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- Okay, so, we open up, - Let's say that--
Are we gonna have any, like, sort of opening,
like when we get on stage, or are we just gonna go right into it?
What I was imagining was dark stage.
- Yeah. - Backlight, okay?
They see, like, just a silhouette, okay? Of me.
I like it. Okay.
- With my head down. - Yeah.
And you're at the piano and you start going...
Actually...
Like what?
No, no, no, no, no.
A little more opening-- opening of a thing,
and I point, and this red light turns on, and I...
And red lights go on all around.
Like that.
And then, like, boom! On my face.
At the audience, like that.
Good evening, folks. What you're about to see
is something you've never seen before.
We are Nirvanna the Band.
And you are about to be sent to the moon!
And then, I do my two-step.
And this is just no talking,
just-- like they just get to watch me move.
Hah! And women in the crowd are like,
"What the fuck is this?! Who is this guy?"
You didn't know this was coming!
And then-- right then, break down.
- Boom! - Right in.
And then, you start right in the first song,
which is whatever we feel there.
If the audience is screaming,
if they're like, "More, more..."
More opening then. We keep, like, playing to the audience.
I have a feeling, that right off the bat,
they're gonna ask for an encore.
- Okay. - I think they're gonna be
like, "Again, do the intro again!"
Okay, so, here is the plan.
why does a club book a band?
- They play good music? - No.
- Draw in a good crowd? - No.
Okay.
- Flyers! - Huh.
Flyers that say what?
- Nirvanna the Band. - Okay.
Flyers that say Nirvanna the Band,
but what are they saying to people?
Come see them where? We don't have a show.
Well, then we're-- We will.
The point of this is to get The Rivoli to book us, right?
Yeah, yeah. Okay, so we-- and we'll have a picture of us on there.
You know what? Let's make the flyers, the plan goes perfectly,
we play at The Rivoli tonight.
Jay, I got a feeling
things are going to work out okay for us.
Jay! I figured it out!
Whoo!
- Okay, so... - Whoa!
This plan is called the Seventh Inning...
Stretch.
...Skydive.
we skydive...
into the...
...SkyDome.
Hold on, wait.
We, during a game, go up the CN Tower...
I don't think you can get up to the very top.
Jump!
Into the open dome.
Whole crowd's gonna go insane 'cause like, "What is this?
"Terrorist attack?" Actually, we're coming in--
We're gonna have to have the peace signs...
- Okay, hold on, hold on. - ...as we float in.
- We land in there. - Then, I take the microphone.
Pretend this Orbitz bottle--
Do you know what Orbitz are?
Pretend it's a microphone.
This is a novelty-- you know what...
- It's our last bottle. - I...
- Do you know this drink? - Yes!
I take a microphone.
We've landed. "Ladies and gentlemen,
"you're probably wondering why we skydived here--"
skydove here?
"You're probably wondering why we skydove here."
- Skydiven. - I don't think so. Skydived?
It's skydived, right?
"You're probably wondering why we skydived here?"
- Skydived. - I'm gonna just amend it.
"Ladies and gentlemen,
"you're probably wondering why we're here."
Because the skydiving is implied. They saw us do it.
What are you saying to everyone?
Except for the blind people.
"For those of you who didn't see what just happened,
"we skydove."
- I'm in the same trap. - Tell me the plan.
The-- "A bolt of lightning in every bottle."
God, I miss this stuff. This might be the last bottle of this in existence.
Okay, what is happening with the SkyDome plan?
Well, let's just... let's just do it.
"Ladies and gentlemen,
you're probably wondering who we are.
"We are Nirvanna the Band.
"And tonight, we are playing for one night only,
"an exclusive engagement
"at The Rivoli at Queen and Spadina.
"We'll see you there after the game."
And then, I'll vamp a bit, and be like,
"Little bit about us--"
You there in the stands.
Do you have a show at The Rivoli?
I'm actually asking that for me, actually. We don't have a show at The Rivoli.
- I know the answer. - I know, but don't you see? It's--
So, we're telling everybody to go to a show that we don't have.
If you build it, they will come. It's "If you build it, they will come."
Right?
Are you sure this is going to work?
This is gonna be the last plan you and I ever have to do.
And as far as I'm concerned,
we're playing The Rivoli tonight.
Take a good look, Jay.
This is the last time you're gonna see The Rivoli as a citizen.
- As a citizen? - 'Cause tonight, we're playing the show.
We're playing the show-- We're gonna be loading in right there.
You'll have your keyboard under your arm.
The girls taking your picture.
The girls are not going to be taking my picture.
Oh, yes, they will!
- You wanna bet?! - No, they're not!
Do you wanna bet they're gonna take your picture? Yes, they will!
Hi.
What's behind your back?
- Good. - Uh, it's a parachute.
Actually, that's what this is for.
We need something that-- like, that can cut through--
like, we're going to be quite up high,
and I think they're going to have a safety harness on us
or something like that.
And would snippers like this,
would they be able to cut through,
like, a kind of harness?
No... you ha-
What are you trying to do though?
That's my question.
So, here's-- we are gonna be up on, um--
on the CN Tower, in one of-- on the EdgeWalk,
where we're wearing the safe--
I think they put a safety vest on you,
and we need something that can, like,
cut through the rope or the cable on it.
Do you know what I mean?
Umm... you can...
But here's the thing -
you would shock yourself
because if you cut through live wire
you'll get electrocuted.
But-- Oh, I'm not cutting through elect--
I'm cutting through fabric, I'm not cutting through a live wire.
What happens if we're not even allowed in the security with--
You will be actually caught.
I'm gonna say that I need--
Yes sir? Do you have drywall compound here?
- I'm sorry? - Drywall compound?
Two-forty-three.
Two-forty-three thank you.
But I think that--
You know what? I - Like, I -
I don't know. Ye-
Just... be careful, man.
Like, I seriously don't think it's worth it. Okay?
Right. But...
I, uh - I mean...
You have the freedom to do this.
I'm a Libertarian.
You have the liberty to do
whatever the fuck you want.
But that is - should I - believe...
as a... pers- sane person
I should, uh...
prevent you guys from doing shit like this.
But these will cut through cable, possibly.
If you really want it to it would.
Ah, I'm not going to tell you this, man. I - I feel bad.
Like, I seriously don't wanna
Look, there's Spider-Man.
So, how do we get in here?
It might be a little too high, Matt.
Excuse me.
Is this the line to get into the CN Tower?
I think so.
Thanks a lot. I've got to jump off it, actually.
