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Why, hello there, boys and girls.
We'd like to introduce you to a dying breed.
This is Joseph "KP" Simmons,
otherwise known as Joe.
Joe was born in 1937 and is 89 years old.
He is what one might call an endangered Negro species.
They certainly don't make them like this anymore.
As a matter of fact, Joe was even once a pimp.
Doesn't he look swell?
Why a pimp, you ask?
Well, Joe only received a third-grade education,
and with his extremely limited vocabulary, he couldn't work at Amazon.
For instance, in what you're about to witness,
he says the word "motherfucker,"
or in his colloquial language, "muthafucka,"
approximately 76 times.
He says the word "pussy" approximately 24 times.
He says the n-word approximately 74 times.
And he throws in an occasional "bitch" and "ho" at random, for good measure.
So if you're sensitive to these types of words,
you may want to turn to more wholesome programming,
but you won't laugh as hard.
Yes, boys and girls, get ready to watch an old-school Negro.
A man stuck in time when women couldn't vote
and were constantly objectified by men.
A man who has no idea that the world around him has changed.
A man who says anything that comes to his mind,
and I do mean anything.
Does this sound like someone you may know?
Sit back, relax, and please
brace yourselves for the antics of a dying breed.
- Hey, Steve and Brenda, how are you? - Hi, Brian.
- Good to see you. - You too!
- Karen, Chad, great to see you. - How's it going?
- Good to see you. - Afternoon.
I've got a graduate Gonna be an empty nester
Come on.
- B.J.? - I mean… I know.
B.J.! Hey, Todd, Stewart. I didn't know you guys were here.
- How are you? - Hey, Dad.
Hey, Mr. Simmons.
- What are you guys huddling about? - Ah…
- Well… - Nothing. Nothing, really.
B.J. just got another offer from another school.
Oh, that's great!
I wouldn't really call it a school. It's more like crap.
- It's Morehouse. - Thank you.
- Whoa, hold on. - Thank you.
Morehouse is a great school. It's one of the finest HBCUs there is.
- What are you talking about? - Uh…
HBCU, what is that?
HBCU. Historically Black college and university.
Okay, Dad.
Wait, hold on. What am I missing?
Thanks, Dad, but no thanks. Look, really, it's fine.
No, what am I missing, really?
Okay, it's kind of funny, actually, because we were just talking about this.
- Why is there a need for Black colleges? - Yeah.
I mean, really, what's the point?
- I mean, it's kind of racist, right? - Yeah.
It's racist?
Yeah, like a little bit against us.
I mean, you don't look around and see
historically white colleges and universities, do you?
Yeah, you do.
Every university is a historically white-- What are you saying? What's happening?
- Come on, Dad. Seriously… - You guys are pranking me, seriously.
Dad, don't tell me you really subscribe to this stuff.
- I mean-- - Hold on.
Dr. Martin Luther King went to Morehouse, huh?
Okay, we will give you the benefit of the doubt,
but I'm sure that this type of institution was important at some point.
- Hm. - Necessary, even.
- But the world's changed now. - Hm.
- A lot's happened. We're all equal. - Yeah.
And all this baggage about civil rights and slavery…
- "Baggage"? - Woe is me!
I mean, you gotta let it go at some point. Like, it was in the past.
Exactly. Hey, you know, aren't we all equal under the law?
You know what? When I was coming, I forgot to tell you.
Your dad's calling you, your mom's calling you.
They want you home. B.J., I need to talk to you.
- I didn't get a call. - That's weird.
- No, I'm fine, Dad. - B.J., I need to talk to you.
Oh, no. No, there's no need to,
because I've actually decided to go to Pepperdine.
Yeah, with my pals.
And get this.
They're gonna drive across country with me to go do a campus visit next week.
- Road trip! Let's go! - Gonna be awesome! California!
- Woo-hoo! - Yes!
- Let's go plan the charging stations now. - You're right.
- I didn't even think about that! Let's go! - Yes!
Yeah! We're going to California, boys!
California!
- We're going to California. - Yeah! Woo! California dreamin'!
Yeah! Woo!
What the hell did I do? This is not good.
B.J., can we just…?
Hey, hey. Hey.
Hey, there, come on in here.
You want some cabbage? Come on in.
Oh, is that what that smell is, huh? No, I'm gonna pass on that. How you doing?
When I used to come home from work,
I didn't know if that was from cooking
or her up there trying to wash her--
Joe, shut the hell up.
What bring you by here? Look at you.
Oh, Madea, wow. You look-- You look nice.
You know damn well she don't look nice.
Come up here talking about she look… Shut up. Shit.
I look good as hell all the time.
All the time, I look good as hell.
Shut the hell up. Thank you, Joe.
Hm.
All right, go on, tell me, what the hell you kids do now.
Nothing. I just wanted to come over and say hi to both of you.
No, they done something.
He only come over here when them damn children do something.
Look, I'm too damn old to be trying to pull things out of you.
Go on ahead and tell me, hell.
Fine. You know, B.J.'s going off to college, and…
You know, I walked in on him having the most interesting conversation.
He was sitting with his little white friends, and they were…
That's the problem right there. He got all them damn clear friends.
What are you talking about?
He mean "white."
Okay, all right, clear. I get it, okay.
But you know that I did not raise him to see race.
Here this nigga go with this stupid shit.
You might not have raised him to see race, but when the police look at him,
they gonna see a straight-up nigga.
Can I finish?
Do we have to let you finish?
Okay, so as I said, I walked in on them,
and they're having this conversation about colleges, right?
And he was telling me he doesn't see the need for a historically Black college.
Say what?
He wants to go to Pepperdine in Malibu.
Yeah. Then he went on to talk about how Black people need to get over slavery.
Can you believe that? He said, "Get over slavery."
And the Civil Rights Movement. Then he said, "baggage."
I was like, "What is wrong with this kid?"
I don't even know what's wrong with him.
What? Why are you two so quiet?
Boy, you send that boy to all-clear,
all-white, all-damn-day school.
In Georgia.
He been the only damn Black face up in there since he was a kindervagarber.
And you wonder why he think like that. Shit.
All them clear people done cleared out all his Black thoughts.
All right, but all white people don't think that way.
Listen here, I told you not to send him to that damn P-school.
You know what "P" in the private stand for?
It ain't for "private." It's for "pussy." Pussy school.
Joe, hush that. Don't be saying that word up in here.
You got that boy walking around here like he a big, huge, orange FUPA.
He said, "FU…"
He said, "FUPA." You know what that is? That big, fat, upper…
Never mind.
Mabel know what a FUPA is. Mabel got a dupa.
And you done spent all that money sending that boy to the private school,
and they done took every book about a Negro out of there.
- Didn't they, Joe? - You damn right.
Took every-- Ain't a book about Sojourner The Truthers.
They took out Moses, Mayola, everybody. Not even Maya Angelou.
Not even in the room. They don't have Maya Angelou.
She's not in there. That's just wrong. Took all the books out.
Ain't nothing wrong with a public school. I graduated from a pub… Well…
I ain't quite grad-- I went to a public school.
And Joe went to a public school too. Hell, look how we turn out.
You damn right I went to public school.
I went to public school all my life, all the way through.
I graduated all the way from the third grade.
B.J. wasn't the toughest kid. He wasn't tough like you two, okay?
I didn't want him to go to a public school and be bullied.
Oh, you didn't? Oh, well, congratulations.
You kept him from being bullied. That's-- Congratulations.
You also kept the little motherfucker from being Black. Congratulations.
You a great Black dad. Great Black dad keep his Black kids
from being Black so he don't know if he's Black or not.
That's a good job, son. Good job.
Okay, hold on. There's nothing wrong with me not wanting my kid to be bullied
or beat down, or "Meet me at 3 o'clock," like you guys used to do all the time.
There's nothing wrong with that, okay?
I just wanted him to go to a nice school,
and didn't want him to feel like he was at a disadvantage because he's Black.
Nigga, he is at a disadvantage.
- You know that, hell. - Right.
Whenever you see a Black man with an even playing field?
And if you say sports, I'mma come up there and grab that pot
and burn you with whatever the hell she cooking.
Don't threaten my cabbage. I gotta finish this cabbage.
Don't burn him with this damn cabbage.
You know why she like to eat cabbage? She wanna cover up what she smell like.
Listen, I know that it's not fair out there for some of us.
Did he say, "Some of us"?
He did. Brian, let me ask you something.
Did you ever have "the talk" with him?
No. No, no, no, I didn't.
But hold on, before you jump down my throat.
It hurts to have to talk to your kid about all we went through as Black people.
So, so…
I did not wanna tell him right away, okay?
I just wanted to wait a little while till he got older,
and I didn't think any of this would happen.
Congratulations. You ain't said a thing.
But what you have to understand is you ain't got to tell him all at once.
Tell him a little bit at a time.
That should've started when he was young, so he know who the hell he is.
Right. Remember, he didn't want you to go to that school and tell him,
"Put them books back in." He was embarrassed by it.
I remember that.
Only reason you let me go to that school is it was the last resort
when you called me over there.
I went there to pick that boy up from school that day you couldn't.
You know what they was doing?
They was out playing on the playground.
They had took all the asphalt up out the ground and put down carpet.
There was green carpet.
What kind of shit is that? I was playing on bottles and broken mattresses--
Them mattresses was so damn disgusting,
but you'd bounce on them and get stuck, whatever had you sticking to it.
But we played on them. That's some real learning right there.
They…
They don't want the kids to hurt themselves on asphalt,
so they put the carpet--
Joe, I'm getting ready to stab him.
I told you he's gonna be a little bitch.
Your boy is a little bitch.
Joe, I don't know what the hell this generation is thinking.
That is just-- This generation lost their damn mind.
That's why children can't handle nothing. You tell them anything, they cry.
- "I feel bullied." You tell them anything. - That's right.
I'd feel sorry for him if a woman show pussy.
Wouldn't know what to do. He'd be, "God, that's a pussy!"
He wouldn't know what that is.
Listen, the birds and the bees will come soon enough.
Let me ask you. I don't know why people say birds and bees.
Have you ever seen a bird try to fuck a bee?
- That don't make no sense. - Joe, hush. That'd hurt.
What you mean a bird and a bee?
That's just stupid. It's fucking!
When I taught you about fucking, it was early. You was 3 years old.
That was too early, Joe. Not 3. You should've waited till he was about 7.
How is that okay? I was 3 years old.
I did not want my son to grow up the way that I did. I mean, he…
I'm sorry.
What wrong with the way you grew up? At least you knew you was Black. Hellur.
Right. You knew you was a nigga, didn't you? And maybe--
You know what else? That little boy? He a virgin.
Least you got some pussy by the time you was 9.
That's nothing to be proud of. That's illegal!
That ain't illegal. Hell, the girl was 9.
That little ho.
Yeah, she was. That little girl was 9. A fast little ho. I mean, wasn't she?
You liked it, didn't you?
I remember you came home smiling, sucking your thumb,
talking about, "Can I have some more, Daddy?" You know?
That's what I'm talking about. I don't know why I came here.
You were extreme in the way you raised me, and maybe I was a little extreme
in the way that I raised my kid.
But you were way extreme, what you did to me, okay?
