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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ

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That's a big ol' watch, a big ol' chain
A big-ass truck

4
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:12,971
I work hard, bitch

5
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:17,267
How you get the big ol' crib
A bad chick with a big ol' butt?

6
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,768
I work hard, bitch

7
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,895
If I want it
I'mma buy it, nigga, trust

8
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,398
I don't check the price, nigga
I don't give a fuck…

9
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:26,943
Ladies and gentlemen,
live from Yaamava' Theater,

10
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:32,115
put your hands together for Mike Epps!

11
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I was so broke
I used to think about robbing

12
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,749
Had a iPhone, no money, Steve Jobless

13
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,918
Now I got the kinda money
You would call obnoxious

14
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And I went and bought a Benz
That motherfucker's topless…

15
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,423
What's up, Yaamava'?

16
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,386
Where the sexy ladies at?

17
00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:00,685
Man, y'all looking good as hell
out here tonight, man.

18
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,395
Thank y'all for coming out.

19
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,609
Where the Mexicans at?

20
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:14,866
Now, I got a side door
just in case ICE is outside.

21
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,245
'Cause you know
them dirty motherfuckers is out here.

22
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,707
"Yeah, I know where they at.
They at the Mike Epps show tonight."

23
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,377
Yeah, man. Donald Trump
fucking with the Mexicans.

24
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,630
I ain't had a taco in two weeks.

25
00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,883
My taco man running now.

26
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:36,513
He's been selling his shit out the house.
"Come to the house, come to the house."

27
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,767
But I love the Mexicans, man.

28
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,645
They can't keep the Mexicans out, man.
They can't keep 'em out.

29
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The Mexicans is cold.
They'll come through a cloud on your ass.

30
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I've seen a Mexican jump out of a Mexican.
Motherfucker just jumped out.

31
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I said, "Hey man, there was a Mexican
inside that Mexican, man."

32
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:07,001
Donald Trump ain't shit, man.
He made the Mexicans build a wall.

33
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I better not go to jail,

34
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'cause I won't be getting pardoned
after this shit.

35
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He's like,
"No, you said some nasty things about me

36
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,265
at the Yaamava'."

37
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"And I heard that shit, Mike."

38
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He don't give a fuck, man.
You know what I mean?

39
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,610
Half the motherfuckers
that he's fucking with voted for him.

40
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Ain't that a bitch?

41
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Yeah!

42
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The street niggas love Trump.

43
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I'm telling you that right now.
Drug dealers, they love him.

44
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'Cause they crooks too.
That's why they like him.

45
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,961
He needs to stop wearing
them cheap-ass suits. I know that.

46
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:53,381
He got to be getting them suits
from Macy's, man.

47
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And his team ain't shit.
He got Dr. Oz standing behind him.

48
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What the fuck?
What is his punk-ass gonna do?

49
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:05,476
They got these…

50
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,689
All my shit is out there on these ships.
I can't even get half my shit.

51
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,943
I'm gonna get a boat and go out there
and get my clippers off that goddamn ship.

52
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,197
"Man, throw them goddamn clippers
off that ship."

53
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:24,579
They got a lot of stuff on them tariffs.
You know, that… that tariff shit is real.

54
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:27,999
One of the first things I seen on there
was hair weave.

55
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,253
Now, I'm gonna tell you,
you hoes better load up,

56
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,630
because he's about to…

57
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There about to be
some bald-headed newborn chickens like…

58
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Finna look like some onions
around this motherfucker.

59
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:57,070
If Black people think we gonna get away,
niggas is next.

60
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,157
We gonna come outside.
There gonna be a bunch of boats lined up.

61
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,661
We gonna think it's that Carnival Cruise.
We gonna come out there.

62
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This is how we do it

63
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,334
"Nigga, get back on that boat."

64
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,467
You know
Black people can't stick together. Shit.

65
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:23,304
As soon as Black people get some money,
the first thing we do,

66
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,723
"Uh-uh, I don't wanna be around
no Black people. Get them…"

67
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:29,143
"Oh no, there goes some Black people.
Get them niggas away from here."

68
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,020
"I don't deal with no Black people."

69
00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,985
If Black people got a spot
where we eat at,

70
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:39,070
and we think
we the only Black people there,

71
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if we see some more Black people come,

72
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"Oh, there goes our spot right there."

