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Rºj7bہi\c0}T]F=/ōoZ sG'.E**DA2ۀ%*OoֺpLN̚G4ʎ&15Bs} t M6NE*T Ut8Ǽ)}0b͵~;Ƈ0C֕B,=4ihPK_Һ7GV\(pdxo0 ,,(A9++Lc z#_T7G E pLIb;J03!oT :!sX,lI?Vߕ9g$Dek",rv:4D}\ʰ >+& C&UѭeېBOx1s''k/o#Y:p&"Wa7 ,1+LaQ؜?75Yr\K, HdnU$0~{P`<Щؐk0|]7̈$Qi-?BwH!Rpޜ&xu1.3+A~8}12|W7걾sxy4 8*{5$u}@L)Bڳ*4v(.86yxnlص'±FǫaT]R2[͏b*II ??b=n.̆.;u 0&4LX2x6)Ywb3͕ZFpb扜q 00:54:36,440 "Oh, this is nothing but a spiral of words, Julian. 824 00:54:36,899 --> 00:54:40,027 "You have desecrated the canvas with everything... 825 00:54:40,111 --> 00:54:41,737 "that the assignment is not." 826 00:54:41,821 --> 00:54:44,198 But I said, "Yes! 827 00:54:45,116 --> 00:54:47,159 "Because it's more interesting." 828 00:54:50,037 --> 00:54:53,040 Yeah, and there was a second piece of yours. 829 00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:57,253 It was a drawing from when you were six. 830 00:54:57,336 --> 00:54:59,547 Boy Under cloud. 831 00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:01,590 Boy Under cloud. 832 00:55:01,674 --> 00:55:05,845 An oozing excretion of maudlin treacle, that title. 833 00:55:07,054 --> 00:55:08,264 You were six. 834 00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:13,019 And did you find that easy to copy as well? 835 00:55:15,271 --> 00:55:16,647 Not at 12. 836 00:55:19,775 --> 00:55:20,776 It was... 837 00:55:22,111 --> 00:55:23,029 impeccable. 838 00:55:24,697 --> 00:55:25,698 But? 839 00:55:28,826 --> 00:55:31,037 I quit, is that what you're saying? 840 00:55:33,956 --> 00:55:37,376 Please God, don't feel sorry for me. 841 00:55:38,085 --> 00:55:41,756 To be honest, I'd rather have your rage than your pity. 842 00:55:41,839 --> 00:55:43,841 And now, if you'll excuse me. 843 00:55:46,969 --> 00:55:49,430 I need to pay for tonight's meal. 844 00:55:52,058 --> 00:55:55,436 You are a quitter yourself, you know, Lori. 845 00:55:56,812 --> 00:56:00,358 No one goes to art school to become a restorer or a critic. 846 00:56:02,777 --> 00:56:04,570 I came in early this morning. 847 00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,323 Really? 848 00:56:07,406 --> 00:56:11,243 Yeah. 4:00, 5:00 am. 849 00:56:14,121 --> 00:56:17,458 Well, I'm sorry if such industrious assistantism was... 850 00:56:17,541 --> 00:56:22,588 wasted on what turned out to be an errant if dramatic misfire. 851 00:56:23,547 --> 00:56:25,925 - What it tells me-- - Excuse me. 852 00:56:38,896 --> 00:56:41,899 [computer beeps] Good morning, Mario. 853 00:56:42,650 --> 00:56:47,446 Now you told me that you want me to paint something... 854 00:56:47,530 --> 00:56:51,575 appropriately romantic for your fiance. 855 00:56:51,659 --> 00:56:55,871 And I presume by "appropriately..." 856 00:56:55,955 --> 00:56:59,458 that you want me to paint it in vanishing ink. 857 00:56:59,875 --> 00:57:02,461 [peaceful music plays] 858 00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:11,512 [bag rustles] 859 00:57:35,286 --> 00:57:36,829 [lids crack open] 860 00:57:51,719 --> 00:57:53,345 [knock on door] 861 00:57:56,474 --> 00:57:57,683 [frantic knocking] 862 00:57:57,766 --> 00:58:00,227 - [Sallie] Lori. - Oh my God. What? 863 00:58:00,311 --> 00:58:02,688 I am not going back there. 864 00:58:02,771 --> 00:58:04,899 - But you have to. - Because? 865 00:58:04,982 --> 00:58:07,276 Because you need to start them from scratch. 866 00:58:07,359 --> 00:58:10,863 You've still got old canvases and paints and brushes up there. 867 00:58:12,114 --> 00:58:14,575 Yeah. That's not going to happen. 868 00:58:14,992 --> 00:58:17,036 Well, we think it is. 869 00:58:17,786 --> 00:58:19,205 [paper rustling] 870 00:58:22,124 --> 00:58:24,627 Isidore Clemens. 1927. 871 00:58:25,961 --> 00:58:30,758 Sold for 25,000 in that Kent art house in 2017. 872 00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:32,760 Split between that corrupt gallerist... 873 00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:34,845 and the person opposite me. 874 00:58:35,471 --> 00:58:38,015 Maybe you shouldn't write angry notes to exes. 875 00:58:38,516 --> 00:58:40,392 Especially those who still speak to other... 876 00:58:40,476 --> 00:58:42,394 old college friends of yours. 877 00:58:42,478 --> 00:58:44,563 Sometimes people say things. 878 00:58:44,647 --> 00:58:47,525 I'm curious if the person who paid the 25k might be... 879 00:58:47,608 --> 00:58:49,318 interested in knowing it's a fake. 880 00:58:51,779 --> 00:58:54,990 Well, when you find out, let me know. 881 00:58:55,074 --> 00:58:56,659 I don't think you want to challenge this. 882 00:58:56,742 --> 00:58:59,745 Yeah, but you may need to because you know... 883 00:58:59,828 --> 00:59:03,290 and I know that no one benefits from that being exposed. 