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(Whooshing, Bass drone builds)
(Dog barks)
(Water rushes)
(Resonant thud, Rain patters)
(Martial beat)
(Bird caws)
(Percussion builds)
(Twinkling note, Music builds)
On my 60th birthday, I had occasion to visit Copenhagen
and I went into a museum dedicated to the work
of a man known as Robert Storm Peterson.
Robert Peterson was a 20th century cartoonist,
film-maker, journalist, storyteller.
And one of the paintings in the museum was called The Rat Race.
And it's a picture of thousands of people
heading off into the factories,
but one guy, just one guy's escaped from it all
and is walking off to the side.
The day I saw that, I thought, "I'm going to buy that
"and the day I retire, I'm going to hang it on my wall."
I was that guy that was escaping from the rat race
and I knew that one day my turn would come
and no more getting up at five o'clock in the morning,
catching a flight all over Europe.
I'd be able to lie long and sleep late and...
- (He sighs) - ..how I
looked forward to those days.
(Spirited instrumental music)
(Music continues)
(Music builds)
(Machine whirs; Music continues)
(Music continues)
(Music crescendos)
(Music concludes; Porridge bubbles)
(Bubbling continues)
(Toby) Katsu! Come on.
Katsu! C'mon, buddy.
Katsu.
Come here, buddy.
This is Katsu.
He's my, uh...
my reason for, uh... for being.
One night on the internet, maybe eight or so years ago,
I'd seen a chef that had won the World Championships of Pesto
and I thought it was pretty funny
and I was looking for my version of that.
And in the morning I made myself a bowl of porridge
and I just wondered if there was a World Championships of Porridge.
Uh, googled it and, um...
found the Golden Spurtle.
Thought, "Should I go?
"How much is it going to cost me to get there,
"from the other side of the world?
"Is my porridge good enough? Do I know enough?"
And then it just wouldn't leave me alone
and, over the next eight years,
every time I made a bowl of porridge,
I just had this little... little bell in my ear, just...
- (Bell dings) - .. "Go to Scotland."
(Lively violin music)
(Music continues)
(Vehicle approaches)
(Music continues, concludes)
Hi, welcome to Carrbridge Village Hall.
Let me show you around.
(Playful instrumental music)
This is the Bridge of Carr.
It's also known as the Packhorse Bridge
and it's also known as the Coffin Bridge,
because it takes you to the cemetery.
Carrbridge is lucky because it's totally surrounded by woodland.
And this particular one is a community wood
and because of that, it can't be built on.
(He shouts) This is Carrbridge Railway Station.
To the north, we have Inverness.
To the south, Glasgow and Edinburgh
and then onto London and the continent of Europe.
For a small village, we're very well connected.
Well, this is the Cairn Hotel.
As well as being a hotel, it's the local pub.
This is my house.
This is Carrbridge Cemetery, on the edge of the village.
Because there's no crematoria,
this is where most people end up.
(Music continues)
(Music concludes)
(Engine starts)
(Engine stops)
OK.
Right.
Want me to start?
Right. I'm Barbara Kuwall.
Um, I've been involved with the porridge
since the beginning.
And I've been washing the dishes,
or helping wash the dishes, for about 25 years.
This bowl was presented to me
on the 21st anniversary of the porridge competition.
It was presented by the community council
and the porridge committee
for my services to washing up.
(She laughs)
(Alison) Now that's one that probably should
have increased in value with age.
- The rest of them are shite. - (She sighs)
So this pot,
it took about eight firings altogether.
That with the price of electricity going up,
that makes it an expensive pot.
That is from a very famous Norwegian story
about a princess on a bear.
Strong, powerful woman, right?
(She chuckles, sighs)
We have our village of dreamers.
We have our village of characters.
And...
(Cuckoo clock chimes)
That's my cuckoo clock!
(Chiming continues)
(Music box melody plays)
I tell you what I used to dream a lot about.
Not so much nowadays.
Flying.
If you know the old Superman movies,
where he goes... like that,
I used to dream about that an awful lot at one time.
Well, I'm quite proud of the fact
that I've got a street named after me.
I was a member of the community council at the time,
was looking for an idea to promote the village
after the summer season and what have you.
And I was out walking the dog in the woods,
thinking of what we could do,
and the idea of other villages
having events to put them on the map,
and I thought, "What can Carrbridge do?"
And it just came to me - the porridge.
The, er...
epitome of Scottish food.
Can you make a competition out of making porridge?
Why is there no monument to porridge in our land?
If it's good enough to eat, it's good enough to stand
On a plinth in London, a statue we should see
Signed, "Porridge made in Scotland,"
"Oatmeal, OBE."
I'd just like to mention that I cook mine,
porridge, the Scottish way, which is with water.
(Playful instrumental music)
(Music continues)
Well, this is a replica of the village hall
where the Golden Spurtle is held.
The first thing is that the judges assemble in a little room,
just off the main arena.
The contestants will work on six work stations
and these work stations will be powered by gas burners.
Whisky guru Martyn O'Reilly,
he also takes up position inside the contestants' area,
and from there does his whisky tasting.
The audience will take their seats in this section here.
Various stewards around the place keep the crowd under control
and make sure passageways, fire exits are all kept clear.
