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Welcome.
Our best guess, there's about 250, 275 people in there.
It's hard to count.
We need to be prepared for, like, 300 people
by the time we get there, right?
Our cargo container,
18-wheeler, that thing only holds 160 people.
I'm talking 'bout crammed in there tight...
That's cheek to jowl.
...smashed face to face.
Women and children first.
Listen, whoever's not on with us,
- they just run, on foot. - Just go.
That's it. If they're not with us, they run.
Via de la Amistad, that's our exit route.
Runs east-west. It's about one mile from 905.
- Right. - What you draggin' in that wagon?
Listen, I got HMEs.
I got mortars, I got tear gas, I got whatever you guys need,
but I'm a little unclear as to what the plan is.
- I'm gonna need some direction. - Don't be unclear.
- I got a plan for us. - Well, what is it?
I mean, you want me to create a diversion?
You want me to blow something up?
What do you want?
I want you to create a show, Pat.
Okay? This is the announcement of the motherfuckin' revolution.
- Yeah. - Make it good. Make it bright.
Impress me.
Team Two's entrance. We got that?
Yep. That runs north and south.
Perfect, perfect, perfect.
- Give Pat a walkie. - Gimme a walkie.
Big truck coming up Enrico Fermi...
- Channel five. - Copy that.
Yeah! It's game time. No more talking 'bout this.
- Let's go! - All right, let's go,
- let's go, let's go. - Let's fuckin' go.
Watch, watch, watch.
Get on your knees, like you 'bout to suck a dick.
Gate guard secure.
Hey, you. Get up. Hands up. Get up.
- Down. Hey you, get up. - Get your hands up.
- Wake up. All the way up! - Down on the ground.
Hands up. Don't look at me.
- All the way up. - Wake up.
Wake up, soldier boy.
You died and went to pussy heaven, motherfucker.
Put your arms to the side so I can see you.
What's your name, dickhead?
I'm Captain Steven J. Lockjaw.
My name is Perfidia Beverly Hills,
and this is a declaration of war.
We're here to right your wrongs, motherfucker.
You got an army growin' in your fuckin' guts,
and you put it there.
You didn't count on me.
- Oh, my God. - You didn't count on my fight.
The message is clear.
Free borders, free bodies, free choices,
and free from fuckin' fear!
Sweet thing.
Is this funny?
Mm.
Get up.
Not on your feet.
Oh, not on your fuckin' feet.
Since we playin'...
get it up.
Up.
Yeah.
Get it up.
Guys, hurry up!
Be careful! Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Apurarse. Hurry, hurry, hurry! But be careful!
Be careful! All the way to the back.
Holy shit.
Keep it moving now.
Up.
Good boy.
Mm.
You like lockin' people up, huh?
- Mm. - Oh, yeah.
Get on your fuckin' knees!
Now.
Let's go, let's go.
Put it on.
Let's go!
Now get the fuck up.
Let's go. Hands up. Keep that dick up.
Keep it up.
The fuck out.
Pat.
Go for Pat.
Snap, crackle, pop, baby.
Copy that.
Come on, come on!
I declare war, motherfucker.
I'll be seeing you very soon.
Not if I see you first, fuck face.
We are a political organization
that is free from the eyes,
the ears, and most importantly,
the weapons of the imperialist state,
and this fascist regime!
You are a political prisoner of the French 75, motherfuckers!
You've been captured by the French 75!
Fuck the police!
- ¡Viva la revolución! - Let's go!
Motherfuckers, órale!
Wait! Wait, wait, wait!
- Hold on, y'all, hold on. - Shit. Oh, shit.
Where you get all this energy from?
What are you talkin' about?
I'm getting Ghetto Pat tonight. I think I like you.
- You like Black girls? - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah? - Do I like what?
You like...
Y'all think he like Black girls? Y'all think he like me?
- I think he does. - 'Course I fuckin' like Black girls!
So shoot this shit up! Let's go!
What the fuck do you think I'm doing here?
- Let's go! - Fuck your mother!
You know I like fuckin' Black girls!
You know I like Black girls.
And I love you. You love me? Tell me you love me.
- Tell me you fuckin' love me. - I love you.
Calm down. Calm the fuck down.
What I'm doing here
is I'm creating a closed circuit
to remove any static electricity.
And that right there...
That's a shunt. You see that?
Yeah.
This is your blasting cap.
Mm.
Right here.
Very important to keep your cap shunted like this
when you enter the courthouse. You got that?
Here's your main charge.
This is your cell phone.
Don't stop. I see the cell phone.
First thing you're gonna do is you're gonna turn on your cell phone
without your...
without your cap attached...
so you don't accidentally detonate your charge.
You're gonna wanna...
You're gonna wanna put your hands here, right?
- Mmm. - And then you wanna
take your hands and the cap
and throw it in the circle.
Senator Wilson, this is a warning for you.
We planted a bomb at the Haymarket office
of your re-election campaign.
We warned you, that abortion ban, and you didn't wanna fuckin' listen.
So, for my sisters in need, we will strike.
Sincerely yours, Perfidia Beverly Hills, motherfucker.
Revolutionary violence is the only way.
No more tellin' me to vote.
No more tellin' me to overcome.
"Nobody move, nobody get hurt" shit, it doesn't matter.
Everybody pays.
Don't even bother lookin' for the French 75.
We'll find you.
- Okay, baby, you ready? - Yeah.
All right. All right, all right. Let's go.
- Babe... - Yeah?
Let's fuck while the bomb go off.
- No, babe. - Come on, baby.
- Let's fuck, baby. - Come on, baby, we gotta go.
- Hurry. - Come on. Come on, baby.
- Let's fuck, baby. - No, baby. We gotta go.
- Come on, come on. Baby. - Come on. Come on.
- Come on, baby. - We gotta go. Come on, baby.
- Come on, baby. Hold on. Wait. - Bomb goes off in two minutes.
Bring 'em all!
Come on!
Don't say a fuckin' word, okay? You understand me?
- Get the rest! - Oh, yeah.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Come on, come on!
Stay right there. Don't you fuckin' move.
Grab him! Let's go.
Stay right fucking there, okay?
You fucking move, I'll blow your fucking head off.
Regular-working White girl.
Now do your thing.
We have two devices for two locations,
set three blocks apart.
Mae West completes her device in the administration building,
Perfidia and I take the courthouse.
Bombs are planted,
devices are detonated by remote at 7 p.m. after hours.
From here on in, it's one battle after another.
What do you want me to do?
I want you to do your worst.
You can blow up anything you want,
it doesn't make any difference to me.
I want my hat.
And my gun.
If you wanna keep doing what you're doing,
you'll meet me at the Primrose Path, 2300.
♪ Soldier boy ♪
♪ Oh, my little soldier boy ♪
♪ I'll be true to you ♪
♪ You were my first love... ♪
- Can we go slowly? - Shh.
Wanna take my shoes off.
- Shut... up. - Uh-huh.
Shh.
You're gonna let me go, right?
- Yes, ma'am! - Yeah.
♪ For I'll be true to you ♪
Holy shit!
Bitch, I felt like Tony Montana!
Yeah!
Fuck!
- Yes! - It's cathartic.
This pussy right here...
- That one? - What's it for?
- Um... Fun! - War! Bitch.
- Nah. - Oh.
The pussy ain't for fun. This is the fun.
The guns is the fuckin' fun.
Pussy is the fucking weapon.
I mean...
I see it.
A White-bred, philistine, asshole corporate culture,
whose only end is to perfect the science of advertising.
But I ain't gonna hold ya, bitch.
If he treats me different after I drop
this motherfucker thing inside my stomach, bitch,
we gonna have a fuckin' problem.
- Kill him, too. - Bae, stop.
I'll kill him dead!
Before he beats me!
What the fuck? That...
It's like she doesn't even realize she's pregnant.
Some other white chocolate daddy over there
and all this shit.
- You right. - You feel me? No...
Okay, so put one up and down.
- Okay. - Okay, so that means...
- I'm the house. - Okay, yeah.
You know, you are so unsuitable for my daughter.
Me?
Yeah, you.
And that's hilarious.
I don't...
My child comes from a whole line of revolutionaries.
And you look so lost.
She's a runner, and you a stump.
What are you gonna do about this baby? Hm?
No, I just, I wanna feel seen and loved and...
I fuckin' carried her nine months.
And now he can just, gets to fuckin' walk around...
and just swoonin' all fuckin' day.
It's like she's his only girl.
Like, I just no longer exist. I'm just a fuckin' piece of meat.
And sometimes, I feel crazy, 'cause I'm just like...
am I weird for being jealous of my baby?
I don't fuckin' feel seen. I don't feel love.
I feel fuckin' ugly. My nipples hurt.
I can barely fucking produce milk.
I'm not okay.
Baby, where do you think you're goin', huh?
- Where you goin' like that? - Stop talkin' to me.
I go as I please.
You realize that we're a family now, right?
You don't have to do this anymore.
You realize I put myself first, right? And that's what you scared of.
We have her now.
You do get that, right?
I put myself first, and I reject your lack of originality.
God, my lack of originality. Will you stop with all this bullshit?
Would you stop it? We're a goddamn family.
You have her to take care of.
Where the hell do you think you're goin'?
It's okay, baby.
