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-Did it hurt her? -What?
No, she's not in pain. She never fusses.
She didn't even wake up when I changed her.
You know she's not in pain. You're the one who's hurting.
You're ashamed.
My little girl.
You're beautiful.
PAMPLONA, NOVEMBER 1973
Come with me when I give her a bath. Hold her. You'll get over it.
Look at her. See how beautiful she is?
I don't want her to end up like those women.
You don't know what their lives are like. You haven't seen them in 40 years.
What do you know about anyone's life?
But I know what hers will be like.
Because her home is here with me, her mother.
What are we going to do?
We'll do what the doctors told us. As soon as possible.
She'll never find out.
No one ever will.
She'll have a perfectly normal life.
And you'll stop this nonsense.
You'll love your daughter and be a real father.
-Can you do that? -I already love her.
I'll do whatever it takes.
Anything, sweetheart.
Your mother will always be with you.
Always.
MY DEAREST SEÑORITA
Hello, miss!
DE JUAN ANTIQUE SHOP
PAMPLONA, DECEMBER 1999
"Empty is our preaching. Empty too is your faith."
Meaning that if Christ didn't really rise from the dead,
the Church has no right to speak.
Is it a sin to clap for the pope, miss?
No, it's not a sin, but it's not a commandment either.
So can I clap when he's on TV? I find him fascinating.
Sure, you can clap, Javier, but you don't have to.
The commandments, though, are rules all Catholics must follow.
Thank you, miss. I was worried.
And with that, we're done for today.
Practice the Christmas carols. The concert's coming up.
Make sure you leave your desks neat.
New developments in the Rocío Wanninkhof case.
Sources close to the family have told this station
that the killer of the 19-year-old must have been someone they trusted.
They say it was the mother's friend. The stern-looking one with the short hair.
Grandma, people love to talk.
-Where did you hear that? -I'm not saying she did it.
But she's not doing herself any favors, going around with that sour look.
You can tell she's no lady.
Some people would say the same about me. That I don't look like a lady.
That family has enough tragedy going on to now think there's a killer nearby.
You're nothing like that woman. Come on. Don't be ridiculous.
You've got an honest face. The face of a good person.
Here we go again!
Fine. Lock up all the nasty, ugly, and unladylike women.
Till only the good ones--
Grandma!
Hold on, Grandma.
Adela, honey… What happened?
Grandma. Don't move. Help is on the way.
Look at that.
-It had to be you, huh, Adela? Look. -I'm sorry.
See that? You plowed into me.
-Sorry. -Don't just stare at me. Look!
-Look what you did. -Sorry, Begoña.
I was talking to my grandma. I got distracted.
-She's in the car? -Are you okay?
I'm calling my brother. You've got me all worked up.
Hello. There's been an accident.
On Duque de Ahumada and Cortes de Navarra.
An elderly lady's involved. Please hurry.
Hello.
Can you hear me? Are you okay?
-I'm fine. My grandma's in the car. -Don't worry. We're taking care of her.
-Let me take a look at you. -I said I'm fine! Please leave me alone.
Fine! But it's not our responsibility if anything happens to you. Understood?
Grandma, I'm going with the police. We'll follow you to the hospital.
-I'll meet you there. -Okay, dear.
Don't worry, Adelina. I'll go with her.
SWEET DAYS OF DISCIPLINE
-I didn't know you were back. -Since September.
I should've stopped by to say hello, but I've been really busy.
My father's putting me in charge, and I've got a lot to catch up on.
You're not going back to London?
I would've stayed, of course.
But I knew this would happen.
Knowing my father, I'd hoped he'd wait longer to retire.
Or just never retire.
But no.
-How was life there? Were you happy? -Yeah.
The city feels endless.
I don't mean to knock Pamplona or life here.
But the Pamplona you and I live in is pretty small.
We don't see more than ten streets and 100 people.
Then you get to London, and the world suddenly feels huge.
Then you have to come back.
Adelina, do what the doctor says. Take it slow when you're out walking.
-Okay. -Don't go alone either.
-There's my granddaughter. -She's so tall and good-looking.
Let's take you to her.
Where were you?
Hi. Did Grandma get here okay?
Where were you, Adela?
-I walked back. -You think that's okay?
Dad, we're fine.
I was stressed out. I wanted to get some air.
You never think anything's a big deal. You go get some air. Never mind us.
Your father's right.
The responsible thing would've been to come home and face the music.
I just went for a walk. I'm sorry.
I left you dinner. Just heat it up.
Let's leave it at that. What's done is done.
Every government delegation and state sector
will have an emergency committee, but we should stay calm about the Y2K bug.
Most importantly, we must not panic.
Hey. Can someone get the door?
Hi. I'm Isabel Goñi, the physical therapist.
I'm here to see Adelina Arrán.
-Yes. Come in. -Yeah?
Okay. Jeez, this is heavy. Feels like carrying a dead body.
-And you are? -Adela. Sorry.
Nice to meet you.
-Over there. -That way?
-Sorry to keep you waiting. -No worries.
Where should I put my coat?
-I'll hang it here. -Here?
-I'm Isabel. Nice to meet you. -Yes.
-This way. -I'll leave this here too.
Can you grab my backpack, hon?
Adelina, this is your physical therapist, Isabel.
Still in bed, Adelina?
As soon as I set up the table, you're getting up.
It's not good to stay in bed if you don't have to.
After the accident, I should be allowed to rest.
-I'm 88 years old. -Exactly.
If the doctor didn't tell you to rest, don't stay in bed.
The human body is lazy. It likes to stay still.
Now, get up. Hold on to me.
Up we go, Adelina.
On your side. Great.
No, I just don't feel much like it.
And all that food, it's almost disgusting.
Yeah. She started today. We'll see.
So that was a travel suit? I had no idea.
Back then, it wasn't so common for brides to wear white.
Besides, my grandfather had died a week earlier.
I was mourning, but elegant too.
-Of course. -In my travel suit.
Adelina, turn this way. Just like before.
Come on. Any pain?
-No. -No?
-No, it doesn't hurt. -Great.
You looked gorgeous. A real knockout.
All done.
Let's get your slippers.