Some of the public
may well be looking in the window to see what's going on.
Because usually the hall's so crowded.
And then somewhere in the middle...
we have me.
(Director) How hard is it to clean up a pan of sticky porridge?
If they've got non-stick pans, it's not bad.
But some pans are really bad and we've got to soak them for a while.
(Martyn) We all agree that's the most important job.
Glad I wasn't doing it, that's for sure.
(He chuckles)
We've got to be very careful that there's a finite,
you know, volunteer resource.
And the village hall is a finite size.
And as I say, we've got to keep it really enjoyable, but safe.
The rules are under constant review and
we take feedback from the contestants,
particularly the ones
who are worried about a particular ingredient
or a particular process.
And an example there would be
one guy brought along a deep fat fryer one year.
And, apart from being dangerous, it was...
crazy.
(Vehicle approaches; Music concludes)
(Lively, indistinct conversation; Organ music plays)
(Music continues)
- (Music stops) - Come, let
us bow down and worship Him.
Let us kneel before the Lord, our maker.
He is our God.
We are the people He cares for -
the flock for which He provides.
So reads God's word.
(Automated voice) 'To do that, you'll need to be online.'
(Laughter)
Goodbye.
Shall we pray and at the end of that prayer,
shall we say the Lord's Prayer together?
Father God, we do thank you that you brought us here this morning.
Father, we thank you that our church is still open
when so many are closing.
Father, we pray that it's an open church
that people can come into any time of the day.
And, Father, we pray that each one of us here this morning might know
that we have been with Jesus this morning.
- (Organ music plays) - (All) Amen.
(Lively, indistinct chatter; Music continues)
(In English) Will I sing the national anthem now?
- (Woman) Yes! - (Overlapping chatter)
(Lively violin music)
(Jeremy) I have heard of the Golden Spurtle,
but I wouldn't dream of entering.
In fact, I'd probably get the booby prize.
(Neal) Medium oatmeal soaked overnight,
and the salt goes in at the very end.
That's all there is to it.
So, this is my alternative gym,
where I do quite a lot of exercising -
top of the hill in Pilrig Park.
I do a lot of body weight exercises.
You can actually do a press up against a tree.
Don't know if you've ever tried it. It's quite nice.
My mother-in-law, once a week, she made a great big pot of porridge
put it in a lined drawer,
and then every morning just cut out a square for the porridge.
And that was how it was done, long ago.
- (Music continues) - Coco is nearly ten years old now,
and dog porridge is part of her regular diet,
shall we say, as well as oily fish.
And she loves kale and she loves carrot, and she loves cheese.
(Music continues)
(Adam) I heard about the competition through a news article
where a guy called Toby was travelling over from Australia
to compete in the World Porridge Championship.
And me and my friend James were already really into porridge.
So we kind of lost our minds
and once we had picked ourselves up off the floor, we applied.
And that was that.
- Hi, I'm Kellie. - I'm Alison.
(Both) And we're competing in the Golden Spurtle.
Hi, I'm Tracy Griffen and this is Coco
and we're competing in the Golden Spurtle this year.
(Music continues)
I'm Adam Kiani and I'm competing at this year's Golden Spurtle.
(Music concludes)
(Charlie) What we're going to do now is make a spurtle.
And what I tend to use is these pre-cut lengths of beechwood.
In a good year, I'll make about 400
and it's a revenue stream for the Porridge Championship itself.
So this particular tool is a parting tool,
and it's the simplest of all the turning tools that we use.
And what I've done now is cut out the head of the spurtle,
which, when I'm finished, will
represent a thistle in a stylised form.
We take a wire, piano wire,
and we mark some decoration lines on it.
This is just to break it up and to give it a bit of eye appeal.
We give it a very light sanding.
Just to make sure that there's nothing sticking out
that could do any damage.
And all my spurtles are dishwasher friendly.
And that's it - one spurtle.
I use a spurtle to make my own
porridge, and it's really, really good.
It's much better than using a wooden spoon.
I don't know why, because a wooden spoon's, like, bigger
and you'd think that the extra amount of wood
would make better porridge, but it doesn't.
So you have to stir your porridge
with a spurtle, specially made.
And you stir it clockwise,
otherwise you let the devil in.
(Charlie) I was in a fairly stressful job when I worked
and my wife bought me this lathe.
And when I come home from work and you know that way
when you're all jangly and the nerves are playing upon you.
And I'd spend half an hour just turning any old piece of wood.
So it causes you to relax
and it's still very much that type of process.
If you do more than about a dozen at a time,
it can get very boring.
So I've got my little television in the corner
to keep me sane.
I talk to the television, it talks to me.
And, at the moment, we've got...
Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire, that one is,
and him and I have become very good friends over the years.
(Lively piano music)
(Music continues)
So I went over last year, my debut competition...
..and I managed to squeeze through the heat
and make it into the top six in the finals
where I was ousted by Lisa Williams,
who's the two-time, now, World Champion.
(Music continues)
(Charlie) 'Lisa Williams 'first won the competition in 2019,
'and this year she's back as the defending champion.'
(Director) But she's also feared, because she's so good?
Well, she's a woman who all the other contestants aspire to.
'She's got a recipe all of her own,
'but it's so hard to be jealous of her when she's so nice.'