It's okay. It's okay, baby.
It's okay.
This is a new consciousness.
- New consciousness? - Yeah.
I'm not your udder buddy.
I'm not your mother.
You want your power over me,
the same reason you want your power over the world.
You and your crumblin' male ego
will never do this revolution like me.
Fuck outta here.
Do the revolution, baby. Go do it.
You got a baby?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Male? Female?
She's a girl.
What's her name?
Charlene.
Sounds like a Black girl's name.
You like Black girls?
I love 'em.
I love them!
- Get on your knees. - Get on your fuckin' knees.
- Don't move. - Now!
Good job.
Get your noses in the carpet.
My name is Junglepussy.
This is what power looks like.
- Put it in. - See my face?
Put it there.
- This some Set It Off shit. - Hands up. Put your hands up.
- I don't want you. - Put your hands up.
I just want your money.
Your money pays for my artillery, my supplies,
my transportation, my dynamite, my message.
I am what Black Power looks like.
See my face?
See my face!
I'm the French 75!
Stop moving.
Stop fucking moving.
Stop fuckin' moving, man.
All right, go.
Cuff the left arm, please.
This department doesn't do any special favors,
especially for Black girls.
You're a killer, and that's the least of it.
You'll do 30, 40 years in prison.
It's too bad you don't know anybody with sway.
You can save me.
Because you're in love with me.
Yes.
And you can't live without me.
Can you hold me?
I can give you the embrace
of the federal government.
You've gotta tell me where they are, and name names.
Don't do this.
You have to name names, or you're gonna go to prison.
Miss Minnie,
do you have a car seat or a carrier?
No, no, no, baby.
These are two scanners that I've made.
This one plays Melody A.
- This one plays Melody B. - Uh-huh.
Together, they go off within 200 or 300 yards of each other,
they sync up, they'll play a main melody.
- Main melody. - Okay? Somebody else has one of these,
you both know the tune, you'll be able to find each other.
- This is a trust device. - Right.
Okay? Rule of thumb with these scanners,
find somebody else out there and they happen to have one of these,
trust them with your life, okay?
I'm not passing these out to just anybody.
- She might be hungry. - I need some towels.
Miss Minnie, can you get me some towels?
Yeah. All right.
Okay. What's wrong?
I know. We're going.
- Get a phone or don't... - If you gotta get a cell, make it 1G.
The early analogue stuff,
they don't scan those frequencies anymore.
You'll be fine. Otherwise, no phones.
- Okay. - If the towers are up,
we're gonna be able to find each other in any case.
- All right. - Memorize everything in this envelope.
Burn it when you're done.
You don't go to Baktan Cross right away.
You go to Denver first. You spend a week in Denver.
While you're in Denver, plant those decoys.
When that's all clear and that job is done,
then you go on to Baktan Cross.
These are the new names and socials.
Right, so who are we supposed to be here?
You are Bob and Willa Ferguson.
It's a mother and son who died in childbirth last month.
So we're pretending to be dead folks?
If you wanna think about it that way, yes,
but there are bigger deaths down the line if we don't do this.
I want you to think big picture here, all right?
- Right. Right. - This is bigger than you or I.
This is bigger than the original Bob and Willa Ferguson, okay?
Guys, you better hurry up.
Yeah.
Welcome to the world, Bob.
Let's go! Big picture.
Got it. Yeah.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
You're safe.
- I gotta go. I'm sorry, okay? - Okay.
- I know you do, but... - I'm sorry.
I know, but you not sure you wanna let her stay with us?
- I gotta go, I gotta go! - I know, I know.
But travel in grace. Oh, my God.
Here. Hold her.
- All right, I got her, I got her. - Thanks.
- Come on, baby girl, come on. - Watch her head.
All right.
- Love you. - I love you.
- Take care. - Stay safe.
Okay.
Home sweet home.
We've been through all this before,
but I've gotta go through it one more time.
No contact ever with anyone from Josie and the Pussycats
or any of your former associates.
No family. No friends.
Don't commit any crimes.
You will testify when we need you to testify.
Look, first order of business, find a job.
Pay your bills.
- You good? - Mm-hmm.
Welcome to mainstream America.
Every revolution begins fightin' demons
but motherfuckers just end up fightin' themselves.
Hands up! Put your hands up over your head!
She's in the back!
Get your hands up! Higher!
For valor in the line of duty
and bringing justice to the vigilante group
known as the French 75,
we are here to award Steven J. Lockjaw
with the Bedford-Forrest Medal of Honor.
Sixteen years later,
the world had changed very little.
You're not breathing.
Let's do it again.
♪ Times are hard You're afraid to pay the fee... ♪
♪ So you find yourself somebody... ♪
♪ When you need a bit of lovin'... ♪
♪ That's the time you get me runnin' ♪
♪ And you know I'll be around ♪
♪ I'm a fool to do your dirty work ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ I don't wanna do Your dirty work... ♪
♪ I'm a fool to do your dirty work ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Light the candle Put the lock upon the door... ♪
♪ You have sent the maid home early ♪
♪ Like a thousand times before... ♪
♪ Like the castle in its corner... ♪
♪ In a medieval game ♪
♪ I foresee terrible trouble... ♪
- History class? - Mm-hmm.
Teachin' the right kind of history, I hope.
Lincoln.
Mm-hmm.
I see you got all the greats here, huh?
Oh, yeah.
What were his intentions?
Got Teddy Roosevelt over there. You got...
Hope you teach about the Philippines and all that.
We don't get all into the details just yet,
- but we don't hide from them, either. - You should.
You should. Gotta tell the truth.
And then you got the Grand Wizard over there, right?
- Mr. Benjamin Franklin. - Mm.
Forefather.
- Hm? - Mm.
Fuckin' slave owner.
You... I'm afraid you can't do that here in the classroom.
- Fuckin' slave owners everywhere. - Thanks.
Um...
Well, overall, to get into it,
Willa's doing really great.
Mm.
She's a confident leader.
- Mm-hmm. - She works hard.
You can tell that she actually cares about being a good student, you know?
She enters class each day ready to work, full of energy.
The other students really admire her, um...
Are you okay?
If I get emotional, it's just um...
- tears of joy, that's all. - Oh.
I see this is very emotional for you.
I don't know...
You know, Willa grew up without her mom.
Her mom died when she was very young.
Oh. I see.
Hm.
So Willa never knew her mother?
No. She never did.
That can be very hard on a young woman.
Sir, I have Lieutenant Skinner here to speak with you.
What do you got, Skinner?
Sir, Deputy Director of Progress has orders to speak to you, sir.
Your transportation is set for 1800 hours, sir.
You know what this is about, Skinner?
- No, sir, I'm... - Well, I think I do.
That'll be all, Lieutenant.
Welcome, Colonel. Please follow me.
Have somebody tell my wife I'll be down in a few minutes.
Colonel Lockjaw, thanks for coming.
Sandy, great to see you.
Let me introduce you to Virgil Throckmorton.
- Virgil, Colonel Steve Lockjaw. - Steve Lockjaw.
- How do you do, Colonel? - My pleasure, sir.
Yeah, I'm sorry about all the espionage at the back entrance.
My daughter's getting married and dress was formal.
So, we didn't want you to feel out of place.
Perfectly understandable, sir.
Please, sit.
Shane Mitchell sends a hello.
The big dog. He still building out that garage?
The construction project that never ends.
I'm sure he'll get it done. Will you give him my best?
- Will do. - Thank you.
How was your journey from Rio Duarte?
Fine, sir.
You're doing great work down there.
Thank you very much, sir.
Each and every day is hand-to-hand combat
in the spread of uncontrolled migration, isn't it?
- Yes, it is, sir. - Yeah.
Well, "You wanna save the planet, you start with immigration."
That's exactly right, sir.
You said that.
A few years back, after Squatting Pebble.
Ah.
I understand you've expressed an interest in us.
Yes, sir, I have.
And does it honor you to be considered for membership in our club?
It's a very deep honor, sir. Yes, it is.
Steve, we have, in the past,
offered membership to certain members of the military.
We found their tactical battlefield expertise
to be quite useful.
Now, our aim and your aim is the same.
To find dangerous lunatics,
haters, and punk trash and stop them.
No more lunatics.
Mm.
Now, I'm not sure if you've heard or not,
but Jim Kringle passed away.
Oh, I did hear that, yes.
This means an opening.
- Mm. - Colonel,
I don't think I'm being immodest when I say
that joining the Christmas Adventurers Club
means that you are a superior man.
No, not the best man, not the most intelligent,
the most sophisticated, or the wisest.
It just means that you are superior to other human beings,
and you shall never want for riches
or the greatest of friends.
Now, we report to ourselves with a freedom to be creative
and cut through layers of bureaucracy.
We live by the Golden Rule,
in a network of like-minded men and women
dedicated to makin' the world safe and pure.
What would you say to someone who believes
that you have been soft in your duty to racial purification?
I would say they are a liar who has no business in society.
Or on the planet, for that matter. Mm.
- Do you presently live with a spouse? - No, sir.
Have you ever consulted with a mental health professional?
No, sir.
Have you ever had any bills or debts turned over to a collection agency?
Mm. Well, I did purchase a jet ski.
It was an evolution of the old Hummingbird Whisperdoo 238.
