1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.LT 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.LT 3 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:27,416 And what the case here clearly needs is... 4 00:00:28,375 --> 00:00:30,666 My daughter! He's got my daughter! 5 00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:32,416 Judge, you're mistaken. 6 00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,541 The only need is me. 7 00:00:36,583 --> 00:00:38,583 [suspenseful music] 8 00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,250 - This way! - No. This way. 9 00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:50,750 [high-octane music pumping] 10 00:01:09,416 --> 00:01:10,250 Hey! 11 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:15,708 Where's her daughter? 12 00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:27,250 Watch out! It's gonna blow! 13 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,000 [explosion] 14 00:01:35,833 --> 00:01:36,832 [director] Cut there. 15 00:01:36,833 --> 00:01:37,916 - [flames flickering] - [assistant] Reset. 16 00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,291 - [bell ringing] - What are you doing? 17 00:01:41,416 --> 00:01:42,957 You know me. I never do my own stunts. 18 00:01:42,958 --> 00:01:44,040 Clarky boy. You're up. 19 00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:46,125 Well, maybe if you worked out once in a while, Brad. 20 00:01:46,916 --> 00:01:48,665 Some of the biggest stars do their own stunts. 21 00:01:48,666 --> 00:01:51,875 Not this big star, but if you wanna talk about it further over drinks? 22 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,874 Mm. Can my husband and two small children come too? 23 00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:57,040 You're cute. I'll take a rain check. 24 00:01:57,041 --> 00:01:58,750 - Alf. - Brad. 25 00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:01,125 Wonderful work today. 26 00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:04,999 It's a Killing Time 7'sgonna be fresher than4and5. 27 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,082 Well, thanks, buddy. 28 00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:08,458 But I still have concerns over scene 22. 29 00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:10,624 I think I'm coming off a little... unlikeable, 30 00:02:10,625 --> 00:02:12,207 and the woman's really underwritten. 31 00:02:12,208 --> 00:02:14,040 - Well, I may... - Not now, sugar. 32 00:02:14,041 --> 00:02:16,083 You know what? I'm gonna sort that for you. 33 00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:17,250 You're my man. 34 00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:21,166 [Alf] Stand by, everyone. 35 00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:24,124 Good luck, Maggie. 36 00:02:24,125 --> 00:02:25,625 It's Martha. 37 00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:27,416 [loud explosion] 38 00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:29,583 Who cares? 39 00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,250 [light music playing] 40 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,208 Hey. 41 00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:45,375 I'm so sorry to ask, Mr Mac, but would you say it, please? 42 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,791 The only need... is me. 43 00:02:49,916 --> 00:02:52,040 I'm going to miss these movies. 44 00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,541 Miss? What do you mean, miss? 45 00:02:55,541 --> 00:02:57,624 I don't believe it. They don't wanna makeKilling Time 8? 46 00:02:57,625 --> 00:02:59,665 Still. You had a good run. 47 00:02:59,666 --> 00:03:01,290 We only made seven films. 48 00:03:01,291 --> 00:03:03,458 Each one better than the last. 49 00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:06,833 You know what, forget it. Fine. 50 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,041 What's next? 51 00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:10,790 Listen, Brad, I'll level with you. 52 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,499 There is no next. 53 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:16,041 Er, the bottom line is people don't want to hire you. 54 00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,749 What? Why? 'Cause I'm too expensive? 55 00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:21,665 Er, because you're difficult. 56 00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:24,999 You're late on set, and you refuse to do your own stunts. 57 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,290 You don't remember names. 58 00:03:26,291 --> 00:03:27,749 You failed your medicals. 59 00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,916 Oh, my God. How many times do I have to say it? 60 00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:32,040 It was the day after the Super Bowl. 61 00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:34,458 When me and the boys get together, stuff goes down. 62 00:03:35,541 --> 00:03:38,333 There's gotta be some kind of romcom I can do. 63 00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:40,416 Or a biopic. 64 00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:44,165 We could use this as an opportunity for me to really stretch. 65 00:03:44,166 --> 00:03:47,832 With the right makeup artist, I could play Barack Obama. 66 00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:49,124 Christ. 67 00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:51,665 Yeah. Probably still too young, huh? 68 00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:53,790 Look, there is one thing knocking around. 69 00:03:53,791 --> 00:03:54,875 What? 70 00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:57,958 Theatre in England. 71 00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:00,249 In front of a live audience? 72 00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:01,332 Exactly. 73 00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:04,208 Well, it's something I've always wanted to do, but... 74 00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:07,874 you and I both know I only ever took that one film acting class. 75 00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:12,332 I mean, I might be a natural, but theatre kind of scares me. 76 00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,832 - You, scared? - I've only ever done films. 77 00:04:14,833 --> 00:04:18,374 Well, it's exactly the same. Just louder. 78 00:04:18,375 --> 00:04:20,332 - Really? - Yeah. 79 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:21,916 Are you sure that's it? 80 00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:23,665 Trust me. 81 00:04:23,666 --> 00:04:25,041 Huh. 82 00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:26,875 Louder. 83 00:04:28,541 --> 00:04:30,582 You know what? Count me in. 84 00:04:30,583 --> 00:04:33,874 Great. Now we are talking about a very traditional production, 85 00:04:33,875 --> 00:04:35,999 but with your name on the marquee, it'll sell out in seconds. 86 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,124 Me, a sell out! 87 00:04:37,125 --> 00:04:38,749 You said it, kid, not me. 88 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:41,499 And doesn't your daughter live in England? 89 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,874 Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't get to see her as much any more. 90 00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:46,832 Well, this is a chance to reconnect. 91 00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:50,457 We're connected. I just don't get to see her as much as I want to. 92 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:52,499 So. Theatre in England? 93 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,915 Yes! 94 00:04:53,916 --> 00:04:54,999 You know what? 95 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,916 We're gonna show the whole world what Bradley Mac can do. 96 00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:00,625 Because when push comes to shove... 97 00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:03,208 the only need is me. 98 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:07,708 Oh, Jesus. 99 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:10,708 [exhilarating music playing] 100 00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,541 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 101 00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:19,041 Would you like to have a look at the menu, sir? 102 00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:27,833 [music fades] 103 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,957 I'm sorry to disturb you, 104 00:05:35,958 --> 00:05:40,041 but we've been watching you the whole flight. My husband and I... 105 00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:46,791 We're just huge fans of theKilling Timemovies. 106 00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:48,915 Thank you. That's very kind. 107 00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,749 It's so inspiring to see 108 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:55,000 a man of your age still throw themselves around. 109 00:05:55,708 --> 00:05:58,749 In-in all fairness, I like the first one 110 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:02,749 much more than the last one, but who cares? 111 00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:04,666 - They're fun! - Yeah. 112 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:09,333 What kind of woman doesn't love a cuddly older man? 113 00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:13,166 - Chocolate chip cookie? - No. I'm good, thanks. 114 00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:14,708 Have a good flight. 115 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,125 [aeroplane landing] 116 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,540 Hello, Mr Mac. 117 00:06:21,541 --> 00:06:22,500 Hi. 118 00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,541 Hi again. I'm just in the limo. 119 00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:29,416 - Rented, but still a limo. - Where are you? 120 00:06:29,541 --> 00:06:30,625 No, I'm outside. 121 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,874 I've got a sign. You won't miss me. 122 00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:33,957 Where outside? 123 00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,875 Just outside arrivals, mate. 124 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,375 [airport Tannoy announcement] 125 00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:40,749 Mr Mac, I'm Nigel Brand. 126 00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:42,499 Here to take you to the Savoy. 127 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,250 The Savoy again. 128 00:06:46,541 --> 00:06:49,208 I gotta say, I'm a huge fan. 129 00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,083 I just lovedTop Gun. 130 00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:55,916 Oh, heated seats as requested. 131 00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:01,000 Oh, and here's your natural volcanic water, sir. 132 00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,041 Thank you. 133 00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:06,875 [Christmassy music] 134 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:17,625 ♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪ 135 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:22,333 ♪ Children playing, having fun ♪ 136 00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:24,874 ♪ It's the season ♪ 137 00:07:24,875 --> 00:07:27,790 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 138 00:07:27,791 --> 00:07:31,750 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 139 00:07:32,708 --> 00:07:36,750 ♪ At the parties and celebrations ♪ 140 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:41,333 ♪ People dancing all night long ♪ 141 00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:46,624 ♪ Time for presents And exchanging kisses ♪ 142 00:07:46,625 --> 00:07:50,708 ♪ Time for singing Christmas songs ♪ 143 00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:56,500 ♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪ 144 00:07:57,208 --> 00:08:00,708 ♪ I'm gonna find that girl Underneath the mistletoe ♪ 145 00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:03,208 ♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪ 146 00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:07,208 ♪ The room is swaying Records playing ♪ 147 00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:11,958 ♪ All the old songs we love to hear ♪ 148 00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:17,166 ♪ Oh, I wish That... every day was Christmas ♪ 149 00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:21,415 ♪ What a nice way to spend the year ♪ 150 00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:22,500 ♪ Whoo, yeah ♪ 151 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,833 And on your left, Mr Mac, you're gonna see... 152 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,041 Mr Mac? 153 00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:45,916 ♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪ 154 00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:50,707 ♪ I'm gonna find that girl Underneath the mistletoe ♪ 155 00:08:50,708 --> 00:08:52,375 ♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪ 156 00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:54,707 ♪ Snow is falling ♪ 157 00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,583 ♪ All around me ♪ 158 00:08:57,458 --> 00:09:01,458 ♪ Children playing, having fun ♪ 159 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,500 ♪ It's the season ♪ 160 00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:06,666 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 161 00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:10,583 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 162 00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:15,416 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 163 00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:20,416 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 164 00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:32,125 ♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪ 165 00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:37,041 ♪ Children playing, having fun ♪ 166 00:09:37,791 --> 00:09:39,250 ♪ It's the season ♪ 167 00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:41,916 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 168 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:46,208 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 169 00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:51,208 ♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪ 170 00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:55,583 ♪ Children playing, having fun ♪ 171 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:57,833 [fading]♪ It's the season ♪ 172 00:09:58,125 --> 00:10:01,000 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 173 00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:05,541 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 174 00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:08,416 ♪ Oh, snow is falling ♪ 175 00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,750 - [music stops] - [keys jangle] 176 00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:22,541 All right. Mr Mac. 177 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:24,875 Mr Mac. 178 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,250 Mr Mac, we're here. 179 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:35,083 [yawns] 180 00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,041 What are you talking about? 