(Music continues)
(Music halts)
(Lisa) So I learned to cook with my mum.
She made the best pastry, the best cakes
and she was a very simple cook.
So this is my porridge cabinet.
I started off with a porridge shelf and I've now got three shelves
full of all my porridge treasures.
And this is the Golden Spurtle.
It's a spurtle and it's golden
and it's got everybody's names around the base.
This travels around the world.
And he's got his own little suitcase.
So I don't know where he's going to go off to next.
We've been lucky to have him in Suffolk.
You can see, on the end, he's got a rather beautiful amethyst
and you only really see that amethyst
when you're holding him.
(Director) D'you wanna come in, Steve?
Yeah! How do you want me to... Just walk in now?
- (Director) I think so. - Yeah, OK!
Steve actually cooks the porridge, our porridge, for breakfast.
And that's quite a thought, if you think about it.
You're cooking for a world champion
and you are hoping that every week you're doing it right.
- But so far no complaints. - (He chuckles)
And we do eat a lot of porridge.
We do. Most mornings, we have porridge for breakfast.
Yeah.
(Director) What helps you last for 20 years?
- Sense of humour. - Yes.
- Sense of tolerance, for sure. - Yeah!
Well, yeah, I mean, I...
- This is my second marriage. - Yeah, my second.
I think you learn lessons.
Mistakes that you make in your first marriage,
you kind of put right in your second one.
- 20 years later. - Still kept.
- He's still kept. - (They chuckle)
(Playful instrumental music)
(Nick) I've known Lisa now for a number of years
and she's obviously got a magic touch
with the traditional porridge pan.
Well, I don't know Nick Barnard too well.
Nick's been in the competition for quite a few years.
He's in it to win it.
In a traditional trophy, you have very clear parameters.
You've got water, oatmeal and salt.
And how you combine those to create a moreish bowl of porridge
is more or less magic.
(Director) So if you wouldn't mind looking to camera for us.
Mm-hm.
It would be wrong of me to say that I'm not burning with desire
to win the Golden Spurtle.
Ten years in and having been in the final
probably six or seven times now,
it's always a surprise to me that they don't consider my bowl
as being the finest example of traditional Scottish porridge.
(Director) Why do you think Nick Barnard
hasn't won the Golden Spurtle?
I think it's nothing more sinister
than the fact that the judges preferred somebody else.
'He will conform to the rules,
'but he'll conform to the rules in his manner.'
- And that's fine... - (Music stops)
..as long as he does what everybody else is doing.
(Urgent percussion)
Hi, I am Neil Mugg and I am the Head Judge
at the World Porridge Championships.
The traditional porridge is judged by three criteria -
taste, colour and texture.
20 marks are awarded for taste,
five marks are awarded for each colour and texture
and that makes up 30 marks in total.
The most perfect rounded bowl of porridge
is a marriage of all these three things together.
(Percussion continues)
The day's broken down into heats
whereby the competitors have 30 minutes to cook their porridge.
The porridge is then judged anonymously
and then the six highest scoring throughout all the heats
are then invited to cook in the final competition.
I think the philosophy is kind of developing day-by-day,
but the main thing I try to focus on is to let the oats sing.
I feel like they need to be heard in whichever porridge I'm making.
I never want to drown it with too many ingredients.
I think the star of the show
should always be the porridge itself.
(Percussion continues, stops)
(Lisa) I'll just light this up.
In here, I've got one cup of oatmeal,
one cup of pinhead oatmeal, on a fairly high heat.
I'm gonna bring it up to the boil. It'll all of a sudden change.
And this wateriness will go and it will start blooping
and you can hear it.
And when you hear it making that bloop-bloop-bloop noise,
then that's when I start timing it.
(Spirited piano music)
Don't know if you can hear that.
(Music continues)
(Toby) Having watched Lisa last year, really, like,
slowly let her oats do the talking,
I've recently changed my technique.
I was a big, big stirrer, until maybe a week ago.
I'm just letting the oats do their thing.
Hopefully this is the key to success.
(Porridge bubbles, music continues)
This is the bit in the competition
where everything's getting a little bit tense.
And the judges say that they're looking for a porridge
that isn't too runny, but equally it isn't a hockey puck.
(Toby) They say you must stir clockwise,
to keep the evil spirits at bay.
I do it just in case.
So into this, I'm now going to add my salt.
(Music continues)
(Toby) I'm pretty generous with the salt.
(Music continues)
(Music halts, porridge bubbles)
Right, I think that's good to go.
So this is pretty much where I like it.
It feels more...
..almost like a risotto, where you've got those little bits of rice
kind of floating in a kind of creamy sauce.
We can have traditional cream...
..with a little bit of sugar.
You can either have sugar, or you can have Steve's favourite.
He has golden syrup on his.
(Martial beat)
When God was making the world,
he came to the part when he was making Scotland.
And as he was doing it, the angel Gabriel came up to him
and said, "Eh, what you doing now, God?"
And God said, "Well, I'm making Scotland in a minute."
And Gabriel said, "Hm, do you think it's fair?"
(Music builds)
And God said, "What do you mean, fair?
"What's not fair about it?"
