♪
Downloaded from YTS.MX
[crowd murmuring]
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
-Now it's show time!
[applause and cheering]
ANNOUNCER: He's been called
"The Godfather of Canadian Comedy."
Please welcome...
fabulous...
Kenny... Robinson!
[applause and cheering]
[music playing]
KENNY: How's everybody doin' tonight?
[crowd cheering]
-Oh, you sound good, you look good,
and you smell high!
That's great, ladies and gentlemen.
[laughter]
KENNY: Do we have anybody visiting us from out of town?
-[sporadic cheering] -Okay, where ya from?
MAN: Dallas. WOMAN: Dallas.
-Dallas? -[crowd hollers]
-I like that.
Three of you said "Dallas" at the same time
and it only sounded like one gunshot.
That was good. It was...
[laughter]
KENNY: So have you done any kind of tourist stuff
while you've been here, or...?
-Uh, we've just really been enjoying the hotel.
-KENNY: Oh, shit! -[laughter]
-"Enjoying the hotel"?
[laughter]
-You come a long way to get some back shots.
[laughter]
KENNY: Do we have anybody celebrating--
birthday, anniversary, bachelorette party?
WOMAN: Yeah. WOMAN 2: Yes!
KENNY: Who's getting married? WOMAN: These two!
WOMAN 2: Two of them! Both of them!
KENNY: Two of them? Not to each other?
WOMAN: No! No, no.
-Not that there'd be anything wrong with it!
[laughter]
-And with all these cameras we can make you
some honeymoon money tonight!
[laughter and cheering]
KENNY: How long have you been involved
with this, uh, gentleman?
WOMAN: Eight years.
-Eight years?!
Oh, he kept you stretching for a long time, huh?
[laughter]
KENNY: How many kids do you have?
WOMAN: None. KENNY: None?
So, obviously, you weren't dating a Jamaican fella.
[laughter]
-Oh, I love it.
Now the Jamaicans are getting loud!
Brap, brap, brap!
[laughter]
-Yes.
Nothing like making a white woman pregnant
to make you celebrate your national pride!
-[laughter] -That's great, guys.
[rap music playing]
KENNY: [INT] For 30 years, I consider it
the hottest night of comedy in the country.
CRYSTAL: The Nubian Show audience
is the best audience in the world!
RONNIE: [INT] Nobody had a chance to go anywhere,
out of all the coloured comics.
-It was white as fuck. There was nothing.
It was our chance to shine.
-He did give a voice to the voiceless,
he gave a platform.
KENNY: [INT] I had the idea that we were gonna appeal
to a predominantly Black audience.
-Black women are the best agers in the world.
-[crowd cheering] -Yes.
And white women, um...
[laughter]
-It was really like our Def Jam of Canadian comedy.
-Everyone's like, "Yo, if you're a black comic,
"you gotta do Nubian."
-[Jamaican accent] Just pour a little Dettol
'pon the wound!
It'll burn, it'll burn,
but that's the evil a' come out of you!
MARITO: [INT] You hear the people who have done it,
like Kevin Hart, Chapelle, and it's like, "Damn!"
Like, it has history.
-What's your name? Scott? Wow, fuckin' Scott!
That's, uh... you just doubled down on Caucasian!
That's, uh...
MAN: Kenny taught life lessons.
He has laid the track work
for three decades of comedians in this country.
♪ Rat-tat-tat-tat [indistinct] ♪
♪ You can't come around my space... ♪
ZABRINA: [INT] If you've done The Nubian Show and you killed,
everybody knew it.
-I look like a Third World dictator on vacation.
I look like an Indian Mr. Potato Head.
-So we were in a nice, little family.
♪
KENNY: And how did you guys meet?
-Work. -Work?
You're not supposed to do that at work!
[laughter]
-Where were you working? -Government.
-Government? -[laughter]
-So it's nice to know that not only are the taxpayers
getting fucked, but the employees
are getting fucked.
[laughter]
RUSSELL: [INT] When we started this shit,
if you had a bad joke or a bad set,
they had no hesitation to boo you off that stage.
-[crowd booing] -Shut up! Fuck!
-My first headline ever, I got one laugh.
I had to pull the fire alarm to pretend it was a fire.
-If you kill it, you kill it, but if you don't,
it's like a gladiator pit.
-There was one time, I don't know who it was,
a comic came there and their elbows were ashy!
[laughter]
-Did you ever do it on the job?
Yes, you did!
[laughter]
KEESHA: [INT] Kenny created something bigger than us
and something that would last
throughout generations to generations.
-Anyway, give her a big round of applause!
[applause and cheering]
-You're a very lovely lady
and I'm sure you're gonna make some man
regretful down the road.
[laughter]
-I've had two marriages and neither of them have lasted
as long as The Nubian Show.
♪ I swear these people out here acting funny ♪
♪ Most of the time, I sit back and watch ♪
♪ Thinking that this world... ♪
KENNY: [INT] It's interesting how it started.
Before the Nubian show, I started seeing
that there's all these young black comics
that were starting to come around.
So I'm seeing there's a talent pool,
so I'm starting to gather, like, a crew.
And the problem is, uh,
they weren't getting very far in the business.
-'Cause I got Black people coming up to me all the time.
"Yo, what's up, sister?
"Man, power to the people, man, power to the people!"
"I'm half white."
[laughter]
MARK: [INT] Here's how I remember it.
I was at Amateur Night watching a bunch of comics,
figuring out who I was going to promote,
and I kept passing over this Black woman.
And she came to me and she said, "You know,
"what makes you think you have the right to judge me
"based on my ethnicity
"when you know nothing about Black culture?"
And I thought about that for a while,
and I talked to Kenny about it.
-And he said, "Would you like to do a Black show at the club?"
And it took me three seconds to say, "Yes,"
'cause the seeds were there.
Our first show, we sold out.
We turned away 200 people.
It was a smash at the box office immediately.
We became the hottest show in the city.
KENNY: First off, I'd like to thank Yuk Yuk's
for giving us a home for 30 years.
[applause and cheering]
-And folks, what do you say we start this show?
[applause and cheering]
KENNY: Alright, your first act is a very dear friend of mine.
He's genuine star-bound.
Put your hands together for Hassan Phills,
ladies and gentlemen!
[applause and cheering]
HISHAM: [INT] Nigga looks like my dad from the '70s,
just some African freedom fighter.
Just take a pose. I love this shit.
-Yeah, you look like my Uber driver.
♪
-When I think of the Nubian Show,
I think of it as a litmus test
for just great comedy in general.
It doesn't have to be just Black comics or urban comics.
I think this is like the standard or the quota
for just good comedy. -HISHAM: Yeah.
HASSAN: I used to play ball, though,
even though in high school I played ball overseas.
And one of my teammates came with me.
He's from Jane and Finch.
[crowd cheering]
HASSAN: Okay, relax now.
[laughter]
-I don't know about guys from Jane and Finch, man.
Y'know what I mean? Everybody has a friend from
either Jane and Finch or anybody from, like, a predominantly
rough neighbourhood, and those guys
have to let you know that in any moment of adversity,
that they're from that place.
[laughter]
HASSAN: Any moment of adversity,
they gotta tell you, "Yo, you know where I'm from?"
[laughter]
-Me and my boy, we're in France,
we're playing in a basketball tournament in France.
Fight breaks out.
I'm at the half court line
and he's at the base line and he's, like, fighting.
He's squaring up against this Belgian dude.
And you can't really hear what's goin' on because there's, like,
4,000 people in the crowd just going, "Ahh!"
And as he's sizing him up,
I couldn't hear what he was saying,
but from his body language alone,
I knew exactly what was being said.
"Yo, you know where the fuck I'm from?"
[laughter]
-So I run over there trying to de-escalate the situation
and I get there and he's like,
"Yo, you know where the fuck I'm from?
"Jane and Finch! Jane and Finch!"
Repetitively.
[laughter]
-There's no chance this guy knows
where this major intersection is.
[laughter and applause]
-All the way out in France.
[laughter]
-My boy's like, "Yo, I'm from Jane and Finch !"
And the Belgian dude goes, "Who the fuck is Jane?"
[laughter]
-"Who the fuck is Jane?"
You know how hard it is for me to keep my composure?
[laughter]
-I lost it. He went, "Fuck that bitch!"
[laughter]
HASSAN: [INT] It makes me love Toronto, like, way more
because, like, that's how much sauce Toronto has.
Toronto has enough sauce to create a show like the Nubian
where dudes from Calgary come through,
a guy from Ottawa comes through.
You're willing to move to this city to taste the sauce
that the city is able to, like, give you, which is amazing.
And the fact that a show-- a show like the Nubian
could only exist in the city of Toronto.