I was just trying to find some kind of balance, and I…
How the hell you gonna have a balance with the way that boy talk back to you?
He talk back to you like a damn fool, and you sit there and let him.
Right, like they're your damn equal.
Equal means you can equally pay this mortgage or this rent, okay?
I have no damn equal in my house if they're a child,
unless you're paying bills. Then you can be equal as you want.
How equal is your dollars to these bills? Can you handle this light bill?
That's what the hell I believe equal is.
You two ruled by fear, okay? I was scared to death of both of you.
And what's wrong with ruling by fears?
Look, you better… Your ass still better be scared of me.
I did not want to rule with fear, okay? I didn't want my kids to be afraid of me.
"Dad's coming!" Like I was scared of you.
Nigga, your kids is supposed to be scared of you.
Right, if they don't fear you, you know who they ain't gonna fear?
The police! They better fear the police.
Madea, you don't fear the police.
Oh, he got you there. You know you ain't scared of the po.
Hell, no, I don't fear the police. Why would I? I fear my mama.
Let me tell you something. Bertha didn't play. Ooh, Joe.
I shiver when I think about Bertha. Baby, my mama, scared the hell--
I'm still scared of my mama, and she been dead 92 years.
Shit, we still scared of Bertha.
There's a picture on the wall. Every time you see it, you pass…
You gotta make the sign of the cross.
You know what?
Every time I try to come to this family for advice,
I regret it.
Like now.
I regret it. You two can't help me.
You can't help me. Why am I here?
Huh. Then you know what?
Get the fuck out.
I know you ain't got damn attitude with us when we trying to help your Black ass.
- Right. - Wait. I said, "Black ass."
Like your son don't know he got a Black ass.
Get your Black ass out.
Right. Nigga done raised Tanner Owen. Now he come here and won't talk.
- Get your ass up out of here. - You're right.
You are so right. I don't know why I'm talking to you.
I have a neighbor who's actually a psychologist who works with kids,
and she'll help me, okay? Thank you, Daddy. Thank you, Aunt Madea.
I appreciate it, but this was a waste of my time.
Thank you.
Let me ask you something about your neighbor. Is she white?
Everybody in the damn neighborhood white.
Okay.
Thank you for your time. Appreciate it.
You a damn, disrespect us-- Get the hell on up out of my house.
You gonna pay a ton of money. Ain't gonna learn nothing.
We tried to give you some wisdom from Black people.
Go run over there to that white woman. She ain't gonna be able to tell you shit.
Welcome to all our graduates on this block. We are so excited!
Yeah.
That's really great,
but what I was trying to explain, I mean, you're a psychologist.
He doesn't know anything about his heritage or where he comes from.
And why is it so important that he knows that?
I mean, Brian, children are changing and developing their own personalities,
all while experimenting and making up their own story.
If he chooses not to identify with the struggles of the past,
then maybe you need to be okay with that.
How is that harmful?
- It's… - Can we bill your credit card?
We're at a barbecue, and you want to bill me for this?
- You're my neighbor. - It's $1,600 for this session.
I'll have my office bill you.
- Okay! So, graduates… - What the hell is happening?
You're all going off to visit colleges this week.
I know you're so excited.
When you get back, you're gonna come up here…
- Garrett. - Fantastic party, huh, Bri-Bri?
Good job.
And then we're gonna do a big college reveal.
Like a gender reveal.
I hope it doesn't go bad like those gender reveals.
Did you see the one with the plane that the wings came off?
Who thought of gender reveals? It's so crazy.
Now, I wanna give a very special award to Daniel.
Come on up.
Daniel.
And Ken.
I know you guys didn't get into…
College material.
They didn't get in anywhere.
…gonna get the same scholarship because you are all worth it, right?
Right?
Listen, when I was in college, you had to earn your awards.
Now we just hand them out? What is happening with this world?
Well, these kids are all winners now.
No, no, no. B.J.'s a winner.
My son, 4.0 GPA. The entire time he was in school. I'm so proud of him.
Well, he is around here, I guess. Not really.
What does that mean?
Oh, well. You know…
Remember when B.J. was having a little failure in school,
and the teacher started giving him different tests?
Yes, and I went to the school and I demanded
that he has the same as everybody else,
and that's what she started to do. So, what are you saying?
Look, you know, B.J.'s our only minority at the school,
and it was important for us to keep him there
to maintain the diversity and inclusion quota.
So there might've been a little bit of help.
- That's all I'm saying, my man. - No. No, Garrett.
Are you saying my son is not a 4.0 student?
Let me tell you something. The work he brings home, I look at it.
I don't even know the answers. He's brilliant.
What are you saying to me?
It's like affirmative action.
You told me yourself that's how you got into college.
No, what I said to you was that my grades were incredible,
and if not been for affirmative action, I wouldn't have gotten into that college.
Exactly. I'm sure that's why B.J. is getting all those offers.
Because of the diversity mandates.
You know, Stewart only got one,
and me and his mom had to make that happen.
Shh.
You know, he doesn't even play sports.
But this coach got him in, and who do you think got him that meeting?
Totally unfair.
Garrett,
the reason that Stewart didn't get in is because he's stupid. Like his dad.
You think so?
What the hell wrong with this?
Who is that?
- Ah, hell. - Don't shoot. Can I come in?
I can't make no promises, 'cause my gun is always locked and loaded.
Do you understand? Trying to insult me.
Going to just insult my dignity. All I was trying to do was help you.
That's just wrong. And you ain't apologizing, nothing.
I got money.
Well, come on in the house here. What you waiting on? Come on in here.
Give it to me.
Twenty dollars. Hoo. Lord, what I-- 40 dollars.
This ain't gonna get you nothing but a few minutes of my time.
What you want?
I screwed up, okay? I screwed up with B.J. Um…
I was wrong. I was wrong. Okay?
In two days, he's getting in a car
with those same kids who told him his heritage doesn't matter,
and they're taking him across the country to see this college,
but they're gonna stop at Graceland.
Graceland? Elvis Presley's Graceland?
- Black people go to Graceland? - Mm-hm.
Yeah, they want to show him where rock and roll started.
What the hell you talking about, where rock and roll originated?
- Little Richard started rock and roll. - I know.
Little Richard started, "Wooo!"
- I know. - What the hell?
Tell him he ain't going with them children.
Mm, I… I can't do that.
What you mean you can't do it? Didn't you buy the damn car?
If you bought the car, you make the damn rules.
Yes, but our house doesn't work that way. It's a little different in my house.
Brian, do me a favor.
Don't come to my damn house asking for my advice and not taking it.
You're working on my damn nerves. I'm too old for this.
All right. I'm sorry. What should I do? Tell me and I'll do it.
Is you sure?
Yes, I'm desperate. I'll take your advice. I'm really…
All right. First thing you do is tell him he ain't going with them boys.
Madea, he can't go alone.
Look, I don't have time to drive him, but he can't go by himself.
He'll get lost. He's never been outta my sight for more than two days.
- Brian, he ain't gonna go by hisself. - Oh, you gonna bring him?
Hell, no. I ain't taking him. Joe gonna take him.
He ain't going by hisself. Your daddy will take him. Go ask him.
You… You've got jokes to--
What? What?
Joe will take him on that road trip
and teach him everything he need to know about life.
And being a pimp.
Ain't nothing wrong with being a pimp. I had plenty pimps.
No, I can't let my son learn all the things my daddy taught me.
No. No. No.
That boy is grown. Stop babying him. You want him to have some balance?
- Let Joe give him balance. - Yes, balance. Not be dead.
You done taught him one side. Joe will teach him the other side.
Hopefully, he fall right in the middle. Okay?
Or he'll land in jail. And my daddy won't go for it anyway.
No. So it's-- No. No. No.
Let me tell you something.
All you gotta do is give Joe a ho and a pork chop,
and he'll do anything you want. Trust me. I know. Okay?
Secondly, your son, you tell him how it's gonna be.
You don't be like, "Would you please--" No!
That's your child. You tell him what the hell he gonna to do.
Did you hear what you said? A ho and pork chop.
Go on. That's all I got to say. Get the hell outta my face.
Fine. Fine. Fine.
- I'll talk to him. - Gotta get this sewing machine fixed.
I don't wanna do this.
Yeah. What's your name? Gypsy Rose.
Oh, shit. No. I gotta get off the phone.
- Hey. - Yeah.
Hey, Daddy. I wanted to come sit down and talk to you.
The hell you calling me "Daddy" for? You don't see me on the phone?
I don't want them hos thinking I'm your daddy.
- What impression will they get? You're 80? - That I'm a motherfucking stallion.
- What you want? - Okay, Madea came up with this crazy idea.
For some reason, she thinks it would be a good idea--
I think this is comical, really. for you to drive B.J. across country
and teach him about life, and take him on his college road trip.
I just thought, "That is so ridiculous."
"That is so… Not my daddy. He wouldn't do that."
I'm sorry. Motherfucker, what you laughing at?
I mean, Daddy, come on. You taught me lessons.
Surely, you'd get arrested for some of those things today.
Nigga, tell me one thing I did that was bad to your Black ass.
- You're not serious, right? - No, nigga. Go on.
Fucking tell me, nigga. Name one thing I did that was so bad.
Okay. What about the time that I told you I was waiting for Santa by the chimney?
Remember what you did?
What you asking me about Santa Claus for?
Do you believe in Santa Claus now, motherfucker?
There ain't no motherfucking Santa Claus! I am Santa Claus!
I work day and night to make sure you had the bullshit. You see these shoes?
You see this shoe? I bought this shit. I bought both this shits.
- Say what? - I'm stuck!
You're stuck? I'm holding you. Your ass ain't stuck.
Ah, shit. You stuck.
Help! Let me out! Let me out!
Hey!
I don't know that little nigga.
I was stuck in that chimney for three days.
How the hell a fat-ass white man
gonna get down the chimney in a Black neighborhood?
I wanna know how the motherfucker gonna get in the neighborhood
when nobody knows him, in a damn red suit.
Where we grew up, that motherfucker would've been robbed.
Okay, what about the time you taught me how to swim?
Swim camp? What is you thinking? You gonna go to some damn swim camp?
You think you white? I ain't got no money for swim camp.
Stop hanging around white children. You ain't gonna-- Swim, motherfucker!
I don't care if there are alligators. Swim!
There's alligators in the water! They gonna get me!
Then swim fast, nigga.
Yeah, but when you came outta that water, I bet you could swim.
Fear will make you do some shit that you were…
You was almost Jesus walking on that water, nigga.
You was scared. Now you swim like a Michael-damn-Phelps.
- There were alligators in the water. - But did you die?
Or what about the time when I came home, innocent kid, just asked you,
"Daddy, where do babies come from?"
What'd you do?
You wanna know where babies come from? Look, motherfucker! Look!
Don't turn your head. Look.
Get on your knees and look.
Look up that pussy. Look up that pussy!
That's where a motherfucking baby comes from.
Shut up and push, bitch. I gotta get you back on the corner.
Little Brian, you see this shit?
That's where a baby come from.
Hurry up, bitch, we gotta get back to Soul Train.
Now you know where babies come from. Again, nigga, did you die?
Was you living? Did you die?
