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[narrator sighs] Just look at her. The very first Bride of the Year winner.
BEELD, WEDNESDAY, 1 FEBRUARY 1984
It's the biggest competition for newlyweds in South Africa.
It's uniquely South African.
Young or old, any bride can participate by entering her wedding photos.
And every month, one bride is chosen.
And at the end of the year there's a fancy, fancy gala evening
where only one bride is crowned as…
Bride of the Year.
[sighs] To be a newlywed.
[sighs] When I was little, that was my fairy tale.
Well, that, but actually to be part of a family.
♪ Here comes the bride Here comes the bride ♪
[church bell ringing]
-[narrator] My own, perfect family. -[people cheering]
[sighs] Probably because I was raised in an orphanage just opposite the church
where a wedding was celebrated almost every weekend.
LINDEN ORPHANAGE
[person] Lienkie, come inside.
[Lienkie] These two are my 'something old'.
The most beautiful bride and the perfect… Oh. Oh.
Perfect…
[gasps]
The perfect--
[sighs] Okay!
The perfect bridegroom.
[inhales sharply] What do you think?
I think it's perfect, Lienks.
It's definitely the most beautiful cake that you've ever baked.
Because this one is mine.
I must admit, I expected something a bit more impressive, but it's nice.
Simple…
-like you. -Uh, thanks…
-Mom? -No.
-Norma. -I have a few ideas around
where we might be able to make you look good.
-Hmm. -Come. Come and tell me what you think.
Can we please get a photo of the wedding cake, though?
I baked it myself.
We're participating Bride of the Year, not Cake of the Year.
-Martin. -Mm-hmm?
I assume there's some way we can hide those crow's feet of hers.
Don't worry. She's not my first veteran bride.
[chuckles] Hold on.
[chuckles] Thirty-nine isn't that old.
Not if you're a tree.
-I'll put her here. -Yes, it'll help for her nose. It's so…
-In your face, I know. -Hmm.
Drink. You're gonna need it.
-[gasps] I've got it. -Hmm?
Under the trees with the bridesmaids.
Where is Johannika?
[both click tongue]
You can slap me with a fish if I knew.
She's Zander's apprentice.
She's his PA. Very on top of things.
-Very. -I see.
Fascinating.
Okay, context. What's the message you want to convey to the judges?
Um…
That if you work hard enough,
you can also get the perfect family you deserve,
even if it takes time.
-No. -Mm-mmm.
[Norma] We want to inspire people, Lienkie.
-"From children's home to family home." -Hmm.
-My son is a true philanthropist. -[Martin] Hmm.
Excuse me, Auntie Norma. I just need to give little Zander here a fix.
Well, get a move on. We don't want to lose the shade.
Okay, Willem Botha. She's not the boss of us.
She is. Sort of.
I'm gonna need booze.
Lots and lots of…
…at 2:00 a.m., naked through the streets.
[laughing]
It's hard to believe Zander's finally being tied down.
The party prince of Pretoria is marrying Cinderella.
She's an orphan, dude.
I heard that Norma gave her son an ultimatum,
get married or get disinherited.
[chuckles]
She was probably worried
that Lienkie was getting too old to win that Bride of the Year title.
[both chuckle]
Mrs. Prinsloo, the ceremony should have started 20 minutes ago.
I-I have a funeral at twelve 'o clock.
Reverend, the man is dead.
It's not as if he'll be late for anything.
The Bride of the Year photos are my priority.
You know, I also participated in 1989.
Yes, you-you mentioned that, yes.
Numerous times.
[Lienkie screaming]
[gasps]
Stay calm. [chuckles]
This is, uh…
This is partly your fault. You weren't supposed to come in here.
-My fault? -Technically… [stammers]
we shouldn't see each other before the wedding.
What wedding?
-You and my bridesmaid just-- -[sighs]
Technically, I'm his bridesmaid.
Technically, you're his intern.
-Assistant. I've been promoted. -[camera shutter clicking]
-[chuckles] -Yes.
This is a nightmare!
Thank you!
Someone who understands.
What will we tell everyone, hmm?
I've already told everyone
that I'm finally going to win Bride of the Year.
[sighs] I'm sorry, Mommy.
I really wanted to give that to you.
How old are you?
Twenty-six, Auntie.
I could work with that.
Oh, adorable little nose.
Well, we'll have to make an announcement.
-Yes. -Come.
So that's it?
You were my only family.
Lienkie…
Yes?
You were never family, my dear.
Let's get out of here.
[gasps] Estelle.
[hushes] Right there.
[shutter clicks]
Perfect.
-[guest gasps] -[guest 2] Oh, my God.
[guests chattering]
[sighs]
What are you doing?
Uh, Lienks, I thought we were going to ninja.
I'm holding my cake high and walking out of here.
-Okay. -[guests chattering]
[inhales sharply]
[grunts]
[sighs]
My grand gesture is not gesturing.
-Just take the top piece. -Okay.
[all exclaim]
-[Norma gasps] -Now that takes the cake.
Really, Zander? You will pay for this.
As in literally. I'm sending you the bill.
Lienkie, let's be mature about this.
You're busy being hysterical.
-[huffs] -At least I'm not making a fool of myself.
Okay, okay.
-Okay. -Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[distorted screaming]
[exclaiming]
-[sighs] -[camera shutter clicking]
[grunts, sighs]
[exhales sharply]
Bye.
[Estelle] Whoo-hoo!
Oh, Lienks. You still have a bit of Norma in your hair there.
Oh.
Rest in peace, Norma.
Bottoms up, girl.
[sighs]
Mmm.
[Estelle groans]
[sighs]
Ten years.
Nine and a half years too long, if you ask me.
[sighs]
He had so much potential, though.
You're such a great judge of character.
Wow, I mean, look at my best friend.
-Your only friend. -Hey!
-Uh. Another one? -Hmm.
[both] Cheers.
[both] Mmm.
[both sigh]
Now you don't have to be Norma's show horse anymore. That's great.
Yes, but if I had won, she might have been nicer to me.
Hmm. But if you'd lost, she would've had you put down.
[imitates Norma] "The Bride of the Year title of 1989
-actually should have been mine." -Mm-hmm.
[imitates Norma] "I played polo, like, every week
with a cousin of one of the judges. [sighs]
But you know that Naomi Esterhuyzen…
[scoffs] that old floozy,
she's just beautiful inside and outside."
Do you really think she jumped on a horse to win?
I think she would've jumped on anything to win.
-[giggles] Right? -Ladies, ladies, ladies!
You two look like the adventurous types who'd love a tour of the City of Go…
Okay.
Shame. Who ran away? You or him, huh?
Who says anyone ran off?
Um, you're drinking shooters in a bar in your wedding dress.
The groom is drowning. I don't know. Lucky guess.
Okay, Sherlock.
Or was it a Mrs. and Mrs. wedding? Because that's very trendy.
I mean, this is beautiful.
That… Not sure. Is that a tablecloth?
-[mimics mockingly] -Okay, it's none of your business.
All I'm saying is, if you're the one who ran, well done.
The institution of Marriage is purely for suckers.
-Thank you. -And you know what they say.
"The best way to get over someone is to get under…
a tall building."
So how about a little fun tour of the city, huh? Come on.
Go bother someone else.
-Someone else isn't as pretty as you. -[gasps]
Hey, you're bothering liberated women here, buddy.
Oh! Miss Independences!
Love that for you guys.
-You can get me a drink, hmm? -Can I get you an Uber?
-My place or yours? -And when it gets here,
you can jump in front of it.
Ouch! How do you really feel, hmm?
-I feel men are obsolete. -Absolutely.
I feel we got off on the wrong foot.
How about a tour of Emmarentia Dam?
Moonlight, stars, shooting star.
[sighs] Sounds great. Late at night in a park with a stranger.
-So 9:00 tonight? -Okay, thanks, go now.
-Bye. Toodles. -Bye.
-Okay, okay. -Never want to see you again.
-What the hell? -What a weirdo.
Sorry, me again.
You dropped this.