Where is your accent from?
Um, Brazil.
Nice to meet you. I'm Matt. How you doing?
- Hi. - Welcome to Toronto.
Thank you.
Enjoy your trip. Have a good time.
Okay. All right. So, we just join the line. Bye.
Matt, I'm afraid of heights.
Shut up. Hi. How you doing?
We're just going up the-- we're just going up the tower.
Just put-- Just put our keys in here?
- Sir? - Ope - this one?
How do I get in?
Oh, I'm sorry - is it okay if I bring this?
- It's a camera, but -- - No you--
you can't shoot in here, you guys.
Oh, kay.
You got a cellphone on you by chance?
I have a wireless mic. Here.
And pack.
Okay.
Alright, you're gonna go.
Can you come back sir?
Is there anything else?
Oh! Oh, yeah, I have my clippers.
I have my clippers, too.
I have these... clippers.
Why do you have those?
Uh, I guess I just have them. I don't need them.
I'm just curious, like, why you have them? I'm just -
Oh, they're for just cutting things off of my pants
and things like that.
- Okay, just one second. - Sure, sure.
Just give me like... just -
Go ahead.
I have a patron in my lane with a...
pair of pliers?
Uh, just wondering if this is N.U.F.?
Why do they have it?
Uh, apparently for cutting their pants.
We just have to ask, right? Like it's -
No, don't worry. Thank you. Don't worry about it.
Go for it.
So you guys are okay.
You can go as well.
Thank you.
Are you ready to walk 116 storeys above Toronto
with nothing but a harness securing you?
Is that how high up we're going to be?
This is EdgeWalk--
That's not how high up we're gonna be.
Don't tell me that's how high up we're gonna be.
...view of Canada's biggest city
and the knowledge that you have been truly
on top of the world.
Are you ready to step up and touch the sky?
This one goes on the back,
this one goes on the front.
This one acts like a seat belt,
so, it will move with you as you move.
Any sudden actions, it will lock up...
The pad will be bumping you on the back of the head.
Love that tap,
it means you are still attached to the rail.
Just don't touch it.
And then, we actually had a citizenship ceremony
up there once, and we actually had the judge wear a tux.
We even had proposals happen out there.
What about the ring?
The skies are threatening
and you will be able to see the SkyDome close,
as we are about to say so long to the CN tower,
at least, visually.
My gosh, guys,
look at that beautiful view
that we have right now hitting us, right?
Oh, my God, guys! That is a long way down!
Come and take a look, everybody.
Come and get it! Come here. There you go.
You go there. Exactly.
You're just walking a Guinness World Record,
EdgeWalk is the highest external hands-free walk
in the world...
All right.
Guys, take a look all the way down.
Whoa, is that supposed to do that?
- It's perfect. - Okay.
I'm gonna move to the front.
All right, everybody, now... welcome to EdgeWalk.
Right now, we are 356...
Bird - They're closing the roof.
Bird, the roof's closing.
Okay, okay. Okay we gotta go now.
We gotta go now.
It's the highest observation deck
in the Western Hemisphere. I can see...
Okay.
I'm not ready!
Bird. Bird. Bird.
We gotta go now! We're going now!
Countdown! Countdown:
Three!
Two!
ONE!
No, no!
Here we go!
The dome is closing!
We've got time!
Okay, we're coming in hot!
Oh, too much!
Oh, fuck!
Are you all right? Are you all right?
- Get off of me! - Whoa! I'm trying to help you.
You pushed me off the tower!
What, are you crazy? I thought I was going to die!
But you're okay.
- Oh my God! It's closed! - Yeah.
We didn't even make it in time!
Well, maybe there's a way to open it. Let's--
So we almost died and the plan didn't even work.
Oh my God. The plan is over.
You know what, we're gonna find another way inside.
It didn't work. Again!
Well, that's ironic. What did I say,
"next time we see The Rivoli, it's gonna be..."
Oh, Jesus.
But you know what?
Maybe we still got time for another plan. What, uh...
Excuse me. Do you know what time it is?
Uhh yeah... It's, uh, 9:03.
Thank you very much. 9:03?
Not a lot-- no. We got--
We got a lot of night left.
Uh, Bird?
Yeah, it's The Rivoli.
Bird.
Oh, Jesus.
Are you guys playing--
Are you guys playing the show tonight?
Yup.
Lucky!
What did you have to do to score that?
Did you see that?
Lightning just hit the CN Tower!
Jay, isn't that like a bad omen?
We were just there.
Jay!
If you think about it, we were off by what...
Three minutes? Two minutes?
That's your classic-- Whoo!
If we had a time machine,
we would have fixed that right away, do you know what I mean?
Oh, Bird, I got an idea!
Forget an idea. I think I figured it out.
time machine plan.
Bird,
we pretend to be from the future.
We build a-- Oh, my God.
We take the RV in the backyard,
deck it out like the DeLorean in Back-- in--
yeah, in Back to the Future. We could build, like,
a fake contraption with like-- what do they have?
The flux capacitor and all that stuff,
just like Doc Brown has.
It's like-- like, uh, dates and times,
in, like, um... analogue numbers.
And we hire an actor to pretend to be
a post office guy...
...to um, deliver...
...deliver a video, saying that it's from the past.
So, it's the past and the future coming together.
That's when we show up, coughing,
we got the dry ice coming out of the machine.
Bird?
Oh, you're-- I see,
you're like, "Work's done for the day.
"We've done too much. It's time to play."
No problem. What's that?
Bird's favourite game?
Okay, ready?
Bird.
You're Batman.
Goodnight, Matt.
All right, well...
Bird, I'm gonna get started!
This readout tells you where you're going,
this one tells you where you are,
this one tells you where you were.
You input your destination time on this keypad.
The flux capacitor.
Lafayette. How can I help you?
Hi, um...
I was thinking about, uh,
coming to play the open mic.
Jared!
Jared! Hey!
Where do we keep the old cameras in here?
I need to find the old cameras from way back.
They're in the bin.
Oh, yes. Okay.
My name is Matt Johnson, if you're watching this,
I need your help.
I mistakenly invented a time machine,
and I played with it like a fool.
I went back to the year 2008,
and I have done something that has set off a chain of events
that has destroyed the future!
Okay, yeah! You just show up any time before 8
ask to speak to John.
Oh my God. Okay. And you're in Ottawa, right? So...
Yup sorry... yup.
A-pardon me sir?
How far away is Ottawa? I'm in Toronto.
it depends how fast you drive?
Anywhere between four... fuh-
four or five hours, I guess?