-Toronto's, like, the most multicultural city
in, like, North America. -Yeah, man.
-Like, the show can only exist here, absolutely.
-Yeah, it could only exist here.
-It's just, it's Toronto as fuck.
HASSAN: One thing I love about Toronto, man,
I think it's becoming more globalized,
more than you even know it.
One day I was in Barcelona by myself.
Anybody ever travel by themselves before?
[applause]
-It's a sick thing, man. I went to Barcelona by myself.
One of my boys, he referred this nightclub for me to go to,
and I told him, "Brother, I don't speak Spanish.
"I'm not gonna be able to talk to the girls there."
He goes, "Bro, they love English."
I said, "What do you mean?"
He goes, "Tell 'em you'll teach 'em English."
I don't know why I thought that was a good idea.
[laughter]
-So I get to the club, I'm having a good time.
I figure, "Yo, I'm not gonna leave here without
"shooting my shot with at least one girl."
So there I am...
[shrieking and laughter]
-You trying to learn English, ma'am?
[laughter]
-I took a step and said, "Yo, am I really soliciting
"ESL classes in the club right now?"
HASSAN: [INT] If it was a place where it's just like,
"Oh, this is where Black people come and just laugh."
I've seen Black people come do standup comedy at the Nubian
and they bomb, too.
And, you know, it's like when Black people find out
that they're not good at basketball.
-Yeah. [laughs] -You know?
Not every Black person, you know, can freestyle
or is good at basketball, the same way they're not funny.
I mean, that's what comedy is. Comedy is...
-Just undeniable.
-Yeah, just be undeniably good and you'll have a good time.
-So I left the club.
Now I'm walking down the street,
but now there's a bunch of club promoters,
they're trying to get you to get into their venues and shit,
and I was like, man-- I didn't want to have--
I didn't want to talk to nobody.
One guys comes up to me speaking that Spanish.
I say, "Brother, I don't know what you're saying."
He goes, "Oh, where you from?"
And I didn't want that conversation
to go on any further
so I figure I'm gonna tell this guy the most random place,
all the way out in Barcelona,
he would never know.
I say, "Yo, I'm from Scarborough."
[laughter]
-I take two steps forward, all I hear is,
[Jamaican accent] "Nya, eh?"
[laughter and applause]
-I said, "Fuck, nigga, there's no escape, man!"
[laughter]
-Thank you guys so much. My name's Hassan Phills.
[applause and cheering]
HASSAN: [INT] It's home. It just kind of felt like home.
I was talking like a Toronto man pretty much
throughout my whole set, and everybody understood it.
There might be subtitles, though.
I might need some subtitles, but hey!
♪
[indistinct chatter]
KENNY: [INT] I thought I'd have to have some little, you know,
ghetto lounge-type place and make it happen there.
I never thought it would happen in the biggest club
in the biggest chain in North America.
KENNY: Welcome to our very first ABC,
All Black Comedy Show!
[crowd cheering]
-First of all, sorry for the delay!
They had no idea there was gonna be that many people
here tonight.
-[applause and cheering] -Okay?
And it's gonna be even a longer delay
because the police will be coming here
looking for suspects later.
And the next month, all these actors
and people from the States,
they're going, "Where's our people?"
Well, there's a Black comedy show at Yuk Yuk's.
So then we had the Raptors who were all coming in.
They never wanted to pay the 12 bucks cover.
It was terrible.
Millionaires didn't wanna give me the lousy 12 dollars.
One night when it was just insane...
-And while we're at it, how about a big round of applause
for Jada Pinkett, who's in the house, and Will Smith.
They're in the house tonight. Let's hear it for 'em!
-There was Jada Pinkett, Will Smith,
and Vivica Fox,
so they were in the front row. And guess what?
Nobody got slapped that night!
No one had to keep anybody's name out of their mouth.
[applause]
KENNY: Alright, our next act, ladies and gentlemen,
is one of my favourites.
I love him 'cause he's edgy and he's sharp
and I think he's gonna be a big part of the future.
Please give it up for Mr. Lewin!
[applause]
LEWIN: [INT] I like that nervousness
before I get up there.
Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna do terribly.
I need to have that feeling.
-What's going on, man? Where y'all from?
Throw y'all sets up, throw your hood up!
Where you from?
[laughter]
-[laughs]
As you can tell, I'm from the suburbs.
[laughter]
-Yeah!
I grew up where it was nice.
We had streetlights.
My streets never really looked like this.
There wasn't too much Nubian in my neighbourhood.
I went to a school with a lot of white kids.
There was a lot of pressure
being the only Black kid in school.
I was like the Black experience.
[laughter]
-I had the answer for everything.
"Hey, Aaron! Hey, Aaron! What's the hood like?"
I'm like, "Dude, I'm five."
[laughter]
-"I don't know!"
Parent-teacher night was crazy.
They only used to put out two chairs.
[laughter and groaning]
-One for me, and one for my mom.
I'd be like, "Guys! My dad's coming!"
-The Nubian Show was a room that allowed me to be myself
'cause all they wanted was you to be yourself.
And if you weren't yourself on the stage,
they would tell you right away or they could feel it.
It would just be inauthentic
to go on that stage and try to be somebody you're not.
-My sister married a white guy.
[laughter]
-I got a niece and a nephew now.
My niece?
My niece came out Black.
Chocolate skin, big lips,
kinky hair, beautiful Black girl-- love it.
[crowd whooping]
-My nephew?
[laughter]
-My nephew came out white.
And I don't want you to think light-skinned, curly hair,
green eyes, Chris Brown half-and-half, could be.
Nah!
Blond hair, blue eyes, freckles, pale skin;
this is a white boy just like his Dutch daddy.
[laughter]
-My sister named my niece Chloe,
the most biracial name ever.
She named my nephew Kyle.
[laughter]
-Gave him that school shooter special.
[laughter and clapping]
-And I look at these kids all the time;
I'm like, "Man, does the extra melanin
"or the lack of melanin affect them differently?"
I don't know.
But I'mma find out.
These two are now a social experiment for me.
[laughter]
-They're in high school now.
They started high school.
Before his first day of Grade 9, I had that talk with him.
I went to him. I was like, "Yo, do you say it?"
[laughter]
-He tried to play slick. "Say what?"
I'm like, "You know, dawg."
He's like, "Yeah, but not if there's people in the room
"that don't know me."
I was like, "You're smart, little nigga."
[laughter]
-"You goin' places.
"You're a Black man...
[whispering] "...and nobody has to know!"
[laughter and applause]
-[whispering] "Keep that shit to yourself!"
"You are literally an undercover brother!"
[laughter]
-Kyle is hungry one night,
so I'm like, "Cool, let's go get something to eat.
"What you want to eat?" He goes, "Jerk chicken."
I'm like, "You would."
So I take him out to Little Jamaica.
It's a Friday night. This place is bumpin'.
It's like a club in there, and, like,
apparently everyone's in there doin' their thing.
And I go in there, and the lady was taking too long,
so I'm like, "Yo, this is crazy!"
And I think Kyle heard that and took the energy from me
and was like, "Yo!" Pushed me out of the way.
"Hurry up, niggas!"
[laughter and gasping]
-The biggest dude in there grabbed him,
starts shaking him-- "Whose kid is this?!
"Anybody know this kid?! Anybody know this kid?!"
Well, we beat the shit outta Kyle that night!
-[laughter] -[applause]
-Yo, my name is Mr. Lewin.
Thank you guys so much for having me out here.
HASSAN: [INT] Aaron, he is a risk-taker.
He'll go into a room and talk about the topics
that most comics don't want to do.
You talk about things that you care about,
so I end up caring about what you care about, too.
That's what people leave with when Lewin is finished on stage.
-RON: Mm-hm. -Like, it's sauce.
Emphasis on the sauce, man.
♪
KENNY: [INT] Well, we needed to call it something,
so I was like,
"How about 'The Night the Niggers Take Over'?"
And the comics, "Oh, no, I would not like to be a part
"of a show with that name."
Okay, well, don't say "Black," and I went,
so let's say "African," let's say...
So I went "Nubian."
So then I thought, "Well, why am I even
"getting this whole thing together?"
And I said, "Well, the reason why I got into stand-up comedy
"was because of Richard Pryor."
So I said, "Well, okay, Nubian Disciples of Pryor."
Then, over the years, it became
"Kenny Robinson's Nubian Comedy Revue."
It just still had that nice flow to it,
because it's showbiz, baby.
-I got beat up by the cops right here,
in... maybe 2000?
'99, 2000, around there.
[indistinct chatter]
RUSSELL: Kitchen still here?
Hey, kitchen's still here. What's up, buddy?
How you doin'? You runnin' the kitchen now?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Used to be Sri Lankans back in the day.
