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On such a holy magical night
Let's look deep into each other's eyes
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.LT
And wish for everything we want
For all that's in our hearts
Because dreams are free
Dreaming is important
So let's open our hearts
And remember this verse
Because dreams are free
Dreaming is important
Anything is possible, anything at all
Anything at all!
Dream, dream, get to action!
Start acting Let these words ring ever louder
Merry Christmas, Ukraine!
Dreaming is free, dreaming is important
Dream, dream, get to action!
Thank you so much, what a great crowd!
Merry Christmas!
Ukrainians, Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
And now, please welcome the chairman of the board, Dmytro Iva--
Merry Christmas to my esteemed colleagues,
dear friends, and to our whole big family.
Well, you know who comes to visit those who work badly.
The devil with his cane!
But we don't have any bad workers,
so the best of you will get... attention... a bonus!
And the first to be awarded one is not simply the best manager,
but also the most prolific volunteer
who not only organized a first aid class,
but also passed with flying colors.
Your incredible colleague Andriy Kovach!
If he goes on like this,
I have no doubt he'll be sitting
on the board of our company soon.
You're magic like always
On earth, on this earth
There are none like you...
What are you so sad about?
Don't know how to spend your bonus?
- I can give you a few ideas. - Thanks.
I'm going to see my parents tomorrow.
I've really missed them,
but I'm going to sit through the same old song again:
"Son, you're so old already, and you still aren't married."
And they keep trying to set me up with their business partner's daughter.
- And? - And that happens every year.
My mom only left me alone when I came over with my fiancé.
BS, Karina.
He was just a friend, he just played the part.
It's not nice, lying to your parents.
Trust me, it was the only way.
Happy holidays.
- Thanks, same to you. - And congrats on the promotion, Andriy.
Thanks.
Hey, how about I play your fiancée?
You mean you're offering to go with me to Lviv for the holidays
to stage a one-act play for an audience of two?
Why not? It works.
Bad idea.
Look, as our CEO said, we're all a big family.
And we have to help each other.
So, shall I buy our tickets?
What are you thinking about?
She gives me emotions That keep stealing my nights...
I think you might regret it tomorrow.
I love adventure, especially in great company.
Damn it, it crashed.
Karina, Andriy is a total bachelor.
I don't think it's going to work.
We're going together, first class.
And to keep the legend up, we'll sleep in the same room at his parents'.
Plus Christmas magic.
Well, from what I can see, no one's going anywhere yet.
Trust me, we're coming back from Lviv engaged.
TICKETS PURCHASED
CHRISTMAS EXPRESS
Hryhorovych, hi.
You called me, what did you want?
Take my train ride.
You don't even have to take your temperature, I can tell you have a fever.
I really am sick.
And I retired a year ago.
Can you imagine what'll happen
if the special Christmas train leaves without a conductor?
Olha sent her kids to the in-laws in Kalush.
And we thought that for the first time... you hear me?
For the first time, we would celebrate Christmas together.
- Ivanovych, I'm begging you. - All they think about is money.
Mom, you know nothing is sacred for these higher-ups.
Work on New Year's, work on Christmas...
You're lucky to have work in times like these.
Don't worry about me,
I'll go see Aunt Lyuba.
And I'll mail you your favorite kutya with nuts and prunes.
All right?
Well, Red, this year it's just the two us singing carols.
All the conductors are busy.
Vasylyovych is on a route, Yakovych is at a resort.
Ivanovych, you're the last one left.
So take a sick day.
I'm already over my sick day limit.
When we go fishing, it's a sick day, bathhouse... a sick day.
Officially, I was sick.
Ivanovych, you keep telling me how much you've missed work.
And I'm not going anywhere and that's final.
Grampa, open your mouth and say "ah."
All right, I'll talk to Olha.
I'm sure she'll be understanding about your cold.
Will that be all?
Komarnytsky, careful, don't break the toy.
What are you being so slow for? Christmas is tomorrow, not January 7th.
It'll do. It'll kinda sorta do.
Where are you going?
Pertsovsky, Kamyshyn, where are you going?
You want me to do it all myself? You're taller.
Olha Mykolayivna, I've been assigned to the Kyiv-Lviv train.
Komarnytsky, you gonna put something on the top?
Are you kidding me? Why not put a hammer and sickle there too?
I don't know what it's still doing at the warehouse.
Commander of the Christmas train.
An honorable mission, I'm even a little jealous.
But I'm on vacation.
You signed it yourself, here.
That was a month ago, before we had any information about the express.
If you do it, I'll give you three days off.
I can't.
My family and I are going to Mykolayiv.
Our whole family will be there.
I already promised my parents.
Well, parents are another thing.
Fine, go on vacation.
Merry Christmas.
Thank you, Olha Mykolayivna, thank you. Same to you.
Merry Christmas to you.
Olha Mykolayivna, what do we do?
What is there to do?
It was my mistake, I'm taking the train.
That's not what I meant. What do we put on top?
It'd be better if you just leave it empty.
I have a nice idea.
All right.
You know, finding you at this train station is an ordeal.
Why were you looking for me?
There's this thing,
it's winter, people are getting sick...
You're telling me.
Some are sick, others are on vacation,
there's nobody around to work.
Dad, I'm sorry, but I can't make it on Christmas.
So you're not coming home today?
Not today, not tomorrow,
not for the holidays.
But I think if anyone can understand, it's you.
Sadly, kids forget about gratitude. The cherry tree will wither.
Come on now.
You've always taught me that work is above all else.
Everyone went on vacation, and you went to work.
The New Year's Express, Christmas, Easter...
What kind of daughter are you?
Nobody around to even hand me a spoon of kutya.
I didn't think you'd take it like that.
- Okay, I'll think of something. - No. No, no, no.
Quite the opposite,
I'm very glad I raised such a responsible railroad worker.
- Really? - Yeah.
Do what you have to do.
Work,
I'll sing my own carols.
Thanks.
CHRISTMAS TRAIN KYIV – LVIV
Hey, what is the "bronze nativity seed with Bethlehem star"?