Called the Dynamite Dolphin 335.
It was defective.
I abstained from payment. I'd do it again. I have no regrets.
Okay.
Have you ever knowingly engaged
in any acts of terrorism against this country?
No, sir.
Have you ever engaged in an interracial relationship?
No, sir.
And you are American-born by gentile?
Yes, sir.
Mm-hmm.
Now, to avoid any misunderstanding,
we require absolute secrecy through the initiation process
to judge how serious and unselfish you are.
- You understand? - Mm-hmm.
And to be considered to a vote,
you must submit to a voluntary vulnerability study.
This identifies anything problematic in your character.
What could be a problem?
I don't know. What could be a problem?
Absolutely nothing.
We wanna know who we're standing with.
Sure.
Now, it's a Double Yankee White Inquisitions Completum.
So if you have any doubt as to your ability
to qualify in body or character
as a member of the Christmas Adventurers Club,
now you have an opportunity to say so.
- Do you wish to withdraw? - No, sir.
Do you submit yourself?
Yes, sir. I submit myself.
Very well, then.
Now Sandy and I have to get down to cut the cake.
Oh.
Congratulations on your daughter's wedding.
Thank you. We'll be in touch.
Thank you.
- Steve. - Thank you, sir. Thank you, Sandy.
Maybe starting to see how corrupt to the core
this whole fucking charade is.
This great, noble experiment in self-government.
Bought and sold by billionaires. The Davos crowd.
Openly racist, fucking Bell Curve Nazis.
It's bedtime for democracy, comrades. Good night.
So you're feeling like maybe your mind is starting to erode? Good.
B-Q-W-5-L-P-A, go ahead.
This is happening on the ground through coordinated effort,
and strategic lines of resistance...
every day, working through dedicated teamwork
to take it directly to the capitalist overlords,
who are extracting value from your life
this very second.
Go ahead.
What, you think this is Facebook?
This is gonna happen on your Instagram?
It's gonna happen on a hashtag somewhere?
I think not.
And don't forget, while you're doing it,
that this is a nation that gives asylum.
Don't think they're separate.
Don't break them apart. They're not...
What the fuck?
"QST, QST, QST!
Attention, all sanctuary stations.
Billy Goat is in the wind.
Repeat, Billy Goat is in the wind.
Implement plan Snap, Crackle, Pop.
Repeat, plan Snap, Crackle, Pop.
Repeat, implement plan Snap, Crackle, Pop."
QST, QST, QST!
Attention, all sanctuary stations.
Billy Goat is in the wind.
Repeat, Billy Goat is in the wind.
Implement plan Snap, Crackle, Pop.
Repeat, plan Snap, Crackle, Pop.
What's up, my man? You got my guy?
Any SSE in the car?
- No. - No?
Come here, dirtbag.
Howard Sommerville.
- How are you? - Good.
The French 75.
The Resistance.
The Gringo Coyote?
Billy Goat?
- Done your homework. - Mm-hmm.
Good. Take a look around. Take it all in.
Do you need anything?
- I'm fine. - A drink?
I'm okay.
You're still alive. That's a good sign, right?
Seem to be.
Yeah. Do you know why you're still alive?
- You tell me. - I will tell you.
I need you to tell me where Baby Charlene is,
what's her name, where does she live?
I need to know where The Rocket Man lives.
I need to know his name.
- Okay. - Ghetto Pat.
Okay. I can cooperate.
Their names are Fred Flintstone and Arthur Fonzarelli
and their address is Alpha Centauri.
I love it. I love it.
Motherfucker's sittin' on plastic in a container, he's still got jokes.
I just want you to know that I'm not scared.
I appreciate that.
If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't be scared, either.
I just don't know if your sister would feel that way.
What's his sister's name?
Pamela.
Oh, no more jokes?
What are their names and where do they live?
Their names are Bob and Willa Ferguson.
They're up in Baktan Cross.
Baktan Cross.
Make me a reason to deploy in that town.
- Drugs and tacos. - Got it.
And get all the intel on the gathering spots,
the hotspots for teenyboppers.
On it.
Shep.
Shep. Hey, come here, come here.
Where'd you...
Come, come with me. How ya doin'?
Get it!
Shep!
Shep.
Gentlemen, this is Operation Boot Heel.
Our AO is Baktan Cross.
This is a sanctuary city full of thousands of wet 'n stinkies.
We have a TST operation to capture two HVIs.
Adult male, Bob Ferguson.
Female juvenile, Willa Ferguson, age 16, the daughter.
We bag-and-tag the male. We apprehend the female.
Intel update.
Baktan High School dance today, 1800.
Grades nine through 12.
Break, break, break, net call one-three.
We're gonna split the team. Cell One to the high school.
Cell Two to the residence with me.
Good evening, gentlemen. Special Agent Toejam.
Our main target tonight is
Rimhorn's Chicken Lickin' Frozen Food Farm.
HUMINT reporting has led us to believe Chicken Lickin' is a front
for a large-scale heroin distribution operation within the AO.
BTR, your main effort,
you are tasked with the clearing and securing
of Chicken Lickin' Frozen Food Farm in order to destroy
heroin distribution operations within the AO.
Simultaneously, local law enforcement,
you will clear and secure Blatski's Tires,
Raliberto's Mexican Restaurant on Old California Road,
Tiburón's Taco Shack in the Baktan Mall,
and the gas station on J and Boiler Street.
This is a sanctuary city for thousands of wet bodies.
Expect the local populace to be sympathetic and supportive
to the criminal organizations we are targeting tonight, gentlemen.
Thank you.
You're hungover, and you got home at 3:00 in the morning.
Where were you?
Where, what? This isn't even warm, sweetie.
Where were you?
Where was I? I was...
Well, I specifically told you where I was.
You asked me that. I told you where I was.
I was at the Rustic Inn with the old band.
You remember our old band, right?
The old band, sweetie.
A Block Past Normal. You remember Albert?
Yeah.
Turns out, Albert bought all this old equipment
from Steely Dan's old studio
to try to get that sort of vintage, you know,
that sort of crackling tube sound.
You don't need any of that stuff anymore.
He brought out a computer program.
Boom, with the press of a button--
How'd you get home?
What do you mean?
- How did you get home? - Well, with my car.
You drove?
So what are you, my babysitter? What, what, what...
- Yeah. - I know how to drink and drive, honey.
I know what I'm doin'.
- I didn't have that much. - Dad.
What? What?
What?
I don't wanna be your babysitter.
I don't wanna worry if you wrapped your car
around a telephone pole.
- Well, I didn't wrap my-- - I didn't ask for this.
That's just how the cards were rolled out for me.
- It's "dice," sweetie. - What?
It's not "cards." You don't roll cards. It's dice.
Fuck off, Bob. Just fuck off with that, okay?
Grow up.
Wow. Okay.
Well, you... Look.
I like the way you're standin' up for yourself.
I'm proud of ya, honey,
but the way you, uh,
speak to your father sometimes, it's just...
I don't know. You're right.
You should tell me what you think, always.
Never hold anything back from me.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
You're right. That's somethin' I gotta remember.
And I fuck up sometimes.
Whoa. Who's this? Who's that?
- Who is that? - They're just my friends.
And they just, they have a red car like that, just drivin'...
Little loud, don't you think?
It's just a car.
And you told 'em they could do that?
- Yes. - Told 'em to come to the house?
Yes!
Now, who's the one with the lipstick?
What's that one's name?
- Bobo. - Bobo.
Now, is that a he or a she or a they?
Dad, come on.
No, are they transitioning? I wanna know if...
They're nonbinary.
Okay, I just wanna be polite. All right.
It's not that hard! "They, them."
And who's this little fuckin' freak at the door?
Probably Bluto.
They're just comin' to my house like this, huh?
- Yes! - All right.
Is that your date to the dance?
- My friend. - Okay.
You're not goin' anywhere with your goddamn friend until you take it.
Take it!
- Yep. Put it in your pocket. - I don't wanna put it in my pocket.
Put it in your garter or whatever you got.
My fucking garter?
What? Mother...
- What's up, homie? - Hey, how's it goin'?
- You cool? - Yeah.
- I was just here to pick up Willa. - Yeah, yeah.
You normally knock that loud at somebody's house like that?
- Uh, yeah. - Yeah, give us a sec, homie.
Put it in... You got a purse?
This is non-negotiable! Put it in your purse!
Nobody's coming to get you, Bob. You know that, right?
That's what you think.
What's up, guys? You guys cool?
- You guys hangin'? - Yep.
Goin' to the dance?
Yeah, it's cool.
Listen, I'm gonna tell you somethin',
whatever you do to her, I'm gonna do that exact same thing
to your entire fuckin' family.
- I'm not fuckin' around. - Wait, what?
- Dad? - I'm just tellin' ya.
We're talkin' about freedom, baby.
We're talkin' about freedom.
Freedom's a funny thing, isn't it?
When ya have it, you... you don't appreciate it,
and when you miss it, it's gone.
- It's just gone. Poof! - Okay.
There's a quinoa casserole with Frosted Flakes in the oven.
- Don't leave it on. - Got it.
- Have fun, homie. - All right.
All right, cool.
Let go of him.
Yo!
- Yeah? - Not you, ese.
