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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ

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[soft music playing]

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[man 1] A lot of America
is never going to see me

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as American.

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[woman] We don't have
a universal language.

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We don't have
a universal religion,

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universal identity.

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[man 2] I don't understand why

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"Asian Pacific Islander"
is a thing.

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[music ends]

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Who are you?

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How do you see yourself?

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What is your identity?

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Is it as an Asian American?

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Is it as a Canadian?

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Is it as an American?

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And I'd like to say that there's
some sort of holistic thing

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that is like none of it
or all of it.

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I think so much of
my understanding of the world,

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consciously and unconsciously,

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absolutely has been

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being an Asian woman

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in a white society.

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I think so much of...

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the struggle

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and the understanding

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has been about probably
that identity first.

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[solemn music playing]

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The real battle
is a deeply interior one.

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But I think you have to move
through those kind of

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more visible battles

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that someone is gonna ask you

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to do another accent,

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to look a certain way,
that, that, that,

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and then you'll have to slay
the interior dragon.

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So when I started
really understanding that,

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that's basically where
you start caring less.

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["Fame" plays]

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♪ Fame!
I'm gonna live forever ♪

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[Sandra Oh]
I was so profoundly affected

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and influenced by
the television show Fame.

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That seemed to be like,
"Oh, there's a place

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where this thing
that these kids are doing

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that I feel that I wanna do."

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But the growth of me
actually then finding

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the community of people
who have come

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from a similar background
and who look the same

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has been, I would say,
a slow one.

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When there was a few of us,
it was so spread out.

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It was the kind of thing
of like,

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"Dan's in Hawaii...
Hawaii... Hawaii..."

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Off doing his work over there.

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John Cho was doing his work
over there... over there...

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over there.

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There could not be
more than one of us.

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But it was...

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feeling alone

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because the system
makes it that way.

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[solemn music resumes]

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It's your perspective.

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Every room you're in,

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you can learn something,

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even if it is a place
that doesn't want you.

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In some ways, those rooms
are the best learning vehicles.

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How do you exist

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in a room that doesn't want you

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or doesn't respect you?

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It was a different time.

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The fact that half of the cast
of Grey's Anatomy

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weren't white,

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that was a thing.
And it was almost like...

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"Shh..." [chuckles]
"Let's just not talk about it.

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Let's just do it and see
if we can get away with it.

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Oh, my gosh. It's a hit."

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That's that feeling that I know

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what I think and hope
is an old feeling.

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It's a feeling of where
I come from, which is just like,

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"Let's just try and sneak it in,

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let no one notice,
and we might have an existence."

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Right? I really hope, and I see

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and I still hope,

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that that kind
of thinking has passed.

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Now I'm only interested
in telling stories

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where the characters
have that cultural dimension.

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That's not just like,
"Hey, I'm just gonna walk around

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eating kimchi and talking about,
you know, Korean filmmaking,"

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I don't know, you know?
That's not the point, right?

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But it is about then
opening that dimension

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where it used to be closed. Why?

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Because it was, at that time,
more palatable

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in a very mainstream
white storytelling.

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White actors cannot possibly
be asked,

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"So what is it like to be
a white actor

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at 20?

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At 30?

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At 40?

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And at 50?"

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They can't possibly be asked,
but I think they should be.

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The thing
with the American name.

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I didn't know you can pick one.

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Nobody gave me the memo.

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I didn't know that you could
change your name like that.

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So many of my Asian friends,

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Hmong friends especially,
did that.

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I would have been like,
you know, Optimus Prime

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or something like that,
would've been something cool.

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I had to be stuck with Yia.

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[soft music playing]

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"Yia" in our native tongue
in Hmong literally means

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iron skillet or wok.

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Hmong kids thought it was funny
and would be like,

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"Hey, where's the Yia?
Not that one, but that one."

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My youngest brother's name
is Gong Hmong

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which literally translates
to "blessing of God."

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He gets "blessing of God,"
and I'm a pan.

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I was born in a refugee camp
in northern Thailand

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called Ban Vinai.

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I came to the United States

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when I was like
four and a half.

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I grew up in a small town

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in central Wisconsin,

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predominantly white.

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And then there was like
the Vang family.

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I did not want to be Hmong.

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I lived two different lives
growing up.

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The word "meekah" is
the Hmong word for "American."

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I live my meekah life at school,

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then I live my Hmong life
at home.

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My biggest thing
was assimilating.

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Even my father said to us,

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"I want you to read books.
I want you to watch TV."

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He didn't want us to have
that Hmong or Asian accent.

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If I can talk like them,
if I can act like them,

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if I know all the pop culture
references like them,

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then they won't be able
to laugh at me.

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They won't think I'm weird.
They won't think I'm different.

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I wanted to make sure
that when I was at school,

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my meekah friends,
my white friends,

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my American friends,
knew that I'm American.

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I'm one of you guys.

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These were my friends,

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and they would actually
take my face

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and they would take my eyes

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and they would open them
a little wider.

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And they would even ask me,
"Can you see better now?

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Can you see better now?"

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And I just thought
that's what friends did,

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and I would laugh,
and I'm like, "I think so."

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Imagine being
an eight-year-old kid,

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your mom gives you lunch
to take to school.

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She worked really hard
to make sure that her boy

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was taken care of.

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[deep exhale] The only way that
she knew how was to cook.

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And when you go to lunch,
you get these kids

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who made fun of you and said
your food stank

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and they didn't want you
near them.

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You know what I did?
I threw my food away

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so that I could just be friends.
So I can be cool.

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And I would come home
and I would lie to her, saying,

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"Oh, yep, I ate everything."

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So that's like

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eight-, nine-year-old Yia,
right?

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And you fast forward,
like, 30 years

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and feeling shame
for, like, that kid

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who didn't know, you know?

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[soft music playing]

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If I could go back
and tell that kid,

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what I would say is like,
"Dude, don't worry.

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In like 20 years,
they're gonna try

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to Asian-splain
everything back to you

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about how great fish sauce is

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and they discovered oyster sauce
or even, like,

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'Oh, yeah, like, I have Siracha
in my house,' you know."

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You know, my white friends,
my meekah friends

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who now will say,

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"Oh, yeah, like, I ate
this thing and it had like,

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you know, shrimp paste in it
and it was like really good."

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And you're just like,
"Yeah, bro, we call that

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a Tuesday at our house,"
you know.

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Growing up, if there was
a big celebration or parties

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in the backyard,

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all the dudes
all had a cutting board

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and they had
a big cleaver knife.

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So you just hand-chop everything

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and then you would stuff
and make sausages inside

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with the aunties and the moms
and the grandmas,

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and they would help make
the rice or the noodles,

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or they're wrapping,
frying stuff.

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All the boys hung out
by the grill area.

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And my dad had the tong

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and he handed the tong
over to me.

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You train your whole life
for this, for this moment,

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to be able to be like
the meat flipper by the grill.

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And I remember coming in,
I was like, "Mom, Mom!"

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Like, "I smell like Dad."
I had like...

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like that wood burnt, you know,
kind of fire smell on me

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and I thought I was so cool.

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My American friends,
my white friends,

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I didn't talk to them
about that.

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I ran away from this calling.

202
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My dad had a really,
really bad accident.

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00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,669
This is my hero,
you gotta realize.

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This guy fought a war
and he survived.

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He got us to this country.

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And I thought to myself,
"Man, if Dad dies,

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everything about him,

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his legacy goes with him."

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And that day changed the way
I thought about Hmong food

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00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,478
and I thought about
what it means to be Hmong.

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00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:09,025
For me, I feel that my part

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00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,986
is to remember the story
in the food that we eat.

213
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:17,075
There's something about it
that rejuvenates my soul

214
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,243
when I eat it.

215
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,162
There's something about
Hmong mustard green

216
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,914
braised with pork neck bones

217
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,500
and that beautiful
collision of spice,

218
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:30,088
that bite from the mustard green
and the fattiness from the pork,

219
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,048
and the moment that you touch it
with your lips.

220
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,883
And if you are a Hmong kid,

221
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,343
you know that taste.

222
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:36,719
You know,
there's something beautiful

223
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,138
about the fresh Hmong cucumber

224
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,348
that I get to bite into.

225
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,976
And every time I do
and it bursts in my mouth,

226
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,979
I'm taken back
to being a ten-year-old boy

227
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,814
sitting by my grandma.

228
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,984
She's slicing that cucumber
for me, fresh from the garden.

229
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,195
And when I realize
that that's who I am

230
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,738
and that's a part of me,

231
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,615
I wanna share that with people.

232
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,951
[soft music continues]

233
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,496
You look at the sacrifices

234
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,790
of the ones
that come before you,

235
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,001
and then you take that

236
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,461
and then you keep
moving forward with that.

237
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:15,008
One day, you have to sacrifice
for the next generation

238
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,134
so that it can grow.

239
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,179
That's what it means
to be Hmong.

240
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,975
I ran so far
that it was like a circle.

241
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,393
I ran back to it.

242
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,228
And that's what I love
about being Hmong.

243
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,856
And that's why if anybody
wants to talk to me about it,

244
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,482
let's do it. Let's go.

245
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,737
[music fades]

246
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,322
[upbeat music plays]

247
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,407
I think if you talk to
my parents, they would say that

248
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:40,867
I talked back a lot

249
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:45,163
and that I was really
a bossy child.

250
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:49,209
In Vietnamese,
the greatest compliment

251
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,836
that you could give a daughter
is "hiu tao,"

252
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,504
which is to be obedient.

253
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:57,217
I have never been hiu tao.

254
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:03,389
I really reject the idea that
the AAPI community is quiet.

255
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,016
It's such a stereotype

256
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:08,019
and it plays along
with the model minority myth.

257
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,855
There are plenty of activists
that are Asian American

258
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,190
throughout history.

259
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,067
They just don't get
the history books

260
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,443
talking about them.

261
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,613
My grandma
was a freedom fighter

262
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,365
against the French in Vietnam.

263
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:25,954
You know, I come from this line
of people who talk back.

264
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:28,122
My name is Amanda Nguyen.

265
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:33,253
I never thought that I'd be made
to suffer a greater injustice

266
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:35,546
than what I went through
on the day that I was raped.

267
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:40,843
I studied astrophysics
at Harvard,

268
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:44,389
and during my last semester,
I was raped.

269
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,434
I remember
walking out of the hospital

270
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,603
after my rape kit procedure
was done,

271
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,605
having never more
fully understood

272
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,608
the definition of lonely
than at that moment.

273
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,402
I was handed a taxi voucher

274
00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:59,696
to go back to the dorm room
where I was raped.

275
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:04,033
It was only after my ordeal
that I discovered firsthand

276
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,662
the ways in which rape survivors
are continually revictimized.

277
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,247
When I found out
that my rape kit

278
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:10,790
could be destroyed
at six months,

279
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:13,710
even though the statute
of limitations is 15 years,

280
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,545
I felt like I was betrayed

281
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,880
by America's
criminal justice system.

282
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,966
I realized I had a choice:

283
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,427
accept the injustice

284
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,054
or take change
into my own hands.

285
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,099
And so, I decided
to rewrite the law.

286
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,935
The law that I wrote is called

287
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,104
the Sexual Assault Survivor
Bill of Rights.

288
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:37,400
Part of it
is to save a rape kit.

289
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,988
Another right is the right
to your patient medical record.

290
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:46,075
Another right is the right
to your own police report.

291
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,910
Before they were enshrined,

292
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,829
they were being denied
to survivors

293
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,664
all across the United States.

294
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:56,419
When we passed the federal law,

295
00:13:56,961 --> 00:14:01,132
I remember going to the steps
of the Lincoln Memorial.

296
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:04,344
I just screamed
as loud as I could,

297
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,347
and I just felt like
a curse broke.

298
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,224
For me, that was my justice.

299
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,477
That's what justice felt like.

300
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,439
[soft ambient music plays]

301
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:21,402
My love of space started
even before I was born.

302
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:24,322
My family were boat refugees
from Vietnam,

303
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:27,325
and they used
celestial navigation

304
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,160
to find their way to freedom.

305
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,915
My mother left with
three other family members,

306
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,125
her younger sister, Number 11,

307
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:39,504
her brother, Number 3,
and the son of Number 2.

308
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,674
And as they were swimming
and they got to the boat,

309
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,593
there were these machine guns,

310
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,554
and the Viet Cong
had spotted them.

311
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:53,476
My mom turned to Number 3
and said,

312
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,395
"We got to go. It's do or die."

313
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,690
They made it
to international waters.

314
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,901
And then because
it was a storm,

315
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,278
the boat was sinking.

316
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:08,032
A big boat came
and rescued them.

317
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,495
They threw over a rope.

318
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,038
A literal lifeline.

319
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:21,421
She tells me that you just put
one hand in front of the next.

320
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:23,214
One foot in front of the next.

321
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:31,013
When people ask me
how I decided to take on

322
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:34,142
the United States government
or the United Nations,

323
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:37,728
I think about how she had
to evade these guards,

324
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,148
machine guns,
climb a rope in a storm,

325
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,317
and I have to just send
an email to a senator.

326
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:53,411
When I spoke up about my rape,
it was highly stigmatic.

327
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:56,289
Friends, loved ones said,

328
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,832
"Hey, I don't think
you should do this,"

329
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,750
including, of course,
other people

330
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:03,379
who share my identity
as young Asian women.

331
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,298
And I understand
where that comes from.

332
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,259
So I don't fault anyone
for feeling like

333
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,095
the cost-benefit analysis
of their survival

334
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,889
depends on their silence.

335
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,474
I want people to know that

336
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:17,101
the most powerful tool
that we have is our voice.

337
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,769
I've never regretted it.

338
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:25,693
[music ends]

339
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,200
[DJ Rekha] I have
three best days of my life.

340
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,620
The first best day
is the day I met my partner.

341
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,248
Aww... sappy, sappy, true.

342
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,251
The second-best day
is SummerStage.

343
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,711
The best day
of my musical life.

344
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:49,050
The third best day is when
I got parking in my garage

345
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,385
after 14 years.

346
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,013
That's some New York shit.

347
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,140
[upbeat music plays]

348
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,685
What do I identify as?

349
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,231
It depends where I am
and who's asking,

350
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:05,066
'cause identity is shifting.

351
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:10,570
I definitely identify as a DJ,
as an artist, as a curator.

352
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,156
I think identity's like...

353
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,742
a slippery slope as I--

354
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,037
as I partake in this project.