Buckwheat and chicken Kyiv.
Why not just leave the old menu?
What? 550 hryvnia for borscht?
Well, of course borscht can't cost that much, but Christmas Red Herod?
Absolutely.
We'll make some real money on this train.
What are these boxes?
Vyshyvankas. We'll go to the Carpathians for a day.
They'll sell like hot cakes for the holidays.
How about we stay there for the weekend?
If we want to stay there for a weekend, we need Christmas prices all year long.
Don't pretend you're poor.
You don't have to tell me about your income.
Oh, don't start.
I put all my money back into the goods.
When we become profitable, then we can think about the Carpathians.
What?
Meter by almost a meter, that's 800.
Handle with care, that's 300.
800 plus 300 equals 1500.
My family will pick it up in Lviv.
What, transporting outside of the oblast?
That's another 300 or so.
Is that a goat?
Come on now.
A baby goat.
No, that's a serious health hazard.
It's animal cruelty.
Who am I to let your family celebrate Christmas without a goat?
Excuse me, are you that famous actor
that heroically delivered a baby on the New Year Express?
Excuse me.
Mykola Ivanovych!
- Hey. - Aren't you retired?
I was. Watched all the episodes of Baby Doctor, twice.
Then I realized there were no new episodes,
so I decided to come back to the railway.
- And you got car eight? - Yep.
- And I'm here with you again? - Come in.
I hope I'll get some sleep today.
But tell me, just in case.
Did you play any policemen, firefighters or gas workers this year?
Just so I know what to expect.
- Make yourself at home. - Thank you.
I remember, no waking you up until Lviv.
Where is the conductor? What is this nonsense?
I'm sorry.
Imagine that, Andriy Isayenko himself is in there.
It's not every day you see
an Honored Artist of Ukraine on your train.
If some hack buys a diploma, it doesn't make him honored.
As Karpenko-Karyy said:
"You need to earn your title with tireless effort and the love of your audience!"
Honored Art Worker of Ukraine Ihor Svyatoslavovych Knyaz.
Knyaz is the last name. I have two seats.
I get it. One for Knyaz and the other for the honored artist?
No, that's for my children's choir's props.
By the way, can you...
Go ahead, go ahead. Don't be shy.
Are you out of your mind? It's a goat.
Goat... What are you saying?
It's not a goat, it's a baby goat, small, a dwarf.
Some good people asked me, I don't get anything out of this.
It's just that someone can see it in the train car,
and you have a Vatican here, a country within a country. Damn it!
What, the train commander?
The box isn't mine, I don't mule goats!
Quiet!
See that lady?
- Nice broad. - Yeah, a devil in a skirt.
Larysa, my ex.
It's no accident she's here, it really isn't.
Probably here to get her child support.
Larysa!
Traitor.
Don't worry, she already got on the train.
She's definitely here for me then.
Ihor Svyatoslavovych, good evening.
Merry Christmas!
Good evening, kids.
This is for you.
- This is for you. - Thanks.
And this, share with your friends.
Don't take your hats off outside, don't leave the train car, and be polite.
Did you forget something?
What about your passport?
Oh, right!
And this is for you. Happy holidays!
Oh, thank you! Thank you. Thank you.
Don't forget to stamp it when you get to Lviv.
Well, that's it, Mom. Bye!
Good evening.
Andriy, come on in, I'll...
I'll handle the tickets.
And here's mine.
Can I ask you not to disturb us until Lviv?
Sure.
Excuse me,
the kids wrote a bad word on the window, can I have some hot water?
It's frozen in. Thank you.
Well, Larysa, bon voyage.
Come on, this is the Christmas Express, what could possibly happen?
Alisa, maybe it's a sign.
What do you want to go to Lviv for?
I invited the boys already, the party's gonna be great.
I can't be late. I have work.
I've been hearing this for ten years.
Call in sick, stay.
Excuse me, I have a ticket for this train, but car eight.
Get in, then, walk through the car.
All right, here you go.
Lady, this isn't an elevator, come through.
No life with this job.
A bread machine for mom and a set of tools for dad.
What do you think?
I think you're taking all this too seriously.
Andriy, how can I not?
If we show up without presents, they'll be onto us immediately.
I've thought it through to the smallest details. Here.
Is that so?
We've been dating for six months, and we met at...
At work. A workplace romance.
Very romantic.
All right, we need to make some selfies
'cause it's weird if we aren't in any pictures together.
Come on, come on, come on.
And now for the most important thing:
we need to practice kissing in front of our parents.
I've been rumored to be a good kisser.
I believe you, but it has to be as natural as possible.
I mean, not too much restraint so they believe it,
but not too passionately either,
because that'd be off-kilter in front of your parents.
Agreed.
Excuse me, I have seat number eight.
Katerynchuk?
Bondarenko?
What are you, cold?
I thought I'd go through the train cars, sell the kids some ice cream.
Ice cream? On Christmas? Are you out of your mind?
Someone kept telling me summer was going to be hot.
Well, we need to do something with those five crates.
Why are you dressed as Santa Claus when you have a Saint Nicholas costume?
Peddling ice cream at these prices as Saint Nicholas is blasphemy.
Larysa is there.
Larysa who?
Stepanivna. From the tax service.
Well, if she's from the tax service, she's definitely here for a bribe.
Go out and give it, it's not the first time.
Thing is, she doesn't want to be bribed with money, she wants incredible beauty.
Yeah, right. I'm not letting that sort of harassment happen.
Look, I'm begging you, we don't need any more trouble.
If she asks after me, just tell her I got fired.
Shut up, Mr. Bribe, she'll see you.
Cover me.
I think the last time I saw you was at prom? Kateryn-woodchuck.
I can tell you were the best of friends in school.
God forbid. No one wanted to be her friend.
She had braces like rails, choo-choo.
Did you get them taken off?
Too bad, I wanted to give you a fridge magnet.
Karina.
It's all right, she's not hurt.
You're not hurt, right?
She never could get jokes.
It's been so long, and I still remember.
I think that's all the knowledge you got out of school.