-[chuckles]
-Hey, what's up? -You got any questions?
-I'm not even on the list.
-Uh... yeah.
-What the fuck? I'm not even on the show, guys.
-[laughs]
-Who's on now?
-Please put your hands together for Keesha Brownie!
[applause and cheering]
KEESHA: [voice] Shout out my boy, Kevy-Kev.
It's ya girl, Keesha Brownie.
Miss Brownie in the studio.
And this one's going out for [indistinct].
You see it. Chill!
♪ Red bottom nails ♪
♪ I'm, I'm, I'm keepin' sexy with my... ♪
-We look so hood right now. -We do; I like that.
-Like we're at IKEA and we're just loitering.
-Yeah, we're just like, "Let's test out the furniture!"
♪ With my phone ringing, I'm home singing... ♪
KEESHA: [INT] Kenny taught me how to read the room.
Is your demographic in there?
What is the age group?
So, again, I thought I was the shit
when I first started, right? -Yeah, yeah.
-No one could tell me nothing. -Yeah.
-I came in slinging my hot Nubian set in an all-white room.
-Oh, shit!
-So it didn't go as well. -Uh-huh.
-Right after I got off stage, Kenny's like,
"Brownie, come here!"
-[laughs]
-He's like, "How many Nubians you see in the crowd?"
I'm like, "None."
You gotta tweak your jokes for every room.
Read the demographic. Know the age group, right?
MARITO: [INT] Yeah, yeah.
KEESHA: [INT] So he's always the greatest teacher.
KEESHA: Originally I was born in Montreal but my parents
are Jamaican, so I tell everyone I'm, like, this French Jamaican.
I went to school, French immersion.
That's when everything's in French.
I had math class in French.
I had science in French.
I had English in French.
[laughter]
-So it was really frustrating
having my Jamaican parents try and help me
with my French immersion homework, right?
'Cause I'm pretty sure,
"Qu'est-ce que c'est la bumbaclot?"
[laughter]
-It's not the answer.
[laughter]
-And even though that's my background,
I gotta be honest with you guys.
Sometimes I don't understand the strong patois, right?
Like, the other day, a Jamaican guy's trying to pick me up.
I honestly thought he was looking for his children.
[laughter]
-Talkin' about, [Jamaican accent] "Yo, daughter!
"Yo, daughter!"
[laughter]
-I turn around and I'm like, "You're not my dad."
[laughter]
-He's like, [Jamaican accent] "Yuh cute.
"You look you can take some good stabbing."
-[laughter] -Oh my gosh !
-This show is a big deal.
30th anniversary. I feel very honoured.
I probably cried like a bitch 11 times today, okay?
Kenny created something bigger than us
and something that would last
throughout generations to generations.
-"Well, kid, you gotta work on your hot five minutes.
"You gotta be clean if you want that TV shit.
"Y'know what I'm saying? This is not a game.
"You gotta be serious, Brownie.
"You come in the Green Room, you hanging out with all the comics.
"This is not a club!"
[laughs]
KEESHA: Pick-up lines are different now, man.
Back then, guys were smooth with the pick-up lines.
Guys would walk up to you and be like, "Hey, Shawty.
"Can I get yo name? Can I get yo number?"
Right, ladies?
And it doesn't matter if we were, like, 6'11",
why was everyone back then "Shawty"?
Remember that shit? "Hey, Shawty!"
[laughter]
-"Can I get yo name? Can I get--?"
You need a ladder!
[laughter]
-Dating's crazy now,
and I notice I look for a lot of different things
now that I'm older, right?
You know when you're younger, right, ladies,
they had to have the baggy jeans,
you know, the cornrows, the fresh, white kicks.
The other day, this guy sent me a video of a kitchen he built.
Oh my God! Missy just wet up the place, wet up the place!
-[laughter and cheering] -Wet up the place!
Guys, my name is Keesha Brownie.
Y'all been a really great crowd. Thank you so much!
[applause and whooping]
KEESHA: [INT] I feel like we're really lucky
to have this show and to have Kenny enjoy his flowers
at this moment.
He deserves every bit of it, man.
He's the greatest teacher.
♪
HISHAM: I'm African.
I'm originally from an East African country
called Eritrea.
Our claim to fame is two years ago
the United Nations officially declared us
the most unconquerable country in the world.
[applause and cheering]
-Yes, we have killed every colonizer who showed up, okay?
We're 12 for 12.
Our national motto is "No war, but no peace either!"
[laughter]
-And I left when I was very young.
I left when I was five years old,
but my mom grew up there
and had a whole life she's never brought up once.
She's like a tough, no-nonsense lady.
When people are like, "What's your mom's whole vibe like?"
I'm like, "Imagine the rapper Ice Cube wearing a hijab."
That's my mom's entire vibe.
When I was little I'd be like,
"Mama, my dream is to be a comedian!"
My mom would look at me and go,
"Hisham, dreams are for sleep," okay?
[laughter]
-[Indistinct].
A couple years ago, I got nominated for a Juno
for Comedy Album of the Year.
I had to explain to my mom, I'm like,
"Yo, your boy's doing okay. I got nominated for a Juno
"for Comedy Album of the Year."
She goes, "Hisham, what is Juno?"
I'm like, "It's like a Canadian Grammy."
In absolute earnestness my mom just went,
"Why not real Grammy?"
That's what I'm trying to explain to you
is this person, okay?
She's a tough, no-nonsense woman.
And again, I lived in Canada my whole life
but she had a whole life in Eritrea,
and when I was little I'd be like,
"Mama, what was the old country like?"
She'd always say something super vague.
She'd be like, "It was hot, and everyone was nice.
"No more questions, please."
[laughter]
-And I didn't know anything about my mom
until I was 13 years old.
I went to a family reunion and I was so excited to meet
all my cousins and aunties and uncles,
and in my case it was just a house filled with drunk Africans
confessing family secrets, okay?
I'm in the corner eating;
some gigantic dude comes over and he goes,
"Al-salaam alaykum, Hisham. I am your uncle, Mohammed."
I'm like, "I've got four of you so far, okay, cool."
He goes, "Has your mother ever told you
"she was a soldier during the Civil War?
"She was a tank engineer.
"It was her job to drive the tank on the front line."
I'm like, "That's so bad-ass!"
He goes, "Yes, bad-ass. Very bad-ass."
[laughter]
-"So I guess she has not told you...
"she has 9 confirmed kills."
And I was so shocked, I literally said, "Nigga, what?"
[laughter]
-He goes, "Yes, your mother has killed 9 people."
I'm like... I'm like, "Mama?
" My mama?"
"HR manager at the Canadian Tire in downtown Ottawa?"
[laughter]
-"My mom has killed 9 people? How do you know this?"
And without missing a beat, he just goes,
"Because I'm the one who ordered her to kill them."
And then he laughs this big African,
"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" laugh.
It's all teeth, no blinking. You ever seen one of these?
[laughter]
-And then he just sees this terrified look
on my soft boy face, he goes, "Um, my English is not good.
"Bad joke, bad joke," and just disappears.
[laughter]
-And I literally, in the middle,
my mom's dancing with the aunties; I literally
drag her and I told her, like, "Is this true?!"
My mom just goes, "Hisham, he was just a drunk man.
"No more questions, please."
[laughter]
-And just starts dancing.
And, like, I always love telling my friends that story.
They're like, "Yo, for reals, for reals, for reals.
"Do you think...
"Do you think your mom's ever killed a dude?"
I'm like, "Well, there's no proof
"because she obviously burned the paperwork,"
but this is a story where I think--
I don't have any proof, but this is what I think she did, okay?
When we first left East Africa, we landed in beautiful Ottawa
in the early '90s, and my mom just--
it was beautiful, beautiful.
She wanted to see the stunning metropolis
that is downtown Ottawa.
So it's 11:30 at night, we went for a nice little walk,
it was beautiful,
and as we were walking, a car starts pulling up beside us
and literally cut us off, like mounting the curb.
And this is the '90s.
Like, I had to, like, reach over and roll down
the passenger-side window,
and he points at my mom and goes, "Hey, lady!
"Are you an immigrant?"
And my mom escaped Africa, like, six hours earlier.
She goes, "Yes! How did you know?"
[laughter]
-This guy gets out of his car, opens up his trunk,
and pulls out a brand-new Toshiba television,
hands it to my mom, and then drives away.
And my mom was like, "I love this country so much!"
[laughter]
-She just thought it was a government official
giving her a mandated television.
And we had that TV for four days
before someone tried to steal it, okay?
It's like 2:30 in the morning. All I hear is... [banging]
coming from the living room.
