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Welcome, friends.
So glad you can join us tonight.
Welcome to another evening.
This dark and stormy and terrifying evening,
we're ready to open up our pits of hell and presented to you
tonight's feature.
I believe we actually have gone too far.
We crossed the line
with one goal.
To scare you, to terrify you,
to scare you out of your utter wits.
Brace yourselves.
And enjoy.
When.
I tell you about this.
What I forgot.
Remember on Instagram when I said blind date, I go, yeah,
I signed up.
Then I go, oh.
I'm kind of scared, though I don't know if I should go.
I don't think you.
Well.
I'm also talking to someone.
Right now, so I don't know if I should go because he's going to be
more angry because.
Listen, listen, I
don't like this person.
She wanted me to talk to him, okay?
He's actually very cute.
Yeah, his name's Jason, but.
But he lives in,
I guess what?
He's driving right. Now.
Like, right now. Right now, after talking.
So I'm going to see him, like, come up.
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
Oh, he's so excited.
Okay. Let's go.
I feel you I think I swear I've been hearing things.
Have you ever.
Have you been in this church?
What the fuck is that?
Let's get out of here.
Let's get out of.
Let's get out of here!
Come here.
Good. 000.
Oh. You.
Oh, I.
Love. You.
Little. You.
And. And you.
Everything. You.
Ever.
Been. On.
Do do do do do do do.
Do. Do do do
do. Do.
Y'all are very lovely, lady.
And I am glad that you have made it here today
to make acquaintances for a possible business venture.
But first, you must excuse me.
That must be a very, very important telephone call.
Please.
Gentlemen, I appreciate you both taking time
for your undoubtedly busy schedules to take this call today.
Also, booboo Kitty, who works for me,
is joining you to take dictations.
This is of the utmost importance, and I am willing to pay you
the sum of 10 million American dollars
for your service.
Yes, we agreed to that.
As you know, I am a successful
producer and director of adult films, quite arguably
the most successful in history at my craft,
you may recognize some of my more popular titles, like Face Painting Party
and then you will Get Some Corn, and my latest classic featuring
an all Indian cast entitled Kindly Satisfy My Perversions,
which features an appearance by the one and only Bobo the Elephant
Driver.
I have sent you gentlemen's information on the charcoal.
It has quite a long and storied history behind it.
In the year 1201 it belonged to the Eastern Orthodox Church,
but at the time the leader of the Catholic Church, Pope isn't the third.
And the chariot was stolen from Russia and brought to him in Rome.
As the Cherokee was known to harbor many mysterious supernatural powers.
Okay.
We're listening.
May I now seek the chair because it contains an enzyme,
and when they extract it and administer to means, it can guarantee happiness
for at least 45 minutes.
You want what you heard correctly.
Gentle means a hard penis. Stiffy.
Dare I say a boner?
I would like to inject this enzyme into my male actors to draw better
onscreen performances.
I need the smells hard.
I am so sick of a limp schmuck and waited for an hour for them to perform again.
Because in my industry, gentlemen's time is money's.
Okay, we understand.
It's concealed within the mummified corpse of Pope Innocent.
The third
in Elkhorn, Wisconsin.
That is correct.
You will travel there by train.
You will arrive and be greeted by a bear named Jeb and his mute son.
He will drive used to your destination at the base of the night
creature's compound.
There you will steal the chatter and deliver it to me.
But beware the day creatures are run by the sheep.
Wolves have lost valley.
Well, consider this done.
All right.
Well, that is excellent.
I am now going to have my infant group.
This young lady.
And I wish you both very good days.
So close.
We may.
What brings you to my neck of the woods in this day?
If you'd like to join, the entertainment business is our birthday.
I see you sound like a very intelligent girl.
You know.
I was valedictorian of my class.
I say it was a very interesting story to tell.
So you have any experience in the entertainment business as well?
I used to be
a champion of musicals for five years.
Right.
That is fascinating.
Unfortunately, that has nothing to do with the artistry that I myself
performs in.
I think I could still.
I would be fascinated to see him try.
