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It's amazing how filthy your room is
when you are such an impressive vacuum.
Good one.
I ran into Jackie yesterday.
Your friend Johnny.
He sold her seaside apartment in under a week.
He's not my friend.
You know, he moved out of his parents house when he graduated.
Maybe he could be your mentor.
I'm older than him.
Exactly.
You know what would make your flyer pop?
I don't need a catchphrase.
It's working for Johnny.
Available eight days a week, starting today.
That actually defies 8000 years of human history.
But thank you.
I hear he has a lovely girlfriend too.
An Italian.
You need something to separate yourself from all the other schmos out there.
Something so people know they can trust you.
Let's hear it.
I'll treat your place like it's my own.
Just don't show them your bedroom.
Ugh... ha.
Ma, I love you,
but I do not need a catchphrase.
Okay?
I'm an adult.
Can I borrow the car?
This is a Ditmars Boulevard bound n train.
The next stop is Astoria Boulevard.
What the fuh?
Great.
Hello?
Hello.
Unbelievable.
Okay.
Hey, this is Ian Jensen.
We have an open house today.
Ummmm
It’s.
It's it's in ten minutes.
Call me.
Oh. Fuck.
Come on.
Ugh.
Oh, God.
Hi!
Ian Jensen
Avery
Let me show you around.
This is the living room.
As you can see, there's ample room for a couch.
And a
Is that a?
You know what I really want to show you the bedroom.
Come on.
Sorry about the mess up.
I was just finishing tidying up.
As you can see, the bedroom is is spacious.
It has a lot of room for
Whoa!
Dude, what the fuck, dude?
Don’t what the fuck me man. Where have you been?
I've been right here, man.
Yeah, I could see that,
but we have the open house.
Thanks for the tour, but this is not the apartment I'm looking for.
Dude my battery must have died.
I'm sorry, man.
But we're in luck.
Yeah. Why is that?
My roommate must clean the apartment.
Hi. Welcome.
Please take a look around.
There's a sign in sheet right there.
If you have any questions, I'd be more than happy to answer them.
The place is newly refurbished. Right by the NQR.
Great schools.
Any questions?
No. No, no.
I live in a building. Come to see layout.
My apartment bigger.
Oh, okay.
Well hey if you know anybody that might be interested, please take a flier.
Too small.
Okay.
Well, thank you for coming.
Hey welcome.
If you have any que...
Johnny?
Well, if it isn't Ian J.
What are you doing here?
This is an open house, correct?
I have a client.
Hey, take a look around, while I catch up with my old friend here.
What, so you're going to try to steal this listing from me too?
Buddy, let it go.
They reached out to me.
Besides, I would not associate myself with this apartment.
Oh, well. Seems to be good enough for your client.
It's not.
We're heading that new development over on Steinway.
He had to take a shit, so.
Oh, come on.
Hey, but check this out.
Girlfriend's birthday last night.
Shit got crazy.
She's Italian?
Still with Atlas I see.
Shall I send your regards?
You can let them know that I am crushing it.
See, a real estate entrepreneur like myself
really needs to be their own boss.
You might enjoy being a lacky for an outdated corporation
When that changes
give me a call.
There's room for one more in this wolf pack.
Hey, we should get going.
I think you're out of toilet paper.
I mean, Williamsburg people are my people.
Like they're educated or just super smart.
I'm not elitist, but they like care about the arts
and what's going on in the world, which basically nobody else is doing.
I just feel like if you don't live in Williamsburg
and you're able to then
you’re just probably nor a really good person.
Right. Yea. I pride myself on being a good person.
Are you into the arts? Like, who do you support?
Yeah, I, I mean,
I saw the most recent Transformers movie knowing it wouldn't be very good.
Like, I just went to this art exhibit.
It was brilliant. Just brilliant.
It was in Chelsea.
So worth it.
Tickets were like $200 or something like that.
I got comped.
But like almost everyone else paid.
And guess what was inside.
Art?
Dirt!
Three massive piles of dirt.
But not just any dirt
like one was collected from Syria, another from Afghanistan,
and the third from an African country where there's a war going on. Wow.
Wow.
What, what country was it?
I don't remember, it was an open bar,
but, like, what a message, right?
Yeah.
Like, things are really bad there
and I'm just glad I could do my part to be a part of the solution.
Nice.
So what was it, like, a fundraiser?
I mean, what do they do with the money?
They opened a studio in Bushwick.
I mean, just think of all they can do to get the message out
now that they have their own space.
Yeah, totally.
Your profile didn't mention where you live.
Oh. It didn’t?
Um.
You know, I live
I live pretty nearby.
It's okay you can finish your bite.
I'm going to head to the ladies room.
Okay.
Woohoo
Things are going well.
You gonna to lie about where you live,
or ask mommy if you can have a sleepover.
I do not want to talk to you right now.
Now Ian, I did not raise you to be a liar.
She's gonna like you for who you are.
So why don’t you invite her over for lasagna Thursday.
All I'm saying is I absolutely need my own place
because things at night get freaky.
Keep it to yourself, Johnny.
[Cough] Anal
I told you I don't want to hear it.
What I didn't say anything.
Yeah you did! You said anal.
I won't deny things get hot on occasion.
Look, all I'm saying is you may want to keep the living situation
close to the proverbial chest.
Whatever.
I prefer the honest route.
That’s my boy.
Yeah, that route pulling in the tail?
The calendar filled up?
Who was the last lucky lady, anyway?
Amy.
I’ve always liked Amy.
You've stayed in touch with Amy since graduation?
No.
I haven't.
My work here is done.
Okay.
What do I have to do?
Open your binder to that place on Lorimer.
There.
The owners don't get back until Monday.
It is right down the street.
Listen, brother,
it is not your fault that you were born to some family in new Jersey
destined to be sans intercourse for the next five years.
I'm not going to be living there for five years.
Five is being optimistic buddy.
Luckily for you, that terrace will do all of the heavy lifting.
Oh Ian what a gorgeous terrace.
This view is amazing.
And it's so private.
Nobody can see what you're doing.
I want to suck your
What's that?
Nothing. Nothing.
Oh this? This is just papers from work.
I got some open houses lined up next week.
So when am I going to see you on Million Dollar Listing?
