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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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Oh!
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This is a comfort room.
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What are you doing here?
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They might think this is toilet humor.
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Okay.
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I’ll explain it to you even here,
in the toilet.
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I’m nervous because this is special.
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Yes, we’re doing something special--
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Excuse me.
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Wait a minute. I’m talking here.
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Okay. As I was saying,
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this is special.
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This is just between us.
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We might sell it to Netflix.
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And to why I’m so nervous,
we’ve spent a lot of money already.
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And it might not sell well.
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It's nerve-wracking, right?
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But seriously, this is just between us.
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But wait. What are you doing here?
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Oh yeah!
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Hero shot for a good start.
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Okay. Come on. Let’s go.
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Ladies and gentlemen.
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Please make some noise and give it up
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for the one and only
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Alex Calleja!
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Yeah!
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Good evening, everyone!
Give me a round of applause!
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Hello! Hello, level one.
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Applause, level one!
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The ones who paid 1,700.
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And level two, let me hear your applause.
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I like it, but not that much.
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How about level three?
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Did you avail the early bird?
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But let’s enjoy tonight and have some fun.
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The election is almost near.
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Gossip is everywhere.
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I’ve had enough of the gossip.
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Like fake news,
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and you’ll know that
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your secret will spread out.
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There’s this code.
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Once you said, "This is just between us."
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Once you hear, "This is just between us."
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It’s the code to spill the tea.
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No one has successfully
kept it between them until they died.
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What’s your secret?
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"It’s between us only."
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To the person you said,
"It’s just between us,"
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once it spreads,
I thought it was just between us.
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Yeah, I also said it to them.
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I said, "It’s between us," too.
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It’s the first level of gossip.
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And you’ll know if you’re behind it
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and you’re on the second level
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once the start
of the story is like I said.
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Like those in a hurry... "Girl..."
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"Like I said..."
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You know when guys are gossiping,
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or the men are talking,
we’re very easy to read, right?
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Once we are not laughing,
it means we’re serious.
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Once we laugh, it’s really funny.
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We’ll know easily what it’s all about.
It’s easy to guess.
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Well, the girls... Gosh.
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You’ll never see, you’ll never know
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what they are talking about
‘cause they have
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a rainbow of emotions.
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When you see them crying, oh,
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you’re not sure if they're really sad.
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"What is the sad story
you’re talking about?"
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"These are tears of joy."
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"We’re so happy for our friend."
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The women are so hard to read.
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Us, guys are easy to read.
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Red is red for us.
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We’re just primary colors.
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Blue, yellow, red, that’s it.
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For girls, there are
a thousand shades of red.
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When buying shoes...
"I don’t like this red."
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"There’s no rococo red, burgundy red."
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It’s a lot, while it’s very simple.
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Like... It’s so unfair.
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Because there are things
that two girls can do but guys can’t.
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Promise. Two girls
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can feed each other ice cream at the mall.
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It's fun to watch, and it’s fine.
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"Girl, try this strawberry ice cream.
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It’s so yummy."
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Sir, what’s your name?
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James Sobia, can we feed
each other ice cream?
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"James, try this!"
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"Do you want me to hit you?"
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Two girls can play "tag, you’re it"
at the beach in a two-piece.
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It’s nice to watch.
"I’m almost there, Shirley. Come on."
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Well, James.
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"Let’s play.
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You’re wearing trunks. I’m almost there."
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"Hey, that’s my balls."
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You can shop at the mall.
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The girls can wear underwear at the mall.
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Trying on bras.
"Hey, it suits you. It’s a perfect fit."
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"Well, do you want to buy briefs with me?"
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James.
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"That’s a nice brief."
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"Your balls will feel good."
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It’s really unfair. Girls always win.
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Since we were young, I had this playmate.
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Her name's Lilibeth,
and whenever she cries,
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my mom will come.
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"Why did Lilibeth cry?
It’s your fault, Alex."
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It’s a default that you’re at fault.
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Even if I’m the one crying.
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"I’m the one who cried, Ma..."
"Oh, why are you crying?"
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"Lilibeth..."
"Because you’re very naughty, Alex."
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When you see it at the mall,
the girls are arguing, right?
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And when the girls cry
and you don’t know what happened.
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And those around,
he’s making the girl cry.
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"That guy is really bad."
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Even when the gals rob a guy,
"This is a robbery."
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When the robber cries, she looks pitiful.
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It’s very unfair, even in...
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Let’s admit it, even during sex.
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The Lord is biased towards women.
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When we guys are almost there...
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When we are almost... It’s like
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our face becomes uglier,
like getting cramps.
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It’s like we’re having cramps.
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It’s really unfair, right?
When the girls are almost at their limit,
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can you see their faces
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looks like there's a spotlight?
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Wind blowing. Butterflies all over.
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Hair is longer.
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A Disney voice.
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While we become like Metallica.
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What I hate about gossip...
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Don’t meet your friends in samgyup.
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Especially a problematic one,
then you’re going for samgyup.
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First of all,
I have something against samgyup.
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The reason why you eat out
is because you don’t want to cook.
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Then you realize...
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Oh, then some waiters are snobbish.
"It's burning already."
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"Stupid."
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Samgyup...
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At the start of samgyup,
you’re still organized.
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Vegetables.
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Beef. Chicken, then...
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It’s really divided. When it gets chaotic...
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You won’t know what it is. It’s all burnt.
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You’ll learn to eat
that which is cooked, totally burned.
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"No, I’m fine."
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"I like it well-well-well done."
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Do you know the well-done
with match a standing ovation?
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"It’s charcoal-like, girl."
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What I hate about gossip at samgyup,
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your friend is opening-up,
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then you put the pork.
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It’s a fight for...
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Then you see the pork getting burned.
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And then you’re listening to the...
Uh-huh....
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You’re not listening anymore
because you’re worried.
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You wanted it to... "Can you speed up?"
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I don’t want to see people
gossiping at the buffet table.
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‘Cause while you’re in line
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and they choose to gossip at the line,
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and your eyes are set
on the shanghai rolls.
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It’s almost gone now.
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And Filipinos at the buffet asks,
"Is it the last batch?"
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Shanghai roll is always our priority.
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And because of our greediness
for shanghai rolls,
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we have one on our plates
and the other one in our mouths.
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It is an acceptable practice.
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"Are there shanghai rolls left?"
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Shanghai rolls are just too much, right?
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Shanghai rolls are...
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Even if you take a bite while it’s hot,
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once you’re scalded, you’ll still eat it.
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It’s a fight for your life.
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Then, when you win,
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"You thought you could outdo me.
You’re just a shanghai roll."
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00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,513
And please, next time, put a label on it.
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We know shanghai rolls
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are just pork.
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A Shanghai roll is with pork only, please.
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Not when... Your mind is on pork,
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then you’re holding shanghai rolls.
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Pork. Pork. Pork.
All of a sudden, it’s fish.
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That’s too much.
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I want to curse.
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Those who wrap shanghai rolls,
can you please
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keep balance?
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Don’t get our hopes up.
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Don’t put all the meat at the beginning.
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With the first bite, it’s pork.
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The next one, it’s just a wrapper.
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And it’s also scary
199
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at the buffet,
whenever what kind of soup is there,
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the serving spoon is not available.
201
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And you’re hoping they just forgot it.
202
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Not like
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00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:40,765
it already sunk down. You get it?
204
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:43,809
Admit it, you’ve dropped a spoon. Right?
205
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,811
You wanted to save it, but...
206
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,778
"Waiter, there’s no serving spoon
available."
207
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,781
There’s already five down there.
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You’ll know when the buffet is low budget...
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00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:02,662
You’ll feel if the buffet
doesn’t have any budget,
210
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:03,663
and you know
211
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:06,582
a group meal trying hard to be a buffet.
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00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,418
I know it. Rice. Mixed vegetables.
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00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,461
Sweet and sour pork.
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00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:11,921
Then the dessert is coffee jelly.
215
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,339
Surely, there’s no budget.
216
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,093
They just said it’s a buffet,
but they’re trying hard. Right?
217
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,803
You’ll know they have no budget
218
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,429
when you get three pieces of chicken,
219
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then the waiter runs after you.
220
00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:24,475
"Sir.
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00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,686
One piece per guest."
222
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,147
Then, lechon is not available.
223
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,066
When there’s no lechon,
for sure, it’s low cost.
224
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:32,983
Then you’ll murmur,
225
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,276
"Is this VIP?
226
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,194
Yes.
227
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,656
There’s lechon at ballroom four."
228
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:40,157
"Here’s the QR code."
229
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:45,955
But you know, rich people
have the names of the food
230
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:49,291
placed on a big, long photo frame.
231
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,086
"Chicken immersed in oyster sauce."
232
00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:55,339
"Saturated..."
It’s like telling a story. Yummy.
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00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,761
I’ve tried to achieve
234
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:04,265
what my wife does.
I thought doing grocery shopping was easy.
235
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:06,892
That’s what I admire
about my wife, promise.
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To the women,
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00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,311
you’re good at grocery shopping.
238
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,064
It’s so hard to do groceries these days.
239
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,567
There’s more than one type of bread.
240
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:19,071
And there are lots of variations
of bread up to the last row.
241
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,073
The same thing with milk.
242
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,993
When I went to do the groceries,
there were lots.
243
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:27,621
I saw lots of funny products.
244
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:31,041
Alcohol with moisturizer.
245
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,920
Nobody cares if it kills germs,
as long as it moisturizes.
246
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,589
Who requested that?
247
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:42,052
Did anyone get stabbed...
"I need alcohol. Not that one."
248
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,763
"I want the one with moisturizer."
249
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:48,142
"I want to maintain the freshness."
250
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:51,979
I saw...
251
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:56,984
liquid... liquid...
dishwashing soap named Joy.
252
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,903
I swear, with a touch of Olay.
253
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,615
Who asked for it?
254
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:05,784
Did some housekeepers
protest in front of Olay?
255
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,828
"We want a touch of Olay!"
256
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,247
Then, the Olay employees
gave in to their request.
257
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:13,042
And you know, it's not effective.
258
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,212
’Cause I tried to feel the hand
of our housekeeper,
259
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,214
and I don’t know why I did it, but...
260
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,716
For your sake and the joke's sake.
261
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,471
Since it’s funnier when I touch it.
262
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,056
Oh gosh.
263
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,349
You were waiting for my punchline, right?
264
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,768
You’re not even concerned
why I touched it.
