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Political turmoil escalated again today across Central Europe and South Asia,
with several more outbreaks of violence being directly attributed to new features
released in limited beta form last week on social media platform, Traam.
Traam founder, Venis Parish, has pledged
his company will act with all due consideration
before launching the final release version of the new tools
to its four billion users globally.
Oh, shit. I typed--
For the launch announce. It's so dumb. "Fuck" but with two U's.
Oops.
- "Fuuck." - It's funny, right?
That's... that's fucking funny.
Shall I put that?
We can launch the full-fat product globally
and just be like, "Fuuck" with two U's?
- What about with, like, three U's? - I don't know. I like two.
Yeah, no, two... two is genius.
Boom!
I just launched a raft of new content tools
that are gonna make the fucking printing press
look like pre-cum and announced it like, "Fuuck."
What?
I... I just think given what we're putting out into the world,
- if we don't have the AI to help us-- - Censor?
No, to help manage and mitigate.
I mean, right now, you have the White House,
but that changes, plug gets pulled and we death spiral.
Okay, fine, you can tell Janine and the board that I will talk to Jeff
- about his amazing AI... - Thank you.
...so they can stop freaking out. It's very boring.
Let's get some nice, little plinths for the whiskeys. Little whiskey plinths.
- Have these been pre-pitted? - Yes.
Which means that some little greasy monster
from Whole Foods has had his little fingers in them,
and I don't like that. Hold on, one second. Hello?
Dude! So, I'm coming to poker,
if... if you can accommodate.
Ven-- You're-- Absolutely. That's awesome.
Yeah, man, hungry for the hang. And Jeff is coming?
Yeah, Jeff's coming, if that's okay.
Yeah. Yeah, that's... that's great. New place, yeah?
Yep, new place. This is-- Can't wait for you to see it.
Okay, man. Sounds good. I gotta run. I gotta run. See ya later.
Yeah, copy that.
- Soups. - Jeff. Just a heads up, Ven is coming.
Yeah? Fine. That's... that's great.
- Yeah? You cool? Brewsters back on? - Soups, I'm--
- If he's cool, I'm cool. - 'Cause, obviously-- You know.
- It'd be good to see him, so-- - All right.
- Soon, Soups. - See you soon.
You happy?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look,
it's 36 hours of dark roasts with my best buds. I... I'm happy.
Obviously, from my POV, you dropping the news
that you're going to a fuck party in Mexico is sub-optimal.
- Okay, I really don't like how your... - But I'm dealing with it.
...anxiety manifests itself, Jeff. Okay?
And just because people have sex at a party doesn't mean it's a sex party.
I... I think it's exactly what it means.
Yes?
Randy? Just so you know, Ven is in. Original Brewsters are go!
Okay, good. That's great news, Souperman. I am en route, but I am in meetings, so...
- Copy. - Okay. Bye-bye.
Yes. So, I've got everything, and I've reviewed.
But is everything in order? Because my previous medical team were--
Well, I prefer the unfashionable Victorian taxonomy,
oaf, simpleton, imbecile, moron.
Dr. Tofler was certainly an oaf, very likely a simpleton.
I know, James. But...
in terms of the facts, the diagnosis...
- we all agree. There is no cure, per se. - I don't believe you.
But with good care,
you're looking at certainly five, probably ten, maybe 15 years, before--
You're not a very intelligent person, are you, Doctor Phipps?
All the things we can do,
and we can't fix one tiny, little piece of gristle inside of me?
Incorrect.
Sayonara, team! "No droids in the cantina," enjoy the bunkhouse!
Do better!
I just want him to be comfortable. And he's the richest man in the world,
so, you know, he has a high threshold.
So, yeah. I think, Venis takes mine here, the master.
- And I go guest. Yeah? - You relocate?
Yeah, yeah, it's nothing. Just expunge me from here
and I hop over to Guest One. And we down-low that information.
Not because it's humiliating. Just because it's boring. Thanks, P.
Your first guest has arrived, Randall Garrett.
Cool. Great. Tell him I'm coming. Can't wait to see that asshole.
Just be a moment. Just quickly see something.
"Slowzo. Welcome to Slowzo.
Not just a meditation tool. It's a lifestyle super-app."
"The cool thing about jumping in with a bill--"
"Dropping a bill of chunk. A chunk o' bill. A b-nut."
"Popping a b-nut. If you bust a b-nut into this app,
it will give birth to a unicorn."
Human rights workers in Libya say, they believe there is a direct link...
- No. - ...between the violence being unleashed
on migrants and deepfakes generated using new content creation tools
unlocked last week by social media giant Traam.
One expert claimed today's release of additional features globally
was like pouring gasoline on a--
Shut up.
Hello! Is the owner of this terrible monstrosity home?
Rand-O. Papa Bear.
- Dark Money Gandalf in the flesh. - Jeffrey. My love. How is your heartrate?
- Seventy-three. - I have a sleep score of 80.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! - Oh, no.
- The Brewsters are crowing! - Yeah.
Cock-a-brewdle-doo!
All right, come on in, come on in, come on in.
- Look at this fucking place, Souperman. - Right? Thank you.
- Wow. - No, no, no, I... I just said look at it.
No compliment implied.
Yeah, it was an incredible value proposition.
Had to shoot a few puppies to get Mountainhead ready for the weekend,
- but, you know. - Mountainhead?
- Yeah. - Like, "Fountainhead" Mountainhead?
Was your interior decorator Ayn Bland?
Oh, my gosh, here we go. All right. You see Nikkei is suspending?
- Oh, yes, and so it begins. - Right?
No, Randy loves this shit. You rubbing your hands in glee or anticipation?
- Change. - Change?
Change. Things can't get any worse for the working man, Jeff.
Really? What do you think the minimum wage is in South Sudan?
It's-- Come on. What's the square footage?
Twenty-one thou.
Construction tripled, but I'm like, you know what, quality is quality.
Yeah. I mean, you only build a pedophile lair once,
so you gotta get it right.
No, seriously, make those kids happy, buddy.
- Are you guys seeing this? - Jesus.
Panic buying in Tokyo? Shanghai might suspend.
The Japanese are freaking out about nothing again.
Right. No, seriously, Soups, man, this place is just fucking ugly.
Like... like, really, just like, objectively...
- Yeah. - ...a terrible design.
What exactly are the objective criteria for aesthetic judgment, Jeff?
That's true. I did meet your first wife, so...
- And I fucked your girlfriend. - Oh, wow!
- I'm sorry. That's not-- Just nasty. - Nice.
So, seriously, Jeff, you're making crazy dollar.
Yeah, I mean, dude, you know, you build the great AI
- and then let the AI do everything else. - Yeah.
A lot of opportunities in this fucking shitshow
if you know what you're doing.
- And you know Venis is coming? - Yeah, yeah, I know Venis is coming.
It's-- I'm excited, I'm excited to see him.
- Are you? Excited? - Yes.
You guys think a couple words on a podcast are really gonna bump us?
I'm worried about him.
I mean, the UN is up his ass for stoking a fucking race war, right?
- Okay, come on. - I'm just saying, I'm worried about him,
I... I heard he's circling the jet just to fall asleep.
No, he's killing it. The full suite? The UI? Unbelievable.
His team just executed his vision to fuck.
To fuck. That sounded good, man. No, that sounded really good.
I heard you hired a kid in Baltimore to teach you how to curse.
And I heard you hired a kid in Toronto to teach you how to fuck.
Yeah! Now we're doing it.
- Now, it's happening. - That's good.
- The Montreux Razz Festival! - Yeah.
This is great. This is great. This is great.
Oh, my God. I missed you guys.
- I love seeing you. - Yeah.
- Catching up on personal stuff, business. - That's true.
What's the... what's the temperature in here?
This is like 69.5.
- Solid temp. - Hell, yeah.
Yeah. It's good.
And Rand-O, you... you good, man? Like the-- Yeah?
- Me? Yes, I... I am amazing. - With the... the health? Yeah?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Cancer was net-net a big positive.
Wisdom, 50% increase. Purpose, meaning, both way up.
- Right. Sure. - And on-- And the physical side?
Not a concern.
Which is cool not to worry about it because I don't have to, so I just don't.
Right.
Officials here say they are totally overwhelmed
by the scale and quality of the fabricated news reports
and fake eyewitness accounts circulating on Traam.
The contested video
- is one of many contributing to... - Move it into the bedroom.
...increased inter-ethnic tensions across northern...
...violence and unrest is growing, has paralyzed...
See you all tomorrow.
Hi, sir. Welcome to Mountainhead. Right this way.
Here we go!
Cock-a-brewdle-doo, dude! Welcome to Mountainhead!
Doesn't he look good? He looks good.
- Come here. - Come here.
- Don't crowd him, Soups! - I'm not. It's just good to see him.
- Come on! - It's cool.
Bring it in. Cock-a-brewdle-doo.
Hell, yeah. You look so good. You look so good.
- I love your glasses. This is great. - Ven-Diagram.
Can we hug it out?
Yeah, buddy, of course.
- Good to see you. - Bring it in.
Oh, man, watch out. Don't crush me with all that "founder energy."
- I was misquoted. - How can you be misquoted if you said it?
Who cares? I don't even remember.
Now it feels right.
Hey, the Fed called me. They call you? Are we worried about this Italy thing?
No need for concern over any country
- with an exportable cheese. - As in?