How about I introduce myself. My name is Andriy.
Excuse me. Alisa Katerynchuk, don't worry--
- Alisa. Pleasure. - Pleased to meet you.
Your ticket is valid.
What do you mean, valid?
We bought ours on the official website, not from scalpers.
You don't have to worry either, your ticket is valid as well.
Of course it's valid.
But what gives, two tickets for one seat?
A hacking attack, maybe?
Or a Christmas miracle.
- So what do we do now? - You stay here all three of you, for now.
I don't mind being in the company of such beauties.
I do.
Well, until I find another seat for someone...
Her, not "someone."
Andriy and I are going to meet his parents.
I'll take that fact into account.
Cookies? Coffee? Tea?
Just hurry up and find the spot for "somebody."
Hryhorovych, come on, help me with the boxes,
you get your cut too, you know.
Mykola Ivanovych?
Knock knock.
- Where's--? - He's sick.
Too bad. What, did you get kicked out of retirement?
For two days. What's with the getup?
I won a Santa costume at cards,
so I thought, when else would I put it on if not Christmas?
And you can charge more for your Christmas bundle in it, right?
That intuition.
You're not Mykola Ivanovych, you're Sherlock Ivanovych.
Where's the Grandfather Frost costume? Didn't you use to peddle in that?
I burned it.
I got beaten up by children on the Frankivsk train in it.
Little ones or highschoolers?
Little ones, but they hit like highschoolers.
Well, you must have had it coming.
You know your boxes aren't riding in my compartment.
Mykola Ivanovych, just a few boxes for an old friend, please!
Santa, go screw.
I said go screw!
Dad?
Holy cow.
That the one that stole your boyfriend right at the prom?
It was so dramatic, she spent a month drowning her grief in ice-cream.
Right, but she's not alone, she's with her boyfriend.
They're coming to meet his parents.
No way, Alisa, this is your lucky day.
I don't feel very lucky having to ride with that arrogant snob.
This is your chance.
You have to take revenge on that bitch.
Steal her boy, huh? Here you go.
Why would I do that?
She did something very traumatic to you.
Who knows, maybe that's why you're still single.
Fate gives you a chance.
I won't stoop to her level.
Suit yourself!
Have you no shame?
Not only did you lie to me,
you had to make a song and dance about the ungrateful daughter.
Well, first of all, I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you the whole truth.
And second of all, you could have told your daddy you had a train.
Your presence here is illegal.
You're retired, you don't work for the Ukrainian Railways.
Thank you for reminding me, us retirees can be a tad forgetful.
By the way, lady, who are you? I don't recognize you.
I'm not laughing.
If somebody finds out I have a retiree on the train, my head will roll.
Don't worry, we're among friends, no one's going to snitch.
All right, Mykola Ivanovych,
I gave you a chance to do the right thing, but you didn't use it,
so here's the deal: either you take my boxes--
Blackmail, like in the good old days?
Or I log a formal report to the higher-ups
that you're illegally performing the duties of conductor.
You won't care, of course, but your girl can say goodbye to her job.
Let them fire her, the kind of boss she is.
By the way, I pulled strings to get her a job with the railway.
Oh, nepotism.
I'll include that in my report.
Olha Mykolayivna... Knock knock.
Your pop and I are rehearsing some scenes,
we'll play them for the kids on Christmas Eve.
Railway nativity.
Can I have tea, three cups?
Can he?
Oh, Kateryn-woodchuck,
I thought I got lucky and you fell off the train.
By the way, the conductor's been by asking
if you'd mind if they make your bed in the corridor.
You don't mind, do you, Kateryn-woodchuck?
What, are you still mad about the prom?
Stop it.
I just wanted to have a good time.
If only I'd known that Sasha was the love of your life.
It was Sasha, right?
I forget.
He kept messaging me for a month after that.
Professing his love.
Little dummy.
What do you mean the concert may not happen?
Sir, are you out of your mind?
My kids sacrificed spending Christmas Eve
with their families to bless us with some true art!
No, you listen!
I'm an Honored Art Worker of Ukr-- Hello!
Now everyone is where they belong.
I'm the conductor, you're the train commander.
We're professionals.
A dynasty of railroaders.
What's going on here?
We're a European country, and your service is shameful!
Are you kidding me?
There's an Honored Art Worker of Ukraine traveling in this car, you know.
What's the problem?
Lady, who are you that I should report to you?
Commander of the train.
Wonderful, now I won't have to go get you too.
Ihor Knyaz.
Knyaz is the last name.
Let's go.
Have you made a decision?
Sure.
Give me the Whiskered Cockroach.
We have a new Christmas menu, I'm not totally familiar with it.
Is that a main course or an appetizer?
Covering for your partner?
Nice.
Oh, you mean Petrovych?
Got any more cockroaches on this train?
No, there aren't.
And Petrovych isn't here either.
Like I'm gonna believe that.
He'd never miss the Christmas train.
- He got fired. - No way.
Did his bosses find out he puts tea in the brandy?
How do you know that?
I know all about Petrovych.
I lived with him for five years.
Well, not lived. I suffered.
He's stingy as hell.
That's why we divorced, actually.
So you're not from the tax office.
Why, you got a lot in the cashbox?
No, it's just there's raids on the railroad going on.
They said there'd be an inspection.
Call him and tell him Larysa's here for her child support.
What child support?
Lucky. You don't know what child support is?
It's to support a child.
This bastard refuses to pay.
A child?
- And he won't pay? - No.
Whiskered cockroach.
Here, have a look. It doesn't work.
The kind of money you're charging for the tickets,
and the socket doesn't work.
Here's another socket, try that one.
I can see there's another one, but I need this one, mine.
Do your professional duty and fix it.
Easy. I took an Electrical Basics class once,
but that was back in the '70s.
Do you remember if the sockets have changed since then?
As Tychyna once told Ostap Vyshnya, your irony is inappropriate right now.
I need a working socket.
Don't worry.
My employee will resolve this issue as soon as possible.
I'm going to personally oversee it.
Employee...
You go, girl, keep it up.