Five-year-old me wakes up, rub the crust out of my eyes,
open up the door; there's my mom in the hallway
putting on her hijab; she goes, "Hisham, come!"
We just walk over and we open up the door to the living room,
Mom turns the light on...
Our door? Busted wide open.
And standing in the middle of the living room,
gigantic white dude with a big beard
holding our television.
And he sees my mom, he drops the TV,
and he gets into a fighting stance,
and my mom's natural instinct was to square up and go...
[yelling] "Allahu Akbar!"
and just rush him, head down, full sprint,
like a panther, okay?
This is 1994 Ottawa.
This man has never seen a Muslim in his life.
He just thought a Jamaican lady cast a spell.
[laughter]
-So he panicked and, like, covered his face,
and my mom winds up and she kicks him right in the junk.
He doubles over. She grabs his head...
[loud thwack] Knee to the throat.
This man collapses motionless on the ground, okay?
My mom is 5'2", 100 pounds soaking wet.
She's all jacked up on adrenaline.
She goes to the phone, she goes, "Hello, police?
"My name is Mamina. This is my address.
"A man I did not know came into my home so I killed him."
Click. That's the whole call.
-[laughter] -That's the whole call.
-Five minutes later,
every police officer in Ottawa
comes rushing into my apartment,
guns drawn,
to find five-year-old me on the floor,
eating Froot Loops out of the box;
my mom, holding a tray of juice for the police officers...
[laughter]
-And a dead man in the living room,
who has a prayer mat over his face 'cause my mom's like,
"I have guests coming," and hid the body.
[laughter]
-The EMT pushes by everyone.
She rips the mat off, she checks his pulse,
she goes, "Greg, he's not dead! He's not dead!"
And my mom, still holding the tray of juice, goes,
"He's not dead?
"I guess I've lost my touch!
"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
[laughter and applause]
-And that's the story about how my mom almost got
10 confirmed kills.
Guys, I've been Hisham. Thank you so much!
[applause and cheering]
-Hi, Mom!
♪
KENNY: Kenny Robinson!
-Can we get a signature on some of these flyers
by any chance?
RUSSELL: Yeah, of course.
KENNY: There's 50, but I don't need 50.
RUSSELL: Is any of the OGs here other than you, me, and Ronnie?
-Are we supposed to talk about something in particular?
-Yes. -Okay.
-The show.
-Are you supposed to lean forward or lean back?
-Marc, let's just--
-Let's just get together like this.
-Please put your hands together for Mr. Marc Trinidad!
[applause and cheering]
-I am here to cleanse your palate.
[laughter]
MARC: You all have no idea what it's like
to be racially ambiguous.
I left the country where I was a minority
to come to a country where I look like the majority,
but as soon as I talk, everybody wants to know,
"What the hell is this about?"
-Interracial relationships have challenges
you might not know about, right?
Like, one of my kids literally asked me
for permission to say the N-word.
[nervous laughter]
-I know!
They shouldn't ask fucking me!
[laughter]
-Your mom's right there!
I think she has the Black card.
Ask her!
'Cause I ain't saying that shit.
Right?
I was cheesed, fam. I think that's how they...
[laughter]
MARC: I think that...
[applause]
-They been teaching me the words.
Anyway, when they asked me that question,
I was playing Legend of Zelda...
[laughter]
-...with noise-cancelling headphones on.
So when my kid came and asked me for permission
to say the N-word,
I didn't hear her properly.
Yeah, I thought she said, "Neighbour."
And then I think I gave her the wrong advice.
[laughter]
-I said, "If they live next door,
"that's what you call 'em."
[laughter]
RONNIE: [INT] I don't remember, really,
your first time on stage.
-How can you forget the first time I was on stage?
I was so memorable.
-I smoked too much weed. -Ha-ha!
MARC: [INT] Prior to getting to Canada,
theatre and sketch comedy was my thing.
But in Trinidad, I did not have the opportunity to do stand-up.
When I got to meet Kenny, I did a sketch.
Kenny saw that I had chops,
and then he told me, "Come back and do stand-up."
And my asshole was puckering, ha-ha,
'cause I had no stand-up to roll with.
And then the second time I came back
was a couple months later, and I got a standing ovation.
And it's been chasing that fucking demon
for the rest of my goddamn life.
-Kenny sees things in different ways.
He's the kind of guy that probably saw
this is a voice that needs to be heard.
Because he also walked that line,
because his mom's white, dad's black.
We are racially ambiguous.
In the right environment, we would look Black.
In the right environment, we would look white.
You know what I mean? It depends on who's around us.
-You lucky man! Give me some of that!
-Yes!
-Please put your hands together for r Mr. Ronnie Edwards!
[applause and cheering]
RONNIE: [INT] The 30th anniversary
of the Nubian Show,
you want to show that we're good, but wow, the nerves?
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy; put it that way.
-How y'all feelin'?
[crowd cheering]
-Good, good. I'm looking good, eh?
I'm looking good?
AUDIENCE: Yeah!
-Look like a tall, slender glass of Guinness.
[laughter]
-This feels good.
I just came in from the Islamic Republic of Brampton.
[laughter]
RONNIE: So it feels good to be here.
MARC: [INT] You were there from the genesis
because it was you and Kenny.
What were the challenges of the first month?
-Nerves. -Nerves?
-Yeah! [laughs] -For what?
'Cause you were already performing.
-No, yeah, but we didn't know where it was gonna go.
We didn't know how this night was gonna be.
And so it was baffling when we seen that crowd.
-Because it was all...
-80% Black.
-What does "irie" mean? What does "irie" mean?
-WOMAN: "Alright." -You brought it up, brother.
No, it doesn't mean "alright."
-MAN: It's cool, man. -"Irie" means "cool."
Okay, but you can't say, like, um,
"We have an irie front coming in from Lake Erie this evening."
[laughter]
MARC: [INT] Performing in front of your culture or your people,
it gives you wings, but at the same time,
you know, because it's your people watching you,
they're judging you in a different way.
-Exactly! -Yeah.
-This is another thing that the young comics don't know about,
because we got hostile treatment.
-Mm-hm!
-If we weren't able to provide the entertainment
within 30 seconds of getting on stage.
-I forgot those days. -Yeah!
-You all got your COVID shots, right?
-Yeah. -Yes.
-Okay, because I won't work if you don't have your shots.
Fuck that. I got my 19th last week.
[laughter]
-They put it in this arm, it came out this arm.
[laughter]
-Before COVID, I got my cataracts done.
Now check this out-- you have to pay to get your cataracts done!
But if you want a sex change...
it's done for free!
So if I get a beautiful little pussy,
I can't even see it!
[laughter]
[applause]
-I'll wait.
[laughter]
RON: [INT] You ever got booed?
-Yeah. So I'm on the Nubian Show
and I'm thinking I'm basically the sliced bread
of comedy now, you know, everything's going great.
I jump up on stage...
[chuckles]
And I started doing my act...
And all of a sudden, one guy just goes in his pocket,
brings out his keys...
[keys jingling]
-Next thing, there's 20 people. -Oh, man!
-Next thing, there's 30, 40.
The whole room has their keys out.
"Get in your car and go home!"
I came off stage and I was-- and I quit the business.
And Kenny said to me, "No you ain't!
"Get back on the stage."
And if he did not do that, 35 years later...
-And you've still not forgiven him?
-[laughs]
KENNY: [INT] They say I show tough love.
I think they're just some bitch-ass pussies.
[laughs]
MARC: [INT] Kenny has a streak in him
where he likes to see people suffer.
It's not like it's sado-masochist;
he's doing it because he knows what you can become
as a result of it.
I was taught because of what you are, you have to be better.
And I knew there was a whole lot of other people on the circuit
that you're gonna have to smoke
if you wanna become a working comic.
I didn't wanna settle for any mediocrity.
I didn't want anybody just happy to be up there.
I wanted them to be the type that took names and kicked ass.
I've been denied.
I've been overlooked.
I've been ignored.
I've been locked out.
And I've been one of the best in the country.
So if that can happen to me, you know,
you just skating by soft
isn't gonna get you the things you want.
And if you're not in here to become one of the best,
then what are you here for?
-My thing is, if a girl liked chocolate bars so much,
wouldn't she weigh like 250 pounds?
Be running around the house...
Boom, boom, boom!
"I see you, Jimmy!" [kiss sound]
"Kissy kissy!"
Crazy, man.
[laughter]
[crowd booing]
-Yo, shut up! Fuck!
[booing gets louder]
-You know what I hate?
Hold on, hold on, Kenny. Hold on.
-[laughs]
You know why? Kenny likes this shit.
I remember people getting booed on stage,
and I'm beside Kenny. Russell's was on stage
yelling Kenny's name to save him.
He's like, "Kenny! Kenny!"
