1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 3 00:03:08,023 --> 00:03:11,070 I thought about starting at the beginning. 4 00:03:15,466 --> 00:03:16,336 But that's not how I remember it. 5 00:03:24,649 --> 00:03:25,737 It's all a series of 6 00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:27,739 fragments. 7 00:03:30,394 --> 00:03:31,917 Repetitions. 8 00:03:34,441 --> 00:03:36,574 Pattern formations. 9 00:03:58,813 --> 00:04:00,946 When there are no words for the pain... 10 00:04:06,299 --> 00:04:08,780 let your imagination change what you know. 11 00:04:11,086 --> 00:04:12,436 Conglomerates. 12 00:04:12,958 --> 00:04:14,612 Movement of land in the freedom of water. 13 00:04:17,789 --> 00:04:19,443 A ring around a rock is luck. 14 00:04:20,966 --> 00:04:22,489 Smoothed into a small thing. 15 00:04:24,491 --> 00:04:26,406 Sandstone is soothing and lucid. 16 00:04:26,624 --> 00:04:28,321 Shale, of course, is rational. 17 00:04:29,017 --> 00:04:30,323 Red rock is earth blood. 18 00:04:32,847 --> 00:04:34,458 You believe in blue. 19 00:04:59,004 --> 00:05:03,356 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 20 00:05:04,488 --> 00:05:05,793 Memories... 21 00:05:08,405 --> 00:05:09,536 are stories. 22 00:05:12,365 --> 00:05:14,498 So you better come up with one you can live with. 23 00:05:34,387 --> 00:05:35,562 Smiley face. 24 00:05:42,874 --> 00:05:44,049 Flower. 25 00:05:56,409 --> 00:05:57,541 Christmas tree. 26 00:06:21,216 --> 00:06:22,217 Stop. 27 00:06:23,436 --> 00:06:24,959 Claudia, go upstairs. 28 00:06:25,264 --> 00:06:26,265 Go! 29 00:06:29,268 --> 00:06:30,269 Move! 30 00:06:37,450 --> 00:06:39,060 You just let me know when you're finished. 31 00:06:39,931 --> 00:06:41,411 We can do this all night. 32 00:06:51,899 --> 00:06:53,335 Fuck it! 33 00:07:34,159 --> 00:07:36,161 I think it'll feel nice, Claudia. 34 00:07:36,378 --> 00:07:38,990 I really think it will. Fix you right up. 35 00:07:41,514 --> 00:07:42,950 Fix you right up. 36 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:54,353 Sing with me, Belle. 37 00:07:54,701 --> 00:07:57,138 ♪ Oh, my darlin' 38 00:07:57,182 --> 00:07:58,705 ♪ Oh, my darlin' 39 00:07:59,184 --> 00:08:02,317 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine 40 00:08:02,361 --> 00:08:04,450 Come on, Lidia Belle. Sing with me. 41 00:08:04,494 --> 00:08:06,017 You know all the lyrics. 42 00:08:06,539 --> 00:08:11,022 ♪ You're lost and gone forever ♪ 43 00:08:11,065 --> 00:08:12,850 ♪ Dreadful sorrow 44 00:08:13,372 --> 00:08:16,331 It was my voice that left. 45 00:08:19,813 --> 00:08:22,033 Sometimes I think it arrived on paper. 46 00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:25,297 I wrote pictures and true things. 47 00:08:25,340 --> 00:08:27,342 Lies interchangeably. 48 00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:30,781 Made me feel like, like someone else. 49 00:08:30,824 --> 00:08:33,261 Oh, for Christ's sake! 50 00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:34,828 I wrote words to belong to. 51 00:08:34,872 --> 00:08:36,221 That is our daughter! 52 00:08:36,264 --> 00:08:37,744 Not daughter. 53 00:08:39,180 --> 00:08:40,399 To swimmer. 54 00:08:41,879 --> 00:08:43,358 To safety. 55 00:08:43,402 --> 00:08:44,838 To girls. 56 00:08:44,882 --> 00:08:46,361 Make my skin hot. 57 00:08:46,405 --> 00:08:47,711 My head hurt. 58 00:08:47,754 --> 00:08:49,669 My mother. Her hair. 59 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:51,758 Her scar. 60 00:08:52,106 --> 00:08:53,717 Her stories. 61 00:08:54,282 --> 00:08:57,111 I won a prize for that story, Belle. 62 00:08:57,372 --> 00:08:59,549 And your daddy 63 00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:04,771 won an art prize for this drawing. 64 00:09:06,294 --> 00:09:08,906 How gone she was. 65 00:09:14,085 --> 00:09:16,304 And my sister. My adoration. 66 00:09:16,566 --> 00:09:19,177 My sister. My awe. 67 00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:22,354 You look like a bum in that dumpy sack shirt. 68 00:09:22,397 --> 00:09:23,790 It does nothing for you. 69 00:09:24,922 --> 00:09:25,923 Look at me. 70 00:09:27,707 --> 00:09:29,143 You trying to look like a man? 71 00:09:30,188 --> 00:09:32,886 My sister. Taking everything. 72 00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:41,939 Before you were even born. 73 00:10:09,836 --> 00:10:11,011 In the house. 74 00:10:13,971 --> 00:10:15,276 Alone in my room. 75 00:10:16,277 --> 00:10:17,627 My arms ache. 76 00:10:18,628 --> 00:10:19,846 My sister is gone. 77 00:10:22,109 --> 00:10:24,242 My mother is... 78 00:10:24,285 --> 00:10:25,286 gone. 79 00:10:27,724 --> 00:10:30,248 My father designs houses in the room next to mine. 80 00:10:30,291 --> 00:10:31,466 He's smoking. 81 00:10:46,351 --> 00:10:47,352 Hey, honey. 82 00:10:57,362 --> 00:10:58,798 Hey. 83 00:11:08,808 --> 00:11:10,636 I wait for five a.m. 84 00:11:12,856 --> 00:11:14,205 I pray 85 00:11:15,859 --> 00:11:17,251 to swim. 86 00:11:32,614 --> 00:11:33,877 My baby girl. 87 00:11:37,532 --> 00:11:38,882 Growing up so fast. 88 00:11:45,236 --> 00:11:46,454 A teenager. 89 00:11:48,935 --> 00:11:50,110 In high school. 90 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,286 I can't believe it. 91 00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:54,027 All right. Line up. 92 00:11:54,071 --> 00:11:56,726 Ladies, weigh in. You know the drill. 93 00:11:56,769 --> 00:11:58,728 One lick for every pound you're over. 94 00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:00,425 Torres. 95 00:12:02,253 --> 00:12:03,210 Atta girl. 96 00:12:12,045 --> 00:12:15,048 That's right, there you go. 97 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,834 Reimer. Three pounds. 98 00:12:22,186 --> 00:12:23,404 Faster. 99 00:12:26,277 --> 00:12:27,757 Come on, baby. 100 00:12:28,409 --> 00:12:29,889 Harder! 101 00:12:41,292 --> 00:12:44,251 Yuknavitch. One for you, freshman. 102 00:12:44,469 --> 00:12:46,123 So we'll make it count. 103 00:13:06,534 --> 00:13:07,797 Go! 104 00:13:19,286 --> 00:13:21,332 How many miles does it take 105 00:13:25,423 --> 00:13:26,511 to swim 106 00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:32,343 to a self? 107 00:13:36,042 --> 00:13:37,043 How 108 00:13:37,696 --> 00:13:38,828 many 109 00:13:39,567 --> 00:13:40,742 fucking 110 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,962 miles? 111 00:13:48,141 --> 00:13:49,926 We set a record! 112 00:13:49,969 --> 00:13:52,493 We set a fucking record! 113 00:13:52,537 --> 00:13:54,147 We are proud to announce 114 00:13:54,191 --> 00:13:56,149 that our 200-yard medley relay gold-medal winners 115 00:13:56,193 --> 00:13:57,977 from the Florida Aquatic Swim Team 116 00:13:58,021 --> 00:14:00,284 have achieved the best time in the entire nation. 117 00:14:00,327 --> 00:14:01,676 Congratulations. 118 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,243 Scouts are watching, seniors. 119 00:14:03,548 --> 00:14:05,376 ♪ "The National Anthem" plays 120 00:14:29,791 --> 00:14:31,402 So you really want this, huh? 121 00:14:37,538 --> 00:14:38,626 Okay. 122 00:14:58,255 --> 00:15:00,257 You only got a three-quarter ride. 123 00:15:05,044 --> 00:15:06,611 Hey, if they wanted you, 124 00:15:06,654 --> 00:15:09,788 they would have offered the whole nine yards, huh? 125 00:15:26,065 --> 00:15:28,981 "We are delighted to offer a partial scholarship." 126 00:15:30,635 --> 00:15:31,549 Half. 127 00:15:32,115 --> 00:15:33,507 You're better than that. 128 00:15:37,033 --> 00:15:38,338 Last one. 129 00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:54,659 In my head, I swam laps. 130 00:15:56,878 --> 00:15:58,489 Didn't even get one full ride. 131 00:16:03,842 --> 00:16:04,974 Hey. Don't blame me. 132 00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:08,499 If they don't want you, then you don't belong there. 133 00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:10,414 I could taste blood. 134 00:16:10,457 --> 00:16:12,720 The answer is no. 135 00:16:13,678 --> 00:16:14,679 Why? 136 00:16:22,817 --> 00:16:23,818 Because he could. 137 00:16:27,039 --> 00:16:27,997 What? 138 00:16:28,823 --> 00:16:30,173 And I was his. 139 00:16:42,663 --> 00:16:45,014 Hey. Look at me. 140 00:16:57,156 --> 00:16:58,592 Look at me. 141 00:17:08,167 --> 00:17:09,908 I only want the best for you. 142 00:17:11,910 --> 00:17:12,954 You know that. 143 00:17:16,219 --> 00:17:18,221 I knew he could feel it. 144 00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:20,875 That pink muscle. 145 00:17:21,746 --> 00:17:22,747 Pushing 146 00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:26,055 and pushing. 147 00:17:27,708 --> 00:17:29,014 You should all be out there warming up. 148 00:17:29,058 --> 00:17:30,537 For all that it's worth. 149 00:17:35,194 --> 00:17:36,978 Hey, Lidia. 