-Want me to tell you how it went? -I'll get my mom. She'll want to know too.
-Okay. Come on. -Mom!
I feel great.
-Really? I'm glad. -You've got the touch, Isabel.
-All right. -All done?
Yes. She's doing well.
The tension is what you'd expect from the crash.
The sessions they prescribed should be enough.
But she should be more active.
Climb the stairs. That sort of thing.
She wants to put me in sweats and ship me off to Benidorm to dance.
Like an old lady from Madrid.
-Thank you. We'll try to get her moving. -Great.
I'll move when I feel like it. I'd like to see you make me.
Are you okay, hon?
-Yeah. -You were driving, right?
-Did you have that checked? -No. But it was just a reflex.
A reflex from pain.
Let me see.
No, really. I'm fine.
Yeah, sure. Freaking awesome.
Should I take a quick look?
Let her. Do it for me.
Your mother and I will step out. Let's go, Cruz.
Come on.
Unbutton your cardigan.
Sit with your legs out and uncover your upper back.
-This side, right? -Yes.
Let me see.
Lower it a bit more. Undo one more button.
That's it.
Okay.
I'll go slowly. Tell me if it hurts and how much.
Look that way.
Is that okay?
-It's tight, but it doesn't hurt. -Good.
What's wrong?
Here. Did I hurt you?
Are you all right?
That lost stare into nothing
Looking for the same thing as you
To learn something in life
To understand love
To discover what the world is like
To understand
To learn something in life
To understand love completely
A dream come true
Come in.
I wanted to say goodbye. I have to go to work.
What? Hold on. Sorry. I can't hear you.
I love Mónica Naranjo. I get totally lost in it.
-What was that? -Bye. I'm heading out.
Stay for five minutes and have a beer with me.
Another time. I haven't eaten yet.
This has plenty of carbs.
-Counts as a full meal. -All right. Thanks. Just one.
Cheers.
That's good.
-How are you doing? -Good.
-I heard about the accident. -Oh, it was nothing.
You hit Begoña, right? The youngest Gómez-Arellano.
Yeah. She flew into a fury.
What an idiot.
Luckily, her brother showed up and handled it.
-The one who was in London? -Yeah. Santi.
He's really nice.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Got any plans for the holidays?
You know what people call me here?
-Yeah. -You do?
The Horse.
These assholes aren't exactly discreet.
The other day I found out that people call me Mother José María.
-What? -How about that?
I can't believe it.
There you have it.
It's like we're living in the 16th century,
surrounded by people terrified of tall women and effeminate men.
I have to forgive them. It's my job. But you don't.
-Not everyone is like that. -Really?
There are people in Pamplona who might surprise you in a good way.
Well, you'll have to point them out to Mother José María.
I promise. Another day.
I have to go.
So mysterious. You go, girl.
You've got style, miss.
Thanks for the beer.
Mr. Gómez-Arellano will be out next week.
Call back, and we'll set something up. Have a nice day.
-Mamen, the forms I asked for, please. -Sure.
Adela, what are you doing here? Good to see you.
I've been earning a salary at my father's antique shop for four years.
I've barely spent any of it.
-I'd like to do something with it. -Great.
It's silly to have money just sitting in the bank.
How much are we talking about?
-About six million pesetas. -That's fantastic.
Have you thought about real estate?
-A down payment on an apartment? -No, not really.
All right.
Preferred risk level?
-The bare minimum. -All right.
Then I'd go with government bonds.
Low return, but very safe.
-What do you think? -Whatever you say.
Good. We'll draw up the paperwork. You can come back and sign.
That's all you need to do. Leave the rest to me.
Hi. Sorry. I didn't know you were here. I need a glass of water.
Sure. Come in.
I'll get it.
Thanks.
Want coffee? I was just about to make some.
Sure. I've got a long morning ahead of me.
Adela, I'm really sorry about the other day.
I made you uncomfortable. That wasn't my intention. Sorry.
I don't handle physical contact well. And… I'm sorry for how I reacted too.
No, it's me. I get carried away, and I suck at boundaries.
You were trying to help. It just went wrong.
Yeah. But if you want me to check if everything's fine,
just tell me, okay?
We'll find a way that you're comfortable with.
I'm bad with boundaries, but I'm good at my job.
And I hate pain. Mine and everyone else's.
-I'll think about it. Promise. -Okay.
Adela, you should get ready and go downstairs with your father.
Are you done with my mother-in-law for today?
I'm done. I'll grab my things.
MERRY CHRISTMAS 1999
All right.
This arm's all set.
-I'm heading out, hon. -I heard you coming down the hall.
Yeah, I'm as loud as a garbage truck with this thing.
So… do you know where the Casablanca video rental is?
Almost there. I'll put this in the car.
Oh, Show Me Love.
This movie's so sweet.
It's like if Fassbinder directed a Disney movie,
but with lesbians.
-I haven't seen it. When's it from? -Last year.
It would've saved me so much drama in the '90s.
So what are we looking for?
Dreyer's Joan of Arc. A silent film. The poster's black and white.
She's got short hair, and she's wearing a wicker crown and crying.
Really beautiful.
-Maria Falconetti. -Maria Falconetti.
Yeah. That's it. I couldn't remember.
What a film. I love it.
It's perfect. It's more than a movie. It's a prayer.
Totally. Yeah.
It's the way she looks at you. Those eyes.
You spend the movie wanting to ask for her forgiveness.
It gives me goosebumps.
Everyone was making blockbusters, and Dreyer did the exact opposite.
-It's so spiritual, so… -Yeah.
-Theatrical! -Theatrical!
That's exactly it.
I'd love it if you came to see me at the theater.
-You do theater? -Yeah. I'm an actress.
Physical therapy is how I pay the bills. Unfortunately, I'm great at it.
We all have our antique shop, hon.
So, where's the play?
This Thursday night in the theater in the old part of town.
We're doing a version of Joan of Arc.
-I'll be there. -Don't expect anything amazing.
We're just a group of friends, and I'm no Falconetti.
I hope not. At least you talk.
That I do.
Well, it's getting late. I should go.
-Okay. -Can you get back to your car?
Yeah, hon. Don't worry.
It's a real shame.
