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- FBI are looking into multiple leads,
including an escaped mental patient from Texas
to a missing Indiana coroner with a list
of serious offenses.
- Man, this song is killer.
- No clues, no, no motive, no suspects.
Police and FBR are left empty handed as they scrambled
to catch a seemingly uncatchable killer.
Whatcha doing?
- Will the victims and their families ever find justice?
And more importantly,
how long will this sadistic killer remain faceless?
- Eric, I told you to never come here.
Cross me again, and that'll be the last face you ever see.
It began with a scream across 9 1 1
and turned into an unending trail of bodies.
- He dispatches his victims with a ferocity
that makes the lights Ab Bundy
and Ramirez look like child's play.
The medical precision displayed in his killings has given
rise to a new moniker.
The doctor,
- The week long Midwest murder spree has left West
Virginians terrified
and wondering where this sadistic surgeon will strike next.
- You know you've been parked outta here for three hours.
I got here early, it didn't work.
Sh fuck
- My ass.
- Hey, forgot something.
- I know, I knew that. I knew that.
I I This all on your control, man. Hold these for me.
Yep. Yep. Thanks brother.
Appreciate you, man. Shit.
- So I'm thinking about this one,
but I'm also thinking about this one.
Dude, you're a janitor and your name is Madison.
- You are not Justin. Where's Justin?
What are you looking at? Oh, again,
- Seven Cocks are good luck.
And I said it's abortion
- The other way.
Meet. So the
- Date went well.
- Oh, no, no.
Turns out she's vegan. So super bad
- Actually. Well,
- Good morning.
Sugar lips. See anything you like.
- Last time I saw something like you, I flushed.
- Oh, I got jokes too, babe.
- It's far too early for your sex is bullshit.
- It's an abortion joke.
It doesn't even have anything to do with sex.
- Can we talk? - Yes, please.
- It's all junk. - That's the hooper ring standard.
- How's, what's her face?
- You know, you could at least pretend
to act like you're interested.
- Well, what makes you think I'm not
- Eye contact for starters?
- How's Amy? - Really good. I think she's the one.
- I still think you're moving a little fast.
I mean, the divorce was finalized, what, five months ago?
- True. Things are still pretty fresh.
But I, I have feelings for Amy that I never had
for female Hitler.
- Seriously? I'm happy for you.
It's not easy finding that person. I should know.
- Look, - It's sleeping. Beauty.
- I wouldn't bother clocking in. They're gonna know.
- In my defense, this is the earliest I've been late.
Besides, I've got a really good excuse this time.
We already know about your botch vasectomy.
- You did go to a general practitioner.
- The price was right. You had a coupon.
- Good morning, my homies. What's crack lacking?
That's not cultural appropriation. Nobody said it was.
I know. 'cause it's not. Good morning, Leslie.
- Hi Mr. Dugan.
- You too. I need to see you in my office. Pronto.
Turns out rock bottom has a basement. It's nothing serious.
Let's go. I brought you in here
to tell you something pretty serious.
- Like really serious. - Thank you.
- You are so welcome.
- As you know, I do the end of the year corporate call
and I just got off the phone, please.
Bad. Fourth quarter really put us under, I mean, you know,
look at the economy we're in, right?
However, that doesn't change the fact
and here's the long and the short of it.
We're gonna need to trim some fat around here.
- What about tomorrow's New Year's Eve party? Cancel that,
- Brian.
I'm taking away people's jobs.
I'm not gonna take away their party. I'm not a monster.
- Yeah, seriously. He's not like conniving two timing,
you know, motherfucking Olympic piece of shit, asshole.
- God. Yeah. There was a lot of specific in that. You're
- Welcome.
- Thank you.
Oh my life.
Hey Ruth, how are you? Hi.
- Oh, hey. Where, where did you put my vaginal cream?
Feeling a bit yeasty.
- First of all, I don't put your vaginal cream anywhere,
but a hello would've been nice.
Or maybe just not calling.
- Oh my God. It's like an ax wound.
- I know exactly how you feel
because when I have those days,
I feel like I'm putting a ghost pepper in as a tampon.
- Okay. Okay. Can - You please
- Leak out? Oh,
- It's like I just got done eating a Thanksgiving yeast.
- Oh. - Oh, that's nice. So, so sorry. Okay.
What is happening?
- Oh, the lube was expired by eight
months. That's what happened.
- Oh, eight - Months. I'll write that down.
Eight months expired. Eight
- Months.
Please. You don't need to write that down.
Okay, honey, this is not the best time. Good calling.
- It's never a good time for vaginitis.
- No, it's never a good time. Write that.
I gotta go, babe. Thank you.
- When you get home, we are gonna have a serious talk about
you not touching
- My things.
- I don't touch your things goodbye.
Hey, you're young enough now to avoid that.
- Okay. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your wife's
burning beaver,
but I cannot stress to you how badly I need this job.
- Hey guys, your jobs are safe.
- Whew. Gotta say I'm a little ashamed
to admit you had me worried there and I rarely get ashamed.
Like, I'll tell anybody anything.
Like I'll get the testosterone
of an 80-year-old man when I have sex.
It takes me like two hours to get out.
- Not, what do you mean we don't know? I
- Oh, when Harry met Sally.