You should be more careful.
This is Johannesburg. Boop.
Don't touch her with your sausage fingers, weirdo.
Was I too hard on him?
No, he's a man.
-And men are obsolete. -Obsolete.
-That's it. Last one. Here we go. -There we go.
Welcome to your new couch.
[upbeat Afrikaans pop song playing]
REMBRANDT BUTCHERY
SWEET TOOTH
[water trickling]
[Lienkie groans]
[groans] City of Joburg.
BUSINESS HOURS MONDAY - FRIDAY 07:00 - 17:00
SATURDAY 07:00 - 13:00
CLOSED
OPEN
[no audible dialogue]
[music continues]
[gasps]
[no audible dialogue]
[wind howling]
CLOSED
WEDDING CAKES HALF PRICE SALE
I told you that they wouldn't answer.
I actually got through, but it was the wrong department.
My pothole is now officially a sinkhole.
-Now, that's a 'hole' lot of trouble. -[robotic voice] Please continue to hold.
-Hang up. -Hi.
Are you a sinkhole or pothole?
[line beeping]
He just hung up.
[phone ringing]
Hi, Lienkie Koekemoer. Thanks for calling back--
-[banker] …account was flagged by… -Oh.
-We want to check a recent transaction. -Yes?
-It's the bank. -Oh, they just want your data.
-[banker] …25,000. -[gasps] How much?
At which store? [breathes heavily]
I'm on my way. Uh… [exhales]
Okay, uh, Jerry.
-Uh, who's Jerry? -Hi, Jerry.
Listen here, I need a little favor.
-[door opens, closes] -Okay, bye.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold it right there, sir.
Whatever it was, it wasn't me.
-Credit card fraud. -Oh, that.
It's you!
I've never seen this woman in my life.
You're the guy with the lame tours.
I would've done it for you at half-price.
[sighs] Hi, Jerry. He stole my credit card.
Borrowed!
For the basics.
Doesn't look like the basics to me.
Okay, if you must know, the TV is for the orphanage.
And the PlayStation is for the animal shelter.
-[shutters clicking] -And the pie is for me.
And I got us 10% discount, by the way.
-Us? -Mm-hmm.
-Lock him up. -Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
We can negotiate, huh?
Any plans tonight, huh? Should I comb your hair?
Nah!
Mr. Independence.
-You're doing it wrong. -You have nothing I want.
Okay, that's harsh.
You went to an English school, right?
-Let's take it away, boss. -I have connections!
Everyone needs something!
Think about it!
KFC.
McDonalds, chocolate éclairs, and then pies, pies, pies.
How many pies can the man eat?
His acid reflux must be insane.
And then the last big transaction of the day.
Mm-hmm. When the bank picked it up.
-Yeah. -[sighs] Not a good day for Frank.
-[Estelle] Mm-hmm. -[sighs]
Not for me neither. The bakery is struggling.
Lienks, are all your clients
-up to date with their payments? -Mm-hmm.
Everyone,
-except Zander. -There you go!
[sighs]
I guess I have to stop postponing.
[blows raspberry, gasps]
-And that? -Just some encouragement.
Hmm.
-I feel like a spy. -[Estelle] Go, go. Swart Kat, go.
-[shushes] -This way.
Okay.
-Cooee! [gasps] -[shushes]
-Hey! -You are a terrible burglar.
It's not as if we're breaking in. I have the keys.
[gasps] He's gone and redone the walls!
Yes, this color is called graveyard-gray.
All my furniture is gone. Everything that made this a home.
[gasps]
Mommy's hanging on the wall.
[groans] No.
It looks like he kept some of your photos, Lienks.
-Aw. -[grunts]
Oh. [gasps]
-Wait. -Hold on.
That's my engagement ring, but that's… That's not my hand.
[Estelle] And that…
[Lienkie] What's going on here? This…
[Norma] Breathtaking photo, don't you think?
You know, Martin is a true artist.
Especially if he has the right model to work with.
Have you moved in now?
-Someone has to wax Zander's back. -Hmm.
I'm surprised it took you so long to come crawling back here, you know.
Where is Zander?
Zanzibar. No, wait.
Is it the Okavango Delta?
It's a five-star flexi-plan.
A far cry from that pitiful Contiki tour you wanted to do for your honeymoon, hey?
Honeymoon?
[gasps] I know!
It all happened so fast.
Soul mates.
You simply can't keep them away from each other.
-Zander and Johannika. -[both gasp]
A girl with spirit and ambition.
That's why she was the winner of Bride of the Month.
-[scoffs] -Bride of the Mo--
We heard the wonderful news this morning. It's an absolute fairy tale.
That was my fairy tale.
Sweetie…
Shame. You were never the right material.
[grunts]
Are we going to play cricket?
That depends.
Did Zan-Zan also leave his balls here with his Mommy?
Get out or I'll call security.
Not until you've paid Lienkie for her cake.
Ah. So that's why you broke in here.
For a measly amount of money. Ugh.
It cost 8,000 rand.
Hmm, 8,000. "Swipe to pay".
Hey!
What is your problem with me?
My dear,
you're desperate.
Desperate for love.
Desperate to be a part of my family. It's…
It's pathetic.
Maybe I am pathetic,
but at least I'm not cruel.
Or old.
Go!
Go take a bath in Botox!
Bye!
[sighs]
Okay.
[gasps] Ooh, coffee!
No, that's enough coffee.
I'm the one who made him, and now Johannika gets rewarded?
I don't know if Zander counts as a reward.
Norma was right. I was desperate.
For the house, the children, the stability that I never had as a child.
And now Zander has the life I've always wanted, but with someone else.
[cries]
I think you should look at it as a new beginning, Lienks.
I don't want a new beginning.
Okay.
I want revenge!
Yes.
Okay, what's the plan?
I'm going to win Bride of the Year.
Ah. Um, slight problem. [chuckles]
You have a month to get married and you don't have a husband.
-So we'll get one. How hard can it be? -[Estelle scoffs]
[Frank] Right! Eyes on the queen. Here we go!
Macho, macho man. Find the queen, if you can. Yeah?
Ah, wait, wait, wait. [chuckles]
I know where.
-Are you sure? -Yes. Shh, man.
There!
-Ah. -[sighs] Wow! No way.
Too bad, bro. Next time. Who's next? Let's go!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Show me the other two cards.
Hey, man. The game's over.
We're all having such a good time now.
Do you know what we do with cheaters, huh?
Frankie!
Someone here for you.
Just when we were starting to have fun, gents.
-Buh-bye. -[clicks tongue]
Hello!
Daddy's waiting for you.
[grunts]
I'm telling you, just put me in solitary confinement.
-I'm fine with being alone. -Hey.
Bro, this isn't a yoga retreat. We only have one cell.
-Either you're inside or you're outside. -Yeah. Outside is fine too.
I might be able to help you with that.
-Hmm? -Hey! Well, well, well.
They always come back to old Frank.
-Told ya. -[sighs]
[Frank chuckles]
I need a con man.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[stutters] You know I can hear you, hey?
Oh, it's nothing illegal. I promise.
How's Michelle?
[chuckles] We're preggies.
[screams] Congratulations.
[Jerry chuckles] Let me get the sonogram.
The 12-week one. You can see his hee-hee!
-Ooh! -Let me know if you need a stroller.
I have a connection.
You have to pretend to be in love with me.
[laughs] What?
Katlego, did you hear what she said?
-[laughs] -[Katlego laughs]
Come on. It's me or jail.
Is it really that hard to decide?
Well, I mean, how old are you?
[chuckles]
Hey! Aw!
You're a lucky man.
Send her love, huh?
Will do.
You can take him back. Hmm?
[prisoner] Frankie, we miss you!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
We can negotiate.
It's fine. You're-You're pretty. Pretty-ish.
[Frank] Wait. Rewind a bit.
It's not like a real marriage.
It's just so that we can convince the Bride of the Year judges.
So until death do us part? That's a bit hectic.
Oh, okay. So you'd rather prefer to stay in jail with your buddies, hmm?