You know what? This is a bad idea. This is a really bad idea.
Madea, this is a bad idea!
What the hell you still sittin' here for? Take your ass over there, Donald Glover.
Okay.
Get your ass…
Swing!
Lightning! Lightning! Lightning!
Fireball, fireball, lightning, fireball!
You can't do both at the same time!
- Yeah, uh… - Who that? Answer it.
Oh, shit. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hey, Daddy, how you doin'?
Nigga, what you want? Shit!
Okay, I thought about it long and hard,
and I think that you should drive B.J. across country on this college road trip.
Can you do that for me? What do you say? For the family?
Hell no, I ain't be drivin' nowhere. You done 'sulted me now.
I ain't gonna drive nowhere.
I know, you're "'sulted." Um…
I'll pay you.
That's all you had to say. Shit. I'd drive him to hell for the right money.
Uh, but look, I'll tell you this one time. I'm gonna do this my way, understand?
I hear you, I just don't want him to get hurt. If there's a way--
Fuck if that fucker get-- I don't give a fuck that fucker get hurt!
We gonna do this my way. Get off of my motherfucking phone!
He's gonna get hurt.
Joe, what he say?
I told him I'm gonna drive him over there.
You gonna drive?
I'm about to ruin that little bastard.
Joe, go easy on that boy. He still play with StomBob SquarePan.
Ah, hell no. When he come back, he gonna be scarred.
- Pull right up. - Okay.
Come on, closer to the curb.
- You got it. - You sure?
That's great, son. That's really great.
That's good. All right, park. We're good.
Dad, I really think this trip will be much more pleasurable
with Stewart and Todd. I mean…
No. No, this is best.
But why? You haven't said anything. Did I do something wrong?
You never wanted me to spend time with Grandpa.
Yeah, I know, but your Grandpa,
he really wanted this and he really likes you.
No, he doesn't. He reminds me all the time.
Okay, I didn't wanna tell you this, but I think you're old enough to know.
- What? - He's dying.
- Dying? - Yeah.
What? That's so awful. When did you find out?
A few minutes ago.
And, listen, he really wants to spend this time with you.
So you two driving across country, I think it'd be a fantastic thing
for the both of you, you know?
- Really? - Yeah, this is his dying wish.
He wants to spend the time with you.
And, listen, whatever you do, do not tell him that I said that.
He doesn't want anybody to know, he's really hard.
- He's hard. - Yeah, he is.
But here's the great thing.
You get to teach him in his last days how to be more alive and aware,
and educate him on all the things you teach me all the time.
It's a great thing you can do for him.
Yeah.
- Hey, hey. - Come on in.
Hi, Aunt Medea.
- How's it going? - Hey, B.J.
Oh, I'm so proud of you. That graduation was just loverly.
Yeah. Thanks. Thanks.
I actually finished all my classes last semester,
so the whole thing was a tad superfluous for me.
- My boy. - Yeah. At least for my liking.
But the ceremony was nice
- For the families. - Yeah, for the families.
Oh, so humble. Look at that. Um…
So they tell me you driving cross country to look at a college up in California.
- Yep. - Go ahead, baby. Uh-huh.
All the way to Malibu, they tell me.
Listen. You go on with your grandpa, y'all gonna have a good time. So much fun.
You sure he thinks so?
Of course he does. Why would you say that?
Because whenever he sees me, he says, "Boy, get the hell away from me."
He's very aggressive. Every time.
Come on. That's his love language. Okay? It's all good. Hey, Daddy.
- Hey, Grandpa. - Get the hell away from me, li'l nigga.
- See? - Why you always push him away?
'Cause every time he talk to me, he stick his butt out when he hug me.
Damn hands softer than a ladybug.
You ready for this trip, li'l nigga?
- What did he call me? - No, no, no. Daddy.
Can we… can we dial the language back a little bit, please?
Nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga Motherfucking nigga in the nigga's house
With the niggas, nigga
- Shit. - It's gonna be all right, Brian.
I ain't gonna make it with this fucker.
Don't call him no fucker.
His mama was on that shit when she was pregnant.
- My mom was what? - Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Speaking of allergies, I have your EpiPen right here.
And I've got some extra snacks there. Yeah. And, Dad, no nuts.
He cannot have any nuts. No nuts for this kid.
- Right. I can tell he ain't got no nuts. - What?
And in the front, we've got extra gluten-free bars.
So you'll be good on the road.
What a "gluter." Who got a "gluter"?
Baby, you ain't gonna need all that. I made hummus, pig feets, and tater salad.
- Little fried chicken. - Pig's feet?
- Chicken legs. You'll enjoy it. - I'm sorry, Aunt Medea.
You said pig's feet? I'm sorry, I'm a vegan. I can't eat that.
Oh, that's okay. I got Vienna sausage. You want some Vienna sausage?
"Vianna sausage." Uh…
- Did you explain to them what that means? - It's okay.
Why don't you explain to your grandpa what… your car?
- Tell him about your car. - Oh!
- Okay, sure. - Yeah.
- What car?
Uh, right there. It's electric.
What the shit is that?
It's good for the environment.
And all information we'll need for recharging is on this app. See?
You got an apple?
He say "apple"? I got some tangerines.
- Y'all want tangerines? - I got pear and a plum.
No, no, an app.
These are the places we'll stop to recharge
so we can make it to California.
- What? - It's gonna be really good.
I'm gonna app your ass. You better hide-- Who the hell--
- Right. - I'll app your ass.
Nigga, we can hear you.
- Oh, sorry. - Get the hell away from me.
I'm just… Okay.
You're okay. Pretty cool right, Dad?
Is it cool? You know what, son?
I failed with you. I really, really failed.
What? Why?
I don't know what that is out there,
but I'm not going across the country that God made in a Duracell, okay?
We going in my car.
- Your car? - Yep! Come on.
- What? - What? I…
- I'll show you a real car. - Just go with it.
- I just charged it. - It's okay. Don't worry about it.
Come on. There she is.
Big Ruby.
I ain't been in this garage in a long time.
Ooh, it look good, Joe. It look real good.
What is…?
- It's… It's a classic. It'll be fine. - A classic?
Yeah.
Dad, this car uses fossil fuels.
No. It run on gas.
What's the matter?
He's just environmentally conscious. That's all.
Oh, he's environmentally conscious.
- Yeah, push it hard. - How do you even…
- Push it hard. - Nigga, put some muscle in, motherfucker.
Put some muscle in your thumb. You don't jack off?
There we go. There we go.
Ah, it's all rusted.
Classics usually have some corrosion, but it's okay.
What are these books?
Baby, them is called maps. That's how we got around back in the day.
We opened up a map and found out where we was going.
We didn't have all this PGS.
- And the squares? - That is an eight-track tape.
This little nigga don't know nothing.
Is this real leather?
Grandpa, do you know how bad this car is for the environment?
Environment? Hell, no.
You know what? People my age, all in the Congress, like Mitch McConnell?
They don't care about no environment. Know why? They old as shit.
By the time the planet fall apart, everybody be dead, won't give a shit.
Everybody gonna be dead.
He knows nothing about that. I've been telling him…
Don't worry about it.
- He'll have a good time. - …talk stuff.
Hey, it's all right. Okay? It's all right. You're gonna be fine.
- What is it? - Father…
- He'll be all right. - Police.
- What is it? - Call the police.
- What is it? - There's a gun. He's gonna kill me.
Yeah, I'm gonna take him. He all good.
- She won't allow it. - There's a gun.
I see it. Yeah.
Okay, I got it. I got it.
There we go. I got it. I got it. I got it.
- Listen, this is your turn to educate him. - I'm not gonna make it.
It's gonna be fine. You're gonna make it.
Dad, I got his EpiPen and extra asthma medicine, just in case.
He got asthma medication. Get this bullshit outta here.
- I can just walk to California. - No, you're gonna drive.
Get in the car.
This will be good for you, okay? I got your bags right here.
You're gonna enjoy it, okay? Get in.
You're gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be good.
Is this a prank? Where are the seat belts?
Your dad better tell you what the hell he did that time.
- Why I ain't got no seat belt in my car. - What?
When I was a kid, I cut them out. He beat me with them. Just hold on.
Father. Please.
You're gonna be all right.
You're gonna be fine, son.
Grandpa, wait.
Grandpa.
You're gonna be all right, nigga.
Y'all gonna be all right.
- Gonna be fine. - Y'all gonna have a good time.
- Madea! - Hey, Inez, how you doing?
He's not gonna be fine.
Yeah, Joe finna take him on the road.
- You gotta be kidding me. - Yeah, I know he finna mess him up.
That poor baby.
What did I do?
Come on here. I put on some cabbage.
Don't worry about all that smoke, it'll burn off.
We'll be dead by then.
- Nobody gonna be dead, boy. Hush. - Yes, we will.
- What? - Hey.
- What is that? - Take that out and shake it.
- Papa was a rollin' stone - Yes, he was…
- It's a photo? - No, that's a picture.
We gonna take a lot of them on the road.
- You can take these on your phone now. - I'm not gonna have all that on my phone.
That's how the government be getting young people, looking at all your shit.
I mean, it's a waste of paper. I mean…
Waste of what? Reach down that glove box and get me that water.
Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
You're drinking?
- Yeah. - Why?
'Cause I'm driving.
Where the hell else you drink?
- Can we change the song? - What's wrong with the song?
You don't hear the lyrics?
- What's wrong with them? - He said she's 16.
That's illegal.
Hell, my wife was 13 when we got married.
Thirteen?
Yes, hell, I was 13.
That's disgusting. What multiverse is this?
- What is you talking about, boy? - Continue on to I-75 North.
What the hell is that?
Oh. Oh, that's the, uh, GPS.
I mapped out the entire trip, so we won't get lost.
No, hell no, we ain't gonna need that. Take that-- Turn--
I thought damn Judy Jetson in the trunk telling us where to go.
Thought I locked one of my hos there. Here, boy, there's a map. Read that map.
Grandpa, you know the shortest distance between two points is a straight line?
You have us going to all these places that are way out of the way.
I mean, why?
Boy, you know you complain a lot.
Reach in that glove box and get you one of them joints.
You need to smoke something, shit.
Marijuana?
Yeah, kush.
Isn't that illegal?
In some states.
As long as you don't get caught, you all right.
Oh.
- My gosh. You're gonna kill us. - What you doing?
- Nothing. - Texting your daddy?
- No. - I believe you're texting your daddy.
What you saying to him? Lemme see.
Personal space, Grandpa. You can't look at people's messages.
- Really? - Yes, that's rude.
- You don't need that shit. - Grandpa!
- What? You ain't gonna need that shit. - Why did you do that?
I am gonna need it. I need it for directions and the Internet.
I was gonna take pictures.
Now you gotta use the damn Polaroid. Take that with you. Shit.
How am I supposed to contact my dad?
I don't think you need to talk to him for another damn lifetime.
He done fucked you up enough. Sit back, relax.
Let's fuck up the ozone in this Buick.
Young hearts run free…
Grandpa!
I'm trying to drive, shit.
- I'm trying to get over. - You're doing a great job!
Hey, bitch. How we get to the interstate?
To yourself be true…
You ever see this country, boy?
