1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 3 00:00:49,759 --> 00:00:52,636 Butler Art Restoration. This is Lori, how may I help you? 4 00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:59,435 sallie from... Yeah. Hi. Hi. 5 00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,770 Yeah. Long, long time. 6 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:03,606 Yes. What's up? 7 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,234 Okay. What kind of work? 8 00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:14,366 Yes, I can't do right now... 9 00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:16,285 but I could do this afternoon. 10 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,789 Yeah, there's a pub near where I live. 11 00:01:19,872 --> 00:01:21,248 Shall I send you the address? 12 00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:23,125 Okay. All right. 13 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:35,387 - I'm so sorry. - That's all right. 14 00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:38,307 - How may I help you? - Yes. 15 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,684 Can I have Red Lantern's noodles, please? 16 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,228 Yep. Red Lantern noodles. 17 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,689 Look, it's eight unfinished canvases. 18 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,483 - Would've been nine. - Fuck off, Barnaby. 19 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:48,859 should have been nine. 20 00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,194 Ask her why there aren't nine. 21 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:51,821 Seriously, Barney, fuck you. 22 00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:53,781 She tried to do one herself. 23 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,825 - Whatever. - She nicked one. Hang on. 24 00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,660 It's actually why we're not allowed around there. 25 00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:58,828 - I took a photo. - Barnaby. 26 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:01,747 Whatever, it's on here. 3 million pound dump she took. 27 00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:03,541 They weren't worth fuck all. 28 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:04,750 Yet. 29 00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,919 Look, there were a series of barely finished canvases... 30 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:10,339 with Polaroids stuck on. They were nothing. 31 00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:12,675 Of which "nothings," we have eight... 32 00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:16,387 from Dad's only remaining good period, which he abandoned. 33 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,430 And these are the third series of Christophers? 34 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,724 The point is, he's not going to be here much longer... 35 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,101 and if when he passes... 36 00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:23,727 they go through his third floor storage... 37 00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,521 which he doesn't open and never will... 38 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,691 and they happen to find that he's finished... 39 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:31,610 a previously undiscovered series... 40 00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:34,947 All the original brushes. All the original paints. 41 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:38,075 On original canvases, that literally, if someone checked... 42 00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:40,870 contain molecular traces of his DNA. 43 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:41,704 They can actually do that. 44 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,455 I'm aware. 45 00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,167 So? 46 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,045 You said this was a restoration job. 47 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,798 - It is. - It's a forgery job. 48 00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:54,967 - What? No. No, no. God no, no. - No! 49 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:58,596 All we we're trying to get you to do is merely complete them. 50 00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,763 By forging them. 51 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,308 By forging through them until they're completed. 52 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:06,187 Look, really, Lori though, does it even matter? 53 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:10,900 What are you talking about? Of course it matters. 54 00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,319 Yeah, does it though? Actually? 55 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:16,822 I mean, Dad has his assistants complete his paintings all the time. 56 00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,908 Yes, but these he's hardly even started. 57 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,075 How do you know he didn't already have them... 58 00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:22,119 all mapped out in his head, Lori? 59 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:24,246 Two months ago, a piece from Dad's first set... 60 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:25,623 of Christophers sold at a Russian auction... 61 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:29,919 for 3 million plus. A piece from the second set, 3.5 in China. 62 00:03:30,336 --> 00:03:33,422 His style, as I'm sure you found out... 63 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:37,593 is unique and quite hard to replicate. 64 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,888 - You can though. - I don't know about that. 65 00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:45,476 Central Saint Martins. Week one. Our very first assignment. 66 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,646 "Come up with a series of works in the style of the artist... 67 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,522 who inspired you the most." 68 00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,942 I saw it, Lori, with my own eyes. 69 00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:56,070 Ah, yes. That was a very long time ago though. 70 00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,447 And since then, well, you know... 71 00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:01,825 you've seen what I've said about him. 72 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,328 Didn't you guys meet once? 73 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,456 Am I remembering that rightly back when we were at college? 74 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:10,251 We know why you hate him is the point. 75 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,837 Think of this as a way to get revenge. 76 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:14,838 Just do the numbers, Lori. 77 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,591 Everybody knows what one original Julian Sklar... 78 00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,009 from that period is worth. 79 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,750 Other door. 80 00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:49,558 Hello? 81 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,987 Fragile and timeless. 82 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,742 Let's go with soft lights. 83 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:17,252 A bamboo shoot, which has pierced... 84 00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:20,589 Adrian's navel and has... 85 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:25,219 Oh God, I don't know, sprung a rose, at which you then... 86 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:29,473 stare, transfixed, and so I say... 87 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,393 happy anniversary. 88 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:36,522 35 years is too long to sustain a relationship... 89 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,982 as we're all designed to be dead by then... 90 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:42,653 evolutionarily speaking, so kudos... 91 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,781 to modern science for making generations... 92 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:51,161 feel like failures at love, except, apparently, you... 93 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,997 Adrian and Linda... 94 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,084 and for that I congratulate you both. 95 00:06:57,167 --> 00:07:01,463 Julian Sklar, signing off. 96 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:08,011 Hello? 97 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,098 I'm here for the four o'clock? 98 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,642 It's up one more. 99 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:18,105 Antanas. Is that a name? 100 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:22,401 And does it even matter as it's unpronounceable... 101 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:23,735 and does violence to the ear. 102 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:26,405 So I shall call you Tony. 103 00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:29,783 And for your birthday, Tony... 104 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,952 imagine me drawing you a tiger... 105 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,707 upon which you are gallantly perched... 106 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:40,252 in your sleeveless Tottenham Hotspur shirt. 107 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:44,047 Which at 48 you are far too old to be wearing. 108 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,883 And I am Julian Sklar. 109 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:50,179 And here I am signing off. 110 00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:53,307 Tea, coffee, water? 111 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:59,146 Oh, thank you. 112 00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,106 Water would be great actually, yes. 113 00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:04,985 Well, be a dear, and grab me one as well. Just by the front door. 114 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,656 Jeremy. 115 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:12,534 Jeremy, you again? 116 00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:32,137 Alisa, Julian Sklar here. 117 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:36,600 Your mother would like me to tell you not to quit art school. 118 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:40,312 Seriously though, do. 119 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,814 Those clowns at Camberwell will poison you... 120 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:45,609 with their Sainsbury's aisles and ideas... 121 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,612 processed, packed in plastic. 122 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,990 The stalest up front so that you buy into those first. 123 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:55,869 Grow your own, I say. Go organic! 124 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,956 Although I hear that's all rubbish too. 125 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,792 Do you know how much plastic we eat in a week? 126 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,419 A credit card's worth. 