150 00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:40,112 Do you need a hand? 151 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:42,549 I'm a coach from Texas Tech. 152 00:17:43,724 --> 00:17:45,117 I'm excited to meet you. 153 00:17:45,596 --> 00:17:46,597 Let's talk. 154 00:17:47,424 --> 00:17:49,078 Like to have you on our team. 155 00:18:08,314 --> 00:18:09,315 Yes. 156 00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,628 I almost loved her. 157 00:18:24,287 --> 00:18:25,984 Let's go, Belle. 158 00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:54,404 'Cause I know you, Lidia. I know what you do. 159 00:18:54,447 --> 00:18:57,276 And it is disgusting. Disgusting! You hear me? 160 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,365 It's fucking disgusting, Lidia. 161 00:18:59,409 --> 00:19:01,846 You should be ashamed of your-- 162 00:19:05,328 --> 00:19:06,459 Lidia! 163 00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:11,508 This is control. 164 00:19:12,596 --> 00:19:15,076 I am controlling myself. 165 00:19:18,079 --> 00:19:20,169 You don't know how far I can go. 166 00:19:38,709 --> 00:19:42,234 My bedroom holds the wet and the dark of my body. 167 00:19:46,064 --> 00:19:47,544 It smells like my sweat... 168 00:19:49,285 --> 00:19:50,242 and chlorine. 169 00:20:03,386 --> 00:20:04,517 Hey. 170 00:20:04,561 --> 00:20:05,779 Can't sleep, huh? 171 00:20:06,737 --> 00:20:07,738 Yeah. Me neither. 172 00:20:18,705 --> 00:20:19,706 Come here. 173 00:20:20,141 --> 00:20:21,142 I want to talk to you. 174 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,629 Listen. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you lately. 175 00:20:31,762 --> 00:20:32,763 I guess I just 176 00:20:34,765 --> 00:20:36,636 really worry about you out there. 177 00:20:38,943 --> 00:20:41,641 Things are gonna be different when you go to college. 178 00:20:42,773 --> 00:20:44,427 I want you to listen to me. 179 00:20:44,949 --> 00:20:47,778 He narrated what boys would do to me. 180 00:20:49,258 --> 00:20:50,911 How they would put their dirty hands 181 00:20:50,955 --> 00:20:53,262 up my skirt and finger-fuck me. 182 00:20:54,393 --> 00:20:55,394 Fondle my tits. 183 00:20:59,355 --> 00:21:00,312 Suck them. 184 00:21:02,575 --> 00:21:04,925 How disgusting boys would be. 185 00:21:06,797 --> 00:21:07,928 Their hands, 186 00:21:08,625 --> 00:21:10,583 their hips wanting in and up. 187 00:21:11,454 --> 00:21:12,585 And their dicks. 188 00:21:13,804 --> 00:21:14,935 And his. 189 00:21:15,806 --> 00:21:17,286 Me sitting next to him, 190 00:21:18,809 --> 00:21:20,289 feeling the heat of him 191 00:21:21,768 --> 00:21:23,074 without even looking. 192 00:22:22,829 --> 00:22:24,265 What you doing out here? 193 00:22:31,447 --> 00:22:33,362 What's the matter with you, huh? 194 00:22:37,975 --> 00:22:39,542 I want you to know that, um, 195 00:22:44,068 --> 00:22:45,069 I love you. 196 00:22:53,033 --> 00:22:54,034 Huh. 197 00:23:02,565 --> 00:23:03,957 You're a fucking whore. 198 00:23:12,488 --> 00:23:14,403 You have something to say to me? 199 00:23:15,142 --> 00:23:16,143 Huh? 200 00:23:23,237 --> 00:23:25,109 Fuck you, motherfucker. 201 00:23:25,588 --> 00:23:26,719 What did you-- 202 00:23:26,763 --> 00:23:28,242 what did you just say? 203 00:23:31,115 --> 00:23:32,159 Fuck you, 204 00:23:33,291 --> 00:23:34,553 motherfucker. 205 00:23:36,599 --> 00:23:38,078 Get the fuck 206 00:23:38,644 --> 00:23:40,646 out of my way! 207 00:24:18,162 --> 00:24:19,337 All I thought 208 00:24:25,386 --> 00:24:27,824 was my own wide-open cunt 209 00:24:33,003 --> 00:24:34,178 as open as a mouth 210 00:24:35,701 --> 00:24:36,615 screaming 211 00:24:36,659 --> 00:24:37,790 Mother. Mother! 212 00:24:37,834 --> 00:24:38,965 Motherfucker. 213 00:24:42,491 --> 00:24:44,405 Motherfucker. 214 00:25:03,555 --> 00:25:05,949 I didn't know a girl body could do that. 215 00:25:05,992 --> 00:25:08,517 ♪ "Mine" by Paris Hurley 216 00:25:09,082 --> 00:25:10,693 Shoot cum. 217 00:25:42,246 --> 00:25:43,856 My own thoughts. Mine. 218 00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:45,031 My own space. 219 00:25:45,075 --> 00:25:46,337 My own booze. My own tits. 220 00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:48,208 My own days. My own nights. Mine. 221 00:25:48,426 --> 00:25:50,384 My own sex. My own booze. 222 00:25:50,428 --> 00:25:52,735 My own food. My own thoughts. My own friends. My own space. 223 00:25:52,778 --> 00:25:53,779 Mine. 224 00:25:56,042 --> 00:25:57,391 Mine. 225 00:26:00,394 --> 00:26:01,395 Mine. 226 00:26:02,745 --> 00:26:05,835 Mine, mine, mine, mine. My own freedom. 227 00:26:22,112 --> 00:26:23,113 Mine. 228 00:26:23,809 --> 00:26:24,810 Mine, mine, mine. 229 00:26:30,468 --> 00:26:32,426 Like something pressed so far down 230 00:26:32,470 --> 00:26:33,471 in a body, 231 00:26:35,429 --> 00:26:36,605 it had to explode. 232 00:26:41,479 --> 00:26:42,915 Yuk! 233 00:26:47,616 --> 00:26:49,966 Where do you think you're going? 234 00:26:50,967 --> 00:26:51,968 I know you. 235 00:26:55,624 --> 00:26:56,799 You're going nowhere. 236 00:27:16,732 --> 00:27:20,474 ♪ A miner, 49-er, and his daughter, ♪ 237 00:27:20,518 --> 00:27:22,215 ♪ Clementine 238 00:27:26,829 --> 00:27:29,832 ♪ Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin' ♪ 239 00:27:30,484 --> 00:27:33,792 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine 240 00:27:34,053 --> 00:27:36,577 ♪ You were lost 241 00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:38,928 ♪ And gone forever 242 00:27:38,971 --> 00:27:40,669 ♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine 243 00:27:47,719 --> 00:27:49,808 So far from my father. 244 00:27:49,852 --> 00:27:52,202 So far from my father. 245 00:27:52,376 --> 00:27:54,683 So far from my father. 246 00:27:54,726 --> 00:27:56,032 So far from my father. 247 00:28:07,739 --> 00:28:08,871 I just want. 248 00:28:18,445 --> 00:28:19,577 I love your hands. 249 00:28:21,753 --> 00:28:22,928 I love your voice. 250 00:28:25,757 --> 00:28:28,891 It's my father and my brother who have the real voices. 251 00:28:30,588 --> 00:28:32,764 I always hear them in my head. 252 00:28:33,939 --> 00:28:34,940 Really? 253 00:28:36,899 --> 00:28:38,204 What are they saying? 254 00:28:42,469 --> 00:28:44,297 They're singin' "Amazing Grace." 255 00:28:48,824 --> 00:28:50,260 Voices of God. 256 00:28:51,609 --> 00:28:52,610 Fuck me. 257 00:28:54,220 --> 00:28:55,221 Yeah. 258 00:28:57,267 --> 00:28:59,051 No. Really. 259 00:29:00,487 --> 00:29:01,488 Fuck me. 260 00:29:12,325 --> 00:29:13,762 Poor Phillip. 261 00:29:16,939 --> 00:29:18,767 I wish I could go back and apologize. 262 00:29:32,955 --> 00:29:36,001 ♪ The way it's been going ♪ 263 00:29:39,831 --> 00:29:41,920 ♪ And I know that peace will come ♪ 264 00:29:43,617 --> 00:29:46,446 Fuck all y'all! 265 00:29:46,490 --> 00:29:48,274 Eat me! 266 00:29:48,318 --> 00:29:50,320 ♪ I've been a-searchin' ♪ 267 00:29:51,843 --> 00:29:54,280 ♪ For the dolphins 268 00:29:54,324 --> 00:29:56,979 Just a regular James Taylor, 269 00:29:57,675 --> 00:30:00,939 singin' his heart out here in Texas! 270 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,509 ♪ And sometimes I wonder ♪ 271 00:30:06,684 --> 00:30:11,036 ♪ Do you ever think of me? 272 00:30:15,301 --> 00:30:18,000 ♪ This world may never change 273 00:30:21,699 --> 00:30:25,181 ♪ The way it's been going 274 00:30:28,445 --> 00:30:30,708 ♪ And I know that peace will come ♪ 275 00:30:37,236 --> 00:30:39,760 Lidia. Why do you always do that? 276 00:30:46,550 --> 00:30:48,378 It's funny. Come on. It's... 277 00:30:48,769 --> 00:30:50,206 Funny! You know it. 278 00:30:54,210 --> 00:30:56,255 Such a pussy! 279 00:30:57,082 --> 00:30:59,215 Come on. Learn how to take a-- 280 00:30:59,258 --> 00:31:02,044 Joke. You're so fucking sensitive. 281 00:31:06,048 --> 00:31:07,701 This is probably 282 00:31:07,745 --> 00:31:09,399 one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen. 283 00:31:13,316 --> 00:31:14,404 This is what I'm-- 284 00:31:15,579 --> 00:31:17,189 This is what I'm talking about. 285 00:31:17,407 --> 00:31:21,063 It's like-- It's like talking to a fucking doorknob. 286 00:31:21,585 --> 00:31:23,892 Why don't you say something? 287 00:31:24,849 --> 00:31:26,285 Please say anything. 288 00:31:26,329 --> 00:31:28,026 I'm being a fucking bitch, 289 00:31:28,244 --> 00:31:30,507 so why don't you do something about it? 290 00:31:34,293 --> 00:31:36,034 You're not a bitch. 291 00:31:38,950 --> 00:31:40,125 Fuck you, Phillip! 292 00:31:42,649 --> 00:31:44,956 You don't even fucking know me, Phillip. 293 00:32:09,894 --> 00:32:10,982 "Phillip" 294 00:32:12,418 --> 00:32:14,159 means "lover of horses." 295 00:32:16,988 --> 00:32:17,946 God damn. 296 00:32:18,990 --> 00:32:20,600 Or "brotherhood." 297 00:32:32,134 --> 00:32:34,136 Wake up, motherfucker! 298 00:32:51,196 --> 00:32:53,633 Hey, Lids. Want to get out of here? 299 00:32:54,156 --> 00:32:56,723 She's good, man. I'll take her back. 300 00:33:02,164 --> 00:33:04,035 Hey, man. Shut that door. 301 00:33:04,993 --> 00:33:06,995 Just shut the goddamn door! 302 00:33:09,171 --> 00:33:10,999 Haven't seen you at practice. 