No country with an internationally traded consumer cheese
has ever defaulted on its national debt.
- Wow. - Boom!
- Blah, blah, blah. Whatever-- No, no, no. - Classic Randy, 200 IQ.
- That's good. - You look so good.
Why are you being weird, Soups?
- He is. - I'm just saying you look great,
that's all. I mean, I--
Obviously, this launch shit's delivering a lot of torque to your airframe.
No. Hardcore gravy. We're all lubed up, you know?
But have we seen what Founder Jeff is doing?
Your net worth must be like 2X in the last 24.
I mean, it's only 'cause of, you know, all the fucking deads from your launch.
- Ouch! Ouch! - Your shitty stock to the moon.
Hard talk!
Here... here, guys, take it to the ring.
Take it to the ring. Sit down. Come on, sit down.
- That is harsh. - Sit soft, sit soft. Come on.
- Ven? - Yes?
- How are you, man? - I'm fantastic.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I don't know if I can stay the whole weekend.
I'm supposed to see a Bugatti in Holland.
The divorce is done?
We only really got married as a joke.
- Yeah. - You know?
Allison is a disastrous communicator.
She has this wildly inaccurate model of the world inside her brain.
- Can I get a soda? - Yeah.
Yeah, I just need to be around my guys, you know? Some people who fucking get it.
God, I'm like-- I'm completely bifurcated.
You know? I'm like hyper-focused on this launch.
And on my child, which is amazing.
- But I need to give him some space. - Hey, you-- Randall?
- NSA director might talk to us? - Why would the ATMs go weak-titty in Ohio?
No, just one under-capitalized bank.
Uncle Hayseed's Jug-band Credit Union. It's de minimis.
Yeah, seems de minimis.
Yeah, but I mean, this... this violence in Uzbekistan,
it's kind of concerning? You know, like--
Sorry, but the Stans? I think we only have G20 bandwidth. Gotta prioritize.
Solid take. Gentlemen, discussion!
Join me, brainstorm a statement. The new upgrades are great!
We're excited. The Valley loves this. The antidote to bad tech is good tech.
Better we helm than the Chinese. Upbeat.
Highlight some of the coolest content Traam creators are producing? Yes?
Yeah, yeah, like that one clip of the... the kid juggling all the feet?
- Yeah. - That was good.
Yeah, just like we're fucking here playing poker at Mountainhead,
just being fucking normal Brewsters brewing it up. Relax.
Oh, shit, actually, I think these are real severed feet.
- Come on. - That's crazy, man.
Jeff's sniping. He's fucking snipey, snipe, snipe.
- Are you with us or not, man? - No, dude, I-- I don't blame you, man.
I mean, planet Earth's like an all-you-can-eat buffet,
and no one's gonna stop till we clear all the hot plates, right?
Fine. Hit me. If we're constructing an intellectual barricade,
what are my weak points?
- Steel man? - Yeah.
Okay. Steel man says,
your platform was already divisive and last week's upgrade made it way worse.
And now you've inflamed a volatile situation
and people are using generative AI
to circulate hyper-personalized messages, unfalsifiable deepfakes.
Shit like named person X goes to named area Y,
to buy named weapon to go at named group at named hour,
promoting genocidal proximate attacks,
creating sectarian division with video evidence,
massive market instability, fraud.
Yeah, I guess all that, though, is debatable,
right, at Traam headquarters?
Look...
first time people saw a movie, everybody ran screaming
because they thought they were gonna get hit by a train.
The answer to that was not, "Stop the movies."
- The answer was, "Show more movies." - Yes.
We're gonna show users as much shit as possible
until everyone realizes nothing's that fucking serious.
- Yeah. - Nothing means anything
and everything's funny and cool.
- Exactly. Precisely. - Funny.
Intellectual salon. That's why I built this place.
It's exactly how I saw it working.
Shall we draft something? A Brewster Proclamation?
The one thing that would actually be helpful, as it happens,
is if people knew that I had access to your AI.
Well, yeah, because yours is so racist and shitty.
- Oh! - Come on.
- Wow. - Come on. That's shitty.
No, because you fucking people-trafficked Nilo and my whole division.
And what they've done for me at BILTER is phenomenal. It's intuitive.
It... it really is. On fraud, differentiation, fakes. Knows a joke.
Moderation that isn't moderation, smart glass.
- So, sell it to me. - No, no, no, no, no.
- What the fuck? Like, like-- Like-- - No. No deals, no meals,
- no high heels, guys. - Yeah. No deals.
I mean-- Do you even have board approval for this?
Yeah, no, no, I get it, man. I've got zero-shot learning and...
the Essence of Justice in a box,
and you've got, what, 4Chan on fucking acid, so...
- Awesome. - I'm selling a filter for nightmares.
That's not the kind of business that slows down.
So, what, I'm supposed to just give that up to do you a favor?
I... I don't care.
- But you get crazy rich, cash, or stock... - Yeah.
...and it's a great partnership. Any shape. A strategic partnership.
Oh, dude, fucking-- Oh, thank you, Ven.
Thank you for your... for your strategic partnership.
Oh, wow.
- Okay. - Oh, yeah!
I can feel the strategy in my mouth.
Oh, my God. Is that... is that founder energy?
Where are you going, partner?
Oh, fuck, you fucking partnered all over my face.
Thank you, man. It's so good.
You're a very sick person, Jeffrey.
That's... that's very funny. But let's talk, though. Yeah?
Violent confrontations rocked Armenia today
after a series of computer-generated news reports
posted on Traam alleged that Azerbaijan was preparing for
a Turkish-backed military intervention.
Community leaders are urging people not to trust online news reports,
no matter how convincing they appear.
Yeah, only black bears here.
They're very timid. You can walk right up to them and... and slap them.
So beautiful you could fuck it.
- And you're good, with everything? - Oh, yeah, I think so.
- Pressure. Pressure building. - Oh, yeah.
I do think that I need Jeff's AI. Because this pressure is quite intense.
That's how you know you're doing something important.
Yeah. Yeah, I do feel like people are getting it, though.
The numbers, the engagement, which, you know, was becoming a concern.
But why do people have to focus on the little niggly-nubbins?
It's like, are you people dumb?
- This has to fucking happen. - Yeah.
You're always going to get some people dead.
I mean, there will be eight to ten cardiac arrests during a Super Bowl.
Right.
Stop the Super Bowl!
Do you believe in other people?
I think one needs to.
Yeah, but do you? Eight billion people as real as us?
Well, obviously not.
He looks good, doesn't he? Ven?
His skin, it's resplendent.
He's been using it. Slowzo. I don't know if there's a connection.
But it's kind of wild, right?
I mean, he said he needs to jerk off every two hours.
"A resplendent complexion."
I'm just wondering, you know, if his buds need to encourage him
- to rest up a little bit. - Slowzo. The burn is tough, it is.
I might actually-- No biggie,
but might actually look to rustle up a bill chunk?
- A billion, Soups? - Just a b-nut.
- For a meditation app? - Not just a meditation app.
- A lifestyle super-app. - Look, man, if you really need a chunk,
it's not my area, but I could look at the deck.
I get it, you know, mental health is exploding with,
you know, everything, and...
if the deck's clear, then maybe it's a thing. Yeah.
Like, I'm not very connected to my mother.
Well, studies show that is super important.
Yeah.
Yeah, studies show it's super important.
I mean, I've just lost connection with so many people.
Nilo, Yannis, and even you guys. Really.
- But my mom is tough, man. - Yeah.
I just feel like if I could get us off this fucking rock, it would solve so much.
Well, you know,
it's a solid starter planet, but we've outgrown it, no doubt.
I just wanna get us transhuman.
Like, up on grid, Tron biking around.
Digital milkshakes, robot hand jobs, you know?
To actually be in Plato's Academy with Plato.
I just feel like the universe is,
like, taking a... it's like taking a grip and it's easing me apart,
like my torso is being levered apart with tremendous force
and like the emptiness of the galaxies is just, like, rushing in.
Not good.
Ven.
What do you think is the timeline on uploading a human consciousness?
Glitchy? Ten.
If Jeff would sell me Nilo and my guys back?
My compute? Maybe five.
And could I...
This is going to sound dumb. If you get the toolset from Jeff's AI,
- could I be one of the first to actually-- - Sure, man. You're first in line.
We just gotta do, like, a mouse, a pig, like, ten morons,
and then once we're clean, you're going digital, Randall.
First brain on the grid.
First brain on the grid
- First brain on the grid - That's good, that's good.
- That's a good song. - First brain on the grid
Well done. You know, it's nice to sing sometimes for no reason.
Yes.
Okay. Okay.
Four presidents of tech! Here on Mount Techmore.
The state of the nation financial evaluation.
Brewsters, get yo net worths on!
- Yeah! - Net worth!
Okay. The King of Cash.
The Marquis of Moolah. The North Star of Net Worth.
- It's Venis Parish at 220 bill. - Yeah!
- My God, it's like writing on granite. - Yeah!
Icy!
He's a plutocrat
- who's also a Plato-cat! - Yeah!
- The Grand Old Duke of Dough. - Yeah!
- Randall Garrett, on 63 bill. - Hell, yeah!
Give it to me!
Feels good!
- This guy, he's a young buck... - Come on.
...making the big bucks.
His data analytics have confounded all the critics.
Jeff Abredazi, I have you at 38.
