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My mom used to always tell me

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to take pictures.

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You can always reminisce and
reflect in a more tangible way.

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I actually have a lot of pictures.

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The sad thing is

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I have no pictures with my father.

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Father's Day 2023.

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Literally, some months ago,

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I called up my dad, I told
him, "Happy Father's Day."

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And then something came in my head,

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and I was like, "Dad, do we
have any pictures together?"

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And he's like, "Oh yeah, we got pictures

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with you and the family,
with your grandma."

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And I'm like, "No,
pictures of just you and me.

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Do we have any pictures together?"

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And he said, "No, son. I don't think so."

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And I was like, "You
don't find that strange",

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that you're in your
mid-60s, I just hit my 40s,

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"and we don't have one
single picture together?"

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And there was just complete silence.

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So what I did, I asked him,

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I'm like, "Look, I wanna
document somethin'."

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Us, you and I havin' a
sit down conversation

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about some questions,
some unanswered questions

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that I have about my childhood,

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"and also the reason why we
don't have a picture together."

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And he said he was cool with doing that.

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So I'm pretty much on my journey

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to discovering what that
conversation's gonna lead to,

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what I'm gonna find.

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But ultimately, yeah, I'm on
my way right now to LAX and,

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yeah, we'll see what happens.

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00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:38,272
First stop,

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it's gonna be Southwest Airlines.

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00:02:39,147 --> 00:02:41,360
Southwest Airlines people,
check around your seats,

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make sure nothing fell out of your pockets,

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00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:47,535
your keys, your license, your ticket.

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00:02:47,577 --> 00:02:51,327
First stop, Southwest
Airlines and Allegiant.

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I'm here at Austin Airport,

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waiting on my flight to
Palm Beach International.

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Got like a two-hour layover.

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00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:25,807
So I'm just kicking it, just waitin'.

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00:03:33,677 --> 00:03:34,577
Here in West Palm.

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About to start this journey.

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Well, midway through the journey.

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Part of the journey was getting here.

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So, thank God, it was a long day.

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Pretty much flew the
whole day over 10 hours

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of waiting and flying, and all that stuff.

52
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But I'm here. Thanks be to God.

53
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I think this is my mom
right here pulling up.

54
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:11,968
Otherwise, this person
wouldn't be pulling up like this.

55
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See?

56
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:20,203
So I'm here. Finally got my mom here.

57
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:22,862
Yep. - Mm.

58
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I told Kee they need to put
some more lights out here.

59
00:04:30,189 --> 00:04:32,339
To this stuff right here. People can't see.

60
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,900
Were there lights before?

61
00:04:37,942 --> 00:04:39,723
Hmm-mm, they ain't never had none.

62
00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:45,004
They ain't
never have lights out here?

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Hmm-mm, see how the thing is?

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That's what I'm saying.

65
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Morning.

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00:04:53,099 --> 00:04:57,118
I'm about to get ready and go
meet up with my dad right now

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00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,203
so that we can have that conversation.

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It's a beautiful day here in Florida.

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Like I said before,

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he doesn't know the
questions I'm gonna ask.

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I don't know his responses, obviously.

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But the main thing is
that we're gonna sit down

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and have a conversation.

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And, ultimately, we'll get
our first picture together.

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I'm gonna start to load up the car

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with the production equipment.

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I'm a one-man cast and crew, so...

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It's always been like that, but I love it.

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00:05:32,713 --> 00:05:34,378
All right, got everything loaded.

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That's my main camera right there.

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That's set.

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I got it pre-set up,

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that way it's a lot easier
when I start shootin',

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00:05:43,780 --> 00:05:47,372
especially being a one-man cast and crew.

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Don't know if you can see. It's kinda dark.

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Got my lighting, sound,
more camera equipment,

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00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,238
batteries, all that stuff in there.

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Let's go.

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00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:06,430
Hold on, let me get my stuff out.

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00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:09,462
Ah.

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00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,093
'Sup, boss?

92
00:06:23,052 --> 00:06:24,453
- Hi.
- How you feelin'?

93
00:06:24,495 --> 00:06:25,698
Why lookin' like that?

94
00:06:25,740 --> 00:06:26,740
Why?

95
00:06:27,758 --> 00:06:30,263
You lookin' at
her more than me!

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00:06:30,305 --> 00:06:32,368
What you mean?

97
00:06:32,410 --> 00:06:33,665
I already got-

98
00:06:33,707 --> 00:06:35,156
You got everything? - Yeah.

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Here we go.

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00:06:41,038 --> 00:06:41,829
You ready?

101
00:06:41,871 --> 00:06:43,479
I'm good. Let's go.

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00:06:43,521 --> 00:06:45,105
Let's do this.

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First of all, I wanna appreciate you,

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you know, taking out the
time to sit down with me.

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These bugs, man.

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Could've had that fan, but
it would've made a sound.

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It's all good.

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00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,228
So describe Belle Glade,

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where you from, where were
you born, and all that stuff.

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00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:11,420
I was
born in Belle Glade, Florida

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in the year 1961.

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Okay.

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At Glades General
Hospital.

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Better known-

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Better known as Killer
General, don't...

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Yeah, that was what
they called it back then.

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'Cause I guess people felt like they lost

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more of their loved ones than they,

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you know, they could've saved, but-

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Right.

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00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:42,073
So where'd you live at, like work,

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was it like a certain area-

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My childhood days, I grew
up in Okeechobee Projects,

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Number Two, right?

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And at first, we stayed

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in the biggest white house on the project

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because my mom worked in the office,

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the rental office right there.

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00:08:04,420 --> 00:08:07,738
And then when they started
developing the projects,

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00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:10,153
we moved to 19 Carver Street.

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00:08:11,020 --> 00:08:14,818
And I stayed at 19
Carver Street from that time

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until finishing school and
on my way to the military.

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So yeah, a lot of good
days on Carver Street.

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A lot of good days.

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Do you know the name

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of those projects today?

137
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It was Okeechobee Project Number One,

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00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:35,338
which was one, I mean, Number Two,

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and it was Okeechobee
Project, what is now Osceola.

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Oh.

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On Avenue L in Belle Glade now.

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Okay. - But, yeah,

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that was where mostly the
Hispanic people stayed at,

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then most of the Black
people stayed in Osceola,

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I mean, project number two.

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The hospital,

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00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:57,808
was that off of where you were born?

148
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Was that off of Main Street?

149
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,278
Well, back in them days

150
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:03,508
that wasn't a four-lane highway.

151
00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:05,728
That used to be a two-lane highway.

152
00:09:05,770 --> 00:09:06,561
- Oh, okay.
- And it used to be lined

153
00:09:06,603 --> 00:09:08,698
with Australian pine trees.

154
00:09:08,740 --> 00:09:12,118
So I don't know, I can't tell you exactly

155
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,622
when they constructed the
new Belle Glade General,

156
00:09:15,664 --> 00:09:20,578
but it was like, that was
a labor camp, you know?

157
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:22,333
So you can imagine what,

158
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when they had the best of everything.

159
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But as time progressed, they got a program

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and they started puttin' up
decent buildings and stuff.

161
00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:36,207
I couldn't tell you what
Glades General was before,

162
00:09:37,750 --> 00:09:40,198
before I got there, no. - Okay.

163
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:44,068
You used to hang out,
you had like a hangout spot?

164
00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:44,943
Oh, yeah, man.

165
00:09:46,078 --> 00:09:47,993
Randy Burton,
somethin' like that?

166
00:09:48,035 --> 00:09:50,088
No, Randy couldn't hang out with us.

167
00:09:51,622 --> 00:09:53,173
He wasn't built that way.

168
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,248
Where do you use to hang out at?

169
00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:58,198
See, we used to hang out in the projects.

170
00:09:58,240 --> 00:09:59,358
You know, we always stayed in the projects.

171
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,528
We never like came to Belle Glade

172
00:10:01,570 --> 00:10:03,770
unless we going to school. - Okay.

173
00:10:07,722 --> 00:10:08,987
Well,
I was in gang, really,

174
00:10:09,029 --> 00:10:09,820
to be honest with you.

175
00:10:09,862 --> 00:10:10,718
We had a little bit of G, gang.

176
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,118
Yeah, yeah.

177
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,048
We were hanging out right there

178
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:15,167
in the corner after school.

179
00:10:15,209 --> 00:10:16,198
Every day after school. - Okay.

180
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,228
You know, up in the basketball court.

181
00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:20,368
We used to kinda have this building

182
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:22,288
they called assembly building,

183
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,578
a little place where everybody came

184
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:26,218
and gathered and played cards,

185
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:27,958
- all old timers or whatever.
- Right.

186
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:31,473
They had like a little
restaurant in there.

187
00:10:31,515 --> 00:10:36,088
It was ran by Mr. Poolboy
and my Aunt Petey.

188
00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:39,178
She used to work in it
also, that was Dee mama.

189
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:40,220
Oh, okay.

190
00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:45,268
So describe your family
structure, like as a child.

191
00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:46,772
Like-

192
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,635
We was a close-knit family.

193
00:10:48,677 --> 00:10:51,898
You know, yeah, we didn't have a big family

194
00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:54,778
but we was a very, very close-knit family.

195
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:58,830
Everybody would come over on Sundays,

196
00:11:00,367 --> 00:11:03,832
and then eat breakfast
and dinner on a Sunday,

197
00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:08,227
and then it happened.

198
00:11:08,269 --> 00:11:09,060
I forgot to tell you, Reggie.

199
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,338
When we was in the
beginning of the project,

200
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:14,087
in the white building, all of
us stayed in the same house.

201
00:11:14,129 --> 00:11:16,048
All my aunts, all of us
stayed in the same house

202
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:17,278
Until everybody got grown,

203
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,288
like, then they went on
about their own merry ways.

204
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:24,330
But yeah, no big family but
we made do with what we had.

205
00:11:25,690 --> 00:11:26,998
Right.

206
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:30,028
How was your relationship with your father?

207
00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:32,270
I didn't really know
my father until like,

208
00:11:34,179 --> 00:11:35,413
well, maybe I was in, maybe the 10th,

209
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,748
maybe 10th, 11th grade.

210
00:11:39,790 --> 00:11:41,233
Yeah, he didn't come around.

211
00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:43,678
Unless, you know, he come around

212
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,568
when he would be drunk and all

213
00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:47,878
and my mom was always
like, "Take me in the back room"

214
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,178
"and shield me away from him," you know?

215
00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:52,738
And I don't know why but, you know.

216
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,788
But, yeah, I didn't really have

217
00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:55,295
a good relationship with my dad-

218
00:11:55,337 --> 00:11:58,228
So you had a strong relationship

219
00:11:58,270 --> 00:11:59,061
with your mom?

220
00:11:59,103 --> 00:12:01,108
- Oh yeah, most definitely.
- Okay.

221
00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:03,358
Yeah, she was my mom,
she was all our mom and dad.

222
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:04,498
Exactly.

223
00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:06,747
Do you have any pictures with your father?

224
00:12:07,703 --> 00:12:10,928
I have seen pictures of him in his house,

225
00:12:10,970 --> 00:12:12,448
but I don't have any of 'em, no.

226
00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:14,902
Yeah, no, like you and him.

227
00:12:14,944 --> 00:12:16,092
No, no, no.

228
00:12:16,134 --> 00:12:16,925
So you don't have-

229
00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:17,758
He wasn't really in my life.

230
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,408
Oh, okay. - Yeah.

231
00:12:19,450 --> 00:12:20,241
So I hear

232
00:12:20,283 --> 00:12:22,918
you was extremely
intelligent in high school.

233
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:23,788
Pretty much.

234
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,288
Yeah, what does that mean?

235
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:26,689
I can get by.

236
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,938
Could've been, I could've
did better, you know?

237
00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:32,128
But you go along through high school

238
00:12:32,170 --> 00:12:34,408
and you play around, you play around.

239
00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:36,553
And then when the world hits you,

240
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,188
you wish you had done
better back in that day because-

241
00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:42,021
Right, right.

242
00:12:42,063 --> 00:12:44,361
It affects you later
on in life, you know?

243
00:12:44,403 --> 00:12:45,358
Right.

244
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,200
I'm just lucky enough to be, like,

245
00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:49,528
able to go into the military,

246
00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:50,698
and that really changed me, you know?

247
00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:54,388
- Right, right.
- Because, I don't know...

248
00:12:54,430 --> 00:12:56,068
I think I was on the verge of selling drugs

249
00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:57,568
if I had not went into the military.

250
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,401
Right.

251
00:12:58,443 --> 00:13:00,718
You know, 'cause that was
what everybody was doing then.

252
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:01,921
But not so much what
everybody was doing it,

253
00:13:01,963 --> 00:13:04,168
that was a way of making ends meet.

254
00:13:04,210 --> 00:13:06,848
What branch
of military did you serve in?

255
00:13:06,890 --> 00:13:09,898
I did six years in the
United States Army.

256
00:13:09,940 --> 00:13:14,940
I started out at basic
training in Fort Gordon.

257
00:13:15,130 --> 00:13:19,978
I did all my basic training
at AIT in Fort Gordon.

258
00:13:20,020 --> 00:13:24,988
And then my first duty station
was in Fort Stewart, Georgia.

259
00:13:25,030 --> 00:13:26,608
I think I might've stayed at Fort Stewart

260
00:13:26,650 --> 00:13:28,918
maybe in six, eight months.

261
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,888
And then after that little stunt,

262
00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:34,078
I was shipped over to Korea.

263
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:34,911
Ah, oh, okay.

264
00:13:34,953 --> 00:13:36,679
For like 18 months.

265
00:13:36,721 --> 00:13:37,512
Okay.

266
00:13:37,554 --> 00:13:41,968
And then after I left Korea,
I ended up in California.

267
00:13:42,010 --> 00:13:44,638
And that's where, what
are they called, ETS,

268
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,262
that's like when you
got done all your time.

269
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:48,095
Right, right, right.

270
00:13:48,137 --> 00:13:51,150
That's what ETS, they ship you back home.