181 00:10:45,625 --> 00:10:46,665 Where's Big Ben? 182 00:10:46,666 --> 00:10:48,250 Harrods? Downton Abbey? 183 00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,750 Nah, we missed all that, sleepyhead. 184 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:54,541 But welcome, Mr Mac, to the Savoy. 185 00:10:56,125 --> 00:10:58,582 Now there is currently no running water, 186 00:10:58,583 --> 00:11:01,165 but you don't mind skipping a shower day, do you? 187 00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:02,707 Is this some kind of a joke? 188 00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:04,291 Is what a joke? 189 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,291 Where the hell's London? 190 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,916 Well, it's three hours that way, sir. 191 00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:15,416 [laughs] 192 00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,165 - You are good, my friend. - [chuckles] 193 00:11:18,166 --> 00:11:20,415 So this is some kind of hidden camera show. 194 00:11:20,416 --> 00:11:21,666 I got it from here. 195 00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:25,541 Hey, Jimmy Kimmel, come out from wherever you're hiding, dude. 196 00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:33,165 Yeah. Erm, this is your hotel, Mr Mac. 197 00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:35,915 All the big turns stay at the Savoy Guest House 198 00:11:35,916 --> 00:11:38,583 when they're performing at Stoneford's Theatre Royal. 199 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,541 Yeah. I'll-- I'll show you. 200 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,791 Fine. I'll play along. 201 00:11:51,291 --> 00:11:54,791 - [Christmassy music tinkling] - [toy train whistles] 202 00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:58,291 [Nigel chuckles] 203 00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:01,333 - Wow. - What the... 204 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:09,291 ♪ It's beginning to look A lot like Christmas ♪ 205 00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:11,541 [boy] There he is! 206 00:12:12,916 --> 00:12:14,750 [children] Get him! Get him! 207 00:12:18,958 --> 00:12:20,541 [children calling out in excitement] 208 00:12:24,708 --> 00:12:27,291 [indistinct chatter] 209 00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,749 Excuse me. Hello. Um... 210 00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:42,125 Darling, Brad, here you are at last. Erm... 211 00:12:42,791 --> 00:12:46,999 - Welcome to Stoneford, - [all chant] Welcome to Stoneford. 212 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,040 He's even more gorgeous in the flesh. 213 00:12:49,041 --> 00:12:52,500 I'm Callum. The prince. Massive fan, mate. 214 00:12:53,083 --> 00:12:55,083 The only need is... yeah. 215 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,416 Yeah. 216 00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:58,665 Not exactly sure what's going on here, 217 00:12:58,666 --> 00:12:59,749 but obviously there's been 218 00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:02,333 - some kind of-- - Brenda. Fairy godmother. 219 00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:07,375 Izzy, Cinderella. 220 00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,040 - Fanny. - And Annie. 221 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,790 - We're the ugly stepsisters. - We do it every Christmas. 222 00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:14,707 - Yeah, and on birthdays. - Oh, you are filthy! 223 00:13:14,708 --> 00:13:15,624 [laughter] 224 00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:19,541 Bababa, Bababa. Russell. Baron Hardup. 225 00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:21,708 Hilda from box office. [giggles] 226 00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:24,875 Jean the cleaner. 227 00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:27,208 Jonty on sound. 228 00:13:28,291 --> 00:13:29,375 Frank on lights. 229 00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:31,875 Neigh. 230 00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:35,415 Your distinguished director, Cassandra Collins, OBE, 231 00:13:35,416 --> 00:13:38,291 - under me, over me. - [all laugh] 232 00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:42,791 - And you are? - Jill, the choreographer. 233 00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:46,749 And I hate to be a realist, but we've only got a few days 234 00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:48,290 to get this show on the road. 235 00:13:48,291 --> 00:13:49,999 So if everyone's finished fawning, 236 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,625 let's take it from the top of act one. 237 00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:53,458 You'll need these tap shoes. 238 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:57,916 Er, stop. Everybody. Just stop for a second, please. 239 00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,915 Again, not sure what's happening here. 240 00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:03,040 But I definitely did not sign up for this. 241 00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,708 Sorry, for what, duck? 242 00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:06,958 This, whatever this is. What is this? 243 00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:09,249 A low-rent production ofCats? 244 00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:11,833 Darling. It's a pantomime. 245 00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:13,333 A panto-what? 246 00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:14,957 [extravagantly] Cinderella! 247 00:14:14,958 --> 00:14:17,000 And you are our Buttons. 248 00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:18,874 Oh, no, I'm not! 249 00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,791 [all] Oh, yes, you are! 250 00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:24,500 Is it the large padded horse that's throwing you off? 251 00:14:25,583 --> 00:14:30,000 Okay. Uh, Brenda, darling, why don't you show him? 252 00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,333 Show me what? 253 00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:35,708 - [Christmassy music] - [indistinct chatter] 254 00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:44,666 Pantomime, Brad, or panto for short, 255 00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:47,624 is an annual British tradition. 256 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,875 A quintessential part of Christmas. 257 00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:52,707 Think fairy tales, but fun! 258 00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:57,500 Aladdin, Cinderella, Dick Whittington... 259 00:14:58,208 --> 00:14:59,208 I beg your pardon? 260 00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:02,957 You've got men dressed as women. Women dressed as men. 261 00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:07,625 Horses played by people plus pop songs and pyrotechnics. 262 00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:08,583 [explosion] 263 00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,500 Always a happy ending 264 00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:16,416 with an enormous explosion covering the whole auditorium. 265 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,791 Brenda, try not to be so crude. There are children present. 266 00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:26,666 Double entendres too, Brad, you like those, I'm sure. 267 00:15:26,791 --> 00:15:28,416 Mind you, 268 00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,583 there're a lot to get your mouth around. 269 00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:35,333 [theatre voice] Alright, my darlings, we begin. 270 00:15:35,833 --> 00:15:38,291 [jaunty music] 271 00:15:41,958 --> 00:15:43,208 Oh, my God. 272 00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:48,457 ♪ You look like fun to me ♪ 273 00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:52,624 ♪ You look a little like Somebody I know ♪ 274 00:15:52,625 --> 00:15:53,957 Come on, sheeple! 275 00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:59,040 ♪ How this ends because I'll be in your head all weekend ♪ 276 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,624 ♪ Shivers and butterflies ♪ 277 00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:05,624 ♪ I get the shivers When I look into your eyes ♪ 278 00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:08,707 ♪ And I can tell that you're all in ♪ 279 00:16:08,708 --> 00:16:11,290 ♪ Because I can hear Your heart beating ♪ 280 00:16:11,291 --> 00:16:14,291 ♪ Padam, padam, padam ♪ 281 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,457 ♪ I hear it and I know ♪ 282 00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:20,333 ♪ Padam, padam, I know you wanna take me home ♪ 283 00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:23,916 Keep up the energy. Remember, people are paying for this. 284 00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:26,916 ♪ When your heart goes padam ♪ 285 00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:30,749 It'll all make sense eventually, dear. 286 00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:34,124 ♪ I know you wanna Take me home, padam ♪ 287 00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:37,500 ♪ And take off all my clothes, Padam, padam ♪ 288 00:16:37,916 --> 00:16:41,541 ♪ When your heart goes padam ♪ 289 00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,166 - [delighted] Ha-ha! Yes! - Right. Thank you. 290 00:16:45,875 --> 00:16:46,708 Thank you. 291 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,916 Thank you for wasting my time. 292 00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,041 Good luck. 293 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,041 Never say good luck in the theatre, Brad. 294 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:55,083 Yeah. 295 00:16:55,375 --> 00:16:56,708 We're cursed. 296 00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,165 Brad. What's the problem? 297 00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:02,083 You're kidding. What's the problem? 298 00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:05,290 Okay, here's the problem. I'm stuck here in Hookeyville 299 00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:08,499 somewhere north of nowhere, surrounded by singing sheep 300 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:11,707 and ageing alcoholics. Okay. You are my agent. 301 00:17:11,708 --> 00:17:14,707 You need to get me out of here as quickly as possible. 302 00:17:14,708 --> 00:17:18,249 Oh, but Brad, you did read the script, right? 303 00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:19,749 No, not, not... 304 00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:22,124 - And the terms of the contract? - [horn honks] 305 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,458 Get out of the road, you idiot. 306 00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:26,624 Exactly. Look, honey, 307 00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:29,415 I've been your agent for years, and the fact of the matter is, 308 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,707 you're lazy, ungrateful, 309 00:17:30,708 --> 00:17:33,374 and I've had just about enough rider requests for one lifetime. 310 00:17:33,375 --> 00:17:36,833 Nobody needs a new pair of briefs every single day. 311 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,832 Brad Apollo Mac, it gives me the greatest of pleasures 312 00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:44,082 to finally say, you're fired. 313 00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:47,832 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are fired. 314 00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,665 Too late, buster. You're already off the books. 315 00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:51,415 You're gonna hear from my lawyer. 316 00:17:51,416 --> 00:17:53,624 Who cares? Your lawyer hates you, too. 317 00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,583 Merry Christmas, Buttons. 318 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:03,582 I wouldn't worry about it, mate. Gandalf's done it too. 319 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,999 - He still does, in fact. - Sir Ian McKellen's done pantomime? 320 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,999 Oh, yeah. All the big names. 321 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:13,207 David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson, Barry offEastEnders. 322 00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:15,083 - Eh? - [mutters] I'm dead. 323 00:18:17,875 --> 00:18:20,583 All right then. Here we are. 324 00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:23,833 Wow. 325 00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,249 I-- I don't really need a themed room, 326 00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:29,291 a regular one'll do. 327 00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,625 What you mean, themed? 328 00:18:41,666 --> 00:18:43,249 - [car door slams] - Hello, girls. 329 00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:45,124 Kieran, what are you doing here? 330 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,665 I'm not gonna let you walk home in the dark on your own, am I? 331 00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:50,499 - So jump in the motor. - It's a short walk. We're fine. 332 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:51,624 It's winter, Jill. 333 00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:53,290 There's a lot of naughty people knocking about. 334 00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:54,541 You know, like burglars. 335 00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,291 Oh, you've heard about that, have you? 336 00:18:56,708 --> 00:18:58,999 Of course, I have. Everyone's talking about it. 337 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,250 Yeah, well, I hope you're not mixed up in any of it. 338 00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:04,000 Put the top up, Kieran. It's freezing. 339 00:19:04,416 --> 00:19:05,415 How's my baby? 340 00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:07,082 I'm 13. 341 00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:09,290 Well, you'll always be my baby. 342 00:19:09,291 --> 00:19:11,124 You're looking forward to spending Christmas 343 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,458 with your old dad this year? 344 00:19:12,791 --> 00:19:14,374 - What? - It's my turn. 345 00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:16,665 She's got a part in the panto. 346 00:19:16,666 --> 00:19:18,208 We discussed this. 347 00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:20,582 Well, that was before I knew that you were both working 348 00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:22,166 with that, uh, Killing Timemug. 349 00:19:22,416 --> 00:19:25,707 So, yeah. Christmas with all your London cousins. 350 00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:27,291 You'd like that, wouldn't you, Cara? 351 00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,750 [police siren in the distance] 352 00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,750 Oh, well, I'll give you a bell. 353 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,333 Love you, baby. 354 00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:52,582 [water gurgles] 355 00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:56,000 No, that's disgusting. 