I might try.
You are very eager to perform.
I watch my little chicken nuggets. Them.
So did you fall off the truck on the way over here or on the way back?
I think you did.
Well, okay, so listen, this is what happened.
My daddy brought me here right?
And he was in his east calf.
I have a New York about 13 years ago.
So when he drives them, mixes up
the D an hour and
I guess he thought that he could drive.
But he actually played in reverse rain of
again.
That is another fascinating tale.
Unfortunately I'm more into the relationship
side of the stories, the intimacies if you will.
But I am looking for is a physical performer of sorts.
I can do a handstand.
Can you do one in the new.
Yeah. Heath then we might be in business.
Oh okay.
So you are from the farm, are you with the chickens, horses and cows?
Hey. So have you ever been to point?
Wanted to see the donkey shows.
Now, but my brother's nickname is donkey.
Really? And you and your brother are.
Oh, shall we say that is another genre that people
do have interest in.
The step brothers, can you?
Yes. Here is a map of cinema for them.
Oh, might be a must be.
We are living in a bit like nation.
So cornbread fan on my bed.
I think we can do business.
Perhaps I might see your physique in a more biblical way.
Okay.
I think after all these years,
try to get these things off easily.
Those are some very good proportions we've exported there.
Oh, I think we could be in business.
Really should. Go.
I'm a sandwich. Thank you.
I can see that you are.
Very good thing I am working for.
Why don't we have a little audition of sorts?
Okay.
That would be an excellent idea.
How do you like this fucking thing up your ass?
I bet you like it, you fucking asshole.
Fucking prices of eggs.
I just don't like cleaning dog shit.
You clean dog shit.
Yeah, I got.
Hello? How?
What? Oh.
Where did you hear this from? Oh.
Thank you for telling me.
Okay, I'll tell Gordana.
And to a new world of gods and monsters.
Yeah.
Yeah yeah
yeah.
Yeah. Oh!
Wow! Oh!
Yeah. Oh.
Yeah.
There's
an. 000.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Oh.
Oh, 000.
Oh, yeah.
000000.
I would like to thank you
very much for taking my telephone calls and this lovely evening.
I have quite a proposal for a new film
that I think you would be very interested in.
I have recently made contact with a new engineer,
if you will, who goes by the name of Miss Harold Boxley.
Now, when I tell you she is good, I mean, she is better than syphilis.
Unfortunately, Miss Boxley also happens to be quite green.
So I would need someone of your stout caliber
in order to break her into the businesses as it is.
In order to help establish this movie.
It's going to be something new.
It's going to have cross-cultural references and religions
and women in positions of power that anyone can relate to.
Plus, it will have lots and lots of naked peoples
bumping uglies, which of course everybody wants to watch instead.
So I will leave it because proposal have you.
And if you are interested, I will get these contracts out to you immediately.
I thank you very much, my friend, for taking my call
and this lovely evening, and I will let you go as I have a business to attend.
Thank you and have a wonderful.
Shoot, I
feel it not only interesting get fascinating.
That's my plan.
It has gone as flawlessly as it has.
Make millions of dollars as a pornographic producer
to hire is the month to get the channel back from the cattle.
She was.
In that time,
nobody realizes what's my real mess to play this.
On. For as they will soon find out, the power of hysterical is much more fun.
Making speckles hot.
But once they have obtained the chatter.
I will have my full powers back
and establish my strength once again on this earth.
For I am not the simple pornographer Steve Valentine, like everyone
has suspected all along, because I have fooled them with that and actually,
I hope it is.
And the third, and I will rightfully take back
that which has been stolen from me.
I will have a child.
And I will not be foolish again.
I am not,
I will work
gods and monsters.
Thank you for calling us in that one.
Fine productions where without a doubt, you will roll one out to our Blu
rays, DVD, Laserdisc, and sometimes
Betamax. But.
It's.
My children.
That.
I told you.
It doesn't make any sense.
How could the alien
put an egg in the spaceship while they're sleeping?
When the.
Obviously the big alien, the Queen, was killed?