355
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:23,709
My parents had what I call
an outlaw love marriage

356
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,628
in the late '60s in India.

357
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,215
They were partition babies,

358
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,509
so they were born
in what's now Pakistan.

359
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:34,303
And then moved to England

360
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,515
and then we moved to the States
right before my fifth birthday.

361
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:44,730
What did my parents
want me to be?

362
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,358
I know one thing.
When I started deejaying,

363
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,943
they didn't want me to do that.

364
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,695
[laughs]

365
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,739
They definitely didn't want me
to do that shit. No.

366
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,575
[upbeat party music plays]

367
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,118
My mom went to England.

368
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,370
There was this one song
that was really big.

369
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,664
So she brought a cassette
back for me,

370
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,709
Malkit Singh, Up Front,
was the album.

371
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,627
There's another song there
that I really like.

372
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,421
One of the lines is,
"We're not gonna dance

373
00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:12,466
to the white man's disco,"
which is, you know, poetic.

374
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:17,138
[Bhangra music playing]

375
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:20,766
My idea for my 16th birthday is
I wanted to do a Bhangra party

376
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,644
and I wanted everyone to wear
Indian clothes.

377
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:25,855
I was the opposite
of, like, self-hating.

378
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,857
I was like the other side.

379
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,817
And that was literally
in our basement.

380
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,906
When I started deejaying,
I was very involved

381
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,908
in community activism
more than anything.

382
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,413
I was part of a group
that was originally formed

383
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,833
around the wave of violence
that happened in Jersey City

384
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,627
in the late '80s

385
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:50,296
perpetrated by a group
claiming themselves

386
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:51,922
to be the "Dotbusters."

387
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,177
We started raising money
by throwing parties.

388
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,805
Those things were inextricably
linked for me,

389
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,724
creating space,
holding community,

390
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,059
and deejaying.

391
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,269
[Bhangra music resumes]

392
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,229
The association
of Bhangra music

393
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,607
when I was starting
deejaying was,

394
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,651
it is lower class people

395
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:15,488
who are working class,
who are cab drivers,

396
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,406
who are not professionals.

397
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,492
They listen to that music.
They're from Punjab.

398
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,535
I wanted to create a space
that I was like,

399
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,079
"No, we're gonna go all in.

400
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,623
We're gonna play like,
the real shit."

401
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:28,584
[Bhangra music continues]

402
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,503
The idea around
Basement Bhangra was like,

403
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,172
"I wanna play this music.
I love hip-hop.

404
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,340
Let's just play it."

405
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,342
It took a minute, but it caught.

406
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:37,802
People really got it.

407
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,722
By the summer
of the second year,

408
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,349
the line was down the block.

409
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:47,520
Seven o'clock doors
and then the dance lesson,

410
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,522
the Basement Bhangra
dance lesson.

411
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,857
Don't do like...

412
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,985
cobra moves when you're dancing

413
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,863
like there's a snake charmer
happening. Not cool.

414
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,951
At midnight, it's like, crazy.

415
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,244
It's wall to wall.

416
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,373
At the end, I just want as many
people to dance as possible.

417
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:08,708
That's what I'm going for.

418
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,003
I think so much about

419
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,464
the music projects
of Basement Bhangra

420
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:18,008
and how they could only
have happened in New York.

421
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,517
It became even more important
after 9/11,

422
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:30,187
especially a lot of Sikh men,
bearded, turbaned.

423
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,899
Post-9/11, a lot of bad shit was
happening to our communities.

424
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,235
We did an event 9/20,

425
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,654
nine days after 9/11,
which we were like,

426
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,072
"Should we do it?
Should we not?"

427
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,116
Of course,
the club owner was like,

428
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,827
"'Raker,' you just
got to do it." [laughs]

429
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,454
And that's when I learned

430
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:48,789
the lesson of
you always do the party.

431
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:50,082
The party must go on.

432
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:53,294
That's when it really clicked
that this was not just a party,

433
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:54,462
it was a space.

434
00:20:58,382 --> 00:21:01,093
I like working with
up-and-coming artists,

435
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,262
learning from them
and them learning from me.

436
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,767
And there's just like
a lot more

437
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:09,935
South Asians making music.

438
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,062
And it's exciting.

439
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:16,233
Some of it's shit, and some
of it has a lot of possibility.

440
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:21,155
When we walk through a door,
it is our responsibility

441
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:23,240
to bring other people
through that door.

442
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,702
Like, I think it's great
that South Asians are

443
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:29,497
getting successful in certain
kinds of visible ways,

444
00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:31,999
but it's like,
what space are we taking up?

445
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:34,668
We can't just be excited
'cause, like, somebody's

446
00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:36,462
in office or something.

447
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,507
And that blanket excitement
around power,

448
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,966
it's shitty, you know.

449
00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:43,302
And they need to be critical
of that.

450
00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:48,766
We have to speak up for
oppression against all people.

451
00:21:54,939 --> 00:21:57,650
[jazz music playing]

452
00:21:57,775 --> 00:21:59,151
[Connie Chung]
When I first started working

453
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:00,653
in television news,

454
00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:03,030
I looked around me
and all I saw

455
00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:04,281
were white men.

456
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,659
They were my bosses,
they were my colleagues,

457
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:09,286
my competitors,
the people I interviewed.

458
00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:10,955
All white men.

459
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,544
Anytime I walked
into a newsroom,

460
00:22:16,627 --> 00:22:18,212
I was a lone wolf.

461
00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:23,884
I decided that I, too,
would be a white male.

462
00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:29,181
I literally took on
all of their behavior,

463
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:33,102
bravado, decided I was entitled,

464
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,396
and I had a potty mouth.

465
00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:38,566
I had oh, such a potty mouth.

466
00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:40,818
And it was so unbecoming

467
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:43,571
because here I was,
a little lotus blossom

468
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:46,657
with these foul words
coming out of my mouth.

469
00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:51,161
Anytime they'd throw
something at me

470
00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:53,706
that was either racist
or sexist,

471
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:56,709
I'd throw it right back at them

472
00:22:56,834 --> 00:22:58,711
in a racist, sexist way.

473
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:03,591
My boss said,
"Tell them why I hired you,"

474
00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:07,011
and I said, "Because you like
the way I do your shirts."

475
00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:09,805
And he thought
that was the funniest thing

476
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:11,640
he had ever heard in his life,

477
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:13,309
and he kept,
"Tell 'em, tell 'em."

478
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:14,852
He kept making me repeat it.

479
00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:18,522
And I thought to myself,
"Why the heck did I say that?

480
00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:19,899
Am I nuts?"

481
00:23:20,858 --> 00:23:22,943
And, uh, that was just my M.O.

482
00:23:23,027 --> 00:23:27,448
It was my way of dealing with
the sexist pigs and racist pigs.

483
00:23:28,157 --> 00:23:29,199
Sorry.

484
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:31,785
[soft piano music playing]

485
00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:34,914
My parents were born in China,

486
00:23:35,039 --> 00:23:38,375
and I have four older sisters
all born in China,

487
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,920
but I'm the only one born
in the United States.

488
00:23:41,545 --> 00:23:44,673
And I was another girl.
[chuckles]

489
00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:48,135
I was born and raised
in Washington, D.C.

490
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:50,971
When I was born,
my father called

491
00:23:51,055 --> 00:23:53,390
from the hospital and said,
"It's another girl.

492
00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:55,225
You find a name for her."

493
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:58,312
My sisters looked through
movie magazines.

494
00:23:58,896 --> 00:24:01,190
So they said, "We're gonna flip

495
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:02,566
and that will be the name."

496
00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:03,859
And they went flip,

497
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:05,361
and it was an actress named

498
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:06,737
Constance Moore.

499
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:10,449
So I became Constance,
but everybody called me Connie.

500
00:24:12,201 --> 00:24:14,662
When my mother came
to the United States,

501
00:24:14,745 --> 00:24:16,538
she couldn't read
or write English

502
00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:19,458
and she couldn't read
or write Chinese.

503
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:22,586
I basically, at the age
of eight or nine,

504
00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:23,921
taught her how to read.

505
00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:26,048
I used my Golden Books,

506
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:27,675
all my little kid books,

507
00:24:27,758 --> 00:24:30,094
and I helped her learn
her signature

508
00:24:30,219 --> 00:24:33,055
so that she could get
her citizenship.

509
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:35,933
But it was really, really hard
for her.

510
00:24:38,727 --> 00:24:42,481
My four older sisters
were bossy screaming meemies.

511
00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:44,942
All they did was yap, yap, yap.

512
00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:51,407
And I was like this quiet,
timid, shy person

513
00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:53,701
who never opened my mouth.

514
00:24:57,121 --> 00:25:00,124
My family was shocked that
I went into television news.

515
00:25:01,125 --> 00:25:05,212
My sisters literally said,
"Our little Connie.

516
00:25:05,295 --> 00:25:09,717
Imagine that, she's talking
to millions of people.

517
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,594
Who would have thought
that our little Connie..."

518
00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:15,806
And I would go, "Uh, please."

519
00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:21,603
The tragedy for my parents
was that they had no boys.

520
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:25,441
In Chinese tradition,
you have to have boys

521
00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:28,235
because boys carry on
the family name.

522
00:25:30,154 --> 00:25:32,239
My father actually gave me
the mission.

523
00:25:32,823 --> 00:25:34,825
He wrote to me in a letter
and said,

524
00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:37,202
"Maybe you can carry on
the family name."

525
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,497
Subconsciously,
that's what I did.

526
00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:46,879
One day, I got a call
from a journalist, Connie Wang,

527
00:25:47,004 --> 00:25:51,759
and she told me
that she was named after me.

528
00:25:51,842 --> 00:25:54,887
And I said, "What?
Are you kidding?"

529
00:25:56,013 --> 00:25:57,222
Her parents asked her,

530
00:25:57,347 --> 00:25:59,933
"What name would you like
to be called?

531
00:26:00,017 --> 00:26:01,560
Because you're now
in the United States."

532
00:26:01,685 --> 00:26:03,771
And she was only like
three or four

533
00:26:03,854 --> 00:26:05,105
or something like that.

534
00:26:06,023 --> 00:26:07,357
She saw me on television.

535
00:26:07,483 --> 00:26:09,693
She said, "Either Connie
or Elmo."

536
00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:15,157
She discovered that there was
this whole generation

537
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,535
of Asian girls
who were named Connie.

538
00:26:21,872 --> 00:26:24,374
Connie Wang decided
that she would write a piece

539
00:26:24,458 --> 00:26:27,211
for the opinion section
of The New York Times

540
00:26:27,336 --> 00:26:30,005
and it would be all about
the Connies

541
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:31,381
that she discovered.

542
00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:36,428
And the photo editor found
a photographer

543
00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:38,639
whose name was Connie Aramaki,

544
00:26:38,722 --> 00:26:41,517
and she gathered
all of these Connies,

545
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,395
and my tears just came down.

546
00:26:47,022 --> 00:26:51,318
Every time I think about it,
I start to cry.

547
00:26:56,198 --> 00:27:00,744
It's an incredible legacy
that I never knew existed.

548
00:27:02,746 --> 00:27:05,165
Having all these Connies
named after me

549
00:27:05,249 --> 00:27:07,960
is out of this world.

550
00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:14,550
Swimming has been
part of my life

551
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:15,759
for as long as I can remember.

552
00:27:15,884 --> 00:27:17,177
I don't remember
a time in my life

553
00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:18,637
when I wasn't in the water.

554
00:27:18,762 --> 00:27:21,473
[light acoustic music playing]

555
00:27:28,814 --> 00:27:33,443
Because I didn't present myself
often in a very girly manner,

556
00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,113
in the girls' bathroom
or the girls' locker room,

557
00:27:36,238 --> 00:27:37,823
I would be bullied
for my appearance.

558
00:27:37,906 --> 00:27:41,243
"You're not really a girl" or
"You're like a disguised boy."

559
00:27:42,077 --> 00:27:45,330
And so I would change
in the car into my swimsuit.

560
00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:49,418
Entering the women's
locker room

561
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,503
with my shirt off
and my swimsuit exposed

562
00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:53,630
was sort of my ticket
into the bathroom

563
00:27:53,755 --> 00:27:56,717
without being bullied
for not being "girl enough."

564
00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:02,431
When I was thinking about
gender identity and thinking,

565
00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:05,475
"Gosh, maybe I'm not this woman
that everybody says that I am,

566
00:28:05,601 --> 00:28:07,853
maybe I'm a man,"
I thought, "Oh my God,

567
00:28:07,978 --> 00:28:09,438
what am I gonna do about sports?

568
00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:10,981
What am I gonna do
about swimming?

569
00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:14,193
How am I gonna keep
being myself as an athlete

570
00:28:14,318 --> 00:28:16,862
while trying to be myself
as a trans person?"

571
00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,782
I had still committed to swim
for Harvard's swim team

572
00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:22,910
and the women's swim team
specifically

573
00:28:22,993 --> 00:28:24,703
when I was done
with treatment.

574
00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:29,374
Coming out to my women's coach,

575
00:28:29,499 --> 00:28:31,251
her response being a lot of,

576
00:28:31,335 --> 00:28:33,378
"I don't know,
but we're gonna figure it out."

577
00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:35,214
And over the course
of that year,

578
00:28:35,339 --> 00:28:37,466
I actually was offered a spot
on the men's team

579
00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:40,886
because the men's coach said,
"Well, if you identify as a man,

580
00:28:41,011 --> 00:28:42,095
swim for me."

581
00:28:44,056 --> 00:28:46,725
I was lucky to be met with this
kind of support from my coaches

582
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:49,561
that allowed me to step
into my full self

583
00:28:50,187 --> 00:28:52,356
as a transgender man
on the men's team.

584
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,070
In my process of coming out
as trans,

585
00:28:58,153 --> 00:29:00,197
I got sick of telling everybody
one at a time.

586
00:29:00,322 --> 00:29:01,990
So I made this big Facebook post
where I said,

587
00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:03,867
"Hey, everybody,
I'm transgender.

588
00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:05,953
Here's some information
about what this means.

589
00:29:06,036 --> 00:29:07,913
I'm gonna be swimming
for the men's team."

590
00:29:08,038 --> 00:29:10,290
So I told everybody this
online.

591
00:29:10,374 --> 00:29:12,501
I actually have
three Korean grandparents.

592
00:29:13,210 --> 00:29:15,212
My halmeoni, halabeoji,
so my grandmother

593
00:29:15,337 --> 00:29:17,589
and grandfather,
my mom's parents.