127 00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:07,506 It's in the water now. It's hopeless. 128 00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:11,927 So happy birthday, stay in school, blah, blah. 129 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:15,764 I'm Julian Sklar and here I am as I always am... 130 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,516 signing off. 131 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,565 149 pounds. 132 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,820 249 if I sign. 133 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,700 - Oh water? - Yeah. 134 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,828 Thank you. Never get old. 135 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,205 Oh, I'm sorry. 136 00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:44,418 Oh, Lori Butler. 137 00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,795 Never get old, Lori Butler. 138 00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,423 Yes, would you sit? 139 00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:57,514 It's been a while since I interviewed an assistant. 140 00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,058 So, tell me about yourself. 141 00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,728 However, if you are a painter... 142 00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:05,689 I don't want to know about it. 143 00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:07,316 And do dispense with the... 144 00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:11,486 "big fan, you were with me through" whatever drudgery... 145 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,655 your life's journey has taken you. 146 00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:18,035 Heartbreak, blah, blah, grieving. Because we both know... 147 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,997 that's a lie as I've done nothing but shit in 30 years. 148 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:23,915 Nothing at all in 20. 149 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,045 "You made me want to be an artist." No, my dear. 150 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,255 Your fucked-up childhood made you want to be an artist. 151 00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:34,217 I'm just what you tripped over as you scurried to freedom. 152 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,515 Lori is it? 153 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:46,063 If you claim to be a fan of that hideous reality show... 154 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:49,858 Art Fight, you may show yourself out now. 155 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:55,322 Even the creators of that pandering pig slop weren't fans. 156 00:10:55,781 --> 00:11:00,410 And I realize this makes it challenging to find a compliment... 157 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,371 that doesn't read like obsequiousness. 158 00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,956 And for that you have my sympathies. 159 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,584 Because don't get me wrong, I like my flattery. 160 00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:09,628 I just need to believe it. 161 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:14,424 So for now, I'll take, "I am a woman, and I don't hate you, Julian." 162 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,302 They hate me, the women, even more than the men. 163 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,472 I was bisexual, Lori... 164 00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:24,059 when it actually cost something to say so. 165 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:27,020 Are you any good with humidifiers? 166 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,399 I'm sorry. 167 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:34,361 Well, I'm told that I would benefit from the use of a humidifier... 168 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:36,822 and the infographics... 169 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:40,409 they burn a shadow on the retina... 170 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:45,288 arrows into screw holes, into arrows... 171 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,000 into whatever shapes those are. 172 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:52,129 Would you like some help in assembling your humidifier? 173 00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:55,382 Well, though I hesitate to take you up on your very kind offer... 174 00:11:57,426 --> 00:11:59,553 begrudgingly, thank you. 175 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:06,768 So, we've established you are not an artist... 176 00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:11,815 and you're not a fan and you may or may not be bisexual. 177 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,067 Oh, which reminds me... 178 00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:17,779 there are recent editions on the Wikipedia... 179 00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:21,074 quotes taken out of context and one in context... 180 00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:25,287 but spoken while inebriated and thus I can't be held accountable. 181 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,541 Ah, but what I said was true... 182 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:34,504 over 75% of enrollment in the art schools is women. 183 00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,548 And my question was simply a question... 184 00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:41,303 why then are women not in 75% percent of museums, Lori? 185 00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,973 You did say it was Lori? 186 00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:49,102 On the subject of Lori... 187 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,856 what did they tell you about this job? 188 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:56,902 - They? - Yes, my offspring. 189 00:12:56,985 --> 00:13:00,739 The dud Barnaby and the harridan Sallie. 190 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:04,868 Yeah, they said you were hiring an assistant... 191 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,789 to help catalog some of your things so they can be valued... 192 00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:11,291 by the HMRC or something like that. 193 00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:15,045 And they recommended you highly... 194 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:18,507 which is frankly why I'm a tad suspicious. 195 00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:21,760 I must be reminded not to carry things. 196 00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:22,844 Oh! 197 00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:25,680 That's according to my osteo... 198 00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:27,891 a smallish man named Cyril. 199 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,726 Interesting tidbit about Cyril... 200 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,436 he smells of radishes. 201 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,855 Why? 202 00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:39,194 This isn't about the unfinished Christophers, is it? 203 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:43,740 If so, you must tell me because I won't paint them. 204 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,951 I can't paint them. And please don't ask. 205 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:48,328 Please don't even speak of them. 206 00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,205 Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't what you're talking about. 207 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,289 Well, my children are obsessed with them... 208 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,291 and I wouldn't have put it past them if this... 209 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,794 had been somehow about that. 210 00:13:56,378 --> 00:14:00,215 Oh, they're not even clever. Those two, they're wrecks. 211 00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:03,260 She, a train wreck, utterly off the rails... 212 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,889 and he a shipwreck sunken and waterlogged. 213 00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,725 Blame their mothers, not me. I had nothing to do with them. 214 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,771 I would not be surprised, Lori... 215 00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:17,983 if this was not so that HMRC may, quote... 216 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:20,193 "assess the value of my estate..." 217 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:24,114 but so that my children could get intel on whether... 218 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,575 I was truly leaving them nothing. 219 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,202 Ah, she has risen! 220 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:33,290 My masseuse Esme, who is a gift from the heavens. 221 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,541 - Hi. - Hi. 222 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,793 Where I apparently have been mistaken for someone else. 223 00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:40,088 She's here at the insistence of Cyril the radish... 224 00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:42,048 who says I must be kinder to my joints. 225 00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:47,596 It's all a faff, you know, HMRC adore me. 226 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,472 I haven't paid taxes in a decade... 227 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,392 but they've still got one of my Garbage Twelves... 228 00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,853 in their lobby in Parliament Street. 229 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,273 And, alas, here it is. 230 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:04,029 A life to be summed up. Itemised. 231 00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:06,281 Julian Sklar: The Spreadsheet. 232 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:10,201 I don't even know what's up there in the room above us. 233 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,329 And the door's been locked for decades. 234 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,497 So, I shan't know even going forward... 235 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,833 should there be any forward left. 236 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:22,339 Yes. To the great displeasure of the buzzard Barnaby... 237 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,508 and the hyena Sallie... 238 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,887 I have outlived the actuarial prediction of... 239 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:32,641 even the direst of those foolish enough to insure me. 240 00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:37,228 At one point that had been the goal to live forever. 241 00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,773 And I should have liked to have bequeathed... 242 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,484 that task to my art, but... 243 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:45,820 sadly my art, not unlike my talent... 244 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,783 departed this life long ago when, apparently... 245 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,534 I was not paying attention. 