Rivoli, I am about to appear
in the year 2025, in your time!
And it is of vital importance that you let me and my band,
Nirvanna the Band, play a show at the Rivoli tonight,
in order to undo what I did!
So... do you have to be a band or a duo
or can you be... solo?
Watch! It's a full time machine!
I have the flux capacitor, I have the, uh, batteries...
Oh, man, I left my Orbitz in that stupid thing.
Let's do it again where I don't have the-- oh, shit!
Oh, fuck! We gotta do it--
No! No! Oh, fuck!
Oh, no!
Oh, fuck! Oh, Jesus!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Uh... Oh, my God.
Put it out! You got it?
Oh, is that even gonna do anything?
- Put it out! - Yeah, I'm trying to put--
So, I have a show booked, essentially?
Uh - I'm I'm sorry?
I...
You have a show booked in Ottawa?
I said I have a show booked tomorrow?
Yeah... Okay - Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
Great, we'll see you tomorrow night then!
See you tomorrow night. Okay. Thank you.
K, bye.
Bye-bye.
Oh, fuck.
And the lights on it is what made it look good
in the first place.
Now, it's just like, junk.
Shit.
- Aah! - Matt?
Ooh!
What the are you doing?
What are you doing?
Hey, Matt.
- What is this? - Uh, um.
- I'm being kidnapped? - Um...
I-- I needed to just take it.
Okay, hold on. Just tell me what's going on.
I will. Yeah, okay.
'Cause I don't wanna get angry.
- You know how... - "You know how" what?
- You know how when you-- - "How when" what?
- If you just went, uh... - If you went when how what?
I'm getting fucked over, aren't I?
No, no, no, I was just, um, uh...
Okay, listen to this...
time machine plan.
What are you doing?
Doing the time machine plan.
Doing-- Doing the time machine plan?
Did you say you're "Doing the time machine plan"?
Yeah.
Oh, we're going to The Rivoli right now?
Yes.
That's why you're driving so fast?
Yeah. Um, and as far as I'm concerned,
we are playing the Rivoli tonight.
Jay, watch out! Watch out!
Oh my God. Oh, I saw a flash of white light, and then a...
And then, it's--
Where did that streetcar come from?
Ah, fuck I hit my ass.
Oh, my God.
How you doin'?
Sorry about this.
It could've been a lot worse. Right?
Like, could've been a lot-- could've been a lot worse.
Bird?
You're missing a great visual joke.
Uh, I'm gonna go.
- Sure, let's go. - Uh, no, no, no.
- We should clean this up. - Yeah, let's clean this up.
Whoa.
Oh, my God. Look at this.
Oh, my God.
What the hell?
Oh, someone else got a show at The Rivoli.
Goddamn it.
- You know, I gotta go. - What?
Oh, 'cause you're mad about this?
We're gonna get the show. I promise.
Hey, look at that, tourists. Tourists, Bird.
Hi. Welcome to Toronto.
Come check us out at The Rivoli later!
But we don't have a show...
Well, we-- we could be playing any day.
Uh... Toron... I know this looks bad.
We just hit this Now Magazine box with our RV by accident.
This doesn't speak for Toronto generally.
Enjoy.
Okay, we gotta clean this up and get outta here.
- Yeah, uh, you know what? - Yeah?
You clean this up.
I'll take the RV to the shop, make sure there's no damage.
Come on. We'll move this thing in two minutes,
if you just help me... help me lift this up.
Yeah, okay.
- Let's go see a movie. - See a...
Let's see a movie together. Look. We're right here.
When's the last time you and I saw a movie together, like friends?
You want to see a movie?
You like that?
Yeah! Right now?
- Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! - Hey.
We gotta wait for The Rivoli to open anyway.
And it's dark in there.
What'd you say?
Jay?
It's the weekend, Budnick.
I don't know you. You do not exist.
Shit.
Nice car.
I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.
What do you mean? The movie just started.
Goodbye, Matt.
What are you doing?
Move! What...
Sorry. Yeah.
- Excuse me. - Yeah, go.
Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me.
Not to mention, it's pathetic.
Goodbye, Matt.
Right.
- And the worst part is... - Jesus Christ.
I was just gonna say that.
See?
I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
They are mature, actually.
You just have to get to know them better.
Paging Dr. Faggot!
Dr. Faggot!
I should go.
That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
Oh, I'm sorry!
Sorry!
Okay.
Jay. Jay!
Jay, Jay!
Um, uh, um...
Jay.
Yeah. I was, uh...
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
I-I can explain this, okay?
Actually, Matt... I need to--
It's 2008.
What?
The time machine worked somehow and we are in 2008.
Do you-- Do you understand?
We are-- We are time travelers.
Okay, no.
Um, yeah. Look. I'll prove it to you.
Watch, watch, watch. The time machine works.
Look, okay? Uh, look.
Okay. We'll go to...
Okay, watch this.
Hold onto your butts!
I'm accelerating us to 88 kilom--
or is it miles an hour?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
Just watch! You'll be laughing in a second.
Okay. Come on.
Come on!
80. 85!
Can you... Can you slow down?
88! Hold on to something!
What?!
Oh, no!
Okay, something must be wrong with this thing.
Hold on. I'll fix it. I'll fix it.
Goddamn it.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Okay, okay.
So this... 2008, this is right.
Was it the time thing? What is...
Um, all right, I can figure this out.
- I can figure this out. - Goodbye, Matt.
Where are you going?!
Jay! You can't...
You can't go out there. It's too... too...
What's he doing? Bird, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Jay!
Bird, Bird!
You can't go out there.
What year is it?
2008, sir.
- Matt? - Yes?
- It's 2008. - I told you!
I'm gonna find a place to hide this RV.
Okay, I think we're safe here.
We're not safe.
Well, I just mean nobody's gonna notice us.
You know, you really us up--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - This is.
I-- You were the one-- I did not do anything.
- Huh? - You're the one who was driving the car.
And then, I'm instantly in a car accident.
I didn't see-- like a streetcar came out of nowhere.
It didn't come out of nowhere. It was just there in 2008.
And when we went through the flash...
- Yeah. - ...we appeared.
It's just like in Back to the Futureone.
No, or Back to the Future Two.
It happens in Back to the Future Threeas well.
We gotta figure how to get back.
- Yes. - How do we even go back?
We must've gone through like a wormhole or something.
We are trapped in 2008. The question is
"How can we use this to get a show at The Rivoli?"
No, hold on. Like, that-- that's secondary now, okay?