594
00:29:17,714 --> 00:29:20,550
I also have a great aunt,
my keun-imo.

595
00:29:22,052 --> 00:29:23,804
Halmeoni actually has
a Facebook.

596
00:29:23,887 --> 00:29:27,015
So before I hit "post,"
I blocked her on Facebook.

597
00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:28,892
She has a couple of friends
that are mutual with me.

598
00:29:28,976 --> 00:29:31,853
So I said, "Hey, please
don't tell Halmeoni yet.

599
00:29:31,937 --> 00:29:34,147
I'm going to tell her,
but I need to get there."

600
00:29:35,607 --> 00:29:38,068
So then I spent about a month
writing her a letter.

601
00:29:39,069 --> 00:29:40,946
"Halmeoni, Halabeoji, Keun-imo,

602
00:29:41,071 --> 00:29:43,907
I'm telling you this
because I love you.

603
00:29:45,909 --> 00:29:47,828
Because I respect you deeply

604
00:29:47,911 --> 00:29:50,080
and because I want you
in my life."

605
00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:54,918
My mother and I
were very afraid.

606
00:29:55,043 --> 00:29:57,754
Maybe we'd never actually
set foot in this house again.

607
00:29:57,879 --> 00:29:59,923
And maybe she doesn't only
disown me,

608
00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:01,717
but she also disowns my mother.

609
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,051
So we sat down
at the kitchen table.

610
00:30:03,135 --> 00:30:04,594
I read them the letter,

611
00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:06,471
I ended with "I love you,"

612
00:30:06,596 --> 00:30:07,931
and then I waited.

613
00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:10,809
My grandfather
was the first to react,

614
00:30:10,934 --> 00:30:13,937
and he started with this, like,
slow old man clap.

615
00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:16,315
[chuckles] And he goes, "So...

616
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,650
you come out of closet now."

617
00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:22,112
I was stunned he had the phrase
"coming out of the closet."

618
00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:24,448
And he said,
"Oh, congratulations."

619
00:30:25,490 --> 00:30:27,659
My mom and I were absolutely

620
00:30:27,784 --> 00:30:29,619
gobsmacked,
don't know what to say.

621
00:30:29,703 --> 00:30:32,539
Keun-imo, she gives me
a squeeze on the hand

622
00:30:32,622 --> 00:30:34,082
and she got up to make tea.

623
00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:35,542
Her love had been communicated.

624
00:30:35,625 --> 00:30:37,169
Halmeoni, again,

625
00:30:37,294 --> 00:30:38,754
the person
I'm the most worried about,

626
00:30:38,837 --> 00:30:40,881
she's staring at me,
she's got this really stern look

627
00:30:40,964 --> 00:30:42,341
on her face, and she goes,

628
00:30:42,924 --> 00:30:43,967
"I knew that.

629
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:48,430
You can be a boy, a brother,"
she says.

630
00:30:48,513 --> 00:30:50,307
"You can be a man.

631
00:30:51,975 --> 00:30:55,103
But daughters take care
of their parents.

632
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:57,856
It is still your responsibility,
Schuyler,

633
00:30:57,981 --> 00:30:59,816
to take care of your parents."

634
00:30:59,941 --> 00:31:00,984
Of course I agreed.

635
00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:03,153
I even have those words,
"bumo-hyodo,"

636
00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:04,571
"take care of your parents"

637
00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:06,406
tattooed in my grandmother's
handwriting

638
00:31:06,490 --> 00:31:09,368
beneath my mastectomy scar
next to my heart.

639
00:31:10,827 --> 00:31:12,454
It's my tribute to her

640
00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:15,874
and all the strong womanhood
that I come from.

641
00:31:15,957 --> 00:31:18,293
My halmeoni,
she is North Korean.

642
00:31:18,377 --> 00:31:20,879
She walked from Pyongyang
to Seoul to escape

643
00:31:21,004 --> 00:31:24,174
right before the Korea
was split into two Koreas.

644
00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:27,094
She walked when she was
13 years old with her mother

645
00:31:27,177 --> 00:31:29,513
over the oceans
to raise my mother.

646
00:31:30,222 --> 00:31:32,015
And so there's this deep value
that I carry

647
00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:34,184
and that tattoo
is part of that symbol.

648
00:31:39,231 --> 00:31:40,816
So when I was growing up,

649
00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:44,444
I was frequently told a variety
of very inappropriate comments

650
00:31:44,528 --> 00:31:45,987
about my appearance.

651
00:31:46,071 --> 00:31:48,115
"Mixed-race babies
are the most beautiful."

652
00:31:48,198 --> 00:31:49,449
"Oh, you're so exotic."

653
00:31:49,533 --> 00:31:51,993
"Asian and white girls
are the sexiest."

654
00:31:52,077 --> 00:31:54,996
This was from adults around me,
from peers.

655
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:56,331
It was from teachers.

656
00:31:56,415 --> 00:31:58,792
Very fetishizing comments
about my appearance

657
00:31:58,875 --> 00:32:03,046
that wove in racism, misogyny.

658
00:32:03,713 --> 00:32:05,090
And then I transitioned.

659
00:32:05,715 --> 00:32:07,968
And now I'm read in the world
as an Asian man.

660
00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:11,304
It's a very different
experience.

661
00:32:12,597 --> 00:32:15,225
Now I feel that I just, like,
don't exist.

662
00:32:16,518 --> 00:32:19,104
I'm frequently told
I am not man enough.

663
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:22,691
A lot of people see
East Asian men as feminine

664
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,192
or submissive or weak.

665
00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:26,611
They also see trans men
in the same way.

666
00:32:28,405 --> 00:32:29,739
My manhood is mine.

667
00:32:31,450 --> 00:32:33,034
And if you don't see it
or if you think

668
00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:34,995
it is X, Y, and Z, that's okay.

669
00:32:35,078 --> 00:32:36,830
You can think whatever you want
about my manhood,

670
00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:38,039
but I know who I am.

671
00:32:38,123 --> 00:32:40,542
My racial identity
and my trans identity

672
00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:43,962
have really forced me to find
that grounding on my own.

673
00:32:44,045 --> 00:32:45,755
Now I see it
as a bit of a superpower.

674
00:32:53,555 --> 00:32:54,598
[music ends]

675
00:32:55,599 --> 00:32:57,601
[soft, bright music playing]

676
00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:03,231
[Kumail Nanjiani] To me, the
most nervous I am in my life is

677
00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:05,317
when someone comes up
to me and says, "Hey,

678
00:33:05,442 --> 00:33:06,860
I loved you in..."

679
00:33:06,943 --> 00:33:09,362
And that pause between "in"
and whatever they say

680
00:33:09,446 --> 00:33:10,947
is the most nervous
I've ever been.

681
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:14,284
Harold & Kumar, I get that.

682
00:33:16,077 --> 00:33:18,955
That's like ten years
before I started doing comedy.

683
00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:22,876
And it happens
to all those other guys too.

684
00:33:22,959 --> 00:33:24,085
You know, it happens to Hasan.

685
00:33:24,169 --> 00:33:25,795
It happens to Aziz.
It happens to Kal.

686
00:33:25,921 --> 00:33:28,381
It happens to Hari.
It just happens to all of us.

687
00:33:28,465 --> 00:33:30,717
And I always say the same line
when someone says,

688
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,595
"Hey, I loved you
in Big Bang Theory,"

689
00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:35,722
I'm like,
"No, that's the other one."

690
00:33:35,805 --> 00:33:36,848
[laughs]

691
00:33:37,974 --> 00:33:38,975
Yeah.

692
00:33:39,518 --> 00:33:42,020
It has led
to some awkward situations.

693
00:33:42,145 --> 00:33:43,146
Yeah...

694
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:45,982
[scattered applause]

695
00:33:46,107 --> 00:33:47,400
Hey, what's up, guys?

696
00:33:47,484 --> 00:33:50,779
I started doing stand-up
right after 9/11.

697
00:33:50,862 --> 00:33:52,322
I just got an Xbox.

698
00:33:52,447 --> 00:33:54,032
Whenever I got on stage,

699
00:33:54,115 --> 00:33:55,909
I would feel that tension
from the audience.

700
00:33:55,992 --> 00:33:57,160
They're like,
"Is he gonna mention it?

701
00:33:57,285 --> 00:33:58,245
Is he gonna mention it?"

702
00:33:58,328 --> 00:34:00,372
And I tried to not address it.

703
00:34:00,497 --> 00:34:03,083
It just wasn't working.
I had to address it.

704
00:34:03,166 --> 00:34:05,043
I would get on stage
and if I was doing

705
00:34:05,168 --> 00:34:07,087
like a bar or something,
you know, suddenly,

706
00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:09,505
everyone's like a little tense,
looking at me.

707
00:34:09,630 --> 00:34:12,759
And I would go,
"Hey, I'm from Pakistan.

708
00:34:14,344 --> 00:34:15,594
We're the good guys."

709
00:34:15,679 --> 00:34:17,013
That's what I would say.

710
00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:19,808
"Where's Osama?"

711
00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:21,726
I got that one a few times.

712
00:34:23,812 --> 00:34:26,231
After the first two
or three times it happened,

713
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:29,442
I was like, "Okay, these
are not isolated incidents.

714
00:34:29,525 --> 00:34:31,152
This is gonna keep happening,

715
00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:33,237
so I need to come up
with comeback lines

716
00:34:33,362 --> 00:34:34,947
that I can just memorize."

717
00:34:35,031 --> 00:34:38,284
People would call me "terrorist"
on stage,

718
00:34:38,368 --> 00:34:40,453
and I'd be like,
"If I really am a terrorist,

719
00:34:40,536 --> 00:34:42,246
do you wanna, like,
pick a fight with me?"

720
00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:43,498
"Where's Osama?"
I'd be like, "I don't know.

721
00:34:43,581 --> 00:34:44,873
I haven't seen him
at the meetings

722
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:45,958
in a long time."

723
00:34:46,042 --> 00:34:47,377
Someone says something to you,

724
00:34:47,502 --> 00:34:48,587
you say something back,

725
00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:51,047
and then suddenly,
the audience explodes.

726
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:52,924
They love it. They love you.

727
00:34:53,007 --> 00:34:55,844
I found out one of the levels
in the new Call of Duty

728
00:34:55,927 --> 00:34:58,221
-is called "Karachi."
-[audience whoops]

729
00:34:58,346 --> 00:35:00,015
Which is where
I fucking grew up.

730
00:35:00,098 --> 00:35:01,808
-[audience laughs]
-That's weird for me.

731
00:35:01,891 --> 00:35:04,394
They're like, "Your hometown
is now a battlefield."

732
00:35:04,519 --> 00:35:07,480
-[audience laughs]
-"How many points can you get?"

733
00:35:07,564 --> 00:35:10,692
For me, the negotiation
of my identity

734
00:35:10,775 --> 00:35:13,778
is still an ongoing project.
I still don't know.

735
00:35:13,903 --> 00:35:15,989
You know, if you asked
how I identify myself,

736
00:35:16,072 --> 00:35:17,073
I say Pakistani.

737
00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:19,075
Wikipedia says
Pakistani American.

738
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:20,827
I don't really know
what that means.

739
00:35:20,910 --> 00:35:23,580
So I don't feel fully Pakistani

740
00:35:23,705 --> 00:35:25,123
because it's not my home
anymore.

741
00:35:25,248 --> 00:35:27,792
And I don't feel American
because...

742
00:35:27,876 --> 00:35:32,088
your membership in a group
is based on the other members

743
00:35:32,213 --> 00:35:33,798
seeing you as a member
of that group.

744
00:35:33,882 --> 00:35:36,009
And I understand
that a lot of America

745
00:35:36,092 --> 00:35:38,261
is never going to see me
as American.

746
00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:41,306
And so I don't feel American.

747
00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:43,183
[soft, pensive music playing]

748
00:35:43,266 --> 00:35:44,768
You have to come up
with something

749
00:35:44,893 --> 00:35:47,187
that's completely
unique to you.

750
00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:53,860
When I was a little kid,

751
00:35:53,943 --> 00:35:56,321
I loved movies and TV.

752
00:35:58,114 --> 00:35:59,532
Movies, TV, video games.

753
00:35:59,616 --> 00:36:01,117
There was a long stretch
in my life

754
00:36:01,242 --> 00:36:03,370
where I watched a movie
every single day.

755
00:36:05,038 --> 00:36:08,249
Star Wars and Star Trek
and Gremlins and Ghostbusters

756
00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:10,251
and Indiana Jones
and all that stuff.

757
00:36:10,335 --> 00:36:12,837
But I also watched a lot
of Bollywood movies

758
00:36:12,962 --> 00:36:14,881
and that sort of, uh,

759
00:36:14,964 --> 00:36:18,343
depiction of the sort of
strong, silent man

760
00:36:18,426 --> 00:36:20,470
who doesn't ever get sad
or feel fear,

761
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:23,473
like that's a big part
of Bollywood movies, you know.

762
00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:26,101
And so I really grew up
sort of idolizing those things,

763
00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:29,062
you know, being the stoic man
who takes care of his family

764
00:36:29,145 --> 00:36:32,148
and takes care of the bad guys
and all that stuff.

765
00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:35,902
And now realizing that,
honestly,

766
00:36:35,985 --> 00:36:40,532
that conception of manhood
for me was very damaging.

767
00:36:41,616 --> 00:36:44,411
You can't be sad
and you can't be scared,

768
00:36:44,494 --> 00:36:48,331
and that angry is the only
manly emotion there is.

769
00:36:50,291 --> 00:36:53,628
Now, when I go on stage,
I wanna talk about how...

770
00:36:53,712 --> 00:36:56,840
understanding how I'm feeling

771
00:36:56,965 --> 00:37:00,093
and being able to express that
is strength, you know.

772
00:37:00,176 --> 00:37:02,554
Like, anger is not
necessarily strength.

773
00:37:02,637 --> 00:37:05,557
Saying "I'm scared of this"
is also strength.

774
00:37:07,851 --> 00:37:09,686
Now when I do stand-up,

775
00:37:10,645 --> 00:37:12,814
I wanna be someone
who looks like me

776
00:37:12,897 --> 00:37:14,441
talking about that stuff,
you know.