884 00:59:03,374 --> 00:59:05,000 Not the gallery, not the artist... 885 00:59:05,084 --> 00:59:07,419 and certainly not the person that bought it. 886 00:59:08,045 --> 00:59:10,005 Was that a confession we just heard? 887 00:59:10,089 --> 00:59:12,633 No, but this is. 888 00:59:13,884 --> 00:59:16,220 I forged that painting. 889 00:59:17,137 --> 00:59:19,557 And I forged Astley's In-Between. 890 00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:22,393 And I forged Panagatacos' Six Shapes in Red. 891 00:59:23,269 --> 00:59:26,272 All of that was a long time ago. 892 00:59:27,773 --> 00:59:29,942 So you'll do what we say then? 893 00:59:30,025 --> 00:59:31,527 No. 894 00:59:31,610 --> 00:59:34,989 Well then, perhaps we'll see you in court. 895 00:59:35,072 --> 00:59:39,535 Yeah, because perhaps, Lori, we've been recording this. 896 00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:47,459 And does that include your fraud bit before my confession... 897 00:59:47,543 --> 00:59:48,877 and your blackmail bit after? 898 00:59:48,961 --> 00:59:51,505 Because you'd need both for context. 899 00:59:51,589 --> 00:59:54,258 We'll give you 10,000 pounds in advance. 900 00:59:54,341 --> 00:59:56,635 - Wow. But no. - Fifteen. 901 00:59:56,719 --> 00:59:58,637 - No. - Oh, come on mate. 902 00:59:58,721 --> 01:00:00,973 20. 20 grand, okay? But that's it. 903 01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:01,890 We can't go higher than that. 904 01:00:02,975 --> 01:00:04,768 Do you even have this money? 905 01:00:04,852 --> 01:00:05,811 [Sallie] Yeah. 906 01:00:06,562 --> 01:00:08,188 - Really? - Yes. 907 01:00:09,273 --> 01:00:10,733 How? 908 01:00:10,816 --> 01:00:11,859 Because... 909 01:00:13,193 --> 01:00:14,153 It doesn't matter. 910 01:00:16,030 --> 01:00:17,156 Two hundred thousand. 911 01:00:18,741 --> 01:00:20,117 - Pounds? - Quid? 912 01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:21,785 You must be out of your bloody mind. 913 01:00:21,869 --> 01:00:23,454 We haven't got that sort of money. 914 01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:24,747 The number's 200. 915 01:00:24,830 --> 01:00:27,333 [Sallie scoffs] Look, I love you Lori, but this is piggish. 916 01:00:27,416 --> 01:00:28,375 Two hundred thousand. 917 01:00:28,459 --> 01:00:31,503 You are being a cunty pig-cunt. 918 01:00:31,587 --> 01:00:32,921 Two hundred thousand. 919 01:00:33,005 --> 01:00:35,841 21,400 pounds, right, please accept this. 920 01:00:35,924 --> 01:00:37,176 That's all the money we have. 921 01:00:37,259 --> 01:00:41,096 Please, please, Lori, please. It's really, really important. 922 01:00:44,266 --> 01:00:45,434 Oh my God. 923 01:00:46,852 --> 01:00:48,520 You've sold them already. 924 01:00:51,023 --> 01:00:52,232 - What? - No. 925 01:00:54,193 --> 01:00:55,319 This is... 926 01:00:56,111 --> 01:00:57,988 This is fabulous. 927 01:00:58,072 --> 01:01:01,867 The answer is no and definitely not for 21,000 quid. 928 01:01:01,950 --> 01:01:04,161 He's dying, Lori. 929 01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:06,664 It's called Aplastic Anaemia. 930 01:01:07,247 --> 01:01:10,084 Okay, he's been refusing treatment for years. 931 01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:11,710 Our time is running out. 932 01:01:12,294 --> 01:01:13,629 Everyone's is. 933 01:01:15,005 --> 01:01:18,926 The answer is even more no. 934 01:01:19,802 --> 01:01:21,428 [unlatches door] 935 01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:27,017 - Did you forget something? - Can you close the door? 936 01:01:27,101 --> 01:01:29,728 I believe your dignity is just along there... 937 01:01:29,812 --> 01:01:32,690 and you'll find your pride upstairs somewhere. 938 01:01:32,773 --> 01:01:33,732 Close the door. 939 01:01:36,652 --> 01:01:38,529 [door slamming] 940 01:01:38,987 --> 01:01:43,367 I've just googled a rare blood disease called Aplastic Anaemia. 941 01:01:43,450 --> 01:01:45,411 Ah, yes. 942 01:01:47,329 --> 01:01:51,959 Well, much to the impending dismay of the Heirs Abhorrent... 943 01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:56,422 a genius in Stuttgart has reionized y stems cells... 944 01:01:56,922 --> 01:01:59,925 and thus, like everything else that used to be inside me... 945 01:02:00,926 --> 01:02:02,594 it has amounted to nothing. 946 01:02:03,095 --> 01:02:06,056 The only thing dying, I'm afraid... 947 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,685 is the dream of Lord and Lady Vulture. 948 01:02:10,561 --> 01:02:12,187 Well, they've sold them already. 949 01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:16,817 - Sold? - The Christophers. 