271
00:13:52,660 --> 00:13:54,118
How old was I

272
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,948
when you and my mom separated?

273
00:13:55,990 --> 00:13:57,433
How old was I?

274
00:13:57,475 --> 00:14:02,475
Mm, I think you might've
been maybe five or six.

275
00:14:06,190 --> 00:14:07,590
You couldn't have been nine.

276
00:14:08,818 --> 00:14:10,258
Yeah, you... Five or six.

277
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,928
Maybe younger, because
I remember I used to,

278
00:14:12,970 --> 00:14:16,378
I mean we used to get up
Saturday mornin' and clean up,

279
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:19,258
and then we used to drink beer afterwards.

280
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:22,138
Who is we? Who is we?

281
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:25,078
We.

282
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,578
We used to drink, your
mama was gone to work,

283
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:27,453
she didn't know.

284
00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:32,488
So you tellin' me I used to drink?

285
00:14:32,530 --> 00:14:33,681
Yeah-

286
00:14:33,723 --> 00:14:35,128
- And I didn't know about it.
- Yeah-

287
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:36,988
Man, everybody know

288
00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:40,370
that I never had a sip of
alcohol in my life and you...

289
00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,170
That's what you told them.

290
00:14:44,215 --> 00:14:45,778
You should've did your research first.

291
00:14:45,820 --> 00:14:47,728
Oh, man. I have no idea.

292
00:14:47,770 --> 00:14:49,345
Yeah. - I have no idea.

293
00:14:49,387 --> 00:14:50,428
You ain't drank much.

294
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:51,958
I just gave you a little
sip.

295
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,468
You're going to get it from
me, out the icebox, but yeah.

296
00:14:55,510 --> 00:14:56,418
So I was about to ask you,

297
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,708
do you have a fun memory between us?

298
00:14:58,750 --> 00:15:00,028
Are those the fun memories-

299
00:15:00,070 --> 00:15:01,918
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

300
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,528
We spend a lot of time
together, one on one.

301
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,968
But you was much smaller.

302
00:15:06,010 --> 00:15:08,438
You wasn't old enough to realize, I mean-

303
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,271
Right, right, right.

304
00:15:09,313 --> 00:15:10,228
To put things together.

305
00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:11,308
But yeah, we-

306
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:12,598
So whenever I will go

307
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,152
and visit you and stuff
like that, we, you know?

308
00:15:16,194 --> 00:15:17,516
Mm-hmm.

309
00:15:17,558 --> 00:15:19,018
But we never took

310
00:15:19,060 --> 00:15:20,518
any pictures together, though, right?

311
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,288
We never took any pictures together.

312
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:23,353
I don't think, yeah.

313
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:29,700
I came home after you
was born for a couple days.

314
00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:32,078
Mm-hmm.

315
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,427
And I had to go
back, I think I went back,

316
00:15:34,469 --> 00:15:36,663
I think I was in Georgia then.

317
00:15:36,705 --> 00:15:37,663
Yeah, I think I was in Georgia.

318
00:15:37,705 --> 00:15:38,496
Ain't no way in the world

319
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:39,928
they would let me come from Korea.

320
00:15:39,970 --> 00:15:41,253
Right.

321
00:15:41,295 --> 00:15:43,395
But, yeah, I came home when you was born

322
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:45,711
for a couple days.

323
00:15:45,753 --> 00:15:48,448
But we didn't get to the stage

324
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,889
where we gonna get a
chance to get pictures together.

325
00:15:50,931 --> 00:15:51,965
Right, right, right.

326
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,748
Do you remember not coming to pick me up

327
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,938
during a holiday visit?

328
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:00,771
Remember that?

329
00:16:00,813 --> 00:16:02,188
Holidays...

330
00:16:02,230 --> 00:16:04,648
There was one holiday visit

331
00:16:04,690 --> 00:16:06,208
where you didn't come pick me up.

332
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:07,599
You remember that?

333
00:16:07,641 --> 00:16:09,601
What day was that? What holiday was that?

334
00:16:09,643 --> 00:16:12,118
I was supposed
to come over there

335
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,868
with you for Christmas, it
was like a Christmas holiday.

336
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:17,068
And I was waiting outside-

337
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,010
And where was I?

338
00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:19,848
I don't know.

339
00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:21,428
You're supposed to come pick me up.

340
00:16:21,470 --> 00:16:22,386
I know nothin' about that.

341
00:16:24,447 --> 00:16:25,525
I was waitin', I was waitin'.

342
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:26,803
And you remember where-

343
00:16:27,981 --> 00:16:28,772
Off of Sixth Street?

344
00:16:28,814 --> 00:16:29,605
In West Palm.

345
00:16:29,647 --> 00:16:31,303
In West Palm, there was a,

346
00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:37,768
it was a department
store or somethin' like that

347
00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:40,168
and you were supposed to come pick me up

348
00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:42,682
and I was supposed to go over there-

349
00:16:42,724 --> 00:16:43,515
To Belle Glade?

350
00:16:43,557 --> 00:16:44,348
Yeah.

351
00:16:44,390 --> 00:16:46,378
And then... Huh, that's-

352
00:16:46,420 --> 00:16:47,687
You don't remember that?

353
00:16:47,729 --> 00:16:49,720
No, that don't stick to me.

354
00:16:49,762 --> 00:16:53,387
I normally remember stuff,
but that might've happened.

355
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,054
And I apologize about
it, if I didn't pick you up.

356
00:16:55,096 --> 00:16:56,195
I don't know what the reason...

357
00:16:56,237 --> 00:16:57,620
No, yeah, yeah.

358
00:16:57,662 --> 00:16:59,428
I mean, believe me, I remember that.

359
00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:01,847
I bet you remember. - Yeah.

360
00:17:01,889 --> 00:17:05,267
Do you know that I was coming home

361
00:17:05,309 --> 00:17:08,137
in a police car at the age of 12?

362
00:17:08,179 --> 00:17:10,138
I didn't know you was coming home in...

363
00:17:10,180 --> 00:17:12,262
No, I didn't know that. - Yeah.

364
00:17:12,304 --> 00:17:13,858
But I did know you was in the store

365
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,628
stealing cookies or chips or whatever.

366
00:17:15,670 --> 00:17:18,148
Right. - And that was that time?

367
00:17:18,190 --> 00:17:19,590
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

368
00:17:20,754 --> 00:17:21,890
Well, she called me
and told me about that,

369
00:17:21,932 --> 00:17:24,182
but I'm like, young people-

370
00:17:26,049 --> 00:17:26,840
And that's the thing.

371
00:17:26,882 --> 00:17:30,043
I think it was just that
when you were that young,

372
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,118
you just trying to fit
in with your friends,

373
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,319
- you know what I'm sayin'?
- Yeah, I don't know-

374
00:17:35,361 --> 00:17:37,721
You don't have a sense of like,

375
00:17:37,763 --> 00:17:39,970
"Oh," like, "I need to be wise about this

376
00:17:40,012 --> 00:17:42,445
"because in the future
this ain't gonna," you know,

377
00:17:42,487 --> 00:17:45,328
you just wanna run with
your boys and stuff like that,

378
00:17:45,370 --> 00:17:47,370
and that's what I was doing pretty much.

379
00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:51,030
Well, she threatened
to bring you back to me

380
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,098
'cause you had stole a pack of cookie.

381
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,455
But damn, I stole plenty
packs of cookies, you know?

382
00:17:56,497 --> 00:17:58,528
You might've been hungry.

383
00:17:58,570 --> 00:18:01,065
I mean, as long as he
ain't got a record, you know?

384
00:18:01,107 --> 00:18:02,857
Right. - You all right.

385
00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:05,668
How important-

386
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,888
She did not tell me that
you was in the police car.

387
00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:10,288
Yeah, well,
they brought me home,

388
00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:12,658
like they didn't press charges or anything.

389
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,221
And at that age, when I was in the store

390
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:21,263
and the lady was like, or the
police officer asked the lady,

391
00:18:21,471 --> 00:18:24,718
she was like, "Do you wanna
press charges," you know?

392
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:25,858
And I'm looking at them,

393
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:29,812
like, "What the hell does press
charges mean," you know?

394
00:18:30,763 --> 00:18:31,554
So I-

395
00:18:31,596 --> 00:18:34,105
You didn't want her pressing charges.

396
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:35,308
But they brought me back

397
00:18:35,350 --> 00:18:38,248
in the police car to the crib and-

398
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:39,290
So what'd she say?

399
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,848
She was livid? - She was livid.

400
00:18:41,890 --> 00:18:45,058
It always seemed like whenever
she has somethin' for me,

401
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:48,688
like she had like a brand new bunk bed set

402
00:18:48,730 --> 00:18:51,748
and all this stuff, whenever
she had somethin' for me

403
00:18:51,790 --> 00:18:54,735
I would always... Screw it up.

404
00:18:54,777 --> 00:18:56,038
It was just a weird coincidence

405
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,480
some of that stuff happened.

406
00:18:59,650 --> 00:19:00,808
How important is school

407
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:03,513
and then getting your education is to you?

408
00:19:03,555 --> 00:19:04,553
It is very important.

409
00:19:04,595 --> 00:19:05,803
I tell my children all the while,

410
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:08,428
I mean, all of them, that
you need to apply yourself

411
00:19:08,470 --> 00:19:11,338
and then, because you see other people

412
00:19:11,380 --> 00:19:13,048
in other countries they don't have it,

413
00:19:13,090 --> 00:19:15,208
nowhere near as good as you do.

414
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:17,353
And I instill in them,

415
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:20,878
those people that live in
them third world countries,

416
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,738
when they come to the United States,

417
00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:25,385
they come for a purpose,
they come with a purpose.

418
00:19:25,427 --> 00:19:27,898
And that purpose is to
do better, and they do that.

419
00:19:27,940 --> 00:19:29,548
And I always tell them,

420
00:19:29,590 --> 00:19:32,188
man, if you don't apply yourself,

421
00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:33,868
those same Haitian friends of yours,

422
00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:35,668
same Jamaican friends, Cuban friends,

423
00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:36,898
they gonna be your boss one day-

424
00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:38,368
- Right.
- If you don't straighten up.

425
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,333
Yeah, it's very important.

426
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:42,793
Especially now, man.

427
00:19:45,198 --> 00:19:46,829
If you don't know computers, you lost.

428
00:19:46,871 --> 00:19:49,180
Right. - Completely lost.

429
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,013
Do you remember

430
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:52,227
when you said you would support me 100%

431
00:19:52,269 --> 00:19:54,058
when I went to college?

432
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,248
I think I may remember that.

433
00:19:56,290 --> 00:19:58,018
But you gotta understand,
back in them days,

434
00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:01,768
I mean, money wouldn't
like flowing around freely.

435
00:20:01,810 --> 00:20:03,420
Right. - I think...

436
00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:06,903
Where was I?

437
00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:11,856
When you was in school,
was I working with the county?

438
00:20:11,898 --> 00:20:13,798
At UCF.

439
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,473
That was '98, '99.

440
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,220
'Cause I graduated from high school-

441
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,151
'98, I remember.

442
00:20:21,193 --> 00:20:23,274
You and Kecia was up there together.

443
00:20:23,316 --> 00:20:24,268
Right, right.

444
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,833
Yeah, but I don't make excuses.

445
00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:29,413
For whatever reason it didn't happen,

446
00:20:29,455 --> 00:20:31,588
I mean, I'm sure I had a
reason that it didn't happen, but-

447
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:32,893
Yeah, right.

448
00:20:33,850 --> 00:20:38,850
But, see, that's the one
thing that I respect about you,

449
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:44,160
is that, like, you don't give excuses,

450
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,962
you don't shy away, you acknowledge-

451
00:20:47,004 --> 00:20:48,515
Mm-hmm, yeah... That, okay,

452
00:20:48,557 --> 00:20:51,178
you know, it was my fault, you know?

453
00:20:51,220 --> 00:20:53,938
And, honestly, I think
that's the main reason

454
00:20:53,980 --> 00:20:56,852
why we have a relationship
again, you know what I'm sayin'?

455
00:20:56,894 --> 00:20:59,308
'Cause like you got many people out there,

456
00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:00,733
many fathers out there,

457
00:21:01,672 --> 00:21:03,268
they still won't swallow their pride,

458
00:21:03,310 --> 00:21:05,488
they still wanna act like, you know,

459
00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:09,328
oh, well, this and that,
and want this happen.

460
00:21:09,370 --> 00:21:12,015
It's like, come on, man, you know?

461
00:21:12,057 --> 00:21:12,848
Yeah. - It's okay, you know?

462
00:21:12,890 --> 00:21:14,308
Like, you know, we... That's life.

463
00:21:14,350 --> 00:21:16,678
We hear and,

464
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:21,055
you know, like some people,
some sons, some daughters,

465
00:21:21,097 --> 00:21:25,055
they might not even, you know, have that,

466
00:21:25,097 --> 00:21:28,483
"Oh, you know what? I
need to wait on my dad,"

467
00:21:30,136 --> 00:21:33,764
or, "I need to wait,"
'cause they the grown ones,

468
00:21:33,806 --> 00:21:36,208
so why I need to talk to them about it,

469
00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:37,041
you know what I'm sayin'?

470
00:21:37,083 --> 00:21:39,554
Why can't they... Yeah, yeah.

471
00:21:39,596 --> 00:21:40,711
But I feel like they should,

472
00:21:40,753 --> 00:21:42,838
the adults should've came
in and addressed it, yeah.

473
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,380
So that leads
me to the other question.

474
00:21:46,302 --> 00:21:48,598
Do you remember that phone call

475
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,208
after all those years that passed,

476
00:21:51,250 --> 00:21:53,878
that went by, the college years,

477
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:57,628
when I went to Cincinnati and I did,

478
00:21:57,670 --> 00:22:00,028
I was working at the
Cincinnati Shakespeare Festival-

479
00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:01,528
Mm-hmm.

480
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,028
One of my friends,

481
00:22:03,070 --> 00:22:05,578
who was a part of the festival with me,

482
00:22:05,620 --> 00:22:07,948
she told me, she's like, "Reggie,

483
00:22:07,990 --> 00:22:10,348
today is Father's Day."