246 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,787 Excellent interview. 247 00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,332 I like you, Lori Butler. 248 00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,085 What about tomorrow at the crack of noon? 249 00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,587 Yeah, great. 250 00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:26,152 What's up? 251 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,739 Yes, 12:00 p.m. tomorrow. 252 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,369 Well, I have no idea. I don't know what it's like up there. 253 00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:35,829 I don't know if they're even there. 254 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,292 Well, I would need the keys for it first, wouldn't I? 255 00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:45,588 When I know. 256 00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,884 Sallie, I will call you when I know... 257 00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:51,761 if he even has the paintings. 258 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,471 Jesus. 259 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,082 - You all right? - Hi. 260 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:57,952 Perhaps it's simply "The Reason My Therapist Chose... 261 00:17:58,036 --> 00:18:01,831 "Early Retirement Number Seven." 262 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:05,794 And next time, my dear, you have the urge to express yourself... 263 00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:08,505 why don't you nip down to Boots... 264 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,966 and get yourself a pencil and a notebook. 265 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,385 It's a lot cheaper. 266 00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,309 What I can't stand about painting... 267 00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:24,020 is you paint from the heart, from the soul... 268 00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,481 you give yourself to everything you can. 269 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,358 You pour it onto the canvas... 270 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,487 and then some bloody agent comes along and takes 45%. 271 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,405 Well no more. 272 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:35,865 Well, they're quite a bargain. 273 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,367 I do believe someone has walked away with... 274 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,576 a potentially 2 million pound... 275 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:41,037 painting for 1,100 pounds. How do you feel about that? 276 00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,205 It would be a bargain at 2 million... 277 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,333 but whatever they pay, I'm happy with. Thank you. 278 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:46,876 Well, they are all stunning. 279 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:47,961 Thank you very much. 280 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,712 Of course the question on everyone's lips is... 281 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,381 will the Christophers be making... 282 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,674 an appearance on the pavement today? 283 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,510 The christophers... 284 00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,348 No, they're indoors somewhere. 285 00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:03,059 They're private matters. Private affairs. 286 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,241 Other door. 287 00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,422 Hello? 288 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,259 Hello? 289 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,180 Hello. 290 00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,308 Oh, coming! 291 00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:46,603 Come in. 292 00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:50,857 Do you mind me in my dressing grown? 293 00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,611 Actually, I do. 294 00:19:58,573 --> 00:19:59,532 Okay. 295 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:08,291 Weinstein has ruined the robe for the rest of us. 296 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:12,420 You needn't have worried. 297 00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:15,423 I can't bear the sight of it open myself. 298 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:18,718 Even when alone. 299 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,851 Studio. This way. 300 00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,189 The locksmith should-- 301 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,191 We shall take the scenic route. 302 00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:37,153 Yep, if he can't find a key for what's up there... 303 00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:39,572 he'll have to change out the whole third floor door lock. 304 00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:44,244 I'll get him to make you a copy as well. 305 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,914 But no copies for the kids. 306 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:51,042 However hard they beg. 307 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:55,880 Oh, now that was once an entire dinosaur. 308 00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:59,008 Only had room inside for three, as it happened. 309 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:04,847 A fact that Ringo found out the hard way. 310 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:10,436 And oh, not the Ringo you are thinking about. 311 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:14,983 - No, this one was French. - Right. 312 00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:21,114 So, what is other Lori? 313 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,326 Am I allowed to ask if she has a boyfriend? 314 00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:28,496 I mean, no. 315 00:21:29,038 --> 00:21:30,873 No she doesn't? 316 00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:32,500 No, you're not allowed. 317 00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:35,044 Noted. 318 00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:40,008 Why not though? 319 00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:43,594 Well, firstly, we're at work. 320 00:21:43,678 --> 00:21:47,765 Nonsense. It's not like we cease to be ourselves... 321 00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:50,685 simply by crossing some conceptual boundary. 322 00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,896 Here I am at work and here I'm at home. Ask away. 323 00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:55,606 At work. Oh, don't you dare. 324 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,233 All yours. 325 00:21:58,568 --> 00:22:01,237 You can't ask me in either place... 326 00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:06,075 because you are my employer, which means you hold the power. 327 00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:09,662 And I should use it to ask if you have a partner. 328 00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:13,082 If you'll explain its relevance. 329 00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,626 The relevance is that I'm curious. 330 00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:20,757 And who wouldn't want to bring their life into their work? 331 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,594 Unless, well, right. 332 00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:27,263 Yes, well, never mind. You said that you weren't an artist. 333 00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:28,431 Actually you said that. 334 00:22:28,514 --> 00:22:31,392 Well, I swear that we had that conversation yesterday. 335 00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:32,769 Well, you know there was speaking if that's what you mean. 336 00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:36,147 Well, did I not ask questions? 337 00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:39,776 My children say that I don't ask questions. 338 00:22:40,902 --> 00:22:42,779 And actually by definition... 339 00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,947 "did I not ask questions" is a question. 340 00:22:45,031 --> 00:22:46,407 My children are idiots. 341 00:22:46,491 --> 00:22:49,327 I've no problem with questions, Lori. 342 00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:51,704 It's the answers that I can't be bothered with. 343 00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:57,752 Now you remember that I told you that you were never... 344 00:22:57,835 --> 00:23:00,296 - to speak of the Christophers. - Mm-hmm. 345 00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:03,424 Well, apparently I lied. You are to speak of them once... 346 00:23:03,508 --> 00:23:06,177 when you tell me that they are no more. 347 00:23:07,595 --> 00:23:09,389 No more? 348 00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:12,642 The canvases are buried deep in the back of the third floor... 349 00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:16,396 and you are to bring them down here and shred them to bits. 350 00:23:18,231 --> 00:23:21,275 I'm to shred the Christophers? 351 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,653 What? Oh, they're not Christophers. 352 00:23:24,237 --> 00:23:26,864 They are musings on ideas that could have been Christophers. 353 00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:30,368 And you are to obliterate them and destroy the stretchers. 354 00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:31,244 And then bring me the evidence... 355 00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:34,455 because I shan't go near them myself. 356 00:23:34,539 --> 00:23:36,207 Okay. 357 00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:38,584 Would you like me to leave them here when they're shredded? 358 00:23:38,668 --> 00:23:40,628 Yes. 359 00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:43,131 It's not that I don't trust you, Lori. 360 00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:48,177 The box cutter. 361 00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:50,221 It's just that I don't trust you. 362 00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:55,393 Ah, that'll be the locksmith and the facialist... 363 00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:59,188 whom I find to be nothing more than a 90 minute endurance test. 364 00:23:59,272 --> 00:24:02,859 However, Esme demands that I'm kinder to my skin. 365 00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:06,946 So I shall brace myself and go. 366 00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:21,002 Lockbox is sorted. 367 00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:23,629 Spare front door key... 368 00:24:24,255 --> 00:24:26,883 and third floor set to go with the new door lock. 369 00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:47,972 Oh! 370 00:30:48,055 --> 00:30:51,225 I've changed my mind. They shall not be shredded. 371 00:30:52,434 --> 00:30:54,311 Okay. Okay. 372 00:30:54,395 --> 00:30:55,980 They shall be burned. 373 00:30:57,481 --> 00:31:01,068 All right? Yeah, sure. I will sort it. 374 00:31:01,151 --> 00:31:03,070 It is sorted. 375 00:31:03,821 --> 00:31:07,992 We shall do it together. Which is to say you shall do it... 376 00:31:08,075 --> 00:31:09,785 and I shall watch. 