Her, I'm talkin' to her. Get in the fuckin' car.
Say it.
Say it, baby.
Love you, Bob.
Love you, too.
Fuckin' freaks.
Does anyone have a charger? My phone's dead.
No. I love your skirt.
- Thank you. I love your dress. - Thanks.
Your dad's aggro, bro.
He's fuckin' paranoid, okay?
Okay.
♪ Hoes ♪
♪ Callin' a young Sheck Wes' phone ♪
♪ Where's Ali with The motherfuckin' dough ♪
By the tennis court.
- Wait, who got that video? - And...
No. That's not even the best part.
- And she literally threw up on it. - Oops. Sorry.
- What? - Yes!
Wait, do you think someone out there
has a video of that?
- Wait. I bet they do. - Wait.
We need to go find Tom and Ron.
Baby, don't be scared.
All right? Now, I'm gonna say it.
"Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies and Hooterville Junction."
Come on, baby, say it back to me.
"Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies,
Hooterville Junction."
"Will no longer be so goddamn relevant."
"And women will not care
if Dick finally got down with Jane on Search for Tomorrow."
"Because Black people will be in the streets..."
"Looking for a brighter day."
"The revolution will not be televised."
My dad said if anyone said that shit to me
to trust 'em with my life.
All right, right now, you need to.
'Cause you're in trouble, Willa. All right?
Now, there's an SOS signal out.
I am here to help.
But we have to leave here right away.
Look, I knew your mom and your dad.
I know you have a lot of questions, and I'll answer 'em later,
but right now, we have to roll.
- Will you leave here with me? - Where?
Anywhere but here.
'Kay.
Okay. You have to stay by my side, and you have to do exactly as I say.
- Do you understand? - Yes, ma'am.
- Do you have a phone on you? - No.
All right. Come on, baby, let's go.
♪ Oh don't you dare look back ♪
♪ Just keep your eyes on me ♪
♪ I said, "You're holding back" ♪
♪ She said "Shut up and dance with me" ♪
Wait, what about my dad?
He'll know what to do. He trained for this.
Oh, God. Come on.
Come on, baby, come on!
Go, go, go, go, go!
One-Three-Echo, One-Three-Delta.
Lights, music.
♪ This woman is my destiny She said... ♪
Have you get all these kids in the center of the gym.
Tell 'em everything's gonna be okay.
I need to get 'em set down, and I gotta talk to 'em.
Everybody, listen! I need you guys to stand up
and join everybody else on the court.
- Do you know Willa Ferguson? - No.
Do you know Willa Ferguson?
"Only then can we take on our real enemy."
"National Liberation Army."
Yeah?
Bob?
Who's this?
"We have trouble ahead. And the road isn't clear."
Wait, excuse me? Who is this?
- Who is this? - I need the greeting code, Bob.
Oh, fuck.
Well, I don't remember the fuckin' greeting code
because I got a little bit high.
And I... it's been fuckin' years, so you gotta help me out here with this.
- I don't... - You're gonna have to think.
Right.
Hm. Okay. "The..."
"The sun, the sun..."
Think.
"The sunrise. Sunrise, sunrise in the west."
Right?
The campus has been raided and the Billy Goat has been taken.
Billy Goat is Howard Sommerville,
so Howard Sommerville has been taken.
He's been taken or killed. What's goin' on?
Taken. Yesterday. And it gets worse.
"The Hammer is loose and en route to Baktan Cross."
Steve Lock... Steve fucking Lockjaw?
What in the motherfucking fuck?
How could it get any fuckin' worse than that?
- You're saying Steve Lockjaw-- - It's high alert, Bob.
Nothing is secure. Everything is wrong.
No one is above suspicion.
No, no, no. Slow down. Okay?
My daughter... my fuckin' daughter left the house.
She's not in the house with me,
so you gotta give me more information.
Willa's secure.
Lady Champagne and her team have extracted Willa.
- She's safe. - Good.
Okay, good. Keep her there.
The rendezvous points are the same as they've ever been.
- We'll be seeing you. - I'll be seeing...
Well, okay. Tell me the rendezvous point.
What's the... Hello?
What's the fuckin' rendezvous... Hello?
Fuck! Fuck.
Okay. Okay, Bob.
Don't panic.
Don't fuckin' panic, Bob.
Keep your shit together.
Don't get fuckin' paranoid, man.
Don't get fuckin' paranoid. Do what you gotta do.
Okay, step one, step one, step one.
Open doorway, right.
Initial clearance complete. Conducting back clear.
Clear.
Kitchen.
Living room.
Get the back.
- I got a tunnel! - Tunnel!
God damn it. What do you think?
He's a bomber.
Gas.
Cover.
No, no!
Oh, God!
"Rise and shine."
Okay...
"Bat an eyelash."
"Good morning."
"There are no hands on the clock."
"Why?"
"Because they're not needed."
"What time is it?"
Ah, fuck.
You know, I don't remember that part, all right?
Let's just not nitpick over the password stuff.
Look, this is Bob Ferguson, all right?
You just called my house.
Let's cut the shit. I need the rendezvous point.
"What time is it?"
Look, Steve Lockjaw just attacked my home.
I lost my daughter.
This is Bob Ferguson.
- Do you understand? - Right. Yes.
I don't remember any more of this...
I don't remember any more of this code speak, all right?
Let's just get on with it. What is the rendezvous point?
Okay, I need you to give me the time.
You motherfucker. You fuckin' with me?
Are you fuckin' with me, motherfucker?
You just called me.
This is Bob Ferguson. You understand that?
Somebody from the resistance or the French 75
just called my house. Just now!
"What time is it" is a key question of the underground movement, okay?
Studying the texts is essential.
I don't remember any more of this code speak.
I only remember half of this shit,
and this stupid fuckin' hotline, which is a fuckin' miracle.
So stop fuckin' with me and give me the fuckin' rendezvous point.
Well, maybe you should have studied the rebellion text a little harder.
No, no, you called me. Do you understand that,
- you fuckin' retard? - Sir...
You called me! I need to find my daughter.
Well, then call us back when you have the time.
Did you, you just...
Did you just fuckin' hang up on me, you fuckin' liberal fuckin' prick?
You...
¡Policía! ¡Policía!
Okay, let's go!
Let's go, let's go, everybody, let's go!
What are you doin'? Hands up, on your knees!
On your knees!
Get your hands up! Police!
Turn around! Turn around!
Reina.
I'm at work.
With what?
Why do you say that?
Hang on a sec. Yeah, can I help you?
Bob.
Bob. Ferguson, yeah.
- You okay? - I need your help, Sensei.
- Okay. - I need your help, man.
You still there? What time do you get off work?
I'm coming.
Call Marisela and tell her I'm on my way.
I'm basically in the car.
Yes. I'm gonna call Esperanza,
and I'll call you back, okay?
Okay. Bye.
Bye.
Bob! We gotta go.
I need a weapon, man! All you got is goddamn nunchucks here!
You know where I can get a gun?
Shit.
Shit. God damn it. Shit.
- Bob, what's going on? - It's MKU.
MKU, man, they're everywhere right now!
- They're everywhere. - MKU? MKU what?
They busted open my door.
They're comin' after me and Willa right now.
Right now.
- That's heavy metal, bro. - Yeah.
Hey. Where is she?
I don't know. I gotta charge my phone to find out.
Here, use my phone.
I can't, I can't. They'll trace that phone.
I gotta use my phone.
Let's do that at my place, huh? We gotta go.
Your place?
- Yeah. - You got a gun at your place?
I'll get you a gun.
- You have a gun, right? - Okay? Yes.
- Okay. - Right now, it's a goddamn roundup.
I gotta deal with this shit.
Okay. Yeah, let's, let's...
- Let's take that to go. Come on. - Let's go to your place.
Let's go to your place. I'll charge my phone.
- You got a gun there. - Bob, Bob, Bob.
- What? What? - Get off the tatami.
- Okay. Yeah. - Okay. Listen.
- Breathe. - All right.
Okay? Cool out.
Ocean waves. Ocean waves.
- Ocean waves. - Let's go.
Let's go. I'll follow you. Come on.
Got a little Latino Harriet Tubman situation
going on at my place.
All legit, from the heart. No cash.
Here, use my phone.
No, no. No, no, man, they trace that.
You understand? They trace those calls.
- What's with the shades? - Fuck.
Look, me and Willa's mom, we used to run around
and do some real bad shit together, all right?
We were part of the French 75.
They got her, now they're comin' after us.
Fuck.
You're a bad hombre, Bob.
Sit down.
I'm Agent Danvers. How are you?
- Great. - Great. What's your name?
Bluto.
Nice to meet you, Bluto.
Do ya mind if I have your phone?
Go ahead and unlock it for me.
Thank you. Hey, sorry for crashin' the party like we did
but we have a few questions we wanna ask ya.
- Is that all right with you? - Sure.
- You're shakin'. Are you okay? - I'm fine.
- You nervous? - Little bit.
- Do you need anything? - No, we're good.
If you tell me the truth, you're outta here in ten seconds.
- Yes, sir. - If you lie to me,
we're gonna have some problems.
Yes, sir.
You know Willa Ferguson, right?
- I do. - How do you know her?
We're good friends.
Okay. Do you know where she is right now?