484
00:22:10,390 --> 00:22:12,238
She's like, "You need to call your dad

485
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,826
and wish him a Happy Father's Day."

486
00:22:14,868 --> 00:22:18,904
And my attitude was,
"Why should I call him,"

487
00:22:18,946 --> 00:22:21,359
all these years, this, that, and the other.

488
00:22:21,401 --> 00:22:23,806
And she like, "Look,
let me tell you somethin'.

489
00:22:23,848 --> 00:22:27,719
Whatever he did or didn't do for you,

490
00:22:27,761 --> 00:22:28,720
that means nothin'

491
00:22:28,762 --> 00:22:31,297
because my dad is six
feet under right now."

492
00:22:31,339 --> 00:22:32,392
And she's like,

493
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:35,248
"I wish that I could
even pick up the phone."

494
00:22:35,290 --> 00:22:39,044
And she was like, "Regardless of what,

495
00:22:39,086 --> 00:22:41,668
he's still your dad and he's the reason,

496
00:22:41,710 --> 00:22:43,618
part of the reason why
you're here right now."

497
00:22:43,660 --> 00:22:44,570
Mm-hmm.

498
00:22:44,612 --> 00:22:47,095
"Call him and tell him

499
00:22:47,137 --> 00:22:48,804
Happy Father's Day."

500
00:22:49,899 --> 00:22:53,158
It took me everything, if I
didn't pick up that phone,

501
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,468
I don't even know if we having
this conversation right now.

502
00:22:55,510 --> 00:22:56,677
Probably not, yeah.

503
00:22:59,067 --> 00:23:00,688
Man, I thank God for her.

504
00:23:00,730 --> 00:23:03,358
'Cause she taught me somethin' about life,

505
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,998
she taught me somethin' about myself.

506
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:09,508
So I picked up that phone, I called you.

507
00:23:09,550 --> 00:23:14,550
And your reaction to
hearing my voice, it was like,

508
00:23:14,620 --> 00:23:16,498
'cause you hadn't heard my voice in years.

509
00:23:16,540 --> 00:23:19,064
Yeah. - Like, so much time had,

510
00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:21,506
how did you feel during
that, when I called you?

511
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,888
You feel like most, any parent would feel

512
00:23:24,930 --> 00:23:26,518
if you hadn't heard from your child.

513
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,138
His only child at that, you know?

514
00:23:28,180 --> 00:23:30,871
Right. - And it's like,

515
00:23:30,913 --> 00:23:32,600
it's kinda sad, because

516
00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:36,721
you feel like you could've done better.

517
00:23:36,763 --> 00:23:38,728
But sometimes it's the
things that go in your life

518
00:23:38,770 --> 00:23:42,640
that you have no control over, you know?

519
00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:44,158
I ain't the type of person
that push issues, you know?

520
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,508
- Right, right.
- If that's what you wanna do,

521
00:23:45,550 --> 00:23:47,312
then I'm not gonna argue with you.

522
00:23:47,354 --> 00:23:48,145
Right.

523
00:23:48,187 --> 00:23:48,978
I'm not gonna go back and forth with you.

524
00:23:49,020 --> 00:23:51,147
That's what you wanna do. - Right.

525
00:23:51,189 --> 00:23:52,018
If you feel like that's
what you need to do,

526
00:23:52,060 --> 00:23:55,427
then, hey, I can't stop you, you know?

527
00:23:55,469 --> 00:23:56,736
Motion at your stick-up cam.

528
00:23:59,429 --> 00:24:02,680
Oh, that's that phone.

529
00:24:02,722 --> 00:24:05,095
If you can get it and put it on silent.

530
00:24:05,137 --> 00:24:06,387
We almost done.

531
00:24:07,810 --> 00:24:09,487
Otherwise it's gonna keep goin'.

532
00:24:10,510 --> 00:24:11,638
Okay.

533
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,083
Cool. We're almost done.

534
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:20,668
That was in 2003, that phone call.

535
00:24:20,710 --> 00:24:21,748
2003? - Yeah.

536
00:24:21,790 --> 00:24:23,803
That phone call was in 2003.

537
00:24:24,700 --> 00:24:27,403
Do you know what happened
on my 25th birthday?

538
00:24:29,350 --> 00:24:31,721
No, what happened on your 25th birthday?

539
00:24:31,763 --> 00:24:35,013
So I get a call from my mom,

540
00:24:36,217 --> 00:24:38,323
and she tells me happy birthday,

541
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,095
but she starts crying.

542
00:24:42,137 --> 00:24:43,514
Why?

543
00:24:43,556 --> 00:24:45,720
That's exactly what...

544
00:24:47,380 --> 00:24:48,611
I'm like, "Why are you crying?"

545
00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:50,758
And she's, I'm like, "It's my birthday.

546
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,707
Everything is good. Why are you crying?"

547
00:24:54,730 --> 00:24:57,067
And she's like, "Son, where we from?"

548
00:24:58,420 --> 00:25:02,698
It's very rare that we
see our kids make it to 25.

549
00:25:02,740 --> 00:25:04,078
Motion at your stick-up cam.

550
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:04,953
Oh, dang.

551
00:25:06,490 --> 00:25:08,850
So, um...

552
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,120
Yeah...

553
00:25:17,631 --> 00:25:18,422
It wasn't like

554
00:25:18,464 --> 00:25:19,858
it was a major thing that happened,

555
00:25:19,900 --> 00:25:24,763
but it was another thing
to, that whole thing of,

556
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,668
obviously having both parents present

557
00:25:29,710 --> 00:25:33,028
will kinda like maybe reduce the fact of,

558
00:25:33,070 --> 00:25:35,885
you know, thinking that way.

559
00:25:35,927 --> 00:25:38,553
'Cause you know, like a lot of us,

560
00:25:38,595 --> 00:25:41,128
a lot of my cousins without fathers,

561
00:25:41,170 --> 00:25:42,208
without parents and stuff,

562
00:25:42,250 --> 00:25:44,587
they land the streets and stuff like that.

563
00:25:48,220 --> 00:25:49,011
As far as I was concerned,

564
00:25:49,053 --> 00:25:50,938
that was never one of my concerns,

565
00:25:50,980 --> 00:25:52,183
about you running the streets,

566
00:25:52,225 --> 00:25:53,548
'cause that was not
how you brought up, so...

567
00:25:53,590 --> 00:25:55,633
Right, right. Right.

568
00:25:57,241 --> 00:25:58,032
If you would have went in the streets

569
00:25:58,074 --> 00:25:59,608
and started doing that,
I'd have been shocked

570
00:25:59,650 --> 00:26:00,958
because that wasn't
how you were brought up.

571
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:01,888
Right.

572
00:26:01,930 --> 00:26:03,418
That wasn't how I was brought up.

573
00:26:03,460 --> 00:26:05,788
And also, you know,

574
00:26:05,830 --> 00:26:09,808
you knew I had a strong
mother figure in my life.

575
00:26:09,850 --> 00:26:10,641
Yeah.

576
00:26:10,683 --> 00:26:11,788
And that's another thing

577
00:26:11,830 --> 00:26:13,408
that I respect about you, man.

578
00:26:13,450 --> 00:26:17,728
Like, you acknowledged that she,

579
00:26:17,770 --> 00:26:20,638
regardless of what type
of relationship y'all had

580
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:24,317
or she had with other
people, with you, and her mom,

581
00:26:25,570 --> 00:26:29,968
like you knew that she had me, you know-

582
00:26:30,010 --> 00:26:31,678
Covered, yeah. - Exactly.

583
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,078
I could go to bed, sleep
easily every night peacefully

584
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:37,087
because I knew you was in good hand.

585
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,275
I never had to worry about you, you know?

586
00:26:41,317 --> 00:26:42,583
Right.

587
00:26:43,810 --> 00:26:44,698
She had already told me.

588
00:26:44,740 --> 00:26:48,274
I mean, she had her ways about you.

589
00:26:48,316 --> 00:26:49,370
Right, right, right.

590
00:26:49,412 --> 00:26:52,651
You know, as if you was her only one.

591
00:26:52,693 --> 00:26:54,208
And that's how she treated you-

592
00:26:54,250 --> 00:26:55,288
Right.

593
00:26:55,330 --> 00:26:57,968
And like, there will
never be anymore for me.

594
00:26:58,010 --> 00:27:00,628
I'm like, come on, man.
Give the man a break here.

595
00:27:00,670 --> 00:27:02,203
Yeah, yeah.

596
00:27:03,220 --> 00:27:05,218
Yeah, man, that's pretty much it.

597
00:27:05,260 --> 00:27:08,548
Is there anything else
that you wanna ask me

598
00:27:08,590 --> 00:27:11,218
or you got any questions
or anything like that?

599
00:27:11,260 --> 00:27:13,048
I should've been asking you questions

600
00:27:13,090 --> 00:27:14,038
as you were asking me.

601
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,973
But now I got a brain fog.

602
00:27:19,270 --> 00:27:21,778
Of course, it
always happens like that.

603
00:27:21,820 --> 00:27:24,057
Oh, yeah. I'm proud of you.

604
00:27:24,099 --> 00:27:27,058
I'm extremely proud of you
and what you've become.

605
00:27:27,100 --> 00:27:29,578
'Cause I mean, you
could've easily went left.

606
00:27:29,620 --> 00:27:31,618
Right. - You know?

607
00:27:31,660 --> 00:27:34,558
You could have easily
went out there and was...

608
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:35,488
Wait a minute, I mean, Reggie...

609
00:27:35,530 --> 00:27:39,208
And who I think, you know,
a while back Randy asked me

610
00:27:39,250 --> 00:27:40,337
where you was at.

611
00:27:40,379 --> 00:27:42,211
I say, "Reggie, out in California."

612
00:27:42,253 --> 00:27:43,150
He said, "Is he coming back?"

613
00:27:43,192 --> 00:27:44,038
I said, "I doubt it."

614
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,318
No, that was Fred. Fred asked me that.

615
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:47,458
Fred? - Yeah.

616
00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:48,291
Okay.

617
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:50,188
Yes, I doubt if he ever
come back to Belle Glade

618
00:27:50,230 --> 00:27:51,718
to live, you know?

619
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:52,768
State of Florida to live.

620
00:27:52,810 --> 00:27:54,949
But, yeah, he out there doing what he do.

621
00:27:54,991 --> 00:27:56,128
He doin' well out there.

622
00:27:56,170 --> 00:27:57,178
I told him you was in movies,

623
00:27:57,220 --> 00:27:58,925
starring in movies and all that.

624
00:27:58,967 --> 00:28:00,808
And he was like proud of you.

625
00:28:00,850 --> 00:28:02,368
Right. - Yeah.

626
00:28:02,410 --> 00:28:04,048
That's cool.

627
00:28:04,090 --> 00:28:05,155
Yeah, that's cool.

628
00:28:05,197 --> 00:28:08,548
And part of that reason
why, the reason why that is,

629
00:28:08,590 --> 00:28:13,590
is because, you know, obviously
that upbringing of my mom

630
00:28:15,273 --> 00:28:17,998
and her having that core on me,

631
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,930
but the years when we
started our relationship

632
00:28:21,820 --> 00:28:24,193
from that phone call in 2003,

633
00:28:25,145 --> 00:28:27,562
you know, that allowed me to,

634
00:28:28,857 --> 00:28:32,773
you know, be a little bit more focused.

635
00:28:32,815 --> 00:28:36,858
Because my friend had
taught me somethin' that,

636
00:28:36,900 --> 00:28:39,400
she was just like, "Look, man,

637
00:28:40,266 --> 00:28:42,377
I can't call my dad, he's dead."

638
00:28:42,419 --> 00:28:43,472
Yeah.

639
00:28:43,514 --> 00:28:45,002
And sometimes in life, man,

640
00:28:45,044 --> 00:28:48,525
a lot of times in life we
don't think about that stuff

641
00:28:48,567 --> 00:28:49,859
until people are gone.

642
00:28:49,901 --> 00:28:53,347
And I don't wanna be
that person living in regret,

643
00:28:53,389 --> 00:28:55,729
being like, "I wish would," "I wish I,"

644
00:28:55,771 --> 00:28:59,729
just sit over a simple phone
call or a simple, you know?

645
00:28:59,771 --> 00:29:02,263
So I'm really grateful for her.

646
00:29:03,460 --> 00:29:04,798
I'm really grateful for you.

647
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,973
I appreciate, you know, you

648
00:29:08,015 --> 00:29:12,175
and how you come around and opened up

649
00:29:12,217 --> 00:29:14,773
and acknowledged that stuff.

650
00:29:15,782 --> 00:29:18,913
It's very powerful. It really is.

651
00:29:18,955 --> 00:29:21,122
And sometimes, you know...

652
00:29:23,347 --> 00:29:24,943
Reggie, it's okay.

653
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:29,038
It's okay, man.

654
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:29,913
It's okay.

655
00:29:31,030 --> 00:29:32,878
You don't got no flamboyant daddy.

656
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,173
I'm just 'ol country bumpkin daddy.

657
00:29:36,610 --> 00:29:37,789
I'm very proud of you.

658
00:29:37,831 --> 00:29:40,035
I mean, I couldn't ask for a better son.

659
00:29:40,077 --> 00:29:41,968
I never went to jailhouse,

660
00:29:42,010 --> 00:29:44,335
never had to come to the school,

661
00:29:44,377 --> 00:29:47,503
you know, never had to have
nobody else bring you home.

662
00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:51,358
You know, a lot of people can't,

663
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,090
I know a lot of my classmates

664
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,657
wish they had a son like I had, you know?

665
00:29:59,121 --> 00:30:00,913
I mean, 'cause it ain't bragging
when it's true, you know?

666
00:30:00,955 --> 00:30:01,787
Yeah.

667
00:30:01,829 --> 00:30:04,210
But it's
okay to let your emotions go.

668
00:30:04,252 --> 00:30:05,502
Yeah, I know.

