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♪ My lover
Are you sure this is the best place?
Isn't this near where they found all those bodies?
Sweetheart, the only body I'm thinkin'
about right now is yours.
Come on, Todd, I'm serious.
So am I.
I've been thinkin' about you all day,
and exactly what I am gonna do to you.
Come on, Todd.
I'm not messing around.
- Oh, you're not? - Hm-mm.
Isn't that what we came here to do?
I just think we could be more comfortable
at my parents' place.
Your parents are nosy.
They just want what's best for me.
I know what's best for you, baby girl.
My God, you're impossible.
I'm trying to have like an actual conversation here.
Sweetie, I'm listening to you, okay?
I really am.
If what you really want is for us to drive all the way back
to your parents so they can make us some chamomile tea
and probably grill me about my college plans,
then that,
is exactly,
what,
we'll do.
Well?
I guess we can stay for a little longer.
That's my girl.
What was that?
I don't know.
Okay, can you go and check it out?
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
♪ And there's a home over your head ♪
And that's what made Jane Austen
such a revolutionary force in literature.
She brought a level of psychological realism,
not to mention physical realism to the English novel
that really had no parallel
in the writers who came before her.
In this sense, we could argue that Jane Austen invented
the English novel and the modern novel as we know it.
We'll get into more detail on this next week.
Please read chapters five through eight.
Have a great weekend.
This is DJ Coronary,
and that was "Medianoche" by a Dark Lunch.
It's Friday, October 3rd,
which makes it exactly four weeks until Halloween.
Who's ready to get scary?
All right!
All right, that's what we like to hear!
Now, I know you've all been working really hard,
getting ready for tonight.
You are tired, you're stressed out,
you probably still have a few things
to get done before we open at eight p.m. sharp.
So I'm gonna keep this brief,
but I do just wanna take a moment
to remind ourselves why we're here.
What are we doing here?
What is this about?
This ground that we're standing on right now is sacred ground.
And some would say cursed, but I don't see it that way.
300 years ago, there was a massacre right here.
400 Piscataway Indians were slaughtered
by enraged white settlers.
This kind of thing happened all too often in the early days
of this country because of greed,
because of hatred, because of ignorance.
And those spirits are not at rest.
Those victims still cry out at night.
I hear them.
You guys know I live less than 100 yards away.
I'm telling you, I hear those ghosts at night.
Sometimes they keep me up into the wee hours.
So yeah, we're running a business here.
We are entertainers.
People come out for the night from D.C., from Baltimore.
They wanna have a good time,
they wanna have a good burger,
and they wanna get good and scared, and that's great.
That's all great.
But I like to think we're also here to honor the dead.
To be their voice when they can't speak for themselves.
So let's just, let's keep that in mind
as we go about our duties, all right?
Let's be safe, let's have fun,
and let's scare the shit outta some people, am I right?
Woo!
Ow!
All right, you all know your assignments,
so let's get into makeup and get set.
You have two hours. Go.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Yo, yo, yo, cousin!
- Yes. - When'd you get here?
How was the drive?
Good, man, good.
I'm really happy to be here.
Oh, happy to have you, brother.
Happy to have you.
Yeah, this is gonna be fun.
Yeah, thanks a lot for just like,
letting me come here and-
Listen, don't thank me, okay?
Don't thank me.
You're gonna work your ass off.
You'll be cursin' my name before the night's out.
I doubt it.
You good, man?
You need anything?
Just point me in the right direction.
Oh, sure thing, yeah.
Hey, Jacko?
Yeah?
Can you show Fresh Meat here where he gets his face done?
Yeah, sure. Just follow me.
Just follow Jacko. He'll get you situated.
All right.
Come to me if you need anything, okay?
All right, thanks man.
Sure thing.
So good to see you, I'll see you back at the house.
- Hey. - Hi.
So you're Mark's cousin?
Yeah. Zach.
I'm Jacko. Nice to meet you.
You've been doin' this awhile?
Oh, about 15 years.
- Whoa. - Yeah.
I was here when Mark started this place
many moons ago.
Anything I should know about it?
It's a blast, man.
Just relax and enjoy yourself.
This is a magical place.
Is it true about the massacre and everything?
I doubt it.
Mark likes to tell stories.
So, you've never seen a ghost here?
Well, no, I didn't say that.
♪ Through the morning rain
♪ I thought they were gone again ♪
Get in line, muchacho.
This is where the magic happens.
♪ It's Halloween
♪ It's Halloween for you
You ever been a walking skeleton before?
Not that I can remember.
You're gonna love it.
Wait till you see.
So, how long have you worked here?
A couple years.
Do you go to school around here or?
Yeah, I did.
Kinda takin' a couple years off before I go to college.
That's smart, consider your options.
Exactly.
Do you go to school around here?
Yeah, I'm at Philips-Howard.
I'm a senior.
Philips-Howard, is that...
That's a boarding school, right?
Yeah.
What are you, rich?
No, just smart.
Well, I guess that's the next best thing.
All right, let's take a look.
You like it?
It's like I'm looking at the real me for the first time.