The best way to roast a piglet is whole or split in half.
You know I don't like seeing its face.
-Fine. In pieces, then. Here you go. -It's better that way.
-How much? -1,500 pesetas.
-Here. -Thanks.
Bye. Happy holidays.
-Same to you. -Great. Let's go home.
Who's next?
-Mom. -What?
I need to see a doctor.
-Are you okay? -Yeah.
Because of the accident? I'll call Luis as soon as we get home.
I'll go with you.
No, I'm fine. I just need a checkup.
Actually, I want a checkup. Just not with Dr. Etxeberría.
Adela, he's known you since you were born. He knows the whole family.
Mom, I want to see a gynecologist.
-See you later. -See you.
Did something happen?
No, nothing.
It's just that I'm 26, and I've never gone.
Exactly. I don't see why you have to, sweetheart.
At your age, unless you're having issues, you don't need checkups.
Mom, I'm asking because I want you to come with me.
But I can go alone.
You don't need to put it like that. I know you're old enough.
Mom, I've taken estrogen since I was 15, and all I know is I need it.
-And you do. Because of your condition. -But what is my condition?
I can't have kids, I don't get periods, and I need estrogen.
-Why is that? -Adela, it's nothing.
We'll talk tomorrow after dinner.
Go easy on the chevon, Mom. I know you.
Come in.
Let your sister keep an eye on you. Bye. Love you.
José.
Before you became a priest, did you ever fall in love?
Careful with the bowl. You'll spill it.
All right.
Pour it in.
This is great.
Try it.
Amazing. The potatoes are perfect.
We'll let it sit. Come with me. I want to tell you something.
Look.
What's this?
Wait.
Here.
Well, well!
What's this, now?
-What's this? -A scandal.
A scandal of a man!
If you're crazy, call me, and if not…
What can you do?!
His name was… Alonso.
What happened to him?
AIDS. Like everyone else.
He was your…? Were you…?
Yes. He was the love of my life.
I'm so sorry.
Okay…
What about you?
I'm seeing Santiago Gómez-Arellano tomorrow.
That's great, but… you're not here just because of him.
You told me there were some surprising people here.
-Who? -My grandmother's physical therapist.
I don't get it.
I'm supposed to meet up with her in a bit.
-Have you read Henry and June? -No. Who's it by?
Anaïs Nin. A nymph who wrote like a demon.
She fucked half of Montparnasse between the wars.
She's wonderful. I love her. And you will too. Look. Read this.
"It is beautiful to love and to be free at the same time."
But I'm not a Frenchwoman in 1930s Montparnasse.
I'm a catechism teacher from Pamplona.
Read this book, catechism teacher from Pamplona.
Then we'll talk.
When I was 13, I heard the voice of God to help and guide me.
That voice came around noon.
In the summer.
In my father's garden.
Never again did I walk alone.
Or helpless.
I shall fear nothing from the judgment of men.
And with God, I accept this fire I carry inside and die.
Keep my ashes.
My heart already hears the angels' voices.
Oh my God, hon! You came!
-I can't believe it! Did you like it? -Yeah.
-You didn't. -I did.
-You didn't like it. -I loved it!
Really?
Come on. Of course she did.
She's telling you she did. Want to grab a beer?
I'm Ane, by the way.
I'm Adela. Nice to meet you.
-We know who you are. -Hey, so drinks, then? You coming?
-Here. -One more, then I'm heading home.
Come on.
Where are you from?
One, two, three!
Like it?
And the knucklehead asks,
"Is it real blood, miss? Do we have to drink it?"
So I say, "How could it be real blood, Javier?"
"Don't be ridiculous."
I mean, I didn't say that.
I explained transubstantiation, but he was crying.
-I don't know the lyrics! -What?
-I don't know the lyrics! -What lyrics?
Want to go inside?
-Wait here. -Okay.
Come.
It's an anonymous piece. Early 20th century.
In the style of the Guido Reni school.
It's beautiful.
Notice the clean parts? Almost the entire face.
What's that? The real one?
Yeah. They bring them here to be restored.
-What? -It's tradition.
-Careful. They're fragile. -Okay.
Careful.
Isabel, come on.
Isabel…
Isabel, come on. Stop.
Looking for trouble, girl?
Enough. Take it off.
Incredible.
What?
I think Lucía got lipstick on you when she said goodbye.
It looks good on you.
Oh! That scared me.
That scared me.
-Hello? -Adela?
Why are you there this late? Are you all right?
Yeah, don't worry, Dad. I wanted to get ahead on work.
Jesús the taxi driver passed by and saw it was open.
-He called me. -I'll head out.
-No. Wait. -What?
-Thank you. -What did you say, Adela?
Honey? Are you there? Come home.
Adela, it's 12:15 p.m. You hear me?
Santiago's out there with your father. He says he's picking you up.
Now we've got a buzz going,
I'll show you something that'll make your day.
No! Where did you get this?
The cover art is mine.
Amazing, right?
Look, the 1988 pilgrimage.
Oh, look. There's Fran.
The one with the canteen is Maite.
This one…
-Him? -What was his name?
-Eusebio. Sebi. -Sebi! That's right.
Wow.
-Good times. -Yeah.
You know what I remember most?
You, at night,
standing at the shelter door with a hot cup of something.
Chamomile. I still drink it. My grandma got me hooked.
I watched you.
You seemed 20 years older than the rest of us.
I was…
What?
I was crazy about you.
It would've really helped me if you'd told me.
I was an idiot, Adela. Like everyone else.
No, Santi.
You had status.
Oh no. Run.
Hurry. This way.
Adela, I'm crazy about you.
I don't know if I'm hurting you or if you're okay with it.
I don't know anything.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
-Merry Christmas, Adela! -Merry Christmas, Adela!
Merry Christmas.
The meat just falls off the bone.
They always give me a good one.
-It's true. It's delicious. -Excellent.
Let's see how Midnight Mass goes tonight. It's this priest's first one.
He'll drop the hosts with that limp wrist.
I don't know how he ended up here.
-What a nice gift from the bishop. -Yeah.
Darling, it was a joke.
I didn't find it funny.
Let me do it.
You dry them.