669
00:30:06,346 --> 00:30:08,179
And, man, I appreciate

670
00:30:09,077 --> 00:30:10,411
you being the way you've been, you know?

671
00:30:13,099 --> 00:30:13,890
It's okay.

672
00:30:13,932 --> 00:30:18,388
I had a friend two days
ago, yesterday actually,

673
00:30:18,430 --> 00:30:20,402
he posted something on Instagram

674
00:30:20,444 --> 00:30:25,393
about how his dad has been
dead for the past three years.

675
00:30:26,230 --> 00:30:31,011
And it was ironic because I came out here

676
00:30:31,053 --> 00:30:33,253
to have this conversation with you,

677
00:30:34,150 --> 00:30:35,138
and then he said that.

678
00:30:35,180 --> 00:30:39,413
And I told him, I'm like,
"Man, look, you stay strong."

679
00:30:40,638 --> 00:30:43,045
Do what your dad told you to do.

680
00:30:43,087 --> 00:30:46,615
"And you got it. Just keep going."

681
00:30:46,657 --> 00:30:49,108
And I appreciated his message,

682
00:30:49,150 --> 00:30:51,538
and it made me realize how blessed

683
00:30:51,580 --> 00:30:53,908
that I still have my dad.

684
00:30:53,950 --> 00:30:55,340
Oh, yeah.

685
00:30:55,382 --> 00:30:57,208
And yeah, man.

686
00:30:57,250 --> 00:31:01,153
And then with this, I guess
we can take our first picture.

687
00:31:02,161 --> 00:31:03,151
Mm.

688
00:31:03,193 --> 00:31:05,276
So, thank you.

689
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:07,108
So I'll go over there

690
00:31:07,150 --> 00:31:12,150
and get our little first picture together.

691
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,818
How you gonna do that?

692
00:31:14,860 --> 00:31:16,858
I mean, I'll do it in the editing.

693
00:31:16,900 --> 00:31:21,900
I'll just come over here and
be like right here.

694
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:27,773
Me and my dad, we got our
first picture together.

695
00:31:28,648 --> 00:31:31,102
In what, 40 somethin' years?

696
00:31:31,144 --> 00:31:32,428
40 somethin' years.

697
00:31:32,470 --> 00:31:34,633
It's possible. It's possible.

698
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:37,322
Keep going. - Love you.

699
00:31:37,364 --> 00:31:38,155
I love you more.

700
00:31:38,197 --> 00:31:39,918
All right. - Love you more.

701
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,926
Can I get a drink now?

702
00:31:41,968 --> 00:31:43,122
Yeah.

703
00:31:43,997 --> 00:31:44,788
Got some pressure cookers

704
00:31:44,830 --> 00:31:47,608
up on them cameras, man.

705
00:31:47,650 --> 00:31:49,108
And like, you know, you weren't even asking

706
00:31:49,150 --> 00:31:50,100
the hard questions.

707
00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:52,978
I mean, you
know, I thought that-

708
00:31:53,020 --> 00:31:53,853
My mic off?

709
00:32:12,802 --> 00:32:14,128
Can you tell us your name?

710
00:32:14,170 --> 00:32:17,053
My name is Dr. Jamie Geronimo Vela.

711
00:32:18,190 --> 00:32:19,023
Cool.

712
00:32:20,260 --> 00:32:23,863
So, Jamie, do you have
any pictures with your father?

713
00:32:24,850 --> 00:32:27,088
Well, I do have a couple pictures,

714
00:32:27,130 --> 00:32:30,377
but it was my father
and my brothers and me.

715
00:32:30,419 --> 00:32:31,557
So it's just-

716
00:32:31,599 --> 00:32:32,878
So I don't have any pictures

717
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,558
with me and him by ourselves.

718
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,095
So that's what
we're focused on, just you and-

719
00:32:38,137 --> 00:32:38,998
And my dad.

720
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:41,840
Yeah, I don't have any
pictures with just the two of us.

721
00:32:42,758 --> 00:32:44,861
Is there a reason why or...

722
00:32:44,903 --> 00:32:47,368
Well, it's my perception of what I,

723
00:32:47,410 --> 00:32:49,363
the reason I think it is, is,

724
00:32:52,531 --> 00:32:54,898
you know, my parents were
divorced when I was very young,

725
00:32:54,940 --> 00:32:56,713
so he wasn't around much.

726
00:32:59,380 --> 00:33:03,868
So I don't remember that much of a time

727
00:33:03,910 --> 00:33:07,408
where me and him were
ever together that much.

728
00:33:07,450 --> 00:33:12,450
And I was always kind
of a disappointment to him

729
00:33:12,670 --> 00:33:15,658
compared to my other brothers, because,

730
00:33:15,700 --> 00:33:19,048
I mean, even to this
day, I do things my way.

731
00:33:19,090 --> 00:33:21,355
I'm different than my brothers.

732
00:33:21,397 --> 00:33:24,793
They're more sensible, disciplined.

733
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,708
They're just smarter about their choices

734
00:33:31,750 --> 00:33:34,468
than I was back then.

735
00:33:34,510 --> 00:33:37,228
And it doesn't matter what I did.

736
00:33:37,270 --> 00:33:39,478
I was always trying to
do stuff to impress him,

737
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,038
but it never really worked.

738
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:46,080
So he didn't really spend any time with me.

739
00:33:46,870 --> 00:33:48,898
Not like, because my
brother tells me stories

740
00:33:48,940 --> 00:33:50,878
when they used to have conversations

741
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,068
and would talk and everything. - Mm-hmm.

742
00:33:53,110 --> 00:33:54,830
I never had that with my dad.

743
00:33:54,872 --> 00:33:56,325
- He never talked to me.
- So you think

744
00:33:56,367 --> 00:33:57,628
he was that way with you

745
00:33:57,670 --> 00:33:59,443
because you were different?

746
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,180
Yeah, I was a disappointment to him.

747
00:34:03,550 --> 00:34:04,798
You were a disappointment

748
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:06,328
because you were different?

749
00:34:06,370 --> 00:34:08,308
'Cause I was different, yes.

750
00:34:08,350 --> 00:34:09,238
Wow.

751
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,608
I wanted to do things differently

752
00:34:11,650 --> 00:34:14,458
than my other brothers.

753
00:34:14,500 --> 00:34:16,045
The only thing that I was good at

754
00:34:16,087 --> 00:34:21,087
was I pursued education,
which he was big on education,

755
00:34:24,034 --> 00:34:27,273
but I didn't really do that until later.

756
00:34:28,390 --> 00:34:31,108
But the thing is, is, you know, I get it,

757
00:34:31,150 --> 00:34:34,408
we grew up and he wasn't around much.

758
00:34:34,450 --> 00:34:35,848
Me and him didn't have real connection

759
00:34:35,890 --> 00:34:38,368
because of his disappointment

760
00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:41,248
and in the decisions I would make.

761
00:34:41,290 --> 00:34:42,778
You know, getting into trouble,

762
00:34:42,820 --> 00:34:45,628
you know, just because I
had a problem with authority.

763
00:34:45,670 --> 00:34:48,508
I didn't like doing what
people told me to do.

764
00:34:48,550 --> 00:34:49,888
And I would get in trouble.

765
00:34:49,930 --> 00:34:51,838
And my other brothers were smart.

766
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:53,908
They were making the right decisions,

767
00:34:53,950 --> 00:34:55,588
doing the right things sensibly,

768
00:34:55,630 --> 00:34:58,138
career-wise and financially, than I was.

769
00:34:58,180 --> 00:35:00,208
So even at an early age, though,

770
00:35:00,250 --> 00:35:02,503
like, you know, when you're a child,

771
00:35:04,630 --> 00:35:08,473
when you don't know
better and you're different,

772
00:35:09,550 --> 00:35:14,550
he still had that insight,
that mindset about you.

773
00:35:16,630 --> 00:35:17,938
That's just tough, man.

774
00:35:17,980 --> 00:35:19,198
I'm sorry you had to go through that,

775
00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:23,248
because it's like you're
young, you're a kid, you know?

776
00:35:23,290 --> 00:35:24,478
Yeah.

777
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,608
How do you feel about that now?

778
00:35:26,650 --> 00:35:28,438
Well, at the time growing up, back then,

779
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:30,358
I didn't pay much attention to it.

780
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,548
But later on in life

781
00:35:32,590 --> 00:35:36,118
and then, you know, in present,

782
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,538
presently, it's like I've
come to terms with it.

783
00:35:39,580 --> 00:35:41,788
I mean, it's like I used to,

784
00:35:41,830 --> 00:35:44,578
I just know he would not,

785
00:35:44,620 --> 00:35:47,098
even right now, I finished my PhD,

786
00:35:47,140 --> 00:35:49,828
pursuing acting and everything,

787
00:35:49,870 --> 00:35:52,948
I still feel like he would not be proud.

788
00:35:52,990 --> 00:35:55,108
You know, I hate the word
proud, to be proud of me,

789
00:35:55,150 --> 00:35:58,978
but I still think he would just
think I was a disappointment

790
00:35:59,020 --> 00:36:01,318
and would probably
have nothin' to do with me.

791
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:02,557
Really?

792
00:36:02,599 --> 00:36:04,078
Even with you accomplishing all that stuff?

793
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,488
Yep.

794
00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:10,530
Because I did it, in what
would be his mindset,

795
00:36:10,780 --> 00:36:11,863
the wrong way.

796
00:36:12,820 --> 00:36:14,293
Because in his mindset,

797
00:36:14,335 --> 00:36:16,708
it shouldn't have took
me this long to do it.

798
00:36:16,750 --> 00:36:18,241
Just like I had this
conversation with my brother,

799
00:36:18,283 --> 00:36:21,688
it's like even he,

800
00:36:21,730 --> 00:36:24,343
because he has the mindset my father did,

801
00:36:26,363 --> 00:36:27,928
you know, you graduate right away,

802
00:36:27,970 --> 00:36:30,328
you go to work, you make a career,

803
00:36:30,370 --> 00:36:31,528
make money, and everything.

804
00:36:31,570 --> 00:36:34,078
You set up, you buy a
house, you get a family.

805
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:38,472
I didn't do that. I pursued my dreams.

806
00:36:38,514 --> 00:36:39,808
Right. - What I wanted to do,

807
00:36:39,850 --> 00:36:42,628
which, in their eyes, is not smart.

808
00:36:42,670 --> 00:36:45,388
So I've gone through life
with, you know, struggling,

809
00:36:45,430 --> 00:36:49,198
barely getting by, but I
was doing what I love to do.

810
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:50,728
Right.

811
00:36:50,770 --> 00:36:52,378
And I had to point
that out to my brother's,

812
00:36:52,420 --> 00:36:54,847
like, "Look, you guys see me as a failure,"

813
00:36:57,790 --> 00:36:59,608
because I'm not making this big money

814
00:36:59,650 --> 00:37:02,698
and everything like they
are, and I don't have much,

815
00:37:02,740 --> 00:37:04,198
but I don't need much.

816
00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:06,883
So they have the mindset of my dad,

817
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,608
and that's why he was so
connected to them and not me.

818
00:37:11,650 --> 00:37:14,038
Because I wanted to pursue the dreams,

819
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:16,948
I wanted to do somethin' that I love doing.

820
00:37:16,990 --> 00:37:17,781
Right.

821
00:37:17,823 --> 00:37:21,988
But that's not in the
disciplined mindset,

822
00:37:22,030 --> 00:37:24,328
career goals plan.

823
00:37:24,370 --> 00:37:25,624
Right. - You know,

824
00:37:25,666 --> 00:37:27,418
I like to do things differently.

825
00:37:27,460 --> 00:37:29,398
You know, I think outside the box.

826
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:33,868
I don't follow that discipline
trajectory track that...

827
00:37:33,910 --> 00:37:36,148
And granted, I don't blame
him for having that mindset.

828
00:37:36,190 --> 00:37:38,248
I mean, he grew up, you know,

829
00:37:38,290 --> 00:37:41,908
having to deal with gangs,
right, in southern Texas.

830
00:37:41,950 --> 00:37:44,998
Oh, your dad,
was he a part of 'em or?

831
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:46,198
No, he wasn't a part of 'em,

832
00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:48,958
but he had to deal with them
always trying to recruit him,

833
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,938
and him fighting back and saying no.

834
00:37:50,980 --> 00:37:54,193
So he went into the
military when he was 17.

835
00:37:55,262 --> 00:37:58,078
He had his mom sign for
him, and he got outta there.

836
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,898
So he retired Air Force.

837
00:38:00,940 --> 00:38:02,728
He was a career goal because,

838
00:38:02,770 --> 00:38:04,798
and while he was doing that,
he was getting his master's

839
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:07,558
and he was working on his PhD when he died.

840
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:08,938
Right.

841
00:38:08,980 --> 00:38:13,980
So at this point, I've
said, you know what?

842
00:38:14,437 --> 00:38:18,778
I'm not worried about did I
make my parents proud of me,

843
00:38:18,820 --> 00:38:20,188
my brother's proud of me.

844
00:38:20,230 --> 00:38:21,658
It's not about them.

845
00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:23,878
- Right.
- I focus on, "You know what?"

846
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:25,478
"It's me." - Mm-hmm.

847
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,478
- Did I do the right things?
- Right.

848
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:31,288
Am I doing what I love to
do and what I want to do? Yes.

849
00:38:31,330 --> 00:38:33,688
I don't make a lot of
money, I don't have a lot,

850
00:38:33,730 --> 00:38:35,068
but I don't need a lot.

851
00:38:35,110 --> 00:38:36,868
That's not a priority for me.

852
00:38:36,910 --> 00:38:39,328
Priority for me is to live in every day

853
00:38:39,370 --> 00:38:42,838
doing somethin' that I love
to do and making a difference.

854
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:46,258
What do you think allowed you

855
00:38:46,300 --> 00:38:47,548
to have that insight?

856
00:38:47,590 --> 00:38:51,448
Because that's a great insight to have

857
00:38:51,490 --> 00:38:54,538
granted, you know,
what you've gone through,

858
00:38:54,580 --> 00:38:56,668
all that stuff you've gone through,

859
00:38:56,710 --> 00:38:59,038
where does that come from?