950 01:02:17,276 --> 01:02:20,320 They took a down payment of a million quid last year. 951 01:02:23,407 --> 01:02:27,411 That's why Sallie tried to do it herself. 952 01:02:28,954 --> 01:02:32,624 Oh, oh, what glorious idiocy. [laughs] 953 01:02:34,334 --> 01:02:38,005 Well, for what it's worth of that... 954 01:02:38,088 --> 01:02:41,216 they only have 21,000 quid left. 955 01:02:41,300 --> 01:02:42,885 Well, I'm surprised they've got anything. 956 01:02:43,761 --> 01:02:45,387 How many paintings? 957 01:02:45,471 --> 01:02:47,848 All nine. Even Sallie's. 958 01:02:49,767 --> 01:02:50,768 To a fan? 959 01:02:51,769 --> 01:02:54,813 To a 28-year-old tech bro... 960 01:02:54,897 --> 01:02:57,191 who's going to donate them for the tax credit. 961 01:02:57,274 --> 01:02:59,318 Oh, to the Royal Academy? 962 01:02:59,401 --> 01:03:00,360 Well, at least? 963 01:03:01,904 --> 01:03:03,280 Maybe? 964 01:03:03,781 --> 01:03:05,949 To a place called Museum of the Desert... 965 01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:08,827 just outside of Las Vegas. 966 01:03:08,911 --> 01:03:10,829 Oh. [scoffs] 967 01:03:10,913 --> 01:03:15,083 And this tech bro, does he even know who I am? Or was? 968 01:03:15,167 --> 01:03:17,711 No. But I'm told after some googling. 969 01:03:17,795 --> 01:03:22,049 Yes. And I assume my children want you to resume... 970 01:03:22,132 --> 01:03:26,804 your task of faking these somehow? 971 01:03:28,013 --> 01:03:30,224 Same plan, new old canvases. 972 01:03:36,188 --> 01:03:37,564 I think I should do it. 973 01:03:40,526 --> 01:03:41,860 You paint them? 974 01:03:44,321 --> 01:03:45,322 Yeah. 975 01:03:46,657 --> 01:03:50,410 Paint them, but very, very badly. 976 01:03:50,494 --> 01:03:52,788 [Julian laughs] 977 01:03:54,706 --> 01:03:57,042 [peaceful music plays] 978 01:03:59,670 --> 01:04:01,880 Imagine the look on the tech bro's face... 979 01:04:01,964 --> 01:04:03,465 when he sees what he's bought. 980 01:04:04,883 --> 01:04:07,970 Oh, it's almost worth staying alive for. 981 01:04:09,221 --> 01:04:12,558 And I shall be alongside you... 982 01:04:12,641 --> 01:04:14,977 for the entire time as your assistant. 983 01:04:16,186 --> 01:04:18,105 You're going to be my assistant? 984 01:04:18,188 --> 01:04:20,065 Yes. And I'll be a very good one too. 985 01:04:20,148 --> 01:04:24,111 And now my first task is to assist you in getting paints. 986 01:04:24,194 --> 01:04:26,572 - And there's an art shop... - Yeah? 987 01:04:26,655 --> 01:04:29,575 ...on Bronton Street, which is quite dreadful. 988 01:04:29,658 --> 01:04:30,576 Perfect. 989 01:04:30,659 --> 01:04:31,660 Oh, but, oh, on this particular occasion... 990 01:04:31,743 --> 01:04:35,289 I shan't be able to help you in person... 991 01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:36,915 as I'm not allowed in... 992 01:04:37,499 --> 01:04:39,626 due to a thin-skinned proprietor... 993 01:04:39,710 --> 01:04:43,672 and an overreaction to a simple statement of fact. 994 01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:46,216 Okay, I'll get this one then. 995 01:04:46,300 --> 01:04:48,760 All right! And while you are out... 996 01:04:48,844 --> 01:04:50,804 shall I rustle us up something... 997 01:04:50,888 --> 01:04:52,556 little omelet? 998 01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:57,144 You're going to make me an omelet? 999 01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:59,563 Yeah. Don't sound so surprised. 1000 01:04:59,646 --> 01:05:00,939 All right then, I'll have a cheese omelet. 1001 01:05:01,023 --> 01:05:02,357 Yeah. Cheese omelet. 1002 01:05:03,734 --> 01:05:05,235 That's an omelet with cheese. 1003 01:05:05,944 --> 01:05:07,988 Yeah. 1004 01:05:08,071 --> 01:05:11,950 Actually, how do you introduce the cheese into the omelet? 1005 01:05:13,201 --> 01:05:15,412 I'm just going to pick something up for us. Yeah? 1006 01:05:16,038 --> 01:05:17,915 Excellent team work. [chuckles] [door opens] 1007 01:05:19,041 --> 01:05:22,461 [Julian hums] [door slams shut] 1008 01:05:22,544 --> 01:05:24,087 [playful music plays] 1009 01:05:24,171 --> 01:05:25,339 [wheels squeak] 1010 01:05:30,385 --> 01:05:32,763 [claps hands] [hums joyfully] 1011 01:05:37,559 --> 01:05:38,560 [bags thud] 1012 01:05:40,228 --> 01:05:42,773 [lock clicks open] [door slams shut] 1013 01:05:42,856 --> 01:05:45,901 - Hello. - Coming. Coming! 1014 01:05:48,987 --> 01:05:54,326 I thought you might enjoy this as a kind of inspiration piece. 1015 01:05:55,410 --> 01:05:58,372 - Is that Sallie's? - Yes. 1016 01:05:58,455 --> 01:06:01,833 I keep it in her old room to ward off future visits. 