Well, I mean, I follow a few nature TikTokers.
What the hell is a TickerTocker?
I could've shown you if you hadn't thrown my phone out.
Since you had that phone, all you do is sit and look at it.
Them folks tricked y'all. Got y'all looking at it.
Won't even look up and see the whole damn world.
What? Well, it's a supercomputer that can process information in seconds.
I mean, that's my entire generation.
Your generation has been fooled, son.
They tell y'all what to think, how to think, what to look at.
They feed y'all that shit and y'all don't even know the difference.
And y'all don't know how to talk to nobody, greet nobody, nothing.
Well, if you ask me, texting is much easier than talking.
You don't wanna talk to me, you wanna text me?
You can't. I threw your damn phone out.
I use mine for studying.
You don't need that damn thing to study. When I was running all my hos,
I had everything in my head. Put it in your head.
I ain't gonna make it with this one.
If I had a Tesla, it'd take me right to my phone.
You say what?
It'd take us exactly where you threw it out the car.
- It can self drive too. - A car that drives itself?
- Yeah. - That's too passive. I don't want that.
You and I, we on it
That thang
Mm
See, you and I together
We the same…
- Grandpa. - What?
Grandpa, wait! Hey!
- What? - You passed Graceland!
I wanted to go there.
I wanted to see the man that started it all.
Nigga, who told you that Elvis Presley started rock and roll?
Austin Butler. Duh.
Can we please go? We're not that far. We can make it still.
- They closed. - What? My phone said it was open.
Well, check your phone, see what it say now.
- I can't. No, I can't. - You don't have that. Sit back and relax.
We're gonna go up here and stop and eat and get a room for the night.
God.
How you doing? Good to see you, boy. Come on.
How you doing? Yeah, you sexy. You better watch it, I'll take your bitch.
- Grandpa. You talk about people like that? - These women like you talking about sex.
Look how sexy she is. All you gotta do is say they sexy. Shut the fuck up, nigga!
Hey, Geraldine! Geraldine! Geraldine!
- Come here, baby. - Hey!
- How you doing? Good to see you. - I'm okay. How you doing?
I'm good. That my grandson right there.
- Hey, grandson. How you doing? - Hi. Nice to meet you.
You hungry? Want something to eat?
Oh, yes, thank you. Um, I'm not picky at all.
As long as it's vegan, gluten-free, and responsibly farmed.
- What the fuck is he talking about? - Uh, don't worry about it.
- Get him your some of your famous chicken. - Chicken?
- You gonna like my chicken. - She can fry that damn chicken.
I'm sure I would, but I can't eat that. No.
What's wrong with chicken? And get him some Wild Turkey.
Would you like a Coca-Cola?
Uh, no, I can't even drink anything with phosphoric acid.
I'll take a bottle of room-temp water.
Don't worry about him, Geraldine. Go on. Get on that thing.
Look at that ass. She looking good.
- Grandpa. - What?
You can't do that. That's objectification.
That ain't no objectification. Looking at her ass?
That's toxic masculinity. You can't do that.
What is that? Toxic masculinity?
- Yes. - Boy…
I'm about to blow my fucking brains out.
Boy, do you even like booty?
Yes!
I appreciate the functionality of the rectum.
- Don't have to say it like that. - "The functionality of the rectum."
Son, let me just ask you this.
Do you like girls?
I'm just saying, I think the gender binary is a patriarchal construct
made up to segregate and minimize the contributions of humanity.
You about to end up on The First 48.
That's where motherfuckers like you disappear.
…please welcome back to the stage our very own Miss Millie.
I had a man
He beat me every night…
That's some singing right there, boy. That's real singing.
It's really loud in here.
Then shut the fuck up!
To make sure he got it right
He killed my dog!
Said he bite too low
That's it there. That's it. All right.
Put roller skates On old Granny's crutches
'Cause she was moving too slow
I've had hard knocks, hard rocks
Hardships, it's been hard, you see…
You just looking at that damn chicken,
but it smell good.
I've had hardware…
I'm sorry. I can't-- I can't eat this.
What you mean?
I can't. Do you know what they do to these chickens when they harvest them?
They fry them motherfuckers.
Yes, but they pump them with hormones. And this chick had a parent at one point.
I can't eat anything with parents. I'm sorry.
Then whatever girl you get with
gonna be real disappointed that you can't eat her.
- That's cannibalism. I can't do that. - That's cunnilinger, nigga. Shit!
You don't know what the hell I'm… Just eat the French fry or something.
- I can't eat the fries. - Why? What's wrong with French fries?
- It's a potato, nigga! - Because it's not gluten-free.
What is this glue you keep talking about?
Why are all you motherfuckers talking about glue?
Elmer glue? They told you not to eat glue?
- What the fuck are you talking about? - Gluten.
My dad won't let me have it.
- Why? - He says it's bad for me.
He say it's bad for you? How do you know if you never had it?
Eat this motherfucking chicken.
Not bad, is it?
Chew it, motherfucker! Chew it!
I can't.
There's bird muscles in my mouth.
If you spit on me again, I'll knock you in your teeth.
You ain't gonna be able to eat nothing but soup. Listen to me.
This is a long-ass trip.
You better eat this damn chicken because you'll be hungry.
I threw all that shit out your daddy put in the car.
What? Grandpa, why?
What do you mean? You ain't gonna need all that shit.
I do need it.
Your ass is gonna starve.
…hard seats, heartbreaks and…
All right, here I go. Here I go. Let me in. Let me in.
I've had hard lovin', hard hairs
While havin' hardcore
I've had hard heart, heartaches
And right now I'm not doin' too fine
'Cause the hardest thing I'm getting right now
Is hard times
Go on and hold that door. Go on in there. Here. Hey, there!
Hey, Joe. This must be your grandson 'cause he look just like you.
- How are you? - Good.
Your boy don't look like me. I'm way taller than him. Man.
Everything ready?
Yeah, it is. But you know you gotta be outta here…
- Early. I appreciate it. - Early now. Okay.
- I appreciate you. - Here's a key.
- Thank you. - I know. You're welcome.
- Come on. - Are those caramel candies?
Boy, get your ass out here in the car and get the bags!
- I was trying to… - What's wrong with you?
- Can you send those to our room? - Get up out here.
This phone still has a cord?
A thick Bible.
And who had room service already?
Grandpa, where do you have us?
Somebody's hat?
There's already somebody's clothes in here.
This is way too small to be Grandpa's.
Oh.
Oh!
- Dad, how's it-- - Dad?
Hello?
B.J., yeah, I thought you were my dad.
No. He threw my phone out the window, so I'm using his. Can you believe that?
Wait, wait, wait. He threw your phone out of the window?
Why are you on his phone? He didn't have a password?
No, he did. It was disgusting.
How did you think of a disgusting pa-- Never mind.
How's it going? You having a good time? Yeah? Everything good? It's going great?
Oh, it's actually funny you ask that, because it's going terrible.
He's got me at this random motel
with furniture that's been here long before I was born.
Some random guy's clothes are hanging in our closet with stuff all in the room.
He force-fed me chicken,
and now the room's shaking like a category 4.
Slow down. All right?
As far as the chicken, it's okay.
You know, just one piece of chicken's not gonna kill you.
So all you gotta do for the snoring is just poke him a little bit.
I'm not gonna do that because he's farting and it's really bad.
Dad, I'm not gonna make it through this.
He's rude and belligerent and he said we couldn't go to Graceland,
and I know it's not closed because I looked it up,
and he told me it was. He said it was closed.
- He's lying to me. - B.J. B.J. B.J. It's fine, okay?
You're gonna make it.
Listen, for what it's worth, I'm so proud of you for what you're doing.
You're taking your grandpa all across the country
and showing him and teaching him things,
and you're making me really proud. I'm very proud of you.
- So you want me to die with him? - You won't die with him.
You're gonna live.
- This will mean the world to him. - Can you tell me what's wrong with him?
Besides everything you just said, the gas, and being crazy and cranky?
No, no, I know that. He's psychotic.
But what's wrong with him? I mean, what's wrong with his health?
He's got-- He's got, uh, high blood pressure.
But every Black person has high blood pressure.
- Specifically in our family. We… - No, okay. He… he has cancer.
No!
Oh, my!
- Colon cancer. - What?
Yeah. Hey, get back in there.
If his phone's missing, he's gonna be really upset.
Hey, boy, where's my phone?
- He's calling me. I gotta go. - It'll be fine.
No, he gets really violent with that cane. I have to go now.
- He's gonna disappear. - You complaining about a mattress.
- Boy, what's wrong with you? - It hurts. Look into memory foam.
- You don't know. - It's good for your back.
- You don't even understand where you at. - Especially at your age.
Oof.
What you waiting on?
What do I do?
Here.
- What do I do with this? - This is the key, nigga.
Put the key in there.
Put it in where?
You don't know what to do with the key or your dick, do you?
What does my penis have to do with a car?
Bitch, put it in the little hole and turn it!
I'm gonna punch you. What is wrong with you?
It scared me.
That's 'cause that's a motor.
Driving around here in an electric car.
You don't even know what a motor is or a motorboat.
All right, now back up.
- How do I do that? I don't see a camera. - You see that handle right there?
You pull it to you, pull it down, and put it in "R."
Put it in "R."
Boy!
Hit the brake!
Boy, what is wrong with you?
Well, how am I supposed to back this up? There's no camera, no beeping.
You put your hand on the headrest beside you and you back up. Go on, do it.
Don't you put your hand…
Sorry. You mean my headrest?
- I will kill you. - I thought it was…
You're so aggro. You're making me nervous. I'm starting to sweat.
Put it in "D" and let's go on. Huh. You found the "D" quick, didn't you?
Trumpet notes ringing Saxophones swinging
Ah, shit, look at the titties on her up there on that billboard.
Look at that billboard, B.J.
Oh, shit, you don't…
What is you taking all that medicine for? You got chemotherapy?
- No. - What is it?
It's for my vitamins, minerals, and antihistamines.
Antihistamines?
Yeah. There's a lot of pollen out here and I have really bad allergies so…
You got allergies. Must be allergic to titties too.
When I showed you that billboard, you didn't even look up there.
Nigga, why is you putting your lips all across, around that bottle like that?
- Don't do that! - Well, my dad taught me.
Taught you what?
He said it keeps the air in the bottle, and it prevents you from having gas.
Actually, you should try it.
Nigga, if you don't get that bottle outta my face,
I'mma do a recycling plant in your esophagus.
Okay, you don't need to resort to violence, okay?
I'm just gonna ask. I never been a nigga to beat around the bush. I'm too old.
You got a girlfriend?
Glad your goin' my way…
The hell is you laughing at?
- Grandpa. - What?
- With all this new research on CH4 and… - C to four?
- Manure emissions. - Manure…
Nobody has time for a girlfriend, Grandpa.
Everybody make time for pussy. If you want it.
- Look, I'm gonna confess something. - Yeah?
I haven't told my dad, but…
Oh, boy, please don't come out to me.
Don't come out to me. I'm not the one you wanna come out to.
Go talk to the she-they-him people. Don't come out to me.
- No, it's not that. It's just… - What?
Girls don't really
talk to me.
- No. - I know.