First things first.
Okay, so we have travelled...
here, into 2008.
This is us now.
Goddamn it.
So, we're gonna go forwards back to 2025,
but this will be a new 2025 if we change anything here.
Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.
It was an Ashton Kutcher movie.
Butterfly Effect.
Anything we affect could have insane ramifications.
So our present can get changed?
We could come back to a future where
The Rivoli doesn't exist.
Or maybe another venue, like maybe somewhere in Ottawa.
Forget that! What if we come back and, all of a sudden,
you-- you're not a piano player anymore?
Maybe I'm a drummer and we're a ska band.
No Doubt before Gwen Stefani. Have you heard that music?
Look it up. Have you heard it?
- Let's keep thinking about-- - Let's focus on the plan.
You built a toy time machine.
- Uh-huh. - And then it worked...
- Somehow. - ...but now it's broken.
Maybe you need to just sort of look under the hood.
- Wait. - Maybe something's just loose.
It is broken. I broke it last night.
I spilled the Orbitz on it.
Holy.
But it's back on.
Oh, my God.
- What? - This--
Oh, no! I ruined it!
Oh, I fucking ruined it!
That's too stupid, isn't it?
What? Tell-- Talk to me.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Bird, this is gonna sound crazy.
- What? What did it do? - The Orbitz!
I spilt a bottle of Orbitz.
- Is there any left? - No. I'm out.
Um, but we just need to find a way
to get another bottle or something like that.
But that was your last bottle.
There wasn't even any left back now, in 2008.
They stopped making this in 1999.
I know, it was such a big deal when we found that whole--
That's right.
This is my last bottle in 2025,
but in 2008, we still have a whole case.
At the apartment. That's where we gotta go.
And that means, you guys, you can't be out here with--
waving your cameras around like that.
Because, look, they've got the futuristic video cameras.
- They're looking-- - Exactly, they're like--
Look at Luca. He looks like...
He looks like he's from The Matrix.
So this whole 2008 sequence, which would be very hard
to fake if this were not really 2008,
will not be filmed.
Well what if we use the old cameras?
Oh, use the old camera?
Yeah, okay, in that case, you can.
Yeah, okay. You have to use this.
Oh, my God.
Ah! Oh, wow.
Goths.
Wow.
Real goths.
Look at the gothness of it.
They're goths!
Wow.
Men forgot that's a great way
to score girls way out of your, uh...
Matt.
What?
That guy looks just like me. See the guy down there?
That guy looks like me.
He's got your hat.
Jay, it's us. That's us.
Holy.
Oh, look. They even have a little Jared.
Jared... there's you filming us.
Oh, my God. Look how young he looks.
Actually, no, here. Jay, put one right here.
- Put right here. - Where?
No, on this side with me. On this side with me.
- Okay. - Come to this side.
No, no, no, put one right against this thing.
- Okay. - On this side!
What the hell are we doing?
That's, uh, we're... we're... It's a plan.
This is one of my classic plans. Look.
Flyer plan! Oh, my God!
That's a good plan!
How did this not work? We should do this plan again.
Jay, I got a feeling
things are gonna work out okay for us.
Is that a cop? Are those police officers looking at us?
Let's go down this way. Let's just walk down this way.
Oh, shit! Hide, hide!
Do you think that guy looks like me?
That guy? Looks like me.
It's 'cause he's got that hat.
Sick.
Guy looks like you.
Okay, okay, this is our chance.
- Come on. - Yeah, yeah.
- It's caught on my-- - That's my jacket.
- You put it inside out. - Come on, come on, come on.
Your hat!
Sorry, sorry.
- Uh, okay. - Okay, let's just go.
- Let's go! - Yeah, right.
Oh, God. Man, it's open.
Remember our old apartment?
Okay, all right.
Okay, quick in and out.
Yeah, I think we left the Orbitz
on top of the oven, right?
Yeah, but we can't touch anything else.
Oh, right yeah, Butterfly Effect.
This is just like Aladdin.
Touch nothing but the Orbitz.
Go.
Okay. We gotta make it seem--
- They're right there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm getting the Orbitz, and then we're outta here.
- Okay. - Come on, come on.
It's empty.
Look. Look around. Look around for them.
- Come on. - Find 'em!
Where the fuck are they?
Fuckin' loot the place!
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
- Oh! - Oh, my God.
No, not Jared, not Jared.
Why not? Why not?
Okay, we gotta rehearse, we gotta rehearse.
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Think it's gonna work?
As far as I'm concerned,
we are playing The Rivoli tonight.
So, what were we doing before we left?
Do I have a driver? No, I'm driving myself.
What do we cut to?
He's on his way there.
- Oh, okay, uh... - Actually, you know what?
Let's just cut right to the fight.
Okay.
You're on your last legs, Creamed Corn.
You should've thought twice before you crossed Can Opener.
For God's sakes.
My name is your arch nemesis--
You shoulda thought twice before you crossed me...
You're gonna get us thrown in jail.
"Go to jail?" Did you say, "Go to jail"?
Could go to jail.
Oh, yeah, illegal time travel.
- "I hereby sentence you--" - Is that true?
That's what he's saying, jail for this.
- Jail? - Jail.
Ridiculous.
I have you now, Creamed Corn!
Let him come fuckin' find me.
Let him find me.
What I'm gonna do. I'll grab my young self.
Castlevania, Fatal Fury, Ninja JaJaMaru-kun
ActRaiser, Blazing Lazers, Bases Loaded, Mega Turrican
Cybernator, Rolling Thunder, Dynastic Hero
Bubble Bobble, Double Dribble
- Double Dragon, F-Zero - I get it.
Creamed corn, you son of a bitch!
What? You didn't think
a super villain named Can Opener would be--
I think they're gone.
- Hey. - What?
Shh, shh. I think they're gone.
Let's go. Let's go. Perfect.
- Okay, okay. - Let's get out.
Jay, I thought you were-- wanted to sleep.
Let's do-- Let's do a quick rehearsal.
Sure, I'll play something on the piano.
- Are you there? - Yeah.
I'll go look upstairs.
I feel like we've played that before.
I feel like we played that before.
Do a... Just something new. Do something new.
Matt.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Oh, this is...
I'm visiting you in your dream...
to bring you this idea for a song
to play with the band.
And this is-- and I'm a spirit.
And I'm a Dickensian spirit
to bring you the melody of this song.
Oh, you!
Good night.
Bye.
Got it.
Hey.
Hey... Bird.
I had a crazy dream.
I heard this... song.