And Kenny's like, "Give him another minute."
-I got one more joke, man. -[gunshot sound effects]
-Yo, yo, I got one more joke.
[gunshot sound effects]
[crowd booing]
[gunshot sound effects]
-People been-- -[gunshot sound effects]
-Okay, that's it, goodnight. Thank you. Goodnight.
♪
KEESHA: They're a hot crowd, man.
RON: Oh, man. Can't wait.
KEESHA: Are you playing Angry Birds?
-Yeah. -What the hell, Ron?
Aren't you nervous? Is this what you do, though?
You play, like...
-I play games all the time, like,
whether I'm nervous or not.
I mean, I think with this, it's just more fun.
[heavy metal music]
-I was living in LA during the pandemic.
They were killing people, man.
Killing Black people, killing Asians,
killing white people-- in movies, and...
[laughter]
-My cousin was like, "Ron, don't worry, we're not Chinese.
"We're Filipino. We're safe." Are you fucking kidding me?
You think the racists know the difference between
Chinese and fucking Filipino?
[laughter]
-You know what the difference between Chinese and Filipino
to a racist, is the difference between a Honda Civic
and a tinted Honda Civic.
[laughter]
-One's darker and more stylish-- only fucking difference.
Hadouken!
[laughter]
-That was Street Fighter,
the best fucking game ever created.
[applause and cheering]
-Here's the concept of the game.
You fight another person in front of the country
that represents the martial art of the country.
Here's the racist part about Street Fighter:
if they don't know the martial art of the country
you came from, they'd make it up with your ethnic stereotype.
Here's an example: they had a Latino fighter named Vega
and he fought you on a fenced wall
by the Mexican border.
That's fucked up.
[laughter]
-That's like having a Filipino street fighter--
after he beats you up,
he nurses you back to a full recovery.
[laughter]
RON: [INT] The next time, I was like,
"I'm gonna follow everybody, everywhere,
"and then just figure out what to do to get better."
So I started doing everything.
Five shows a day. I didn't give a fuck.
I'd go into, like, heavy metal bars, and I'd go,
"Can I jump in between bands?" Like, "Are you crazy?"
It's the hardest way to follow anybody.
But if you can do that...
Do you remember how I was when I first started?
KENNY: [INT] I remember you'd bring me a tape
from you doing six or seven different cities,
and the only thing that was different was the city.
You did it word for word for word.
And I said, "How in the fuck are we supposed
"to build up on your act if it's the same tape
"that it was the last time you brought a tape?"
-I remember, and you said, "Would you say the same joke
"with your friends and your grandmother or your friends?"
And I'm like, "No, you have to change it."
So you can't keep the same rhythm and words
wherever you travel. So, I'm different now.
-Definitely. -Yeah, yeah.
Was I nervous and scared when I was doing a show?
[applause]
-He's different! He's different now!
-He's different! -Thank you!
[laughter]
-These guys are the worst people ever in comedy.
-[laughter] -RONNIE: Different now!
-This one, too. You look like you came out of him.
[laughter]
RON: I finished Pornhub, and, um...
[laughter]
-I saw the credits.
And the bloopers. Fuck! Right?
[laughter]
-I was like, "When was the first porno ever filmed?"
I Googled this, right, for you, and...
[laughter]
-First porno ever filmed was in America, 1885, in Texas.
Yeah, he's the creepiest part of the story:
it was the same day the movie camera was invented.
[laughter]
-How horny are we?
This guy broke through technology.
"Look what I created!"
"Take a shot of this beautiful, lavish land."
"No, fuck that girl in the corner!"
[laughter]
-"Excuse me?" "That's why I made it!"
[laughter]
-Black and white footage. Imagine those kids' problems.
It was easy for us, a VHS or a DVD,
you could pop it in.
Kids in the 1800s, if they wanted to watch porn, good luck!
You gotta wait till your parents went to sleep,
set up a projector machine.
-[laughter] -Hire a piano player.
[laughter]
-"Read it to me!" 'Cause it was silent films.
Guy's like, "Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh.
"Squirt."
[laughter]
-They had to type "squirt" because you can't spell...
[mimics ejaculation] You know?
[laughter]
-I get it, it's dirty, disgusting, and immature,
but that's who I fucking am.
[applause and cheering]
-You gotta embrace who you are.
My parents, complete opposite. Hardcore Filipino Christians.
My dad gets really angry when I do dirty material.
My dad gets really upset. You know that joke I just did?
Pfft! Right?
My dad was in the back of this club, there,
and he fuckin' heckled me on that joke.
My own dad. I was like this...
[makes motor noise] I heard this...
[Filipino accent] "Stop that!"
[laughter]
-[makes motor noise]
[Filipino accent] "Stop talking about this one!"
[laughter]
-"God will get mad at you."
[laughter]
-That's my dad's favourite saying:
"God will get mad at you!
"One day, you will be talking bullshit on the streets,
"talking about this one.
"Then the clouds will open, a giant fist will come
"and punch you in the face."
Every time it's overcast, I'm like,
"Fuck, he's comin' to get me, for sure."
[laughter]
-Hey, you guys have been great. Thank you very much.
RON: [INT] Thank you for giving me a shot
the first time I played.
KENNY: [INT] You're an international star these days.
You are in all corners of the earth.
We are glad that your immigration papers
were put on hold and we could get you.
-[laughs] Hey, you always taught me,
"Make your own money in this game.
"Don't wait to get the call.
"Make the call yourself."
-You gotta take advice from a sharecropper.
-That's right. -[laughs]
-You're the emperor.
♪
MARITO: First of all, do we have any Latinos here tonight?
[two women cheer]
-Fuck yeah, kitchen staff on break.
Make some noise for us.
[laughter]
CRYSTAL: [INT] I love you. MARITO: [INT] Ha!
-I've always had this, like... like you're my child.
-I know you say, like, you're my--
I'm your sister but, like,
no, I have this family thing with you.
I don't know why. I just feel that way.
-100%. -Right? Yeah.
-When I walked in and I saw you...
it reminded me of back home and I, like, teared up.
-I can't even look at you sometimes.
-Yeah! [laughs]
-Especially right now.
I'm like, "This is gonna be a thing."
Don't look at me!
-[laughs]
MARITO: Do we have any short kings in here tonight?
MAN: 5'6"! MARITO: 5'6"?
[laughter]
WOMAN: Aww!
[laughter and cheering]
[scattered applause]
-How dare you!
[laughter]
MARITO: [INT] I love my family so much.
CRYSTAL: [INT] Yeah, and you do everything for your family.
-Yeah. -And I do that, too.
Like, that's why I think we vibe.
-I told you that right away. -Yeah, you did.
-I barely knew you and I hugged the fuck out of you.
-You hugged the fuck--
-That's harassment! That's harassment!
-Only 'cause of your height-- was, like, right on my titties.
So it was like a little bit, but it was love, though.
I felt it. It wasn't creepy.
-You see how magic that was? -It wasn't creepy at all.
You see how magic that was? We got mad emotional,
and then we saved it. -And we switched.
I said "Titties," and we laughed.
-We switched it up. "Titties,"
and I did the ethnic laugh, I went, "Haaah!"
-Yeah, you did. You did, you did.
You showed me your whole ass,
but the camera doesn't see that, I do,
so I'll remember that forever. -Yeah!
♪
[laughter]
-I'm 5'2"!
[cheering and laughter]
WOMAN: Yes!
-Bro! If I had three more inches,
I would move back to Latin America
and take over the whole continent.
[laughter]
-Okay? I would own three banana companies by now.
That's why I got beef with dudes like you,
between 5'5" and 5'11",
because they're always claiming the title.
That's cultural appropriation.
[laughter]
-Alright? You're not a short king,
you're an average prince!
[laughter]
CRYSTAL: [INT] You got a lot of tattoos
in, like, three weeks, bro.
-I got all these tattoos in one year.
Nubian Night, like, made me embrace my culture.
Me , you know what I mean?
So I'm like, "You know what, man?
"I'm gonna make it hard for me to travel to customs."
-If you're over 6 feet
and you're dating a woman my height...
Yeah...
you're a fuckin' paedophile.
[laughter]
-Okay, if you can pick up your girl
and put her in a swing...
[laughter]
-You deserve a cell next to R. Kelly.
[laughter and groaning]
-Okay, you look like the Space Jam monster
dating Tweety Bird.
You're dating ♪ a minor! ♪
[laughter]
-Stop fucking our women!
[laughter]
-Short kings and short queens need to unite!
MAN: Yeah!
-So we develop our own community!
[laughter]
-Like the Hobbits in Lord of the Rings.
[laughter]
-When I did it the first time, I was like,
"I've arrived."