He says, "Well, you've given these people a beautiful country,
"probably the best you've ever made,
"and the people in the country are intelligent
"and I see from their timeline that they're going to be inventing
"some of the greatest inventions ever known to man.
"Do you really think that's fair?"
And God says, "Oh, don't worry about it, Gabriel.
"I'm going to even it up.
"Wait till you see who they're getting as neighbours."
(Music continues)
My name's James Ross. I live in Carrbridge, in the Highlands.
As you can see from behind,
the Highlands have been around for a long, long time,
and there's even been porridge or oats
found in the Neolithic period in the Highlands.
(Music continues)
Examine the drop.
It's good, good viscosity,
you know, it's not sticking to the spoon.
(Music halts)
That's... That's what you want.
(Nick) 'Porridge is the ancestral convenience food.'
It's easy to make and can be delivered in large quantities.
So there I was at boarding school being served this grey slop,
which, of course, flavours and taints your understanding
of how porridge can deliver flavour.
So porridge does have quite a strong negative connotation
and that's what we're here to dispel at the World Porridge Championship.
- (Director) Did you enjoy school? - School was amazing.
(Door creaks)
(Charlie) A big, big team of people,
probably as much as 10% of the village
is involved in creating Porridge Day.
The way the organisation is structured
is there is a chairman, or a chieftain.
The chieftain's role is to manage the committee.
And the organising committee consists of about a dozen people.
One, two, three, four, five, and so on and so on.
And if any one of the committee members
is short a resource or a piece of information,
or indeed a bit of finance, it's the chieftain's job
to make sure that they get it.
And that essentially is how the organising committee works.
It's done very much on formal project management lines.
Right, guys, thanks for coming over.
This is probably the last meeting before we have the event itself.
So I just want to make sure that everything's OK
and that there's no gaps to fill, nothing we need to worry about.
If we go on to press and PR, Alan, please.
OK, obviously, we're fast approaching the event,
which is starting to see a lot more activity
on social channels.
#HealthyFoods, #FoodLovers, Oats
#Scotland, #Carrbridge, of course.
But number one, right across the board,
is #GoldenSpurtle.
My name is Jane Weston and they call me the Raffle Queen.
(She laughs)
Family and friends are hearing it on their radio.
And then the chap Bob from America,
when he won, it was up in Times Square.
The one thing I don't understand
is how are we able to stream to Facebook
when we've get no Wi-Fi in the hall? - (Alan) Well...
- How does that work? - (Alan) ..this comes with...
The AV company is one unit that will be doing the filming,
but we also have a sat dish coming in
that will connect us and provide the Wi-Fi.
Oh, that's posh! Oh, very good, yeah.
(Alan) It was actually how it was done last year, I saw the guys.
- It's like a temporary... - How much is that costing me?
- (Alan) I don't know. I think... - Don't ask.
(They laugh)
(Alan) The budget is tight, Charlie, as you know.
- Aye, OK. - (Alan) But we'll get by.
Need to sell more spurtles.
Bob.
Heather, have you ironed all the flags?
I have, but I would need to discuss some of those flags with you.
(Charlie) Why, are they wrong?
- Well, Ulster? - (Charlie) Aye!
You have to do your inventory early on.
What you've got left in stock, how much do you think you'll need.
- Have we got an Ulsterian in? - Yes, yes.
(Heather) Do we?
And it's not Ulster, by the way, it's Northern Ireland.
Martyn, the whisky.
- This bell has travelled all over. - (Bell dings)
There we are.
Last orders. There we are.
- Bedtime. - (He chuckles)
(Martyn) 'My father is Irish.
'The Irish talk a lot, you know.'
But, most definitely, um,
I'm also quite used to working a crowd.
(He chuckles)
I like cocktail parties where I don't know anybody,
you know, sort of cruise in.
One joke I find very useful is where the husband says to his wife,
"Darling, darling, will you still love me if I'm poor?"
And she says, "Darling, of course I'll love you if you're poor.
- "But I'll miss you." - (He laughs)
(Bob) One other thing, which is actually...
you might not have looked, but the weather forecast for Saturday...
- (Anne) I know. - (Bob) ..is atrocious.
(Anne) Should we have some big umbrellas?
That's what I was saying, if we could we all bring an umbrella.
- (Charlie) I don't own an umbrella. - Do you not? Oh, dear.
(Fiona) Once you get umbrellas,
you're losing the visual thing as well.
(Jane) You know something? When I 'die...
this is going on the top of the coffin.
And the minister is going to say,
"You can all relax, she's taken her raffle tickets with her!"
(She laughs, Urgent instrumental music)
You've got to have a bit of a laugh!
(Music continues)
(Ian) This is two bikes that I built.
I used to cycle over to Sweden on this.
(He laughs)
(Alison) 'The only famous 'porridge-making person I know
'is Ian Bishop.'
He's mad as a march hare.
(Director) A coffee or a cup of tea? - I've had one.
I'm looking forward to competing alongside him.
He's a historical figure.
I was a bit nervous when I heard Ian was coming back,
because he's a previous winner.
He hasn't competed since I've been competing.
I've always felt he should be a judge,
because his experience and wisdom
stands him head and shoulders above all of us,
in terms of his knowledge of what constitutes
really good, traditional Scottish porridge.