-Okay, so it's a Miss World for Brides? -Mmm.
According to my ex-mother-in-law,
it's the biggest competition for newlyweds in the country.
So you can win a prize just by getting married?
And they call me a con man.
Okay, the competition is tough.
Sounds like punishment to me.
There are hundreds of entries,
and every month just one couple is chosen.
And out of the 12 finalists, only one bride can wear the crown.
Oh, so it's a beauty contest.
No, it's not about beauty.
It's about them, their story, their future plans, you know?
What makes them more special than the rest?
So we're lying.
Call it acting.
Whatever. What do I get out of it?
Uh, you do not get locked up for fraud?
Good point. What else?
That was the deal. Period.
Okay, but do you want an Oscar performance,
or a primary school concert?
[gasps]
All the prizes are valued at 50,000, and a second honeymoon.
Well, in that case, call me Marius Weyers!
So, all I have to do is…
DREAM WEDDING
Follow the plan.
[Frank] What?
You know, this is very creepy?
Well, thanks.
BRIDE OF THE YEAR 1989 1ST PRINCESS
-[Zander] Remember the snake? -Yes,
but I've never had such a nice mojito before.
Yes, yes. That one, and, um, the one where you're walking on the beach together. Hmm?
Oh, Mom, I actually like the one at the casino.
Zander, Mommy knows exactly what the judges will like.
["Carmen" playing]
Yes, Mom. Mom must just tell me when I can give Mom a lift home.
Oh, no. That won't be necessary.
I will be staying here until you're the winners of Bride of the Year.
Great. [chuckles]
Awesome.
Okay. We'll create the perfect fiancé.
-A man of the soil. A good man. -[sheep bleats]
Johannika and Zander are going for the young, corporate couple,
but we'll be doing the opposite.
Farm boy…
-who puts his family first. -[rooster crowing]
[Frank] Oh. I don't do family, sorry.
[Lienkie] But the judges love a big family.
Well, I don't care. No family.
[cow moos]
Okay, Marius Weyers. It's not you, it's the character.
No one will believe I'm from a happy family, okay? Trust me.
-I'm a good liar, but not that good. -Okay, so what do you suggest?
A solitary man. A loner.
"A lone wolf. Stranger.
Turned his back on the spotlight."
[sighs] Mm-mmm.
-Okay, how about a cowboy, huh? Strong. -[horse whinnies]
-[whip cracks] -[Frank] Silent.
-Unshakable. [blows air] -[bird shrieks]
[blows air, imitates Frank] This isn't Carletonville.
-[Frank] A biker? Huh? -[Lienkie] Not Krugersdorp either.
[Frank] Okay, how about a pirate?
A pirate who just stole a treasure,
and he's fleeing for his life on the deep blue sea.
And everyone wants to kill him!
-[imitates pirate] -[record scratch]
-There's no way. -What?
We're trying to distance ourselves from your criminal record.
Just to be honest, I've never been convicted. In your face.
You're a farm boy, okay?
Tight jeans, nice check shirt.
Oof, maybe a pair of bush boots.
So I must look like someone who sings folkmusic?
Metro farmers are trending. [moans]
Okay, fine. I'm a single farm boy enjoying his life.
This farm boy needs a little personality.
Yes! A farm boy who…
[imitates fanfare] …breakdances, baby!
Okay, too much personality.
Ooh, a writer. A thinker.
Yes, that's beautiful.
"Captains Log. Day 300 on the open sea."
Okay, you're not Jack Sparrow. You write romantic poetry.
"I think I have scurvy. My heart's topsy-turvy for a lady so curvy".
-[sighs] -Huh?
Come on, Frank!
What? It's called negotiating.
Okay, you're a farm boy who writes while sailing the seas.
A single farm boy who writes while sailing the seas.
Until he meets his soul mate. His one true love.
[shutter clicks]
[Frank sighs]
Didn't the Titanic sink?
I'll green-screen it. Okay?
This isn't the Titanic,
it's the boat we met on, in…
Mauritius.
[groans]
How long is this gonna take?
So I caught a dead snoek in Mauritius and you fell for me?
Sounds legit.
-This thing stinks. -It's fresh snoek.
In Johannesburg?
Okay, drop the fish and come sit here, and pretend to be in love with me.
I wish I were you, buddy.
Okay, here we go.
[leaf blower humming]
-[groan] -Yay!
-Enough? Is it-- -Okay, I think we've got it.
Now you can go and do the Titanic pose.
-Shotgun, Rose! -Hold on, Rose.
I am not drawing you naked.
-Okay. -[sighs]
[sighs]
It looks like you're holding an injured seagull. Hold her properly.
Okay!
-Yes. -[shutter clicking]
Okay, got it?
-Yes. -Cool.
Ooh.
Is that it or is there still a-- Okay.
Mauritius!
How old are you?
["Rowwe Bliksem" playing]
Oh, yes.
-Now we're talking my language. -Okay, hold on.
We're just here for a few photos.
This isn't my kind of music anyway.
Dance?
Oh, maybe not. Zander said it was a waste of time.
[in Afrikaans] ♪ How do you get on that vibe ♪
[in English] Zander is a waste of time.
[in Afrikaans] ♪ Man I'll load the cooler ♪
-♪ But where are we going to cruise ♪ -♪ We'll just stop around the corner ♪
[in English] Nice!
-♪ And we're going to visit Meyer ♪ -♪ But what if Meyer refuses ♪
♪ We'll say our brandy is finished ♪
See? It's not that hard.
♪ Because there's still plenty there ♪
♪ Take me drunk, I'm going home ♪
♪ Hold me tight Or I'll dance myself to death ♪
-You ready for the move? -The what?
The move.
♪ At Buffelsfontein We get honky-tonk young ♪
♪ If we aren't careful tonight We'll end up in jail again, oh-way-oh ♪
♪ Let me go, oh-way-oh ♪
♪ Let's go wild ♪
♪ Here we're getting Thrown out again tonight ♪
♪ I'll lose another girl ♪
♪ There it is, that's it, you roughneck ♪
There we go. There's that smile.
♪ There it is, that's it, you roughneck ♪
-This way and this way. -[chuckles]
♪ Yeah, now we're on that vibe ♪
You learn fast for someone from an English school.
Okay, I don't know this move.
Looks awesome.
[exclaims]
♪ Has Meyer started to doze off ♪
♪ No, he's still oiling his beard ♪
-What? -Zander and his new wife.
♪ Fasten your belt my friend ♪
♪ Take me drunk, I'm going home ♪
Chips, chips, chips. It's the Mommy Club of the capital.
[chuckles]
What in the Sigmund Freud?
I think we should go.
Want to take them on the dance floor?
No, no, no, no, no.
I can't hear you.
♪ Let me go, oh-way-oh Let's go wild ♪
-Hey, we're dancing here. -Cool, man.
Lienkie?
♪There it is, that's it, you roughneck ♪
Lien-Lienkie.
-Ah. -Oh, hey.
-You're here. -Hi.
And who is this?
Frank, but you can call me Daddy-O. Hmm?
Uh, who are you to her?
Her lover, boyfriend, soul mate.
We don't do labels.
Uh, how about rebound?
[chuckles]
[laughs] So you've heard about her ex-fiancé, Zepper.
Um, it's Zander.
Apparently, a big loser.
-Loser? -Do you want to dance?
-I'm a fast dancer. -Zander, let Mommy do the talking.
Listen, you nincompoop!
Zander went to school.
What? Primary school?
Because only a fool would let this vision slip through his fingers.
♪ If we aren't careful tonight We'll end up in jail again, oh-way-oh ♪
-[phone camera shutter clicking] -Uh, stop that. Stop.
Zander.
There you go.
♪ Here we're getting Thrown out again tonight ♪
♪ I'll lose another girl ♪
♪ There it is, that's it, you roughneck ♪
[song ends]
So how did you scam your way into this old-age home, huh?
I gave a lonely old lady a little bit of joy.
Did you sleep with a pensioner?
What? No! [chuckles] What do you think of me?
