1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,840 [upbeat jazzy music playing] 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 4 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,200 [audience cheering] 5 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,120 [music stops] 6 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,760 London, make some fucking noise, man! 7 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,080 [audience cheering loudly] 8 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:52,360 [Mo chuckling] 9 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,160 I took this tour absolutely everywhere. 10 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:59,520 I was in the height of doing television. They was calling me Mr. Saturday Night. 11 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,840 I said, "You know what? I wanna do a world tour." 12 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:06,000 Not for myself, but I wanted to put Black British comedy on the map. 13 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,680 That was always the plan. That was always the goal. 14 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:09,720 [audience cheering] 15 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,720 And I said, "Do you know what? Let's end it in London." 16 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,800 But not anywhere in London. We had to end it in South London. 17 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,440 So South London, make some noise! 18 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,720 [audience cheering loudly] 19 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:23,440 [Mo chuckling] 20 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,000 [Mo] I wanted to see the world. 21 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:29,120 'Cause Black people, we go on holidays, but we do not travel. 22 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,720 I remember telling my teacher for the first time. 23 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:35,120 I said, "Miss, guess what. This summer, I'm going on holiday." 24 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,600 This middle-class teacher couldn't believe her mind. 25 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:41,320 She goes… [gasps] "What? You're going on holiday? Doesn't make sense." 26 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,040 "You're on free school dinners. How is this possible?" 27 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,440 [audience laughing] 28 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,000 "You're on child benefit. What's going on?" 29 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,520 And the reason why there's a difference, 30 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,120 because growing up, right, we didn't go traveling. 31 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,840 I had middle-class friends. They would go traveling. 32 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,800 Their parents would say, "Mo, we're going traveling." 33 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,400 "You should come with us." 34 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,600 I said, "So I could look like your Black adopted child?" 35 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,960 -"Are you all right, bruv?" -[audience laughing] 36 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,960 'Cause we all know the Black experience of our first holiday. 37 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,200 It's not one of these all-inclusive holidays. 38 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,160 It's not going to Ayia Napa, Ibiza. 39 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,080 Our first experience of going on holiday 40 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:17,520 is going to see where the rest of our family is really from 41 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,720 in a hot climate before they die. 42 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,320 That's the reason why we go on these holidays, yeah? 43 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,280 I said, "Miss, guess where I'm going? I'm going to the Caribbean." 44 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:29,800 She goes… [gasps] "Oh my God. Children, put your pens down right now." 45 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,800 "Can anyone… can anyone guess where that is?" 46 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,840 Holly, six years old, "Africa." 47 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:37,040 I said, "Are you having a fucking laugh?" 48 00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,560 The teacher said, "No, no, no, Holly, not that one, the other one." 49 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:42,680 "Yes." 50 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,680 People, I was so excited. You know, six weeks' holiday. 51 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,560 You know, and I'm going to visit my great-great-grandma, yeah? 52 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,360 I thought, "I wonder what the house is like." 53 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,800 It's gonna be a big house, loads of land. It's probably a plantation. 54 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,320 We've got our own workers, yeah? 55 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,360 We turn up to this little fucking shack house. 56 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,400 [audience laughing] 57 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,640 [Mo chuckling] 58 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,560 No wildlife. Nah, bruv, there's no wildlife. 59 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,320 There's a little dusty goat, long nipples. 60 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,480 Trying to talk to the goat. "Hello, Mr. Goat." 61 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,600 Even the goat's got a rude Jamaican attitude. 62 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,040 Even the goat, "Mi say nerrr. Mi say nerrr." 63 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,320 [audience laughing] 64 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:18,720 And we all know what the rule was. 65 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,000 When you get there, your mum says, "Don't ask for nothing, 66 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,200 don't say nothing, don't do nothing." 67 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,440 And I'm sitting there-- This is my great-great-grandma. 68 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,880 I wanna ask a question. 69 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,480 'Cause that's what you do as kids. Kids ask questions. 70 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,040 Some of you lot, it's half-term. Your kids are asking questions. 71 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,440 "Mummy, what's in space?" 72 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,840 You ever look at your kid and like, "Shut the fuck up, man. Shut up, man"? 73 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,640 But that's what you do as a child. You wanna ask questions. 74 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,440 I said, "I'm gonna ask a question." I said, "Great-grandma, how old are you?" 75 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,040 'Cause we never knew how old she was. She got no papers. 76 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:49,120 We didn't know if she was 85 or 85,000 years old. 77 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,920 We don't know how old this woman is. I said, "How old are you?" 78 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,280 This poor woman started malfunctioning, people. 79 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,120 She's like, "Well, I'm-- Well, I'm-- Well, I'm--" 80 00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,320 "All right, well, I'm--" 81 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,480 "Okay, well, I was born in-- I was born--" 82 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,200 Sounded like an intro of a dancehall video. 83 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,880 "Well, I was born in-- Born in--" 84 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:05,800 "Well, I--" 85 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,800 [Mo stuttering rhythmically] 86 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:08,760 [audience laughing] 87 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:09,880 This poor lady. 88 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,200 I was like, "No, no, just say it. What was the… What was the year?" 89 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,680 This woman. "Well, I was born in 19, um… 19, um--" 90 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,680 "Okay, what is-- You is 20." 91 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,000 "All right, we is born in, yes, 19--" 92 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,560 "1921." 93 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,840 "1921?!" 94 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,080 "Who did you go to fucking school with, Harriet Tubman?" 95 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,080 -"You are old." -[audience laughing] 96 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,680 I can't lie. I looked at my mum, like, 97 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:34,760 "Mum, let's get the fuck out of here, man." 98 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,680 "There's no money here. Let's get the fuck out of here, man." 99 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:38,880 [laughing] 100 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,120 My mum was like, "No, no, it's all right. It's okay." 101 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,440 "You can play with your cousin." 102 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,360 "My cousin?" 103 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,240 "Mum, this guy's fucking 46. I can't play with this guy." 104 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,440 [audience laughing] 105 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,480 "If we go to the beach, he'll look like a sex offender, Mum. I can't." 106 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,280 [audience laughing] 107 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,640 We don't do no activities when we go on holiday. 108 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,920 I've got some friends. They're trying to do activities. 109 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,640 There's some activities we don't do in the Black community. 110 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:03,120 I remember teachers saying to me, "When you get there, go… go surfing." 111 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,000 Surfing? Surfing? 112 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,800 Black people just about put their feet in the water, yeah? 113 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,720 We'll put a toe in and go, 114 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,080 "Yeah, that's me done. I'm all right, yeah?" 115 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,800 Nah, bruv, there's somethin' in there, rude boy. 116 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,760 Don't get me wrong. I love traveling, but I don't like airports. 117 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,200 'Cause you know what airports are like. Airports are horrible. 118 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,600 Especially when you get to this, you know, security. 119 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:28,000 'Cause in the UK, we have this weird passive-aggressive politeness 120 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,040 with our security. 121 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,360 "Excuse me, sir, please can you stand there on the spot? Thank you." 122 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,720 You ever look at these people like, "You being nice or you taking the piss?" 123 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,280 "Who you talking to?" 124 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,760 We follow the rules, that's what we do. We stand on the spot. "Okay, um…" 125 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,920 But we have to give it back. We always like the last word in the UK. 126 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:48,360 "Um, okay. Um, well, I'm sorry, I didn't see the sign to stand there." 127 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,360 "My bad." 128 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:50,560 [audience laughing] 129 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:51,960 And this person will give it back. 130 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:55,480 "Well, next time you come to the airport, the sign will be over there." 131 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:56,680 "No, thank you." 132 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,560 You're just going back and forth 133 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,600 with this weird British passive-aggressive politeness. 134 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:06,160 'Cause we all know, right, the rule in the UK is don't cause drama. 135 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:10,000 Nobody wants to be causing drama, right? 'Cause we'll all see some drama. 136 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,000 I see it in the shops. I see people stealing Lurpak. 137 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,400 I'm just like, "Rah, you lot are stealing butter." 138 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,440 "Is that where we're at now? Yeah?" 139 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,160 I can't lie. I find it sensational. 140 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,440 'Cause we all look until someone sees us looking. 141 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,240 "What you fucking looking at?" 142 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,120 [audience laughing] 143 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,360 "Nothing. I'm not looking at anything. I'm not…" 144 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,360 Some of you lot in here tonight, "I can't lie. That butter's expensive." 145 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,240 -"Just steal that butter." -[audience laughing] 146 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:35,200 [Mo chuckling] 147 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:38,760 "We're not all doing ITV, bruv. What you talking about, bruv?" 148 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,880 Some of you lot putting Stork on toast. Disgusting. 149 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:42,920 [audience laughing] 150 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,440 There was a part of me that wanted to leave the UK. 151 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:50,280 I did, man. I wanted to leave the UK, and I wanted to go and live in America. 152 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,760 I really did. Know what I mean? 153 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:55,400 Look at some of you. "Rah, bruv. You're just going to desert us, yeah?" 154 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,840 But what I mean by that is Hollywood, yeah? 155 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,200 You've got America, and you've got Hollywood. 156 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,120 Two different places. 157 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,840 'Cause obviously, the industry that I'm in, yeah, doing stand-up comedy, 158 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,760 getting into film and all of this stuff, television, 159 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,520 that's where you really wanna go to. 160 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,480 And they put you on a pedestal. They do. 161 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:16,120 We don't do that stuff in the UK. We treat everybody how they are. 162 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,720 We can see a soap star. Ian Beale could be in this room tonight. 163 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,600 We're gonna call this man Ian-fucking-Beale. 164 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:23,960 We are, aren't we? 165 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:27,600 We'll even go up to him, "Oi! I know you! You're Ian Beale!" 166 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,240 -[audience laughing] -[Mo chuckling] 167 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:33,160 This poor man, he will even say, "Yeah. Yeah, I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah." 168 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,120 Brits, our first thing, our first interaction is banter. 169 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,160 "Oi! Ian! Ian, do you remember this? Ian! Ian!" 170 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,680 "I've got nothing left!" 171 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:41,680 This… 172 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,520 -[audience laughing] -[Mo laughing] 173 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:45,880 [scattered whistling] 174 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,520 That's the first thing we're gonna do as Brits, man. 175 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:50,640 America's different. 176 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,920 They don't even understand the word "banter" when I was over there. 