It doesn't make any sense.
Where did that come from?
Will you shut up already?
Yes, sir.
Oh, I'm glad you're here.
You have to set me free.
You would understand.
When the full
moon comes out tonight, how would you become a werewolf?
A werewolf, Mike? Yes.
So my claws are going to grow,
and I'm going to tear anything in front of me that's living.
Trippy.
They've been to shreds, and they're going to die an agonizing death.
You must believe me.
You set me free.
You must set me free.
Look, I'm uncomfortable with all this.
You hear that?
Okay.
Waste of my time
being in this place.
I didn't even do nothing.
Mr.. Quiet!
Yes! You made out.
Oh, collect all your stuff.
I ain't got shit, but. Okay.
Thank you.
Hey, keep in touch.
Pack up the wagon, son.
When I was a young man, it was my greatest joy.
Hang out in the backyard.
You all the time.
Look at back now.
You did say I wasn't your typical boy.
I know well, I will.
Now be your only.
Bright eyed and bushy tail.
Then I'm gonna need the trees.
Be in the mess. Let me.
One day my dad is watching you play.
He sits on there.
Somebody needed to say.
He wanted me to know that you love me.
Are we the way?
Sooner or later,
you're gonna have to face the truth.
No better time to learn that.
Do I know you, son?
You are old.
It's hard not to notice.
A change is going on.
It get wider, your legs grow long
and your neck somewhere.
It's exceptionally strong.
Shaped every day out in your own.
Just.
Washed out the sides of your silver bullet.
Through this
veterans.
Son, we need to find a safe place to be.
Someplace except for one run wild.
Free my new house just north of me.
He blew up the wagon.
We packed up everything we could.
Tonight, my love.
I feel the TV time and.
No, no reason.
Not you.
Love you.
Do you
still?
Love me for the first time.
And I know why you
stood outside of the window,
yes I do I want to hear it.
I don't want to end up with
love. Love
will stand.
Right.
Is this long time now?
Be alive.
There's no reason for you to hide.
I will ask for someone close before you.
You much shine.
Try to this me
that I love you.
We will run to the ends of the world.
And we will run as far as the wind blows.
You run to me a really good shot.
You. Need
to line up as my shadow.
You feel.
The sun.
I hope.
As the moment you love.
Me? Right.
This is a long time I'll be alive.
Let you, my love.
Jesus, I love to go wrong once again.
And I will you understand us?
Nothing.
Well, travelers make yourself at home.
Thank you very.
Finally, finally.
Get some real men in here.
Hey, man,
it's about time.
You boys look thirsty.
Why don't you have some of our homemade gin?
Now that really wet here, everyone.
Any time.
You men.
All the.
This always drop before you showed
good luck. I.
So what brings you boys?
You know.
Well, we're on our way
to Chicago for some private business right here.
Business? What kind of private business?
And how private
and private you private.
Oh, come on, give me one.
Everybody tells us their private here.
Here.
Oh, where's my.
Like.
I'll take.
Another one.
Nutrition state.
Today we are expecting a large storm and
that could be dangerous.
Oh, we're going to have to run.
Finish your drink.
Yeah.
You two should stay with us.
It's going to be bad out there.
We battled worse.
Since you insist on leaving us, you better stand.
The artist trails.
Whoa!
Jarvis! There.
We got a big storm coming to town and him moving here.
Oh, he looked so sweet.
Oh, darling,
you look. Oh.
Oliver, it's always good to see you.
Well, you know what?
I want to drink so,
I'm here to pick up my old friend
Gabby, but I'll shoot out for him in a moment.
Oh, we got.
Room. Oh.
There you go, honey.
We keep it ready for you, Oliver. We.
Saw you ladies doing.
I like my. Oh.
Yeah, me.
Gabby! Come out of you.
Son of a bitch! He's in the back.
Mr.. God, what's going on?
What do you want to drink tonight?
All right, last call.
That's it.
Well, where's mom with her eyes?
All right.
We know the real reason you're here.
What do you see? Because I haven't tried.