Well, my agent is in talks with the producers right now.
I love that show.
There is an apartment in Tribeca where I considered,
like, throwing myself at the buyer just to get up there.
Just kidding.
He was married.
But he had a terrace the size of my bedroom.
Oh, well, actually,
I live on Lorimer.
Which is right here.
And,
I got a terrace.
Yeah.
You know, I'm glad I didn't include it on my dating profile, or else
I wouldn't know this date was for me or my apartment.
You live on Lorimer?
Very cool.
Thank you.
Do you ever go out on your terrace and look at the other 8 million people
in the world and just think
how nice it would be
with less people?
Every day.
Ha ha.
Yeah, and I just imagine if the city only had, like, 1 million people.
I mean,
the subways would actually be on time for once.
And it would shorten my morning line for coffee.
Mmm hmm. Yea.
All lines, you know, no lines would exist. It would be fantastic.
It would be like a like an urban utopia.
Every time I see a light go on in the distance, I say to myself,
that's the asshole that's going to get to SoulCycle before me
and take the last bike in the front row and ruin my day.
Yeah. Mmm Hmm.
So what do you say we wrap this up and
get a drink at my place?
We can hang out on my terrace and
curse these people that are clogging up the city.
Yeah.
Okay.
You can open your eyes.
Oh, wow.
This place could be on million dollar listing.
Thank you.
I got lucky finding it.
You wanna go see the terrace?
Yes, I do.
Oh my God.
What a gorgeous terrace.
This view is amazing.
Thank you very much.
And it's so private.
Mmm Hmm
No one can really see what you're doing.
I wanna
I want to take a picture.
Oh, oh, of the view.
Yeah sure I don't mind.
Yeah. Do it.
I'm gonna go pop this baby open.
- Okay. - And I'll get us some glasses.
- Great - All right.
Yeah.
What's funny?
Oh, just my friend being an idiot and offered to send a rescue party.
I hope you told the party to stand down.
They're awaiting further instruction.
Why don't you tell them to come by?
And I think I can win them over.
And give up some of our champagne?
I’d rather make the wrong decision.
[fun electronic music riff]
Home sweet home.
Oh, look, your mom sent me another card.
Some holiday I don't know about?
It's a thank you card.
For my thank you card.
Does it ever end?
Did you have someone over here?
No.
You mean you drank this bottle all by yourself?
No.
Who is he?
No. I mean, I've never seen that bottle before.
Oh, the champagne fairy strikes again.
You mean you're not prepared to tell me about your other boyfriend.
Who is in our bed!
And he's bi.
Hi. Sorry he didn't tell me he had a roommate.
Ian wake up.
Ian?
Who’s Ian?
It's our realtor.
- Oh my God. - What's our realtor doing in our bed?
That's not your bed, Ian. That's our bed.
I’m really sorry. Listen, I just...
I didn't think you were going to be back for a week.
You don't live here?
Um. Not exactly.
Where do you live?
Let me just talk to that real quick.
Gabe! Gabe! Gabe!
Listen, I'm sorry, I just.
I invited her over just to show her the terrace.
And we had a drink, and, you know, one thing led to another OK.
Is it Bushwick? Do you live in Bushwick? I mean, maybe that could work.
I think I want my keys back.
And our bed.
Sorry. Look, I really messed up, I did. Just.
- Please don't take the listing from me alright? Please? - Is it Queens?
Do you live in Queens? I heard things are kind of cool there now.
You heard right, darling.
No, no no, no, this is. This is not consensual.
You can't just bring girls back to my apartment.
Oh, I know, just give me a week.
Where do you live?
I live in New Jersey!
With my parents.
Oh. Hell no.
I know, I know.
I mean, it's big.
It looks like I have my own apartment.
The size of your apartment should be the least of your worries.
I faked my orgasm.
Both of them?
Yes
[Door slams]
Oh.
There there. Drink this.
This will make you feel better.
Sometimes I wish I could fake an orgasm.
As if.
So Brandon and I were talking, and
we agreed that you can keep the listing.
You mean it?
Hey, everybody makes mistakes, right?
Like dating women for one.
Oh!
Thank you so so much.
Listen, I promise I will
treat this place like it’s my own.
Ah.
No, actually, don't do, don't do that.
Oh, no, no, no, that's not what I meant.
That that's just that's my slogan.
Well you need to get a new one.
- Seriously. - Yeah.
I promise to not have sex in your bed.
That works.
[Funky upbeat music]
[cough]
Good morning.
How did Poochie sleep?
[indisguishable grumbling]
Sorry about last night.
You passed out at under five seconds.
But I have plenty of energy now.
Oh
Oh, the romance.
[short bagpipe sound]
[bagpipe sound]
Not again.
That Scottish idolizing bastard.
Some music?
It won't work.
Bagpipes operate on an unstoppable frequency.
How's the day looking?
Oh, I shouldn't be too late.
I want to remake my new creation a bit.
Yeah, some kind of éclair, right?
It's as if a crescent and an éclair had a baby
but with lighter cream.
Well, if it's half as popular as the cronut,
we can buy this place, and I can be your assistant.
We tried that.
You don't follow directions.
That measuring cup was in Spanish.
But I can design a website to handle all your international orders.
What?
So no line of people forming at 6 AM?
People will love you for it.
You can declare it the anti-cronut.
I was thinking Cru-clair.
Fluffy éclair.
Not quite.
It's missing something.
Fluffy nuggets.
No.
But I don't think we need the word fluffy in the title.
Fluffy will sell.
Trust me.
Hi, Sean. Hi, Samantha.
Do you have a minute?
You stay. I'm a bit late.
I'll see you tonight, though.
And maybe I'll have a fluffy sweet roll waiting for you.
Hey, man.
What's up?
The new cameras are installed.
That one's high definition.
Keeps an eye on the mailboxes.
Cool, I'll be sure to be on my best behavior when I walk through.
Um, the reason why I mentioned that was because, we as a board, have
decided that an assessment was necessary to pay for these enhancements.
I saw the Facebook update on it.
Totally on board with the board.
Your last payment was the old amount.
Oh, I got you.
I'll take the amount tonight for sure.
You have a package?
Oh, nice.