265
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:36,357
I saw lots of products that...
266
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,400
I only realized we got scammed.
267
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,110
Mmm.
268
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,737
The Off lotion.
269
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,114
The mosquito repellant.
270
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,199
It’s like...
271
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:48,452
our scientists gave up
on killing mosquitos.
272
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,079
It’s up to us to adjust.
273
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,165
The mosquitos will mock us.
274
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,416
Look, applying foolishly.
275
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,751
We’re applying it on our skin.
276
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:56,835
You apply it, right?
277
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:57,962
And when we put it on,
278
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,381
it serves as our amulet,
and we boast about it.
279
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:01,340
You’ve just applied it.
280
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:02,424
And now, you’re after them.
281
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,553
Mmm...
282
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:08,180
But then, the mosquito just waits for it
283
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,599
to be ineffective after six hours.
Then, you’re dead.
284
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,311
I want the Off lotion
285
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,938
to be put directly on the mosquito.
286
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:18,607
I’ll catch one, then wipe it.
287
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:20,651
It’ll surely die
288
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:21,986
of sadness.
289
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:24,530
Because the other mosquitos
stay away from it.
290
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,574
Hey!
291
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:29,869
It can start a fight.
292
00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:36,333
Another product that I felt scammed with
293
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:38,752
is eye drops.
294
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:40,296
Visine and the others.
295
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,256
The instructions
296
00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:43,757
are one or two drops.
297
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,094
Two or three drops.
I thought that’s amount required.
298
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:49,138
But that’s not the case, ‘cause they know
299
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,639
with the first drop,
300
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,891
it won’t be exact.
301
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:54,810
There are only few who are successful.
302
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,022
Even if it’s successful,
you still have doubts. Is that it?
303
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:02,151
Didn’t it...
304
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,737
Who invented it?
You already have a problem with your eye.
305
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,196
And there’s this...
306
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,532
hand-eye coordination.
307
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,492
Foolish, right?
308
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,702
Sometimes you‘ll be the one adjusting.
309
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:13,871
Once it drops on the other side,
you also move.
310
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,338
The hermit who gave Darna
her powers was so wise.
311
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,924
Remember what Darna received
when she helped the hermit.
312
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,759
Since you’re kindhearted,
here’s the stone.
313
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:29,428
Swallow it. For sure, once you swallow it,
314
00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:31,680
Darna! You’ll turn into Darna
‘cause you swallowed it.
315
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,391
Just imagine if the hermit
hands you an eyedrop.
316
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:38,479
"Eyedrops." "Thank you." "Wait a minute.
317
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,397
One or two drops."
318
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,319
There’s a crime going on then...
319
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,154
Darna!
320
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,072
Nothing.
321
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,574
Darna!
322
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:54,995
Darna! That’s it!
323
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,624
Superheroes are easy in America.
324
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,752
If you’re bitten by a spider,
you’re Spider-Man.
325
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,045
Simple as that.
326
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,088
Here, in the Philippines,
327
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,507
it’s hard if you’re bitten by a housefly.
328
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:09,259
It’s hard to be a Flyman.
329
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:12,304
Why? There’s a crime, and there’s poop.
330
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,724
You can’t decide your priority.
331
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,227
"Oh, something’s going on!"
332
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:29,196
It’s so nice to go the grocery store.
333
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,156
I swear, it’s fun.
334
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,742
I saw a chicken in the grocery store.
335
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,245
I was buying the chicken
when I saw the packaging said,
336
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,832
"Raised in a stress-free environment."
337
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:44,670
We’re now concerned
about how the chicken lived.
338
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,171
Was it happy?
339
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:49,174
My problem before was,
340
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,219
I wanted it dead before I eat it.
341
00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:54,346
Whatever happened with its life,
342
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,848
it’s not my concern.
343
00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:00,102
What is a stress-free environment?
344
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:01,812
Is there a pianist in their cage?
345
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:06,650
Is there a chicken masseuse?
346
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,569
Swedish? Shiatsu?
347
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,446
If you’re a chicken, you’ll be stressed.
348
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:13,574
Why? Because you only have
45 days to live.
349
00:17:13,657 --> 00:17:16,285
It’s stressful to live
with just 45 days left.
350
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:20,122
Of course, you’ll be stressed out,
because they eat together,
351
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:22,291
then they’ll be close
to one another while eating.
352
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,626
"Hi. What’s your name?"
"George." "I’m Alex."
353
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,254
The next day, "Where’s George?"
354
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:28,964
"George is gone!"
355
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,177
You know,
356
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,846
when we heard about
the Balay Dako incident,
357
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:36,847
when one brought
358
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:40,601
a dog and was not allowed to enter
because the dog is an Aspin.
359
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:43,270
Yeah. Other animals are jealous.
360
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:44,646
Because dogs are so smart.
361
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,566
In order not to be eaten
and made to be eaten,
362
00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:49,526
they show-off to people.
363
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,945
They are called man’s best friend,
aren’t they?
364
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:56,325
They do some tricks
in order for them to live.
365
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,202
Any reason not to get eaten.
366
00:17:58,285 --> 00:17:59,620
"Roll. Sit."
367
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:03,207
So, the other animals copied them.
368
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:05,667
Other animals attempted it,
but it didn’t work.
369
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:07,544
The chicken did sit.
370
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,213
When it sat down,
it turned into a boiled chicken.
371
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,468
The cow did roll.
It did say, "Roll, spin."
372
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:16,261
And now, it turned into a shawarma.
373
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,933
The pig play dead. Lechon.
374
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,144
It’s not effective. Promise.
375
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:27,773
It's really satisfying to eat people.
376
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:31,068
And the describer...
No, I didn't mean to eat people. Relax.
377
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:35,781
We have to adjust easily.
378
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,117
I just made a mistake. It’s like, can't I...
379
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:42,663
The gap was so big.
Cannibalism right away. Take it easy.
380
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:43,831
Take it easy.
381
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,749
I saw her expression.
She judged me already.
382
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,085
Then, she looked around.
"Where was I again?"
383
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,461
"What have I gotten myself into?"
384
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:51,713
"Ma’am, I just made a mistake."
385
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,590
People love to eat.
386
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:57,094
My previous sentence was that bad, right?
387
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:02,641
That’s okay. I’m sorry about that.
388
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:06,270
It’s time to know our audience well.
389
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,940
Okay, I’ll test you first
before we continue.
390
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:13,193
So I’ll know because I assumed
that you’re from BGC...
391
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,823
...and you are loaded, so...
392
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,284
Who knows...
393
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,286
someone is not from here.
394
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,496
"How did you get here? Grab?"
395
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:27,583
Jeeps are not available here.
396
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,461
BGC consists of 75% rich people.
397
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:34,590
And the other 25%...
Do you know where it’s from? Oh.
398
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:39,219
SM Aura. From SM Aura,
you’ll see a rich environment.
399
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,013
You’ll pass by Forbes.
400
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,556
Am I right?
401
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,850
You’ll pass by Bonifacio High and...
402
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,518
St. Lukes.
403
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:49,271
Then you’ll stop there
‘cause you’re going to Kalayaan.
404
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:50,981
Kalayaan is a bit downtown.
405
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:53,609
"Oh, it’s already downtown.
Let’s go back."
406
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,570
I’m gonna test the crowd
to see if you’re clever.
407
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:58,906
Because some might be going with the flow.
408
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,201
Okay. I’ll break my set to recover.
409
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,911
Ma’am, you’ve become my...
410
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,792
Let’s do some... Let’s look at the...
411
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,086
I have a friend.
412
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,341
The thumb got cut.
413
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,260
Ever since that, he’s not been okay.
414
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:27,226
Okay, some didn’t get it.
415
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,897
Okay, you need visuals.
I’ll adjust it for you.
416
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:35,359
I have a friend.
417
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:37,945
Don’t talk to him, since you’re
the one who didn’t get it.
418
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:40,197
He was getting along with you.
419
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,449
He got the joke.
420
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:43,951
She’s whispering, "Did you get it?"
421
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:46,703
"Yes, and you?"
422
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:51,166
"I got it also." Then...
423
00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:55,337
I’ll add some... visuals.
424
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,546
I have a friend
425
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,382
whose thumb got cut.
426
00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:00,592
Now you get it, you finally clap.
427
00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:01,677
She said...
428
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:07,474
When did you get it?
429
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:10,769
Okay, for the rest...
430
00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,355
I have a friend...
431
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,148
Some are explaining to their companions.
432
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:18,026
The thumb got cut.
433
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,529
Ever since, he was never okay.
434
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:21,905
Are we good?
435
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,865
Here is a reenactment.
436
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,661
Are you okay?
437
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:30,622
Are we good?
438
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:31,581
Okay.
439
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:34,501
I didn’t expect I’ll reach
the second-level joke.
440
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:36,753
BGC, I’m disappointed in you.
441
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,925
I didn’t expect I’d use
the second one too.
442
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,720
It’s taking too long.
This is taking too long.
443
00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:46,763
I have a friend
444
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,057
whose index finger got cut.
445
00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:51,560
We asked him who did it.
446
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:52,644
He couldn’t point it out.
447
00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:55,439
Ah, okay.
448
00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:59,192
We don’t need this anymore, right?
449
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,111
Oh, wait, I’m sorry for the classy ones.
450
00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:02,446
Okay.
451
00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:03,864
I’m gonna adjust, okay?
452
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:05,324
I have a friend...
453
00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:11,330
Her middle finger got cut.
454
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:12,748
She doesn’t give a fuck.
455
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,257
Ma’am, are we good?
456
00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:26,178
You know I was so happy about
457
00:22:26,261 --> 00:22:27,596
our house because
458
00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:30,390
there is a newly opened car wash
459
00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:31,767
just beside us.
460
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:33,226
I’m really happy because
461
00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:36,063
it’s just walking distance,
and I don’t need to drive a car.
462
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:39,232
Our exam proceeds.
463
00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:40,442
Our exam is still going on.
464
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,028
There
465
00:22:43,111 --> 00:22:44,654
is someone who got left behind.
466
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:47,491
I just made you relax a bit.
467
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:49,117
You thought the exam ended.
468
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,203
He said, "What’s this again?"
469
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:57,793
There’s be a couple
who’ll be arguing later.
470
00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:04,091
What do you hate
when your car is newly washed?
471
00:23:04,674 --> 00:23:05,550
Rain?