Oh, oh, oh,
- Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh,
- Oh.
How do Moses and I factor into this?
- You know, I'm gonna need a - Couple witnesses. Oh,
- I can be a witness.
- Well, I'm gonna need a competent witness
that's gonna hold up in court, if you know what I mean.
- Excellent. I'm right here.
- Thank you. High five. Thank you.
- The witnesses for what,
- When people get fired then you know, they kind
of get a little nutty
and claim things that may be happening years ago.
Like, you know, I don't know,
parking in a reserve parking spot
or sexual harassment, you know,
or you know, just like maybe eating some somebody's lunch in
a fridge or sexual harassment.
Just harassing sexually.
Just, just don't harass anyone as you just pointed out
with your little, you know,
jizz on the desk thing you just did on my
desk. And you're gonna have to clean that up.
- I'll clean it up. - No, that is not your job.
- Yeah, no, I like cleaning it
- Up.
I know you do. You clean up mine.
You're not gonna clean clean this. I'll clean it up.
You're not gonna clean his up.
- Try harder next time. Didn't mean to. No, it's okay.
It's okay. I'm just, I've been a little jumpy lately.
Everything okay? Yeah, it's fine.
It's just, there's been somebody prowling around my place.
Probably just a social media stalker.
I mean, you are something of a local online celebrity.
I know, right? I mean, who knew?
An owl sanctuary would be so popular.
I was talking about your only fans, but Oh yeah.
Well, owls don't pay the bills, so
- I didn't mean to distract you.
I'll let you get back to it.
- No, no, no.
Like by all means, I was just sitting here wallowing in self
pity thinking I'm gonna die low surrounded by owls,
you know, and I need like 15 years of rest
and a really big fucking big bottle of wine.
No, no. By all means, strike me. I'm,
- I'm in a kind of precarious sort of situation.
I don't really know how to handle it.
- Does this situation rhyme with Brian?
- Oh wow. - Right to the point. Subtlety isn't my thing.
- Let's just say I came by some information by accident.
- You were snooping. Carry on
- This person who shall remain unnamed.
You thought you knew who
or what they were, you thought you had them pegged.
Ironically, my favorite porn hub
- Category, - We'll get back to that.
Certain bits of info have come to light
that are maybe making you look at the person in a different
way and maybe in a way you never expected.
I kind of hate it, but in, in a good way.
- Is this story gonna make me cry?
Because my mascara is uber expensive. Being for real.
I mean cryptic, but serious.
Okay, so let's switch the situation.
If I were you, would you applaud me for banging this guy?
- That is such a bizarre way of looking at this.
I mean, it's safe
to say I would not wanna be in the same room
if you were fucking Brian.
- Did I hear my name? - Hey. Hey.
No, we were talking about Ryan Reynolds.
- Oh, I would love to see every inch of
that man, even his little brown eye.
- Whoa. Okay,
- Let me be clear.
I never said I was talking about Brian,
and even if I were, it's obvious I don't want
to get into specifics.
I just need advice on how to handle the awkwardness.
- Okay, well if there's one thing I've learned in life is
that things happen for a reason.
You know, you, you can't cheat fate.
You know, you can't change destiny.
You and Nick we're never supposed to to be together.
You know? I mean, he's a smooth talker.
He seems genuine, but he's a psychopath.
And that path is just gonna lead him to an early grave.
Now your road is leading to the right person and or persons
and that person is gonna save you from
whatever the situation is coming from you.
That was strangely poignant. I have an acute tongue.
I'm feeling pretty. Ugh. Mr.
Dugan wants to see is in the foxhole.
Wonder what it's about. This time
- You going, fuck, I'd rather be stabbed by scissors.
I'm not even at my desk, so I never saw the email.
- This is stupid. I have school. Not today. You don't.
Let's go. I don't understand.
Kate, please, why won't you just tell me where we're going?
I'll explain everything when we're on the road now please
just get in the car.
This is so fucked up.
Put your seatbelt on and watch your nail
breaking the law through truancy.
That's perfectly cool.
But we draw the line at foul language. Gotcha.
Fuck. Who needs to watch their language?
I left my cell phone in the garage. Stay in the car.
Mom, you're starting to scare me. Please. Just talk to me.
I'm gonna go get my phone then we'll call your sister.
Why don't I just call her now? No, no.
There are things happening here that you both need to know.
And I wanna kill two birds with one stone.
That's a morbid way to put it.
If you're in some kind of trouble, just suck it
up and call Uncle Mike.
I I, I can't. Like I said,
I'll explain everything when we're gone.
- The mutilated bodies with no way
of discerning the identities of the victims.
Police believe these killings to be the
work of gangland violence.
Despite the Davis County Coroner's Office releasing a
conflicting report standing the wounds found on the bodies
had evidence of surgical expertise.
- Mom, mom, seriously
damnit.
Mom, answer me.
Fuck it. I'm calling uncle Mike.
- Kate, you are so bad at answering your phone.
I don't even understand why you have one.
But look, I know I said something about us doing something
tonight, but I think I'm gonna have to rain check.
I forgot that I'm supposed to get with Brian and Moses right
after work and then I have an eight o'clock class tonight.
So no extra time for this non-traditional student.