860
00:38:59,080 --> 00:38:59,998
After you've been through

861
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:00,901
all that stuff you've been through,

862
00:39:00,943 --> 00:39:03,448
with your dad and him not approving of you,

863
00:39:03,490 --> 00:39:06,688
even now when you've accomplished

864
00:39:06,730 --> 00:39:09,508
all this stuff that you accomplished,

865
00:39:09,550 --> 00:39:13,378
getting a PhD, that's a hard thing to do.

866
00:39:13,420 --> 00:39:17,368
So where do you get that in
you to be like, "You know what?

867
00:39:17,410 --> 00:39:19,648
Regardless of what he
thought, would've thought,

868
00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:21,268
regardless of what they think,

869
00:39:21,310 --> 00:39:26,008
I'm still good with what I've done,"

870
00:39:26,050 --> 00:39:28,108
and none of that stuff bothers you,

871
00:39:28,150 --> 00:39:29,503
where does that come from?

872
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,768
It probably came to me because of God.

873
00:39:34,810 --> 00:39:35,698
Mm.

874
00:39:35,740 --> 00:39:37,258
Because God is my father.

875
00:39:37,300 --> 00:39:38,368
Mm.

876
00:39:38,410 --> 00:39:41,008
And that's the way I approach life now.

877
00:39:41,050 --> 00:39:42,088
God is my father.

878
00:39:42,130 --> 00:39:44,368
Yes, he was my biological father,

879
00:39:44,410 --> 00:39:47,398
but the only person that I worry

880
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,528
about doing the right thing for is God.

881
00:39:49,570 --> 00:39:50,548
Right.

882
00:39:50,590 --> 00:39:54,808
And in my mindset, God
is okay with what I'm doing

883
00:39:54,850 --> 00:39:57,628
because I feel like I've made a difference

884
00:39:57,670 --> 00:39:59,788
in lots of different areas of life.

885
00:39:59,830 --> 00:40:00,898
Right.

886
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:02,743
And so God is my father.

887
00:40:03,940 --> 00:40:06,328
And with that perspective,

888
00:40:06,370 --> 00:40:09,220
I don't worry about pride and
somebody being proud of me.

889
00:40:10,660 --> 00:40:12,988
That's irrelevant, because I don't have,

890
00:40:13,030 --> 00:40:14,338
I try not to have an ego,

891
00:40:14,380 --> 00:40:16,348
although I think everybody
has an ego on something.

892
00:40:16,390 --> 00:40:17,694
Mm-hmm.

893
00:40:17,736 --> 00:40:21,328
But I look at it as being
confident in certain things.

894
00:40:21,370 --> 00:40:22,520
But... Right.

895
00:40:24,396 --> 00:40:26,008
You said that those two words,

896
00:40:26,050 --> 00:40:30,568
that's very important in this
documentary, pride and ego,

897
00:40:30,610 --> 00:40:34,378
do you think that, within your dad,

898
00:40:34,420 --> 00:40:37,678
that he embodied those words

899
00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:40,918
and that kinda held him back from,

900
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,993
you know, being as he should be with you?

901
00:40:45,460 --> 00:40:50,460
I think that I definitely
didn't make him proud.

902
00:40:50,530 --> 00:40:54,020
And I feel like it's his pride

903
00:40:55,540 --> 00:40:58,183
that prevented him from actually,

904
00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:02,038
you know, acknowledging me as doing,

905
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,788
you know, just because he has a mindset

906
00:41:05,830 --> 00:41:07,929
and you're supposed to do it that way-

907
00:41:07,971 --> 00:41:09,778
- Right.
- And any other way is wrong.

908
00:41:09,820 --> 00:41:11,971
Right. - You're messin' up.

909
00:41:12,013 --> 00:41:14,683
So I feel like he was not proud of me.

910
00:41:15,730 --> 00:41:17,638
And that pride just,

911
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,588
and the thing is, is now,

912
00:41:19,630 --> 00:41:21,058
you know, he's passed away from cancer,

913
00:41:21,100 --> 00:41:25,498
so I can't even go back and
have a conversation with him.

914
00:41:25,540 --> 00:41:28,468
Sorry to hear that. - So to find out,

915
00:41:28,510 --> 00:41:31,528
even though I'm pretty sure
he would not be proud of me,

916
00:41:31,570 --> 00:41:34,858
and would probably still not
have anything to do with me

917
00:41:34,900 --> 00:41:37,018
to this day, even if he was alive.

918
00:41:37,060 --> 00:41:38,668
Mm. - But you know what?

919
00:41:38,710 --> 00:41:40,790
- I've come to terms with that.
- Right.

920
00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:41,623
I'm like, you know, it's okay.

921
00:41:41,665 --> 00:41:43,558
I'm not here to try and impress anybody.

922
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:45,838
I'm not here to make people proud of me.

923
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:50,308
I'm here to do what I can in life

924
00:41:50,350 --> 00:41:51,625
and make a difference.

925
00:41:51,667 --> 00:41:53,908
And the only person I look to

926
00:41:53,950 --> 00:41:58,333
that I feel like I want
to be worthy of is God.

927
00:41:59,230 --> 00:42:02,338
And He's the only one I focus on,

928
00:42:02,380 --> 00:42:04,738
trying to do the right thing is for Him.

929
00:42:04,780 --> 00:42:06,718
Or, you know, God, spirit.

930
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:08,548
Awesome. - So

931
00:42:08,590 --> 00:42:10,678
that's what I focus on in what I do.

932
00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:12,378
I commend you for that, man.

933
00:42:12,420 --> 00:42:17,368
'Cause it's very hard to go
through that type of childhood

934
00:42:17,410 --> 00:42:22,198
and still have that
strength within to continue

935
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:24,478
and continue to believe what you believe.

936
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,838
Although people,
certain people in your past

937
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:29,758
wanted you to believe other things

938
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:33,778
and do things as the way
they thought it should be,

939
00:42:33,820 --> 00:42:38,068
still finding your own
truth, your own self,

940
00:42:38,110 --> 00:42:39,148
that's what matters.

941
00:42:39,190 --> 00:42:41,098
And regardless of what happens,

942
00:42:41,140 --> 00:42:44,128
like you said, you've made amends

943
00:42:44,170 --> 00:42:47,638
and you've done it the
way that you wanted to do it

944
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,098
and that's all that matters.

945
00:42:50,140 --> 00:42:51,943
So you keep going with that, man.

946
00:42:52,780 --> 00:42:54,866
That's what I'm trying to do.

947
00:42:54,908 --> 00:42:55,699
Yeah, yeah.

948
00:42:55,741 --> 00:42:59,323
Sometimes, you know,
with everything out there,

949
00:43:00,490 --> 00:43:02,098
it's hard for it not to come up.

950
00:43:02,140 --> 00:43:02,931
Right. - You know?

951
00:43:02,973 --> 00:43:04,640
So those feelings will come up

952
00:43:05,559 --> 00:43:07,648
that I'm a big disappointment to him.

953
00:43:07,690 --> 00:43:09,388
Right. - Because he's been dead

954
00:43:09,430 --> 00:43:13,933
for over a decade, but I still,

955
00:43:15,222 --> 00:43:17,758
all of those thoughts
will come into my head,

956
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,948
you know, that I'm a big disappointment.

957
00:43:19,990 --> 00:43:24,990
So I've got to constantly
tell myself that I am not.

958
00:43:25,330 --> 00:43:26,398
Right, exactly.

959
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,098
Because of God.

960
00:43:29,140 --> 00:43:30,640
So Shannon Johnson.

961
00:43:31,750 --> 00:43:33,388
How you doin' today, sir?

962
00:43:33,430 --> 00:43:34,708
Great, sir. - Awesome.

963
00:43:34,750 --> 00:43:36,808
I'm doing well. - Awesome.

964
00:43:36,850 --> 00:43:41,850
So do you have any
pictures with your father?

965
00:43:44,860 --> 00:43:47,623
Unfortunately, no.

966
00:43:48,700 --> 00:43:50,173
No pictures with my father.

967
00:43:53,644 --> 00:43:56,550
Is there a reason why or...

968
00:43:58,660 --> 00:44:02,233
Yeah, the reason, and it goes back,

969
00:44:03,700 --> 00:44:06,058
I didn't grow up with my father.

970
00:44:06,100 --> 00:44:07,378
I didn't know him.

971
00:44:07,420 --> 00:44:11,698
I only heard of him, as
strange as that might sound.

972
00:44:11,740 --> 00:44:14,263
But never grew up with him.

973
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,403
I saw him, but he wasn't in my life.

974
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:21,633
Mm.

975
00:44:23,140 --> 00:44:25,227
Why wasn't he in your life?

976
00:44:26,140 --> 00:44:28,880
Well, I think that story starts

977
00:44:30,130 --> 00:44:32,548
maybe I was six months old,

978
00:44:32,590 --> 00:44:37,123
when my mother separated
from my father, or divorced.

979
00:44:39,820 --> 00:44:44,248
Yeah, and I was too young to actually know

980
00:44:44,290 --> 00:44:46,228
who he was at the time.

981
00:44:46,270 --> 00:44:49,243
But I heard a lot about him.

982
00:44:50,260 --> 00:44:51,598
A lot about him.

983
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:53,338
Right, when you
say you heard a lot about him,

984
00:44:53,380 --> 00:44:54,328
it seems like a smile,

985
00:44:54,370 --> 00:44:56,158
you got a little smile on your face.

986
00:44:56,200 --> 00:45:01,200
Can you tell us what's
that smile's coming from?

987
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:06,083
Yeah, I had a father or,

988
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:12,600
and of course my father has
passed the last maybe 10 years.

989
00:45:15,190 --> 00:45:16,918
I heard things about him.

990
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,618
And there wasn't more so good things,

991
00:45:19,660 --> 00:45:24,628
but, as I got older, I would see him.

992
00:45:24,670 --> 00:45:29,383
And seeing him, it wasn't
what I really expected.

993
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,028
Yeah, it wasn't what I really expected.

994
00:45:36,070 --> 00:45:38,668
And, you know, my mother
didn't speak any negativity

995
00:45:38,710 --> 00:45:39,763
about my father.

996
00:45:41,290 --> 00:45:44,698
But the stories I heard
kinda dictated the narrative

997
00:45:44,740 --> 00:45:49,228
of who he was as a man

998
00:45:49,270 --> 00:45:51,943
and where I come from.

999
00:45:53,410 --> 00:45:54,568
Got you.

1000
00:45:54,610 --> 00:45:59,610
So there's no childhood
memories of him, being with him,

1001
00:45:59,860 --> 00:46:03,598
no picture camera, you
know, you guys being together,

1002
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:05,023
anything of that sort?

1003
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:09,508
No memories whatsoever.

1004
00:46:09,550 --> 00:46:10,858
Now there is one memory,

1005
00:46:10,900 --> 00:46:12,793
and I can share this memory with you.

1006
00:46:15,700 --> 00:46:19,588
It had somethin' to do with child support.

1007
00:46:19,630 --> 00:46:21,028
My mother was telling me some things

1008
00:46:21,070 --> 00:46:22,678
that happened at the court,

1009
00:46:22,720 --> 00:46:26,848
and my father decided to pay a visit.

1010
00:46:26,890 --> 00:46:31,348
And within that visit,
this is very interesting.

1011
00:46:31,390 --> 00:46:32,248
Within that visit,

1012
00:46:32,290 --> 00:46:34,798
he was allowed to take
me uptown on the bus.

1013
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:35,740
Mm-hmm.

1014
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:39,658
He took me uptown on the bus.

1015
00:46:39,700 --> 00:46:41,930
And I can remember vividly,

1016
00:46:46,728 --> 00:46:51,268
I may have been eight years old or so.

1017
00:46:51,310 --> 00:46:56,001
We're riding on the bus, he's
asking me questions about,

1018
00:46:56,043 --> 00:46:57,538
you know, how are you, dah, dah, dah, dah.

1019
00:46:57,580 --> 00:46:59,623
You know, he don't know me.

1020
00:47:01,900 --> 00:47:06,575
And he says,

1021
00:47:06,617 --> 00:47:08,617
"You know you can call me dad, son."

1022
00:47:09,460 --> 00:47:11,758
Now, you know I don't know this guy.

1023
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:16,800
And I'm young, trying to understand.

1024
00:47:17,260 --> 00:47:19,828
At the same time, I have no negativity,

1025
00:47:19,870 --> 00:47:21,958
no negative feelings about him.

1026
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:24,508
But he said, "You can call me dad, son."

1027
00:47:24,550 --> 00:47:26,518
And I'm like, "Okay."

1028
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:31,560
And he pulls out this toy that he bought,

1029
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:35,668
and it was this dump truck.

1030
00:47:35,710 --> 00:47:39,235
So he didn't know me, he brought a gift,

1031
00:47:39,277 --> 00:47:42,748
but I was way too, in age for that.

1032
00:47:42,790 --> 00:47:47,790
So that's the only memory
that I have being with him.

1033
00:47:48,340 --> 00:47:53,340
Other than that, as I got
older, I would see him,

1034
00:47:53,530 --> 00:47:55,528
and I would see him around town

1035
00:47:55,570 --> 00:47:57,643
in some of the most unpleasant places.

1036
00:48:00,250 --> 00:48:01,438
Got you.

1037
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,003
So you never really had the point to like,

1038
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,858
you know, you guys didn't hang out.

1039
00:48:07,900 --> 00:48:09,538
It never even got to that point.

1040
00:48:09,580 --> 00:48:12,448
'Cause I know, with me,
like I hung out with my dad,

1041
00:48:12,490 --> 00:48:16,048
but, you know, I would
go and visit here and there,

1042
00:48:16,090 --> 00:48:18,778
but at the same time, for whatever reason,

1043
00:48:18,820 --> 00:48:20,338
we never got a picture together.

1044
00:48:20,380 --> 00:48:22,138
Do you think that it's just something

1045
00:48:22,180 --> 00:48:25,768
within that male structure?