Adela, I know we've both been anxious lately.
But I'm scared something might happen to you.
I'm worried sick.
-There. -Mom. I need to go to the gynecologist.
Again with this?
Leave it. I've got it.
Do whatever you want.
"When my spirit is faint within me, you know my path."
"I look to my right hand to see there is no one to acknowledge me."
"My escape has perished."
"No one cares for me."
"I cry out to you, Lord."
"Rescue me from my pursuers, for they are too strong for me."
HENRY AND JUNE
1 NEW MESSAGE
Merry Christmas, hon.
On New Year's Eve, we're going back to that bar. In costume.
Want to come? I'd like to see you.
Isa.
Good morning. In a few hours, we'll say goodbye to 1999.
Tonight we'll see what happens with the much-discussed Y2K bug
in the first few minutes of the new millennium.
Shit.
-Hello. -Adela, it's José.
Let's meet up.
Come with me.
Where are we going? I need to be home for dinner.
Just come.
You're already drunk, and it's not even midnight.
When I'm really lonely, I come sit here and watch them.
I never go in, of course, but… well, it makes me happy.
I feel like I'm introducing you to my family.
They seem happy.
They are right now. I promise you.
Arriving at a place you feel is your own, your home,
and being there with your people, there's nothing like it.
So?
Santiago kissed me.
I really liked it.
A lot.
But the moment I closed my eyes,
the only face I saw was hers.
-The bubbly masseuse, right? -Yeah. Isabel.
With Santiago,
I feel pretty.
But with Isabel, I feel free.
I've never felt free.
I'd managed to make myself invisible, José.
To be completely alone. I didn't care.
My body, my infertility, the meds…
All the things I don't know about myself.
And now… I want to live! I want to be touched.
Touched a lot. Do you understand?
Just thinking about taking ownership of my life makes me feel sick.
Adela, sweetie, life is passion.
From Christ to Mónica Naranjo.
When you repress passion, you repress life itself.
And that feeling turns into resentment.
Don't be resentful for the rest of your life.
-I already am! -Then let it go.
Now. Tomorrow. Not later.
The fear you feel right now isn't enough. You need to feel more fear.
More desire. More of everything.
Look, when… Alonso died…
all I had left was a wild darkness.
And I was terrified.
But everything I experienced with him, everything before I met him,
the risks I took, the sins that made me so happy,
it wrapped around me like a blanket.
It comforted me.
When I hit rock bottom, God appeared out of my excesses.
And he filled everything. Everything.
It was like…
fucking every man in my life at once.
I won't lie to you. I still miss Alonso.
I'm not immune to sadness, but I'm never alone now.
In church, I serve him, but when I look at the door of that bar,
I see him.
Happy New Year, babe!
But I don't have a life that comforts me.
-I don't have a blanket. -Then go find it. Find it. Make mistakes.
Get messy.
You already know what you have to do. Do it. Disappoint someone.
Hell, disappoint all of us.
Leave us high and dry. Do something brutal, unexpected.
Do it, sweetheart.
Do it.
Happy New Year, Father.
Happy New Year, child.
Hey!
Adela!
Come here!
-Shots! -Come on!
Hey.
What?
Adela!
Wait! Adela, wait!
Adela!
Adela, wait!
Wait, please. What's wrong?
-I want to go. -Okay, but listen.
What you saw didn't mean anything. It wasn't…
I really wanted to see you, hon.
It's my fault, Isabel. It's okay. Let me go.
Happy New Year!
Happy 2000, everyone!
Hi, dear.
-Can I come in? -Of course, Grandma.
Look, this is my aunt Marga and my older sister Ernestina.
May she rest in peace.
They called them "macho girls."
Neither of them could have children or got their periods.
But they were tall, solid women.
-Like me. -Yes. Like you.
-My mother never told me. -Your mother adores you.
But she's been terrified since the day you were born.
She does the best she can with what she was taught.
Like me. Like all of us.
Were they happy?
They were a bit of everything.
We didn't make it easy for them. They didn't marry.
But they did inherit money, and they didn't have to share their homes.
Which isn't bad.
Or their beds.
You're so smart, Grandma.
Not smart enough.
I understand them now, thanks to you.
But I'm too late.
Next time someone calls you "Horse,"
remember you come from a family of mares.
It's hard to see, but if you look at the mucosae,
you can see the scar.
I wouldn't have noticed, Ángel. It looks fantastic.
We're done, Adela. You can get up now.
Let me know if you need anything, Carlos.
Thanks for everything, Ángel.
-Bye. -I'll keep you posted.
Get dressed. I'll be waiting in my office.
You need to close it to get them out.
All right, Adela.
I'll try to make this as clear as possible.
The reason you don't get periods and can't get pregnant
is you have no uterus.
You were born without one. And without ovaries too.
You had internal gonads instead.
Internal gonads.
Testicles.
Yes, but undescended ones.
In baby boys, the testes descend late in pregnancy.
But wait a second, Doctor. You said baby boys.
-What are you talking about? -Listen. I'm not saying you are male.
You have a vagina. It's short, but you do have one.
During the exam, we confirmed
that you were probably born with an enlarged clitoris
and had surgery to make your genitals appear more normal.
They did a fantastic job.
Is that how it's always done?
Almost always.
Your doctors must have spoken to your parents and made a decision.
It's the usual procedure in some intersex cases.
-Intersex. -Yes.
Adela, it's much more common than you'd think.
And those internal gonads…
-Are they still there? -No.
They were likely removed during adolescence.
That's usually done to prevent tumors or other problems.
I had surgery when I was 14.
They told me it was a hernia.
You may well have had one.
And they removed them at the same time.
But that's castration.
That's a strong word, Adela.
They should've told you the truth,
and clearly, your doctor didn't do an exhaustive follow-up,
but… I wouldn't call it that.
But that's what it is.
So what do I do now?
The best thing is to forget about it and go on with your life.
If you want, we can do checkups here.
If I stop taking estradiol, what could happen?
I wouldn't recommend it. Your body needs hormones.
So what would I have been like without the surgeries and treatment?
What would the real me have been like?
Adela, no.
No.
I am your home.
JUNE 2000
"I think it's time for a phone call."