I'm not sure.
When's the last time you saw her?
Uh, I saw her at the dance.
Before you guys came in to the dance.
What's her number?
She doesn't have a phone.
Her dad doesn't let her, so...
The only high school girl in America,
Willa Ferguson, doesn't have a phone.
I guess so.
Alpha Two, I need a residential address
for a Sergio St. Carlos.
What is it?
It's an old tracking device.
It goes off when it's within 100 yards of hers,
if it works. And it never works.
Sometimes it does, but mostly it doesn't.
What about her phone?
She doesn't have a phone.
- What, she has a phone? - Yes.
She's on... You have her phone number, man?
No. Everybody knows she has a phone, though.
Everybody knows she has a...
Why didn't she tell me she has a phone?
Maybe she didn't want you to get mad.
She's not allowed to have a goddamn phone!
Well, maybe she didn't want you to get mad.
I don't get mad. I don't get mad about anything anymore.
Scared?
- No. - No?
Well, you should be.
Your dad ever mention Steve Lockjaw?
Yeah.
Yeah?
What'd he tell you?
He's the one who killed my mom.
Let's fight fire with fire.
Roger that.
Net call, send in Eddie Van Halen.
Personnel ready!
Gas, gas, gas!
Forward, move!
Oh, my God.
BeeGee!
What's the word?
It's fuckin' World War III out there, yo!
Meet me at Genesis, right now.
They're with me. Okay?
Help him bring everything inside, then meet me upstairs.
Don't get locked out!
Oh! Everybody. The store is closed.
Help! Go help. Come on.
- You got a charger, homie? - Let's go, give a hand.
- Come on. We're closing. - Thank you. You speak English!
- Thank you, bro. - Hey.
We got 20 minutes to get everybody to the church. Okay?
Okay.
- I need your help. Okay? - Okay.
I need you to go upstairs and do me a favor.
I know you don't like the tunnel. You're gonna have to come with me.
- Okay. Okay. - Go upstairs, give 'em a hand. Yeah.
Esteban! Esteban, get off your phone. Ándale.
Come to the front of the store and keep an eye on the store.
- Esteban, vámonos! - Hey, get off the phone!
- Get off the phone! Come on! - I'm not on the phone, man!
God damn!
I'm trying to charge the phone!
- You see that? - Bring it upstairs.
- Goddamn, man! - Bring it upstairs.
Guys, clean it up. Spick-and-span.
Bob.
Not safe for you there. Follow me.
Derrick, line 'em up in the hallway!
I'll be in 24!
You win some and you lose some, Bob.
- Yeah. - Bob, Bob, Bob.
Get back on defense.
- Back on defense, man, yeah. - Yeah.
Thank you, man. Thank you, thank you.
Here.
Do it in my room. It's more privacy.
Aubrey, get off the phones. Go to the second floor.
- We're moving them out. - Where's your room?
- Okay? - Back here, man?
- Hey, Bob, Bob. - Back here?
- Yeah? - This is everybody.
- Yeah. Hi. - Everybody, this is Bob.
- Hello, Bob. - The Gringo Zapata.
Everyone, say hello.
- Okay. Jacob... - Right on, man.
I need you to go to the second floor.
Marisela, we're moving them out.
- What? - Now, now.
Yeah. Bob, Bob. Bob. This is Rachel.
- Hi, Rachel. How are you? - Rachel, this is Bob
- and this is Landon, the newest one. - Hey, Landon.
- How are you? - Hi.
- Hey, is it back there? - Okay. Yeah. Back here.
Thank you. Nice to meet you.
Right here. Right behind the couch.
Thank you, brother, thank you.
Mariah. Madison. Come on.
- Out. - Got it.
Come on, it's my room.
Thank you, girls.
Yeah. Come on.
Come on.
Shit.
Sorry, man.
Come on.
It's okay.
Come on, baby. Come on, baby. Come on, baby.
Come on, baby.
I got power. I got power.
Please, please, please.
"Rise and shine."
Hi. What's up?
What's up, homie? It's me again. Bob Ferguson.
I don't know if you remember, but we spoke earlier on the phone.
I think we had a little misunderstanding.
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
I was trying to get the rendezvous point for my daughter. Willa.
Right. If you can't answer "What time is it?"
I cannot give you the rendezvous point.
This is a key tenet of the rebellion text.
- "What time is it?" - I'm surprised you can't name it.
I don't know if you are...
...who you say you are.
Okay.
Well, look, look, maybe I can...
Maybe I can give you some information
and then you give me some information, all right?
We'll just share a little bit of information.
My name is Bob Ferguson.
I don't know if you've ever heard of me. All right?
I was a part of French 75 for years. Years and years, all right?
They used to call me "Ghetto Pat," "Rocket Man," something like that.
Only problem is, I, uh...
I fried my brain since then, man.
I have abused drugs and alcohol
for the past 30 years, man.
I'm a drug and alcohol lover
and I cannot remember for the life of me,
or the life of my only child,
the answer to your question, "What time is it?"
8:15.
Now, I need this rendezvous point,
you understand what I'm sayin'?
- I need it. - I understand.
- And the question is... - Fuck!
..."What time is it?"
If you don't give me the rendezvous point,
I swear to God, I will hunt you down
and stick a loaded fuckin' hot piece of dynamite
right up your fuckin' asshole.
Okay, this doesn't feel safe. You're violating my space right now.
Violating your space? Man, come on,
what kind of revolutionary are you, brother?
We're not even in the same room here.
We're talkin' on the phone, like men!
Rachel, let's take the boys outside...
- Okay, there's no need to shout. - ...to the other room.
This is a violation of my safety.
These are noise triggers.
Fuckin' noise triggers.
Listen, I wanna know somethin'.
I wanna know one thing when this is all said and done.
What is your name? I need to know your name.
- My name is Comrade Josh. - Yeah.
Comrade Josh.
Well, get a better name, Comrade Josh.
That's a fuckin' ridiculous name for a revolutionary, first off.
Second off, I wanna know your coordinates.
I wanna know your location right now. What is it?
I'm in a secure location, somewhere between
the stolen land of the Wabanaki and the stolen land of the Chumash.
You're fuckin' intolerable, man. You are...
You really know... you're really intolerable, man.
This is not the way the revolutionaries do shit.
You know how hard you are to talk to?
Do you know the information that I'm trying to give you?
You're a little nitpicking prick!
That's what you are, a little nitpicking prick.
And you know what I'm gonna do to nitpicking pricks?
- Hm. - I'm gonna call in a Greyhawk Ten.
You're calling in a Greyhawk Ten?
I'm callin' in a Greyhawk Ten. All right?
I want you to get your supervisor
on the phone right now, 'cause I know you got one.
I know you got one, Comrade Josh. All right?
Yeah, I'm goin' way over your fuckin' head.
Way over your head. All right?
Put your commanding officer on the phone now.
Because you're calling in a Greyhawk Ten?
I'm callin' in a Greyhawk Ten, Comrade Josh.
Please hold.
Fuckin' prick. I got him.
I got him right where I want him.
That's some fucked-up, nitpickin' shit, Bob.
He got you on one password.
Assholes.
I'm sorry about...
I brought all this shit to your door, man.
I'm sorry about everything.
We've been laid siege for hundreds of years.
You did nothing wrong.
Don't get selfish.
Life, man.
Life!
Just always some little... little, tiny detail, right?
Okay. Get to the front.
Jacob! We go!
Okay, guys.
Esperanza. Buenas noches.
♪ Saving For just the proper occasion ♪
♪ Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies ♪
♪ And Hooterville Junction... ♪
Why is this takin' so long? For God's sakes.
You guys are so incompetent. For...
Fuck! Hurry up.
Alpha One, this is Zulu.
I got a squirter internal to the target building.
Follow on for Sergio St. Carlos.
I need to go kinetic.
Setting up breach time now. I need two follow-on vehicles.
Yep. Who's this?
Yeah! Hi! Who's this?
- Who's this? - Who's this?
- This is Bob Ferguson.
Who's this?
My brother.
- Who's this? - It's your man, Talleyrand.
Talley!
Talley, my brother. My brother, you listen, man.
You gotta help me out, man. They got Willa.
You heard they got Willa, right? I need...
I need the rendezvous point, now.
I need you to answer one question for me, Pat.
No, no, man. Please don't make me go through this, man.
- Pat. Pat. Slow down. - I don't remember...
- You're gonna know it. - ...any more of these answers.
- It's been too many years. - You're gonna know it.
Please, please.
What's my favorite kind of pussy?
Mexican Hairless.
Okay. One second.
You motherfucker. This is a goddamn war hero.
Hey, rendezvous is Sisters of the Brave Beaver.
Sisters of the Brave Beaver. I don't know...
Is that that compound out in the hills?
I need the coordinates, exact coordinates.
Okay, one second. Tell him how to get there.
Apologize. Mean it.
Hello.
Hi, prick! Give me the fuckin' coordinates now.
- Okay. - Make it snappy!
Okay. Sister Rochelle's is located up Old Mission Road...
Old Mission.
- Okay, slow down, articulate. - ...to Craw Creek Road...
Bring up the hoolie.
Sensei! Sensei!
In the Chupacabra Hills.
Chupacabra Hills.
And I just wanna formally say that I am sorry.