But anyways, a lot has been going on recently.
Oh, tomorrow I have this stupid mandatory work party.
It's dumb. But afterwards I'll come and check in on you
and mom for New Year's.
I love you guys. Call me if you can,
but if not, I will see you tomorrow.
- Hi. Hi. Yay.
- Whoa. Looks like everybody actually read
my emails for once.
Well, thank you for coming.
I have an announcement to make Mr. Duggan talks.
As you know, last year this time I was making an
announcement that we had a gangbuster year
and we all got some major sizable Christmas bonuses.
Yes. Unfortunately today I'm gonna have to send some of you
to lunch early and have you never come back.
- Fuck - Are you for real?
- Excuse me. Mr. Dugan does not have a sense of humor.
- Yeah, like that time last year
that you joked there was an active shooter in
the building. That
- Was not a joke.
That was a drill. And we got to use the first aid kit.
So it actually worked for the drill.
- Well on what grounds are you firing these employees?
- Lemme tell you what grounds. The grounds that we're on
the sacred grounds of Hooper Industries.
But guess what? I've been waiting to fire you, Mr. Hr.
Ever since he gave me that lovely birthday gift.
Generic toothpaste.
- Who? Balks at good oral hygiene.
- This is great.
- You're an idiot anyway.
You don't have the authority to fire me
because I'm an HR rep.
- When you mess with the cow, you get the Ts, it's bull
and you get the horns. Why would you get
- The Ts?
- What's your name? Harry? Yeah, that's right. Harry.
What warden? The only Harry warden you might see is when you
go to jail and Mr.
Harry Warden comes to a visit and sell black G every night.
This is going to be a bucket list here
for firing. What's your name?
- It's Morden. - Yeah.
Probably gonna fire you just because you said your name.
You probably should have said you didn't know.
- You tell - Him. Grandfather,
- What's your name?
Mars? Yeah. That's a nickname.
You know what that nickname means?
'cause you look like a planet. Okay. You ginormous dog dick.
- HR rules. You can't call an employee an enormous dog Dick.
- I'll change it. - You limp dog
- Dick.
How's that? Better? Okay, then I'm gonna need
to see the following people at the conference room.
Tucker d dog. Freddy, say fuck Freddy.
How you feeling now, Harry? Yeah. How you like those s?
I'm a cow. You're a bull, but you're not a male bull.
You're like, bullshit, Judy. God, that's my friend.
Where's Judy? Friend? Hi. Conference room.
We'll we'll discuss. All right. Oh my gosh.
Josh, you work here.
Oh, I thought you were about valet. Parker. Jordan. Jordan.
I wish I had a nickname. Oh my god,
I thought your name was Erica.
I swear. Conference room ASAP.
And last but not least, John. John. We're both John.
Oh, okay. I have down the gay one. We're both gay.
Looks like we got a surplus.
My wife, you know, is that time of the month.
Aunt Flo sent me to the store to get a little like,
you know, tampon maxi pad.
There's light flow, there's tsunami, just there's flex form.
There's ones with wings that fly I guess for like a team
of tampons, you know,
all put together here.
And that makes super industries, right?
We get up in there and we stop
and we do our job efficiently.
Do you understand what I'm saying? As a team,
one big tampon.
I had some volunteers. I can make this easy. Nobody.
Okay, so Jordan,
remember last week when I asked for a cup of coffee?
- Yes. - And I asked for the color to be Beyonce,
a little Michael Jordan thriller, but not quite bad.
Do you remember that color mix? Yes.
And what did you come back with? Kelly Rowland, wasn't it?
That's what I'm talking about here. I need a team that knows
what they're talking about at Hooper Industries.
Did you guys even know what we sell?
Somebody raise their hand if they know what we sell.
Judy Lynn Tucker, you looking at me?
- Yes. - I
- Hope you die.
- What did you say? I hope you die
in your dreams, Mr.
Prissy HR pants. Oh, I will dream about it. Oh yeah.
Well then why don't you dream about filling out an
unemployment application
because that's about to come reality.
You know what, I'll fill out the unemployment
- Application on your dream corpse.
- Yeah. Well you might as well sign it with my dream blood.
- Oh, I will. Yeah. I'll sign it twice. Sign it three times.
Yeah. Third time's a charm.
- Okay, this is getting weird and
- I don't even know how it started.
Yeah, well you know what, I'm gonna finish it
- In your dreams.
- In my wet dreams wet because of the blood.
- And we all just be fired Now.
- One caramel sugar free latte to go. Anything else?
No, I'm good. Thank you so much. Have a good night. You too.
- I am not proud of the things I've done.
What we're going to do, it'll make sense in the end.
It has to. Otherwise, what am I protecting?
Just know that I never wanted any of this,
but I might have found a way to end it all.
I just, I just need
to do it one more time.
If something happens to me,
they'll find this and it'll all come out.
I've left each of you a letter to explain why.
Don't believe everything you hear.
I'm not,
I don't want to believe I'm a bad man.
Shit.
Hello.
- Where are you - Running errands
- In the warehouse district.
- The fuck? - I put 360 on your phone Dipshit. Remember
- It wasn't funny then and it's even less so now.
- Need some backup.