303 00:33:12,087 --> 00:33:13,392 Yeah. I flunked out. 304 00:33:16,091 --> 00:33:17,179 That's cool. 305 00:33:30,148 --> 00:33:33,021 I can still feel my face. 306 00:33:44,162 --> 00:33:45,903 Addiction is in me for sure. 307 00:33:48,384 --> 00:33:51,039 But I want to describe something else to you. 308 00:33:52,083 --> 00:33:53,084 Something smaller. 309 00:33:55,521 --> 00:33:56,696 It's a smaller word. 310 00:33:59,047 --> 00:34:00,048 Mama? 311 00:34:02,963 --> 00:34:05,401 So small, it could travel a bloodstream. 312 00:34:10,928 --> 00:34:12,582 Go away, Belle. 313 00:34:28,206 --> 00:34:29,773 Go away, Belle. 314 00:34:35,431 --> 00:34:36,562 Nice. 315 00:34:40,262 --> 00:34:41,567 Stay away. 316 00:34:43,178 --> 00:34:44,918 This isn't anything for you. 317 00:34:47,269 --> 00:34:49,140 I'm not talking about anything. 318 00:34:51,534 --> 00:34:53,405 I'm not talking about anything. 319 00:35:03,154 --> 00:35:05,113 I'm not talking about anything. 320 00:35:12,642 --> 00:35:13,686 Dorothy? 321 00:35:16,298 --> 00:35:17,995 Get up. Get up. 322 00:35:45,544 --> 00:35:46,545 I'm sorry! 323 00:35:53,465 --> 00:35:54,466 I'm sorry. 324 00:35:56,512 --> 00:35:57,513 Yeah. 325 00:35:58,514 --> 00:35:59,515 Lidia, 326 00:36:01,081 --> 00:36:02,344 you can talk to us. 327 00:36:03,562 --> 00:36:04,563 It helps. 328 00:36:05,869 --> 00:36:06,870 Trust me. 329 00:36:22,538 --> 00:36:24,409 I'm not talking about anything. 330 00:36:26,498 --> 00:36:29,197 You know, I always like to say, uh... 331 00:36:31,329 --> 00:36:34,202 find meaning in life's traffic 332 00:36:35,551 --> 00:36:38,728 through clearing spiritual barriers. 333 00:37:00,053 --> 00:37:01,054 Uh, 334 00:37:03,927 --> 00:37:05,233 I'm proud of you. 335 00:37:07,887 --> 00:37:08,888 You know? 336 00:37:12,588 --> 00:37:13,589 Yeah. 337 00:37:15,286 --> 00:37:16,244 Yeah. 338 00:37:26,732 --> 00:37:27,733 Hey. 339 00:37:31,433 --> 00:37:32,564 Would you marry me? 340 00:37:51,583 --> 00:37:53,411 Mm. 341 00:37:59,983 --> 00:38:01,027 Okay. 342 00:38:04,466 --> 00:38:07,773 ♪ And children have their dreams ♪ 343 00:38:08,208 --> 00:38:10,863 ♪ To hold on to 344 00:38:13,736 --> 00:38:15,433 ♪ And how they fly 345 00:38:16,216 --> 00:38:18,697 ♪ Take us to the moon 346 00:38:20,830 --> 00:38:24,312 ♪ Yes, they flow from you 347 00:38:26,139 --> 00:38:29,055 ♪ They flow from you 348 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:34,452 ♪ And they flow from you 349 00:38:37,194 --> 00:38:40,197 ♪ And women have themselves 350 00:38:40,545 --> 00:38:42,547 ♪ To hold on to 351 00:38:45,898 --> 00:38:47,857 ♪ And how they fly 352 00:38:48,379 --> 00:38:51,034 ♪♪ Take me by surprise 353 00:38:53,036 --> 00:38:56,648 ♪ They float from me 354 00:38:57,214 --> 00:39:01,044 ♪ They float from me 355 00:39:02,654 --> 00:39:06,528 ♪ And they float from me 356 00:39:12,229 --> 00:39:13,404 Aah! 357 00:39:18,540 --> 00:39:19,715 Aw! 358 00:39:25,764 --> 00:39:27,375 Oh! 359 00:39:33,903 --> 00:39:34,904 Oh! 360 00:39:38,690 --> 00:39:40,083 Sweetheart. 361 00:39:40,344 --> 00:39:41,258 You did so good. 362 00:39:41,693 --> 00:39:43,565 You did so good! 363 00:40:10,461 --> 00:40:12,420 I made you some tea. 364 00:40:12,463 --> 00:40:15,161 I don't want any tea. What are we gonna do? 365 00:40:18,687 --> 00:40:19,949 Lidia, 366 00:40:20,471 --> 00:40:21,777 I love you. 367 00:40:23,605 --> 00:40:26,651 And whatever you want to do, I'll support it. 368 00:40:31,743 --> 00:40:32,788 That's it? 369 00:40:37,967 --> 00:40:40,448 I need more than nothing 370 00:40:40,622 --> 00:40:43,538 from the most passive man on the fucking planet! 371 00:40:59,510 --> 00:41:01,338 Sorry. I've been kind of sick. 372 00:41:06,474 --> 00:41:07,997 You don't want anything. 373 00:41:08,345 --> 00:41:11,348 And you are killing me with your not wanting anything! 374 00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:14,960 - What were you thinking? - I don't know. 375 00:41:15,178 --> 00:41:18,355 I don't know. I don't know. It's fucking impossible! 376 00:41:19,095 --> 00:41:21,750 I can't stand how nice he-- 377 00:41:21,793 --> 00:41:23,926 I can't stand how nice he is! 378 00:41:23,969 --> 00:41:27,495 But... I couldn't have killed it either. 379 00:41:29,888 --> 00:41:31,020 I was thinking of-- 380 00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:35,328 maybe there's a world in which I-- 381 00:41:37,026 --> 00:41:38,157 I come and 382 00:41:39,376 --> 00:41:40,333 live with you 383 00:41:40,377 --> 00:41:41,509 in Eugene 384 00:41:41,552 --> 00:41:42,640 and take some classes 385 00:41:42,684 --> 00:41:44,381 where you're teaching and... 386 00:41:44,686 --> 00:41:47,863 I don't know. Maybe we could start, like, a little 387 00:41:50,605 --> 00:41:51,867 family. 388 00:41:57,176 --> 00:41:59,831 - Yes. - 'Cause I think my life with him 389 00:41:59,875 --> 00:42:03,531 is gonna be like some sad, sad fucking country song. 390 00:42:03,574 --> 00:42:06,055 - And this is the only thing - Lidia, Lidia, I-- 391 00:42:06,272 --> 00:42:07,273 I said yes. 392 00:42:08,579 --> 00:42:09,841 Come home. 393 00:42:14,890 --> 00:42:15,891 Okay. 394 00:42:19,068 --> 00:42:20,069 Cool. 395 00:42:22,593 --> 00:42:24,595 Because she left me once 396 00:42:25,770 --> 00:42:27,076 to save her own life. 397 00:42:36,215 --> 00:42:37,826 What are you two doing back there, huh? 398 00:42:37,869 --> 00:42:39,436 Playing with yourselves? 399 00:42:41,264 --> 00:42:42,265 What? 400 00:42:43,745 --> 00:42:44,920 I bring them to the most beautiful scenery in the world, 401 00:42:44,963 --> 00:42:46,225 and--and they just 402 00:42:46,269 --> 00:42:47,400 playing grab-ass? 403 00:42:50,055 --> 00:42:52,275 Look out the goddamn window! 404 00:43:10,423 --> 00:43:11,424 Claudia, 405 00:43:12,817 --> 00:43:15,341 grab the hacksaw from under your mother's seat. 406 00:43:15,603 --> 00:43:17,169 Come on! Let's go. 407 00:43:42,455 --> 00:43:44,327 Here you go, sweetheart. 408 00:43:44,501 --> 00:43:45,502 For sustenance. 409 00:43:47,069 --> 00:43:48,331 For sustenance. 410 00:43:50,594 --> 00:43:51,639 You don't want it? 411 00:44:00,473 --> 00:44:01,649 Come on, honey. Just have a little sip. 412 00:44:01,692 --> 00:44:03,825 It'll warm you up. Mmm! 413 00:44:20,058 --> 00:44:23,061 ♪ Blowin' bubbles soft and fine... ♪ 414 00:44:34,464 --> 00:44:36,248 Well, thank God. 415 00:44:43,778 --> 00:44:45,083 Where's the tree? 416 00:44:48,173 --> 00:44:49,174 Just-- 417 00:44:53,701 --> 00:44:54,702 Mm. 418 00:44:57,182 --> 00:44:58,183 There. 419 00:44:59,228 --> 00:45:00,577 That's the picture. 420 00:45:10,587 --> 00:45:12,328 Welcome home. 421 00:45:12,371 --> 00:45:13,372 Oh! 422 00:45:17,812 --> 00:45:18,769 Come on in. 423 00:45:19,465 --> 00:45:20,684 I'll get that. 424 00:45:20,728 --> 00:45:22,207 Why? 'Cause I'm pregnant? 425 00:45:22,251 --> 00:45:23,252 Yeah. 426 00:45:28,431 --> 00:45:29,432 Oh. 427 00:45:49,017 --> 00:45:49,974 Here. 428 00:45:50,583 --> 00:45:51,759 Thanks. 429 00:45:53,586 --> 00:45:54,587 Mmm. 430 00:45:56,111 --> 00:45:57,286 Fuck. 431 00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:06,338 Thank you, Claudia. 432 00:46:11,300 --> 00:46:12,301 Oof. 433 00:46:15,783 --> 00:46:18,698 Do you remember when you used to make me do things? 434 00:46:21,092 --> 00:46:22,485 Like... 435 00:46:23,094 --> 00:46:25,705 "Here. Bite this apple." 436 00:46:25,923 --> 00:46:27,795 Sock it in my mouth. 437 00:46:30,493 --> 00:46:32,321 "Here. Smell this ashtray." 438 00:46:32,582 --> 00:46:35,150 "Just blow it. One, two..." 439 00:46:35,193 --> 00:46:37,674 Ashes all over my fucking face. 440 00:46:42,157 --> 00:46:43,811 I would have done anything. 441 00:46:48,685 --> 00:46:49,991 You were mythic to me. 442 00:46:54,299 --> 00:46:55,648 I remember when I went downstairs 443 00:46:55,692 --> 00:46:57,128 after you moved into the basement. 444 00:46:58,303 --> 00:47:03,352 And, um, realize how smart that was then but 445 00:47:05,876 --> 00:47:07,835 I used to look at all of your stuff 446 00:47:07,878 --> 00:47:09,749 and used to touch it. 447 00:47:10,881 --> 00:47:12,491 One time I found 448 00:47:12,535 --> 00:47:14,145 a razor blade in your purse. 449 00:47:14,189 --> 00:47:16,495 Cut myself on it. 450 00:47:16,931 --> 00:47:19,063 Made the fact that I had to pee hurt. 451 00:47:32,860 --> 00:47:34,035 I, um, 452 00:47:36,951 --> 00:47:37,908 I know that 453 00:47:38,213 --> 00:47:39,214 this is a... 454 00:47:40,215 --> 00:47:41,694 sacrifice. 455 00:47:43,696 --> 00:47:44,872 No, uh, 456 00:47:46,874 --> 00:47:48,049 It's just, you-- 457 00:47:50,573 --> 00:47:52,096 you were so little. Uh, 458 00:47:54,098 --> 00:47:55,099 uh-- 459 00:48:00,104 --> 00:48:01,105 yeah. 460 00:48:05,762 --> 00:48:06,763 Well, 461 00:48:09,418 --> 00:48:12,203 this is one way to Frankenstein your life. 462 00:48:21,430 --> 00:48:22,431 Maybe... 