777
00:37:14,524 --> 00:37:18,737
That even though I am successful
and I'm very fortunate,

778
00:37:18,862 --> 00:37:20,780
but I-I still have

779
00:37:21,823 --> 00:37:23,700
these things inside me

780
00:37:25,535 --> 00:37:26,745
that scare me.

781
00:37:35,628 --> 00:37:39,215
[Madelyn Yu] So I came to the
United States in the late '70s

782
00:37:39,340 --> 00:37:42,302
and I went straight
to Kansas City.

783
00:37:42,385 --> 00:37:45,930
When I was flying
from the Philippines,

784
00:37:46,055 --> 00:37:47,766
the lady seated next to me said,

785
00:37:47,891 --> 00:37:49,559
"You are my first Asian,"

786
00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:53,354
and she said it
in such a derogatory way.

787
00:37:53,438 --> 00:37:57,108
So I retorted back and probably
not respectfully, I said,

788
00:37:57,233 --> 00:37:59,068
"You're my first stupid."

789
00:38:01,029 --> 00:38:03,740
It was quiet
all the way to Kansas City.

790
00:38:03,865 --> 00:38:05,909
[soft, bright music playing]

791
00:38:07,744 --> 00:38:10,079
In the '70s and in the '80s,

792
00:38:10,205 --> 00:38:12,499
there was a huge
nursing shortage.

793
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:16,419
Many administrators
from all over the United States

794
00:38:16,544 --> 00:38:19,756
would go to the Philippines
and recruit in Manila

795
00:38:19,881 --> 00:38:21,925
all the nurses
that they could get.

796
00:38:24,928 --> 00:38:27,305
What I would earn in 12 months

797
00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:29,724
as a head nurse
of the medical ICU

798
00:38:29,808 --> 00:38:32,310
at the Philippine Heart Center,

799
00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:36,272
I would already earn here
in the U.S. just for one month.

800
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:39,567
And my story is no different
from any other Filipino nurse

801
00:38:39,651 --> 00:38:42,403
who would come here
to look, as they say,

802
00:38:42,487 --> 00:38:43,905
"for greener pastures,"

803
00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:47,158
for a better opportunity
for their families.

804
00:38:50,286 --> 00:38:52,789
When I came
to the United States,

805
00:38:52,914 --> 00:38:54,833
I was 25.

806
00:38:54,958 --> 00:38:57,460
I was leaving my husband behind

807
00:38:57,585 --> 00:38:59,712
and my first-born baby.

808
00:38:59,796 --> 00:39:02,674
He was only a few months old
when I left.

809
00:39:03,299 --> 00:39:05,552
[soft dramatic music plays]

810
00:39:05,635 --> 00:39:10,557
I would send half of my salary
back home every month.

811
00:39:13,518 --> 00:39:15,144
I was so homesick.

812
00:39:15,937 --> 00:39:18,147
I was very, very lonely.

813
00:39:20,441 --> 00:39:23,862
There's a music back home
called "Manila, Manila."

814
00:39:23,987 --> 00:39:25,947
["Manila" by Hotdog plays]

815
00:39:26,030 --> 00:39:29,158
Somebody played it during
one of the Christmas parties

816
00:39:29,993 --> 00:39:33,371
and I broke out crying
like crazy.

817
00:39:36,124 --> 00:39:38,084
My husband
and the four children

818
00:39:38,167 --> 00:39:39,419
joined me in the U.S.

819
00:39:39,502 --> 00:39:41,546
and we settled in New Jersey.

820
00:39:42,672 --> 00:39:45,216
And I retired in 2019

821
00:39:45,967 --> 00:39:49,345
after serving as a nurse
for 46 years.

822
00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:54,893
We were planning to start
my husband's retirement

823
00:39:55,018 --> 00:39:57,270
in November 2020,

824
00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:59,689
and we were going to travel
the world.

825
00:40:02,025 --> 00:40:04,527
Breaking news about
the spreading coronavirus.

826
00:40:04,652 --> 00:40:07,196
At least 19 deaths
are now reported in the U.S.

827
00:40:07,322 --> 00:40:09,699
-There are now...
-[Madelyn] In March 2020,

828
00:40:09,824 --> 00:40:11,284
after watching TV,

829
00:40:11,367 --> 00:40:14,495
my husband dozed off
as he usually does.

830
00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:16,414
And then we FaceTime
with our children

831
00:40:16,539 --> 00:40:18,207
because we couldn't
gather anymore,

832
00:40:18,333 --> 00:40:20,668
and they were like,
"Mom, he doesn't look good."

833
00:40:20,752 --> 00:40:23,463
And that was the start
of my nightmare.

834
00:40:25,548 --> 00:40:28,301
He was admitted to the hospital
where I worked.

835
00:40:29,886 --> 00:40:31,596
A few more days to that,

836
00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:35,391
my family called 911
again for me.

837
00:40:37,727 --> 00:40:39,270
I had COVID too.

838
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:43,900
Who would take care
of my husband

839
00:40:44,025 --> 00:40:45,109
when he comes home?

840
00:40:45,234 --> 00:40:47,153
I'm the nurse.
I will take care of him,

841
00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:48,988
so I have to live.

842
00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:53,326
It was Holy Week
and I do believe

843
00:40:53,409 --> 00:40:54,744
in the power of prayers.

844
00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:58,164
I felt lifted up on Good Friday.

845
00:40:58,247 --> 00:41:01,042
On Sunday, Easter Sunday,

846
00:41:01,125 --> 00:41:05,254
I saw a rainbow
in front of my hospital window

847
00:41:06,089 --> 00:41:09,258
and I said to myself,
"I'm gonna live."

848
00:41:11,260 --> 00:41:13,805
My husband was going
into his third week

849
00:41:13,930 --> 00:41:16,099
intubated in the ICU.

850
00:41:16,933 --> 00:41:18,685
And the doctors would update me

851
00:41:18,768 --> 00:41:20,687
that this medication
was being put up,

852
00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:23,648
this ventilator setting
was being done,

853
00:41:23,773 --> 00:41:25,191
and I understood them all.

854
00:41:25,274 --> 00:41:27,777
Remember,
I'm a critical care nurse.

855
00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:31,656
And when they told me that
a certain medication was added,

856
00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:33,616
my heart fell.

857
00:41:36,077 --> 00:41:38,246
I was able to hold his hand

858
00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:40,957
for the last three hours
of his life.

859
00:41:42,125 --> 00:41:44,377
I had the priest bless him.

860
00:41:44,460 --> 00:41:46,254
We prayed the rosary.

861
00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:48,631
The children FaceTimed him.

862
00:41:48,756 --> 00:41:51,634
And I whispered in his ears,

863
00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:54,387
"It's okay to go, Daddy.
It's okay."

864
00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:57,140
[somber music plays]

865
00:42:07,984 --> 00:42:09,485
So how do you move on?

866
00:42:10,653 --> 00:42:12,488
I pray for him every day.

867
00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:15,658
I visit him every week,
bring him flowers.

868
00:42:16,451 --> 00:42:18,828
And now I'm a happy
grandma of six.

869
00:42:19,454 --> 00:42:22,623
I go home to the Philippines
to visit relatives,

870
00:42:22,707 --> 00:42:24,333
do the medical mission.

871
00:42:27,170 --> 00:42:30,590
And I always say in Tagalog,

872
00:42:31,340 --> 00:42:34,469
"Ang hindi marunong
sa pinanggalingan

873
00:42:34,552 --> 00:42:37,388
ay hindi makarating
sa paroroonan."

874
00:42:37,513 --> 00:42:41,392
"If you do not look back
at where you came from,

875
00:42:41,517 --> 00:42:44,604
you can never reach
your destination."

876
00:42:45,146 --> 00:42:47,607
We have only one life to live.

877
00:42:48,191 --> 00:42:49,609
Make a difference.

878
00:42:55,490 --> 00:42:59,035
If you grow up poor, you're just
more motivated to not be poor.

879
00:43:01,496 --> 00:43:03,372
When it snowed
and we had snow days,

880
00:43:03,498 --> 00:43:05,541
I would get my friends
and be like, "We're shoveling."

881
00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:07,293
We had a lawn mowing business.

882
00:43:07,376 --> 00:43:10,213
I learned some magic
and started doing magic shows.

883
00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:12,924
All I have to do
is shake it up a little...

884
00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:15,927
blow it out,

885
00:43:16,052 --> 00:43:17,220
and they're all tied together.

886
00:43:17,345 --> 00:43:19,597
I had racked up
hundreds of dollars

887
00:43:19,722 --> 00:43:20,973
in library fines.

888
00:43:21,057 --> 00:43:24,268
So I offered the library
to do magic shows,

889
00:43:24,352 --> 00:43:26,395
and I said, "All I want
is you to wipe my fines."

890
00:43:26,521 --> 00:43:28,272
[laughs] And they did that.

891
00:43:28,397 --> 00:43:30,316
"Horrendous Haroon"
was what they called me.

892
00:43:30,399 --> 00:43:32,735
[gentle acoustic music plays]

893
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:34,779
On the day of my birth,

894
00:43:34,862 --> 00:43:36,739
the Russians invaded
Afghanistan.

895
00:43:38,574 --> 00:43:40,409
I was there for three years.

896
00:43:40,535 --> 00:43:42,286
My father was arrested

897
00:43:42,411 --> 00:43:44,580
for supporting
some of the resistance.

898
00:43:46,290 --> 00:43:48,126
When he got out of prison
six months later,

899
00:43:48,251 --> 00:43:50,086
we decided
we gotta get out of there.

900
00:43:52,713 --> 00:43:56,175
The Mokhtarzadas
were actually quite well-off.

901
00:43:56,259 --> 00:43:57,718
The currency inflated

902
00:43:57,802 --> 00:43:59,846
and so the Afghani
wasn't worth anything.

903
00:43:59,929 --> 00:44:01,430
It was a full wipeout.

904
00:44:05,268 --> 00:44:07,979
When we came to America,
we moved into

905
00:44:08,062 --> 00:44:10,898
my mother's parents'
two-bedroom apartment

906
00:44:10,982 --> 00:44:12,108
in Maryland.

907
00:44:13,734 --> 00:44:17,530
A family of six at the time,
plus my grandparents.

908
00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:19,282
I don't quite know how we fit.

909
00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:22,326
We were packed in there.

910
00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:25,371
We really couldn't afford
kind of anything.

911
00:44:28,291 --> 00:44:30,209
I definitely remember
being on free lunch.

912
00:44:31,085 --> 00:44:33,963
They would separate the kids
before lunchtime.

913
00:44:34,672 --> 00:44:37,341
They would call you over
and check you off on a list.

914
00:44:37,466 --> 00:44:39,594
When I moved to reduced lunch,

915
00:44:39,677 --> 00:44:41,637
I was like,
"Ooh, we are arriving."

916
00:44:41,762 --> 00:44:42,805
[laughs] You know?

917
00:44:45,308 --> 00:44:47,310
I grew up with an awareness

918
00:44:47,810 --> 00:44:49,687
that my people

919
00:44:50,354 --> 00:44:52,398
were going through
extreme struggles.

920
00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:57,945
My mother
really drilled into us

921
00:44:58,029 --> 00:45:00,031
that we were very fortunate

922
00:45:01,115 --> 00:45:03,743
and you have to do
what you can possibly do

923
00:45:03,826 --> 00:45:07,538
because there's a million people
who would trade places with you.

924
00:45:07,663 --> 00:45:10,917
That definitely had a lot to do
with my ambition.

925
00:45:12,835 --> 00:45:15,504
When I was in high school,

926
00:45:15,630 --> 00:45:18,758
I had interned
for a marketing firm.

927
00:45:18,841 --> 00:45:21,510
They had me learn
how to build websites.

928
00:45:21,636 --> 00:45:23,304
They were selling 'em
for thousands of dollars

929
00:45:23,387 --> 00:45:25,264
to these companies.
And so I realized

930
00:45:25,348 --> 00:45:27,391
every company
and maybe every person

931
00:45:27,516 --> 00:45:28,643
is gonna need a website.

932
00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:29,894
What if we build something

933
00:45:30,019 --> 00:45:31,354
that builds their websites?

934
00:45:31,479 --> 00:45:33,731
And that's where the idea
of Freewebs came from.

935
00:45:34,523 --> 00:45:36,609
Having brothers who can code

936
00:45:36,692 --> 00:45:38,569
is a very valuable thing.

937
00:45:39,195 --> 00:45:40,529
I sort of roped them in
and said,

938
00:45:40,655 --> 00:45:41,864
"Guys, let's build this."

939
00:45:42,531 --> 00:45:44,909
We started Webs
right when I was a senior

940
00:45:45,034 --> 00:45:46,452
at the University of Maryland.

941
00:45:48,871 --> 00:45:50,665
We had to have
physical machines,

942
00:45:50,748 --> 00:45:53,668
the servers
that everything ran on.

943
00:45:53,751 --> 00:45:57,588
It moved from dorm
to apartment to a closet.

944
00:45:58,673 --> 00:46:01,926
One day, everything goes down.
Every single thing goes down.

945
00:46:02,051 --> 00:46:03,511
Hundred thousand websites

946
00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:05,388
are sitting on this server
and it won't boot.

947
00:46:05,513 --> 00:46:07,807
We couldn't get that to boot,
that's the end of the company.

948
00:46:07,890 --> 00:46:10,559
Finally, we call Dell
and Dell says, "Hey,

949
00:46:10,685 --> 00:46:14,355
sometimes there can be dust
that causes this problem.

950
00:46:14,438 --> 00:46:17,692
Try opening it up,
pulling out the cable,

951
00:46:17,775 --> 00:46:21,237
blowing into it like a Nintendo
cartridge or something,

952
00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:24,448
and then reseeding it
and then turning it back on."

953
00:46:24,532 --> 00:46:27,410
We open it up, we pull out
the cable, we blow...

954
00:46:27,535 --> 00:46:29,578
blow into it, put it back,

955
00:46:30,538 --> 00:46:31,956
turn it on,

956
00:46:32,081 --> 00:46:33,499
and the whole thing
came back up.

957
00:46:33,582 --> 00:46:36,210
Right there was a fork
in the universe.

958
00:46:36,294 --> 00:46:39,130
One path would have been
very, very different.

959
00:46:39,255 --> 00:46:41,632
Our entire future
hung in the balance,

960
00:46:41,757 --> 00:46:43,634
suspended on a piece of dust.