73
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"They done fucked our spot up."

74
00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,121
"This ain't y'all's spot."

75
00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:57,630
That's messed up, man.
I thought Diddy was getting out, man.

76
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,299
I thought he was getting out.

77
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,009
Yeah, that's fucked up, man.

78
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:05,722
They got Diddy on a…
not a RICO charge, but a Freak-o charge.

79
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,767
The man is in jail for being a freak, man.

80
00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:14,230
If they found out some of the shit I did,
I'd be in an electric chair now.

81
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:19,402
All the late-night midget bitches
I done fucked all over the United States.

82
00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:30,163
Man, they would've let Diddy out early,

83
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,583
but they had him on camera
with that towel running out of there.

84
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,545
Kicked Cassie in the foot
and ran back in the room.

85
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:40,340
I said, "See,
that's what sent him to jail right there."

86
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,137
Yeah, I was never invited
to the Diddy parties.

87
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,432
I used to see him,
but he never invited me.

88
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:54,312
'Cause I know I'd have had my dick out
somewhere in that par…

89
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,689
"There goes Mike Epps."

90
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,944
"I'm telling you,
he in this room right here. Come here."

91
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,663
Everybody in here a freak.

92
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,665
If they put a red light
on everybody's head,

93
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,209
this whole place would light up.

94
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,341
You know, I don't feel sorry
for the girls who got drugged.

95
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:26,552
'Cause they were drinking free drinks.
That's where the drugs is at.

96
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,222
You want some free shit? Come on.

97
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,767
Let me get some of this free drug punch.

98
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,858
It's got to be fucked up
to be famous, man, and locked up.

99
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,154
They probably walk up to Diddy
all the time, man,

100
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,240
"What's that one song y'all did, uh, uh?"

101
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:51,494
"Damn! Oh, yeah.
You and Faith Evans, man."

102
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:57,917
You know what fucks me up?
White people think we all the same.

103
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Black people,
they don't know us from a can of paint.

104
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:03,589
I'm sitting on a plane
with an older white lady.

105
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I'm just sitting. Everybody's speaking
to me, "Hey, Mike Epps, Mike Epps."

106
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,430
She's sitting right next to me.
She said, "Who are you?" I said…

107
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,225
I said, "Chris Brown." I said…

108
00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:18,521
I said, "Yep, Chris Breezy. That's me."

109
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She said, "Oh, I knew I knew you."

110
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:25,611
I said, "Yep, that's me. I'm Chris Brown
on my way to do a show right now."

111
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,325
And she must've been on the phone
with her daughter

112
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,494
telling her daughter
she's sitting next to Chris Brown.

113
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And I could tell the way she was looking.

114
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Her daughter must have said,
"That is not no fucking Chris Brown."

115
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"Whoever that man is,
is fucking lying to you."

116
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Because she started looking at me
on the phone like this.

117
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I said, "Whoever on the phone with you,
let her know I'm Chris Brown."

118
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Yeah!

119
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:10,406
Yeah!

120
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,535
There's some beautiful ladies
in here tonight.

121
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,954
Where the beautiful ladies at?
Where the beautiful ladies?

122
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,835
There's some ugly bitches in here too.

123
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,631
Yeah, some ugly bitches snuck in too.

124
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,137
I can't stand for
a ugly motherfucker to play hard to get.

125
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Hell, you hard to want. Shit.

126
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Let me tell you something.
If you're ugly… work out. Go to the gym.

127
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And stay clean.

128
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And I'll fuck you.

129
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,882
Yeah. Just 'cause you look good
don't mean you smell good.

130
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:14,512
I done had some fine fishy hoes
in my motherfucking lifetime.

131
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,682
You know what I'd do?
I'd turn that seat heater on.

132
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:24,188
And when I smell a fish filet frying,
I'll tell you, "Get up out of here!"

133
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Women always think we gave them something.
"My coochie's itching."

134
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,538
"You done drank a case of Pepsi."

135
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,710
"Pepsi will itch your pussy up too."

136
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,130
"Look, there's a bump. There's a bump."

137
00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:51,215
"Bust it. There's Pepsi in it."

138
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:02,602
Yeah. New generation pussy busted Pepsi.

139
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,859
Every man in here thought he had AIDS
at least once.

140
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,485
Come on, fellas. Let's admit it.