I just watched some soaps with her in the evenings.
Yeah, free TV.
She had no one left, so when she died, I inherited her place in the home.
Doesn't it get lonely here?
Not really.
I prefer it that way.
How do you deal with it when something happens to one of them?
Easy. I keep my distance and I don't get too attached.
How do you do that?
Hey, what can I say?
I'm a rolling stone, baby.
[twig snaps]
So, uh, what's the next strategic step of the Bride of Year competition?
-It's a big one. -Give me a clue.
You'll be on your knees.
-Okay. -You'll have to rehearse your lines.
Most beautiful monologue I've ever written.
The judges will be in love with it.
Yeah, but will I like it?
Hmm. As long as you're not scared of the outdoors.
-The what? The outdoors? -[frogs croaking]
Lienkie, I'm terrified of the outdoors. What are you talking about?
I'm afraid of bugs, snakes,
bugs that look like snakes,
snakes that look like branches,
branches that look like bugs.
-Come on. -[Lienkie] Okay, on to plan B.
-How do you feel about skydiving? -What?
-[sighs] Ha, ha, Lienkie. Funny. -[chuckles] Mm-hmm.
Uh, wanna come in?
Uh, to practice the speech.
Oh, yes. Um… Maybe it's better
-if we don't practice too much. -Yeah, yeah.
-It'll sound more natural. -Natural, yes. Nice.
-That's all that I meant. -Hmm.
Yeah.
[inhales deeply]
-Good night. -Good night.
-Oh, uh, sorry. -Oh, sorry. Uh…
Okay, um, we'll have to work on…
-on this. -Okay.
Okay, bye.
[chuckles] What?
[sighs, exclaims]
[sighs]
Frankie, my boy.
-Who's the goose? -[groans]
Albie, you know I hate it when people just barge in here.
I'm not people. I'm your pal.
[sighs] Who's the girl, hey? Come on, man.
It's a work colleague, okay? We work together.
It didn't look like work to me. It looked more like a date.
She's part of a project. It's just a job.
I wish I had a job like that.
Aren't you like a hundred years old?
I'm 83 and full of life.
Do you think this chick has a friend for me?
No, Albie! No, man.
Go to bed. Old people need their rest.
And snot-nosed kids must learn to respect their elders.
[blows raspberry]
[door closes]
[chuckles]
[Lienkie] Okay, so, when he pops the big question,
make sure that the camera is focused on my face.
Okay, and we're recording it on…
-Instagram. -Instagram.
Yes, I like the filter. You know how it works, right?
Yes, of course.
-[sighs] You're late. -[panting]
-You told me to use the bottom gate. -Mmm.
It's two kilometers away.
Okay. Learn your lines.
This is a two-hour drama.
Because your love for me is epic.
"For my entire life I've been a lonely bachelor.
I was blind to my loneliness until I met you.
It was an earth-shattering event."
No one talks like that.
They do when they're in love.
[sighs]
What do you think?
Wow! [chuckles] Okay.
LIENKIE MARRY ME
How did you pull that off?
Oh, I've had ten years to plan all of this.
Enough time to gather a few things.
Oh, so this isn't from Zander's proposal?
Um, no.
We were grocery shopping when Zander said that his mom wouldn't stop nagging him,
so we'd better get married and be done with it.
Are you ready for the big moment?
Yeah. [sighs]
Okay, lights in broad daylight.
Okay. Come on, old man.
At least you're pretty.
[gasps] Oh, darling!
It's absolutely breathtaking!
[gasps]
Lienkie, for my entire life, I've been a lonely bachelor.
An earth-shattering soul mate.
And I didn't know I was so lonely until I met you, because you…
[chuckles]
You, um…
Fill a void in your soul that you never knew existed, right, darling?
Exactly that.
Uh, because you, darling… [chuckles]
"Without you… I can't live.
Can't we just forget and forgive, darling?"
Gé Korsten? Really?
No, Lienkie. "I'm your… captain.
And I'm setting the sails because you're mine.
You're no loose flooze anymore. You…
I want to be your dancing queen.
Okay.
Lienkie Koekemoer…
[gasps, sighs]
Will you…
[breathes shakily] …please--
-[shouts, screams] -Hey!
-What's wrong? -There's a bug in my shirt.
-What? -There's a bug in my shirt!
-There's a bug in my shirt, Lienkie! -Okay, okay!
I told you I hated the outdoors! And now we're here!
Don't move! Okay.
[gasps, screams] Okay, it's a Parktown prawn.
Shit! It's in my pants!
-Lienkie, it's in my pants! -[chuckles]
-Get it out! -Okay, okay.
-Lienkie, pull off my pants! -Fine! Stop squirming.
-Pull off my pants, Lienkie! -Stop squirming! I've got it!
-[yells] -[screams]
[gasps]
[chuckles]
-You owe me. -[both laugh]
-You owe me. -[laughing]
You owe me big time.
[chuckles, grunts]
Is this the engagement you've always dreamed of?
[chuckles] All my fantasies have come true.
[both chuckle]
In my day, we would leave that type of thing for marriage.
Well, you did pull my pants down before the wedding.
[chuckles]
[panting] Whew!
Okay, so everyone is okay again.
I ran, but it's fine. [panting, sighs]
"Save to Instagram".
[grunts]
There's no such thing.
OUR VISION
The fundamental question now…
…is are we going to win Mrs. South Africa before or after the baby?
-Okay. -[phone chimes]
-[sighs] -It better not be that new intern.
-Lienkie? -Johannika!
She's, uh…
-engaged. -[gasps]
Can't be. To whom?
Don't tell me it's that scruffy nitwit we met at the bar.
-[gasps] -Yes.
[chuckles] Some way to make a fool of yourself.
-Good grief! Send it to me. -[chuckles]
The ladies in my club are going to love it.
-[gasps] Sent. -[phone chimes]
Deleted. Hopefully we were in time.
-Barely up five minutes. -[shivers] Yeah. I'm sure no one saw it.
But did it look cool?
-[chuckles] -[speaks indistinctly]
I don't know. What is he doing?
[chuckles]
[in Afrikaans] ♪ Lienkie, it's in my pants ♪
[Lienkie] ♪ Don't move It's a Parktown prawn ♪
♪ Don't move It's a Parktown prawn ♪
-♪ Don't move ♪ -[Frank] ♪ Pull my pants down ♪
[Lienkie] ♪ Stop squirming ♪
-♪ Stop… Stop squirming ♪ -[Frank] ♪ Lienkie ♪
-Wow, this is bad. -[chuckles]
Can I lick the bowl?
-No. -What?
No, you'll lick yourself into a diabetic coma, man.
You know, it's that attitude that makes people steal your credit card.
Oh!
And I thought it was because of your love of a garage pie.
-Well-played. -[chuckles]
-What? -Nothing.
I'm just watching you enjoy your work.
[sighs]
It doesn't feel like work.
And anyway, this one is for you.
-Some extra sugar. Mmm. -Oh, wow. And a heart.
-[phone chimes] -Thank you.
[grunts]
Oh, f… Dammit!
And now? What's wrong?
No, nothing. Everything's fine.
How about a social media break for a week, huh?
How does that sound?
They say it's terrible, especially for your mental health.
So a bit of an information detox?
Okay, can't be that bad. Give here.
Our video sort of went viral.
[Frank] ♪ Lienkie, it's in my pants ♪
[Lienkie] ♪ Stop moving ♪
[sighs] Yeah. We're famous.
[groans] Kill me.
It's not that bad, Lienkie.
[sighs]
[Lienkie] ♪ Stop squirming Stop… Stop squirming ♪
Okay. [sighs]
-Well, there goes Bride of the Year. -What?
You must be relieved.
-No, we can make another plan. -No, they want the perfect story.
Not a mad woman tackling her half-naked, screaming floozyinto the dam.
-[sighs] Lienkie, we can-- -[phone chiming]
[sighs]
Lienkie. Lienkie!
Wedding Fever wants a live stream interview with us.
They love our video.