You see the chocolate?
Take these for luck.
You're going to need them.
Well, well, since last call, you
not serving any liquor, I'm going to find these jumbos.
I'm sure these gumballs.
All right, five bucks.
I'll take you to.
Oh, jumbo.
Hey. Hey!
Heffernan.
Now get the fuck out of my car!
What?
Comes up.
Let's.
Carry.
You ready to hit it?
Oh, excellent. Let's go.
I'm gonna take these gumballs.
I'll pay you next time I see you, okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Just go.
That was really.
I'll show you.
To a new world of guns and.
Jeb should be picking us up soon.
He's going to take us for a ride around this property.
You can't be lucky.
You're on my frequency.
Yeah, I got you on my frequency.
Coffee
here. You
all right?
Let's go get him.
Oh. You guys are here to see Jeff.
That's right.
And also share this stupid
shoot.
It's a goddamn werewolf drive.
That's what we're here to do.
You two dogs. Could get laid.
Him more. Fuck you.
I'm gonna take you over to Jim and we'll take you where he needs to go.
You ready?
Foreign.
Let's go.
Bitches.
To beat you.
Get your ass.
Up! Take out of our property.
I'm not going to go all the way back to our property.
Goes back there. It is also target range.
I'm not a gun guy, but it's kind of fun to be shooting.
Jack, you got a couple pistols?
No air, 14 or 15, whatever.
But there's a new chance.
Oh, we know, just rudimentary killing.
Ryder.
You tell me if you want me
to stop or anything.
You want me to take pictures?
Oh, great.
They're not going to record down.
This fence is in bad shape to replace.
It'd be 12 grand.
It's like, why?
Run it.
It's. You know,
hope she's stole a jack.
Okay.
This guy, we have trouble with the.
I think he's here.
Romanian. Look at what he has here.
See that little. It's getting a little Sambo.
Look at it.
They got like, chickens, too, that run around all day.
And the dog?
The dog is a chicken murder.
It's a little loose here.
Shit.
Sorry.
Murderer said.
Werewolf.
One two. Eight. Seven four.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa.
What kind of werewolf?
Why are they laughing?
Oh, actually, I.
That's what the,
What?
I should have 911.
I don't know, speed dial.
Like I'm being struck.
Oh, it's.
No, It's
right.
There we go.
911. What is your emergency?
Hello.
I, I need help.
I'm in.
I'm in the midst of becoming a werewolf.
Oh, bruh.
And I need help.
People are, They're out to get me.
They have guns.
They're shooting at me. They want to kill me.
The shooting into my house.
What?
Sir, what is your problem?
Did you hear me?
People are coming to kill me,
okay?
Did you ever stop to maybe wonder why?
Hello?
Is this 911?
Well, maybe you did stuff to piss people off.
Let me ask you a question.
How old are you?
58. Why?
Sounds like you haven't gotten very far in life.
Maybe you, like, have zero friends.
Are you going to send somebody,
tell me a lot.
You seriously need to help yourself first.
You need to start by stop being a pussy.
Oh, could you, like, grow some balls?
And for God's sake,
you need a prostitute fast.
What the serious?
Fuck,
dude, you really need to get over yourself.
You. Look, I don't have time for you and your bullshit.
You are very unkind.
I just rolled a mondo elephant leg
and I'm going to go fire that fatty.
The millennials listen in on it.
And, to this, you are raising money
billion the month.
And, my day in heaven.
I don't know, causing a spell.
On your machine name on the wall.
And I will.
Be straight from the Englishman set in horror mode.
Is not that.
I. Don't.
Like.
141 one 4000.
Treasure.
I hear you loud and clear.
Okay.
Whoa!
What is that?
Oh. Oh oh.
Oh. Oh.
Whatever.
What happened?
I'm so thirsty.
So thirsty.
What have I.
Told?
What have I done?
It's happened.
I've got to warn the others.
I have to warn you. Why?
Kind of call.
I got to call a priest.
But if I.
If I call him
to tell him that
I'm a dang werewolf, he's gonna hang up on me and laugh and hang up on me.