1046
00:48:25,810 --> 00:48:30,810
I mean, it doesn't have to
be related towards ethnicity,

1047
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:34,498
but just that male structure in general

1048
00:48:34,540 --> 00:48:39,540
that doesn't allow us to open
up to something like that or,

1049
00:48:39,820 --> 00:48:41,668
what do you think?

1050
00:48:41,710 --> 00:48:43,108
Right.

1051
00:48:43,150 --> 00:48:45,058
There's a dynamic to it

1052
00:48:45,100 --> 00:48:48,223
when you really look at
the structure of the family.

1053
00:48:49,270 --> 00:48:52,558
I grew up in what they call
a matriarchal household,

1054
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:56,923
which has to do with the
mother raising the kids.

1055
00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:01,618
You have what they call a
patriarchal household as well,

1056
00:49:01,660 --> 00:49:03,568
which is the father raising the kid.

1057
00:49:03,610 --> 00:49:06,238
But my father wasn't
there. My mother raised me.

1058
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:09,493
When you look at the
family dynamic and structure,

1059
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:13,738
looking at it nowadays,

1060
00:49:13,780 --> 00:49:17,810
there's a lot of sons, daughters

1061
00:49:18,820 --> 00:49:22,168
and their fathers are
absent from their life

1062
00:49:22,210 --> 00:49:27,210
because either they
don't know who they are,

1063
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:30,800
they're running from
their responsibilities.

1064
00:49:31,810 --> 00:49:36,058
Second, they have some challenges.

1065
00:49:36,100 --> 00:49:39,238
And from this side, or
from this vantage point,

1066
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:43,198
I don't know the challenges
that, well, I know some of 'em,

1067
00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:46,168
but I don't know the challenges
that most fathers face.

1068
00:49:46,210 --> 00:49:50,068
But with my father, he was an alcoholic.

1069
00:49:50,110 --> 00:49:50,901
Mm.

1070
00:49:50,943 --> 00:49:55,943
And that pretty much,
from my vantage point,

1071
00:49:56,140 --> 00:49:57,973
looking at it from the outside,

1072
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:02,038
it pretty much destroyed his life

1073
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:05,818
in terms of, from what
I heard, the fighting,

1074
00:50:05,860 --> 00:50:08,878
the going to jail, the
different kinda things.

1075
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:10,505
And I said within myself,

1076
00:50:10,547 --> 00:50:13,798
"Look, I'm not gonna be like that."

1077
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:16,438
You know, those are
the memories that I grasp.

1078
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:17,278
That's a good point.

1079
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:20,653
It leads me to one,
like final little question.

1080
00:50:22,720 --> 00:50:26,863
With doing this documentary,
this interview with me,

1081
00:50:31,316 --> 00:50:34,798
does it make you wanna kinda, you probably,

1082
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:36,298
I'm pretty sure you already got pictures

1083
00:50:36,340 --> 00:50:38,008
with your sons and stuff like that,

1084
00:50:38,050 --> 00:50:41,045
but does it open your
mind even more to like,

1085
00:50:41,087 --> 00:50:44,458
"Man, you know, maybe we
gotta capture these memories,"

1086
00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:47,158
maybe, you know, talking to other people,

1087
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:50,398
maybe that'll kinda, you
know, affect someone else

1088
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,608
and be like, "Hey, man,
maybe you should," you know?

1089
00:50:53,650 --> 00:50:55,468
Yeah.

1090
00:50:55,510 --> 00:50:58,333
To your point, yes.

1091
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:04,453
It is so important, you know,
as a father, as a husband,

1092
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:11,160
as a friend to just be there with your son.

1093
00:51:15,220 --> 00:51:18,118
These are moments you can't get back.

1094
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:23,160
From infant, toddler to
a youth, to a young adult,

1095
00:51:26,380 --> 00:51:28,273
these are moments you can't get back.

1096
00:51:29,380 --> 00:51:32,218
And what I mean by that is,
is that there are a lot of men

1097
00:51:32,260 --> 00:51:33,845
who think they have time,

1098
00:51:33,887 --> 00:51:36,358
"Oh, I can come back and I can step in

1099
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:38,998
to the child's life at any time,"

1100
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:41,773
where what you're doing
is you're taking a great risk.

1101
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:47,640
And that risk has to do with
you don't know him or her

1102
00:51:48,010 --> 00:51:51,088
and you haven't developed a relationship.

1103
00:51:51,130 --> 00:51:54,508
So now you become an outsider.

1104
00:51:54,550 --> 00:51:58,768
As it relates to taking
pictures, I do have pictures,

1105
00:51:58,810 --> 00:52:00,268
a lot of pictures with my son

1106
00:52:00,310 --> 00:52:02,083
because those was the moments.

1107
00:52:03,310 --> 00:52:05,142
You didn't have,

1108
00:52:05,184 --> 00:52:07,108
and you wanted to capture with him.

1109
00:52:07,150 --> 00:52:08,338
I wanted to capture with him-

1110
00:52:08,380 --> 00:52:10,138
Not to speak
for you or anything like that,

1111
00:52:10,180 --> 00:52:13,498
but I know that that's the
type of person you are.

1112
00:52:13,540 --> 00:52:15,040
Right. - You know?

1113
00:52:15,970 --> 00:52:17,608
I go around and I ask people,

1114
00:52:17,650 --> 00:52:20,938
and, you know, a lot of people

1115
00:52:20,980 --> 00:52:25,468
that went through situations in life,

1116
00:52:25,510 --> 00:52:29,008
and they had with, you
know, as them being children,

1117
00:52:29,050 --> 00:52:32,128
as them being kids or whatever,

1118
00:52:32,170 --> 00:52:34,918
the situations could've
been dramatic, traumatic,

1119
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:36,958
whatever they may be.

1120
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,748
When they have kids of their own,

1121
00:52:39,790 --> 00:52:42,688
they always want to protect the fact

1122
00:52:42,730 --> 00:52:45,358
of their kids not going
through what they went through.

1123
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:46,811
Right.

1124
00:52:46,853 --> 00:52:48,988
So that's why I say that.

1125
00:52:49,030 --> 00:52:51,283
Yeah, no, it's one of those things,

1126
00:52:52,141 --> 00:52:54,118
as like I said, being a father,

1127
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:57,538
you recognize the unique
position that you're in.

1128
00:52:57,580 --> 00:52:59,848
Right. - That position is one,

1129
00:52:59,890 --> 00:53:00,940
that you're a leader.

1130
00:53:02,860 --> 00:53:07,798
They're looking up to you
for stability and security.

1131
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:11,068
You have a unprecedented role

1132
00:53:11,110 --> 00:53:12,958
or an extraordinary role in their life,

1133
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:17,878
meaning you can't be absent
when it comes to your children.

1134
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:18,770
Right.

1135
00:53:19,660 --> 00:53:20,998
It means the world to me,

1136
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,488
Even when I see my kid taking pictures,

1137
00:53:23,530 --> 00:53:28,078
me running in front of the
camera or me just touching him,

1138
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:29,368
those things are important.

1139
00:53:29,410 --> 00:53:33,088
And I have memories that's etched in time.

1140
00:53:33,130 --> 00:53:38,130
And not only that, I have
proof, evidence that I was there

1141
00:53:38,290 --> 00:53:40,288
because I have photos.

1142
00:53:40,330 --> 00:53:41,280
Exactly.

1143
00:53:42,983 --> 00:53:43,774
What's up? What's up?

1144
00:53:43,816 --> 00:53:45,838
What's your name? - Giovanni.

1145
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:47,513
Giovanni.

1146
00:53:50,180 --> 00:53:52,131
No, bro, I appreciate your time.

1147
00:53:52,173 --> 00:53:52,964
Of course.

1148
00:53:53,006 --> 00:53:55,204
And I know
you working right now,

1149
00:53:55,246 --> 00:53:58,108
but I really appreciate
your time you've taken out

1150
00:53:58,150 --> 00:54:01,558
to help with the documentary
and everything like that.

1151
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:05,848
So tell us, do you have
any pictures with your father?

1152
00:54:05,890 --> 00:54:07,498
I do not. I do not.

1153
00:54:07,540 --> 00:54:10,528
I do not have, not one single picture.

1154
00:54:10,570 --> 00:54:13,558
Is there a reason why?

1155
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:16,873
Or can you elaborate as
to why you don't have any?

1156
00:54:18,430 --> 00:54:23,430
I would say, just that, as I
was born, parents separated.

1157
00:54:24,820 --> 00:54:28,109
You know, one went the other way

1158
00:54:28,151 --> 00:54:29,961
and then I stayed with my mother of course.

1159
00:54:30,003 --> 00:54:31,768
- Right, right, right.
- Throughout the year,

1160
00:54:31,810 --> 00:54:34,813
it was never really a
relationship built between us.

1161
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:41,608
I would say, all the way until
I was about 17, I would say,

1162
00:54:41,650 --> 00:54:44,968
is when we actually kinda
had some bonding time.

1163
00:54:45,010 --> 00:54:45,801
Right.

1164
00:54:45,843 --> 00:54:47,728
But even then it was no photos,

1165
00:54:47,770 --> 00:54:49,973
no pictures or anything like that.

1166
00:54:50,015 --> 00:54:54,448
Okay, so it
just never came up at all?

1167
00:54:54,490 --> 00:54:55,323
No.

1168
00:54:56,596 --> 00:54:57,808
Was there like a distance?

1169
00:54:57,850 --> 00:54:59,054
Yeah.

1170
00:54:59,096 --> 00:55:02,578
So our backstory, there was never

1171
00:55:02,620 --> 00:55:05,998
that initial confirmation
of father and son.

1172
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:08,983
We knew it, but there
was never that connection.

1173
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:12,598
It wasn't until later on.

1174
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,146
I mean, we knew it, it just wasn't,

1175
00:55:15,188 --> 00:55:17,608
you know, there was never
an involvement from his side,

1176
00:55:17,650 --> 00:55:18,763
neither from my side.

1177
00:55:20,410 --> 00:55:22,378
How do you feel about that?

1178
00:55:22,420 --> 00:55:26,293
I would say the absence of him can bring,

1179
00:55:27,580 --> 00:55:30,373
I would say it's emotional damage.

1180
00:55:31,210 --> 00:55:34,520
I feel that it takes away

1181
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:40,198
from what you should have
as growing up, the father figure.

1182
00:55:40,240 --> 00:55:41,308
Right.

1183
00:55:41,350 --> 00:55:45,988
The parent, you know, the
person you can go to as a man.

1184
00:55:46,030 --> 00:55:46,948
Mm-hmm.

1185
00:55:46,990 --> 00:55:49,498
So, you know, overall, I would say,

1186
00:55:49,540 --> 00:55:53,083
just a lot of emotional
damage that, you know, kinda,

1187
00:55:56,980 --> 00:56:00,298
makes it difficult to even,
you know, conversate about,

1188
00:56:00,340 --> 00:56:03,148
you know, even having a
picture or anything, you know?

1189
00:56:03,190 --> 00:56:04,040
Right.

1190
00:56:05,260 --> 00:56:08,788
Did you know if your
father had a lot of pride,

1191
00:56:08,830 --> 00:56:11,098
ego, is that-

1192
00:56:11,140 --> 00:56:13,528
I would say he has ego, I would say.

1193
00:56:13,570 --> 00:56:14,403
I would say

1194
00:56:19,780 --> 00:56:21,703
not necessarily that he,

1195
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:24,748
I think he was more concerned

1196
00:56:24,790 --> 00:56:27,183
about making that initial approach.

1197
00:56:27,225 --> 00:56:28,016
Mm.

1198
00:56:28,058 --> 00:56:30,718
He, in a sense, felt, I would say,

1199
00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:33,253
from what I feel from
the time I spent with him,

1200
00:56:36,010 --> 00:56:39,883
he was concerned about
if I would accept him or not.

1201
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:44,158
So what did you feel?

1202
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:46,888
I mean, obviously you're
a kid, you're younger.

1203
00:56:46,930 --> 00:56:49,603
Did you feel that you
should've approached him?

1204
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:52,768
Or did you feel that
that's the responsibility

1205
00:56:52,810 --> 00:56:55,228
of the parent to do something like that?

1206
00:56:55,270 --> 00:56:57,838
I would say, at a young
age, it would be more

1207
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:00,951
on the parents, on the father.

1208
00:57:00,993 --> 00:57:02,458
Father, yeah.

1209
00:57:02,500 --> 00:57:06,028
I would say that, as we grow older,

1210
00:57:06,070 --> 00:57:09,958
we need, you know, as young men and women,

1211
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:11,780
we need to take that pride away

1212
00:57:13,270 --> 00:57:16,348
even if it puts us in a different situation

1213
00:57:16,390 --> 00:57:18,208
or maybe we get that pushback.

1214
00:57:18,250 --> 00:57:19,168
Right. - But I would say

1215
00:57:19,210 --> 00:57:22,408
it would be beneficial
to do the first initial

1216
00:57:22,450 --> 00:57:24,256
if it hasn't been done,

1217
00:57:24,298 --> 00:57:27,508
'cause you never know what
outcome can come about.

1218
00:57:27,550 --> 00:57:28,648
I completely agree.

1219
00:57:28,690 --> 00:57:31,888
Does it cause you to be
different with your kids?

1220
00:57:31,930 --> 00:57:35,158
Like, do you take pictures
with your kids now because of-

1221
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:37,468
Oh, of course. Of course I do.

1222
00:57:37,510 --> 00:57:39,418
To be honest, I never
really thought about it.

1223
00:57:39,460 --> 00:57:42,178
It wasn't until we had
our initial conversation

1224
00:57:42,220 --> 00:57:45,088
about your documentary
that where I kinda really,

1225
00:57:45,130 --> 00:57:46,678
you know, went back and I realized

1226
00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:48,778
that I do take pictures with my kids.

1227
00:57:48,820 --> 00:57:49,768
Right.

1228
00:57:49,810 --> 00:57:53,087
By themselves, or as a group,
whatever the case might be.