Oh, 59, actually. Yeah, yeah, that's the closest estimate right now.
It's 5-9. Soft on either end,
- but stock price is nuts off the chaos. - Nice.
- Yeah. - Hit that right there.
- Oh, yeah. - And now, the host without the most.
The poor relation who still gets an invitation, the Souperman,
Hugo Van Yalk, at a not-too-shabby 521 million.
- Million. M. M. Million! - Million!
- Bravo. Bravo. - Great.
All right, everybody. Let's do this.
- Diadem for Venis. - Yes.
- Captain hat for Randy. - Thank you, sir!
Sailor for Jeff.
And once again, bringing home the ladle. Soup Kitchen.
- Ladle-oh-hoo-hoo! - Soups and his enormous spoon!
All right. There she is.
- Own the ladle, bitch. - Okay, gentlemen, let us shout.
Mountain God Accelerator Legacy Manifestation!
- Slowzo goes super-app! - Transhuman world harmony!
- Please don't let Hester fuck anybody! - The rules surrounding anti-trust
to be handed to a more competent entity
to ensure biotech delivers meaningful life extension
unfettered by the dead hand of government over-regulation!
- Transhuman world harmony! - Slowzo goes super-app!
Please don't let Hester fuck anybody!
Ven, you're gonna be hearing something really horrible has happened.
Yeah, I heard. How many were in the building?
Three to four hundred burned alive.
But we are now being used by white hats and emergency services.
Right. Exactly. We're gonna be a positive. We are a positive.
That we know. The rest is just conjecture.
I mean, I believe we are. It's just whether we are--
We are.
- What? - You good?
It's just a really steep learning curve
in regions where we're bringing in a lot of new users.
Yeah, no, it sounds super steep, actually.
Yeah, people are going to get it. Once one Palestinian kid sees some, like,
really fucking bananas content from, like, one Israeli kid, like, the right shit,
they're gonna be like, "Hey. Okay." And then it's all over.
Yeah, no, no, I'm... I'm sure you'll solve Palestine, but right now,
you've got fakes of rape gangs in the next village.
Yeah, and also Snoopy with a hard-on, 60-feet tall, 8K photo-real,
- and like, you kinda get it. You know? - Yeah, no, I-- I'm getting it, for sure.
So, you and big, horny Snoopy keep spreading your chaos,
and I'll make my nut selling the guardrails.
This is a partnership. A lot of fucking money
- in my BILTER filter. - You're a dick.
Up to 500 people are now feared dead in this latest attack.
It seems the victims were wrongly identified
in a manipulated deepfake video clip
purporting to show preparations for the desecration of religious sites.
The victims were chased by a mob into a community center
on the outskirts of the city, where a number of women and children
- had already sought refuge. - Unbelievable.
The blaze started when Molotov cocktails were thrown through windows
and the doors of the building barred with abandoned cars.
A government spokesperson said the amount of disinformation being manufactured
has reached a level which is overwhelming authorities,
after Traam's full global upgrade of content creation
and messaging features.
- Can you mute that, for Ven? - I don't give a fuck.
I just want to say, this is not on you, Venis.
Obviously, this is not on me. Why would you even say that?
Exactly. This is on the people throwing the firebombs.
- Should I cancel the DJ out of respect? - Yeah, yeah.
No, I mean, watching a machete cut through human flesh is tough,
but you three dancing on a carpet is a real atrocity.
You guys, a lot of this isn't even real.
It's like so hyper real that it can't be real.
You know, like, could I have possibly asked for better marketing?
It's so dumb. Look at the fire.
Guys, I seem to have a new number.
Holy shit. Dude, that's a very chunky number.
Well done. Shall we open champagne?
No, no, no, we don't-- This is not a champagne moment.
Jeff's net worth is officially greater than mine,
and it would be perverse not to celebrate his perspicuity.
- No, it's-- - Soups, fetch the hat!
- It's not appropriate. - Fetch the hat!
- Dude. Yeah. - Fetch the hat, Soup!
Don't get the hat. I don't want the hat, dude.
- I'm fetching the hat! - This is not--
Jeffrey, congratulations.
You saw your edge. Open the champagne.
Off... off all the chaos, it's... it's gross.
I got mixed feelings on this one, guys.
I mean, I'm sitting on the cure to info cancer while everybody dies.
It's weird.
He is now the second-ranking Brewster, and I, for one, celebrate that.
- Open the champagne! - I... I don't want to.
- Open the champagne, Jeff! - Come on. So, I... I leapfrogged
some telecoms guy in Thailand, and... and it's-- And you?
You don't need to be a fucking prick about it!
Come here.
Let's... let's have some champagne.
Just kidding.
- Congratulations, Jeff. - Here we are, here we are.
- Yeah. You cracked the top ten. - It's... it's all theoretical.
- Cheers. To Jeff. - Cheers.
- To Jeff. - To Jeff.
It's all theoretical.
- No, it's all theoretical. - Yeah.
It doesn't matter. You taking it so seriously makes me think
that you have perhaps ascribed more meaning to it than you should?
- Yes? - Not real. Heads don't explode like that.
- Heads don't explode like that? - No.
- How do heads explode? - Heads don't really explode.
Guys, you do know that it's okay to laugh
at how bad and fake some of this stuff is, yes?
Ven, I'm on a live stream.
You want me to jump in the chat, ask them to stop pillaging?
A man just machine-gunned his neighbor for wet wipes in Kentucky.
- What we have is toxic, not terminal. - That's funny.
Yeah, I asked them to knock it off,
but the people in the chat are so pro-pillage at this point.
But, Jeff, if you talk to Misha
and your board announces that they're helping,
doesn't all of this move forward?
You want me to talk to Misha? Are... are you guys peer pressuring me?
- No, no, no. - Well, no, are you gonna make me get,
like, a... a tattoo and start smoking?
I mean, what happened to, "No deals, no meals, no high heels?"
Sell me your fucking BILTER filter.
It's good for you and it's good for me.
Is this why you came? To put the squeeze on?
You know, Ven, why don't you just dial some dials, man?
Why don't you tweak something on your end?
- Tweak? I'll tweak. - Yeah?
- Make some little fuckin' tweaks. - Make me a little fuckin' tweak, bitch.
- Yeah. - You know what I think, honestly?
I think pedal to the fucking metal.
I'm negotiating with four hyper-scale data centers, so nothing is stopping this.
I say we just push through. Let's fucking go!
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Let's fucking go! Come on! - Yeah, man!
The worse the disease, the more valuable the cure.
- Let's just fucking go, huh? - Let's fucking go.
- Let's just fucking go. - Let's fucking go!
All right, dude, go.
Are you seeing this?
What the fuck?
Argentina's just... just chaos. Argentina's going.
Central Bank went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
- Yeah. - What we're seeing
is hyperinflation in the Global South and a credit crunch in the North.
Yeah, but, you know, maybe if you're in Ecuador,
everything's groovy, Ven?
Yeah, Ecuador seems... Ecuador seems fine. No, Ecuador's fucked.
Shit, that's so sad. Well, let's just look east now to Peru and hope she withstands.
Hey, is... is anyone getting anything from the Mayan peninsula?
- Hester's not picking up. - She's probably just gone to bed early.
With a couple of warlords and a mariachi band.
Yeah, yeah, right, right. They're, like, fucking her with a maraca.
That's... that's always really funny. Yeah, she's with other guys.
I'm just razzing.
Okay, this is Dave and... and Roddy. The-- It's the Prez.
The... the President wants to speak to us.
- Sure. - No, no, us, Ven.
Now? What's he gonna say?
I... I don't know. We're-- You concerned, or...
- No, I'm not concerned. - Okay.
Mr. Abredazi, I'll have the President for you momentarily.
- Fine. Sure. Is he there? - We're holding.
President. Spooky.
In terms of catering, do you still imagine we'll be playing?
Because I have a six-man line-caught turbot.
"No deals, no meals, no high heels."
- Come on. - It's not a meal. It's a picking fish.
What? What the fuck? What's a picking fish, dude?
This is poker night. There's no... no staff, no chefs.
This is supposed to be, like, club sandwiches, heart attack burgers,
chicken buckets.
This does not feel cool, the Prez hold-fucking me.
Like, what could he possibly have to say?
- I mean... I-- Maybe it's the Balkans? - It's really quite a magnificent turbot.
Look, it doesn't matter what he says. It's what we say.
Because, really, it's a very good possibility
we are in a moment of tremendous creative destruction.
Great turning.
Mesopotamia at T-minus 5000...
urbanization, domesticated animals,
and the accumulation of tradable surpluses.
Movable type. The wheel.
Nations are teetering, politically and economically,
and I think that we play a role.
I'm gonna put that motherfucking bottom feeder on to steam.
Do we take over a couple of failing nations?
Show people how it's done?
To one or more fragile or failed Western Hemisphere states, say,
Argentina, Venezuela, or Cuba, we intellectually and financially
back a rolling swap out to crypto-network states.
- Populations love it and it snowballs. - Simple, simple, simple.
That is where this goes. Creative destruction. Arab Spring.
Maybe we do look at El Salvador as a dry run.
You know, just to double click on Argentina, the banks, the streets,
- it's definitely going. - That's sad.
I have a house there, in Buenos Aires. Wait, no, I sold it.
- You know, maybe we send you. - Did I?
Souper? To, like, president, not president Argentina.