"I hope you're still doing well and already running the bar."
"I miss you so much. José."
"PS, I have troubling dreams."
"I'm in a strange dimension,
surrounded by flames made to burn with pleasure."
"An angel appears, or an archangel, I don't know."
The Wanninkhof case is known locally as the "killer godmother" case
and it has sparked outrage among the neighbors.
As María Dolores was being transported,
Fuengirola's Civil Guard and National Police
had to make an effort to keep her from being lynched.
They keep lying. That poor woman will end up in jail.
They're out to get her.
The girl's mother bad-mouths her every chance she gets.
The mother's losing it.
And she's resentful.
A broken heart bites harder than a hound.
What do you say, kid?
Whenever there's a lynch mob,
there's an innocent person they're targeting for some other reason.
-Write that down, Isidoro. -I've been writing down orders all day.
-Anything else, Patricia? -No, sweetie, thanks.
-What do I owe you? -Two tapas and a Coke? 550 pesetas.
A. D., come here a second.
See you later, guys.
Come on, I don't know how else to ask you for your ID.
If I get inspected, I'm screwed. I won't say it again.
Bring it tomorrow. If you don't, I'll find someone else.
Sorry.
-Patricia, you need some help? -Don't worry. Going up is easier.
I'll give it to you. You have to pee.
And tell Antonio to wash his family jewels more often.
Okay. Thanks.
You can really see the effects of the testosterone.
Two boxes.
Here you go. Two.
-Still no prescription? -Afraid not.
I won't leave you without your meds, okay?
But it's important you get a prescription from a doctor.
There you go. It shows right away.
I've had some porn star lumberjacks in here.
You wouldn't believe how they started out. Give it two months. You'll see.
-Bye. -Bye.
Hello.
And I was waiting here.
You have no shame.
You're unbelievable. You'll be the death of me.
-Where are you going? -You coming?
Where are you going?
Hello?
Adela, honey. Is that you?
Are you okay?
Talk to me, please.
Hi.
Hey. You okay?
Yeah. I'm going to bed.
Hey, A. D., we need to talk. Can you come here?
Can we do this another time? I'm exhausted.
Look, A. D., we've tried.
We're all different, and you have your issues,
but Ángela and I don't see us living with you like this.
We don't know how to approach you.
Sorry, but maybe this isn't the place for you.
If we've upset you, tell us, but this situation sucks.
I can't live like this.
Jesus Christ. Is that what this is about?
You seriously didn't talk to us for six months because of this?
I can't believe you.
I'm sorry.
"I'm sorry," A. D.?
What, do you think my real name is Gato? Cat?
That my mom has eight tits and meows?
-No. -So who did you think we were?
You've seen me come up here with guys, girls, guys and girls…
-Whoever he can get. -And her?
She doesn't even know who the father is.
No. It's one of three guys.
Two from my hometown and a German hippie who lived in a cave.
-I'll leave it at that. -Let's hope it's not me.
A. D., honey, we knew.
Well, we guessed. And we don't care. In fact, that's why we took you in.
You're perfect for this little whorehouse.
Right, darling?
And he's got books at home that the Church will freak out about.
Is he really a priest? With that voice?
-He's gorgeous too. -I love it.
I can't believe you worked at an antique shop.
But now looking at you, it all makes sense.
It kind of bugs me that you're so interesting.
-Well… -Done?
How about you?
What's your real name, Gato?
We're not that close yet.
I'm from Tacoronte, Tenerife.
Excuse you, Your Lordship.
I work from home, stuffing envelopes, assembling pens, whatever I can.
-And your family? -Like yours, basically.
I love them. They're good people. I can go back anytime.
But I'd have to give up parts of myself.
And yours?
My father's a carpenter. As fascist as they come.
My mother's a beautiful, brilliant woman
who made the mistake of marrying an animal.
I talk to her every week. Not him.
Don't you restore art?
Hold it gently. Like a brush.
Breathe in like you just dodged a commitment.
That's it.
All right. Let's take a photo.
Gorgeous.
Your first joint.
Guys, with all the drama at home, I forgot to tell you something.
I lost my job today, and I've only got two months' rent.
Uncertainty's all we know, babe.
Two months is an eternity. Something will come up.
For sure.
-Come on in. -Let's go.
Good.
No, honey.
Tonight's the first chapter in our quest to make up for lost time.
You're coming with me.
Something fleeting, slightly artificial
My golden girls.
Like an electric flash
That could kill you…
Alana!
What's up?
You look fabulous. It's been forever. Hi.
-See you later. I'm giving him the tour. -Okay.
Yogurina, so many boobs.
It even tastes like milk. Hi.
That could kill you…
Roberta!
My love.
She's a nymphomaniac. The best.
La Prohibida.
That's enough. Thank you.
Let's say hi. Don't worry. She's a friend.
Prohibida!
-Hi. -Hi!
Who's this queer?
My name's A. D.
-Ade? -A. D.
Oh. "Ad," like an advertisement.
Honey, if you wanna sell, you better run Ad.
Want anything? A fried egg?
We're good, babe.
-See you later? -Yeah, sure.
She'll literally fry you an egg.
Want a drink?
Cris.
-Hi there, Gato! -Hey, princess.
-How you doing? -Good. You?
-What can I get you? -Two vodkas with lemon soda.
Another new queer?
How's it going? I'm Cristi.
-Welcome to the madhouse. -Make it strong. Don't be cheap.
Kitty, I’ve spoiled you rotten.
Thanks. You're the best.
Give me that smoke, and we're even. I'm beat.
-Okay. -Go have fun.
I don't have four hands!
Just the two. Or I wouldn't be here.
Both of them called me queer. Both.
Lick.
"Queer" is the only word in the language
that is singular, plural, masculine, feminine, neutral…
"Queer" is a dream.
-I don't think that's how it works. -You don't?
Shut up, queer! I'll tell you something wild!
See?
I'm not talking to you, egomaniacs.
My song. Shall we dance?
Coming through! This song!
You
What you have to do is
Get ready and go out
With modern people
And dance at a disco
You should have
Your school diploma…
Here, you don't have to please anyone.
Shall we dance?