Listen to me and Andriy is yours.
Hey, hey, girl, you there?
Hello, Tonya, I'm here.
Come on, babe, I'm with you.
Okay, I'm going through the social networks...
- Found it. - I'll tell you later.
This Karina's boyfriend is Andriy Kovach.
He works at the radio.
Oops.
Andriy, your voice sounds so familiar.
You don't work on TV, do you?
Radio, maybe?
Oh! He goes to football games, so he likes football.
I've loved football since I was a kid.
My dad would always take me to the stadium with him.
I would scream for Shakhtar so hard!
Dynamo!
Dynamo! Champion!
He has a lot of fishing photos.
Tell him you're a gifted fisher.
Tell him you caught a pike with a spinner.
Fishing is so dope, right?
I once caught a pike with a thinner.
What thinner?
Spinner!
With a spinner.
Where do I work?
Girl, don't even think
about telling him you're a translator. That's boring.
Tell him you work in Monatik's ballet.
Monatik's ballet.
No way.
Get some.
Dima, hey! Check out who's in my compartment.
Who's there?
Alisa.
Alisa?
Yeah, I'm third from the right in the second row,
on your left.
Oh... Alisa.
Please forgive me,
I haven't had the chance to meet all of you,
but I'm happy to see you.
Excuse me.
All right, buddy, see you.
Small world, huh?
Tonya, I was this close to failing.
What ballet, what Monatik?
You need to know how to use these hints too.
I knew it was going to end like this.
You aren't femme fatale material, if I'm honest.
Don't write me off yet.
I managed to drag Andriy over to my side of the field.
You should see Karina's face.
As if a trout hit the crossbar. Girl, I'm in.
Okay, let's move on to part two.
The way to a man's heart lies...
Through his stomach.
I got it from here.
All right, keep me posted.
She tried to pass it off like it was my fault, can you imagine?
I don't care.
I do. What happened?
This is for you. Thank you.
Merry Christmas. Oh, beautiful.
Thank you for your purchase. Merry Christmas again.
So, did the tax office leech buy it?
- She bought it. But she wants money. - Is that what she said?
Is this the first time the tax service has requested funds?
Did she say she's from the tax service?
That's what you said, did you forget?
Well, how much does she want?
I say we split it.
Petrovych, I know everything. You abandoned your child and won't pay.
I do pay!
It's just that Larysa wants more and more every time.
Not even the tax office milks me like she does.
I'm begging you, tell her my income has fallen significantly.
Just like your dignity.
It's just that you and I could use the money Larysa takes.
Three days in the Carpathians,
all inclusive.
Tell her I'm unemployed and poor as a church mouse.
Maybe she'll leave me alone.
Natalya, if it's not serious, I don't even want to hear it.
Ihor Svyatoslavovych, there's this thing...
So while we were on the way
and there was service, I called my classmate Artem Mohyla.
He used to perform on the same stage as Oleksa Kendzyor, they became friends.
And Kendzyor's uncle Feofaniy Hadyuka lives on the same street as Artemiy Bibik.
And then we lost connection...
Thank God, I thought this census recital would never end.
And then the service came back.
And Bibik told me to phone Taras Havryk Jr.
But Havryk Jr. wasn't there, so they directed me to his assistant Nina Neborak...
Look, can you just turn off all this detailization
and tell me why you're here and why you brought these two?
What two?
They had a fight.
Argued over which Ninja Turtle was stronger.
The conflict is resolved, I hope?
They agreed Splinter was the strongest.
That coach of theirs, the rat.
Well, that's good.
And Havryk Jr.'s assistant Nina Neborak
wrote a letter to Serhiy Myronovych Savchuk-Kryvoshapka,
and Serhiy Myronovych Savchuk-Kryvoshapka said our performance was happening.
Look, why didn't you lead with that?
That's really wonderful!
Okay, go to your compartment, come on.
Right.
Olha Mykolayivna, your employee Shvets has finished his task.
Dad, don't be mad, but it's sloppy.
Sloppy? I actually overperformed.
There was one socket, now there's three.
You can see the passenger stands on principle.
He's going to start another scandal, and you're provoking him.
I don't even know what to do.
Olha Mykolayivna, will you fire me for incompetence?
- An extension? - An extension.
It's temporary.
The conductor has decided to show initiative, but I'll handle it.
Well, as Amvrosiy Buchma said in the play Taras Bulba,
"One would have sufficed, but three is tree."
Thank you.
Our passengers' comfort is our motto.
If you need something else, please tell us.
Olha Mykolayivna knows how to work us too, not just the sockets.
- Wanna grab a bite? - I wouldn't mind.
We're not eating boiled eggs.
Andriy, I bought us some nuggets.
Treat yourself.
Hey, girls, how about we go to the restaurant car?
- Let's go. - I only eat what I make myself.
So thank you, but I'll pass.
Of course you will,
how could you afford a restaurant?
Even a restaurant car.
Karina. Let's go, I'm buying.
I don't eat out because of my allergies,
I need to know what ingredients were used in the food.
Right.
I completely forgot how our school nurse barely managed to bring you back.
We gave her some candy with nuts. You should have seen what happened to her.
She got all red, got all puffy like a toad and coughed.
Do you remember?
Karina, that's not funny, she could have died.
But she didn't. Here she is, safe and sound.
Relax, we were children.
- I don't think it was very funny. - Forget it.
- Homemade pancakes with cheese. - Thanks.
It's delicious. My mom makes them like that.
Really?
Have some.
What's going on?
Are you expecting a new fiancée, you traitors?
There must be some mistake. Right, Anya?
Giving you that place at no rent was the mistake.
- I thought we were in-laws. - All right, let's get out of here.
This is blackmail.
You can't leverage business in personal affairs.
All right, what's this?
Dad, you see, it's cringe for parents to look for a fiancé for their daughter.
This isn't the 19th century.
I told you to stay in the car.
How many times do I have to tell you?
I have a boyfriend.
I won't believe it until I see for myself.
So what, we're good on the rent?
How about some tea, then?