Frank, if you're lying to me now…
Lienkie, I'd never lie to you.
Okay, I'd never lie to you about something this important.
[sighs]
We need a wedding venue.
Okay, wait. So operation "Find a jailbird
so my ex won't win Bride of the Year" is back on?
Ouch! Jailbird? After everything I've done for you?
-Fine. -Yes! [sighs]
[person chuckles]
It's more of a cemetery than a wedding venue.
[both] ♪ Don't move It's a Parktown prawn. Don't move ♪
♪ It's a Parktown prawn. Don't move ♪
♪ Pull my pants off, pull my pants off ♪
♪ Pull my pants off ♪
Uh, where did you hear that?
It's trending on TikTok.
And tell me why you didn't tell us that you were going to tie the knot.
-We are practically family. -We're neighbors, Uncle Albie.
Hi.
Where have you been all my life?
In diapers, Uncle.
Okay, we'll chat later.
And the gardening club will do the flowers.
Yeah. And I-I've been married four times,
so I can handle the ceremony.
Okay, but we're not really… It's just a… um…
-We actually have a plan. -I'd really love to help. May I, please?
Auntie, it'll be a small ceremony. Just some--
Over my dead body.
This could possibly be the last wedding
that we'll experience in our lifetimes.
-Then we'll go all out, Auntie. -[sighs]
-[gasps] Thank you! [chuckles] -Yay!
-We're having a wedding! -[people cheer, chuckle]
Okay, hopefully tomorrow at the Bridal Expo we'll get a couple of good deals.
Okay, my credit card is maxed out, so…
Hmm, weird.
Mine was stolen the other day.
Hmm. I'll have to give Jerry a call.
-Wow, I can't wait to be married to you. -Hmm.
-I'll make a plan. -[gasps]
["Juste M'Balader" playing]
[gasps]
Oh, it's like a dream.
Yes, where a squint-eyed murderer cuts your throat.
-Why don't you like weddings? -It's a scam. Look here.
4,000 just for seat covers.
You know how many farts get on these seat covers?
It's not as if the wedding day means anything.
Weddings, they bring family, bring joy.
It's the whole shebang. It's where everything is supposed to start.
Well, it's where everything ended for my parents.
-Look at this. Disgusting. -Hi, hi, hi, you two.
-How about a sample? -Ooh.
Afro-Asian fusion.
-Mmm. -For just 500 bucks.
-Oh, that's not bad. -Per head.
Okay, you should have your head examined.
Okay, relax. Let's keep looking.
Do we have to go so big?
Yes, after our viral video, everyone will want to see our wedding,
so we have to go big.
Let's see what we can afford, huh?
Okay, what my credit card can afford.
Ah. Now you're sounding like marriage material.
BRIDE OF THE YEAR
Yes, first princess in 1989. [chuckles]
My daughter-in-law is following in my footsteps.
-She's already Bride of the Month. -With the perfect mother-in-law
-at my side. [giggles] -Aw.
-[clears throat] -And of course my Zan-Zan. Right, baby?
Let's take a picture for the fans. [chuckles]
I could've sworn I just saw Lienkie.
I thought I could smell something desperate.
Come on, babe.
We can't even afford the invitations.
Okay, hear me out.
On Wednesdays there's a soup kitchen at the old age home.
We can get married there. Catering covered.
Or in the sick bay. Yummy jelly and custard.
-That's actually amazing. -[laughs]
-It sounds incredible. -We won't win Bride of the Month that way.
And then it would've all been in vain.
Weddings don't matter.
-This one matters. -[sighs] Ay ay ay.
But you've been through this nonsense before.
No, Norma planned everything.
Why did you stay for so long?
I grew up in a children's home.
Kept moving around from A to B.
I used to find it strange that it was called a home.
I just knew that when I got married…
I'd finally have a real home.
My perfect home.
Sorry.
Do you want a bite of my pie?
-Okay, not that much. -[chuckles]
-Geez, that was… -Mmm.
…unnecessary.
You know we're not a good match.
-I mean, not at all. [chuckles] -Not at all.
I'm not a good match for anyone.
I think Norma and Zander realized that long before I did.
[sighs]
What am I doing, Frank?
Um, getting revenge because they're assholes, and they deserve it.
[paper crumples]
[grunts] Okay, let's go.
Let the show begin.
Are you familiar with the French saying,
[in French accent] "Fake it till you make it"?
[normal] I thought so. Well, now you are. Watch this move.
Your turn.
Hmm?
Attitude and attitude. Chin up and attitude.
Attitude and attitude. Attitude, attitude.
-Peonies and orchids… -[gasps]
…this time of year? [chuckles]
-What's your budget? -Ah. [in French] Ma chérie!
There you are!
Ooh, la la! Who is this beautiful man-boy, huh?
Werner. Blooming Divine.
Okay, Ja-kwes.
Wedding planner extraordinaire. [chuckles]
But we can only fit you in in two weeks time.
Sorry. We are very busy.
Oh, so am I. Fully booked.
Ooh, we are so lucky that Ja-kwes flew out to South Africa.
Yes, the first time I was here, oh,
I fell in love with this beautiful country.
I was doing Rolene and D'Niel's wedding.
Oh. Out of this world!
How does that song go?
[in Xhosa] ♪ God bless… ♪
Rolene--
♪ …Africa ♪
Rolene? As in Miss Universe?
Of course. Frank… ly, Ja-kwes only caters for the super-rich and the super-famous.
Where is Fleur?
She always does my wedding installations.
Oh, Ja-kwes connected her to Christo Wiese, the billionaire.
Or was it the Ruperts?
Ah, potato, tomato. Who knows, anyway?
Oh, no! Look at this color scheme!
Is it 2020? No! We get out of here right now.
Hang on, hang on, hang on. I'll sponsor all the flowers for free.
But they have to match the invitations and the, uh, table decor.
Yes, yes, yes. I know someone at Wedding Solutions
and she is to die for.
No! No one must die!
The ambassador is flying in!
Okay, you're doing this woman's hair and makeup for free.
This French pain in the ass will make us famous.
[chuckles] So this is Marlene
and she will do all the hair and makeup and nails for free.
Hmm, maybe. I'll give you the call.
[grunts] Thank you, pain in the ass.
[scoffs]
Did I mention a certain Mr. Siya might be getting remarried soon
and there might be some, uh, services--
Please, please, please don't break my heart.
-We supply the best crystal glasses. -Oh, lovely.
Ja-kwes, please take a look at our menu. We have a wide range of seafood.
Our china is divine.
Okay, stop it!
Firstly, look after this beautiful bride.
-Move! -[group clamoring]
You know the things I said about orchids being rare? They're not.
I can organize them for you even if they are rare,
but we can go more rare.
We can go more rare.
Yes. We can get anything you need.
-So, I was thinking… -[group clamors]
Out of my face, everyone.
SWEET TOOTH
[chuckles] I can't believe that worked.
-Did you see Werner checking you out hey? -Yeah.
He was checking you out, Ja-kwes, wasn't he, huh?
-Christo Wiese and Ruperts, huh? Hello! -[chuckles] It's you!
You made me say stupid things, man!
-Me? -Yes!
You're the one who took us to that stupid place in the first place.
[gentle music playing]
[exhales sharply] The list! Let's see what we still need.
Okay, dress, shoes, flowers, venue, food, makeup, and drinks.
-What else? -One very important thing.
-It's a tough one. -[scoffs]
Ja-kwes is formidable.
Hmm, Ja-kwes needs to be more than formidable I'm afraid.
Are you ready for a challenge?
-Um, does Faf wear tight undies? -[chuckles]
Are you picturing Faf de Klerk in undies now?
[laughs]
JEANETICS HAIR
Is this a birdcage?
Trust me, I have shot them all.
Petra, Susan, Marelize, Shanté, Juané, Carlien…
-Van Jaarsveld? -Hattingh.
Brides of the Year.
2017, 2018, 2019…
Oh, 2020, I was robbed that year.
Robbed, I tell you.
2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, and 2025.
