1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.BZ
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,008
[birds singing and chirping]
3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ
4
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,516
[frogs croaking]
5
00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:26,651
{\an8}["Only You" playing]
6
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,672
{\an8}[presenter] Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Aaron Chen.
7
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,091
{\an8}[audience cheering and applauding]
8
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:53,136
♪ Can you hear me? ♪
9
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,388
[song fades]
10
00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:57,682
Hey, hello. How's it going?
11
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:58,933
[scattered laughter]
12
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,061
Yeah, sick. Um...
13
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:02,854
[Aaron chuckles]
14
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,732
This is the biggest show
I've done in New York, uh, since--
15
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,817
- [audience cheering]
- Yeah.
16
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,362
It's the biggest one I've done
since I left the cast of Shen Yun.
17
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,239
[audience laughs]
18
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,365
[chuckles softly]
19
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:17,535
Some of the best days of my life,
I must say.
20
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,496
- [audience laughs]
- [snickers]
21
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:22,207
Nah, it's good to be out here in New York.
22
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:25,001
It's good. I know you guys
haven't seen a lot of this.
23
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,503
Um, this--
24
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,171
You don't have this combo.
25
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,464
- Uh...
- [audience laughs]
26
00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,716
Guys that look like this
and sound like this.
27
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:32,675
This is--
28
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,385
I'm Chinese-Australian.
29
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:39,099
My dad, he moved from China to Australia
to give us a better life.
30
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,351
I moved to America to make it worse again.
31
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,394
- Uh...
- [audience laughing]
32
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:44,395
Nah.
33
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:48,233
I love America.
It's, uh, going in a great direction.
34
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:49,859
- Uh...
- [audience laughs]
35
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:53,863
There are Chinese people in Australia.
We've got Chinese guys.
36
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:54,906
There's a lot of them.
37
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:59,244
I went to a school
that was 90% Chinese and Indian kids.
38
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:02,455
Which you can't officially legislate.
39
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,873
- Like...
- [audience laughs]
40
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,168
You're not allowed to just pick them. Uh...
41
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,212
But you can make the tests really hard.
42
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:12,298
[audience laughing]
43
00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:14,634
I was doing the exam, I'm like,
44
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:17,804
"These questions are difficult
in a way that's racist."
45
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,722
- You know?
- [audience laughs]
46
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,808
I was very offended doing the test.
47
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:24,102
- [audience laughs]
- [chuckles]
48
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:27,480
I've been travelling around America.
I've been all around.
49
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:28,731
I've been to the South.
50
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:31,526
- Your enemy. Um...
- [audience laughs]
51
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:34,070
I like the South. I do. I like it.
It gets a bad--
52
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,656
I like the South.
It's one of my favorite directions.
53
00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:37,657
- Uh...
- [audience laughs]
54
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,159
I like it so much,
55
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:41,744
When people say things are going south,
I say good.
56
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,246
- You know?
- [audience laughs]
57
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,833
Let's go further.
Let's go to Mexico. You know?
58
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:50,336
I've been all around.
I've been to San Francisco.
59
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,338
- [scattered whooping]
- Oh yeah.
60
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,631
Every time I go back,
61
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,426
these commies are up to
something new there.
62
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:57,343
[audience laughs]
63
00:02:57,427 --> 00:03:00,180
These commies--
They've got driverless cars now.
64
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,097
[audience laughs]
65
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,683
You seen this? Waymo.
66
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,477
Waymo. I like it.
67
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,563
I hope we eliminate all humans.
68
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,440
- You know?
- [audience laughs]
69
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,901
One day I'd love to perform to just Waymo.
70
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,110
[audience laughs]
71
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,278
That'd be good.
72
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,447
Those commies.
73
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,490
- [giggles]
- [audience laughs]
74
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,910
It's good to be out here.
What a place, you know?
75
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:24,662
It took me a long time to fly out here.
76
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:28,666
From Australia to America,
22 hours in the air.
77
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,252
That's unbelievable.
They've got meals on the plane now.
78
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,378
[audience laughs]
79
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,714
They always had that, but it's, um...
80
00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:37,133
- [audience laughs]
- It's still going, you know.
81
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,261
They only have two options,
chicken or fish.
82
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,347
That's all they ever had.
83
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,141
And that's not enough information,
you know?
84
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,310
What's the chicken? What's the fish?
85
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,562
They don't tell you in the carts.
They go quick.
86
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,856
So you're not allowed
to ask them questions.
87
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,484
I panic, you know? I say, "Fish."
88
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,278
But it turns out that chicken is a pasta.
89
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,322
Which is my absolute favorite.
90
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:00,365
[audience laughs]
91
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:03,117
Chicken Alfredo. Oh my gosh.
92
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,246
Fish was a milkshake. Uh...
93
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,915
[audience laughing]
94
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,583
Horrible stuff.
95
00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:15,713
But you guys got good airlines here.
96
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,174
- Beautiful airlines. Um...
- [audience laughs]
97
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,300
Very nice.
98
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,262
I flew on Southwest Airlines.
99
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,554
You heard about this?
100
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:24,472
[audience laughs]
101
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:26,891
They have a thing called open seating.
102
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:30,353
You can pick whichever seat you want
when you're on the plane.
103
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:31,938
It's unbelievable. I didn't know that.
104
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:35,066
They didn't tell me that.
There was no e-mail.
105
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:36,693
[audience laughs]
106
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,195
I found out when I was on the plane.
107
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,531
- That's Squid Games, you know?
- [audience laughs]
108
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,992
You know, I was having a panic attack
in the aisle.
109
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,910
People were stepping over my body.
110
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:46,828
[audience laughs]
111
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,871
I got the worst seat on the plane,
you know?
112
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,124
I just had to sit there,
think about my life.
113
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:52,542
It was horrible.
114
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,753
At one point in the flight,
a woman got up to go to the toilet.
115
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,046
I took her seat.
116
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,008
[audience laughing]
117
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:04,137
She comes back, like, "What's going on?"
I'm like, "It's open seating, lady!"
118
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,054
[audience laughs]
119
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,889
You know, I'm using her iPad.
120
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,433
[audience laughs]
121
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,101
Looking after her child.
122
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,271
Very good kid. Very good.
123
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:16,733
I was like, "No more chips
until you finish your fish smoothie."
124
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,818
- "We gotta... come on."
- [audience laughing]
125
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,406
I came to New York two years ago.
126
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,701
I flew in. I landed via JFK Airport.
127
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,329
- What a beautiful airport this is.
- [audience laughs]
128
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,705
It's really good. Really nice.
129
00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:32,999
They got great Wi-Fi.
130
00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:33,958
[audience laughs]
131
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,168
Unbelievable Wi-Fi.
132
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:37,003
You gotta log into the Wi-Fi.
133
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:39,756
They don't just let you on.
You log on, right?
134
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,215
And they got a log-on page.
135
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:44,260
At the bottom of the log-on page,
there's a box you can click.
136
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:48,056
And it says, "Would you like
to receive JFK Airport news?"
137
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,557
[audience laughs]
138
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,768
I'm like, who's that for? You know?
139
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,812
Who wants JFK Airport news?
140
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:58,024
But I accidentally clicked it
on the way to logging in.
141
00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:01,110
So now I'm getting JFK Airport news.
142
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,821
But I don't even read the regular news.
143
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,198
[audience laughs]
144
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:07,575
So my main source of news...
145
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:08,910
[audience laughing]
146
00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:11,537
...is JFK Airport news.
147
00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:14,332
That's not helpful, you know?
148
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:16,584
New York's a high-level city.
149
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,461
You know about this?
150
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:19,796
[scattered laughter]
151
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,589
This is a low-level crowd.
152
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,966
- This is, um...
- [audience laughing]
153
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,511
A lot of low-level guys in here.
They're low-level.
154
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,221
- [audience laughs]
- [snickers]
155
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,973
No, I'm serious.
I was at a dinner party the other night.
156
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,393
- Not to brag. Um...
- [audience laughs]
157
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,728
And I was sat next to
one of these guys, right?
158
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,480
High-level guy.
159
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,941
And I was doing pretty good. You know?
160
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,359
I was keeping up.
161
00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:43,736
If you saw me, you'd be like,
"This guy's keeping up."
162
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,154
[audience laughs]
163
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,280
And I was, right?
164
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:49,534
But at one point,
he turns to me and he's like,
165
00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:52,453
"What do you think
about the conflict in Ukraine?"
166
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:53,830
[audience laughs]
167
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,289
And I was like...
168
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:59,210
"How about the renovations
at Hudson News?"
169
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,295
- Like...
- [audience laughing]
170
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,132
"What do you think about that?" You know?
171
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,383
[audience laughs]
172
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:07,468
'Cause if you want to talk, we can talk.
173
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,011
[audience laughing]
174
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,180
But it does have to be about JFK,
you know?
175
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,183
Like, let's be reasonable.
176
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,770
I don't know. There are conflicts.
I do know about them.
177
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,314
They've got more than technology now.
178
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,525
I've seen it. They've got tanks.