356 00:19:56,208 --> 00:19:57,916 [phone rings] 357 00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,416 Oh, crap. 358 00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:09,041 - Hey, Grace, how are you? - Oh, Brad, are you in England? 359 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:14,291 Er, yeah, I'm at a silent shamanic retreat. 360 00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:17,916 Mmm. 361 00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:20,415 Mmm. 362 00:20:20,416 --> 00:20:22,791 Any plans to see your daughter at all? 363 00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:25,207 Can't really talk right now. Gotta stay quiet. 364 00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:28,832 - Convenient. - Emma, darling, it's Daddy. 365 00:20:28,833 --> 00:20:32,290 Okay, fine, Grace. I was supposed to do a play here. 366 00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:33,915 Okay? In the theatre. 367 00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:36,499 Exciting times. Who's the playwright, Brad? 368 00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:39,249 - Oh, Spencer, you're there too? - Marlow? Jonson? 369 00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:41,416 It's gonna be down in Stoneford, okay? 370 00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,374 Hey, Em. Hi, sweetheart. 371 00:20:44,375 --> 00:20:46,875 Hi, Dad. Mum says you're in England. 372 00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,374 [British accent] That's right, governor. 373 00:20:48,375 --> 00:20:49,457 Don't do the accent. 374 00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:51,957 Yeah. Okay. Look, sweetheart, the sad thing is, 375 00:20:51,958 --> 00:20:54,125 I don't think I'm gonna be able to see you on this trip. 376 00:20:54,375 --> 00:20:56,124 Well, but you said that last time. 377 00:20:56,125 --> 00:20:59,165 - And the time before that. - And the time before that. 378 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:02,457 I know, I know, okay? But this time is not my fault. 379 00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:03,833 I'm not gonna be here long. 380 00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:05,374 I've been conned. 381 00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:06,915 They weren't even gonna give me a Winnebago. 382 00:21:06,916 --> 00:21:09,416 But what about Christmas? 383 00:21:09,541 --> 00:21:11,083 [sighs] Christmas. 384 00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:13,957 Ugh. Oh, honey, I am so sorry. 385 00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:16,041 I promise I'm gonna make it up to you, okay? 386 00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:19,582 Hey, you liked that Amazon gift card I gave you last year, right? 387 00:21:19,583 --> 00:21:21,500 That way you can get exactly what you want. 388 00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:22,583 Don't worry, Dad. 389 00:21:22,791 --> 00:21:25,041 Mum always told me to manage my expectations. 390 00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:26,958 A pretty good life lesson, actually. 391 00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:29,165 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. 392 00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:32,458 Please don't be mad at me, okay? I promise, I will make it up to you. 393 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,291 But now you sleep tight, my little angel. 394 00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:43,666 [alarm clock beeps] 395 00:21:45,041 --> 00:21:46,958 [church bell rings in distance] 396 00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:53,125 Oh no, this is actually happening. 397 00:21:54,458 --> 00:21:56,291 [whimpers] 398 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,500 [Nigel] Wait, Mr Mac. 399 00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:07,915 I gotta say, Mr Mac, 400 00:22:07,916 --> 00:22:10,500 I'm surprised you didn't flee in the middle of the night. 401 00:22:10,916 --> 00:22:12,416 [laughs] 402 00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,332 Imagine that. 403 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,665 Mad dash to the airport, straight onto a private jet. 404 00:22:17,666 --> 00:22:20,125 But then again, I know you wouldn't do that to us. 405 00:22:22,916 --> 00:22:24,875 That's a big bag for a rehearsal, innit? 406 00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:32,833 [man] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 407 00:22:35,875 --> 00:22:36,708 Excuse me? 408 00:22:37,541 --> 00:22:39,416 Sign in please, Mr Mac. 409 00:22:41,166 --> 00:22:43,457 It's ten past ten. You are late. 410 00:22:43,458 --> 00:22:45,458 It's fine. I won't be staying. 411 00:22:46,125 --> 00:22:48,291 Why is my name not at the top of the list? 412 00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:51,041 Well, it's alphabetical, Mr Mac. 413 00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:53,416 Huh. 414 00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:57,125 The name's Albert, by the way. 415 00:22:58,291 --> 00:23:00,125 Albert with an A. 416 00:23:01,083 --> 00:23:02,583 I know your game. 417 00:23:07,291 --> 00:23:08,291 Yeah. 418 00:23:08,666 --> 00:23:10,041 [sighs] 419 00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:14,625 Pbrrr. 420 00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:21,540 - Ciao, Brad. - Yeah, I know. Hello. Goodbye. 421 00:23:21,541 --> 00:23:22,624 So sad. 422 00:23:22,625 --> 00:23:24,582 Now, I take it you've read the script. 423 00:23:24,583 --> 00:23:27,790 Sandra, if I had read this script, I wouldn't have gotten on the plane. 424 00:23:27,791 --> 00:23:29,665 You are hilarious. 425 00:23:29,666 --> 00:23:31,374 So we're gonna be starting with scene three. 426 00:23:31,375 --> 00:23:32,707 It's a tricky one, mind. 427 00:23:32,708 --> 00:23:35,458 Wonderful. Places, please, darlings. 428 00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:39,165 Oh, hello, Buttons. There you are. 429 00:23:39,166 --> 00:23:41,290 Weren't you supposed to be with the fairy in the dairy? 430 00:23:41,291 --> 00:23:42,499 The fairy in the dairy, Fanny? 431 00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:44,707 That's right, Annie. Far better than being on the hunt-- 432 00:23:44,708 --> 00:23:47,041 Wait a second. Why is there plastic on the floor? 433 00:23:47,541 --> 00:23:50,333 And why are you wearing a wig? In the script it says-- 434 00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:51,416 [squelching] 435 00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:54,332 - [punch lands] - [thudding] 436 00:23:54,333 --> 00:23:55,750 [furious] Son of a bitch! 437 00:23:56,333 --> 00:23:58,291 You should have known from my contract. 438 00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:01,541 I don't do my own stunts. Somebody call me a car! 439 00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:03,790 - You're a car. - You're a jerk. 440 00:24:03,791 --> 00:24:05,915 Don't worry, Bradders. It was an absolute honour 441 00:24:05,916 --> 00:24:07,499 to be punched in the face by you. 442 00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:10,999 - You can even do it harder next time. - Oh, yeah, Brad, she likes it hard. 443 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:11,915 Ooh, Fanny. 444 00:24:11,916 --> 00:24:15,540 Okay, that's it. I quit. I'm on the red eye tonight. 445 00:24:15,541 --> 00:24:17,415 [Jean] Have you got pink eye, darling? 446 00:24:17,416 --> 00:24:19,624 I've got a cream that's good for that. 447 00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:21,332 What's wrong with you people? 448 00:24:21,333 --> 00:24:24,415 Actually, Brad, darling, you, erm, you can't quit. 449 00:24:24,416 --> 00:24:28,999 - [chuckles] Excuse me? - Oh, yes. Cassie's right, darling. 450 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:32,040 Your clever little agent added in a liability clause. 451 00:24:32,041 --> 00:24:32,958 Yep. 452 00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:35,415 If you fail to perform even just one show, 453 00:24:35,416 --> 00:24:38,541 you're liable to be sued for loss of proceeds for the entire run. 454 00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:42,624 Ooh, I think I might be able to muster the six bucks. 455 00:24:42,625 --> 00:24:46,082 Mm. The last time I looked, I think it was two million pounds. 456 00:24:46,083 --> 00:24:47,875 Three million, actually. 457 00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,332 You see, Christmas pantomimes make the money 458 00:24:50,333 --> 00:24:52,040 that keeps theatres open all year round. 459 00:24:52,041 --> 00:24:54,665 Without that revenue, a lot of theatres would be forced 460 00:24:54,666 --> 00:24:57,041 to close down. This one included. 461 00:24:57,166 --> 00:25:00,916 Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Yeah. That is £3,000,000, not dollars. 462 00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:02,458 Okay, darling. 463 00:25:04,666 --> 00:25:06,208 I'm gonna need some privacy. 464 00:25:06,666 --> 00:25:09,375 Oh. Please don't go, Brad. 465 00:25:10,916 --> 00:25:14,916 Hate you, Brad? No. Why would I hate you? 466 00:25:15,041 --> 00:25:17,457 Your NDAs alone paid for my new pool. 467 00:25:17,458 --> 00:25:19,332 Okay, good. Good. 468 00:25:19,333 --> 00:25:22,916 That's great. So... am I free? 469 00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:28,250 Well, sadly, Brad, the contract's pretty tight. 470 00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:31,374 Unless there's some kind of force majeure. 471 00:25:31,375 --> 00:25:34,665 An explosion, tsunami, collapse of the Western world, 472 00:25:34,666 --> 00:25:37,375 which, let's face it, isn't far away. 473 00:25:37,958 --> 00:25:39,665 You're doing this, I'm afraid. 474 00:25:39,666 --> 00:25:42,375 No, no, no, Sukie, please. I can't. 475 00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:44,582 Why is this happening to me? 476 00:25:44,583 --> 00:25:47,375 Well, your agent made a pretty solid deal. 477 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:48,832 Judas. 478 00:25:48,833 --> 00:25:50,833 No, Julie. 479 00:25:51,166 --> 00:25:53,916 You really gotta get better at remembering people's name. 480 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:55,833 Hey... 481 00:25:59,041 --> 00:26:01,249 What if I just walked, got on a plane and went home? 482 00:26:01,250 --> 00:26:04,624 Oh, then they will sue and trust me, they will win. 483 00:26:04,625 --> 00:26:07,333 But, hey, look on the bright side, Brad, 484 00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,915 this pantomime thing's surprisingly well paid. 485 00:26:09,916 --> 00:26:10,833 It is? 486 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,707 Sure, and given the state of your finances, 487 00:26:15,708 --> 00:26:17,208 I would stay put if I were you. 488 00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:18,957 What about my finances? 489 00:26:18,958 --> 00:26:20,374 Oh, Brad, please. 490 00:26:20,375 --> 00:26:25,915 Five houses, one divorce, 200k a year on tulips. 491 00:26:25,916 --> 00:26:29,708 - Your spending is out of control. - Why can't anyone get this right? 492 00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,499 It was $200,000 over two years. 493 00:26:32,500 --> 00:26:35,665 And they weren't tulips. They were orchids from Namibia. 494 00:26:35,666 --> 00:26:39,707 Well, Namibia it in the butt, pal, because the bottom line is, 495 00:26:39,708 --> 00:26:42,875 it's Buttons or bust. 496 00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:48,375 [whimpers] 497 00:26:51,708 --> 00:26:52,958 I'm screwed. 498 00:26:56,541 --> 00:26:57,958 [indistinct chatter] 499 00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:00,291 Everybody's a comedian. 500 00:27:02,041 --> 00:27:04,708 Right then, what can I get you? Oh, hello, Brad. 501 00:27:05,250 --> 00:27:07,540 - So you work here too? - Course I do. 502 00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:09,665 Cost of living, mate, can never have too many jobs. 503 00:27:09,666 --> 00:27:10,707 You're telling me. 504 00:27:10,708 --> 00:27:14,000 I used to be the face of Breitling, Gucci, Constipate. 505 00:27:14,625 --> 00:27:15,707 Exactly as it sounds. 506 00:27:15,708 --> 00:27:18,332 Anyways, I'll have a sparkling kombucha, 507 00:27:18,333 --> 00:27:20,374 a pistachio quinoa power bowl, 508 00:27:20,375 --> 00:27:23,165 and a side order of organic kale, low-alkaline please. 509 00:27:23,166 --> 00:27:25,291 - Yeah, we don't have that. - Which part? 510 00:27:25,458 --> 00:27:26,458 Any of it. 511 00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:31,291 Fine. I'll take your average, run-of-the-mill sushi. Thank you. 512 00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:35,833 Hi, Brad. 513 00:27:36,416 --> 00:27:38,125 Hello, teenage girl. 514 00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:41,957 I'm in the pantomime. Cara. 515 00:27:41,958 --> 00:27:44,333 [disinterested] Of course, you are. 516 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,166 For the Gram. 517 00:27:46,458 --> 00:27:48,791 Oh, God. I wish I had a gram right now. 518 00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:50,583 [camera shutter clicks] 519 00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:59,749 Listen, Brad, I just wanted to apologise for yesterday 520 00:27:59,750 --> 00:28:01,250 for being a bit rude. 521 00:28:01,375 --> 00:28:03,499 It's just we don't have much time to rehearse. 522 00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:06,374 And you being five days late wasn't exactly helpful. 523 00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:09,790 - I'm five days late? - Oh, like you didn't know that. 524 00:28:09,791 --> 00:28:12,499 Of course not. 'Cause I'm not supposed to be here. 525 00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:14,000 My agent tricked me. 526 00:28:14,166 --> 00:28:16,250 I'm supposed to be playing Macbeth at the Globe. 527 00:28:16,791 --> 00:28:21,666 Oh, well, you'd freeze your tits off. That place doesn't even have a roof. 528 00:28:22,666 --> 00:28:26,458 Okay. This was my chance to be taken seriously as an actor. 529 00:28:26,750 --> 00:28:30,957 - And now that's not gonna happen. - Pantomime is serious. 530 00:28:30,958 --> 00:28:33,541 I'm starting to think you might be a little serious. 531 00:28:35,083 --> 00:28:37,540 You have a daughter, don't you, Brad? Emma. 532 00:28:37,541 --> 00:28:39,333 Yes. I may have Wikipedia-ed it. 533 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,582 Can you just imagine her looking at you on the stage 534 00:28:43,583 --> 00:28:46,582 putting massive smiles on everyone's faces? 535 00:28:46,583 --> 00:28:48,457 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 536 00:28:48,458 --> 00:28:51,041 Not exactly the world's greatest dad right now. 537 00:28:51,333 --> 00:28:54,500 Kids are for life, Brad, not just for Christmas. 538 00:28:56,041 --> 00:28:57,832 And think of Stoneford too. 539 00:28:57,833 --> 00:29:00,625 Do you honestly think anyone's gonna care? 540 00:29:01,250 --> 00:29:04,791 - Er, hello. Look around. - [camera shutters clicking] 541 00:29:05,458 --> 00:29:08,790 So if you're thinking of leaving us, Mr Mac, better do so soon 542 00:29:08,791 --> 00:29:11,083 'cause we'd need to find another Buttons. 543 00:29:12,666 --> 00:29:15,207 - What the hell is that? - Sushi. 544 00:29:15,208 --> 00:29:16,333 I googled it. 545 00:29:17,125 --> 00:29:18,333 [doors swing open] 546 00:29:20,708 --> 00:29:23,416 Well, it looks like you win. 547 00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:29,165 I, Bradley Mac, three-time Razzie nominee, will be your Buttons. 