Oh! Sheryl van Deventer. She was also Miss Hartenbos. [chuckles]
Where do I know you from?
Oh, we're kind of, sort of famous.
So is Eben Etzebeth and still I couldn't find a gap to squeeze him in.
-150,000 views on Instagram. -Yep.
Really?
Oh, that is my personal little gallery.
I call it "Disartistry: Where art and disaster meet."
Now, that's where you end up when your big day goes wrong.
[chuckles] Look at her falling. Sorry.
Much like this meeting.
I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm not feeling this.
You can go. Hmph.
That's all.
I want to win Bride of the Year.
You and 905 other hopefuls, babe.
And I've already declined 903 of them,
so you'll have to bring something better than Instagram views to the table.
My photos tell a story.
The story behind the story. The raw narrative ya know?
Something that'll capture the public.
Emotions that I can capture and interpret with the camera.
Here's your story.
This woman was cheated on and humiliated on her wedding day.
Rejected by her fiancé, the love of her life--
Okay, thank you, Frank. I think he gets the idea.
[sighs]
[breathing shakily]
How could I forget?
That nose is unforgettable.
That's it.
-The tale of the Phoenix. -[bird shrieks]
A woman liberated from her pain and humiliation… [gasps]
Oh. You need a true artist to tell this story.
Yes, yes. That's it.
You, baby, you are the one.
You are my 2026. [inhales sharply]
[bird squawks]
-Cool. -Awesome. [chuckles]
Is this photo for sale?
Hmm. Not a chance.
[chuckles] This one's got personality.
Hmm. A different one every day.
[grunts] Found it. Sorry.
-See you soon. -Mm-hmm.
What is your rush?
[gasps]
[sighs]
The worst moment of my life.
[sighs] Sorry. It was a stupid idea.
-I'll take it back. Sorry. -No.
Thank you.
-[Lienkie] Okay. -I still have a pie in the oven
that we can reheat if you want.
[all] Surprise!
-[clamoring] -Whoa, okay.
[laughs] Uh, a man can't get married without a proper stag party.
[elderly person chuckles]
Welcome.
-Did they kidnap you? -Basically.
Can you please keep that handsy Albie away from me?
BRIDE
We could always have a double wedding.
[Estelle] Hmm. Yeehaw!
You really didn't have to do this.
Frankie, we're as old as the mountains. Just let us enjoy this.
Okay, I'll put the kettle on.
No, sweetheart! We have something a little bit more exciting in mind.
["Mermaid" playing]
♪ No time to waste ♪
♪ Let the good vibes in Blow the bad vibes out ♪
♪ Happiness is a choice So stop looking for it ♪
♪ You're a mermaid Don't let them call you a snoek ♪
♪ So let me show you a little something ♪
♪ Let people talk You know haters are going to hate ♪
♪ Happiness is a choice So stop looking for it ♪
♪ You're a mermaid Don't them call you a snoek ♪
These old-timers know how to party.
BRIDE TO BE
[grunts]
Hey. Come shake your booty.
-Huh? -Check this.
Best hooch in town.
Are you coming?
Not even if I had to choose between you and a cripple cockroach.
And what if the cockroach can't make it?
Hey, I'm watching you.
There aren't many of them left in the village, hmm.
Is that so?
[exclaiming]
[laughs]
Hey, you with the pretty eyes, you wanna dance?
You know I'm not a great dancer.
That's because you've never had the right partner.
Frankie Footloose.
And his goose.
Yeehaw! In the house.
Okay. [chuckles]
Take it easy, Rocky.
-Just relax. -[laughs]
♪ No time to waste ♪
♪ Let the good vibes in Blow the bad vibes out ♪
♪ Happiness is a choice So stop looking for it ♪
♪ You're a mermaid Don't let them call you a snoek ♪
♪ So let me show you a little something ♪
♪ Let people talk You know haters are going to hate ♪
♪ Happiness is a choice So stop looking for it ♪
♪ You're a mermaid Don't let them call you a snoek ♪
[song ends]
["Right For Each Other" playing]
[person snoring]
Listen, I'm pretty sure that old lady on the scooter is dead.
-[Lienkie chuckles] -Did you see how she danced?
-There you go. -[chuckles] Thank you.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
So, will Sleeping Beauty be able to get her feet into her wedding shoes tomorrow?
You mean Cinderella?
You might need a few lessons in fairy tales.
All those stories are the same.
"And they lived happily ever after." It's so unrealistic.
What is your problem with marriage?
Nothing. I just haven't seen one work out, that's all.
Hmm. How many have you seen?
Well, I have first-hand experience of my parents.
It's the same old cliché story.
They were barely 18 when she got pregnant, and my dad was old-school,
so he did the "right thing" and they got married.
Let's just say I didn't have the happiest of childhoods.
It's just the atmosphere in the house and the fights.
They were trapped in an unhappy marriage and it was my fault.
[Albie snoring]
[sighs] Albie, it's bedtime.
Albie, hey.
Keep your hands off me, woman.
[Frank] Time for bed, Uncle Albie.
-[Albie] Oh. -[giggles]
-There you go. -[Albie groans]
It's okay.
[Albie groaning]
["Wat Is 'n Huis" playing]
SLOWLY
Come on, Frank. You've done this a million times.
[sighs]
Hey! Frankie Footloose in the house.
You look snazzy.
-What can I say? -[chuckles]
Thank you.
-Wow, that's pretty. -Thank you.
It's better to just keep things simple.
Will we get to taste it?
Yes, there's a whole cake-cutting ceremony.
We need it for the photos.
Oh, thank you.
Hmm. What's that?
Well, at a real wedding, they keep two slices for the bridal couple
that they can eat a year later on their first wedding anniversary.
Sweet.
For a real wedding, of course.
It was always special for me
that something that I created will be with them for that first year.
As if I were part of a family, just for a while.
It's silly, I know.
No, I don't think it's silly.
Oh, I need to get dressed.
We can't keep our guests waiting, fake wedding or not.
-Here we go. -[chuckles]
[sighs] Okay, you two… showtime.
[opera music playing]
Remember, you have a trouser fitting later today.
[sighs] This Bride of the Year business is hard work.
Don't worry, babe. It'll be worth it when we win.
-[chuckles] -If we win. [sighs]
When we win.
I never come second, you got it?
Zander, don't forget. You have a trouser fitting later today.
I already reminded him, Mom.
"Mams."
-[giggles] -[phone chimes]
[gasps] I knew something was going on.
-What? -This is a Martin photo.
Look at the watermark.
And the only people who hire Martin--
Are people who want to win the title.
Oh, please. She will never enter. Not after all the drama.
She definitely has a bone to pick with us.
-It's your bone she wants to pick. -[sighs]
-[phone rings] -[chuckles]
Norma, my angel.
Listen, I can't talk right now. I'm getting ready for a shoot.
For my ex-daughter-in-law's wedding?
[gasps]
Are you psychic?
Oh, Martin, love. Be a darling and send me a pin, please, sweetie?
["Wedding March" playing]
-[romantic acoustic music plays] -["Wedding March'' fades out]
[guests gasp]
You're catching flies, my boy.
[sighs]
["Lief" playing]
I never had a daughter that I could share this moment with.
Thank you for making us part of your big day.
[sniffles] Thank you.
[song continues]
-You look beautiful. -Thanks. [sighs]
I give you my whole heart. I am yours.
Forever.
I want to grow old with you and dance until we have blisters on our feet.
For as long as I live, I'm yours, Lienkie.
[chuckles]
I declare you now husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
[song stops]
Uh, what?
You have to kiss the bride.
-Uh, okay. We'll take it slow. -Mm-hmm.
Oh. Ooh.
-[chuckles] -[guests laughing]
Excuse me. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Whoa. Hey, hi, you two.
This isn't your first time.
Maybe not in front of an audience, but it's like riding a bike.
Try again. Deep breath.
Go for it.
["Lief" playing]
[guests cheering, applauding]
Party time!
[cheering]
Well, now I see how you manage to fool people.