And you were there, you were a spirit.
Des-- Descended spirit?
Right...
Hey, let's watch some TV.
The H1N1 flu virus...
H1N1.
Oh, yeah. It's, uh, swine flu.
Maybe they'll get a, uh...
...a vaccine that they force us all to take for that.
Oh, I forgot to tell you about my grandma.
My mom's going to Montreal right now to visit her.
She might have to be put in a home.
Pretty...
It's pretty real stuff, you know?
Getting old is... Not looking forward to it.
You know, um, the truth is,
if you've got a... best friend,
you won't even notice getting older.
Do you like Russell Peters?
Okay, big question.
He was doing race comedy at the right...
Man, I mean, it's so...
Russell... Oh, dude, it's 2008?
I don't like him.
Yeah, I'm sayin' the same thing.
Okay, I, uh, I gotta go.
All right, well, you know,
I'm gonna take a shower or something and then...
Great.
I'll be ready in like half hour
and we can go over... whatever, or something.
Go over ever-- Go over what?
That's right. I don't know.
- Get rid of him. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, yes, yes, yes.
You want me to light off some fireworks?
Wonderful. Fire-- Perfect.
- Yep, good. - All right.
- Great. - That was stupid.
Goodbye, Jay.
- I was about to make-- - Let's go, let's go.
I was about to make a really big mistake today.
Sorry. You what?
I was about to make a really big mistake today.
- This morning... - Yes?
...I was trying to escape.
I was trying to escape. Leave. You.
The band. Everything.
I thought that I could go and become famous without you.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Are you mad?
I'm embarrassed.
Why would I be?
No, I...
Why-- Why don't we--
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Wait. Are you saying-- So...
Okay--
I'm kidding.
Okay.
Okay, okay, but the whole point though...
The whole point, the whole point--
Matt, wait-- wait. Hey, where are you going?
Where are you going? Matt, Matt.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Matt, what are you doing?
We can't change anything.
Hey. You'll be better off, right?
We're gonna see who's gonna be better off.
Don't. Stop.
Okay... So...
July-- I'm setting the time machine!
July 10th, 20--
Tenth? No, no, no. We went back on the 12th.
The 12th.
We're going back two days earlier.
So that I can do the skydive plan myself.
Fine.
Go!
Not again!
Oh, my God.
I hit my ass.
Oh, my God. I hit my ass.
I hit my ass. Bird.
This is Roz and Mocha...
Jay?
You're listening to my boys, Roz and Mocha.
Jay?!
Oh, sorry.
All good.
Jay?
I'm home!
Okay.
It's all the same.
What the--
Very funny. Very funny.
Nice one, Jay!
You gotta give him credit. That's a good bit.
So, now I'm the dr-- Now, I'm the drummer.
Matt?!
Jay?!
We figured it out, buddy.
Woo! We got it. We got it. We got it.
We figured it out.
We've got the plan, okay?
All right. So...
So, you know how we've had trouble
getting tickets to the show, right?
Turns out there is an additional traunch
of tickets being released exclusively
to Visa Avion Infinite Privilege
private banking card holders, okay?
Top. Top of the top.
Now, there is one individual who we know
who has a Visa Avion Infinite Privilege
private banking card, and that is--
- My aunt. - Ethan's aunt.
Michael and I arrive to her door,
we share with her that we, too, are Chinese.
- What? - Our whole lives.
Our whole lives.
Born-- Born in Chin-- Born in China.
His father's white, mother's Chinese.
First language Chinese.
Both of my parents are Chinese.
Okay, okay. So, let me-- let me-- let me get this--
Let me, uh, get this straight.
Okay.
Jay McCarrol hired you guys.
You're improvisers and you're here to teach me a lesson--
You're already off.
- We're door-to-door salesmen. - No, no, no, no, no.
I'm saying the jig's up, guys.
Jay hired you to teach me a lesson about what it's like
to be on the receiving end of these insane plans.
Jay, I get it. I'm sorry that my plans are so ridiculous.
I see now that,
yeah, maybe I could be a little bit more, um...
What's the word? Why am I even telling this to you guys?
Okay, yes.
Congratulations. Very good.
That was extremely well done.
The troika of Matt Johnson divided into three.
I love that I've got an Asian part of me.
Maybe that's my sensitivity.
So, um, I guess all that's left
is for me to kick your ass.
- What? - Dude. Matt.
- Who's first? - What's happening?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why do I have this?
Why do you have what?
Why do I have that?
- We all have them. - Dude...
How did--
Oh, my God.
What is this plan for?
It's the Jay McCarrol concert. To get tickets.
You're trying to get tickets to a Jay McCarrol concert,
because Jay McCarrol is a famous musician.
Yeah.
And I am...
In a Jay McCarrol cover band.
Whoa! Sorry.
Mr. Hollywood...
Hollywood.
Mr. Hollywood.
Mr. Arnold
Mr. Rocky
Mr. Jennifer Lopez
That is also Jay.
Yeah.
A Google
Autolog, Facebook
Yahoo
Too'tereel company.
He's on everything. Yeah.
Hollywood.
Beautiful, beautiful.
Okay. Nice meeting you.
You think you'd be famous without me?
You'd be famous right now.
Right?
If it weren't for me.
Next stop Chestnut Street.
Your life would have been better if you never met me?
I don't know. I don't know.
Well, there's a way to find out.
There's a way to find out.
- Easy. Don't-- - No, no, no.
We can't change anything.
Yeah, well, I know something we can change.
You'll wake him up. You'll wake him up.
It worked, baby! Okay. We gotta go! We gotta go!
It was way more fun than I thought it was gonna be.
Gotta go. Got your bag?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Let's go, let's go.
Ladies and gentlemen.
May I have your attention, please?
It's time for the final countdown.
The show starts in...
ten...
...nine, eight, seven,
six, five, four...
three, two, one. Go!
Hello, Toronto!
So sorry, I've missed you
Hair, always whipping round
So high up, got my chin up
I don't care if I never come...
He's not even breaking a sweat.
He's insane, man.
Think if I told him my username he'd remember me?
- Your what? Sorry? - From what?
- Oh, from the forums. - Yeah.
Maybe.
Okay. Thank you. Okay.
I'll be-- I'll be-- I'll be right back.
Jay, hey, hey, hey. No. He's my friend.
This-- He's my-- He's my best friend.
He's my best friend.
- Yeah, no. It's okay. - Jay, it's me.
This is crazy I found you. What the fuck is going on?
Look at this.