A girl don't talk to you? As short as you are?
I don't know why they wouldn't talk to you.
You're all buttoned-up and shit. You probably don't know what to say.
If you see a girl, what do you say to her?
Well, you know, I do what my dad taught me.
Show me your swag. What you do?
- You just walk up. - Yeah.
- Look in their eyes. - Yeah.
And you tell them, "I appreciate you
and what you've done for this country."
Nigga, is you doing a commercial for the Army?
That ain't how no woman want to be talked to.
- That's what he told me. - No. See, I was a pimp in the day.
This is how I get them. I walk up to her and be like, "Bitch!"
"Get in the motherfucking car!"
- Grandpa! - What?
You can't say that to a woman.
Why not?
That's toxic masculinity.
That's what's wrong with you.
Y'all have got these tacos and macaroni, made y'all soft.
I don't know what tacomacle is.
You see a girl you like, what you supposed to say if not,
"Bitch, come in this bathroom. You good? Come and give me that ass"?
Grandpa, no.
How the hell a girl is supposed to know if you like her if you don't say that?
Intellectual compatibility.
Intellectual… Nigga, a dick don't have no intellect. It's just stupid.
B.J., let me ask you something. You ever had a BJ?
- A peanut butter and jelly? Sans peanuts? - What?
Well, I'm allergic to those too, so…
Nah, you ain't had no BJ. You look like you've been giving them.
Your daddy done fucked you up. Fucked you up.
- I love it, I love it, I love it - When we're cruisin' together
I love it…
Grandpa, can we please get going?
We're already in Alabama and I really wanna get to Texas.
Boy, we getting to go get that. Shut the hell up, hell.
I'm gonna want you to drive. Go on over there and take a picture.
- What? - Take a picture right there.
- Do we have to do this now? - Just take a picture.
- There you go. - All right. Let's go.
- You gonna drive. I wanna drink some more. - What?
Get on in the car here, and be careful. This is the South. You gotta take it easy.
What is that supposed to mean? I grew up in Georgia.
Nigga, you grew up in Atlanta. This is the South.
There's a big difference outside of 285.
Shit.
This is the real deal.
Come on, start the damn car. Shit.
All right. All right.
Got my damn knees all the way up here.
Nigga, you got to be this damn close? Shit.
- Got my nuts in a hammock. - I'm sorry. I chafe.
Just drive. Can't reach my damn beer. Look how high my damn knees here.
- Okay, well, I'm sorry. I'm trying. - Turn the fucking corner!
- Which way? - Turn the fucking corner!
- I'm going. - Drive!
I got a thing, huh
A thing called the wobble…
Grandpa, what's all this white stuff?
Stop right here. Stop. Stop.
- Put it in park. Put it in park. - We're in the middle of the road.
That's cotton, boy. Try to pick one, see how sharp it is.
- I don't think I should. - Pick it, boy!
Pick it like they told you! Or I'll beat you like the master.
Pick the motherfucking cotton!
Do you know how many bales of this shit we had to pick for your ass?
- Come on before master come, nigga. Shit. - What?
- Master coming. Get in the damn car. - Is this legal?
Beautiful, beautiful Mississippi.
A lot of shit done happen here.
According to your map, we are way, way out of the way.
- What are we doing here? - Come on, I want you to take a picture.
Boy, stand there.
Go on, get in the car.
Lord.
Grandpa, can we go now?
Hold on, boy. I'm coming.
Grandpa.
Do you…
Grandpa. Ca--
I gotta go.
Can you please wake up?
I have to pee.
I want to be a cowboy
Going to be a cowboy
I'm going to be a cowboy
Want to be a cowboy…
I seriously needed to use the bathroom, Grandpa!
I meant it!
Hello, everybody.
Nice night out, yeah? You know when nature calls…
Is it a meeting tonight or something?
Excuse me. Pardon me. Where's your bathroom? I gotta go bad.
Oh. Actually, I found it. Never mind.
Hi.
Excuse me.
When you got to go, you got to go.
Excuse me.
Oh!
Sorry.
That's a nice hat.
I wonder if he went to the Beyoncé concert.
What the? Where that boy at?
This motherfucker is stupid.
I know he didn't go his ass up in there.
Come out of there now!
One second.
Woo! I was looking for the spray. I left the seat down, but it's all yours.
Nigger, do you know where you are?
What?
Shit! I don't know the fuck you looking at.
Embarrassing. Do you guys have paper towels by chance?
Okay. All right.
Oh. Oh!
Okay. What…
Look here. I don't want no trouble from none of y'all.
I'm just trying to find a little boy. And all I want is a beer and some pussy.
And you motherfuckers up in here with this shit.
All I need to know is did you see a little stupid motherfuck--
A little intense for some paper towels, right?
There's the stupid motherfucker.
- You the owner of this establishment? - Come on. Y'all let him go.
What you doing? Bubba? Bubba.
Is your name Bubba Jed? Can you let him go so we can get of here?
Fuck you, nigger.
Oh, you got attitude.
Yeah. All right.
I guess I got to give you motherfuckers a Black history lesson.
I'mma teach you white folks something today about a nigger that's…
Son of a bitch!
Get me a drink…
You mother…
This can't be me…
Tiger motherfucking Woods. What the hell you…
Oh! Nigga, you done made me damn fart.
Come out. You wanna square dance?
Oh, oh…
Ooh, that burns.
Here we go. Come on!
Son of a bitch!
Get me a drink…
You know how many times Hank Aaron slid into home?
Satchel Paige, bitch.
If I can't get clean I'm gonna drink my life away…
Kidney. Liver.
Kamikaze!
Ow.
I'm sorry. He always been real stupid. Wrong with you!
Heart. Spleen.
Okay, let me tell you something.
You wanna know something else a Black man invented?
The motherfucking folding chair.
Alabama brawl, bitches!
Boom, bitches!
The swimming hook.
Nigga, that's my colostomy bag.
Son of a bitch!
Get me a drink…
Get over here. Come on.
Yep, you're stupid. Dumbass.
Do-si-do and round and round, the stupid motherfucker.
I'm gonna drink my life away
Yeah, hey!
Oh, oh…
B.J., let's roll up out this bitch.
Oh, oh…
As I said, "We're leaving." Give me the damn…
- Take the fucking helmet off. - Oh!
Get on out there.
Son of a bitch!
Get me a drink…
Grandpa, start the car!
My broke ass needs a drink.
Son of a bitch…
I'm gonna drink my life away
Yeah
- Son of a bitch! - Oh, oh
- Get me a drink - Oh, oh
I'm gonna drink my life away!
Boy, I know you ain't sad and crying.
Let me tell you something.
And you better not never repeat I said this shit to you,
'cause I don't want nobody thinking I'm fucking soft.
But every Black man worth his salt want his child to be better than he was.
Shit, I had a third-grade education coming out the country.
Picking cotton and shit. They never thought I was gonna be shit.
Then your daddy was born.
Went off to college and school. Made me proud as hell.
I never told him that, but I'm proud of him.
Then he had you. Now I'm proud of you too.
You so damn smart. Way smarter than I've ever, ever been.
You hear me?
You're gonna be all right, son.
We did all we could. We fought like hell. Them motherfuckers trying to hold us down.
Now it's y'all turn to fight.
But y'all missing it.
Letting them trick you on that TickerTocker, Instagram and all that shit.
Try to trick you into thinking that your heritage don't matter.
Nigga, you better remember something.
People paid for you to be in this seat. That's the problem with you young fuckers.
Y'all don't appreciate the shit that we went through.
Got to look back and see what the fuck we went through.
Think just because, "Oh, life is better for me."
No. No, nigga. Somebody had to pay for that shit.
Them motherfucking crackers back there? That's what they think of you.
You dry your motherfucking eyes, man. The world is tough. You get in that fight.
You don't feel like fighting, get up and fight some more.
That's what it means to be a Black.
Be a motherfucking nigga. You fight. Every day you fight.
You gonna be all right.
Shit, we done already did the heavy lifting.
Every generation before me did the heavy lifting.
All you young niggas gotta do is live in it.
And look here. You think what white folk do to us is bad?
Look at what niggas doin' to each other. Shit, killing each other.
Doing all kinds of crazy shit.
Ain't trying to help nobody no more.
I don't know what the fuck wrong with y'all.
I can't stand it. I can't stand what's happening.
If you disrespect anybody That you run into
How in the world do you think
Anybody's supposed to respect you?
Respect yourself
Da-da-da-da
Respect yourself
Dee-dee-dee-dee
Respect yourself
Da-da-da-da
If you don't respect yourself
Ain't nobody gonna give a good cahoot
Na-na-na-na, oh, whoa
Respect yourself
Come on in, boy. And close the door. I don't want to get no pneumonia put in.
Hey, there.
Hi.
Grandpa?
Is this the hotel?
It's the place where hos don't tell.
- Oh… - Come on, sit down. Shit.
All right now, shit.
I'll be right with you, sugar.
Hey, you better hurry up,
before I tell, uh, Gladys you ain't out here on your job.
You know Gladys died nine years ago.
- Joe! - Hey! Hey! Hey! Hold on. Shit.
Slow the hell down, shit.
What? You used to scoop me up in your arms when I was a little girl.
Operative word, little girl. You ain't so little no more.
Well, go to hell. More pushing for the cushion.
And more stabbing for the grabbing.
Yeah.
Good to see you.
- Good to see you too. - Oh, Pearl.
I was so sorry to hear about your mama.
Lord, that just broke my heart to hear that she had died.
She died doing the 69 with two dudes, and she swallowed one of them.
I told her to stop doing that shit at the age of 86 years old.
- Yeah. - Who the hell is this?
Oh, that's my grandson. Stand up.
Hi, I'm B.J. Nice to meet you.
Wait a damn minute! Now his name is B.J. He don't want no damn BJ. Back up, hos!
Always looking for something to suck. Go suck the dust off the baseboard.
- Get off me! Get the hell off! - Get off me! Get off!
Sit down, shit!
Boy, you don't even know what's about to happen for you.
Dusty asses.
They good. They came running. I like it. They was ready to…
Yeah, they was about to swallow both of y'all asses.
I'll take it. I'm gonna dig it later on.
Listen, I need you to hook him up with a room and a little something.
You know, a little light. Something light.
Okay. What about that?
- What about her? - Uh, no. No. Yeah, no.
She got too many miles on that pussy. I think the factory date's expired.
I need something still under warranty. About two, three years on it.
- Yeah, used but not tore up. - Let me tell you this.
- I got this new girl. - Yeah.
Ain't been working a lot. Her name is Destiny.
Y'all hos go get Destiny!
- She my new girl. Ain't making much money. - Go get Destiny. She new?
And look, Joe. Don't wait so long to visit.
I'm thinking about closing this damn place.
You ain't talking about-- This is a historic landmark.
Your mama'd turn over in her grave. They buried her on her stomach.
Because her ass was wore out. You can't do that.
She'd turn over on her ass again.
Let me tell you something. Back in the day, hos wanted to work.
These new hos want breaks, okay?
Shut your… What the fuck you talking about?
- A break? - Yes. And they want water too.
A ho want water?
They don't want faucet water. These bitches want bottled water.