You're one to talk, Sandra Prinsloo.
I don't like lying to people like this.
Hey, it's just a pretend wedding, remember?
["H2Oë" playing]
[no audible dialogue]
[song continues]
[song ends]
[Frank] See you. Drive safe.
[inhales, exhales] That was, uh…
-[chuckles] -[exhales] That was absolutely incredible.
[inhales] The judges will lap it up.
And the kiss?
How was that?
I mean, was it believable?
I almost fell for it.
I'll submit the registration form as soon as possible.
Okay, great.
[sighs]
Good night, my darling wife.
Good night, husband dearest.
[gentle music playing]
[sighs] Frank.
[sighs]
[chattering]
Naomi?
Naomi Esterhuyzen. [sighs]
Norma.
Norma Prinsloo. We were both in Bride of the Year, 1989.
[Naomi gasps, chuckles]
You… You look healthy.
-Thank you. -[Naomi chuckles]
-Not quite as healthy as you. [chuckles] -[chuckles]
I read somewhere that you are judging this year's competition.
Yes, indeed. [chuckles] Must say, no easy task.
I can imagine.
Why don't we share a salad and catch up. What do you say?
But I was under the impression that you loathed me
because I won back then.
Naomi, don't be ridiculous.
It was an absolute honor to be your first princess back in the day.
-[chuckles] -[chuckles] Can you believe it?
[gentle music playing]
REGISTER FOR BRIDE OF THE YEAR 2026 COUPLES DETAILS
YOUR WEDDING STORY SEND PROFILE
-[computer dings] -[sighs]
["Beurtkrag (Volle sirkel)" playing]
SWEET TOOTH
[song continues]
Hi. Welcome. Come in.
Thank you. Have a seat, here. I'll be right with you.
Thank you.
[song continues]
Huh?
[coughing]
[coughing continues]
SWEET TOOTH
[chuckles]
-Morning. -Morning.
[song ends]
-Finally. They've closed up the hole. -Mmm.
Mmm.
-[gasps] -What? Bad news?
I don't understand why you and your wife don't live together.
I've already explained to you. We're doing a short-distance relationship.
Do you know how great it is when your wife lives five minutes away from you?
Well, she could at least come and visit you.
Lienkie is a busy woman, Auntie.
-She's neglecting you. -[sighs]
Maybe her and I should have a little chat.
-[phone ringing] -That won't be necessary.
See? She's calling me now.
Excuse me.
I don't think I trust this.
Why are you so quiet?
-I'm thinking. -Hmm.
Hello, my wifey.
We're in! We won Bride of the Month!
-What? -Thank you! [exclaims]
Yes. Yeah!
We're Bride of the Month!
-Yay! -Yes!
[cheering]
Of the? Of the month?
-Of the month. Of the month. [chuckles] -Oh.
[classical music playing]
Bride of the Month!
[Zander groans]
-Lienkie? -Johannika.
On the iPad.
Guys, something's wrong.
[Norma] Hmm.
[Zander exhales]
Martin deserves all the credit. His photos saved that low-class wedding.
-How can you be so calm? -[grunts]
This is… It makes me so… [inhales]
I have so many emotions at the moment. [breathes shakily]
Babe, you look hungry. Eat something.
Don't worry. I've got this under control.
Naomi, hello, my friend.
[uplifting music playing]
[Frank chuckles]
Excuse me. I'm looking for a sweet tooth who won Bride of the Month today.
[shrieks]
The enemy is getting annihilated.
Okay, Energizer Bunny. Come on.
[gasps] Oh.
-Now it's official. -[gasps]
Oh, man. I love it.
-Beautiful. -Aw.
Okay, we have a month left before the grand finale.
Wow. A bride with a plan!
Several.
Ugh. Sorry, I forgot to put up the sign. We're closed--
-Pensioners' Day is Wednesday. -[chuckles]
Lienkie.
To my surprise, I'm here to congratulate you.
Oh, uh…
Thanks.
And you must be the gloom and groom.
Wow, you can read.
[chuckles] Oh, where are my manners?
This is Naomi Esterhuyzen from Bride of the Year.
Hello.
-Oh, hi! -[Naomi giggles]
I've never met an actual Bride of the Year.
-[Naomi chuckles] -Beautiful inside and out, hmm?
Thank you. [chuckles]
How can I help?
I noticed you didn't send us your marriage certificate.
Oh, and that's vitally important.
I'm sure there's a simple explanation.
Yeah, um, we're still waiting for our, um, copy.
[Lienkie] Hmm. Mmm.
All good. [chuckles] As long as we have it by next week.
-A copy of the certificate? -[Naomi] Hmm.
[stutters] By next week?
-[Naomi] Mm-hmm. -Is that a problem?
[both] No, no, no.
[Lienkie] Not at all.
[chuckles] Now that's a relief.
-[Lienkie chuckles] -Apparently, it takes forever.
As long as it has all the official signatures and stamps.
We don't want you to miss the deadline or you'll be disqualified.
Thank you for the good advice.
It would be a disaster if we allowed pretend weddings.
All right.
I'll flip your sign over on my way out so everyone knows you're closed.
-See you. [chuckles] -Bye.
So do you think they know the wedding was fake?
Well, it was.
Not helping.
What if we told them Home Affairs said it got lost?
There would still be a record of registration somewhere.
-Not helping. -Okay.
Surely you know someone who can forge a marriage certificate.
I mean, you have criminal connections.
Excuse me, what does that mean?
Okay, don't act like you're an angel. You did steal my credit card.
You literally blackmailed me into marrying you.
-It's not like you had a gun to your head. -Hey!
Not helping.
-We'll have to get married. -We'll have to withdraw.
Lienkie… [chuckles] …do you hear yourself?
You wanna get married, really married, for what?
-A stupid contest? -We have to.
We've come too far to give up now.
If we withdraw, do you know what will happen?
Nothing. Literally nothing! Tell her.
You forget that we're famous.
They'll do a story about the flop bride.
And Norma and Zander will have a field day,
and everyone will know that no one wants to marry me
and that I'll be alone forever.
What are you talking about? You're not alone, stupid.
Open your eyes. You have me, you have Estelle--
That means nothing!
[somber music playing]
Nothing?
Okay. [sighs]
Where are you going?
Back to my normal life where I can be alone without hysterical drama queens.
Yes, of course. Because people are such hard work.
Yes, well, some of them.
You're not a rolling stone. You're a coward.
-What the hell, Lienkie? -Mommy and Daddy were mean to me,
so now I'll hide for the rest of my life and feel sorry for myself. Grow up, man!
You're the first person I ever told about that.
[Frank sighs]
[scoffs]
["Wat Is 'n Huis" playing]
[people chattering on television]
Lienks?
How many episodes of Boer Soek 'n Vrou can you binge?
Get up.
[song continues]
She's just given up, so fix it.
The forged marriage certificate.
You can give it to her.
I don't have time for this.
Okay.
Look, I… I love her to death,
but why do you think Lienkie is the way she is?
Because she thinks happiness is something you plan.
And she's scared of being alone.
Like you.
[sighs] Cool, man.
If this works, she'll need you for the final round.
Whatever.
[song continues]
[heart monitor beeping]
I thought only family were allowed.
[sighs] Valid.
So I guess the certificate worked.
Yes. But that's not why I'm here.
How is he?
Not great.
Heart failure.
-You should have told me. -Well, I'm not talking to you, Lienkie.
I wouldn't want to talk to me either.
The moment I said it, I wanted to…
I'm really sorry.
What can I do to make it up to you?
Do you still have your credit card?
Why did you decide to help me?
Because that's what you needed.
I still don't understand why, but it's what you wanted.
You're a liar.
Was that a thank you?
Okay, lone wolf.
And here you are, holding Uncle Albie's hand,
and you were willing to help me because you care.
What can I say? I'm an idiot.
So am I.
I'll withdraw.
At least it'll be my own decision.
[groans] Don't even think about it.
[exhales] You guys have worked way too hard to get cold feet now.
Go, skedaddle. You better go to that competition and win.