1229
00:57:53,129 --> 00:57:56,938
But it gives me the push to
be a better father for them.

1230
00:57:56,980 --> 00:57:59,261
Therefore, they can grow up with that,

1231
00:57:59,303 --> 00:58:01,468
you know, with a different
mindset than myself.

1232
00:58:01,510 --> 00:58:02,360
Right.

1233
00:58:05,170 --> 00:58:07,280
If you had the opportunity right now

1234
00:58:08,260 --> 00:58:09,988
to reach out to your father

1235
00:58:10,030 --> 00:58:13,359
and just have a conversation with him,

1236
00:58:13,401 --> 00:58:15,148
and kinda like what I did,

1237
00:58:15,190 --> 00:58:17,668
to just have some unanswered questions

1238
00:58:17,710 --> 00:58:22,710
from your childhood
answered, would you do that?

1239
00:58:23,110 --> 00:58:25,313
Or how do you feel about that?

1240
00:58:25,355 --> 00:58:27,448
Of course I do it in a heartbeat.

1241
00:58:27,490 --> 00:58:29,758
I wouldn't even think about it.

1242
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:32,083
Awesome. Awesome.

1243
00:58:33,970 --> 00:58:36,583
That's awesome, man. I appreciate you.

1244
00:58:37,512 --> 00:58:38,668
I appreciate your time.

1245
00:58:38,710 --> 00:58:42,148
And this is somethin'
that we're all growing with.

1246
00:58:42,190 --> 00:58:45,148
Like I said, like I was
telling the other guys,

1247
00:58:45,190 --> 00:58:46,618
I appreciate you guys

1248
00:58:46,660 --> 00:58:49,828
because it's allowing me to grow even more.

1249
00:58:49,870 --> 00:58:54,148
And I've discovered a lot
about, you know, that dynamic

1250
00:58:54,190 --> 00:58:56,428
between the father and the son

1251
00:58:56,470 --> 00:58:58,438
and all that stuff in general,

1252
00:58:58,480 --> 00:59:01,348
and why, like, we don't do certain things.

1253
00:59:01,390 --> 00:59:04,888
And I'm just starting to find more,

1254
00:59:04,930 --> 00:59:07,948
that it is about the pride and the ego.

1255
00:59:07,990 --> 00:59:10,631
You know, like when I
was talking to my dad,

1256
00:59:10,673 --> 00:59:11,465
I told him, I'm like,

1257
00:59:11,507 --> 00:59:14,638
"So if I hadn't made that phone call to him

1258
00:59:14,680 --> 00:59:17,698
back in Cincinnati,"
he even said it himself,

1259
00:59:17,740 --> 00:59:19,948
then we probably wouldn't
be sitting right there

1260
00:59:19,990 --> 00:59:21,740
having that conversation, you know?

1261
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:25,678
And all that is, is pride, you know?

1262
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:27,658
That ego, you know?

1263
00:59:27,700 --> 00:59:32,700
So is there any message you wanna send

1264
00:59:33,010 --> 00:59:36,838
to the people out there, you know,

1265
00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:40,828
who may run into this subject
or who may see this film?

1266
00:59:40,870 --> 00:59:44,008
And, you know, anything
you wanna say to them

1267
00:59:44,050 --> 00:59:45,868
from your experience?

1268
00:59:45,910 --> 00:59:48,688
I would say that there's nothing in life

1269
00:59:48,730 --> 00:59:51,478
that should allow you to be separated,

1270
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:56,520
especially if your father, or
your parents are still living.

1271
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:04,828
It's not worth delaying the
day, a minute, or a second.

1272
01:00:04,870 --> 01:00:06,658
Happiness is within itself.

1273
01:00:06,700 --> 01:00:08,758
If you can, you know, figure out

1274
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:11,128
whatever disagreements
you guys might've had

1275
01:00:11,170 --> 01:00:14,683
or maybe just no involvement in itself,

1276
01:00:15,940 --> 01:00:20,548
it's worth putting that aside and living,

1277
01:00:20,590 --> 01:00:22,108
you know, an extra day with your parents

1278
01:00:22,150 --> 01:00:24,448
because you never know what could happen.

1279
01:00:24,490 --> 01:00:26,983
It could literally change in a heartbeat.

1280
01:00:28,330 --> 01:00:30,538
Within a split second, you
know, they could be gone

1281
01:00:30,580 --> 01:00:32,608
and the opportunity could be lost forever.

1282
01:00:32,650 --> 01:00:34,053
Right.

1283
01:00:34,095 --> 01:00:34,886
My opportunity was lost,

1284
01:00:34,928 --> 01:00:36,928
but, you know, I'm here with my kids

1285
01:00:36,970 --> 01:00:38,218
and I'm ensuring that,

1286
01:00:38,260 --> 01:00:40,888
you know, they can have that father figure.

1287
01:00:40,930 --> 01:00:41,938
And that's what it's about.

1288
01:00:41,980 --> 01:00:46,648
It's about us learning and
not continuing that cycle

1289
01:00:46,690 --> 01:00:50,488
of, you know, not approaching

1290
01:00:50,530 --> 01:00:53,068
or having the pride, having the ego.

1291
01:00:53,110 --> 01:00:55,228
That's the cycle that we wanna break.

1292
01:00:55,270 --> 01:00:59,668
Because, ultimately, we break that cycle,

1293
01:00:59,710 --> 01:01:02,038
it's exactly what you just said,

1294
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:04,828
we can be more free within ourself,

1295
01:01:04,870 --> 01:01:08,638
that personal freedom,
that growth within ourselves,

1296
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:10,258
to be like, "You know what?

1297
01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:14,788
I don't have to, you know,
regret because I tried.

1298
01:01:14,830 --> 01:01:16,510
I made that attempt."

1299
01:01:16,552 --> 01:01:18,448
And if it works out, it works out.

1300
01:01:18,490 --> 01:01:19,498
If it doesn't, it doesn't.

1301
01:01:19,540 --> 01:01:20,331
At the end of the day,

1302
01:01:20,373 --> 01:01:23,308
it's all about making the attempt, trying-

1303
01:01:23,350 --> 01:01:24,538
Of course. - Doing your part.

1304
01:01:24,580 --> 01:01:26,218
- Appreciate you, brother.
- Yeah, of course. Thank you.

1305
01:01:26,260 --> 01:01:27,363
Thank you, man.

1306
01:01:29,951 --> 01:01:30,784
J.Q.

1307
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:33,898
What's up, big dawg? How you doin'?

1308
01:01:33,940 --> 01:01:35,668
I'm doing fine. Thank you, yeah.

1309
01:01:35,710 --> 01:01:37,020
Cool, man.

1310
01:01:37,062 --> 01:01:37,858
Thanks for being here.

1311
01:01:37,900 --> 01:01:41,510
Thanks for, you know, taking your time out

1312
01:01:42,550 --> 01:01:44,548
to help me with this.

1313
01:01:44,590 --> 01:01:47,308
And like I said before,

1314
01:01:47,350 --> 01:01:50,518
I asked you if you had any
pictures with your father,

1315
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:52,483
and you told me you didn't.

1316
01:01:53,710 --> 01:01:55,213
Can you explain why?

1317
01:01:56,620 --> 01:01:59,458
Well, the situation
started at a young age.

1318
01:01:59,500 --> 01:02:04,193
My mother and him got a
little rocky, you know, start.

1319
01:02:09,247 --> 01:02:13,798
I'm the last one of the
three, first three actually.

1320
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:15,478
Mm-hmm.

1321
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:20,520
At one point, my father was
a classic macho Mexican guy.

1322
01:02:21,891 --> 01:02:24,245
You know, his background always been,

1323
01:02:24,287 --> 01:02:26,233
you know, kinda like rough.

1324
01:02:28,390 --> 01:02:30,718
He pushed my mother at one point

1325
01:02:30,760 --> 01:02:35,760
to actually abandon, you know, the phone

1326
01:02:36,070 --> 01:02:40,288
and asked, in one point,
one of my brothers and sisters

1327
01:02:40,330 --> 01:02:41,818
go to live with my grandmother

1328
01:02:41,860 --> 01:02:45,523
when I go to live with
his actually.

1329
01:02:46,390 --> 01:02:48,140
You know, even I remember,

1330
01:02:49,420 --> 01:02:51,853
one of my relatives mentioned it,

1331
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:56,428
that he attempt to actually even stab her

1332
01:02:56,470 --> 01:02:59,158
with a screwdriver.

1333
01:02:59,200 --> 01:03:00,688
Wow.

1334
01:03:00,730 --> 01:03:03,613
I never got really the
complete story, you know.

1335
01:03:04,510 --> 01:03:07,971
But knowing him over the years,

1336
01:03:08,013 --> 01:03:09,763
kinda like going in that direction.

1337
01:03:11,453 --> 01:03:14,353
Growing up with these beautiful
people to take care of me.

1338
01:03:15,993 --> 01:03:18,543
You know, there was already older,

1339
01:03:19,630 --> 01:03:24,630
really older people already,
like, say, was my mother aunt.

1340
01:03:26,830 --> 01:03:31,830
My mother's grandmother's
sister, we can say that, you know?

1341
01:03:32,512 --> 01:03:34,141
Right, right, right.

1342
01:03:34,183 --> 01:03:38,353
They take care of me growing up.

1343
01:03:40,180 --> 01:03:44,113
My father, he was showing
once in a great while.

1344
01:03:45,490 --> 01:03:50,490
And the sad part is
never try to be consistent,

1345
01:03:51,940 --> 01:03:56,391
try to be what you're expecting
for a father, you know?

1346
01:03:56,433 --> 01:03:57,508
And I was asking too much for him.

1347
01:03:57,550 --> 01:04:01,251
I was just asking to actually
spend some time with him.

1348
01:04:01,293 --> 01:04:02,565
And actually I-

1349
01:04:02,607 --> 01:04:04,498
So you actually asked him

1350
01:04:04,540 --> 01:04:06,637
to spend time with you as a-

1351
01:04:06,679 --> 01:04:09,208
I was in that young age
when I asked that part, yes.

1352
01:04:09,250 --> 01:04:10,138
And he just-

1353
01:04:10,180 --> 01:04:15,180
And he was telling me,
because his work related

1354
01:04:16,180 --> 01:04:20,218
was in a construction, classic,

1355
01:04:20,260 --> 01:04:23,188
you know, the Mexican classic job.

1356
01:04:23,230 --> 01:04:24,971
Wow. Yeah, yeah.

1357
01:04:25,013 --> 01:04:26,998
That brings me to my next question.

1358
01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:29,878
So he was working on construction,

1359
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:32,038
so obviously you asked him all the time

1360
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:34,438
to try to spend time with you and whatnot.

1361
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:38,248
He denied you, for whatever reason.

1362
01:04:38,290 --> 01:04:40,648
So with that being said,

1363
01:04:40,690 --> 01:04:42,388
you guys never even had the opportunity

1364
01:04:42,430 --> 01:04:44,038
to take pictures together, right?

1365
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:45,178
Exactly.

1366
01:04:45,220 --> 01:04:47,038
So tell us about the part

1367
01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:49,070
where you went to the construction site

1368
01:04:53,020 --> 01:04:56,188
to take your stepdad somethin' and...

1369
01:04:56,230 --> 01:05:00,118
I was around, if I'm not mistaken,

1370
01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:02,881
around 12, 13 years old already.

1371
01:05:02,923 --> 01:05:05,188
Mm-hmm.

1372
01:05:05,230 --> 01:05:06,955
My father, the person
that was raising me,

1373
01:05:06,997 --> 01:05:09,273
and I called father in that time-

1374
01:05:09,315 --> 01:05:10,106
Right, right, right.

1375
01:05:10,148 --> 01:05:12,133
He was in charge in a construction site.

1376
01:05:14,140 --> 01:05:18,688
And I didn't even know if he
actually hired my real father.

1377
01:05:18,730 --> 01:05:19,521
Wow.

1378
01:05:19,563 --> 01:05:21,930
To work there, 'cause he needs a job too.

1379
01:05:21,972 --> 01:05:22,763
I didn't know that part.

1380
01:05:22,805 --> 01:05:24,238
Yeah. - Wow.

1381
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:26,068
Without no knowledge.

1382
01:05:26,110 --> 01:05:29,051
One of those days, pretty much every day,

1383
01:05:29,093 --> 01:05:33,524
I was taking lunch to him
because it was a short distance.

1384
01:05:33,566 --> 01:05:35,098
- Right, right.
- I can walk to the side.

1385
01:05:35,140 --> 01:05:37,948
It was, you know, close to our place,

1386
01:05:37,990 --> 01:05:39,916
where we was living at that time.

1387
01:05:39,958 --> 01:05:40,924
Uh-huh.

1388
01:05:40,966 --> 01:05:43,918
And the regular, around 12 o'clock noon,

1389
01:05:43,960 --> 01:05:46,468
I was walking over there
to the construction site

1390
01:05:46,510 --> 01:05:48,388
to bring my father's lunch.

1391
01:05:48,430 --> 01:05:49,263
Right.

1392
01:05:50,170 --> 01:05:53,901
I get there, and I know exactly the area

1393
01:05:53,943 --> 01:05:55,618
where I was supposed to be doing,

1394
01:05:55,660 --> 01:05:58,048
because I was doing it before,
of course, more than once.

1395
01:05:58,090 --> 01:05:59,308
Right.

1396
01:05:59,350 --> 01:06:01,618
I was setting up everything on the table,

1397
01:06:01,660 --> 01:06:04,738
then he got there, I put on
the food, display everything

1398
01:06:04,780 --> 01:06:07,423
that he always, you know, he likes.

1399
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:13,320
And he came in that moment
when I was almost finished,

1400
01:06:14,298 --> 01:06:16,783
and he say to me,
"Please, wait a few seconds.

1401
01:06:17,980 --> 01:06:20,133
Somebody wanna talk to you."

1402
01:06:20,175 --> 01:06:21,852
Mm.

1403
01:06:22,727 --> 01:06:24,658
I was like, "Somebody wanna see me?"