472
00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:06,968
The foolishness is still going on.
473
00:23:07,844 --> 00:23:09,054
New Caption.
474
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:12,349
When you crash, you’re already injured,
475
00:23:12,432 --> 00:23:13,558
and yet you’re car is clean.
476
00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:16,311
The exam is still going on.
477
00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:23,068
But what I’m I into now is...
478
00:23:26,154 --> 00:23:27,656
Cannibalism was cut.
479
00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:32,536
Filipinos are so amusing
when it comes to describing food.
480
00:23:32,619 --> 00:23:35,413
That’s why I chose it first.
Food is always good.
481
00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:38,542
When Filipinos don’t find it good,
they know how to express it.
482
00:23:38,625 --> 00:23:40,502
Straight to the point.
While having a bite,
483
00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:41,711
"It tastes like dirt."
484
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:45,465
We haven’t tried eating dirt, but we know.
485
00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:47,092
"Yeah, it tastes like dirt."
486
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:50,095
Filipinos are good at describing things.
487
00:23:50,178 --> 00:23:53,098
When you smell, you smell like the sun.
488
00:23:53,181 --> 00:23:56,059
Nobody has smelled the sun, but we agreed.
489
00:23:57,060 --> 00:23:58,937
But when we do our laundry,
we need the sun to dry it.
490
00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:00,021
I’m so confused. I promise.
491
00:24:00,647 --> 00:24:03,900
I’m embarrassed about the moon
because of the sun.
492
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:04,860
I promise.
493
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:06,570
When you threaten a person,
"Your day will come."
494
00:24:06,653 --> 00:24:08,196
But nobody said, "Your month will come."
495
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,698
It’s longer, isn’t it?
496
00:24:11,199 --> 00:24:12,159
It’s so fun to eat.
497
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:13,451
Do you know with fast food?
498
00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:14,703
We get irritated sometimes
499
00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:16,413
because it's called fast food,
but it takes too long.
500
00:24:16,496 --> 00:24:17,789
You’re gonna buy food.
501
00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:19,624
Then, a number will be handed to you,
502
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:20,876
and you believe that number
503
00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:23,795
is exchanged
with the food later as you wait.
504
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:27,591
They’re clever.
Instead of improving their service,
505
00:24:27,674 --> 00:24:29,843
your patience becomes hi-tech.
506
00:24:29,926 --> 00:24:32,179
The number got changed into a light.
507
00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:33,889
They’ll hand it to you,
508
00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:36,224
then the light will light up
when it's your turn.
509
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,310
They’re entertaining you with it.
510
00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:41,813
Is it only two lights?
511
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:43,857
It’s just one.
Well, it’s not our turn yet.
512
00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:45,775
We always complain about fast food,
513
00:24:45,859 --> 00:24:48,236
but it's scary when it's too fast.
514
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,363
It’s scary, right?
515
00:24:50,447 --> 00:24:51,865
"Cheeseburger, please." "Here."
516
00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:57,954
"What? Why is it prepared already?"
517
00:24:59,122 --> 00:25:01,041
Do you get my point?
518
00:25:01,124 --> 00:25:03,084
We always complain, right?
519
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,420
We complain about the traffic.
520
00:25:05,503 --> 00:25:07,756
Have you experienced no traffic in EDSA?
521
00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:10,217
You’ll also panic about it.
522
00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:13,511
"Is there something going on
with the government?"
523
00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:19,684
I’m addicted to watermelon seeds lately.
524
00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:21,853
It’s a sign of aging if you’re into it.
525
00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:26,149
You’re into it once your lips turns white.
526
00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:28,401
And your mother’s eye are on it.
527
00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:31,947
And when you didn’t bite
at the right angle
528
00:25:32,030 --> 00:25:33,657
and it's not perfect
‘cause you bit the wrong side.
529
00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:36,701
And you’ll panic ‘cause you bit
the wrong part again.
530
00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:37,661
Right?
531
00:25:37,744 --> 00:25:42,207
You eat it piece by piece
to get its worth.
532
00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:45,043
Once you’ve bitten it perfectly,
533
00:25:45,126 --> 00:25:47,671
you want it to put in My Day.
534
00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:49,714
"I’m so perfect."
535
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,343
And because of this,
I searched around Lazada.
536
00:25:53,426 --> 00:25:54,719
There is
537
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:57,222
a skinless watermelon seed.
538
00:25:57,305 --> 00:25:59,641
It’s in a pack.
539
00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:01,935
I’m amazed about who invented it.
540
00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:04,354
Because his self control was so strong.
541
00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:08,316
Just to make it like this. After the bite...
542
00:26:11,569 --> 00:26:14,447
It’s amazing. You’ve tasted it a bit.
Then, you’ll hold it back.
543
00:26:15,490 --> 00:26:18,201
There’s a factory somewhere in Quezon City
544
00:26:18,285 --> 00:26:19,661
where the people are in line...
545
00:26:21,162 --> 00:26:22,747
...and then there’s an inspector.
546
00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:26,960
I post something online
and then I received a comment,
547
00:26:27,794 --> 00:26:31,840
and they said,
"It’s just a watermelon seed."
548
00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:34,009
I comment, "That’s why your life is sad."
549
00:26:35,343 --> 00:26:36,845
You don’t have a sense of humor.
550
00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:40,890
You’re penniless.
You’re just online, and yet you complain.
551
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:46,438
There are so much who are affected online.
552
00:26:46,521 --> 00:26:49,524
In fact, I’m so scared about it.
They told me...
553
00:26:50,442 --> 00:26:51,818
People told me,
554
00:26:51,901 --> 00:26:55,322
"Alex, did you know
you’re a safe comedian because
555
00:26:55,405 --> 00:26:57,824
you’re scared
of politically correct lines?"
556
00:26:57,907 --> 00:26:59,409
It’s not that...
557
00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:03,538
I’m just waiting for the right timing
to write about it, but I can
558
00:27:03,621 --> 00:27:05,332
deliver a joke that is...
559
00:27:05,415 --> 00:27:07,584
You know... that's politically incorrect.
560
00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:09,336
Because you can do it.
561
00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:11,087
For example, our uncles and aunts know
562
00:27:11,171 --> 00:27:13,757
we call each other names of disability.
563
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,675
It wasn’t an issue before, but it is now.
564
00:27:16,259 --> 00:27:17,802
If we have friends
who are a bit cross-eyed,
565
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,637
we call them Cross.
566
00:27:21,264 --> 00:27:24,184
It’s a term of endearment,
since you’re friends.
567
00:27:24,267 --> 00:27:28,480
If other people hear it,
the so-called woke...
568
00:27:28,563 --> 00:27:30,857
But it was a term
of endearment for us before.
569
00:27:30,940 --> 00:27:34,319
Your flaw is your name,
that we even forgot your real name.
570
00:27:34,402 --> 00:27:36,863
If there’s a reunion, "Do you know Ryan?"
"Who’s Ryan?"
571
00:27:36,946 --> 00:27:39,324
"The cross-eyed." "Ah, you mean Cross.
He lives there."
572
00:27:40,367 --> 00:27:43,536
Sometimes when you call him Ryan,
573
00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:47,082
he’ll panic and wonder why
you’re calling his real name.
574
00:27:47,165 --> 00:27:49,084
"Are you mad at me?"
575
00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:50,335
There are so many implications.
576
00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:53,755
That’s why I said
we shouldn’t be afraid because,
577
00:27:53,838 --> 00:27:56,966
like me, I’ve experienced things
that's made my life miserable
578
00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:58,134
because of the politically correct.
579
00:27:58,218 --> 00:27:59,761
And I’m gonna tell you this now,
580
00:27:59,844 --> 00:28:01,971
so you’ll know I’m not a safe comedian.
581
00:28:02,555 --> 00:28:06,142
We once went to a place
with my comedian friends.
582
00:28:06,226 --> 00:28:08,103
There’s this noisy person,
583
00:28:08,770 --> 00:28:10,313
a friend of the owner.
584
00:28:10,397 --> 00:28:12,857
Our stand-up was being messed up.
585
00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:16,319
I don’t know his name,
but he’s a ponytailed guy
586
00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:17,737
wearing a red jacket
587
00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,906
with short jeans
588
00:28:19,989 --> 00:28:20,949
and a cripple.
589
00:28:22,742 --> 00:28:24,536
That’s why I told his friend, "Boss.
590
00:28:24,619 --> 00:28:26,413
Your friend is a bit noisy." "Who?"
591
00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:28,540
"The one with the ponytail."
592
00:28:28,623 --> 00:28:30,208
"Oh, the cripple."
593
00:28:32,919 --> 00:28:34,379
And then I...
594
00:28:34,462 --> 00:28:36,673
I didn’t know what to say.
I was speechless.
595
00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:39,300
He might scold me,
"Hey, that’s my friend."
596
00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:40,510
Who knows, it might be a set-up.
597
00:28:40,593 --> 00:28:42,303
I just said the one wearing a red jacket.
598
00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:44,889
"The red one? Yeah?
Ponytail? The cripple."
599
00:28:46,933 --> 00:28:50,478
"The one wearing short jeans.
Yeah, the cripple. See?"
600
00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:52,772
If I said so from the start,
he would’ve been quiet already.
601
00:28:54,357 --> 00:28:56,693
Because I was afraid, I wasn’t able to say
602
00:28:56,776 --> 00:28:57,777
what I could easily say.
603
00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:01,114
Part Two.
My wife ordered groceries from Grab.
604
00:29:01,197 --> 00:29:03,616
Because she had a hard time.
605
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:05,660
After it arrived,
there seemed to be a problem.
606
00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:07,078
She called customer service.
607
00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:10,039
And while I was watching the TV
and eating watermelon seeds,
608
00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:12,709
I could hear her,
609
00:29:13,460 --> 00:29:16,379
"What?"
610
00:29:16,463 --> 00:29:17,589
Then I said,
611
00:29:18,298 --> 00:29:20,341
"What was that about?"
612
00:29:22,844 --> 00:29:24,387
"I can’t understand it.
613
00:29:25,638 --> 00:29:26,973
Sounds like a sick person."
614
00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:30,310
And we panic already
‘cause it's a bit difficult.
615
00:29:30,393 --> 00:29:32,437
Because maybe the speaker is at fault.
616
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:33,730
We really don’t know.
617
00:29:33,813 --> 00:29:35,190
If you ask, "Is your speaker broken?"