548 00:29:29,166 --> 00:29:31,290 - Bravo! - Marvellous! 549 00:29:31,291 --> 00:29:33,040 Hey, it's dead flattering that, Brad. 550 00:29:33,041 --> 00:29:34,457 Welcome to the madhouse, darling. 551 00:29:34,458 --> 00:29:36,750 - Who wants a gin? - Brenda. Not now. 552 00:29:37,166 --> 00:29:38,165 First things first. 553 00:29:38,166 --> 00:29:39,540 I wanna start with the motivational speech 554 00:29:39,541 --> 00:29:41,124 between Buttons and Cinderella. 555 00:29:41,125 --> 00:29:45,166 Er, sorry, darling... Erm, motivational speech? 556 00:29:45,291 --> 00:29:46,874 Yeah. Where he tells her to stay strong 557 00:29:46,875 --> 00:29:48,125 in the face of adversity. 558 00:29:48,458 --> 00:29:50,957 I've done it a hundred times. - Remember? - Killing Time 2. 559 00:29:50,958 --> 00:29:53,416 - I was four when that came out. - Yeah, same. 560 00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:56,790 All I have to do is get my head in the character 561 00:29:56,791 --> 00:29:59,000 and it should be smooth sailing from there. 562 00:29:59,250 --> 00:30:02,041 Absolutely, darling, give us your best shot. 563 00:30:05,583 --> 00:30:08,415 Oh, heavens. He's gonna go all Method on us, Brenda. 564 00:30:08,416 --> 00:30:09,708 He's not the only one. 565 00:30:12,041 --> 00:30:13,875 [softly] Don't cry, Cinderella. 566 00:30:14,875 --> 00:30:19,165 Your stepmother and stepsister are mean because that's their nature. 567 00:30:19,166 --> 00:30:21,041 Things will get better. 568 00:30:21,625 --> 00:30:23,041 You just have to believe. 569 00:30:25,833 --> 00:30:27,500 And magic will happen. 570 00:30:30,208 --> 00:30:33,790 Can I just, er, stop you for a moment, Brad? 571 00:30:33,791 --> 00:30:36,333 Too good? I don't wanna show up the others. 572 00:30:36,541 --> 00:30:38,666 - Almost too good. Yup. - Ah. 573 00:30:39,125 --> 00:30:41,500 Now, Brad, darling, you are used to film 574 00:30:41,916 --> 00:30:44,165 where the camera can give you a lovely big close-up 575 00:30:44,166 --> 00:30:45,915 with the microphone and the edits. 576 00:30:45,916 --> 00:30:48,374 Hey, I'm ready for my close-up, Mr Mac. 577 00:30:48,375 --> 00:30:50,207 No one's interested in your muscles, Callum. 578 00:30:50,208 --> 00:30:52,624 - Speak for yourself, love. - Want a go on that? 579 00:30:52,625 --> 00:30:54,665 But on stage, it is completely different. 580 00:30:54,666 --> 00:30:58,624 You have to project. You have to go big. 581 00:30:58,625 --> 00:30:59,541 I know that. 582 00:30:59,666 --> 00:31:00,500 I know that. 583 00:31:00,666 --> 00:31:01,666 Louder. 584 00:31:02,208 --> 00:31:04,708 Louder. Okay. Big, big. 585 00:31:04,916 --> 00:31:06,166 Gorgeous. 586 00:31:06,958 --> 00:31:09,958 And... action! 587 00:31:10,833 --> 00:31:13,582 [sobbing] Don't cry, Cinderella! 588 00:31:13,583 --> 00:31:15,999 Your stepmother and stepsisters are mean to you 589 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,791 because it's their nature! 590 00:31:18,291 --> 00:31:20,708 Things will get better! [sobbing continues] 591 00:31:23,041 --> 00:31:24,125 Something like that? 592 00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:26,249 Mm-hmm. Mm. 593 00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:27,333 We're screwed. 594 00:31:29,250 --> 00:31:31,250 [phone buzzes] 595 00:31:33,208 --> 00:31:34,999 Grace. How's my favourite ex-wife? 596 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,500 Oh, what do you care? 597 00:31:36,708 --> 00:31:40,374 Now, listen, you can pick Emma up tomorrow. 598 00:31:40,375 --> 00:31:42,874 You should consider yourself very lucky. 599 00:31:42,875 --> 00:31:44,416 - Tomorrow? - Yes. 600 00:31:45,041 --> 00:31:47,790 And do not let her down this time. 601 00:31:47,791 --> 00:31:50,165 - What do you mean, this time? - Oh, come on, Brad. 602 00:31:50,166 --> 00:31:51,332 Forget the Oscars. 603 00:31:51,333 --> 00:31:54,583 You are literally first in line for Worst parent of the year award. 604 00:31:55,625 --> 00:31:58,125 Some parents are just so selfish, aren't they? 605 00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:00,083 What the...? 606 00:32:01,833 --> 00:32:02,833 - I'll be there. - Good. 607 00:32:03,791 --> 00:32:05,416 [exhilarating music] 608 00:32:09,125 --> 00:32:11,874 Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry, mate. Come here. 609 00:32:11,875 --> 00:32:13,208 - Don't. - Yeah, no, fair enough. 610 00:32:13,791 --> 00:32:15,415 - We've been broken into. - What? 611 00:32:15,416 --> 00:32:17,166 Yeah. Your suite's been ransacked. 612 00:32:17,291 --> 00:32:19,499 Why don't you just get me another room with a bigger lock? 613 00:32:19,500 --> 00:32:22,707 I would love to, but we, we are chock full of Santas 614 00:32:22,708 --> 00:32:24,166 and we're the only hotel in town. 615 00:32:25,208 --> 00:32:27,124 Well then, Mr Mac, 616 00:32:27,125 --> 00:32:29,125 you'd better come and stay at my place. 617 00:32:29,916 --> 00:32:32,290 Thank you, Albert. But I don't want to put you out. 618 00:32:32,291 --> 00:32:34,333 Oh, it's fine. 619 00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:38,000 We'll find a way to, uh, squeeze you in. 620 00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,250 I could bring whatever's left of your stuff. 621 00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:44,125 Thanks, Nigel. 622 00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:47,083 Yeah, you're welcome, mate. 623 00:32:49,083 --> 00:32:50,166 Stay safe. 624 00:33:00,291 --> 00:33:03,207 Wow. It was very thoughtful of you, Alby. 625 00:33:03,208 --> 00:33:05,083 Hey, Albert, please. 626 00:33:05,666 --> 00:33:08,583 Really like the electric car too. Very green of you. 627 00:33:09,375 --> 00:33:10,208 What's all this? 628 00:33:11,166 --> 00:33:13,791 This is my life, 629 00:33:14,333 --> 00:33:15,833 my whole life. 630 00:33:16,583 --> 00:33:18,625 - Huh. - [bells jingle] 631 00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:22,665 Er-- er, you're upstairs. 632 00:33:22,666 --> 00:33:24,166 Er, first floor. 633 00:33:39,583 --> 00:33:41,916 - I've got a question. - The answer is yes. 634 00:33:42,125 --> 00:33:46,041 Madly in love with each other, but no, neither of them has a clue. 635 00:33:46,375 --> 00:33:47,708 [both laugh] 636 00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:49,957 - I'll get it. - Yeah. 637 00:33:49,958 --> 00:33:51,041 I'll get it. 638 00:33:51,333 --> 00:33:54,625 Right. Brad. Dare I say, we're gonna attempt to put you in. 639 00:33:54,833 --> 00:33:56,499 - God help us. - Fine. Just remember, 640 00:33:56,500 --> 00:33:58,000 I don't do my own stunts. 641 00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,875 You don't do your own stunts. Got it. 642 00:34:01,708 --> 00:34:03,915 Right. To save time, we're gonna divvy up 643 00:34:03,916 --> 00:34:05,958 some your lines to other people. 644 00:34:08,416 --> 00:34:09,708 I'm a light tenor. 645 00:34:10,916 --> 00:34:11,916 How about you? 646 00:34:12,583 --> 00:34:14,291 A little heavier, but I can sing. 647 00:34:14,916 --> 00:34:17,249 Jill, is this a good time to tell you that I can actually sing 648 00:34:17,250 --> 00:34:18,833 and I'm a pretty good dancer? 649 00:34:19,333 --> 00:34:20,500 Of course, you are. 650 00:34:21,708 --> 00:34:24,000 ['It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year' plays] 651 00:34:24,916 --> 00:34:25,750 Callum. 652 00:34:30,291 --> 00:34:35,500 ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪ 653 00:34:37,333 --> 00:34:41,207 ♪ With the kids jingle belling And everyone telling you ♪ 654 00:34:41,208 --> 00:34:43,333 ♪ Be of good cheer ♪ 655 00:34:43,958 --> 00:34:49,541 ♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪ 656 00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:56,291 ♪ It's the hap-happiest season Of all ♪ 657 00:34:57,666 --> 00:35:01,582 ♪ With those holiday greetings And gay happy meetings ♪ 658 00:35:01,583 --> 00:35:03,958 ♪ When friends come to call ♪ 659 00:35:04,791 --> 00:35:10,750 ♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪ 660 00:35:11,166 --> 00:35:15,457 ♪ There'll be parties for hosting Marshmallows for toasting ♪ 661 00:35:15,458 --> 00:35:18,290 ♪ And carolling out in the snow ♪ 662 00:35:18,291 --> 00:35:22,249 ♪ There'll be scary ghost stories And tales of the glories ♪ 663 00:35:22,250 --> 00:35:26,208 ♪ Of Christmases long, long ago ♪ 664 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:32,125 ♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪ 665 00:35:33,875 --> 00:35:37,499 ♪ There'll be much mistletoeing And hearts will be glowing ♪ 666 00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:40,250 ♪ When loved ones are near ♪ 667 00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:43,416 ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪ 668 00:35:44,333 --> 00:35:47,582 ♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪ 669 00:35:47,583 --> 00:35:51,666 ♪ Oh, the most wonderful time ♪ 670 00:35:52,375 --> 00:35:56,541 ♪ Of the year ♪ 671 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,875 - Bravo! - [applause] 672 00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:04,082 ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪ 673 00:36:04,083 --> 00:36:07,540 ♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪ 674 00:36:07,541 --> 00:36:13,375 ♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪ 675 00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:14,915 [cheers and applause] 676 00:36:14,916 --> 00:36:17,874 Ah, this is gonna be our best panto ever. 677 00:36:17,875 --> 00:36:19,415 Yeah, that was supposed to be my song. 678 00:36:19,416 --> 00:36:21,249 Oh, Russell, darling, don't worry. 679 00:36:21,250 --> 00:36:23,791 - You can take a lead on another one. - Yeah. Only if I get to pick. 680 00:36:24,791 --> 00:36:27,457 I'd like to do Engelbert Humperdinck's 681 00:36:27,458 --> 00:36:29,625 Lonely Is a Man Without Love. 682 00:36:30,208 --> 00:36:33,540 - Hmm. That'll really get them going. - It used to, darling. 683 00:36:33,541 --> 00:36:37,582 - [whispering] Izzy. What's going on? - Oh, no. It's all right, Brad. 684 00:36:37,583 --> 00:36:39,958 - We don't have to do this. - Do what? 685 00:36:40,541 --> 00:36:42,540 Well, I know you like to date your co-stars, 686 00:36:42,541 --> 00:36:45,875 but seriously, you're old enough to be my granddad. 687 00:36:46,750 --> 00:36:47,583 Wow. 688 00:36:49,416 --> 00:36:50,416 Wow. 689 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,332 Truth is, I was just gonna ask you 690 00:36:52,333 --> 00:36:54,415 what's going on between you and Callum. 691 00:36:54,416 --> 00:37:00,333 Oh, oh, sorry. That, erm, well, nothing, I guess. 692 00:37:00,875 --> 00:37:02,540 Every year we do the panto 693 00:37:02,541 --> 00:37:05,332 and every year we just sort of grow apart. 694 00:37:05,333 --> 00:37:07,124 Too much brawn, not enough brains. 695 00:37:07,125 --> 00:37:09,000 I hate those guys. 696 00:37:10,125 --> 00:37:13,000 Well, at least I now know what I need to ask Santa for. 697 00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:14,499 What, brains? 698 00:37:14,500 --> 00:37:17,958 No. Something to stuff your stocking with. 699 00:37:18,083 --> 00:37:21,249 [chuckles] It's double entendre. You're getting it. 700 00:37:21,250 --> 00:37:24,416 No, you're getting it from Callum. [chuckles] 701 00:37:25,250 --> 00:37:26,250 Too much? 702 00:37:27,291 --> 00:37:28,915 Bren, darling. What's the matter? 703 00:37:28,916 --> 00:37:32,875 - It's my digs. I've been broken into. - No, not another one. 704 00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:36,415 Digs is what they call the accommodation actors stay in. 705 00:37:36,416 --> 00:37:38,000 Gosh. Thanks, Gillian. 706 00:37:38,291 --> 00:37:42,166 - Hey, don't call me Gillian. - Stoneford just isn't what it was. 707 00:37:42,750 --> 00:37:44,750 I mean, we were a community once. 708 00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:47,957 Now look, blighted by petty crime. 709 00:37:47,958 --> 00:37:50,208 Yeah, we all know who's behind that. 710 00:37:50,333 --> 00:37:52,915 How else can he drive that car? Hey, Kieran! 711 00:37:52,916 --> 00:37:54,833 Leave him, Brenda, please. 712 00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:58,249 I don't know why you are sticking up for him. 713 00:37:58,250 --> 00:37:59,166 [emphatically] Jill. 714 00:37:59,875 --> 00:38:04,540 Jill, that ex-husband of yours is a bad 'un if ever there was one. 715 00:38:04,541 --> 00:38:06,749 Right then, who's getting this round? 716 00:38:06,750 --> 00:38:08,457 Are you serious? You work here too? 717 00:38:08,458 --> 00:38:10,207 Yeah, cough up, rich boy. 718 00:38:10,208 --> 00:38:12,499 Oh, 200 grand for orchids. 719 00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:16,124 It was a hundred grand a year, and they were from Namibia. 720 00:38:16,125 --> 00:38:17,500 - Oh. - Oh. 721 00:38:18,041 --> 00:38:21,125 - Another round for everybody on me. - [cheers and applause] 722 00:38:23,666 --> 00:38:26,999 Well, I'll see you tomorrow, I guess. 723 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,207 Yeah. Not too many late night bars around here, are there? 724 00:38:30,208 --> 00:38:32,166 Around here? Nah. 725 00:38:32,916 --> 00:38:34,583 I do have a bottle of wine in the fridge though. 726 00:38:36,125 --> 00:38:37,458 Oh. Erm... 727 00:38:39,791 --> 00:38:42,208 Mind you, hey, carbs innit. 728 00:38:43,041 --> 00:38:45,208 Right. Gotta look after the temple. 729 00:38:45,458 --> 00:38:46,291 Yeah. 730 00:38:50,166 --> 00:38:52,040 - Here he is. - Oi, oi! 731 00:38:52,041 --> 00:38:54,250 Stoneford's action hero. Look at him. Look. 732 00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:56,374 Come on then, show us some of your moves, huh? 733 00:38:56,375 --> 00:38:57,625 The only need is me. 734 00:38:57,750 --> 00:39:00,375 - I don't want any trouble. Come on. - Course you don't. You know why? 735 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,000 'Cause you're a little scaredy cat, ain't you? 736 00:39:03,666 --> 00:39:05,374 You couldn't even block that... 737 00:39:05,375 --> 00:39:06,916 [all laugh] 738 00:39:07,541 --> 00:39:09,291 No wonder you ended up in this dump. 739 00:39:10,666 --> 00:39:14,250 - You're a hopeless loser. - Go home, Kieran. Now. 740 00:39:14,833 --> 00:39:16,041 I'm having a laugh, Jill. 741 00:39:17,666 --> 00:39:18,665 Let's go, boys. 742 00:39:18,666 --> 00:39:20,332 - Alright, Kieran, come on. - [sighs] 743 00:39:20,333 --> 00:39:21,500 [laughing] 744 00:39:25,916 --> 00:39:26,833 Jill. 745 00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:30,250 I'll see you tomorrow, Brad. 746 00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,165 [muttering] Never do nothing right. 747 00:39:39,166 --> 00:39:41,208 All you have to do is stand up for yourself. 748 00:39:43,375 --> 00:39:44,250 Huh? 749 00:39:45,291 --> 00:39:47,333 - Hey! - [suspenseful music] 750 00:39:47,875 --> 00:39:50,333 - Stay where you are! Stop! - [man] Leg it! 751 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,291 Somebody stop them! 752 00:39:52,750 --> 00:39:55,166 - [music crescendos, stops] - [panting] 753 00:39:57,250 --> 00:39:58,458 What's going on? 754 00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:02,375 He's behind you. 755 00:40:03,583 --> 00:40:04,750 Don't come any closer. 756 00:40:09,125 --> 00:40:11,916 Ah! Ah, ah, me sole! 757 00:40:13,625 --> 00:40:16,250 - Stay down. - [man] Mate, you saved us! 758 00:40:16,916 --> 00:40:19,166 - I got it all on video too. - [grunting, groans] 759 00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:22,499 Well done, sir. Nice one. Thank you. 760 00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:25,374 Arms behind your back. Police. We've got his accomplice as well. 761 00:40:25,375 --> 00:40:27,416 Looks like the Stoneford crime spree's over. 762 00:40:29,291 --> 00:40:31,249 Hang on a minute, aren't you...? 763 00:40:31,250 --> 00:40:32,250 I am. 764 00:40:33,208 --> 00:40:34,291 [man] I think I broke it. 765 00:40:34,791 --> 00:40:37,249 247 to base. You'll never guess who I've just seen. 766 00:40:37,250 --> 00:40:38,874 [woman] Go ahead, 247. Surprise me. 767 00:40:38,875 --> 00:40:42,207 Hollywood movie star, Brad Mac, put his trademark action moves 768 00:40:42,208 --> 00:40:43,707 into action last night. 