1404
01:06:24,700 --> 01:06:27,358
I was thinking maybe one
of the old guys, you know?

1405
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:29,343
- Right.
- In another constructions.

1406
01:06:30,910 --> 01:06:32,968
My father's friends, they
always like me, you know?

1407
01:06:33,010 --> 01:06:35,888
Right, right, right, right.

1408
01:06:35,930 --> 01:06:39,598
I was almost complete,
finished on the food

1409
01:06:39,640 --> 01:06:41,548
and everything for him.

1410
01:06:41,590 --> 01:06:44,893
And in the back, I just heard,

1411
01:06:46,076 --> 01:06:50,277
you know, the voice of my father.

1412
01:06:52,570 --> 01:06:57,570
And he's like, "Hey, your father is here."

1413
01:06:59,509 --> 01:07:04,160
And I turned around and I see

1414
01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:08,384
my real father, of course.

1415
01:07:08,426 --> 01:07:12,448
And he tried to, you
know, say something to me,

1416
01:07:12,490 --> 01:07:13,618
and I talked to my father,

1417
01:07:13,660 --> 01:07:15,763
for some reason already my brain was,

1418
01:07:16,846 --> 01:07:17,668
you know, blocking me really quick,

1419
01:07:17,710 --> 01:07:21,463
and say, "Wait a minute,
this person is not my father."

1420
01:07:22,480 --> 01:07:23,533
You are my father.

1421
01:07:24,370 --> 01:07:27,367
"And I don't want nothing
with this person anymore."

1422
01:07:28,234 --> 01:07:29,511
Mm-hmm.

1423
01:07:29,553 --> 01:07:33,778
And without giving any
explanation on anything,

1424
01:07:33,820 --> 01:07:35,773
I just walked away.

1425
01:07:36,730 --> 01:07:41,730
And after that, the last time,

1426
01:07:41,793 --> 01:07:43,603
I think he resembles to him,

1427
01:07:45,806 --> 01:07:48,281
was in a public transportation.

1428
01:07:48,323 --> 01:07:50,908
I was around 14, 15 years old.

1429
01:07:50,950 --> 01:07:52,228
And I think it was him.

1430
01:07:52,270 --> 01:07:55,498
That was the last time
I really think I see him.

1431
01:07:55,540 --> 01:07:56,548
After that-

1432
01:07:56,590 --> 01:07:58,348
No more. - No more.

1433
01:07:58,390 --> 01:08:03,043
So, man, thank
you for sharing this story, man.

1434
01:08:04,930 --> 01:08:08,158
So you guys actually had a opportunity

1435
01:08:08,200 --> 01:08:12,328
to talk about the situation.

1436
01:08:12,370 --> 01:08:15,118
He saw you, you saw him,

1437
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:18,028
but you guys just went your separate ways.

1438
01:08:18,070 --> 01:08:18,861
Yes.

1439
01:08:18,903 --> 01:08:22,888
What do you think
made you guys not say anything?

1440
01:08:22,930 --> 01:08:26,038
Does it have to do with pride?
Does it have to do with ego?

1441
01:08:26,080 --> 01:08:27,880
Does it have to do with any of that?

1442
01:08:29,140 --> 01:08:31,048
To be honest with you,

1443
01:08:31,090 --> 01:08:34,393
I can actually tell you that I
was a dumb kid in that time.

1444
01:08:35,478 --> 01:08:37,267
Dumb teenager. - Yeah.

1445
01:08:37,309 --> 01:08:38,100
Like too many at one point.

1446
01:08:38,142 --> 01:08:40,228
And you, as a
kid, obviously you're a kid,

1447
01:08:40,270 --> 01:08:44,008
but what do you think was holding him back

1448
01:08:44,050 --> 01:08:46,678
from coming to you to talk to you?

1449
01:08:46,720 --> 01:08:50,113
I heard so many rumors
about supposed to be,

1450
01:08:51,580 --> 01:08:54,868
that was telling him,
you know, it was worth it

1451
01:08:54,910 --> 01:08:56,788
because he's going to
get too much in trouble

1452
01:08:56,830 --> 01:08:59,725
with my parents that was taking care of me.

1453
01:08:59,767 --> 01:09:01,348
Mm.

1454
01:09:01,390 --> 01:09:03,928
And he was afraid supposedly

1455
01:09:03,970 --> 01:09:06,298
to have a relationship with me.

1456
01:09:06,340 --> 01:09:08,638
Wow. - By that time.

1457
01:09:08,680 --> 01:09:10,008
Do you buy that?

1458
01:09:10,050 --> 01:09:13,573
To be honest with you,
what I can tell you, you know?

1459
01:09:14,440 --> 01:09:17,880
Over the years, I just move on pretty much.

1460
01:09:17,922 --> 01:09:19,409
Right. - It still hurts.

1461
01:09:19,451 --> 01:09:20,398
Right. - It still hurts.

1462
01:09:20,440 --> 01:09:25,415
Because you wanna grow up and say,

1463
01:09:25,457 --> 01:09:28,567
"This person helped me," or,
"This person do this for me."

1464
01:09:29,448 --> 01:09:30,948
Mm-hmm.

1465
01:09:33,340 --> 01:09:36,555
I got the old man to take
care of me for so many years

1466
01:09:36,597 --> 01:09:38,383
and I'm really grateful.

1467
01:09:39,511 --> 01:09:43,344
But there's a part of
me that's still missing,

1468
01:09:46,308 --> 01:09:47,889
that connection and...

1469
01:09:47,931 --> 01:09:49,474
Yeah.

1470
01:09:49,516 --> 01:09:53,779
It really hurts. Really
hurts over the years.

1471
01:09:53,821 --> 01:09:58,108
But it's part of life,
what we say around, no?

1472
01:09:58,150 --> 01:10:01,483
It's something I was never going to get.

1473
01:10:02,856 --> 01:10:07,241
Why things happens
like that to people like us.

1474
01:10:07,283 --> 01:10:09,568
But, yeah, it's been hard.

1475
01:10:09,610 --> 01:10:11,578
And I'll be honest with you,

1476
01:10:11,620 --> 01:10:14,817
I regret part of that conversation now.

1477
01:10:16,763 --> 01:10:18,628
But whatever is done is done.

1478
01:10:18,670 --> 01:10:20,788
- Right.
- You know? What I can do?

1479
01:10:20,830 --> 01:10:23,611
Yeah. - Nothing to fix anything.

1480
01:10:23,653 --> 01:10:24,568
I don't know if he's alive.

1481
01:10:24,610 --> 01:10:25,860
I'm not gonna lie to you,

1482
01:10:27,730 --> 01:10:32,728
the last thing I know, he's still living,

1483
01:10:32,770 --> 01:10:35,293
but almost 20 years ago. - Mm-hmm.

1484
01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:39,868
I stopped being in
relationship with my family

1485
01:10:39,910 --> 01:10:42,200
for different reasons. - Mm-hmm.

1486
01:10:42,242 --> 01:10:47,218
And I have no clue, no
nothing if he's still around.

1487
01:10:47,260 --> 01:10:52,135
I know I have half-brothers,
half-sisters from his side.

1488
01:10:52,177 --> 01:10:56,818
But my biggest, you know, regret

1489
01:10:56,860 --> 01:11:01,577
is not having a picture with him.

1490
01:11:01,619 --> 01:11:05,881
To actually have a
memory at least, you know?

1491
01:11:05,923 --> 01:11:07,723
But... Thank you, brother.

1492
01:11:09,511 --> 01:11:11,594
Hey, man, appreciate you.

1493
01:11:13,540 --> 01:11:15,748
These...

1494
01:11:15,790 --> 01:11:16,581
Oh, shit.

1495
01:11:16,623 --> 01:11:19,138
These topics are hard, bro.

1496
01:11:19,180 --> 01:11:22,483
Believe me, when I sat down with my dad,

1497
01:11:24,250 --> 01:11:25,648
I broke down.

1498
01:11:25,690 --> 01:11:27,748
But you know what? We got it out.

1499
01:11:27,790 --> 01:11:32,113
It was a sense of kinda healing, you know?

1500
01:11:34,450 --> 01:11:36,358
But I appreciate you, bro.

1501
01:11:36,400 --> 01:11:37,719
Thank you, man.

1502
01:11:37,761 --> 01:11:38,552
No, no, thank you.

1503
01:11:38,594 --> 01:11:40,044
Sorry... No, no.

1504
01:11:40,086 --> 01:11:41,421
You had... Hey, hey.

1505
01:11:41,463 --> 01:11:42,254
I'll be honest with you.

1506
01:11:42,296 --> 01:11:45,899
I was not expecting it to
hit me like this right now.

1507
01:11:45,941 --> 01:11:46,951
Not even... I know.

1508
01:11:46,993 --> 01:11:47,818
I was nervous to actually,

1509
01:11:47,860 --> 01:11:49,318
you know, talk again about this,

1510
01:11:49,360 --> 01:11:52,190
you know, after the last
time I was telling my wife.

1511
01:11:53,054 --> 01:11:57,598
Kinda like it's something
was opened again, you know?

1512
01:11:57,640 --> 01:12:00,868
Like try to block this
for so many years and...

1513
01:12:00,910 --> 01:12:03,088
But it's good... Yeah.

1514
01:12:03,130 --> 01:12:06,958
to let these
feelings and emotions out.

1515
01:12:07,000 --> 01:12:09,388
Because the more we
block and the more we block,

1516
01:12:09,430 --> 01:12:12,598
the more it pins us down.

1517
01:12:12,640 --> 01:12:15,688
And you never know how we can explode.

1518
01:12:15,730 --> 01:12:17,368
Yeah. - So it's good to have someone

1519
01:12:17,410 --> 01:12:20,818
who has a similar story.

1520
01:12:20,860 --> 01:12:22,890
So that's why I appreciate you guys

1521
01:12:22,932 --> 01:12:25,438
'cause you guys are helping me out.

1522
01:12:25,480 --> 01:12:26,930
Yeah. - You know?

1523
01:12:27,775 --> 01:12:30,331
Oh, God.

1524
01:12:30,373 --> 01:12:31,554
I'm 50 years old...

1525
01:13:02,230 --> 01:13:03,838
It is fulfilling to know

1526
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:06,988
that the journey of finding
the unanswered questions

1527
01:13:07,030 --> 01:13:10,198
about the absence of
my father in my childhood

1528
01:13:10,240 --> 01:13:14,863
and why we had no pictures
together is now complete.

1529
01:13:15,790 --> 01:13:18,778
It took the encouraging words of a friend

1530
01:13:18,820 --> 01:13:21,058
and the swallowing of my pride

1531
01:13:21,100 --> 01:13:23,863
to ultimately lead to those answers.

1532
01:13:24,970 --> 01:13:28,438
I embarked on this journey first for myself

1533
01:13:28,480 --> 01:13:31,213
and then for the relationship
between my father and I.

1534
01:13:32,770 --> 01:13:35,711
But through the creation
of this documentary,

1535
01:13:35,753 --> 01:13:39,343
I encountered so many
people with similar stories.

1536
01:13:41,230 --> 01:13:42,958
The problem that was consistent

1537
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:45,568
with the majority of these stories

1538
01:13:45,610 --> 01:13:48,268
is that pride and ego

1539
01:13:48,310 --> 01:13:52,048
blocks us from discovering
our ultimate potential

1540
01:13:52,090 --> 01:13:53,713
for personal freedom and growth.

1541
01:13:55,330 --> 01:13:59,623
Now, if we swallow our
pride and set aside our egos,

1542
01:14:00,490 --> 01:14:04,588
we then allow ourselves
the opportunity to discover

1543
01:14:04,630 --> 01:14:08,263
our maximum potential for
personal freedom and growth.

1544
01:14:10,330 --> 01:14:12,343
Will you be the next to discover yours?

1545
01:14:18,400 --> 01:14:19,233
Cool.

1546
01:14:22,120 --> 01:14:23,143
Look at T.O.

1547
01:14:25,074 --> 01:14:26,970
Look at T.O.

1548
01:14:27,012 --> 01:14:27,803
You crazy.

1549
01:14:27,845 --> 01:14:28,708
Look at T.O.

1550
01:14:28,750 --> 01:14:32,368
You know, guys, I
just signed for $41 million

1551
01:14:32,410 --> 01:14:35,293
and, man, it's incredible what
happened, what's happened.

1552
01:14:36,700 --> 01:14:39,980
I'm the number number one
wide receiver in the nation

1553
01:14:40,022 --> 01:14:43,048
and no one can beat my
record, no one, you guys.

1554
01:14:43,090 --> 01:14:45,058
But anyway, it's just a cue.

1555
01:14:45,100 --> 01:14:47,308
So tell us your name. Right.

1556
01:14:47,350 --> 01:14:49,888
It's a career goal because,
and while he was doing that,

1557
01:14:49,930 --> 01:14:51,028
he was getting his master's

1558
01:14:51,070 --> 01:14:53,788
and he was working on his PhD when he died.

1559
01:14:53,830 --> 01:14:55,198
Right.

1560
01:14:55,240 --> 01:14:59,386
So at this point, I said, you know what?

1561
01:14:59,428 --> 01:15:03,778
I'm not worried about did I
make my parents proud of me,

1562
01:15:03,820 --> 01:15:05,218
my brothers proud of me.

1563
01:15:05,260 --> 01:15:07,708
It's not about them. - Right.

1564
01:15:07,750 --> 01:15:09,133
Behind-the-scenes set up.

1565
01:15:20,704 --> 01:15:21,537
Camera A.

1566
01:15:23,227 --> 01:15:25,144
Another one right here.

1567
01:15:26,513 --> 01:15:27,930
How you doin'?

1568
01:15:27,972 --> 01:15:30,058
You look just like my little Bella.

1569
01:15:30,100 --> 01:15:31,617
You smell Bella on you?

1570
01:15:33,097 --> 01:15:35,630
You don't smell Bella on you, huh?

1571
01:15:35,672 --> 01:15:38,179
Mm-hmm.

1572
01:15:38,221 --> 01:15:40,301
And Bella, she protestin'.