Okay, I think that we have to get back in the time machine
and figure out how to do this again,
or, like, some other version of this,
because there's gotta be a way that we can do this
where we're both, where it's, like--
where Nirvanna the Band gets this.
Guys, you have to meet my old friend, Matt.
What?
God. You look good.
It's been, like, what? 17 years.
Unbelievable.
You know, we actually used to have a band together.
To give you an idea, it was called...
- No. No, no. - ...Nirvanna the Band.
Wait.
No way.
No, no, no. Bird, you gotta remember. Hold on.
- Yeah, yeah. I remember. - No, no, no. I'm saying you--
No, but you gotta remember. You gotta remember.
- Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah!
Yeah, it's all good.
Look at me. Look at me. Bird, it's me.
It's me. Jay--
- I hope you've been well. - Jay. No, no, no.
You've gotta remember. Jay. You gotta! No, Jay!
Jay, Jay, Jay! You gotta remember!
Bird, Bird, Bird. You gotta remember!
It's me! It's me!
This isn't right! We're in the wrong timeline!
Bird! Jay!
You guys want a photo or something?
Jay!
Excuse me, sorry. Sorry.
Oh, no.
Jay!
Thank you, sir.
Jay, I love you.
Looking clean, Jay.
I don't care if I ever come down
"Did Jay McCarrol...
"write 'Never Come Down'?"
I was in a bad living situation
and I was having a lot of nightmares.
This song came to me in a dream, it ended up being,
well, a genius hit song.
As you guys already know with this track,
it is an absolute classic,
and has sustained Jay McCarrol's career
for well over a decade now at this point.
I heard you're scared of clowns.
I'm not afraid of clowns.
But I heard that you were.
I'm out here-- Uh-oh. Richard.
Jay McCarrol is in the building!
Hey, guys.
- Jay, welcome back, dude. - How're you doing?
It is so good to see you here today.
Wow. Yeah.
You're here, but you're not gonna be here for long,
because you are about to go and shake the world.
And what's sort of going through your head right now?
Have you prepped for this? Can you prep for this?
Yes.
So, when you go through these moments,
whether it's with a song or a tour
or a show or an award or whatever it is,
we all still have somebody in our life
that we want to make proud, you know what I mean?
No matter how successful you get,
you still have that person you want to make proud.
Like, who's the first call you make
when you walk off the stage,
where you're like, "God, this, I gotta share this"?
Who's the call that you make?
I, uh--
Like a-- Like a friend. Who's your best friend?
Not again! Ah!
You good?
MJ?
Alright, you are listening to Jay McCarrol,
"Never Come Down."
And yes, you are listening to The Roz and Mocha Show.
Guess what? We are giving away two tickets
to tonight's show as part of Jay McCarrol's world tour.
All you gotta do is give us a call right now
and tell us what street in Toronto
does Jay McCarrol live on.
416-870-8888. That is the...
Oh, my God, I hit my ass.
Uh, hello?
I think I live here.
I got him. I got him. I got him right here.
I got him out front. He's right here.
He's right out front at the front door.
What the hell, man? Where the fuck you been?
Yeah. Yeah, he's right-- Just everyone relax.
That's why I'm saying you have to just relax,
because of course he's gonna be here.
He's here. No, he's good. He's totally fine.
Okay, who's first? Who's first?
Okay.
- Could we get a picture? - Of course!
I'm shaking, I'm very nervous...
Oh, wow.
It's so nice to meet you.
Wow. So fun.
- Wow. Thank you so much. - K, thank you.
I'm so happy that I met you.
Thank you very much.
Jay, Jay, Jay! You gotta remember!
- Gonna rip my shirt. - Bird, Bird! You gotta remember!
Jay, you gotta remember me!
- This isn't right! - Okay. Got it.
Um, I'm gonna just run to the bathroom.
Who's your best friend?
It's all good. It's all good. It's all good.
It's all good.
- It's all good. - Jay McCarrol, uh,
we're proud of you, man. We followed this journey
right from the very beginning.
A Roz and Mocha fan favourite as well.
Good luck on the tour. "Never Come Down"
is the re-release. Uh, people are excited.
You're still wearing that hat?
What?
He's gained weight.
We appreciate you. We're proud of you.
We love you. Thank you so much for visiting us.
You'll have to forgive my friend. He's a bit, uh...
...mentally ill.
Thank you so much for visiting us once again
and making time for us even at the status
that you're at right now!
He's a bit fat. He's a bit buff.
He's my old friend, Matt. And we're--
And we're really happy to see him.
I really hope that your life turned out the way you wanted.
Can we talk privately for just two minutes?
No.
Thank you for always making time for us
on The Roz and Mocha Show.
About to embark on the biggest tour of his life,
Jay McCarrol, everybody.
- Mr. McCarrol. - Yeah?
I got you in number three here.
'Kay.
So, we got you equipped with in-motion satellite,
full leather interior, on-demand hot water,
memory foam mattress.
We got three TVs in here for ya.
Ceramic tile floor.
You even got your own code and doorbell.
- Like, this is way back. - Yeah.
We were opening for Peter Bjorn and John.
- Hey, boss man. - How you doing?
And Drew Barrymore-- Yeah. Hey.
Drew Barrymore was there with--
- With Fab. - Oh, my God.
- They were together. - That's crazy.
Was it-- Or was it Justin Long?
No, no, no. No, no. It was Fab,
'cause I remember seeing her.
That moment, like, that is covered.
- Fab's in there? - Yeah.
And then Luke Lalonde and Mitch Derosier come.
From-- They were there?
- Not quite. - I get this room!
Yeah.
- I mean, I really loved-- - Yeah. He produced it.
...really trying to wedge his way in
to be in The Rapture,
and they were like, "Yeah, man. No, no, no."
- Like a bit of a-- - Yes.
Mm-hm. I heard that.
Yes. Kind of a Jay situation
where they're like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
And they're like-- But-- And then he does go off
and perform and do his own thing.
- Yes, yeah, and in the-- - He's in that, too?
I had never 100 percent...
What's up?
We're going on tour!
You guys wanna hook up the N64? Big screen?
Um...
I don't know if it has the, uh...
Like, I don't know if it has that hookup.
Do we have a N64?
I'm sure we got a 64 hooked up.
I think if-- if you brought one I would play, sure.
I'm bugging you guys.
No.
I was just going to say about the, uh, the--
towards the last part of the book,
James Murphy, yeah. Like, when listening--
No problem. What's that?
Bird's favourite game.
Let's have a little fun.