I'll take that as a yes .
All right, next customer.
It's nice to meet you, Zach.
Yeah, you too.
Okay, so this spot is pretty simple.
You're gonna hide behind the scarecrow,
jump out and scare people.
If someone seems a little nervous, definitely target them.
You can also kinda walk along beside them, get too close.
That freaks 'em out sometimes.
You don't need to say anything.
It's usually scarier if you don't.
Any last questions?
When will I know when it's time to leave?
Oh, someone will come find you.
Don't worry about it.
All right, have fun. See you after.
Thanks, man. See you soon.
Jesus man, what are you supposed to be?
Aw, I think he wants to be friends .
Hey, nice meetin' you, man.
I really wanna get outta here.
Oh my God!
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
- Trisha, don't be such a wuss. - Did you see that guy?
He's fucking creepy!
Oh!
Yo, Jesus, man!
Oh, absolutely not.
Oh, fuck!
Come on guys, are we open or what?
Hm.
Guess they forgot about me.
Uh, hello?
Do you know if we're closed or what?
I just left my station.
I was told somebody would come and get me.
Hey, look, I'm a scarer too,
so, you don't have to scare me.
I mean, I'm not scared,
so just cut it out.
Okay, seriously, this isn't funny, man.
I know you're just another staff member,
so if you could please--
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry .
I can't help it. We do that to all the new staff.
Yeah, it's cool, it's cool.
I wasn't that scared.
You were fuckin' terrified.
Okay, yeah, I was terrified .
Here, come on.
Let's get a beer. - All right.
You have a good time tonight?
Great time. It's amazing.
Scare some people?
Actually, yes.
You honor the ghosts?
I think so. Yeah.
Good, man.
To the dead.
She's single.
That's what I heard.
A little too old for me, you think?
Hm. No, no, no.
You need an older woman.
Keep you in line.
Here, let's go talk to her. Come on.
Wait, hey, you don't need too--
No, come on, come on.
Hey, newbie.
How was your first night?
Best night of my life.
Oh, that's what we like to hear.
Sarah, you know my cousin Zach, right?
Do I know him?
I'm the reason he looks so terrifying.
I actually think it's an improvement.
Hey, Jacko, you got a second? - Yeah.
I wanna talk to you about that swooping skeleton.
Oh yeah. Okay. This is a tricky one.
If you don't push too hard on the lever, it's fine.
If you do, it gathers too much speed.
Honestly, it's a tough thing to fix
because that motor only has two speeds.
Didn't know you were Mark's cousin.
You don't see the resemblance?
Now that you mention it, no.
Hey, I like your necklace.
Oh, thank you .
Does it mean something or?
Yeah .
It's a Native American charm.
It's supposed to help you commune with the spirits.
Does it work?
You'd be surprised.
♪ The light's getting dim
So that's it?
You're all outta questions.
No, no, no, I have a question.
Okay.
What...
what terrifies you?
That's kind of an intense question.
I guess I'm kind of intense.
It's not the worst thing.
Spiders.
Really?
Absolutely.
They're fucking terrifying.
But they're so tiny.
Well, fears aren't rational, Zach.
Well, some are, aren't they?
You're very deep.
I like to think so.
Okay, what about you?
Werewolves.
What, what, what?
That's totally rational.
Oh no, you're right.
You're totally right.
Very scary.
Fucking terrifying.
All right, well, if you protect me from spiders,
I'll protect you from werewolves.
It's a deal.
♪ Keep your head up
How'd it go?
Jesus.
You scared the crap outta me.
Sorry.
What are you doing standing there in the dark?
I got good night vision.
I usually don't think to turn on a light.
So [throat clears], how'd it go with Sarah?
I think well.
Yeah, we just talked.
No smooching?
No.
Oh, that's too bad.
Thought there might've been some smooching.
No, no, no.
We just, we had a really good talk.
She's really cool.
She is cool.
And hot and cool.
You could do a lot worse.
Yeah, we'll see, you know?
We'll see.
Amen to that, brother.
You should get some sleep, all right?
Make sure you turn the lights off when you come up.
There's still no light on.
It's a joke, compadre.
I get it.
Sleep well.
Good morning, cousin.
How'd you sleep?
Like the dead.
Well, that's appropriate.
You remember Susie, don't you?
Hey, Zach.
It's good to see you.
Yo, thank you so much for letting me crash here.
It's no problem.
We're happy to have you.
Girls, you remember your cousin, Zach?
Hey, Zach.
Hey, Maddie.
You look a lot bigger than the last time I saw you.
I grew two inches in the last year.
That is awesome.
I'm gonna be taller than Mom.
Not for a few more years .
I know.
What are you watchin'?
Something she shouldn't
be watching at the kitchen table.
I told you, I'm almost done.
Mm hm.
Wait,
is this one of those like housewives shows?
That's Ashley Delaso.
She's really pretty.
Like you look ridiculous right now.
Yep, real classy.
Mm hm.
Doesn't seem very nice, though.
She's just speaking her truth.
Hey, yo, cousin, you want a breakfast sandwich?