1017 01:06:01,917 --> 01:06:06,838 It's affixed to the wall along with garlic and a wooden cross. 1018 01:06:06,922 --> 01:06:09,883 What's crazy is she's actually improved since art school. 1019 01:06:11,343 --> 01:06:14,262 Well, that's another first. 1020 01:06:14,346 --> 01:06:17,557 An instance of where a child of mine... 1021 01:06:17,641 --> 01:06:20,185 has actually inspired me. 1022 01:06:21,812 --> 01:06:25,482 Right. And this shall be your metric. 1023 01:06:25,565 --> 01:06:27,025 Can you top it? 1024 01:06:27,109 --> 01:06:29,903 By which of course, I mean, can you go under it? 1025 01:06:29,987 --> 01:06:33,031 This is fun! Assisting. 1026 01:06:33,115 --> 01:06:36,660 [mouthful] This is delicious, Lori. Mm! 1027 01:06:37,786 --> 01:06:40,205 [grunts with pleasure] 1028 01:06:40,956 --> 01:06:42,958 Consider me poor but happy. 1029 01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:43,875 Okay. 1030 01:06:45,043 --> 01:06:46,211 I'm going to start. 1031 01:06:50,340 --> 01:06:51,758 This was to be his. 1032 01:06:54,136 --> 01:06:57,431 Well, they were all to be his, as a matter of fact. 1033 01:06:58,390 --> 01:07:00,350 His? Christopher's? 1034 01:07:01,643 --> 01:07:04,855 Oh, was I blustering fool. 1035 01:07:06,356 --> 01:07:08,442 Messages on the answering machine. 1036 01:07:09,109 --> 01:07:11,361 Gifts, gifts, gifts. 1037 01:07:12,571 --> 01:07:14,781 "Let me paint you one more time, Topher... 1038 01:07:14,865 --> 01:07:17,034 "and all this should be yours." 1039 01:07:17,117 --> 01:07:19,036 Nothing. 1040 01:07:22,164 --> 01:07:25,292 Actually, let's start with a different one. 1041 01:07:26,043 --> 01:07:29,004 I made him. I literally created him. 1042 01:07:30,672 --> 01:07:32,758 He was the boy who did my stretchers. 1043 01:07:33,592 --> 01:07:35,469 I gave him his life, his fame. 1044 01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:37,012 Everyone knew who Christopher was. 1045 01:07:37,095 --> 01:07:39,514 He was invited everywhere. And then one day... 1046 01:07:46,438 --> 01:07:47,981 He never came back. 1047 01:07:50,442 --> 01:07:53,862 I actually did want him to have them even after all of the mess. 1048 01:07:53,945 --> 01:07:57,240 I should have liked to have lasted in his mind. 1049 01:07:57,324 --> 01:07:59,618 You see, that's the thing, isn't it? 1050 01:08:00,911 --> 01:08:03,789 To last in the mind of others. 1051 01:08:12,339 --> 01:08:13,632 First instincts, Lori! 1052 01:08:15,425 --> 01:08:18,220 I never joined the Royal Academy, you know. 1053 01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:22,390 Oh, the R.A. I refused to play that game. 1054 01:08:22,891 --> 01:08:24,768 The others were rabid about it. 1055 01:08:24,851 --> 01:08:26,978 Every last one of them more competitive than the next. 1056 01:08:27,062 --> 01:08:31,733 But not me, Lori. I was the least competitive of them all by far. 1057 01:08:31,817 --> 01:08:33,652 Why are you staring at me? 1058 01:08:33,735 --> 01:08:35,946 I don't think you want to do this. 1059 01:08:38,740 --> 01:08:41,993 I am ordering you, Lori Butler... 1060 01:08:42,077 --> 01:08:45,122 to desecrate that painting with that brush. 1061 01:08:45,205 --> 01:08:48,917 Well, as my assistant, you don't get to call the shots. 1062 01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:52,712 Oh, very well then. I resign as your assistant! 1063 01:08:52,796 --> 01:08:55,048 Okay, okay, okay. You win, you win, you win. 1064 01:08:55,132 --> 01:08:57,175 Look, I will do it. I'll do it. 1065 01:08:57,634 --> 01:08:59,386 But let's pick a different one. 1066 01:08:59,469 --> 01:09:01,471 That's right, pick a different one. 1067 01:09:15,777 --> 01:09:18,655 [somber music plays] [Julian grunts] 1068 01:09:26,788 --> 01:09:28,665 [Julian grunts with effort] [easel creaks] 1069 01:09:31,668 --> 01:09:33,044 [Julian mutters] 1070 01:09:39,718 --> 01:09:41,761 [paint splatters] 1071 01:09:44,264 --> 01:09:47,517 It's already dreadful. [laughs] 1072 01:09:48,143 --> 01:09:52,856 Oh, well this is monumentally hideous... 1073 01:09:52,939 --> 01:09:53,899 so... 1074 01:09:55,442 --> 01:09:56,401 Glue. 1075 01:09:57,694 --> 01:09:58,820 Yes. 1076 01:10:00,488 --> 01:10:03,491 [Julian grunts] [mutters] 1077 01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:06,453 This glue and then feathers. 1078 01:10:08,038 --> 01:10:12,876 No, no. We'll have the glitter first, and then feathers. 1079 01:10:15,045 --> 01:10:16,296 And that. 1080 01:10:17,672 --> 01:10:19,090 Oh take that! 1081 01:10:20,217 --> 01:10:22,427 [laughs] Feathers. 1082 01:10:22,510 --> 01:10:23,303 [plastic rustling] 1083 01:10:28,058 --> 01:10:29,893 [laughs] 1084 01:10:31,853 --> 01:10:36,983 You would think at 85 I would know you can't throw feathers. 