618
00:29:35,273 --> 00:29:37,901
"Ma’am, that’s offensive."
We really don’t know.
619
00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:42,447
You get what I mean?
We were confused and I did the talking.
620
00:29:43,114 --> 00:29:43,948
"Hello.
621
00:29:44,574 --> 00:29:45,658
Okay.
622
00:29:45,742 --> 00:29:46,993
Yeah, right. Right.
623
00:29:47,076 --> 00:29:48,203
Yes.
624
00:29:48,286 --> 00:29:50,914
Okay, just add more. Thank you."
625
00:29:50,997 --> 00:29:53,249
My wife asks,
"Did you understand each other?" "No."
626
00:29:55,585 --> 00:29:57,295
I just agreed to end the conversation.
627
00:29:58,338 --> 00:30:00,965
And you know what happened?
We have lots of ham at home.
628
00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:03,676
Even if our order is soap.
629
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:11,893
Don’t get me wrong.
630
00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:15,230
I admire the grocery stores
for hiring a PWD.
631
00:30:15,313 --> 00:30:16,606
I admire them.
632
00:30:16,689 --> 00:30:19,192
Because they hired a PWD, but I wish
633
00:30:19,734 --> 00:30:21,402
they assigned him on the right position.
634
00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,197
Not at customer service.
635
00:30:25,323 --> 00:30:26,783
Somewhere arranging the items, right?
636
00:30:26,866 --> 00:30:29,244
The person who should be
in customer service
637
00:30:29,327 --> 00:30:31,412
is the ponytailed guy.
638
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:34,874
Wearing a red jacket.
639
00:30:34,958 --> 00:30:36,251
And wearing short jeans.
640
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:38,294
And that’s what you call "call back".
641
00:30:38,378 --> 00:30:40,713
You’re gonna learn today.
642
00:30:40,797 --> 00:30:43,091
Okay, let’s do this again.
I have a friend.
643
00:30:47,470 --> 00:30:50,849
Another thing that is avoided
644
00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:52,725
is to joke about religion.
645
00:30:52,809 --> 00:30:55,979
Religion. But the Pope said
you can joke about it now.
646
00:30:56,062 --> 00:30:58,022
Yeah, it’s fine. We have a sense of humor.
647
00:30:58,106 --> 00:31:01,276
We could do it, but not offensive, like...
648
00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:03,862
For us Filipinos who always pray,
649
00:31:03,945 --> 00:31:05,947
sometimes, we abuse it.
650
00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:08,700
We keep on praying
because we know it's unlimited.
651
00:31:08,783 --> 00:31:10,410
But if the Filipinos knew
652
00:31:10,493 --> 00:31:12,579
that they should pray only ten times,
653
00:31:12,662 --> 00:31:14,080
only ten times,
654
00:31:14,163 --> 00:31:15,540
then that’s it for life.
655
00:31:15,623 --> 00:31:17,125
For sure, we won’t take it for granted.
656
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:20,545
When we cross, who’s gonna pray?
657
00:31:21,671 --> 00:31:23,923
"Oh no, I have four left."
658
00:31:24,007 --> 00:31:26,009
You’re abusing me. I keep praying.
659
00:31:26,092 --> 00:31:28,011
We’re gonna cross together, then you pray.
660
00:31:28,094 --> 00:31:29,220
It should be like that.
661
00:31:29,304 --> 00:31:31,973
Because I believe if I do that,
662
00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:33,808
the prayer should be a message.
663
00:31:34,309 --> 00:31:36,269
And God can’t do it alone.
664
00:31:36,352 --> 00:31:38,730
The angels
are His customer service agents.
665
00:31:38,813 --> 00:31:39,647
Let’s believe that logic.
666
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:41,983
There will be a message receiver,
667
00:31:42,066 --> 00:31:44,235
so God will know.
668
00:31:44,319 --> 00:31:46,821
That’s why there are angels around.
669
00:31:46,905 --> 00:31:49,782
That’s why I’m embarrassed
about how our message was sent.
670
00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:52,452
All of it at once. I’m ashamed.
671
00:31:52,535 --> 00:31:53,536
Like my mom,
672
00:31:54,162 --> 00:31:58,041
she prayed for her pork stew
to be delicious.
673
00:31:58,124 --> 00:31:59,834
When you do that, of course,
674
00:32:00,543 --> 00:32:02,253
the angels will receive it.
675
00:32:02,337 --> 00:32:03,546
"Make the pork stew delicious."
676
00:32:07,634 --> 00:32:08,551
"Hi, God."
677
00:32:09,636 --> 00:32:10,595
"Someone prayed..."
678
00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,348
"Make the pork stew delicious."
679
00:32:14,390 --> 00:32:15,934
God said, "Is it urgent?"
680
00:32:17,018 --> 00:32:19,812
"Yes, it’s already 11:45 a.m.
Time for lunch in the Philippines."
681
00:32:21,230 --> 00:32:23,483
"Is that my priority
rather than the Russian war?"
682
00:32:25,568 --> 00:32:28,029
There are some prayers
that are very confusing.
683
00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:29,739
For example, the basketball players
684
00:32:30,823 --> 00:32:33,201
when they shoot.
685
00:32:33,284 --> 00:32:34,410
Pray.
686
00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:38,164
It’s considered a message sent.
687
00:32:38,247 --> 00:32:40,541
Received. Scored a point, then pray.
688
00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:47,256
"Hi, God."
689
00:32:47,340 --> 00:32:49,258
"I also requested
the pork sinigang yesterday."
690
00:32:51,010 --> 00:32:54,389
Someone prayed,
scored a point, then prayed.
691
00:32:56,015 --> 00:32:57,725
"What are we supposed to do?
692
00:32:58,309 --> 00:32:59,602
Should I retract the ball?"
693
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,272
Sky diving.
694
00:33:03,356 --> 00:33:04,315
Wearing a parachute.
695
00:33:04,399 --> 00:33:07,026
He paid a lot just to jump.
696
00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:09,070
"God, I hope for my safe jump."
697
00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:10,405
Message sent.
698
00:33:17,412 --> 00:33:18,579
"God, are you busy?"
699
00:33:21,332 --> 00:33:22,375
"Someone is going to jump."
700
00:33:23,793 --> 00:33:25,461
"He’s wearing parachute.
701
00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:28,464
He prayed. What are we supposed to do?"
702
00:33:28,548 --> 00:33:30,091
He has an option, right?
703
00:33:31,300 --> 00:33:34,345
My angels have wings,
and yet he’s wearing parachute.
704
00:33:36,097 --> 00:33:38,182
It’s a lot.
705
00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:40,059
It sounds offensive.
706
00:33:41,102 --> 00:33:41,936
It’s a bit...
707
00:33:42,562 --> 00:33:43,813
What about you?
708
00:33:43,896 --> 00:33:45,064
You looked like you prayed?
709
00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:48,109
"God, the comedian is a bit offensive."
710
00:33:53,781 --> 00:33:55,450
"God, someone is offended already."
711
00:33:58,786 --> 00:34:01,247
It’s too much, and you know...
712
00:34:01,956 --> 00:34:03,374
And because
713
00:34:03,458 --> 00:34:07,879
the jokes are somehow similar to the band,
714
00:34:07,962 --> 00:34:09,714
we also received requests.
715
00:34:09,797 --> 00:34:11,466
Someone requested, "Alex,
716
00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:15,511
can you make a joke about... a cabinet?"
717
00:34:15,595 --> 00:34:17,597
What’s that? A woman?
718
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,932
Call back? What?
719
00:34:20,767 --> 00:34:21,893
"Ah, okay. I’ll do it."
720
00:34:21,976 --> 00:34:25,897
For those who didn’t know,
here’s the joke.
721
00:34:25,980 --> 00:34:26,981
Uhm...
722
00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:28,524
I believe women are smart,
723
00:34:29,317 --> 00:34:30,318
right?
724
00:34:30,401 --> 00:34:32,820
I’ve found out that women
are wiser since the last pandemic.
725
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:34,322
Why? Because women...
726
00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:37,658
Huh? Like this... Like the guys... Sir James.
727
00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:40,203
Once we get mad, we do it right away.
728
00:34:40,286 --> 00:34:41,829
In an instant.
729
00:34:41,913 --> 00:34:43,581
We’re mad now this instant.
730
00:34:44,665 --> 00:34:46,084
Not with women.
731
00:34:46,167 --> 00:34:48,169
If they get mad, they’ll remain calm.
732
00:34:48,878 --> 00:34:50,671
The anger is kept inside
733
00:34:50,755 --> 00:34:52,048
and hidden inside the cabinet.
734
00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:55,051
And they'll use it at the perfect time.
735
00:34:58,513 --> 00:35:01,557
Women are so great. Right?
736
00:35:01,641 --> 00:35:04,268
Women are so smart. You are so smart...
737
00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:05,186
My wife,
738
00:35:05,269 --> 00:35:07,146
whenever she wakes up in the morning,
she knows what to do.
739
00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:10,483
I saw my wife, how organized
she was during the pandemic.
740
00:35:10,566 --> 00:35:12,401
Work, business, children.
741
00:35:12,485 --> 00:35:13,653
You are so great.
742
00:35:13,736 --> 00:35:15,113
You know what to do when you wake up.
743
00:35:15,196 --> 00:35:16,322
It’s like you drink Milo.
744
00:35:16,405 --> 00:35:18,116
Waking up, "I’m getting ready."
745
00:35:18,199 --> 00:35:19,534
Getting ready!
746
00:35:19,617 --> 00:35:21,869
"Oh, what a day it’s gonna be."
747
00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:23,746
"Looking at the sprouting plants," right?
748
00:35:26,624 --> 00:35:27,875
As for us,
749
00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:31,087
we guys looks like we were
just born in the world.
750
00:35:31,170 --> 00:35:32,839
We’re always surprised. "Woah!"
751
00:35:35,633 --> 00:35:36,551
"Is that a roof?"
752
00:35:39,262 --> 00:35:42,265
When you talk to him,
it's a bit incoherent. "Let’s eat."
753
00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:46,269
My wife was looking at me when I woke up
754
00:35:46,352 --> 00:35:49,981
at 06:00 a.m. It's a scary experience.
Someone looking,
755
00:35:50,064 --> 00:35:51,107
you’ll be surprised. "Woah!"
756
00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:55,194
And she told me, "Alex I have a question."
"Seriously? 06:00 a.m.? A question?"