You wanna formally say you're sorry, huh?
Yeah.
What was the fuckin' password, by the way, you fuckin' prick?
"Time doesn't exist, yet it controls us anyway."
Fuck you, you fuckin' moron!
Fuck you! You obviously don't have kids, you fuckin' idiot!
Hey! Man, I got the coordinates.
It's Old Mission Road to Craw Creek,
and then to Chupacabra Hills.
- Time to go, Bob. - Right, let's go.
Let's go, I got the coordinates, man.
- Look out the window, Bob. - What?
Be careful. Look out the window. Be careful.
Shit. Shit.
They're here!
God damn it, they're... Shit. They're...
O.G., the store is closed. The inquilinos are gone.
If they knock, you know what to do.
How'd they find us, man? How'd they find us?
I think you were making too many calls, man.
I think they traced your call. They must have traced your calls.
- What's the plan, man? - BeeGee!
- What's the plan? - I'm thinking.
- Is that my weapon? - Hang on.
- BeeGee! Okay. - We gotta go, man.
You're gonna take him up on the roof,
across to my car on Lapham's Alley. Here are my keys.
You drop him off, you call me. Latino Heat, come with me!
No, no, no, man, I'm not goin' with them.
No, I'm not goin' with them! I'm supposed to go with you.
I need you, brother. Please, Sensei.
Sensei, Sensei, please!
Courage, Bob. Courage.
That's it?
Courage. Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you. Hey! Thank you, Sensei.
Thank you, Sensei! Thank you!
God damn it!
¡Viva la revolución!
¡Viva!
This way, Bob!
Pass me all your shit, man!
Here.
I don't give a shit what you do.
I'm gonna need that number in the next ten seconds.
I know nothing, sir.
Do I look like your parent?
- Kinda. - Give me the fuckin' number
or stand up, put your hands behind your back.
I don't have her phone number.
Up. Put your hands behind your back.
Cuff him. Get him outta here.
I have it.
You have it now?
What is it?
I thought you took AP Common Sense.
Sit the fuck down.
What's the number?
It's under "Hello Kitty."
Give it to me.
Give it to me!
I asked you if you had a phone.
You looked me in my face, and you lied.
I am here to save your fuckin' life. Do you understand?
Don't lie to me again.
Alpha Two's on the horn!
The female's handset's heading south on 135.
Freeze.
Cell One, Exfil.
All right.
Fuck.
¡Ándale, Bob! ¡Vamos, vamos!
- BeeGee. - Sensei,
your guy fell off the roof and got arrested.
What the fuck happened?
He fell 40 feet and fuckin' fell in a tree, man.
Chota got him with a Taser.
And my rifle?
It's with me.
Okay.
Meet me at Sacred Heart.
Rochelle.
Well, Deandra, what new mischief now?
I have the child Willa Ferguson.
This is Perfidia Beverly Hills' daughter.
I'm comin' to you in an hour of need and desperation for safekeeping.
Unbelievable.
Do I look just like her?
No. Not really.
But you do on the inside.
Which makes you quite a risk around here.
The daughter of a rat is a baby rat.
And we must be careful.
Can you cook?
Yes.
We will not allow residence to anyone
who cannot take responsibility for both her input and output.
I can earn what I eat and secure what I shit,
if that's what you mean.
That's what I mean.
Sister Vox, show Baby Perfidia to the Pancho Villa room.
A'ight.
Let me run shit down to you.
So you have the towels over here.
The bathroom is straight through there.
The pillows is right there, as you can see.
And don't ask for the fuckin' Wi-Fi, 'cause we ain't got none.
Make yourself at home, Goldilocks.
What does she know?
She thinks her mom was a hero.
And I...
I didn't have the guts to tell her the truth.
I couldn't.
Perfidia Beverly Hills
is a problem that keeps on givin'.
This revolution doesn't need another one of her runnin' around.
Shit's hard enough.
You got more fight in you than the rest of us, Deandra.
I got sick of this shit a long time ago.
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
♪ Hark, the herald angels sing ♪
♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪
♪ Peace on earth and mercy mild ♪
♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪
♪ Joyful, all ye nations, rise... ♪
- Tim! - Alice, how are you, darlin'?
Very well. Thank you.
- You look great. You hungry? - Well, thank you.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
But I'm actually, I think I'm about to be runnin' late.
- Better get down there. - Well, I can fix you some pancakes.
You could have 'em on your way out.
Are these the banana pancakes?
The famous Alice banana pancakes?
Those are the ones.
- I know they're waiting for you. - I better get down there.
It's great to see you again, Alice.
Oh, good to see you, Tim.
♪ Hail the Sun of Righteousness ♪
♪ Light and life to all he brings ♪
♪ Risen with healing in his wings ♪
♪ Mild he lays his glory by ♪
♪ Born that man no more may die ♪
♪ Born to raise the sons of earth ♪
♪ Born to give them second birth ♪
♪ Hark, the herald angels sing ♪
♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪
Come in.
Tim.
Merry Christmas. Hail Saint Nick.
Merry Christmas.
- How ya doin'? - Good, good.
- It's been too long. - Yeah,
it's good to see you again, Sandy.
You know Virgil Throckmorton.
Virgil's down from Cleansing and Distortion.
- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.
And you know Bill Desmond from Whitehall.
Bill, good to see you again, and merry Christmas.
And of course you know Roy More.
Fifth Fleet Field General from the Southwest.
Absolutely, sir. Good morning.
Take a seat.
So... what's cookin'?
How can I help?
Well, Tim,
there's this troubling little rumor we've just heard.
And we brought you in
to see if you can help clear it up.
I'm gonna hand you over to Bill. He'll give you the details.
- Over to you, Bill. - All right.
Tim, I'm gonna get right to it. Um...
There's an unconfirmed report
that Colonel Steven J. Lockjaw
is the father of a mixed-race child.
Which mix?
There's no real easy way to say this, but...
Yeah.
It's Black.
Well, uh...
that would be quite the revelation if it were true.
Bill, may I ask what your source is?
Sure. That's part of a Double Yankee White background check.
Some old paperwork turned up in a computer file
on the Black militant named Junglepussy.
She told an officer this very story 15 years ago.
Fifteen years ago.
It's been there the whole time, in ancient file.
Pure luck we caught it.
So where's the Pussy?
Oh, she's long dead.
Oh. No more Pussy.
Now, a few days ago,
Lockjaw hired a bounty hunter
to make a civilian extraction in El Paso.
It was led by an Avanti Q. You know him?
Yeah, I know Avanti. He's a good soldier.
Not great?
I mean, he's excellent, but he's not a native son.
That's his dirty little secret.
He passes for half-Mexican,
but he's actually part Comanche
or, I don't know, Eskimo.
He's a fantastic tracker.
He'll tell you how much money someone had in their pocket
based on a footprint, but he is not homegrown,
so I would not trust it.
Yeah, well,
he's apparently good enough to find what Lockjaw was lookin' for.
Yeah.
He found Howard Sommerville.
Ex-French 75. He runs an underground railroad,
bringing illegals from our southern border
to Baktan Cross in the north,
where he set up a so-called sanctuary city,
giving jobs and housing to drug dealers and psychopaths.
He's also a reefer addict.
Really? Well, he sounds like a class act, this guy.
Next thing we know, Colonel Lockjaw's mobilized
his task force into Baktan Cross
and conducted a Class-A raid on the Chicken Lickin' Frozen Farm.
Oh, no. I love their nuggets.
Well, this could mean a nugget shortage.
Not to mention the Chicken Lickin's owned
by our fellow Christmas Adventurer,
Brother Burt Rimhorn, who wants his wetbacks back to work.
Next...
He hit the high school, Tim.
Yeah.
The high school.
And now, all hell's broken loose on the streets of Baktan Cross.
And he's turned off his A-TAK's.
I'm sorry to interrupt, but I think I'm pickin' up
what you gents are layin' down here.
This is a curious chain of events.
So Lockjaw's lookin' for his half-breed,
but do we know where the mama bear is?
Funny you should ask that.
Perfidia Beverly Hills.
Currently M.I.A. Former French 75.
She went into witness protection about 15 years ago,
only to disappear.
The arresting agent...
Colonel Steven J. Lockjaw.
Agency sightings have her in Cuba or Algiers,
depending on the report.
So...
not the mothering type, I take it.
And they call us the savages.
Lockjaw got his dick dirty.
He needs to clean it.
If he can find this kid,
he can dispose of the evidence,
and continue to make fools out of all of us.
What would you like me to do, sir?
Tim, given your expertise in family cases,
- we felt that maybe-- - Make it clean.
Clean?
We should all be able to eat off the floor.
Yeah. It's that clean.
Yes, sir.
Well, all right, gents.
Looks like I'm headed west.
- And may Saint Nick be with you. - Ah.
All hail Saint Nick.
I have something to ask you, okay?
'Kay.
Was she a rat?
Yeah, she was.
My dad told me she was a hero.
Hey, stop banging your head.
Stop banging your head.
- Stop banging your head on that. - Okay.
- Sir, do you know your last name? - No.
What's your last name?
Batman.
Okay, come on. I need to know your real last name.
Um, Parker. Peter Parker, man.
- Peter Parker. - Yeah.
All right, listen. This is your last chance.