177 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,880 Like, even their airport security, they don't fuck around, yeah? 178 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,040 Their airport security is called TSA, yeah? 179 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,600 There was a guy walking up and down the queue, 180 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:06,280 telling everyone, "All right, y'all better listen up!" 181 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,320 "Liquids out your bag!" 182 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,400 "Belts off! Shoes off!" 183 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,200 He went up to one old lady, 80 years old. She said, "I don't know." 184 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,440 "You holding up the line, ma'am!" 185 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,480 [audience laughing] 186 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,520 I thought, "I'm not scared of this guy, yeah?" 187 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,520 That's the first thing. We're from South London. 188 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,280 South London to the world. What do you mean? 189 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:26,960 -I thought I can… -[audience cheering] 190 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,400 Listen, I thought I could disarm this guy with British charm, yeah? 191 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,800 I said to this man, "Sorry, excuse me, sir, yeah?" 192 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,880 'Cause I put on my fantastic British accent. 193 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,560 "Excuse me, sir, can I ask you something? Shall I take off this bracelet?" 194 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,280 "I just don't want it to set off the metal detector, yeah?" 195 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,360 This one guy looked at me, he was like… 196 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,760 [breathing intensely] 197 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,840 [audience chuckling] 198 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:53,760 "Belt off, shoes off, iPad in the tray." 199 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,840 [audience laughing] 200 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,520 [audience continues laughing] 201 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,640 "No, no, what I'm saying is, shall I take off the bracelet 202 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,560 so it don't set off the metal detector?" 203 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,400 This one guy lost it. 204 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:09,720 "My man!" 205 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,520 [audience laughing] 206 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:15,320 "I ain't gonna say it again for you Harry Potter motherfuckers!" 207 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,840 I've never been more disrespected in my life. 208 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:24,920 I turned into a middle-class white lady in Waitrose, people. 209 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,720 I don't think you realize. 210 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,320 I started using words that Black people don't even use. 211 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,080 I was like, "What? This is--" 212 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,520 "This is preposterous." 213 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,600 [audience laughing] 214 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,560 [Mo laughing] 215 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:40,240 Listen, Black people don't use no fucking words like "preposterous," you know? 216 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,720 There's some Black people in here, 217 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,400 "What did he say? Hippopotamus? What's that one, bruv?" 218 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:45,320 [audience laughing] 219 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,320 "Hey, Leon, write that one down, bruv." 220 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:48,840 We don't use this. 221 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,120 Listen, no one in this room has ever watched an episode of Top Boy, 222 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,120 and Dushane's like, "There's the drugs." 223 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,000 And Sully's like, "That's preposterous. We can't sell all of this." 224 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,000 [audience laughing] 225 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,080 But I did, people. I wanted to move to America. 226 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,680 They get special treatment. 227 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,760 Treatment that I'm not even used to, right? 228 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,680 Because our Black British actors are doing fantastic out there. 229 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,680 You know, Daniel Kaluuya, man, doing fantastic, winning Oscars, you know. 230 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:17,320 Damson Idris, Cynthia Erivo, the list goes on and on. 231 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,040 When you're a Black Brit, people, and you go to Hollywood, 232 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,160 you get this weird special treatment, right? 233 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:23,440 I'll give you an example. 234 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,160 Listen to the timecodes that I'm about to give you, right? 235 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:30,040 I fly out there on Wednesday to film a television show. 236 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,360 Fly out Wednesday morning. 237 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:35,000 I land, right, their time, Wednesday afternoon. 238 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,320 As soon as I land, I've got six missed calls. 239 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,320 I call this American number back, someone panicking, 240 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,280 [breathing heavily] 241 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,640 "Oh my God, Mo Gilligan." 242 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:47,280 "Um, listen, we've gotta get you to set tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. Is that okay?" 243 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,200 I said, "That's fine. That's okay, right?" 244 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:53,160 Thursday morning, I get to set, right? The CEO-- Listen to this. 245 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,320 The CEO of the network comes down to set. 246 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:57,920 Everyone is panicking. 247 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,760 Now, my mum always said to me, "Be your authentic self." 248 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,040 "Treat people how you like to be treated," right? 249 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,120 He came straight up to me. I don't know if it was intimidation. 250 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,200 He was like, "Hey. Oh my God. Wow. Mo Gilligan, wow, big fan." 251 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,960 I said, "Yes. What you saying, bruv? Nice to meet you." 252 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,040 You know? 253 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,320 This guy was like, "Oh my God, we're so pleased to have you here." 254 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,440 "Let me ask you, Mo Gilligan, how are you finding your time here?" 255 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,720 I said, "Listen, man, it's a long way from home." 256 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,840 "Obviously, man, the flight was a bit long, but it's okay, man." 257 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,960 "Missing some of the mandem, but that is what it is, you know?" 258 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,000 Hear this guy… [gasps] "Oh my God." 259 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,560 "Oh my God. Olivia, come over here." That was the assistant. 260 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,960 "Olivia, come over here. Oh my God, listen to this." 261 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:38,960 "He's missing his French madame." 262 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,520 [audience laughing] 263 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,640 I said, "No, the mandem. My friends. Do you know what I mean?" 264 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,200 "I'm just-- 'Cause obviously, it's just a WhatsApp banter with the time." 265 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,160 "That's all it is. You know what I mean?" This guy got so concerned. 266 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,440 [gasps] "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God." 267 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,320 "Olivia, why didn't we know about the-- What are you missing?" 268 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,400 "Just the banter." "We gotta get some banter, okay? Um…" 269 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,200 "I didn't know about this, Mo Gilligan. Okay. What we're gonna do--" 270 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,160 "How about this? It's not a big gesture, 271 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:10,200 but, um, how about if we, uh, fly out five of your closest friends tomorrow night, 272 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,320 um, so they can bring you the banter? Is that okay? Is that all right?" 273 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,560 [audience laughing] 274 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:18,560 People, I don't think he realized I grew up in a council estate. 275 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,240 Fly over my friends in 24 hours? 276 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,680 I looked at this man. I felt like saying, "Forget them, bruv." 277 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:28,160 "Give me the money. Do you think I care about…" 278 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:29,560 -[audience laughing] -[Mo laughing] 279 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,160 "Do you think I care about emotional support?" 280 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,120 [audience laughing] 281 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,480 But apparently you can't say that. It's not professional. 282 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:37,680 So he flew out my friends. 283 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,280 Twenty-four hours later, I go pick up my friends. 284 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,720 They ain't even got a clue. 285 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,520 My friends are like, "Hey, rah. Hey, blud. What's going on?" 286 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:45,520 [audience chuckling] 287 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,320 One of my friends couldn't believe it. He's like, "Rah, LA?" 288 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,240 "This looks like Grand Theft Auto, rude boy. Rah." 289 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,360 I said, "We've just gotta go and say thank you." 290 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,760 That's the least we could do. 291 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,440 We went to his office. I was like, 292 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,000 "These are the guys. We just wanted to say thank you." 293 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,000 This guy couldn't believe we'd done this. 294 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,520 [gasping] "Oh my God. Wow. Oh my God, Mo Gilligan." 295 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,560 "These are the man-them. Wow." 296 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,040 -[audience laughing] -"Oh my God. Oh my God." 297 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,840 "Oh my God, it's like Top Boy. Um, Mo, let me ask you…" 298 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,840 "Um, Mo, uh, what… what's the plan?" 299 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,320 "How do you plan to get you and your man-them, 300 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:18,880 um, to set tomorrow morning?" 301 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,640 I said, "I don't know. It's all right, you've done enough." 302 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,040 "We can just jump in an Uber. Don't worry about it." 303 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,000 Hear this guy… [gasping] "An Uber? Ew." 304 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,160 [audience laughing] 305 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,880 "Oh no." I said, "What do you mean?" 306 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,600 He said, "Listen, Mo Gilligan, you're in Hollywood now, okay?" 307 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,200 "You've gotta think and feel like you're in Hollywood." 308 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,640 I said, "What does that mean?" He goes, "Listen, Mo Gilligan." 309 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,200 "We're gonna get you a driver, okay?" 310 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,960 "Anywhere you wanna go, you've got your own personal driver." 311 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,760 I said, "What? Are you sure? You serious?" 312 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,800 He goes, "Listen, anything for these guys from Summerhouse, okay? All right." 313 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:49,840 [audience laughing] 314 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,280 "All right. Okay." 315 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,880 "All right. Okay. All right." 316 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:58,920 So he got me a driver, people. I've never had a driver in my life. 317 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,520 We had this driver, his name was called DJ, right? 318 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:06,640 He turned up, tie, suit, shoes shiny, seam in the trousers. 319 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,680 This guy wasn't even much older than me. He was only two, three years older. 320 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:13,240 Opened the door when I first met him. He goes, "Hey, what's going on, boss?" 321 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,840 "Where you wanna go first, boss? Wanna go see the sights, boss?" 322 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,840 "Wanna go get a coffee? What about--" 323 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,520 "What about the gym, boss? What you wanna do first, boss?" 324 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,280 I said, "Wait, bro. Wait, wait, wait. Stop calling me boss, okay?" 325 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,960 "Listen, you're free now. I don't know what happened… 326 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,280 [audience laughing] 327 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,400 …before I got here, okay?" 328 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,600 "But listen, you're one of the mandem now. You're one of the guys." 329 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,000 I said, "Listen, DJ, where can we go?" 330 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,840 "Some of these guys-- Listen, they just have normal nine-to-fives." 331 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,480 "Where can we go out, you know?" 332 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,560 DJ goes to me, "Don't worry, man. I know someone," right? 333 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,760 He got on his phone. 334 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,000 He was like, "Mm-hmm. Yeah." 335 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:48,760 "Yeah." 336 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,040 [audience chuckling] 337 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,640 "Yeah, they like British dudes. Yeah." 338 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:54,080 "Yeah." 339 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,680 "No, not Gordon Ramsay. No, no." 340 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,760 "They like, uh, 341 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,480 they're like Idris-Elba-ass-motherfuckers. Yeah." 342 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,240 "Okay. Okay. All right, bet." So he puts the phone down. 343 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,960 So I'm like, "DJ, who did you call?" 344 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,720 DJ said to me, "Listen, man, 345 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,640 I just gave your number to the hottest promoter in Hollywood." 346 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,200 "He gonna text you right now." 347 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,280 I said, "All right, cool." 348 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,320 So, people, I get this text from the promoter. 349 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,400 The first thing the promoter says to me, he goes, "Hey, what up, man?" 350 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,600 "I need a name for the table." 351 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,680 I was like, "Cool." Sent my name, Mo Gilligan. 352 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,000 [imitates text chime] Right? 353 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,960 So I sent my-- Thank you. I do my own stunts. 354 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,840 Appreciate you. Thank you so much. 355 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,880 -[audience laughing] -[Mo chuckling] 356 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,480 Jackie Chan could never. 357 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:35,960 [audience laughing] 358 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,520 So I sent my name, right? 359 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:38,720 Now listen to this, people. 