179
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,568
Oh, my goodness.
180
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:26,195
How did they come up with that?
181
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,948
Some believe at war, the invention...
182
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,533
A guy, he must have saw a gun.
183
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,034
He'd be like,
184
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,870
"Yeah, I'd like to drive that."
185
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,206
- [audience laughing]
- [Aaron chuckles]
186
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,751
But it's good to be here in America, USA.
187
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,378
What a pla-- Whoa.
188
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,672
- [audience laughs]
- [woman laughing]
189
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,716
She loves it. Um...
190
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,593
It's great. It's great to be here.
191
00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,178
It's hard to come here, you know?
192
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,972
It takes a lot to come here.
You've got to get a visa.
193
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,640
Anyone here got a visa?
194
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:55,683
[scattered whoops]
195
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,393
You're on a-- What are you on?
196
00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,062
- [woman] An E-3.
- E-3 visa.
197
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,398
- [men whoop]
- This is a rare visa.
198
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,566
[audience laughs]
199
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,819
This is an Australian's only visa.
200
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:12,033
It was a gift from America to Australia
because we helped out in the Iraq war.
201
00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:13,075
[audience laughs]
202
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,286
So for us, it was not a pointless war.
203
00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,371
[audience laughing]
204
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,209
We got a visa out of it, you know?
205
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:22,251
Get them, boys.
206
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,003
- [snickers]
- [audience laughs]
207
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,423
And we did get them. Uh, we got them.
208
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,218
- Visa secured. Um...
- [audience laughing]
209
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:33,012
I'm not on that visa.
I didn't support the war.
210
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:35,097
- She loves it. Uh...
- [audience laughing]
211
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,557
She really likes it.
212
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,811
I'm on a visa. It's called the O-1 visa.
213
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,856
That's alien of extraordinary ability.
214
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,608
[audience laughs]
215
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:46,567
This is it.
216
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,653
[audience laughs]
217
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:52,365
What I'm doing right now,
no American could do.
218
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,950
- This is...
- [audience laughs]
219
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,618
This is Australian excellence.
220
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,828
- Um-- [chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
221
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,580
It's a hard process to get the visa.
222
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,542
It's very difficult, you know?
It took me one year.
223
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,086
It cost me $10,000.
224
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,880
Australian dollars, so 20 USD.
225
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:11,217
- It was... a lot for me. Um...
- [audience laughs]
226
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:15,304
And at the end of it,
they make you do a 100-part questionnaire.
227
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,639
And it's psycho.
228
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:19,475
It's a psycho questionnaire. I never--
229
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,519
Question 1, it lures you in.
230
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,145
Question 1, "What's your name?"
231
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,313
[audience laughs]
232
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:28,859
At that point, I'm pretty confident.
You know? I think I got this. But, uh...
233
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,821
Questions 90 to 100, they go crazy.
234
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:36,200
Question 90, "Have you ever been
involved in a terrorist organization?"
235
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:37,952
Question 95,
236
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:41,622
"Have you been a government official
in charge during a genocide?"
237
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,374
[audience laughs]
238
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:44,584
And then question 100,
239
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,920
the last question they ask you
before you enter America is,
240
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,214
"Have you ever employed a child soldier?"
241
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,009
[audience laughing]
242
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:58,431
I'm reading these questions and I'm like,
I guess everyone has to fill out forms.
243
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:00,224
[audience laughs]
244
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,060
You know? Like, there's some guy out there
answering yes to these.
245
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,562
[audience laughing]
246
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:05,771
Who is that?
247
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,024
Just like a warlord?
248
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,901
He's sitting with his child soldier?
249
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:15,114
He's like, "I'm sorry, kid,
I don't think we're going to Broadway."
250
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:17,199
[audience laughing]
251
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:21,871
"I don't know if you'll get to
see Nicole Scherzinger in Cats."
252
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,956
- [audience laughing]
- [chuckles]
253
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,168
I don't know if she's in Cats. Um...
254
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,669
[snickers]
255
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:32,965
It's good to be here in New York.
What a place.
256
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,217
I went to the Natural History Museum.
257
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,302
- [scattered whoops]
- Yeah.
258
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,429
I took my friend, who's a vegan,
259
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:41,015
and they had an exhibition,
260
00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:43,476
it was on carnivorous plants.
261
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,853
I'm like, these guys are the opposite,
you know?
262
00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:47,480
[audience laughs]
263
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:48,564
Like...
264
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,649
Who's gonna get who?
265
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,942
- But it's...
- [audience laughs]
266
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,528
Things are on a different scale
in America, you know?
267
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:57,531
You guys do things on a big scale.
268
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,784
It's, um-- 'Cause, like--
269
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:04,664
For example, your most famous statue
is called the Statue of Liberty.
270
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:08,834
It represents all your freedom,
all in one statue.
271
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,587
You've got the Washington Monument.
272
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,131
That represents something also.
273
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,217
[audience laughs]
274
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:20,930
In Australia, our most famous statue,
it's called The Big Banana.
275
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,890
[audience laughs]
276
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,975
It represents a regular banana.
277
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:25,976
[audience laughing]
278
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,270
But we wanted to see
how big we can get it.
279
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,438
[audience laughs]
280
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,774
Turns out, pretty bloody big.
281
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,527
- [audience laughing]
- [laughs]
282
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,153
But it's good to be out here.
283
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,030
What a place, huh?
284
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:41,409
You do have to be brave
to live in New York.
285
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:44,412
Only some of the bravest guys live here.
286
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,538
There's a lot of bravery.
287
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:48,958
I saw a guy jumping over the turnstiles
at the subway.
288
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,335
- What?
- [audience laughs]
289
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,962
That's unbelievable.
290
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,964
I could never do that. I'd crawl under.
291
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,049
- Uh...
- [audience laughs]
292
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,927
You've gotta be brave
to live here, you know?
293
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,387
'Cause you can get tricked.
294
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:03,139
I'm getting tricked.
295
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,391
- I'm getting tricked.
- [audience laughs]
296
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:06,976
I'm serious. They're tricking me a lot.
297
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,520
You know these guys,
they sell the charities at you?
298
00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:12,773
They've got the vests on.
You know, they've got the clipboard.
299
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,775
- They're good.
- [audience laughs]
300
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,610
They're unbelievable, you know?
301
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:17,737
They're always tricking me.
302
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,822
They've got little riddles, you know?
303
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,741
They've got traps and stuff.
304
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,452
If you get any of them wrong,
you have to solve world hunger.
305
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,078
- It's...
- [audience laughs]
306
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:29,582
The first trap they have,
is they say, "I love your shirt."
307
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:30,916
[audience laughs]
308
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,587
It took me two or three times
to realize they did not love my shirt.
309
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:35,629
[audience laughs]
310
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,174
This is not a coincidence, you know?
311
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:41,469
What I learnt is you're meant to say,
"Thank you so much," and you keep walking.
312
00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,429
Right? You've got to ignore these guys.
313
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,389
But then they've got a second riddle.
314
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:50,436
And they say, "Do you know the only state
that ends with the letter K?"
315
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,564
That's very hard not to stop for.
316
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:54,940
[audience laughs]
317
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,859
That's very intriguing.
318
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,736
I'm like, "I don't know."
319
00:12:58,819 --> 00:12:59,779
"Kentucky?"
320
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,405
[audience laughs]
321
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,698
And they say, "No."
322
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,325
"It's New York."
323
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:05,868
[audience laughs]
324
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,578
Isn't that charming?
325
00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,662
[audience laughs]
326
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:09,955
Isn't that nice?
327
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,583
That's where we are right now.
328
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:15,628
- The answer was beneath our feet.
- [audience laughing]
329
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,755
This is unbelievable!
330
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:21,383
But you get it wrong.
I had to give them all my credit cards.
331
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,676
[audience laughs]
332
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,886
But I've adapted, you know?
333
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,430
You've got to adapt to the city.
I'm adapting.
334
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,182
I know what you're supposed to do.
335
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,768
The other day they tried to get me.
They work in twos, you know?
336
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:32,144
I'm walking on the street.
337
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,480
One of them comes up to me.
He's like, "I like your shirt."
338
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,606
I say, "Thank you."
339
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:36,816
And I keep going.
340
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,693
And the other guy, he goes,
"Well, do you know the only state--?"
341
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,028
And I say, "New York."
342
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:42,363
[audience laughs]
343
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:43,364
He perishes.
344
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:45,741
- He's dead.
- [audience laughing]
345
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,284
Keep going, you know?
346
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,705
You've gotta be brave.
People are brave here.
347
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,083
People are obsessed with crimes
in New York.
348
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,167
They love it.
349
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,210
They love, um--
350
00:13:56,293 --> 00:14:00,589
I know they're obsessed
'cause you guys got an app called Citizen.
351
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,883
- [woman] Yes!
- Yeah, get it, girl.
352
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,135
- [woman whoops]
- [audience laughs]
353
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,763
It's, uh... it's unbelievable, you know?
354
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:12,852
This app, if you don't know what it is,
it shows you a map of New York City.