If you want to get somewhere
What you have to do
Is wear your coat inside out
And what you have to do
Is sign up for an English course
What you have to do What you have to do
What we have to do
Is have a style of our own
Not give up on doing things
For fear of what others may say about us
And finally strengthen our friendship
Let's see…
Do you know who I mean?
I was telling you about Pollock's synthetic resin. You know?
I'm all mixed up. You're like an encyclopedia.
Welcome home.
-Good night. -It's so late.
Come here. Don't sleep alone.
What?
Don't sleep alone. Come.
Ramón Vicente.
Gato. That's his real name.
-Who is it? -It's Patricia, kid.
-Come down. -Patricia.
Why are you here? Who gave you my address?
Isidoro. Be glad it's me here, not him. He's pissed off.
If he sent you, tell him I'm sorry or whatever,
but I'm not going back.
Hey, relax, altar boy. Screw Isidoro.
I came to see you.
Okay. Thanks.
My life is pretty complicated.
I need to think. And I need to sleep to do that.
What you need is a job and an ID.
Hold this.
Where are you going?
I can't help you with the ID, but I can with work.
Now, you're a fucking terrible waiter.
But I've seen how you move. You've got grace, manners.
Hotel or high-end store?
-My father's antique shop. -See? Perfect.
I need someone like you.
I'll pay you 25,000 pesetas more a month than Isidoro. So?
What's the job?
One at this adorable bank branch.
Last night's drinking fried your brain.
I didn't mean to be rude, Patricia.
I'm a whore, A. D. There's no shame in it.
You can say it out loud.
Okay, but I'm not sleeping with anyone for money.
-And stop, please. I've got your bag. -Who you sleep with and why is up to you.
I need you for two things.
One, to man the front desk. It's not what you're thinking.
Two, to be my personal assistant.
Why are you helping me, Patricia?
Because you were the only one who helped me down the steps.
Taxi! Come on. Let's go.
You start now. We're heading to the clinic.
Wait, Patricia. I smell. I need coffee and a shower.
No time. You're fine.
You look like a Pasolini gigolo. Let's go.
You won't have a problem giving me your ID for paperwork, right?
-Okay? -Okay.
Thanks.
Here we are.
Good morning, Patricia. How are you?
-Morning. -Hi, Patricia.
-You'll be called soon, okay? -Thanks.
You left me so relaxed.
-That's the idea. -My own snoring woke me up.
There you are.
I'll get a cab. I'll wait outside.
How's it going? You were up early.
I got a job.
Already?
Damn.
Nice. Where?
With one of the regulars from the bar.
We'll need it. Amadeo's raising the rent.
Forty thousand pesetas. Son of a bitch.
Ángela's screwed. So am I.
Hey, I gotta go.
I've got work.
Can you change his diaper when he burps? Smells suspicious.
It's all in Ángela's room. Lower closet.
Just go in.
You okay?
Yeah.
Before you open the door, check the appointment details.
Who the client is, who's seeing them,
which room, and what they need.
You take their coats and anything they're carrying
and put it in the closet across from the counter.
This is where you'll work.
Most of the time, clients call to request our services.
Ask them for their name once and never say it out loud. Okay?
-Do I ask what they want or-- -No. Never ask.
The first time's always with me. It's the most important.
They tell me what they're looking for, what direction they want to go in.
If they don't know, I guide them.
This is the Versailles Room.
Madame Vega works here.
Come on.
This is the Medical Room.
Madame Altair works here.
And this is used…?
This is very important, A. D. Never judge the people who come here.
It takes courage to face your desires and trust someone else with them.
That's sacred.
This is where I work. The Dungeon.
A. D., one thing you need to remember.
From the moment you walk in until you leave,
address me as Mistress Feli or Madame Feli.
Understood.
Here's the changing room. Knock before you go in.
The other day he made me wear the pig mask.
-That was our Fernando, right? -Yeah.
Girls.
-How are you, cutie? -Good.
I like him a lot, Mistress.
Nice to meet you, A. D.
I'm "enchantée" too.
A. D., clients change in the rooms.
You prep everything and bring it in before they arrive.
Your uniform's there. You've got two.
We start in an hour. If you have any questions, ask.
He doesn't understand.
You girls go ahead, okay? I'll see you tomorrow.
-Bye. -See you tomorrow, Isa.
Looks like it's my destiny to work with all the older women in your life.
If Patricia heard you call her old, you'd be in so much trouble.
I'm heading that way.
How long have you been in Madrid?
My temp job ended one month after you disappeared.
How are you doing?
Hon, I don't know if I can do this right now.
The small talk between acquaintances who run into each other…
I don't know if I want to explain what I'm doing here.
I get it. I don't know what to say. Sorry.
Is this why you left?
I'm not judging. Really.
But seeing you like this all of a sudden… Wow.
I'd imagined running into you a thousand times.
But this scenario? It never crossed my mind.
Sure.
Why did you come?
I ran away once, and I didn't want to do it again.
Can I give you my number?
I already have it.
It's a different one.
Then yeah, I want it.
Go ahead.
-655. -Okay.
34-72-85.
-How should I save it? -A. D. works.
You didn't overthink that one.
-Good night, A. D. -Good night.
-You're good at that. -My grandma's diabetic.
How were your first few days?
Good. I'm getting the hang of it.
Yeah. You're doing great. I'm glad to have you here.
Thank you, Mistress.
After hours, call me Patricia.
Want to have dinner at my place? I made a great ajoblanco.
No, thanks, Patricia.
Suit yourself, kid. I'll be right out.
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF ALICE B. TOKLAS
Hello.
I just walked out in the middle of a play I couldn't bear to sit through.
-It was that bad? -No, it was amazing.
That's the problem. I couldn't stand it.
-Are you still there? -Yeah, I'm here.
I can't stop thinking about you.
Same here. It's driving me fucking nuts.
Because I've spent months obsessing over
what happened the last time I saw you in Pamplona.
I'd never felt that before, Isabel.
I didn't know what to do.
I still don't.
Yeah, hon, but I'm going crazy, because… I don't know who you are anymore.
I mean, it's you, but…
I fell in love. I'll just fucking tell you.
