46:34,208
Nito lang, sinabi ng mama ko,
at nagulat talaga ako dito,

802
00:46:34,291 --> 00:46:40,541
sabi niya, "Pakiramdam ko 'yong buhay ko,
pareho sa naging buhay ng mga lola ko."

803
00:46:41,625 --> 00:46:43,916
At ang bigat no'n, grabe.

804
00:46:44,416 --> 00:46:45,875
At ang time,

805
00:46:46,375 --> 00:46:48,625
hindi siya natatalo.

806
00:46:48,708 --> 00:46:52,125
Ang time panandalian lang, lumilipas.

807
00:46:52,666 --> 00:46:55,166
Saka di ka pwedeng bumalik sa nakaraan.

808
00:46:55,750 --> 00:46:57,875
'Yong iba ang iniisip,
"Babawi na lang ako."

809
00:46:57,958 --> 00:46:59,916
Di mo na mababawi ang oras.

810
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:04,000
Pwede kang maglaan ng time,
pero laging kulang.

811
00:47:04,083 --> 00:47:05,958
May friend ako na walang paki sa time.

812
00:47:06,041 --> 00:47:07,833
Sabi, "Mag-uubos lang ako ng oras."

813
00:47:07,916 --> 00:47:11,916
"Maguubos? Wala nang oras na sasayangin."

814
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:13,958
Sabi, "Manonood lang ako ng <i>Love Island."</i>

815
00:47:14,041 --> 00:47:15,750
<i>Love Island?</i>

816
00:47:16,416 --> 00:47:18,166
Di ko namalayan, nawili na ako,

817
00:47:18,250 --> 00:47:20,625
"Huda, bakit mo ginagawa 'yan, Huda?

818
00:47:21,375 --> 00:47:24,125
"Naku, Huda, bakit?

819
00:47:25,166 --> 00:47:27,750
"Wag kang magselos,
kakatapos mo lang kay Jeremiah, e.

820
00:47:27,833 --> 00:47:31,125
"Inaasikaso niya lang 'yong feelings niya.
Lahat kini-kiss ang isa't isa.

821
00:47:31,208 --> 00:47:33,750
"Tapos si Chelley at Ace,
di naman totoong relasyon,

822
00:47:33,833 --> 00:47:35,875
"ginagawa lang nila para sa pera."

823
00:47:35,958 --> 00:47:41,333
Sabi ko, "Diyos ko, 40 episodes,
40 hours, sayang sa oras, grabe."

824
00:47:42,958 --> 00:47:45,625
Anuman 'yan,
ayaw mong maging ahead of your time.

825
00:47:45,708 --> 00:47:48,291
Pag ahead of your time ka,
malamang, patay ka na.

826
00:47:49,208 --> 00:47:51,041
Lahat ng namamatay nang maaga,

827
00:47:51,125 --> 00:47:53,791
ang sinasabi, "Ahead of his time siya, e."

828
00:47:55,250 --> 00:47:57,666
"Sobrang ahead of his time siya, e."

829
00:47:58,375 --> 00:48:02,291
"Sobrang nasa future siya,
kaya namatay na lang, oo."

830
00:48:03,708 --> 00:48:08,791
Si Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley,
Amy Winehouse, Chris Farley.

831
00:48:08,875 --> 00:48:11,333
Lahat sila ahead of their time.

832
00:48:12,333 --> 00:48:13,791
Jeffrey Epstein.

833
00:48:15,500 --> 00:48:20,000
Well, mahirap 'yong time niya,
sa maling lugar, sa maling oras.

834
00:48:20,750 --> 00:48:23,875
Pag gano'n 'yong sitwasyon,
parang bilang na 'yong oras.

835
00:48:24,958 --> 00:48:28,500
Mukha kasing matagal mamatay
'yong mga masasamang tao, e.

836
00:48:28,583 --> 00:48:32,625
Tapos pag namatay nga,
lahat ng tao, "Pucha, sa wakas.

837
00:48:32,708 --> 00:48:36,125
"Akala ko di na mamatay 'yong putang ina.

838
00:48:36,208 --> 00:48:38,583
"Akala ko ang haba pa
ng oras niya sa mundo."

839
00:48:38,666 --> 00:48:43,750
"Oo, nasa tamang panahon 'yan.
Pag oras mo na, oras mo na. Oo."

840
00:48:44,250 --> 00:48:48,250
Sabi ng iba,
"Mo, napaka-ahead of your time mo.

841
00:48:48,333 --> 00:48:51,541
"Ikaw 'yong unang Arab-American comedian
na may stand-up special.

842
00:48:51,625 --> 00:48:54,583
"May suot kang keffiyeh
do'n sa unang stand-up special.

843
00:48:54,666 --> 00:48:59,791
"Ikaw 'yong unang gumawa
ng Palestinian-American Television show.

844
00:49:04,250 --> 00:49:07,083
Hindi, 'ka ko, "Pucha, ayoko,
ayokong maging ahead of my time."

845
00:49:07,166 --> 00:49:10,583
Gusto ko 'saktong time lang.
Nasa right place at right time lang dapat.

846
00:49:10,666 --> 00:49:12,458
Gusto ko maging on-time, saka timeless.

847
00:49:12,541 --> 00:49:15,958
Gusto ko 'saktong umabot sa oras,
na may konting time pang natitira.

848
00:49:16,041 --> 00:49:18,666
Para may quality time ako
sa mga mahal ko sa buhay.

849
00:49:18,750 --> 00:49:21,541
'Yong mga taong nand'yan para sa 'kin,
kahit anong oras.