And I can't stand these young-ass hos.
The one I'll hook your grandson up with tried to start a fucking union.
Have you ever heard of a union for hos?
What is wrong with young people. Think they can get everything they want.
They can just damn unionize and shit.
They got healthcare too,
and one of these hos is insured by the state.
- You giving them health care? - They keep these hos COVID-free.
- These pussies got COVID? - No, these pussies ain't got no COVID.
- I was getting my mask. - Grandpa.
What is it? Shit, nigga, shit! What the fuck wrong with you?
There's a woman in there. She's being hurt by a man.
You don't know what's happening there? Didn't get your ass kicked enough tonight?
- Sit down. You can't help nobody. - Boy, sit down.
- No pussy yet? - He ain't never had none.
All right, you're done.
Make sure you pay Pearl on your way out, and it's still full price.
Even though you was half hard, done in half the time.
Half hard?
Pearl, I'm gonna need some hazard pay for the gummy worms.
Okay, shit. Let me get this money.
- Grandpa. - What?
What is this place?
Heaven.
- Doesn't seem like it. - What's up, baby?
- How you doing? - Please don't leave.
Yeah, they coming for you.
- Do they have a bathroom? - I need you, you, and you.
Sorry, back the hell up. And you.
I need you, and you, and you, and you, and you. Come with me.
- Grandpa? - Come on up here. Get out of the damn bed.
Yes!
Yes! Yes! Oh!
Oh my God!
Please.
Why is it so loud?
What is this place?
Is that alcohol?
Oh, thank God. Are you room service? Or…
A maid. If so…
If so, do you have bottled water, room temperature? I'll take that.
Ain't nothing room temperature on me.
Oh. Sounds like you might have a fever.
No, but I am sick.
Well, you know what?
Hot water and honey. That'll get it right out. Trust me.
Uh, no, I'm sick in bed. But you can call me "honey."
- Oh. - You think I'm hot?
Um, well…
You're on the warmer side, but…
Yeah, sure.
Is my grandpa coming in? He's been out there a while.
Okay, that's kinky.
Do you wanna lay down? I think you should, since…
That's a good idea. You seem kind of tense.
Oh, well… Tell me about it. My grandpa.
Just saying.
- Let's loosen you up. - Oh!
That's what I need. Like yoga.
Yeah, we can try some downward dog.
I like that.
What is that smell?
Oh. I use all-natural deodorants.
They say it's really good for your inner pores.
Uh…
Oh no.
No, no. No, no.
I'm sorry.
Here, dry your eyes.
No, boy, get that crunchy-ass towel away. You know where that towel been?
Are you okay?
I knew I couldn't do this. They ain't gonna let me leave.
- Who won't? - Never mind.
But I'm supposed to make you happy.
If I don't, Pearl's gonna be pissed. And she clearly knows your grandpa.
"Make me happy." How? We just met.
You don't know what this place is?
Well, judging by the room and the decor and all the old towels,
I thought a historic landmark.
Boy, stop touching that nasty towel.
This is a whorehouse.
It's a what? Wait a minute. That means you were trying to…
With me?
Why? No, I'm sorry. I can't do that.
You got to.
If I don't go through with this, I'm gonna be in big trouble.
Your grandpa already pays, and I know they listening.
Can we, like, pretend or something? We can make sex sounds.
Come on, sit down. Try it, please.
- Okay. - Okay.
Now, that's it? It's fake?
Ah, oh, okay.
Ooh! You wanna be my daddy?
No, the patriarchy thing is…
Oh, I forgot. I'm sorry.
- Ooh! You're… - Ooh!
Ah, you're really stimulating those genitals of mine.
Uh… Oh!
Your vaginal area is so pH balanced.
It's… it's perfect.
- Oh! - Oh…
And your areolas, they're so small and moisturized.
They're the perfect size. And…
One little enema can cure your constipation.
What are you doing?
Playing into it. My dad watches news with old people in it.
Uh-- You know what? Don't worry about it. Just forget it.
- Sorry. - Balls.
Do you know if I don't go through with this
the man that brought me here is gonna beat me?
No, wait. What? Beat you?
That's abusive and highly illegal.
You don't think I know that?
You know what you need to do? You need to e-mail OSHA.
I don't know how I'm ever gonna get outta here.
Well…
Unless…
Oh, you got the love That every woman needs
Got the kind of love I want
I don't want you to set me free
Oh, no, baby, don't
You got the kind of love
I can get up in the morning time…
Oh shit!
Shit!
Come on, give me what's mine…
- Boy, what the hell happened? - I'm sorry.
There was a chipmunk. What was I supposed to do?
Run over that motherfucker!
I can't do that.
This is hell that happened to my car. Get your ass out.
You lost your damn mind.
You think I'm gonna let you wreck my damn Buick I've had all these years?
- It's not that bad. - I will fuck you up.
It was an accident. At least he got away.
Mention that motherfucker-- Your ass ain't gonna get away!
It's probably not that bad. Maybe, look…
It's a flat damn tire, boy. Come on here and open the damn trunk.
Get the key!
Oh. All right.
Got to get the jack.
Okay. Well, do you have his number?
Fuck you mean, do I have his number?
This Jack guy.
You said we need to get him. I need to use your phone.
You know what? I think I'm gonna kill myself.
No, I'm gonna kill you. No, I'll kill your daddy.
I'm gonna kill him.
He's responsible for this mutant ninja motherfucker I'm looking at right now.
You don't know what a jack is, boy? A jack to change the damn tire.
- Oh. - Give me the damn key.
Now, now, wait. Uh…
Um…
See, I put on double today.
I think if we send out positive energy that somebody will come out and help us.
Ow!
- Is that positive enough for you? - No! You assaulted me!
I slapped the dog shit out of you, nigga. Give me the motherfucking key.
But I just think that you should maybe wait a second.
I'm trying to teach your Black ass something.
You a nigga. Ain't nobody ever coming to help a fucking nigga but a nigga.
You got to be your own damn hero. Do you understand, little boy?
No, no, no.
I'm fresh, I swear.
That ain't you.
That's fertility.
She three days into her period.
- Yep. And there's a sperm floating around. - Oh…
Back up, sperm. Don't do it. Back up, sperm.
Back up, sperm. Don't do it.
That damn chipmunk. Maybe the chipmunk was a female.
No, no, that's pussy. I know pussy when I smell pussy.
- Shut up. Get the thing out the-- - Now, wait!
Ooh…
- What the…? - Oops, this ain't my bed.
What the shit?
- I can explain. - Get your ass out of there!
- Now, Grandpa. I… - Shut the hell up!
- No, she's being trafficked. - Shut the hell up!
- I'm not sure what that means. - Wait!
- Who are you calling? Don't call police. - No, that's good he calls the police.
Then we can demand a full investigation.
No, I should've stayed where I was.
You'll get me in trouble. They'll beat my ass.
What? No, it's gonna be okay. Trust me. My grandpa's gonna handle it.
Is that the police?
Go and fix the damn tire with the jack!
Okay.
Hurry up, shit.
- He scares me. - What's a jack?
That big black thing right there.
She sure know what a big Black thing is, don't she?
- I do. - What?
Use that one.
They got 30-cent wasabi nuts in there.
Don't say nothing, Joe. Don't say nothing about that at all.
So what'd she say? I know you called Miss Pearl.
Yep. She told me you were trafficked and left there.
And a pimp bought you there.
That's all right.
She asked me to try to help you get to wherever you want to go.
Really? I'm shocked. Thank you for letting me ride with you.
No, shit, don't be thanking me.
You know what that mean. They'll be after your ass.
You know I was a pimp.
And I know what a pimp is like when he after one of his hos.
- You know they'll be looking for you? - Yeah.
- Yeah, I know. - Where your family at anyway?
They back in Texas.
But I sure as hell ain't trying to go back there.
- Hm. - I'll just go with y'all. Just…
Long as I'm far away from here.
Let's hurry up, then. They'll be after us. Where that little nigga at?
Oh, he went inside. Said he had to freshen up.
Freshen up? At a fucking truck stop? That motherfucker's stupid.
No, he's actually really smart.
Kinda like a robot with skin.
And you know what?
You a pussy with lips. Shut the fuck up!
Get in the damn car, bitch! Get in the car, bitch!
Get in the motherfucking car, bitch! Get in the motherfucking car!
Hell to the naw
To the naw, naw, naw…
Nigga, what the hell is you doing in here?
Oh, sorry. I was just finishing up my six-step skincare routine.
I'm a stickler for exfoliation.
Get your ass in the car before I exfoliate your ass.
Oh, actually, Grandpa. You know what you need to try out?
The penis dryer.
- Penis dryer? - Oh, yeah!
Nigga, the hair dryer behind you is for your hands.
- Get in the damn car. - It's good stuff.
The hell you talking about? A damn penis dryer.
What the shit?
Hell naw…
This motherfucker's stupid!
Come on, come on
Hell to the naw, to the naw…
Nah.
Hell naw, naw To the naw, naw, to the naw…
Come here, penis dryer. Come here.
To the naw, naw…
You got a mustache and lipstick?
Motherfucker, you done lost your damn mind.
Get your ass all away from there!
But wait.
That's some music there.
Ooh! Yeah! I like this.
Hold on. What's that? I thought that was Dr. Dre.
No, that's old-school shit. Y'all don't know nothing about this.
All that shit y'all doing been warmed over.
We created it.
So put us on it.
Put us on what?
Some good music with some real lyrics.
What? You think these are real lyrics?
These are criminally sexist and misogynistic.
- It's disgusting. - Boy, sit back. This love-making music.
Sit back, relax, and learn some shit.
I wanna do something freaky to you
Right now
Oh, baby
Your love is like a mountain
And I'd love to slide down Into your canyon
- Slide down - In the valley
Now let's take a look at the family
We have mothers
Who are the right arm of the father…
- I love this. - I know.
I can tell you love it the way you tappin' your foot.
No, I'm not. I don't like this. I'd rather turn it off.
This music is so bad. Do you hear the lyrics they're saying?
They're saying women should be cooking and cleaning.
That's so misogynistic.
Miss who? That ain't Missy Elliott.
No, it's your entire generation of men and how they treated women. It's horrible.
- It's really bad. - My generation treated women like women.
You motherfucking bitch boys ain't treating them like they wanna be.
You gotta treat them like they hos.
This is what I'm talking about. This is why you get canceled.
The fuck are you talking about? Who got canceled?
Your entire generation.
It's when nobody wants to deal with your actions.
This is what I was telling my dad. You guys need to let it go.
Nigga, you are a confusing motherfucker. You understand that? You don't know shit.
You don't know your history. You just confusing the shit outta me.
I know history.
I know it was in the past and we should just let it go.
- Move on. Black people need to move on. - Mm. Mm.
- Black people need to move on, huh? - Yeah.
After all we been through, we need to move on?
Tell it to them white motherfuckers ready to kill you the other night.
Ask them to move the fuck on.
Uh, I think we about to run outta gas.
- Wait. No, no, no. You're joking, right? - Nigga, does a poke have porcupines?
No. They're not even the same animal.
- What you talking about? - Pork in a porcupine?
- I didn't say "pork." I said "poke." - You don't have to poke me.