I fell for Miss Prim, the Victorian catechism teacher. And now…
I don't know… You're this weird Calvin Klein model.
I don't know what to say.
Look, I'm not going to bed.
And you sound wide awake to me.
Want to meet up?
Here. Want some? I just bought it.
So, what play was it?
A new version of The Maids.
With incredible actresses.
Have you tried acting here?
No, but I'd be up for it.
That's why I came here. To act. Not to give massages.
But this city's been chewing me up for four months.
I loved watching you perform.
Be serious, Adela.
I mean, A. D. Sorry.
You were just fucking high on oxytocin.
Don't say that. I meant it.
I saw your face when you looked at that painting,
the one you showed me, and you said the painter's name…
-What was it? -Guido Reni.
Right, Guido Reni. I'd never even heard of him.
I mean, I've seen your face when something amazes you.
You don't know what it's like to watch women who were born to act
and compare yourself to them.
Damn them. The way they speak with authority.
And with a kind of levity at the same time.
They suddenly transform.
They're irresistible.
I hear myself say the same words, with the same intonation,
full of emotion, and I feel ugly.
I don't know how else to explain it, but I feel ugly and ashamed.
-It's not bad on this side. -Right.
No, I mean,
the best moments of my life have come from the beauty created by other people.
And I know what it's like to be the ugly one in a group.
Not to feel it. To be it. To be told you are.
People have no fucking idea.
Exactly.
You know I went to see your priest friend?
Really?
When you disappeared.
You only mentioned him once. Girl, you were drunk.
I mean "dude." Sorry.
But it was obvious he mattered to you.
How'd it go?
He was charming.
He helped me understand you.
He writes letters to me. He knows we met up again.
He didn't mention it.
He's waiting for you to tell him. He totally respects you.
Oh God.
I love this place.
I come here a lot. I say hi to the cruising crowd.
"Last Saturday I dreamt of you."
"We had a band, but we didn't sing, and we got caught."
"I miss you randomly showing up in tears and asking for advice."
"You made me feel like Confucius."
"Love you."
"PS, 'Had I not created my whole world,
I would certainly have died in other people's.'"
"Our Anaïs."
It took me an hour and a half.
Good thing he fell asleep. I almost peed myself.
You got home late last night.
Work.
Can you paint this hand? I can't.
Must be Gato.
He'll wake the baby. Can you get it?
-Are you drunk? -You're here. I knew it.
-Amadeo, what's this? -We need to talk.
That's why we have a buzzer and a phone. To talk to people. You can't do this.
Well, nothing to hide, nothing to fear. This is still my place.
No. It's your property, not your place.
That's what we pay you for.
Listen, kids. I have no choice but to raise your rent.
The way things are, I have to.
And then there's the baby. That's why I'm here.
What baby?
-My son? -Yeah, your son.
Ángeles, some neighbors complained.
There are elderly people here. I'd rather there be no children.
Which neighbors?
I call out the sin, not the sinner.
Ángela. My name is Ángela. Án-ge-la.
I've had it with your proverbs.
Let's go door to door. Let's see who complained about a baby.
-For God's sake, calm down. -No.
-I won't calm down. -Don't do this.
Can't you hear him? He's bawling.
He sounds like a dying animal!
-What's wrong? -Does my baby bother you?
No, how could he?
This man says he bothers the neighbors.
Not him, but you can hear the baby from the sixth floor.
And there are other problems. The rent. Everything.
Call us and tell us about it. We can talk it out.
So you want my baby to be homeless?
I can't talk to you. It's always the same.
-What's going on? -He's raising our rent.
-You look upset, Amadeo. -He says the baby bothers the neighbors.
Listen to that tantrum. You can hear it up and down the stairwell.
Sorry, Amadeo. I don't hear anything. Wait.
What? Don't mess with me.
No. No crying baby.
I'm sorry.
Come on. Inside.
We'll talk another day, Amadeo.
Always a pleasure.
Where the fuck are we going to get the money?
You have a month to pay me, dammit!
What a complete bastard.
Hey, kid. Come here.
Help me with my boot.
What a relief.
They're in rough shape.
-Let me give you a massage. -Okay.
Keep going. That's good.
You can't keep doing this, Feli. Besides, I'm getting clumsier.
Don't stop.
It hurts, but it feels good.
I'm lucky to have the girls.
-They're lucky to have you. -Yeah.
I'm glad to know I'll be able to keep this place running.
Maybe next year I'll hang up my boots.
Slowing down would do you good.
There's plenty of work here. You'll be fine.
What do you want to do?
Me? I'm fine here. I like it.
You're smart and talented. You won't stay here forever.
It works for now, for all of us, but I'm asking what you want.
I don't know, Patricia.
-Know what I noticed about the bustier? -What?
It smelled like you.
Not your cheap hand cream. Your scent.
I put it on while I was sewing it, to take--
Don't worry. I'm not judging.
You're one of us. Part of Madame Feline's house.
Just return it clean. Wear whatever you want.
Come here. Sit.
What do you want? What do you want me to say?
Tell me how you decided to be yourself. To take hormones.
-What's this about? -I'm asking you.
It wasn't long ago. After I left my parents'.
You'd thought about it before, right? There's no right answer. I'm just curious.
I don't know, Patricia.
They operated on me without my consent. More for them than for me.
I understand.
You took control of your own life. That makes sense.
Sometimes you have to rebel and say, "Screw everyone."
What they did to me can't be undone.
People can be very cruel when they feel insecure.
That's how the world works.
What's considered normal are the excuses chickenshit people make to feel safe.
They even make laws.
Come, help me up.
-Are you sure? -Yeah. Get my crutch.
Let's go to the mirror.
Know how I knew I was a woman?
-No. -The answer isn't there.
Or in this bullshit.
These don't make me a woman.
Or this.
This says nothing about me.
I'm a woman because something in my gut screams it.
Everything I say, I do, I feel…
Everything that hurts me and makes me happy
screams from in here.
From in here, A. D.
If I ignored it, it'd kill me.
I'd rot from the inside.
You can't outrun your gut, A. D.
You can't.
What's yours screaming?
Nothing.
I'm quiet inside.
I just feel anger.