- Not if I can avoid it,
but you already know where I am, so why the hell not?
- Seriously though? What's the errand?
- It's work related. Hurry up.
I don't wanna be sitting in the cold all night.
- Yeah, be there soon.
- Fuck took you so long. - It makes you feel
any better. I'll take point.
- Fuck I look like a coward.
- Sure, go ahead.
- Coast looks clear. - You do have your contacts in this
time, right?
You couldn't have closed the door slowly.
Do you not watch scary fucking movies?
- Sorry. But I like a good chick flick.
- Explains your vague sexual preference.
Well that's new. That's a red flag.
Red flag. Number two.
- Ladies - First. Such a gentleman.
- What the hell you doing? - Police work.
Look around for fuck's sake.
- I've seen it - Look closer.
He's breathing
- All alive.
- All right, I'll be home in 30, hun. Alright, bye.
Stephanie. Alfred, is that you?
Hey buddy. You're not supposed to be in here this late.
I don't know who you are. You have to come back
during business hours.
It's tomorrow 9:00 AM
I gotta warn you.
I ran track in high school.
- What the - Hey
man, is this like a joke?
- What the fuck you want? Ow Stephanie.
Ow. Well do what you want to do. Let's get it on.
Fuck. What?
What man, you want my money?
I give you my bank accounts. I got your car.
Talk to me.
- What do you want?
- I'm agent. Agent West. This is agent Go.
Good to know Pia, come on. Look.
We need to know exactly what brought you here today.
- Our jobs. - Are we gonna have a problem?
- Not to be disrespectful,
but it's obvious your problem began at birth.
- We, we got a distressed call from a person in the area.
- Did either one of you identify the caller?
- Just listen to the 9 1 1. Call.
Dispatch records the word didn't. You know?
- Oh, huh? Okay, listen. Hear you motherfucker. Whoa, whoa.
- We're here. Here. All right. All right
everyone just relax.
LA. We have a house of horrors in them.
Three or four dozen dead bodies.
Men, women, kids.
Now I read your file, officer Flanagan,
and I know you hate our branch 'cause of your father,
but you need to realize that we're on the same tee.
- You guys practice that on the car. Ride over.
- Look, I'm just gonna say it. We have a
serial killer on our hands.
- A real fucked up deranged one at that.
- We have bodies with six months of decay,
the various operations performed on them.
Someone with years of experience kind of experience
- This lasting up innocent people kind.
Wait six months of decay. Like how'd this flip past us?
Where are all the missing persons reports?
- That's what we'd like to know.
- Fucking hate this place anyway.
Oh my God. 9 1 1.
What's your emergency like? Yes. Something really awesome.
I mean, no awful. Something really awful has happened.
Is someone injured?
- Sir, I need you to speak up, sir. Hello.
Are you there?
- Does this drink come with your number?
- Depends on what I'm getting myself into.
- I'm a composer. - Anything I've heard of
- Probably my most famous composition is putting it D major
in the diner.
- You know there's a good chance you're gonna remain
single indefinitely.
- Yep. - Whereas you
know what's her face?
- She had to work overtime in the ER.
- Again. - That's my beautiful Amy.
I'm gonna puke outta my butt.
- Don't worry Moses. You'll find Ms. Wright.
- I want Ms. Wright Now I think it's time
to take a step back and make a plan.
- He's right. - But is he Mr.
Right now I'm being serious.
I worry about you.
- You can stop. I've got a six month plan. In six months.
The current box of condoms I have will expire
and then I will find a wife.
I gotta piss.
- You always laugh at his jokes. It's sweet.
- Somebody has to and he is your best friend
and you hardly ever even crack a smile.
- After a while, all of the fart jokes run together,
which is why you simply cannot fathom the
intensity of the fuck. I do not give.
- Lighten up a bit. Have a little fun
- Not to change the subject by meaning to,
but when is Cupid shooting his arrow at you?
- My resolution is to remain dick free next year.
- Weird. I had that same resolution.
- Well, that confirms the rumors about you having no dick.
- Wow. I really walked into that. One
- More like ran head first.
Can I ask you something?
- Anything? What's up SLOs?
- Another time. It's my turn
- Dude.
For being the smartest guy I know you are dense when it
comes to seeing a great opportunity.
- I know you are not talking about
what I think you're talking about.
Leslie's the ultimate package.
You are not wrong, but I've got my package.
Those are not the rumors I've heard. Leslie is incredible.
Yes, but Amy is the one.
- Look, I know you love Amy,
but Leslie's had a crush on you since like high school.
Plus all due respect.
We both know she could use her cobwebs clean
with the old worm broom.
- I don't look at her like that.
- Besides, the worst thing you could do
is have sex with a friend.
I know I once lost a friend from Harpooning,
the salty longshoreman.
- What the fuck are you talking about? You? You mean sex?
- I'm talking about jack in off of somebody to talk to. How?
- How do you have so many euphemisms?
- I know how bad it is to lose a 20 year friendship,
especially when she's the first
and only girl to tell me that I have a big dick in bed.
- You see what I mean? Leslie and I are too good of friends
and I don't wanna ruin that.
- You're right. It's probably for the best.
Leslie would never tell you you have a big dick.