355
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:16,772
And it shows you every single crime
going on at that exact moment.
356
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:18,774
There's a second map on there.
357
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,986
It shows you every registered sex offender
that lives near you.
358
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:22,903
It's unbelievable--
359
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:25,698
People are obsessed with this app.
There's a premium function.
360
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:28,284
- [audience laughs]
- You can pay money to it, you know?
361
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,494
I think you match with them. Um...
362
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,997
- [audience laughs]
- I don't know. I don't know.
363
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,332
Sorry. Um... [laughs]
364
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,711
It's good to be out.
It's a busy, busy city.
365
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,671
- Can we all admit that?
- [audience laughs]
366
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:42,840
Very busy, this city. Very busy.
367
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:46,594
Some people, they even call it--
They call it the city that...
368
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:48,178
is very busy.
369
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,097
- It's... it's busy.
- [audience laughs]
370
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:53,475
Some people are so busy,
they're eating overnight oats.
371
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,768
[audience laughs]
372
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,186
Have you heard about this?
373
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:59,857
They don't have time in the morning
to make oatmeal.
374
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,443
They've gotta make it the night before.
375
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:03,986
That's too busy.
376
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,321
[audience laughs]
377
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:09,241
Oatmeal is not traditionally
a 24-hour dish, you know?
378
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:12,786
We never had to plan for oatmeal before.
379
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:16,206
For hundreds of years, we've been
making oatmeal when we feel like it.
380
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,666
[audience laughs]
381
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,335
It's too busy.
382
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,880
Since moving here,
I've become too busy for overnight oats.
383
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:26,091
When I go to sleep,
I put the oats in my mouth, you know?
384
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,134
[audience laughs]
385
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:29,011
I wake up and I swallow. I'm like...
386
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,305
- [audience laughing]
- Let's go.
387
00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:36,226
But you have to eat oats. You do.
388
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,394
[audience laughs]
389
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:40,397
That's what they say. It's a super food.
390
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,857
You know about this?
391
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:46,987
It's... the food system
is all messed up, I swear.
392
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,490
They've got microplastics now.
393
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:50,908
You heard about this?
394
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:53,410
One of my friends,
he was telling me, allegedly,
395
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:57,748
the average person
eats one credit card a week.
396
00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,291
[audience laughs]
397
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,668
That's too much.
398
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,461
[audience laughs]
399
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:05,756
I take one bite,
I'm like, that's enough, you know?
400
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,008
- [audience laughs]
- [chuckles]
401
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:11,804
But you gotta eat healthy, you know?
You do have to eat healthy.
402
00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:14,556
I've been having smoothies.
403
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,850
You guys don't do smoothies?
404
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,060
[audience laughs]
405
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,854
I'm doing smoothies.
You've gotta do smoothies now.
406
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,190
I don't know what to put in the smoothies.
407
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:26,777
I don't know who to trust.
I've just got everything in there.
408
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:30,364
Anyone-- Any-- Anything anyone says
you've gotta put in a smoothie,
409
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:32,282
I'll put it in there, you know?
410
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,952
I don't know who to trust.
Left wing, right wing?
411
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:35,995
[audience laughs]
412
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,622
They all have great ideas on smoothies.
413
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,709
I've got elk meat
and AstraZeneca, you know?
414
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:43,252
[audience laughs]
415
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,754
I'm having diarrhea and autism.
416
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,840
- [audience laughing]
- [chuckles]
417
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,676
But... [chuckles]
418
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:54,596
No, it's crazy to be out here.
419
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,098
[scattered laughter]
420
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,018
It's a beautiful place, America.
421
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,979
Because you guys have diversity here.
422
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,774
- Not in this room, but...
- [audience laughs]
423
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,444
Generally there is diversity, you know?
424
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:09,445
It's beautiful.
425
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,822
We've got diversity in Australia.
426
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:14,491
But we've got different guys to you.
427
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:15,868
[audience laughs]
428
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,745
You guys have got different guys here.
429
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,038
And I think that's nice.
430
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:19,997
[audience laughs]
431
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,208
I think that's good.
It's good to see new guys.
432
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,209
I've been seeing new--
433
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:28,505
I saw a Korean man
yelling at a Hasidic Jew
434
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,049
in Spanish.
435
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,009
[audience laughing]
436
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,761
Isn't that beautiful?
437
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:37,014
Isn't that what
we've been working towards?
438
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:39,683
That's gorgeous. That's nice.
439
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,185
It's 'cause you have Latin culture.
440
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:44,271
Latin culture is infused
into American society.
441
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:45,689
It's beautiful, you know?
442
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:48,692
We don't really
have Latin culture in Australia.
443
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:50,527
We've got a couple of guys.
444
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:51,904
[audience laughs]
445
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,615
They're called Guzman y Gomez.
446
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,825
- They...
- [audience laughing]
447
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,078
They're kind of entrepreneurs.
448
00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,455
It's a part of American society.
449
00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:03,999
I love it. I've been embracing it a lot.
450
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:07,002
I went to a Mexican restaurant.
451
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,796
It's... called Chipotle.
452
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,089
[audience laughing]
453
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,299
Very beautiful culture. Very beautiful.
454
00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:16,053
I went to a Mexican restaurant
one time in Los Angeles.
455
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:19,473
And it was a beautiful restaurant.
Very long line. I was lining up.
456
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:21,892
I was lining up
behind this middle-aged man,
457
00:18:21,975 --> 00:18:23,811
and he was with his mother.
458
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,688
And they were speaking Spanish
to each other.
459
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:27,898
That's traditional.
460
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:29,525
[audience laughs]
461
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:33,403
At one point, he leaves a line
to go get his mother a menu.
462
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,489
But he also got me a menu.
463
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:37,825
- Isn't that gorgeous?
- [audience laughs]
464
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,284
That's really nice.
465
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:40,410
That's really...
466
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:43,122
So I look him in the eyes and I say,
467
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,039
"Gracias."
468
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,542
[audience laughs]
469
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,585
He looks at me.
He says, "I speak English."
470
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:49,670
[audience laughs]
471
00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:52,381
"You don't need
to practice your Spanish on me."
472
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,300
And that's a learning moment
for me, you know?
473
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,636
I'm humbled. I'm not from around here.
474
00:18:57,719 --> 00:19:00,764
All I can-- I bow my head and I say,
475
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,224
"Lo siento."
476
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,309
[audience laughing]
477
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,103
[Aaron giggles]
478
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,151
[audience laughing]
479
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,236
[audience laughing and applauding]
480
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:21,827
But...
481
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,454
But my life's not going well. I, um...
482
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,415
[audience laughs]
483
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,709
I'm serious.
I realized my life wasn't going well
484
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:32,963
because Spotify recommended me
a playlist called Sad Girl Vibes.
485
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:35,048
- Uh...
- [audience laughs]
486
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,760
It's not good, man.
The world's gone nasty.
487
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:41,054
The Internet's gone nasty.
488
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,473
Don't you think?
Internet's very nasty now.
489
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,309
I was on, um, gmail.com.
490
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,060
[audience laughs]
491
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,938
Very nasty stuff they got going on.
492
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,356
They got a new notification.
493
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,318
It says, "You sent this e-mail
four days ago."
494
00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:55,944
They haven't replied.
495
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,279
[audience laughs]
496
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,031
It's like, you don't need to tell me that.
497
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,576
I've been thinking about that
for four days, you know?
498
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:03,785
[audience laughs]
499
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,120
It's nasty, you know?
500
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,749
They have a thing now, it's called AI.
501
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:13,170
I heard they're introducing it
at JFK Airport. It's...
502
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:15,255
[audience laughing]
503
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,178
I heard it's going to
affect the future of jobs.
504
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:22,596
That's what it's saying.
505
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,932
It's saying the jobs--
The article I was reading,
506
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,975
it was saying
the jobs that are most secure,
507
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:30,145
they're the ones you can define
just by reading the job title.
508
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,690
Just by reading the job title,
you need to know what the job's about.
509
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,567
Jobs like a soccer player.
510
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:36,526
[audience chuckles]
511
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,612
That's really good, you know?
512
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,323
Nurse. That's a doing word.
513
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:43,408
[audience laughing]
514
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:45,786
Yeah, yeah.
515
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:50,666
Not to brag, but stand-up comedy,
that's very secure.
516
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:51,625
[audience laughs]
517
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:53,252
Comedy. Make people laugh.
518
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:56,922
It even tells you what position
to do it in, you know? Like...
519
00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:59,049
- Upright. Um...
- [audience laughs]
520
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:01,760
But I get worried,
because I have a family friend,
521
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:04,137
and he's a management consultant.
522
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:07,182
I can't even begin
to know what that is, you know?
523
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,685
I don't even know what management is.
524
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:12,938
I guess you manage,
but so does everyone, you know?
525
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:14,314
[audience laughs]
526
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,191
Even people who are struggling.
527
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,193
You say, "Do you need help?"
528
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,112
They say, "I'll manage," you know?
529
00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:21,071
[audience laughs]
530
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:25,409
I'm worried about him on multiple levels,
because, um, even "family friend..."