That's an actual country.
Maybe we start in Panama, or buy St. Barts.
It's very small, Jeff. De minimis.
- We could probably buy Haiti. - Fifteen mill residents?
A thou each to relocate. Fifteen bill U.S., I could eat that.
Yeah, I don't know if I want to go to Haiti.
- A lot of starch, a lot of 'quakes. - You're not.
You're going to Argentina, Souperman.
Seriously, let's get a chopper, a plane, crisis PR outfit,
notify the central bank, the military,
in case we're sending someone to Buenos Aires.
- How's your Spanish? - How's his English?
I don't know if I wanna run Argentina on my own.
Not off the back of a major construction project.
- Oh, man, Mayor of Paris assassinated. - Fake.
No, dude, they've got like nine angles of this. Eat shit, Zapruder.
- That's tough. - There's 300,000 people in Red Square.
Real. Guys, I can't switch this off.
Right? This is like when it gets really good.
You get this compound distillation effect to the content.
You can't just like halt a slave revolt halfway, right?
We still waiting on the White House?
My view, and it's essentially Hegelian,
is that the whole of history operates on the "Fuck! What? Cool!" principle.
Fuck, bronze! What? Oh, cool.
Civilization. Fuck, iron. What? Oh, cool, empire.
Fuck, industrial production! What? Oh, cool,
surplus value and material happiness.
Oh, now do slavery. Like, fuck, I'm a slave.
- What? I'm still a slave. Like-- - The lesson in history is,
everything is always cool, so long as you get there.
- Randall's Law. - No.
- I don't... - Yeah.
...I don't want a law named after me. That's stupid.
It's simply a theory, Hegelian in origin.
I... I do think it'll become a law, man. I do.
A lot of Parisians are saying this is basically fine.
You know, preferred, even.
There's gonna be lumps in the supply chain.
Unilever, Nestlé, the stocks.
- No. No, no, no. - It's... It's wild.
We have plenty of calories stockpiled.
Western countries have strategic commodity reserves.
Canola oil, lard, frozen orange juice, blah, blah, blah.
If anyone would like to give me a hand with these cold cuts?
No, I... I'm good. I'll just have
a canola oil, lard, and frozen orange juice sandwich.
Okay.
Okay. Guys, have you seen Turkey and Armenia?
The fake calls?
They've undeclared war, but units are still mobilized.
The streets do not look good. This is really bad.
- This could be cool. - It could be cool.
- It could really be turning into a moment. - In terms of?
Where it all comes out.
All of the fucking hatreds. All this resentment.
Like, a slightly gnarly but eventually highly cathartic draining
of all this poison, historical, ethnic, racial, religious--
It's... It's a great turning of the wheel.
I think that's why I'm so excited about these atrocities.
No, sure, they're... they're exciting.
I'm thinking about all the people who aren't killing each other.
- Order of magnitudes higher. - It's good for the ecosystem,
- a controlled burn. - No, I see it, I do. I just--
You know, there's the thing about the people being buried alive.
- "The thing." - Yeah, sure.
- I mean, we might have to hack the hate. - Hack the hate?
Bretton Woods crumbles.
The fiat currencies wane. The blockchain prevails.
Thank you. Are we the Bolsheviks
of a new techno world order that starts tonight?
Souper...
this ugly fucking death trap
might have just become humanity's global HQ.
WHW, White House West.
Communication, logistics? Military, software, infrastructure?
Financial. AI. Meditation, miscellaneous.
And what, we go Argentina, Paraguay, Chile,
- or do we go Haiti, Cuba, Panama, Mexico? - Great question. South to North, right?
Caracas by Christmas.
Also, on these side plates, we're gonna reuse them, if that's cool.
Ven, the President, he's ready. He wants you,
but do you want me to lay the groundwork, or...
I'll... I'll... I'll just set it up for you.
What the fuck, Jeff? I mean, he's just a dude.
Fucking arrangement of carbon. I got this.
- Cool. - Say hi for me.
He'll remember.
Okay.
Pretty important carbon.
They're panicky, and you're gonna hear that when you talk to him.
No, he's into this.
Yeah, they like the vibe, but they don't like...
There's been a lot of continental U.S. incidents.
Attacks. Real, fake, reprisals. It feels out of control.
The NSC wants a circuit breaker. I'm connecting. You good?
Yep.
Mr. President? Hey, what's up?
He had some poorly informed criticisms. They got to him. He's scared.
The President's a really nice guy and a friend, but he's a simpleton.
What I wonder, given their wobbles, is do we just get upstream,
leverage our hardware, software, data, scale this up, and coup-out the U.S.?
"Coup-out the U.S.?" That's a pretty fat enchilada.
I think I'll have an egg.
A simple hen's egg mit salz. Yes.
A coup, like, a coup d'etat coup?
- The U.S.? - It would be challenging.
Yeah.
"Techno-autocrats have stolen my NPR." But then guess what?
Schools are working, and crime's way down,
and, oh, my God. I think I like these guys?
I think I wanna fuck these guys.
And... And we're talking about the U.S., right?
With the military, the aircraft carriers, the Marines, and--
How do we take them on exactly? We slap them with Soup's turbot?
I'm... I'm pretty deeply embedded in terms of hardware, software,
- payment rails, wages. - Yeah. Right.
What military operational capability
does the U.S. state have absent our co-operation?
If we went bad goblin?
If I pulled the plug? Opened the back door?
Nothing flies, nothing moves.
Uncle Sam is left with a few unpaid grunts and their pea-shooters.
Yeah, we'd swarm them with their own kill drones in 20 minutes.
Say, us plus Mike, Roddy on the inside, Sam, Jerry, and D.?
God!
- This could happen. - Yeah.
Like, we could actually do this.
Shall I call NSA Roddy? He's spicy. I have a direct line to the White House.
Everyone has a direct line to the White House.
You just need to have a phone.
I have a very direct line to the White House.
- It goes straight through. - Randall,
- would you consider taking a role as-- - I would not want to act as president,
even interim.
No? But you... you never got your flowers, really.
I've had my flowers. I feel very well recognized.
No, no, no, no, no. What, I want a library named after me?
- No. Don't wanna be president. - Let us cook.
And we're sure we'd be better at running the world?
'Cause, Randall, I do think you're boiling an egg with no water.
I have other concerns right now, Jeff.
Marcus Aurelius never had to boil his own egg.
I... I don't know, did he? You grew up with him, right?
Souperman? What's...
- Is there no water coming out? - No.
That's weird. There's no water. Why is the-- The water's down?
Shitty pressure in your, low-ping defective home, Soups?
No, no, no. It's not the pressure, Jeff. The pressure is excellent.
I get bruises when I take a shower. Eighty PSI.
Faucets like riot cannons. No, there's something-- Is--
Did they disconnect my water?
Could be targeted. Absolutely could be targeted.
Yeah, yeah. China is trying to dehydrate us.
If I was China, would I be targeting the smartest men in America?
- "Yes, I would." - Look, put it this way.
Have the French got the Canadians to tell the state to cut off my water?
Is this because of the mayor of Paris? Paula!
Sorry. Can anyone hear a high-pitched noise?
Like one that you can't hear? Sub-audible?
Because they have a frequency now
that just straight out makes you shit your pants.
Really? Do you find that they're playing that for you
increasingly when you shop at CVS or...
- What's that? - You know, when you go to CVS
- to get your meds and they forget-- - Fuck off.
- No, dude, I'm... I'm... I'm-- - Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!
Fuck off! Fuck off!
I'm just... I'm... I'm... I'm being a... a... a Brewster. I'm razzing.
Guys!
- How do we feel about all the glass? - Too much? I wonder if I did too much.
No, the Republican Guard are pissed.
I would feel happier away from all the glass.
The literal Republican Guard? Like, the Iranian one?
What, you... you think they're in Utah? Came for Sundance?
Huge downside risk.
Easy. Downstairs. We don't want any shrapnel getting in the sliders.
Let's go. Come on, come on, come on.
There's a bunker downstairs. Let's hunker in the bunker!
I don't understand why we're walking away from the sliders.
- I just thought the one lane is shabby. - Oh. Wow.
Randy, did we say you for the Fed? Or for Argentina, Souper?
Or who's doing Argentina?
I can handle the Fed. Plus Argentina, Uruguay, and Paraguay.
Wow. Yet you destroyed a chain of regional coffee shops
- in under six months? - Running a...
Running a country like Paraguay is easier
than breaking into a mature consumer sector, Jeff.
Yeah, I would seriously rather fix sub-Saharan Africa
than launch a Sweetgreen challenger in the current market.
Maybe not too much fruit bowling, in terms of the mechanism?
That's a fruit. A melon is a fruit.
All right. I mean, fuck it, I guess.
The only thing to say is,
do we think the Western Hemisphere is a little meager?
Kind of used up? I mean, it's big, but what is it?
Yeah, just an ass-load of Amazon boxes chugging around '50s infrastructure.
Bunch of cold burritos getting DoorDashed to deadbeats.
You coup-out Western Hemisphere,
you hopscotch, Maghreb, Saudi, Iran. Asia?
The CCP is a 500-pound gorilla, in terms of our global protectorate.
What are the strategic and tactical weaknesses
of the Chinese regime?
Thinky, thinky, lovely thinky.
Yes.
Can I just say, this is just way fucking cool.
I mean, I wanted us to have a nice weekend and events,
you know, I mean, turned a little dark.