(Music continues, He toots horn)
He's a man of mystery, in many respects.
I don't keep well,
Charlie doesn't keep well and we share our faults.
As far as I remember, Ian's house is fed by a borehole,
right from the depths of the earth.
So I suspect the water he might bring
will have a flavour all of its own.
(Music concludes)
(Director) What's changed your mind to pick up the spurtle again?
Well, what changed my mind was one of the boys down in the village.
"Ian, you've got to come back. We've got too many visitors.
"You've gotta come back and just show them how to make porridge."
Three ingredients.
Doesn't take a lot of effort, so...
(Director) What oats will you be using?
Why would I want to tell you?
Other people would get to know.
(Charlie) I remember the first time I came into this hall
and we saw crowds of people passing our house
and we saw a pipe band passing the house,
and it was a case of, "Where are they going?"
And we came up and we stood at that doorway there
and we couldn't believe how many people were in here.
It was like a sardine can.
And, eh...
when we first saw it empty,
we realised what a difference there was.
But what a cosy, warm venue it was for the event.
And everybody that was at the event, that was asked,
wouldn't like to go anywhere else.
This became the home of the porridge and...
..it's been here for 30 years now and...
hopefully another 30.
(Director) Do you think you are waving the flag
for the next generation of porridge makers?
- I don't. - (He laughs)
Uh...
- I am but one man. - (They laugh)
I... I wouldn't put myself at the...
..I don't feel like I'm the leader of a group.
I'm just a guy cooking porridge.
(Urgent percussion)
(Percussion continues)
(Toby) 'More and more people come from around the world.
'People from the States,
'there's a couple of African competitors this year.
'Everyone gets a bit better.
'I think you can't... you can't stay still.
'You've got to... You've got to evolve with the game.'
(Percussion continues)
(Percussion stops)
- (Chris) Yes, ma'am. - I just wanted to ask your advice.
- I want to come tomorrow. - (Chris) Yes.
And do, like, a round trip.
- (Chris) You can do that. - Not get off, as such.
- (Chris) No, you can do that. - Oh, great.
(Chris) No trouble at all. What time train do you want to do it on?
- The first one? - Yeah.
(Chris) Well, there we are, the first one's at 10:58, look.
OK.
(Chris) So that'll take you all the way up to Broome Hill,
then back through here to Aviemore and then back here
and you'll be back here by quarter past one.
- OK. That's lovely. - (Chris) How's that?
That's great. I'll meet you in the morning.
I'll see you tomorrow. Right you are, ma'am. No trouble.
(Playful instrumental music)
(Music builds)
(Chris) 'Right, well, good morning.'
My name is Chris Price.
I'm a 45-year railwayman
and I work here as a volunteer for the Strathspey Railway.
- (Music continues) - What we're hoping for, of course,
is that a few of the porridge-making champions will arrive by rail.
It will be nice to meet them and even perhaps encourage them.
(Lisa) 'For me, getting up to Scotland is a huge thing.
'I'm waiting for an operation.
'I can't go in a car, I can't go on an aeroplane.
'So we've got four trains.
'You can worry about things and you can worry about it a lot.
'Or you can just get on and do it.'
'When you whack a kitchen in a suitcase
'and take it to the other side of the world,
'inevitably something can and probably will go wrong.'
It's about 30 hours straight from here.
(Chris) Something that my dad said to me many, many years ago,
he said, "Chris, you'll be the one that has the most common sense."
Hi, mate.
(Chris) 'I think common sense is looking out for yourself.'
Also, if you are with a group, you know,
if you can, try and look out for them as well.
(Music continues)
(Music concludes)
Uh...
..Ukraine.
Zimbabwe.
We should have Indonesia.
What's the Indonesian flag like?
Is that the same as the Polish one?
Uh, the Zimbabwe flag is gorgeous.
Have you seen it?
How's that for a flag?
Flags should be colourful, shouldn't they?
They should be ridiculously colourful.
And, of course, we've got our own porridge flags.
So I'm just checking that I've got everybody represented.
Um...
- We can have... - That's more space there.
This area here, we're going to have the big...
sort of speaker unit thing here, for the AV guy.
- (Musical ringtone plays) - Could stagger it across, yeah?
- (Ringtone stops) - Charlie Miller.
Hello?
- Hey, who dropped out? - David Buchanan.
Ah!
- He's tested for positive for Covid. - Oh, well, that's a bugger.
(Dialling tone)
- (Robin, on phone) 'How you doing?' - Aye, fine. How are you?
OK, good man. Listen, we've got a wee problem here.
One of the contestants has pulled out.
I'm wondering if you'll stand in.
(Robin) 'So that'll be a case of 'then...
'whatever Tesco's got left on their shelves.'
Exactly, exactly that. Yeah, exactly.
(Robin) 'Aye, OK, 'it'll be fun, let me do it.'
- See you later. Cheery. - 'Bye.'
(Phone chimes)
That's sorted.
(Indistinct conversation)
Not enough.
That needs to be open.
- One above the door. - Right.
- One above the door, there. - (Man) Two here.
These burners are here.
(Fiona) The burners are... the burners are in the centre.
(Charlie) The burners are where we put them,
so we can put them there.