CRYSTAL: Yes.
MARITO: And Nubian Night was the last show of my tour,
so after I went on there and I rocked it,
I cancelled my flight home,
and I called my ma and I said, "I'm not coming back home."
And my ma started, like, snapping.
She's like, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"You're always embarrassing me!"
-I was dating a girl who was 5'9".
MAN: Yeah!
[applause and cheering]
-You guys better make a bit more noise than that.
That's crazy !
[loud cheering and applause]
-That's half a foot taller than me!
Okay? You guys even know what half a foot is?
Huh? That's half a tuna sub, okay?
[laughter]
-Alright? That's half a Black guy's dick.
[laughter]
-He's like, "Yeah, it is."
[laughter]
-Right? And when I went down on her,
I had to military crawl up her body.
[laughter]
-WOMAN: Stop it! -Okay? [laughs]
She said, "Stop it!"
To make sure she came yet.
[shrieking and laughter]
-Okay, and when she said, "No, papi, I did not,"
I had to shimmy down.
[laughter and applause]
WOMAN: Oh my God!
-Like Donkey Kong.
[laughter]
-To make sure I finished the job, okay?
'Cause I'm a fucking gentleman.
Right, sir? Yeah!
-[women cheering] -That's what I'm talking about!
[applause and cheering]
-Thank you, guys. My name is Marito.
Rest in peace, Mommy! I love you!
[Debussy's "Clair de Lune" playing on piano]
MARITO: [INT] My mom got really sick,
and I told her I had to film this.
And, uh... she could barely speak,
and, um, I told her I gotta do the show
and then she was like,
"Go do that man's show."
CRYSTAL: And she's here, man.
She's so, so proud of you.
-Don't-- -Don't! Now look!
And I look so ugly when I cry.
I'm not, like, a cute crier, bro, don't!
♪
CRYSTAL: Okay, sorry, Marito got me.
He got me.
ZABRINA: Were you crying? CRYSTAL: Yeah.
MARITO: Oh, no worries, man. Thank you.
ZABRINA: Out of sadness?
CRYSTAL: No, 'cause his mom passed away, like, a week ago.
ZABRINA: Oh...
♪
KENNY: Canadians, we get too wrapped up in American bullshit.
You know, like, a perfect example--
when they overturned Roe vs. Wade,
Canadians are like, "Isn't that terrible?"
And I'm thinking, "No, it's good for Canadian tourism."
[laughter]
-Yes, and with the exchange on the dollar,
three girls can get aborted for the price of two!
[laughter and groaning]
♪ CanAbort, CanAbort, CanAbort.ca! ♪
[crowd groaning]
KENNY: And then when they go back home to the States,
at US Customs, "Anything to declare?"
"Not anymore!"
-[quietly] ♪ CanAbort, CanAbort... ♪
[scattered laughter]
-I wish we could create some news.
Like, I was up in Nunavut the week before the Pope was there.
And, you know, of course, the folks in Nunavut
weren't too excited about him coming.
But I just thought out loud while I was on stage,
"Wouldn't it be great if you all could take the Pope out
"and he'd get eaten by a polar bear?"
[laughter]
-Yeah, and then 150 years later, they could apologize.
[laughter and groaning]
-"Sorry, we didn't save him from the big, white predator!"
[laughter]
-And you've got these polar bears,
"Hey, it was 150 years ago. I wasn't even born then!
♪
KEESHA: [INT] It wasn't a Yuk Yuk's,
it was like a Caribbean show.
I remember, I was like, "Who is this girl? She's good !"
ZABRINA: [INT] What mother, like,
goes out in the middle of the night
telling jokes? There's no one.
-It's her. -There's no one.
It was just me and, like, six white male comedians
talking about jerking off. -Yes.
-And then I came to the Nubian Show
and I saw well-dressed women like me,
and I can tell a Jamaican joke, and I can go off,
because these people understand what I'm talking about.
-No, I'm excited to be here. Why? Because I have kids.
I have five kids!
You know why I have five kids?
Because, ugh, I hate working!
[laughter]
-Canadian maternity leave is so addictive!
I couldn't stop!
[laughter]
-You know, thank God for grandparents, though.
My parents helped me raise my kids.
Grandparents are the best!
-But I left my kids so many times with my parents.
And like, when I go home, they scare me now
because now they sound exactly like my parents--
just miserable Jamaican people.
[laughter]
ZABRINA: They're like, [Jamaican accent]
"Mommy is [indistinct]? Mi doo-doo mi diaper!
"You haffi change mi!
"And what mi a gonna do?
"Me cyaa pick up mi dally dem."
"Grandma say we both have arthritis.
"Wah wi a go do? We a guh die!"
[laughter]
-"Jesus need fi tek us now."
"I rebuke everyting inna di name a Jesus.
"Mi a go ketch pneumonia!"
-[laughter] -I'm like...
"Eww, why do you sound like that?"
[laughter]
HISHAM: [INT] Your kids, are they okay with being,
uh, made fun of?
-Oh, yeah, yeah. No, my kids,
my kids don't even pay attention.
They're good.
They were excited when they saw me the first time on stage,
but then the third and the fourth time, they're like,
"Yeah, can we not come anymore?"
-No!
-And I'd make them record my sets and...
-Yo!
-I'm like, "Yo, make sure you get Momma in the..."
-"I gotta put this on TikTok!" -Two angles!
-Oh, man, I've been a nurse for 21 years now.
Wow!
[applause and cheering]
-Taking care of old people...
You can hear it in my voice.
I don't take care of, like, you know, young old people,
I take care of old old people, you know?
Like taking care of somebody who's 104, 107.
And these people are miserable.
As soon as I come into work,
like, I just want to be happy, you know?
I'm just like, "Hey, I'm your nurse!"
and they're just like, "I just wanna die!"
I'm like, "So do I!"
[laughter]
-"So depressed!"
[laughter]
-And they're so annoying, too. They want you to take them out.
Like, you think I wanna even risk that?
They're just like, "Please, just send it for me!"
I'm like, "Just hold your breath.
"You'll be done.
"Just don't do that shit on my shift."
[laughter]
-I don't wanna do any paperwork.
[laughter]
WOMAN: You have the night shift?
[laughter]
-Hell no! I already know
when they're trying to take their last breath and shit.
I can hear it. They're just like...
"Ahhhh!"
I'm like, "Calm down, bro! I got 20 more minutes!"
[laughter]
-It's crazy working with old people.
The amount of racism?
Wow! So much of it!
Right? It's crazy.
Like, this is one question I'll get from an old lady.
They never like my answer.
They never like my answer
and they start goin' crazy and shit like that.
This is the question I'll get.
You think it's simple. They'll be like,
"Where are you from?"
Right, and, you know,
I'm just minding my own business.
And I can understand, the nursing home's boring,
there's nothing to do,
they see a Black lady with braids and they're like,
"Look at this Black lady with braids!
"She's ran through the jungle. She's climbed a mango tree.
"She has an interesting story for me.
"Come here, Black lady!"
[laughter]
-And I have to answer that shit?
And then she's like, "Where are you from?"
Right?
And I tell her, "Brampton. That's where I'm from."
She don't like that shit! She gets so mad.
She's like, "Where are you really from?
"Where are you really from?!"
Trying to get a heart attack and shit.
I'm like, "Yo, I'm tryin' to finish my shift quietly.
"You know what I'm saying? Calm down!"
So I have to give her an equally absurd answer
just to calm her down. I'm just like,
"I'm from Wakanda!"
[laughter]
-She's like, "I knew it!"
[laughter]
[voice trailing off] "Nigger..."
[laughter]
-Thank you guys so much!
[applause and cheering]
-There's a reputation-- you've done the Nubian Show
and you killed in the Nubian Show,
everybody knew it.
♪
ZABRINA: [INT] I remember the very first time
I did the Nubian Show,
I just wanted to have a really good set.
When I did my set, and it ended up being well,
everybody knew. I just thought it was insane.
And then after that, I had comics asking me
to vouch for them to do the Nubian Show.
All of a sudden, you're on this, like, next kind of level!
So, yeah, definitely, it's a rite of passage.
-Come here. Camera guy, come here!
Right where Kenny's standing, in 2002,
there was a comic who was stealing my act,
and I called him out on it.
I got in his face and I punched him out right there.
It was nice. Good times.
CRYSTAL: Kenny, they want me to tell you something.
You used to call me the "Punjabi Princess of Pun."
-The "Punjabi Princess of Pun."
-Yeah, um, I haven't had the heart to tell you,
but I'm not Punjabi!
-It didn't matter; nobody on the floor was listening.
[laughter]
-I couldn't say "The Brown Girl of [Indistinct]."
And "Punjabi Princess" had the rhyme.