I’ll grab it on my way back.
Enjoy the day, man.
Thank you.
[bagpipe music]
[creaky door]
[knocking]
Thanks for coming up.
You didn't grab my package?
No.
All I saw down there was this.
Can you show me how to access the security camera footage?
Sure.
I'm pretty sure somebody grabbed it by mistake.
I knew I should have grabbed that package.
You know, Michelle and 2E had a package stolen last week.
But that was before we installed the cameras.
Anything valuable?
Not anything too expensive.
Not sure what their policy is on stolen packages, though.
What floor is this guy on?
He doesn’t look familiar.
Aha!
There!
What? Who the?
Is he actually opening my package in the lobby?
Vear - Spanken
Um
Yeah
It was a bit of an impulse buy.
It's actually.
Well.
It’s a
it's a sex toy for men.
For your butt?
No man not for my butt!
It's a toy that you know, you would use to
jerk off.
It has a video!
[quirky fun music]
So, ah, do I need to call the police and file a report?
I don't think they deploy a task force to recover
your van-spunked.
Verspanken.
That guy does look familiar.
He probably lives nearby.
Let me see that card.
Robinhood 2020 coming to you again.
We got another package here.
You know, I, rob from the rich and give to you all my fans and followers.
This package is courtesy of Mike Miller
from 420 Bedford Avenue.
Let's see what he got.
What shall I say, let’s see what you get.
Holy shit.
This guy just steals packages and made a YouTube channel about it.
He has over
6,342,000 subscribers.
What, are you kidding?
I don't want 6 million people knowing I ordered a sex toy.
I need to stop this guy before he makes his next video.
Can you zoom in on his face?
Power of high definition.
[upbeat jazz music]
Hey! Don't touch those!
[accordian and hand drum sound]
[dubstep music]
[phone ringing]
Hi, hon.
Yeah.
I'll be home in a minute.
Hi hon.
Hi.
These look delicious.
Have we decided on fuffy nuggets yet?
Still undecided. You can try one.
I've decided to explore the opinions of people who are not my boyfriend.
I give unbiased opinions. Always have.
And these?
Did this guy steal something from us?
Yeah, that guy stole my package.
And Todd was able to send me this photo from the camera feed in the lobby.
Taking matters into your own hands, I see.
Seems the police won't investigate theft below $100.
So I inserted myself into the situation.
What got you so motivated?
That's a funny story.
Go on.
Um
It's actually something called a Verspanken.
It's a sex toy.
No, really?
Well, thanks,
but I'm pretty sure mine just needs new batteries, so.
Yeah.
Ah.
It's actually for guys.
For your butt?
No, it's not for my butt.
Why does everyone think that?
No, it's. Well, it's hard to explain.
There is a video, but it's not for my butt.
Video? What do you mean everyone?
Todd was also confused about it.
Todd?
I'm glad you're so comfortable sharing but,
perhaps we keep things related to our sex life to ourselves.
Absolutely.
It's not that I was oversharing, but he was helping me access the...
Well.
He pried it out of me.
Maybe not the best choice of words.
I have to head to the board meeting.
I just know that if Jennifer likes these, she'll mention it to her sister.
The one with the blog.
I eat my happiness.
No, it's called Happy Eats.
I'm just going to grab one more before you go.
No, Jennifer didn't get one last time.
So this time I'm bringing one for everyone.
But maybe if you water the plants, you won't be missing that
Verspent after all.
Verspanken.
Yeah, that.
Bye.
[door chime]
Coming.
What did Poochie forget?
[sigh]
[upbeat guitar riff]
[door chime]
Hi Evan. Come in.
Thanks for coming.
We're just waiting on Samantha to get started.
Hi Todd.
Well.
Hello there.
Hello there to you too.
I hope last night wasn’t too
No no, it was fun.
I'm sorry I didn't stay.
I just really love my bed,
and it’s a surprisingly easy walk home.
Very true.
I am slowly getting used to
having the whole bed to myself as well.
Well it’s a nice adjustment. Trust me.
Yeah.
Hey, guys.
I come bearing gifts.
Splendid.
These look good.
These chocolate éclairs?
No, it's a new creation.
I'm thinking of calling them fluffy nuggets.
Branding is very important.
Mmmm
Oh yeah. These are very good.
Anna?
Oh, no, I can't, but, Evan can have mine.
Oh, perfect.
I'd be happy to share the recipe on your sister's blog if you like them.
Oh yeah. I'll try one in just a second.
I just want to bring the board meeting into order.
We have a few things to cover, including interviewing
somebody for the new doorman position.
That will be good to have.
Another package was stolen from the lobby earlier today.
Again?
Sean had something stolen.
Oh, no. What was it?
It's nothing important.
It's just something he ordered online.
Did the cameras pick it up?
Yes. Power of high definition.
Have you posted the picture on the building's Facebook page?
People should be on alert in case he returns.
And speaking of unsavory people in our building,
I would like to raise the issue of people renting out their apartments on Airbnb.
Who's renting out their apartment?
Naveen in 2B for one. He has somebody new in there every week.
And I just can't get comfortable with strangers in the building.
[door chime]
Oh, that must be our guy.
Everyone, this is Vladimir.
You can call me Vlad.
Oh, thank you for coming.
Yes.
I see you come with a lot of experience.
Perhaps you can start by telling us what interested you in this position.
Being a doorman in Manhattan
is a young man's game.
Your job post mentioned a chair.
I will happily come to Williamsburg
for the occasional sitting in the chair.
I see you with the Dakota and the late 70s.
I can only imagine those stories.
Which I will take to the grave.
A doorman who shares his secrets is no better than
[door chime]
I'm not sure who that could possibly be.
I'm not sure what your plans are later, but I was thinking about going out to
What is she doing here?
Hi, everyone.
So sorry I'm late.
Can we, pause for a minute?
Can we talk?
You're flirting with Anna already?
That didn't take long.
What are you doing here?
I'm still a member of the board.
Yeah. You moved out.
So what?
My name is on the mortgage, and I want to protect my investment.
I told you I would buy your half.
Ok.
When we finalize the price and you pay me my half, I will gladly step down.
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
Do you have another chair?
We didn't think you were coming.
Um, or else I would have grabbed another chair from the other room.