If you don't give me your real last name,
it's gonna be another charge. What is it?
Okay, okay. Stop harassing me, for God sakes!
Parker. Jim Parker, man.
- Your name's Jim Parker? - Yeah.
Okay, Jim. What's your date of birth?
I'm somewhere in the '80s, man.
- In the '80s. - Yeah.
Let's go. You're up.
Let's go.
Get up. Well, fuck.
Sit down there.
Mr. Jim Parker, is that correct?
Forty-two years old?
Sir, she's gonna be taking your vitals behind you, okay?
Mr. Parker.
Mr. Parker, over here.
Do you have any medical problems?
- Yeah. - Mr. Parker,
can you look at me, sir?
Bob. Can you look at me?
Are you diabetic?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Did you take your insulin yesterday?
You know, if you're a bad hombre,
you make sure you take your insulin on a daily basis. Right?
Officer, we're not gonna be able to take this one.
He needs to go out to the ER.
Thank you, sir. Have a good day.
- Hey, how's it goin'? - Good. How are you?
Good, thanks.
Mr. Parker, here's your restroom, okay?
Let's check your sugar.
You are gonna go through the bathroom,
straight down the hall to the right
to the fire escape.
Right now.
- Right now? - Right now.
Hey, Officer. You wanna come sign this intake form with me?
♪ Ready or not, here I come ♪
♪ You can't hide ♪
♪ Gonna find you ♪
♪ And keep you happy... ♪
God!
Hey, Bob!
Sensei, man! Sensei, brother!
Oh, my God. Sensei, thank you. Thank you, brother. Thank you!
Hey. Here, have one.
Thank you! Oh, my God.
All right. Let's do a selfie.
Oh, my God, you got... you got...
- A what? Okay. - Here.
We did it. We did it.
- Let's get out of here, man. - Where we goin'?
Sisters of the Brave Beaver.
Chupacabra Hills. Chupacabra Hills.
Let's play offense.
Siri, Sisters of the Brave Beaver.
Getting directions to the Sisters...
Chupacabra Hills.
- Chupacabra Hills. - Chupacabra Hills.
Okay. Not every day you get to rescue a 75er
twice in the same day!
Let's rock and fuckin' roll!
- Yeah! - Let's go!
♪ Ready or not, here I come ♪
♪ You can't hide ♪
♪ Gonna love you ♪
♪ And make you love me... ♪
- Any more? - No, sir.
He's right here.
Buddha bean.
Sir, I'm Colonel Steve Lockjaw.
I'm not to be fucked with.
You got information for me, spit it out.
I saw a car, a gray van heading north,
up Craw Creek Road.
- Carrying? - Couldn't tell.
White man driving, Black girl passenger.
North.
What's in these hills?
Sisters of the Brave Beaver.
Who are they?
They grow weed. They're nuns.
Is that some kind of sick joke on God?
I'm not joking.
How many women?
I don't know. A bunch. Ten or 20.
Weapons?
I think they're vegetarian.
Men, let's do what we do.
Delta-Two, this is Delta-One.
We need to pull imagery.
Mountain chain, ten kilometers northwest. How copy?
Hands, hands, hands!
Dismissed.
Come closer.
If this doesn't line up, you'll go free.
But if it does line up...
if this is a straight line...
you got a problem.
What is it?
It's your future.
How old are you now?
Hm?
You're 16 or 17. It's either one of those.
You have a boyfriend?
I don't have anything to say to you.
You're too young to have a boyfriend,
so the answer's no.
Don't answer for me.
It all makes sense.
You snag her out of the high school.
Find her phone. Curb stomp that.
But then you fumble her on the 90-yard line
at some stank-ass nunnery? Mm!
That's gotta hurt.
You help me, I'll help you.
You give me Pat Calhoun...
the Rocket Man, Ghetto Pat...
and I'll let you go home, and I'll let you save that little girl.
You know she's with the Colonel, right?
By "home"...
I do mean federal prison for you.
Did you rape her?
Do you think you're my daughter?
Did you love her?
Answer me!
Do you think you're my daughter?
It doesn't matter what that test says.
I have a father, and it's not you.
Is that what you call a father? He wasn't enough for your mother.
How's he gonna be enough for you?
Hm?
Where is he?
I swear, I don't know. I don't know.
Deandra, you know how many people
sit across from me and swear to God...
they don't know?
"I swear to God, I don't know."
I swear to God...
if you do know, we can save that girl.
The girl didn't do anything, and I don't know.
I don't know where he is.
If I knew where he was, I would tell you. I don't know where he is.
What the fuck's wrong with you?
Where is he?
Save yourself, go to prison,
I'll take it to the Colonel, you save the girl.
Those are your options. You're in a lose-lose,
maybe-save-your-life position.
You should put on more makeup to make yourself look better.
You go to a dance, you make an effort.
You put on more makeup.
Why is your shirt so tight?
I'm not gay, if that's what you're sayin'.
I didn't say that.
I'm not a homosexual.
I did not say that,
but I see the lifts in your shoes.
Oh, you are a smartass. You... Oh, yeah, yeah.
You just, you're just a little princess, aren't you?
Smart mouth. Like your mother.
Your mother had a smart mouth, and I buried her.
Are you having trouble remembering what you just read?
If it's a straight line, I have a problem.
If it's not, you have to let me go.
God, there's no way I'm actually yours, 'cause I can actually fucking read.
You shut up. Just shut up!
You fucking mutt!
Uh-oh.
Get my vehicle.
Put my kid in the car.
Just never thought this fucker would come back for us, you know?
I got lazy, man. I wasn't payin' attention.
I thought the person comin' through that door one day
was gonna be her mom, not this fuckin' asshole.
Hm.
See her daughter, you know, she'd teach her girl stuff,
she'd do her hair, she'd...
be a mom.
I can't do her hair, man.
You know that?
I don't know how to do her hair right.
Well...
Don't go dark on me, Bob.
I won't.
I'm here. I'm here.
Bring it down, bro.
Motherfucker.
Here he comes.
Put this in your backpack.
Guess this is the end of the line, huh?
Not for you.
Ocean waves. Ocean waves.
I gotta ditch you, Kemosabe.
- What? - You gotta hit it on foot.
- On foot? - Yeah.
Here we go.
I'm gonna turn at this gas station, I'm gonna slow down,
and you tuck and roll. I'll take it from there.
Unbuckle and get ready.
- Tuck and roll. - Yeah.
Okay.
- You know what freedom is? - What?
No fear.
Just like Tom fuckin' Cruise.
Okay. Jump on four. One...
...two...
Give me the gun!
...three...
Go! Go!
Four!
Slow down!
Go! Four, Bob!
Go, four!
Get up! We're leaving.
Making up for lost time? Little daddy-daughter games?
Daddy-daughter games?
I am a Christmas Adventurer!
Do you know what that is?
No!
I have a higher calling.
It is a higher honor than having you.
Contact, contact! 12 o'clock!
I loved her, in case you were wonderin'.
Best goddamn-looking witch I ever saw.
Shut up.
Yeah, she was possessed.
- Shut the fuck up. - She was insane.
Like you. You have it in you.
I smelled it from within her,
and I can smell it from within you.
She was a fucking rat.
She was a warrior, a righteous warrior of freedom!
And she fought the weak!
She was a fucking rat!
Huh? Huh?
You should respect your mother and your father both.
Poke your fuckin' eyes out.
Avanti.
How's the bounty business?
It's all right. How's it with you?
Things could be better.
It's not one thing, it's a-fuckin'-nother.
Do you find that to be true?
Anyway...
I need to dispose of this one.
Who is it?
Murder suspect. Wetback half-breed.
Involved in narco cartels. Nobody that will be missed.
That's a kid. I don't do kids.
Kids do bad shit.
Why don't you do it?
I can't do it. I'm busy. So who can do it?
Well, get Erik Garrow to do it.
I don't want Erik Garrow to do it.
I'll pay you double your daily rate, get this done.
I don't give a shit. I'm not doin' it.
All right.
You know the 1776,
about five miles outside Del Rio by Walter's Landing?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You get her to them, I'll pay you your daily rate.
Smart aleck.
You got no manners, God damn it!
You weren't raised right!
You see that?!
That's what your mother brought up.
Get... there.
Kick all the way. Yeah, go ahead, kick!
Kick, kick!
I'm sorry it had to end this way.
If you had any manners, we might have gotten to know each other.
Little bitch child.
Bitch child.
All goddamn witches...
Where the fuck are you taking me, asshole?
Someone gonna come by lookin' for you?
I said, is someone gonna come by lookin' for you?
Yeah.
They're gonna find me, and they're gonna fuck you up.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Come on.
Fuck! Fuck!
Hola, hola.
Head.
All right, lift your shirt and turn around.
Put your hands on top of your head.
All right, let's go to work.
Do not move. Do you have any weapons on you, sir?
No, sir.
Why are you running from us?
Had a long day, ma'am.
You didn't see the lights back there?
Yes, I did.
What did you toss out of the vehicle?
'Scuse me?
What did you toss out of the vehicle back there?
- Trash. - You sure about that?
Yes, ma'am.
You been drinking today?
- I've had a few. - A few what?
Few small beers.
There you are.
I see you.
I got you, motherfucker, I got you.