757
00:35:56,654 --> 00:35:58,573
"What’s your question?" "I have a friend."
758
00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:03,536
Take it easy.
759
00:36:06,289 --> 00:36:08,124
She said, "I have a question."
"What is it?"
760
00:36:08,207 --> 00:36:10,459
"What if one day you woke up
and found me as a horse?"
761
00:36:13,129 --> 00:36:14,213
"Will you still love me?"
762
00:36:15,590 --> 00:36:16,883
"I woke up and you became a horse?"
763
00:36:18,009 --> 00:36:20,094
"And your concern
is if I will still love you?"
764
00:36:21,971 --> 00:36:23,848
"I slept with you beside me."
765
00:36:25,099 --> 00:36:26,684
"And when I woke up, there's a horse?"
766
00:36:28,769 --> 00:36:31,105
"Then you’re gonna ask about my feelings."
767
00:36:33,649 --> 00:36:36,068
The real question is, "How did
you become a horse?
768
00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:39,447
What were you doing while I was sleeping?
769
00:36:39,530 --> 00:36:41,616
It’s because you’re up early.
770
00:36:41,699 --> 00:36:42,992
Then, you’re jumping around the garden."
771
00:36:43,075 --> 00:36:44,994
"I’m getting ready. Getting ready."
772
00:36:45,077 --> 00:36:47,371
You’ll be cursed for real.
773
00:36:48,122 --> 00:36:49,540
You deserve it.
774
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:53,211
I can't just wake up
775
00:36:53,294 --> 00:36:56,297
and find a horse in my bed.
776
00:36:56,380 --> 00:36:58,799
"I love you."
777
00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:01,677
Should I make out with it?
778
00:37:04,347 --> 00:37:06,098
That’s the joke,
779
00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:08,184
and do you still remember the cabinet?
780
00:37:08,267 --> 00:37:09,936
I’ll still use it later.
781
00:37:10,937 --> 00:37:13,064
I’m exposing my joke already.
782
00:37:13,147 --> 00:37:14,774
’Cause I know already, right?
783
00:37:15,900 --> 00:37:17,944
But you need to wait for it.
I’ll surprise you.
784
00:37:18,027 --> 00:37:19,987
Oh, he used it.
785
00:37:21,197 --> 00:37:23,658
It's the first time I told a joke
and already exposed it.
786
00:37:24,742 --> 00:37:26,494
I’m guiding you already.
787
00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:27,995
In order for you to forget a bit,
788
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:30,915
because after the call-back,
there should be a gap.
789
00:37:30,998 --> 00:37:34,502
I need to make some jokes
for you to forget it.
790
00:37:34,585 --> 00:37:35,711
Get it? Okay?
791
00:37:35,795 --> 00:37:38,130
But I’ll surprise you.
And you’ll be shocked, "He used it!"
792
00:37:38,214 --> 00:37:39,257
"Woah!" Like this.
793
00:37:41,342 --> 00:37:43,052
That’s why I wanted to get rich
during the pandemic.
794
00:37:43,135 --> 00:37:44,095
Because I told my wife...
795
00:37:44,178 --> 00:37:46,055
I need to be on par with my wife.
796
00:37:46,138 --> 00:37:47,098
And did you know
797
00:37:47,181 --> 00:37:49,267
the signs of the rich people?
798
00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:52,019
The answer is in the sports.
799
00:37:52,895 --> 00:37:53,729
Golf.
800
00:37:54,313 --> 00:37:56,023
It’s good that no one answered Polo.
801
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,485
Once you said Polo, gosh...
802
00:37:59,568 --> 00:38:00,611
Your family is corrupt.
803
00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:04,949
There’s a horse involved.
804
00:38:05,032 --> 00:38:06,909
It means you’re selling drugs.
805
00:38:08,327 --> 00:38:09,328
Golf is for the rich.
806
00:38:09,412 --> 00:38:11,080
Basketball is a bit casual.
807
00:38:11,163 --> 00:38:12,456
You can wear shorts.
808
00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:14,375
Sleeveless shirt. Slippers.
809
00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:16,085
With a bacon-garter brief.
810
00:38:17,837 --> 00:38:19,297
Okay, let me explain the bacon.
811
00:38:20,631 --> 00:38:23,342
It’s difficult when
there are rich people in the crowd.
812
00:38:24,343 --> 00:38:27,013
When the garter is loose,
it’s called bacon.
813
00:38:27,096 --> 00:38:31,100
When your balls see that, "Gosh,
we’re on self-support here."
814
00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:34,228
"We’ll bump each other."
815
00:38:36,647 --> 00:38:37,815
Golf is for the rich.
816
00:38:37,898 --> 00:38:40,484
It comprises of Lacoste shoes,
Lacoste shorts,
817
00:38:40,568 --> 00:38:43,362
Lacoste shirt. And your topic is classy.
818
00:38:46,907 --> 00:38:47,950
"I haven’t..."
819
00:38:49,243 --> 00:38:51,162
This crowd is a bit different.
820
00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:57,251
"I have five billion in the bank.
That’s my share of the business."
821
00:38:57,335 --> 00:38:58,169
Very classy.
822
00:38:59,003 --> 00:38:59,837
I haven’t heard anyone talking about,
823
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,507
"Where’s my spare change last night?"
824
00:39:05,301 --> 00:39:07,762
"There’s a deposit
from the bottle last night."
825
00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:14,769
I don’t see anyone shadow golfing.
826
00:39:14,852 --> 00:39:15,978
Do you know shadow golfing?
827
00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:17,938
They strike anywhere.
828
00:39:18,022 --> 00:39:20,733
You can see a lot in basketball.
829
00:39:20,816 --> 00:39:22,318
Doing shadow moves without a ball.
830
00:39:22,401 --> 00:39:23,486
In the office, right?
831
00:39:23,569 --> 00:39:25,738
I’m pissed off especially
when the topic is serious.
832
00:39:25,821 --> 00:39:27,656
"Did you know my father died?" "Really?"
833
00:39:30,201 --> 00:39:31,160
"What happened?"
834
00:39:32,953 --> 00:39:34,955
Then, he shoots. And you’ll hit him.
835
00:39:36,749 --> 00:39:38,167
"You don’t care about me."
836
00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:42,671
You haven’t seen shadow golf, right?
837
00:39:42,755 --> 00:39:44,673
Especially if you’re from Payatas
838
00:39:44,757 --> 00:39:46,092
and you’re shadow golfing.
839
00:39:52,681 --> 00:39:54,809
Relate? Someone got left behind?
840
00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:57,103
"Hey, I know you.
841
00:39:57,186 --> 00:39:59,021
I know you’re rich.
842
00:39:59,105 --> 00:40:02,149
There’s no pigeon calling in Las Piñas."
843
00:40:02,233 --> 00:40:03,818
My reference is the pigeon.
844
00:40:03,901 --> 00:40:05,736
I’m going to explain it again.
845
00:40:06,695 --> 00:40:08,072
When you have pigeons in the roof,
846
00:40:08,155 --> 00:40:10,324
in order for them to return,
you have to clap.
847
00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:11,951
Clap like this.
848
00:40:12,993 --> 00:40:15,204
The logic behind the clapping for pigeons
849
00:40:15,287 --> 00:40:17,998
is to appreciate the gesture.
850
00:40:18,082 --> 00:40:19,959
"Oh my gosh, I feel appreciated."
851
00:40:20,042 --> 00:40:21,752
They’ll return to you that way.
852
00:40:21,836 --> 00:40:24,463
"Okay, if you’re foolish enough,
853
00:40:24,547 --> 00:40:26,549
do as I say and tell it to your friends."
854
00:40:26,632 --> 00:40:27,800
They’ll mock you for sure.
855
00:40:27,883 --> 00:40:30,094
Oh my gosh, you really believe a comedian.
856
00:40:30,177 --> 00:40:33,180
I saw some agreeing with it.
857
00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:35,099
So am I, if I get applause,
I’ll come back.
858
00:40:38,936 --> 00:40:40,312
It’s not true. Don’t spread it.
859
00:40:41,814 --> 00:40:45,151
The others will message their child
about it.
860
00:40:46,569 --> 00:40:48,112
Clap, so they’ll appreciate it.
861
00:40:48,821 --> 00:40:49,864
It’s not true.
862
00:40:51,699 --> 00:40:53,325
Do I have to tell you that it’s not true?
863
00:40:54,243 --> 00:40:56,704
But it feels like golf is a bit foolish.
864
00:40:56,787 --> 00:40:59,081
We’re back with golf.
And yet you’re still laughing.
865
00:41:00,291 --> 00:41:02,001
Golf is a bit foolish. Right?
866
00:41:02,668 --> 00:41:03,961
Because the space is wide,
867
00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:06,338
but the hole is small.
868
00:41:06,422 --> 00:41:09,592
You won’t be able to shoot it
even if you pray.
869
00:41:09,675 --> 00:41:10,968
"I hope I score."
870
00:41:16,390 --> 00:41:17,391
That’s a call-back.
871
00:41:20,436 --> 00:41:21,270
"God."
872
00:41:22,521 --> 00:41:23,564
"Someone is playing golf."
873
00:41:24,607 --> 00:41:25,649
"And he can’t score."
874
00:41:26,734 --> 00:41:29,111
"So do I."
875
00:41:31,864 --> 00:41:33,115
Golf is a bit foolish.
876
00:41:33,199 --> 00:41:34,116
Look at this.
877
00:41:41,916 --> 00:41:44,126
"Let’s go." "Where are we going?"
"Let’s follow the ball."
878
00:41:45,211 --> 00:41:46,795
"My prayers didn’t work."
879
00:41:49,423 --> 00:41:50,508
Have you watched a golf game?
880
00:41:50,591 --> 00:41:52,676
It’s a bit lame compared to basketball.
881
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,178
If you watch basketball,
882
00:41:54,261 --> 00:41:56,472
"Curry, three points. Bam!"
883
00:41:57,014 --> 00:41:59,141
"He scores!" You can feel the emotion.
884
00:41:59,225 --> 00:42:01,060
On the other hand, golf on television,
885
00:42:01,143 --> 00:42:03,646
it’s a bit sad.
They whisper, and I don’t know why.
886
00:42:03,729 --> 00:42:06,273
They don’t want to wake up
the sleeping people, isn’t it?
887
00:42:08,067 --> 00:42:09,068
Tiger Woods.
888
00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:11,779
On the ninth hole...