531
00:21:25,492 --> 00:21:27,494
- [exhales]
- [audience laughing]
532
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:32,749
That's someone who's neither family
nor a friend, you know?
533
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:35,544
That's a guy you have to hang out with
'cause of your dad.
534
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:38,630
[audience laughing]
535
00:21:40,215 --> 00:21:42,551
But my life's not going well, um...
536
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:43,510
I'm serious.
537
00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:45,554
I clogged my drain the other day.
538
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,264
[scattered laughter]
539
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,765
I did. I clogged it right up.
540
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,809
I had to get a bottle of Drano.
541
00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:54,062
This guy, he shows me around the store
for like ten minutes.
542
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,898
At the end of it, he's like,
"This is unbelievable."
543
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:58,942
"I have no idea where they're putting it."
544
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,152
[audience laughs]
545
00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:02,738
I was like, "I thought you were 'them,'"
you know? Like...
546
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:03,864
[audience laughs]
547
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:06,408
But I go home, I take the Drano home.
548
00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:08,994
This drain is clogged up.
549
00:22:09,077 --> 00:22:10,037
It's really bad.
550
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,956
I had to pour the whole bottle of Drano
down there to get it unclogged.
551
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,292
I thought that's what
you're supposed to do.
552
00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:16,335
I told my friend this.
553
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:18,003
He said, "That's disgusting."
554
00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:18,920
[audience laughs]
555
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:21,715
It's like, "Do you know how bad
that is for the dolphins?"
556
00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:25,677
And to be honest, like, I didn't even
consider the dolphins, you know?
557
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:26,595
[audience laughs]
558
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,388
I didn't know that it got to them.
559
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:30,515
That's so far away.
560
00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:32,934
I'm on the seventh floor.
561
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,436
[audience laughs]
562
00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:37,147
But when he told me that,
I felt horrible, you know?
563
00:22:37,230 --> 00:22:38,982
Like, I was disgusted with myself.
564
00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:41,360
I had to make a peace offering.
565
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:43,487
I poured a can of tuna down there.
566
00:22:43,570 --> 00:22:45,530
[audience laughing]
567
00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,324
Please have that, you know, please.
568
00:22:47,824 --> 00:22:50,952
It wouldn't really go down,
so I had to put a little bit of Drano to...
569
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,496
[audience laughing]
570
00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:53,663
...ease it through, you know?
571
00:22:53,747 --> 00:22:56,666
We got to get it to the dolphins.
572
00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:02,756
Other stuff's going well.
I got a dishwasher.
573
00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:04,508
- [scattered whoops]
- Yeah, thank you.
574
00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:07,219
[audience laughing and applauding]
575
00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:09,388
That's the biggest clap of the show.
576
00:23:09,471 --> 00:23:12,474
- That's... [chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
577
00:23:12,557 --> 00:23:15,477
I got a dishwasher.
It's been going pretty good.
578
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,438
I used to rinse the dishes
before I put them in.
579
00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:21,233
But I heard that you're not
supposed to do that, you know?
580
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:23,860
I heard that if you rinse them
before you put them in,
581
00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:26,905
it's actually really bad
for the dishwasher's self-confidence.
582
00:23:26,988 --> 00:23:30,450
- [audience laughing]
- It needs to be built on trust, you know?
583
00:23:32,327 --> 00:23:35,497
I don't risk it anymore. I go dining now.
584
00:23:35,997 --> 00:23:37,749
I'm eating out. You guys dine?
585
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,418
- [man 1] Yeah.
- Yeah.
586
00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:40,710
Hell yeah.
587
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:42,421
[audience laughs]
588
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:43,422
You guys dine?
589
00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:44,589
- [man 2] Yeah.
- Wow.
590
00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:46,800
- Table for two?
- [man 2] Table for two.
591
00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:48,260
[exhales] Pretty good.
592
00:23:48,343 --> 00:23:49,428
[audience laughs]
593
00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:51,721
Pretty good.
I've been doing table for one.
594
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:52,722
[audience laughing]
595
00:23:52,806 --> 00:23:55,934
Nothing wrong with that.
It's not illegal yet. Um...
596
00:23:56,017 --> 00:23:58,478
They're probably gonna try to make it.
But I, um...
597
00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:00,856
Table for one. You can book online.
598
00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:03,525
Resy.com.
599
00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:05,193
[scattered laughter]
600
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,237
What is this, an open table crowd?
601
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,323
[audience laughing]
602
00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:12,451
I'm... [laughs]
603
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:14,536
[audience continues laughing]
604
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,750
I'm booking online. I, um...
605
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:21,960
I am table for one.
606
00:24:22,043 --> 00:24:24,129
They always ask you if it's an occasion.
607
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:26,798
I always put something, you know?
608
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:28,675
- 'Cause it's funny.
- [audience laughs]
609
00:24:28,758 --> 00:24:30,719
On the page, it looks funny.
610
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:32,804
Table for one, there's an occasion?
611
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:33,972
[audience laughing]
612
00:24:34,055 --> 00:24:35,849
Are you kidding me?
613
00:24:35,932 --> 00:24:37,934
That's unbelievable.
614
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:41,188
You get there, it's not funny.
615
00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:43,482
[audience laughing]
616
00:24:43,565 --> 00:24:45,442
They're very sad for you, you know?
617
00:24:45,525 --> 00:24:46,818
[audience laughs]
618
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:47,777
[sighs]
619
00:24:48,612 --> 00:24:50,405
"Happy anniversary." You know? Like...
620
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,115
[audience laughing]
621
00:24:53,074 --> 00:24:54,534
[Aaron chuckles]
622
00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:59,456
But, I mean, yeah,
I've been dining out too much, probably.
623
00:24:59,539 --> 00:25:00,832
I've been dining out a lot.
624
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,959
- My body is falling apart.
- [audience laughs]
625
00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:04,586
It's falling apart. I got--
626
00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:08,381
I had a tooth that was decaying so bad,
I went to the dentist, and she's like,
627
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:11,009
"Yeah, we're gonna
have to put a crown on it."
628
00:25:11,092 --> 00:25:13,261
I was like,
"Why are you putting a crown on that one?"
629
00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,679
"That's the worst tooth."
630
00:25:14,763 --> 00:25:16,097
[audience laughs]
631
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,266
"You've gotta put it on the canines."
632
00:25:18,808 --> 00:25:20,101
I love those dogs.
633
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:22,145
[audience laughs]
634
00:25:22,229 --> 00:25:24,773
But she's like, "No, it's urgent.
We're gonna have to do it now."
635
00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:27,776
And, um, she did the root canal,
put the crown on,
636
00:25:27,859 --> 00:25:29,611
and she's like, "I'm sorry."
637
00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:31,780
"I'm sorry, but, um,
you're gonna have to hold off
638
00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:34,991
from flossing that area
for about two weeks."
639
00:25:35,492 --> 00:25:38,703
And I was like, "I've been holding off
for a lot longer than that."
640
00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:40,914
- [audience laughs]
- "On your word, doc."
641
00:25:40,997 --> 00:25:43,124
- [audience laughing]
- [chuckles]
642
00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:45,126
My body's falling apart.
643
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:47,796
I got a fungal infection
on my toe, you know?
644
00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:51,841
Sorry to have to tell you that,
but that is what's going on in my life.
645
00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:56,221
And I went to the doctor's and he said,
"You know, in the past,
646
00:25:56,304 --> 00:25:58,723
traditionally, how people
would prevent infection,
647
00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:00,850
they used to urinate on the feet."
648
00:26:01,851 --> 00:26:04,896
I was like, "I'm gonna need
a second opinion on that
649
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:05,814
before you do it."
650
00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:08,900
- Like, you know? Like...
- [audience laughing]
651
00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:11,236
But I need to get into shape.
652
00:26:11,319 --> 00:26:13,655
I do. I'm a family man now.
653
00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:15,490
I've got a sister. Um...
654
00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:17,075
[audience laughs]
655
00:26:17,158 --> 00:26:17,993
I've got a sister.
656
00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:21,079
I'm trying to get into shape.
I'm getting inspired.
657
00:26:21,162 --> 00:26:23,748
I watched my friend do the triathlon.
658
00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:27,043
That's running, swimming, and cycling.
659
00:26:27,127 --> 00:26:31,047
I don't think I've done those activities
in the same calendar year, you know?
660
00:26:31,548 --> 00:26:33,091
It's very inspiring.
661
00:26:33,174 --> 00:26:34,718
I've got to get inspired to work.
662
00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:36,761
I've been watching sports.
663
00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:37,721
You seen this?
664
00:26:37,804 --> 00:26:39,097
[audience laughs]
665
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:41,850
They're fit, these guys. I, um...
666
00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:43,643
I've been watching soccer.
667
00:26:43,727 --> 00:26:46,730
I watched a game just today, you know?
668
00:26:46,813 --> 00:26:49,107
At halftime,
they got the commentators to come on,
669
00:26:49,190 --> 00:26:51,026
talk about the first half of the match.
670
00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:52,944
And one of them,
he was talking about a player.