First batch is ready, come get it.
What happened?
We don't have a concert after all?
We do.
We don't have a soloist.
Come here.
She ate too much ice cream, now she's hoarse.
How hoarse?
Show him.
It's weird.
You do realize we're singing carols, not chanson?
Where were you? Where did she get that ice cream?
Some Santa Claus sold her some.
Who sells children ice cream on Christmas?
As Rostyslav Derzhypilsky said, "You need to deal with them like in Sparta:
kick them in the back down into the orchestra pit."
Ihor Svyatoslavovych, how about we try to do it without the soloist?
Think before you speak.
Her character is central to the nativity scene: the Goat.
Come on, say "baa."
I'm sorry, but the central character is Herod,
not the Goat.
The one who sold her the ice cream is the Herod.
Dear passengers! We arrive at Kozyatyn Station.
We only stop for two minutes.
- Please. - Thank you.
- Come on, Matviy. - Come on in.
- I'll help you. - Thank you.
- Where's mine?
Yours is here too, come in.
What nice neighbors I have.
Please help me.
Thank you.
If you want tea or coffee, I'm in my compartment.
- Conductor! - Thank you.
- Okay. - Conductor!
What is it this time?
You can't see it, can't feel it?
Strange, because usually it's the older people who feel drafts first.
Look, it won't close.
The wind blows like it's the Arctic Circle.
And a child from my choir got sick.
She's hoarse like an old gramophone. How is she supposed to perform tonight?
That's not funny.
It's not for you. It's for her throat.
You want me to get sick too?
I have one for you too. Mint.
I ask you, no, I demand that you as the conductor
make it so the wind doesn't blow on me.
One second, please.
- Does it blow now? - How rude!
And the youngsters think it's a life hack.
How dare you?
I'll report you, this is your last train!
I hope so.
Matviy and I are going to Lviv for Christmas.
I didn't realize this train took two weeks to get to Lviv.
Christmas is on January 7th.
Ukraine has officially celebrated it on December 25th for years now.
Right, they keep changing things just for the sake of it.
Not really, it's just so we celebrate it with the rest of the civilized world.
Did we start living like the civilized world?
Remind me, do the pensions come in pounds or sterling?
Look, this is the spirit of Christmas.
You couldn't buy it with all the money in the world.
Yeah, sure you couldn't.
It was fine as it was, why change the date?
We didn't change the date, the Bolsheviks did.
Now you're just saying things, I swear.
Why would they do that?
Because they wanted to control the faithful.
If you don't celebrate the New Year, that means you're fasting.
If you're fasting, that means you're Christian,
and if you're a Christian, that means what?
You're an enemy of the people.
Right, you people read all sorts of stuff on your internet
and then pass it off as the truth.
Not really, I just work at the Ivan Honchar National Museum,
so I know what I'm talking about.
Even so, why did I have to know that?
I've lived 60 years without that information,
and I'll live another 60.
All right, so I've asked my colleagues about Petrovych.
They say after he got kicked out of here, he's really not doing well.
Barely making ends meet.
You don't say? He's not drinking at least?
Oh, constantly.
He's started pawning things around the house. Yeah.
Hey, what's your name?
Mariya.
You know, Mariya, you're a good woman.
And not stupid.
I mean, if you still aren't married at your age.
No, no, you're doing everything right. Good job.
I was stupid to marry Petrovych, I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
- Why was it stupid? - I was young and stupid.
You know, I was going to Odesa once,
went to the restaurant car to grab a bite, and there he was.
Handsome, gallant, charismatic.
So I swooned before I even got to Odesa.
And then a torrid affair at the resort, a wedding, and five wasted years.
My daughter is my only joy.
Did the spark of love die down that fast?
How couldn't it, with a cheapskate like that?
You know, we never went anywhere after Odesa.
I mean, Petrovych is frugal, but not like that.
Believe it or not,
who was it that gave his own daughter a cob of corn instead of a doll?
- Petrovych? - Yes.
I hope nobody in the world is insane enough to live with him.
Yeah, that's right.
But you know,
I'm glad life punished him after all.
Now I see why he only pays minimum support.
- Minimum? - Yeah.
I can't even buy my daughter a puff jacket.
She spent the whole winter in a between-seasons jacket.
Got sick three times.
I'm sorry.
There, there, now.
Nobody fired him.
Don't you knock?
You already got your knock.
Knyaz Ihor complained about you again.
And what does Queen Olha think?
Will she burn the unruly Drevlyans?
Dad, enough already.
I don't want to get chewed out because someone can't do his job.
Especially when that someone wasn't even supposed to be here.
Is it really so hard to fix that window?
I don't know how to connect extension cords to windows.
All right, Conductor Shvets, you are officially reprimanded.
Upon our return to Kyiv I will initiate an inspection
which will determine how exactly you ended up on this train
and on what grounds you performed the function of a conductor.
All guilty parties will be punished, I can guarantee that.
How'd you put it? Function?
Splendid.
The conductor hereby suspends his function and awaits his well-deserved punishment.
May I?
With profits like these, the only way he's coming out of this car is feet first.
And that's just from selling goods under the table.
Wow. Is that for one month?
Yes, and then there's his salary, bonuses, tips.
That whiskered cockroach,
so money just sticks to him like...
Like ice cream to your sole.
Listen, he's not married yet, right?
But you said it yourself,
you can’t find someone that... insane.
I'm sorry.
Need to get Petro back.
But I said he didn't get fired.
I need him back.
In my family.
Dad, when are you going to be there?
In an hour.
Count to 3600. Do you know how?
I can, but I have a watch.
Where is your husband serving?
Anti-air.
He'll get on at Khmelnytsky, we're all celebrating Christmas in Lviv.
- Help yourself. - Thank you.
Matviy, you want a sandwich?
That doesn't work like that.
Want some toast?
Yep.
Matviy, have you thought about what you're going to ask Grandfather Frost
to put under your tree this year?
I'm big enough to know there is no Grandfather Frost.
Saint Nicholas brings children presents.
But this year I wrote him that I don't want any presents.