(Fiona) The burners are in the centre.
- (Charlie) They don't have to be. - (Fiona) Yes, they have.
(Charlie) Right. No, listen.
Listen, Fiona. Fiona. Fiona.
I don't have time to argue with you. We'll do it your way.
(Birdsong)
(Musical ringtone plays)
- (Ringtone stops) - Charlie Miller.
(Bob) Here.
(Charlie) Hello, there. How you doing?
Let me go where there's somewhere where I can...
I can hear you a bit better.
Right, how can I help you?
(Bob) I just see a lot of hard work ahead putting these into the ground.
Could somebody move the Audi?
I say, we're filming here over the period
of the World Porridge Championships.
Also the harvest festival in this church.
And... I've got the Bible here.
There's plenty of references in the Bible to food and manna from heaven.
But I'm going to read one verse from Luke's gospel.
The parable of the yeast.
"Again, Jesus asked,
"what shall I compare the kingdom of God with?
"It is like this. A woman takes some yeast
"and mixes it with 40 litres of flour
"until the whole batch of dough rises."
Amen.
(Bright instrumental music; Engine thrums)
(Music continues)
All right, the next one...
(Music continues)
So we've arrived in Carrbridge, in the Highlands.
It's the week build up to the competition.
So it's the week when we pull everything together.
We're getting a little bit nervous, a little bit excited,
and it's all those emotions all in together.
(Music continues)
(Music concludes)
For this year's competition, we've organised a media van
for interviews to take place.
(Lively music)
My name is Stephanie Yuill
and I have come from Yellowknife, Northwest Territories,
in the northern part of Canada.
My name is Pav. I came from Birmingham.
I'm representing Cyprus today
for that's my ancestral homeland.
My name is Miriam. I am from the Netherlands.
When I arrived, I met eight former world champions,
another 12 people at least
who were professional chefs, at one level or another.
And I had that feeling,
"Oh, gosh, I have turned up at the wrong dance."
I wanted to bring me, I wanted to bring me on a plate.
My experiences around the world.
I'm actually a little nervous. I'm feeling really discombobulated.
I've visualised exactly what I'm gonna do,
how I'm gonna do each step.
The right amount of seasoning.
Not undercooked.
Once you've competed in this competition,
you just want to come back, because
it's so nice to be here, it's so loving.
And it's the warming feeling the porridge gives you
that is actually what is going on in Carrbridge.
Already, Adam and I, the two Miller boys
are already in the top 30 in the world.
And I think that's a fantastic thing.
Exactly.
(Music continues, concludes)
(Birdsong, bagpipe music)
(Faint, bustling conversation)
(Music continues)
(Martyn) Just tell me exactly what you want me to do.
Sure, sure.
(Martyn) Bring them to order and then introduce you?
- (Charlie) Uh... - (Martyn) Yes or no?
- (Charlie) Yes, that's a good idea. - (Handbell rings)
(Martyn) Ladies and gentlemen, good evening.
(Charlie) I want to thank you all for coming tonight
for the 30th World Porridge Making Championship.
Enjoy yourselves tonight, ladies and gentlemen,
and make sure you turn up bright and breezy tomorrow.
(Cheering, applause)
Thanks.
- I was tempted. - You should've done!
(Charlie) I think when you put it on, it goes "woo".
(She chuckles)
(Nick) 'What do you think of the recent trend towards pinhead?'
I don't know if it's the taste or if it's the actual...
It's the bitiness. I think it's the bitiness.
So when you get the risotto just right, it's the bitiness is there.
And now I'm going to switch it the other way,
have mostly pinhead with some medium, just to give it body.
Mm-hm. I'm just reminding myself of...
your name.
I've seen your name an awful lot, sonny.
(Charlie) No, that's enough, plenty of people.
Far more people here than I expected, I must say.
- (Woman) Really? - (Charlie) Oh, yeah.
(Director) How are you feeling, Ian?
I'm not feeling too good, actually.
But... I'll win it again this year, but...
it's going to take some doing.
Hmm.
It's quite funny, isn't it?
I mean, I used to be in the martial arts,
like, big time,
and I'm standing here thinking porridge.
(He laughs)
How can you break a neck of somebody with porridge?
(Sombre piano music)
(Music builds)
(Lee) Being a local meteorologist
means you're always the person they're going to ask,
"Can I have my barbecue?" "Can I hang my washing out?"
'Last weekend, I was in the local pub
'and I must have been asked about 15 times,
' "Is it going rain on Saturday?" "How's the Porridge Day looking?"
'It's a big deal in Carrbridge.
'Is it gonna rain on Porridge Day or not?'
People have got this opinion that Scotland sees rain all the time.
It's not true. The west can be very wet,
but here we're sheltered from the mountains.
It can be quite dry. We get pleasant days in summer,
temperatures 28, 29.
'But in winter, we get cold, dry, frosty days,
'when it can go as low as -20.'
(Music continues, thunder rumbles)
(Music builds)
(Music stops)
(Chris) And Saturday is the seventh.
And welcome to Porridge Day.
(Thunder rumbles, water roars)
Yeah, it's not the best of days
for wandering around the village, I must admit.
It's really coming down quite heavily.
It's the worst I can remember in 30 years, as regards the weather.