889
00:42:13,155 --> 00:42:15,199
...is aiming for an eagle.
890
00:42:17,743 --> 00:42:19,578
I want to change it to Filipino style...
891
00:42:19,662 --> 00:42:22,331
It’s more fun with a touch
of Filipino entertainment.
892
00:42:23,415 --> 00:42:24,333
Ahh...
893
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,420
"Tiger Woods is on the 9th hole."
894
00:42:30,297 --> 00:42:32,007
"It’s hot out there."
895
00:42:37,972 --> 00:42:41,267
"Shout out to my friends over there.
896
00:42:41,350 --> 00:42:43,519
They are now enjoying their lunch.
897
00:42:43,602 --> 00:42:45,563
I hope you’re lunch is delicious."
898
00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:49,275
I was so sad during the pandemic,
899
00:42:49,358 --> 00:42:51,443
but the sign that the pandemic ended
900
00:42:51,527 --> 00:42:54,363
was because of the simple things
I encounter at home.
901
00:42:54,446 --> 00:42:55,906
When I heard the taho seller.
902
00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:57,950
Not the chilled taho,
903
00:42:58,033 --> 00:42:59,326
but the real one.
904
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,452
Before...
905
00:43:00,536 --> 00:43:01,620
Are there taho vendors
in your neighborhood?
906
00:43:03,122 --> 00:43:05,791
How do these vendors enter?
Leaving their IDs at the gate?
907
00:43:07,793 --> 00:43:09,878
It’s a shame that it disrupts your rhythm.
908
00:43:09,962 --> 00:43:11,171
"Taho! Ta..."
909
00:43:12,339 --> 00:43:13,424
"Ho!"
910
00:43:15,509 --> 00:43:17,886
Taho disrupts our daily life
911
00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:19,722
once you hear it outside. "Taho!"
912
00:43:19,805 --> 00:43:21,390
And when you’re inside,
913
00:43:21,473 --> 00:43:23,058
you’ll evaluate your life.
914
00:43:24,310 --> 00:43:25,144
"Will I buy?"
915
00:43:26,812 --> 00:43:29,523
"How is my blood sugar?"
You’ll be anxious about it.
916
00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:30,608
"When did I last eat it?"
917
00:43:30,691 --> 00:43:32,610
"We were still together."
It’s like that, right?
918
00:43:32,693 --> 00:43:34,320
Then the vendor will pressure you with,
919
00:43:34,403 --> 00:43:35,863
"Taho!"
920
00:43:35,946 --> 00:43:38,115
"Mmm. Sis? Bro?"
921
00:43:38,198 --> 00:43:40,993
"Hurry, ask them if they want it."
922
00:43:41,076 --> 00:43:41,910
"Taho!"
923
00:43:41,994 --> 00:43:43,704
It’s like taho is more urgent
than anything.
924
00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:45,623
"Mom? Dad? What? Mom died?
925
00:43:45,706 --> 00:43:47,041
What about dad? Hurry up!"
926
00:43:47,124 --> 00:43:48,500
"Taho!"
927
00:43:48,584 --> 00:43:49,668
"Grab a mug!
928
00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:51,670
Get some coins! Hurry!" "Taho!"
And when he went out,
929
00:43:51,754 --> 00:43:52,838
it’s already gone.
930
00:43:54,882 --> 00:43:56,258
The vendor is long gone.
931
00:43:56,342 --> 00:43:58,052
You’ll only hear, "Taho."
932
00:44:00,512 --> 00:44:03,223
My wife followed the vendor.
She got into an accident.
933
00:44:03,307 --> 00:44:05,517
Why? Because the vendor was cursed.
934
00:44:05,601 --> 00:44:07,811
Have you noticed it?
935
00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:09,188
Whenever they remove the excess,
936
00:44:09,938 --> 00:44:12,816
it’s amazing, right?
937
00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:14,068
He removes it accurately.
938
00:44:14,818 --> 00:44:17,905
I tried imitating,
the soya was removed entirely.
939
00:44:20,199 --> 00:44:21,408
My wife got into an accident.
940
00:44:21,492 --> 00:44:23,786
She hit the car because
she slipped on the soya’s excess.
941
00:44:24,870 --> 00:44:26,288
Wen she returned, the car was crashed.
942
00:44:27,122 --> 00:44:28,832
We lost a lot of money.
"You should’ve been careful."
943
00:44:28,916 --> 00:44:30,334
It’s just taho.
And the pandemic just ended.
944
00:44:30,417 --> 00:44:31,418
"What were you thinking?"
945
00:44:31,502 --> 00:44:32,795
"Money is hard to earn these days."
946
00:44:32,878 --> 00:44:34,004
"Why are you like that?"
947
00:44:34,922 --> 00:44:36,799
My wife said, "Alex, it’s just taho.
948
00:44:37,508 --> 00:44:39,510
What about you?
Do you remember what you did to me?"
949
00:44:45,265 --> 00:44:47,393
Because this is the perfect timing.
950
00:44:51,313 --> 00:44:52,231
Were you surprised?
951
00:44:53,899 --> 00:44:55,067
952
00:44:55,150 --> 00:44:56,026
But...
953
00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:56,985
It’s my birthday.
954
00:44:57,069 --> 00:44:59,405
I’ve been celebrating my birthday
for three years publicly.
955
00:44:59,488 --> 00:45:01,281
Relax, it’s not yet over.
956
00:45:02,741 --> 00:45:03,784
You had me pre-empted.
957
00:45:05,452 --> 00:45:08,122
It’s not funny
to celebrate your birthday every year.
958
00:45:08,205 --> 00:45:09,540
You say that because you’re young.
959
00:45:11,083 --> 00:45:14,128
I’m almost 52, and it’s a scary age.
960
00:45:14,211 --> 00:45:16,422
This is the age when
you heard someone died,
961
00:45:16,505 --> 00:45:18,173
"How old?" "Fifty-two." "Good enough."
962
00:45:19,716 --> 00:45:20,634
It’s funny.
963
00:45:22,344 --> 00:45:23,679
You won’t be surprised anymore.
964
00:45:23,762 --> 00:45:26,014
It’s hard to reach 52.
That’s good already.
965
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:29,268
That’s why he’s clapping.
966
00:45:29,351 --> 00:45:31,770
He’s still young. Enjoy it while you can.
967
00:45:31,854 --> 00:45:33,522
I can see the youngsters
968
00:45:33,605 --> 00:45:34,857
at the Ziloh.
969
00:45:34,940 --> 00:45:37,151
Kissing and making out like...
970
00:45:40,404 --> 00:45:42,364
I tried it with my wife, holding her neck.
971
00:45:42,448 --> 00:45:43,866
Her neck snapped.
972
00:45:46,368 --> 00:45:48,537
In the end, we put some linament.
973
00:45:53,125 --> 00:45:54,501
Enjoy your younger days.
974
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:57,421
Time flies by so fast.
975
00:45:57,504 --> 00:46:00,424
One second you’re 20 years old,
the next, you’re 50.
976
00:46:00,966 --> 00:46:02,593
Use your balls, man...
977
00:46:03,927 --> 00:46:07,014
...while it still reacts right away.
978
00:46:07,097 --> 00:46:10,767
Before, when I sensed a woman’s presence...
979
00:46:12,769 --> 00:46:15,481
Easy.
980
00:46:15,564 --> 00:46:16,857
But now, at my age,
981
00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:18,233
the boobs already hit me
982
00:46:18,817 --> 00:46:19,943
and yet my balls...
983
00:46:22,488 --> 00:46:23,822
...respond, "Boss, make an effort, please."
984
00:46:30,913 --> 00:46:32,372
Can you relate?
985
00:46:35,250 --> 00:46:36,126
That’s a woman.
986
00:46:42,549 --> 00:46:43,592
"Did you have balls before?"
987
00:46:49,056 --> 00:46:51,475
I’ve been having check-ups already.
988
00:46:51,558 --> 00:46:52,392
Huh?
989
00:46:53,685 --> 00:46:55,521
I’ve also start to save money.
990
00:46:55,604 --> 00:46:57,022
We need to save money.
991
00:46:57,105 --> 00:46:58,649
But going to the bank is hard lately.
992
00:46:59,691 --> 00:47:01,610
I hate banks with long lines.
993
00:47:01,693 --> 00:47:02,819
BDO, BPI.
994
00:47:03,570 --> 00:47:05,239
There’s always a long line, then a number.
995
00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:06,823
It’s okay to fall in line,
996
00:47:06,907 --> 00:47:09,243
but I get pissed of at the bank
of BDO and BPI,
997
00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:11,036
because they always have a closed teller.
998
00:47:11,119 --> 00:47:12,955
There’s a window and yet there’s a teller.
999
00:47:13,038 --> 00:47:14,498
She’s doing something.
1000
00:47:14,581 --> 00:47:16,625
It’s already chaotic in the bank.
1001
00:47:19,169 --> 00:47:22,130
And she won’t look ‘cause if she did...
1002
00:47:29,096 --> 00:47:31,557
"It’s already a mess here
and yet you’re doing nothing."
1003
00:47:33,225 --> 00:47:36,395
I am shocked when it's empty at the RCBC.
1004
00:47:36,478 --> 00:47:38,814
It’s a bit frightening.
1005
00:47:38,897 --> 00:47:40,941
The teller is doing her make-up.
1006
00:47:42,276 --> 00:47:44,653
"Oh, sorry, I’ll just come back later."
1007
00:47:46,321 --> 00:47:47,906
The intensive thing
about the bank is a robbery.
1008
00:47:47,990 --> 00:47:49,449
There’s always a hostage.
1009
00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:50,993
That’s their protection, the hostage.
1010
00:47:51,076 --> 00:47:54,162
And I’ve been wondering,
during the hostage-taking,
1011
00:47:54,246 --> 00:47:57,457
everyone is rushing their moves.
1012
00:47:57,541 --> 00:47:58,834
"Why are you rushing the hostage?"
1013
00:47:58,917 --> 00:48:00,460
The better solution, leave them.
1014
00:48:01,670 --> 00:48:03,672
Yeah, just the two of them.
1015
00:48:03,755 --> 00:48:04,923
It's almost dark, right?
1016
00:48:05,507 --> 00:48:07,884
Then they’ll have an awkward moment.
I’m telling you.
1017
00:48:08,927 --> 00:48:12,014
Imagine, 11:00 p.m., the hostage will say,
1018
00:48:14,766 --> 00:48:16,143
"It’s already 11:00 p.m."