360 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,840 He then replies back with nothing but fire emojis, yeah? 361 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,920 [Mo imitates emojis popping] 362 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,680 So I show the guys. I'm like, "Guys, I'm a bit confused." 363 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,720 One of my friends gassing me up, "Yo, bruv, you're international." 364 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,240 "Nah, bruv. He knows, bruv." 365 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:53,680 Then he replies back again. 366 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,240 He goes, "Nah, wait, you lying. This ain't no Mo Gilligan." 367 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:01,160 I said, "Whoa." I said, "Bro, what Mo do you think I am, bro?" 368 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,080 "Who do you think I am? Mo Farah? Mo Salah?" 369 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,880 "What Mo have you mixed me up with?" 370 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:09,360 He goes, "Nah, man, this ain't the British Black comic Mo Gilligan." 371 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,360 I can't lie, people. I was like, "Am I that well-known out here, yeah?" 372 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,480 He then replies again. "Nah, you lying. Table's off." 373 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,800 I said, "Bruv, phone me now." 374 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,080 I got very defensive. Extremely South London. 375 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,560 I said, "Phone me now, bruv." 376 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:21,680 This guy phoned me. 377 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,240 I picked up the phone, very hostile. I said, "Yo." 378 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,680 Hear this guy… [gasping] 379 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,360 "My man Mo Gilligan." 380 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,440 [audience laughing] 381 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,480 "Why didn't you just tell me you was in LA?" 382 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:37,520 [audience chuckling] 383 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,000 "I… I… I… I didn't--" 384 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,360 "I didn't have your number to call in, so I didn't-- I didn't know, man." 385 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,960 He said, "Listen, man, you come down to the club whenever you want." [beeping] 386 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,160 Puts the phone down. Me and the guys are confused. 387 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,320 We get dressed. We drive to this club. 388 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,680 And, people, everybody's outside. 389 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,320 There's rappers outside. 390 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,280 You got NBA players outside. There's even drug dealers outside. 391 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,640 -Everybody is outside trying to get in. -[audience laughing] 392 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,480 I thought, "Listen, how are me and my five friends gonna get in this club?" 393 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,040 We just-- This-- I said, "Listen, what's the protocol?" 394 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,080 "Could you park across the side of the road?" 395 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,720 "How does this work?" Know what I mean? 396 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,480 "Are we gonna go in? You gonna get food?" 397 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,240 "Maybe come back? Should I text you?" 398 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:18,960 DJ said to me, he goes, "Listen, man, I'm gonna be out here waiting all night." 399 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,000 I said, "What? So if we go in there and have the time of our life, 400 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,000 you're telling me you're gonna be waiting here?" 401 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,120 DJ said to me, "Yeah, man, all night." 402 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,360 I can't lie, people. I felt so bad for this guy. 403 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,560 Not my friends. 404 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,560 "All right, bye. Take care. Let's go. Fuck this guy. Let's go." 405 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,800 I said, "Do you know what, DJ? Listen, come out with us, man." 406 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:37,920 "It's the least we can do." 407 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,560 DJ, "You sure, boss? I can come out with you?" 408 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,400 "You sure, boss? You mean that?" 409 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,480 I said, "Stop calling me boss. This is not Django." 410 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,200 "Come out. You're one of the guys now. Okay?" 411 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:51,360 So we walk up to the club. We're outside. Everyone's outside trying to get in. 412 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:54,640 I thought, how are me, my five friends from London, and a driver 413 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:58,400 gonna get into this club with the caliber of people already trying to get in? 414 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,480 I thought, you know what? I'm gonna spare myself the embarrassment. 415 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,440 Let me text the promoter. "Listen, thank you so much 416 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,160 for organizing this table at such short notice, 417 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:11,240 but me and the guys are gonna leave it, grab a drink round the corner. See you." 418 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:12,640 Sent this text. 419 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:17,360 People, I promise you. I swear to you on my mother's life, yeah? 420 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:18,880 She's standing up there. 421 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,160 [audience cheering] 422 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,840 If I'm lying, out of nowhere, she'll go, "Yo, where the bloodfire yardie?" 423 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,600 [audience laughing] 424 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:29,000 I sent this text, people, and then all you could hear 425 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,160 was a voice from the front of the club go, 426 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,160 "Hey!" 427 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:33,880 "Hey!" 428 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,880 "Everyone back up!" 429 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,320 "Mo Gilligan coming through." 430 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,600 [audience laughing] 431 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,400 For the first time in my life, I was like, 432 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:48,120 "Rah, there's two Mo Gilligans in here tonight. What are the chances of that?" 433 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,520 One of my boys does that thing where he pokes me in the side. 434 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:51,800 He's like, "That's you." 435 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,560 I'm mad ticklish, so I was like, "Ahh!" 436 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:57,120 I said, "Brudda, don't do that, bruv. I'm trying to be cool." 437 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,200 So we start walking towards the queue. The weirdest thing happened. 438 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,000 As we start walking to the queue, 439 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,800 people start parting like I was flipping Moses, right? 440 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,320 And I'm walking, and as I get walking, I'm closer. 441 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,440 I've got all the guys behind me. My friends are like, 442 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,400 "What? What, is that you, yeah?" 443 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,400 I'm like, "You man, chill, man. We're not there yet. You man, chill." 444 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:16,520 We get closer. 445 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,160 I can hear these girls in the queue saying stuff. 446 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,480 "Oh my God. I know who that is." 447 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,200 I'm like, "Stop lying. No Gogglebox in LA. Shut up, man." 448 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,120 -[audience laughing] -"Please, man." 449 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,520 Then there was this 6'7" NBA player, right? 450 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,120 He's in my way, so I'm being humble. 451 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,600 I'm like, "Sorry, my guy. That's me just trying to come through. Excuse me." 452 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,200 This guy was pretending like he couldn't hear or see me. 453 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:37,760 "I don't know who that is." 454 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,240 I was like, "Sorry, bro, excuse me. Trying to come--" 455 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:41,440 "I don't know who that is." 456 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,240 I look at the promoter. He's like, "Come on." 457 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:47,320 I said, "I've got this guy in the way." Hear the promoter, "Hey, you, back up!" 458 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:48,760 [audience laughing] 459 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,040 "That's Mo Gilligan coming through." 460 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,480 Let me tell you something. I walked past this guy like I was LeBron James. 461 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,600 I was like, "Coming through, bro." 462 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:58,720 [audience laughing] 463 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,040 "Coming through, bro." 464 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,240 We get to the front, they take off the thing, cha-ching. 465 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,440 We go through. 466 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,960 We didn't get searched. We didn't get searched. Yeah? 467 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,240 One of my boys was like, "I got a bag of weed in my bum." 468 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,920 I was like, "Bro…" [shushing] 469 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,720 [audience laughing] 470 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,880 Then as we get through, we hear someone say, "Hey, hey!" 471 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,600 I'm thinking we're gonna get turfed. 472 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,640 The manager came out. The manager came out. 473 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,800 He was like… [gasping] "Oh my God, Mo Gilligan. Oh my God." 474 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,200 "What a pleasure it is to have you in my venue." 475 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,240 "Thank you so much for choosing my club." 476 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,320 "I just need two things before you guys enter." 477 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,240 "I just need a credit card and ID. Is that okay?" 478 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,400 All my guys. I said, "Don't worry. It's on me tonight." 479 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,200 Gave him my credit card, gave him my ID. 480 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,520 Now, people, the problem in Hollywood 481 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,760 is people wanna have a connection with you because they hear where you're from, yeah? 482 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,040 Sometimes they'll say things that don't make any sense. 483 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:48,560 The club owner said to me, he's like, "Oh my God, wait. Oh my God." 484 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,280 "You guys are from London, right?" I said, "Yeah, we're from London." 485 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,360 Hear this guy, "Oh my God, that's insane." 486 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,960 "Me and my wife went to, uh, Barcelona last year. Yeah." 487 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,440 -"Yeah, yeah." -[audience laughing] 488 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,120 One of my boys, "That's not even fuckin--" "Hey, shut your mouth." 489 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,640 "Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah." 490 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,440 Then we get escorted into the club, people, right? 491 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,760 We go to our section. I see some other guys from London. 492 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,240 They notice me. They're like, "Rah, what? Man like Mo, yeah? Okay." 493 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,240 "Is that all you're doing?" I can't lie. I got a little bit gassed. 494 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,400 I was like, "'Low me, bruv. Low me, bruv. Low me, bruv." 495 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,800 I said, "Listen, guys, I've got my own table. Follow me." 496 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,560 They said, "You sure?" I said, "Come, man." 497 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,360 So we go to this section, people, right? 498 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:25,680 And the section was tight. 499 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,000 It wasn't a big section, my friend. It was so tight. 500 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,600 You had 12 Black guys in this small section trying to dance. 501 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,480 All our elbows, all our… all our arms are touching. 502 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,280 But I thought, "You know what? This is okay." 503 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,040 If I died tonight, 504 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,760 being in Hollywood with my friends, I'd be a happy man, right? 505 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:45,040 Then the promoter came up to me. He goes, "Ha! My man Mo Gilligan." 506 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,640 "What's going on?" I said, "Listen, thank you so much." 507 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,960 "I really appreciate what you've organized for us at such last minute." 508 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,480 "Thank you so much, man." 509 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,240 He goes, "Hey, how you finding it?" 510 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,200 I said, "I'm finding it great." I said, "Listen." 511 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,320 "It's a bit tight in here, but it is what it is." 512 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,400 "What?" 513 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:00,640 [audience chuckling] 514 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,680 "It's a bit tight in here, but it is what it is." 515 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:07,400 [gasps] "What? Nah. Fuck that. Only the best for you. Follow me." 516 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,920 He starts walking through the club, pushing people out the way. 517 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,080 One of my boys was like, "Who does he think you are?" 518 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,720 I said, "I don't know, Muhammad Ali. I don't know what is going on here." 519 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:16,640 Right? 520 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:22,360 Then we get this other section, people. This is like a VVVIP section, right? 521 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:26,800 We get this section. Now, this is why I say Hollywood is a crazy place. 522 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,960 Because there was this one man, right? And he was with about eight women. 523 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,600 The promoter goes up to him. 524 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:36,040 He's like, "Hey, my man, so sorry, but you gotta move." Yeah? 525 00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:38,240 This guy obviously lost his shit. 526 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,880 He's like, "What you mean I gotta move? Who the fuck are you?" 527 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:42,880 [popping] 528 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,640 Every time he kept saying it, it felt like it was a personal bullet to my ego. 529 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,640 "Who the fuck is you?" 530 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:48,960 [popping] 531 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,040 I looked at him. He looked at me. I was like… 532 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:52,680 "Um…" 533 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:53,800 [audience chuckling] 534 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,040 [breathing awkwardly] 535 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,320 "Have you seen The Masked Singer UK? No?" 536 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,440 "No? No?" 537 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:07,040 Then the promoter said, "Listen, man, I got my best bottle girl, Liberty." 