769 00:40:43,708 --> 00:40:45,790 Not on some Hollywood studio lot, 770 00:40:45,791 --> 00:40:49,540 but here in the sleepy town of Stoneford in England. 771 00:40:49,541 --> 00:40:51,874 Mr Mac may not have been kung fu fighting, 772 00:40:51,875 --> 00:40:55,582 but his unusual routine is said to have been inspired by this: 773 00:40:55,583 --> 00:40:57,582 Stoneford's Theatre Royal, 774 00:40:57,583 --> 00:41:00,957 where in just a few days' time, Brad Mac takes to the stage 775 00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:03,290 - as Buttons inCinderella. - [reporter 2] Here he is! Here he is! 776 00:41:03,291 --> 00:41:06,625 Oh, Mr Mac, can I ask exactly what happened? 777 00:41:07,375 --> 00:41:10,707 Well, I think I did what any concerned citizen would do. 778 00:41:10,708 --> 00:41:14,999 Er, I saw two men trying to rob, uh, a home, and I chased them. 779 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,415 And apprehended them? 780 00:41:16,416 --> 00:41:18,374 No, the police did that. 781 00:41:18,375 --> 00:41:20,540 But I like to think that I did my part. 782 00:41:20,541 --> 00:41:22,540 Two men are now in custody. 783 00:41:22,541 --> 00:41:24,124 It turns out they were part of a criminal gang 784 00:41:24,125 --> 00:41:26,624 that have been targeting towns in the local area. 785 00:41:26,625 --> 00:41:29,249 Police are confident that further arrests will follow, 786 00:41:29,250 --> 00:41:31,332 and that the gang's crime spree has been put to a stop. 787 00:41:31,333 --> 00:41:32,875 All thanks to you, Brad Mac. 788 00:41:33,583 --> 00:41:36,082 - How's the panto going? - Oh, great. Thank you for asking. 789 00:41:36,083 --> 00:41:39,166 Thank you. Erm, yeah, strength to strength like my career. 790 00:41:39,458 --> 00:41:41,207 And if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go spend 791 00:41:41,208 --> 00:41:42,832 the rest of the day with my daughter. Thank you. 792 00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:43,749 Thank you. 793 00:41:43,750 --> 00:41:45,040 [journalist] Mr Mac? 794 00:41:45,041 --> 00:41:46,957 Quick, Brenda, why don't you tell them 795 00:41:46,958 --> 00:41:49,665 about your one night encounter with Ozzy Osborne in 1985? 796 00:41:49,666 --> 00:41:52,125 Oh, with pleasure. 797 00:41:55,833 --> 00:41:57,000 [gentle melody] 798 00:42:11,041 --> 00:42:12,458 [doorbell chimes] 799 00:42:16,791 --> 00:42:19,250 - Spencer. - Grace! 800 00:42:20,166 --> 00:42:21,415 Spider-Man's here. 801 00:42:21,416 --> 00:42:23,540 - Wasn't inSpider-Man. - No? 802 00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:26,250 I wouldn't know. I don't watch mainstream movies. 803 00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:30,457 I prefer Cinéma Français. Films with subtitles. 804 00:42:30,458 --> 00:42:32,208 I like French films. 805 00:42:32,375 --> 00:42:34,375 [In French] But I don't need subtitles. 806 00:42:36,166 --> 00:42:37,166 Move, Spencer. 807 00:42:42,250 --> 00:42:44,082 Dad, you finally made it! 808 00:42:44,083 --> 00:42:47,332 Oh, sweetheart, I am so happy to see you. 809 00:42:47,333 --> 00:42:49,208 We're gonna have a fabulous day, okay? 810 00:42:50,208 --> 00:42:51,374 When do you need her back? 811 00:42:51,375 --> 00:42:52,791 Oh, after lunch is fine. 812 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,666 Well, that's not gonna give us a lot of time. 813 00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:57,083 After lunch on Monday. 814 00:42:58,041 --> 00:42:59,541 Three whole days! 815 00:42:59,958 --> 00:43:00,958 Yeah! 816 00:43:02,041 --> 00:43:03,999 Can Daddy talk with Mummy privately please? 817 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:05,666 Oh, let's. 818 00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:07,500 [whispering] We'll be right back. 819 00:43:12,625 --> 00:43:14,290 Okay. I can't do three days. 820 00:43:14,291 --> 00:43:15,374 I'm rehearsing. 821 00:43:15,375 --> 00:43:16,290 I'm sure you can get 822 00:43:16,291 --> 00:43:18,332 one of your little minions to sort it out. 823 00:43:18,333 --> 00:43:21,374 Okay, Grace. Minions are cartoons. Everyone knows that. 824 00:43:21,375 --> 00:43:24,249 No, no, no. Tough, tough, tough. 825 00:43:24,250 --> 00:43:28,290 We are going to Paris because, newsflash: we are exhausted. 826 00:43:28,291 --> 00:43:30,665 Yeah. I only get a bonus four times a year. 827 00:43:30,666 --> 00:43:34,499 Okay. Newsflash: Spencer, your bonus is $25,000 a month 828 00:43:34,500 --> 00:43:37,707 I pay her in alimony. Grace, you cannot spring this on me. 829 00:43:37,708 --> 00:43:40,916 [Grace] You haven't seen her twice in the last two years. 830 00:43:41,666 --> 00:43:43,582 This is finally your chance. 831 00:43:43,583 --> 00:43:47,041 - I'm working. - You're always working. 832 00:43:47,583 --> 00:43:48,916 You're a big boy. 833 00:43:49,166 --> 00:43:50,333 Figure it out. 834 00:44:06,875 --> 00:44:09,750 Well, kiddo, looks like it's you and me for three whole days. 835 00:44:11,291 --> 00:44:13,874 - Where are we going? - To the North, me little mucker. 836 00:44:13,875 --> 00:44:15,583 - Dad! - I know. 837 00:44:16,041 --> 00:44:16,875 Come on. 838 00:44:18,083 --> 00:44:19,416 [Christmassy music] 839 00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:33,832 So this is it. 840 00:44:33,833 --> 00:44:36,125 Stoneford Theatre Royal. 841 00:44:37,416 --> 00:44:38,707 [delighted] You're in a pantomime? 842 00:44:38,708 --> 00:44:40,541 Yeah. Sorry. 843 00:44:41,416 --> 00:44:43,665 What do you mean, sorry? I love panto. 844 00:44:43,666 --> 00:44:44,750 You do? 845 00:44:45,916 --> 00:44:49,166 But why are you so young? Is it set in the past? 846 00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:50,750 How dare you! 847 00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,458 - Ah! - [giggles] 848 00:44:52,833 --> 00:44:55,083 I wanna introduce you to a man named Albert. Come on. 849 00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,416 Oh, hello, Emma. 850 00:44:59,791 --> 00:45:01,416 My name's Albert. 851 00:45:01,791 --> 00:45:04,625 Yeah, well, come on in, love. Make yourself at home. 852 00:45:05,833 --> 00:45:06,750 Thank you. 853 00:45:38,666 --> 00:45:39,500 Wow. 854 00:45:39,833 --> 00:45:41,333 Talk about a hint of colour. 855 00:45:42,708 --> 00:45:43,791 I like it. 856 00:45:45,875 --> 00:45:46,750 Yeah, 857 00:45:48,250 --> 00:45:49,958 we should probably close it up. 858 00:45:54,250 --> 00:45:56,333 - [indistinct chatter] - [laughter] 859 00:46:17,333 --> 00:46:20,041 Don't worry, sweetheart. Happens wherever I go. 860 00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:24,250 Dad? It's December. 861 00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:25,875 You're right. 862 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:31,916 Thank you. 863 00:46:32,916 --> 00:46:35,500 It's that awful man from those dreadful films. 864 00:46:36,791 --> 00:46:39,332 - Brad. Hi. - Gillian. 865 00:46:39,333 --> 00:46:42,040 - Jill! - Big fan of your work. 866 00:46:42,041 --> 00:46:44,915 Oh, thank you very much. This is my daughter Emma. 867 00:46:44,916 --> 00:46:47,540 This is my daughter Cara and her friend Bella. 868 00:46:47,541 --> 00:46:48,957 - Hiya. - Hi. 869 00:46:48,958 --> 00:46:50,790 Do you wanna go and grab hot chocolates? 870 00:46:50,791 --> 00:46:53,332 - Yeah, sure. Dad? - Yeah, of course. 871 00:46:53,333 --> 00:46:54,875 - I'll catch up. - Great. Let's go. 872 00:46:55,833 --> 00:46:57,249 Jill. Can I have a word? 873 00:46:57,250 --> 00:47:00,165 So Emma's here all weekend, right? But we're rehearsing. 874 00:47:00,166 --> 00:47:03,291 And I'm really scared she's just gonna be so bored. 875 00:47:03,791 --> 00:47:06,083 Don't worry. Cara can look out for her. 876 00:47:06,333 --> 00:47:08,040 - Really? - Yeah. 877 00:47:08,041 --> 00:47:09,957 She can hang out with all the kids backstage 878 00:47:09,958 --> 00:47:13,208 and then we'll get her on the stage for that big ballroom scene. 879 00:47:13,708 --> 00:47:17,041 Oh, my God. That sounds fantastic. You are a lifesaver. 880 00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:18,333 Whoa. 881 00:47:21,125 --> 00:47:23,499 Actually, Brad, I have a favour to ask you. 882 00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:24,832 - Yeah? - Yeah. 883 00:47:24,833 --> 00:47:27,125 On Monday, the school's holding an event. 884 00:47:27,666 --> 00:47:29,332 The choir will be singing carols. 885 00:47:29,333 --> 00:47:32,291 - There's a tombola. - Is that like Ebola? 886 00:47:32,500 --> 00:47:34,666 Not quite. One's an African disease. 887 00:47:34,916 --> 00:47:37,999 Erm, then there'll be a prize-giving, like, fun things, 888 00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,707 like Best Christmas jumper. 889 00:47:39,708 --> 00:47:40,708 What? 890 00:47:41,791 --> 00:47:43,750 Oh, no, jumper means sweater. 891 00:47:44,291 --> 00:47:45,458 Oh, thank God. 892 00:47:45,958 --> 00:47:48,833 Little dark for Christmas, right? Aha. Splat. 893 00:47:49,291 --> 00:47:53,000 So we were hoping someone real famous might wanna hand out the prizes. 894 00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:55,375 Yeah, I'll do it. What's the fee? 895 00:47:55,875 --> 00:47:57,875 Er, cup of tea and a bourbon. 896 00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,124 Huh. You're cute. I don't drink when I work. 897 00:48:01,125 --> 00:48:04,040 Hot nuts. Come and get your hot nuts! 898 00:48:04,041 --> 00:48:07,916 - Nigel. Don't you sleep? - Of course not, mate. On the house. 899 00:48:08,250 --> 00:48:10,040 - Thank you. - [hollers] Hot nuts. 900 00:48:10,041 --> 00:48:12,416 Warm your hands on me hot nuts. 901 00:48:15,791 --> 00:48:19,832 One and two and three and four and five. 902 00:48:19,833 --> 00:48:21,082 - Ah. - [Jill] Okay. Stop. 903 00:48:21,083 --> 00:48:24,832 Stop. I want Prince Charming, but it's a bit Prince Alarming. 904 00:48:24,833 --> 00:48:28,832 Sorry, Izzy. Got two left feet. Toned feet, but... 905 00:48:28,833 --> 00:48:30,665 No, it's me. Really. 906 00:48:30,666 --> 00:48:32,083 Callum, do you mind? 907 00:48:33,125 --> 00:48:34,375 Jill, may I? 908 00:48:36,458 --> 00:48:39,791 - From the top. - Right. Okay. Watch and learn. 909 00:48:42,083 --> 00:48:44,333 ['It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year' plays] 910 00:49:11,416 --> 00:49:12,416 Oh. 911 00:49:41,625 --> 00:49:43,624 [cheers and applause] 912 00:49:43,625 --> 00:49:45,165 Bravo, Jill! 913 00:49:45,166 --> 00:49:47,707 Brenda, please. I wasn't even warmed up. 914 00:49:47,708 --> 00:49:50,416 All right, my darlings. Back to the top. 915 00:49:50,750 --> 00:49:52,750 ['Santa Can't You Hear Me' plays] 916 00:49:57,250 --> 00:50:00,125 ♪ Keep the snow and sleigh rides ♪ 917 00:50:00,583 --> 00:50:02,083 Come on, let's go! 918 00:50:03,708 --> 00:50:06,708 ♪ Keep the gifts beneath the tree ♪ 919 00:50:08,083 --> 00:50:10,333 Oh, this is the best casting! 920 00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:13,000 Come on, hurry up! 921 00:50:13,166 --> 00:50:14,750 - Jill. - Thanks, Richard. 922 00:50:18,916 --> 00:50:21,708 Yeah, come on! Let's go! 923 00:50:24,125 --> 00:50:26,916 ♪ 'Cause all I ever wanted ♪ 924 00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:29,415 ♪ Was nothing I got ♪ 925 00:50:29,416 --> 00:50:35,458 ♪ And Santa, can't you hear me? ♪ 926 00:50:36,333 --> 00:50:40,207 ♪ Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪ 927 00:50:40,208 --> 00:50:45,000 ♪ I don't need a thing ♪ 928 00:50:45,250 --> 00:50:48,124 ♪ I sent a letter to you ♪ 929 00:50:48,125 --> 00:50:53,207 ♪ On how to make my dreams come true, Yeah, yeah ♪ 930 00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:57,915 ♪ What I want for Christmas ♪ 931 00:50:57,916 --> 00:51:01,249 ♪ Hasn't come and I've been so blue ♪ 932 00:51:01,250 --> 00:51:06,000 ♪ Tell me, what can I do? Oh, yeah ♪ 933 00:51:06,250 --> 00:51:11,374 ♪ Keep the mistletoe ♪ 934 00:51:11,375 --> 00:51:15,207 ♪ Unless below is what I need ♪ 935 00:51:15,208 --> 00:51:17,165 ♪ What I need ♪ 936 00:51:17,166 --> 00:51:24,916 ♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪ 937 00:51:26,500 --> 00:51:28,041 [laughing happily] Yes! 938 00:51:28,375 --> 00:51:31,083 [cheers and applause] 939 00:51:33,666 --> 00:51:34,833 You was amazing today. 940 00:51:35,125 --> 00:51:36,125 You were too. 941 00:51:36,833 --> 00:51:39,375 Can I buy you a drink? 942 00:51:40,541 --> 00:51:41,375 Sure. 943 00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:43,875 Great. 944 00:51:57,666 --> 00:51:58,791 Good morning, Albert. 945 00:51:59,666 --> 00:52:01,041 Yeah. Morning, Brad. 946 00:52:01,416 --> 00:52:03,166 How's young Emma doing? 947 00:52:04,250 --> 00:52:07,249 She's good, thank you. I think she's really enjoying herself. 948 00:52:07,250 --> 00:52:09,375 - Ah. - She'll be down in a minute. 949 00:52:09,541 --> 00:52:12,166 - May I? - Yeah, of course. Yes, of course. 950 00:52:14,666 --> 00:52:15,500 Wow. 951 00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:18,083 [chuckles] 952 00:52:21,666 --> 00:52:24,166 - Albert, can I ask you a question? - Yeah. 953 00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,165 When did she pass? 954 00:52:27,166 --> 00:52:29,416 Your wife? Emma and I saw the dresses upstairs. 955 00:52:30,833 --> 00:52:34,750 My husband passed nine years ago. 956 00:52:35,791 --> 00:52:39,583 New Year's Eve, in fact. On stage. 957 00:52:41,541 --> 00:52:44,416 Malcolm and I were pantomime dames. 958 00:52:44,875 --> 00:52:46,458 Rivals at first. 959 00:52:47,583 --> 00:52:50,958 But, er, 1979... 960 00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:54,125 we got asked to work together. 961 00:52:54,708 --> 00:52:57,791 Cinderella, Oldham Coliseum. 962 00:52:58,666 --> 00:53:01,083 He was a cocky little thing. 963 00:53:01,541 --> 00:53:03,583 I suppose that's why I liked him. 964 00:53:04,333 --> 00:53:06,625 - Cheeky, like you. - [chuckles] 965 00:53:07,583 --> 00:53:09,458 We toured every year. 966 00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:12,375 Made all our own frocks. 967 00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,333 Birmingham. 968 00:53:16,750 --> 00:53:17,915 Newcastle. 969 00:53:17,916 --> 00:53:19,166 Hull. 970 00:53:19,791 --> 00:53:20,958 Nottingham. 971 00:53:22,250 --> 00:53:24,540 Until 1992. 972 00:53:24,541 --> 00:53:26,458 What made you stay in Stoneford? 973 00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:31,415 Oh, we were so damn popular, they put us in every year. 974 00:53:31,416 --> 00:53:35,291 Most pantomimes have one dame, you see? 975 00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:38,875 But here, there were always two. 976 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:44,790 And people in the town, oh, God, they loved us. 977 00:53:44,791 --> 00:53:46,915 We couldn't go anywhere. 978 00:53:46,916 --> 00:53:49,582 Year round, autographs. 979 00:53:49,583 --> 00:53:51,750 Then selfies. 980 00:53:52,291 --> 00:53:55,541 - The Stoneford Christmas lights. - [laughing] 981 00:53:57,291 --> 00:53:59,000 Until that Christmas. 982 00:54:06,541 --> 00:54:08,291 Last show of the year. 983 00:54:09,250 --> 00:54:10,666 Poor Malcolm. 984 00:54:11,708 --> 00:54:13,666 As the final curtain fell, 985 00:54:14,333 --> 00:54:17,041 he was out like a light himself. 986 00:54:19,875 --> 00:54:21,916 I never went on stage again. 987 00:54:24,375 --> 00:54:26,041 Albert, I'm so sorry. 988 00:54:30,416 --> 00:54:33,708 Why do you work the stage door? You don't need the money. 