377 00:31:12,079 --> 00:31:14,290 It's a bit early for you though, isn't it? 378 00:31:14,373 --> 00:31:16,375 Well, I have been up all night. 379 00:31:16,959 --> 00:31:21,380 And I shan't sleep until they are smoldering ash. 380 00:31:26,510 --> 00:31:27,970 Yes? 381 00:31:28,470 --> 00:31:31,098 I'm curious, what kept you awake? 382 00:31:31,181 --> 00:31:35,227 Cascading memories of wrongs done to me since my childhood. 383 00:31:35,311 --> 00:31:37,813 They came as if from a kinetoscope. 384 00:31:38,439 --> 00:31:39,398 Hmm. 385 00:31:40,107 --> 00:31:41,942 Look it up, it's with a K. 386 00:31:42,026 --> 00:31:46,572 Now to the fire pit. Follow me or I shall burn them myself. 387 00:31:46,989 --> 00:31:50,326 Have you ever been betrayed, Lori? 388 00:31:50,409 --> 00:31:54,496 Oh, I mean hasn't everybody? 389 00:31:55,748 --> 00:31:58,500 Can be quite painful. Can it not? 390 00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:01,795 No matter what the relationship with the betrayer. 391 00:32:03,631 --> 00:32:06,842 And how were you betrayed, Lori? 392 00:32:09,345 --> 00:32:13,223 I once had a partner who left me. 393 00:32:13,307 --> 00:32:18,103 Oh my God. Your generation does whine about everything. 394 00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:23,317 Left me for my other partner. 395 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,653 Oh, be still my beating heart. 396 00:32:27,780 --> 00:32:29,782 Was this a throuple? 397 00:32:30,491 --> 00:32:34,161 It was a consensual relationship between three adults. Yeah. 398 00:32:34,244 --> 00:32:36,622 Oh my, oh my, oh my. 399 00:32:37,790 --> 00:32:40,000 You know, I was once in a throuple... 400 00:32:41,043 --> 00:32:44,505 back when it was merely called infidelity. 401 00:32:44,588 --> 00:32:47,383 No, that-- Nevermind. 402 00:32:53,597 --> 00:32:56,934 Right, you toss them on. 403 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,604 Oh, you seem hesitant. 404 00:33:01,689 --> 00:33:05,109 Yeah, I mean they're Julian Sklars. 405 00:33:05,192 --> 00:33:06,652 Oh, please. 406 00:33:08,654 --> 00:33:10,656 May I ask what's going on? 407 00:33:10,739 --> 00:33:14,493 Oh, the great, "What's going on?" Yes. What's going on? 408 00:33:14,576 --> 00:33:16,912 That is the question of the day, isn't it? 409 00:33:17,705 --> 00:33:21,875 In the fire pit now, please. 410 00:33:38,225 --> 00:33:41,729 Right. And now we need the turpentine and matches. 411 00:33:41,812 --> 00:33:43,105 So crack on, Lori. 412 00:33:44,273 --> 00:33:46,400 First we have a little chat. 413 00:33:48,110 --> 00:33:51,030 Sit. If you would. 414 00:33:59,872 --> 00:34:03,208 And on the subject of what is going on... 415 00:34:05,419 --> 00:34:10,382 Perhaps you would like to tell me exactly why you are here. 416 00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:17,222 I mean... To pay my rent. 417 00:34:17,306 --> 00:34:19,975 And why did you seek and then take this job? 418 00:34:24,438 --> 00:34:29,443 You did tell me not to mention if I was an artist... 419 00:34:29,526 --> 00:34:34,239 or a fan, but I thought maybe I'd learn something... 420 00:34:34,323 --> 00:34:36,033 by being in your vicinity. 421 00:34:36,533 --> 00:34:37,743 Really? 422 00:34:39,244 --> 00:34:41,497 Learn what exactly? 423 00:34:44,208 --> 00:34:47,002 Perhaps "how a man... 424 00:34:47,586 --> 00:34:51,131 "once a paradigm of progressive politics... 425 00:34:51,215 --> 00:34:54,218 "could morph into the apotheosis of everything... 426 00:34:54,301 --> 00:34:55,886 "that is currently wrong... 427 00:34:55,969 --> 00:35:00,516 "with everything artistically and economically?" 428 00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:05,604 Or how a "bloated ego in yesterday's beret..." 429 00:35:06,105 --> 00:35:09,358 could "squat on property unaffordable... 430 00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:12,736 "and hence uninhabitable for generations to come..." 431 00:35:12,820 --> 00:35:16,824 whose "only outrage at so-called 'cancel culture' came... 432 00:35:16,907 --> 00:35:19,993 "once he had been justifiably canceled himself." 433 00:35:20,577 --> 00:35:24,164 "Justifiably," says his future assistant... 434 00:35:26,333 --> 00:35:29,294 on January the 3rd, 2022. 435 00:35:32,381 --> 00:35:35,884 And she goes on. "Bloviating..." 436 00:35:35,968 --> 00:35:39,138 she says, "in the voice of the very thing, not just his work... 437 00:35:39,221 --> 00:35:43,433 "but his entire being so vociferously railed against during... 438 00:35:43,517 --> 00:35:46,395 "his once impressive ascension..." 439 00:35:46,478 --> 00:35:48,689 which preceded the "artistic immolation..." 440 00:35:48,772 --> 00:35:50,566 "and subsequent "crash and burn..." 441 00:35:50,649 --> 00:35:54,194 into the "soulless junk heap of irrelevance..." 442 00:35:54,278 --> 00:35:58,282 reserved for those who have "exploded our culture... 443 00:35:58,365 --> 00:36:01,618 "and imploded their legacy." 444 00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:06,790 "And will his work even last? 445 00:36:07,291 --> 00:36:11,170 "Or will it go the way of the lava lamp and the leisure suit? 446 00:36:11,253 --> 00:36:14,756 "And if it doesn't, shouldn't it?" 447 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,262 Not even "should it." 448 00:36:21,805 --> 00:36:23,891 "Shouldn't it." 449 00:36:33,108 --> 00:36:38,280 Never underestimate the internet prowess of a man... 450 00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:41,116 who has spent decades googling himself. 451 00:36:45,662 --> 00:36:47,998 So, why are you here? 452 00:36:52,169 --> 00:36:54,338 I was hired by Barnaby and Sallie... 453 00:36:54,421 --> 00:36:56,798 to complete the unfinished Christophers. 454 00:37:01,511 --> 00:37:03,305 - Really? - Yeah. 455 00:37:06,516 --> 00:37:08,352 Why? 456 00:37:09,019 --> 00:37:13,398 So they could have something from you. I guess, when you die. 457 00:37:16,318 --> 00:37:18,487 - You mean to sell? - Yeah. 458 00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:20,155 Just to sell? 459 00:37:21,990 --> 00:37:24,576 So the idea would be... 460 00:37:27,704 --> 00:37:31,541 I would return them to the third floor... 461 00:37:31,625 --> 00:37:33,210 where they would sit. 462 00:37:34,211 --> 00:37:36,338 - Until I died. - Yeah. 463 00:37:40,592 --> 00:37:42,219 And you know them how? 464 00:37:44,304 --> 00:37:48,141 Sallie and I met in art school. 465 00:37:48,892 --> 00:37:50,519 You know, she went by a different last name... 466 00:37:50,602 --> 00:37:52,479 but we all knew. 467 00:37:52,980 --> 00:37:56,525 Well, the school knew. She would never have got in on her talent. 468 00:37:57,234 --> 00:38:01,071 She said that she and her brother had a job for me. 469 00:38:02,990 --> 00:38:07,744 Well, it is the smartest thing they thought of in decades. 470 00:38:07,828 --> 00:38:09,913 I'll give them that. And your cut? 471 00:38:12,499 --> 00:38:13,959 A third. 472 00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:18,630 And what makes you think that you could do it? 473 00:38:20,132 --> 00:38:22,551 Well, they said that you were never up there. 474 00:38:24,136 --> 00:38:25,721 No! 475 00:38:25,804 --> 00:38:28,682 What makes you think you could actually do it? Do it! 476 00:38:30,767 --> 00:38:33,895 Well, the original brushes are all up there. 477 00:38:34,521 --> 00:38:39,860 The paints, the palette knives, the linseed, the rags. 478 00:38:40,569 --> 00:38:43,613 Those Kendall Plushes have been deadstock for decades. 479 00:38:43,697 --> 00:38:46,366 The microfibres alone would vet huge. 480 00:38:46,450 --> 00:38:47,576 Well, you must know that your very premise... 481 00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:51,413 that it is the correct equipment which makes the work... 482 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:53,290 the work, is bollocks. 483 00:38:55,917 --> 00:38:58,295 I guess that's where the art of it comes in. 484 00:38:59,588 --> 00:39:00,922 Art? 485 00:39:03,300 --> 00:39:08,096 That's the part I am most interested in, I guess. 486 00:39:08,180 --> 00:39:10,057 The art of what? 487 00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:14,019 Becoming someone else. 488 00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:16,355 Oh, poo. 489 00:39:18,357 --> 00:39:21,568 Get yourself your own mindset, Lori Butler. 490 00:39:21,651 --> 00:39:24,488 You inhabit that. You don't squat in mine. 491 00:39:25,489 --> 00:39:26,823 It takes guts. 492 00:39:27,616 --> 00:39:28,909 It takes blood. 493 00:39:28,992 --> 00:39:32,746 It took my blood, and don't you think you can bleed for me. 494 00:39:34,206 --> 00:39:36,458 Oh, and it seems that you are not the only person... 495 00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:40,796 in this room who wishes that you were someone else. 496 00:39:40,879 --> 00:39:42,339 I understand. I'm going to go. 497 00:39:42,422 --> 00:39:45,801 You are in my home. You have lied to me. 498 00:39:45,884 --> 00:39:47,094 You have betrayed me. 499 00:39:48,637 --> 00:39:50,138 And you are, at least for the time being... 500 00:39:50,222 --> 00:39:51,807 still in my employment. 501 00:39:51,890 --> 00:39:56,269 So do an old "bloviating bloated ego" a kindness... 502 00:39:56,353 --> 00:40:01,108 and grab a stretched blank canvas from upstairs. 503 00:40:01,191 --> 00:40:03,110 - What? - Any size. 504 00:40:03,193 --> 00:40:05,195 You've seen yourself, there are dozens. 505 00:40:06,947 --> 00:40:08,615 Why? 506 00:40:08,698 --> 00:40:10,200 Because I have one more question for you. 507 00:40:10,283 --> 00:40:12,452 And believe me, I shall pay... 508 00:40:12,536 --> 00:40:14,162 particular attention to your answer. 509 00:40:14,246 --> 00:40:17,791 And after that, by all means, you are free to leave. 510 00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:36,852 On there. 511 00:40:50,907 --> 00:40:52,284 My question. 512 00:40:54,453 --> 00:40:57,456 You say you can paint in my style. 513 00:41:01,293 --> 00:41:02,544 Do it then. 514 00:41:05,464 --> 00:41:06,923 That's not a question. 515 00:41:09,009 --> 00:41:11,428 Will you paint what you believe I would paint... 516 00:41:13,346 --> 00:41:15,849 were I whomever you think I was... 517 00:41:15,932 --> 00:41:20,270 whenever you think I was whatever you think I was? 518 00:41:25,150 --> 00:41:27,277 - No. - No. Because you can't. 519 00:41:33,825 --> 00:41:35,702 - Case closed. - I'm not going to do this. 520 00:41:36,119 --> 00:41:38,163 Thank you for the job. And I'm sorry. 521 00:41:38,830 --> 00:41:40,415 How would you know... 522 00:41:41,958 --> 00:41:46,213 how I would've painted them when even I don't know... 523 00:41:48,131 --> 00:41:49,841 how I would have painted them? 524 00:41:51,134 --> 00:41:54,554 I actually am truly sorry. 525 00:42:06,733 --> 00:42:10,195 The first Christopher series, 1994 and '95... 526 00:42:10,278 --> 00:42:13,448 have a very distinct trajectory in my mind. 527 00:42:13,532 --> 00:42:16,409 The marks on number one are tentative. 528 00:42:16,493 --> 00:42:20,580 There's a delicacy verging on a kind of inadvertent pointillism. 529 00:42:20,664 --> 00:42:22,374 At least in the undercoat. 530 00:42:22,457 --> 00:42:24,918 The colors warm with each successive layer. 531 00:42:25,001 --> 00:42:28,088 The bottoms are all Prussian blues, cherry reds... 532 00:42:28,171 --> 00:42:31,091 but as the layers rise, the reds get rustier. 533 00:42:31,174 --> 00:42:34,970 You even used ochre, a shade you told David Sylvester was... 534 00:42:35,053 --> 00:42:36,763 "sentimental slop." 535 00:42:36,846 --> 00:42:38,848 In the third and fourth the lac got denser... 536 00:42:38,932 --> 00:42:40,684 and the oils thickened. 537 00:42:40,767 --> 00:42:44,271 There was a liftedness, almost like you were dancing. 538 00:42:44,688 --> 00:42:47,440 The paint was literally coming off the canvas... 539 00:42:47,524 --> 00:42:49,442 and there was more light around his face... 540 00:42:49,526 --> 00:42:52,279 as his look moved more and more to the center. 541 00:42:52,362 --> 00:42:53,572 Towards his creator. 