I gotta tell him something more believable.
Maybe,
a mad dog is possessed.
That's what I'm going to do.
Because he's just going to laugh at me.
So my dog is possessed.
That's the reason I'm calling him.
Hello,
father Goldberg, how? Wow.
Be quiet.
Hello, father.
Goldberg.
Yeah,
yeah, my name is Oliver Quirk.
How do you do, sir?
Great.
I was referred to you by, a friend of mine.
I got a little issue I'd like to talk to you about.
Maybe I was thinking we can get together as kind of something,
spiritual.
Thursday would sound good.
Yeah.
Oliver. Oliver. Quack. That's my name.
What's the problem?
Well,
My dog.
I think my dog is,
possessed by evil powers,
and, And I need to speak to somebody.
Maybe if I talk to you about it first,
maybe you can come over and meet with my dog and,
see what the problem is.
Yeah.
Okay.
I will see you Thursday at seven.
Thank you,
thank you.
God bless you too, sir.
Bye. Hope.
Hope,
hope.
Hope does not come
home.
Again.
Thank you
for seeing me.
On such short notice.
No worries.
I can tell this is urgent.
I, I need some spiritual guidance
and guidance.
I'll tell you my story.
The short version.
Three months ago, I,
I was bitten by a large bipedal.
That was over on, on Bray Road.
You know, on the other side of Elkhorn and,
I'll admit it, I was walking around in the middle of the night.
I was drunk and looking for a dark place to take a piss.
And all of a sudden,
the darn thing pops up,
attacks me, throws me down in the mud,
and bit me right in my ass.
Well.
Since then, I've been feeling sick
and haven't really,
dark nightmares,
the night terrors and,
And I noticed that
my skin was itching and I was forming these strange lesions.
Well,
the other night it finally happened.
I transformed a transformed into a lycanthrope,
a werewolf.
And, I ran out into the darkness and
I, this is where I need God.
So I committed atrocities,
terror.
I did terrible, terrible things.
Which leads me to no.
I'm sorry,
but the only way to break this curse is to make peace with God.
And see to it that you, in your life.
Did you know there is a secret organization in Elkhorn
called the Night Creatures?
It is run by a group of women
known as a she Wolves.
They are legitimate werewolves.
The real.
Their followers are just people.
But the sheep Wolves require them to dress as werewolves.
They follow their every command.
Some are real, some are not.
I'm sorry, but you only release is death.
There is one option though.
I know one old gypsy
woman who specializes in vehicles.
She lives right behind the barn
right off of Hangman's Road.
Thank you.
Father.
And your life bless you.
Yes. Thank you. Yo.
God bless you too, sir.
Thank you.
Godspeed.
I can't wait to tell them about this.
Oh. Oh.
Bill.
Oliver l I should be there just now.
It took you to Billy.
We have a.
I do.
I've done terrible things,
and I need to be cleansed.
So there's an album of the spirit of Appalachia.
You know, just your Billy's novel, your novel.
I understand.
I want to warn these two men
that have come to our town recently,
and warn them to go home
because they're going to be no match for the.
The sheep.
Wolves or the night creatures who
have terrorized this town of Elkhorn.
I need to warm them.
And the animals to these big, nice,
nice basement.
How? Can I achieve my own death?
How many ways
you can lay down in front of a steamroller?
Okay.
It's not bad.
And, Cover your head in, honey,
and stick your face in the business.
A business? Oh.
Okay.
You can, cover yourself in several pounds of pork chops
and jump in the lion's cage at the zoo.
Lions.
I actually like them.
Go on.
You can rub, crushed
red pepper to his face and then slap him. Oh.
Yeah, well.
That one.
I'm going to have to
think about.
Thank you for your help.
Thank you.
I, I think I know what I have to do.
First. I have to rescue these.
These two and
and send them away from this danger.
And hopefully they can save my soul.
Thank you.
Tiana. Thank you for for your help.
So, SolarWinds, Washington Avenue, Kismet.