Faster, you fuckin' piece of shit! Go!
Who's this asshole?
What do you want?
Is that from Lockjaw?
We got a body.
Copy, copy.
Thanks, wagon-burner.
Fuck.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
God damn it.
Fuck. Fuck!
Hey, fuckstick, what are ya doin'?
Hey, Red, I know you hear me.
That firewater's got you fuckin' retarded.
Oh, God.
"Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies,
and Hooterville Junction!
Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies,
and Hooterville Junction!
Green..."
Willa!
Fuck.
Please, please. Okay. Okay.
Fuck!
"Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies,
and Hooterville Junction!"
What?!
"Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies,
and Hooterville Junction!"
I don't know--
Say it!
Willa?
Willa!
"Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies,
- and Hooterville Junction!" - No, no, no, baby, it's me.
Willa, it's...
"Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville Junction!"
Okay! Okay!
It's your dad, Willa!
"Will no longer be so goddamn relevant." Look at me.
Who are you?
It's your dad!
Look at me.
It's okay. It's okay.
Are you okay? Are you okay?
Are you okay? Come on. Go to the car. Go!
Let's go. Let's go.
Oh, my God.
You're okay now. You're okay.
Do you know a Black militant
by the name of Perfidia Beverly Hills?
- Yes, I do. - Uh-huh.
And was she a member of the rebel group known as the French 75?
- She was. - Yeah.
Colonel Lockjaw...
did you engage in a romantic relationship with this woman?
Gentlemen...
I have engaged the enemy face-to-face in battle.
And in the dark alleys and shadows of espionage.
I was once raped in reverse.
Raped in reverse?
Could you explain how that might work for us, Colonel Lockjaw?
The enemy employed deception. I was drugged.
And while unconscious...
my brain was not working.
But my power was, and I believe it was taken advantage of.
What kind of proof do you have?
If you were unconscious, how do you know this to be true?
I don't know it to be true, but I suspect it.
When I awoke, there was sensitivity in a private place,
and there was some residue of an interaction.
Interaction?
I believe she was a sperm thief.
A semen demon.
That's correct.
Colonel Lockjaw,
what would be the purpose of the enemy raping you in reverse?
They saw the power of my mind and body.
They desired it.
Congratulations, Steve.
You're a Christmas Adventurer.
Oh, Mommy. Thank you, sir.
Let me show you around southwest headquarters.
- Sure. - Should we go for a walk?
Yes, sir.
First stop on the tour, your new office.
Oh, my.
You know, if I'm being honest, Sandy,
there was a minute there where I didn't think I was gonna make it.
Lockjaw, we're lucky to have you.
Now, obviously, goes without saying,
this is just one place where you can hang your hat,
take meetings, stow a few personal items.
We like our members to feel they have a home away from home,
any time, day or night.
That's a fine idea.
Now, it's empty right now, but we'll let you personalize it.
A man's taste defines him, doesn't it?
It does indeed, sir.
And here we are.
Suite 55.
Look at that view.
Would you look at that?
- May I? - Absolutely.
Damn it. I forgot your keys.
Wait here, I'll just grab 'em from my office.
Yes, sir.
I've been holding on to something for a while now
and I wanted to give it to you.
Okay?
And I didn't give it to you before because I...
I just didn't wanna expose you to certain stuff.
You know, I didn't want you to feel...
sad or confused about it.
I don't know. I don't know what I wanted. I wanted...
I wanted to protect you.
From all your mom's shit.
From all my shit.
I just, I suppose I wanted to be the one
that you came to for help, right?
You know, the one,
the cool dad that you could say anything to.
Even though I know that's impossible.
But I don't want...
I don't wanna lie to you about anything anymore.
And I've been holdin' on to somethin'
for a couple years now and I just wanna...
I just wanna give it to you.
Okay, I'm gonna share this with you
and if you wanna see it, you can see it.
Do you wanna see it?
I don't know what it is, Dad.
- You don't know what it is? - No.
It's a letter.
It's a letter from your mom.
Is it for me or for you?
It's for you.
You wanna go read it alone?
Go ahead.
Dear Charlene...
Hello from the other side of the shadows.
I don't mean to shock you,
but I've been contemplatin' writin' you for a long time.
I often wake up and I find it completely crazy how
and why I am where I am today.
And disconnected from my family.
I pretended my whole life.
I pretended to be strong...
pretended to be dead.
Is it too late for us, after all my lies?
Are you happy?
Do you have love?
What will you do when you get older?
Will you try to change the world, like I did?
We failed.
But maybe you will not.
Maybe you will be the one who puts the world right.
I think of you every single day...
every single day.
And I wish I had been strong for the both of us.
I know someday...
when it's right and it's safe...
you will find me.
Please send a kiss to your dad...
my Ghetto Pat.
Love, your mom, Perfidia.
How do I get this flash to work?
It's not gettin' my face.
Huh?
I don't know how to get it... to get my face.
Swipe up, and then there's a lightning bolt.
And then on there, it says, "Flash auto on and off."
No.
Well, if you push the...
There's a little...
There's a little circle on the bottom right side.
Click that.
Okay. Or take it with the back.
I guess that's fine.
- QST, QST. - I gotta press the circle.
This is N6EDG, the Whiskey Sour in Oakland.
QST signal from the Whiskey Sour in Oakland.
Did they say Oakland?
Yeah.
Repeat, MKU raids in progress.
Meeting point for protesters is Lincoln Park.
QST, this is the Whiskey Sour.
All hands on deck. N6EDG.
You know, Oakland's a three-and-a-half-hour drive from here.
Yeah.
You know that's far, right?
Well, it's raining out.
Hey!
Be careful.
I won't.
♪ Well, she was an American girl ♪
♪ Raised on promises ♪
♪ She couldn't help thinkin' That there ♪
♪ Was a little more to life ♪
♪ Somewhere else ♪
♪ After all It was a great big world ♪
♪ With lots of places to run to ♪
♪ Yeah, and if she had to die tryin' ♪
♪ She had one little promise ♪
♪ She was gonna keep ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Take it easy, baby ♪
♪ Make it last all night ♪
♪ She was an American girl ♪
♪ Well, it was kind of cold That night ♪
♪ She stood alone on her balcony ♪
♪ Yeah, she could hear The cars roll by ♪
♪ Out on Four Forty-one ♪
♪ Like waves crashin' on the beach ♪
♪ And for one desperate moment there ♪
♪ He crept back in her memory ♪
♪ God, it's so painful ♪
♪ Something that's so close ♪
♪ And still so far out of reach ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Take it easy, baby ♪
♪ Make it last all night ♪
♪ She was an American girl ♪
♪ Oh-huh-huh ♪
♪ You will not be able To stay home, brother ♪
♪ You will not be able to plug in ♪
♪ Turn on and cop out ♪
♪ You will not be able To lose yourself on skag ♪
♪ And skip out for beer During commercials because ♪
♪ The revolution Will not be televised ♪
♪ There will be no pictures of pigs ♪
♪ Shooting down brothers On the instant replay ♪
♪ There will be no pictures of pigs ♪
♪ Shooting down brothers On the instant replay ♪
♪ There will be no pictures Of Whitney Young ♪
♪ Being run out of Harlem on a rail ♪
♪ With a brand new process ♪
♪ There will be no slow motion Or still lifes of Roy Wilkins ♪
♪ Strolling through Watts ♪
♪ In a red, black And green liberation jumpsuit ♪
♪ That he has been saving For just the proper occasion ♪
♪ Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies And Hooterville Junction ♪
♪ Will no longer be so damn relevant ♪
♪ And women will not care If Dick finally got down with Jane ♪
♪ On Search for Tomorrow ♪
♪ Because Black people Will be in the street ♪
♪ Looking for a brighter day ♪
♪ The revolution Will not be televised ♪
♪ Will not be televised Will not be televised ♪
♪ Will not be televised ♪
♪ The revolution will be No re-run, brothers ♪
♪ The revolution will be live ♪
♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen ♪
♪ Let nothing you dismay ♪
♪ Remember Christ our savior ♪
♪ Was born on Christmas day ♪
♪ To save us all from Satan's power ♪
♪ When we were gone astray ♪
♪ Oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪
♪ Comfort and joy ♪
♪ Oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪
♪ From God our heavenly father ♪
♪ A blessed angel came ♪
♪ And unto certain shepherds ♪
♪ Brought tidings of the same ♪
♪ How bad in Bethlehem was born ♪
♪ The son of God by name ♪
♪ Oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪
♪ Comfort and joy ♪
♪ Oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪
♪ Now to the Lord sing praises ♪
♪ All you within this place ♪
♪ And with true love and brotherhood ♪
♪ Each other now embrace ♪
♪ This holy tide of Christmas ♪
♪ All others doth deface ♪
♪ Oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪
♪ Comfort and joy ♪
♪ Oh tidings of comfort ♪
♪ And joy ♪
Good take. Thank you. Moving on the video, guys.
They can do it now. You two, thank you.
- Colin, are you good? - Yeah.
And roll sound. Roll.
- Rolling. - Roll, please.
Hey, quiet, please. Here we go.
Shooting. Shh.
Shut the fuck up. We're rolling.
...to give them action.
Thank you. Mic down.
Without making, obviouisly, any noise...