But if we take down China,
end the nation state. Now, we're making memories.
Yeah, it's so much better to do one big upgrade on the whole world
than walking around with fucking patches, "Solving malaria."
Yeah. "Oh, I'm an old man and I solved malaria."
"Here, loads more Africans."
"Thanks for all the extra Africans, really loving those!"
We're here, guys. We're here.
We literally have the resources, the mental capacity, the foresight to--
Well, it would be ludicrous to say to "take over the world,"
but in layman's terms, to take over the world.
Get the rare earth minerals moving, stop the shilly-shallying, Jeff,
Ven, little cooperation, unleash the AIs.
We could honestly get post-human in half a decade.
Eternal life of endless comfort for trillions.
Classic weekend.
And nanotech, Randy?
Does that really open the door to smallification?
Ten minutes after we get artificial general intelligence,
we will have nano-folk, period.
My God, we can all get tiny and live inside each other.
I know you're kidding, but one of us has to stay big, right?
- If we're all going to live inside... - Yeah, I stay big.
- ...someone else, right? - I stay big
and you guys and Sabre all live inside me.
Oh, man, that's living the dream, dude. Us living in your bowels? Thank you.
- Okay. Yeah. - Ven,
I'm getting messaged to ask if you know that the EU is going to block you?
Is France gonna send their top tech guys to come for me,
when they get back from fucking lunch?
Maybe we tit-for-tat.
Take down Western Europe as a show of force?
- What, grids? Yeah, you could. A brownout? - Easy peasy.
The great thing about me is that I know everyone and I can do everything.
- Rolling brownout. Rolling brownout. - Rolling brownout. Rolling brownout.
- Rolling brownout. - Rolling brownout. Now, wait.
- Here we go. - Is France the one?
Or Belgium. Those chocolatey assholes.
Hey, Grandpa, your light is on.
Now, one thing we should probably discuss is people's mental health.
- Yeah? - I mean,
just as AI takes all the employment ops
and money withers, singularity by Christmas.
You want people going fully-online in good mental health.
Oh, my God. Soups, are you pitching?
Well, I'm just saying, Jeff is in, and right now might be a really great time
- for some smart investors to drop a b-nut. - Jeff's in on Slowzo?
- No. No, I... I said... - Jeff's in?
...that I would look at a deck. This is incredibly sweaty, Soups.
I'm... I'm just excited.
- And you actually, you know-- - How are you gonna juggle
a meditation app and being President of Argentina?
- It's a lifestyle super-app... - Oh, okay.
...and we're looking into posture correction, therapy,
and a brand-new color.
- A brand-new color? - Yeah.
Oh, my God, yeah, okay, I'm in. What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?
Hey, did you bang your head in your super slippery home?
- Ven? - Yeah?
Board Chair Janine flew in, is at the bottom gate
and is asking for access. What's the play?
She probably just came to say, "Thank you, Mr. Venis,
for making engagement go boom-boom."
- I'm gonna rub one out before my meet. - Good move. Tactical cum-shedding.
- Smart. - I sent some messages.
The Argentinians are ready.
Can I just say, this is all happening incredibly quickly,
just in terms of my rise to power.
Even just to talk to my parents would be great. Fuck. Wild.
You're on, Eva Perón.
Buenos Aires! This is Mountainhead. Do you receive? I'm Hugo Van Yalk.
So, who's who of the coup?
How was that? Good guys?
Intense guys. We really got into it, you know?
Radical transparency playbook. All relatively straightforward, but yeah.
Did you know nine Latin American presidents
have been assassinated since the war?
Janine?
Yeah, board troubles. Janine told my Misha.
- Big board, big rumbles. - Okay. Brownout. Grid down in Belgium.
I mean, you've interfered with what, 30% of the electrical output?
Even with back-up generators,
there'll be some ICU incubators hurting somewhere.
Gee, let's hope so.
Yeah, gotta show those little three-pounders who's boss, huh?
What's she saying? She looks pissed.
Yeah, right. Like they're gonna touch him.
I don't like to be threatened.
Okay, no one is threatening you, but as I understand it,
about ten minutes after we turn it on, his BILTER AI can just,
if people want, if they want, tell everyone what's real and what's not.
Fine. If that is a feature that people are interested in, it's fine. I have...
a deal. Jeff wants to make a deal. It's just timeline.
- Berry? - Yeah?
- Get me Sabre here. - Okay.
- We good? - We're good.
Thank you.
- Hey. - Hi. I'll bring him right out.
You did explain that we're pushing his nap by an hour or two?
- Yeah. - Is he happy?
- Yeah. - 'Cause he can counter.
- I'm open to a counter. Hey. - Okay. There you go.
Hi. Yeah.
- Hey, can you give me some space? - Sure.
Hi. I was going nuts, but Daddy's gonna be okay.
I'm doing it all for you.
That's nice, isn't it?
I mean, it's sweet.
Guys? Yo.
- Hey. - Hey.
Come check this out.
Oh, man.
Are those my chess pieces?
Dude, this is kind of sad.
- I mean, it's better than nothing. - Is it?
- Isn't it? - It's fine.
- Say, "Bye, Dada." Okay. - Wait. Hold on.
Hey.
Thank you for coming to say hi to Daddy.
Guys, this is the worst I've ever seen him, I think.
Okay, he's picked a fight with a tree.
Yeah. It looks like we got ourselves a tree fight.
It’s smart.
Gotta have a release. Very smart.
Fuck.
Hey, Papa Bear, you... you got a minute?
Come on down, Jeffrey! Join the fun!
You think Ven's okay?
So, you are not going to do a deal?
I mean, it's a little galling for me to pimp my baby
because Ven got strung out and went live with a janky model.
Because if you did, I think he could get us there.
Your BILTER AI, his compute.
- He could get us post-human in five. - In five.
- Cool. Yeah, maybe. - Yes.
So, all our bodies hung up on clotheslines doing Stairmasters?
Us just like electrons squirting round the grid?
- Exactly. - Yeah. You stiff, Papa Bear?
You know I love him like a brother.
But first principles, I'm on the rise, he's a melting iceberg.
And the update is a Hail Mary.
Just keeping our timber dry, yeah?
- Papa Bear level. - Sure.
You're worried about him, right? I mean, all the scratching,
the vampire hours, us living inside him. Remember that part?
Him cage fighting a tree?
You're good for him. You know, you keep him straight,
intellectually, morally, but you're not gonna be around forever.
And...
I-- Just when you go, I am... I'm worried.
And...
Before Venis pushes things, war crimes...
I think you, or we, talk to folks.
Such as?
Such as maybe we talk to his board.
Little board combo might be-- Maybe Ven just takes a week
or a month or six months, a couple of years.
You were his first investor, Randall.
You go out knowing you did the right thing.
And I believe in it all. I really do.
Bootstrap to a corporate monarchy, cyber-state it to the singularity.
Eat the chaos.
But right now, we are having a lot of fun with the dollars in our houses and bodies.
The nation state.
What if the old girl's got another 20 left in her, yeah?
They're not all Neanderthals in DC.
We could keep them tight. It's good eatings and rich pickings.
- This is just Brewster talk. - Sure.
- Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. - It's just-- Yeah.
Ven steps back, whoever you help choose slides in.
- Okay. - Cools things down,
and then we're drinking piña coladas, watching the market rally.
- It could be good. Yeah. - Let me think. Let me think.
Sorry, this is... this might be Hester.
Yeah, Lena.
Oh, man. Shit.
Yeah, things are getting out of hand, Randy. I think Hester's in trouble.
Lena. Can we just get two guys on Hester?
Eyes on her all the time?
Just so I know she's okay. Just very discreet.
Just for personal safety. It's not creepy.
It's very interesting about the power station,
but I think that I'd like to go back to what I was talking about,
which is Slowzo.
We're in the process of a giant upheaval,
in terms of big investments, you might want to be a part of that.
It has a new color.
You'd have a very relaxed population, a very docile population.
- Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked-- - Souper,
may I speak with you privately, please?
Five. Cinco. Yeah, guys?
And then I've got some really exciting ideas about your public sector pensions.
How are you doing?
Yeah, good. I feel good about Argentina.
We're talking about using a pop star as my front man.
They want me to invest in a power station, which seems a little--
Because I think we need to come up with a plan to kill Jeff.
- I'm sorry, what the fuck? - Well, obviously not kill Jeff.
That's just a "galaxy brain" move is to kill Jeff.
So, we should work back from there and find a solution
that has the same outcome as killing Jeff,
that obviously doesn't involve the killing of Jeff.
- Right. - "Killing Jeff" is just a placeholder.
I'm obviously not talking about literally killing Jeff.
Right, right. Right, of course, yeah.
And where did you-- How did you come to this?
Right, well, he is a traitor. And he wants to stop the future
and someone needs to stop him from being...
Well, basically from being.
And so I was thinking, how do you stop someone from being?
Well, maybe you scoop out their brain
and put it in a box and shoot it into orbit.
These are the things that I was considering.
Can I be honest?
This is very disturbing to me.
He wants Venis's board to push him out and he wants to share his AI toolset
with the government so they can regulate.
He is a decel with crazy P doom and zero risk tolerance.
Okay, but couldn't you just talk to him?
Maybe. But the four sigma IQ move is take him out.
Come on, man.
I wanted us to have a really nice weekend. Now we're gonna kill Jeff?