Oh. Well,
I can feel it.
I feel I.
I know that
if I drink more, I won't be able to save those two.
And I'll be forced
to join
the ship.
Well, Hey.
You. You.
This looks like the term October-December.
I think we found.
I was God.
But then,
That's a lie.
It's alive.
Let's get out of here.
You. Good.
Who the hell is that?
Oh. Oh, what's a bitch?
Night kitties.
Headquarters.
How may I help you?
I'll put the word out.
Release all the werewolves we got.
Two people take the to get you.
To. Of.
Again. Yes.
Brutal.
Confused.
Spread out and confuse them all.
Stay on it.
See what the hell?
Hello? Yes.
Everyone's entitled.
You won't wash your hands.
Oh! Werewolves.
Attack on it.
They go
pain in the ass and dog.
She's a pain in my ass.
Yeah. She.
She's.
Here.
Oh. Long now.
Come on. Move over.
You good?
Damn it!
Release the homunculi.
It's really rare.
You hear me? Release.
I'm about to lose the release.
The monkey lives.
Are you.
Do you want.
Bring back the Monkey Lords.
Bring back the hurt monkey.
Lloyd's.
Case. Shit.
You okay? Oh!
Shit.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Oh. Keep close me on my fucking go.
Yeah.
This is a short sprint.
You've.
Just seen go through school.
Girls will swing.
But see.
All of you are targets and worthless.
I'll handle this myself.
Okay?
Okay.
Yes. Yeah, yeah, we're all dog dicks.
Affirmative. We're all done.
Dick, you go get him. Thank you.
She is one pain in my ass. Oh.
Where was I?
Yeah.
Was, There we go.
Oh. Oh.
There's no way we're gonna survive this.
There's too many of.
Us to. Say.
Oh. Hey!
I told you, there's too many of them.
This isn't going to work.
They're not going to get this.
The charter.
Crew. Oh!
No! Hey, let,
what the hell?
Yeah what
the hell?
Man, what the hell?
You. You.
There's no need to worry.
You'll be fine.
I'm coming.
But your furry little part in my.
Who feels so good?
I feel like shit.
Who will this love
I'll lose going on?
You know, sometime after midnight, please.
So far away.
Underneath the moonlight and dance.
Night away.
Yeah.
Let's loosen up those dogs.
Because they don't need a rest.
Tighten up your backside.
Loosen up your chair.
There's no need to worry, honey.
You'll be fine.
And come and put your furry
little palm inside. My.
Will you feel so good?
I'll be like you.
How last long?
Who's going home
sometime after being, placed.
So far away?
Yeah.
Underneath the moonlight.
Laughs that night away.
You feel so good
I feel like a. You.
Oh. Who lives.
Long.
Who's going to
know you?
Well then shake that.
Hey, you.
There's no need to worry.
All that you got me.
Baby.
Here. You.
Oh! They want to foreclose on the family farm.
I must go to the bank at once.
I. Couldn't hug from banks from the bank.
I got your letter about my family's farm,
but I'm willing to do anything to save it.
Anything at all.
Perhaps there is something
we can work out. Oh.
We can talk for us, banks.
And. Sorry I'm late. My horse broke down.
I'm glad you made it.
We have a lot to go over.
If you want to save your parents farm. You.
He was an innocent Amish lad.
Unknown to her world of perversion.
She used.
Her power to separate.
The men from the boys.
And then the boys from the Mennonites.
He knew he couldn't resist
plowing her field. How?
Oh, but.
Oh, lie! It's got to do.
What a lie it's got to do.
Oh, because she's.
Going down on the farm to raise his barn and get his butter.
Charity,
Luke,
in the corruption of an Amish lad.
Special parents follow the elephant.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
00000000000.
000000.
Yeah.
Be honest with me.
You really think this role is for me?
Porphyria.
Hum, hum, hum, hum, hum.
We're very, We're very male. Hot.
Yes. Got a friend.
They only scared.
I wouldn't say that.
Wouldn't say what?
I wouldn't say that word.
What word is that. The normal word.