989 00:54:34,375 --> 00:54:37,291 Theatre's not about money, lad. 990 00:54:38,291 --> 00:54:42,250 Theatre's about love, passion, people. 991 00:54:45,291 --> 00:54:47,500 I devoted my whole life to it, 992 00:54:49,375 --> 00:54:54,416 and I haven't regretted it for one single moment. 993 00:54:57,208 --> 00:54:59,082 Come on, Dad. Let's get you to rehearsals. 994 00:54:59,083 --> 00:55:00,250 Good morning, Albert. 995 00:55:00,750 --> 00:55:02,833 Good morning, my dear. 996 00:55:03,375 --> 00:55:04,625 Thank you, Albert. 997 00:55:08,083 --> 00:55:09,000 Thank you. 998 00:55:09,166 --> 00:55:10,083 Take care. 999 00:55:18,250 --> 00:55:20,333 You are a complete waste of space, Buttons. 1000 00:55:20,458 --> 00:55:22,290 I have no idea why we pay you. 1001 00:55:22,291 --> 00:55:24,040 But you don't pay me, Baron Hardup. 1002 00:55:24,041 --> 00:55:25,415 That's because I am hard up. 1003 00:55:25,416 --> 00:55:26,875 [both, comically] Oh, matron. 1004 00:55:27,125 --> 00:55:30,207 Yeah. Why do you need money anyway, Buttons? 1005 00:55:30,208 --> 00:55:34,333 Yeah, that's right. We all thought: The only need is me! 1006 00:55:34,583 --> 00:55:35,499 What? 1007 00:55:35,500 --> 00:55:37,583 Why else would you be killing time in panto land? 1008 00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,749 Yeah, we're not in Hollywood now, are we, Buttons? 1009 00:55:39,750 --> 00:55:42,166 Yeah, that's right. Has anyone seen your career? 1010 00:55:42,291 --> 00:55:43,999 [both, comically] It's behind you. 1011 00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:45,582 Why are you saying that? Stop it. 1012 00:55:45,583 --> 00:55:48,040 Oh, no, darling. It's just topical jokes. 1013 00:55:48,041 --> 00:55:50,165 It's the same with the star turn in every panto. 1014 00:55:50,166 --> 00:55:51,665 Just a little light ribbing, dear. 1015 00:55:51,666 --> 00:55:54,207 Well, I'm proud of those films, okay? So you can take that out now. 1016 00:55:54,208 --> 00:55:55,707 What are you gonna do? Quit? [chuckles] 1017 00:55:55,708 --> 00:55:57,666 - I don't think so, ducky. - [laughter] 1018 00:55:58,666 --> 00:56:00,749 Oh, that's right. Swan off to your agent. 1019 00:56:00,750 --> 00:56:03,500 - What agent? - [both laugh wickedly] 1020 00:56:03,750 --> 00:56:04,666 Oh, he's gone. 1021 00:56:08,500 --> 00:56:10,874 Oh, Mr Mac. Mr Mac? 1022 00:56:10,875 --> 00:56:12,958 - Sign out, Mr Mac. - [Emma] Wait! 1023 00:56:14,125 --> 00:56:16,291 Miss Mac. Er... Miss Mac! Uh... 1024 00:56:25,166 --> 00:56:26,000 Dad. 1025 00:56:27,125 --> 00:56:29,457 Emma, please just go back inside. Okay? 1026 00:56:29,458 --> 00:56:32,166 No. I'm starting to think that Mum was right about you. 1027 00:56:32,625 --> 00:56:34,207 All you care about is yourself. 1028 00:56:34,208 --> 00:56:35,332 What? 1029 00:56:35,333 --> 00:56:36,833 She says you keep trying to run away. 1030 00:56:37,791 --> 00:56:40,415 I didn't really understand until now. 1031 00:56:40,416 --> 00:56:42,874 That's not true, okay? And it's not fair. 1032 00:56:42,875 --> 00:56:44,458 Come back in, okay? 1033 00:56:45,041 --> 00:56:47,375 For me, please. 1034 00:56:48,291 --> 00:56:50,041 [soft emotive music playing] 1035 00:57:02,625 --> 00:57:03,458 Hey. 1036 00:57:05,458 --> 00:57:06,291 Ah. 1037 00:57:08,291 --> 00:57:10,750 I really want to thank you for making me come back inside. 1038 00:57:11,708 --> 00:57:14,958 You know, I wanna do this play because of you 1039 00:57:15,416 --> 00:57:17,165 and I think I really had fun. 1040 00:57:17,166 --> 00:57:18,666 You were really good, Dad. 1041 00:57:18,875 --> 00:57:19,875 Thank you. 1042 00:57:20,166 --> 00:57:22,458 Salted caramel surprise? 1043 00:57:22,666 --> 00:57:24,124 What's the surprise? 1044 00:57:24,125 --> 00:57:26,582 Erm, soft in the centre. 1045 00:57:26,583 --> 00:57:27,958 Ha ha ha. 1046 00:57:29,208 --> 00:57:32,290 Maybe they could go a little easier on me with the jokes about my career. 1047 00:57:32,291 --> 00:57:33,708 They were really funny. 1048 00:57:35,666 --> 00:57:38,624 I might be being oversensitive about this, 1049 00:57:38,625 --> 00:57:41,374 but I just don't think that I'm ready to start joking 1050 00:57:41,375 --> 00:57:43,540 about the career I'm about to lose. 1051 00:57:43,541 --> 00:57:44,916 What are you talking about, Brad? 1052 00:57:45,458 --> 00:57:47,958 The jokes only work because you are a star. 1053 00:57:48,791 --> 00:57:49,957 It's a thing we do in England. 1054 00:57:49,958 --> 00:57:51,625 It's called taking the piss. 1055 00:57:52,291 --> 00:57:55,165 Now come on, it's time for the school prize-giving. 1056 00:57:55,166 --> 00:57:57,791 Not quite the Oscars, but we should get going. 1057 00:57:58,083 --> 00:57:58,916 You ready? 1058 00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:04,040 ♪ Deck the halls With boughs of holly ♪ 1059 00:58:04,041 --> 00:58:06,958 ♪ Fa la la la la la, la la la ♪ 1060 00:58:09,375 --> 00:58:11,375 [indistinct chatter] 1061 00:58:21,458 --> 00:58:24,666 Mr Mac, this is an honour. 1062 00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:26,790 Martin. The head. 1063 00:58:26,791 --> 00:58:27,707 Pleasure. 1064 00:58:27,708 --> 00:58:29,040 - Mulled wine. - Actually-- 1065 00:58:29,041 --> 00:58:31,083 It's a British tradition, Mr Mac. 1066 00:58:31,541 --> 00:58:34,166 Well, German. But still. 1067 00:58:34,708 --> 00:58:36,582 Hey, Cara. Why don't you show Emma around. 1068 00:58:36,583 --> 00:58:37,500 Thank you. 1069 00:58:39,333 --> 00:58:40,541 Gonna earn my keep. 1070 00:58:41,416 --> 00:58:42,250 Good luck. 1071 00:58:43,125 --> 00:58:45,666 [loudly] Hello, Stoneford! 1072 00:58:48,083 --> 00:58:51,874 Today I'd like to welcome Hollywood actor Brad Mac... 1073 00:58:51,875 --> 00:58:54,040 - [cheering, applause] - ...who is here 1074 00:58:54,041 --> 00:58:55,874 to present our Christmas awards. 1075 00:58:55,875 --> 00:58:58,665 [cheers and applause continuing] 1076 00:58:58,666 --> 00:59:00,207 Now, it's so important 1077 00:59:00,208 --> 00:59:03,708 that children be inspired by the theatre. 1078 00:59:04,333 --> 00:59:07,457 That's why our students take their annual trip to London 1079 00:59:07,458 --> 00:59:11,500 to see the best theatre this country has to offer. 1080 00:59:12,208 --> 00:59:15,333 Macbethat Shakespeare's Globe. 1081 00:59:16,041 --> 00:59:16,916 Emma. 1082 00:59:18,708 --> 00:59:21,915 Still, if you're looking for something a little more fun 1083 00:59:21,916 --> 00:59:24,249 this Christmas, be sure to catch Mr Mac 1084 00:59:24,250 --> 00:59:27,040 in Stoneford's Christmas pantomime. 1085 00:59:27,041 --> 00:59:29,124 [cheers and applause] 1086 00:59:29,125 --> 00:59:31,708 Now, shall we get the prize-giving underway? 1087 00:59:34,583 --> 00:59:37,790 Let's get things started with this year's highly coveted prize 1088 00:59:37,791 --> 00:59:39,374 for most improved attendance. 1089 00:59:39,375 --> 00:59:41,582 - And the winner is... - Where's my daughter? 1090 00:59:41,583 --> 00:59:42,583 Grace? 1091 00:59:43,583 --> 00:59:45,457 Emma's around here somewhere. 1092 00:59:45,458 --> 00:59:47,125 - Jill. - Who? Who's Jill? 1093 00:59:47,291 --> 00:59:48,957 Because she was meant to be home at 12 o'clock 1094 00:59:48,958 --> 00:59:51,165 and your phone is off and it's half past three. 1095 00:59:51,166 --> 00:59:52,999 - I was rehearsing. - Because the hotel said you'd left 1096 00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:54,457 and I can't get a hold of your agent 1097 00:59:54,458 --> 00:59:56,249 because it turns out you don't have an agent any more. 1098 00:59:56,250 --> 00:59:59,207 - [Emma] Mum. - Oh, darling. Oh, sweetheart. 1099 00:59:59,208 --> 01:00:01,458 [Grace] Oh, okay. 1100 01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,249 Sweetheart, we're gonna go to London now. 1101 01:00:03,250 --> 01:00:04,583 Grace, please don't do this. 1102 01:00:05,083 --> 01:00:06,915 We're having such a good time, right, Em? 1103 01:00:06,916 --> 01:00:10,207 - I'm going to be in the pantomime. - [panicked] No, no, no, no. 1104 01:00:10,208 --> 01:00:11,874 That's not something to be proud of, Em. 1105 01:00:11,875 --> 01:00:14,040 What is it we say about pantomimes, Spencer? What's the... 1106 01:00:14,041 --> 01:00:15,582 Lowest common denominator entertainment. 1107 01:00:15,583 --> 01:00:17,332 Well, that's not true. They're hugely popular. 1108 01:00:17,333 --> 01:00:19,332 That's good you're popular somewhere, eh, Brad? 1109 01:00:19,333 --> 01:00:20,874 Come on, let's go. 1110 01:00:20,875 --> 01:00:22,249 I don't want to. 1111 01:00:22,250 --> 01:00:23,375 I'm sorry? 1112 01:00:24,416 --> 01:00:25,583 I want to stay with Dad. 1113 01:00:26,541 --> 01:00:28,708 Your father abandoned you, Emma. 1114 01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:32,207 So he could stay in Hollywood and make sequel after sequel, 1115 01:00:32,208 --> 01:00:34,833 and buy orchid after orchid. 1116 01:00:36,250 --> 01:00:37,332 He promised. 1117 01:00:37,333 --> 01:00:40,083 But your father makes a lot of promises, Emma. 1118 01:00:41,166 --> 01:00:43,750 Promises he always breaks. 1119 01:00:44,875 --> 01:00:49,166 So, no, you will not be in the pantomime. 1120 01:00:49,666 --> 01:00:52,125 He probably won't even make it to opening night, will you? 1121 01:00:52,875 --> 01:00:53,957 So, come on, let's go. 1122 01:00:53,958 --> 01:00:55,832 Grace, please just stop. 1123 01:00:55,833 --> 01:00:57,499 This is not fair. 1124 01:00:57,500 --> 01:01:00,332 We both agreed Emma would stay with you because you told me 1125 01:01:00,333 --> 01:01:02,125 that's what was best for her, 1126 01:01:02,416 --> 01:01:04,915 and now I'm just starting to think that that's what's best for you. 1127 01:01:04,916 --> 01:01:08,040 I get it. I've been a bad dad. Okay? 1128 01:01:08,041 --> 01:01:13,458 Thoughtless, selfish. Emma, I promise that stops now. 1129 01:01:14,375 --> 01:01:16,375 I will never run away from you again. 1130 01:01:18,458 --> 01:01:20,375 Most improved attendance. 1131 01:01:22,041 --> 01:01:22,875 It's ironic. 1132 01:01:29,958 --> 01:01:30,958 Mr Mac. 1133 01:01:35,125 --> 01:01:38,791 - Rachel McDonald. - [man] She's not here. 1134 01:01:39,083 --> 01:01:40,000 Not again. 1135 01:01:43,041 --> 01:01:45,041 [quiet conversation] 1136 01:01:58,708 --> 01:01:59,791 How are you? 1137 01:02:02,458 --> 01:02:03,375 Read that. 1138 01:02:06,125 --> 01:02:09,624 'From Hero to Zero. Washed-up B-list movie star 1139 01:02:09,625 --> 01:02:11,958 ends career with not a bang, but a whimper.' 1140 01:02:13,708 --> 01:02:15,125 Where did this come from? 1141 01:02:15,583 --> 01:02:19,415 My ex-agent didn't like the good press that I was getting, 1142 01:02:19,416 --> 01:02:22,416 so she gave them an alternative narrative. 1143 01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:29,041 I was hoping that coming here would change my life and boy has it, 1144 01:02:29,208 --> 01:02:30,458 it has made it worse. 1145 01:02:31,583 --> 01:02:33,999 Come on, cheer up. 1146 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,625 Things will get better. 1147 01:02:35,875 --> 01:02:39,332 No, not for me. Not here. I'm done. 1148 01:02:39,333 --> 01:02:41,750 I'm going home. I don't care what it costs. 1149 01:02:43,083 --> 01:02:44,250 And what about us? 1150 01:02:45,208 --> 01:02:48,458 This is our life here, Brad. This is who we are. 1151 01:02:49,291 --> 01:02:51,207 If you run away and leave us in the lurch, 1152 01:02:51,208 --> 01:02:53,040 we are the ones who end up paying the price. 1153 01:02:53,041 --> 01:02:55,041 I'm being humiliated, Jill. 1154 01:02:57,750 --> 01:03:00,708 But look at Albert on stage door putting you up for nowt. 1155 01:03:01,291 --> 01:03:05,000 Cassandra, holding your hand through every step of the process. 1156 01:03:05,375 --> 01:03:08,458 And then me. Muggins... 1157 01:03:08,625 --> 01:03:10,041 Along for the ride. 1158 01:03:12,875 --> 01:03:13,958 Okay. Forget it. 1159 01:03:14,916 --> 01:03:16,583 Because it's all about you, Brad. 1160 01:03:17,083 --> 01:03:18,791 'Cause that's how it's always been. 1161 01:03:19,500 --> 01:03:20,750 Your wife's right. 1162 01:03:21,208 --> 01:03:22,208 Ex-wife. 1163 01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:24,250 Yeah. I'm not surprised. 1164 01:03:30,458 --> 01:03:32,541 Bar person, one more for the road. 1165 01:03:37,500 --> 01:03:40,208 Oh, where's Nigel? 1166 01:03:40,583 --> 01:03:41,749 It's his day off. 1167 01:03:41,750 --> 01:03:42,666 Oh. 1168 01:03:43,250 --> 01:03:46,082 Only joking. [laughs] 1169 01:03:46,083 --> 01:03:47,875 As if I'd get a day off. 1170 01:03:49,583 --> 01:03:52,375 Anyway, mate, you wanna take it easy, yeah? 1171 01:03:52,583 --> 01:03:54,624 You gotta turn on the Christmas lights. 1172 01:03:54,625 --> 01:03:56,375 What do you think I'm dressed for? 1173 01:03:58,625 --> 01:04:01,041 [energised Christmassy music] 1174 01:04:08,125 --> 01:04:09,000 Hello. 1175 01:04:09,750 --> 01:04:11,000 Ich bin... 1176 01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,458 German. 1177 01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:14,250 Jesus. 1178 01:04:15,791 --> 01:04:18,290 Brenda, you're a connoisseur of fine liquid entertainment. 1179 01:04:18,291 --> 01:04:22,875 The biggest turnout we've had for a Christmas light switch on ever. 1180 01:04:24,416 --> 01:04:25,832 I think you might have had enough. 1181 01:04:25,833 --> 01:04:29,125 Welcome to the stage the mayor of Stoneford! 1182 01:04:29,708 --> 01:04:31,165 It worked for Burton. 1183 01:04:31,166 --> 01:04:35,833 So let's give the cast ofCinderellaa huge Stoneford wel-- 1184 01:04:36,125 --> 01:04:37,708 Thank you, Mr Mayor. 1185 01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,249 Hello, Stoneford. 1186 01:04:40,250 --> 01:04:43,125 Oi, Buttons! Gonna have another meltdown? 1187 01:04:43,708 --> 01:04:46,041 - Shut up, you loser. - Ooh. 1188 01:04:46,166 --> 01:04:48,082 I'm Bradley Mac-- Ow! 1189 01:04:48,083 --> 01:04:50,625 [all laugh] 1190 01:04:56,333 --> 01:04:58,332 So that's how it is now. 1191 01:04:58,333 --> 01:05:00,833 I'm just a joke to you all. 1192 01:05:00,958 --> 01:05:02,291 Spiderman's here. 1193 01:05:02,833 --> 01:05:03,666 Okay. 1194 01:05:04,333 --> 01:05:06,125 - [Kieran shouting] - [all laugh] 1195 01:05:06,791 --> 01:05:09,957 - How's this for laughs? - [man] Whoa! 1196 01:05:09,958 --> 01:05:11,291 I can be funny. 1197 01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:13,499 Son of a bitch! 1198 01:05:13,500 --> 01:05:15,041 I can be the clown. 1199 01:05:15,166 --> 01:05:16,000 You're fired. 1200 01:05:17,125 --> 01:05:20,915 It seems like the only thing I can't be is... a good actor. 1201 01:05:20,916 --> 01:05:22,875 - Something like that? - We're screwed. 1202 01:05:23,291 --> 01:05:24,832 Good father. 1203 01:05:24,833 --> 01:05:28,333 You are literally first in line for worst parent of the year award. 1204 01:05:28,916 --> 01:05:30,915 Even a good person. 1205 01:05:30,916 --> 01:05:31,874 But he promised. 1206 01:05:31,875 --> 01:05:34,875 But your father makes a lot of promises, Emma. 1207 01:05:35,125 --> 01:05:37,208 Promises he always breaks. 1208 01:05:38,458 --> 01:05:41,957 - Anyone seen your career? - [both] It's behind you. 1209 01:05:41,958 --> 01:05:44,958 What are you looking at? What are you looking at?! 1210 01:05:46,083 --> 01:05:47,333 [explosions] 1211 01:05:49,416 --> 01:05:52,541 You want a villain? I'll be your villain. 1212 01:05:53,166 --> 01:05:54,166 Yeah. 1213 01:05:55,625 --> 01:05:56,708 Here's this. 1214 01:05:59,541 --> 01:06:00,875 Merry Christmas. 1215 01:06:07,958 --> 01:06:09,207 Aargh! 1216 01:06:09,208 --> 01:06:10,541 - [all gasp] - [electricity fizzles, blows] 1217 01:06:11,083 --> 01:06:12,166 [shocked gasps] 1218 01:06:14,708 --> 01:06:16,083 [laughs] 1219 01:06:16,333 --> 01:06:19,833 [groans] 1220 01:06:21,291 --> 01:06:23,833 [Nigel] Mr Mac. You are under arrest. 1221 01:06:24,333 --> 01:06:27,375 And before you ask, yep, community police officer. 