1085 01:10:37,776 --> 01:10:39,402 Have you called my children? 1086 01:10:39,486 --> 01:10:41,029 Not yet. 1087 01:10:41,112 --> 01:10:42,364 Oh, well you must, you must... 1088 01:10:42,447 --> 01:10:46,993 because these Christopher Threes will hang in the pantheon... 1089 01:10:47,077 --> 01:10:50,664 of the worst art of all time... 1090 01:10:51,122 --> 01:10:53,792 along with Dogs Playing Poker... 1091 01:10:53,875 --> 01:10:56,419 Velvet Elvis, and all of Warhol. 1092 01:10:58,088 --> 01:11:01,258 Yes, yes. I'll have masking tape. 1093 01:11:01,883 --> 01:11:03,260 [tape rasping] 1094 01:11:12,727 --> 01:11:15,397 You see there should be a through line of awfulness. 1095 01:11:15,480 --> 01:11:17,565 Each one worse than the rest. 1096 01:11:18,316 --> 01:11:19,567 As if the... 1097 01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:26,741 As if the destruct was the construct. 1098 01:11:55,895 --> 01:11:59,566 I can't, oh, no, no, no. 1099 01:11:59,649 --> 01:12:01,693 [mutters] 1100 01:12:05,780 --> 01:12:06,906 Lori... 1101 01:12:08,700 --> 01:12:10,243 Something's happened. 1102 01:12:11,286 --> 01:12:12,746 Are you okay? 1103 01:12:14,414 --> 01:12:17,208 I'm struggling. I'm struggling to make the strokes run. 1104 01:12:19,878 --> 01:12:24,132 It's physically impossible to make it bad. 1105 01:12:28,094 --> 01:12:29,095 Look. 1106 01:12:41,232 --> 01:12:42,692 Yeah, you're right. 1107 01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:47,739 It is not uninteresting. 1108 01:12:48,865 --> 01:12:49,783 Wow. 1109 01:12:52,160 --> 01:12:53,578 So what do I do? 1110 01:12:56,498 --> 01:12:59,584 - Maybe keep going. - Hmm. 1111 01:13:01,836 --> 01:13:03,713 For who though? 1112 01:13:04,339 --> 01:13:07,467 Well, you seem like you were having a good time. 1113 01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:10,303 So why not just keep having a good time? 1114 01:13:10,387 --> 01:13:12,347 Because why? 1115 01:13:12,430 --> 01:13:16,768 Because it is fun for you, isn't it? 1116 01:13:18,603 --> 01:13:21,231 Because I'm fun for you? 1117 01:13:21,314 --> 01:13:22,315 Julian. 1118 01:13:22,399 --> 01:13:25,235 So here I am. Yes, I am the entertainment again. 1119 01:13:25,318 --> 01:13:27,779 This is what you wanted all along, isn't it? 1120 01:13:29,739 --> 01:13:31,324 To wind up the old fool... 1121 01:13:31,408 --> 01:13:34,411 and have him clutter about and bang his cymbals. 1122 01:13:34,494 --> 01:13:36,496 Oh, is it interesting being Jane Goodall... 1123 01:13:36,579 --> 01:13:41,042 to the old dancing monkey in his natural habitat? 1124 01:13:41,126 --> 01:13:44,712 And how am I faring as the anecdote you'll tell all your... 1125 01:13:44,796 --> 01:13:46,881 laughing friends about later. 1126 01:13:48,133 --> 01:13:52,512 This isn't what I meant when I talked about living... 1127 01:13:52,595 --> 01:13:55,974 in the minds of others. 1128 01:13:57,434 --> 01:13:59,853 Julian, where is this coming from? 1129 01:13:59,936 --> 01:14:01,146 No. Well, where are you coming from? 1130 01:14:01,229 --> 01:14:05,817 "Oh, it's not uninteresting." And how would you know that? 1131 01:14:07,444 --> 01:14:12,031 To judge art, you must possess the various skills... 1132 01:14:12,115 --> 01:14:14,033 it takes to make said art. 1133 01:14:14,117 --> 01:14:15,869 And do you really think you possess those skills? 1134 01:14:17,036 --> 01:14:19,831 Well, I don't. And why not? 1135 01:14:21,291 --> 01:14:25,044 Because of three words: Untitled. Number. Seven. 1136 01:14:25,128 --> 01:14:29,716 I saw it on your website and I didn't need to see it... 1137 01:14:29,799 --> 01:14:31,050 because I'd already seen it. 1138 01:14:31,134 --> 01:14:34,345 And when I say I'd already seen it, and I might as well have... 1139 01:14:34,762 --> 01:14:38,892 because it rang with the familiarity... 1140 01:14:38,975 --> 01:14:43,104 of all those other foul, existential... 1141 01:14:44,772 --> 01:14:49,652 impressionistic landscapes by all the other wannabe artists. 1142 01:14:50,445 --> 01:14:51,821 I think... 1143 01:14:53,698 --> 01:14:55,617 I think maybe, Lori... 1144 01:14:56,576 --> 01:14:59,454 it was a healthy thing that you quit. 1145 01:15:06,044 --> 01:15:08,254 [somber music plays] 1146 01:15:24,979 --> 01:15:25,897 [door slams shut] 1147 01:15:26,523 --> 01:15:28,149 Christopher. 1148 01:15:29,651 --> 01:15:31,444 [canvas tearing] 1149 01:15:58,471 --> 01:16:01,474 [breathes heavily] 1150 01:16:27,792 --> 01:16:28,710 [pub crowd walla] [upbeat music plays on speakers] 1151 01:16:36,384 --> 01:16:37,302 [glass clanks] 1152 01:16:38,052 --> 01:16:40,054 [phone keys clack] 1153 01:16:43,016 --> 01:16:45,685 [phone rings on the line] 1154 01:16:48,813 --> 01:16:52,358 I will take 21,000. You can keep the 400... 