538 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:08,560 "She gonna look after y'all." Right? 539 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,560 So Liberty comes over, people, right? 540 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:15,000 This woman was about six foot, right? She looked like a Victoria's Secret model. 541 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:20,280 She was wearing a corset, thigh-high boots, and a G-string, yeah? 542 00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:21,840 Did you just hear what I just said? 543 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,840 A corset, thigh-high boots, and a G-string. 544 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,640 In the club. Yeah? 545 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,840 So that means if she put her leg out anywhere, 546 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,720 bow, flap, Cillit Bang, and the flaps are out. 547 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,880 I don't think you lot realize what I'm saying. 548 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:34,880 [audience laughing] 549 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,760 This ain't when you lot used to go clubbing back in the day. 550 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,440 You had a girl in Tiger Tiger, 551 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:41,640 "You all right? Want some shots? Want some Jägerbombs?" 552 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,440 "No? Shout me if you want some Jägerbombs, all right?" 553 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,040 This woman comes up to me, right, with a list. 554 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:50,680 She goes, "Hey, oh my God. Hey, oh my God." 555 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,240 "What's going on, Mo Gilly?" 556 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,440 I was like, "Who's that, bruv?" 557 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:55,360 [audience laughing] 558 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:59,120 She goes, "You guys must be so thirsty. Let's get you some beverages. Oh my God." 559 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:03,120 So, people, I open up the menu. The menu lights up. It's a digital menu. 560 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,960 It's got all the prices there. I'm looking at all the prices, right? 561 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,560 And as I'm looking at the menu… 562 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:09,640 [smacks lips] 563 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,040 …the menu is looking back at me, right? 564 00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:13,360 [audience laughing] 565 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,480 Now, I'm not gonna sit here in front of 15,000 people, right, 566 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,880 and pretend like I'm not doing all right for myself. 567 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,760 But, people, I promise you, 568 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,040 I was looking at the price of these drinks, 569 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:25,040 and I had to start asking questions. 570 00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:29,200 I even had to say to myself, "Am I investing stock in these alcohol brands?" 571 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,720 "'Cause what the hell are these prices?" 572 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,280 I'm looking at my friends. None of my friends are looking at me. 573 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:37,680 They all became architects. "Rah, is that a chandelier up there?" 574 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,040 [audience laughing] 575 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:42,080 "There's two chandeliers up there. How did they get that up there, bruv?" 576 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,480 "How did they get that up there?" 577 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:44,880 I look at one of my friends. 578 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,040 'Cause we've all got a cheapskate friend, haven't we? 579 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:49,480 I said, "Jeff, look at that. Look at the price of that." 580 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,560 He looked at me. He was like, "Rah." 581 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,960 "You know how many bottles in Costco we could buy with that?" 582 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:55,040 "What?" 583 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,920 [audience laughing] 584 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,120 I had Liberty saying, "I'm so sorry, Mo Gilly." 585 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,120 "I've gotta rush you. I'm so sorry." 586 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,320 I thought, you know, I've got no one to impress here. 587 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,240 Nobody knows me here in Hollywood. 588 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:09,120 I said, "It's fine." I got the cheapest package on the list, yeah? 589 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,960 Liberty said to me, "Just to let you know how it works here, Mo Gilly." 590 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,160 "Because this is our entry-level package, 591 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,480 um, there's no lights, there's no show, there's no sparklers, there's no sign." 592 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,400 "Is that okay?" 593 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,240 I said, "It's fine. Don't worry about it, man." She goes off. 594 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,440 She comes back two minutes later with a bucket, right? 595 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:28,600 A bucket, two bottles of champagne, a bottle of vodka, and a bottle of cognac. 596 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,760 I thought, this is fine. This is fine, people. 597 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,560 Then I see the Hollywood lifestyle hit my friends first. 598 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,600 My friend picked up a bottle of champagne, 599 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,840 started offering it to girls like it was the Last Supper. 600 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,320 "Yeah, come, come. Have some, have some. Yeah, yeah. No, no. Have some. Yeah." Brr! 601 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,400 "Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, bring your friend. Brr! Yeah, yeah." 602 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:45,360 "Nah, it's calm." 603 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,680 I swear to you, people, I'm not even a cheapskate, 604 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,440 but I was seeing every glass being poured and just counting them like, 605 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,800 "Rah, that's at least $95 a glass right there." 606 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:53,960 [audience laughing] 607 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,720 "Should we even drink the other half? Fuck it. Let me put it back in the bowl." 608 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,200 "Put that back." [popping] 609 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:01,960 But something said to myself, 610 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,040 "Do you know what, Mo? Let's enjoy. Let's relax." 611 00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:07,880 These moments don't happen to people like me, let alone my friends, every day. 612 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,960 So I did. I started to enjoy, right? 613 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,800 Then I seen the NBA players get their package. 614 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:14,760 And wow, what a sight it was. 615 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,920 They had the sparklers, they had the whole show. 616 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,800 They even had a sign. I've never seen a sign before in a club. 617 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:22,520 Their bottle girl has a sign. But she's looking at us with the sign. 618 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,480 She's like this. She's like… With their sign, right? 619 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,360 I'm thinking, "What does it say on the sign?" 620 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,320 Everyone on the dance floor is going, "Oh!" 621 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:31,840 "Whoa!" 622 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,320 So I look at the sign. I think, what does the sign say? 623 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:38,400 I look over at the sign, and it said, "NBA boys are here," right? 624 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:39,600 Know what it said below? 625 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,680 It said, "Broke London boys, catch up," right? 626 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,360 [audience laughing] 627 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,880 So I'm thinking it can't be us. It can't be us. 628 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,680 We are not the broke London boys, right? 629 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,680 And then the DJ went on the mic, goes, "Oh man." 630 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:55,960 [dramatic sting playing] 631 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,960 [audience laughing] 632 00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,720 "They called out London." 633 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,280 [dramatic sting playing] 634 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:04,720 "So you know they called out my man Mo Gilligan over there!" 635 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,360 [dramatic sting playing] 636 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:10,440 Listen, the whole club turned around and looked at me. 637 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,320 I was like, "How dare you, bruv? I've been on Celebrity Bake Off." 638 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:14,680 "How dare you?" 639 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:15,720 [audience laughing] 640 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,040 I said, "Nah, man, forget that." 641 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:18,960 I said, "Nah, let me get some more drinks." 642 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,600 All the guys, "Nah, bro, don't do it. This is what they want." 643 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,440 "Bottle wars. You to spend more money. This is what they want." 644 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,760 "Black-on-Black crime. This is what they want." 645 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:27,800 [audience laughing] 646 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,440 I said, "Nah." I said, "Hold on, wait." 647 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:30,800 "Where was this energy 648 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,120 when you lot was looking at chandeliers and talking about Costco?" 649 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,400 I said, "Nah, forget that, man. Let me quickly--" 650 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:37,840 So I'm looking at the list, people. 651 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,000 I'm trying to see what I can afford, what I can't, 652 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:43,440 what I might have to move from the Monzo to the HSBC business account, 653 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,920 what I might go overdrawn-- 'Cause that's what we do. 654 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,640 If we know we're gonna spend too much, 655 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,760 we're thinking, "What can I sell tomorrow?" 656 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:54,440 "How much can I get for a PS5 in CeX when I go back?" 657 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,160 These are the things we do when we know we're gonna overspend. 658 00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,760 So I'm looking at it, trying to see what I can afford. 659 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:02,720 Then, listen to this, the DJ goes back on the mic again. 660 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,520 He goes, "Ah man." 661 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:06,920 [dramatic sting playing] 662 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:09,720 "They called out London." 663 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,280 -[dramatic sting playing] -Huh. Huh. Huh. 664 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:13,960 "What would Skepta say?" 665 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:15,080 "Skepta?" 666 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,280 [audience laughing] 667 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:18,720 "The fuck has Skepta got to do with this?" 668 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,200 So now I'm under pressure, thinking, 669 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,960 "Fucking hell, I'm gonna be on Link Up TV tomorrow morning." 670 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,000 So I'm looking at the menu. I see one thing. 671 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,640 It was called Diamond Black Package, right? 672 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,680 I said, "Give me this one." I get this one. 673 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,440 It didn't have any price. It just said POA. 674 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,880 I don't know what POA means, people. I'm dyslexic. 675 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,720 I think it means "poor on arrival." 676 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,680 So this is the package we got, right? 677 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:40,920 [audience laughing] 678 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,120 So Liberty goes off. 679 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,520 Ten minutes. There's no bottles, there's no drinks, there's no sparklers. 680 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,040 I'm thinking, "Wow, I've really been scammed here." 681 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,080 Then out of nowhere, people, right, 682 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,200 the DJ stopped the music in the club, right? 683 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,880 [Mo imitates music winding down] 684 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:59,400 Then he turned off the lights in the club. Bow! 685 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,160 All of the lights went out. 686 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,000 [audience whooping, cheering] 687 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,360 Come on, you don't get two Netflix specials for nothin', bruv. 688 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,840 -[audience laughing] -[Mo chuckling] 689 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:16,640 And he got on the mic, people. And he was like, "Ah man!" 690 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,040 [dramatic sting playing] 691 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:20,760 "They called out London." 692 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:22,360 [dramatic sting playing] 693 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,200 "They called out Mo Gilligan." 694 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,760 [imitates echoing] "Mo Gilligan, Mo Gilligan, Mo Gilligan." 695 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,840 [audience laughing] 696 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:35,480 "But I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know…" 697 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:37,360 He didn't even have an echo machine. 698 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,280 He was doing this with his mouth in the club. 699 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,360 [audience laughing] 700 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,080 "I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know… 701 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:48,000 that he was gonna come back like this, 702 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,360 like this, like this, like this…" 703 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,120 So I'm thinking like, "Fucking what, bruv?" 704 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,200 [audience laughing] 705 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,400 I look over at Liberty. Liberty's near the kitchen. 706 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,640 I look over at Liberty, and I'm like, "Liberty, what's going on here?" 707 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:07,320 Liberty goes to me, "One second. I've got you." Right? 708 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,560 And she's wearing a cloak with a mask. 709 00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,640 So I'm thinking, what weird fucking Illuminati P. Diddy shit 710 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,440 is gonna happen here tonight in Hollywood, right? 711 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,440 And just before I could think, right, 712 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,680 the music starts playing in the club, right? 713 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,800 [hip hop music playing] 714 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,960 Now Liberty walks out, right? 