It looks as if we're probably going to have to cancel the march,
which is a great pity.
(Charlie) If everybody could clear this area,
I want to put the gas on and test it.
That burner's live so be careful, yeah?
Good morning.
(Faint, bustling conversation)
Er...
Do you ever start to do something
and forget what you were going to do?
Today's the day. Tension is building,
but I think we can handle it.
I think we can handle it too.
It's just at that stage of the day -
let's get started, let's get it done
and let's take that trophy back home.
I'll take an Irn Bru, have you got one? Thank you.
Oh, can't come in here, pal. This is dangerous. We've got gas running.
(Bell dings)
(Martyn) OK. Right, competitors.
We're going to do a toast to the porridge.
(Charlie) One, two. Is that live? Can you hear me?
One, two, three. One, two, three.
- (Man) We hear you. - (Martyn) Drink a toast to...
the porridge. - The porridge!
(Cheering, applause)
(Conversation quietens)
(Charlie) I'd like to hand over now to our MC for the day, Sarah Rankin.
(Sarah) Shall we start the competition?
(Charlie, crowd) Five, four, three,
two, one...
(Urgent music, Crowd cheers)
(Ambient sound fades, music continues)
(Sarah) We're just about there. That's it, time's up everyone.
- (ambient sound resumes) - Heat number one, well done!
I muffed it.
It's, um...
It's just not good, you know?
(Indistinct conversation)
It's a hearty bowl.
- It's a good bowl, isn't it? - It is a good bowl.
I think the colour, for me, if you were to compare it to the last one,
was better coloured. - Mm-hm.
But definitely, you know, the consistency here,
I mean, that's definitely what we're looking for.
- Yeah. It's much smoother. - Yes.
And overall it maybe has the appearance on top
of being quite thick.
But it's got a nice little bit of bite to it.
Mm-hm, it has got bite, mm-hm.
We have more like that, it will be nice, easy work.
Yeah.
Porridge took a little bit longer to boil than I thought it might.
But we got away with it, in the end.
Yeah, relatively scot-free.
Now, this is malting the barley.
You're drinking malt whisky, so we're malting the barley
and that gives the smokiness.
Now you notice the difference in the smokiness in, uh,
the different whiskies that we're going to, uh, look at today.
Now, the shape of the still makes a difference to the whisky.
Heat it up and then goes right up to the top
where in fact it condenses.
We have a clear liquid which comes out
and it's 60% alcohol by volume.
(Simon) 'Uh, so, I've just finished the first heat.'
You think, "Sure, of course I can go to Scotland and make porridge.
"How hard can it be?" And it turned out it's very hard.
(Charlie) Heat two contestants, please.
(Steve) Just managed to dry out.
And everybody's relaxed and enjoying it.
If we win, again, it's a lovely bonus,
but I think Lisa's just so pleased to be back and in the fray.
(Charlie) I'm here, I'm here.
This is a professional event, Charlie!
(Urgent instrumental music)
(Music concludes)
It was fun, but it was nerve-racking.
I was quite pleased with the porridge.
We'll just see how it goes.
So, for me, this has got really good colour.
Mm-hm.
Um, it is a little bit thick, I would say.
Um...
..but it eats really easily.
- It does taste good. - It's cooked out.
It's not floury, it's not glutinous.
- Right. It's well seasoned. - Yes.
- Actually... - Not under or over-salted at all.
Try a little bit more of it.
For me, I got a salty patch there.
Definitely. I don't know if somebody's put rock salt into it
and not mixed it properly. - Mm-hm.
Ladies and gentlemen...
..we are now about to go and continue our tour of Scotland.
The River Spey runs for 110 miles, from here all the way up to the sea.
This is called Speyside. This is where you're standing.
We are now in the Mecca of malts.
Thanks, that's fine.
Have we all got one? Come on. Just...
there we go. Where's the other tray?
Anne, did anybody clear away this?
I've lost a... I've lost an auction prize, a...
an auction item. Has anybody been clearing it away?
(Martyn) Ladies and gentlemen. Have we all got the whisky?
What's the first thing you do with malt whisky?
Don't drink it.
(Urgent instrumental music)
(Ambient sound fades, music continues)
(Sarah) ..two, one. Thank you.
(Music stops, ambient sound resumes)
- (Applause) - Right, guys, well done!
Today was the first time I cooked in a competition
more or less 100% pinhead oatmeal,
and under normal circumstances, that takes 30 minutes to cook.
You only have 30 minutes to cook,
so this required soaking the oats overnight, the pinhead oatmeal,
and then boiling it fiercely, for 30 minutes,
and having the conviction to know, with all that water you put in
so that it looked like a gruel, the worst sort of soup,
it was going to set and it was going to make great porridge.
Happily, it seems to have worked.
And this is bowl number 24.
- Good colour. - Yeah.
Good texture. I think, for me, that is a...
good-scoring bowl of porridge. - Mm-hm.
(Faint, bustling conversation)
(Ruth) 'This is the boiler house
'of the World Porridge Championships.'
You don't bother about what's happening out there.
It all happens in here, where the dishes are washed,
the cold porridge pots are scrubbed clean and they're all put out there
and people can pick them up and go away.
So, you know, don't make the mistake in thinking that it's out there.