1019
00:48:17,978 --> 00:48:20,439
"I told you not to pick me.
I’m not from here."
1020
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:23,317
"You’re such a fool."
1021
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:24,234
"Look at that.
1022
00:48:24,860 --> 00:48:26,111
"See, there’s nothing.
1023
00:48:27,362 --> 00:48:28,739
I told you so."
1024
00:48:32,659 --> 00:48:33,869
They said to save up
and do some check-ups.
1025
00:48:33,952 --> 00:48:35,579
I’ve been curious about the check-up.
1026
00:48:36,413 --> 00:48:37,831
I was shock about
1027
00:48:37,914 --> 00:48:41,585
the additional checklist
because of my age.
1028
00:48:41,668 --> 00:48:44,463
Before, it was only ECG, CBC.
1029
00:48:45,130 --> 00:48:48,508
Right? Did you know that the CBC
is the cheapest blood test?
1030
00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:51,345
And I don’t get why? Because when you pay,
1031
00:48:51,428 --> 00:48:54,431
when it gets pricey...
1032
00:48:54,514 --> 00:48:58,060
It becomes pricey
because of the additional ones.
1033
00:48:58,143 --> 00:49:00,395
And I don’t like the system.
1034
00:49:00,479 --> 00:49:03,732
For example, you just paid for CBC,
then your MedTech is checking it.
1035
00:49:03,815 --> 00:49:05,192
And if she finds something wrong,
1036
00:49:05,901 --> 00:49:06,985
which is not under CBC,
1037
00:49:07,069 --> 00:49:08,945
she’ll ask the doctor
if there’s a problem with it.
1038
00:49:09,029 --> 00:49:10,364
"What did he pay for?"
1039
00:49:10,447 --> 00:49:12,407
"CBC." "Then focus on the CBC."
1040
00:49:13,909 --> 00:49:15,744
"If he’s penniless, let’s ignore it."
1041
00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:18,914
I’m serious.
1042
00:49:18,997 --> 00:49:20,707
There’s an additional exam.
1043
00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:23,710
There are hearing and eye exams.
1044
00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:25,253
It’s really offensive,
1045
00:49:25,337 --> 00:49:26,755
especially if you’re still in denial.
1046
00:49:26,838 --> 00:49:28,840
The hearing exam has a long queue.
1047
00:49:29,591 --> 00:49:31,843
I don’t get why it has a long line.
1048
00:49:32,678 --> 00:49:34,680
It’s easy too spot if the person can hear.
1049
00:49:34,763 --> 00:49:35,931
I heard the nurse, "What’s your name?"
1050
00:49:36,014 --> 00:49:37,849
When the patient replies,
"Huh," he’s deaf.
1051
00:49:39,184 --> 00:49:40,310
"Transfer it now."
1052
00:49:42,896 --> 00:49:46,900
Then the eye exam.
Are there any eye doctors here?
1053
00:49:47,609 --> 00:49:48,527
You’re too much.
1054
00:49:48,610 --> 00:49:50,696
We admit that our eyes are bad
and yet you make us read.
1055
00:49:50,779 --> 00:49:52,322
"Can you read level one?" "Yes."
1056
00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:54,574
"What about level two?" "Yes."
"Level three?" "Yes."
1057
00:49:54,658 --> 00:49:56,243
"Level four?" "Not anymore."
1058
00:49:56,326 --> 00:49:57,285
"Can you read it?"
1059
00:49:58,745 --> 00:49:59,996
"Doc, I already admit that I can’t see.
1060
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:01,581
Why would I read these small letters?"
1061
00:50:01,665 --> 00:50:04,626
Does anyone read a book this way?
1062
00:50:10,090 --> 00:50:11,508
"I can still read this one."
1063
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,680
You’re admitting your weakness
and yet you are forced.
1064
00:50:16,763 --> 00:50:19,599
I sprained my arm last time,
1065
00:50:19,683 --> 00:50:21,476
and I went to the ortho.
1066
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:24,271
I complained that I cannot lift my arm.
The doctor said, "Lift your arm."
1067
00:50:25,814 --> 00:50:28,024
New Caption.
1068
00:50:28,108 --> 00:50:29,609
"I can’t." "Just try it."
"What’s your role if I could life my arm?"
1069
00:50:30,986 --> 00:50:32,446
"Motivational speaker?
1070
00:50:33,113 --> 00:50:34,573
Am I supposed to pay you?"
1071
00:50:39,077 --> 00:50:42,080
What I hate with the eye doctor
1072
00:50:42,164 --> 00:50:44,166
is there’s a judgment time.
1073
00:50:44,249 --> 00:50:46,710
You’ll know if you have a bad sight
at the machine.
1074
00:50:46,793 --> 00:50:47,711
Round one.
1075
00:50:47,794 --> 00:50:49,880
When it moves,
1076
00:50:49,963 --> 00:50:52,466
it’s not true.
1077
00:50:52,549 --> 00:50:53,717
And he said,
1078
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:55,260
"The red house. That one.
1079
00:50:55,343 --> 00:50:58,430
What do you see? I’ll add more."
1080
00:50:58,513 --> 00:51:00,348
"I saw a man inside."
1081
00:51:01,391 --> 00:51:02,517
"Wearing a red sleeveless shirt."
1082
00:51:03,602 --> 00:51:05,479
The doctor said, "Really?"
"Doc, have a look."
1083
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,023
"I can’t see." "Then, you have a problem."
1084
00:51:11,026 --> 00:51:12,235
I hate a colonoscopy the most.
1085
00:51:13,069 --> 00:51:15,489
Yeah. You’re asleep for 30 minutes,
1086
00:51:15,572 --> 00:51:18,074
then they’ll do the operation.
1087
00:51:18,158 --> 00:51:20,368
I’m not happy about it.
1088
00:51:20,452 --> 00:51:22,537
The doctor told me, "I’m your fan."
1089
00:51:22,621 --> 00:51:24,456
I was so nervous then.
1090
00:51:24,539 --> 00:51:25,874
I’d be asleep for 30 minutes,
1091
00:51:25,957 --> 00:51:27,959
and I don’t know what they’re going to do.
1092
00:51:28,627 --> 00:51:30,378
He might call the others.
1093
00:51:30,962 --> 00:51:32,422
"Alex is so funny."
1094
00:51:36,259 --> 00:51:39,262
And they’ll be in group,
1095
00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:42,265
and they’ll vlog near my butt.
1096
00:51:43,225 --> 00:51:44,309
"Shout out."
1097
00:51:45,769 --> 00:51:48,438
They might take a photo of my butt.
1098
00:51:48,522 --> 00:51:50,148
"Your balls is a bit small."
1099
00:51:50,232 --> 00:51:53,443
I don’t know what they’ll do
with that photo.
1100
00:51:53,527 --> 00:51:55,403
Who knows when I’m a congressman
1101
00:51:55,487 --> 00:51:57,781
and I need to pass a bill,
1102
00:51:57,864 --> 00:51:59,616
I’m going to receive an e-mail.
1103
00:51:59,699 --> 00:52:01,618
"If you don’t pass the bill,
1104
00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:03,995
we’re going to leak
the photo of your butt."
1105
00:52:06,081 --> 00:52:09,292
Before, I’m picky with my doctors,
I want them
1106
00:52:09,376 --> 00:52:12,462
to be well-educated, respected, veteran.
1107
00:52:12,546 --> 00:52:14,381
But not anymore,
it all depends on the doctor.
1108
00:52:14,464 --> 00:52:16,216
My urologist could be anyone,
1109
00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:18,760
as long as his fingers are not thick.
1110
00:52:20,679 --> 00:52:21,805
I’ve learned my lesson.
1111
00:52:21,888 --> 00:52:23,598
Though I’ve chosen the best,
1112
00:52:23,682 --> 00:52:24,850
but with thick fingers.
1113
00:52:25,851 --> 00:52:27,310
He did a prostate exam.
1114
00:52:28,436 --> 00:52:30,897
When you’ve done a prostate exam
with those fingers,
1115
00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:33,233
you’re going to make a sound
you least expect.
1116
00:52:34,609 --> 00:52:35,443
He did this.
1117
00:52:38,780 --> 00:52:40,448
And I looked him into his eyes.
1118
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:45,829
I’ve been doing it three times a week.
1119
00:52:47,038 --> 00:52:48,123
It’s fun. Try it.
1120
00:52:50,166 --> 00:52:51,376
But you know
1121
00:52:51,459 --> 00:52:54,421
you’re old if you’re friends passed away.
1122
00:52:54,504 --> 00:52:57,173
For Filipinos,
1123
00:52:57,257 --> 00:52:58,592
when they die,
1124
00:52:58,675 --> 00:53:01,094
who make it a trend on Facebook,
1125
00:53:01,177 --> 00:53:04,681
replacing their picture
with a lighted candle
1126
00:53:04,764 --> 00:53:06,766
and not revealing who died.
1127
00:53:07,976 --> 00:53:08,935
Is this a guessing game?
1128
00:53:10,020 --> 00:53:11,980
You’re checking who’s missing
on the photos.
1129
00:53:12,981 --> 00:53:14,608
Who looks weak?
1130
00:53:14,691 --> 00:53:18,111
You’re commenting condolence
in order to find the person who asks,
1131
00:53:18,194 --> 00:53:19,529
"Girl, who died?"
1132
00:53:21,323 --> 00:53:22,866
What do you expect to happen?
1133
00:53:22,949 --> 00:53:23,950
A death reveal party?
1134
00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,952
We could have a death reveal party
1135
00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:27,871
because we have gender reveal parties.
1136
00:53:27,954 --> 00:53:29,331
You’re pregnant and yet
1137
00:53:29,414 --> 00:53:31,291
you’ll know the child’s gender.
1138
00:53:31,374 --> 00:53:33,543
Blue if it’s a boy, pink if it’s a girl.
1139
00:53:33,627 --> 00:53:34,878
It looks foolish.
1140
00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:37,380
You pay to know the gender,
1141
00:53:37,464 --> 00:53:39,466
and when the doctor reveals...
1142
00:53:39,549 --> 00:53:40,467
"Please don’t say it."
1143
00:53:42,052 --> 00:53:43,845
"I have a gender reveal party."
1144
00:53:43,929 --> 00:53:46,014
"Keep it for me for three weeks.