1155 01:16:52,442 --> 01:16:55,612 but I get 50% of the final sale, including the down payment. 1156 01:16:57,155 --> 01:16:59,490 - [Sallie] 25%. - 50. 1157 01:17:00,742 --> 01:17:02,577 - 30? - 50. 1158 01:17:03,828 --> 01:17:05,288 - 35? - 50. 1159 01:17:09,792 --> 01:17:11,878 Good. I'll call you with a plan. 1160 01:17:15,715 --> 01:17:17,467 [street noises] 1161 01:17:26,809 --> 01:17:28,519 [lock unlatches] [door creaks] 1162 01:17:34,692 --> 01:17:35,652 [door slams shut] 1163 01:17:42,617 --> 01:17:43,951 [Julian] I was right. 1164 01:17:45,244 --> 01:17:49,332 You can't judge art by looking at it online. 1165 01:17:51,334 --> 01:17:53,044 This is good. 1166 01:17:55,421 --> 01:17:58,007 Untitled Number Seven. 1167 01:17:58,091 --> 01:18:00,468 You know, there's a power to it that I missed... 1168 01:18:01,636 --> 01:18:03,471 on your website. 1169 01:18:03,888 --> 01:18:05,973 So you came here to tell me you were right. 1170 01:18:07,850 --> 01:18:11,104 Yes. About many things. 1171 01:18:12,021 --> 01:18:15,191 Including having seen that before. 1172 01:18:16,234 --> 01:18:21,072 Which explains Lori, why I thought that I'd seen it before. 1173 01:18:22,949 --> 01:18:28,329 I got a hunch when I looked at you just as you were leaving... 1174 01:18:28,413 --> 01:18:31,165 and that I'd seen that specific look before... 1175 01:18:31,249 --> 01:18:33,084 on your specific face. 1176 01:18:33,793 --> 01:18:36,003 And then I remembered you. 1177 01:18:37,755 --> 01:18:39,340 Art Fight. 1178 01:18:39,716 --> 01:18:44,137 So I looked up season three, episode five... 1179 01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:45,930 and I was right. 1180 01:18:46,389 --> 01:18:47,640 You must have been what? 1181 01:18:48,224 --> 01:18:50,435 - 21? - I was 19. 1182 01:18:50,518 --> 01:18:53,604 And the truth is, at the time... 1183 01:18:53,688 --> 01:18:57,233 I'd really only glanced at the painting. 1184 01:18:58,443 --> 01:19:01,487 I was merely thinking up my next joke... 1185 01:19:02,572 --> 01:19:05,533 while I was telling the last joke. 1186 01:19:09,746 --> 01:19:13,082 Did I cause you to quit? 1187 01:19:17,211 --> 01:19:18,838 I haven't quit. 1188 01:19:18,921 --> 01:19:20,381 I just quit showing. 1189 01:19:24,719 --> 01:19:27,013 I'm a broken man, Lori. 1190 01:19:33,352 --> 01:19:35,438 I believe I always have been. 1191 01:19:39,984 --> 01:19:43,196 And you know, it wasn't you that I was mad at earlier. 1192 01:19:43,279 --> 01:19:44,405 Yeah, I know. 1193 01:19:44,489 --> 01:19:45,490 It was... 1194 01:19:47,116 --> 01:19:50,286 What do you mean, "You know"? 1195 01:19:54,165 --> 01:19:55,166 Seriously? 1196 01:19:59,545 --> 01:20:01,589 Who am I kidding? 1197 01:20:03,883 --> 01:20:08,763 Oh the lies that I've been telling myself my whole life. 1198 01:20:12,975 --> 01:20:15,895 It's exhausting, and... 1199 01:20:19,023 --> 01:20:22,527 I didn't give Christopher his life. 1200 01:20:22,610 --> 01:20:24,362 I gave him mine. 1201 01:20:26,113 --> 01:20:28,074 I suspect I ruined his. 1202 01:20:28,157 --> 01:20:29,367 I know I ruined his. 1203 01:20:32,453 --> 01:20:34,455 When you think of me, Lori, I should like that... 1204 01:20:34,539 --> 01:20:38,417 you remember me as the person you thought I was... 1205 01:20:38,501 --> 01:20:40,419 who did that very first drawing... 1206 01:20:40,503 --> 01:20:42,839 who gave you the courage to start. 1207 01:20:44,799 --> 01:20:48,636 Not the man who you actually know me to be. 1208 01:20:48,719 --> 01:20:50,680 Why are you here, Julian? 1209 01:20:58,396 --> 01:21:00,439 Because I want to have an exhibition. 1210 01:21:03,568 --> 01:21:07,989 And if I do actually get a show, and... 1211 01:21:11,075 --> 01:21:13,536 Perhaps it could be called... 1212 01:21:22,712 --> 01:21:24,171 "Julian Sklar..." 1213 01:21:25,464 --> 01:21:28,968 I can't tell whether this says "revived" or "reviled." 1214 01:21:29,468 --> 01:21:30,511 Exactly. 1215 01:21:32,430 --> 01:21:34,140 Is this a retrospective? 1216 01:21:35,516 --> 01:21:37,059 Oh no, they'd be new. 1217 01:21:38,603 --> 01:21:41,188 And people can judge them however they judge them. 1218 01:21:43,274 --> 01:21:47,445 And I would be grateful, Lori if you'd be so kind as to... 1219 01:21:49,113 --> 01:21:52,825 perhaps just be there while I try. 1220 01:21:57,455 --> 01:21:59,123 Yeah. Yes. 1221 01:22:00,374 --> 01:22:02,126 Yes, of course. 1222 01:22:02,209 --> 01:22:05,421 - Yes. - The crack of noon? 1223 01:22:06,923 --> 01:22:08,299 Precisely. 