- Hey, I got your message. What's going on? - Hello.
Come on. Hold on to your hat, cowboy.
- Come on in. - Sorry, is this your room?
No. I mean, yeah, it is, but it's bigger than it looks.
- In what sense? - Technically, it's the biggest room
- in the house. - Did you room-cuck yourself?
Randy wants to kill Jeff.
- No! No, no, no, no, no. - What?
I'm just outlining ways of stopping Jeff with absolutely no priors.
Tell me more.
He is planning to have your board push you out.
You are fucking kidding.
He will never sell. He is a decelerationist and a snake.
And, Soups, he lied to you about investing in Slowzo, for leverage.
He wants to stop a new world from being born.
- So? - So, I was thinking, I thought,
if he was gone, we can figure out how later,
if he was gone, his team, Misha and Jamal, they're smart. They get it.
- If he was suddenly gone... - Misha would back you.
- Well... - Experience, status, stature, smarts.
Get your hands on Jeff's AI, yes? With your infrastructure? Boom.
- AGI. - God!
Boom. Nano. Biotech, life extension.
- Oh, my... - Money withers,
computers host the minds of billions of fully-realized sentient beings.
- Okay. - But just, as we blue-sky,
aren't there other ways to get rid of him? Like, an open letter?
What's more of an open letter than killing him?
I'm sorry, Randall, you're-- We're saying not killing him.
My mind is totally open. But he would never allow this,
nor would his corporate structures while alive.
He also threatened to go public about the Manibesto
and the "frosted Pop-Tart of Paolo Alto."
Yeah?
So, we jerked on a Pop-Tart and Souper ate it. What's the big deal?
Of course. No biggie.
However, I do feel that if...
you know, a networked utopia of unlimited freedom and life
were being held hostage by one individual,
then perhaps he should be, as you say, place-holdered.
I mean, what would you call someone who tried to stop the advent of what,
by any traditional definition, you would have to call heaven?
A dick.
One old-fashioned word would be "the devil."
- We are definitely white hat. - Okay. I can see the logic.
And just to say it out loud, killing someone's hella fucking cool.
Killing someone is badass.
- It is primal. - It's primal as fuck.
"I don't like you. You are a problem."
- "Goodbye." - Yeah.
- What about moral issues? - Randall? Moral issues? Any?
Well, yes, of course.
In terms of natural law, or even common law,
it's essentially global self-defense, but in a Platonic or a Kantian sense,
the categorical imperative is for us to do our duty, so...
I think that might be a misreading of Kant.
Oh, yeah? Because I take Kant really fucking seriously!
On utilitarian grounds,
if we agree that the greatest happiness for the greatest number
occurs in the absence of Jeff, then logically the question is not
why would we kill Jeff, but why wouldn't we?
If we are serious about eliminating Jeff, I think, morally,
I personally would have to be able to prove on first principles
that his death would save a net multiplicity of future lives.
- Can we run a model? - Brian is fast.
Yes, but discreet.
Model it not for Jeff but for some fungible human asset identical to Jeff.
You know what?
The more I think about it,
- this is really fucking cool. - It's really not even that hard.
- Humans are very fragile. - And I'm full Krav Maga.
You know, you can break someone's neck like a pretzel.
He doesn't even really care about the, in fact, relatively few people
- who are getting burned. - Who may or may not even exist.
Now, are we at all worried
if we got him killed that, like, and this crazy talk,
but could, like, you know, a policeman from Snowbird drive up here
in his police car, like... And be all like, "What's this?"
That would-- I know it would never happen, but that's what's in my head.
What about a pardon?
I think we could get a presidential pardon.
- What about a pre-pardon? - Yes. I think we could get pre-pardoned.
Could we call... could you reach out to NSA Roddy?
Let's call Dave and just simply be like,
"Look, Dave, we're thinking of killing a guy."
- Yeah. - Yeah. No. No, we say... we say,
"We're reaching out because we see a path through this current situation,
but it, you know, requires an extra-judicial execution."
"Is that a matter you could help us with?"
Yeah, Dave will get that.
And, assuming this models well, how do we, like, you know...
"get the job done"?
The straightest line, three armed thugs in a wet room.
Yes, shoot him and get all the blood out of him,
just, you know, in terms of, if he were to be flown to Montana,
re-upped in a clinic. Mash his brain in a nutribullet...
- We could drink it. - Souper. Come on, man.
- Yeah, let's... - Sorry, it was a spicy one.
And just to same page it, afterwards, what would our... our story be,
- so to speak? - I think the official story
should just be, you know, "He died."
- It's true. He died. I like it. He died. - "What happened to Jeff?" "Jeff died."
- Well... - Obviously, people will ask how.
- Suddenly. - Okay. If we step this out,
if the numbers work, the guys kill Jeff. We announce, "He died, suddenly."
We fly to Argentina, Dubai, Singapore,
and helm the rest of the crisis from a seven-star?
I can control the narrative with Traam.
- Yeah, right. - I'm sorry, can he fucking see us?
Come on. Follow me. Follow me. Follow me.
Soups, do you have any security that you could task?
I mean, you know, that's a big...
I mean, "Will you kill person X?" That's a big ask.
You know, and if they say no, then it's a whole 'nother story.
In terms of Aurelian stoicism, and legal simplicity,
the Nietzschean thing would be to do it ourselves.
- Us? - Yeah.
Disintermediate it, yes, because Soups, you said that you could snap him
- like a pretzel. - No, no, I said in theory,
theoretically, I could snap him like a-- Anyone can snap anybody like a pretzel,
but guys, I don't know about us, what are we talking...
It would have to be brutal and swift.
This is real. Is this-- I mean, is this in theory?
You know, a thing that happens...
A thing that I was actually concerned about here is a slip and a fall.
Which is-- This house, no, it's not slippery.
- Why do people keep saying that? - A little wine. Some shrooms.
Pops out, out of a k-hole, little shove, hello, American utopia!
- Very easy. - How about this?
Why don't we just eat some cheese, do Molly, think it over?
We might not even need to mean to.
This could be a genuine accident that we just don't stop.
That is an excellent way to conceptualize it.
- Guys, I don't necessarily... - Hey, guys, poker!
- Come on. Let's do some drugs. - Soups.
- I wanna get fucked up! - Soups, huh? Yes?
Come on, come on. Winner takes all, loser has a fall.
Good night, ladies. Night, Paula.
Randall, this is-- Have you seen Mexico?
People are being named as informants who aren't informants.
And then they're getting strung up by the gangs, and then...
the... the federal police
are in just active gunfire with the military.
I think we should do something, yeah?
Jeff?
Come and look.
- Yeah, at what? - The down. Just that, down.
What? The down?
I can't ex-- It's hard to explain the scenario. It's just, it's fractals.
- Just come. - Fractal scenario?
Look.
- Fractal? - Watch this.
Okay.
Stay right here, man. I want-- I want to show you something. Hold on.
It's for the fractals.
At least this looks cool. Because Soups, honestly, the UX on Slowzo,
man, it looks like shit. I went on there, finally, and the design is stressful,
like openly stressful, which is weird 'cause it's a relaxation app.
- I don't even know if you intend that... - On three. One,
- two, three. - ...like to create the stress
and then dissipate it--
Whoa! Yo! What the fuck, dude?
Soups!
Dude, what? This is a fucking crazy drop-off, man.
- You could have fucking killed me. - That was a joke.
- What the fuck's your problem, bro? - That was a joke! That was a joke.
- It's not funny, man. - That was a joke.
- Jeff, Jeff, are you okay? - Hey...
- Dude, I could have fucking died. - Soups!
- Soups!
- Come on, that was a little over the edge. - Not cool. Man, not cool.
- That... I was kidding. That was a... - Yeah, how do you fucking like it?
Sorry.
What? No! This was j... It was supposed to funny!
- No, I... - Brewsters, man!
No, dude, I...
- Yeah, okay, I need a minute. - Dude,
- you look so scared. Hey... - No, I need... I'm gonna call Hes.
- Just don't fucking touch me. - Don't touch him.
Yeah, I'm tripping hard.
Sorry he did that, Jeff.
Why?
I thought...
I thought he would push him over the top.
We owe you an apology.
Yeah, it was not possible at that moment.
I thought-- I thought we were all going, and then I thought you two stopped,
but actually... I was still,
but it looked like I was moving and you weren't.
- Does that make any sense at all? - No. You fucked me.
- I felt like a total dick. - No, I...
- Are you pissed off? - I'm incredibly pissed off!
- Come on. - I guess at that moment, I just...
I felt a stupid reluctance
- to actually-- - Do you think I'm stupid?
- Stupid fucking Souper. - No. What?
We say it, he'll do it because he's a fucking moron.
- No. No, no, no, no. - Send in the clown.
- No, that's not... - I mean-- Because I try, guys.
- I fucking-- I try, I try, I try. - We...
- I've listened to the podcast. - Yep.
- Okay. - I watched the vids.
I read your books, even the fucking racial intelligence one.
And I can't...
I can't do it. I simply can't get to the next...
I can't go unicorn. I cannot make my billion.
Okay? And...
Failure's okay, Soups. Like, failure's part of it.
- Fail big. - Yeah.
- Fail hard. - Yes.
- Fail up. Scale up. - Exactly, yes.
But eventually, to succeed, you have to not fail, right?