961
00:46:45,094 --> 00:46:48,097
So my parents,
they didn't quite understand

962
00:46:48,973 --> 00:46:51,976
the level of success
that we were starting to have

963
00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:54,812
until we told them
how much we sold the company for

964
00:46:54,937 --> 00:46:56,605
ten years after we started it.

965
00:46:56,731 --> 00:46:59,859
We sold the company
for almost 120 million dollars.

966
00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:03,779
Me and my brothers
were sitting around a computer

967
00:47:03,904 --> 00:47:06,157
and we were just refreshing
on our bank account.

968
00:47:06,741 --> 00:47:08,784
Suddenly, a lot more zeros
popped up.

969
00:47:09,618 --> 00:47:12,330
That was when
it really felt real.

970
00:47:12,455 --> 00:47:15,291
Wow, my family
is taken care of.

971
00:47:21,130 --> 00:47:23,257
For our next start-up,
I had realized

972
00:47:23,341 --> 00:47:25,092
that this is
a really annoying problem

973
00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:27,136
that you cannot find

974
00:47:27,261 --> 00:47:28,763
what subscriptions
you're paying for.

975
00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:30,723
And Truebill was born.

976
00:47:32,767 --> 00:47:34,226
In the tech world,

977
00:47:34,310 --> 00:47:36,270
there's a thing called
a unicorn.

978
00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:39,523
And a unicorn is a north
of one billion-dollar thing.

979
00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:43,861
We sold that company
for almost 1.3 billion.

980
00:47:45,488 --> 00:47:47,323
Wow, what am I gonna do
with this

981
00:47:47,448 --> 00:47:50,076
that will make me worthy
of it coming my way?

982
00:47:54,205 --> 00:47:57,666
I have now accomplished enough
in my life,

983
00:47:57,792 --> 00:48:00,294
I'm gonna speak my mind
and I'm gonna create space

984
00:48:00,378 --> 00:48:03,172
for the Muslim community
to have a voice.

985
00:48:03,297 --> 00:48:06,050
That's why I'm investing
in independent journalism.

986
00:48:06,884 --> 00:48:08,719
And that's why
I've been trying to get

987
00:48:08,844 --> 00:48:11,430
emergency malnutrition
packets to Gaza.

988
00:48:12,181 --> 00:48:14,392
And that's why I help fund
and support

989
00:48:14,475 --> 00:48:16,602
a school in Afghanistan
for orphans.

990
00:48:18,187 --> 00:48:20,731
And I try to call out
people on Twitter

991
00:48:20,856 --> 00:48:23,401
when I feel like
they're not being honest

992
00:48:23,526 --> 00:48:25,194
or they're spreading
misinformation.

993
00:48:25,319 --> 00:48:28,906
If I, after having all of this
success in this country,

994
00:48:29,031 --> 00:48:31,951
if I cannot speak these things,
who is going to do it?

995
00:48:32,701 --> 00:48:33,744
Who can?

996
00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:41,210
[Tammy Duckworth]
I remember being in the Army

997
00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:43,379
as a young officer
going through flight school.

998
00:48:44,255 --> 00:48:47,174
The Army put up a picture
of what the ideal Army officer

999
00:48:47,258 --> 00:48:48,259
would look like,

1000
00:48:48,384 --> 00:48:49,969
and it was a square-jawed,

1001
00:48:50,052 --> 00:48:51,846
chiseled man,

1002
00:48:51,929 --> 00:48:53,347
blond with a buzzcut.

1003
00:48:53,431 --> 00:48:55,933
And I was like,
I'm never gonna look like that.

1004
00:48:56,058 --> 00:48:57,935
[gentle, pensive music plays]

1005
00:49:00,563 --> 00:49:02,940
I was literally mid-mission
when I was wounded

1006
00:49:03,065 --> 00:49:04,483
and taken out of Iraq.

1007
00:49:07,236 --> 00:49:09,447
I remember being hit

1008
00:49:10,781 --> 00:49:13,659
and I remember just desperately
trying to land the helicopter.

1009
00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:18,164
I mean, my legs were blown off.
My arm was essentially severed.

1010
00:49:18,247 --> 00:49:20,875
I wasn't doing anything
other than coming to

1011
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,376
and trying to fly
and passing out

1012
00:49:22,460 --> 00:49:23,919
and coming to and trying to fly.

1013
00:49:25,588 --> 00:49:28,174
Confusion, pain,

1014
00:49:29,300 --> 00:49:32,678
despair 'cause I thought
that I was responsible

1015
00:49:32,761 --> 00:49:35,389
and that I'd failed as a pilot,
I'd failed as a soldier,

1016
00:49:35,473 --> 00:49:36,932
I'd failed as an officer.

1017
00:49:39,101 --> 00:49:40,978
And later on,
it was explained to me that,

1018
00:49:41,103 --> 00:49:44,148
"No, you were still trying
to take care of your men."

1019
00:49:44,273 --> 00:49:45,524
And I've been fine ever since.

1020
00:49:48,486 --> 00:49:50,613
As long as I did my job
as a soldier.

1021
00:49:56,285 --> 00:49:59,371
When I first ran for Senate,
and I talked about

1022
00:49:59,455 --> 00:50:00,956
being a daughter
of the American Revolution,

1023
00:50:01,081 --> 00:50:03,209
my opponent very derisively
in the debate

1024
00:50:03,292 --> 00:50:05,252
looked at me and said,
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure your parents

1025
00:50:05,336 --> 00:50:06,462
came all the way from Thailand

1026
00:50:06,587 --> 00:50:08,422
to fight with
George Washington,"

1027
00:50:08,506 --> 00:50:10,007
as if like there is
no possibility.

1028
00:50:10,132 --> 00:50:11,800
And I had to correct him.
I was like, "Actually,

1029
00:50:11,926 --> 00:50:14,053
my ancestors did fight
for George Washington."

1030
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,768
I am half Caucasian,
half East Asian.

1031
00:50:20,851 --> 00:50:22,937
My mother is actually
ethnically Chinese,

1032
00:50:23,020 --> 00:50:24,688
but born and raised in Thailand.

1033
00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:27,483
So she identifies as Thai.

1034
00:50:28,484 --> 00:50:29,735
It was a twist of fate.

1035
00:50:29,818 --> 00:50:32,154
My parents met
because of the Vietnam War.

1036
00:50:32,279 --> 00:50:34,573
My dad was in Asia
because of the Vietnam War.

1037
00:50:34,657 --> 00:50:36,492
He fell in love with my mom.

1038
00:50:37,952 --> 00:50:42,081
But he married my mom, unlike
so many of the other Thai women.

1039
00:50:42,164 --> 00:50:44,333
And to this day,
I still get letters

1040
00:50:44,458 --> 00:50:47,670
from biracial
Thai American kids my age,

1041
00:50:47,795 --> 00:50:50,005
"Can you help me find my dad?
His name was Bob

1042
00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:51,757
and he was a sergeant
in the Army."

1043
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,218
And it just breaks my heart.

1044
00:50:55,803 --> 00:50:58,472
Growing up post-Vietnam
in Southeast Asia

1045
00:50:58,556 --> 00:51:02,393
as a biracial Amerasian child
was not a positive thing.

1046
00:51:03,185 --> 00:51:05,563
Had my dad not married my mom
and stayed,

1047
00:51:05,688 --> 00:51:07,856
I would have had no future.

1048
00:51:08,691 --> 00:51:10,526
And my mother
would have had no future

1049
00:51:11,527 --> 00:51:14,196
'cause everybody knew that
I was a child of a soldier.

1050
00:51:16,031 --> 00:51:18,951
Well, the other kids would say,
"Oh, you're big and clumsy,"

1051
00:51:19,034 --> 00:51:21,787
'cause I was a lot taller
than other kids.

1052
00:51:21,870 --> 00:51:24,206
"Oh, you and your dad
smell like cheese."

1053
00:51:25,541 --> 00:51:27,835
I think when I started feeling
good about being biracial

1054
00:51:27,918 --> 00:51:29,753
was when I moved to Hawaii.

1055
00:51:31,505 --> 00:51:35,050
In Thailand, the term for me
was " Luk khrung."

1056
00:51:35,175 --> 00:51:38,554
Luk is child. Khrung is half.
So you're "half a child."

1057
00:51:38,637 --> 00:51:40,973
But in Hawaii you're a hapa,

1058
00:51:41,056 --> 00:51:43,684
which means also half,
but it just means mixed.

1059
00:51:43,767 --> 00:51:45,352
But it's a positive term.

1060
00:51:45,436 --> 00:51:47,271
That's really the first place
where I sort of grew

1061
00:51:47,396 --> 00:51:48,647
into my identity.

1062
00:51:51,066 --> 00:51:53,944
I was in middle school
when my dad lost his job

1063
00:51:54,028 --> 00:51:56,030
and our family
descended into poverty.

1064
00:51:56,864 --> 00:51:59,783
My mom and I told my dad,
"Let's go to the States."

1065
00:51:59,908 --> 00:52:02,870
My mom couldn't come 'cause
she didn't have a Green Card yet

1066
00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:05,205
and she did not have a visa
and we couldn't afford

1067
00:52:05,289 --> 00:52:06,582
for her to come anyway.

1068
00:52:08,292 --> 00:52:10,502
When I got on that plane
leaving Thailand for Hawaii,

1069
00:52:10,586 --> 00:52:12,755
she told me,
"You have to take over."

1070
00:52:13,964 --> 00:52:15,215
I had to be mom.

1071
00:52:16,050 --> 00:52:18,802
But we were struggling.
We had nothing.

1072
00:52:20,888 --> 00:52:23,974
I finally had a big fight
with my dad and said,

1073
00:52:24,058 --> 00:52:27,353
"You are not in charge anymore
because you cannot provide.

1074
00:52:27,436 --> 00:52:29,146
I'm gonna go get a job."

1075
00:52:29,271 --> 00:52:32,107
I marched down to Waikiki Beach
and got a job

1076
00:52:32,232 --> 00:52:33,400
handing out flyers to tourists.

1077
00:52:34,151 --> 00:52:36,779
That was the first real income
our family had.

1078
00:52:37,821 --> 00:52:38,989
I sold roses.

1079
00:52:39,615 --> 00:52:41,075
I scammed tourists... [laughs]

1080
00:52:41,158 --> 00:52:42,618
...playing volleyball
on the beach.

1081
00:52:44,411 --> 00:52:46,580
I would be pretending
to be just a local girl

1082
00:52:46,664 --> 00:52:48,666
and partner with a local dude

1083
00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:51,919
who would tell the tourists,
"Listen, I'll play you

1084
00:52:52,002 --> 00:52:53,629
and I'll get that girl
to play with me."

1085
00:52:53,754 --> 00:52:56,715
And I'd be like, "Who, me?
Really? I get to play?"

1086
00:52:56,799 --> 00:52:59,843
It's kind of like our version of
White Men Can't Jump the movie.

1087
00:52:59,927 --> 00:53:03,305
[laughs] Five bucks a game
usually is what we played for.

1088
00:53:03,430 --> 00:53:04,473
I was really good.

1089
00:53:08,143 --> 00:53:10,270
I never worked harder
in my life

1090
00:53:10,354 --> 00:53:12,231
than when I was poor.

1091
00:53:13,857 --> 00:53:16,068
I was exhausted
every single day.

1092
00:53:16,151 --> 00:53:17,403
My dad was exhausted.

1093
00:53:17,486 --> 00:53:20,906
And if we could just help
by a little bit,

1094
00:53:21,490 --> 00:53:23,826
just give people
a little breathing room.

1095
00:53:26,286 --> 00:53:28,747
Those are the policies
that I support today.

1096
00:53:32,668 --> 00:53:35,045
I don't think of myself
as an overachiever.

1097
00:53:35,713 --> 00:53:38,132
I just fell into things

1098
00:53:38,215 --> 00:53:40,759
and I was just trying
to survive.

1099
00:53:42,511 --> 00:53:44,096
I wanted to be
a helicopter pilot

1100
00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:45,514
for the rest of my life.

1101
00:53:48,016 --> 00:53:49,810
Getting into politics
was something I fell into

1102
00:53:49,893 --> 00:53:51,186
because I was mad

1103
00:53:51,311 --> 00:53:53,397
that we weren't taking care
of veterans.

1104
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,190
I wasn't trying to achieve
anything.

1105
00:53:55,315 --> 00:53:58,026
And I failed,
the first time around. I lost.

1106
00:53:58,152 --> 00:53:59,486
So I find myself here

1107
00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:01,280
where people talk about me
as a high achiever,

1108
00:54:01,363 --> 00:54:03,699
and I really see myself
as someone who was just

1109
00:54:04,324 --> 00:54:06,410
trying to survive
and do the next thing.

1110
00:54:07,369 --> 00:54:09,163
It's probably very Asian.

1111
00:54:09,246 --> 00:54:11,540
[laughs]

1112
00:54:13,167 --> 00:54:15,127
[soft guitar music playing]

1113
00:54:16,295 --> 00:54:20,966
[Bowen Yang] There was a Chinese
Bible camp that we went to

1114
00:54:22,050 --> 00:54:24,219
in the Rockies, in a lodge.

1115
00:54:25,387 --> 00:54:28,599
The kids ended up
being all these very funny,

1116
00:54:28,724 --> 00:54:30,601
cool, horny Christian teens

1117
00:54:30,684 --> 00:54:32,603
who played the guitar
and hooked up with each other.

1118
00:54:32,686 --> 00:54:35,898
I was never one of them.
My currency in those situations

1119
00:54:36,023 --> 00:54:38,233
was to just be funny.

1120
00:54:40,402 --> 00:54:43,030
And one of the skits,
I was called upon

1121
00:54:43,113 --> 00:54:44,740
to play Austin Powers

1122
00:54:44,865 --> 00:54:46,450
and do an Austin Powers
impression.

1123
00:54:46,575 --> 00:54:49,661
I think I said the words,
"Yeah, baby,"

1124
00:54:49,745 --> 00:54:52,164
and then everyone in the room

1125
00:54:52,915 --> 00:54:54,500
exploding in laughter.

1126
00:54:54,583 --> 00:54:58,086
I was like, "Oh, I wanna do that
for the rest of my life."

1127
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:06,428
I would run to the basement,

1128
00:55:06,553 --> 00:55:09,431
watch SNL and MADtv,
and all these sketch shows.

1129
00:55:10,265 --> 00:55:11,517
I was obsessed.

1130
00:55:12,768 --> 00:55:14,353
I made that my whole identity.