1224 01:22:08,799 --> 01:22:13,012 Oh, except, oh, I should, no... 1225 01:22:13,095 --> 01:22:16,849 I've got Esme and she is pretty insistent that... 1226 01:22:16,933 --> 01:22:18,809 I don't cancel last minute. 1227 01:22:18,893 --> 01:22:22,647 - We could do 2:00 PM? - What if we did Monday? 1228 01:22:23,147 --> 01:22:24,523 Julian. 1229 01:22:24,607 --> 01:22:28,152 I'd like, I think I should like actually... 1230 01:22:28,235 --> 01:22:31,113 to just dream about these actually... 1231 01:22:33,324 --> 01:22:34,617 for a week, tops. 1232 01:22:36,661 --> 01:22:38,454 Yeah, all right. Fine. 1233 01:22:38,537 --> 01:22:40,998 Yes. Yes. 1234 01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:43,793 Okay. 1235 01:22:48,339 --> 01:22:49,340 Thank you. 1236 01:22:50,633 --> 01:22:52,677 Yeah. Yeah. 1237 01:22:57,682 --> 01:22:59,266 This is where you leave. 1238 01:23:00,059 --> 01:23:01,811 Oh yes. Yes, of course. 1239 01:23:03,729 --> 01:23:05,481 Yes, yes. Goodbye. 1240 01:23:14,198 --> 01:23:16,158 [Julian whistles] 1241 01:23:24,875 --> 01:23:26,293 Whose is this? 1242 01:23:26,377 --> 01:23:27,878 It's mine, sir. 1243 01:23:27,962 --> 01:23:29,505 It's absolute shit. 1244 01:23:31,507 --> 01:23:35,678 [haunting music plays] 1245 01:23:44,937 --> 01:23:46,230 [dial lock unlatching] 1246 01:24:07,001 --> 01:24:08,335 [knocking] 1247 01:24:10,296 --> 01:24:11,338 Julian? 1248 01:24:29,732 --> 01:24:30,858 [Art Fight Moderator] Thank you very much. [audience cheers] 1249 01:24:30,941 --> 01:24:32,276 Thank you very much indeed. 1250 01:24:33,319 --> 01:24:35,654 Welcome back to Art Fight. 1251 01:24:35,738 --> 01:24:38,991 The show where everyone's a critic, particularly Julian. 1252 01:24:39,075 --> 01:24:40,159 We've got Lori Butler... 1253 01:24:40,242 --> 01:24:45,164 and she studies at Central Saint Martins, no less. 1254 01:24:45,247 --> 01:24:47,875 Another one. Lots of those. 1255 01:24:47,958 --> 01:24:49,710 And she is showing us today... 1256 01:24:49,794 --> 01:24:53,089 her painting Untitled Number Seven. 1257 01:24:53,172 --> 01:24:54,673 Julian, what do you think? 1258 01:24:57,802 --> 01:25:00,679 [Julian] Untitled Number Seven? 1259 01:25:00,763 --> 01:25:03,015 Well, it's a fitting name given there are... 1260 01:25:03,099 --> 01:25:04,850 no actual words to describe... 1261 01:25:04,934 --> 01:25:07,603 what exactly it is I'm looking at. [audience laughs] 1262 01:25:08,729 --> 01:25:11,232 And oh please. Oh God, don't tell me. 1263 01:25:11,315 --> 01:25:13,984 I'm going to have to look at the previous six... 1264 01:25:14,068 --> 01:25:16,695 in order to understand this one. 1265 01:25:16,779 --> 01:25:18,447 [audience laughing] 1266 01:25:18,531 --> 01:25:20,658 It's not a painting, Lori. 1267 01:25:20,741 --> 01:25:23,744 It's a cry for help from the paint itself. 1268 01:25:23,828 --> 01:25:26,956 "Why am I here?" it screams. 1269 01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:30,543 Perhaps there's a title, Lori, and perhaps it's simply... 1270 01:25:30,626 --> 01:25:34,380 The Reason My Therapist Chose Early Retirement... 1271 01:25:35,756 --> 01:25:36,674 Number Seven. [audience laughs] 1272 01:25:41,762 --> 01:25:44,390 [somber music plays] 1273 01:26:23,012 --> 01:26:24,388 [canvases thud] 1274 01:26:35,482 --> 01:26:37,026 [typing] 1275 01:26:54,293 --> 01:26:57,296 Hello, I'm calling for Owen Appleton, please. 1276 01:27:00,216 --> 01:27:01,383 Personal. 1277 01:27:03,844 --> 01:27:04,845 Okay. 1278 01:27:04,929 --> 01:27:07,264 Can you please tell him that I have something... 1279 01:27:07,348 --> 01:27:08,807 he may be very interested in? 1280 01:27:10,142 --> 01:27:11,685 Thank you. 1281 01:27:11,769 --> 01:27:14,063 [upbeat music plays] 1282 01:27:42,299 --> 01:27:45,094 [train roaring] 1283 01:28:01,652 --> 01:28:05,698 Hi, I'm looking for Mr. Appleton. 1284 01:28:07,616 --> 01:28:09,994 I'm Owen. How can I help you? 1285 01:28:13,080 --> 01:28:14,832 I'm Lori Butler. 1286 01:28:20,129 --> 01:28:21,046 I told you on the telephone... 1287 01:28:21,130 --> 01:28:22,965 I don't want to talk about any of that. 1288 01:28:24,883 --> 01:28:28,721 I understand that and I respect that. 1289 01:28:29,179 --> 01:28:31,932 But I wouldn't have come all the way here if there... 1290 01:28:32,016 --> 01:28:32,933 weren't some things that... 1291 01:28:33,017 --> 01:28:35,519 I think you might want to hear me out on. 1292 01:28:35,602 --> 01:28:36,937 [train rumbling] 1293 01:28:47,448 --> 01:28:48,407 All right. 1294 01:28:51,327 --> 01:28:52,870 First, I have a question. 1295 01:28:53,912 --> 01:28:55,748 Why did he call you Christopher? 1296 01:29:07,384 --> 01:29:09,386 These are technically ours now. 1297 01:29:09,470 --> 01:29:11,221 Well, they're literally yours. 