715 00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,600 She's not smiling, her eyes are wide open, right? 716 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:31,080 And she's got this weird march as she walks out by herself, people. 717 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,360 Liberty comes walking out like this, people. 718 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:34,600 This is Liberty, just… 719 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,240 [hip hop music continues] 720 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,040 [audience laughing] 721 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:42,640 Now behind Liberty, there are two other dancers, 722 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:45,400 and they're doing this weird dance in cloaks as well. 723 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:46,440 They're just… 724 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:49,920 Now listen, people. 725 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:54,320 Behind Liberty, there was four Samoan bodyguards, right? 726 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:55,960 Now, they're holding something, 727 00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,040 but we can't see what they're holding, right? 728 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,840 But they walk out doing this same weird dance. 729 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:01,760 They come… 730 00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,400 [audience laughing] 731 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:08,360 So I'm thinking, what goat are they gonna sacrifice in this fucking club, yeah? 732 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:09,800 [audience laughing] 733 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:14,640 And then all the Samoan bodyguards, they all go like this, "Hey, hey, hey," 734 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,160 and then lift up something. We couldn't see what they lifted up. 735 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:18,440 You know what they lifted? 736 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:23,880 They lifted up a coffin with 25 bottles of champagne in it, right? 737 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:25,040 [audience laughing] 738 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,800 And then they start marching to our section like this, 739 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:33,520 "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." 740 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:37,040 So obviously, all my boys start losing their shit. 741 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,640 "What? Ay, what?" 742 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,600 "Ay, Mo? Ay, Mo? Is that for us?" 743 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:43,640 [audience laughing] 744 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:44,960 "Is that for us?" 745 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:48,640 "Oi, Mum's life, bismillah, is that all your doing?" 746 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,880 "Mo, listen, listen, if that's not for us, 747 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,680 Mum's life, I can't lie, I'm gonna bang you in your face." 748 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:59,440 "Mo, tell me, is that all your doing?" 749 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:01,200 People, I can't lie, I took all the credit. 750 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,960 I was like, "You man, sometimes, that's what you gotta do. 751 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,800 [hip hop music continues] 752 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:08,920 [dramatic sting playing] 753 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,160 [audience cheering, whistling] 754 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:16,120 People, I'm not ashamed to tell you this, but I started losing myself, right? 755 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:20,280 They started putting, one by one, all these bottles on our table, yeah? 756 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,600 I thought I was a fucking drug dealer, yeah? 757 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:23,640 [audience laughing] 758 00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,040 But my excitement, it started popping out. 759 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:27,160 I was like… 760 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,960 [audience laughing] 761 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:35,880 [inaudible] 762 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:37,120 [audience laughing] 763 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,320 I went straight up to the NBA players. I went straight over to them. 764 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:42,360 I was like, "What?" 765 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:44,320 "What?" 766 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:45,960 [audience laughing] 767 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:49,200 "That's what we do, bruv." 768 00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,400 -[music crescendoes] -[audience cheering] 769 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,480 [audience applauding] 770 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:03,680 People, for the first time in my life, I lost myself. 771 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,000 I don't think you realize. I've never lost myself. 772 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:07,400 I didn't even know who I was. 773 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:11,440 One of the NBA players was like, "Nah, I gotta know. What's your name?" 774 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,800 I said, "Don't worry about my fucking name, bruv." 775 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:15,040 [audience laughing] 776 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,800 He said, "Nah, British man. I ain't never seen that, man." 777 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:19,200 "What's your name, British man?" 778 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,320 I said, "Don't worry about my fucking name, bruv." 779 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,120 He goes, "Nah, British man, who are you?" I said, "Me?" 780 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,600 He said, "You." I said, "Me?" 781 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,200 I said, "I'm… I'm… I'm…" 782 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,040 -"Dushane, bruv." -[gun cocking] 783 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,120 -[audience laughing] -[music crescendoes] 784 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,960 -[music stops] -"We sell fucking drugs!" 785 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,880 My friends say, "Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa. We don't do that, bruv." 786 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,960 "I work in IT, bruv. I'm on my last warning. What you doing?" 787 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:48,480 [audience laughing] 788 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:52,680 People, for the first time ever in my life, I lost myself. 789 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:56,400 Don't get me wrong. I've been drunk, but I've never lost myself. 790 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,720 I was giving people bottles of champagne like I was Oprah. 791 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,800 "Here, you get a bottle. You get a bottle. Everyone gets a bottle." 792 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,200 I lost myself, people. 793 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:08,240 I even gave a bottle of champagne to DJ, the driver. 794 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,280 I said, "DJ, here, have a bottle of champagne." 795 00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,720 "Nah, man. Nah, I don't drink no champagne." 796 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,280 I said, "Come on, bruv. Whatever happened to ride or die?" 797 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:16,880 "Live life, man." 798 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,600 He said, "Nah, man, I don't drink that." I said, "What do you drink?" 799 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,440 "What's your drink?" He goes, "Me, I just like some tequila." 800 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,520 I said, "Listen, Liberty, come over here." 801 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,080 "Listen, this is DJ, the best driver ever." 802 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,160 "Get my man a bottle of tequila." 803 00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:31,480 Gave me the bottle, this big vase-looking bottle. 804 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:33,760 I gave the bottle to him, right? Listen to this, people. 805 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,320 DJ starts crying in the club, yeah? 806 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:37,320 [audience laughing] 807 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:38,760 As all this is going on, he's like… 808 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:39,960 [sniffling] "Nah, man." 809 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,520 "Nah, man. No." [breathing heavily] 810 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:46,440 "None… None of my clients have ever treated me like… like y'all." 811 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,400 I said, "Listen, DJ, you're one of the mandem now." 812 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:50,960 "Listen, you're family." 813 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,920 He goes, "You… You sure?" I said, "Yeah, bruv, you're family." 814 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,800 "You know what? Liberty, give me a bottle too." 815 00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:57,800 So I had a bottle, me had a bottle. 816 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:01,400 DJ said, "Hey, man, say something real gangster from y'all hood." 817 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,480 People, I'm not from the hood like that. 818 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:04,560 [audience laughing] 819 00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:07,880 I was saying things that are not gangster. He said, "Say something." I said… 820 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:09,440 ♪ Autoglass replace ♪ 821 00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:11,040 ♪ Autoglass repair ♪ 822 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,120 [audience laughing] 823 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:17,080 [Mo chuckling] 824 00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:22,240 DJ loved it. "Yeah, and I'll replace the glass. Yeah, yeah." 825 00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:25,440 "They got bullet holes in the glass." "Yeah, all right, bruv." 826 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,600 "It's just a stone chip, but hey, whatever floats your boat, bruv." 827 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:30,680 Started losing myself. 828 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:34,480 I thought, "I could get used to this Hollywood lifestyle. I really could, man." 829 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,720 Being around my friends, being surrounded by all these people, 830 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,720 drinking bottles of champagne. You know? 831 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,360 Then one of the NBA players like, "Nah, man." 832 00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,800 "We gotta toast to my man Dushane." 833 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:47,080 You know, the whole club. 834 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,440 "Hey! Dushane, Dushane, Dushane!" 835 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,200 I thought, "Wow. Oh my God." Let me tell you something. 836 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,840 That, for me, was one of the best moments ever of my life. 837 00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:59,920 Like, listen, forget doing all this comedy stuff, winning BAFTAs. 838 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,560 That moment right there, I was like, "Wow, this is the--" 839 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,080 Forget my birth. I wasn't really there for that. 840 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,040 That moment was one of the greatest moments ever. 841 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:09,600 We all took a shot. [slurping] 842 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:11,640 Oh, one of the best moments ever. 843 00:36:11,720 --> 00:36:14,440 I said, "Liberty, quick, you do a shot. Can you get the receipt?" 844 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:18,200 I'm doing the last shot. I'm a cheapskate. I paid for this. I was like… 845 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,360 "Bruv, put a bottle of champagne in your pocket." 846 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,160 -"Take this home, bruv." -[audience laughing] 847 00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:25,280 One of the greatest moments of my life. Then Liberty comes over. 848 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:26,760 "Thank you for the receipt." 849 00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,760 I said, "You go with him. You go…" 850 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:30,000 [breathing heavily] 851 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,080 [audience laughing] 852 00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:43,080 People, you ever been so drunk that you tried to undrunk yourself for logic? 853 00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:46,520 You ever tried to do that stuff? Where you tried to rub your brow and go… 854 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:47,560 [inhales deeply] 855 00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:49,560 [groaning] 856 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,600 You start realizing what's going on. 857 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,280 Realizing I had all my buttons of my shirt open. 858 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:57,120 I don't think you realize. All the buttons were open. 859 00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:58,800 Even my belly button was out. 860 00:36:58,880 --> 00:36:59,720 [audience laughing 861 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:03,760 My belly button was like, "Rah, you lot are moving mad in here tonight, innit?" 862 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:04,680 [audience laughing] 863 00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,400 I'm looking at this receipt. 864 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:07,440 [breathing heavily] 865 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:09,720 I was like, "Sorry, Liberty, um…" 866 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:13,280 [groaning] "Okay, um…" 867 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,000 She goes, "Oh my God, Mo Gilly." [chuckles] 868 00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,240 "Oh my God. What's the problem? What's going on?" 869 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:18,960 I was like, "Um, okay, sorry, 870 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:23,280 I'm trying to understand, um, the price of the tax, gratuity, tip." 871 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,080 "Could you tell me how much that bottle is?" 872 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:29,320 Liberty was like, "Let's check it out. Okay, tax, gratuity, tip…" [inhaling] 873 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:34,440 "Um, okay, so that one bottle, Casa Azul, that one bottle is…" 874 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,760 "Oh, that's okay. That's just, uh, $5,000." 875 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:39,840 [audience exclaiming, laughing] 876 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:41,960 [Mo inhales deeply] 877 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:44,200 People, that's not including the bottle I got for myself, 878 00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,840 package number one, package number two. 879 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,640 I properly looked at this girl, Liberty. I was like, "Yeah." 880 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,840 "I know why they call you fucking Liberty, innit? 'Cause…" 881 00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,920 [audience laughing] 882 00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,280 And then I was like, "Okay, um…" 883 00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,400 And I'm looking at this, and she's like, "Okay, what's the problem? What is it?" 884 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,160 I was like, "Well, this is…" She goes, "What is it, Mo Gilly?" 885 00:38:05,240 --> 00:38:07,080 I said, "This is…" She goes, "Just be honest." 886 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:08,760 I said, "This is… [inhaling] 887 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:09,720 …preposterous." 888 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,240 "This is flipping preposterous." 889 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:13,520 [audience laughing] 890 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:16,680 People, it went from being one of the best nights ever in my life 891 00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:19,720 to one of the worst nights ever in my life. 892 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:23,680 Don't get me wrong. I could pay for it, but at the same time, I was thinking. 