- We are interrupting your regularly scheduled program
for this late breaking situation transpiring in downtown
Owensboro, Kentucky.
It appears local police
and FBI as well as state authorities have shut down an
entire section of the city's industrial area.
Let's go live to our own.
Kevin Duffy, who's on the scene. Kevin, thanks
- Chris.
In terms of what we expect will be more about
what state authorities will be doing,
but the FBI has already taken control of the situation.
Very few details are being released to the press,
but what is currently known is at a dozen victims
or more have been found in what can only be described
as a true warehouse of horrors.
- All that's waiting is killing me.
- Hmm. It's foreshadowing. - Say what?
- It's a literary device.
Gives the reader a level of expectation.
You know, hints on things to come.
- You're a weird fucking guy. You know that
- Must have been talking to my ex-wife.
Whoa, wait, hold up. What do we have here?
- I bet you twenties, that Flanagan character.
- Yep. Looks like you win the golden cheese.
- You knew something - Seemed off with that smug prick.
Just so we're clear, there was never an official handshake.
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Therefore, I don't owe you $20.
- You're worse than my teenage shut. Look.
Can we just focus on the case? Please.
- By all means.
- Such, - Such a messy Hello?
- Yeah. Morning sis. You got a minute?
- Hi. I do actually, I'm just at work
- On your day off.
- Oh, come on. You know that a manager's assistant
job is never fully done.
That's what Mr. Dugan always tells me. Never fully done.
Never fully done. Now, okay,
- Steph, you can have your wife his car today too.
- Oh my gosh, that is so stupid. You're being so silly.
No, that's next Saturday.
Oh my gosh. Although this is a riveting conversation.
I hear something really loud in the back.
Hold on, I gotta go by.
- Hello? Hello.
- Who is that?
- Okay, who's in here?
As you know, it's Saturday
and only moron's work on Saturday.
Harry, is that you? Are you messing with me? Come on.
Hey, talk to me. Who's in here?
That's
- Who are, who are you?
- What?
What the
- Fuck?
Please stop. What is that?
Oh my God.
Stop. No, as he says I five, he's done.
I I don't that.
Oh my God. What's up?
I don't feel that. I don't, I don't feel it. I can't.
No. God no.
- We did party - In an office.
- Yeah, in an office. You look scary familiar.
- We work together. I give you your spreadsheets.
- Whoa. Hey buddy, listen to me.
I'm the only one that spreads Hershe
sheets. Okay. He's talking
- About work.
Idiot
- Office buddy.
Sorry I'm late. I got here as soon as I wanted to.
Ah, the finger.
I had a gut feeling more like a butt feeling.
You are terminally infantile.
You are that irritating character in a comedy
where everyone knows just what you're about.
It's either shit. This or,
or que that randomly using words like moist.
Very little is left to the known imagination.
- Sounds hilarious. Second. This may surprise you
- Tonight.
Fair point. Point.
I'm sorry for my terrible
but insanely honest thing I just said
- It's cool.
- We K seven.
K seven Army. The murder Tre
- Trash.
Alright, admit it.
It's the only holiday not
to be properly executed cinematically.
- Can't agree with counteracts.
- And what do you got? You got New Year's evil.
Bloody New Year sleepless in Seattle. All hot garbage
- Ghostbusters - Too.
Okay. No, technically that's not a genre film.
- What? It has ghost and demonic possession.
- It's good. They do it from space balls.
Okay, how about hero train? Okay, one. You get the one
- First.
It's not the guy from Space Balls.
Louis Tulley is the heart of Ghostbusters by the way.
Two, did you know
that the peacock spider wears little droplets
of water on his head to attract his mates? Is it working?
- Maybe try a sack instead. - You gotta hate you so much.
- Where are you going? - Gonna to find somebody
that doesn't find me aesthetically challenged.
- You are gonna be here all night. Oh,
- You're a monster.
- I texted you like six months before I got here.
- Sorry, my phone was on silent. Hey Samantha, Lance. Okay.
You had a pretty ugly look of his face.
- Yeah. What else is new? - Uhoh trouble in paradise?
- Nothing. A good solid dick
and can't fix. I said salad
- Jokes on you.
I take s
- You take dick pills and the jokes on me.
- I hope he step on a Lego.
- Let me guess. Amy had to work.
- She got asked to work a double
money's too good to pass up.
Where's your date?
- Parties here, bitches.
- This is the part where you saved fuck my life.
- Pardon my Banality. Those things are gonna kill you.
- Banality. - You can think my four years at a two year
community college for that.
- You have a strange idea of
what constitutes bragging rights.
- One of my many hidden character flaws.
Seriously what I get two
15 minute breaks of shift.
It's almond milk. Smell it.
- Pardon me if I don't smell your weird milk flask.
- It's it yourself. What are we doing here?
Anyway,
- You see that office building over there?
My niece is having a New Year's office party.
- Oh, and you're not on speaking terms.
- No. Leslie and I are good. It's her mom.
I have a problem with. Regardless.
I have a bad feeling and just want to be here just in case.
Just in case. What? You know that
falling sensation you get the pit of your stomach like
something awful is gonna happen.
It's like that. So why don't you just call her
and tell her, trust
me, this is what's best.
Stay here. I have to go check something.