You know what? Let me tell you something. Fuck you. Cancel me. To your generation.
Give me a T-shirt that says, "Fuck you. Cancel me."
All y'all confusing as shit. Y'all young folks don't know shit.
Don't know if you wanna be a girl or boy. I don't know what's wrong with y'all.
- I don't wanna live with y'all. - You know what?
Well, your entire generation bankrupted the country and you jacked up our ozone.
You know what else we can do?
My generation know how to turn off them damn satellites
so you motherfuckers wouldn't be able to look at a phone.
Wouldn't know where the moon is, the star, the sun. Right, left.
Nothing. You motherfuckers be lost. Wouldn't know your ass from your elbow.
You know what? You're so ignorant. You know that?
- Ignorant? Who the fuck is you…? - Yeah. You're ignorant, Grandpa.
Ignorant? All right.
You didn't drop my dad off for school. Who does that?
I didn't know where that motherfucker went to school.
That doesn't make it any better.
That's horrible! You even abused him as a child.
He told me you hit him. All the time! He said you almost killed him once.
You know why I almost killed him? He was talking to me like your monkey-ass.
You getting ready to get killed.
- You driving real fast. - Monkey-ass.
I'm tired of you. I don't know how he dealt with you. You're horrible.
He about to go on hyper-speed.
- What the fuck you say? - I don't care. Know what?
I'm gonna say. I'm tired of you.
- I'm gonna stand my ground. - Tired of me.
You have been unequivocally and reprehensibly rude to me this entire trip.
You've done nothing but just be rude.
You berated my father for years,
and you just proceed to belittle this woman
who's done nothing to us.
She a ho, nigga. She a ho.
Can you stop calling her that?
- You're not a… Sorry. - Yeah, I am.
Was. Formerly.
Nigga, you know what? You know what?
That old TacoTicker tryin' to teach you in a minute and a half.
In 30 seconds.
Y'all get half the information and think you know every damn thing.
You wanna hide something from a nigga? Put it in a book.
Look at a book. You'll learn something.
I read. You know what else? I'm smarter than you too.
- You smarter than me? - Yeah, I am. Yeah!
You know what I'm gonna do?
- What? - This!
Oh!
Now, did you know I was gonna do that?
Ow! Why did you do that?
- No. - And that!
How about that? How about that?
What is wrong with you?
- Get the fuck out. - What?
I think we need to get out.
- You better get outta-- - No!
You better get outta my motherfucking car!
- Want him to do it again? - No!
- Get outta my motherfucking car! - We need to get out of the car, B.J.
Get outta my motherfucking car!
- I'm getting out. - Get outta my motherfucking car!
We're getting out, but not because you told us to.
I'm sorry you're dying,
but it's no excuse to treat people like this.
Dying? Who the hell told you I was dying?
My dad. He wanted me to keep it a secret.
You have high blood pressure and colon cancer.
Nigga, I ain't got no damn cancer. Only cancer in my ass is you.
Figure this shit out for yourself.
Wait, what? Grandpa! Grandpa!
- Fuck you. - Fine!
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Damn!
My feet hurt.
Mine too.
Dang, your grandpa a real old-school pimp.
"Dang, your grandpa's a real old-school pimp." Stupid!
Just leaving us out here in the middle of the road.
"Yeah, I'm a real cool pimp guy. I love child abandonment."
"Ooh, I'm a pimp! I'm a pimp!"
- I don't know if that's how they walk. - Can you please stop?
I can't believe he left us.
Oh, can I use your phone?
I ain't got no service.
I saw a motel a few miles back.
We could just go there.
Mm. Great.
So dumb.
Can't--
- What are you doing? - Stupid!
I wanna forget this entire stupid trip.
I wanna forget my stupid grandpa, these dumb photos, all of it.
Oh, but I can't.
I don't wanna litter.
It's so pretty here.
Yeah, a pretty place to die.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh…
I'm really sorry about this.
We have a better chance of getting beamed up by aliens.
- That wouldn't be so bad. - Which wouldn't be that bad.
Let me see. Ooh!
- I got one bar. - You do? Can I use it?
- Fine. - Thank you.
- Hello? - Dad? Hi. Hey, it's me.
Grandpa just dropped us off on the road, and I don't know where we are exactly.
- I think in New Mexico. - Wait, slow down.
He put you out of the car? And who's we?
It's me and my friend, Destiny.
Dad, you said that he had colon cancer. You lied to me. Like, a lot.
- I'm so mad at you. - B.J., slow down just a second, okay?
- Listen, I need-- Hello? - Hello? Dad?
Hello? Dad?
What service do you have?
The call dropped.
Hello?
Lydia?
I'm sending you a number. I want you to track it, okay?
I texted it to you.
Tell me exactly where they are and who that number belongs to.
They ain't gonna talk that shit to me and have me just sitting there.
And that my grandson. I was bringing him…
Hold on. This motherfucker's calling me.
Hello, nigga.
Daddy, did you leave B.J. in the middle of nowhere?
Let me ask you something. Did you tell him I was dying?
We all are gonna die one day. Where'd you leave him?
You better be glad I didn't leave that motherfucker in hell.
You know he tried to challenge me? That little nigga tried to challenge me!
Excuse me, white lady. I didn't mean to say "nigga."
That little nigga said that I was a horrible father and grandfather.
Daddy, where is he?
Then he ask me about PTA.
How I'm gonna go to PTA when I'm fucking your teachers?
You talk about all that shit.
You know what that motherfucker said? He'll cancel me.
You know what I said?
"Fuck you. Cancel me." That's what I told him.
Trying to show off in front of Destiny.
A ho! How you gonna show off in front of a ho?
Hold on. Who's Destiny? Just tell me where he is.
I don't know where that motherfucker at.
Probably getting some sugar or head or something from that gal.
Or using a penis dryer.
He didn't even know a damn penis dryer was a glory hole.
What's a penis dryer? What are you saying to me?
Who is this Destiny person?
I don't know. Some ho I hooked him up with.
Dad, please tell me you gave my son condoms.
What they need a condom for? I had him raw dog. Run up in it!
Ain't nothing wrong with a little herpes.
Tell me the girl's full name, please.
Her first name is Dess. Last name is Tanee.
That's not a full name! Tell me her full name!
Nigga, you ever asked a ho her legal name? You don't ask no ho--
Ma'am, what's your legal name?
See, they don't even tell you. You don't ask that.
Don't call me no more.
- Get off my fucking phone. - Listen, I--
Sorry about that.
Daddy. Shit.
That call is from New Mexico. We're getting the exact location now.
The number belongs to a Danita Hodges.
Goes by Destiny. 20 years old. Parents said she was a runaway.
Records show she reported being trafficked by a gang.
Get me a plane ticket to wherever that call was from, okay?
- Okay. - Shit.
Way to go, Brian. Way to go. Dad of the year.
This is a crazy… hotel.
Your grandpa don't like you?
I know, he doesn't. Can you believe the nerve of that man?
We don't even know where we are. And he's gonna drop us off like that?
- Feet hurt. - I should call CPS.
Oh, excuse me. Um, we're actually looking for a room.
But I don't have any money.
Don't worry, boo. I got you.
Thank you so much.
Is this enough?
Thank you. Do we have any reception yet?
No.
Just get the key. We'll go to the room, call your daddy.
Right. Can I have that, please? Thank you.
Bye. Thanks.
I can't believe this.
That's your grandpa. That's crazy.
…in the late 1700s?
The French Revolution.
- Come on, Dad. - The French Revolution.
- Yes! - Just-- Can you please pick up?
…to 518 AD?
The Roman-Leonid Dynasty?
The Roman-Leonid Dynasty.
Okay.
This is so frustrating. I'm sorry you had to go through all this.
With my grandpa. And I know you didn't expect this.
I don't know why you apologizing. I ain't been treated this good in years.
Good treatment? This is good treatment?
Vending machine food and TVs playing game show reruns all day.
I'm pretty sure a roach bit me in there.
Compared to what I've been through…
Nobody like to think of themself as a dumbass bitch.
But…
there I was
in this stupid little chat room.
Till this cute little message popped up from this nice, sweet guy
promising me the world.
But I ain't need the world.
I did need to get the hell outta Texas.
So when he pulled up in his tacky-ass sports car
one day after school, I hopped in.
You know how they say, you live and you learn?
It's just been live and get burned for me.
Until you showed up.
Guess that kinda makes you my hero.
Wow.
I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Wait a minute, can you stop?
- I didn't ask for permission. - I kissed you, boy.
Oh. Well, then maybe you were supposed to ask me for permission.
Do I have your permission to kiss you?
Well, yes, 'cause I wanted you to kiss me, but I just didn't say it yet, so. Yes--
Mm-hm…
Do I have permission to do whatever I want, B.J.?
Yes. Yes, please. If it feels that good, yes.
- Where are you going? - Say "yes" to me again.
Yes.
Hoo!
Sweet hungry hippos.
Hoo-ooh!
This is so much better than the penis dryer.
Grab my hair.
You want me to mess up your hair?
Okay.
Put your fist in my head.
Why?
Oh. That's what you mean.
Yeah, so that was when I was in the Navy.
Then I was in the Marines. Yeah, I was a six-star general.
Hey.
You seen her?
No. Can't say that I have. One of yours?
Yeah. They're always trying to leave.
I'm told she left with a young Black kid in an old car.
- Huh? - Haven't been around here.
Hey, Pearl, you all right?
Yeah, I'm okay. They came here looking for her.
And they mad as hell.
Yeah, I know. Where's she at? What her phone number?
Yeah, I'll text it to you.
On that old-ass phone on the desk?
No, nigga, my fucking cell phone.
All right, text me the number.
- Hey. - Morning, sunshine.
Oh. So it wasn't a dream.
What are you doing? I thought you threw those out.
I was, but you really went to all these places?
Yeah, my grandpa made me take all these pictures at these random,
no-name places for no reason.
You might as well just throw those away. They're pointless.
Wait, random?
Pointless?
You trying to say our history is pointless?
What do you mean "our history"?
B.J., you don't know these are all historic places?
- Historic? What do you mean? - Like this one right here.
This creek?
Money, Mississippi. That's where Emmett Till died.
Emmett Till was this 14-year-old Black kid killed by some racist white men
because some white lady lied and said he whistled at her.
And they dumped his body in that creek you standing in front of.
Oh, my God.
And I recognize this building right here.
That's in Birmingham.
They had sit-ins there during the Civil Rights Movement.
You should see what they did with dogs and fire hoses to us.
Oh. I know you know this one.
Well…
It's the Greenwood District in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
You don't know the story? You never heard of the Tulsa race riots?
When they tried to kill everybody that was Black?
What did we do?
Be Black, nigga.
This right here gotta be Jasper, Texas. Where James Byrd Jr. died.
You know, Obama made a law in his name.
Him and, um, Matthew Shepard. The gay man that was killed in Wyoming?
Are you serious right now?
- What, is it a roach? - You gotta be…
- Don't tell me y'all stayed in this room. - Yes, we did.
How-- How did y'all stay in this room?
This is the Lorraine Motel, where Dr. King was assassinated.
How the hell did y'all stay in this room?
Well, I don't know.