I want my dad to get his leave.
And Nicholas heard me.
Saint Nicholas, Grandfather Frost and Santa Claus are the same person,
just different names.
Not true:
Saint Nicholas is over 1700 years old,
and Grandfather Frost didn't even make it to 90.
Eat up.
Wow!
And you said they don't take care of retirees.
My Christmas 1000 just arrived.
That's for those who celebrate on the 25th of December.
Write their support team about returning the funds.
And your 1000 will arrive on January 7th.
Don't be smart with me, a holiday is a holiday.
Little Carol, Little Carol Little Carol Bird
The swallow has flown in
She began to chirp
To call the master
Come out, come out, master
Look at the sheepfold
The sheep have rolled over
And the lambs have been born
Your goods are all good
You will have a measure of money
If not money, then a half-sheaf
You have a black-browed wife
If not money, then a half-sheaf
You have a black-browed wife
Little Carol, Little Carol
Little Carol Bird...
Stop!
Little Carol Bird...
I promise I'll handle my employee.
As Olha Shvets said, "It'll be all right."
- Who's that? - That's me.
In regard to your situation,
the conductor is powerless here, as, unfortunately, am I.
Really, there are no unoccupied seats on this train.
Although, I think there is a way.
I don't know.
It's not just the props here, it's the costumes,
the musical instruments, the Christmas star...
Where am I supposed to put all that?
We're a serious nativity theater.
I understand,
the girl will have to ride in the corridor.
And she could have kept you company,
but I guess you're having more fun with the props.
No, we can fix that.
The seat can be free very quickly.
May I inquire what sort of girl she is to avoid false hope?
Young, single, pretty.
Then consider the seat free as a stork in the sky.
By the way, would you like some homemade walnut liqueur
made by the old recipe by Nechuy-Levytsky? It's--
I'd be happy to listen to the ingredients of the drink,
but making a girl wait is bad manners.
In that case, as Leopold von Sacher-Masoch said,
"Frau, give me a few minutes and the apartment will be ready."
Wonderful.
Kateryn-woodchuck, we found a place for you in the first compartment.
It's not what you think, let me explain.
Go ahead, explain why the hell you've been kissing up to my boyfriend all day.
Come on, don't overdo it, we aren't really a couple.
Aren't you coming to meet your parents?
Yeah, you didn't know, but Karina simply agreed to play along.
- It's a very long story. - So what?
That doesn't mean you have to kiss the first whore you come across!
Karina, enough! Stop with the melodrama!
What?
Anyone but this loser!
- Stop calling her that! - How else should I call her?
Look at her with her stupid pancakes.
What, there's no way?
Matviy will be very sad.
Turn video on.
Son, it's your dad.
Buddy, I'm very sorry, but sadly, they didn't give me leave.
How come? You were supposed to get on our train.
Well, there's nothing we can do.
So that you and Mom can celebrate Christmas in peace,
Daddy and his brothers-in-arms have to watch the skies.
So Saint Nicholas lied to me?
Son, am I seeing things or are you a bit sad?
You're seeing things.
All right, let's break this situation down.
You made a wish to see me. Right?
Right. And Saint Nicholas didn't grant it.
Wrong answer.
He just put it on hold.
What's that mean?
Look, when was the last time we saw each other?
September.
And there are kids who haven't seen their daddies in a year, two,
some of them even longer.
If they made the same wish as you, whose wish would he have to grant first?
Those who haven't seen their dad longer.
There, see? Told you he just put it on hold.
Just believe, wait and we'll see each other soon. I promise.
I believe. I'll wait and believe.
Soldier Matviy, that's much better.
All right, over and out.
Roger roger.
It's okay.
I'll chase the last train car
If she's waiting at home
I'll reach the tallest balcony
If she's waiting at home
I'll chase the last train car
If she's waiting at home
I'll reach the tallest balcony
If she's waiting at home
I'll chase the last train car
If she's waiting at home
I'll reach the tallest balcony
If she's waiting at home!
I'll chase the last train car
If she's waiting at home!
Well, hi, Petrovych.
What are you fussing for?
I don't have anything heavy.
You got a heavy hand.
Well, that's true.
But on the other hand, behind me you're like behind a wall.
A stone wall, I'd say.
Well, how are you? How's life?
Hey, I see you've really gotten sour without me.
Why are you still single?
I'm not.
Come on, stop it,
you know that admitting your problem is the first step to fixing it.
Remember how good we were together?
How about we start anew?
Petrovych! I found us a customer for the Christmas Bundle.
- Let's go before they change their minds. - The customer can wait.
Money doesn't buy happiness. Right, Petrovych?
And then, Mariya,
I think you can handle that bundle.
I knew you were with that bottle blonde.
You're so predictable, it disgusts me.
Well, it's all right, I'll fight for myself.
I doubt it.
- Honey, tell her how my hand is. - Heavy.
I can't fight, though.
I'm pregnant.
I see, the masks are off. But what's the problem?
If Andriy is single, you didn't do anything wrong.
I used a good person for my silly revenge.
Oh Alisa, be honest, did you fall for him?
What's that got to do with it?
Everything. He's single, you're lonely.
All right, don't mess up your chance.
What am I supposed to tell him?
"Andriy, I was hitting on you to avenge an insult from the school days."
"But since you and Karina aren't a couple, let's date."
Well, more or less, we'll iron out the kinks.
This has gone too far.
We need to put an end to this story.
She'll never find anyone if she goes on like this.
True that.
Are you trying to use your baby to keep him?
I tried, it won't work. He'll run away from you like he did from me.
Your views on family are outdated.
If you surround a man with love and care,
he won't go anywhere.
I wonder, why do you love him?
For his smile, his sense of humor, his smarts.
And his tenderness.
Right! Well, that'll last for a year or two at most,
and then you'll be running after him and begging him for child support.
I did pay your child support, maximum support too.
I love my Irina with all my heart,
I've always brought the best dolls for her from my trips.
And then you switched to minimum payments.
Because someone started to spend all the money on herself instead of the child.
That's my own business.