Yeah, but, like, so many of these stories start with,
like, you could say this for, like, Strokes or Interpol.
It's like, at the boarding school in Paris--
You guys didn't tell me we had a gun.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Fuck!
Help!
Breaking news out of Toronto.
A shooting has occurred outside the home of Canadian rock star
Jay McCarrol, the incident occurring
on the eve of Jay's world tour.
Courtney Heels on the scene. What more can you tell us?
Good morning, Marcie. I can tell you there is
a pretty heavy police presence along this road.
This is Park Lane Circle.
It's the street that Jay lives on.
This is as close to the scene as we can get.
And as you reported,
there is a source confirming a man, an adult,
was rushed to hospital with serious injuries,
and they were still looking
for a suspect seen leaving the area.
Let's take you live now to the Bridle Path area,
where police are updating their investigation
just outside Jay's home. Let's listen in live.
...to be here today.
I know there's a lot of interest in this incident.
You can expect to see an increased presence
in this neighbourhood for the next little while,
but it's no different than any other shooting
or firearm discharge.
We'll have officers here looking for witnesses
to come forward, as well as be canvassing for video.
Police were called to a shooting...
I just need to go back
to when we first wrote on the whiteboard and...
...then I can undo all this.
So, how...
How do we get back?
I'm trapped in some kind of hell.
Maybe it's a dream. Possible, right?
Which, Jared, are you? Who are you?
You came in with me, right? I can trust you.
But then what the-- who are you?
- Right? - I'm Nikolay.
Yeah, but this-- but you didn't come in the time machine with me.
So you might be working for them,
working for this other band, working for these guys.
See, if Jay were here, he'd be sitting there playing
the piano, and we would solve this!
We would come up with this.
Aah!
I'll get it.
Hi. Matt.
I, uh-- I just wanted to come and apologize.
Um, you know what? My security went nuts,
and I felt bad about the way that felt in the room.
Uh-huh.
Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry.
Okay.
Thanks.
Oh! Also, uh...
you said something that night about a time machine.
Oh, this is great! Okay.
Jay?
Oh, you're looking at the-- Yeah, this is the house.
May be a bit more modest than you're used to.
Can we go?
Uh, right. So, my time machine
works off of a very specific fuel.
- Yeah. - Do you know what Orbitz are?
- It's a-- - Yep. I know what they are.
Still, man, I got so much to tell you, but...
- Uh-huh. - Okay,
so, I built a time machine!
Yes.
And I thought, wouldn't it be fun...
- Yeah? - just for the fun of it...
Just for the fun, yeah.
...we go in it and we go back--
Pick a date.
Oh, 2008.
Okay. And if you wanted to, like, you could go...
- You can go anywhere. - ...two days ago.
Two days ago? Why would you-- What do you mean? Why go back?
I spilled some wine on my pants.
You're saying, uh, hypothetically?
- Hypothetically. - Two day-- No problem.
Why would you go back two-- - I don't understand.
- Okay. - Talking about a time machine.
We could go visit 2008, Obama.
- Obamna! - Yes.
The only problem is, I don't have fuel.
There's no, uh, fuel.
Well-- And why Orbitz?
Let's get a little, uh, beat going.
What makes Orbitz powerful?
What's the magic in Orbitz? What's the-- what's the--
what's the special soul of an Orbitz?
I don't know.
The ingredients.
Maybe there's an ingredient
inside the Orbitz that we can use. This is--
Sugar? Cane sugar?
Gelatin.
This is sounding very, uh, like, safe,
non-swearing rap from the '80s.
- Yeah. - And I'm up there with a mic,
teaching people the alphabet.
You got your A, your B
Your C
Your D, E, F
And don't forget G
And that's a huge, fat Black guy.
Bill Cosby's walking around.
If you wanna learn the alphabet
Here's what you get
You get A, B, C
Okay, and-- and the secret message
of so many of those things was--
Okay, so, what are-- What's-- what's in the Orbitz?
Uh... we know there's an ingredient in Orbitz,
and it's not a normal ingredient.
The-- The bottle is smashed.
There's a list of ingredients on it.
- Oh, yes, smashed the bottle. - Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'm trying to picture. Like, I remember I was here,
and I had the bottle, I picked it up,
I looked at the back...
I'm seeing right now, you know what the slogan of this is?
What?
"A bolt of lightning in every bottle."
It's a pile of in every bottle.
Those drinks suck!
"A bolt of lightning in"-- No, what does it say?
- A what? What? - That's just the tagline that it says on it.
"A bolt of lightning in every bottle."
"A bolt of lightning in every bottle. A bolt..."
No, no, that's just-- that's just like, marketing, though.
- Yeah, but what if it's not? - But it can't be
in a liquid bottle.
How do we know? Two days ago, time travel wasn't real!
Then I pour a juice on it, and it works!
We at least try it!
We just need to find a way to get lightning
to strike the time machine.
If only we knew when lightning was gonna hit the...
You know what time it is?
It's, uh, 9:03.
I know when lightning's gonna hit the CN Tower!
Oh, right!
What do you mean, "Oh, right?" What are you talking about,
"Oh, right?" How would you know?
That was a different version of you.
This hadn't even happened yet.
I mean, oh, great.
Did you say, "Oh, great" or "Oh, right"?
- I said, "Oh, great." - Or did you say,
"Great Scott!"? Is that what you said?
- Yes. - Great Scott!
This is really all coming together.
- Right. - This is just like
Back to the Future. This is insane.
There would be all the...
No, no. You can't do that. That's very copywritten.
Well, if you could just go...
This is going to be a copyright nightmare.
Like, if you're watching this in theaters,
thank your lucky stars because
this is gonna be the only screening of this ever.
10,000 gigawatts!
Dr. Emmett Brown!
Come on!
Look, there's Spider-Man.
Whoa, this is tripping me out.
Okay, so, I gotta-- I'm gonna run around there.
You wait, and I'll chuck the rope down.
Holy shit, this is crazy.
I remember you.
Oh, right, we never met before.
- No. - Yeah, okay, sorry.
Yeah, right, right, right, never mind.
Okay, okay. I'll see you soon.
How you doing?
Dude, are you Jay McCarrol?
Hi, no. Sorry. I don't--
I'm not actually him. I just look like him.
Oh, okay.
Jared, are you fucking dying?
Yeah.
Are you there?
Yep. I'm still climbing, Bird.
You're still climbing?
Yes.
Still?
Oh, my God.
Holy fuck!
Jay, we made it to the top!
You've got to clear the way. Otherwise,
the rope is going to demolish whoever it hits.