542 00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:56,866 What are you saying then? 543 00:42:57,701 --> 00:42:58,994 You were falling in love... 544 00:42:59,077 --> 00:43:01,663 and for the first time you were free. 545 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:03,957 I believe you came out then. 546 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,625 At least publicly. 547 00:43:06,376 --> 00:43:11,006 But in the second series, 1997, '98, it shifted. 548 00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:12,465 By the fifth in series two... 549 00:43:12,549 --> 00:43:14,759 you can see the hesitation in the line. 550 00:43:14,843 --> 00:43:17,304 The pressure becomes uneven. 551 00:43:17,387 --> 00:43:21,349 Heavy darks start to appear up top. Patches of blank. 552 00:43:21,433 --> 00:43:22,892 And Christopher's gaze... 553 00:43:22,976 --> 00:43:26,187 drifts further and further off the canvas again. 554 00:43:26,271 --> 00:43:27,856 And you started retouching. 555 00:43:27,939 --> 00:43:30,525 Sometimes eight layers, ten. 556 00:43:30,609 --> 00:43:33,403 Like you were trying to grasp an image that wasn't there. 557 00:43:33,903 --> 00:43:36,823 Number six looks like it was restarted 12, 13 times... 558 00:43:36,906 --> 00:43:38,992 and by eight there's a wooden quality. 559 00:43:39,409 --> 00:43:42,579 Almost as if you were painting by rote. 560 00:43:42,662 --> 00:43:46,750 And the blanks spread like they were metastasizing. 561 00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:50,503 Thomas McEvilley said they had a joyful lightness... 562 00:43:50,587 --> 00:43:52,422 a spirited lyricism. 563 00:43:52,505 --> 00:43:55,508 McEvilley was wrong. Graham-Dixon was wrong. 564 00:43:55,592 --> 00:43:57,552 Marina Vaizey was wrong. 565 00:43:57,636 --> 00:44:01,306 The lightness was forced, and the joy was a lie. 566 00:44:01,765 --> 00:44:03,141 It was obvious in the seventh... 567 00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:04,851 and by the eighth it was glaring. 568 00:44:05,435 --> 00:44:06,686 It was over. 569 00:44:08,271 --> 00:44:10,065 It wasn't very good, that last one. 570 00:44:10,148 --> 00:44:11,316 No. It isn't. 571 00:44:11,399 --> 00:44:16,321 Some sap in Chicago paid two mil for it during Covid... 572 00:44:16,404 --> 00:44:17,947 - I heard. - Yeah. 573 00:44:18,782 --> 00:44:19,699 Well. 574 00:44:20,659 --> 00:44:23,453 - Hence? - Here we are. 575 00:44:25,121 --> 00:44:26,581 Here we are then. 576 00:44:28,625 --> 00:44:31,836 Grave robbers crawling through the mud to exhume... 577 00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:35,757 a trinket from some already rotted coffin. 578 00:44:38,968 --> 00:44:40,970 And this third series... 579 00:44:41,721 --> 00:44:46,726 Am I-- Sorry, "I," to have painted them recently or...? 580 00:44:46,810 --> 00:44:49,646 No, back then was the thought. 581 00:44:50,230 --> 00:44:52,565 Of course when they were actually worth something... 582 00:44:53,191 --> 00:44:57,112 and then "I'm" to have buried them upstairs. 583 00:44:57,862 --> 00:45:00,740 Didn't want them seen would be the story I guess. 584 00:45:02,325 --> 00:45:03,493 Too painful. 585 00:45:04,244 --> 00:45:05,537 Something like that. 586 00:45:05,620 --> 00:45:07,497 Yes. The breakup was hard. 587 00:45:08,164 --> 00:45:09,082 Hmm. 588 00:45:10,041 --> 00:45:11,751 It wasn't. I'd done with them. 589 00:45:11,835 --> 00:45:12,669 Sure. 590 00:45:13,670 --> 00:45:15,630 - I had. - Fine. 591 00:45:20,427 --> 00:45:23,179 I must say I found your prep impressive. 592 00:45:23,263 --> 00:45:24,931 I've got to give you that. 593 00:45:25,014 --> 00:45:26,099 There was no prep. 594 00:45:32,439 --> 00:45:35,024 That could be some bloody package I've forgotten... 595 00:45:35,108 --> 00:45:36,568 I've ordered. 596 00:45:36,651 --> 00:45:38,611 Oh, they're so impatient, Amazon. 597 00:45:39,195 --> 00:45:42,198 Oh, bollocks! 598 00:45:42,282 --> 00:45:43,867 It's Barnaby. 599 00:45:43,950 --> 00:45:47,996 Unless... Oh Christ. 600 00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:52,792 It's Sallie too. Oh, oh, fuck me, it's both of them. 601 00:45:53,752 --> 00:45:55,253 Hang on! 602 00:45:57,005 --> 00:45:58,882 Hang on! 603 00:45:59,424 --> 00:46:03,887 Buzzards on the buzzers. 604 00:46:03,970 --> 00:46:07,348 Hi, Dad, I know what you said, but may we come in please? 605 00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:09,642 Why? 606 00:46:09,726 --> 00:46:12,020 We need to speak to your assistant. 607 00:46:12,103 --> 00:46:13,897 Oh, I forgot what her name is. 608 00:46:13,980 --> 00:46:16,316 Do you know I can't recall it either? 609 00:46:18,985 --> 00:46:20,320 Barney, any ideas? 610 00:46:21,321 --> 00:46:25,158 - Lisa maybe. - Yes! Lisa Maybe. 611 00:46:26,451 --> 00:46:28,161 Why? 612 00:46:28,244 --> 00:46:31,206 We just got a form that she urgently needs to fill out. 613 00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:32,999 - Tax related. - Very. 614 00:46:33,792 --> 00:46:35,376 very tax related. 615 00:46:36,503 --> 00:46:37,837 Yeah, we've been trying to call her... 616 00:46:37,921 --> 00:46:39,339 but she's not been picking up, so... 617 00:46:40,298 --> 00:46:41,758 So, is she here? 618 00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:46,387 Yes. Lisa Maybe is here. So do come in. 619 00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:50,600 As there's something I need to speak with you about as well. 620 00:46:51,935 --> 00:46:53,937 The Christophers. 621 00:46:55,522 --> 00:46:56,481 The...? 622 00:46:58,149 --> 00:46:59,609 Sorry, Dad. Which are those? 623 00:47:00,777 --> 00:47:02,403 Oh, have I got the name wrong? 624 00:47:02,487 --> 00:47:05,281 Oh gosh, Dad. I mean, you've painted so many. 625 00:47:05,365 --> 00:47:07,367 Christopher. Christopher. 626 00:47:07,450 --> 00:47:10,787 Why am I so fixated on that name then? 627 00:47:11,454 --> 00:47:14,582 Which was the one that I said, perhaps you can recall this. 628 00:47:14,666 --> 00:47:17,460 Which was the one that you took a whack at... 629 00:47:17,544 --> 00:47:20,421 at some point last year accidentally thinking... 630 00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:22,215 that it was not in fact an egregious... 631 00:47:22,298 --> 00:47:25,051 act of dishonesty and betrayal? 632 00:47:25,134 --> 00:47:27,428 Oh right. Yeah, those, those. 633 00:47:27,512 --> 00:47:28,513 Dad, what about them? 634 00:47:28,596 --> 00:47:31,391 Well, I have asked Lisa Maybe to destroy them. 635 00:47:33,309 --> 00:47:34,894 - What? - Wait, why? 636 00:47:34,978 --> 00:47:36,271 Well, she can't, Dad. 637 00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:38,106 Oh, I already have. 638 00:47:38,189 --> 00:47:41,067 - What the fuck, Lori? - Yes. That's her name. Lori! 639 00:47:41,150 --> 00:47:42,485 - And she has burned-- - Shredded. 640 00:47:43,862 --> 00:47:45,655 - She's shredded them. - Fuck off. 641 00:47:45,738 --> 00:47:48,116 Bullshit, even he knows you're bullshitting. 642 00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:49,701 - Yeah. Where are they then? - Hang on. 643 00:47:57,250 --> 00:47:58,960 Dad, you can't. 644 00:48:00,169 --> 00:48:02,422 Well, apparently I did. 645 00:48:02,505 --> 00:48:03,882 But they're not yours. 646 00:48:04,549 --> 00:48:08,887 Well, meaning that they are the world's. 647 00:48:08,970 --> 00:48:11,806 - The world of art. - But not, of course yours. 648 00:48:11,890 --> 00:48:12,724 No, no! 649 00:48:12,807 --> 00:48:14,601 The furthest thing from our minds. 650 00:48:15,184 --> 00:48:19,772 Well, you should get out and give them to the world. 651 00:48:20,231 --> 00:48:24,444 And to do that, you should get out now and get started. 652 00:48:24,527 --> 00:48:26,195 You stupid, stupid man. 653 00:48:26,279 --> 00:48:28,197 Get out of my house now. 654 00:48:29,699 --> 00:48:30,992 The two of you. 655 00:48:31,075 --> 00:48:33,453 Great. Now you've shredded each other. 656 00:48:33,536 --> 00:48:35,747 So I hope you feel very good about it. 657 00:48:35,830 --> 00:48:36,956 Shredded each other? 658 00:48:40,084 --> 00:48:41,586 What does that mean? 659 00:48:41,669 --> 00:48:42,962 Nothing. 660 00:48:44,255 --> 00:48:46,758 - Nothing? - Nothing. 661 00:48:48,885 --> 00:48:51,930 And these, what are these? 662 00:48:53,139 --> 00:48:57,477 These are fakes, which I shredded. 663 00:48:58,645 --> 00:49:00,229 The real ones... 664 00:49:00,313 --> 00:49:03,024 the ones you were about to incinerate... 665 00:49:03,107 --> 00:49:04,943 are outside in the fire pit. 666 00:49:06,945 --> 00:49:09,030 Right? 667 00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:11,282 So? 668 00:49:12,241 --> 00:49:14,369 So, let's go. 669 00:49:19,290 --> 00:49:23,169 As you are still, for the moment, my employee... 670 00:49:23,252 --> 00:49:27,507 I'm ordering you to come out to the fire pit and burn them. 671 00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:30,385 Well, as your employee has now quit... 672 00:49:30,468 --> 00:49:32,178 I wish you good luck with that. 673 00:49:33,179 --> 00:49:35,056 Well, I'll go and do it myself then. 674 00:49:35,139 --> 00:49:37,517 Oh, really? 675 00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:38,559 Really. 676 00:49:40,603 --> 00:49:41,771 "Crack on," then. 677 00:49:57,370 --> 00:49:59,580 How's the bonfire going? 678 00:50:02,709 --> 00:50:07,380 What did you mean, "I'd imploded my legacy"? 679 00:50:10,508 --> 00:50:15,263 If you were to ask my cousin who Julian Sklar is... 680 00:50:15,346 --> 00:50:17,807 he would say the guy that yelled at kids... 681 00:50:17,890 --> 00:50:21,894 and housewives on Art Fight. 682 00:50:23,271 --> 00:50:26,899 Yes. Well, they get off easy. Yes. 683 00:50:26,983 --> 00:50:29,736 I was the one being tortured. 684 00:50:29,819 --> 00:50:32,822 I was waterboarded by a deluge of kittens, Lori. 685 00:50:32,905 --> 00:50:36,617 Each one more hideously adorable than the next. 686 00:50:37,118 --> 00:50:40,204 Bopping at yarn. In acrylic. 687 00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,124 Watercolor. Watercolor, Lori. 688 00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:45,293 Peach tones, lavender, lavender. 689 00:50:46,753 --> 00:50:49,088 Well, no, I did them a favor. 690 00:50:51,132 --> 00:50:52,133 Did you? 691 00:50:53,301 --> 00:50:55,303 Yes. 692 00:50:55,386 --> 00:51:00,808 I saved them from a lifetime of heartache and rejection... 693 00:51:01,267 --> 00:51:05,146 and grasping at something that they would never achieve. 694 00:51:05,229 --> 00:51:07,774 And worse. Clawing back at something... 695 00:51:07,857 --> 00:51:10,026 that they would never recapture. 696 00:51:10,109 --> 00:51:14,739 Because success, Lori, is worse. 697 00:51:16,991 --> 00:51:19,619 Okay. Okay. 698 00:51:19,702 --> 00:51:22,914 Let's just stop this. Yeah? 699 00:51:25,124 --> 00:51:27,376 - What are you doing? - You're not going to burn these. 700 00:51:27,460 --> 00:51:30,004 What? I most certainly am. 701 00:51:30,546 --> 00:51:36,385 There is a reason you've kept them for 25 years. 702 00:51:37,095 --> 00:51:38,971 If you really didn't want them, you would've sold them... 703 00:51:39,055 --> 00:51:41,307 for shit at your stupid jumble sale. 704 00:51:41,390 --> 00:51:43,810 Oh my "sidewalk salon." 705 00:51:43,893 --> 00:51:46,854 Oh, that was a bugger off to an industry... 706 00:51:47,438 --> 00:51:48,564 who needed someone to say it to them. 707 00:51:48,648 --> 00:51:51,901 It was a move that gave you cover to pretend it was you... 708 00:51:51,984 --> 00:51:54,946 who was in control of his own downfall. 709 00:51:58,074 --> 00:52:01,327 No, but no, I'd done with them. Lori. 710 00:52:01,410 --> 00:52:02,578 Yeah, because they were done with you. 711 00:52:02,662 --> 00:52:04,872 It was a corrupt industry... 712 00:52:06,124 --> 00:52:07,416 in a corrupt world. 713 00:52:08,292 --> 00:52:11,462 Investments and tax shelters... 714 00:52:12,130 --> 00:52:15,883 and trophies for the Billionaire Boys' Club. 715 00:52:15,967 --> 00:52:18,302 So, I left. 716 00:52:19,178 --> 00:52:20,346 No, you mean you quit. 717 00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:21,764 - No, I left. - You gave in. 718 00:52:21,848 --> 00:52:24,350 I left. And on my own terms. 