- You're giving me cryptic orders,
you're checking your ammunition for fuck's sake.
What's going on? You just don't know everything. Okay?
I need to do this alone.
What the fuck exactly do you have to do?
- Stay here. Drink your almond milk.
- Oh, dammit.
Fancy meeting you here.
- Please don't touch me.
- Look, I just want talk. Okay.
- Right. And that's why every conversation I ever ask for
to lessen thrilling sex.
- I mean, in my defense, that's like every dude alive.
- What about when you hit me? Is that every dude too?
- Look babe, I'm an upgrade in every way.
- Being alone is the upgrade.
- You know, I really don't get you.
- What part of I caught you cheating? Are we not clear on
- I I have told you a hundred times now. I didn't cheat.
- I found a video of you with another girl.
I mean, who's dumb enough to get caught
with your own security cameras. But I didn't
- Touch her.
- You didn't tell me about it either.
- Well, you know, we're really good friends
and I didn't want you to say we couldn't hang out anymore.
- You're fucking unbelievable.
I mean, you were in a sexual situation with another person
who was not me and you didn't tell me about it.
One, you had the truth. That's lying.
Two in any same person's book that's called cheating.
- You know you seem stressed.
- Yeah. It's caused by giving a fuck.
- I hope you realize you no miss perfect either.
- More gaslighting. That's just great.
- Maybe if you hadn't guilted me into sex, none
of this would've ever happened.
- Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
- Did you hear any of that? Any of what?
Good. Nancy, right? That's right.
- Are you a beaver? Because
- Damn.
Are you a damn? Because I am soaking wet.
- Who do you think we're looking for?
- Someone dressed like Halloween. You can't miss them.
- Let's just go back to the car. Good idea.
You first and I'll be there shortly.
- It's your funeral. - Not tonight.
Stop right there, motherfucker. You sick, son of a bitch.
You set me up. This ends tonight.
- Plates checkout. - Yeah, but where the hell did they go?
- It's Flanagan. I'm telling you, Flanagan is our guy.
- Right? Because their lack of hard
anything tells you that, right?
- I have a damn good hunch.
- Well, hunches don't put murderers in prison.
Evidence does. Besides none of this adds up.
I mean, Flanagan, what calls his partner to a warehouse
to give away the location
of a secret torture laboratory. You
- Have a point.
I don't like this. Something doesn't feel right.
- Our deal was I would go to the warehouse to plan evidence
and you'd leave my family out of all this.
He never said anything about being complicit
and killing a room full of innocent people.
I had to lie to the FBI.
They're going to know if something was wrong
and my partner shows up outta the balloon
and gets dragged into all this.
- You never called me. You were using Flanagan.
You have to tell me these things.
Otherwise, how can I protect you?
- Huh? Let her go. Your options are for you, my friend.
Now drop the knife.
- What? Isis fucker.
You broke
- Protocol.
I don't follow. You shot him. He attacked an officer.
We're not in the revenge business.
Our job is to arrest the bad
- Guy.
Swear to God, Wes, you're gonna die a fucking girl scout.
You know that.
- Ah,
hey man.
The doctor is in
- Shit.
Fuck. I'm sorry. Holy crap.
Seriously, I did not mean to scare you like that
- It it's New Year's Eve.
I guess we're all entitled to one good scare
- That checks.
- I guess I'm just a little jumpy
after what happened last night.
- I'm not even gonna ask. You're just gonna tell me.
- Okay, let's get Brian first. I want him to hear this too.
- Everything okay? - Yes and no.
Actually, there's no better way
to describe what happened.
But I think I was being stalked last night
- By someone in all black, like a, like a
- Crow costume, a plague.
Doctor. Me too. Only I wasn't stocked.
I was fucking chased. Like horror movie style.
Just two nights ago.
- Another one. - Only if it comes with your number.
- Aw, you've had enough
- Suit yourself.
You could had a ride in the red Miata. Hey Romeo,
- I hope you weren't planning on driving.
- Pretty some kind of fucking cop. Yes.
I see what's going on here.
You're more of a geo prism kind of gal.
Officer, you have a good night.
I'm hoping it gets much better. Spoiler alert.
He's talking about begging you hard.
Stupid chair. Anyway. Bench. Please.
Fuck my ass. Dude, you trying to gimme a heart attack.
I like the costumey. Very nineties.
Straight to video horror.
Well thanks for the jump scare, but I'm gonna go home now.
Hey man. Hey, seriously,
dude, there's a cop in there.
I'm not afraid to scream like a girl. No offense.
I wanna buy you a toaster for your bathtub.
- Hello. Please don't kill me.
- No worries kid. I ate the paperwork.
Are you drunk and high?
Okay, how's about I give you a ride home?
I don't think you need to be driving.
- Most of the time I'd tell a cop hell no.
But tonight is your lucky night.
You didn't see him. See who?
Whoever the fuck, the only motherfucker dressed
like a turn in the century.
West Craven villain.
- Oh, not up front. Get in the back.
Seriously force. So have it.
- Listen, thanks for the ride and everything,
but I hope you fall down with your hands in your pockets.
Aye y Back of the
- Cop car.
Hard ass.
- Are you still waiting for your other party?
- She should be here in a - Minute.