- Everyone likes you, Soups. - Yes.
Slowzo is a very decent little business.
Because I know everyone and everyone likes me,
but the burn rate's horrible,
all the revenue's fucking from people who forget to cancel.
This place is a fucking terrible decision.
I'm like a fucking Pharaoh
- sitting in his tomb. - No, Soups. No.
You know what's crazy is sometimes...
I... I think that I'll actually end up... at a soup kitchen.
And someone will ask me my name, and I'll say, "Well...
my buddies called me 'Soup Kitchen,'
'cause I was the poorest billionaire in the gang."
And then I'll think, no, that'll probably get me beaten up.
So I'll just say, you know... "My name's Hugo Van Yalk," but then...
That's also not gonna lead to anywhere good, so it's a lose-lose.
- I'm sorry, man. That wasn't... - Yeah.
That was you being "the fucking man."
- That's-- Yeah. That's true. That's true. - And us flaking...
I wonder if tomorrow, while we are hunting,
do we just have one of our guys accidentally pop him in the back?
Is that... Is that a good plan?
- Does that make sense? - Like and subscribe. Soups?
Sure, whatever.
- Great. - I don't, I mean, all...
all I'm thinking about is all the...
AI stuff you have planned and all-- you know, which is, by the way, amazing.
Don't get me wrong, if not a little unsettling
from the POV of the common man.
I mean, we could look to fold in a meditation app. Yes?
- You mean a lifestyle super-app? - Yes.
That-- Because that's intriguing.
Good.
- Jeff wants to talk to me. - You think he smelled a rat?
I think I'm gonna go.
Don't go.
- No? You don't want me to? Why not? - Because I like you.
And it's fun to have you and your goofy presence.
Did I piss you off before
with the surpasso when I got richer than you?
No, no, no, no.
Money is not a sort of thing I'm concerned about.
Okay, because we can disagree about money or Traam or Ven,
but however rich I get, you're still Papa Bear.
Even if I am the boss cock of you, it doesn't change anything. Honestly...
I'm not gonna sell.
And I do think maybe Ven should step back for five years, like Jobs.
Steven?
I love you.
Wow. Jeff.
- Did he suspect? What did he want? - It was pretty disgusting.
He was all like, "Let's separate friendship from business."
And "I love you, man." God.
- It was a business play. - Sounds like a play. What'd you say?
I grin fucked him. I was like, "Oh, I love you too, man."
He's emotionally incontinent. It was just disgusting.
Emotionally speaking, he was a straw man,
so he was in big trouble when he tried to take it human.
That was really uncalled for.
Yeah, well, I could see what he was doing so...
Okay. Look, if he's taking sleeping pills,
do we... do we just finish it off?
Properly aligned AGI, Ven.
It equates to billions of infinite lifespans for perfected humans.
Progress.
- Progress. - Progress.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Cataline conspiracy. Cataline conspiracy.
- Cataline conspiracy! - Cataline conspiracy!
- Khashoggi! Khashoggi! - Khashoggi! Khashoggi!
- Come on, man.
- Khashoggi! Khashoggi! - Khashoggi! Khashoggi!
Easy peasy. Yes?
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah. - Hold fast now, friends.
Before the Battle of Actium, Octavian, to be Caesar Augustus,
offered a prayer of victory over his late companion, Mark Antony.
And tonight, we do the same.
- And you've got the bowling ball? - Yes, I have the bowling ball.
- Wrap the head with this first. And then...
- Me?
- It's your house, dude. You're the host. - You said you knew how to kill a guy.
Well, look, but I can overestimate
- my abilities... I'm-- - No, no, not here. Come on. Come on.
I think it can be incredibly messy to, you know, stab someone.
Can we not just force down some more of those sleeping pills
- and wait it out? - I really just feel...
Blood. Disrupt the blood, puncture the aorta. Good night, Vienna.
I'm sorry, this is all, like, a roundabout way of... It's about the air.
- Cut off the air. - Forget about air. Air is hard.
Body runs on blood. Gotta stop the ticker. Ticker's the man.
Okay, look, what we want,
no matter how we get there, is to stop the brain.
It's kill-switching the brain.
Agreed. And there is only one way to get to the brain,
and that is up through the neck.
- Yeah? - Oh, yeah.
Good luck getting into Fort Knox up here.
No. You need to hook-- We need to hook the brains out through the neck.
Or maybe the answer to getting to the brain
is staring you right in the...
You know, when you think about it, human skull has a lot of holes.
- It's like Swiss cheese up here. - It's crazy. You just choose one.
- They all go directly into the brain. - What do you say,
three of us walk in there with fucking skewers and just...
- You know... - I do want to say,
regarding mental health,
the trauma for us is something to consider.
I'm a blood guy, OG blood guy, but should we just pillow him?
Yes. Pillow? That's-- Yes, pillow's-- Yes, pillow.
Good, my house, my choice, pillow.
- Yes - Yeah, fine.
Let's pillow him like a grandma.
Sit on-- Sit on him.
- Sit on the pillow. Hold it tight. - Get the body.
The body. Someone, get the body. Randy, the lights. The lights, please.
- Soup? - Hit the lights.
- Souper? - If we can hear him,
- is that a breathable pillow? - They're down.
- They're Icelandic eiderdown. - Really bear down on him there, Soups.
Shall I club him?
- Or just bowl him? - Yeah, hit him.
- Crunch him in the skull, Randy. - No, you're over the skull.
- Swing over me. Over me into the skull. - There's no arc of approach.
- Bowl him in the middles, Rand. - That won't do anything.
It's incremental. Incremental degradation.
- Bowl him! - All right.
Scooch up. Scooch up. Move up. All right.
Oh, shit.
Still operating. Here, hit him again. Body's still operating. Golf him.
- Golf him now. - The skull contains the brain.
Venis.
Venis, if I hop off, can you smash his brain in?
Or better, Randy with the bowling ball.
I do not ideally want to crush his face in with a bowling ball.
I just think it might be quite horrible from my POV.
- Well, it’s not great sitting on him! - God, is he dying at all, Souper?
Come on, the bucking's weakening, yeah?
He's struggling. He might be dying.
Okay, well... just bear down, you know, hunker down!
- Bowl him in the middles, Rand! - So stupid.
- His legs. - I bowled him. I bowled him.
- You're disrupting the diaphragm. - We're not killing him!
- Bowl him more! - Oh, my God. Here, you do it!
- Fine. - Mind the legs. Mind the legs.
- Oh, shit! - Fuck!
What the fuck!
- Run the bath. - No, I don't want a bath.
- Stand down! - I'm really pissed off.
- Run the bath. We drown him. - You're a decel.
- What the fuck? - And you are refusing to sell
the tech that we need for a new world to come into being
- where we can all live forever. - Don't talk to him.
No, no. Let me-- I want to negotiate. Let me fucking negotiate.
If we're going to drown him, we have to act as one.
- Yeah. - Okay?
No, no, no, no, no, no. Back the fuck up!
- Get him. - Back the fuck off me.
- Don't struggle. - Get his legs! Get his hands!
- No. - All right, get him in here.
- Get the legs. - No. No.
- Come on! - No!
- Shit... - Fuck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, guys.
- Is it hot? - What is fucking
- happening? - Yeah.
- Scald him. Drown him. - What?
It's hot. The water's back on. It's just not deep enough.
No, guys, fucking-- Hey, hey. Back off, or I'll fucking... I'll cut you.
- Yeah? - Get him! He can't cut us.
If he angles it and wedges it, he can cut.
- He can't cut us. He can only shave us. - But this makes no fucking sense.
Don't engage. Don't listen to him. He is wounded. He's dying.
I'm not dying. I'm stable. I'm fine. Soupy.
- Beat him. - No, this makes no fucking sense.
This is about AI dooming and decelerationist alarmism.
- What? - Yeah.
What the fuck? First principles. What are you trying to achieve?
We are trying to kill you. Gas him, burn him, drown him.
Okay, your attack makes no logical sense.
What we have started, we have to complete.
Do-- Sunk cost fallacy.
- No, we have to continue due to reprisals. - We're completionists.
No, no, we're not, we're not. We fail, we move on,
we fail, we move on, we succeed.
Not necessarily!
- Oh, my... - Fuck you!
- Oh, God. - Motherfucker.
- Can he get out? - No, there's no way out.
- But man, man, man, we fucked up. - No, no. Do not doom loop on this.
- We did great, guys. It's really hard. - A ton of big, big learnings.
Can you control the whole house
- from there? - Yeah, the rabbit's in the hutch.
- Full lockdown. - If he got to the panel,
- couldn't he hack it? - He could if he could program for shit.
- Okay, Soups. - Yeah.
You loop up. Holler if you see him.
- We're going to loop down. - Okay.
- Jeff? - Jeff?
Come on out, brother. We've reassessed.
He's got him. He's got him!
Come on.
The pig is in the pen.
- Did he see you? - I don't think so.
Fuck. Okay.
- Okay. So... - Got him.
Do we just turn it up? Kill him that way?
It's a hell of a way to go to begin with, but is it foolproof?
- Hey, guys. Hey. - Damn it.
- Guys... - God.
- Fuck. - Guys, let's talk, yeah?
- Soups? Do you have... - Yeah?
Could we get gas in there?
All right.
We could fire up a car, get a hose pipe, feed that in.
Guys, please! Let's talk together, yeah?