It's actually in here. - (They chuckle)
If they just come up and collect it and, uh...
And what about the raffle?
Well, the raffle will follow in a few minutes.
Right, we'll have the raffle in a few minutes.
(Music - "Wild Mountain Thyme")
Just give us a couple of minutes to get the raffle sorted.
# O the Summer time has come
# And the trees are sweetly bloomin'
# And the wild mountain thyme
# Grows around the blooming heather
# Will ye go, lassie, go? #
(Music stops; Applause)
(Urgent instrumental music)
(Music concludes)
(Sarah) OK, right. Press the button, Charlie.
Here we go!
Eight, seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one.
- Let's go. - (Applause)
(Tense percussion)
30 competitors, we're down to the last six.
The best six porridge makers in the world, in fact.
(Ambient sound fades, Stirring instrumental music)
(Charlie) 'At the other end of the village, we have a river
'and it rises in the Monadhliath Mountains
'and it runs with such ferocity.'
- (Music continues) - 'I have this nightmare
'where I'm up at the headwaters,
'I'm sitting astride a giant spurtle
'and I'm going down this river all the way to the Spey
'but I never make it.
'And I don't know what the significance of that is.
'It's quite, um, daunting...
'to figure out where I should be going.'
(Music continues)
(Music intensifies)
(Sarah) The last one is just about out.
It's done! This is done.
- (Applause, cheering) - It's all over!
(Music concludes) - Well done, guys!
(Cheering, applause fade)
(Faint, bustling conversation)
(Rain patters)
(Birdsong)
(Charlie) 'I think it was Isaac Newton that said,
' "If I've achieved greatness,
' "it's by standing on the shoulders of giants."
'But there is a point where somebody else has to take over.
'As I'm getting older things, are beginning to break
'and I get very tired very easily.'
At the moment, I'm suffering from lymphedema in one of my legs
and I can't stand, I can't walk for long periods of time.
'I feel a wee bit regretful that I'm not able to continue.'
(Sarah) I would like to announce
that the winner of the Golden Spurtle...
..is Adam Kiani.
(Cheering, applause)
(Sarah) Just before Charlie starts talking again,
he doesn't know I'm going to do this,
we've got a wee something for you.
Oh, thank you.
(Sarah) Because this is your last year...
the Porridge Chieftain, 2023. Congratulations.
Thank you so much! Well done.
(Cheering, applause)
Thank you all very much.
Thank you.
(Charlie) 'I wasn't expecting a gift of any kind
'and I do wear baseball hats, I wear them quite a lot.'
It did bring a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat
and I was quite tearful for a good half hour.
I'm beginning to feel it now, in fact.
'I'm Charlie Miller, honorary Chieftain of the Golden Spurtle.'
(Lisa) 'I guess I was a bit disappointed
'when I wasn't announced for the final,
'but there's nothing you can do about it.'
On the day, it's what porridge the judges like
and you just have to enjoy it.
It was brilliant to be in the final,
uh, again, after having been in the final so many times.
And, yes, it was a disappointment, but very mildly.
No reaction, just observe
and just cherish the fact that we're all celebrating the noble oat,
cooked with such positivity.
(Director) 'You must be very proud of her, Steve.'
Oh, absolutely. I mean, just to come up here and to take part,
especially as she wasn't too well this year.
And just to see her do all that effort for the porridge
you know, you just think, "Well, you know,
"I wouldn't have the courage to do it, that's for sure."
And, yes, whether she wins or loses, she's still the star to me.
My name's Adam Kiani and I'm the winner of the Golden Spurtle.
It's just insane. I just can't, I can't fathom it.
It's the only thing I've ever won, I think.
So having this shiny thing in front of me,
I think it's going to take a while to sink in, for sure.
I was using my grandma's spurtle.
She gave it to me when I went to visit the other week
and I told her about the competition.
So, yeah, surely, it's the magic of the grandma
that has been sort of transmitted into this porridge.
Maybe that's why I'm here.
(Toby) 'I was disappointed in myself.
'I had a lot of excess flour left in my oats.'
It just had too much starch in it
and it was really creamy, which can be really nice,
but to the point where it was a little bit claggy, almost.
There are a few other international ones
I wouldn't mind throwing my hat into the ring for, though.
I heard about the International Testicle Cooking Championship...
uh, in Eastern Europe. The Ball's Cup.
There's the Fondue Championship, in Switzerland.
The Australian Camp Oven Competition.
Um...
I'm down for all of the above.
This is my new hobby.
(Vehicle approaches)
(Hammering)
(Indistinct conversation)
I've got a beautiful view here of the Forrigan Hills, which, eh...
..I keep promising myself one day I'll walk up to the top.
They're not very high, but...
a real feature of the area around here.
That's the northern boundary of the Cairngorms National Park.
I'm beginning to get the smell of wood smoke from the evening fires.
A bit poetic, but I love the smell.
Yeah.
What was it that Saint Paul said? "I am a citizen of no mean city."
(He chuckles)
(Softly) Yeah.
(Wistful violin music)
(Music continues)
(Spirited instrumental music)
(Music continues)
(Music builds)
(Music concludes)
(Playful piano music)
(Music builds)
(Music concludes)
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