850
00:49:21,625 --> 00:49:24,916
Para di ko kailangan balikan,
di ko kailangang bawiin.

851
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:28,333
Para nandito lang ako, nasa ngayon.

852
00:49:33,416 --> 00:49:38,125
Kaya kung may paki ka talaga,
dapat nagkakamustahan kayo palagi.

853
00:49:39,041 --> 00:49:44,541
Laging sinasabi ng nanay ko 'to,
"Kung mahal mo ako, ipakita mo."

854
00:49:45,875 --> 00:49:51,250
Kaya inis na inis talaga ako
kay DJ Khaled, promise.

855
00:49:53,708 --> 00:49:57,125
Di, seryoso. Palestinian siya, e.
Kahit ano'ng mangyari, isa siya sa 'min.

856
00:49:57,208 --> 00:50:01,916
Tapos sa nangyayari ngayon,
imbes na "with the times" siya,

857
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:03,458
"behind the times" siya.

858
00:50:03,541 --> 00:50:07,000
At sa taong 'to, lagi na lang "kain time".

859
00:50:08,125 --> 00:50:10,750
Alam ko, fat-on-fat crime siya.

860
00:50:12,375 --> 00:50:15,875
Ayaw ko sanang sabihin 'to,
sa'n ba galing 'to? Kay God!

861
00:50:17,333 --> 00:50:20,041
Pero hindi lang siya
'yong behind sa times.

862
00:50:20,125 --> 00:50:22,791
Ang dami-dami pang iba.

863
00:50:22,875 --> 00:50:25,875
Di ko na papangalanan. Seinfeld.

864
00:50:31,083 --> 00:50:34,916
Ang sabi niya yata,
"Wala akong paki sa Palestine."

865
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,750
Kaso, Jerry, may paki ako sa lahat.

866
00:50:37,833 --> 00:50:42,166
At mas okay magsayang ng time
kaysa pumatay sa time mo.

867
00:50:42,750 --> 00:50:45,666
Festivus For the Rest of Us.

868
00:50:46,916 --> 00:50:49,750
Pinapanood ko dati 'yong show
no'ng mas simple pa 'yong buhay.

869
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:54,625
Ano'ng masasabi n'yo sa panahon natin
na mas may tiwala ang mundo kay Ms. Rachel

870
00:50:54,708 --> 00:50:56,750
kaysa sa <i>The New York Times?</i>

871
00:51:02,750 --> 00:51:06,541
Welcome sa <i>Real Time with Mo Amer. </i>Oo.

872
00:51:07,750 --> 00:51:10,916
Ayaw kong sabihin,
pero lahat tayo mamamatay.

873
00:51:11,708 --> 00:51:16,625
Mamamatay tayong lahat. Limitado lang
'yong time natin dito.

874
00:51:16,708 --> 00:51:19,666
At sobrang importante ng time.
Kaya kong magtuloy-tuloy pa.

875
00:51:19,750 --> 00:51:22,416
Ang kaso, mauubos na 'yong time ko.

876
00:51:22,500 --> 00:51:24,666
Kasi prime time na at paubos na ang oras.

877
00:51:24,750 --> 00:51:28,250
Hiram lang 'yong time natin,
at bawat segundo mahalaga. Nasa dulo na.

878
00:51:28,333 --> 00:51:31,291
At sa buhay na 'to, walang overtime.

879
00:51:31,375 --> 00:51:35,375
At kailangan mong tandaan 'yong
kayang i-transcend ang space at time.

880
00:51:35,458 --> 00:51:37,458
Magugulat ka na lang, wala nang time.

881
00:51:37,541 --> 00:51:40,041
Akala natin big-time tayo,
pero small-time lang.

882
00:51:40,125 --> 00:51:44,458
At ngayon, kulang na tayo sa time.
Karera 'to, at oras ang kalaban.

883
00:51:44,541 --> 00:51:50,166
High time na, crunch time na,
go time na, end of the times na.

884
00:51:50,250 --> 00:51:53,041
Next time na uli. Myrtle?

885
00:51:53,541 --> 00:51:55,375
"Free Palestine!"

886
00:51:57,416 --> 00:52:00,083
Maraming salamat, Washington, D.C.

887
00:52:01,708 --> 00:52:03,875
Mahal na mahal ko kayo. Taos puso.

888
00:52:04,541 --> 00:52:06,875
Maraming salamat
sa pagpunta n'yo ngayong gabi.

889
00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:09,250
Thank you.

890
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:45,291
{\an8}Mahal na mahal ko kayo,
ang laking bagay sa 'kin 'to, thank you.

891
00:52:45,833 --> 00:52:48,833
{\an8}Kumusta kayo? Grabe, ang saya dito.

892
00:52:48,916 --> 00:52:51,125
{\an8}Laging sinasabi 'yon ng mga tao, 'no?

893
00:52:52,708 --> 00:52:55,791
{\an8}Laging sinasabi, pero di nila mini-mean.
Ako, oo.

894
00:53:18,916 --> 00:53:21,833
SA MAHAL KONG INA, INSPIRATION KITA.
LOVE YOU, STEPHANIE, INA NI ALI ALOOSHI

895
00:53:21,916 --> 00:53:23,333
PARA SA MGA KAPATID KO

896
00:53:23,416 --> 00:53:25,833
AHEAD KAYO SA TIME N'YO.
I MISS YOU. SANA MAS MAY ORAS TAYO.

897
00:53:25,916 --> 00:53:28,291
Nagsalin ng Subtitle: Jay Vee Linatoc