671
00:26:53,028 --> 00:26:56,656
He said, "This is the most creative player
we've ever seen."
672
00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:59,868
"He's like a book with hundreds of pages
673
00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:01,870
and every page is different."
674
00:27:02,662 --> 00:27:04,205
I'm like, that's every book.
675
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,333
[audience laughing]
676
00:27:06,416 --> 00:27:11,630
If your book has the same pages,
I'd say your book is broken, you know?
677
00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:13,548
You need to get a new book.
678
00:27:14,215 --> 00:27:16,176
But I'm doing it now, I'm working out.
679
00:27:16,259 --> 00:27:17,677
I go and I work out.
680
00:27:17,761 --> 00:27:18,928
I go to a gym.
681
00:27:19,012 --> 00:27:22,682
I go to one of these gyms,
everyone's looking gorgeous, you know?
682
00:27:22,766 --> 00:27:25,310
You know these?
Some gyms, people don't look good.
683
00:27:25,393 --> 00:27:26,269
[audience laughs]
684
00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:28,730
The gym I'm at, everyone's gorgeous.
685
00:27:28,813 --> 00:27:31,232
But they work out
with an intensity in their eyes
686
00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:34,402
that suggests that
they don't believe they look good.
687
00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:37,489
- That's a real tragedy.
- [audience laughs]
688
00:27:37,572 --> 00:27:39,824
It breaks my heart, you know?
689
00:27:39,908 --> 00:27:42,327
I have to remind people, you know?
690
00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:43,995
I announce it in the change room.
691
00:27:44,079 --> 00:27:45,497
- Uh...
- [audience laughs]
692
00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:47,957
I'm like, "Fellas, you're looking good!"
693
00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:48,917
[audience laughing]
694
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,043
"You're looking nice!"
695
00:27:50,126 --> 00:27:51,169
The ladies are good too.
696
00:27:51,252 --> 00:27:53,546
I don't go--
I yell it into the change room.
697
00:27:53,630 --> 00:27:54,631
[audience laughs]
698
00:27:54,714 --> 00:27:56,800
There's no laws against that. Um...
699
00:27:56,883 --> 00:27:59,094
- [audience laughing]
- [snickers]
700
00:28:00,011 --> 00:28:01,054
Not yet.
701
00:28:01,137 --> 00:28:03,139
- [laughs]
- [audience laughs]
702
00:28:05,141 --> 00:28:08,978
But I don't know.
It's good to be out here, you know?
703
00:28:09,062 --> 00:28:11,272
I'm married now, thank you.
704
00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:13,525
- [audience cheering and applauding]
- Yeah.
705
00:28:14,275 --> 00:28:16,069
What a beautiful institution.
706
00:28:16,152 --> 00:28:17,237
I, um...
707
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,073
I went to Thailand for the honeymoon.
708
00:28:20,156 --> 00:28:21,658
- [audience] Ooh...
- [whistles softly]
709
00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:23,618
- Yep.
- [audience laughing]
710
00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:24,703
I love Thailand.
711
00:28:24,786 --> 00:28:26,705
I told my dad this. I texted him.
712
00:28:26,788 --> 00:28:30,125
I said, "We're going to Thailand
for the honeymoon."
713
00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:32,627
He doesn't text back.
He calls back immediately.
714
00:28:33,211 --> 00:28:34,879
He's like, "Don't go to Thailand."
715
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:38,174
"They're harvesting the organs
of Taiwanese nationals."
716
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:39,342
[audience laughs]
717
00:28:39,426 --> 00:28:42,053
And immediately
I know what's going on, right?
718
00:28:42,137 --> 00:28:44,848
'Cause my dad,
he's on an app called WeChat.
719
00:28:44,931 --> 00:28:45,765
[audience laughs]
720
00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:48,268
And what this is,
it's a Chinese messaging app
721
00:28:48,351 --> 00:28:50,895
where all my family have a group chat
with one another,
722
00:28:50,979 --> 00:28:53,815
and they share, uh, conspiracy theories,
723
00:28:53,898 --> 00:28:55,692
often in the form of a JPEG.
724
00:28:55,775 --> 00:28:58,027
- Um...
- [audience laughing]
725
00:28:58,111 --> 00:29:01,823
And the one of that day
was about harvesting Taiwanese organs.
726
00:29:02,323 --> 00:29:05,034
I pushed back.
I'm like, "Dad, I'm not Taiwanese."
727
00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:05,952
[audience laughing]
728
00:29:06,035 --> 00:29:07,829
He knows that, you know?
729
00:29:08,621 --> 00:29:10,623
We've known each other quite some time.
730
00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:11,916
[audience laughing]
731
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,877
But he's adamant. He keeps pushing, right?
732
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,130
I want to convince him once and for all
that these are conspiracy theories.
733
00:29:17,213 --> 00:29:18,840
Like, anyone can do them.
734
00:29:18,923 --> 00:29:21,092
- I'm pretty good at Photoshop.
- [audience laughs]
735
00:29:21,176 --> 00:29:25,054
So what I did was I got a picture
of the Australian prime minister,
736
00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:26,347
and I put a caption on it.
737
00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:29,851
I said that they're beheading
Chinese people in Hornsby.
738
00:29:29,934 --> 00:29:31,227
[audience laughing]
739
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:33,188
That's where he lives. And...
740
00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:35,607
I post that in the group chat.
741
00:29:35,690 --> 00:29:38,777
Ten minutes later,
the group chat's going crazy. It's...
742
00:29:39,402 --> 00:29:42,030
My uncle calls me.
He's like, "We're locking down." You know?
743
00:29:42,113 --> 00:29:44,115
[audience laughing]
744
00:29:44,949 --> 00:29:48,578
I defied my father's orders.
I went to Thailand anyway.
745
00:29:48,661 --> 00:29:49,579
Beautiful country.
746
00:29:49,662 --> 00:29:52,040
It's one of the great massage cultures.
747
00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:53,166
[audience laughs]
748
00:29:53,249 --> 00:29:54,959
You've got, um, Thailand,
749
00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:56,544
Sweden...
750
00:29:58,213 --> 00:29:59,130
And that's it.
751
00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:02,091
[audience laughing]
752
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:03,718
But, uh...
753
00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:06,095
They have, um, these massage places
754
00:30:06,179 --> 00:30:09,974
that are run entirely
by female ex-prisoners.
755
00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:10,892
It's beautiful.
756
00:30:10,975 --> 00:30:13,478
'Cause a lot of society,
they write these women off, right?
757
00:30:13,561 --> 00:30:15,939
Some of them have petty crime charges.
758
00:30:16,022 --> 00:30:18,358
Some of them even have assault charges.
759
00:30:18,441 --> 00:30:21,361
But these places,
they see these women and they said,
760
00:30:21,444 --> 00:30:22,654
"What you did,
761
00:30:23,154 --> 00:30:25,156
could you focus that
on the neck and the shoulders?"
762
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,242
- Like...
- [audience laughing]
763
00:30:31,037 --> 00:30:33,623
My dad's a great guy. He's a good guy.
764
00:30:33,706 --> 00:30:36,209
He helped me invent my signature,
you know?
765
00:30:36,292 --> 00:30:37,877
He sat me down, I was eight years old.
766
00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:39,254
He was like, "You're a man now."
767
00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:41,548
And I remember,
it was such a tender moment.
768
00:30:41,631 --> 00:30:45,093
He helped me do every, like, jag
and every curve of the signature.
769
00:30:45,176 --> 00:30:46,052
Beautiful.
770
00:30:46,135 --> 00:30:49,430
Immediately after, he helped me
commit my first tax fraud.
771
00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:50,682
- He...
- [audience laughing]
772
00:30:50,765 --> 00:30:52,725
Like, "Sign here,
where it says you work for me."
773
00:30:52,809 --> 00:30:55,353
And, um, I didn't work for him.
774
00:30:55,436 --> 00:30:57,230
So I was reluctant, you know?
775
00:30:57,313 --> 00:31:01,484
But he had to take me to his accountant
to try to strong-arm me.
776
00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:05,864
And she's a Chinese woman,
and she was really flexing on me.
777
00:31:05,947 --> 00:31:08,366
And how you do this in Chinese culture
778
00:31:08,449 --> 00:31:11,578
is you bring up
a lot of stories from history,
779
00:31:11,661 --> 00:31:12,620
show off your knowledge.
780
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:15,206
Like, you've got to know a lot of idioms,
stuff like that.
781
00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:19,335
And she sits me down, and she's like,
"Do you know Michelangelo?"
782
00:31:19,836 --> 00:31:21,379
And I was like, "Yeah."
783
00:31:21,462 --> 00:31:22,839
I thought it was a turtle.
784
00:31:22,922 --> 00:31:24,924
- Um...
- [audience laughing]
785
00:31:27,051 --> 00:31:30,763
But she says, "When he finished
building the Statue of David..."
786
00:31:30,847 --> 00:31:32,724
And I was like, "There's another one."
787
00:31:32,807 --> 00:31:34,809
- Um...