Yes, please.
You want ham, bacon, both?
Both, please.
Thank you. - You got it.
So, how's your mom doing?
She's...
Yeah, she's okay.
Better.
They think she might be able to come home in a couple months.
Well, that's good.
You know, you're welcome to stay here anytime you want.
Thanks, I really appreciate it.
Honestly, it's no trouble.
Right, girls?
It's really not. We're happy to have you.
Thanks, Maddie.
That's...
Thanks.
My pleasure.
All right, ladies and germs.
Let's eat.
- Oh. - Let's see.
No, no cheese?
No cheese. There you go.
Thank you, honey.
- Thank you. - Of course.
How was that?
That was good.
Yeah, I think you're gettin' the hang of it.
I'll let you send just a couple more
and then I think you're good to go without me.
All right, step right up, sir.
Here we go, here we go.
And you're gonna step up there.
My boy Zach can take it from here.
- Hey, there. - Whew.
- All right. - You're the trainee?
Yes, sir.
So, should I be worried?
No, man, we got you.
All right then. Let's do this.
All right, whenever you're ready, sir,
you can go ahead and step out.
Has anyone ever died doing this?
None so far tonight.
All right then, here I go.
Whoa!
Who's that talking to Mark?
Oh, shit.
Hey, you good to run this on your own?
Yeah, I'm...
Yeah. - Okay, great.
Have fun.
- No, no. - You know what you did.
You know what you did.
You come here, you steal our stuff.
You're not allowed to be here.
I'm a little bit scared.
It's okay, it's okay to be scared.
This cable can hold up a cow, though.
Seriously. We've tried it.
Really?
I swear to God, we got cows comin' down here all the time.
Here, lemme just clip you in here.
I agree, we don't need to have it anymore.
Go, go.
I'm not sure I wanna do this.
You got this, bud.
You'll be fine.
You feel that cable?
It's not goin' anywhere, okay?
Can you just push me?
- You want me to? - Yes, please.
All right, here we go.
Have fun.
Wait, I wasn't ready!
Compadre.
How was the zip line?
Any casualties?
Couple of near heart attacks.
Other than that.
Excellent, good work.
We're gonna put you on something else tomorrow.
I want you to try everything before the month is out.
Hey, what was that issue?
Earlier on, you were talkin' to someone.
You and Jacko both seemed a little upset.
Oh, that was...
It's nothin'.
It's just a guy we don't like very much.
You can ask Jacko about it.
I'm gonna go get a beer.
Hey, man. How'd the zip line go?
Actually, really well.
We only lost a couple people.
Oh, it happens, yeah.
Hey, I'm sorry I had to ditch ya.
I saw Mark talkin' to the enemy.
I thought I should intervene before it came to blows.
Who is the enemy?
Oh, just some jackass who used to work here.
We call him Captain Ahab because he limps everywhere
and he's also bitter and crazy.
He works for Phantom Wood now
but he's always snoopin' around tryin'
to steal our ideas and our staff.
Wait, what is Phantom Wood?
You don't know?
It's our rival haunt.
They call it Phantom Wood
because The Haunted Forest was already taken
but they've been ripping off
everything we've done for years.
Like imitation is flattery,
but these guys, they're not even good at imitation
and their haunt sucks.
It just sucks.
Mark thinks it makes us look bad too.
What really sucks is I used to like that guy.
We were kayaking buddies and he was good.
Like, really good.
And then he took a bad swim below Great Falls,
got pretty banged up on some rocks on the way down.
Had to have like 19 pins put into his right knee.
That's why he limps.
And it totally changed him.
He blamed me.
He blamed Mark.
He blamed everyone but himself.
Anyway, it's not worth dwelling on.
Hey um, you should find Sarah.
She's lookin' for you.
Really?
Yes, really.
Okay.
I guess I'll go find her.
Yeah, do that.
But with the rising of the moon,
the scene changes.
Shadows race across the gravestones, like living things.
A breeze stirs in the trees beyond the railings,
and something deeply buried
begins to stir to life once more.
This movie's gonna put me to sleep.
It gets good, I promise.
I don't believe you.
I'm gonna make coffee.
Seriously?
It's 9:30.
Yeah, and I know you.
We're gonna finish the movie
and you're gonna wanna stay up to talk about it,
so if I don't get caffeine in my system
in the next 10 minutes, I'm literally going--
Did you get the question...
That doesn't look like biology.
Sure, it is.
Zombies.
Biology.
You know this test is in a week, right?
Yes, I do.
Zach?
Zach, look at me.
Look, you've always been a space case,
but this is getting ridiculous.
Where is your head at? What's goin' on?
It's hard to explain.
Try me.
It's this haunted forest thing
you know that I've been doing on the weekends.
Mm hm.
It just seems so much more exciting,
interesting and real than being here.
Dressing like a zombie
and running around chasing people is more real than school?
I mean, kind of.
Yeah, kind of.
I mean, this place is amazing.
It's like a whole carnival of death.
And that's a good thing?
I like it.
Yeah, but you're a weirdo.
- Always have been. - Mm.