463 00:48:22,953 --> 00:48:25,129 I've been waiting for this. 464 00:48:35,835 --> 00:48:36,924 Mmm. 465 00:48:50,067 --> 00:48:52,287 Yes. Breathe. 466 00:48:54,071 --> 00:48:55,812 I know. 467 00:48:58,684 --> 00:49:00,295 Come on. Come on. 468 00:49:02,297 --> 00:49:03,298 You... 469 00:49:03,472 --> 00:49:04,473 can... 470 00:49:04,864 --> 00:49:05,953 do it. 471 00:49:48,299 --> 00:49:49,300 Where is she? 472 00:49:52,042 --> 00:49:53,000 Can I hold her? 473 00:49:54,697 --> 00:49:55,698 Uh, yeah. 474 00:50:00,224 --> 00:50:03,749 Just one second. We're just cleaning her up. 475 00:50:27,164 --> 00:50:28,252 Her lips are pink. 476 00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:32,561 They're pink. 477 00:51:48,941 --> 00:51:49,855 Just th-- 478 00:51:51,944 --> 00:51:53,511 throw it as far as you can. 479 00:52:18,971 --> 00:52:20,973 It's not funny. 480 00:52:24,542 --> 00:52:25,543 Get it. 481 00:52:45,302 --> 00:52:46,303 God! 482 00:53:19,075 --> 00:53:20,207 Sorry. 483 00:53:59,071 --> 00:54:01,596 Look. She's all over you. 484 00:54:03,946 --> 00:54:06,078 You're fucking laughing. 485 00:54:39,460 --> 00:54:41,636 What lived and died between us 486 00:54:44,116 --> 00:54:45,117 haunts me 487 00:54:46,510 --> 00:54:47,511 still. 488 00:54:51,341 --> 00:54:52,777 God damn, girl. 489 00:54:53,169 --> 00:54:55,171 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 490 00:54:56,825 --> 00:54:57,826 Yep. 491 00:55:03,353 --> 00:55:04,702 You got something to say? 492 00:55:06,835 --> 00:55:07,836 No way. 493 00:55:10,186 --> 00:55:11,230 Come on. 494 00:55:12,971 --> 00:55:15,800 You deserve this. You don't want to come with me? 495 00:55:16,845 --> 00:55:19,587 This is crazy. I'm not even a grad student. 496 00:55:19,630 --> 00:55:21,066 I'm basically just trolling the English department. 497 00:55:21,110 --> 00:55:22,938 You think Kesey gives a rat's ass 498 00:55:22,981 --> 00:55:24,418 about U of O rules? 499 00:55:24,461 --> 00:55:26,420 You will regret not doing this. 500 00:55:26,463 --> 00:55:27,595 They won't even let me enroll. 501 00:55:28,552 --> 00:55:30,902 Bullshit. I already told him about you. 502 00:55:31,512 --> 00:55:32,513 The-- 503 00:55:33,688 --> 00:55:34,689 These-- 504 00:55:37,822 --> 00:55:38,867 He's gonna love you. 505 00:55:44,351 --> 00:55:47,049 You don't want to write a novel with Ken Kesey? 506 00:56:07,896 --> 00:56:08,810 Hey, everyone. 507 00:56:09,419 --> 00:56:11,334 Um, hey, everybody. Hey. 508 00:56:15,294 --> 00:56:16,295 You're an idiot. 509 00:56:16,948 --> 00:56:19,081 Hi. Um, this is Lidia. 510 00:56:21,475 --> 00:56:22,780 - Say hi. - Hi. 511 00:56:26,044 --> 00:56:27,219 Well, hello. 512 00:56:28,003 --> 00:56:29,483 What do we have here? 513 00:56:29,526 --> 00:56:31,659 A triple-A tootsie? 514 00:56:35,097 --> 00:56:36,794 I know what happened to you. 515 00:56:40,450 --> 00:56:41,930 Death is a motherfucker. 516 00:56:51,635 --> 00:56:52,636 Ah! 517 00:56:54,464 --> 00:56:55,422 Shit. 518 00:56:56,248 --> 00:56:57,336 - Jeff? - Yes. 519 00:56:57,380 --> 00:56:58,729 You think you can roll one? 520 00:56:58,773 --> 00:57:01,471 I always hate sitting in a room full of writers. 521 00:57:01,515 --> 00:57:02,559 Sure. 522 00:57:12,134 --> 00:57:13,440 The chair will be fine. 523 00:57:14,963 --> 00:57:16,747 I want you all 524 00:57:22,623 --> 00:57:24,451 I want you all to be winners. 525 00:57:25,321 --> 00:57:26,453 I want 526 00:57:27,018 --> 00:57:28,585 you to be warriors. 527 00:57:29,978 --> 00:57:30,979 Warriors. 528 00:57:31,806 --> 00:57:33,634 I'll give you the warrior test. 529 00:57:34,156 --> 00:57:35,462 Shit floats. 530 00:57:36,245 --> 00:57:37,376 Cream rises. 531 00:57:37,681 --> 00:57:40,467 Shit floats. Jerry Rubin. 532 00:57:42,773 --> 00:57:44,035 Cream rises. 533 00:57:51,956 --> 00:57:52,957 Ferlinghetti. 534 00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:56,961 Lord Buckley. 535 00:57:58,006 --> 00:57:59,355 Lenny Bruce. 536 00:58:00,530 --> 00:58:01,531 The greats. 537 00:58:03,664 --> 00:58:05,143 I want you to be great. 538 00:58:07,711 --> 00:58:09,017 Shit, somebody 539 00:58:10,497 --> 00:58:13,369 has got to create our culture for the next 50 years. 540 00:58:13,412 --> 00:58:14,892 And I want it to be you. 541 00:58:14,936 --> 00:58:16,546 All right. There are only two rules. 542 00:58:16,590 --> 00:58:18,069 One, 543 00:58:18,113 --> 00:58:20,071 do not talk the plot of our novel 544 00:58:20,115 --> 00:58:22,509 to anyone outside this class. 545 00:58:23,510 --> 00:58:26,513 Two, I comprise 50% of the class 546 00:58:27,209 --> 00:58:29,690 so we only write together 547 00:58:30,865 --> 00:58:32,823 because we will publish 548 00:58:32,867 --> 00:58:34,521 or perish together. 549 00:58:41,528 --> 00:58:43,007 Nelson Algren said 550 00:58:44,705 --> 00:58:46,228 "The job of the writer 551 00:58:47,446 --> 00:58:50,058 is to pull the judge down onto the dock, 552 00:58:51,712 --> 00:58:52,843 to make 553 00:58:54,236 --> 00:58:57,065 the Almighty feel what it's like to be down low." 554 00:58:58,327 --> 00:58:59,415 He'll be all right. 555 00:59:01,504 --> 00:59:03,071 Grass never killed anybody. 556 00:59:04,463 --> 00:59:06,248 So, go. 557 00:59:07,858 --> 00:59:09,033 Right now. 558 00:59:10,034 --> 00:59:11,819 Write some bizarre sentences. 559 00:59:11,862 --> 00:59:13,864 Hey! Where are you? 560 00:59:14,909 --> 00:59:17,868 You can't take Quaaludes before the class. 561 00:59:18,608 --> 00:59:20,697 Now disappear into your imagination. 562 00:59:20,741 --> 00:59:21,742 Come on! 563 00:59:22,264 --> 00:59:23,744 Disappear into your imagination. 564 00:59:23,918 --> 00:59:25,920 Nobody's in the room but you and that pen. 565 00:59:31,099 --> 00:59:32,274 Better. 566 00:59:34,755 --> 00:59:35,930 Here you are. 567 00:59:36,147 --> 00:59:37,584 This is the shit. 568 00:59:42,458 --> 00:59:44,112 I wrote "Demon Box" in here. 569 00:59:45,461 --> 00:59:47,594 This room here is a creative room here. 570 00:59:47,768 --> 00:59:48,943 It's a creative space. 571 00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:50,161 Hey, Bennett. 572 00:59:51,423 --> 00:59:52,903 You didn't bring any ludes with you, did you? 573 00:59:52,947 --> 00:59:55,950 You know, those kind of drugs put you into your body, 574 00:59:56,167 --> 00:59:57,342 not into your mind. 575 00:59:58,561 --> 01:00:01,608 Stick with the acid, psilocybin, San Pedro -- 576 01:00:02,696 --> 01:00:05,089 something that'll disintegrate your ego 577 01:00:05,307 --> 01:00:07,309 so you can hear your inner voice. 578 01:00:08,615 --> 01:00:10,486 And you write from that voice. 579 01:00:13,097 --> 01:00:15,143 You want your voice to come through. 580 01:00:19,974 --> 01:00:21,540 Oh, Jesus. 581 01:00:24,369 --> 01:00:26,284 That's not supposed to happen. 582 01:00:27,155 --> 01:00:28,939 I got wrestler's knees. 583 01:00:31,159 --> 01:00:32,334 All right. 584 01:00:32,813 --> 01:00:34,989 Let's get outside before the sun sets. 585 01:00:35,816 --> 01:00:36,817 I want you 586 01:00:38,514 --> 01:00:40,298 to meet someone. 587 01:00:43,780 --> 01:00:44,651 Come on! 588 01:00:45,173 --> 01:00:46,174 Fuck you, God! 589 01:00:48,132 --> 01:00:49,873 God got the commandments wrong. 590 01:00:49,917 --> 01:00:51,440 I think there's 11 commandments. 591 01:00:51,483 --> 01:00:53,877 And it should be the first commandment, have mercy. 592 01:00:54,138 --> 01:00:56,488 - Hey. - Lord, have mercy! 593 01:00:57,272 --> 01:00:59,622 Just think if everybody had mercy for each other, 594 01:00:59,666 --> 01:01:01,102 where we'd be today. 595 01:01:01,145 --> 01:01:03,191 You see a man in the street who needs a few dollars. 596 01:01:03,452 --> 01:01:06,411 Give it to him. Give it to him. Have mercy. He needs it. 597 01:01:07,543 --> 01:01:09,371 He wouldn't ask for it if he didn't need it. 598 01:01:11,721 --> 01:01:12,679 Mercy. 599 01:01:14,158 --> 01:01:15,812 Hire me to rewrite the... 600 01:01:17,031 --> 01:01:18,032 Bible. 601 01:01:40,184 --> 01:01:42,230 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 602 01:01:51,587 --> 01:01:52,588 Yep. 603 01:02:05,166 --> 01:02:07,472 You know, when Jed died, my boy, 604 01:02:08,604 --> 01:02:10,649 I wanted to cease to exist. 605 01:02:19,093 --> 01:02:22,923 And everybody that talked to me said something asinine. 606 01:02:26,622 --> 01:02:28,276 Or didn't say anything at all. 607 01:02:42,856 --> 01:02:44,901 Nobody understands death anymore. 608 01:02:49,863 --> 01:02:50,994 It used to be sacred. 609 01:02:51,821 --> 01:02:52,779 So sacred. 610 01:02:58,001 --> 01:02:59,002 Shit. 611 01:03:01,178 --> 01:03:04,007 No one's big enough to hold what happens to us. 612 01:03:07,837 --> 01:03:09,099 No one is big enough 613 01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:12,363 to hold what happens to us. 614 01:03:18,848 --> 01:03:20,328 You got something to say? 615 01:03:29,163 --> 01:03:30,338 It's in your hands. 616 01:03:54,710 --> 01:03:57,844 Everything about my father was in his hands. 