Someone has to take care of you.
I'm on it. I'm on it.
We've drawn up a schedule and the first shift is mine.
You know, this woman is a sex pest.
[chuckles]
My back brace is broken.
[chuckles]
But I'll tolerate her.
-Just for your sake. -[inhales] Okay.
We have a competition to win.
[classical music playing]
[sighs] I can't believe we're finally here.
[exhales] This place is really fancy.
[exhales]
Hey. We got this.
[Lienkie inhales]
[exhales] Another party without any singles,
but I love a challenge.
[chattering]
-Not the hair! -Oh. Sorry, darling. Sorry.
[chuckles] No one stands a chance.
-[Zander chuckles] -Shame. Aw.
[Norma] All the obstacles have been removed. [chuckles]
Except for them, Mommy.
I thought Mommy took care of it.
I thought you were disqualified.
But we weren't.
It was some joyless old hag trying to eliminate the competition.
They have our marriage certificate.
That's impossible.
I am going to report you for…
-For-- -Happiness?
[hostess] Welcome. Welcome, everyone.
All the guests may go inside.
Finalists, please take your places.
You won't even make the top three.
Then you have nothing to worry about.
Out of the way, Granny.
Zan-Zan.
-[Zander grunts] -[Norma gasps]
[hostess] Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to this year's Bride of the Year gala event
where the 2026 Bride of the Year will be crowned.
But before we get to that special moment,
we first want to hear from the grooms of these lovely ladies
what it was that made them fall in love with their wives in the first place.
Let's welcome our first groom.
[applauding]
[exhales]
And then I saw her with a little puppy.
When I saw her holding my adorable niece…
Then I saw her holding my adorable niece and a little puppy in her arms.
And when our eyes met…
-And when our eyes met… -And when our eyes met…
-I knew… -I knew.
I knew.
[all] I loved her.
-[groans] Okay. -Shoot me.
Evening, everyone.
Can I just say, you all look stunning.
Judges.
Naomi.
I met my wifey at work.
We worked many late nights together.
[clicks tongue, chuckles]
And I noticed how she excelled in Excel.
-[chuckles] -[guests laugh]
I mean, she's really cute, and, uh, flippin' hot.
[chuckles]
[Zander] And, babe…
I fell head over heels in love with you.
[Naomi chuckles]
-[microphone feedback] -[Frank grunts]
[sighs]
[microphone feedback]
[guest coughs]
The first time I saw Lienkie was with a little puppy.
[guest coughs]
When our eyes met,
and I saw that her and my niece got along…
I just realized that, um…
[sighs]
I realized… [sighs]
I'm lying.
[guests muttering]
We say all these things because we think that's what you want to hear,
but the truth is, I don't even believe in love.
[guests gasp]
Or that's what I thought before I met Lienkie.
She drove me crazy at first.
And not in a good way, if you catch my drift. [chuckles]
It was a… a rough start.
But here we are.
Lienkie is a baker and she bakes the most incredible wedding cakes.
But the process is so messy.
There's flour everywhere.
And your hands are covered in butter and sugar and egg and…
I don't understand it. It's so unpredictable, but afterwards it's…
you have something that you want to share with everyone around you.
With family and friends.
[sighs]
It's just like love.
I want to share everything with Lienkie.
Because I love you.
Her.
I love her.
[guests cheering]
Frank?
I need some fresh air, okay?
-[sighs] -[water running]
[door opens, closes]
-[applauding] -[water stops]
Mmm.
Nice speech, bro.
Are you looking for a fight, huh?
Aren't you washing your hands? Gross.
Maybe when you stop breastfeeding.
What's your story, pal? Is this Lienkie's, uh… [chuckles]
…idea of revenge?
You'll have to ask her.
Let me tell you, hmm…
how this is going to play out.
Ooh. [chuckles] I'm listening.
You will get into your little car, hmm,
and go back to where you came from.
And what if I told you to go to hell?
[Zander grunts]
Hmm?
Listen, I'm a reasonable man, okay? What is… What is your price?
[scoffs] You and Mommy can't afford me.
Try me. Go.
Okay. [inhales]
Some of those hair implants, some of that fake tan,
Botox under the eyes, you know…
The yacht life. Boop.
Speaking of yachts, we actually own one.
In fact, we own two.
All you have to do is withdraw.
Sent another man running?
He was raised better than that.
Ladies and gentlemen, can all finalists please come to the dance floor?
It's time to announce the top three.
[Norma] So near, and yet so far.
[scoffs]
Some people will never win.
Norma.
I think you dropped this.
-[gasps] -Boop.
I was really worried you'd change your mind.
Drinks on Norma tonight.
[Naomi] Congratulations to all our beautiful finalists.
Remember, making it to the top 12 is already a great honor.
The top three of Bride of the Year 2026 are…
[suspenseful music playing]
[exhales]
Zander and Johannika.
Yes!
[chuckles, cheers, gasps]
-Kobus and Tertia! -[laughs]
And…
-Deep breath. -[both inhale]
-Frank and Lienkie! -[both gasp]
[cheering]
Big, big congratulations to the top three.
We're going to ask you now to share that special moment with us
when you opened the dance floor at your weddings.
Okay.
[classical music playing]
-Ooh. -Sorry.
-Everything okay? -Yeah, I just want it to be perfect.
[both inhale]
Are we doing this the right way or rather our own way?
What do you mean?
Are you ready for the move?
Now?
Lienkie?
Lienkie! No!
Hey, DJ!
Put on "Rough Bastard."
That won't be necessary. You can just…
-[music stops] -Zander…
♪ At Buffelsfontein We get honky-tonk young ♪
Lienkie!
♪ If we aren't careful tonight We'll end up in jail again, oh-way-oh ♪
♪ Let me go, oh-way-oh ♪
♪ Let's go wild ♪
♪ Here we're getting Thrown out again tonight ♪
♪ I'll lose another girl ♪
[Frank] Your dancing has improved.
-♪ You roughneck ♪ -[Frank] Must be your new partner.
♪ There it is, that's it, you roughneck ♪
[cheers] Come on, come on!
Come on, come on.
-[song continues] -[Frank] Yes.
♪ I can hear the cock crying already ♪
♪ That's from delving into the bottle ♪
[scoffs]
♪ Has Meyer started to doze off ♪
♪ No, he's still oiling his beard ♪
♪ Oh, then the roughneck's Going to party ♪
-♪ Fasten your belt my friend ♪ -[grunts]
♪ Take me drunk, I'm going home ♪
♪ Hold me tight Or I'll dance myself to death ♪
I meant every word.
-[song stops] -Stop! Stop this right now!
[exhales]
These two don't belong here.
She was left at the altar only a few months ago.
And now, out of the blue, she's married again.
To this man of all people.
Impossible. [chuckles]
Lienkie…
you wouldn't even win at a dog show, let alone Bride of the Year.
You wish you could be as amazing as Lienkie.
Just because you didn't win this, now you're taking it out on everyone else.
[melancholy music playing]
There are more important things in life than Bride of the Year.
Uh-uh!
-We're not married. -[guests gasp]
Ah.
Okay, it gets worse. I did it for the wrong reasons.
To get revenge on the Prinsloos.
All I ever wanted was a family, and they stepped on that dream.
But I didn't realize that Frank was the hero that I was actually waiting for.
Mr. Rolling Stone… [chuckles]
…who attracts everyone to him.
[guests] Aw.
The most honest liar I know.
[chuckles]
-And I finally found my happy place. -[Frank chuckles]
And it isn't about winning or about losing.
["Huis" playing]
[guests cheering]
We're withdrawing. We are out.
Ooh.
Oh, yes! Zander was sleeping with Johannika
while I was waiting for him at the altar!
-It's a lie! -That's not what happened!
I'll send you the pictures. Bye!
It's Prinsloos!
[song continues]
[church bell ringing]
[giggling]
ORPHANAGE
[no audible dialogue]
[song continues]
[song ends]
-[bell tolls] -[cheerful music playing]
[cheerful music continues]
[song ends]