893 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:28,280 I was like, "Wow, is this a downward spiral of how my life's gonna turn out?" 894 00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,120 Just going from being in Hollywood, doing premium shows, 895 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,720 have your own show, win the BAFTA, then before you know it, 896 00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:37,800 like, I'm just on, like, Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away! 897 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:38,720 [audience laughing] 898 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,080 I'm not presenting it. I'm on the program, bruv. 899 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,080 [audience laughing] 900 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:44,760 I thought, wow. 901 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,360 Do you know what? Listen, I told you I'll be transparent. 902 00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:48,960 Do you know, I thought to myself, 903 00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:52,000 "I know how I'll get this money back." I said, "Do you know what? Flip it." 904 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,440 "I'm gonna do an OnlyFans tomorrow." I said this in my head. 905 00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:57,440 I said, "I'll make the money back in 24 hours." 906 00:38:57,520 --> 00:38:59,120 Listen, I wouldn't waste any time. 907 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:03,240 I'll be like, "Let's go to it. Fuck it. Bumhole Wednesdays. Let's get these tips." 908 00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:04,680 [audience laughing] 909 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,800 I thought, "Oh my God, this is the stupidest thing 910 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,280 I've ever done in my whole entire life." 911 00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,080 Then I thought to myself, "It's all right." 912 00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:15,040 I ain't paid yet. 913 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,320 Remember, I gave my credit card and my ID to the manager. 914 00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,280 Then my phone vibrates. Zzz! So I'm thinking, "Rah, what's that?" 915 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,160 Is it Mum texting me to see if I'm all right? 916 00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:26,080 People, I look at my phone, the transaction went through. 917 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:27,840 They swiped the transaction. 918 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,280 Listen, I started questioning the whole banking system. 919 00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,160 Like, "Are you having a bloody laugh?" 920 00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:35,360 How did you lot let this one slip through the fraud detection service 921 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:36,760 while I'm abroad? 922 00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:40,000 You can't give me a one-time password or nothing. 923 00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:44,240 But yeah, what, if I'm in the pound shop buying some bleach and some biscuits, 924 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:45,920 you wanna embarrass me, ask me questions? 925 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,200 "Is it you? Yes or no? Is it you?" 926 00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:49,400 "It's me, man." 927 00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:53,640 Worst night in the history of my life. 928 00:39:53,720 --> 00:39:56,640 Horrible, man. To the point where I woke up the next morning. 929 00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:59,920 All my friends were like, "Bro, listen, we're sorry to wake you, yeah?" 930 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:03,000 "But we just wanna say thank you so much." 931 00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,240 I said, "You don't--" He's like, "Nah, bro." 932 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,360 "I don't think you realize, bro." 933 00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:11,440 "Last night was one of the greatest nights ever in my life." 934 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:13,040 I said, "But, bro, you got kids." 935 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,360 "Bruv, fuck them kids. I don't like them." 936 00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:16,720 [audience laughing] 937 00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:18,720 "Secretly, the youngest one, that one's evil." 938 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,360 "I don't really like them like that." 939 00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:24,000 "But listen, as your friends, we just wanted to wake you up." 940 00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,040 "We understand. We know about the bill." 941 00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:29,240 "But we just wanted to say, 'Bro, we're never gonna live this life again.'" 942 00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,080 "So as your real friends, 943 00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,720 we just wanted to wake you up and say thank you, Mo Gilligan." 944 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,520 "We really appreciate that." 945 00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:39,080 And I can't lie, people. I had this lovely heart-to-heart with my friends, you know? 946 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:40,560 'Cause that's what you do it for. 947 00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:44,120 Money comes and goes, but friends are the family that you choose forever. 948 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:45,720 -And then-- Yeah, it's true. -[cheering] 949 00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,520 No, listen, man, don't ever give up on your friends. 950 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,680 It's a family that you pick forever, man. 951 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:54,320 One of the guys was like, "Listen, I know something that will cheer you up." 952 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,600 "Me and the guys chipped in, though. And check this out. Listen." 953 00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:00,120 "We just got you a little coffee and a muffin, innit?" 954 00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,000 [audience laughing] 955 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:09,640 People, I swear on my life, 956 00:41:09,720 --> 00:41:11,680 I genuinely looked at my friends like, "Know what?" 957 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:15,680 "Hope your plane crashes on the way home. Do you think this is enough?" 958 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,760 It was at a different time in my life. 959 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,120 During this time… This was about three-and-a-half years ago. 960 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:22,360 I was single, right? 961 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:24,640 I didn't enjoy being single, people. 962 00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:27,560 But I had to go to this wedding. I'm at this wedding by myself. 963 00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:30,960 But you know what it's like, guys. We're able to box up how we feel. 964 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,320 You know, you start seeing all this romance. 965 00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,040 Guys don't care about this stuff, yeah? 966 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,360 There's two types of romance. You've got those new couples, yeah? 967 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:40,880 Start rubbing each other's noses and stuff like that. 968 00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:41,800 "Hmm. Yeah." 969 00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,000 [groaning playfully] 970 00:41:45,720 --> 00:41:47,920 She's all excited. "This will be us one day." 971 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:48,880 [exclaiming playfully] 972 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,680 "I'm gonna catch the bouquet." [exclaiming] 973 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:53,560 [audience laughing] 974 00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,440 And you got couples that got some years in the game, yeah? 975 00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:59,960 All they're thinking about is, "Hey, when we go home, yeah, 976 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:01,680 let's just sleep." 977 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:03,920 "That's all we wanna do is sleep." 978 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,040 That's all you care about, right? 979 00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:09,840 I feel like women like romance probably a lot more than men like romance. 980 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,400 And I don't wanna generalize and say all women are the same, 981 00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:14,320 but women do like a bit of romance, man. 982 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,440 There's a single woman by herself. She's crying, yeah? 983 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,280 She didn't even know she's crying. A tear just popped out of her eyes. 984 00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:21,600 Do you know that happens, men? 985 00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:23,720 A tear will just come out unannounced. Just… [popping] 986 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,360 It just roll down her face, yeah? 987 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:26,280 She notices it. 988 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:29,200 She goes, "Oh, no, no, no, not today, not today." 989 00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:31,480 "No, I am strong." She'll put out positive affirmations. 990 00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,600 "I am strong. I am cool. I am kind. No. No." 991 00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,520 "Where's my crystal? Where's my quartz? Where is it?" 992 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,560 [audience laughing] 993 00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,320 But you know what women do that I think is absolutely beautiful, right? 994 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:45,480 Women look out for other women. 995 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:47,560 Women, don't ever stop doing this. 996 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:48,480 [women cheering] 997 00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:51,280 This is a beautiful thing that you do, you know. 998 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,480 Two women are on the dance floor, right? 999 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,720 They notice this poor woman crying, yeah? 1000 00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,960 They're having the time of their life, but they can't help but notice. 1001 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,640 They're dancing, they'll be like, "Hey, babes. Hey, babes." 1002 00:43:01,720 --> 00:43:03,880 "Listen, don't be bait, yeah?" 1003 00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:08,040 "But you see that girl, yeah? To your left, yeah? She's crying." 1004 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:09,400 "Are you serious?" 1005 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,280 "Yeah, yeah. Don't be bait, don't be bait, don't be bait." 1006 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,120 "Now, let me not look. Let me not look." 1007 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:15,680 "I'm not gonna look." 1008 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,360 "Oh my gosh. Shit. I'm gonna say something." 1009 00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,720 And she will. She'll go over there. Women will pretend. 1010 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:22,960 You guys are so obvious. You guys will be like… 1011 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:24,480 [muttering, gasping] 1012 00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:27,600 "Oh my gosh. Shut the front door on Tuesday." 1013 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:32,480 "Wait, there's no way, like, a queen like you is crying." 1014 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:36,000 "No. Sorry, darling, not in that Oh Polly dress. 1015 00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,800 "'Cause I've been trying to get that one." 1016 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,840 "No way. Listen, babes. Don't you cry. Don't you cry." 1017 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:44,080 "Not very demure. Not very mindful. Come here, babes. Don't you cry." 1018 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,920 They'll introduce her to all the rest of the girls. 1019 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,680 All these women will huddle around her. They'll wipe the tears off her face. 1020 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:51,920 "Guys, don't you cry." 1021 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,520 "Listen, don't you cry, 'cause you're beautiful, yeah?" 1022 00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,000 "We've all been there. Listen, Chantel's been there." 1023 00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,120 -"Haven't you, Chantel?" -[audience laughing] 1024 00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,520 Chantel's like, "What do you mean I've been there?" 1025 00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:02,840 "What you talking about?" 1026 00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,760 Listen, some women will throw their friend under the bus 1027 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:09,280 for emotional support for people they don't know, you know? 1028 00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,920 "Listen, okay, long story short, you don't know her, 1029 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,560 but basically her baby father's in prison for armed robbery and GBH." 1030 00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:17,240 "Isn't that right, Chantel?" 1031 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,720 Chantel's like, "Why you telling this girl all my business?" 1032 00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,440 "What's wrong with you?" 1033 00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,080 "Listen, it's okay. It's on 24 Hours in Police Custody." 1034 00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,840 "We all know. Don't worry about it, babes. Listen, don't you cry." 1035 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:28,440 "Don't you cry, yeah?" 1036 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,720 "Quick, quick, Claire. Give me your lipstick, yeah?" 1037 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:32,720 Tight Claire, "Nah, not my Charlotte Tilbury." 1038 00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:36,280 "Give me your fucking Charlotte Tilbury. Don't you cry. Do you know why?" 1039 00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:37,760 And let me tell you something, guys. 1040 00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:41,440 Women have inspirational quotes ready to go. Yeah. 1041 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:42,960 At the drop of a hat. 1042 00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:44,960 This one is their favorite, yeah? 1043 00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:48,240 This is their 90th-minute winner. This is the one that women love, yeah? 1044 00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:51,880 "Listen. Listen, babes. Don't you cry. Don't you cry, yeah?" 1045 00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:52,920 This poor girl… 1046 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,600 [sniffling] "Why? Why?" 1047 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:57,400 "Don't you cry. Do you know why? Do you know why?" 1048 00:44:57,480 --> 00:44:58,960 [audience laughing] 1049 00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:01,640 "Because you're letting him win. Don't you let him win!" 1050 00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:03,520 -[audience laughing] -[Mo laughing] 1051 00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:06,680 Lookit. Look at all these witches. 1052 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,720 "Yeah, I've used that one. I've used that one." 1053 00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,160 "Don't let him win. He's always gonna win. Don't let him win." 1054 00:45:12,720 --> 00:45:14,960 It's like a Loose Women convention in here, innit? 1055 00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,240 -[audience laughing] -[Mo chuckling] 1056 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:21,000 Men, we don't do none of that stuff. We ain't there for no emotional support. 1057 00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,120 Let me tell you something. Men, we mind our business. 1058 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,760 We are professional mind businesses, yeah? 1059 00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:30,760 There could be a man in this venue, in the toilets, right now 1060 00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,320 crying his eyes out over heartbreak, yeah? 1061 00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,000 I'm talking he's really crying. 1062 00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:38,960 [hyperventilating] "I can't believe-- I can't believe she… she would do me--" 1063 00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:40,960 "Why? Why?" 1064 00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:42,640 "Why? Why? Why?" 1065 00:45:42,720 --> 00:45:48,160 Listen, every man would be in them toilets, minding our business. 1066 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,120 Just washing the shit out of our hands. 