How you doing?
- Good and you? - Good.
Trying to get in touch with somebody?
Uh, yeah, my friend is just up there.
Part of the crew up there?
With the... the chefs?
- Yes. - Okay...
Come on.
Sorry. You guys might just want to move out of the way.
Yeah, drop it whenever!
Whoa.
Whew. Huh.
Okay, I got it!
Where's the knot?
Got it.
Okay, Matt.
It's all hooked up! You can pull it up now!
All right, there she goes!
It's not exactly inconspicuous.
What's going on here?
Uh, it's-- it's just-- um...
Well... this is actually kind of hard to explain.
Um...
You see, my friend's part of, uh,
a chef, uh, situation or something.
Okay.
Okay, we're coming down!
Here.
Well, I don't know-- I don't...
Just get it open!
Oh, yes! Okay.
- It's like flying a kite. - So, plug that in.
Do we have to, like, hot-wire this or something?
No, no, you just plug it in, like that.
Just plug it into the thing.
Jam it in.
Come on.
Yes!
Yeah!
Ooh, careful.
- Sort of close this. - We just...
- Yeah, that's good. Right? - Yeah.
Excuse me. Are you gonna be here for a while?
Sorry?
Would you do me a favour and make sure nobody
comes up to this while we're gone and unplugs it
or anything like that?
For like... How many?
Like, uh...
Lightning hits at 9:03. Like, maybe 30 minutes.
- Okay. Thank you.
- Yeah. - Thank you. Okay.
- Okay, let's go. - Great. Okay.
Thirteen minutes.
How does this thing work? Like, how do you set it?
You type in the date. You want to see how it works?
- Yeah, show me. - You type in-- Watch. Okay.
So, look. Month, day, year, time.
So, the month is, yeah,
we'll say... September.
So, nine, and the day.
Ah, let's say September 26th. Why not?
And then randomly 2008.
And then we'll say 10 in the morning,
just so that I've got lots of time.
There. See? 2008. It's gonna be like the end
of Back to the Future, but without any of the drama.
8:50, okay, it's go time!
Okay!
Okay.
How you guys doing?
It's, uh-- it's to catch the streetcar electricity.
You're allowed to do that?
Well, it's a one-time-only thing.
Oh, God!
You guys know what I'm doing, right?
What the hell?
I'm like Teen Wolf a little bit, right?
Matt!
We got a problem.
What?
What-- What is it?
Look! It got disconnected from the top of the tower!
Oh, Matt, you didn't hook it up right!
Okay, I'll be right back.
I think-- Hey, where you going?
Matt, where you going?
Matt!
Matt! Matt!
Yo, you're on TV, bro!
What?
- Yo, for real! - No.
- You're on fucking TV! - No, no, no, no, it's good.
Tonight, we dive into the story that has captivated
the city of Toronto over the last 24 hours.
A shooting occurred in the tour bus
parked outside of the home
of Canadian rock star Jay McCarrol.
In the first major update of this case,
police are now reporting the shooter
is none other than Jay McCarrol himself.
That's right, Marci. He was last spotted
leaving the area just outside of his mansion.
His current whereabouts are unknown,
but police believe he may still be in the city.
Police are urging the public to report
any sightings of the rock star
while also cautioning them to keep their distance,
as he considered to be armed and dangerous.
The motive of the shooting is still unclear,
but witnesses report strange behaviour from Jay
starting when he entered his tour bus that day.
We have breaking news out of downtown Toronto.
A man has been spotted on the tip of the CN Tower.
CP24's news chopper is on the scene
with a live look at the action.
Brad, tell us what you're seeing.
What exactly is this man doing?
Read that!
Man on CN Tower.
...exactly what this man...
Oh! Okay.
I got it!
It looks like an extension cord
stretching all the way from the top of the tower
down to street level.
Yo, what!?
Yo, what is gwanin?
Yo! What is gwanin?
What the fuck is gwanin?
Okay!
Matt, you did it!
It's all green!
Okay, good, I'm coming down!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What'd you do?
I just plugged it in! What do you mean?
No, it's red now! It's red on the street.
On the street?
You moron, you ripped the cable out!
Oh, no!
Matt, we are!
I'm sorry!
Jay, I'm sorry!
I have something figured out.
That I fell for another one of your stupid plans!
No!
Oh, Matt!
Oh, God!
Oh! Yeah!
Oh, my God!
Yeah!
Next stop King Street West.
Holy shit.
Excuse me! Sorry!
Okay.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Oh! What the fuck?
Oh, my God!
How do I do this?
Matt, what's going on, buddy?
You wanna-- Do you wanna help me?
Sorry?
- Oh, you not from Toronto? - No.
Where you guys from?
- French! - From France or from Quebec?
Yeaaah. France!
- Oh, from France? Welcome to Toronto. - Yes.
How you doing? That's the CN Tower up there.
Yeah.
So, I'm trying to get my cable plugged in here,
but I can't, uh... Do you wanna hold
my walkie-talkie for me for a second?
Yeaaah of course!
Come on! You motherfucker.
Matt, what's going on with that cable?
Jesus... Can you press the return key?
- Where? - Like this, just press this.
Okay.
Bird, we have a problem, but I'm gonna fix it.
This is funny to you?
'Cause, like, my whole life is riding on this.
Pull over!
- Pull over now! - No!
Pull over your vehicle--
No!
- Hypothetically... - Right.
If I wanted to go back...
two days...?
Two days ago? Why would you go--
What do you mean? Why would you go back?
I spilled some wine on my pants.
Or maybe I...
killed someone.
Hey, Matt.
Uh, everything's going good back here.
You haven't missed much.
I'm still at the spot, just waiting for you.
Uh, just wondering
the ETA on that cable connection.
Uh, just plug it in, and then you come back here,
and I'll be waiting here for you.
But here's the thing -
you'll get electrocuted.
Oh, it would be like in a movie,
like, where the electricity goes right through my body.
- Yeah. - And I turn into a skeleton.
Oh! Oh, yeah!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Jay!
I figured it out!
Okay, so...
This plan is called
the Seventh Inning...
...Skydive.
So, step one: we skydive...
into the... SkyDome.
We, during a game,
go up the CN Tower...
Matt?
You know, maybe we should go early,
just in case the weather gets bad and they shut the dome?
The wea... Oh. Yeah.
Okay, yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah, we don't wanna get caught on the roof of the...
Yeah, okay, sure, so, we'll go early.
Uh, right, go early.
Okay. So, here's the plan.