- Don't look at him. - It's fine, I'm not looking at him.
Maybe we should just let him decide how he wants to die.
- Give him a choice. That might be-- - Very generous.
I thought flame thrower might be a little much.
- Hey, guys! What is that? - Better to just pour
- and create a little death chamber. Yeah? - It is gas.
- Okay, let's do it. All right. All right. - Guys, we're friends. We're friends.
- No! Hey, no! Let me negotiate! - It's all right.
- Yes. Yes. - No. No, no, no. Easy, easy.
- Let me negotiate! - Let's just-- All right.
- Please let me negotiate, come on! - Here we go.
- I think we're past negotiations, Jeff! - Fucking stop!
Okay, buddy.
- Please, let's negotiate. - It's not really going under.
- Very excited to get into it all. - I deserve a right to negotiate! Come on!
- Oh, God. It stinks! - Sorry.
- No! I don't wanna die like this! - It's good. Randy, don't use your hand.
- Here, hold on. - Get it in there.
- Maybe if that-- - All right. That's good.
- That's good. - Here, look, I have a tool.
I have a tool. Let's use this.
- Come on, Jeff! - Jeff, don't do that! Jeff, stop it!
- Fuck you! - Hold on.
Jeff, it's-- Fuck you! Stop, stop.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. - Don't do that!
- Guys. - Perfect, perfect, perfect.
- Pour and push. - I love that.
- That's good. - Very nice.
- Souper, you are a genius. - A little more, little more, little more.
Venis, I'll fucking end you!
- Okay, that's gonna light it up. - I'll fucking end you!
Okay, this is it.
- No. - Okay.
You don't want to do this! No, no, no.
Fuck. I think...
- Stop it! - You don't want to do this!
- We do this? No. - Is it okay if I take a step back?
- I'm sorry. - No, no, wait, wait, wait.
- No, Souper... - No, no, no, no, no.
- I think we all light this together. - No, no.
- What is the concern? - Guys!
I'm gonna be living here, obviously,
and if I see Jeff in, you know, flames, I'm--
I'm concerned that his presence might, not haunt, but it--
- Ghosty goo-goo-boo! - No, not a ghost.
It's just that the sense of Jeff could persist
and I might not be able to enjoy a sauna.
- Souper. - Hey!
We are saving future lives. Will you please remember that?
I understand, but I'm just saying, is that enough to watch a man burn alive?
Hey! It's poker night, yeah?
- It's poker night, so we play poker-- - Oh, my God, he is so annoying.
- It's-- I know. - If I win, I live. And if I lose,
you just fuck me up on ket. You do whatever you want.
Even if you win at poker, I get control of BILTER.
- Yes. - I'll give you the AI, I keep the rump.
Fuck you, the rump.
- You're in no position to negotiate. - Look, look, look, look, guys,
this is a very good deal.
Come on, Rand-O. Look, look, look.
This is really good stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now we're at the table together. Yeah?
- Social media posts suggesting breakdown. - Rand, I see you fucking thinking, bro.
- This is nice. It's good shit. - Okay, gut check. Do we engage?
- Yes. - I'm serious.
I think this is really difficult to make watertight.
- Honestly, I think he burns. - No!
Could we overcome legal niceties, versus watching a man burn alive?
Anything he agrees to, he'd just claim duress.
- Technically, it is a real challenge. - I won't!
- Yes. Sure. - Sake of argument,
he Zooms with lawyers from in there?
Yeah. Double NDA'd, Letter of Intent, tonight.
- He self-undermines on a podcast? - Yes!
We get NSA Roddy, the White House, Misha from his board. Conference call?
- Maybe worth a conversation. - Yes!
Yeah. The whole shebang, binding LOI.
Just get it done while we fucking still have the petroleum insurance policy.
I mean, if Dave and the president underwrite, legals become secondary.
- I mean, I do like Jeff. - I like Jeff.
- Do we draft a counter?
- Yes! - Stop.
All right. Yes, yes, yes.
- Yes? - Yes?
- Yes. - Jeff?
- Yeah? - We are going to go--
Yes, let's do it.
- We're-- No, you are going... - No.
- Let's talk together. - ...to stay here,
- and we are going to go talk about it. - No! No! Let me out of here!
- Jeff! Don't! - Hey!
Don't do that! Stop it!
- I will fucking rape you! - Hey, sit down, Jeff! Sit down!
You're ruining it!
- Come on! You are going to blow it! - Sit down!
I want you to smile at me, Jeff! Smile! Jeff! Don't blow this. Sit down!
- Show your teeth, Jeff. Smile. - Smile, Jeff.
- Hey! You need to cool down. - Show your teeth.
Cool your jets.
- There we go. That's the Jeff we like. - There we go.
- Let's figure out your future. - Okay, what are we doing? Who's gonna--
- Are we doing this by hand? - Oh, my god.
Hello. Come on in, straight to the back.
Lawyers on the far side. Crisis PR, stay closer to me.
Nice to see you, Jim. Welcome. Thank you for expediting yourselves.
Live situation, excited to fill you in.
- Looks better in India. - Not so great in Greece.
India's bigger than Greece.
Okay, it's through. Deal is Docu-signed.
Congrats, Souper. Your centi-millionaireship is over.
- You got bought out at two bill. - Yes!
We're done on the non-disclosed, and LOI is final. My role is set.
I'll tell you one thing, I'd like to conduct all my negotiations
with my opposite number
covered in gasoline with me holding the match.
Who's going to release the hound?
Paula!
Mr. Abredazi thought he'd be more comfortable sleeping in the sauna.
It's time for him to get going. Let's show him to his car, yeah?
Sure thing.
You don't think he's going to come in here, do you?
- No. - No, he can exit straight to his car.
Hope he didn't make a mess in there.
He had a bucket. He couldn't have filled the bucket.
Guys, great outcome. Really executed on stated aims.
Two billion.
This whole time I thought I was allergic to B-nuts.
Morning.
- Oh, my. He's com-- Oh, God. - Jesus. Gross.
- I hope he's not gonna milk it. - And he brought the goons.
Morning.
- Morning. - Good morning.
It's okay. Yeah.
Just feeling a little dry.
Did you not get the-- We sent some Evian down.
I did. Nevertheless, I'm a little dehydrated
- from my night in the sauna. - Yeah.
Milking it.
These smoothies are excellent if you want some.
Yeah, three kinds of smoothies.
This one has three kinds of different dumb kale or some nonsense.
It's pretty good.
Thanks. Thanks, guys.
You okay?
What can I say?
You have other buddies.
You love telling us about all of your golf buddies.
Are you fucking kidding? I love you guys.
That's why I think you trying to kill me is...
particularly difficult to get over.
Guilt trip.
- You almost burned me alive. - Roosters are roosters.
Look, I'm sorry. We're sorry if you think we did something wrong.
- We're sorry, Jeff. - We're very sorry that you're upset.
This is what was a gift.
The Brewster Brew. It's a Kentucky Japanese whiskey.
I mean, it's a trophy investment.
It's actually a really nice business,
but I know that none of you want to be in consumables, so, yeah.
Thank you, Jeff.
So, yeah. Soup's still going to Argentina, or--?
- Maybe. Puppet master from Miami, maybe. - We talked about a bigger project,
but no one wanted to get into the DMV of it all.
Storm drains, et cetera.
Don't play dumb, man. We like you. It just made sense.
This is a terrifying experience, and I don't know that I'll ever recover.
Don't be a sourpuss.
It was tight, aggressive play, but it panned out. Don't take it personal.
It was a crazy weekend.
Truly.
Okay. I'm just gonna shower. And then...
Yeah.
Cock-a-doodle-brew.
- Cock-a-doodle-brew. - Cock-a-doodle-brew.
- Hey, Hes. - Hi, Jeff.
Hey, how was it?
Pretty horrible at the airports.
Yeah, well, safe now, so...
I don't like being followed. Jeff, it really freaked me out.
I'm saying, L.A. is good.
We go, we bunker up, while I figure out a New Zealand sitch, yeah? And...
You-- You'll... you'll come with me?
Yeah. Yeah.
Sorry, Hes.
I just wanted to say...
that it was Randall's idea.
- Okay. - Not that that means anything.
It's like, there's no excuses, but I...
I'm just, I'm under a lot of pressure.
Like, I was up all night, wrote this seven-screen email to Berry.
I'm just... I'm just not in a great way.
- But that's so-- - Ven...
It was funny.
- Yeah? - And none of it's gonna stick.
I'm gonna weasel out of all of it.
What, you're gonna, like, spend the rest of your life in court,
disowning all this crap that you just signed?
Everybody wants me to have your shit.
So, why don't you be a hero and do the right thing?
Do a deal, join forces.
Not with Randall. That's too much.
- Randall's sick. - Yeah, more cancer.
Cancer of the take.
If I get Randall put out to fucking pasture, can we do this deal?
Come inside?
I can come inside.
But I'll come for you in the end, you know that.
That's what's exciting.
I'm excited to see what happens, my platform operating full tilt.
- It's nothing. - Nothing?
Nothing.
I think there's a non-trivial chance it'll be a full fucking disaster.
Yeah, and I don't.
I guess we gotta make a little side bet then.
Finally, this poker weekend has some fucking action.
Fuck!
Hi, I'm Slowzo and I'll guide you through today's session.
Inhale...
and exhale.
Inhale...
and exhale.