617 01:04:03,023 --> 01:04:05,199 It's all about coordination. 618 01:04:07,897 --> 01:04:10,944 A perfectly balanced dance of 619 01:04:10,987 --> 01:04:12,206 shadow and light. 620 01:04:13,860 --> 01:04:16,340 Before my father was my father, 621 01:04:17,341 --> 01:04:18,821 he was an artist. 622 01:04:18,865 --> 01:04:22,042 Your daddy won a prize 623 01:04:22,433 --> 01:04:23,695 for this drawing. 624 01:04:26,568 --> 01:04:29,049 Before my father was an artist, 625 01:04:29,876 --> 01:04:30,877 he was an athlete. 626 01:04:33,227 --> 01:04:35,055 Before my father was my father, 627 01:04:38,580 --> 01:04:39,581 he was beautiful. 628 01:04:40,756 --> 01:04:41,757 And she was. 629 01:04:42,976 --> 01:04:44,542 Before my father was my father, 630 01:04:46,066 --> 01:04:47,067 he was a boy. 631 01:04:47,806 --> 01:04:48,895 Just a boy 632 01:04:49,808 --> 01:04:51,027 whose own mother 633 01:04:51,767 --> 01:04:53,551 cut his tongue. 634 01:04:59,775 --> 01:05:01,385 Before I hated him, 635 01:05:03,431 --> 01:05:04,432 I loved him. 636 01:05:10,612 --> 01:05:12,048 Look up. 637 01:05:12,092 --> 01:05:13,180 Now, if you don't look where you're going, 638 01:05:13,223 --> 01:05:14,659 you're gonna crash, you hear me? 639 01:05:14,703 --> 01:05:15,791 When you get to the bottom of the hill, 640 01:05:15,834 --> 01:05:17,749 you just brake enough to make a turn. 641 01:05:17,793 --> 01:05:18,794 Okay? 642 01:05:22,667 --> 01:05:24,060 Go. 643 01:05:24,278 --> 01:05:25,757 Keep your eyes on the road! 644 01:05:25,801 --> 01:05:26,933 Keep going. 645 01:05:27,585 --> 01:05:28,673 Keep your head up! 646 01:05:33,809 --> 01:05:35,158 Keep those eyes on the road. 647 01:05:35,202 --> 01:05:36,943 You gotta brake! 648 01:05:41,512 --> 01:05:42,470 Mike? 649 01:05:42,818 --> 01:05:43,819 Mike. 650 01:05:44,472 --> 01:05:45,473 Mike! 651 01:05:45,821 --> 01:05:47,779 - Get a flashlight. - What for? 652 01:05:47,823 --> 01:05:49,085 I think she's hurt down there. 653 01:05:49,129 --> 01:05:51,870 - What?! - What happened?! 654 01:05:51,914 --> 01:05:53,046 Just shut the goddamn door. 655 01:05:54,047 --> 01:05:55,135 Mm, yeah. 656 01:05:55,178 --> 01:05:56,527 You done with that chapter? 657 01:06:02,707 --> 01:06:03,708 Yep. 658 01:06:22,336 --> 01:06:23,337 Hey. 659 01:06:24,512 --> 01:06:26,949 Hi. Hello. 660 01:06:32,172 --> 01:06:34,826 I'm a writer. 661 01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:49,928 Thank you. 662 01:06:51,147 --> 01:06:52,670 Thank you. 663 01:06:52,714 --> 01:06:56,631 We are gathered because, uh, we want to see the results. 664 01:06:56,674 --> 01:07:01,418 We want to witness the results of this experiment, 665 01:07:01,723 --> 01:07:05,988 a collaborative novel written by us. 666 01:07:07,076 --> 01:07:08,904 Please, let's welcome 667 01:07:09,122 --> 01:07:11,733 the first of the not-so-merry pranksters 668 01:07:11,994 --> 01:07:14,562 to the stage to present 669 01:07:15,911 --> 01:07:16,912 "Caverns." 670 01:07:17,913 --> 01:07:19,567 Lidia, come on up. 671 01:07:23,223 --> 01:07:24,615 You're gonna kill it. 672 01:07:42,807 --> 01:07:44,070 Whoo! 673 01:07:45,593 --> 01:07:46,594 Hello. 674 01:07:46,942 --> 01:07:48,813 My thigh, behind my knee. 675 01:07:49,075 --> 01:07:50,467 - There you go. - You, too? 676 01:07:50,511 --> 01:07:52,078 - Thank you for coming. - My ass crack. 677 01:07:52,121 --> 01:07:53,905 Back of my knees, and they're just like... 678 01:07:53,949 --> 01:07:55,168 Lidia's father. 679 01:07:56,430 --> 01:07:58,954 What can I say? I'm a great admirer of yours. 680 01:07:59,433 --> 01:08:00,999 Mike. Is that right? 681 01:08:01,783 --> 01:08:03,001 That's right. 682 01:08:03,611 --> 01:08:05,482 Glad you could make it. 683 01:08:06,396 --> 01:08:09,356 Lidia and I, we saw "Cuckoo's Nest" and, uh, 684 01:08:09,399 --> 01:08:12,098 "Sometimes a Great Notion" together, and it's just great. 685 01:08:12,141 --> 01:08:13,969 I mean, great books. 686 01:08:16,754 --> 01:08:18,104 You know, Mike 687 01:08:19,583 --> 01:08:20,628 Lidia here 688 01:08:22,456 --> 01:08:24,762 she can knock it out of the park. 689 01:08:28,984 --> 01:08:30,638 Do you want me to sign that? 690 01:08:35,208 --> 01:08:36,600 Thanks for coming, Dad. 691 01:08:42,302 --> 01:08:43,303 Okay. 692 01:08:44,042 --> 01:08:45,043 To... 693 01:08:45,696 --> 01:08:46,697 Mike? 694 01:08:47,698 --> 01:08:48,699 Please. 695 01:08:50,527 --> 01:08:51,528 "To Mike. 696 01:08:52,529 --> 01:08:53,530 Be 697 01:08:55,837 --> 01:08:56,838 brave." 698 01:09:06,717 --> 01:09:07,849 There you go, Mike. 699 01:09:12,636 --> 01:09:13,724 There you go, baby. 700 01:09:14,638 --> 01:09:15,639 Yep. 701 01:09:36,399 --> 01:09:38,706 I've seen a lot of writers come and go. 702 01:09:42,840 --> 01:09:44,015 You got the stuff. 703 01:09:50,718 --> 01:09:52,067 Got something for you. 704 01:09:52,546 --> 01:09:53,547 Here. 705 01:09:55,723 --> 01:09:56,724 Here. 706 01:09:59,683 --> 01:10:02,730 It comes from the most spiritual beach on Earth. 707 01:10:04,732 --> 01:10:05,733 Hold that. 708 01:10:07,909 --> 01:10:09,127 You can hold it all. 709 01:10:12,566 --> 01:10:14,394 You're gonna hold it all, girl. 710 01:10:21,270 --> 01:10:22,228 So, 711 01:10:23,838 --> 01:10:24,969 so, what's next? 712 01:10:28,321 --> 01:10:31,237 - Next? - Next. What is next? Next. 713 01:10:39,984 --> 01:10:42,378 I want to write "The Sound and the Fury." 714 01:10:53,868 --> 01:10:55,261 Of course you do, honey. 715 01:10:57,132 --> 01:10:58,264 Oh, boy. 716 01:11:03,704 --> 01:11:05,662 Here. Throw it and see if I can catch it. 717 01:11:05,923 --> 01:11:06,924 - Ready? - Yeah. 718 01:11:08,186 --> 01:11:09,579 - Ah! - Shit! 719 01:11:11,581 --> 01:11:12,582 Ah. 720 01:11:13,888 --> 01:11:16,456 A lot riding on that going in. 721 01:11:19,981 --> 01:11:21,809 It has no metaphor. 722 01:11:22,940 --> 01:11:25,116 - Okay. - Fuck metaphors. 723 01:11:25,639 --> 01:11:26,727 Okay. 724 01:11:26,770 --> 01:11:28,468 It's just a rock that fell. 725 01:11:37,651 --> 01:11:39,957 I'm gonna get the rock and I'm gonna go pee. 726 01:11:40,001 --> 01:11:41,829 - All right. - Ugh! 727 01:11:41,872 --> 01:11:43,874 Oh, yeah. There we go. You got it. 728 01:11:48,662 --> 01:11:50,316 That was the last time I saw him. 729 01:11:51,012 --> 01:11:52,709 You can write, girl! 730 01:11:53,014 --> 01:11:55,321 I'm of the opinion, that he drowned. 731 01:12:02,893 --> 01:12:05,200 Caddy wants to fuck. 732 01:12:05,418 --> 01:12:06,897 She's insatiable. 733 01:12:07,376 --> 01:12:11,032 And because her neighbor boy man has a giant pants bulge 734 01:12:11,075 --> 01:12:12,990 and a sound that comes out of him 735 01:12:13,034 --> 01:12:14,165 instead of language, 736 01:12:14,209 --> 01:12:15,819 she goes over to his house 737 01:12:15,863 --> 01:12:17,647 and she removes all of her clothes, 738 01:12:17,691 --> 01:12:19,388 so he finally fucks her 739 01:12:20,520 --> 01:12:22,043 and crushes her. 740 01:12:24,219 --> 01:12:26,482 He fucks her to death, 741 01:12:26,526 --> 01:12:28,528 and she loves it! 742 01:12:29,180 --> 01:12:32,401 And she laughs until she cries, and an ambulance has to come. 743 01:12:32,445 --> 01:12:33,533 But it's too late. 744 01:12:35,186 --> 01:12:37,058 That is "The Sound and the Fury." 745 01:12:38,581 --> 01:12:39,582 Trite. 746 01:12:41,192 --> 01:12:44,152 Look, I've already read "The Sound and the Fury." 747 01:12:44,195 --> 01:12:46,546 Reworking Faulkner is some college shit. 748 01:12:51,725 --> 01:12:53,509 Maybe try something original. 749 01:12:56,425 --> 01:12:57,383 God, 750 01:12:57,905 --> 01:12:58,906 I hate them. 751 01:12:59,559 --> 01:13:00,560 Hey. 752 01:13:01,299 --> 01:13:02,866 What the hell does he know? 753 01:13:03,519 --> 01:13:04,477 It is original. 754 01:13:05,086 --> 01:13:06,783 It's a fucking pastiche. 755 01:13:08,089 --> 01:13:10,047 - Hey! - Ha! Hey. 756 01:13:10,308 --> 01:13:12,920 You want to go to the coast? I got us a room. 757 01:13:13,442 --> 01:13:14,704 Hi, Hannah. 758 01:13:14,922 --> 01:13:16,532 We're actually gonna work on these this weekend. 759 01:13:16,576 --> 01:13:17,664 - Right. - Come on. 760 01:13:17,707 --> 01:13:18,926 Is your fly undone? 761 01:13:19,927 --> 01:13:20,884 Lids. 762 01:13:22,582 --> 01:13:24,540 - What is that? - Oh! 763 01:13:28,239 --> 01:13:29,415 I fucking dare you. 764 01:13:32,287 --> 01:13:33,288 Come on. 765 01:13:34,289 --> 01:13:35,290 Anything. 766 01:13:36,552 --> 01:13:37,727 Anytime. 767 01:13:37,771 --> 01:13:39,337 Whoa! 768 01:13:39,381 --> 01:13:40,817 Anywhere. Anything. Anytime. Anywhere. 769 01:13:40,861 --> 01:13:42,166 Please be careful! 770 01:13:42,210 --> 01:13:43,907 To feel absolutely 771 01:13:43,951 --> 01:13:45,431 nothing. 772 01:13:48,956 --> 01:13:51,132 I'm gonna go grab some firewood. 773 01:13:51,175 --> 01:13:53,134 Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 774 01:14:15,809 --> 01:14:17,114 Is this like a-- 775 01:14:19,073 --> 01:14:20,161 a fuck trip? 776 01:14:25,514 --> 01:14:26,472 What? 777 01:14:29,083 --> 01:14:31,302 I've never -- I've never licked pussy. 