-I mean, it sounded good.
KENNY: I also said you was headliner,
and you really wasn't headlining.
-You're right, you're right! -[laughter]
-So, I'm sorry!
♪
-Please put your hands together for Crystal Ferrier!
[applause and cheering]
♪ I don't play when I bounce ♪
♪ Get your levels up ♪
♪ You a snack, I'm a whole entree when I bounce. ♪
-Here's the thing. I'm a proud Indian woman.
When I moved here, I got made fun of a lot
because I had a thick accent,
and when I started school, a lot of kids,
like, they used to beat me up and stuff.
And there was one group of people that really took me in
and protected me, so I have a love
in my heart for Jamaicans.
-[crowd cheering] -Yeah, yeah.
They really protected me.
I remember, I was, like, standing outside the school
like, "Ah, I don't wanna go in here."
I was crying, right?
And this Jamaican boy came up to me,
he put his arm around me, and he said,
[Jamaican accent] "Crystal...
"No worry about your haccent.
"From now on,
"you is mi likkle Paki friend."
[laughter]
-"Okay. Okay."
[laughter]
-Alright.
And I met my best friend back then,
and we're still friends to this day.
Suzette is the sweetest girl you'll ever meet.
The only thing is she tries to give me advice about men.
Even the first day we met,
Suzette walked right up to me and she's like,
"Crystal, lemme give you some advice.
"If ya want a good fuck...
"ya need a Jamaican man!"
WOMAN: Woo!
-Guys, I was 11 years old.
[laughter]
-"I just asked for a crayon, Suzette... The fuck?"
[laughter]
-Wild.
Um... so I now have
two half-Jamaican kids.
[applause and cheering]
-Yeah, yeah. I married a Jamaican man.
I did, I did.
And people are like, "Oh my God! How did you manage that?
"Like, your Indian family?
"Like, oh my gosh, how did you do that?"
And here's the thing: my mom loves my husband,
'cause when I introduced them I, uh,
just told her he's Sri Lankan.
-[laughter] -Um...
-Coming into the Nubian Show was hard enough, okay?
'Cause literally, there was you.
-It was the only show that said, "Come hither."
-Right. -You know? Always open.
Kenny always... -And for me,
it really changed for me when I got pregnant
because, like, nobody would book me.
-Really?
-They're like, "Oh, she's a mom.
"She's gonna be home." Kenny booked me, like,
every month leading up to my first pregnancy,
and I was like, "Kenny, I'm so grateful.
"You don't understand. I don't get work.
"You book me all the time."
-Wow. -And he was like,
"Dem diapers cost money, kid!" Right?
And I'm like, "Yeah, fuck, they do!"
-Yeah. -But I'm so grateful.
Like, if I really think about it, I'll cry.
-I'm a mom as well. I'm a mother.
[silence]
-Y'all don't give a fuck. Cool.
-[laughter] -[some women cheering]
-Thank you! Thank you. -[scattered applause]
-Yes, thank you. Thank you.
Here's the thing that people don't warn you about.
I have two kids and I was so scared to give birth.
I did the courses, I read the books; it's nothing,
it's nothing the same as what you read-- like no, right?
I was in labour for 18 hours.
[audience exclaiming]
-Yeah, and I was pushing and pushing,
and it's like, "Augh!" I couldn't take it anymore.
And then the doctor walks in and he said,
"Hey, you gotta stop."
And I go, "Oh my God, something's wrong?
"Like, with me? With my baby?" Right?
And then he gave me an episiotomy.
If you don't know what that is,
it means they cut your vagina
so the baby can come out.
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
And here's the thing. It just reiterated
what I've thought all my life--
I got a tight pum-pum. You know what I mean?
-[applause and cheering] -Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I'm so impressed! You know what a pum-pum is!
-[laughter and applause] -Yes! Yes!
-I love it.
CRYSTAL: [INT] Honestly, I never care. It's me.
Like, if I have a vagina, why--
I'm not gonna do a dick joke. I mean, I could.
But I'm gonna do a vagina joke.
-Yeah, exactly.
-Like, that's what I would do, you know?
-Yeah, and that's what comedy is, it's you.
-It's you exemplified to 1,000%.
-And men love that joke.
Do you remember? Okay, the joke is, like,
I'm older now so I sweat in different places.
And I sweat in this one place.
It's between my vag and my thighs.
-I call it my 'vathina.' -Vathina!
So good, you know?
-It's just right there. It's right there.
-You know? Like... -And then I'm like, you know,
"Usually if your armpits are sweaty,
"you can do this and a little breeze will catch it," you know?
-A little breeze. -I'm like,
"What am I supposed to do, plié in a Food Basics?"
And I go plié and I'd go like this,
and there'd be a dude in the front and I'm like,
"Catch that. That's for you, bitch."
Men love that joke. Are you kidding me?
-I love being married, but I remember, like,
when I was single, and it's hard out here
when you're single, especially today, right?
And I'm gonna give you some advice, single ladies.
Listen up! Listen up!
[laughter]
-Listen up, right?
You gotta try this event.
It's a speed dating event. Hear me out. It's so good.
It happens once a year in Toronto.
It's called, um, Caribana. Um...
[laughter]
-It is so good !
[laughter]
-'Cause here's the crazy thing.
Like, when I was single, I used to get picked up by weird men.
Like, I found, like, I got, like,
three different cultures trying to pick me up, right?
Like, white guys trying to pick me up is always awkward
'cause when I tell them I'm Indian,
they always say some ignorant shit.
Right, like, one time this white guy was like,
"Oh my God, you're Indian? That's so exotic!"
[crowd groaning]
-What?!
And then he goes, "I wonder if your vagina
"tastes like butter chicken."
[laughter]
-The fuck?!
And how do I respond to that?
Like, what is the equivalent?
I'm like, "I wonder if your dick tastes like shepherd's pie."
-[laughter] -I dunno, what the fuck?
What do you guys eat? Oh, you liked that one?
Okay, good.
[laughter]
-And Indian men, let's face it.
Indian men, they always say something creepy.
I know, I know.
I was minding my business one time.
I just walked by this Indian man and he yelled out,
[Indian accent] "I'm going to ravish your body!"
[laughter]
-I was like, "Uncle, what is wrong with you?"
[laughter]
-So weird.
[laughter]
-The craziest line I ever got,
I was in Jamaica a while ago.
I was like, "Ah, local nightclub!"
having the time of my life, dancing,
"Oh!" right?
And this local dude came right up to me,
and the first thing he did
was he put his hands around my throat.
WOMAN: What?
-Yeah. Yeah, serious! And then he squeezed super hard.
And I was like, "Oh, fuck, I'm dead. That's it," right?
And then he whispered in my ear, he said,
"I going to murder...
"your pum-pum." Oh my God!
[laughter]
-Honestly, guys, I did not know I would live
to tell the tale of how I met my husband. Um...
[applause and cheering]
-My name is Crystal Ferrier. Thank you, goodnight!
[applause and cheering]
♪
MARITO: [INT] To see what you've done for other women
who are ethnic in comedy, it's unexplainable.
Whether they're brown, or Filipina, or Black,
like, they know you.
♪
-I actually learned from you to use my woman-ness.
-Yeah, girl!
-'Cause Crystal would come out hot in the heels, you know,
and just slay, just slay.
And I'm like, "Oh, shit."
-But guys don't think about how they dress
when they go to a show.
And for me, like, I always, like,
sat real comfortable in my femininity.
KEESHA: Yes, yes.
-And a lot of people used to be like, "Oh, you get booked
"'cause you're cute or 'cause you're sexy,"
and I'm like, "Yeah, bitch, but I'm also funny."
-Exactly!
-You just gotta be you. -You gotta be you.
-I just feel like you gotta be you.
-You do. -Female, male, whatever.
If you live in your authenticity,
I think men and women will receive that.
-Oh, for sure.
♪
[applause and cheering]
KENNY: Crystal Ferrier!
Give her a big round of applause!
[applause and cheering]
-Has everybody had a good time tonight?
[crowd cheering]
KENNY: Anyway, ladies and gentlemen,
the show's not over yet.
MAN: Yeah, yeah!
-We have a special guest.
Uh, he was with us on our first show,
and there isn't a comic that has gone further or higher
than the man I call "The Brown Sinatra."
MAN: Yeah!
-Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together
for Mr. Russell Peters!
[applause and cheering]
♪
[applause and cheering continues]
♪
[applause and cheering continues]
-Hey, give it up for Kenny Robinson,
ladies and gentlemen!
[applause and cheering]
-He started this shit!
-How you guys doin'? You African, bro?
MAN: Yeah, yeah.
-I can tell right away. I, uh...
You see, it's not my first day around Black people.