Spend your minimum support however you want.
And when Irina grows up, it'll pay for her college.
She has to have a life before then, not an existence.
Don't worry, I send money to the kid's card regularly.
See, he's a good father.
Well, just see you don't have to cry yourself to sleep later.
Dad, we have to talk.
Is talking in the train commander's job description?
I'm sorry for turning on boss mode with you.
I had no right to treat you like that.
No, I'm sorry, my girl.
I should have told you the truth from the beginning.
I'm sure you would have understood and let me do this train.
I'm not sure, it's a violation of every code.
But the fact that you filled in for your sick colleague deserves respect.
So may I get to my responsibilities?
- Of course. - Thank you.
But please, no more conflicts with that auteur.
I promise, my girl.
So that's what it is, family business.
One hand washes the other. It's all right, it's all right...
The props will stay here, that's not up for discussion.
And when we get there, I'll report you.
Why put it off, Your Majesty?
I have paper, and we'll find a goose quill and some ink for you.
Olha, do you know which compartment the geese are in?
As Osyp Makovey said in his immortal work A Bitter Life: "Here it is, master."
Right, right, I've been waiting.
Who are you?
- I was told there was a free seat here. - Where's...?
Oh, Karina? She stayed in her compartment.
Well, to Hades with her.
Let us introduce ourselves: Ihor Svyayoslavovych Knyaz.
- Knyaz is the last name. - Alisa.
Alisa. What a beautiful name.
A for Angelic,
L for Luminescent, I for Intriguing,
S for Sweet, A for Artistic.
Alisa, please join me for a few drops
of this noble drink to celebrate meeting each other.
Thank you, but I'd rather have some coffee.
Alisa we need to talk.
You wanted to talk? What about?
About us.
There is no us.
I'm not who I said I was.
I knew that right away.
And then Monatik called me back
and said he knows all his dancers, but he doesn't know you.
Why didn't you say anything?
It was fun to watch you.
Especially how much you know about football and fishing.
Now I'm even more embarrassed.
- It was so silly. - No, it was adorable.
Stop it.
Getting back at Karina clouded my judgment.
I propose we go back to the start.
There's nothing between me and Karina, she's just playing along.
Would a girl who doesn't have feelings really spend the holidays in another city
and meet someone's parents just to play along?
Karina truly loves you, and I don't want to get in the way.
So goodbye.
Right, so where were we?
Presents, ring,
kissing...
Karina, it would never work between us.
Andriy, stop it, we're the perfect couple.
Even that loser believed it.
Don't call her that, Alisa is a good girl.
If that good girl didn't barge into our compartment,
everything would have gone well.
Doubt it.
Karina, you're just a friend to me.
Andriy, not every love story begins with love at first sight.
Andriy, we were going to see your parents,
stay there together,
and realize that we're made for each other.
Was that your plan from the start?
What's wrong with that?
The fact that this trip was doomed
because it started with lying to my parents.
You know, I'm so happy.
I love children.
I've always dreamed about a son.
Well, or another daughter.
Here's the thing...
I’m not pregnant.
I just felt at some point that I could lose you, and I improvised.
Sorry.
You improvised well,
otherwise that leech would never leave me alone.
But that can be fixed, we can go somewhere
for the weekend.
We'll find some cheap options.
You forgot to say you love me
for my generosity.
Don't push it.
We're going to the Carpathians, the most expensive hotel.
I didn't want to go because I was saving up for something special.
But I think something special is...
...happening.
So you're not so stingy after all.
I just don't like being wasteful.
So how about we go for a week?
Don't push it now.
Excuse me!
Give me some candy, prunes with nuts.
What happened?
Everybody, please stay in your seats.
Maybe it's a stop?
Right, in the middle of the woods.
I'll go find out.
Our anti-air forces rule, they got ten out of ten targets.
But the debris fell on the rails, so they're clearing them.
And how long will that take?
Who the hell knows, could be two hours, three, four, five.
Until they clear it all, nobody's going anywhere.
We'll have to wait.
That's Larysa. I'll explain.
Boris Johnson shook my hand personally.
We greeted him with "Little Carol Bird."
We gave it our all in three voices,
Little Carol, Little Carol Little Carol bird...
It made the walls shake.
Alisa, this sounds like a toast.
I get it, you don't drink alcohol, but join in with your coffee.
There was another funny story.
One time, People's Artist of Ukraine Bohdan Slipokura came to my dacha.
We got our fishing rods, the inflatable boat.
He asks, "Where's the--"
What happened?
Can you speak?
You need to call an ambulance.
We're in the woods, it'll take a long time.
Are there any passengers with medical degrees?
- I don't know. - Make way.
I'm not a professional, of course, but I think it's anaphylactic shock.
Is this some kind of prank?
Okay, you did well. Where are the cameras so I can wave to them?
Here we are.
Are you kidding me?
But you did deliver the baby last time.
That's different.
People don't need doctors to give birth, this is much more complicated.
So call someone for a consult like last time.
- We don't have any other choice. - You have to cut.
You need to pierce the trachea, put a straw in.
That's right, you did it in Episode 123, I saw it.
I cut a doll, and this is a human being.
There is no other way. If not you, then who?
I'm out. I'm out. Out.
- I can only make it worse. - Doctor! Let me see. Please, please.
- Are you a doctor? - No, but I had a first aid class.
We need to act fast. Bring me the first aid kit.
You'll be assisting.
Trust me, okay? Okay?
Give me a syringe and a vial of epinephrine.
That's adrenaline.
Thanks.
Okay, that got rid of the spasm. Breathe, breathe.
Okay, now chloropyramine and prednisolone.
Blue and green.
Thank you.
That's it.
How are you?
Fine.
Give her some warm tea, please.
And activated charcoal.
I know that.
Thanks.
Are you all right?
How about I bring some ice from the restaurant car?
Are you out of your mind?
- She could have died. - What do I have to do with it?
You're the only one on this train who knew she's allergic to walnuts.
Andriy, come on.
Karina would never do that.
- Who was it, then? - Me.