- [audience laughing]
788
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:39,022
"But when he finished, uh,
someone came up to him,
789
00:31:39,105 --> 00:31:41,524
and they said, 'Was it hard?'"
790
00:31:41,608 --> 00:31:43,776
"And he said, 'No, it was easy.'"
791
00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:47,947
"'I just took away from the marble
everything that wasn't David.'"
792
00:31:48,698 --> 00:31:51,326
And I was like, "What's that got to do
with my tax return?" You know?
793
00:31:51,409 --> 00:31:52,327
[audience laughs]
794
00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:55,330
And she said, "Well, the block of marble,
that's your income."
795
00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:58,291
"David, that's your tax return."
796
00:31:58,374 --> 00:32:00,043
[audience laughs]
797
00:32:00,126 --> 00:32:02,629
- And I didn't know what that meant. Um...
- [audience laughs]
798
00:32:02,712 --> 00:32:05,006
But I thought
we were both going to jail, for sure.
799
00:32:05,089 --> 00:32:07,759
- [audience laughing]
- [chuckles]
800
00:32:07,842 --> 00:32:09,552
But it's good being married.
801
00:32:09,636 --> 00:32:11,846
Beautiful thing to be married. I, uh...
802
00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:15,266
My wife, she moved from Australia,
uh, to America with me.
803
00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:17,518
She quit her corporate job in Australia.
804
00:32:17,602 --> 00:32:19,562
And now she's at culinary school.
805
00:32:19,646 --> 00:32:21,648
[women whooping and applauding]
806
00:32:22,815 --> 00:32:25,109
After that, we'll send her
to cleaning school.
807
00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:27,195
[audience laughing]
808
00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:33,159
Uh, sorry for saying that.
809
00:32:33,242 --> 00:32:35,244
- I, uh...
- [audience laughing]
810
00:32:35,870 --> 00:32:38,790
Uh, but a lot of you did like it, so...
811
00:32:38,873 --> 00:32:40,667
[audience laughing]
812
00:32:40,750 --> 00:32:44,837
I wanted to cut that out of the special,
but you liked it too much.
813
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:46,172
- Um...
- [audience laughing]
814
00:32:46,255 --> 00:32:47,465
[chuckles]
815
00:32:47,548 --> 00:32:49,842
She goes to a culinary school
in, uh, Manhattan.
816
00:32:49,926 --> 00:32:53,513
It's called the
Institute of Culinary Education.
817
00:32:53,596 --> 00:32:56,099
- That's ICE. Uh...
- [audience laughing]
818
00:32:56,182 --> 00:32:59,268
It's an unbelievable time
to be going to a school called ICE.
819
00:32:59,352 --> 00:33:02,772
They like the name,
they think it's good, uh...
820
00:33:02,855 --> 00:33:05,149
Some big letters on her backpack, ICE.
821
00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:06,442
[audience laughs]
822
00:33:06,526 --> 00:33:08,653
She catches the subway like that.
823
00:33:08,736 --> 00:33:10,905
I'm like, "I'm gonna get a different one."
824
00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:13,783
- I, uh...
- [audience laughs]
825
00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:16,244
If you want to go to culinary school
in New York,
826
00:33:16,327 --> 00:33:18,663
the two options that you have is ICE
827
00:33:18,746 --> 00:33:21,290
or the Culinary Institute of America.
828
00:33:21,374 --> 00:33:22,208
[audience laughs]
829
00:33:22,291 --> 00:33:23,251
CIA.
830
00:33:24,544 --> 00:33:26,629
- This is unbelievable.
- [audience laughing]
831
00:33:26,713 --> 00:33:29,882
She's going to have to do
a post-grad abroad, um,
832
00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:31,092
she's going to Al-Qaeda.
833
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,511
It's a beautiful school.
834
00:33:33,594 --> 00:33:35,054
- [chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
835
00:33:35,638 --> 00:33:36,848
But it's good to be married.
836
00:33:36,931 --> 00:33:38,725
We're having a couple of arguments.
837
00:33:38,808 --> 00:33:40,476
That's healthy.
838
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:41,728
That's beautiful.
839
00:33:41,811 --> 00:33:43,104
[audience laughs]
840
00:33:43,187 --> 00:33:46,524
Our main source of argument at the moment
is how we sort the laundry.
841
00:33:46,607 --> 00:33:48,609
You know? How we organize the clothes.
842
00:33:48,693 --> 00:33:50,486
'Cause I'm quite a simple guy.
843
00:33:50,570 --> 00:33:53,072
Like, a simpleton,
that kind of thing. You know?
844
00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:55,825
I have a very simple system
of organizing my laundry.
845
00:33:55,908 --> 00:33:58,202
It follows the human form.
846
00:33:58,286 --> 00:34:00,163
It goes top shelf, tops.
847
00:34:00,246 --> 00:34:02,040
Bottom shelf, bottoms.
848
00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:04,417
Middle shelf, obviously belts.
849
00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:06,252
[audience laughs]
850
00:34:06,335 --> 00:34:09,922
But she has a much more complex system.
You know? She's very intelligent.
851
00:34:10,006 --> 00:34:12,759
- She tries to trick me, and...
- [audience laughs]
852
00:34:12,842 --> 00:34:15,970
She doesn't just have three categories.
She's got sub-categories.
853
00:34:16,054 --> 00:34:18,848
And some of the categories
are subjective, you know?
854
00:34:18,931 --> 00:34:21,476
She's got a category
called "cute little tops."
855
00:34:21,559 --> 00:34:23,644
[audience laughing]
856
00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:25,438
I'm like, "How am I supposed to do that?"
857
00:34:25,521 --> 00:34:26,981
You know? We're having big fights.
858
00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:29,108
I'm like, "Honey, I don't think
that top's that cute."
859
00:34:29,192 --> 00:34:31,194
[audience laughing]
860
00:34:34,113 --> 00:34:37,575
But it's taking me a long time
to sort the laundry, you know?
861
00:34:37,658 --> 00:34:39,744
So I've been reading the tags.
862
00:34:39,827 --> 00:34:40,828
There's stuff in--
863
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:42,705
- There's content, you know?
- [audience laughs]
864
00:34:42,789 --> 00:34:45,958
I didn't know there was content.
Everywhere you look, you can find content.
865
00:34:46,042 --> 00:34:47,251
- Um...
- [audience laughs]
866
00:34:47,335 --> 00:34:49,921
That's really good.
There's content on the tag.
867
00:34:50,004 --> 00:34:52,715
I was reading one of the shirts,
and one of the tags, it said,
868
00:34:52,799 --> 00:34:56,969
"I'm made of 100%
recycled plastic bottles."
869
00:34:57,053 --> 00:35:00,598
I was shocked. I took the shirt up to her.
I said, "We're doing pretty well."
870
00:35:00,681 --> 00:35:01,516
[audience laughs]
871
00:35:01,599 --> 00:35:03,601
"I can get you something better,
you know."
872
00:35:03,684 --> 00:35:04,519
[audience laughs]
873
00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:06,395
"Made of anything you want."
874
00:35:06,479 --> 00:35:07,563
"Even new bottles."
875
00:35:07,647 --> 00:35:11,192
- Like, "We can... we can do that."
- [audience laughing]
876
00:35:11,692 --> 00:35:14,445
But that's not to say
that I don't have crazy clothes of my own.
877
00:35:14,529 --> 00:35:16,656
I've got a set of pajamas.
878
00:35:16,739 --> 00:35:19,033
That's tops and bottoms.
879
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:21,077
Where's that going? You know?
880
00:35:21,869 --> 00:35:24,413
Can't go with the belts. It, um...
881
00:35:24,497 --> 00:35:27,875
But the pajama, the top,
it's a button-down top, right?
882
00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:30,503
And that's more formal
than I wear day-to-day.
883
00:35:30,586 --> 00:35:31,796
[audience laughs]
884
00:35:31,879 --> 00:35:33,840
I imagine an outside observer looking in.
885
00:35:33,923 --> 00:35:38,052
They'd see me take off my T-shirt
and putting on a button-down.
886
00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:39,220
[audience laughs]
887
00:35:39,303 --> 00:35:41,472
They'd be like,
"This guy is serious about sleep."
888
00:35:41,556 --> 00:35:42,515
[audience laughs]
889
00:35:42,598 --> 00:35:44,433
I'm like, let's hit those KPIs.
890
00:35:44,517 --> 00:35:46,185
- Uh...
- [audience laughs]
891
00:35:46,269 --> 00:35:49,188
But since we moved in together,
we have new stuff.
892
00:35:49,272 --> 00:35:51,274
There's new stuff in the house.
893
00:35:51,357 --> 00:35:52,817
It's unbelievable. I didn't--
894
00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:54,777
The bathroom has more things.
895
00:35:54,861 --> 00:35:55,736
[audience laughs]
896
00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:58,990
Before I got married, I had three liquids.
897
00:35:59,073 --> 00:35:59,949
[audience laughs]
898
00:36:00,032 --> 00:36:02,910
You had the hand wash, um, toothpaste,
899
00:36:02,994 --> 00:36:04,453
and then three-in-one.