Just wait one second.
Excuse me.
Would you mind sitting on this?
It shouldn’t be a long meeting.
Happy to work out my core while I'm here.
Okay.
Sorry about that.
We were just interviewing Vlad about the new doorman position.
Great.
Hello.
So perhaps you can tell us what you think your experience can bring to 190 Lorimer.
I have not lost single package in 30 years.
I remember names with a handshake,
and I know when to look the other way.
I feel extra responsible for residents.
Like parent.
I once flushed Coke down toilet faster than I can say to officer
What coke?
That’s sugar.
I saved him a lot of trouble.
There was a time I deliver baby in the lobby.
Not so common in this country. No?
It was boy.
Which is better than girl.
Are you two fucking?
What the hell, Tracy?
Not appropriate at all.
Yeah, Evan and I are not involved at all.
I want Evan to tell me that.
Go ahead.
This is not the appropriate time to have this conversation.
Besides, you moved out.
I will lose my shit right now if you don't answer me.
Just so we can move on.
Nobody, Ana included, has slept with me.
I just thought when I.
Sorry about that.
It's just been a crazy few weeks, is all.
I don't mean to be insensitive,
but don’t you think Even would simply lie, given the circumstances?
He can't lie.
Like, physically, his right eyebrow twitches any time he lies.
I have no reason to lie.
Now, can we please move past this
ridiculous scene that you're causing?
You were saying.
In this job you are constantly learning and growing.
Are you trying to be slick?
What is it now?
You said nobody had slept with you.
Yeah. So.
Nice try. Answer me this.
Have you and Anna had sex?
I have already said. Anna and I have not had intercourse.
No twitch. Can we move on with this, please?
See what he's doing?
He's trying to narrow his answer.
What is it? You get a blowjob?
She looks like the blowjob type.
You're embarrassing yourself.
Answer me.
No, Anna has not given me a blowjob.
Seriously? This is crazy.
Back to the interview.
No twitch.
As I said before,
I will take all secrets with me to the grave.
Really? A handjob?
Is that it?
That’s cute.
Tracy, you need to get ahold of yourself.
Stop looking at my eye.
No, no one has given me a handjob.
All right. Happy?
Now, you owe Anna and everyone else in this room an apology.
I know you're hiding something.
Stay away from Evan!
Are you trying to kill me?!
Oh don’t exaggerate.
You know I'm lactose intolerant!
Nobody's ever died from an éclair.
Fluffy nugget.
What?
Consistent branding is important.
You know what? A foot job.
What?
Yeah. I jerked your ex boyfriend off with my feet.
Happy?
See, I knew they were up to something.
Um, I think I better go as well.
Vlad gets my vote.
Does this mean I have job?
[upbeat jazz riff]
[car engine]
Here you go, sir.
You have to use the machine miss.
I don't know.
This.
Thank you.
One second.
You have to hit credit card on the TV screen here.
Sorry.
Okay, it's right here.
You hit credit.
Ahhh
Got it.
Okay.
Can I go now?
Good?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Grazie.
Okay.
Yeah.
We are outside.
Okay. Great.
Thank you.
He's coming downstairs to get us.
It’s a nice building.
Perhaps Marco was right in choosing Williamsburg.
Maybe.
Hi.
Can I help you?
Oh no, thank you.
We are just waiting for someone.
Hi.
So nice to see you again.
Oh, it's been so long.
Hi Jennifer.
My friends from Italy.
Oh, well, I guess you guys got a lot to catch up on.
Welcome to 190 Lorimer.
- Thank you - Come on in.
Hope your flight in was OK.
Yeah.
Sorry about that earlier.
Jennifer’s just against Airbnb,
so I just have to be a little smart.
Is it a problem?
No no no no.
But if anyone asks just say we’re friends.
Sure.
So which on of you is Cara?
That’s me.
- Hello again. - Hi.
You don’t look like a Marco.
No. Marco couldn’t come.
I’m Lia.
Hi Lia.
Welcome home.
So this obviously is the kitchen.
Help yourself to any food that's there.
Thank you.
That is my room in there.
And that's you guys up there.
This is the key to the apartment.
Okay.
And the code to the gate downstairs is pound 0390.
Pound is?
As in hashtag.
Oh. Yeah.
And what do you guys have planned for the rest of the week?
We're going to see everything. Yes.
First MOMA.
The highline.
Chelsea Market.
No time square?
Oh.
Oh, yeah. Of course.
Stay away from Elmo.
I would actually advise you to stay away from anyone in the costume.
- Okay - Yeah.
Remember that.
Enjoy your stay.
Feel at home.
And I’m gonna be gone but maybe I’ll catch you all later.
Okay.
Thank you.
Ciao
Grazie
No. Come on. Let's go explore.
A little to the right.
No, my right.
Perfect.
Okay.
One down.
How many of these do we need?
I promised five a day.
Isn’t Pietro getting a little old for this?
He's five.
Besides its his favorite player. Buffon.
Which also happens to be my dad's favorite player.
You know its your dad is the one that really wants them.
Obviously.
Let’s go and see the bridge.
Oh, looks so pretty.
Oh, wait.
I’m not waiting.
Oh come on.
Fine.
Go ahead, eat your ice cream.
I just want take the best shot ever.
Boom!
Let me see.
Marco would have loved this.
You know, he stops at every place we pass to get a sorbet.
Which in Torino is impressive.
Okay, I'm instituting a no Marco rule.
Sorry, I just thought of him.
The ice cream is good. The sorbetto?
It's quite respectable, actually.
Want to try it?
Just a spoon, no?
It’s good right?
Not bad.
Hey, it's only fair.
Come on.
Now I’m gonna get a double spoon, becuase you’re bad.
[sigh]
I know what will cheer you up.
What?
Drinking and shopping.
In that order.
Let's try.
Wine in a box.
What?
I’m not gonna drink that.
The man promised me it was good.
Yeah, right.
You trusted him.
You know what?
Full glass.
To our American adventure.
That's right.
Plan is to celebrate.
Mmm Hmm
Okay.
Stop.
Wow, that’s even more.
Chin chin.
Excuse me.
Shh.
I have a question.
You’re gonna get us in trouble.
Picture time.