1131
00:55:14,436 --> 00:55:16,480
Being on the improv troupe
in high school,

1132
00:55:16,563 --> 00:55:19,775
going downtown to the Bovine
Metropolis Theater in Denver

1133
00:55:19,900 --> 00:55:22,945
to like, do shows
with like 33-year-old men

1134
00:55:23,070 --> 00:55:25,239
who had drinking problems,
as a 15-year-old.

1135
00:55:25,322 --> 00:55:28,408
Like, I was building my life
around this.

1136
00:55:28,951 --> 00:55:31,662
I was very like meekly,
bashfully

1137
00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:34,122
saying that to people,
especially to my parents.

1138
00:55:34,248 --> 00:55:36,333
I was trying to make that
a palatable dream to them.

1139
00:55:36,416 --> 00:55:38,126
In no world would it have
made sense for me

1140
00:55:38,252 --> 00:55:40,170
to be like in showbiz
when they were like,

1141
00:55:40,295 --> 00:55:42,923
"We sacrificed everything.

1142
00:55:43,006 --> 00:55:45,217
Why would you wanna do
short form improv?"

1143
00:55:46,301 --> 00:55:47,761
One day I was me,
Cristina Yang,

1144
00:55:47,845 --> 00:55:49,763
and then suddenly I was...
[inhales]

1145
00:55:49,847 --> 00:55:53,016
...lying for him
and jeopardizing my career

1146
00:55:53,141 --> 00:55:55,644
and, uh, agreeing to be married

1147
00:55:55,769 --> 00:55:58,355
and wearing a ring
and being a bride.

1148
00:55:58,438 --> 00:56:01,650
I loved Sandra Oh
on Grey's Anatomy so much

1149
00:56:01,775 --> 00:56:04,444
that I said,
"I guess I'll go to NYU

1150
00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:06,280
to study chemistry
and be pre-med

1151
00:56:06,363 --> 00:56:08,740
because I wanna be like her.
I wanna be like Cristina Yang."

1152
00:56:11,159 --> 00:56:13,662
I stayed on the pre-med track
all the way through,

1153
00:56:15,289 --> 00:56:18,000
and it was about what

1154
00:56:18,125 --> 00:56:20,627
a media portrayal
was indicating,

1155
00:56:20,711 --> 00:56:23,005
what my parents felt safe
in me doing.

1156
00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:26,341
I remember taking my MCAT
the second time

1157
00:56:26,466 --> 00:56:28,677
and voided my score

1158
00:56:29,887 --> 00:56:30,929
in the middle of the test.

1159
00:56:31,013 --> 00:56:32,389
I called my parents

1160
00:56:32,514 --> 00:56:34,349
and I was like,
"I can't do this.

1161
00:56:37,978 --> 00:56:39,688
I don't know what I'm gonna do.

1162
00:56:39,813 --> 00:56:41,273
I'll figure it out.

1163
00:56:42,858 --> 00:56:45,235
But this is what I need to do."

1164
00:56:47,195 --> 00:56:49,698
The audition
for Saturday Night Live

1165
00:56:50,574 --> 00:56:52,618
kind of spanned
a couple years.

1166
00:56:53,368 --> 00:56:55,203
My manager at the time
was like,

1167
00:56:55,329 --> 00:56:57,539
"It's SNL tape season."

1168
00:56:58,707 --> 00:57:01,501
You get to submit a tape
of five minute characters

1169
00:57:01,585 --> 00:57:03,170
and impressions that you do.

1170
00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:07,507
I didn't have too many Asian
public figures to work off of.

1171
00:57:07,591 --> 00:57:11,470
I did... a Ken Jeong impression,

1172
00:57:11,553 --> 00:57:13,138
a SoulCycle instructor,

1173
00:57:13,221 --> 00:57:15,349
a Michiko Kakutani impression.

1174
00:57:15,432 --> 00:57:18,018
It ended up being me
screaming at the top of my lungs

1175
00:57:18,101 --> 00:57:21,063
about how Jeffrey Eugenides
was a hack or whatever.

1176
00:57:21,188 --> 00:57:24,358
It was just me having fun with
all of these different authors

1177
00:57:24,441 --> 00:57:25,817
and literary figures.

1178
00:57:25,901 --> 00:57:28,528
I kind of miraculously took

1179
00:57:28,612 --> 00:57:30,072
the liberated path on that.

1180
00:57:30,197 --> 00:57:32,199
I was like, "I'm gonna do this

1181
00:57:32,282 --> 00:57:34,201
as an exercise
to do whatever I want.

1182
00:57:34,284 --> 00:57:35,702
This will never be seen.

1183
00:57:35,786 --> 00:57:37,204
I will never be considered.

1184
00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:39,623
Let me just have fun with this
for me."

1185
00:57:41,750 --> 00:57:45,337
I booked the pilot
Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens

1186
00:57:45,420 --> 00:57:48,924
the same summer that I sent in
the tape to SNL.

1187
00:57:50,092 --> 00:57:51,843
We shot
in a Chinese restaurant.

1188
00:57:53,053 --> 00:57:55,097
It was a dinner scene

1189
00:57:55,222 --> 00:57:57,557
and we were eating like
wood ears

1190
00:57:57,641 --> 00:58:00,227
and duck and fried rice.

1191
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:04,314
And it was me, B.D. Wong,
Awkwafina, Lori Tan Chinn.

1192
00:58:05,607 --> 00:58:07,192
Like three different
micro generations

1193
00:58:07,275 --> 00:58:08,527
of Asian actors.

1194
00:58:10,070 --> 00:58:12,698
Something really enlightening
happened.

1195
00:58:14,658 --> 00:58:16,618
Being on a set
with other Asian people

1196
00:58:16,743 --> 00:58:19,246
and not having
to explain myself,

1197
00:58:19,329 --> 00:58:21,456
like not having to justify
my existence there,

1198
00:58:21,581 --> 00:58:24,584
not having to be like peripheral
or ornamental.

1199
00:58:24,668 --> 00:58:26,128
Like, we get each other.

1200
00:58:26,670 --> 00:58:29,798
And I think I took that sort of
comfort and confidence

1201
00:58:29,923 --> 00:58:32,009
into my last audition for SNL.

1202
00:58:34,636 --> 00:58:37,305
In between takes
of Nora from Queens,

1203
00:58:38,932 --> 00:58:40,726
I gave my phone to a PA,
I was like,

1204
00:58:40,809 --> 00:58:42,894
"If a 212 number calls,

1205
00:58:42,978 --> 00:58:45,856
please call cut
because I have to take it."

1206
00:58:45,981 --> 00:58:47,190
It rang.

1207
00:58:48,984 --> 00:58:52,195
They offered me the job
to be on cast for SNL.

1208
00:59:00,328 --> 00:59:02,914
It's poetic to me that it was

1209
00:59:03,707 --> 00:59:05,584
on the set of Nora,
that I was with Awkwafina,

1210
00:59:05,667 --> 00:59:07,878
that I was with a bunch
of other Asian people

1211
00:59:08,003 --> 00:59:12,215
that this thing in my life
changed

1212
00:59:13,008 --> 00:59:15,177
and everything else did
in its wake.

1213
00:59:16,303 --> 00:59:17,345
Yeah.

1214
00:59:20,849 --> 00:59:22,851
[soft piano music playing]

1215
00:59:25,187 --> 00:59:27,105
[Manny Crisostomo]
I got this internship

1216
00:59:27,189 --> 00:59:29,191
with the Pacific Daily News.

1217
00:59:32,027 --> 00:59:35,197
There's a new executive editor.
I said, "I'm excited.

1218
00:59:35,322 --> 00:59:38,033
I'm ready to spend
three, four months

1219
00:59:38,158 --> 00:59:40,077
honing my skills
as a reporter."

1220
00:59:41,745 --> 00:59:43,413
Then he looked at me and goes,

1221
00:59:43,538 --> 00:59:46,124
"Well, I looked
at all your writings

1222
00:59:46,208 --> 00:59:49,586
and I don't think you're
good enough to be a reporter."

1223
00:59:50,921 --> 00:59:54,216
"Oh my God, I love journalism.

1224
00:59:55,050 --> 00:59:58,053
I wanna stay in the business."
And he goes, "Well,

1225
00:59:58,178 --> 01:00:00,222
do you have experience
as a photographer?"

1226
01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:03,141
I said, "Yeah,
I was a yearbook photographer."

1227
01:00:04,726 --> 01:00:07,354
I got my tax refund
and my mom bought me a camera

1228
01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:08,605
at the naval base

1229
01:00:09,523 --> 01:00:11,733
and I started taking
photography.

1230
01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:18,115
I was a photo lab assistant.
Every once in a while,

1231
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:21,159
the editors would come back
to the photo department.

1232
01:00:21,243 --> 01:00:22,619
I was the only one there
and they said,

1233
01:00:22,744 --> 01:00:24,329
"Hey, somebody is bringing in

1234
01:00:24,412 --> 01:00:28,041
these weird mutant
vegetables and fruits.

1235
01:00:28,125 --> 01:00:29,626
Can you go photograph them?"

1236
01:00:30,252 --> 01:00:31,878
And I would photograph
somebody holding

1237
01:00:31,962 --> 01:00:34,923
their conjoined
twin cantaloupes,

1238
01:00:36,091 --> 01:00:38,135
cucumbers that are oversized,

1239
01:00:38,260 --> 01:00:41,304
and their pumpkins
that are deformed.

1240
01:00:44,141 --> 01:00:48,103
The mutant vegetable
and fruit beat

1241
01:00:49,229 --> 01:00:51,022
was my early project.

1242
01:00:56,820 --> 01:00:58,780
I left Guam
to study photography

1243
01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:00,282
and work on the mainland.

1244
01:01:03,785 --> 01:01:05,287
I was in my late twenties.

1245
01:01:06,413 --> 01:01:09,416
There were a couple
of reporters that spent a year

1246
01:01:09,499 --> 01:01:13,879
working on the Michigan
juvenile justice system

1247
01:01:13,962 --> 01:01:16,506
and some of its failings.

1248
01:01:16,590 --> 01:01:19,301
I was the lead photographer
in that project

1249
01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:21,303
from the Detroit Free Press.

1250
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:25,682
And then I was, like, thinking,
you know,

1251
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:27,851
I wanna do something
on high school.

1252
01:01:29,186 --> 01:01:30,812
I wanna spend a year
at a high school.

1253
01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:34,065
I picked this high school.

1254
01:01:34,149 --> 01:01:36,484
It was in a part
of southwest Detroit

1255
01:01:36,610 --> 01:01:38,904
that a lot of the auto plants
have closed,

1256
01:01:38,987 --> 01:01:40,405
so there's unemployment.

1257
01:01:42,490 --> 01:01:44,159
I was in classrooms.

1258
01:01:46,661 --> 01:01:48,455
I photographed the jocks,

1259
01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:50,207
I photographed the dropouts,

1260
01:01:50,332 --> 01:01:53,168
I photographed pregnant teens.

1261
01:01:55,295 --> 01:01:57,047
I remember going to the prom

1262
01:01:57,172 --> 01:01:59,591
and I just felt like
this doting father.

1263
01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:02,260
They were my kids
and they're all dressed up

1264
01:02:02,344 --> 01:02:04,262
and they're all like,
beautiful and stuff,

1265
01:02:04,346 --> 01:02:06,014
and I was like, super proud.

1266
01:02:11,019 --> 01:02:13,021
We ran the story and, um,

1267
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:16,399
I got nominated
for the Pulitzer Prize.

1268
01:02:18,526 --> 01:02:20,487
I remember I called up my mom,

1269
01:02:21,238 --> 01:02:23,365
"Hey, Mom,
I'm up for this thing

1270
01:02:23,490 --> 01:02:24,824
called the Pulitzer Prize,

1271
01:02:24,908 --> 01:02:26,701
and it's a really,
really big deal.

1272
01:02:28,203 --> 01:02:29,704
I'm probably not gonna win.

1273
01:02:29,829 --> 01:02:31,539
But I just wanna let you know
that, you know,

1274
01:02:31,665 --> 01:02:33,083
I'm a finalist and stuff."

1275
01:02:33,208 --> 01:02:35,669
And she goes, "Don't worry, son.

1276
01:02:35,752 --> 01:02:37,754
I'm gonna go to St. Jude church,

1277
01:02:38,338 --> 01:02:40,298
and I'm gonna light a candle
for you."

1278
01:02:43,551 --> 01:02:45,553
You know, a few days later,
I win the prize.

1279
01:02:47,222 --> 01:02:49,224
People say, "How do you get
a Pulitzer Prize?"

1280
01:02:49,349 --> 01:02:51,017
I said, "Just make sure your mom

1281
01:02:51,101 --> 01:02:53,103
goes to St. Jude church in Guam

1282
01:02:53,228 --> 01:02:54,896
and lights a candle for you."

1283
01:03:00,026 --> 01:03:01,778
I just won the Pulitzer Prize.

1284
01:03:02,570 --> 01:03:04,364
I was sort of the top
of the game,

1285
01:03:04,447 --> 01:03:06,825
and I was just, like,
really, really homesick.

1286
01:03:08,576 --> 01:03:11,538
The indigenous people of Guam
are called Chamorus.

1287
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:13,873
We have a word
in Chamoru language,

1288
01:03:13,957 --> 01:03:15,583
and it's called mahalung.

1289
01:03:15,709 --> 01:03:18,211
Mahalung is this longing,
this homesick.

1290
01:03:18,295 --> 01:03:21,089
It's wanting to smell the air
of your island.

1291
01:03:22,465 --> 01:03:24,092
I was talking
to a friend of mine about it,

1292
01:03:24,926 --> 01:03:28,513
and she goes, "The only way
to mitigate the longing

1293
01:03:28,596 --> 01:03:30,932
is get a sense of belonging."

1294
01:03:32,726 --> 01:03:35,186
And I sort of make it
a mission to...

1295
01:03:36,896 --> 01:03:37,981
belong.

1296
01:03:38,106 --> 01:03:39,649
To find other Chamorus,

1297
01:03:39,774 --> 01:03:41,276
to tell their stories.

1298
01:03:43,903 --> 01:03:48,199
I'm one of 250,000 Chamorus
on this planet.

1299
01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:51,911
I'm on a mission
and I'm passionate about

1300
01:03:51,995 --> 01:03:54,706
photographing each
and every one of them.

1301
01:03:57,459 --> 01:03:58,835
We survived.