- You don't look close. - Please don't be
- Angry.
That means you're the furthest thing from close.
- Issa called in sick. Doug had a death in the family.
- No, I get it. - You hate me.
- Admittedly, I'm disappointed, but I understand.
- So you aren't mad.
- Not so long as you make it up to me later.
And by that I mean
- I know what you mean.
Well played
- And try to make it good this time.
- So no rest for the wicked.
- Get back to it. Don't worry about me.
I'll just be at home. Lubricating myself with my tears.
- I don't know what that means exactly,
but it still kind of turned me on.
- I love you sweetheart. - I love you too, baby.
- Nice
- Fucking ghost town out here.
- Fuck
somebody help me.
Fuck.
- Have you told your uncle?
- He's too busy running around, catching real criminals.
The guy barely gets any sleep.
Last time I saw him was, I don't know, Thanksgiving.
Maybe he was stressed to the max.
Damn near ready to blow his brains out.
- Well, I know what you did last
- Summer.
This is serious. Someone is watching us, following us.
You got chased.
- I make jokes when I'm scared.
- I must be scared a lot. - Fair
- Point.
- Can't believe it man. It's great. It's great.
Oh look, now I need a new patient. Ho ho ho.
I get the reference. We're on holiday.
- I asked Elma cost.
- Mm, hold on. I've got an idea.
I'm gonna get Ned in on this. Ned my
- Boyfriend.
Good. The bluest fucking balls known to man.
- Don't worry, he's his blowjobs are next level.
Okay, warm yourself up. I'll be right back.
Is he hot? Well he eats ass like a porn star.
He is on his way and he is bringing the fruit roll-ups.
Shit. Where'd he go?
- This party's - Officially dead. No way in hell.
It's a coincidence that we all saw the same person. Your
- Powers of deduction are staggering.
- I'll just suck it up
and call my uncle first thing tomorrow morning.
But in the meantime, we should try and have some fun.
I don't wanna ring the new year. An anxiety fueled mess.
- I'm gonna hit the head. Do you want
something that's really on your mind?
- I'm not following - Early.
When you came outta the bathroom, I noticed you seem upset.
I'm not an idiot. I've got eyes in the back of my face.
- You are a wealth of poorly constructed allegories.
- I fully realize that I'm the comic relief.
I'm just one throwaway joke after another.
What I'm trying to say is, Brian's not the
only one that cares about you.
If you ever need to talk, I'm here.
- Contrary to how I treat you sometimes I don't think
anything about you is throw away
- That it means a lot to hear out loud.
- You should show this side of
yourself to people more often. I like it.
- You like it enough to be my first
kiss for New Year's? I mean,
- Wow, - That was bold.
I've had like so many kisses. Like a lot of kisses. I mean
- To promise that inevitable STDs. That's your play.
- Okay. I've got a lot more to offer than herpes.
- Is this real life? - You might need
to call your uncle a bit sooner.
Maybe This is a joke.
- Long holiday.
- Ugh. Party
- Who do not go in there.
What the fuck? I've only been gone for like three minutes.
- Oh shit. Oh shit.
- Go I, I'll find you guys.
Fuck. Okay, let,
- Let's go.
Fuck
son of a bitch.
- Fuck I make barricading doors look
so much easier in the movies.
Ned, Ned, Ned. We need to make a phone call
- That's not here.
Help if you leave a message to get back to you or
- Ask - Beep.
- Mr. Dugan made you collect everyone's cell
phones. Where are they?
- Dude, I'm so wasted. I couldn't even tell you
where my house was with baby on it.
- Listen, you cheese Dick Rumple foreskin
- Butt Knuckler.
- Oh,
- Oh.
Spicy nachos.
- Hey girl. - Where did you find that ridiculous thing?
- I don't know. I just thought it might work for you.
- Does nausea count? - I mean, in some parts of the world,
vomit is used as a lubricant.
So no kink shame if it's doing it for you.
- Did you always wear glasses?
- What? I'm cockeyed. Can we not talk about that?
And let's talk about what this is doing for you.
Doing, doing anything.
- Oh shit.
What the fuck is this shit?
- Hit your double hockey sticks.
Oh my God, Ruth, I'm so sorry.
- Oh well lucky for me you hit like a Keebler elf.
- I thought you were someone else. What are you doing here,
- John?
He didn't come home last night.
He's been talking about this stupid
office party for months now. So here I am.
- How did you get in - The front door?
What's going on? Where is everybody?
- People have been murdered - But not John.
- No, don't worry. He wasn't killed here.
- What? - I mean, I'm sure he's fine. Just somewhere else.
- I Hey, you just, I don't wait. What?
I don't I Wait.
Hey, those are nott there Before obviously, oh, I'm sorry.
Did I just punch you in the face?
In my defense, this is not exactly the best night
to go sneaking up on people.
You know, if I didn't go to church, this is
where I'd tell you to eat my ass.
My friend Moses goes to church
and I know for a fact he would definitely eat an ass.
Oh good. Thanks. Let's this way.
- Oh. Oh, what the fuck?
Oh, I'm sorry you scared me and I just found Nick and Nancy
and it was awful.
- I know they're terrible people.
- What? No. I mean yes but no, they're dead.