778 01:14:32,347 --> 01:14:33,957 Oh! 779 01:15:40,720 --> 01:15:42,896 I wanted to stay like that. 780 01:15:52,079 --> 01:15:53,907 Outside of any word. 781 01:15:59,956 --> 01:16:01,871 Inside the unnamed wet. 782 01:16:30,334 --> 01:16:31,597 You okay? 783 01:17:18,339 --> 01:17:19,819 I love you, Lids. 784 01:17:30,786 --> 01:17:31,961 I really love you. 785 01:17:53,330 --> 01:17:54,331 Yeah. 786 01:17:55,376 --> 01:17:56,551 I'll see you later. 787 01:18:11,000 --> 01:18:12,219 In water, 788 01:18:13,568 --> 01:18:14,569 like in books 789 01:18:17,920 --> 01:18:19,400 you can leave your life. 790 01:18:42,597 --> 01:18:43,685 I got it. 791 01:18:43,729 --> 01:18:45,121 - No! - I got it! 792 01:18:45,165 --> 01:18:46,862 I remember a happy childhood. 793 01:18:46,906 --> 01:18:48,777 Come on, come on. 794 01:18:48,821 --> 01:18:50,866 We dive, we swim, we race. 795 01:18:50,910 --> 01:18:52,781 Lidia went fast that time. 796 01:18:52,825 --> 01:18:55,741 We laugh like other people's children. 797 01:19:04,880 --> 01:19:08,579 I remember first and last names like Evie Kosenkranius 798 01:19:08,623 --> 01:19:10,190 and Lynn Collella Belle. 799 01:19:10,233 --> 01:19:13,454 Lynn Collella Belle. Lynn Collella Belle. 800 01:19:13,497 --> 01:19:14,585 Lynn Collella Belle. 801 01:19:17,240 --> 01:19:19,199 Making song loops in my skull. 802 01:19:19,242 --> 01:19:20,722 ♪ Lynn Collella 803 01:19:20,766 --> 01:19:22,419 ♪ Lynn Collella Belle 804 01:19:22,463 --> 01:19:23,420 Belle. 805 01:19:32,821 --> 01:19:34,736 Lynn Collella Belle. 806 01:19:44,615 --> 01:19:45,616 Mono? 807 01:19:47,009 --> 01:19:48,794 Isn't that the kissing disease? 808 01:19:52,493 --> 01:19:54,364 No. Don't be silly. 809 01:19:57,759 --> 01:19:59,282 Everything's gonna be okay, Belle. 810 01:19:59,326 --> 01:20:00,414 You'll see. 811 01:20:00,457 --> 01:20:01,502 You're gonna feel better. 812 01:20:05,332 --> 01:20:08,291 And your daddy's gonna take real good care of you. 813 01:20:09,902 --> 01:20:11,642 - Aren't you? - We'll be all right. 814 01:20:11,686 --> 01:20:14,515 Okay. Mama's gonna go sell some houses. 815 01:20:16,299 --> 01:20:17,823 Hey, honey. 816 01:20:23,959 --> 01:20:25,091 My baby girl. 817 01:20:26,527 --> 01:20:28,529 You just give it a couple of days. 818 01:20:32,315 --> 01:20:33,839 Shh. 819 01:20:35,144 --> 01:20:37,190 It is language letting me say... 820 01:20:37,233 --> 01:20:38,713 There you go. 821 01:20:38,756 --> 01:20:40,367 ...how four weeks can be years. 822 01:20:43,544 --> 01:20:45,763 It is the yielding expanse 823 01:20:46,199 --> 01:20:47,200 of a white 824 01:20:47,765 --> 01:20:48,766 page. 825 01:21:27,283 --> 01:21:30,025 Have you shown these to anyone? 826 01:21:31,940 --> 01:21:32,898 No. 827 01:21:39,034 --> 01:21:40,731 Like, body, 828 01:21:41,123 --> 01:21:42,124 skin 829 01:21:42,559 --> 01:21:43,560 scars. 830 01:21:46,259 --> 01:21:48,739 People always ask me why 831 01:21:48,783 --> 01:21:50,611 my work is so dark. 832 01:21:53,092 --> 01:21:55,921 What do you know about pain, Lidia? 833 01:21:57,226 --> 01:21:58,227 Um, 834 01:22:01,448 --> 01:22:02,449 I know that 835 01:22:04,973 --> 01:22:06,496 it matters to me. 836 01:22:09,369 --> 01:22:11,327 I'm gonna take care of you. 837 01:22:15,462 --> 01:22:16,593 Do you understand? 838 01:22:22,599 --> 01:22:24,297 Now ask me for what you want. 839 01:22:29,128 --> 01:22:30,172 Um. 840 01:22:32,435 --> 01:22:34,742 That's not right, angel. 841 01:22:34,785 --> 01:22:35,786 Um, 842 01:22:37,136 --> 01:22:38,137 um, 843 01:22:39,660 --> 01:22:40,661 I 844 01:22:41,967 --> 01:22:42,924 want 845 01:22:43,185 --> 01:22:44,099 you 846 01:22:44,143 --> 01:22:45,144 to 847 01:22:46,493 --> 01:22:47,668 Mm? 848 01:22:49,148 --> 01:22:50,888 Knock it out of me. 849 01:22:57,156 --> 01:22:58,374 To whip me. 850 01:23:00,115 --> 01:23:02,161 Where would you like to be whipped, 851 01:23:03,162 --> 01:23:04,163 angel? 852 01:23:08,384 --> 01:23:09,516 Everywhere. 853 01:23:15,304 --> 01:23:17,176 Take it somewhere. 854 01:23:20,353 --> 01:23:21,876 Take the pain somewhere. 855 01:23:28,839 --> 01:23:30,015 Mama. 856 01:23:40,547 --> 01:23:41,939 I am proud of you. 857 01:23:53,908 --> 01:23:56,563 I'm not trying to creep you out. 858 01:24:04,266 --> 01:24:05,876 I am trying to be precise. 859 01:24:15,712 --> 01:24:17,062 "At the moment my mother was whining, 860 01:24:17,105 --> 01:24:18,628 Daddy was smelling my cunt. 861 01:24:18,672 --> 01:24:20,543 I've reached my best moment now, he explained. 862 01:24:20,587 --> 01:24:22,415 Now I was sure what he was referring to. 863 01:24:22,458 --> 01:24:24,069 This is the moment of truth. 864 01:24:24,112 --> 01:24:26,158 I'm going off, off, off, jacking it off. 865 01:24:26,201 --> 01:24:28,029 My hands are gonna be broken from this one. 866 01:24:28,073 --> 01:24:29,552 I don't even recognize my own body. 867 01:24:29,596 --> 01:24:31,076 It doesn't matter. I know you're mine. 868 01:24:31,119 --> 01:24:32,686 I made you, I'm making you. 869 01:24:32,729 --> 01:24:34,079 I swore I'd live for pleasure. 870 01:24:34,122 --> 01:24:35,732 My tongue is fucking enormous. 871 01:24:35,776 --> 01:24:37,256 Feel it. It's reaching down to my waist. 872 01:24:37,299 --> 01:24:40,085 You're seeing your actual father in his moment of truth. 873 01:24:40,128 --> 01:24:41,651 God Almighty, nothing matters. 874 01:24:41,695 --> 01:24:44,132 You're my God, my daughter, I worship you. 875 01:24:44,176 --> 01:24:46,091 I beg you to do it show I can please you. 876 01:24:46,134 --> 01:24:48,528 Now look at it. It's big in my corkscrewing hand. 877 01:24:48,571 --> 01:24:50,573 Kiss it. My father explained again, 878 01:24:50,617 --> 01:24:53,446 I am fucking God and I made God. Holy shit. 879 01:24:53,489 --> 01:24:54,925 All I have to do is look at God, 880 01:24:54,969 --> 01:24:56,753 and God is happy 'cause I've made God cum. 881 01:24:56,797 --> 01:24:58,842 God is in heaven. I'm in heaven and I've died. 882 01:24:58,886 --> 01:25:01,410 The whole world in heaven. I'm cumming all over your face. 883 01:25:01,454 --> 01:25:02,716 I licked up his sperm." 884 01:25:02,759 --> 01:25:03,978 This is making me sick. 885 01:25:23,737 --> 01:25:26,479 Who in the hell do you think you are? 886 01:25:28,089 --> 01:25:29,525 My father's daughter. 887 01:26:11,480 --> 01:26:12,525 Goddamn. 888 01:26:13,830 --> 01:26:14,918 Year one. 889 01:26:15,223 --> 01:26:17,356 Vodka! 890 01:26:18,879 --> 01:26:21,534 I drink vodka, mostly all the time. 891 01:26:21,882 --> 01:26:24,319 One shot in the eye, shot in the eye. 892 01:26:24,363 --> 01:26:26,060 And felt nothing about myself. 893 01:26:29,716 --> 01:26:31,544 We drink, we laugh, we fuck. 894 01:26:32,675 --> 01:26:34,547 We make fuck-body paint shadows. 895 01:26:36,288 --> 01:26:38,899 We make performance art. We perform ourselves. 896 01:26:38,942 --> 01:26:41,206 Fuck you, God! 897 01:26:48,735 --> 01:26:50,737 Open the door! 898 01:26:52,173 --> 01:26:54,219 We carved each other's names into our arms. 899 01:26:54,393 --> 01:26:56,264 I did it for you! 900 01:26:58,788 --> 01:26:59,789 Fuck! 901 01:27:04,751 --> 01:27:06,056 We fuck septic. 902 01:27:06,100 --> 01:27:07,319 It was right in front of me, Devin. 903 01:27:07,362 --> 01:27:09,190 I could see exactly what was happening. 904 01:27:09,234 --> 01:27:11,323 - You don't even realize. - I don't even realize what?! 905 01:27:11,366 --> 01:27:13,368 You don't even realize I'm gonna fucking marry you. 906 01:27:13,412 --> 01:27:15,631 Whoa! Oh! 907 01:27:17,764 --> 01:27:19,548 To Mike and Dorothy. 908 01:27:19,592 --> 01:27:21,637 I'm so happy they fucked. 909 01:27:25,424 --> 01:27:28,253 - To skip to year six, - Hey! 910 01:27:28,296 --> 01:27:29,515 when underwater stories 911 01:27:29,558 --> 01:27:31,212 - start itching - Come on! 912 01:27:31,256 --> 01:27:32,605 and yelling begins a rhythm 913 01:27:32,648 --> 01:27:34,259 where drinking gets louder and him-- 914 01:27:34,302 --> 01:27:36,826 Go back to kissing women I know and kissing women I don't know! 915 01:27:36,870 --> 01:27:39,307 And what is a couple over time but a line? 916 01:27:39,351 --> 01:27:40,569 I'll show you a fucking line. 917 01:27:40,613 --> 01:27:43,268 Your fucking bullshit is taking over the house! 918 01:27:43,311 --> 01:27:45,574 It was taking over the house. 919 01:27:50,971 --> 01:27:51,972 Oh, no. 920 01:27:53,408 --> 01:27:54,409 Oh, no. 921 01:27:56,193 --> 01:27:57,194 Oh, no. 922 01:28:06,203 --> 01:28:07,292 Fuck. 923 01:28:12,949 --> 01:28:14,124 I don't wanna fuck. 924 01:28:16,388 --> 01:28:17,693 I want to read. 925 01:28:20,043 --> 01:28:21,044 Fuck you. 926 01:28:26,833 --> 01:28:28,835 I didn't want to drink. 927 01:28:31,141 --> 01:28:32,229 I wanted to write. 928 01:28:41,587 --> 01:28:43,676 What is a couple over time but a line? 929 01:28:48,463 --> 01:28:50,335 Year seven, I finish my dissertation. 