Okay, I'll make you a deal.
Gimme 20 minutes.
The next 20 minutes, I quiz you, you quiz me,
and if you can give me 20 minutes
of unadulterated studying without drawing,
then I will let you pick the movie that we watch tonight.
Any movie?
Just don't give me nightmares for the rest of my life.
- No promises. - I hate you.
Okay, wait, let me find the chapter to quiz you on.
Okay, no wait.
The...
Okay, so this is a rough endoplasmic reticulum,
and these structures are ribosomes.
Ladies and goblins, girls and ghouls,
don't forget to pick up your tickets to the Trail of Doom.
Try the cotton candy at the Witch's Hut.
We are not allowed to reveal the ingredients.
Let's just say none of it is legal
and you eat it at your own risk .
You see how that works?
Obviously with no chain on it,
it's completely harmless.
Yeah, it feels a little weird but other than that...
Normally we just chase people around.
We don't actually touch 'em with it.
But if you're bored, feel free.
It does usually get a good reaction.
Any questions?
Yeah, where do you keep the chains?
That's on a need to know basis.
You good?
Yeah.
- Kick ass. - All right.
You're a little jumpy, new guy.
Serves me right.
I've been doing that to people all night.
Ah, turnabout's fair play they say.
Do they say that?
Who says that?
I don't know, old people.
Hey, can I show you something?
Is it something terrifying?
Of course.
Then lead on.
Well, so far I'm not terrified.
Close your eyes.
Do you feel it?
I'm not sure.
This is the burial ground.
The 400 Piscataway Indians,
men, women, and children.
They were shot, hanged and cut into pieces.
They were all buried in a mass grave right here.
But Jacko said that story was bullshit.
Jacko doesn't know everything.
Well, I'm sure that's true.
I come out here sometimes.
Just to...
kinda...
be...
with the spirits.
I don't know if that's too strange or ...
No, it's nice.
We actually have a group.
It's kind of a little club, I guess.
We get together sometimes and meditate
and do traditional chanting.
Try to make a connection, you know, with the other side.
I don't know if that's something you'd be interested in, but--
No, yes, absolutely.
Sign me up.
Hey, close your eyes again.
Why?
It's a trust exercise.
Don't you trust me?
Should I trust you?
Just give it a shot.
Okay.
Well, I'm glad I trusted you.
Told you it was worth a shot.
Thank you all for coming to this unscheduled meeting.
A lot of you have probably heard already
about what we found on the zip line this morning.
Those of you that haven't, Jacko was...
Jacko was found dead.
At this point we don't know what happened
or how it happened.
He was hanging from the zip line.
It's not clear whether this was an accident or if...
Yeah, we don't know.
Obviously, we're cooperating with the police.
I've spoken with Jacko's family
who were obviously devastated.
If any of you know anything
about what Jacko might've been thinking
or about anything at all,
please do not hesitate to come find me and talk to me.
This is a terrible time for all of us here at The Forest.
Jacko worked here for a long time.
He was one of our best employees.
He put his heart and soul into this place,
and we are gonna do everything we can
to honor him in the weeks to come.
And if any of you are are struggling
to process this in any way,
please know that we will be here for you.
Okay?
So look, I hesitate to even bring this up
on a day when so many of us are shocked and grieving,
but we do have to think about the good of The Forest.
So please, if a member of the press approaches you,
no comment.
All media inquiries should go to the office.
They should be official.
They should not be handled by individual staff members.
The last thing we need are a lot
of unkind rumors swirling around this place.
Jacko would not have wanted that.
We don't want that.
Until we have a better sense
of what happened and how it happened,
let's please just keep this in the family, all right?
Does anyone have any questions?
Does anyone have anything they would like to add?
Okay, let's get to work.
Show must go on.
You doin' all right?
Yeah, I'm just stunned.
Me too, man.
Me too.
You okay?
I'm so sorry.
I didn't really know him that well,
but he seemed like a really good guy.
He was.
I can't even imagine how it could've--
Don't laugh.
Why would I laugh?
I think it was them.
Who?
The spirits.
They don't want us here, Zach.
This is their land and they want it back .
It was the hardest thing getting through the weekend.
It didn't seem like fun anymore.
Like every scene we do is about death in some way.
It's supposed to be this like fun, campy version of death.
But after what happened,
I just don't know if I can do it anymore.
Yeah, man, I hear you.
I am sorry, Zach.
Did we wake you?
Sorry, I just...
Sorry.
Try and get some better sleep at night, okay?
Yeah, I will.
Saved by the bell.
Dude, is it true one of your coworkers fucking died?
I heard the guy hanged himself.
Is that true? That's nasty.
I'm really not supposed to talk about it.
Did he get a boner?
I heard when you hang yourself, you get a boner.
That's probably the only way you can get a boner.
Dude, shut the fuck up.
Okay, break it up.
Go play with your lacrosse sticks or something.
You can play with mine anytime, Carly.
I'd rather die.
Dude, she totally just told you off.
Shut the fuck up.
Are you okay?
I am absolutely fantastic.
I'm really sorry, Zach.