1222 01:06:28,333 --> 01:06:29,875 Help me up. 1223 01:06:30,166 --> 01:06:31,875 - Yeah. - [groans] 1224 01:06:32,666 --> 01:06:33,750 [policeman] Mr Mac. 1225 01:06:35,583 --> 01:06:37,500 I'm up. I'm up. 1226 01:06:40,791 --> 01:06:42,833 I need to talk to my lawyer. 1227 01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:45,624 They've been contacted. And they want you to know they're on the way. 1228 01:06:45,625 --> 01:06:47,500 When are they getting here? 1229 01:06:48,125 --> 01:06:49,208 No idea. 1230 01:06:54,083 --> 01:06:56,541 Er, listen, do you mind if I have a selfie? 1231 01:06:59,125 --> 01:06:59,957 Sure. 1232 01:06:59,958 --> 01:07:00,875 Cheers. 1233 01:07:03,583 --> 01:07:06,916 - Oh... Smile. - [camera shutter clicks] 1234 01:07:07,083 --> 01:07:08,000 Cheers. 1235 01:07:10,708 --> 01:07:11,708 Are you all right? 1236 01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:14,833 No. 1237 01:07:17,166 --> 01:07:19,708 Yesterday I had everything. 1238 01:07:19,958 --> 01:07:21,500 Friends, a job. 1239 01:07:22,958 --> 01:07:24,500 My daughter loved me. 1240 01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,250 And I screwed it all up. 1241 01:07:30,708 --> 01:07:32,250 What's gonna happen now? 1242 01:07:32,791 --> 01:07:35,333 Well, you're up in front of the magistrates Wednesday morning, 1243 01:07:35,541 --> 01:07:38,333 and normally you'd remain in police custody until then. 1244 01:07:38,708 --> 01:07:41,040 However, on this occasion, 1245 01:07:41,041 --> 01:07:44,208 a respectable member of the community has come forward and vouched for you, 1246 01:07:44,708 --> 01:07:47,791 so we're happy to release you into their care until the hearing. 1247 01:07:49,916 --> 01:07:52,499 A respectable member of the community? 1248 01:07:52,500 --> 01:07:53,416 Yeah. 1249 01:08:02,166 --> 01:08:05,165 Hey, sorry about what I said at the pub. 1250 01:08:05,166 --> 01:08:08,416 Well, you're probably right. Whatever it is you said. 1251 01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:10,000 Officer. 1252 01:08:11,750 --> 01:08:12,750 Downstairs. 1253 01:08:14,208 --> 01:08:15,583 I'll make us a brew. 1254 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:17,750 [groaning] Oh... 1255 01:08:18,875 --> 01:08:20,500 I was so stupid. 1256 01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:23,916 When Grace took her away, the way she looked at me. 1257 01:08:24,458 --> 01:08:26,707 I'll never get it outta my head. She was so disappointed. 1258 01:08:26,708 --> 01:08:28,874 She'll understand. In time. 1259 01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:31,707 That's the thing. With Emma, I'm running out of time. 1260 01:08:31,708 --> 01:08:33,374 If I'm convicted and I get a record, 1261 01:08:33,375 --> 01:08:34,665 they won't let me back in the country. 1262 01:08:34,666 --> 01:08:36,625 It'll be years before I can see her again. 1263 01:08:36,958 --> 01:08:39,916 I'm spiralling downward and I don't know why. 1264 01:08:41,083 --> 01:08:44,290 'Cause this pantomime, with Albert and-- and Emma, 1265 01:08:44,291 --> 01:08:47,208 [laughs] even the ugly sisters, 1266 01:08:47,708 --> 01:08:49,666 this is the best time I've ever had 1267 01:08:50,625 --> 01:08:52,000 and it's 'cause of you. 1268 01:08:52,958 --> 01:08:54,125 [knock on door] 1269 01:08:56,333 --> 01:08:57,250 Thanks. 1270 01:08:59,291 --> 01:09:00,874 Cara. Cara! 1271 01:09:00,875 --> 01:09:01,958 She's out. 1272 01:09:02,375 --> 01:09:04,500 You're not supposed to have a key, Kieran. 1273 01:09:05,083 --> 01:09:06,708 [Kieran] I just wanna see my daughter, Jill. 1274 01:09:07,416 --> 01:09:09,165 [Jill] Well, she's not here, 1275 01:09:09,166 --> 01:09:10,375 so you gotta leave. 1276 01:09:11,500 --> 01:09:12,708 Got him here with you? 1277 01:09:13,833 --> 01:09:15,332 It's not what you think. 1278 01:09:15,333 --> 01:09:17,166 Since when do you care about what I think? 1279 01:09:18,750 --> 01:09:20,415 I wanna take Carla down to London with me. 1280 01:09:20,416 --> 01:09:23,207 No, the pantomime is opening tomorrow night. 1281 01:09:23,208 --> 01:09:25,540 - You promised. - Yeah. 1282 01:09:25,541 --> 01:09:27,124 That was when your head was straight 1283 01:09:27,125 --> 01:09:28,708 and not full of all this Hollywood rubbish. 1284 01:09:29,583 --> 01:09:31,166 She's my daughter as well, Jill. 1285 01:09:31,958 --> 01:09:33,666 She's my daughter as well. 1286 01:09:41,500 --> 01:09:45,165 Only days ago I was standing outside Stoneford Theatre Royal. 1287 01:09:45,166 --> 01:09:48,749 But there's a rather different stage set for today; Stoneford Courthouse, 1288 01:09:48,750 --> 01:09:50,540 where the fate of Brad Mac 1289 01:09:50,541 --> 01:09:52,875 and the local pantomime will be decided. 1290 01:09:54,250 --> 01:09:56,750 Sweetheart, you sure you're not gonna join us? 1291 01:09:57,833 --> 01:10:01,165 I don't think I can face it and I have to fetch Cara from ballet. 1292 01:10:01,166 --> 01:10:04,208 - So I'll just meet you here later. - What if Brad goes down? 1293 01:10:04,750 --> 01:10:07,082 Then you'll have to get Pierce Brosnan on the phone. 1294 01:10:07,083 --> 01:10:08,208 Hm... mh. 1295 01:10:08,583 --> 01:10:10,833 Hm, alright, darling, see you later. 1296 01:10:11,833 --> 01:10:14,290 Brad's fearsome legal team flew in overnight 1297 01:10:14,291 --> 01:10:16,665 on an actual private jet from Hollywood. 1298 01:10:16,666 --> 01:10:20,749 That's right, carbon destroyers, but hopefully not career destroyers. 1299 01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:22,082 Back to you in the studio. 1300 01:10:22,083 --> 01:10:24,083 [indistinct chatter] 1301 01:10:41,416 --> 01:10:43,791 We got this, Brad. Fear not. 1302 01:10:43,958 --> 01:10:48,500 You know I'm the best defence lawyer in California. I'm also the cheapest. 1303 01:10:49,791 --> 01:10:51,832 - Really? - Oh, no, no. 1304 01:10:51,833 --> 01:10:54,166 I'm just making a joke to lighten things up. 1305 01:10:59,333 --> 01:11:00,250 All rise. 1306 01:11:01,166 --> 01:11:03,166 Will the defendant please stand. 1307 01:11:08,125 --> 01:11:11,290 Mr Theobald Washington, you have been charged-- 1308 01:11:11,291 --> 01:11:12,208 Objection. 1309 01:11:12,625 --> 01:11:14,624 Who the hell is Theobald Washington? 1310 01:11:14,625 --> 01:11:15,750 That's my real name. 1311 01:11:15,875 --> 01:11:16,958 Theobald. 1312 01:11:17,833 --> 01:11:18,666 For real? 1313 01:11:18,875 --> 01:11:20,541 You chose Brad Mac? 1314 01:11:20,666 --> 01:11:22,583 I chose Bradley Apollo McDonald. 1315 01:11:22,958 --> 01:11:23,791 Oh. 1316 01:11:24,375 --> 01:11:25,999 Carry on, Basil. 1317 01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:29,499 ...with the destruction of city property and being drunk 1318 01:11:29,500 --> 01:11:31,041 and disorderly in public. 1319 01:11:31,666 --> 01:11:32,833 How do you plead? 1320 01:11:33,166 --> 01:11:36,624 - Not guilty. - [cheers and applause] 1321 01:11:36,625 --> 01:11:38,041 Well done, Brad! 1322 01:11:38,250 --> 01:11:40,249 [cheers and applause] 1323 01:11:40,250 --> 01:11:42,791 Silence! 1324 01:11:43,875 --> 01:11:44,791 Thank you. 1325 01:11:45,291 --> 01:11:48,915 Your Honour, my name is Sukie Huntington III 1326 01:11:48,916 --> 01:11:50,749 from the Los Angeles law firm 1327 01:11:50,750 --> 01:11:54,458 Brown, Johnson, Klein, Robinson, Ashwell, Lopez, and... 1328 01:11:56,125 --> 01:11:59,083 erm, oh, yeah, me, Huntington. 1329 01:12:00,500 --> 01:12:01,332 Proceed. 1330 01:12:01,333 --> 01:12:03,374 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury-- 1331 01:12:03,375 --> 01:12:06,000 Er, this is a magistrate court, Miss Huntington. 1332 01:12:06,291 --> 01:12:07,375 There's no jury. 1333 01:12:07,625 --> 01:12:10,041 It's Ms. I'm divorced. 1334 01:12:11,125 --> 01:12:14,875 Just like this court. Divorced from reality. 1335 01:12:15,291 --> 01:12:18,457 For my client has numerous mitigating circumstances. 1336 01:12:18,458 --> 01:12:21,790 - [phone buzzes] - Not only is he a celebrity, 1337 01:12:21,791 --> 01:12:24,458 he is also a member of a minority. 1338 01:12:25,375 --> 01:12:27,541 Which minority are you referring to? 1339 01:12:28,166 --> 01:12:30,541 He's American, Your Honour. 1340 01:12:31,916 --> 01:12:34,833 Mr Magistrate, can I please say a few words? 1341 01:12:34,958 --> 01:12:35,958 If you must. 1342 01:12:37,041 --> 01:12:40,207 Two weeks ago, I didn't even know Stoneford existed. 1343 01:12:40,208 --> 01:12:42,874 And then someone will throw a plate 1344 01:12:42,875 --> 01:12:45,957 of shaving foam directly into your face. 1345 01:12:45,958 --> 01:12:46,999 - And then... - [dialling tone] 1346 01:12:47,000 --> 01:12:49,208 Mr Brosnan? 1347 01:12:50,333 --> 01:12:51,291 Mr Brosnan? 1348 01:12:51,958 --> 01:12:54,000 [Brad] I certainly didn't know what a pantomime was. 1349 01:12:54,666 --> 01:12:56,915 And, er, so to find myself on stage playing Buttons 1350 01:12:56,916 --> 01:12:59,625 inCinderellacame as quite a shock. 1351 01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:02,916 That's not an excuse for losing control. 1352 01:13:04,458 --> 01:13:07,125 More my attempt at an explanation. 1353 01:13:07,625 --> 01:13:09,707 You have to let him off, Your Honour. 1354 01:13:09,708 --> 01:13:14,249 The Panto needs Brad Mac. Stoneford needs Brad Mac. 1355 01:13:14,250 --> 01:13:16,082 Don't be too hard on him, Your Honour. 1356 01:13:16,083 --> 01:13:19,125 - Yeah, that's our job. - Don't bang up Buttons! 1357 01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:21,582 [all] Don't bang up Buttons! 1358 01:13:21,583 --> 01:13:24,874 Don't bang up Buttons! 1359 01:13:24,875 --> 01:13:26,249 [judge] Silence! 1360 01:13:26,250 --> 01:13:28,415 I've had quite enough of this nonsense. 1361 01:13:28,416 --> 01:13:29,790 [both] Oh, no, you haven't. 1362 01:13:29,791 --> 01:13:31,499 Oh, yes, I... have. Enough! 1363 01:13:31,500 --> 01:13:32,749 [both laugh] 1364 01:13:32,750 --> 01:13:35,207 You're turning this courtroom into a pantomime, 1365 01:13:35,208 --> 01:13:36,790 and this case into a joke. 1366 01:13:36,791 --> 01:13:38,374 Pantomime is not a joke, Your Honour. 1367 01:13:38,375 --> 01:13:39,375 Excuse me? 1368 01:13:41,541 --> 01:13:42,665 The pantomime. 1369 01:13:42,666 --> 01:13:44,041 It's not a joke. 1370 01:13:44,916 --> 01:13:48,207 The Christmas pantomime brings entire communities together, 1371 01:13:48,208 --> 01:13:49,458 young and old. 1372 01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:52,040 For the young people, it's probably the first time 1373 01:13:52,041 --> 01:13:53,333 they'll ever see a theatre. 1374 01:13:53,750 --> 01:13:56,958 And for the older people in the community, like myself, 1375 01:13:58,333 --> 01:14:00,750 it gives us a chance to reconnect with the young ones 1376 01:14:01,916 --> 01:14:03,833 through a shared smile or a laugh. 1377 01:14:04,958 --> 01:14:06,957 Besides, the Christmas pantomime makes enough money 1378 01:14:06,958 --> 01:14:09,583 to keep Stoneford's theatre going all year round. 1379 01:14:10,166 --> 01:14:12,165 Without the pantomime, the theatre would probably close 1380 01:14:12,166 --> 01:14:13,500 and be gone forever. 1381 01:14:14,625 --> 01:14:15,875 Thank you, Mr Mac. 1382 01:14:16,458 --> 01:14:18,166 Can I please just say one more thing? 1383 01:14:20,416 --> 01:14:25,458 I know you think the panto is silly, and-- and in places it is, by design. 1384 01:14:27,541 --> 01:14:29,915 But I beg you to come seeCinderella, 1385 01:14:29,916 --> 01:14:32,290 not just to see what's happening on stage, 1386 01:14:32,291 --> 01:14:35,125 but to look around at the faces of the audience. 1387 01:14:35,791 --> 01:14:38,000 You'll see something that's so special, so... 1388 01:14:39,333 --> 01:14:40,291 rare. 1389 01:14:41,125 --> 01:14:42,541 You'll see pure joy. 1390 01:14:44,166 --> 01:14:45,750 And at the end of the day, Your Honour, 1391 01:14:46,125 --> 01:14:48,415 isn't that what Christmas is supposed to be about? 1392 01:14:48,416 --> 01:14:50,082 Nice words, Mr Mac, but shall we get back 1393 01:14:50,083 --> 01:14:50,999 to the matter in hand? 1394 01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:52,083 [Brad] Yes, sir. 1395 01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,540 And I have no intention of banging up Buttons. 1396 01:14:55,541 --> 01:14:56,665 I never have. 1397 01:14:56,666 --> 01:14:58,790 The crimes he's charged with aren't even jailable. 1398 01:14:58,791 --> 01:15:02,375 - Really? - Public intoxication: £200. 1399 01:15:02,666 --> 01:15:04,332 [dramatically] Justice at last! 1400 01:15:04,333 --> 01:15:05,957 [cheers and applause] 1401 01:15:05,958 --> 01:15:07,750 - [cheering] - For heaven's sake, clear off. 1402 01:15:12,250 --> 01:15:14,750 My daughter, he's got my daughter! 1403 01:15:14,875 --> 01:15:16,791 [all] Oh, no, he hasn't! 1404 01:15:17,500 --> 01:15:18,915 What is wrong with you? 1405 01:15:18,916 --> 01:15:20,958 It's Kieran. He's got Cara. 1406 01:15:21,125 --> 01:15:23,166 Jill, I'm here for you. Whatever you need. 1407 01:15:25,083 --> 01:15:25,916 This way. 1408 01:15:26,833 --> 01:15:27,666 No, this way. 1409 01:15:27,833 --> 01:15:30,500 No, Brad. It's literally this way. I'm tracking his phone. 1410 01:15:33,791 --> 01:15:35,999 Nigel, we need your help to save Cara. 1411 01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:36,916 You got it, boss. 1412 01:15:38,041 --> 01:15:40,083 - Everybody in. - Come on. Hurry up. 1413 01:15:40,666 --> 01:15:41,958 [dramatic invigorating music] 1414 01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:45,582 Can you go a bit faster? 1415 01:15:45,583 --> 01:15:47,125 He's heading for the motorway. 1416 01:15:49,666 --> 01:15:52,874 Emma, darling, time for pottery class. 1417 01:15:52,875 --> 01:15:53,791 Emma? 1418 01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:55,166 Emma. 1419 01:15:55,708 --> 01:15:56,541 Emma! 1420 01:15:57,125 --> 01:15:57,958 She's gone. 1421 01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:02,875 She's gone. Spencer, get the car! We're going to Stoneford! 1422 01:16:03,791 --> 01:16:05,083 [dramatic invigorating music] 1423 01:16:08,208 --> 01:16:11,707 Brad, I just wanna say I'm very grateful you're doing this. 1424 01:16:11,708 --> 01:16:13,291 Of course, we're friends. 1425 01:16:15,083 --> 01:16:16,374 - Cara could be dead. - Dead? 1426 01:16:16,375 --> 01:16:17,374 - Dead? - What? 1427 01:16:17,375 --> 01:16:19,000 I thought it was only a custody battle. 1428 01:16:19,625 --> 01:16:21,832 Somebody say custard? [laughs] 1429 01:16:21,833 --> 01:16:24,000 'Cause custody. No? No. 1430 01:16:26,708 --> 01:16:28,583 [Danny] We've left Cassandra behind. 1431 01:16:30,708 --> 01:16:32,624 A part in next year's pantomime. 1432 01:16:32,625 --> 01:16:33,540 Are you serious? 1433 01:16:33,541 --> 01:16:36,374 - Absolutely, darling. - I mean, that would be wonderful. 1434 01:16:36,375 --> 01:16:38,624 I've always thought there might be a pantomime in me. 1435 01:16:38,625 --> 01:16:40,583 And I've always thought the same... 1436 01:16:41,250 --> 01:16:42,458 - about a judge. - Hm. 1437 01:16:45,166 --> 01:16:45,999 - [elevator bell dings] - [judge] Mm-hmm. 1438 01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:47,166 [Cassandra] Hm. 1439 01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:51,291 That's his car. 1440 01:17:06,208 --> 01:17:07,333 Everybody stay here. 1441 01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:09,125 Cara. 1442 01:17:10,583 --> 01:17:11,416 Cara. 1443 01:17:13,250 --> 01:17:14,083 Cara. 1444 01:17:14,916 --> 01:17:17,540 [all] Cara! Cara! Cara! 1445 01:17:17,541 --> 01:17:19,749 - What's all the shouting about? - [shouts for Cara continue] 1446 01:17:19,750 --> 01:17:21,000 Where's her daughter? 1447 01:17:21,541 --> 01:17:22,374 What do you mean? 1448 01:17:22,375 --> 01:17:24,208 Tell me where her daughter is, now. 1449 01:17:24,458 --> 01:17:25,957 What are you talking about? 1450 01:17:25,958 --> 01:17:28,083 Stop screwing around, Kieran, or so help me God. 1451 01:17:28,833 --> 01:17:31,458 Or what? You gonna go and get your stuntman? 