1302
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:00,837
We survived colonial powers

1303
01:04:00,962 --> 01:04:02,922
from the Spanish to the U.S.,

1304
01:04:03,006 --> 01:04:05,050
invading powers like Japan.

1305
01:04:06,259 --> 01:04:07,385
We are resilient.

1306
01:04:08,636 --> 01:04:10,472
I just wanna document that.

1307
01:04:10,597 --> 01:04:12,724
[bright, gentle music plays]

1308
01:04:43,963 --> 01:04:45,173
[music ends]

1309
01:04:46,674 --> 01:04:48,676
[soft, groovy music playing]

1310
01:04:49,344 --> 01:04:51,012
[Nergis Mavalvala]
I was a squash player.

1311
01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:53,431
I was in graduate school at MIT.

1312
01:04:53,515 --> 01:04:55,475
There was no women's
squash team,

1313
01:04:55,558 --> 01:04:57,227
so I had to play
on the men's team.

1314
01:04:57,352 --> 01:04:59,729
And it actually gave me

1315
01:04:59,854 --> 01:05:01,856
a fair amount of secret pleasure

1316
01:05:01,981 --> 01:05:04,025
when I would get on a court
with a man

1317
01:05:04,150 --> 01:05:05,443
who would take one look at me,

1318
01:05:05,527 --> 01:05:07,195
at the time, I was a small,
you know,

1319
01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:09,239
scrappy young thing,

1320
01:05:09,364 --> 01:05:11,116
and say, "Oh, I got this."

1321
01:05:13,368 --> 01:05:16,371
And they had no idea
what squash I could play.

1322
01:05:17,747 --> 01:05:20,083
I would get great pleasure
from winning that game

1323
01:05:20,208 --> 01:05:21,292
more than any other game.

1324
01:05:21,376 --> 01:05:23,586
There's a piece of me
that-that thrives

1325
01:05:23,711 --> 01:05:26,423
on that kind of
being the underdog.

1326
01:05:29,843 --> 01:05:31,928
In Pakistani society,

1327
01:05:32,053 --> 01:05:34,013
there is this desire

1328
01:05:34,097 --> 01:05:36,808
for every family
to have a boy child.

1329
01:05:36,891 --> 01:05:39,936
And my mother would say,
when nosy people would ask,

1330
01:05:40,061 --> 01:05:41,479
"Well, don't you want
to have a son?"

1331
01:05:41,563 --> 01:05:43,314
And she would say things like,
"Why do I need a son?

1332
01:05:43,398 --> 01:05:44,399
I have Nergis."

1333
01:05:44,524 --> 01:05:45,900
[bell rings]

1334
01:05:47,402 --> 01:05:49,237
I grew up in Pakistan.

1335
01:05:49,362 --> 01:05:51,865
It's a very interesting milieu
for me.

1336
01:05:51,948 --> 01:05:54,659
I grew up in this
Zoroastrian family.

1337
01:05:54,742 --> 01:05:56,619
I went to a Catholic school

1338
01:05:56,744 --> 01:05:59,664
in an extremely Islamic country

1339
01:05:59,747 --> 01:06:03,042
as a rabid atheist myself
from childhood.

1340
01:06:03,126 --> 01:06:06,754
So, it was this constant
juxtaposition of things.

1341
01:06:07,380 --> 01:06:08,882
[horn honks]

1342
01:06:08,965 --> 01:06:10,633
The messaging
from our parents was,

1343
01:06:10,717 --> 01:06:12,177
"There's no future
for you here.

1344
01:06:12,260 --> 01:06:13,553
You have to go overseas.

1345
01:06:13,636 --> 01:06:15,638
We have no money
to send you overseas.

1346
01:06:15,722 --> 01:06:17,974
The only way you can do it
is through scholarship.

1347
01:06:18,099 --> 01:06:20,268
So the rest is in your hands,
children."

1348
01:06:21,478 --> 01:06:22,854
That was the dream.

1349
01:06:24,481 --> 01:06:27,609
That was something that changed
the direction of my life

1350
01:06:27,734 --> 01:06:29,819
like nothing else
has ever done.

1351
01:06:32,447 --> 01:06:34,949
For a while, I thought I would
be a doctor, a medical doctor.

1352
01:06:35,074 --> 01:06:37,994
This is, of course, you know,
classic Asian family.

1353
01:06:38,077 --> 01:06:40,163
There are only a few things
you are allowed to be.

1354
01:06:40,246 --> 01:06:42,290
You could be a doctor.
You could be an engineer.

1355
01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:43,708
You could be a lawyer.

1356
01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:45,627
I read too slowly
to be a lawyer.

1357
01:06:45,752 --> 01:06:48,213
I couldn't bear
dissecting animals,

1358
01:06:48,296 --> 01:06:50,465
so that put the whole
medicine thing out of the way.

1359
01:06:50,590 --> 01:06:51,841
So engineering was left.

1360
01:06:51,966 --> 01:06:53,426
But then when I got to college,

1361
01:06:53,510 --> 01:06:56,930
I learned there is this identity
of being a researcher,

1362
01:06:57,013 --> 01:07:00,225
of asking questions
to which no one has the answer,

1363
01:07:00,308 --> 01:07:02,477
and you could be the one
that could find it.

1364
01:07:03,770 --> 01:07:07,524
You could be a scientist and
you could be part of discovery.

1365
01:07:11,945 --> 01:07:15,240
In 2015, we were able to,
for the very first time,

1366
01:07:15,323 --> 01:07:18,076
directly observe
gravitational waves

1367
01:07:18,159 --> 01:07:20,245
from the collision
of two black holes.

1368
01:07:22,163 --> 01:07:23,957
These had been a prediction
of Einstein's

1369
01:07:24,040 --> 01:07:25,875
theory of general relativity

1370
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:27,168
a hundred years earlier,

1371
01:07:27,293 --> 01:07:28,545
and we had just seen one.

1372
01:07:28,670 --> 01:07:30,672
So the theory was correct.

1373
01:07:32,507 --> 01:07:35,843
We have thought of space
as empty and pristine,

1374
01:07:35,969 --> 01:07:37,387
and it's none of those things.

1375
01:07:37,512 --> 01:07:41,182
It's filled with popcorns
and ripples and tears.

1376
01:07:41,307 --> 01:07:42,725
But the part of it
that I'm interested in

1377
01:07:42,850 --> 01:07:44,227
is the wavy part.

1378
01:07:45,353 --> 01:07:47,730
When you have two objects
like black holes

1379
01:07:47,814 --> 01:07:49,357
and they orbit each other
and collide,

1380
01:07:49,482 --> 01:07:50,525
they give off these waves,

1381
01:07:50,650 --> 01:07:52,610
and we, far, far away

1382
01:07:52,694 --> 01:07:54,112
from where
those collisions happen,

1383
01:07:54,195 --> 01:07:55,530
should be able to see
those waves.

1384
01:07:55,655 --> 01:07:57,699
And why should we care to see
those waves?

1385
01:07:57,824 --> 01:07:59,701
Because those waves
bring us information

1386
01:07:59,826 --> 01:08:01,077
about those black holes.

1387
01:08:01,202 --> 01:08:03,413
Why should we care about
those black holes?

1388
01:08:03,538 --> 01:08:06,541
Because those black holes
are the building blocks

1389
01:08:06,666 --> 01:08:07,792
of our universe.

1390
01:08:09,335 --> 01:08:11,713
And so, if we want
to understand

1391
01:08:11,838 --> 01:08:13,673
how the universe
is put together,

1392
01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:15,133
we have to understand
black holes.

1393
01:08:15,216 --> 01:08:16,593
If we wanna understand
black holes,

1394
01:08:16,718 --> 01:08:17,885
we've gotta measure
their gravity

1395
01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:19,554
because they don't
give off light.

1396
01:08:20,763 --> 01:08:23,057
And that's what my work
has been about.

1397
01:08:32,233 --> 01:08:35,028
Being a minority
has touched my life

1398
01:08:35,111 --> 01:08:36,779
in many, many different ways.

1399
01:08:37,404 --> 01:08:40,533
And the most significant way
is a total comfort

1400
01:08:40,617 --> 01:08:41,826
with being a maverick,

1401
01:08:41,908 --> 01:08:44,328
being an outsider
in the mainstream.

1402
01:08:44,412 --> 01:08:47,957
Whether it is being comfortable
being a queer person

1403
01:08:48,041 --> 01:08:50,585
when it was really pretty hard
to be a queer person,

1404
01:08:51,252 --> 01:08:53,337
to working on
a physics experiment

1405
01:08:53,421 --> 01:08:55,173
that everybody thought
was sure to fail

1406
01:08:55,256 --> 01:08:56,633
and that you're foolish to try.

1407
01:08:57,550 --> 01:08:59,426
To be other is okay.

1408
01:08:59,551 --> 01:09:01,679
Just by being a scientist

1409
01:09:01,763 --> 01:09:04,599
and being a South Asian,
a Pakistani American,

1410
01:09:04,724 --> 01:09:06,059
and being a queer person,

1411
01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:08,895
and being able to say
all those things,

1412
01:09:08,978 --> 01:09:11,856
and yet have success in science

1413
01:09:11,939 --> 01:09:14,442
has meant other people
can imagine that

1414
01:09:14,567 --> 01:09:16,444
for themselves as well.

1415
01:09:19,947 --> 01:09:21,157
[music ends]

1416
01:09:22,825 --> 01:09:24,868
[solemn music playing]

1417
01:09:25,828 --> 01:09:26,912
[Kathy Masaoka]
In conversations,

1418
01:09:26,996 --> 01:09:28,163
whenever Japanese Americans

1419
01:09:28,288 --> 01:09:29,332
get together,

1420
01:09:29,457 --> 01:09:31,167
we often ask each other,

1421
01:09:31,292 --> 01:09:33,461
"What camp was your family in?"

1422
01:09:44,596 --> 01:09:46,182
But in my family,

1423
01:09:46,307 --> 01:09:48,393
the family never-never
talked about it.

1424
01:09:48,475 --> 01:09:50,269
And I didn't know enough to ask.

1425
01:09:50,353 --> 01:09:53,856
So, like, when Pearl Harbor
was mentioned in high school,

1426
01:09:53,981 --> 01:09:58,069
I just felt very much like
everybody was looking at me,

1427
01:09:58,152 --> 01:10:01,155
very embarrassed,
but not understanding why.

1428
01:10:02,782 --> 01:10:04,659
We didn't really know
who we were.

1429
01:10:06,035 --> 01:10:08,413
I think all of us were going
through that identity issue

1430
01:10:08,496 --> 01:10:10,915
of like, trying to be American.

1431
01:10:10,998 --> 01:10:12,917
And American
didn't mean person of color.

1432
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,085
It meant being white.

1433
01:10:16,129 --> 01:10:18,548
I would see other Japanese
Americans group together

1434
01:10:18,673 --> 01:10:20,383
and I'd feel like,
"I don't wanna be with them."

1435
01:10:22,051 --> 01:10:24,929
Going to Japan was part
of that search, thinking that,

1436
01:10:25,012 --> 01:10:27,974
"Well, if I don't fit in here,
maybe I fit in there,"

1437
01:10:28,057 --> 01:10:31,060
and-and finding
very shockingly and sadly

1438
01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:32,395
that I'm not.

1439
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:35,022
Not and never will be Japanese.

1440
01:10:36,691 --> 01:10:38,526
I felt that there was
no future.

1441
01:10:38,651 --> 01:10:40,194
[soft music plays]

1442
01:10:40,319 --> 01:10:42,697
But somehow, I did get back.

1443
01:10:42,822 --> 01:10:44,407
I found Asian American studies.

1444
01:10:44,532 --> 01:10:46,492
["We Are The Children" plays]

1445
01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:50,329
♪ We are the children
of the migrant worker ♪

1446
01:10:51,247 --> 01:10:55,626
♪ We are the offspring
of the concentration camp ♪

1447
01:10:55,710 --> 01:10:59,213
♪ Sons and daughters
of the railroad builder ♪

1448
01:10:59,922 --> 01:11:02,592
♪ Who leave their stamp
on America ♪

1449
01:11:02,675 --> 01:11:04,552
[Kathy] The Vietnam War
was showing us

1450
01:11:04,677 --> 01:11:06,387
how people saw us

1451
01:11:06,929 --> 01:11:09,182
as the example
of looking like the enemy.

1452
01:11:09,265 --> 01:11:10,683
So, again, we were the enemy.

1453
01:11:10,767 --> 01:11:13,478
Not really being seen
as fully American.

1454
01:11:15,354 --> 01:11:17,523
It was the first time I liked
being Japanese American,

1455
01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:19,233
being around
Japanese Americans.

1456
01:11:19,358 --> 01:11:21,778
But we didn't march
just as Japanese Americans.

1457
01:11:21,903 --> 01:11:23,738
It was as Asian Americans.

1458
01:11:25,823 --> 01:11:29,118
♪ Brothers and sisters
all around the world ♪

1459
01:11:29,911 --> 01:11:31,329
[song ends]

1460
01:11:31,412 --> 01:11:34,081
We didn't know anything.
We had no skills.

1461
01:11:34,540 --> 01:11:36,501
We just saw a need.
And we just, you know, said,

1462
01:11:36,584 --> 01:11:38,002
"Okay, we have to organize
something."

1463
01:11:38,085 --> 01:11:40,254
[light pensive music playing]

1464
01:11:40,379 --> 01:11:43,633
We took our ideas a lot from
the Black Panthers, actually.

1465
01:11:44,425 --> 01:11:45,885
Idea of serving the people.

1466
01:11:45,968 --> 01:11:47,970
Starting programs
that were needed,

1467
01:11:48,095 --> 01:11:50,431
like the welfare rights group,
parents' group,

1468
01:11:50,556 --> 01:11:51,974
health fairs and clinics.

1469
01:11:53,768 --> 01:11:56,229
After a while,
we started thinking about

1470
01:11:56,312 --> 01:11:58,272
how all of this connected
to the camps

1471
01:11:58,397 --> 01:12:00,608
and our experience
as Japanese Americans.

1472
01:12:03,402 --> 01:12:06,030
The demand for reparations
became louder.

1473
01:12:06,823 --> 01:12:08,616
Even if we didn't win,
we had to fight.

1474
01:12:09,325 --> 01:12:11,828
We didn't feel an apology
by itself was enough.

1475
01:12:11,911 --> 01:12:14,789
We demanded
monetary reparations.