1067 00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:54,160 Trying to find out what's happened, innit? Every man just… 1068 00:45:54,240 --> 00:45:56,240 [audience laughing] 1069 00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:16,880 [audience laughing] 1070 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:21,680 "Poor fucking cunt." 1071 00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:22,720 "Fucking hell." 1072 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:26,000 -[audience laughing] -[Mo laughing] 1073 00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:29,800 We'll even tell some of the guys, won't we, guys? 1074 00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:31,320 'Cause guys, we like to gossip. 1075 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:35,240 But when this is happening, we can't be serious. "Hey, bro. Hey, listen." 1076 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:36,960 "Uh…" 1077 00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:38,640 [audience laughing] 1078 00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:41,000 "There's a man in the toilets…" 1079 00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:42,560 "Uh…" 1080 00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:44,960 [audience laughing] 1081 00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:47,240 "Nah, nah, nah, I shouldn't laugh. It's serious." 1082 00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,120 "Why? What's going on, bruv? Just say." 1083 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:51,960 "There's a-- There…" 1084 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,080 "There's a man in the toilets, crying. Swear down." Yeah? 1085 00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:59,240 Some guys will have compassion. "Rah, is it?" 1086 00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:02,560 "That's crazy, bruv. Poor guy. He must be going through it, boy." 1087 00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:05,680 There's always that one guy. "Is it?" 1088 00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:09,200 "Let me see this, bruv." 1089 00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,280 [audience laughing] 1090 00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:19,840 "Ay, he's crying like some pussio!" 1091 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,640 "Wait, wait, what are you doing?" 1092 00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:23,720 -[audience laughing] -[Mo laughing] 1093 00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:25,400 "What you doing, Jerome, man?" 1094 00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:26,920 [audience laughing] 1095 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:30,360 I always believed that women have their stuff sorted out, right? 1096 00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:33,360 They've always got their car. They've got their good job. 1097 00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:35,000 You know, they've got their house. 1098 00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,000 All they want now is you, Mr. Right. 1099 00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:40,560 Let me tell you something. When women get to this thirties, forties, fifties, 1100 00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:42,240 they're not messing around anymore. 1101 00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:45,360 They know what they're looking for. They've got their list and their criteria. 1102 00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,320 They've got their red-flag list. Don't matter what star sign you are. 1103 00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:51,400 "Yeah, Leo. No, not for me. My ex was Leo. No. Red flag." 1104 00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,080 That's it, yeah? Just because you were born in that month. 1105 00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,360 "No, it's a red flag. Sorry. No. Red flag." 1106 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:57,600 Yeah? 1107 00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:01,800 Then they've got this other list. Now, women add to this list every day. 1108 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,720 Do you know what this is? The list of icks. Yeah? 1109 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:06,160 [audience laughing] 1110 00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:08,240 I don't know if you're familiar with what an ick is, 1111 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,760 but basically, guys, an ick is something we do 1112 00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:12,480 that we don't even know we're doing 1113 00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,640 that just turns her vagina off. Just… [imitates powering down] 1114 00:48:15,720 --> 00:48:19,200 That's it. Pum pum lock off. You can't get restarted, there's no… 1115 00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,480 [imitates starting an engine] 1116 00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,920 That's it. It's closed for today. That's it. 1117 00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:28,400 Yeah? Let me tell you something, guys. Anything you do can be an ick. Yeah? 1118 00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:30,200 I don't think you realize. Try it. You know? 1119 00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,040 If you go on a date, just ask a girl. 1120 00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:34,040 They'll tell you the most random things. 1121 00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,160 Women will go into great depths. They'll tell you. 1122 00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:38,280 "Yeah. Like, you know when you meet a guy?" 1123 00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:39,920 "Yeah?" "Like, what? Go for it." 1124 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,560 "Yeah? And let's say you go Ping-Pong with him, yeah? Yeah? Go Ping-Pong." 1125 00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:45,440 I'm like, "All right. Where's the ick in this?" 1126 00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,280 You know, men, we love Ping-Pong, yeah? 1127 00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:50,480 I grew up in the youth-club system. I love Ping-Pong. You know? 1128 00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,680 They're like, "No. But it's what happens during the Ping-Pong." 1129 00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:55,000 Where's the ick in this? 1130 00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:57,280 This one girl once said to me, "I'll tell you an ick." 1131 00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,840 "A man chasing a Ping-Pong ball. Just…" 1132 00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:03,320 -[audience laughing] -Uh, uh, uh… 1133 00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:04,680 "Oh wait, wait." 1134 00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:07,400 [breathing rhythmically] 1135 00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,480 "Found it." [blowing] 1136 00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,480 Ladies, can I ask you tonight, is… is that an ick? Is that an ick? 1137 00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:15,240 [women] Yeah! 1138 00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:17,840 [chuckles] Look at you scumbags. You didn't even know it's an ick. 1139 00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:19,720 It's an ick now. Write that one down. 1140 00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:21,520 "Chasing a Ping-Pong ball." 1141 00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,280 They'll tell you icks you didn't even think that was an ick. 1142 00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:27,720 They'll make you change your whole life. Yeah? 1143 00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:31,320 They'll be like, "Remember when we was getting ready and we came to see Mo?" 1144 00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,800 "What'd you do when you got changed?" "I don't know." 1145 00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,480 "I got out of the shower and then I put on my clothes." 1146 00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,560 "No, no, no, you didn't just do that. What did you put on first?" 1147 00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:41,840 "Um, I don't know. I got out of the shower." 1148 00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:43,760 "You know what you've done?" "What did I do?" 1149 00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:47,800 "You put your T-shirt on before your boxers. Yeah, yeah?" 1150 00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,480 Is it? This is called a Winnie-the-Pooh, apparently. 1151 00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:51,880 -[audience laughing] -[chuckles] 1152 00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:53,320 Women, is that an ick? 1153 00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:55,840 A man who puts a T-shirt on before the boxers? 1154 00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:58,760 Look at all the women with their hands up. [chuckles] 1155 00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,240 Every man just had his bum cheeks hanging out. 1156 00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:03,880 Just got your little willy just… Brr! 1157 00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:05,000 [laughing] 1158 00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:06,520 [audience laughing] 1159 00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:09,160 Nah, I believe that women have icks because deep down, 1160 00:50:09,240 --> 00:50:12,160 they're just trying to find the small things they love about you. 1161 00:50:12,240 --> 00:50:15,000 I have this theory, people. I have this theory when it comes to love. 1162 00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:18,480 I have this theory, which I believe is called the three Ls, right? 1163 00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:19,800 Hear me out on this, right? 1164 00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:22,800 The first L is the first one itself, is love. 1165 00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:25,280 The second one is listening. 1166 00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:27,840 If you're gonna be with someone, you have to listen to them. 1167 00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:31,360 You know what it's like, guys. Your favorite team has just lost, right? 1168 00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:35,240 That ruined your whole weekend. You're like, "Oh, man, this is a joke." 1169 00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:37,040 "How did we lose this one, man?" 1170 00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:40,480 Women, don't do that thing. Don't do that whole, "We?" 1171 00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:42,200 [Mo scoffing] 1172 00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:43,240 "We?" 1173 00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,280 "But when would you start playing? 'We?'" 1174 00:50:47,360 --> 00:50:48,720 [scoffs] 1175 00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:51,320 You're like, "Babes, please, not right now. Not right now." 1176 00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,160 "It's all right. It's okay." 1177 00:50:54,240 --> 00:50:55,240 [chuckling] 1178 00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:57,040 "It's just a game." 1179 00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,160 [audience laughing] 1180 00:50:59,240 --> 00:51:01,840 "It's not a fucking game, is it? It's my life, Sharon!" 1181 00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:03,880 "I've got nothing!" 1182 00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:05,280 [audience laughing] 1183 00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:08,440 "It's all right. You've got me." 1184 00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:09,880 "I don't fucking want you!" 1185 00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:11,840 [audience laughing] 1186 00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,240 "You can't play up front, can you?" 1187 00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:16,320 -[audience laughing] -[Mo laughing] 1188 00:51:19,240 --> 00:51:23,040 And the last L is the most important, right? That's loyalty. 1189 00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:25,720 Be loyal to the person that you're with, you know? 1190 00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:28,680 See loads of couples in the house. Just be loyal, man. 1191 00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:31,600 Don't get me wrong. There's the old-fashioned sense of loyalty, 1192 00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:33,840 "till death do us part" and all that stuff, 1193 00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:36,880 but there's also loyalty exclusive to your relationship. 1194 00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:40,080 Things that you do that other people don't understand, right? 1195 00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:41,760 And it's random things. 1196 00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:44,040 You know, like picking your favorite TV to watch. 1197 00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,400 You go on Netflix. "What should we watch?" 1198 00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:48,120 You see something, Stranger Things, 1199 00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:50,360 Adolescence, Top Boy, Supacell, I don't know. 1200 00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:51,760 Your lady sees something, 1201 00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:54,080 she says, "Babes, everyone's talking about that." 1202 00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:57,960 "We've gotta watch that, yeah?" That's the loyalty. You've locked it in. 1203 00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:00,480 "We're gonna watch that. Not now, but we're gonna." 1204 00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:02,400 That's where the loyalty starts, right? 1205 00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:05,240 That means, my guy, you can't watch it somewhere else, 1206 00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,200 and you can't watch it somewhere else. 1207 00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,560 That is the loyalty that you've agreed upon, right? 1208 00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:13,520 Now, most men like to be a protector. 1209 00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:16,320 So being a protector, you wanna show you can be a provider. 1210 00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:18,960 Being a provider shows you wanna be in control, right? 1211 00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,240 So, what do we like, guys? We like the remote control. 1212 00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:24,520 We just like to be able to rewind and fast-forward and pause. 1213 00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:26,600 That's our thing. We want the remote control. 1214 00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,280 Now, ladies, they like their thing. 1215 00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:30,600 Ladies feel safe in your presence, right? 1216 00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:32,920 They can unwind. What do they wanna unwind with? 1217 00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:34,640 A glass of wine, right? 1218 00:52:34,720 --> 00:52:38,160 So they go, "Wait, before we press play, I'm just gonna have a quick glass." 1219 00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:40,320 "Just a quick one, yeah? Just a little one, yeah?" 1220 00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:43,840 -[imitates pouring, popping] -[audience laughing] 1221 00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:46,400 "Just a little one. Just a little one, right?" 1222 00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:49,240 So you find your program that you're gonna watch. 1223 00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:51,520 You're cuddled in, and that's it, you press play. 1224 00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:53,520 -Bow, you're in, yeah? -[Netflix sound logo plays] 1225 00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:56,000 You're in. You're watching your program, yeah? 1226 00:52:56,880 --> 00:53:01,720 Ten minutes in, it gets a bit quiet, doesn't it, guys? Yeah? Yeah? 1227 00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:04,040 Fifteen minutes in, yeah, 1228 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,480 Sleeping Beauty over here… 1229 00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:08,800 -[audience laughing] -[Mo chuckling] 1230 00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,520 …has fallen asleep, yeah? 1231 00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:13,400 Not because she started work early 1232 00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:16,000 or because she had a long day and maybe went to the gym. 1233 00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:17,440 You know why she fell asleep? 1234 00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:20,880 Because she just drunk a pint of wine in five minutes. 1235 00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:22,600 She's out. 1236 00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:26,200 Now we gotta watch this film that we planned to go and watch together 1237 00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:27,280 by ourselves. 1238 00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:29,200 And that's where the loyalty comes in, guys. 1239 00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:30,960 You say, "We did plan to watch it together." 1240 00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:34,240 Now we're left by ourselves. And we watch this film, don't we, guys? 1241 00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:37,640 "I'll have one. I'll have a cheeky one. I'll watch one episode." 1242 00:53:37,720 --> 00:53:40,160 We start watching it, yeah? 30 minutes goes by. 1243 00:53:40,240 --> 00:53:42,320 We're really enjoying ourselves, guys, aren't we? 1244 00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:45,080 Do you know why we're enjoying ourselves, women? I'll tell you why. 1245 00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:48,960 'Cause no one is asking us any flipping questions 1246 00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:50,960 about what is going on. 1247 00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:54,400 "Who's that man? Why did he kill him? Can you rewind? Is it Antonio Banderas?" 