719 00:52:24,976 --> 00:52:27,854 And how do you know if it's even art now... 720 00:52:27,937 --> 00:52:30,314 anyhow, it's all online? 721 00:52:31,691 --> 00:52:32,733 Oh, you get nothing... 722 00:52:32,817 --> 00:52:36,863 when you stare at something through a screen. 723 00:52:39,991 --> 00:52:43,828 You know, I get yelled at now from passing cars. 724 00:52:44,871 --> 00:52:47,957 They call me a hack, a pig even. 725 00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:50,042 Offended somehow as if... 726 00:52:50,585 --> 00:52:53,629 we've got some sort of personal relationship. 727 00:52:53,713 --> 00:52:55,715 You don't think it's a personal relationship? 728 00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:58,718 Art? 729 00:52:59,552 --> 00:53:00,553 No. 730 00:53:01,554 --> 00:53:04,056 It's a man alone in his room. 731 00:53:04,765 --> 00:53:06,142 Me in this room. 732 00:53:08,186 --> 00:53:10,188 I have a relationship... 733 00:53:10,980 --> 00:53:12,815 with the canvas. 734 00:53:13,566 --> 00:53:16,819 And when I've said what I've got to say to it, then it goes. 735 00:53:16,903 --> 00:53:18,529 Where do you think it goes? 736 00:53:21,073 --> 00:53:22,116 Do what you want. 737 00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,285 You can take them out. You can burn them again. 738 00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:25,328 Don't leave me. 739 00:53:30,583 --> 00:53:31,751 Why... 740 00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:34,420 did you even care? 741 00:53:34,503 --> 00:53:38,257 And you were so livid with me... 742 00:53:39,550 --> 00:53:41,302 in those writings. 743 00:53:42,970 --> 00:53:44,055 Why? 744 00:53:49,810 --> 00:53:50,978 I was 12. 745 00:53:52,021 --> 00:53:53,814 It was pissing down rain. 746 00:53:53,898 --> 00:53:59,070 I ditched school and snuck into what happened to be a museum. 747 00:54:00,029 --> 00:54:00,947 Yes. 748 00:54:01,697 --> 00:54:03,157 Yes, what show? 749 00:54:03,658 --> 00:54:06,661 It was the one with the famous artist's... 750 00:54:06,744 --> 00:54:08,204 work from when they were kids. 751 00:54:09,205 --> 00:54:11,582 You saw "Enfant Terrible." 752 00:54:12,333 --> 00:54:15,753 There was one you'd done my age that was the easiest to copy. 753 00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:18,589 By which you mean it was the one... 754 00:54:18,673 --> 00:54:20,800 that hit you most profoundly in your soul. 755 00:54:20,883 --> 00:54:22,677 By which I mean it was literally called... 756 00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:25,346 Anyone Can Do This and Call It Art. 757 00:54:25,429 --> 00:54:26,264 Yeah. 758 00:54:27,306 --> 00:54:28,557 Mrs. Hanley... 759 00:54:30,977 --> 00:54:32,687 she failed me for that one. 760 00:54:32,770 --> 00:54:36,440 "Oh, this is nothing but a spiral of words, Julian. 761 00:54:36,899 --> 00:54:40,027 "You have desecrated the canvas with everything... 762 00:54:40,111 --> 00:54:41,737 "that the assignment is not." 763 00:54:41,821 --> 00:54:44,198 But I said, "Yes! 764 00:54:45,116 --> 00:54:47,159 "Because it's more interesting." 765 00:54:50,037 --> 00:54:53,040 Yeah, and there was a second piece of yours. 766 00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:57,253 It was a drawing from when you were six. 767 00:54:57,336 --> 00:54:59,547 Boy Under cloud. 768 00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:01,590 Boy Under cloud. 769 00:55:01,674 --> 00:55:05,845 An oozing excretion of maudlin treacle, that title. 770 00:55:07,054 --> 00:55:08,264 You were six. 771 00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:13,019 And did you find that easy to copy as well? 772 00:55:15,271 --> 00:55:16,647 Not at 12. 773 00:55:19,775 --> 00:55:20,776 It was... 774 00:55:22,111 --> 00:55:23,029 impeccable. 775 00:55:24,697 --> 00:55:25,698 But? 776 00:55:28,826 --> 00:55:31,037 I quit, is that what you're saying? 777 00:55:33,956 --> 00:55:37,376 Please God, don't feel sorry for me. 778 00:55:38,085 --> 00:55:41,756 To be honest, I'd rather have your rage than your pity. 779 00:55:41,839 --> 00:55:43,841 And now, if you'll excuse me. 780 00:55:46,969 --> 00:55:49,430 I need to pay for tonight's meal. 781 00:55:52,058 --> 00:55:55,436 You are a quitter yourself, you know, Lori. 782 00:55:56,812 --> 00:56:00,358 No one goes to art school to become a restorer or a critic. 783 00:56:02,777 --> 00:56:04,570 I came in early this morning. 784 00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,323 Really? 785 00:56:07,406 --> 00:56:11,243 Yeah. 4:00, 5:00 am. 786 00:56:14,121 --> 00:56:17,458 Well, I'm sorry if such industrious assistantism was... 787 00:56:17,541 --> 00:56:22,588 wasted on what turned out to be an errant if dramatic misfire. 788 00:56:23,547 --> 00:56:25,925 - What it tells me-- - Excuse me. 789 00:56:38,896 --> 00:56:41,899 Good morning, Mario. 790 00:56:42,650 --> 00:56:47,446 Now you told me that you want me to paint something... 791 00:56:47,530 --> 00:56:51,575 appropriately romantic for your fiance. 792 00:56:51,659 --> 00:56:55,871 And I presume by "appropriately..." 793 00:56:55,955 --> 00:56:59,458 that you want me to paint it in vanishing ink. 794 00:57:57,766 --> 00:58:00,227 - Lori. - Oh my God. What? 795 00:58:00,311 --> 00:58:02,688 I am not going back there. 796 00:58:02,771 --> 00:58:04,899 - But you have to. - Because? 797 00:58:04,982 --> 00:58:07,276 Because you need to start them from scratch. 798 00:58:07,359 --> 00:58:10,863 You've still got old canvases and paints and brushes up there. 799 00:58:12,114 --> 00:58:14,575 Yeah. That's not going to happen. 800 00:58:14,992 --> 00:58:17,036 Well, we think it is. 801 00:58:22,124 --> 00:58:24,627 Isidore Clemens. 1927. 802 00:58:25,961 --> 00:58:30,758 Sold for 25,000 in that Kent art house in 2017. 803 00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:32,760 Split between that corrupt gallerist... 804 00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:34,845 and the person opposite me. 805 00:58:35,471 --> 00:58:38,015 Maybe you shouldn't write angry notes to exes. 806 00:58:38,516 --> 00:58:40,392 Especially those who still speak to other... 807 00:58:40,476 --> 00:58:42,394 old college friends of yours. 808 00:58:42,478 --> 00:58:44,563 Sometimes people say things. 809 00:58:44,647 --> 00:58:47,525 I'm curious if the person who paid the 25k might be... 810 00:58:47,608 --> 00:58:49,318 interested in knowing it's a fake. 811 00:58:51,779 --> 00:58:54,990 Well, when you find out, let me know. 812 00:58:55,074 --> 00:58:56,659 I don't think you want to challenge this. 813 00:58:56,742 --> 00:58:59,745 Yeah, but you may need to because you know... 814 00:58:59,828 --> 00:59:03,290 and I know that no one benefits from that being exposed. 815 00:59:03,374 --> 00:59:05,000 Not the gallery, not the artist... 816 00:59:05,084 --> 00:59:07,419 and certainly not the person that bought it. 817 00:59:08,045 --> 00:59:10,005 Was that a confession we just heard? 818 00:59:10,089 --> 00:59:12,633 No, but this is. 819 00:59:13,884 --> 00:59:16,220 I forged that painting. 820 00:59:17,137 --> 00:59:19,557 And I forged Astley's In-Between. 821 00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:22,393 And I forged Panagatacos' Six Shapes in Red. 822 00:59:23,269 --> 00:59:26,272 All of that was a long time ago. 823 00:59:27,773 --> 00:59:29,942 So you'll do what we say then? 824 00:59:30,025 --> 00:59:31,527 No. 825 00:59:31,610 --> 00:59:34,989 Well then, perhaps we'll see you in court. 826 00:59:35,072 --> 00:59:39,535 Yeah, because perhaps, Lori, we've been recording this. 827 00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:47,459 And does that include your fraud bit before my confession... 828 00:59:47,543 --> 00:59:48,877 and your blackmail bit after? 829 00:59:48,961 --> 00:59:51,505 Because you'd need both for context. 830 00:59:51,589 --> 00:59:54,258 We'll give you 10,000 pounds in advance. 831 00:59:54,341 --> 00:59:56,635 - Wow. But no. - Fifteen. 832 00:59:56,719 --> 00:59:58,637 - No. - Oh, come on mate. 833 00:59:58,721 --> 01:00:00,973 20. 20 grand, okay? But that's it. 834 01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:01,890 We can't go higher than that. 835 01:00:02,975 --> 01:00:04,768 Do you even have this money? 836 01:00:04,852 --> 01:00:05,811 Yeah. 837 01:00:06,562 --> 01:00:08,188 - Really? - Yes. 838 01:00:09,273 --> 01:00:10,733 How? 839 01:00:10,816 --> 01:00:11,859 Because... 840 01:00:13,193 --> 01:00:14,153 It doesn't matter. 841 01:00:16,030 --> 01:00:17,156 Two hundred thousand. 842 01:00:18,741 --> 01:00:20,117 - Pounds? - Quid? 843 01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:21,785 You must be out of your bloody mind. 844 01:00:21,869 --> 01:00:23,454 We haven't got that sort of money. 845 01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:24,747 The number's 200. 846 01:00:24,830 --> 01:00:27,333 Look, I love you Lori, but this is piggish. 847 01:00:27,416 --> 01:00:28,375 Two hundred thousand. 848 01:00:28,459 --> 01:00:31,503 You are being a cunty pig-cunt. 849 01:00:31,587 --> 01:00:32,921 Two hundred thousand. 850 01:00:33,005 --> 01:00:35,841 21,400 pounds, right, please accept this. 851 01:00:35,924 --> 01:00:37,176 That's all the money we have. 852 01:00:37,259 --> 01:00:41,096 Please, please, Lori, please. It's really, really important. 853 01:00:44,266 --> 01:00:45,434 Oh my God. 854 01:00:46,852 --> 01:00:48,520 You've sold them already. 855 01:00:51,023 --> 01:00:52,232 - What? - No. 856 01:00:54,193 --> 01:00:55,319 This is... 857 01:00:56,111 --> 01:00:57,988 This is fabulous. 858 01:00:58,072 --> 01:01:01,867 The answer is no and definitely not for 21,000 quid. 859 01:01:01,950 --> 01:01:04,161 He's dying, Lori. 860 01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:06,664 It's called Aplastic Anaemia. 861 01:01:07,247 --> 01:01:10,084 Okay, he's been refusing treatment for years. 862 01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:11,710 Our time is running out. 863 01:01:12,294 --> 01:01:13,629 Everyone's is. 864 01:01:15,005 --> 01:01:18,926 The answer is even more no. 865 01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:27,017 - Did you forget something? - Can you close the door? 866 01:01:27,101 --> 01:01:29,728 I believe your dignity is just along there... 867 01:01:29,812 --> 01:01:32,690 and you'll find your pride upstairs somewhere. 868 01:01:32,773 --> 01:01:33,732 Close the door. 869 01:01:38,987 --> 01:01:43,367 I've just googled a rare blood disease called Aplastic Anaemia. 870 01:01:43,450 --> 01:01:45,411 Ah, yes. 871 01:01:47,329 --> 01:01:51,959 Well, much to the impending dismay of the Heirs Abhorrent... 872 01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:56,422 a genius in Stuttgart has reionized y stems cells... 873 01:01:56,922 --> 01:01:59,925 and thus, like everything else that used to be inside me... 874 01:02:00,926 --> 01:02:02,594 it has amounted to nothing. 875 01:02:03,095 --> 01:02:06,056 The only thing dying, I'm afraid... 876 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,685 is the dream of Lord and Lady Vulture. 877 01:02:10,561 --> 01:02:12,187 Well, they've sold them already. 878 01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:16,817 - Sold? - The Christophers. 879 01:02:17,276 --> 01:02:20,320 They took a down payment of a million quid last year. 880 01:02:23,407 --> 01:02:27,411 That's why Sallie tried to do it herself. 881 01:02:28,954 --> 01:02:32,624 Oh, oh, what glorious idiocy. 882 01:02:34,334 --> 01:02:38,005 Well, for what it's worth of that... 883 01:02:38,088 --> 01:02:41,216 they only have 21,000 quid left. 884 01:02:41,300 --> 01:02:42,885 Well, I'm surprised they've got anything. 885 01:02:43,761 --> 01:02:45,387 How many paintings? 886 01:02:45,471 --> 01:02:47,848 All nine. Even Sallie's. 887 01:02:49,767 --> 01:02:50,768 To a fan? 888 01:02:51,769 --> 01:02:54,813 To a 28-year-old tech bro... 889 01:02:54,897 --> 01:02:57,191 who's going to donate them for the tax credit. 