- Right? Oh, are we not gonna talk about the fact
that my face is broken? I mean, Mr.
- Dugan did say you were a little busted. So could somebody
- Just - Grab
- A - Chair and break a window
- Already?
We can't. They're shatterproof. Mr.
Dugan just had all the windows replaced last fall. I know.
'cause I was in charge of putting in the order
and I had to get the toughest one they had.
And there's no not even a fucking tank in
that threw these windows go.
Darn it. Can we get a fucking break?
- You are gonna drive me crazy doing that.
- It helps me think,
- Fuck it.
Let's just go.
- What about him? - Well come back for him if time
or karma allows.
- Sure.
- Wait, where's your weapon?
- I am the weapon - My hero.
- Look, there's something I want you to know
before we go out there.
- You are gonna tell me that I'm the first thing you think
of when you wake up in the morning
and you love the smile that I try and hide
whenever you say like a stupid or offensive joke.
You love how strong I am, how compassionate I am.
And you've been wanting to tell me for six years,
but you haven't been able to muster up the courage.
- I I thought you liked Brian.
So it just never felt appropriate.
- You should have told me sooner.
- Hold on. That speech was frighteningly specific.
How did you know?
Don't change the subject.
- You left your phone on my desk one day. Shit. Stupid
- Phone.
- What are we doing? Looking for a knife, a, a gun?
Anything that can be used as a weapon.
- Wait, what happened to the baseball bat?
- I dropped it - When I
- Got scared.
- I'm not finding anything. No way.
Please tell me you found a gun. Oh, whose office is this?
Look at this gut buster. It's like a mammoth
- Tooth.
Look at it.
- How is that supposed to help?
- I, - I dunno.
Samantha, watch out. Go a
dildo, cock smoker.
It's
- Me.
It's me. Dude. Almost nailed you. I see what you did there.
I'm a pretty funny guy. Yikes.
- 1301 spot. Us Wood lane.
The the the office building in the old warehouse district.
Yes. The one where homeless people are
caught having sex all the time.
- Holy shit. She got through. Thank God for antiquated tech.
- Yes. I think everyone else is dead murdered.
We don't know they're wearing a mask. Okay.
Will do. Thank you. We're trapped. So please hurry.
- What'd they say? - She told us to stay put.
- What do you mean trapped? - Fuck
- My ass.
- Shit. Oh shit. Calling Dr. Fuck face.
Moses. What the fuck?
You were supposed to catch it. Stop helping.
Thanks.
- Take these and get the fuck out. We can all get out.
There's no time. That motherfucker is strong.
All right, now you go get the cops. We will hold 'em here.
- You're not making any sense.
- I'm not leaving Brian here to die alone. Now go.
Your medical license has been revoked.
- Ah, fuck.
- Ah, go. We can't hold him along.
- I can't just leave you guys. - We're
- Dead meat. You don't have
- To be fuck this motherfucker.
Don't be stupid Les. Get the fuck outta here.
It's okay. It's okay police. It's okay. It's okay.
- Where are my friends? - All survivors are being taken
to Owensboro Memorial.
- Did you catch him? Whoever did all this
- I only saw you, man.
Were you first on scene? That's right.
She came around the corner like a bad outta of hell
that passed outta my arms.
It's probably from a mixture of exhaustion and fear.
- I don't doubt it. Fucking blood bath in there.
- Still searching the building for survivors.
But all we're finding here bodies.
We did find one other, but he's hung over something fierce.
None of the men want to get near him.
Looker smells like bean and bacon soup. Yeah, I got it.
Oh, I get one out for a homie.
- Oh fuck. - Are you on any medication sir?
I mean like a little, A little cocaine.
We checked around the entire building. Looks like of anyway.
- Six son of a bitch. We've done this.
It's probably long gone before we got here where
- We did this and not be done yet.
- Hey, is this a hangout or a crime scene? Let's go.
Let's go. Is this Nigel Foxville?
No, they won't let me have that.
I did at a fish show one time.
It had a big balloon and it was just fucking awesome.
Made my wiener go. We guard pushed
- Those guys back into their locker zone on the perimeter.
- Dr. Fears, you have a call on nine six
- Or do you want - Her
- Put her in six?
- All your sexy ones go in six, huh?
- We on ice bedside manners.
- Really. Dr. Am please.
Page extension 1428. Thank you
wi honor of the 1958 p Fury.
Hardtop. Please move it from the
- Hey, Dr.
Fierce. Thank the Lord you're here.
We are so understaffed tonight.
EMS just brought this one in.
Mostly contusions, a few abrasions.
We may have to call psych to talk
to them about what had happened.
In the meantime, would you mind checking them out for me?
Thank you,
- Boy.
Hey Doc, you've got that. Good shit.
I'm gonna need it lawyer right now.
Oh fuck. Sew it that way.
Hey, and I'm a survivor too.
- Come and get me. Motherfucker.
- I drugs. Fucking stupid
party was bullshit.
The beer suck balls
- And it's you
to Yeah.
The doctor is in clocks down
as he's lurk through
making his decision.
Sadistic. Precision.
It's new.
The ball has dropped now it's midnight.
Run out better get outta sight.
You can
no matter what.
You try to,
it's new.
- It's.