141
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:15,281
We done fucked some woman raw
and couldn't sleep for two years.

142
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,283
Where you at?

143
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:21,287
Sitting there self-diagnosing yourself.
"Yep, that's me right there."

144
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,707
"Can't sleep, diarrhea, headaches.
I'm dead."

145
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,797
You start going to the gym.
"I'm gonna run this shit out of me."

146
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,560
You ever fucked a girl raw

147
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,146
and couldn't sleep
for two years after that?

148
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,857
You just kept calling,
looking at the shit,

149
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,442
and then you just call the girl.

150
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:54,153
You know, like, you can't call a girl
if you fucked a girl raw

151
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,031
and ask her the next day,
"Do you have AIDS?"

152
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,703
No, you gotta say…
…"Boy, I'm glad you were clean."

153
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,039
And if she don't say nothing,

154
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,750
you're like, "Hey, did you hear
what the fuck I just said?"

155
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:18,844
I don't know how people get in
these long, fucked up relationships

156
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,430
because you ought
to be able to tell on the first date.

157
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,767
Serious. People tell you
who the fuck they are.

158
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:28,479
Like, you're sitting there with a woman
and you just say, "Girl, you crazy."

159
00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:31,065
If she say, "I know. Everybody say that."

160
00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,947
It's time to get the fuck out right now.

161
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:41,325
"Let's stop right now.
Don't order nothing else. Let's go."

162
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:46,372
Same with you ladies. You're sitting there
with a guy. Y'all sitting there.

163
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:48,999
This motherfucker got diamonds on,
got a big Rolls-Royce.

164
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,668
You're like, "So what do you do?"

165
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,587
And he's like, uh… uh…
"Yeah, I got a lawn care service."

166
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:58,217
And you done got excited,
and you finna get indicted.

167
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:01,178
Both of y'all going to jail.
He's a drug dealer.

168
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,518
What's up with these girls
with these big-ass BBLs

169
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,145
that come with the teeth too?

170
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,438
Got the ass and the…

171
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:21,157
Is that a package?
The booty and the teeth come together?

172
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,661
Looks like baby shoes in their mouth.

173
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:34,712
What the fuck?

174
00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:42,470
And I don't know what it is.
The finer the woman, the broker they are.

175
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,223
Beautiful and poor as hell.

176
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:53,606
No, that's real shit. And all the women
that look like Kodak Black bank account,

177
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,443
these hoes got 413CKs.

178
00:12:57,526 --> 00:13:00,571
Is that what they call it?
I don't know what the fuck it is.

179
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,991
I didn't get the education
I was supposed to get,

180
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,285
but I fucked around and got famous.

181
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,879
So you're looking at
a slow guy that made it.

182
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:26,764
'Cause I didn't go to fucking… I don't…
My… my… my math is fucked up, you know?

183
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:29,558
And common sense
has helped me survive in my life.

184
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:34,522
I don't know if you have any,
but, uh, common sense helped me survive.

185
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:35,481
Serious.

186
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,858
'Cause I remember
when I first got in the business, man,

187
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:40,528
and I had this accountant,
and they was handling my money,

188
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,112
but I really wasn't good at math.

189
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,406
And I just used to say,
"Yeah, yeah, I understand,"

190
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,991
but I didn't understand.

191
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:50,454
I said, "So how the fuck can I get them
to stop stealing my money?"

192
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:54,250
So you know what I did?
They had a big-ass meeting one day.

193
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:57,419
I was sitting in the meeting.
I just dropped a gun out of my pocket.

194
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:01,340
"Sorry about that.
I didn't mean to drop that."

195
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,260
"I hope you guys have a great evening."

196
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,805
Right then I said,
"They'll never steal nothing else."

197
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,182
"If they were stealing,
they ain't gonna steal again."

198
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:13,102
"'Cause I'mma shoot the shit out of you
if I find out."

199
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,941
There's all kind of beautiful women
in here.

200
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:22,361
We got white, Spanish. We got all kinds…

201
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:25,281
I've been with Black women my whole life.
I'mma just give it up.

202
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,992
You know what I'm saying?
That's all I've ever been with.

203
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,161
And I'm tired.

204
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,788
Y'all have wore me out.

205
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,877
You heifers have took, uh,
millions of dollars from me.