1298 01:29:12,097 --> 01:29:14,183 Everything in there, all yours. 1299 01:29:15,142 --> 01:29:16,769 [Sallie sighs] 1300 01:29:17,353 --> 01:29:22,274 Sort of weirdly feels like a Julian Sklar museum. 1301 01:29:23,984 --> 01:29:25,402 It's actually a good idea. 1302 01:29:30,074 --> 01:29:32,618 This whole floor could be the gift shop. 1303 01:29:45,589 --> 01:29:48,342 This stays exactly as it is. 1304 01:29:49,093 --> 01:29:52,721 Even this exactly as it is, you want to keep this? 1305 01:29:52,805 --> 01:29:54,306 Yeah, just keep this here? 1306 01:29:54,390 --> 01:29:57,726 Just maybe that could be the poster for the museum. 1307 01:29:58,185 --> 01:30:00,229 Blow it up on the side of the... No? 1308 01:30:12,866 --> 01:30:14,910 It's the bathroom at the back. 1309 01:30:23,502 --> 01:30:25,170 - Holy shit. - Oh my God. 1310 01:30:26,380 --> 01:30:27,631 Did you do these? 1311 01:30:27,714 --> 01:30:28,882 - Barney. - Tell me. Tell me now. 1312 01:30:28,966 --> 01:30:31,468 Honestly, Lori, if you did these, we will fucking fry you. 1313 01:30:31,552 --> 01:30:33,470 Barnaby, does it even matter? 1314 01:30:33,554 --> 01:30:34,471 Of course it matters. 1315 01:30:34,555 --> 01:30:36,890 If she did them, they're worth fuck all again. 1316 01:30:36,974 --> 01:30:41,687 And if I didn't, what would they be worth then? 1317 01:30:54,491 --> 01:30:58,370 "Schedule C1, I, Julian Sklar hereby confirm... 1318 01:30:58,454 --> 01:31:01,039 "that the eight artworks identified below... 1319 01:31:01,123 --> 01:31:02,291 "herein referred to... 1320 01:31:02,374 --> 01:31:05,043 "as the Christopher Series Three consisting of acrylic... 1321 01:31:05,127 --> 01:31:08,964 "watercolor, glitter, feathers, axle grease, masking tape... 1322 01:31:09,047 --> 01:31:10,340 [Barnaby mutters] 1323 01:31:10,424 --> 01:31:15,053 "are all authentic artworks that I have created and gifted to... 1324 01:31:16,847 --> 01:31:19,933 "recipient, Owen Christopher Appleton." 1325 01:31:22,311 --> 01:31:25,272 christopher was his middle name. Hmm. 1326 01:31:25,814 --> 01:31:28,734 Julian told him that Owen sounded like... 1327 01:31:28,817 --> 01:31:31,153 the pained bleat of a mooing cow. 1328 01:31:35,199 --> 01:31:37,034 You forged this, haven't you? 1329 01:31:37,868 --> 01:31:38,994 Why would I do that? 1330 01:31:39,077 --> 01:31:41,538 Well, let's think, you know, to maybe, I don't know... 1331 01:31:41,622 --> 01:31:43,874 stop us from having them. 1332 01:31:43,957 --> 01:31:46,084 Plus you called me before dad died... 1333 01:31:46,168 --> 01:31:48,003 and said that you would forge the eight Christophers... 1334 01:31:48,086 --> 01:31:50,422 as long as we shared 50% of the profits with you. 1335 01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:55,594 Okay, sorry. Let me just get this straight. 1336 01:31:55,677 --> 01:32:01,600 You are accusing me of forging a legal note from him... 1337 01:32:02,226 --> 01:32:06,563 which would give me 50% of nothing. 1338 01:32:09,066 --> 01:32:11,902 Now why on earth would I do that? 1339 01:32:15,030 --> 01:32:17,449 [peaceful music plays] 1340 01:33:38,155 --> 01:33:40,949 - Lori. - Hi, Sallie. Barney. 1341 01:33:41,533 --> 01:33:44,745 - Fine. You won. - Congratulations. 1342 01:33:44,828 --> 01:33:47,706 Dad is famous again. Yay. 1343 01:33:47,789 --> 01:33:49,416 But, look, you've got to tell us. 1344 01:33:50,250 --> 01:33:52,502 Who painted them? Really? 1345 01:33:52,586 --> 01:33:54,046 The truth. 1346 01:33:54,546 --> 01:33:57,174 Really? Does it even matter? 1347 01:33:58,592 --> 01:34:01,345 [music continues] 1348 01:34:18,528 --> 01:34:22,282 [Julian videos overlap indistinct walla] 1349 01:34:48,016 --> 01:34:49,059 It's good. 1350 01:34:50,143 --> 01:34:51,853 Really captures his essence. 1351 01:34:53,647 --> 01:34:54,898 - Esme? - Hmm. 1352 01:34:54,981 --> 01:34:56,566 Hi. 1353 01:34:56,650 --> 01:34:58,110 I tried to get this to you at the memorial... 1354 01:34:58,193 --> 01:34:59,319 but you left so quickly. 1355 01:35:00,696 --> 01:35:02,072 When I found him, I also found this. 1356 01:35:02,155 --> 01:35:02,989 It belongs to you. 1357 01:35:03,073 --> 01:35:05,409 - No, no, this isn't mine. - It is. 1358 01:35:06,159 --> 01:35:09,246 I took it because I didn't want you know who to see it. 1359 01:35:11,248 --> 01:35:13,625 Okay, thank you. 1360 01:35:14,876 --> 01:35:16,002 Good luck, Lori. 1361 01:35:16,837 --> 01:35:17,838 Thank you. 1362 01:35:24,177 --> 01:35:25,804 [art crowd walla] 1363 01:35:39,818 --> 01:35:42,195 [paper rustling] 1364 01:35:48,452 --> 01:35:49,911 [bubble wrap tearing] 1365 01:36:38,084 --> 01:36:41,213 [peaceful music plays]