I want you to know this, alright?
I, uh, I'm 54 years old.
For the past 50 years, 97% of my friends are Black--
I know how to tell you apart.
-[laughter] -Alright.
And then, like, you're fuckin' dead centre, buddy.
That's amazing! That's a fuckin' white guy.
Are you white? I can't tell. What are ya?
-[laughter] -Oh, yeah.
I mean, you're pale, but I dunno if you're white.
Y'know what I mean? Are you white?
MAN: Absolutely.
-Wow! -[laughter]
-See, Toronto, you've made white people too fuckin' comfortable.
-[laughter] -You see what I mean?
RUSSELL: They're too fuckin' comfortable now!
Come on, brown girl, put your phone down.
Watch the show like a fuckin' human, alright, um...
MAN: Yeah!
-Always an Indian person trying to bootleg shit, just...
[laughter]
-I notice the Indian kids nowadays have this, like,
fuckin' weird confidence about them now.
We grew up in a different fuckin' time.
You have the backup of Indian people.
I didn't have them back then.
You don't know what Brampton used to be like.
It was not-- it looked like that !
And it was ugly! It was mean!
I grew up in a different time.
I had white people that were bullies,
and then I had Black people that were like,
"We'll take him in."
-[laughter] -WOMAN: Yes, sir!
-They took me in like a stray cat.
[Jamaican accent] "We'll take the one with the big nose.
"We know he's not white, but we don't know what he is.
"We'll just take him and..."
I had to do very Black things growing up.
I started-- like, my memories are more B lack.
It's weird.
Like, I started breakdancing at 12.
[laughter]
-I started DJing at-- I started boxing at 15!
I was the only-- 1985,
I was the only Indian kid in the boxing gym.
I was in there every day working on my left jab, my right jab,
and my Pun-jab.
-[laughter] -I was nice with it, though!
It was a different time. They don't know.
WOMAN: Yeah!
-My wife's Filipino. -MAN: Woo!
-And when you hear "Filipino," I know your brain
automatically goes, [accent] "Hello, sir!"
but that's not it.
My wife is from Long Beach, California.
She's more, "Whaddup, cuz?" than she is, um...
[laughter]
-And my wife only dated-- only!
Only dated Black guys before me.
Like, that's it.
And the first time I went down there was...
a fuckin' mess. It was, uh...
[laughter]
-There was graffiti in there. It was terrible.
-[laughter] -There was, uh...
-She didn't even date, like, regular fuckin' Black dudes.
Like, she dated, like, R&B singers and rappers.
Her pussy's a mixtape.
[laughter]
-First time she opened her legs, all I heard was,
"Bop, bop-a-dop, bop-a-dop-a-dop, bam!"
-[laughter] -I'm like...
MAN: Yeah!
[people cheering and clapping]
-And I got two baby mamas. They're both Hispanic.
Um, 'cause growing up here,
we didn't have that many Hispanics back in the day.
Growing up here, back in the day, you know,
the poor neighbourhoods were Black and Indian,
and in America, the poor neighbourhoods
are Black and Hispanic, so when I got to LA, I was like,
"I need to find my people."
So I saw Black people, I go, "Okay, check."
And then I saw brown people and I go...
"Those are some fuckin' weird-looking brown people,
"but alright, um..."
[laughter]
-I figured out they were Hispanic.
And then I saw Hispanic women, and I was like,
"What is goin' on there?"
And you ever been with a Hispanic woman?
You've never been with one?
MAN: No. RUSSELL: Here's the thing.
If you're with a Hispanic woman, you have to learn
how to fuck properly.
You can't just be like, "Uh, uh, uh..."
'Cause they don't just, like, take dick, they fuck you back.
You know what I mean? It's not--
It's a fair exchange. It's bam, bam, bam, bam!
It's like, uh, bumper cars.
You know what I mean? It's just...
[laughter]
-And they'll challenge your manhood.
They will challenge your manhood.
They will let you know, like, if you're not doin' it right.
They'll... I remember the first time
I was with a Hispanic girl,
I grabbed her by the back of the hair;
I thought I was taking control. I grabbed her by
the back of the hair, I go, "I'mma fuck the shit outta you!"
And she goes, "Fuckin' do it!" I was like, "Oh, shit!"
[laughter]
-I'm scared!
[laughter]
-I remember I was behind her, I went...
[slapping noise] And she was like,
"You hit like a bitch!" I'm like, "Oh, fuck!"
-[laughter] -Pow, pow!
You know, life is all about-- when you tell a story,
it's all about how you want the information
to be received, you know?
Remember back in the day, if you watched the news,
there was one news, there was one truth,
and that's all they told you.
Now you watch this channel, tells you that news,
this channel telling you the opposite of that news,
you're like, "Who the fuck do I believe anymore?"
Like, I'm gonna tell you a story about my son's mother,
and I'm gonna make it sound very palatable for you, alright?
So, my son's mother, she's 36 years old.
Right? Doesn't sound that bad.
Okay, let me make it bad for you now.
I graduated high school in June of 1988.
My son's mother was born in July of 1988.
-MAN: Whoa! -[laughter]
-I started doing standup in 1989.
My son's mother was learning how to stand up in 1989.
[laughter]
[applause]
-See? It's all about perception. It's about perception.
[laughter and applause]
-You guys have been a lot of fun.
Have a great night. Goodnight!
[applause and cheering]
♪
♪ Don't you worry 'bout the things that they say ♪
♪ It might seem bad today ♪
♪ But you'll be okay. ♪
-The Nubian Show was not so much finding myself.
It allowed me to be myself.
ZABRINA: Yeah.
KENNY: Remember the first show?
-I had the matching hat, the shirt.
It was big and baggy.
Had a front pouch like a marsupial.
-I had that African dashiki baseball shirt
on the first show.
ZABRINA: [INT] There's no show that can give you that high,
the Nubian Show high. There's nothing.
RON: [INT] No audience, no vibe, no lineup.
HASSAN: [INT] It's a show that allows space
for an eclectic group of people, and that's, like,
the most Black shit you'll ever get in your life.
KENNY: Thanks for making it, man, thank you.
-Only for you, kid.
Are there any photos floating around from the first show?
-I see one every now and then. -Yeah?
-Here, lean in, Kenny.
-That's a good one. -Oh, yeah.
I'll send that to you.
KENNY: Super.
MARITO: Papi?
-Comedy is important because that is our survival mode.
-Hey.
[speaking Spanish]
RUSSELL: [INT] It allowed me to be me,
because that's who I really was,
and that's who I would talk to outside,
that's who I would hang out with offstage.
And so, these were the guys, I was like,
"Finally, the audience that I've been lookin' for!"
-Anybody here from Jamaica?
[both laugh]
-I was sitting beside Kenny at your dad's funeral.
-It was big.
-And you spoke so beautifully about your father,
but Kenny said to me,
"That's the hottest set I ever seen Brownie do!"
[laughs]
I'm like, "Kenny, we're at the funeral, stop this!"
-Laughter is bigger than all of us.
It's the best medicine.
Kenny's really been there to, like, show us the ropes.
RUSSELL: [INT] If you're a father of something,
you don't stop being the father of something, you know?
He's the father of the show.
KENNY: [INT] When I came across this ragtag bunch
of guys and girls, when I found that, you know,
the doors weren't really opening,
I said, "Well, you know, if I don't do it,
"who's gonna do it?"
RON: Right. KENNY: And 30 years later...
[sighs] Fuck my life.
[all laugh]
♪ Believe me when I tell you that you'll have your day ♪
♪
SINGER: [intro] One two, one two!
Wherever you are, I need you to turn this up.
Turn your volume up to 10 and play this loud,
preferably in a residential area.
We can disturb the peace every once in a while.
Let's go!
[rapping] ♪ We're back and we're bigger ♪
♪ It's banging and better than ever ♪
♪ My gift a gab will get ya goin' ♪
♪ I'm settin' the pressure ♪
♪ It's not for nothin' I'm a natural
and never been fresher ♪
♪ We're performin' some incredible feats ♪
♪ With beats made for brawlin' and indelible speech ♪
♪ I could either cave the walls in or level the streets ♪
♪ 'Cause I escaped from the asylum like a medical breach ♪
♪ So turn it up ♪
♪ I know that it's a slight exaggeration ♪
♪ But I'm not because I've got a great imagination ♪
♪ And floating over tracks, that's my type of fascination ♪
♪ My kind of sick is where you can't provide a vaccination ♪
♪ So here's a warning to the person standin' next to me ♪
♪ Keep your distance or you'll be in certain jeopardy ♪
♪ The DJ will prove his worth as an accessory ♪
♪ 'Cause when we light the stage up,
we let it burn in effigy ♪