206
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:45,593
No, I'm serious.

207
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,679
That's all I've ever been with was
Black women, man. Yeah.

208
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,932
And if anything ever happens,
which I pray and hope not,

209
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,893
that I'll never have to deal with
another Black…

210
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,895
I'll get an Asian woman
that don't speak English.

211
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,271
I'm tired of this shit.

212
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:01,901
And all she gonna say is,
"Oh, Mike, your dick is too big, nigga."

213
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,529
"You hurt a bitch, bro."

214
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,951
"Oh, your dick is too big, nigga."

215
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:17,082
I'mma say, "Go on
and turn that green tea on

216
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,293
like I asked you to earlier today."

217
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,553
There's a lot of guys in here sitting with
their-- I don't know if it's your wife,

218
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,598
your… your woman,
your girlfriend, or whatever it is,

219
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,892
but I just wanna tell you
your position with her.

220
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:38,604
I don't care how much money you got.
That's your caretaker.

221
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,859
That's right.
These women are your caretaker.

222
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:47,196
They might as well hold your arm
while you walk.

223
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:53,410
'Cause these women take care of us.
These are our caretakers.

224
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,079
I'mma tell you something. Caretaker--

225
00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:56,622
Yeah, that's right.

226
00:15:56,705 --> 00:16:00,209
Women are caretakers.

227
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:04,338
Your money ain't shit if you ain't got
nobody to help you take care of it.

228
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,508
Ain't that right, ladies?

229
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,805
You need somebody
to take care of that money, man.

230
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,851
And that's why God gave them
a little bit more sense than us.

231
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:21,313
God made them a little smarter,
a lot more smarter than us.

232
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,857
A lot of us are real slow
when it comes to…

233
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,443
Most of us… All of us…

234
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:31,240
…are usually dumb as a motherfucker
when it come to women.

235
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,660
All right?
Now, women don't tell you you're dumb

236
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,912
'cause they know
that'll shatter your life.

237
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,999
That'll fuck your life clean up.

238
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,293
But they will tell their friends.

239
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,589
When they're on the phone
with their friends, and you're not around,

240
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:48,674
that's what they say,

241
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:52,177
"This is the dumbest motherfucker
that I've ever met."

242
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,595
"God, he's dumb!"

243
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:57,516
"Girl, let me tell you
what his dumbass did last night."

244
00:16:59,893 --> 00:17:03,147
"Big dum-dum has just walked in.
I'll call you back."

245
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,650
They got all kind of nerve.

246
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,280
"Goofy's home. I'll call you back."

247
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,911
We don't even know
they're saying this shit about us.

248
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:24,585
You know what else they say about us?
This is one that'll fuck you up.

249
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:27,546
They tell you this in your face. "Wow."

250
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,967
"Really? Wow."

251
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:35,929
That means
you are the dumbest motherfucker that…

252
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,608
Ladies, you wanna hear
what we say about you?

253
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:49,401
-You wanna hear it?
-Yeah!

254
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,487
-You wanna hear it?
-Yeah!

255
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,489
"Shut the fuck up."

256
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,326
"Shut the fuck up."

257
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,080
Go get some Ozempic or something.
No, I'm just playing.

258
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,629
Oh, oh, oh, it's magic

259
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,093
T-d-d-da-d-da

260
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:19,223
See, they don't want to hear that shit.
They mad now 'cause I said that.

261
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,188
Women have asked God
to fuck you up for them.

262
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,439
You ever hear that?

263
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,900
"God, please get him
in the name of Lord Jesus."

264
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,403
"Hallelujah, get this nigga."

265
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:38,784
That's what women say.

266
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:41,620
"Oh boy, you in trouble.
God don't play about me. You… You…"

267
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,624
"Karma's coming back on your ass
right now."

268
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,709
"God don't play about me."

269
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:51,755
"That shit you did to me yesterday,
God is coming. I'm telling you."

270
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,554
"I didn't do nothing
but use your products."

271
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,640
"You gonna put God on me
'cause I used your products?"

272
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:08,063
Women break up with a man
and just go the fuck on with their life.

273
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,607
You be looking at them like,

274
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,943
"You're supposed to be fucking hurt
like me."

275
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,780
No, they go golfing and shit.

276
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,117
That's what women do.
When they break up with a man,

277
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,287
they go start doing new shit
you ain't never seen them do.