You had some balls to do what you did.
But you're still obeying. You just don't see it.
Hate flattens everything in a grotesque way.
You and I are hated in similar ways.
But we're not the same, darling.
Come. Come with me.
-You okay? -Yeah.
Sorry. Okay.
"I'll try to fix things."
"Trust me."
"Ángela, you have to sub for me at work for one day."
"Be at 118 Paseo del Pintor Rosales, apartment 1A at noon."
"Tell Patricia I sent you."
"I love you. A."
Good afternoon.
-I could just eat him up. Can I? -No.
Hi, cutie pie.
Come in. Appointment?
No, A. D. sent me.
I'm looking for Patricia.
-Okay. One second. -Sure.
He left a letter saying he'd take care of the money
and telling me to come here.
It's just for today, apparently.
Jesus Christ, this kid.
Always so mysterious.
Want me to show you the ropes?
I don't know what to do with him.
I don't have a sitter. My roommate isn't home.
Don't worry. That's no problem.
Come here, kitty.
Come.
On your feet.
He's a doctor. He's got three kids. He'll be here all day.
He's got it.
He'll watch my boy?
Don't worry. He'll be fine.
Hello?
Hi, Santiago.
I should hang up.
You should, but please don't.
I need your help.
Adela, what's going on? It can't be that serious.
Nothing's wrong, Santiago. I'm fine.
-But only you can help me. -Of course.
Adela, why don't you come to Pamplona and tell me everything?
No one needs to know you're here if that's what you want.
Adela? Are you there?
Yes, I'm here.
Santiago, I'm in a tight spot. I need my money back.
You've got some nerve.
Unbelievable.
Six months without a word. Nothing.
I imagined the worst. Your parents won't speak to me.
I begged Father José María to tell me if you were alive.
And the first time you call, it's about money.
That's all I am to you.
No, it's not like that, Santiago.
I couldn't talk to you.
Talking to you meant coming back. And I couldn't.
Please forgive me, Santiago.
Did I really not deserve an explanation?
Whatever it is, I'd understand.
Damn it, Adela.
The last time we saw each other, we kissed.
I'm so sorry.
So sorry.
An investment is not the same as having money in a bank.
There are conditions. It's not easy to withdraw.
Is your account still the same?
Yes.
I'll transfer what you invested from my own account
and keep your bonds. How's that?
That's perfect.
Thank you, Santiago.
I don't know what to say.
Then we're done here.
No, wait. Don't hang up.
If I had stayed, if I'd been able to stay,
it would've been you, and it would've been perfect.
I hope you find what you need.
You too, Santiago.
I know what awaits me.
Ten streets and 99 people.
ANTIQUE SHOP
-Did you call the plumber? -I didn't get around to it. Sorry.
-The ceiling's gonna cave in. -I know.
-What? -Let's see.
Thank goodness.
Where were you? We were worried.
Did something happen?
The rent is taken care of. Don't worry about it.
-How can we not worry? -Ángela. We'll talk later.
I don't get it.
Hi, darling.
We missed you yesterday, but your friend did great.
Want to talk? Should we order Chinese?
I'm not hungry. Thanks, Lidia.
It's okay.
But if you change your mind, my door's always open.
Everyone else's too.
And if you're embarrassed, remember, we deal with shame every day.
-And turn it into happiness. -Exactly.
Don't stay too late.
Yeah. Leave that. I'll finish up.
Bye.
Good night.
A. D.!
What are you doing? What's wrong?
Stop!
-Leave me alone! -Stop!
Listen to me.
You're gonna scare the baby.
Easy.
Ángela. We're here.
-We got you. -I don't want anything to happen.
My body, Gato.
Ángela.
-It's okay. -I don't want anything else to happen.
-To my body. -Nothing will happen.
I promise. We'll take care of it together.
-Right, Ángela? -Of course, babe.
Of course we will. Nothing else will happen.
Okay? We're here.
It's okay.
You talked in your sleep all night.
What did I say?
I don't know. You asked about the Ten Commandments.
Why did you come?
Because… they told me how you were and because…
I can't stay away from you.
And as I already told you, I hate pain, A. D.
I want to hear you say my name.
I hate pain. Yours and mine, Adela.
I missed it.
You're telling me, miss?
What do we do now?
We keep at it.
We keep at it, hon. We keep at it.
Come on. Get up.
Out of bed.
Up. The human body is lazy. It likes to stay still.
Look.
"Now we must celebrate and rejoice,
because your brother, your sister, or this hot mess
was dead and has come to life again."
"They were lost and have been found."
You're unbelievable.
-What are you doing here? -The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Are you really talking like a priest?
It was those two.
They told me about you, so I came right away.
Come on. Let's go out to the balcony.
-The street's beautiful. -Go on.
Look.
Want to go down?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow. Yeah.
I am not just the silence
I am not the wound I couldn't close
I am not only the fear in the mirror
That pushed away The ones who wanted to embrace me
I leave behind the reflection That made me doubt
I place myself in my own hands
I uncover myself slowly
My body is my home
I am my own home
I don't hide in old lies anymore
I don't bite my tongue to keep the peace
In my eyes I carry the light that's coming
I am my own flag
I stand steady in my peace
And with the wind
I start dancing
I place myself in my own hands…
MY DEAREST SEÑORITA
I uncover myself slowly
My body is my home
I am my own home
I choose the light
I choose my steps
I choose my name
I choose my love
I face my shadows
The guilt, the disguise
I welcome the girl
Who didn't know how to cry out
I embrace the fury
That once silenced me
And the habit
Of holding my breath
I leave behind the reflection
That made me doubt
I leave behind the look
That tried to confine me
I also come to museums when I feel lonely.
-Do you know why? -Why?
Because it's all so calm and silent in here.
And when I go back out,
life surprises me once again with its hustle and bustle.
Don't you feel even lonelier out there?
Sometimes.
But I feel alive.
And living is wonderful.
Miss.
Walk me to the exit, please.
Thank you.
I place myself in my own hands
I uncover myself slowly
My body is my home
I am my own home
I choose the light
I choose my steps
I choose my name
I choose my love
Subtitle translation by: Soledad Etchemendy, Meredith Cannella