I poured some walnut liqueur into Alisa's coffee.
Just to set the mood, five drops.
But I didn't know about the allergy. I swear.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Please. - Thanks.
Well, as Andriy Isayenko said in Episode 178:
visitors, please leave the room.
Don't worry, it's not your fault.
Is there anything I can do? Just tell me, I'll do it.
All Alisa needs right now is calm.
Got it. I...
You take the compartment and I'll stay in the corridor, on the fold-out seat.
- Does it hurt? - No, no.
Thank you.
Don't thank me, thank my instructor.
He had a great student.
He saved my life.
You saved me too.
It's a paradox.
If it wasn't for your revenge story,
I would never find out about Karina's real intentions.
Andriy, but I lied to you too.
I agree.
Too many lies.
I don't want to lie to anyone else.
I promised my parents I'd come for Christmas with my fiancée.
I want to fulfill my promise.
Where are we?
In the middle of the woods.
I can see it's not Lviv.
How long are we going to stay here?
Unfortunately,
until they clear the debris, the train can't go.
And we don't know how much time that may require.
Mom, so we won't make it for Christmas.
Huh? Why?
I'll be honest, we probably won't.
But we could celebrate it here.
Here? How, I wonder?
Can't we make the 12 dishes?
In that case,
dear passengers,
you are all invited to the restaurant car.
Let's go, buddy.
Okay, children, come out, come out.
What do you say?
Come on, come on.
Ihor Svyatoslavovych, we're waiting for you.
I understand that an honored artist
requires a special invitation.
So please accept it personally.
I can't.
How can I look the children in the eye?
They've been getting ready for this performance for three months.
They dreamed of the big stage.
There are bigger things than us no matter what we do.
I'm sure the children will understand.
Please forgive me for the way I've been acting.
I just have a short fuse, especially when someone tries to hurt those in my care.
No, you didn't do that, no.
You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Children are everything to me.
My raison d'être. For them, I'd--
You're a good man.
A wonderful manager, and you are where you belong. So...
Heaven and earth
Heaven and earth are now celebrating
Angels and people
Angels and people are joyfully celebrating
Christ is born, God is incarnate
Angels sing, kings greet
They bow down, shepherds play
They proclaim a miracle, a miracle
Scalpel, clamp.
In Bethlehem, in Bethlehem, joyful news
The first dish is ready.
The Blessed Virgin, the Blessed Virgin Has given birth to a Son...
But sadly, we don't have kutya.
What kind of Christmas Eve is it without kutya?
It's just a regular dinner.
Where am I supposed to find wheat in the woods?
You can replace the wheat with something else.
My grandma used barley, for example.
Mine used pearl barley.
- You must be from Slobozhanshyna. - Yeah.
Mine used corn.
Oh, she was a Hutsul.
- In Kryvyy Rih, we make kutya with rice. - In Zaporizhzhia too.
So we'll have our kutya.
And it'll be varied.
In Bethlehem, in Bethlehem...
If you haven't bought a vyshyvanka for Christmas Eve,
I'll give you a discount.
I'm joking! I'll give it to you free.
We're one big family now.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm very glad you've decided to join our celebration.
My birthday is on January 7th.
Two celebrations in one day, used to be.
The whole family would come.
But now, I don't know.
They'll come for Christmas,
but they'll be looking for an excuse for my birthday.
Don't worry,
I'm sure they love you,
so they'll come to see you on Christmas and your birthday too.
Thank you.
You don't worry either.
They'll let your husband go, if not today then tomorrow.
You'll definitely see each other.
Mom, I'll come see you tomorrow.
I got a real craving for your kutya with prunes and nuts.
What about your job?
I’ll explain later.
I really love you.
I love you too, honey.
The kids are great.
Incredible voices.
Trust the top radio manager.
My heart is broken.
The children were supposed to perform in Lviv
in front of hundreds, on the big stage.
They were waiting for this concert for so long.
They'll perform tomorrow.
We have a Christmas concert on the radio, broadcasting worldwide.
We could definitely use their talents.
I'm inviting you.
That's great news! Wonderful news!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Children, I just found out that our choir
will have a magical opportunity to perform in Lviv tomorrow.
So we're going to show everybody a live rehearsal of our nativity play.
Children, go change.
Excuse me! There won't be a nativity play.
I thought the performance was canceled, so I didn't tell you.
The soloist forgot her goat costume at home.
Anything else she forgot?
We can't do it without the goat, that's the central character of our play.
This may sound strange,
but you'll have your goat.
Excuse me, how come there's a goat on this train?
Christmas miracle.
So say I, so says the goat, Merry Christmas to you all!
A moment of attention, please.
Now I can call you my railroad family.
First of all, we must thank our warriors,
our defenders, thanks to whom we can celebrate today.
As you all know,
for centuries our enemies have tried to destroy our traditions,
to instill their own, artificial ones.
Of course, they never managed to,
and they never will.
So in their impotence,
they try to ruin every holiday for us.
But as long as the twelve dishes stand on the table,
and there is a big Ukrainian family sitting there,
our genetic code called Ukraine will live forever.
And a great Christmas Star
will always shine in the sky.
Okay, eat the kutya, eat up.
Hey, mister, may I carol?
Dad!
Now there's a real Christmas miracle.
What are you doing here?
Who else is going to clear the debris?
Didn't I promise you?
The world believes in miracles
Let's go!
When winter comes to our land
Time like a star rose on
Holy Christmas
It brings us love
Where there are children Where there are mom and dad
And all my relatives have gathered
Where everyone in the world
Is important in joy and peace
There I am happy
A fairy tale that brings happiness
Gives us all hope and faith
Where happiness comes
With Christmas to every home
The world believes in miracles
When winter comes to our land
Time, like a star that rose
On Holy Christmas
Brings us love
Where there are Mom and Dad
And all my relatives have gathered
Where everyone in the world
Is important in joy and peace
There I am happy
A fairy tale that brings happiness
Gives us hope and faith to all
Where happiness comes
With Christmas to every home
Just don't take anything from the mini bar!
Have you seen the prices here?