It's okay.
I'm okay, really.
Maybe...
maybe you should take some time off from The Haunted Forest?
Honestly, I don't think they're gonna
run it this weekend.
They tried to keep it quiet, but it's all over the news.
I think it might be smart to just shut it down for awhile.
Like, who would go to a haunted forest
where people actually die?
This is DJ Coronary,
bringing you the latest track
from Grammy nominated breakout star Fly the Freak-Nasty.
The song is called "Halloween Freak."
I can't believe this.
Yeah, who would've thought?
Death sells.
♪ Halloween freak
It's amazing.
Absolutely amazing.
It's the best night we've had in years, maybe ever.
Is it the best night we've had ever?
And not just the numbers, right?
The whole atmosphere.
Did you guys feel it?
It was like electricity.
People were stoked to be there.
What a feeling. What a night!
Doesn't it bother you?
Like the morbid curiosity?
Like, if Jacko hadn't--
No, I know, I know, I know.
Believe me, I hear you.
And of course, it bothers me.
But this is the deal.
We are fascinated by death.
We just are.
That's why The Forest is here in the first place.
That's why Halloween, that's why all of it.
It's part of how we process the reality of death.
We make a joke out of it.
Helps us feel like we're in control.
Have you heard anything new from the cops?
Like, what do they think happened?
I don't know.
I should call them.
I've been a little wrapped up in the...
I should call them.
I'm gonna get some shuteye.
Sleep well you crazy kids.
You too, man.
See you tomorrow.
Goodnight.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
We should probably get to bed.
Absolutely.
Ancestors of the Piscataway,
those we have wronged,
those whose lands we have stolen,
we ask you in all humility,
and with every sense of our unworthiness
to guide our brother, Jacko Fitzgerald,
into the dark lands beyond this one
where he may be safe from the pain of this world.
Forgive him his sins,
and let him not fall into the places of torment.
We ask this in your mercy.
We pray that you will reward us, not as we deserve,
but as we ask.
What'd you think?
Too weird?
No, it was really interesting.
Interesting can mean anything, Zach.
Yeah, you're right.
It's just, I was a little behind.
Like, clearly you guys have been doing this for awhile.
I just have some catching up to do.
Well, you'll just have to come back.
Oh, definitely.
Yeah, definitely.
Okay, I shouldn't do this yet,
but,
this is your badge
if you really want to be part of it.
No, I do.
Yeah, I do.
Pin it to your clothes ,
anywhere people can see it.
It's a symbol of the gate to the other side.
We call it The Man in the Maze.
I like it.
I thought you would .
I feel I do my best work
when I got a little buzz goin' on .
I'm certainly willing to give it a try.
Oh, oh, hey.
And have you seen this yet?
What's up, y'all? It's your boy Stinky Steve here,
and I'm out here offering $10,000
to the first homeless person
who can do a standing jump over this trash can.
Let's meet our first contestant.
Yo, this guy's hilarious .
Yeah, he's pretty funny, I guess.
Oh!
Yo, did you see that !
Hey, I think we should get back.
Oh, shit, yeah.
Thank you.
Where'd I put those chainsaws?
We left them right inside.
Oh yeah, that's right. Okay .
All right, let's go terrify some motherfuckers .
What the fuck?
Hey, guys, no, stop!
Stop! - Oh!
Oh, fuck!
All right, you're gonna be all right.
Chopped my fuckin' arm off, Jesus Christ.
Is he okay?
They got him to an ambulance.
He lost a lot of blood, but he should be all right.
I don't know what happened, man.
I swear to God, I don't.
I know.
I know, me neither.
You gotta come back, though.
They're looking for you.
I'm fucked, aren't I?
Just tell them the truth.
Yeah.
Like they gonna believe that.
Fuck.
I'm fucked.
I didn't know man, I swear.
I swear to God, I didn't know.
It's those fuckers at Phantom Wood.
It's gotta be.
They've been tryin' to find a way
to bring us down for years and this is it.
I mean, who would go to a haunted forest
where people get cut up by real chainsaws?
Jacko was one thing, but this is...
This is probably the end.
It's late, Mark.
Maybe you should get some sleep.
Sleep isn't gonna fix this, Susie.
I gotta fix this.
I gotta find a way out.
Maybe it is best that you pack it in.
You know what this place means to me.
Yeah, I know.
Then how could you say that?
'Cause Mark, you're not the only person in this family.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Goodnight, Zach.
Goodnight.
You really don't know what happened?
I told you, I didn't see anything.
You were right there, Zach.
You held one of those chainsaws in your hands.
You didn't notice anything different?
You didn't see anything? You didn't hear anything?
Nothing?
Really?
I noticed the chain five seconds before it happened.
I tried to warn them, but it was too loud.
They couldn't hear me.
And that's it?
That's all you have to say?
I don't know what you want from me, Mark.
You think I don't feel terrible?
I feel terrible.
You think I don't blame myself?
Of course I do.
But I had no reason to believe
that anything like this could happen.
I don't know what's going on anymore than you do.
Blaming me is not gonna solve anything.