890 01:02:57,274 --> 01:02:59,318 Oh, to the Royal Academy? 891 01:02:59,401 --> 01:03:00,360 Well, at least? 892 01:03:01,904 --> 01:03:03,280 Maybe? 893 01:03:03,781 --> 01:03:05,949 To a place called Museum of the Desert... 894 01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:08,827 just outside of Las Vegas. 895 01:03:08,911 --> 01:03:10,829 Oh. 896 01:03:10,913 --> 01:03:15,083 And this tech bro, does he even know who I am? Or was? 897 01:03:15,167 --> 01:03:17,711 No. But I'm told after some googling. 898 01:03:17,795 --> 01:03:22,049 Yes. And I assume my children want you to resume... 899 01:03:22,132 --> 01:03:26,804 your task of faking these somehow? 900 01:03:28,013 --> 01:03:30,224 Same plan, new old canvases. 901 01:03:36,188 --> 01:03:37,564 I think I should do it. 902 01:03:40,526 --> 01:03:41,860 You paint them? 903 01:03:44,321 --> 01:03:45,322 Yeah. 904 01:03:46,657 --> 01:03:50,410 Paint them, but very, very badly. 905 01:03:59,670 --> 01:04:01,880 Imagine the look on the tech bro's face... 906 01:04:01,964 --> 01:04:03,465 when he sees what he's bought. 907 01:04:04,883 --> 01:04:07,970 Oh, it's almost worth staying alive for. 908 01:04:09,221 --> 01:04:12,558 And I shall be alongside you... 909 01:04:12,641 --> 01:04:14,977 for the entire time as your assistant. 910 01:04:16,186 --> 01:04:18,105 You're going to be my assistant? 911 01:04:18,188 --> 01:04:20,065 Yes. And I'll be a very good one too. 912 01:04:20,148 --> 01:04:24,111 And now my first task is to assist you in getting paints. 913 01:04:24,194 --> 01:04:26,572 - And there's an art shop... - Yeah? 914 01:04:26,655 --> 01:04:29,575 ...on Bronton Street, which is quite dreadful. 915 01:04:29,658 --> 01:04:30,576 Perfect. 916 01:04:30,659 --> 01:04:31,660 Oh, but, oh, on this particular occasion... 917 01:04:31,743 --> 01:04:35,289 I shan't be able to help you in person... 918 01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:36,915 as I'm not allowed in... 919 01:04:37,499 --> 01:04:39,626 due to a thin-skinned proprietor... 920 01:04:39,710 --> 01:04:43,672 and an overreaction to a simple statement of fact. 921 01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:46,216 Okay, I'll get this one then. 922 01:04:46,300 --> 01:04:48,760 All right! And while you are out... 923 01:04:48,844 --> 01:04:50,804 shall I rustle us up something... 924 01:04:50,888 --> 01:04:52,556 little omelet? 925 01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:57,144 You're going to make me an omelet? 926 01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:59,563 Yeah. Don't sound so surprised. 927 01:04:59,646 --> 01:05:00,939 All right then, I'll have a cheese omelet. 928 01:05:01,023 --> 01:05:02,357 Yeah. Cheese omelet. 929 01:05:03,734 --> 01:05:05,235 That's an omelet with cheese. 930 01:05:05,944 --> 01:05:07,988 Yeah. 931 01:05:08,071 --> 01:05:11,950 Actually, how do you introduce the cheese into the omelet? 932 01:05:13,201 --> 01:05:15,412 I'm just going to pick something up for us. Yeah? 933 01:05:16,038 --> 01:05:17,915 Excellent team work. 934 01:05:42,856 --> 01:05:45,901 - Hello. - Coming. Coming! 935 01:05:48,987 --> 01:05:54,326 I thought you might enjoy this as a kind of inspiration piece. 936 01:05:55,410 --> 01:05:58,372 - Is that Sallie's? - Yes. 937 01:05:58,455 --> 01:06:01,833 I keep it in her old room to ward off future visits. 938 01:06:01,917 --> 01:06:06,838 It's affixed to the wall along with garlic and a wooden cross. 939 01:06:06,922 --> 01:06:09,883 What's crazy is she's actually improved since art school. 940 01:06:11,343 --> 01:06:14,262 Well, that's another first. 941 01:06:14,346 --> 01:06:17,557 An instance of where a child of mine... 942 01:06:17,641 --> 01:06:20,185 has actually inspired me. 943 01:06:21,812 --> 01:06:25,482 Right. And this shall be your metric. 944 01:06:25,565 --> 01:06:27,025 Can you top it? 945 01:06:27,109 --> 01:06:29,903 By which of course, I mean, can you go under it? 946 01:06:29,987 --> 01:06:33,031 This is fun! Assisting. 947 01:06:33,115 --> 01:06:36,660 This is delicious, Lori. Mm! 948 01:06:40,956 --> 01:06:42,958 Consider me poor but happy. 949 01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:43,875 Okay. 950 01:06:45,043 --> 01:06:46,211 I'm going to start. 951 01:06:50,340 --> 01:06:51,758 This was to be his. 952 01:06:54,136 --> 01:06:57,431 Well, they were all to be his, as a matter of fact. 953 01:06:58,390 --> 01:07:00,350 His? Christopher's? 954 01:07:01,643 --> 01:07:04,855 Oh, was I blustering fool. 955 01:07:06,356 --> 01:07:08,442 Messages on the answering machine. 956 01:07:09,109 --> 01:07:11,361 Gifts, gifts, gifts. 957 01:07:12,571 --> 01:07:14,781 "Let me paint you one more time, Topher... 958 01:07:14,865 --> 01:07:17,034 "and all this should be yours." 959 01:07:17,117 --> 01:07:19,036 Nothing. 960 01:07:22,164 --> 01:07:25,292 Actually, let's start with a different one. 961 01:07:26,043 --> 01:07:29,004 I made him. I literally created him. 962 01:07:30,672 --> 01:07:32,758 He was the boy who did my stretchers. 963 01:07:33,592 --> 01:07:35,469 I gave him his life, his fame. 964 01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:37,012 Everyone knew who Christopher was. 965 01:07:37,095 --> 01:07:39,514 He was invited everywhere. And then one day... 966 01:07:46,438 --> 01:07:47,981 He never came back. 967 01:07:50,442 --> 01:07:53,862 I actually did want him to have them even after all of the mess. 968 01:07:53,945 --> 01:07:57,240 I should have liked to have lasted in his mind. 969 01:07:57,324 --> 01:07:59,618 You see, that's the thing, isn't it? 970 01:08:00,911 --> 01:08:03,789 To last in the mind of others. 971 01:08:12,339 --> 01:08:13,632 First instincts, Lori! 972 01:08:15,425 --> 01:08:18,220 I never joined the Royal Academy, you know. 973 01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:22,390 Oh, the R.A. I refused to play that game. 974 01:08:22,891 --> 01:08:24,768 The others were rabid about it. 975 01:08:24,851 --> 01:08:26,978 Every last one of them more competitive than the next. 976 01:08:27,062 --> 01:08:31,733 But not me, Lori. I was the least competitive of them all by far. 977 01:08:31,817 --> 01:08:33,652 Why are you staring at me? 978 01:08:33,735 --> 01:08:35,946 I don't think you want to do this. 979 01:08:38,740 --> 01:08:41,993 I am ordering you, Lori Butler... 980 01:08:42,077 --> 01:08:45,122 to desecrate that painting with that brush. 981 01:08:45,205 --> 01:08:48,917 Well, as my assistant, you don't get to call the shots. 982 01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:52,712 Oh, very well then. I resign as your assistant! 983 01:08:52,796 --> 01:08:55,048 Okay, okay, okay. You win, you win, you win. 984 01:08:55,132 --> 01:08:57,175 Look, I will do it. I'll do it. 985 01:08:57,634 --> 01:08:59,386 But let's pick a different one. 986 01:08:59,469 --> 01:09:01,471 That's right, pick a different one. 987 01:09:44,264 --> 01:09:47,517 It's already dreadful. 988 01:09:48,143 --> 01:09:52,856 Oh, well this is monumentally hideous... 989 01:09:52,939 --> 01:09:53,899 so... 990 01:09:55,442 --> 01:09:56,401 Glue. 991 01:09:57,694 --> 01:09:58,820 Yes. 992 01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:06,453 This glue and then feathers. 993 01:10:08,038 --> 01:10:12,876 No, no. We'll have the glitter first, and then feathers. 994 01:10:15,045 --> 01:10:16,296 And that. 995 01:10:17,672 --> 01:10:19,090 Oh take that! 996 01:10:20,217 --> 01:10:22,427 Feathers. 997 01:10:31,853 --> 01:10:36,983 You would think at 85 I would know you can't throw feathers. 998 01:10:37,776 --> 01:10:39,402 Have you called my children? 999 01:10:39,486 --> 01:10:41,029 Not yet. 1000 01:10:41,112 --> 01:10:42,364 Oh, well you must, you must... 1001 01:10:42,447 --> 01:10:46,993 because these Christopher Threes will hang in the pantheon... 1002 01:10:47,077 --> 01:10:50,664 of the worst art of all time... 1003 01:10:51,122 --> 01:10:53,792 along with Dogs Playing Poker... 1004 01:10:53,875 --> 01:10:56,419 Velvet Elvis, and all of Warhol. 1005 01:10:58,088 --> 01:11:01,258 Yes, yes. I'll have masking tape. 1006 01:11:12,727 --> 01:11:15,397 You see there should be a through line of awfulness. 1007 01:11:15,480 --> 01:11:17,565 Each one worse than the rest. 1008 01:11:18,316 --> 01:11:19,567 As if the... 1009 01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:26,741 As if the destruct was the construct. 1010 01:11:55,895 --> 01:11:59,566 I can't, oh, no, no, no. 1011 01:12:05,780 --> 01:12:06,906 Lori... 1012 01:12:08,700 --> 01:12:10,243 Something's happened. 1013 01:12:11,286 --> 01:12:12,746 Are you okay? 1014 01:12:14,414 --> 01:12:17,208 I'm struggling. I'm struggling to make the strokes run. 1015 01:12:19,878 --> 01:12:24,132 It's physically impossible to make it bad. 1016 01:12:28,094 --> 01:12:29,095 Look. 1017 01:12:41,232 --> 01:12:42,692 Yeah, you're right. 1018 01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:47,739 It is not uninteresting. 1019 01:12:48,865 --> 01:12:49,783 Wow. 1020 01:12:52,160 --> 01:12:53,578 So what do I do? 1021 01:12:56,498 --> 01:12:59,584 - Maybe keep going. - Hmm. 1022 01:13:01,836 --> 01:13:03,713 For who though? 1023 01:13:04,339 --> 01:13:07,467 Well, you seem like you were having a good time. 1024 01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:10,303 So why not just keep having a good time? 1025 01:13:10,387 --> 01:13:12,347 Because why? 1026 01:13:12,430 --> 01:13:16,768 Because it is fun for you, isn't it? 1027 01:13:18,603 --> 01:13:21,231 Because I'm fun for you? 1028 01:13:21,314 --> 01:13:22,315 Julian. 1029 01:13:22,399 --> 01:13:25,235 So here I am. Yes, I am the entertainment again. 1030 01:13:25,318 --> 01:13:27,779 This is what you wanted all along, isn't it? 1031 01:13:29,739 --> 01:13:31,324 To wind up the old fool... 1032 01:13:31,408 --> 01:13:34,411 and have him clutter about and bang his cymbals. 1033 01:13:34,494 --> 01:13:36,496 Oh, is it interesting being Jane Goodall... 1034 01:13:36,579 --> 01:13:41,042 to the old dancing monkey in his natural habitat? 1035 01:13:41,126 --> 01:13:44,712 And how am I faring as the anecdote you'll tell all your... 1036 01:13:44,796 --> 01:13:46,881 laughing friends about later. 1037 01:13:48,133 --> 01:13:52,512 This isn't what I meant when I talked about living... 1038 01:13:52,595 --> 01:13:55,974 in the minds of others. 1039 01:13:57,434 --> 01:13:59,853 Julian, where is this coming from? 1040 01:13:59,936 --> 01:14:01,146 No. Well, where are you coming from? 1041 01:14:01,229 --> 01:14:05,817 "Oh, it's not uninteresting." And how would you know that? 1042 01:14:07,444 --> 01:14:12,031 To judge art, you must possess the various skills... 1043 01:14:12,115 --> 01:14:14,033 it takes to make said art. 1044 01:14:14,117 --> 01:14:15,869 And do you really think you possess those skills? 1045 01:14:17,036 --> 01:14:19,831 Well, I don't. And why not? 1046 01:14:21,291 --> 01:14:25,044 Because of three words: Untitled. Number. Seven. 1047 01:14:25,128 --> 01:14:29,716 I saw it on your website and I didn't need to see it... 1048 01:14:29,799 --> 01:14:31,050 because I'd already seen it. 1049 01:14:31,134 --> 01:14:34,345 And when I say I'd already seen it, and I might as well have... 1050 01:14:34,762 --> 01:14:38,892 because it rang with the familiarity... 1051 01:14:38,975 --> 01:14:43,104 of all those other foul, existential... 1052 01:14:44,772 --> 01:14:49,652 impressionistic landscapes by all the other wannabe artists. 1053 01:14:50,445 --> 01:14:51,821 I think... 1054 01:14:53,698 --> 01:14:55,617 I think maybe, Lori... 1055 01:14:56,576 --> 01:14:59,454 it was a healthy thing that you quit. 1056 01:15:26,523 --> 01:15:28,149 Christopher. 1057 01:16:48,813 --> 01:16:52,358 I will take 21,000. You can keep the 400... 1058 01:16:52,442 --> 01:16:55,612 but I get 50% of the final sale, including the down payment. 1059 01:16:57,155 --> 01:16:59,490 - 25%. - 50. 1060 01:17:00,742 --> 01:17:02,577 - 30? - 50. 1061 01:17:03,828 --> 01:17:05,288 - 35? - 50. 1062 01:17:09,792 --> 01:17:11,878 Good. I'll call you with a plan. 1063 01:17:42,617 --> 01:17:43,951 I was right. 