My grandpa knew the lady at the front desk. I just…
Nobody ever taught you this?
My dad didn't show me all this stuff, but…
I guess I was so focused on the future
and didn't really care to look at the past.
But if you don't know what happened in the past,
how you know it's not happening again?
I mean, humans gonna do the same thing
over and over and over again until somebody stands up and says, "Stop!"
How can you stop something if you don't know where it start?
Come on. I can get you to the library and teach you about yourself.
Get dressed.
- Hello, shit. - Daddy, I have been calling you all night.
I couldn't get a flight last night. There's one in an hour. I'm on my way.
- Why didn't you answer the phone? - Ain't no reception out here.
- I was gonna call-- - No, hold on, okay? He is in trouble.
The girl he with was trafficked by gangsters.
- They are looking for them. - Yeah, nigga, I know.
We're tracking her phone. They're at the Pickens County Library.
I need you to get him.
How the hell that nigga gonna take a ho to the library? Shit.
- Can you just go get him now, please? - Okay.
- Hello? - Shit.
Lydia, get me to the airport right now. Is the car ready?
How can people be so cruel?
- Excuse me here. - And use such horrible language.
You little mother…
Excuse me, sir.
This is a library.
It's a library? It's a library?
I don't give a damn if it's a library!
Why the hell would y'all build a library out here in the middle of nowhere?
Boy, what is wrong with you? Get yourself in the car.
I've been looking for you all night long. Let's go.
- You left us. - On purpose. Ready to leave you again.
You better get in the car. They looking for her. Let's go.
Right now. Let's go.
- Who is? - Stay here, find out.
- Come on! Let's go now! - Really?
- Come on. - Okay.
Please forgive him, he's dying. Who's looking for her?
Don't worry about it. Just get-- Get in the car.
Should I go--
Get in the damn car, boy.
Hey, shake it…
Why are we turning this way?
We need to get on the main road.
I'm so sorry, y'all. I really am.
It's all right, Destiny. Don't even worry about it. I got it.
Oh!
- What? - Grandpa!
Oh, shit.
- What? - Nigga, you got some pussy, didn't you?
He can't even look at me. You got some pussy, didn't you?
How was it? How was it?
- Can we not talk about it in front of her? - What's wrong with her?
Her ears heard a lot of things worse than words. Shit.
Oh.
Now you're gonna protect her, you Mighty Motherfucking Power Ranger?
- I thought we had to get her to safety. - Fine. Fine. Let's go.
Thank you.
Oh, you gonna protect me, Big Daddy B.J.?
Big Daddy B.J.
He's so sweet and sensitive. No, he cried last night.
- Destiny! - What?
It was his first time. He didn't know better.
He didn't know how good it'd be.
I had to teach him a few things.
- You taught him things? - Uh-huh.
I hope you taught that motherfucker to buy some deodorant.
We got some Old Spice.
No, my nigga, we got that Old Spice. That's some good Old Spice right there.
Don't tease him too much. You know he never had none.
He made up for all the years he ain't do it.
- We did it like 19 times. - Damn, boy. You fucking like a rabbit.
A light switch?
- On, off. - On, off.
It's okay, baby. I'll teach you to get some stamina.
Yeah, I'll show you what to do.
No, can we just talk about oversharing?
Hey, let me ask you something. Do you believe in gender now?
- Shit. - Ha, ha. All right, I get it.
I see what you did, Grandpa, by taking me to all those places.
Teach me about my history.
- Nigga, don't say thank you. - But there's things I need to tell you.
Did you know the Black woman contributed to making the GPS?
She damn sure did.
- Yeah. - I know that. That was Gladys.
You know Gladys Mae West?
Don't worry about it. Shit.
Well, she was a mathematician,
and there's so many other things we did as Black men and women.
Why didn't you tell me about that stuff?
I mean, that's a lot of good things. You only focused on the pain.
I know that. If you don't get to the pain, you can't get to the future.
You gotta learn the pain first. Your ass don't wanna learn nothing.
Well, you could teach me both.
I wanna be proud of something and fight for something.
All we need is love
- That's all we need - Love is all we need
All we need is love
Oh, shit.
What?
- That's them. That's them. - Why are they stopping?
- Did they see me? - Get down.
Get back down.
Come on, Ruby. You can do it.
If this was a Tesla, this would be so much better.
Say one more damn thing about a damn Tesla.
- It is a lot faster than this. - See? Tell him.
Reach up under that seat and get my gun.
Oh!
What you mean, "Oh"?
See, my dad and I took the gun out.
What the hell you mean y'all took the gun out?
- We took it out! Guns hurt people. - I know you and your daddy took them out.
That's why I got plenty of them, plenty of guns.
- What? - Plenty of them.
Have you seen the stats on gun violence in this country?
Let me pull over and you tell them why you wanna talk to them about gun violence.
- Just let me out. I'm sorry. - What are we gonna do?
I'll pull over and try to figure out
how to kill these fuckers with my good looks.
Come on, Ruby. You can do it.
- Reach under the seat and get my big gun. - There's more?
You fucking right there's more. You think I'm gonna let them kill us?
Hell no!
Get down! Shit.
Shit! Oh, shit!
Hold on. Whoa, shit.
Come on. All I want is my girl.
Just give me my property, then y'all can go.
- What did he just say? - That's what we call our hos. "Property."
Like a slave?
No, shit. You getting offended?
They're walking up.
So you want to play hardball, huh? Now you're all going to have to die.
Grandpa, give me a gun.
Oh, now you want a gun.
Grandpa, give me the fucking gun!
Look at you. Shit. Okay. Here, go ahead. Take it. Take it.
Thank you.
- What the hell you doing? - Sorry.
Don't point the damn gun at me. Shit.
Sorry. What do I do?
First thing, don't point the motherfucker at me.
Point it at them. Put it over your head and do this.
Wait, nigga. Take the safety off the motherfucker.
- Oh! - This is a safety.
Then you pull that back and cock it like this.
Count of three. One, two, three. Shoot.
I'm sick of these white motherfuckers.
He was reading a lot of Malcolm at the library.
Nigga, these motherfuckers Iranian.
Shoot!
- I'll just go with them. - No.
Nigga, you will get more pussy. Let her go. Let her go.
I promise there's better pussy out there.
Fresh pussy. Not used pussy with 500,000 miles on it.
- It ain't got that many miles on it. - Okay, 78,000 miles.
I'm only going to say this one more time.
Destiny, you're not going anywhere.
- Nigga, what is you doing? - I'm gonna talk to them.
- No! - What you mean you gonna talk to them?
I know a good piece of pussy will make you feel bulletproof.
But you ain't bulletproof.
Stop!
Everybody just stop!
Destiny is not going with you or anybody because people don't own people.
It's wrong.
We can't keep doing the same things over and over and over again.
Is this motherfucker crazy or is he Gandhi?
We have to stop this bad cycle.
Now do you guys wanna be on the wrong side of history?
Or do you guys want to be good guys?
Do you understand me?
- Yeah. - What happened?
They left.
- The hell you mean they left? - They're gone. You can come up now.
Now, hold on. Shit. Just like that?
Yeah. I pimp slapped them with the truth.
Hold up.
- What? - That wasn't you.
Hands where we can see them!
In the air, now!
Guns down.
What up, Pop?
Nigga, I never been so glad to see you in all my life.
Everybody all right?
Yeah.
I think I'll finish the trip with Grandpa.
- What? Really? - We're not done yet.
A few more things Grandpa needs to show me.
Man, shit.
- He showed me things you didn't get to. - I wanted to--
It's okay, and I understand. Better late than never.
I showed him a few things too.
Yeah, we ain't hit Vegas yet. Shit, that's my spot.
How about this? I'll fly out in a few days.
You guys go on to Vegas. I'll fly out and meet you at Pepperdine.
- Okay? - Actually…
I'm gonna go to Morehouse.
- Really? - Yeah.
He gonna go to the House.
- You are? What made you change your mind? - Me, nigga. Shit, what you think?
Different generations thinking very differently
on a lot of things.
But,
I realized that I…
I've been a privileged Black man this entire time,
and I've had my feet in both worlds and didn't know it.
It's better to know everybody's truth so you can't be confused about your own.
I know why you didn't want me to know all of it.
It's hard to imagine anybody could be so cruel to somebody
just off the color of their skin.
And I thank you for not making me feel different, but…
the truth is, I am different.
I mean, we're all different.
And those differences shouldn't be swept under the rug,
but they should be celebrated and talked about.
And we shouldn't be scared of the past, but we should learn from it.
Not so we can make somebody feel bad, but
so that we don't repeat it.
I am so proud of you, son. You have really grown up.
Thanks.
Oh, and, Dad,
one day when I have my own son,
I wanna be able to share all the information
I was given by these amazing generations of Black men.
But…
I think we gotta get back on this road.
Oh, no, no, no. Let me get you home.
Daddy, thank you for this.
I'll make sure somebody takes you to the airport.
- Come on, B.J. - Uh, no need to.
Niggas trying to take my bitch, but, you know, I handled that shit.
I'm his bitch. Destiny.
Yeah.
But I ain't no ho.
She ain't no ho no more. She was a ho until about 15 minutes ago.
Now she on retirement.
I got a good man that respects me.
Yeah, she reformed.
Okay, Daddy, what'd you do to my son?
It's all Gucci, Dad. Shit.
No, no, no.
I'll get you home and to a psychologist. We're gonna go home.
Dad, these men will take you to the airport.
- Come on, son. We're gonna-- - No, it's okay, Dad.
It's still not my Tesla, but it's okay.
Bye, Daddy-in-law!
I may be poor.
I may be Black.
I may be ugly.
But, dear God, us is here. Bye, Ms. Celie.
What just happened?
What just…
Wow.
Bye, nigga!
I'm gonna need someone to help me
I'm gonna need somebody's hand
I'm gonna need someone to hold me down
I'm gonna need someone to care
I'm gonna writhe and shake my body
I'll start pulling out my hair
I'm gonna cover myself With the ashes of you
And nobody's gonna give a damn
Son of a bitch!
Give me a drink
One more night
This can't be me
Son of a bitch!
If I can't get clean
I'm gonna drink my life away
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Now for 17 years I've been throwing them back
Seventeen more will bury me
Can somebody please just tie me down?
Or somebody give me a goddamn drink
Son of a bitch!
Give me a drink
One more night
This can't be me
Son of a bitch!
If I can't get clean
I'm gonna drink my life away
Yeah, yeah
Mm-mm
Mm-mm, mm-mm-mm
Mm-mm
Mm-mm, mm-mm-mm
My heart was breaking
Hands are shaking
Bugs are crawling all over me
My heart was breaking
Hands are shaking
Bugs are crawling all over me
My heart was breaking
Hands are shaking
Bugs are crawling all over me
My heart was aching
Hands are shaking
Bugs are crawling all over me
Son of a bitch!
Give me a drink
One more night
This can't be me
Son of a bitch!
If I can't get clean
I'm gonna drink my life away
Yeah, hey
Son of a bitch!
Give me a drink
Son of a bitch!
This can't be me
Son of a bitch!
If I can't get clean
I'm gonna drink my life away
Yeah
Oh, oh
Uh-huh!
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh