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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ

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He is the king of underground comedy,

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ

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Dr. Katt Williams!

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KATT WILLIAMS

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THE LAST REPORT

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First of all,
let me say thank you so much for this.

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I appreciate this,
my whole motherfucking journey…

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My whole journey started

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South Florida,

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1995.

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So the fact that this is where we are…

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Full circle, I appreciate this.

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This how I know

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I'm the greatest comic living.

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'Cause I got the best audience everywhere.

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Some people have a couple of stars come.

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We have all the stars come out.
And tonight is no exception.

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It's dark in here.

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Y'all can't even see who in here.

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You gonna be shocked.

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Where's all the white people?
Make some noise, white people.

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What?

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In this administration,

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still hanging with niggas.

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We appreciate that, white friends.

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You knew it was gonna be
diverse and equal and inclusive,

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you came anyway.

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Some of y'all are going to go
to heaven just for that.

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When you get up there,
it's gonna be on the checklist.

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"Did you hang with niggas?" Yup.

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Where's all the Hispanics in the building?
Where is mi familia?

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Buenas noches!

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I want y'all to know y'all are safe…

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in this building tonight.

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There will be no ice
in this building of any kind.

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Just the ice I'm wearing. That is it.

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I told them,
"Don't even put ice in the drinks."

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I want everybody to feel comfortable.

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Last but not least,
the core of my very existence,

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where's all the Black people
in the building? Make some noise.

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Battery in the back.

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And the most important creation
in all the known universe.

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Where's the ladies in the building?
Make some noise.

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Yeah.

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Y'all are the reason Florida is Florida.

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Florida is known for orange juice
and great pussy.

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And orange juice gave up a long time ago

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'cause the pussy's that good.

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Yeah. My new shit,

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giving credit,

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not making people wait.

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If you doing a great job going into 2026,

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we gonna announce you doing a great job

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so that you know it,
and you can keep up the good work.

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'Cause some of y'all doing great,
you don't even know you doing great.

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You don't even know.

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Ladies have been kicking ass

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all across the motherfucking globe,

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and people ain't saying shit.

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Women have flipped the script.

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That's the good pussy dance.

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Women have been doing
a great job all across the globe.

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Not some women, all women.

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They handle certain shit.

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There's no such thing as a woman saying,

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"I don't have no eyelashes."

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I don't give a fuck if she's starving
to death, she got lashes.

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They might not even be the right species.

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She got a mountain alpaca
and a desert llama together.

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They don't even go together in nature.

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Women did that shit.

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No group chats, no emails,
just one woman helping another woman.

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Did you know that stinky pussy

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is a thing of the past?

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You can waft it when it smells nice.

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Twenty-five years ago,
stanky pussy was everywhere.

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You couldn't walk down the street
without smelling tuna fish.

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Not today.

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Women are fresh.

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No more stanky pussy.

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There's a man in here right now

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sitting with the last
stanky pussy in Florida.

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He trying to get my attention.
I won't look at him.

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No, I'm just saying,

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a lot of people doing a great job,
they don't even know it.

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Watch this.

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Where's everybody 35 and over?
Make some noise, 35 and over.

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Y'all don't know how special y'all are.

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100 years from now, they're gonna be
writing books about you motherfuckers.

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How the fuck did y'all do this shit?

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Did you know if you're 35 and over,
did you know that

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you look better than anybody
who has ever been your age

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in the history of humankind?

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The fuck?

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Y'all look good.

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You know you look good.

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Some of y'all grandmothers at 29, bitch.

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You know the fuck you look good.

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"Your grandmama still got her baby hair?"

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You 35 and over, you have done it.

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You have already lived one life.

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If it was a good life,
put it in the books.

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If it was fucked up, put it behind you
and start all over again at 63, bitch.

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You can do it.

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Here's the future.

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Where's 35 and under?
Make some noise, 35 and under.

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Yes, we love y'all.

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We are counting on y'all.

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All y'all gotta do is don't fuck up
like we just fucked up in front of you.

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That's it.

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Certain simple shit,
you don't even have to try.

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Like, if you under 35,
you can't afford to do no drugs at all.

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Just smoke weed.
It's the only thing you can trust.

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You don't believe me? Easter and 4/20
was on the same day this year.

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That's Jesus inviting me personally.

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Weed is the only thing you can trust.

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Back in the day, they used to say
drugs was fun and dangerous.

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Now they done took the fun the fuck out.
It's just "and dangerous."

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Can't do meth or molly.

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It make your gums long
and your teeth short.

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What the fuck you gonna do with that?

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You can't even take selfies, bitch.

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Can't do the fentanyl, you'll die.

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Can't drink the lean.

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It eat up your liver and your spleen

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and your esophagus.

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Look at my white friends.
"That is not your esophagus, Katt."

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"You were doing so good."

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Just saying they know
these drugs is too strong.

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They just too strong.

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They got a rapper that's 1000 pounds.
He addicted to lean.

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He can't put down the cup, or the plate.

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Or the spoon, or the fork.