1452 01:17:33,500 --> 01:17:35,416 Yah! 1453 01:17:39,250 --> 01:17:40,250 What are you doing? 1454 01:17:41,833 --> 01:17:42,791 Under arm. 1455 01:17:43,750 --> 01:17:45,708 - [grunts, groans] - Get him, Brad! 1456 01:17:46,458 --> 01:17:48,750 [dramatic Christmassy music playing] 1457 01:17:54,958 --> 01:17:55,790 [thud] 1458 01:17:55,791 --> 01:17:56,958 - [laughter] - [shocked gasps] 1459 01:17:57,791 --> 01:17:58,791 What are you doing? 1460 01:17:59,041 --> 01:18:00,250 That's humiliating. 1461 01:18:01,916 --> 01:18:03,666 [dramatic choral chanting] 1462 01:18:06,708 --> 01:18:07,832 - Ooh! - Ooh! 1463 01:18:07,833 --> 01:18:08,791 [gasping] Ooh! 1464 01:18:10,083 --> 01:18:10,916 [groans] 1465 01:18:14,833 --> 01:18:15,791 [all] Ooh! 1466 01:18:23,375 --> 01:18:24,208 [groans] 1467 01:18:27,791 --> 01:18:30,583 - Why are we doing this? - Because you kidnapped Cara. 1468 01:18:31,208 --> 01:18:32,291 What are you talking about? 1469 01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:34,625 I just dropped her at the train station. 1470 01:18:35,500 --> 01:18:36,333 What? 1471 01:18:36,833 --> 01:18:38,666 Train... Where is she going? 1472 01:18:39,250 --> 01:18:42,041 Nowhere. She said she had to meet a friend. 1473 01:18:42,250 --> 01:18:43,249 Yeah, I don't believe you. 1474 01:18:43,250 --> 01:18:45,291 I heard you tell Jill you were taking her to London. 1475 01:18:46,291 --> 01:18:47,125 I was. 1476 01:18:48,458 --> 01:18:50,083 It's my turn to have her this year. 1477 01:18:52,583 --> 01:18:53,874 Promised her she could do the pantomime. 1478 01:18:53,875 --> 01:18:55,500 I didn't wanna disappoint her. So... 1479 01:18:57,750 --> 01:18:59,083 I'm a crap dad to Cara 1480 01:19:00,250 --> 01:19:02,083 and I was a crap husband to Jill. 1481 01:19:02,708 --> 01:19:05,250 You're not a crap dad, okay? 1482 01:19:07,166 --> 01:19:08,250 You're there for her. 1483 01:19:09,250 --> 01:19:12,375 That's a lot better than I can say for myself over the last five years. 1484 01:19:13,333 --> 01:19:15,166 One thing I learnt here in Stoneford, 1485 01:19:15,708 --> 01:19:17,708 life isn't gonna go the way you want it. 1486 01:19:17,916 --> 01:19:20,458 It is what it is and you cannot run away from it. 1487 01:19:22,541 --> 01:19:25,374 You just have to embrace it for all its unpredictability 1488 01:19:25,375 --> 01:19:26,875 with everything you've got. 1489 01:19:32,333 --> 01:19:36,166 Well... you know, Cara was doing the panto and... 1490 01:19:38,291 --> 01:19:40,166 I would love to see her on stage, 1491 01:19:41,083 --> 01:19:42,083 if it's okay. 1492 01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:45,458 Of course. 1493 01:19:48,083 --> 01:19:50,166 Oh, crap, we gotta go. 1494 01:19:54,708 --> 01:19:55,708 Oh... 1495 01:19:59,416 --> 01:20:02,000 Cara went to see a friend, she'll meet us at the theatre. 1496 01:20:02,666 --> 01:20:03,916 [sighs of relief] 1497 01:20:07,958 --> 01:20:08,791 Let's go! 1498 01:20:24,875 --> 01:20:27,000 ♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪ 1499 01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:32,458 ♪ Oh I can't wait to see those faces ♪ 1500 01:20:35,375 --> 01:20:38,625 ♪ I'm driving home for Christmas Yeah ♪ 1501 01:20:40,166 --> 01:20:42,791 ♪ I'm moving down the line ♪ 1502 01:20:43,041 --> 01:20:45,499 [laughter] 1503 01:20:45,500 --> 01:20:48,166 ♪ It's been so long ♪ 1504 01:20:49,583 --> 01:20:51,832 ♪ But I will be there ♪ 1505 01:20:51,833 --> 01:20:53,625 ♪ I sing this song ♪ 1506 01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:57,375 ♪ To pass the time away ♪ 1507 01:20:57,875 --> 01:21:00,250 ♪ Driving in my car ♪ 1508 01:21:00,791 --> 01:21:02,875 ♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪ 1509 01:21:06,791 --> 01:21:10,666 ♪ Gonna take some time But I'll get there ♪ 1510 01:21:13,458 --> 01:21:19,333 [cheers and applause] 1511 01:21:23,708 --> 01:21:25,541 Er, you're a big movie star, Mr Mac. 1512 01:21:25,666 --> 01:21:27,165 Isn't the role of Buttons a small part for someone 1513 01:21:27,166 --> 01:21:28,124 of your stature? 1514 01:21:28,125 --> 01:21:29,707 Well, I'll quote the great Stanislavski. 1515 01:21:29,708 --> 01:21:31,582 There are no small parts, just small actors. 1516 01:21:31,583 --> 01:21:33,207 And how are you enjoying your time in Stoneford? 1517 01:21:33,208 --> 01:21:34,166 [Emma] Dad! 1518 01:21:34,791 --> 01:21:37,000 Emma! Excuse me. Sweetheart! 1519 01:21:37,208 --> 01:21:39,207 - What are you doing here? - [Cara] Mum! 1520 01:21:39,208 --> 01:21:41,040 [Emma] I snuck out of the house and took the train. 1521 01:21:41,041 --> 01:21:42,374 Cara met me at the station. 1522 01:21:42,375 --> 01:21:46,790 Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy to see you, but you're 12 years old. 1523 01:21:46,791 --> 01:21:49,791 You cannot take a train across the country by yourself, okay? 1524 01:21:50,625 --> 01:21:51,833 Next time, just call me. 1525 01:21:52,416 --> 01:21:53,250 Come here. 1526 01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:56,249 I see you're getting the hang of proper parenting. 1527 01:21:56,250 --> 01:21:57,541 Better late than never. 1528 01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:00,999 Oh, on that subject, it's time to get into costume. Ready? 1529 01:22:01,000 --> 01:22:02,083 Show time. 1530 01:22:05,833 --> 01:22:08,000 - [indistinct chatter] - [Christmassy music] 1531 01:22:19,750 --> 01:22:20,916 It's my first theatre. 1532 01:22:23,833 --> 01:22:27,583 [Brenda] Once upon a time in a magical land... 1533 01:22:28,375 --> 01:22:30,833 Oh, that must be Buttons. 1534 01:22:31,041 --> 01:22:33,499 My oldest and dearest friend. 1535 01:22:33,500 --> 01:22:35,916 I can always rely on Buttons. 1536 01:22:38,958 --> 01:22:42,041 I said, I can always rely on Buttons! 1537 01:22:44,750 --> 01:22:46,875 - [woman] Has anyone seen... - You'll do fine. 1538 01:22:49,125 --> 01:22:50,125 Needed the lipstick. 1539 01:22:50,750 --> 01:22:53,000 One, two, three. 1540 01:22:53,541 --> 01:22:55,333 [all] Buttons! 1541 01:22:58,291 --> 01:23:00,333 [cheers and applause] 1542 01:23:14,916 --> 01:23:17,541 Don't worry, mate. She's been killing time. 1543 01:23:17,791 --> 01:23:19,333 [laughter] 1544 01:23:20,708 --> 01:23:21,999 - Cinderella. - Hmm? 1545 01:23:22,000 --> 01:23:24,832 - I have a secret. - [gasps] A secret. 1546 01:23:24,833 --> 01:23:25,915 What is it? 1547 01:23:25,916 --> 01:23:27,665 Well, a secret's something you tell someone 1548 01:23:27,666 --> 01:23:29,416 that you don't want anyone else to know. 1549 01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:31,875 - [modest laughter] - I'd stick to movies, mate. 1550 01:23:32,791 --> 01:23:35,166 Do yourself a favour and shut your mouth. 1551 01:23:35,458 --> 01:23:37,875 I almost forgot my big run-up. 1552 01:23:38,125 --> 01:23:39,708 [all] Ooh. 1553 01:23:40,833 --> 01:23:43,625 [all laugh] 1554 01:23:44,416 --> 01:23:46,333 I do my own stunts now. 1555 01:23:50,416 --> 01:23:52,333 Just like the other big stars. 1556 01:23:52,583 --> 01:23:53,541 Whoo! 1557 01:24:00,083 --> 01:24:01,958 They're booing you, Fanny. They're booing you. 1558 01:24:02,375 --> 01:24:04,833 You shan't go to the ball, Cinderella. 1559 01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:07,916 [both] You shan't, you shan't, you shan't. 1560 01:24:08,333 --> 01:24:10,333 - Yeah, rip it, rip it. - [both laugh] 1561 01:24:10,583 --> 01:24:13,708 All you have to do is believe and magic will happen. 1562 01:24:17,833 --> 01:24:20,916 You shall go to the ball, Cinderella. 1563 01:24:21,125 --> 01:24:24,000 [cheers and applause] 1564 01:24:24,375 --> 01:24:26,624 Tell you what, mate, there'll be somebody good looking in here 1565 01:24:26,625 --> 01:24:27,915 you can have a little chat with. 1566 01:24:27,916 --> 01:24:30,582 Let's see if we can find-- let's see if we can find a good-looking fella. 1567 01:24:30,583 --> 01:24:32,499 - There'll be some in here. - Let's have a little look 1568 01:24:32,500 --> 01:24:35,624 for a good looking fella, we can find a good-looking fella. 1569 01:24:35,625 --> 01:24:38,207 - See if we can find a... - Has to be a good-looking fella. 1570 01:24:38,208 --> 01:24:39,707 - A good-looking fella. - Has to be a good-looking fella. 1571 01:24:39,708 --> 01:24:43,582 Oh, you, sir. You, sir. Can you see any good-looking fellas in here? 1572 01:24:43,583 --> 01:24:45,790 [all laugh] 1573 01:24:45,791 --> 01:24:47,125 [joyous music playing] 1574 01:24:57,500 --> 01:25:01,915 [both speaking over each other] 1575 01:25:01,916 --> 01:25:03,541 [all laugh] 1576 01:25:07,166 --> 01:25:09,707 Pop it on. The doctor says I've got the feet of an athlete. 1577 01:25:09,708 --> 01:25:11,790 No, he said you've got athlete's foot, it's different. 1578 01:25:11,791 --> 01:25:12,875 [all laugh] 1579 01:25:13,500 --> 01:25:15,582 - Toes are curled. - Look at those chubby feet. 1580 01:25:15,583 --> 01:25:17,375 Hey, you can't say chubby. That's-- you're fattist. 1581 01:25:17,500 --> 01:25:19,833 I think you'll find you're the fattest. [laughs] 1582 01:25:20,416 --> 01:25:22,166 Sorry about this, Your Highness. 1583 01:25:23,625 --> 01:25:26,083 - Yes! - Oh! 1584 01:25:26,208 --> 01:25:29,041 - [uplifting music] - [cheers and applause] 1585 01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:34,499 - So we didn't get our prince. - Never mind. 1586 01:25:34,500 --> 01:25:37,708 - Who's ready for the big finale? - [cheers and applause] 1587 01:25:38,250 --> 01:25:41,791 Thanks, everybody. We'll see you later. Bye! 1588 01:25:47,166 --> 01:25:50,665 ♪ I used to bite my tongue And hold my breath ♪ 1589 01:25:50,666 --> 01:25:54,500 ♪ Scared to rock the boat And make a mess ♪ 1590 01:25:54,625 --> 01:25:57,458 ♪ So I sat quietly ♪ 1591 01:25:58,333 --> 01:26:00,833 ♪ Agreed politely ♪ 1592 01:26:01,833 --> 01:26:04,999 ♪ Guess that I forgot I had the choice ♪ 1593 01:26:05,000 --> 01:26:08,166 ♪ I let you push me Past my breaking point ♪ 1594 01:26:08,875 --> 01:26:11,250 ♪ I stood for nothing ♪ 1595 01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:14,666 ♪ So I fell for everything ♪ 1596 01:26:15,250 --> 01:26:18,041 ♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪ 1597 01:26:18,666 --> 01:26:21,207 ♪ Already brushing off the dust ♪ 1598 01:26:21,208 --> 01:26:24,250 ♪ You hear my voice You hear that sound ♪ 1599 01:26:24,625 --> 01:26:27,208 ♪ Like thunder Gonna shake the ground ♪ 1600 01:26:27,333 --> 01:26:29,791 ♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪ 1601 01:26:30,291 --> 01:26:32,374 ♪ Get ready 'cause I've had enough ♪ 1602 01:26:32,375 --> 01:26:35,250 ♪ I see it all, I see it now ♪ 1603 01:26:35,625 --> 01:26:38,540 ♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪ 1604 01:26:38,541 --> 01:26:42,624 ♪ A fighter Dancing through the fire ♪ 1605 01:26:42,625 --> 01:26:45,415 ♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪ 1606 01:26:45,416 --> 01:26:49,624 ♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1607 01:26:49,625 --> 01:26:53,415 ♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪ 1608 01:26:53,416 --> 01:26:56,041 ♪ Cause I am a champion ♪ 1609 01:26:56,375 --> 01:26:59,999 ♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1610 01:27:00,000 --> 01:27:02,500 [cheers and applause] 1611 01:27:07,291 --> 01:27:11,166 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1612 01:27:17,541 --> 01:27:21,708 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1613 01:27:28,958 --> 01:27:32,041 ♪ Roar, roar, roar ♪ 1614 01:27:32,500 --> 01:27:36,332 ♪ Roar, roar ♪ 1615 01:27:36,333 --> 01:27:39,040 ♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪ 1616 01:27:39,041 --> 01:27:42,708 ♪ A fighter Dancing through the fire ♪ 1617 01:27:43,208 --> 01:27:45,625 ♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪ 1618 01:27:45,916 --> 01:27:49,540 ♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1619 01:27:49,541 --> 01:27:53,207 ♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪ 1620 01:27:53,208 --> 01:27:55,749 ♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪ 1621 01:27:55,750 --> 01:27:59,333 ♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1622 01:28:06,625 --> 01:28:10,083 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1623 01:28:16,375 --> 01:28:21,832 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1624 01:28:21,833 --> 01:28:27,833 [rapturous cheers and applause] 1625 01:28:33,000 --> 01:28:35,000 [emotive music] 1626 01:28:38,583 --> 01:28:41,916 [cheering and applause continues] 1627 01:28:51,583 --> 01:28:52,416 So... 1628 01:28:55,000 --> 01:28:55,833 Look, 1629 01:28:56,625 --> 01:28:59,666 I'm no good at talking about feelings and stuff like that. 1630 01:29:00,041 --> 01:29:00,875 Shut up. 1631 01:29:05,375 --> 01:29:06,208 Wow. 1632 01:29:09,833 --> 01:29:11,791 My God. My hands are still shaking. 1633 01:29:12,208 --> 01:29:15,540 Ah! Darlings, you were marvellous! 1634 01:29:15,541 --> 01:29:17,124 Thank you, Albert. That means the world to me. 1635 01:29:17,125 --> 01:29:18,999 Coming from a true panto legend. 1636 01:29:19,000 --> 01:29:20,458 [laughs] You both were. 1637 01:29:21,166 --> 01:29:25,415 Well, that's it. From here on in, I'm only doing pantomime. I loved it. 1638 01:29:25,416 --> 01:29:27,624 Well, that's good 'cause you still got... 1639 01:29:27,625 --> 01:29:29,666 49 more shows to go. 1640 01:29:29,916 --> 01:29:32,207 What? Are you insane? 1641 01:29:32,208 --> 01:29:34,208 Forty-nine more shows? I can't do that. 1642 01:29:37,458 --> 01:29:38,416 Just kidding. 1643 01:29:39,458 --> 01:29:40,291 I can't wait. 1644 01:29:40,916 --> 01:29:42,541 [chuckles] 1645 01:29:43,916 --> 01:29:44,916 [bells jingling] 1646 01:29:45,416 --> 01:29:46,416 [sprightly music] 1647 01:30:32,000 --> 01:30:34,583 Brad, wonderful work today. 1648 01:30:34,958 --> 01:30:37,125 It's a killing field 7. 1649 01:30:37,958 --> 01:30:39,208 [laughs] 1650 01:30:42,541 --> 01:30:46,374 Oh, the brake went down. Sorry. No, I can't... 1651 01:30:46,375 --> 01:30:48,333 Buttons. There you are. 1652 01:30:48,541 --> 01:30:50,749 Weren't you supposed to... [babbles incoherently] 1653 01:30:50,750 --> 01:30:54,000 If all else fails, just dramatically faint. 1654 01:30:54,625 --> 01:30:55,458 Really? 1655 01:30:57,541 --> 01:30:58,374 You've missed a bit. 1656 01:30:58,375 --> 01:30:59,957 Oh, God. She's not even good at cleaning. 1657 01:30:59,958 --> 01:31:01,957 - Oh, she's rubbish. - Oh, ugly as well. 1658 01:31:01,958 --> 01:31:03,415 - Ugh. Ugh. - Ugh. Ugh. 1659 01:31:03,416 --> 01:31:04,457 Uh, you've sweeped... 1660 01:31:04,458 --> 01:31:06,540 It's in my direction! I've got allergies! 1661 01:31:06,541 --> 01:31:09,583 - Look at the state of her. - Oh, I'm triggered. She triggered me. 1662 01:31:09,791 --> 01:31:13,083 Again, not exactly sure what's happening. 1663 01:31:13,666 --> 01:31:14,833 Show me what? 1664 01:31:16,375 --> 01:31:18,458 That was much better, wasn't it? [laughs] 1665 01:31:18,916 --> 01:31:22,208 [pondering] Ooh. Mmm. Mmm. 1666 01:31:26,750 --> 01:31:29,125 - What's happened to Brenda? - [laughter] 1667 01:31:29,750 --> 01:31:31,957 - We've left Cara behind. - [all laugh] 1668 01:31:31,958 --> 01:31:34,207 Cassandra, Cassandra. 1669 01:31:34,208 --> 01:31:35,750 Katy Perry just called. 1670 01:31:36,083 --> 01:31:38,332 She said, I wanna see it again. 1671 01:31:38,333 --> 01:31:39,750 I'm gonna fly to Stoneford. 1672 01:31:40,666 --> 01:31:42,124 - [still pondering] Mmm. - Oh, no. 1673 01:31:42,125 --> 01:31:46,083 - Oh, no, behave! - [laughs] 1674 01:31:46,666 --> 01:31:50,333 Whoo! I wanna have your babies, Brad. That was marvellous. 1675 01:31:51,083 --> 01:31:53,541 [groans] 1676 01:31:55,750 --> 01:31:58,291 [groaning] Why are we doing this? 1677 01:31:59,416 --> 01:32:01,125 Because they're paying us. 1678 01:32:07,291 --> 01:32:09,666 - I'm so sorry. - [laughter] 1679 01:32:12,250 --> 01:32:13,082 Sorry. 1680 01:32:13,083 --> 01:32:15,708 Finally, a blooper you can't use.