Best picture ever.
You know what?
Let’s slam it in and go shopping.
Ugh.
[upbeat music]
Welcome.
Let me know if I can help you with anything.
We have more sizes in the back.
Okay.
Thank you.
Great choice.
We also have another print from that designer in the front,
if you want me to grab it?
Ah, no thank you.
I think I'm going to try this one on.
It’s cute.
[indie music]
Psst!
Cara.
Cara!
No. Nothing yet.
Okay.
You’re not gonna take it off?
I like this more than what I was wearing.
Ciao. I'd like to buy this dress.
Okay, great.
I'm glad you found something you like.
You need to take off the dress.
Ah. Maybe not?
Oh. That's fine.
I can ring you up.
If you lean forward, I can remove the tag.
My God.
Oh, you also need to come around
so I can move the security device.
Oh, boy.
I so want to take my phone out.
You're all set.
Here’s the receipt.
Thank you.
This is nice.
Yeah.
It's beautiful.
I want to take a picture of you with the dress and the...
Skyline.
Go ahead.
Okay.
Let's do it properly.
Oh, come on, haven’t we surpassed our five photo quota.
No one more. And this time you hold him.
Where does your father get this, anyway?
He didn’t. Marco bought it.
Marco?
Yeah, for Pietro’s birthday.
No wonder you keep bringing him up.
Don’t be stupid.
No, I get it now.
This isn't about taking photos for your brother.
This is about bringing Marco along with you.
I don't know what you’re talking about.
Cara.
Every photo is a reminder.
You can't keep taking photos of this stupid doll.
It's not healthy.
What the fuck Lea!
Who the fuck do you think you are?
You can't go in there.
It’s the East River.
I’m going.
Cara.
Marco's going to make things right.
He made a mistake. One mistake.
But he's going to make things right.
Cara. Look at yourself.
You're saving a bobblehead from a river.
He will make things right I told you.
Cara.
Stop it!
Leave me alone.
You ruined it!
It's ruined!
Cara. I’m sorry, but,
it's a doll.
It's not a doll.
Cara.
I'm so sorry.
I know it is hard.
I just miss him so much.
You know, we've been talking about this trip for over a year,
about how romantic it was going to be.
You deserve better.
And it will happen.
I promise.
There is some good news out of this.
What is it?
The doll is no longer what Marco gave you.
Now, as a reminder of our trip to New York.
It's a monster.
But it's our monster.
Thank you Lia for coming.
The thought of staying in Torino, it...
Of course I came.
Think of all the excitement we’ve had.
And we haven't even made it to Manhattan yet.
[slow jazz music]
Shit!
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
No.
[knocking]
Hi. Ah. Um.
I locked myself out of my apartment.
Do you think I could borrow your phone?
Yeah. Of course.
It's probably a take a while for locksmith to show up.
You want to come in?
Yeah. Thanks.
I thankfully gave a spare to my friend who lives nearby.
She just better pick up.
Here, ah, make yourself at home.
Thank you.
This is so embarrassing.
I'm Evan, by the way.
Oh. Sara.
I wish I introduced myself to you and your girlfriend when I first moved in.
That would make this a lot less awkward.
Please, please, please pick up.
I like your slippers.
Oh. Thank you!
They were a gift for a friend.
But once I named them, I couldn't let them go.
This one is Oscar.
And this one
Oh, Jenny.
Thank God.
I'm locked out of my apartment.
Oh, it's my neighbor's phone.
Um.
Stop laughing.
I'm in my pajamas. It's not funny.
Yeah, why?
He has a girlfriend.
Okay, then get dressed.
But. Yes, now.
Yes. I love you so, so, so much.
Just please hurry up. Please.
Thank you, thank you.
So, no need to be alarmed,
but my girlfriend and I recently broke up.
That's what the boxes by the door are.
You know, my friend was just being an idiot.
She has a maturity level of a squirrel.
Do you want a sweatshirt?
Yes, please.
I know we're neighbors and all,
but I don't typically go out dressed like this.
For a fellow Dubfire fan.
No way! You're a Dubfire fan!
Oh!
I didn't think they were known outside of Austin.
Well, I grew up in Round Rock.
You know they're playing at the Oasis bar tonight, right?
I know, I'm so mad I couldn't get tickets.
[tense music]
Is everything okay?
Yeah. No.
Um.
My ex is coming to grab her things right now.
I don't mean to be weird,
but do you mind waiting in the bathroom?
It's just she has a temper, and, you know, rather than explain
that you got locked, it just be easier this way.
I could wait in the hallway if you prefer.
It’s just that she’s already in the hallway,
and I just don't want her to see you leaving the apartment.
Know it's fine. Never mind.
I'll just. I'll explain.
No. It's okay.
I understand.
Breakups can be tricky.
Oh, okay.
[knocking]
Coming.
Hi, Tracy.
No need to come in.
I boxed up the rest of your things.
In fact, why don't I just help you bring this down.
Nice to see you, too.
Actually, can I just use the bathroom?
Ah.
Really quickly.
No. You can’t.
What?
I, actually, I have to go first.
So.
Tracy needs to go to the bathroom.
I need to hide you.
I thought I was hiding.
If you do this for me,
I'll give you my friend’s ticket to the Dubfire show.
Are you talking to yourself?
Just saying a few mantras.
It's all yours.
I think you’re out of soap.
Ah. Check under the sink.
No, I don't see any.
I'm just gonna use your shower gel.
So, I’ve been thinking.
What's that?
Well, I've been talking to my therapist, and
We don't need to have this conversation again.
Just hear me out, okay?
I feel like I need to take some responsibility for all of this.
- and - Tracy. We really don't
I reacted poorly, and I can't help but think that, you know,
maybe i was to blame.
I felt like maybe you weren't attracted to me anymore or, I don't know, I just
I got really insecure.
You know that’s not...
Erectile dysfunction is a really common problem.
And a neither of us are to blame.
And I was just thinking that,
you know, maybe,
Tracy. What are you doing?
I just was just thinking that maybe I would be willing to try that.
You know, the thing.
No. I don’t know.
The thing with the feet.
That is not a thing!
That happened one time.
But it worked with her,
so I was thinking, you know, maybe it would work with us.
But that was not the only thing that was wrong with our relationship.
Fuck you.
Like your temper,
for one thing.
I’m Italian.
Being 50% Italian doesn't give you the right to be 100% an asshole.
I didn't even want to do the thing with the feet.
I was just saying
that I was willing to try it,
because it was something that you needed!
That is not something I need.
I need you to get going.
It's all in there.
I'm just making sure.
Where's my Dubfire sweatshirt?
That's. That's my sweatshirt.
But I bought it, so I want it back.
Well, I threw it out.
Bullshit.
You know, I didn't get rid of it because I was,
I was mad or anything,
I just got I got rid of it because it reminded me how sweet you could be,
and the nice memories that we have.
Oh. My sensitive pooh bear,
we can still make nice memories.
[shelf crashing]
Hi, I was just locked out of my apartment,
and I just needed to use a phone is all.
Ana too far away being on the second floor?
You had to find someone across the hall to fuck.
I'm serious Tracy, this isn't what it looks like.
How many sluts can live in one building?
Wait! And you gave her my sweatshirt?
Another nice memory, asshole.
Here, here, you can have it.
I just I was locked out in my pajamas and Evan saw that I was a Dubfire fan.
Oh. That's cute.
Did you get that trying to find yourself at Burning Man?
Tracy.
I'm leaving.
Don't call.
[door slams]
That went well.
Look, I should go meet my friend.
She'll be here any minute.
I'm sorry for getting you in trouble.
Let me buy you a drink at the Dubfire concert and we'll call it even.
Deal.
[door closes]
[upbeat music]
Hi. I’d like to come in for a pedicure as soon as you have available.
Yeah, three PM is perfect.
[funky synth music]
Good morning squirt gun.
Mom!
Good morning Aiden.
How’d you sleep?
I didn’t sleep good.
I don’t like it here.
You didn't sleep good or you didn't sleep well?
I miss my room.
We just need unpack some your toys and you will love it here.
I promise.
You want some eggs?
The sunny ones?
Of course the sunny ones.
Two please!
Go change out of your pajamas hon.
[phone ringing]
Hi, Blair.
Hi, darling.
I'm sorry I missed your call.
Went and tried a new salon.
Big mistake.
My day is in turmoil.
It's not even ten.
Are you free for lunch?
Oh, sorry, darling, I can't make it to Brooklyn today.
I have Bikram at 11, and I got to pick up Abigail at four.
But I promise to come see your new place very soon.
Well, I'm actually going to be in the city today, so I just.
Why don't you just say so?
No. Of course we can meet for brunch here.
Were you thinking Daniel or Norma’s.
Um, we’re just still finalizing things,
so I thought maybe a place a little less
Oh, of course, of course.
Why don't you meet me at my rental?
I'll have Daniela cooks up something.
Sounds perfect.
I actually have something to tell you.
Is Michael dying?
No. He's actually, alive and well.
Alive and well.
Aiden. Ketchup?
Anyway.
Listen, lunch sounds perfect.
I'll see you at two.
Okay.
Bye bye.
Two sunnies.
[Zoom ringer]
I think dad’s calling.
Hi, dad.
Hey little guy.
Looking forward to our weekend?
I want to show you a new trick.
Looking forward to it bud.
Can you put mom on for a minute.
Mom, dad wants to talk to you.
I can hear you from here, Michael.
Private time, please.
Aiden. Come finish your breakfast.
You're cutting it close no?
What if there's traffic?
Why are you wearing a tie?
The exhibit went really well.
Couple wants to look at twop of my pieces.
Cassidy offered to come get him.
Cassidy?
These things come up.
She offered to help.
As a friend.
As a friend!
I'm not going to engage.
And I'm not going to send our son off with some idiot.
Can she even drive?
Damn it Julia, it was you who wanted to move to Williamsburg.
And we set up these times for a reason.
I would be more than happy to get Judge Stein's opinion on this.
Look Jules.
We’ll figure this out.
This is important.
Will you let Cassidy come, or should I come get him later.
Fine.
But this is the first and last time somebody else comes and gets our son.
Fine.
Dish in the Dishwasher, please.
Yes mom.
[intercom buzzer]
Come on up.
I'm going to miss you, squirt gun.
Mom!
Daddy's assistant is going to take you into the city,
because he has some extra work to do.
Let me ask you a question.
Is Cassidy around on the weekends when you're with daddy?
No. Why?
Nothing. Just.
Just wanted to make sure that you and daddy are spending good time together.
We’re going to the new skate park on the pier later today.
You are. That’s so exciting.
You know what I'm going to say next, though?
Yes, mom. I'll wear my helmet.
That's my boy.
[door chime]
Hi Miss Carver.
Just a minute.
I'm gonna miss you.
Call me if you need anything. All right?
Yes, mom.
Okay.
Hey, Aiden.
Let's go.
[Speaker]: Chapter two.
Attracting abundance.
You will learn how to attract
abundance of love, beauty and grace.
Shit.
An abundant mindset requires a shift in perspective,
no less profound than a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly.
A being once confined to the ground is able to fly.
But just as a butterfly does not return to its prior self.
We too must not return to our old ways of being.
You will experience your life with an openness far beyond those
who simply rely on what their eyes can't see.
[light jazz music]
Darling.
Hi, Blair.
So good to see you.
Welcome.
I'm sorry my place is so cramped.
The new place was, of course, supposed to be ready three months ago.
Oh. It's nice.
Look at this view.
Come, come. Sit.
So.
How’s it going?
I have one week of unpacking left, and,
Aiden’s having a tough transition.
Oh, I hear kids love Brooklyn.
Did I make a mistake, Blair?
What are you talking about?
I mean, I would need two Xanax to get on the L train,
but that’s what Ubers are for.
I am the oldest person there.
There are no kids Aiden's age and none of my friends,
will make the trek out to Williamsburg to visit me.
Honey, I'll come visit you, I promise.
It's just that things have been extra busy these days.
Daniella. We're ready for lunch.
Be right there.
What can I get you to drink?
Well, being as Julia has news,
I think we'll have a bottle of the Chablis.
No, no, no, no, really, it's not that important.
So, what's the news?
I've decided to go back to the stage.
You got a show? Oh my gosh, where? What?