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They too strong.

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Speaking of too strong,

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look at that stool.

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The stool is like,
"You got to be shitting me."

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"You gonna do
the whole song on me, nigga?"

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Take it down before he make me pay
for his weight-loss treatments.

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Just making a point.

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This next question I'm gonna ask y'all

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is the most important question
in the whole universe.

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I've been broke and I've been rich.
This is the only thing that matters.

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Make some noise
if you are relatively healthy right now.

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If you got your health,

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if you got a God, you should thank him.

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That's all that matters,

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is your motherfucking health.

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I don't give a fuck
you got a billion dollars.

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If you are throwing up
and shitting at the same time,

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you are broke, bitch.

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Yeah.

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Your health is what motherfucking matters.

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And it don't take nothing
for that motherfucker to leave.

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I thought I was stronger
than a motherfucker.

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I found out I'm not even
a little bit strong.

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I got hit by two

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kidney stones.

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You know about a kidney stone?

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That motherfucker is a crippler.

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I didn't know
what the fuck happened to me.

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I was asleep
and woke up to two kidney stones.

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Both my legs shut off.

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I was just at the end of the bed,
shaped like a pretzel,

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saying, "Not in my pajamas, Jesus!"

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I didn't know what to tell the doctor.
I think I peed two firecrackers.

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Take care of your motherfucking health.

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Speaking of health,

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whoever been naming these new medications,

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you are kicking ass.

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Keep up the good work.
It's good for white people and niggas.

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All of these new medications
sound like some shit you want to take.

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My commercial, I heard Rinvokin.

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I don't even know what that cures, bitch,

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but I don't mind
ordering that at Walgreens.

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"Where's my Rinvokin?"

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Sound like something you named your penis.
"You ready for the Rinvokin?"

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Hit it with the "Horyuken."

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All the names is cool.
The next one was Skyrizi.

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Bitch, that's fly as shit.

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That was my nickname
in middle school, "Sky Rizzy."

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'Cause I would do
a skyhook and look at girls.

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The best one is Tremfya.

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That was my nickname for hot pussy.
I love trim fire.

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She got that trim fire!

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But even they drugs is too strong.

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I told y'all three years ago,
Ozempic had Hollywood in a choke hold.

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I ain't lie.

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Y'all seen Oprah?
She got the body of a 12-year-old boy.

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She ain't never even been
a 12-year-old boy.

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That shit is strong.

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Gayle look like
she ain't had a bowel movement

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since she came back from space.

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Her and the wig look confused.

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Lil Rel say he didn't even take Ozempic,
he just heard about it.

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He went down to his baby weight.

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He's what? Nine pounds, six ounces?

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Nigga's built like a cricket now.

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How did you lose weight
in your head, knees…

201
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shoulders, and toes?

202
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,663
Shoulders and toes.

203
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Five years ago,
we talked about the side effect

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being worse than
the shit they were curing.

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This month, I heard this.

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The medication for eczema

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said the side effect

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is severe skin reactions.

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"Bitch, that's what the fuck
I came to you for!"

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"You took away my eczema
and gave me shingles?"

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"Bitch, I am still itching!"

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It's gonna get worse.

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I'm gonna say everything
I'm not supposed to say tonight.

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Just so you know.

215
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The world has changed.

216
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The world has motherfucking changed.
Used to be…

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Used to be you told a story,
people would be like, "Is that true?"

218
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,519
Now they don't give a fuck if it's true.

219
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:17,398
If it's, "Is it derogatory?"

220
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,819
Yes, bitch, it probably is derogatory.

221
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:23,529
But it's true, though.

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I just had to tell my people
what the fuck is really going on.

223
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:31,829
And we are living in a special time.
I mean a special fucking time.

224
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:35,249
Like, you can really do anything
right about now.

225
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:38,460
I don't give a fuck what's wrong with you.
You can fucking make it.

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00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,297
Like, even if you cross-eyed,

227
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you can make it.

228
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:47,094
Did you understand
that even if you cross-eyed?

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00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:52,308
Take that down
before I get a knock on my door.

230
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,357
That man is the director

231
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of the FBI.

232
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He can do that, you can do anything.

233
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:12,411
Cross-eyed and the director of the FBI?

234
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,664
You can't even be an eyewitness.

235
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:26,926
He working on everybody's case?

236
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,471
He can work on my case.
I'll be in front of the judge.

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00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:33,140
"Your Honor, he looks distracted."

238
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:39,730
I was talking about health.

239
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,067
The most important health

240
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is your motherfucking mental health.

241
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:50,157
How the fuck is you doing up here?
Make some noise if you doing good up here.

242
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,117
That's what the fuck matters.

243
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:55,829
You got to protect
your motherfucking mental health.

244
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,541
That shit is fragile.

245
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,543
Once it go, it's gone.

246
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,213
And they don't give a fuck who you are.

247
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,674
Once it go, it's gone.

248
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,969
You need your fucking mental health,

249
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:13,263
and I found out some shit
they did not tell us.