You're right, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm drunk and I'm fuckin' devastated.
But, no you're right.
This isn't your fault .
I apologize.
It's okay, it's okay.
We're both exhausted.
We should get some sleep.
Yeah, you're right.
You should go on up.
I'm gonna clean up down here for a bit.
All right.
Sleep well.
Yeah, you too man.
You too.
So, I've spoken to the police, spoken to the town.
They're still deciding
whether they're gonna let us open next weekend or not.
In the meantime,
we have a lot of questions we need to answer.
What happened to Jacko?
What happened with the chainsaws?
Are the two things connected?
Just what the fuck is happening here anyway?
If anyone knows anything,
anything that might give us a clue about all this,
this would be a great time for you to speak up.
This is not a joke.
This is not funny.
This is literally life and death.
And if you know anything that could help us,
you have a moral and professional obligation
to come forward right now.
Okay, then.
You're probably wondering what we're gonna do this weekend.
What we're gonna do is we are gonna prepare
to open for Halloween
as if we are 100% certain of getting permission.
Needless to say, there will be no chainsaws.
There will be new safety procedures
and there will be a buddy system.
There will be double checks
and triple checks on every single piece of equipment.
Any questions?
Zach?
Are we sure we want to open next weekend?
Any other questions?
Okay, let's get to work.
So, if one of the major themes we're dealing
with here is the conflict between love and duty,
is there a character who exemplifies
that conflict especially clearly?
Is there someone who really
does seem perfectly poised between the two?
Mary?
Shh.
So, I suppose we could argue that in a sense,
it's less of a question
of love versus duty than a question
of different duties conflicting with one another
because love itself can be seen
as a kind of obligation or...
Are you awake now?
Hey.
Sorry, I must have...
It's okay.
It looked like you needed it.
Zach, are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Do you wanna talk about it?
About what?
About why you haven't been sleeping?
What do you mean? I was literally just sleeping--
At night, Zach.
You haven't been sleeping at night.
It's pretty obvious.
It's also pretty obvious
that your mind's a million miles away.
Yeah, it's been stressful.
You know, The Forest, it's been a lot.
Do you really think they're gonna reopen this weekend?
I don't know.
You don't have to go back, you know?
I know.
But you're going to.
I mean, it's Halloween.
Where else would I be?
Some people go to parties.
I'm not one of those people.
I know.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we assure you that all of our attractions
are now completely safe.
We have chased away all the chainsaw wielding maniacs
and their bodies will never be found.
So, relax, enjoy yourselves
and remember that any screaming that you may hear
is all just part of the show.
Or at least, let's hope so.
That was pretty good.
You have a knack for this.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I love this Halloween stuff.
Well, I think you can take it from here.
I'll be at the Witch's Hut if you need me.
Thanks, Kim.
See you later.
Hey, creepy.
Carly?
What the hell are you doing here?
Where else would I be on Halloween?
You look,
very spooky.
Why, thank you.
Hey, do you want me to show
you around the control booth here?
Oh, I'm sorry, did you think that I came all the way
out here to just hang out with you?
Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right.
I'm sorry. - Zach, I'm kidding.
Yes, I'd love to come inside, please.
All right. Yeah, yeah. Just come around the side.
Yeah.
Okay.
Talkin' about creepy.
Yeah, but that's not the good part.
This is the good part.
May I?
Be my guest?
Um...
Would the...
owner of the bloodied carriage being pulled
by two decapitated horses please
make your way to the control booth?
You left your lights on.
That, that was, that was really good.
You know, honestly, I think I could get into this.
It's like a whole different side of you.
Yeah, but you don't know everything about me, Zach.
Apparently not.
Lemme try one.
- Yeah. - Okay.
All right.
If you have lost a seven-year-old child
named Algernon,
please come to the main entrance and claim him.
He is wearing a Victorian nightgown
and seems to be invoking demons in ancient Babylonian.
Please come quickly.
His head is now rotating backwards.
Okay, wait, no, gimme, no, gimme.
I've got one.
What's up, y'all?
It's your boy Stinky Steve here.
And today I'm out here at the legendary Haunted Forest
where we're about to take an exclusive
all VIP tour of their famous Trail of Terror.
What kind of VIPs you ask?
Let's check 'em out.
From "Housewives of Montgomery County,"
that's Ashley Delaso.
Say hi, Ashley. - Hey.
Next up, we got none other than DJ Coronary.
Say what's up, DJ?
What's up?
Yeah.
And last but not least,
we have Grammy nominated superstar,
Fly the Freak Nasty.
How's it hangin', Fly?
Get outta here.
All right, all right,
let's get this show on the road now, shall we?
See my boy Mark comin' over here now.
Mark runs this place.
If he's here, then it's game time.
All right guys,
we still have a few people filing outta the exits.
We're sweepin' the trail, making sure it's clear.
Then we're gonna send you guys down one by one
so you get the whole experience.
Should be about five or 10 minutes.
Sound good?
Flippin' fabbo-fantabbo, my main man.
All right. Okay.
I'll see you guys in a few.
Hey, you guys can take off.