No, I did not going to show yet, but I did get an audition
this afternoon for a reinterpretation of streetcar,
and I played Blanche in the production when I met Michael, so
I remember I think it is great that you're jumping right back in.
I just thought, I don't know, maybe being cast in the same show might be fate.
Speaking of fate.
Thank you. Just in time for a toast.
To my friend Julia.
May life bring you all that you desire.
And a little extra for me.
I haven't stocked any respectable wines in the new apartment yet.
Maybe that's why I don't ease.
No. It’s true.
A well-stocked wine cabinet makes a house a home.
You're Julia?
Hi.
This is Julia Carver.
[Opera music]
Hello.
I can give an introduction before we begin.
I’m Hans.
And I will direct this piece.
The production will focus on desire.
Desire, not only of the characters, but of the audience.
Thus, the second act will be staged entirely in the nude.
All the actors will be naked?
Yes.
She doesn't get it.
No, no, no, it's very interesting.
It will be magnificent.
Once everyone is in the nude,
the real provocation begins.
As rumors about your character spread,
paint and charcoal will be thrown on her thus, representing her
entrance into insanity.
Yah.
And so, in the final scene with Stanley and Blanche,
we will have the actor who plays Stanley,
shave your head.
So let's begin.
Setting intentions informs the universe,
which in turn will respond.
You must be open for the path to be illuminated.
It will feel as if you're sitting in the dark.
But think of an owl
that is able to see while others are unable.
You too, must find a way to see the right part.
Find the owl.
Find the fucking owl?
What about pigeons?
We have pigeons.
Fuck.
You shouldn't be in here.
[peaceful music]
This one's yours?
No, mine's the one over there with a great view of the brick wall.
It's just that Nicole in 1A.
She tells the board if we use her space.
She's not too good at sharing.
It’s ok. I'm wrapping it up.
You just moved into 2E, right?
That's me.
What brings you to Williamsburg?
Divorce.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Is that why you're sitting on the floor?
That's
just one of those days.
Still adjusting.
And I had the audition from hell today.
Oh, you're an actress?
I don't know.
You want some wine?
The guy at the wine store put plastic cups in the bag.
I'm not really sure what that says about me, but,
There's one in here somewhere.
The skyline’s so beautiful with the air so clear.
Come on.
You can see.
Is that an owl?
Oh, yeah.
It's kind of my thing.
No, no, no, no.
It's not you. It's not you.
I've been looking for an owl.
Thank you for the wine.
Damien downstairs is having a party.
If you want to come check it out.
Thank you, but I'm gonna finish my cup of wine and head home.
Come on.
You can meet people to potentially borrow some sugar from in the future.
Thanks, but I'm good.
I appreciate it, though.
Okay.
Anna.
1C
Julia.
2E
Welcome to 190 Lorimer.
Thank you.
[slow melodic music]
Q of E will be finished by Tuesday.
It's mainly headcount.
Cost savings should be realized in 18 months.
Andrew?
Sorry.
It's not like it's Apollo we're up against.
It's Crestlake Capital, for fuck's sake.
If I have to spoon feed management like little baby sucking on my teet, I will.
James.
I gotta go.
Other business to take care of.
Yes fucker.
Alright. Call me back.
Ian?
Yeah.
You're late.
I'm so sorry. You know, trying to get here from new Jersey,
it's like a modern day odyssey.
You learn to master time or time masters you.
Okay.
Building looks dope.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, the apartment layout is fantastic.
And the view from the terrace is just amazing.
Do you want to check out the gym first?
Yeah, let’s go.
Yeah, OK.
And it actually comes with HBO as well.
What do you think?
Daddy's home.
Nice.
You, ah, looking mainly in Williamsburg?
My girlfriend's been handling the search.
Where are you guys living now?
I'm in Wall Street, she’s in Greenpoint.
It's only been a month, but feels right.
Nice.
Well, I don't know if you have your own furniture, but
the place is fully furnished.
Comes with the rent.
Um.
That is a very comfortable bed.
Ah.
I have the same mattress.
So. It feels good.
Yeah. Hey, my girlfriend's outside.
How does she get in?
[intercom buzzer]
Oh, hey. It's like she figured it out.
Why don't you go check out the terrace? I’ll buzz her up.
Cool, bro.
Alright.
Hi. Come on up.
Hello?
Hey. Welcome.
What I tell you.
So?
What do you think?
It's not bad for Williamsburg.
I still think Manhattan's the better play, though.
Well, if you feel that way, there’s a few other apartments I can show you.
Downtown and Tribeca.
Just look at this terrace. Babe.
Look at how private it is.
Just think of that for a minute.
Don't fall in love, bro.
We'll take it.
[car engine]
What are you doing here?
I came to let you know that I'm moving into the building.
What?
Yeah.
4B became available.
So my boyfriend and I decided to take it.
Boyfriend?
Don't be all weird about this.
I've moved on, and,
I see that you have too.
Anyway,
I better get back.
Moving is such a pain.
I guess I'll be seeing you around.
Who was it babe?
Tracy.
What is she doing here?
She's moving back into the building.
What? She said that you could keep the apartment.
Yeah. No, she's, ah,
She’s moving in to 4B,
with her new boyfriend.
Uh.
Your ex girlfriend is moving back into this building?
I told you she was crazy.
Still doing laundry on Sundays?
You could say hi, you know?
When you start wearing those?
Andrew likes to keep it sexy.
How are things with, what’s her name?
Sarah.
Well she hasn’t started throwing pastries yet.
That wasn't my finest moment.
But I'm happy to hear that, Anna survived,
you know, being that she was lactose intolerant at all.
So,
What does your boyfriend think of us all being in the same building?
He doesn't know, and he's not going to.
What am I supposed to say if I run into him?
Whatever you want that doesn't entail our failed relationship.
I'm not the only one who could mention it to him you know.
Yeah, but
you're the one that I'm going to blame if he finds out.
Okay, well, I just think he should know.
Split your legs.
What?
You got to split your legs.
Get better balance, get better reps.
Watch.
You a personal trainer?
Private equity.
But, I make YouTube fitness videos.
Sell some merch. You know, got to have a side hustle.
Nice. Well thanks for the tip. I’m Evan.