900
00:36:04,537 --> 00:36:05,955
[audience laughs]
901
00:36:06,038 --> 00:36:08,207
And that would cover
all realms of the body.
902
00:36:08,291 --> 00:36:09,584
- Um...
- [audience laughs]
903
00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:12,795
But now we've got a lot of liquids.
There's new sauces.
904
00:36:12,879 --> 00:36:13,796
[audience laughs]
905
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,465
We've got a skincare regime now.
906
00:36:16,549 --> 00:36:17,550
And it is a regime.
907
00:36:17,633 --> 00:36:18,593
Very oppressive.
908
00:36:18,676 --> 00:36:21,512
- It's...
- [audience laughing]
909
00:36:22,555 --> 00:36:23,389
It's daily.
910
00:36:23,472 --> 00:36:27,185
There's new liquids
that I've never heard of before.
911
00:36:27,268 --> 00:36:31,147
The other day she said to me, um,
"Can you pass the toner?"
912
00:36:31,230 --> 00:36:33,858
And I was like, "We don't have a printer."
You know? Like...
913
00:36:33,941 --> 00:36:35,943
[audience laughs]
914
00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:38,696
- [chuckles]
- [audience laughing]
915
00:36:41,449 --> 00:36:43,910
But it's good. You know, it's, um...
916
00:36:43,993 --> 00:36:46,120
You've got to put the effort in.
917
00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,956
[audience laughing]
918
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,666
That's really my advice. You do.
919
00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:52,293
I've been putting the effort in.
920
00:36:52,376 --> 00:36:55,296
I did, um, the love language test.
921
00:36:55,379 --> 00:36:56,672
It's so important.
922
00:36:56,756 --> 00:36:57,673
[audience laughs]
923
00:36:57,757 --> 00:36:59,884
It's one of the most important things
you can do.
924
00:36:59,967 --> 00:37:02,595
- And I did it. I, um...
- [audience laughs]
925
00:37:02,678 --> 00:37:03,888
I did the love language test.
926
00:37:03,971 --> 00:37:06,515
It turns out my love language
is not gift-giving.
927
00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,060
Um, and it was my wife's birthday
the other week.
928
00:37:09,143 --> 00:37:10,269
[audience laughs]
929
00:37:10,353 --> 00:37:13,147
So what I did was,
I put my hand on her shoulder.
930
00:37:13,648 --> 00:37:14,857
And I said, "Good on you."
931
00:37:14,941 --> 00:37:16,859
[audience laughing]
932
00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:19,237
That's, uh, words of affirmation.
933
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,530
And touch, you know? Kinda...
934
00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:24,450
- I got her two things. Um...
- [audience laughs]
935
00:37:24,533 --> 00:37:25,993
Really spoiled her.
936
00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:30,414
It's quality time too, two hours straight.
We did it, um...
937
00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:33,376
- "Good on you. Good on you." You know?
- [audience laughs]
938
00:37:33,459 --> 00:37:35,878
She does like quality time. She loves it.
939
00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:38,047
She loves going to cultural events.
940
00:37:38,130 --> 00:37:39,548
Isn't that good?
941
00:37:39,632 --> 00:37:41,300
[audience laughs]
942
00:37:41,384 --> 00:37:44,262
We went to the opera together.
We went-- I, um...
943
00:37:44,345 --> 00:37:48,224
- I struggled, I must admit, uh...
- [audience laughing]
944
00:37:48,307 --> 00:37:49,976
She's like,
"Why are you closing your eyes?"
945
00:37:50,059 --> 00:37:52,019
I'm like, "I'm really into it."
946
00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:55,189
- Uh... yeah.
- [audience laughing]
947
00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:56,774
"But I think you were snoring."
948
00:37:56,857 --> 00:37:59,151
I was like, "I was singing along." Uh...
949
00:37:59,235 --> 00:38:00,736
[audience laughs]
950
00:38:01,570 --> 00:38:03,239
I love that bit. I, um...
951
00:38:03,322 --> 00:38:04,365
[audience laughs]
952
00:38:04,448 --> 00:38:06,033
[laughs]
953
00:38:06,784 --> 00:38:10,204
But you learn a lot from being married.
You do. I have been learning a lot.
954
00:38:10,288 --> 00:38:14,375
Um, before I got married,
I had the same pillow for ten years.
955
00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:15,710
[audience laughs]
956
00:38:15,793 --> 00:38:17,420
I didn't know you weren't allowed.
957
00:38:17,503 --> 00:38:18,963
[audience laughing]
958
00:38:19,046 --> 00:38:21,090
I thought that was good.
Like, cost per use.
959
00:38:21,173 --> 00:38:22,383
That kind of thing, you know?
960
00:38:22,466 --> 00:38:25,011
By the time I was finished with it,
it was wafer thin.
961
00:38:25,094 --> 00:38:26,387
[audience laughs]
962
00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:28,889
- It was a memory foam pillow, you know?
- [audience laughs]
963
00:38:28,973 --> 00:38:30,433
Ran out of storage space.
964
00:38:30,516 --> 00:38:32,518
- Yeah.
- [audience laughs]
965
00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:34,145
When I got married,
966
00:38:34,228 --> 00:38:37,356
I found out that you're not allowed
to have one pillow for ten years.
967
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,483
- It's disgusting.
- [audience laughing]
968
00:38:39,567 --> 00:38:41,736
It's against God. Um...
969
00:38:41,819 --> 00:38:44,030
You have to have four pillows
all the time.
970
00:38:44,113 --> 00:38:44,947
[audience laughs]
971
00:38:45,031 --> 00:38:46,907
Two of the pillows you use.
972
00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:49,827
And two of the pillows
you put on the floor straight away.
973
00:38:49,910 --> 00:38:50,995
[audience laughing]
974
00:38:51,078 --> 00:38:52,788
Every single night.
975
00:38:53,289 --> 00:38:54,665
You never use them, right?
976
00:38:54,749 --> 00:38:59,462
Your neck couldn't sustain that angle
for the duration of the night.
977
00:38:59,545 --> 00:39:01,505
These are decorative pillows.
978
00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:03,507
What are they decorating?
979
00:39:04,008 --> 00:39:06,427
- The other pillows.
- [audience laughs]
980
00:39:06,510 --> 00:39:07,428
It's unbelievable.
981
00:39:07,511 --> 00:39:09,638
They're high quality pillows too.
982
00:39:09,722 --> 00:39:14,101
In my household, these pillows,
they're the same as the main pillows.
983
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:18,022
That's a lot of potential going wasted
on the floor every night.
984
00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:20,024
They're like, "Put me on, coach."
985
00:39:20,107 --> 00:39:21,025
[audience laughs]
986
00:39:21,108 --> 00:39:22,109
"I could change this up."
987
00:39:22,193 --> 00:39:24,862
They're waiting for the main pillows
to get drooled out.
988
00:39:25,738 --> 00:39:27,156
And I am drooling.
989
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:28,741
I, uh, hate to admit it,
990
00:39:28,824 --> 00:39:32,119
but I have to wear a mouth guard
to go to sleep.
991
00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:33,788
Anyone do that?
992
00:39:33,871 --> 00:39:34,955
[scattered whoops]
993
00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:38,042
- It's humiliating. It's...
- [audience laughing]
994
00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:40,795
It's horrible to admit. It's...
995
00:39:41,545 --> 00:39:43,964
'Cause back in the day, mouth guards,
996
00:39:44,048 --> 00:39:46,675
they were reserved
for professional boxers,
997
00:39:47,218 --> 00:39:49,428
um, NFL players.
998
00:39:49,512 --> 00:39:50,346
But nowadays,
999
00:39:50,429 --> 00:39:54,725
my life's gotten so stressful,
that the act of going to sleep
1000
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:57,436
is the same as blunt force head trauma.
1001
00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,064
[audience laughing]
1002
00:40:00,147 --> 00:40:01,607
It's humiliating wearing this thing.
1003
00:40:01,690 --> 00:40:04,443
And so many oats get stuck in it, it's...
1004
00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:07,530
[audience laughing and applauding]
1005
00:40:10,032 --> 00:40:10,866
But it's good.
1006
00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:13,035
We've been traveling. We travel.
1007
00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:15,704
We went to, um, Mexico.
1008
00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:17,415
- [audience exclaims softly]
- Ooh...
1009
00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:20,084
What a beautiful place. Mexico City.
1010
00:40:20,167 --> 00:40:22,336
- [scattered whoops and applause]
- [chuckles]
1011
00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:24,046
[audience laughs]
1012
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,590
There's a few attempted claps tonight.
1013
00:40:26,674 --> 00:40:29,677
- [audience laughs]
- [laughs]
1014
00:40:30,344 --> 00:40:31,554
We went to Mexico City.
1015
00:40:31,637 --> 00:40:34,890
We went to watch the lucha libre.
You know about this?
1016
00:40:34,974 --> 00:40:36,475
- [man whoops]
- You don't have to start.