250
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:18,060
And I can't wait to tell y'all,
so y'all can treat yourself better.

251
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:22,856
Some of y'all be way too mean
to yourself in the fucking brain.

252
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:27,403
You say some really
fucked-up things to yourself.

253
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,863
This is what they found out.

254
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:34,451
They found out your brain
don't know when you bullshitting.

255
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,204
Let me say it again.

256
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:41,375
Your brain don't know
when you bullshitting.

257
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:44,670
So if you tell your brain, "I'm sick,"

258
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:47,506
your brain don't do no research at all.

259
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:50,342
It just say, "I guess we sick."

260
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:56,098
You got to be nicer
to your motherfucking self.

261
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,559
'Cause this shit go like that.

262
00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:00,853
And I found out
when it come to mental health,

263
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:04,690
I can't speak
on nobody's mental health but my own.

264
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:07,901
'Cause every time I done spoke
on somebody else's mental health,

265
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:11,613
I've been wrong, wrong, wrong.

266
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:15,743
I was the first person
in the streets screaming,

267
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:20,497
"Free Britney Spears!
Free Britney Spears!"

268
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:23,208
"Free Britney Spears!"

269
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:27,588
Then they freed Britney
and scared all of us.

270
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:33,093
That baby need a conservatorship.
Is she okay?

271
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,138
It could happen to anybody.

272
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:39,975
I fucked around and said
Wendy Williams was Bigfoot.

273
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:44,938
And they believed me
and left that bitch in the woods for real.

274
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:47,316
Go get her!

275
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,443
She out there, "How you doing?"

276
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:52,237
She is talking to a squirrel.

277
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,325
Mental health.

278
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,410
Don't play with it.

279
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,246
It even got Lil Nas X.

280
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:04,583
He went down the wrong old town road.

281
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:09,630
And he had all the distress signals
for a Black man.

282
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:12,466
He had on a cowboy hat,

283
00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,468
cowboy boots,

284
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:16,553
white underwear.

285
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,349
Look at my white friends. "So what?"

286
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:24,436
I'll tell you a Negro secret.

287
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:30,109
A nigga ain't wore tighty-whities
since slavery, bitch.

288
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,986
That is a cry for help!

289
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,864
We don't even know where you buy those.

290
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,536
He got them pulled all high
showing his whole vagina.

291
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,207
Stop it. Don't do that.

292
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,292
Don't encourage me.

293
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:52,339
I'm just saying don't forget
to love your motherfucking self.

294
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:57,928
Don't forget that.
Be nicer to your motherfucking self.

295
00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:01,974
That's why I'm always
so confident in all situations.

296
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:05,561
'Cause if I see a mirror,
I lie to the mirror.

297
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,730
Every time I see me I go,

298
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:12,067
"Nigga, did you get a growth spurt today?"

299
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:20,117
"You looking 5'11" today."

300
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:26,456
It's important what go on in your brain.

301
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,459
And I just hope for 19 of you…

302
00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:34,339
that you are just one change away

303
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:37,801
from your shit
shifting motherfucking gears.

304
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:39,469
And that's how quick it can happen.

305
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:43,932
Just one last change,
bam, you shift gears.

306
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:47,769
Yeah. And I don't give a fuck
what the change is. Just do it.

307
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,855
You might have to change your name.

308
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:55,736
You've been Shaquita for 33 years, bitch.
Shit is not working for you.

309
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,531
Go back to the drawing board.
Start at the A's.

310
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,117
You could be Amber, Amy, Abigail.

311
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:08,081
Sometimes it's just a name.
I'm gonna give you an example.

312
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:14,171
We got people from all different races,
colors, and creeds in the building.

313
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:17,424
Make some noise
if you know all the seasonings.

314
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:20,135
That means you know
all the herbs and spices

315
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:25,098
from oregano and thyme,
all the way to rosemary and saffron.

316
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:28,268
Make some noise if you know all the…

317
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,440
Look at my white friends. "We know them."

318
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:36,902
Okay.

319
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,279
Since we got everybody in here.

320
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:43,951
Has anybody ever seen
paprika growing in the wild?

321
00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:47,454
You ever seen wild paprika?

322
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,083
Nobody?

323
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,794
'Cause there ain't no paprika.

324
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:57,214
Look at the Black people. "What?"

325
00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:01,843
"Well, what the fuck we been putting
on deviled eggs then, nigga?"

326
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,221
"You can't just say this shit."

327
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,058
There is no paprika.

328
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:13,146
Ain't no paprika plant,
no paprika bush, no paprika tree.

329
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:19,361
Paprika is dried-up,
ground-up bell peppers.

330
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:25,158
Look at the white people.
"I don't even like bell peppers."

331
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,660
Yes, you do.

332
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:29,204
They just had to change the name.

333
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:33,583
Walked in bell peppers,
walked out Paprika Jenkins.

334
00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:38,380
Couldn't keep it on the shelf.

335
00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:40,424
She sounds exotic.

336
00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:44,|DJ<ט՜cɁ7IG[
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