930 01:28:57,385 --> 01:28:58,821 Year eight, I get a PhD. 931 01:29:15,708 --> 01:29:16,709 Year ten. 932 01:29:18,014 --> 01:29:19,015 We pretend. 933 01:29:24,064 --> 01:29:25,282 You said then 934 01:29:27,546 --> 01:29:30,287 you would love me until I die. 935 01:29:35,249 --> 01:29:37,860 You said we would die together in love. 936 01:29:51,831 --> 01:29:53,572 You said it to me. 937 01:29:57,924 --> 01:29:59,404 Where are you? 938 01:30:06,280 --> 01:30:07,412 Where is the man? 939 01:30:23,993 --> 01:30:25,952 Who would love a woman like me? 940 01:31:09,822 --> 01:31:11,345 Don't you dare. 941 01:31:49,209 --> 01:31:50,210 Ha. 942 01:33:13,075 --> 01:33:14,947 "The date of your reading." 943 01:33:38,448 --> 01:33:39,624 What? 944 01:34:03,517 --> 01:34:05,127 Please welcome 945 01:34:10,655 --> 01:34:13,135 reading an excerpt from her first collection 946 01:34:13,179 --> 01:34:15,094 of short stories, "Her Other Mouths," 947 01:34:15,137 --> 01:34:16,878 Lidia Yuknavitch. 948 01:34:19,838 --> 01:34:22,057 Lidia, please. Welcome. 949 01:34:36,942 --> 01:34:39,379 "The day my daughter was born. 950 01:34:41,337 --> 01:34:42,817 After I held the future. 951 01:34:47,387 --> 01:34:48,388 Stillborn. 952 01:34:52,174 --> 01:34:53,175 And pink. 953 01:34:58,398 --> 01:34:59,442 And rose-lipped. 954 01:35:02,750 --> 01:35:05,057 And rose-lipped in my shivering arms. 955 01:35:06,449 --> 01:35:07,755 Little tragedies are 956 01:35:08,060 --> 01:35:09,714 difficult to keep straight. 957 01:35:15,371 --> 01:35:18,723 Chronology convinces us we are moving toward a real place. 958 01:35:18,984 --> 01:35:20,942 Swimmers, to your marks. 959 01:35:22,552 --> 01:35:23,510 A gunshot. 960 01:35:24,293 --> 01:35:26,731 A gunshot released our tense flesh. 961 01:35:28,297 --> 01:35:30,430 Fathers were often uncontainable 962 01:35:30,691 --> 01:35:33,172 while the little women swam for their lives. 963 01:35:33,215 --> 01:35:34,303 Swim. 964 01:35:35,827 --> 01:35:37,089 Swim! 965 01:35:37,742 --> 01:35:39,091 Hurry! 966 01:35:40,266 --> 01:35:41,746 Come on, baby. 967 01:35:43,225 --> 01:35:44,226 Harder. 968 01:35:44,792 --> 01:35:45,750 Harder! 969 01:35:46,620 --> 01:35:47,752 Faster! 970 01:35:47,795 --> 01:35:51,016 A cacophony of men swelling 971 01:35:51,059 --> 01:35:54,628 and pressing down on the wet motion. 972 01:35:56,673 --> 01:36:00,503 How many times did I slip into the chlorinated depths, 973 01:36:01,635 --> 01:36:05,813 secretly hoping to shed this useless skin 974 01:36:05,857 --> 01:36:08,947 and emerge something 975 01:36:13,299 --> 01:36:14,474 amphibious 976 01:36:16,955 --> 01:36:18,130 and without gender? 977 01:36:27,095 --> 01:36:28,096 The thing is, 978 01:36:32,361 --> 01:36:35,495 this letting everything in 979 01:36:37,279 --> 01:36:39,542 and waiting to see what comes out 980 01:36:43,329 --> 01:36:44,330 is creepy 981 01:36:46,027 --> 01:36:47,028 and idiotic. 982 01:36:49,291 --> 01:36:52,817 And it's starting to piss me off 983 01:36:52,991 --> 01:36:56,864 that I have to even think about that hole. 984 01:36:57,822 --> 01:36:58,953 What I am saying is 985 01:37:04,132 --> 01:37:08,571 there is a woman in a room who is tired of looking down 986 01:37:11,836 --> 01:37:12,967 and bleeding 987 01:37:14,186 --> 01:37:15,317 and-- 988 01:37:15,361 --> 01:37:18,538 bearing and itching and aching. 989 01:37:20,192 --> 01:37:23,325 And tired of remaining open 990 01:37:24,196 --> 01:37:27,721 with no hope of suturing herself up. 991 01:37:38,384 --> 01:37:40,168 It isn't that I want it gone. 992 01:37:44,346 --> 01:37:45,347 It's that 993 01:37:46,392 --> 01:37:47,393 I want 994 01:37:48,350 --> 01:37:49,351 wanting 995 01:37:51,353 --> 01:37:54,574 to come from somewhere else. 996 01:38:00,406 --> 01:38:04,714 There are moments between years that surface with great force." 997 01:38:06,542 --> 01:38:08,501 Remind me why we're here. 998 01:38:08,544 --> 01:38:10,720 I thought this was your idea. 999 01:38:10,764 --> 01:38:12,070 I came here with you. 1000 01:38:16,770 --> 01:38:17,771 Delusion. 1001 01:38:20,426 --> 01:38:21,775 Grown women are idiots. 1002 01:38:23,908 --> 01:38:24,909 I don't know. 1003 01:38:26,127 --> 01:38:27,128 She begged. 1004 01:38:33,961 --> 01:38:35,093 I changed my name. 1005 01:38:41,621 --> 01:38:42,622 Mike! 1006 01:38:43,928 --> 01:38:46,147 Lidia! Lidia! 1007 01:38:47,018 --> 01:38:49,063 Lidia! Lidia! 1008 01:38:49,803 --> 01:38:51,500 Mike! Lidia! 1009 01:38:51,848 --> 01:38:53,154 Lidia! 1010 01:38:53,589 --> 01:38:55,417 Turn him over. Help me! 1011 01:39:15,133 --> 01:39:16,134 "Kill. 1012 01:39:17,831 --> 01:39:19,876 Or suck the killing back. 1013 01:39:24,707 --> 01:39:25,970 And pump it 1014 01:39:27,232 --> 01:39:30,626 into the story of someone else. 1015 01:39:33,760 --> 01:39:37,633 My father lost his memory from hypoxia that day. 1016 01:39:42,508 --> 01:39:43,988 I did not kill him. 1017 01:39:46,164 --> 01:39:47,469 I did not save him. 1018 01:39:49,689 --> 01:39:53,519 I am learning to live on land." 1019 01:39:56,696 --> 01:39:57,697 Um, 1020 01:40:02,441 --> 01:40:04,486 Thanks. Oh, that -- that's... 1021 01:40:19,153 --> 01:40:20,807 But have your parents read this story? 1022 01:40:20,850 --> 01:40:22,809 What do they think of it? 1023 01:40:22,852 --> 01:40:23,984 Enjoy New York. Really. 1024 01:40:24,028 --> 01:40:25,507 You're gonna get an agent outta this. 1025 01:40:28,902 --> 01:40:30,469 Lidia, it's so nice to meet you. 1026 01:40:30,512 --> 01:40:31,905 Thank you for being here. 1027 01:40:32,384 --> 01:40:33,385 Excuse me. 1028 01:40:34,777 --> 01:40:36,214 Do you have anything, um, 1029 01:40:37,693 --> 01:40:39,043 a little stronger? 1030 01:40:40,522 --> 01:40:41,523 Thanks. 1031 01:40:46,572 --> 01:40:48,617 Carol Houck Smith, Norton Publishing. 1032 01:40:51,011 --> 01:40:53,100 It's pretty impressive what you did up there. 1033 01:40:54,623 --> 01:40:55,624 Thank you. 1034 01:40:55,885 --> 01:40:59,802 No, really. It didn't look easy. 1035 01:41:01,195 --> 01:41:03,806 Tell me, is there any more where that came from? 1036 01:41:04,068 --> 01:41:06,331 Something, a little longer? 1037 01:41:10,422 --> 01:41:12,206 You should send me something. 1038 01:41:17,124 --> 01:41:18,430 It's just that 1039 01:41:21,476 --> 01:41:25,263 something in me had been born 1040 01:41:27,003 --> 01:41:28,004 still. 1041 01:41:35,882 --> 01:41:37,362 ♪ And there you got me 1042 01:41:37,405 --> 01:41:38,841 ♪ That's how you got me 1043 01:41:38,885 --> 01:41:40,974 ♪ You taught me to be mean 1044 01:41:45,805 --> 01:41:46,980 ♪ But I 1045 01:41:47,241 --> 01:41:48,808 ♪ Ran out 1046 01:41:48,982 --> 01:41:54,466 ♪ Of white dove's feathers 1047 01:41:54,857 --> 01:41:57,382 ♪ To soak up the hot 1048 01:41:57,425 --> 01:41:59,993 ♪ Piss that comes through your mouth ♪ 1049 01:42:00,036 --> 01:42:02,300 It's a small stone I carry. 1050 01:42:04,215 --> 01:42:05,172 ♪ Ohh 1051 01:42:06,521 --> 01:42:08,480 Shame of wanting something good. 1052 01:42:09,307 --> 01:42:13,659 ♪ Of white dove's feathers... 1053 01:44:53,949 --> 01:44:56,387 I told you not to fuck with me, bitch! 1054 01:44:56,430 --> 01:44:59,694 I told you. And you. 1055 01:45:08,355 --> 01:45:10,052 I'm fucking trash. 1056 01:45:12,490 --> 01:45:15,667 Hey, what are you doing? Keep it moving. 1057 01:45:33,859 --> 01:45:34,860 Hi. 1058 01:45:38,864 --> 01:45:41,345 Chopping block. Peer review. 1059 01:45:42,215 --> 01:45:43,521 Who wants to go first? 1060 01:45:45,044 --> 01:45:46,088 Really helpful. 1061 01:45:47,307 --> 01:45:49,396 You know, you can't live the wrong life. 1062 01:45:49,440 --> 01:45:50,919 You really can't. It's a story you were told. 1063 01:45:51,180 --> 01:45:53,139 Your one is just as important, it's your own. 1064 01:45:53,182 --> 01:45:56,360 You have to -- It has to hurt. But I'm excited for you. 1065 01:46:48,150 --> 01:46:49,717 I don't give a shit! 1066 01:46:49,761 --> 01:46:51,110 Now what? 1067 01:46:53,242 --> 01:46:54,722 Something small 1068 01:46:54,766 --> 01:46:56,463 and specific caught my eye, 1069 01:46:56,768 --> 01:46:58,291 an important detail -- 1070 01:46:58,770 --> 01:47:01,947 a bruise on the bridge of her nose letting me know that 1071 01:47:01,990 --> 01:47:03,557 her eyes were blue like mine. 1072 01:47:03,601 --> 01:47:04,602 Hey! 1073 01:47:06,952 --> 01:47:07,953 How much? 1074 01:47:10,738 --> 01:47:14,133 I pay her pimp $100. I ask her in. 1075 01:47:14,960 --> 01:47:16,309 I tell her to sit down. 1076 01:47:20,139 --> 01:47:22,097 In the story, I say, 1077 01:47:22,141 --> 01:47:23,969 "This is what it feels like to be me." 1078 01:47:25,797 --> 01:47:27,755 A woman who teaches English, 1079 01:47:28,495 --> 01:47:31,759 looking down at a woman who sucks dicks all day 1080 01:47:31,803 --> 01:47:34,632 as she sits on my couch, smoking. 1081 01:47:37,025 --> 01:47:40,333 When I look at her, I think she looks like Mary. 1082 01:47:42,335 --> 01:47:45,033 Whenever I see an image of Christ, 1083 01:47:45,556 --> 01:47:48,036 I picture Mary so drawn and gaunt and tired 1084 01:47:48,080 --> 01:47:49,908 and angry to the point of emaciation 1085 01:47:49,951 --> 01:47:52,388 that she can barely wear her own face. 1086 01:48:02,660 --> 01:48:05,140 In the story, I say, 1087 01:48:07,621 --> 01:48:08,840 "What am I gonna do? 1088 01:48:10,363 --> 01:48:11,364 Teach her?" 1089 01:48:14,280 --> 01:48:17,849 This is what me, an addict, upwardly mobile, 1090 01:48:18,589 --> 01:48:21,330 given something as infinitesimally small 1091 01:48:21,374 --> 01:48:23,419 as words to believe in, thinks. 1092 01:48:24,464 --> 01:48:27,336 I'm looking at her. 1093 01:48:30,818 --> 01:48:32,211 Offer words. 1094 01:48:45,877 --> 01:48:47,922 People say to me all the time, 1095 01:48:49,228 --> 01:48:52,927 "Did the things in your short stories actually happen?" 1096 01:48:56,061 --> 01:48:57,671 Isn't that the-- 1097 01:48:58,411 --> 01:48:59,543 the question 1098 01:49:00,892 --> 01:49:02,415 when it comes to life? 1099 01:49:08,421 --> 01:49:10,118 Did this really happen to me? 1100 01:49:19,084 --> 01:49:20,085 Andy. 1101 01:49:22,087 --> 01:49:23,088 I don't know. 1102 01:49:31,226 --> 01:49:34,099 The things that happen to us are true. 1103 01:49:36,623 --> 01:49:40,279 But writing is a whole other body. 1104 01:49:41,628 --> 01:49:44,109 I was hoping we could discuss my manuscript. 1105 01:49:45,632 --> 01:49:48,243 Oh. Of course. Yeah. 1106 01:49:50,942 --> 01:49:52,857 I also want to loan you my car. 1107 01:49:56,687 --> 01:49:58,602 Saw you were taking the bus, and 1108 01:49:59,820 --> 01:50:01,474 I happen to have two cars. 1109 01:50:16,097 --> 01:50:17,098 Hey. 1110 01:50:39,904 --> 01:50:41,296 You can tell a lot about a person 1111 01:50:41,340 --> 01:50:42,820 from seeing them in the water. 1112 01:50:44,996 --> 01:50:45,997 Thank you. 1113 01:50:49,522 --> 01:50:51,872 - For what? - For letting me swim with you. 1114 01:50:52,743 --> 01:50:54,396 I read a couple of your stories. 1115 01:50:54,440 --> 01:50:56,398 I know that swimming's a big deal. 1116 01:50:57,791 --> 01:50:59,663 I always let my students choose the venue. 1117 01:51:00,881 --> 01:51:02,143 You know, I wanted to say 1118 01:51:02,187 --> 01:51:04,015 I've seen you a couple of times before. 1119 01:51:04,711 --> 01:51:07,018 Yeah, I read about Ken Kesey teaching at U of O 1120 01:51:07,061 --> 01:51:09,324 when I was abroad, and I applied to the program, 1121 01:51:09,368 --> 01:51:10,848 but it already happened. 1122 01:51:11,892 --> 01:51:13,372 No shit. That's funny. 1123 01:51:13,415 --> 01:51:14,547 Yeah, I know. 1124 01:51:15,200 --> 01:51:16,854 And then I seen you stomping around 1125 01:51:16,897 --> 01:51:18,333 the creative writing department. 1126 01:51:20,422 --> 01:51:22,163 I was in the reading you gave at Gerlinger. 1127 01:51:25,384 --> 01:51:26,559 Wow. That's... 1128 01:51:30,041 --> 01:51:32,043 That's weird. Weird. 1129 01:51:35,916 --> 01:51:37,613 That was a weird day for me. 1130 01:51:40,399 --> 01:51:41,400 Why? 1131 01:51:50,235 --> 01:51:51,236 My father 1132 01:51:54,413 --> 01:51:55,414 was--my-- 1133 01:51:56,763 --> 01:51:57,721 my father... 1134 01:52:01,507 --> 01:52:02,769 Your father? 1135 01:52:05,076 --> 01:52:06,077 Was abusive. 1136 01:52:09,689 --> 01:52:10,646 Your father. 1137 01:52:13,780 --> 01:52:14,738 How so? 1138 01:52:17,305 --> 01:52:18,306 Sexual. 1139 01:52:19,090 --> 01:52:20,091 Oh. 1140 01:52:22,049 --> 01:52:23,050 That sucks. 1141 01:52:32,581 --> 01:52:35,497 I hope something karmically fucked happened to him. 1142 01:52:36,934 --> 01:52:37,935 Yeah. 1143 01:52:41,373 --> 01:52:42,983 It kind of actually--it did. 1144 01:52:44,550 --> 01:52:45,856 Excellent, then. 1145 01:52:51,992 --> 01:52:53,428 Uh, I, um-- 1146 01:52:54,255 --> 01:52:55,822 Blah. It was a long time ago. 1147 01:52:55,866 --> 01:52:57,781 I was a totally different person then. 1148 01:52:59,652 --> 01:53:00,958 So who are you now? 1149 01:53:03,656 --> 01:53:04,657 I'm your teacher. 1150 01:53:11,795 --> 01:53:14,014 So, Teach, are you gonna take my car? 1151 01:53:38,169 --> 01:53:39,648 I don't quite know how to tell you 1152 01:53:39,692 --> 01:53:41,215 what it feels like. 1153 01:53:44,349 --> 01:53:47,308 Watching the little woman swim for her life. 1154 01:53:50,659 --> 01:53:52,531 I mean. 1155 01:54:13,857 --> 01:54:15,728 Are you fucking insane? 1156 01:54:23,214 --> 01:54:24,215 No. 1157 01:54:33,920 --> 01:54:35,574 You think I'm someone else. 1158 01:54:37,271 --> 01:54:38,272 Hm-mm. 1159 01:54:43,712 --> 01:54:45,410 I can see the mother in you. 1160 01:54:55,246 --> 01:54:57,770 There's more to your story than you think. 1161 01:56:53,016 --> 01:56:56,280 - Oh it's, very nice. - This is it. 1162 01:56:56,323 --> 01:56:57,716 Very nice. 1163 01:56:59,370 --> 01:57:00,806 Well, we're just gonna go this way, sir, on the left. 1164 01:57:00,849 --> 01:57:02,286 Oh. 1165 01:57:22,567 --> 01:57:24,047 What about the room? 1166 01:57:24,873 --> 01:57:26,875 They said it would be ready tomorrow for sure. 1167 01:57:27,180 --> 01:57:28,181 Okay. 1168 01:57:32,011 --> 01:57:34,448 That must have been a very weird ride. 1169 01:57:40,280 --> 01:57:41,281 Thank you. 1170 01:57:42,761 --> 01:57:44,284 You don't ever have to say thank you to me. 1171 01:57:51,726 --> 01:57:53,076 I'm good. 1172 01:57:53,772 --> 01:57:54,773 Yeah? 1173 01:57:55,426 --> 01:57:56,601 Yeah. 1174 01:58:10,745 --> 01:58:11,746 Hi, Dad. 1175 01:58:12,007 --> 01:58:13,226 Marilou? 1176 01:58:14,009 --> 01:58:15,620 No. It's me. It's Lidia. 1177 01:58:16,621 --> 01:58:17,839 I know that, kiddo. 1178 01:58:29,460 --> 01:58:30,635 I read that book. 1179 01:58:31,766 --> 01:58:33,116 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 1180 01:58:34,987 --> 01:58:36,467 Do you know who wrote it? 1181 01:58:37,207 --> 01:58:38,164 Oh. 1182 01:58:41,211 --> 01:58:42,168 You. 1183 01:58:43,213 --> 01:58:44,214 That's right. 1184 01:58:48,043 --> 01:58:49,697 Did you read all of the stories? 1185 01:58:49,915 --> 01:58:50,872 I, uh, 1186 01:58:52,700 --> 01:58:54,441 There was one about swimming. 1187 01:58:57,314 --> 01:58:58,315 I liked that. 1188 01:59:00,621 --> 01:59:01,622 Thank you. 1189 01:59:04,016 --> 01:59:06,018 Not very flattering of me, though. 1190 01:59:09,064 --> 01:59:10,675 That's fair enough. 1191 01:59:10,718 --> 01:59:11,719 Ah. 1192 01:59:19,858 --> 01:59:23,340 You know, I won a prize for that story. 1193 01:59:24,863 --> 01:59:26,212 I got to go to New York. 1194 01:59:32,697 --> 01:59:33,698 Huh. 1195 01:59:36,222 --> 01:59:38,093 Well, isn't that something, huh? 1196 01:59:42,881 --> 01:59:44,056 It's beautiful here. 1197 01:59:47,581 --> 01:59:49,496 It's a real home you have here. 1198 01:59:54,719 --> 01:59:55,763 Well done. 1199 01:59:57,200 --> 01:59:58,201 Well done, you. 1200 02:00:00,464 --> 02:00:02,814 The safest memories are locked away in the brains 1201 02:00:02,857 --> 02:00:04,337 of people who can't remember. 1202 02:00:04,381 --> 02:00:06,861 Oh, oh! Get her, Mike! Get her, Mike! 1203 02:00:09,516 --> 02:00:10,561 You know I don't swim. Claudia, go get your sister. 1204 02:00:12,780 --> 02:00:14,739 Underwater forever. 1205 02:00:17,220 --> 02:00:18,743 There you go, pal. 1206 02:00:20,397 --> 02:00:22,225 Look, I'm doing 'wimming. 1207 02:00:22,703 --> 02:00:25,750 Wow! 1208 02:00:34,541 --> 02:00:35,629 What's wrong? 1209 02:00:35,890 --> 02:00:37,588 The water will go in my 1210 02:00:37,631 --> 02:00:41,026 nose and ears and into my brain. 1211 02:00:42,984 --> 02:00:44,421 Uh, Miles? 1212 02:00:47,380 --> 02:00:50,078 How many times have you seen 1213 02:00:50,296 --> 02:00:52,777 Mama swimming and swimming laps? 1214 02:00:54,909 --> 02:00:57,085 - Lots of times, right? - Yeah. 1215 02:00:57,129 --> 02:01:00,263 Have you ever noticed 1216 02:01:00,437 --> 02:01:03,483 that I've never got water in my brain? 1217 02:01:06,965 --> 02:01:08,793 Water's never gone into my brain. 1218 02:01:09,489 --> 02:01:10,751 You want to see? 1219 02:01:10,795 --> 02:01:12,100 - Huh. - Watch this. 1220 02:01:12,449 --> 02:01:13,972 Tell me how much water goes in my brain. 1221 02:01:14,146 --> 02:01:15,147 - Okay? - Okay. 1222 02:01:25,592 --> 02:01:26,593 See? 1223 02:01:26,811 --> 02:01:27,812 Mm-hmm. 1224 02:01:28,465 --> 02:01:29,509 Okay, pull. 1225 02:01:29,988 --> 02:01:32,469 I have a very important game. 1226 02:01:34,645 --> 02:01:37,474 I'm gonna put my whole head underwater. 1227 02:01:38,518 --> 02:01:39,780 Okay. 1228 02:01:39,824 --> 02:01:42,522 And we look at each other underwater. 1229 02:01:44,655 --> 02:01:46,570 - What game is this? - I made it up. 1230 02:01:59,800 --> 02:02:01,149 The key is, 1231 02:02:03,151 --> 02:02:04,152 make up shit. 1232 02:02:14,119 --> 02:02:17,035 I'm not speaking out of my asshole when I say this. 1233 02:02:19,385 --> 02:02:20,343 Come in. 1234 02:02:23,781 --> 02:02:25,217 The water will hold you. 1235 02:05:05,377 --> 02:05:07,988 Anything. Anywhere. Anytime.