Yeah.
Hi, Anna.
Hi. I'm Anna.
Hey.
You're new to the building, right?
You know, I couldn't help but overhear that you're a personal trainer.
I have been looking for someone who can commit,
to the schedule,
a schedule,
anything really.
Well, I'm Andrew, and I just moved into 4B.
Welcome to the building, Andrew in 4B.
I am sure I'll be seeing you in here.
Did you just say you moved into apartment 4B?
That's right.
Yeah. Girlfriend found this spot.
It's a dope apartment.
Hey, I'm all done here, but one more pro tip.
Increase the weight.
There's something you should know about your girlfriend.
Her name is Tracy, right?
Yeah. That's right.
She,
She's really sweet.
I ran into her over the weekend in the hallway when you guys were moving in, so,
Yeah, welcome to the building.
Thanks brochacho.
I love you, Evan.
I love you, Tracy.
I mean,
Oh. It’s OK. You want to role play?
Yes?
Now all I have to do is shrink my ass and act like a bitch.
No. No. It’s...
Her moving in the building is so weird.
You know? I'm just all messed up.
Yeah, and here I was about to suggest that we moved in together.
Move in together? We've only been dating four weeks.
Yeah, but our connection is so strong.
Yeah, it's strong for four weeks.
Maybe we should just take a break until I get my head straight.
Oh, okay Evan. That's fine.
I mean, you need time to figure everything out.
That's fine.
Just, like, whatever.
Take as much time as you need.
Thanks, it’s just,
Go fuck yourself!
[door slams]
What the hell?
What the fuck?
[typing on keyboard]
[ominous music]
Asshole!
There she is again.
Holy shit!
Fuck you Evan!
Fuck!
Hi, there.
Aaahhhh.
What the hell was that?
Nothing. You just scared me, so.
I thought you quit?
Oh, I did,
things got complicated.
Okay, mister drama.
Let me have a puff.
It's not about you this time at least.
Oh.
Sandy giving you trouble?
Sarah.
Don't you find it confusing
being back in the same building together?
We have a lot of memories here.
I call bullshit.
I mean,
You don't seem to be having too much trouble making new memories.
But, I promise never to have sex at the pump room.
That's ours.
See, it's not so hard.
Seeing you here. It’s, um,
Go on.
Nothing. I’ll just get used to it.
I'm glad you found someone to make you happy.
Thank you Evan. That means a lot.
You know, Tracy, I,
I want to apologize for being so critical
about your temper.
You know, honestly, I played a big part in it, and
in retrospect, really wasn't so bad.
Thank you?
Anyways,
see you later.
See you around.
You know how I feel about form.
I'd rather do eight quality reps than twelve sloppies.
The minute you notice your form falter, put the weight down.
Performance x is all about precision of the body and the mind.
Now focus on these last three,
two, one and done.
Good workout today.
Now don't forget about your five minute mantra meditation brochachos.
I am whole.
I am crushing it.
And I will see you here tomorrow for a new take on leg day.
This is Andrew X signing out.
Boom boom.
Hey babe, just finishing the vlog.
I think we made a mistake with the apartment.
Oh, I was just busting your balls.
I mean, the commute sucks, but, this place is legit.
It's not that. It's just that
I never told you that I had recently broken up with someone
when we first started dating.
Shhh.
There's no need to confess.
You know, I was dating other people, too.
And now it's just you,
and we've got this place.
I just I wonder how long it will take him to move on, you know.
These things take time, but out of sight out of mind.
Yeah, no, that's the part that might be a little difficult.
The out of sight part.
What you guys work together?
No.
You got the same group of friends?
He lives in the building.
What building?
This building.
You and your ex boyfriend moved into the same building at the same time?
What are the chances of that?
Not very good.
I knew he lived in the building.
Because I used to live with him.
What?
I used to live in this building.
With him?
I'm sorry.
It's just I loved the building so much.
And when we broke up, it was so sudden, and,
and I was just like, you know what?
I don't want the apartment. You take it. And then I was like, what the fuck?
Why would I let him have the apartment?
You lived in this building with your ex-boyfriend?
Well.
Ex-fiance.
But I'm thinking maybe it wasn't such a good idea.
Because it’s fucking crazy.
No. You're crazy.
Who moves in with someone after six weeks?
We live in the same building, we live in the same building.
We live.
We live in the same building.
It's getting hot in here.
- It's getting hot. - Just breathe.
- It's getting hot in here. - Just breathe.
We live in the same building?
Do you want me to get you a drink?
It's getting hot in here.
Yeah.
Give me some water, please.
Because it's getting fucking hot in here.
Jesus, it's getting hot in here.
Oh my goodness.
Where is the mirror?
Here's my mirror, here's my mirror, here's my mirror.
I am whole.
I am crushing it.
- I am whole. - Should I call someone?
And I am crushing it.
I am whole!
I am crushing it!
I am whole!
I am crushing it!
I am whole. I am crushing it.
I am whole!
I am crushing it.
Are you okay?
I am whole.
Do you want me to get someone?
I am crushing it.
Are you okay?
You had me worried.
I'm really sorry.
- I know it wasn't the best decision. - Tracy
Have a seat.
Okay.
Tracy.
The principles of proformance x state that
one must be calm and satisfied within to make rational decisions
needed to live a happy and successful life.
And when viewed from the posterior,
bad decisions can highlight turmoil within.
I love you, Tracy,
but I think you have some soul searching to do.
Now come give me a hug
as you continue on your journey.
Where is that journey to exactly?
You must venture out and find your way.
[knocking]
What's with this?
Ah.
Things to work out with Sara.
Which I'm okay with as I'm learning that spelling is not her strong suit.
Well, I just came to tell you that I'm moving out.
My apartment in Greenpoint is still available, so.
Well what about Andrew?
It didn’t work out.
I'm starting to think maybe I wasn't ready for a new relationship.
I've kind of realized the same thing.
You know, that box looks awfully heavy.
Why don’t you let me carry it for you, and you can buy me a coffee or something.
Where was this gentlemen when we were together?
Let's do it.
[food blender noise]
[knocking]
Hi. This is super embarrassing,
but I locked myself out of my apartment.
Can I borrow your phone?