1476
01:12:16,415 --> 01:12:19,460
And our group demanded
that there be hearings,

1477
01:12:19,585 --> 01:12:22,338
not just in Washington, D.C.,
where you hear

1478
01:12:22,463 --> 01:12:24,924
scholars and legislators speak,

1479
01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:26,551
but you hear the people speak.

1480
01:12:26,634 --> 01:12:28,219
In 48 hours,

1481
01:12:28,302 --> 01:12:31,013
we were told to pack up
and leave.

1482
01:12:31,138 --> 01:12:32,598
[woman]
I did not want my children

1483
01:12:32,682 --> 01:12:34,058
to feel the burden of shame

1484
01:12:34,141 --> 01:12:36,811
and feeling of rejection
by their fellow Americans.

1485
01:12:37,436 --> 01:12:39,480
[Yayoi Arakawa Ono]
This inhumane, cruel treatment

1486
01:12:39,605 --> 01:12:43,150
and happening took place
in the good ol' United States

1487
01:12:43,276 --> 01:12:45,152
and not in Gestapo Germany.

1488
01:12:45,278 --> 01:12:46,779
Hard to believe, isn't it?

1489
01:12:46,863 --> 01:12:49,115
That was a total eye-opener.

1490
01:12:49,198 --> 01:12:51,450
It was the first time
that I heard

1491
01:12:51,534 --> 01:12:52,869
people speak about the camp.

1492
01:12:52,994 --> 01:12:54,328
People that looked like
my mother.

1493
01:12:56,998 --> 01:12:58,666
She didn't get to tell
her story,

1494
01:12:59,333 --> 01:13:01,836
and I wanted her family story
to be told.

1495
01:13:04,005 --> 01:13:08,926
My mother's family was removed
from their farm in California,

1496
01:13:09,010 --> 01:13:12,722
taken to Gila River
concentration camp in Arizona.

1497
01:13:13,347 --> 01:13:17,643
And I think that as I learn
more and more constantly,

1498
01:13:17,727 --> 01:13:19,854
I realized what it really meant.

1499
01:13:19,979 --> 01:13:22,732
How the first generation
came here

1500
01:13:22,857 --> 01:13:26,277
and overcame all of the laws
and injustices.

1501
01:13:26,360 --> 01:13:28,529
Not being able to be citizens.
Not being able to marry.

1502
01:13:28,654 --> 01:13:30,865
Not being able to own land.
Not being able to vote.

1503
01:13:30,990 --> 01:13:32,575
All of that
and they still stayed

1504
01:13:32,658 --> 01:13:34,368
and then they were put
in the camps,

1505
01:13:34,493 --> 01:13:36,370
and lost all of it. It's like...

1506
01:13:37,163 --> 01:13:39,415
h-how do you even continue
after that?

1507
01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:43,085
And so, um, my mother,
her future was, you know,

1508
01:13:43,169 --> 01:13:46,505
really sort of changed
drastically by the camps.

1509
01:13:46,589 --> 01:13:49,759
So she had a lot of anger,
still a lot of pride,

1510
01:13:49,884 --> 01:13:51,552
but at the same time,
it had been, you know,

1511
01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:53,179
squashed down by the camps.

1512
01:13:53,262 --> 01:13:56,390
I mean, I don't think I really
appreciated or understood

1513
01:13:57,058 --> 01:13:59,268
the depth of the loss.

1514
01:14:03,564 --> 01:14:05,816
[light applause]

1515
01:14:05,900 --> 01:14:08,027
The legislation
that I am about to sign

1516
01:14:08,569 --> 01:14:10,529
provides for
a restitution payment

1517
01:14:10,613 --> 01:14:12,949
to each
of the 60,000 survivors.

1518
01:14:13,741 --> 01:14:15,910
Here we admit a wrong.

1519
01:14:20,915 --> 01:14:23,125
What happened to us happened
to many different people.

1520
01:14:23,250 --> 01:14:24,835
Being incarcerated,

1521
01:14:24,919 --> 01:14:27,046
being, you know,
removed from your land,

1522
01:14:27,129 --> 01:14:30,424
it's not unusual in this country
or in the world.

1523
01:14:32,259 --> 01:14:34,428
The legacy of fighting
for reparations

1524
01:14:34,553 --> 01:14:36,639
is connection and solidarity.

1525
01:14:39,225 --> 01:14:41,852
You know, 'cause change
will take a long time.

1526
01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:46,732
We're building something new
from the bottom

1527
01:14:46,816 --> 01:14:48,734
and that's actually
gonna sustain us, I think,

1528
01:14:48,818 --> 01:14:50,194
in the long run.

1529
01:14:50,277 --> 01:14:51,696
I may not be here, you know,

1530
01:14:51,779 --> 01:14:53,864
to see what actually
comes out of it,

1531
01:14:53,948 --> 01:14:55,408
but we are dealing
with trying to...

1532
01:14:55,491 --> 01:14:57,493
and, you know, I think
it sounds very idealistic,

1533
01:14:57,618 --> 01:14:59,745
but change the world,
change the systems,

1534
01:14:59,829 --> 01:15:02,123
change the systems
that are not serving us.

1535
01:15:08,629 --> 01:15:09,672
[music ends]

1536
01:15:11,590 --> 01:15:14,969
[Cliff Kapono] I ended up
winning this science fair

1537
01:15:15,094 --> 01:15:16,595
when I was 16.

1538
01:15:17,471 --> 01:15:20,307
There is this virus
that was running rampant

1539
01:15:20,433 --> 01:15:22,643
on the north shore of O'ahu
in the shrimp farms.

1540
01:15:22,768 --> 01:15:24,520
So I created this experiment,

1541
01:15:24,645 --> 01:15:26,939
essentially a COVID test
for shrimp virus.

1542
01:15:27,023 --> 01:15:28,733
The judges were like,
"Who did this for you?"

1543
01:15:28,816 --> 01:15:30,317
And I'm like, "No one. I just...

1544
01:15:31,110 --> 01:15:32,737
did it at school."

1545
01:15:32,820 --> 01:15:34,822
And they were like,
"Wow. Qualified."

1546
01:15:35,656 --> 01:15:37,992
You get a free trip
to the international,

1547
01:15:38,117 --> 01:15:40,828
and sometimes
it's in Puerto Rico, Germany.

1548
01:15:41,662 --> 01:15:44,665
I'm like, "I'm going on a trip!"
I was like, "Where's it at?"

1549
01:15:44,790 --> 01:15:46,459
They're like, "Oh, Arizona."

1550
01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:49,336
And I'm like,
"Where's Arizona?" [chuckles]

1551
01:15:50,463 --> 01:15:53,215
It was so dry and so hot.

1552
01:15:54,133 --> 01:15:58,345
My internal compass was like,
something's not right.

1553
01:15:58,971 --> 01:16:01,057
I need to figure out
where Hawaii is right now.

1554
01:16:01,140 --> 01:16:04,101
We're walking with chaperones
to this convention center,

1555
01:16:04,185 --> 01:16:05,603
and I just book it, like

1556
01:16:05,686 --> 01:16:07,730
beeline out of the crowd,
and I start running.

1557
01:16:07,855 --> 01:16:09,231
The chaperones were like,
"We got a runner."

1558
01:16:09,356 --> 01:16:10,983
So I'm sprinting blocks down,

1559
01:16:11,067 --> 01:16:13,736
and I get out past the cities,
and then I get to a clearing,

1560
01:16:13,861 --> 01:16:15,696
and I look all around

1561
01:16:15,821 --> 01:16:19,658
and I just see mountains, 360,

1562
01:16:19,742 --> 01:16:21,577
and the sun is high.

1563
01:16:21,702 --> 01:16:23,412
And then my nose
started bleeding.

1564
01:16:23,537 --> 01:16:25,081
And then I'm just like
ready to faint.

1565
01:16:25,206 --> 01:16:27,166
I'm just like, "I'm dying!

1566
01:16:27,249 --> 01:16:29,085
I need to get back to Hawaii!"

1567
01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:31,128
[gentle music plays]

1568
01:16:32,505 --> 01:16:34,924
I knew then, I can't go far.

1569
01:16:38,552 --> 01:16:41,222
Growing up, I remember
having to go to school,

1570
01:16:41,347 --> 01:16:42,515
kind of hating it.

1571
01:16:42,598 --> 01:16:45,017
Being indoors,
I'm like, "This sucks."

1572
01:16:45,101 --> 01:16:47,186
As soon as the bell rang,
my dad was there,

1573
01:16:47,269 --> 01:16:49,230
pick us up,
straight to the beach.

1574
01:16:49,855 --> 01:16:52,733
That was kind of, I felt,
when learning really started.

1575
01:16:55,402 --> 01:16:57,988
My dad would kind of send us
out on the beach and say,

1576
01:16:58,072 --> 01:17:01,242
"Okay, go grab different
seaweed on the shore."

1577
01:17:01,367 --> 01:17:03,202
And then he'd come back
and he'd tell us,

1578
01:17:03,285 --> 01:17:06,330
"A Hawaiian name of seaweed

1579
01:17:06,413 --> 01:17:08,749
also has a Latin name.

1580
01:17:09,416 --> 01:17:10,751
This is science."

1581
01:17:11,794 --> 01:17:12,962
Same with surfing.

1582
01:17:13,712 --> 01:17:16,632
We'd do a bit
of seaweed science,

1583
01:17:16,757 --> 01:17:19,260
then we'd grab the boards
and we'd go out and we'd surf.

1584
01:17:20,136 --> 01:17:21,971
Understanding where
the current goes.

1585
01:17:22,054 --> 01:17:24,473
Where is the wind?
How is the sand moving?

1586
01:17:24,598 --> 01:17:25,891
What's the swell?
What's the tide?

1587
01:17:25,975 --> 01:17:30,271
There is so much information
around play.

1588
01:17:30,771 --> 01:17:34,191
That kind of gave me
this weird value on science.

1589
01:17:34,275 --> 01:17:38,112
Science was like this
magic power

1590
01:17:38,237 --> 01:17:39,822
to communicate to the world.

1591
01:17:43,826 --> 01:17:46,412
There is this weird opportunity
that just presented itself

1592
01:17:46,495 --> 01:17:50,332
to go get a PhD in California,
in chemistry.

1593
01:17:51,417 --> 01:17:53,377
Leave the only thing
I have ever known

1594
01:17:53,460 --> 01:17:55,546
and start something
that I don't know

1595
01:17:56,422 --> 01:17:59,466
what it's like or what
it's about, but it's different.

1596
01:18:01,302 --> 01:18:04,388
The first racism for being
a Hawaiian person I felt

1597
01:18:04,471 --> 01:18:05,973
was coming to California.

1598
01:18:07,183 --> 01:18:11,812
I was getting into conflict
with other surfers around

1599
01:18:12,354 --> 01:18:16,066
where I should be surfing,
who I'm surfing around,

1600
01:18:16,150 --> 01:18:18,694
and there's all these rules
that I didn't know existed.

1601
01:18:18,819 --> 01:18:21,447
This surfer
was getting close to me

1602
01:18:21,530 --> 01:18:23,199
and he ended up, like,
pushing me.

1603
01:18:23,324 --> 01:18:26,452
He said, "Go home
to wherever you come from."

1604
01:18:26,535 --> 01:18:28,204
And I was so upset.

1605
01:18:32,291 --> 01:18:34,585
I was like, "Dude,
I wanna go home." [scoffs]

1606
01:18:35,169 --> 01:18:37,087
"Dude, I don't wanna be here.

1607
01:18:37,171 --> 01:18:38,923
I don't have to explain
myself to you."

1608
01:18:39,006 --> 01:18:41,383
I told him. I was like,
"I'm from this ocean.

1609
01:18:42,468 --> 01:18:43,719
Where are you from?

1610
01:18:44,345 --> 01:18:46,096
Do any of you know
where you're from?"

1611
01:18:51,518 --> 01:18:54,605
I feel I came to get this PhD

1612
01:18:54,688 --> 01:18:57,358
as like a responsibility
on my shoulder.

1613
01:18:58,817 --> 01:19:00,945
"The Hawaiian with the PhD,
you're gonna help us."

1614
01:19:01,028 --> 01:19:02,613
It's like,
it's all this pressure

1615
01:19:02,696 --> 01:19:05,074
to be, like, somebody.

1616
01:19:06,575 --> 01:19:08,869
I just wanna be in the ocean.

1617
01:19:15,084 --> 01:19:17,086
So I integrated
some of the technology

1618
01:19:17,211 --> 01:19:18,837
we were developing in the lab

1619
01:19:18,921 --> 01:19:21,215
into a science project
to try to see,

1620
01:19:21,340 --> 01:19:24,510
are there molecular signatures
in the ocean that we can detect

1621
01:19:24,593 --> 01:19:26,637
that are shared among surfers
across the world,

1622
01:19:26,720 --> 01:19:30,557
a last ditch effort
to stay in school.

1623
01:19:33,602 --> 01:19:37,022
A writer ended up reaching out
to me and I did an interview

1624
01:19:37,106 --> 01:19:39,066
and next thing you know
I'm getting a call

1625
01:19:39,191 --> 01:19:40,818
from The New York Times
at its front page

1626
01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:42,236
of the science section.

1627
01:19:43,737 --> 01:19:47,283
Interviews and calls
from like, NBC

1628
01:19:47,408 --> 01:19:50,327
to like, NPR and Nat Geo.

1629
01:19:50,411 --> 01:19:54,373
Like, nerd celebrity
of, like, institution.

1630
01:19:54,456 --> 01:19:56,667
Like I'm rolling
in, like, fancy nerd land.

1631
01:19:56,750 --> 01:19:59,753
That was so important for me

1632
01:20:00,379 --> 01:20:03,841
because getting that global
recognition value,

1633
01:20:04,466 --> 01:20:07,177
I knew that those stories
that they were validating

1634
01:20:07,261 --> 01:20:09,013
weren't mine
and they were my people's.

1635
01:20:11,724 --> 01:20:15,602
That gave me the confidence
to return home.

1636
01:20:19,773 --> 01:20:21,775
My home allows me to be me.

1637
01:20:21,900 --> 01:20:24,611
[soft pensive music playing]

1638
01:20:27,323 --> 01:20:29,450
[gentle, poignant music plays]

1639
01:21:31,345 --> 01:21:32,596
[music ends]

1640
01:21:32,679 --> 01:21:35,182
[bright, harmonic music playing]

1641
01:24:03,997 --> 01:24:05,874
[music fades]