We're closed to the public.
We're just clearin' out the last few stragglers.
No problem, Mark. We'll see you next year.
See ya.
Hey, I'm lovin' the announcements,
but who's the witch?
Mark, meet my friend Carly.
Carly, my cousin, Mark.
You're friends with this knucklehead.
What's wrong with you?
Mm, he got grandfathered in.
We've known each other since I was five.
Mm, you have my condolences.
- Oh . - Nice to meet you.
Hey, you can start cleanin' up. We closed the trail.
We're down to the VIPs.
Shit, I didn't get a chance to check out the trail.
I didn't realize it had gotten so late. My bad.
Well, you're lucky I wandered by.
Come on, I'll get you in line.
Seriously?
You're a friend of Zach's, right?
That makes you a VIP.
Come on.
Yeah, go for it.
Yeah, I still have some cleanup to do.
I'll see you after.
Yeah, I'll find you.
Come on, come on.
They probably already started lettin' people in.
Okay, okay .
Thank you.
It's your first time here?
Yeah, no, I'm kind of a wimp with these sort of things,
but I'm excited. - Oh, don't worry.
- No, it'll be a good time. - Okay.
- Just have fun with it. - All right.
All right, I'm on the trail now.
Not freakin' out yet.
There's definitely some kinda atmosphere.
Feels like somethin's about to happen any minute.
Fuck!
What the fuck?
Jesus!
Scared the shit out of me.
Well played, pumpkin man.
Well played.
All right, if that's the worst it gets,
I think I can handle it.
Ah, heart is poundin' though.
Like, legit.
Adrenaline's lightin' me up.
It's wild.
I can do this.
I just gotta keep my wits about me.
Ah!
Hey, you gotta be more careful, man.
That shit's expensive.
Hey !
Hey! Not so hard, man.
It actually hurts.
Can I get my camera back, please?
I'm a professional.
I'm an influencer.
I need to be getting all this.
All right, look.
You're scarin' me, all right?
You fucking scared me.
Great job.
Now can you please just like...
You're not a part of the show, are you?
Shit.
Yeah, so honestly, it's like totally lame so far.
It's like super cheesy and everything.
Can't wait to get to the club as soon as I get outta here.
Did I show you what I'm wearing tonight?
O-m-g, no.
What is it?
O-m-g, you slut.
O-m-g, that is filthy.
What do you think?
Is Sean gonna like it?
Sean is gonna freak the fuck out.
He's gonna lose his shit.
You look like a $10 million whore
and I love that for you.
Hey Ash,
there's something behind you, like a rope.
It's just gonna be some stupid jump scare.
I'm telling you, I am so over this.
Okay, no problem.
It's just a haunted house.
It's just for fun.
All right, everything's fine.
Everything is fine.
Just crossin' this bridge.
Perfectly safe.
Built up to code.
Shit!
Shit, man.
You got me.
All right, you got me good, okay?
Okay?
I mentioned this to Mark,
but I mean, I do have a heart condition.
That's why they call me DJ Coronary .
I actually got a quintuple bypass back in April.
So, if there's a version of this
you know, that's a little bit more mellow,
I'd really appreciate that.
Is that something that we can work out with you guys?
Gentlemen?
Fellas?
Hey, can you hear me?
Hey, I'm serious!
I'm not fucking around!
Man, you're trippin'.
Eminem's not even top five.
All right, then who's in your top five?
Fuckin' Shakespeare?
Fuckin' Jesus?
God, dude, Dre, Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z.
All right, all right. That's three.
Who else?
I mean, for me, Common's gotta be up there.
You know, I'm really into that socially conscious shit.
All right, now I know you ain't serious.
How much of a raise do the two of you need to shut the fuck up?
Extra $10 an hour.
Shut the fuck up.
Hey, y'all smell gas?
Oh, shit!
Oh, goddammit.
Had to have like 19 pins put into his right knee.
That's why he limps.
They've been ripping off everything we've done for years,
and Mark thinks it makes us look bad too.
It's those fuckers at Phantom Wood.
It's gotta be.
You're a friend of Zach's, right?
That makes you a VIP.
Come on.
Oh, shit.
Carly!
Let her go, Mark.
I know what you did.
I called the cops back.
They're already on their way.
You're not getting away with any of this.
You don't want another murder to answer for.
I guess Captain Ahab was just an accident, right?
Maybe an impulse?
I saw you arguing with him.
You followed him back to his car.
Is that where it happened?
It's just a crime of passion.
But then Jacko saw you, or he saw too much,
so you had to take care of him.
And that was a little easier than you expected.
After that who knows?
Maybe you got a taste for it.
Maybe you wanted the publicity.
Tonight, you murdered the most famous people
you could get to come here.
Is that what this is about?
Just some free promotion.
You've lost the plot, Mark.
There's no way this ends well for you.
Just let her go and I'll testify for you.
I'll say that you, you showed mercy,
that you were truly repentant.
But if you hurt her, in any way,
I will make sure that you never see
the outside of a prison again.
You're giving Mark way too much credit.
He could never pull all of this off.