1017
00:40:36,559 --> 00:40:39,019
- [laughs]
- [audience laughing]
1018
00:40:39,103 --> 00:40:40,438
We saw the lucha libre.
1019
00:40:40,521 --> 00:40:43,274
These guys, the luchas,
they wear the masks.
1020
00:40:43,357 --> 00:40:47,069
You know these guys? They wear the masks,
um, if you don't know the lucha.
1021
00:40:47,153 --> 00:40:50,614
The most famous lucha
is, um, called Jack Black.
1022
00:40:50,698 --> 00:40:53,033
[audience laughs]
1023
00:40:53,117 --> 00:40:55,035
And, uh, we went to watch the lucha libre.
1024
00:40:55,119 --> 00:40:56,662
The first match we watched,
1025
00:40:56,745 --> 00:40:59,457
it was between a lucha,
the guy wearing the mask,
1026
00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:01,750
and he was fighting a caveman.
1027
00:41:02,585 --> 00:41:05,921
And everyone was booing the caveman.
I didn't know what was going on.
1028
00:41:06,005 --> 00:41:07,673
So I had to ask someone,
"What's happening?"
1029
00:41:07,756 --> 00:41:10,551
And he said that they like the lucha more
1030
00:41:10,634 --> 00:41:12,761
'cause the lucha is more traditional.
1031
00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:15,556
But I would have thought that
the caveman is more traditional.
1032
00:41:15,639 --> 00:41:16,474
[audience laughs]
1033
00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:19,018
You know, that's one of the original guys.
1034
00:41:19,518 --> 00:41:21,061
But if you thought that I was confused,
1035
00:41:21,145 --> 00:41:23,939
my wife didn't know
that wrestling was fake.
1036
00:41:24,023 --> 00:41:25,483
[audience laughs]
1037
00:41:25,566 --> 00:41:28,027
So she thought that this was a real fight,
1038
00:41:28,110 --> 00:41:29,945
and they were still choosing to backflip.
1039
00:41:30,029 --> 00:41:31,071
You know, like they...
1040
00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:32,323
[audience laughs]
1041
00:41:32,406 --> 00:41:34,950
They thought that was
a good use of their time.
1042
00:41:36,076 --> 00:41:36,911
Her mind was blown.
1043
00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:39,079
She took like 100 Instagram stories
on the night.
1044
00:41:39,163 --> 00:41:40,873
All with the captions like, "Wow."
1045
00:41:40,956 --> 00:41:42,500
Like, "OMG."
1046
00:41:42,583 --> 00:41:45,169
Like, it was the best night
of both of our lives.
1047
00:41:45,252 --> 00:41:46,462
It was unbelievable.
1048
00:41:46,545 --> 00:41:49,715
At one point in the fight,
a little person came into the ring.
1049
00:41:50,216 --> 00:41:52,468
And he threw the referee out of the ring.
1050
00:41:52,551 --> 00:41:53,427
[audience laughs]
1051
00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:56,347
And at that point,
I thought, "The jig is up."
1052
00:41:56,430 --> 00:41:58,224
[audience laughs]
1053
00:41:58,307 --> 00:41:59,892
The jig was not up.
1054
00:42:00,392 --> 00:42:02,520
She turns to me,
she's like, "Is that allowed?"
1055
00:42:02,603 --> 00:42:04,605
[audience laughing]
1056
00:42:05,439 --> 00:42:07,983
I'm like, "I don't know.
It's a real perversion of justice."
1057
00:42:08,067 --> 00:42:10,236
- You know?
- [audience laughs]
1058
00:42:10,319 --> 00:42:13,697
We were walking home from the night,
from the event.
1059
00:42:13,781 --> 00:42:15,324
And we were both feeling very good.
1060
00:42:15,407 --> 00:42:17,243
We were on cloud nine.
1061
00:42:17,326 --> 00:42:20,037
But as we were walking,
the pieces started to fall into place.
1062
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:23,123
And she started to get messages
from back home, from her friends.
1063
00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:26,001
They're like, "You do know
that wrestling isn't real?"
1064
00:42:26,085 --> 00:42:27,586
[scattered laughter]
1065
00:42:27,670 --> 00:42:29,380
And she was furious at me.
1066
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,800
She was like, "Why didn't you tell me
that wrestling was fake?"
1067
00:42:32,883 --> 00:42:35,177
And I was like,
"I wouldn't know where to begin."
1068
00:42:35,261 --> 00:42:36,512
[audience laughs]
1069
00:42:36,595 --> 00:42:38,514
Like, "Do you know
that cavemen aren't around?"
1070
00:42:38,597 --> 00:42:40,683
- Like, we...
- [audience laughing]
1071
00:42:42,768 --> 00:42:44,728
"We don't have that anymore," um...
1072
00:42:46,146 --> 00:42:47,731
Dude, this is a beautiful crowd.
1073
00:42:47,815 --> 00:42:50,025
- What a beautiful crowd.
- [audience laughs]
1074
00:42:50,109 --> 00:42:52,111
This is amazing. What a night, huh?
1075
00:42:52,194 --> 00:42:55,698
Any of you come to this show
'cause you know me from Fisk?
1076
00:42:55,781 --> 00:42:57,408
[audience whoops]
1077
00:42:57,491 --> 00:42:58,576
A few Fisk-heads.
1078
00:42:58,659 --> 00:43:02,204
If you don't know what Fisk is,
it's, um, kind of a legal comedy.
1079
00:43:02,288 --> 00:43:05,249
It's created by the Australian government.
1080
00:43:05,332 --> 00:43:07,293
- And, um...
- [audience laughs]
1081
00:43:07,376 --> 00:43:08,627
I think it's a psy-op.
1082
00:43:08,711 --> 00:43:10,254
- I, uh...
- [audience laughs]
1083
00:43:10,337 --> 00:43:12,923
No, it changed my life.
1084
00:43:13,007 --> 00:43:14,341
'Cause before I did Fisk,
1085
00:43:14,425 --> 00:43:17,678
I was just doing stand-up comedy,
you know.
1086
00:43:17,761 --> 00:43:19,305
And I always looked like this.
1087
00:43:19,388 --> 00:43:20,347
[audience laughs]
1088
00:43:20,431 --> 00:43:22,933
- This is all I had to offer. Um...
- [audience laughs]
1089
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:26,437
And I would go on YouTube and Instagram
to see the demographics,
1090
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,731
like who was watching the stuff.
1091
00:43:28,814 --> 00:43:33,319
And it was always 90% male, 25 to 34.
1092
00:43:33,819 --> 00:43:35,404
Anyone fit that demographic?
1093
00:43:35,487 --> 00:43:37,489
[men whooping]
1094
00:43:37,573 --> 00:43:39,241
This is not a good demographic.
1095
00:43:39,325 --> 00:43:41,035
[audience laughing]
1096
00:43:41,118 --> 00:43:42,369
A lot of incels.
1097
00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:44,371
- Um...
- [audience laughs]
1098
00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:46,248
These guys,
they don't come out to the show.
1099
00:43:46,332 --> 00:43:48,667
They're busy planning something.
1100
00:43:48,751 --> 00:43:49,918
- [audience laughs]
- [chuckles]
1101
00:43:50,002 --> 00:43:52,296
I don't know what. I, uh...
1102
00:43:52,379 --> 00:43:54,465
But it was a very dark path
I was going down.
1103
00:43:54,548 --> 00:43:56,550
It couldn't continue that way.
1104
00:43:56,634 --> 00:43:58,969
- But then God intervened.
- [scattered laughter]
1105
00:43:59,053 --> 00:44:01,388
He sent the prophet, Kitty Flanagan.
1106
00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:02,640
[audience laughs and whoops]
1107
00:44:02,723 --> 00:44:04,433
And she cast me in this show Fisk.
1108
00:44:04,516 --> 00:44:06,894
Overnight, the demographic changed.
1109
00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:09,480
Women, 45 to 54.
1110
00:44:09,563 --> 00:44:11,857
[women whooping and cheering]
1111
00:44:11,940 --> 00:44:13,400
What a beautiful sound.
1112
00:44:13,484 --> 00:44:15,152
- This is...
- [audience laughs]
1113
00:44:15,235 --> 00:44:18,739
Overnight, these angels
descended into my shows.
1114
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:21,575
These beautiful white angels.
1115
00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:22,785
- Uh...
- [audience laughs]
1116
00:44:22,868 --> 00:44:24,370
[chuckles]
1117
00:44:24,453 --> 00:44:27,081
They love coming to the shows. They, um...
1118
00:44:27,164 --> 00:44:29,416
But that's why I had to leave Australia.
1119
00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:32,336
- I had to get away from all these mamas.
- [audience laughing]
1120
00:44:32,419 --> 00:44:35,047
All right, that's my time.
Thank you very much, New York!
1121
00:44:35,130 --> 00:44:37,132
[audience cheering and applauding]
1122
00:44:37,216 --> 00:44:40,219
[lilting classical music playing]
1123
00:44:57,945 --> 00:45:00,656
[lilting classical music continues]
1124
00:45:57,337 --> 00:45:58,338
[music fades]