1064 01:17:45,244 --> 01:17:49,332 You can't judge art by looking at it online. 1065 01:17:51,334 --> 01:17:53,044 This is good. 1066 01:17:55,421 --> 01:17:58,007 Untitled Number Seven. 1067 01:17:58,091 --> 01:18:00,468 You know, there's a power to it that I missed... 1068 01:18:01,636 --> 01:18:03,471 on your website. 1069 01:18:03,888 --> 01:18:05,973 So you came here to tell me you were right. 1070 01:18:07,850 --> 01:18:11,104 Yes. About many things. 1071 01:18:12,021 --> 01:18:15,191 Including having seen that before. 1072 01:18:16,234 --> 01:18:21,072 Which explains Lori, why I thought that I'd seen it before. 1073 01:18:22,949 --> 01:18:28,329 I got a hunch when I looked at you just as you were leaving... 1074 01:18:28,413 --> 01:18:31,165 and that I'd seen that specific look before... 1075 01:18:31,249 --> 01:18:33,084 on your specific face. 1076 01:18:33,793 --> 01:18:36,003 And then I remembered you. 1077 01:18:37,755 --> 01:18:39,340 Art Fight. 1078 01:18:39,716 --> 01:18:44,137 So I looked up season three, episode five... 1079 01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:45,930 and I was right. 1080 01:18:46,389 --> 01:18:47,640 You must have been what? 1081 01:18:48,224 --> 01:18:50,435 - 21? - I was 19. 1082 01:18:50,518 --> 01:18:53,604 And the truth is, at the time... 1083 01:18:53,688 --> 01:18:57,233 I'd really only glanced at the painting. 1084 01:18:58,443 --> 01:19:01,487 I was merely thinking up my next joke... 1085 01:19:02,572 --> 01:19:05,533 while I was telling the last joke. 1086 01:19:09,746 --> 01:19:13,082 Did I cause you to quit? 1087 01:19:17,211 --> 01:19:18,838 I haven't quit. 1088 01:19:18,921 --> 01:19:20,381 I just quit showing. 1089 01:19:24,719 --> 01:19:27,013 I'm a broken man, Lori. 1090 01:19:33,352 --> 01:19:35,438 I believe I always have been. 1091 01:19:39,984 --> 01:19:43,196 And you know, it wasn't you that I was mad at earlier. 1092 01:19:43,279 --> 01:19:44,405 Yeah, I know. 1093 01:19:44,489 --> 01:19:45,490 It was... 1094 01:19:47,116 --> 01:19:50,286 What do you mean, "You know"? 1095 01:19:54,165 --> 01:19:55,166 Seriously? 1096 01:19:59,545 --> 01:20:01,589 Who am I kidding? 1097 01:20:03,883 --> 01:20:08,763 Oh the lies that I've been telling myself my whole life. 1098 01:20:12,975 --> 01:20:15,895 It's exhausting, and... 1099 01:20:19,023 --> 01:20:22,527 I didn't give Christopher his life. 1100 01:20:22,610 --> 01:20:24,362 I gave him mine. 1101 01:20:26,113 --> 01:20:28,074 I suspect I ruined his. 1102 01:20:28,157 --> 01:20:29,367 I know I ruined his. 1103 01:20:32,453 --> 01:20:34,455 When you think of me, Lori, I should like that... 1104 01:20:34,539 --> 01:20:38,417 you remember me as the person you thought I was... 1105 01:20:38,501 --> 01:20:40,419 who did that very first drawing... 1106 01:20:40,503 --> 01:20:42,839 who gave you the courage to start. 1107 01:20:44,799 --> 01:20:48,636 Not the man who you actually know me to be. 1108 01:20:48,719 --> 01:20:50,680 Why are you here, Julian? 1109 01:20:58,396 --> 01:21:00,439 Because I want to have an exhibition. 1110 01:21:03,568 --> 01:21:07,989 And if I do actually get a show, and... 1111 01:21:11,075 --> 01:21:13,536 Perhaps it could be called... 1112 01:21:22,712 --> 01:21:24,171 "Julian Sklar..." 1113 01:21:25,464 --> 01:21:28,968 I can't tell whether this says "revived" or "reviled." 1114 01:21:29,468 --> 01:21:30,511 Exactly. 1115 01:21:32,430 --> 01:21:34,140 Is this a retrospective? 1116 01:21:35,516 --> 01:21:37,059 Oh no, they'd be new. 1117 01:21:38,603 --> 01:21:41,188 And people can judge them however they judge them. 1118 01:21:43,274 --> 01:21:47,445 And I would be grateful, Lori if you'd be so kind as to... 1119 01:21:49,113 --> 01:21:52,825 perhaps just be there while I try. 1120 01:21:57,455 --> 01:21:59,123 Yeah. Yes. 1121 01:22:00,374 --> 01:22:02,126 Yes, of course. 1122 01:22:02,209 --> 01:22:05,421 - Yes. - The crack of noon? 1123 01:22:06,923 --> 01:22:08,299 Precisely. 1124 01:22:08,799 --> 01:22:13,012 Oh, except, oh, I should, no... 1125 01:22:13,095 --> 01:22:16,849 I've got Esme and she is pretty insistent that... 1126 01:22:16,933 --> 01:22:18,809 I don't cancel last minute. 1127 01:22:18,893 --> 01:22:22,647 - We could do 2:00 PM? - What if we did Monday? 1128 01:22:23,147 --> 01:22:24,523 Julian. 1129 01:22:24,607 --> 01:22:28,152 I'd like, I think I should like actually... 1130 01:22:28,235 --> 01:22:31,113 to just dream about these actually... 1131 01:22:33,324 --> 01:22:34,617 for a week, tops. 1132 01:22:36,661 --> 01:22:38,454 Yeah, all right. Fine. 1133 01:22:38,537 --> 01:22:40,998 Yes. Yes. 1134 01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:43,793 Okay. 1135 01:22:48,339 --> 01:22:49,340 Thank you. 1136 01:22:50,633 --> 01:22:52,677 Yeah. Yeah. 1137 01:22:57,682 --> 01:22:59,266 This is where you leave. 1138 01:23:00,059 --> 01:23:01,811 Oh yes. Yes, of course. 1139 01:23:03,729 --> 01:23:05,481 Yes, yes. Goodbye. 1140 01:23:24,875 --> 01:23:26,293 Whose is this? 1141 01:23:26,377 --> 01:23:27,878 It's mine, sir. 1142 01:23:27,962 --> 01:23:29,505 It's absolute shit. 1143 01:24:10,296 --> 01:24:11,338 Julian? 1144 01:24:29,732 --> 01:24:30,858 Thank you very much. 1145 01:24:30,941 --> 01:24:32,276 Thank you very much indeed. 1146 01:24:33,319 --> 01:24:35,654 Welcome back to Art Fight. 1147 01:24:35,738 --> 01:24:38,991 The show where everyone's a critic, particularly Julian. 1148 01:24:39,075 --> 01:24:40,159 We've got Lori Butler... 1149 01:24:40,242 --> 01:24:45,164 and she studies at Central Saint Martins, no less. 1150 01:24:45,247 --> 01:24:47,875 Another one. Lots of those. 1151 01:24:47,958 --> 01:24:49,710 And she is showing us today... 1152 01:24:49,794 --> 01:24:53,089 her painting Untitled Number Seven. 1153 01:24:53,172 --> 01:24:54,673 Julian, what do you think? 1154 01:24:57,802 --> 01:25:00,679 Untitled Number Seven? 1155 01:25:00,763 --> 01:25:03,015 Well, it's a fitting name given there are... 1156 01:25:03,099 --> 01:25:04,850 no actual words to describe... 1157 01:25:04,934 --> 01:25:07,603 what exactly it is I'm looking at. 1158 01:25:08,729 --> 01:25:11,232 And oh please. Oh God, don't tell me. 1159 01:25:11,315 --> 01:25:13,984 I'm going to have to look at the previous six... 1160 01:25:14,068 --> 01:25:16,695 in order to understand this one. 1161 01:25:18,531 --> 01:25:20,658 It's not a painting, Lori. 1162 01:25:20,741 --> 01:25:23,744 It's a cry for help from the paint itself. 1163 01:25:23,828 --> 01:25:26,956 "Why am I here?" it screams. 1164 01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:30,543 Perhaps there's a title, Lori, and perhaps it's simply... 1165 01:25:30,626 --> 01:25:34,380 The Reason My Therapist Chose Early Retirement... 1166 01:25:35,756 --> 01:25:36,674 Number Seven. 1167 01:26:54,293 --> 01:26:57,296 Hello, I'm calling for Owen Appleton, please. 1168 01:27:00,216 --> 01:27:01,383 Personal. 1169 01:27:03,844 --> 01:27:04,845 Okay. 1170 01:27:04,929 --> 01:27:07,264 Can you please tell him that I have something... 1171 01:27:07,348 --> 01:27:08,807 he may be very interested in? 1172 01:27:10,142 --> 01:27:11,685 Thank you. 1173 01:28:01,652 --> 01:28:05,698 Hi, I'm looking for Mr. Appleton. 1174 01:28:07,616 --> 01:28:09,994 I'm Owen. How can I help you? 1175 01:28:13,080 --> 01:28:14,832 I'm Lori Butler. 1176 01:28:20,129 --> 01:28:21,046 I told you on the telephone... 1177 01:28:21,130 --> 01:28:22,965 I don't want to talk about any of that. 1178 01:28:24,883 --> 01:28:28,721 I understand that and I respect that. 1179 01:28:29,179 --> 01:28:31,932 But I wouldn't have come all the way here if there... 1180 01:28:32,016 --> 01:28:32,933 weren't some things that... 1181 01:28:33,017 --> 01:28:35,519 I think you might want to hear me out on. 1182 01:28:47,448 --> 01:28:48,407 All right. 1183 01:28:51,327 --> 01:28:52,870 First, I have a question. 1184 01:28:53,912 --> 01:28:55,748 Why did he call you Christopher? 1185 01:29:07,384 --> 01:29:09,386 These are technically ours now. 1186 01:29:09,470 --> 01:29:11,221 Well, they're literally yours. 1187 01:29:12,097 --> 01:29:14,183 Everything in there, all yours. 1188 01:29:17,353 --> 01:29:22,274 Sort of weirdly feels like a Julian Sklar museum. 1189 01:29:23,984 --> 01:29:25,402 It's actually a good idea. 1190 01:29:30,074 --> 01:29:32,618 This whole floor could be the gift shop. 1191 01:29:45,589 --> 01:29:48,342 This stays exactly as it is. 1192 01:29:49,093 --> 01:29:52,721 Even this exactly as it is, you want to keep this? 1193 01:29:52,805 --> 01:29:54,306 Yeah, just keep this here? 1194 01:29:54,390 --> 01:29:57,726 Just maybe that could be the poster for the museum. 1195 01:29:58,185 --> 01:30:00,229 Blow it up on the side of the... No? 1196 01:30:12,866 --> 01:30:14,910 It's the bathroom at the back. 1197 01:30:23,502 --> 01:30:25,170 - Holy shit. - Oh my God. 1198 01:30:26,380 --> 01:30:27,631 Did you do these? 1199 01:30:27,714 --> 01:30:28,882 - Barney. - Tell me. Tell me now. 1200 01:30:28,966 --> 01:30:31,468 Honestly, Lori, if you did these, we will fucking fry you. 1201 01:30:31,552 --> 01:30:33,470 Barnaby, does it even matter? 1202 01:30:33,554 --> 01:30:34,471 Of course it matters. 1203 01:30:34,555 --> 01:30:36,890 If she did them, they're worth fuck all again. 1204 01:30:36,974 --> 01:30:41,687 And if I didn't, what would they be worth then? 1205 01:30:54,491 --> 01:30:58,370 "Schedule C1, I, Julian Sklar hereby confirm... 1206 01:30:58,454 --> 01:31:01,039 "that the eight artworks identified below... 1207 01:31:01,123 --> 01:31:02,291 "herein referred to... 1208 01:31:02,374 --> 01:31:05,043 "as the Christopher Series Three consisting of acrylic... 1209 01:31:05,127 --> 01:31:08,964 "watercolor, glitter, feathers, axle grease, masking tape... 1210 01:31:10,424 --> 01:31:15,053 "are all authentic artworks that I have created and gifted to... 1211 01:31:16,847 --> 01:31:19,933 "recipient, Owen Christopher Appleton." 1212 01:31:22,311 --> 01:31:25,272 christopher was his middle name. Hmm. 1213 01:31:25,814 --> 01:31:28,734 Julian told him that Owen sounded like... 1214 01:31:28,817 --> 01:31:31,153 the pained bleat of a mooing cow. 1215 01:31:35,199 --> 01:31:37,034 You forged this, haven't you? 1216 01:31:37,868 --> 01:31:38,994 Why would I do that? 1217 01:31:39,077 --> 01:31:41,538 Well, let's think, you know, to maybe, I don't know... 1218 01:31:41,622 --> 01:31:43,874 stop us from having them. 1219 01:31:43,957 --> 01:31:46,084 Plus you called me before dad died... 1220 01:31:46,168 --> 01:31:48,003 and said that you would forge the eight Christophers... 1221 01:31:48,086 --> 01:31:50,422 as long as we shared 50% of the profits with you. 1222 01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:55,594 Okay, sorry. Let me just get this straight. 1223 01:31:55,677 --> 01:32:01,600 You are accusing me of forging a legal note from him... 1224 01:32:02,226 --> 01:32:06,563 which would give me 50% of nothing. 1225 01:32:09,066 --> 01:32:11,902 Now why on earth would I do that? 1226 01:33:38,155 --> 01:33:40,949 - Lori. - Hi, Sallie. Barney. 1227 01:33:41,533 --> 01:33:44,745 - Fine. You won. - Congratulations. 1228 01:33:44,828 --> 01:33:47,706 Dad is famous again. Yay. 1229 01:33:47,789 --> 01:33:49,416 But, look, you've got to tell us. 1230 01:33:50,250 --> 01:33:52,502 Who painted them? Really? 1231 01:33:52,586 --> 01:33:54,046 The truth. 1232 01:33:54,546 --> 01:33:57,174 Really? Does it even matter? 1233 01:34:48,016 --> 01:34:49,059 It's good. 1234 01:34:50,143 --> 01:34:51,853 Really captures his essence. 1235 01:34:53,647 --> 01:34:54,898 - Esme? - Hmm. 1236 01:34:54,981 --> 01:34:56,566 Hi. 1237 01:34:56,650 --> 01:34:58,110 I tried to get this to you at the memorial... 1238 01:34:58,193 --> 01:34:59,319 but you left so quickly. 1239 01:35:00,696 --> 01:35:02,072 When I found him, I also found this. 1240 01:35:02,155 --> 01:35:02,989 It belongs to you. 1241 01:35:03,073 --> 01:35:05,409 - No, no, this isn't mine. - It is. 1242 01:35:06,159 --> 01:35:09,246 I took it because I didn't want you know who to see it. 1243 01:35:11,248 --> 01:35:13,625 Okay, thank you. 1244 01:35:14,876 --> 01:35:16,002 Good luck, Lori. 1245 01:35:16,837 --> 01:35:17,838 Thank you.