He doesn't have the vision.
I'm dreaming.
I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming.
No, no, no, you're not dreaming.
You're learning something.
We're all guilty, Zach.
You, me, Mark, even his adorable little children.
We were born guilty, Zach.
We have to pay.
You think it's enough to sit cross-legged and chant?
You think that washes away the sins of our people?
I see them, Zach.
They're all around us.
Behind you, behind me, everywhere.
They are crying out for vengeance
and only blood can wash out blood.
You're insane.
This world is insane.
We live and laugh and love
on the graves of the people we slaughtered.
I won't be part of it anymore.
My ceremony will finally bring peace,
and justice to the dead.
You guys can't be serious.
What are you gonna do, sacrifice Mark?
What is that gonna do for anyone?
What is that gonna do for the dead?
It's going to give them rest, Zach.
Just watch.
You'll understand.
Get her ready.
Restless spirits of this place, hear us.
We offer you this flesh for the expiation
of all the [Mark yelling drowns out speech].
Run!
Go!
Run!
Hold still.
What?
I said be careful.
Oh, all right, right.
No worries.
Are the cops really coming?
No, I was bluffing.
You are such an idiot.
I know. I'm sorry.
I just, I just like, I was just trying to--
So...
So.
There's a cult trying to murder us.
Yeah.
So...
we can talk about the rest of this later.
Sounds good.
I don't hear them.
They're gonna be coming soon.
Do you have a plan?
Gimme a second.
Okay.
Yes, I have a plan.
Whoa!
Shit!
Is that the best you could do ?
Hey, Sarah.
He liked me better, anyway.
All right.
Here we go.
She's here somewhere, I can feel it.
Great work.
She's definitely dead now.
You're helping me, you know?
We were never supposed to survive this.
This is all part of the sacrifice.
Yeah, well, happy to help.
Wait, what?
Sarah, that's not what we talked about.
Zach, this is a totally different side of you.
I like it.
You killed my cousin.
I don't give a shit what you like.
Zach, wait.
She's done.
She's not even armed.
We don't need to kill her.
Besides, she'll suffer more in prison.
She's right.
I deserve to suffer.
We all do.
I'm not exempt.
I know you think I'm a monster, and you're right.
But the way that I felt for you,
the way that I still feel for you,
that has always been 100%.
Zach, Zach, are you okay?
Where is she going?
She's heading towards the exit.
She said something about Mark's kids.
Just go, go, go.
Sarah?
Mark?
Hey, listen, I...
I don't blame you.
You did what you thought was right.
But you can rest now.
You hear me?
Your work is done.
You can go to sleep.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
Shh.
♪ There's so much deck the halling ♪
♪ And friends are calling
♪ And snow is falling and how
♪ It's gotta be Christmas
♪ It's gotta be now
♪ It's got to be Christmas
♪ I'll say it again
♪ It's got to be Christmas
♪ What else could explain...
Merry fucking Christmas.
♪ Anticipating
♪ Celebrating and cheer
♪ It's gotta be Christmas
♪ It's got to be near
Hello?
♪ Bring it on
Hello?
♪ Oh, it's gotta be Christmas
♪ It's gonna be great
♪ It's got to be Christmas
♪ It's gotta be Christmas
♪ You know what I mean
♪ Now, all those bells are ringing ♪
♪ It's got to be Christmas
♪ Around and around
Rupert, what the hell are you doing here?
Diana, I am so sorry.
I was an idiot.
Can you forgive me?
Well, that's a start.
♪ And everyone knowing that Santa may be on his way ♪
♪ It's gotta be Christmas
We should find a vase for these.
Just throw them on the ground.
♪ It really is Christmas
I really like this.
It's a little cheesy maybe.
No, I like it.
It's something new for you.
Well, I think I've had enough zombies for awhile.
I completely agree.
So you're coming over to watch "Love Actually" tonight?
It's not even Thanksgiving.
I watch it year round.
I'll make you a deal.
If you wear something spooky,
we can watch "Love Actually?"
Is spooky a euphemism?
Obviously.
Is it a deal?
It's a deal.
So, Chapter 22.
Oh God, God, God, do we have to?
It's due on Thursday.
It's Monday.
So we gotta get started.
If you say so.
I do.
Anyway...
Anyway, I think I missed a question about...
Oh, water containing heat.
Heat retention in water.
There was that question about, about like...
♪ Smoke's risin' high
♪ From all the buildings in the town ♪
♪ People are running, screaming, crying on the ground ♪
♪ If we got up now we'd need to get down ♪
♪ People surviving in a new kinda way ♪
♪ If you see the sunrise
♪ You might live to see another day ♪
♪ Up in the sky
♪ I see a plane coming down
♪ Smoke risin' high
♪ From all the buildings in the town ♪
♪ People are running, screaming, crying on the ground ♪
♪ If we got up now we'd need to go down ♪
♪ Up in the sky
♪ I see a plane coming down
♪ Smoke risin' high
♪ From all the buildings in the town ♪
♪ People are running, screaming, crying on the ground ♪
♪ If we got up now we'd need to go down ♪