1145
00:53:46,097 --> 00:53:48,475
Talk to my organizer."
1146
00:53:48,558 --> 00:53:50,644
We don’t need it. Am I right?
1147
00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:53,313
We can identify the mother’s child
1148
00:53:53,396 --> 00:53:54,314
just by looking.
1149
00:53:55,649 --> 00:53:57,359
Am I right?
1150
00:53:57,442 --> 00:53:59,027
If a woman has a pointed stomach
1151
00:53:59,110 --> 00:54:00,946
and she's ugly, it means it’s a boy.
1152
00:54:02,238 --> 00:54:05,450
Only pregnant ladies will be happy
to be called ugly.
1153
00:54:05,533 --> 00:54:06,910
"You’re ugly." "Oh my God."
1154
00:54:08,036 --> 00:54:09,287
"It’s a boy."
1155
00:54:10,288 --> 00:54:11,289
If that’s a boy.
1156
00:54:12,457 --> 00:54:14,292
What if it’s a girl?
Like my child, a girl.
1157
00:54:14,876 --> 00:54:16,086
They said I’m ugly.
1158
00:54:17,253 --> 00:54:18,129
Well.
1159
00:54:19,339 --> 00:54:21,091
At least, it’s not only gender reveal.
1160
00:54:22,175 --> 00:54:23,343
You’re really ugly.
1161
00:54:25,929 --> 00:54:29,140
Can you imagine if there’s
a death reveal party?
1162
00:54:29,224 --> 00:54:30,809
You just heard it here.
1163
00:54:30,892 --> 00:54:32,185
On a Sunday,
1164
00:54:32,268 --> 00:54:35,480
"Welcome to our death reveal party."
1165
00:54:35,563 --> 00:54:38,274
We don’t know who died
because the coffin is still closed.
1166
00:54:39,776 --> 00:54:41,319
Only the organizer know the details.
1167
00:54:41,403 --> 00:54:42,779
Because we were away from each other
1168
00:54:42,862 --> 00:54:43,905
when one of us was delirious.
1169
00:54:45,281 --> 00:54:47,242
We’re having mixed emotions.
1170
00:54:47,325 --> 00:54:50,036
Of course,
I’m alive because I’m still here.
1171
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:51,162
Do you have a guess?
1172
00:54:51,246 --> 00:54:52,622
"Your dad looks weak."
1173
00:54:52,706 --> 00:54:55,250
"Let’s find out. We don’t know yet.
1174
00:54:55,333 --> 00:54:57,794
Are we ready?
1175
00:54:57,877 --> 00:54:58,795
Music!"
1176
00:55:00,964 --> 00:55:02,340
"Oh, it’s Daddy."
1177
00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:06,302
At a wake, looking at the coffin,
1178
00:55:06,386 --> 00:55:07,345
stare at the coffin.
1179
00:55:07,429 --> 00:55:08,680
Someone will come,
1180
00:55:09,180 --> 00:55:10,390
"Looks like he's sleeping."
1181
00:55:11,933 --> 00:55:13,560
It should be...
1182
00:55:13,643 --> 00:55:15,270
The eyes should be closed.
1183
00:55:15,353 --> 00:55:18,023
It’s scary if the eyes are wide open.
1184
00:55:18,106 --> 00:55:20,358
Do you want me to say
the eyes are wide open?
1185
00:55:22,193 --> 00:55:24,154
I like that type of corpse,
wide eyes open.
1186
00:55:25,989 --> 00:55:29,576
The jokes that will make
you homeless after the wake.
1187
00:55:29,659 --> 00:55:32,162
Because the spirits will follow you.
1188
00:55:32,245 --> 00:55:33,830
And you need to shrug it off
1189
00:55:34,539 --> 00:55:35,623
at the 711.
1190
00:55:36,666 --> 00:55:39,836
711 is so powerful.
1191
00:55:39,919 --> 00:55:43,006
When you enter 711,
the spirits will say, "Oh my gosh."
1192
00:55:44,424 --> 00:55:45,633
"I was not informed."
1193
00:55:46,801 --> 00:55:48,803
"We are a lot here.
1194
00:55:48,887 --> 00:55:50,263
Are you also staying here,
Mr. Ghost? Why?"
1195
00:55:50,346 --> 00:55:51,264
"I’m waiting for my companion."
1196
00:55:55,393 --> 00:55:57,395
That’s why I want to go abroad.
1197
00:55:57,479 --> 00:56:00,315
I want to travel while we still can.
1198
00:56:00,398 --> 00:56:02,067
I just don’t like it when
1199
00:56:02,150 --> 00:56:04,194
we have waters like this at the airport.
1200
00:56:04,277 --> 00:56:05,820
"It’s not allowed."
1201
00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:07,822
For Filipinos,
1202
00:56:07,906 --> 00:56:09,407
if they were asked to throw it out,
1203
00:56:09,491 --> 00:56:12,285
especially the mothers,
"Gonna throw this?"
1204
00:56:12,827 --> 00:56:14,871
The mother will drink it all.
1205
00:56:17,582 --> 00:56:20,585
"If I can’t use it, neither can you.
1206
00:56:20,668 --> 00:56:23,046
I feel pity for the child. Drink it all.
1207
00:56:23,129 --> 00:56:25,215
Water the plants too."
1208
00:56:27,842 --> 00:56:30,970
Why is this not allowed?
We haven’t seen it in the news, right?
1209
00:56:31,054 --> 00:56:33,723
A hijacker bringing bottled water.
1210
00:56:33,807 --> 00:56:34,724
What?
1211
00:56:34,808 --> 00:56:36,726
"If you don’t give me what I want,
I’ll pour this water on the plane."
1212
00:56:38,937 --> 00:56:40,939
That’s why I admire my mom, who is
1213
00:56:41,940 --> 00:56:43,233
93 years old.
1214
00:56:44,067 --> 00:56:45,777
Yeah, she is.
1215
00:56:45,860 --> 00:56:46,694
Mmm...
1216
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:48,488
Try to clap.
1217
00:56:49,656 --> 00:56:50,865
How old are you, sir?
1218
00:56:53,243 --> 00:56:54,327
Fifty-six. You’re good to go.
1219
00:56:58,456 --> 00:57:01,584
My mom
1220
00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:03,753
is turning 94 this November.
1221
00:57:04,295 --> 00:57:06,131
The only problem is,
1222
00:57:06,714 --> 00:57:08,633
my mom is still gambling at the casino.
1223
00:57:08,716 --> 00:57:11,636
I let her be, but she was worse before.
1224
00:57:11,719 --> 00:57:13,555
She sells and pawns things.
1225
00:57:13,638 --> 00:57:16,724
I thought maybe it was
because my mom was a gambler.
1226
00:57:16,808 --> 00:57:20,019
The main reason was my womanizer dad.
1227
00:57:20,603 --> 00:57:21,771
He taught my mom to gamble.
1228
00:57:21,855 --> 00:57:22,814
Why did he do it?
1229
00:57:22,897 --> 00:57:23,731
He taught her majong.
1230
00:57:23,815 --> 00:57:25,358
While my mom plays majong,
1231
00:57:25,442 --> 00:57:26,651
he can flirt with women.
1232
00:57:27,444 --> 00:57:28,820
And I was so pissed off.
1233
00:57:28,903 --> 00:57:30,655
Because I’m teaching my wife
to play majong.
1234
00:57:30,738 --> 00:57:31,823
And she never learns.
1235
00:57:35,785 --> 00:57:37,412
My dad retired from the PNR,
1236
00:57:37,495 --> 00:57:39,539
Philippine National Railways, in 1992.
1237
00:57:39,622 --> 00:57:43,126
That was election time,
and he received 175,000 pesos.
1238
00:57:43,793 --> 00:57:45,086
My mom scammed him.
1239
00:57:45,170 --> 00:57:47,922
"Since it's election time,
the country may be in chaos.
1240
00:57:48,006 --> 00:57:50,508
Once you deposit at the bank,
you might not get it back.
1241
00:57:50,592 --> 00:57:52,927
It’s better to put it under your bed.
1242
00:57:53,011 --> 00:57:54,053
It’s safer that way."
1243
00:57:54,554 --> 00:57:56,014
My dad believed it.
1244
00:57:56,598 --> 00:57:58,516
After one week, the money was gone.
1245
00:57:59,517 --> 00:58:00,894
My dad said, "Look for your mom."
1246
00:58:01,519 --> 00:58:04,731
I saw my mom at the casino
with only 300 pesos left.
1247
00:58:05,565 --> 00:58:07,192
I said, "You’re dead meat to Dad."
1248
00:58:07,275 --> 00:58:08,318
I went with her.
1249
00:58:08,401 --> 00:58:10,820
Nothing. No wins at all.
1250
00:58:11,613 --> 00:58:13,114
When we arrived, my dad said,
1251
00:58:13,198 --> 00:58:15,283
"175,000, which I worked
1252
00:58:15,366 --> 00:58:16,493
hard for for 20 years,
1253
00:58:16,576 --> 00:58:17,494
you just gambled it away.
1254
00:58:18,286 --> 00:58:20,288
Hey. What kind of woman are you?"
1255
00:58:20,371 --> 00:58:22,123
My mom just walked
1256
00:58:22,207 --> 00:58:23,583
and she went to the cabinet...
1257
00:58:25,418 --> 00:58:26,336
...because this is also
1258
00:58:26,419 --> 00:58:27,712
the perfect time.
1259
00:58:28,838 --> 00:58:30,089
Thank you so much, everyone!
1260
00:58:32,050 --> 00:58:33,635
You’re such a wonderful crowd.
1261
00:58:34,636 --> 00:58:36,471
Thank you for attending my birthday.
1262
00:58:36,554 --> 00:58:38,223
You’re such a happy crowd. Thank you.
1263
00:58:38,890 --> 00:58:43,394
{\an8}
1264
00:58:46,314 --> 00:58:47,524
{\an8}- Woah!
1265
00:58:47,607 --> 00:58:49,025
{\an8}- Nice.
1266
00:58:49,108 --> 00:58:49,943
{\an8}Success.
1267
00:58:54,989 --> 00:58:56,282
{\an8}But the question is,
1268
00:58:56,366 --> 00:58:58,952
{\an8}will Netflix buy this show?
1269
00:59:00,245 --> 00:59:01,579
{\an8}Let’s wait for it.
1270
00:59:01,663 --> 00:59:06,501
{\an8}