1248 00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,040 "What's he doing here? I'm gonna Google it." 1249 00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:57,680 "Can you pause it? Who's that man?" 1250 00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:01,280 "Babes, I've never seen this before in my life. I've never seen it before." 1251 00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:04,160 "All right. I'm just asking a question. Why are you so rude?" 1252 00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:06,040 -"Very rude." -[audience laughing] 1253 00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:07,720 "Gosh." 1254 00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,920 None of this is happening. 1255 00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,680 So you carry on watching this program, right? 1256 00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:17,120 And then Netflix will test your loyalty, right? 1257 00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:19,520 'Cause Netflix will say, "Yo." 1258 00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:22,040 "Oi, listen up, yeah?" 1259 00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:25,000 "The credits are about to roll." 1260 00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:29,600 "But listen, I've got another episode cooking up 1261 00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:34,880 in five, four, three, two…" 1262 00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:36,520 "What do you wanna do?" 1263 00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:38,600 [audience laughing] 1264 00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:41,440 "Fuck that bitch. Episode two!" 1265 00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:43,520 Episode two! 1266 00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:46,600 We know we shouldn't be watching episode two. 1267 00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:49,000 This is blasphemy within the relationship. 1268 00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:51,920 You shouldn't watch it, but you start enjoying episode two. 1269 00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:54,880 But what happens? Sleeping Beauty wakes up, yeah? 1270 00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:56,560 But, women, you don't just wake up. 1271 00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:59,920 It's like some spirit has told you in your dream, yeah, 1272 00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,160 "He's doing something wrong." 1273 00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,680 And you women wake up out of your sleep… 1274 00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:06,760 [gasping] 1275 00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,880 They pause it. They look at their phone. It's always the same time. 1276 00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:13,600 [gasping] "11:11, 11:11!" 1277 00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:14,560 [audience laughing] 1278 00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:19,080 "The angels told me. Where's my crystal? Where's my crystal?" 1279 00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:20,920 "Wait, hold on. Episode two?" 1280 00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:22,720 "Are you on episode two?" 1281 00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,320 "Oh my gosh. I can't believe you would do that." 1282 00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:28,000 Women start exaggerating. "I can't believe you'd do that." 1283 00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:30,800 "Only fell asleep for what, five minutes." 1284 00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:32,280 [audience laughing] 1285 00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:33,880 'Cause love is the best thing, man. 1286 00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:37,200 The love you have for your partner, the love you have for your family. 1287 00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:39,760 That's why I do all of this, man. Do it for my family. 1288 00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:43,360 And I'm now lucky enough to be in a position to just do other stuff. 1289 00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:46,120 Recently, you know, one of my dreams came true, you know. 1290 00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:49,040 One of the biggest publishers in the world was like, "Mo, listen." 1291 00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:50,880 "We love your comedy, right?" 1292 00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:53,760 "And we'd love it if you could write a children's book." 1293 00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:56,120 "We'll give you 12 months, a little advance, 1294 00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,400 and you find the best book you wanna write." 1295 00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:02,240 And then, people-- As I said, I'll be very truthful during this show, right? 1296 00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:04,000 And 12 months goes past. 1297 00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:06,120 Right? I get an email at 10:00 in the morning. 1298 00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:10,240 It said, "Mo, hey, I hope you're well. Can you jump on the Zoom?" 1299 00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:12,480 "We're gonna go through the book." Right? 1300 00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:15,560 I thought, "What? Oh my gosh." I totally forgot about this book, right? 1301 00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,000 I run downstairs. 1302 00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:21,040 I go to my kitchen, open up the Zoom in my dressing gown and my pajamas. 1303 00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:24,760 It was 30 people on a Zoom call, right? 1304 00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:27,080 Everyone from this publishing company, right? 1305 00:56:27,160 --> 00:56:30,400 They was like, "Hey, Mo, how's it going? It's been so long." 1306 00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:33,160 "So how are you getting along with the book? " 1307 00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:35,680 I thought, "Oh my God, I completely forgot." 1308 00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:38,640 Now, I thought, "You know what? I can't waste these people's time." 1309 00:56:38,720 --> 00:56:41,440 "So listen, thank you so much for this opportunity, 1310 00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:43,480 but unfortunately, this isn't for me." 1311 00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:44,400 They said, "Why?" 1312 00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:46,000 [gasping] "Mo, what's happened?" 1313 00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,520 I said, "Listen, I've not come up with any ideas." 1314 00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:51,560 These people said to me, "No, Mo, listen, check this out." 1315 00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:54,720 "We've got an idea. We love your nursery rhymes, yeah?" 1316 00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:56,960 "Your Rastafarian nursery rhymes, yeah?" 1317 00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:57,880 [audience laughing] 1318 00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:00,720 "How about this for an idea? You could do fairy tales." 1319 00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:03,480 "Yeah, yeah. You could do 'The Little Red Riding Hood.'" 1320 00:57:03,560 --> 00:57:07,280 "Yeah. You could do, I don't know, 'Goldilocks,' 'The Gingerbread Man.'" 1321 00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:10,520 "You could do 'Jack and the Beanstalk.' 'Cause it's copyright-free." 1322 00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:12,240 "How about that? But--" 1323 00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:15,000 "But with a Jamaican reggae twist." 1324 00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:16,920 [audience laughing] 1325 00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:19,720 I said, "What in the Turtle Bay is going on here?" 1326 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,120 -[audience laughing] -[Mo chuckling] 1327 00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:24,360 The lady on the Zoom goes, 1328 00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:28,160 "Okay, what about if you performed a little bit for us in your kitchen?" 1329 00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:30,920 "We can get the ghostwriter, Tony, involved, yeah?" 1330 00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:33,800 There was one Black guy called Tony. "We can get him involved." 1331 00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:36,960 "How about that? Yeah? He's from where you're from. How about that?" 1332 00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:40,160 I said, "Listen, thank you so much, but listen, it doesn't feel ethical." 1333 00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:43,640 "I don't wanna feel like I'm selling out my culture for the bag." 1334 00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:47,320 They said, "Ah, Mo, such a shame." 1335 00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:50,560 "Why? 'Cause I'm not a corporate puppet? I'm not gonna do what you want me to?" 1336 00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:52,280 They said, "No, Mo." 1337 00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,520 "You know, a book like this, you'd own the IP, 1338 00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:56,760 and most importantly, we could pay you a bit of money." 1339 00:57:56,840 --> 00:58:01,400 "Not much, but we could pay you, I don't know, like £300,000." 1340 00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:04,160 [audience laughing] 1341 00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:07,000 So, 1342 00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:11,480 this is the book I performed in my kitchen. 1343 00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:12,960 Run the track, please. 1344 00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:14,680 [reggae music playing] 1345 00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:16,000 ♪ Yo, wha mi tell dem ♪ 1346 00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:17,040 ♪ Yo, wha mi tell dem ♪ 1347 00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:18,640 ♪ Yo, wha mi tell dem ♪ 1348 00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:21,400 ♪ Yo, this is a story from my hood ♪ 1349 00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:23,760 ♪ About this young girl Named Red Riding Hood ♪ 1350 00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:26,760 ♪ She just got a call They said come quick ♪ 1351 00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:29,040 ♪ Your grandmother's ill And she's moving sick ♪ 1352 00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:31,720 ♪ So she moves so she grooves So she's moving quick ♪ 1353 00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:34,240 ♪ She moves and she grooves So she's moving sick ♪ 1354 00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:37,120 ♪ Ay, she sees the wolf In her grandmother's clothing ♪ 1355 00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:39,800 ♪ She grab a knife She nah really know him ♪ 1356 00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:42,600 ♪ The next girl, she need ah box ♪ 1357 00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:44,880 ♪ Go by the name of Goldilocks ♪ 1358 00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:47,800 ♪ Enter the house, eat up the porridge ♪ 1359 00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:50,400 ♪ Steal up the wisdom Take all their knowledge ♪ 1360 00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:53,000 ♪ But no, she's not ending there ♪ 1361 00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:55,520 ♪ She sleeps in the bed She nah live there ♪ 1362 00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:58,160 ♪ She sleeps in the bed She leave blonde hair ♪ 1363 00:58:58,240 --> 00:59:00,800 ♪ She sleeps in the bed And bed bugs in there ♪ 1364 00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:03,520 -♪ Ginger, it's a gingerbread man ♪ -[audience laughing] 1365 00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:06,280 ♪ Sweet and nice But the gingerbread man ♪ 1366 00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:08,720 ♪ Them nah know for the gingerbread man ♪ 1367 00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:10,880 ♪ Sweet and nice for the gingerbread man ♪ 1368 00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:14,080 ♪ Yo! Gingerbread They wanna kill him and shoot him ♪ 1369 00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:16,760 ♪ Gingerbread They wanna kill him and shoot him ♪ 1370 00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:19,200 ♪ Gingerbread They wanna kill him and shoot him ♪ 1371 00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:21,840 ♪ Him have the nuts And the small piece of gluten ♪ 1372 00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:23,920 ♪ Gingerbread contains no eggs ♪ 1373 00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,520 ♪ Mi seh gingerbread contains no eggs ♪ 1374 00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:29,080 ♪ Mi seh gingerbread contains no eggs ♪ 1375 00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:31,920 ♪ But you can't find gingerbread Inside Greggs ♪ 1376 00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:35,920 So right now, people, I'm on the Zoom. It's going great. 1377 00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:39,480 We got middle-class white ladies losing their minds. Yeah? 1378 00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:41,520 They're like, "Oh my God! Oh my God!" 1379 00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:44,440 "It's like Notting Hill in here. What the bloodfire?" 1380 00:59:44,520 --> 00:59:45,520 [audience laughing] 1381 00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:47,160 I knew I was doing well 1382 00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:50,160 'cause Tony the ghostwriter, the Black guy, he lost it. 1383 00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:54,040 He went from code-switch to real yardie. "Ah wah di bloodfire yuh deal wid?" 1384 00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:56,000 People, I lost myself. 1385 00:59:56,080 --> 01:00:00,160 I lost myself to the point where I forgot it was for a children's book 1386 01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:02,720 when I done my verse of "Jack and the Beanstalk," people. 1387 01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:03,880 Yeah. Run the track, please. 1388 01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:05,440 ♪ Yo, wha mi tell dem ♪ 1389 01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:07,280 ♪ Yo, wha mi tell dem, yo ♪ 1390 01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:08,640 Let me get handclaps. 1391 01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:10,280 ♪ Yo, yo, wha mi tell dem ♪ 1392 01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:11,920 ♪ Yo, wha mi tell dem ♪ 1393 01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:13,160 ♪ Yo, wha mi tell dem ♪ 1394 01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:14,360 ♪ Yo, wha mi tell dem ♪ 1395 01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:16,920 ♪ Him have the beans, him sell the cow ♪ 1396 01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:19,040 ♪ Climb up the beanstalk The boss said, "How?" ♪ 1397 01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:21,600 ♪ Mi seh, "Fee, fi, fo" and then "fum" ♪ 1398 01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:24,360 ♪ Mi seh, "Fee, fi, fo" and then "fum" ♪ 1399 01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:27,440 ♪ Mi seh, "Fee, fi, fo" and then "fum" ♪ 1400 01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:30,240 ♪ I am Jack, and you can suck your mum! ♪ 1401 01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:31,680 [audience laughing] 1402 01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:34,640 London, that is my time. 1403 01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:36,160 Thank you lot so much. 1404 01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:37,560 [audience cheering] 1405 01:00:37,640 --> 01:00:38,680 [Mo] God bless you. 1406 01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:40,800 Thank you so much. 1407 01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:45,640 When I say South, you say London. 1408 01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:46,960 -South! -[audience] London! 1409 01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:48,360 -South! -[audience] London! 1410 01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:50,720 When I say Mo, you say Gilligan. 1411 01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:52,200 -Mo! -Gilligan! 1412 01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:53,600 -Mo! -Gilligan! 1413 01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:56,120 When I say Mo, you say Gilligan. 1414 01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:57,360 -Mo! -[audience] Gilligan! 1415 01:00:57,440 --> 01:00:58,840 -Mo! -[audience] Gilligan! 1416 01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:02,480 Thank you. That is my time. Take care. God bless. 1417 01:01:02,560 --> 01:01:04,160 Thank you very much. Thank you very much. 1418 01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:06,280 [audience cheering, whistling] 1419 01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:08,040 [music continues] 1420 01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:23,120 [indistinct chatter] 1421 01:01:25,280 --> 01:01:27,320 [laughing] 1422 01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:29,400 [inaudible] 1423 01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:44,760 [man] Hey! 1424 01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:48,680 [music ends] 1425 01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:51,040 [man chuckling] 1426 01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:53,320 [engine revving] 1427 01:01:53,400 --> 01:01:55,240 [men chuckling]