278
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,832
Go get a haircut.
Gotta look like a rooster now.

279
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,625
You're like, "What the fuck?"

280
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,879
This new guy
got you looking crazy as fuck.

281
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,554
We don't know how to go on with our life.

282
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:44,391
We start picking scumbag bitches
to be our wife.

283
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:49,354
You don't want your wife to see
your new wife. "Oh, God."

284
00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:52,232
"You went backwards."

285
00:19:55,694 --> 00:20:00,324
"This new bitch you got make me feel like
I shouldn't have never dealt with you."

286
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,745
"She looks horrible."

287
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,208
When you break up with your woman,

288
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,836
it gives your friend a chance to say
all the shit he been wanting to say.

289
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:13,921
"Fuck her, man."

290
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,215
"Shark-faced bitch."

291
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:20,427
You go, "Hey, hey, hey!
I still love her. Relax, man."

292
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,263
"We still got a chance."

293
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,731
Women are powerful as hell.

294
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:36,526
They know how to turn
the whole fucking house on your ass.

295
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:40,072
Kids ain't talking to you.

296
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:44,409
Even the dog wasn't playing.
I said, "Fuck you too, you little bitch."

297
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,371
"All the chicken bones
I done gave your punk ass."

298
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,502
The whole family be in one bedroom.

299
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,963
You got the house to…
the rest to yourself.

300
00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:59,841
You see 'em bringing food
from the kitchen. "Love you, Daddy."

301
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,844
"We're praying for you."

302
00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:07,557
You in the living room hungry
and lonely as hell.

303
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,977
Ain't no TV on. Nothing.

304
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,272
And if you don't get with nobody,

305
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,774
you just go to the Whole Foods
and just stand there

306
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:19,236
with a whole bunch of other lonely-ass men
at the hot bar.

307
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,824
There ain't no food at the house.

308
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:28,078
I'mma tell y'all something
you may not know about me.

309
00:21:28,161 --> 00:21:30,789
When I was young,
I fucked a lot of older women, man.

310
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,416
That was one of my things.

311
00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:35,335
A lot of my aunties' friends,
I fucked 'em.

312
00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:41,842
One of my aunties had a friend named Nell,
and boy, I was nailing her.

313
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:48,140
And she told me, "You better not tell."
I said, "I ain't gonna say shit."

314
00:21:48,223 --> 00:21:50,600
"Don't you… don't you say nothing."

315
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:52,811
"That's the key."

316
00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:58,400
I've been watching a lot of Black men try
to figure out how to survive.

317
00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:01,695
And one of the hustles
and one of the great survival tactics is

318
00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:03,030
getting a white girl.

319
00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:08,160
And when I see brothers with white girls,

320
00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:11,204
it look like they're holding onto
a life raft in the ocean.

321
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:16,126
And it look like they're floating.

322
00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:23,216
No chance of drowning.

323
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:27,429
You and a white girl just hit…
…hit a big wave.

324
00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:29,264
Hold on to the white girl.

325
00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:31,850
That's right.

326
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:33,602
Yeah.

327
00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,813
Because especially if you got a white girl
and y'all are in the car,

328
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:40,150
police pull you over, "Handle that, Sarah.
Just go out… get out of the car."

329
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,071
White girls are mean to the police.

330
00:22:44,154 --> 00:22:45,947
"Why are you pulling us over?"

331
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:55,707
Black girl gets out,

332
00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:59,044
they're gonna hit that bitch in the head
with a billy club, lock her up,

333
00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:01,004
take her to the county jail.

334
00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:08,720
That's another reason
why Black guys date white women.

335
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:11,515
You ain't gotta fucking pay rent
when you live with them.

336
00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,978
They feel so guilty about all the shit
that happened to Black people.

337
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:20,732
That's why they don't charge you rent
when you live with them.

338
00:23:21,942 --> 00:23:24,653
You can pay a white girl the rent in dick.

339
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:30,325
I'mma give you $3,500 worth of this dick
to clear the water, lights, everything.

340
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:34,996
Black women come to your goddamn job
looking for your check. You working.

341
00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:39,501
Shanini is outside in the parking lot.

342
00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:40,627
"Who the fuck?"

343
00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:45,590
She in the parking lot.
"I'm waiting on the check."

344
00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:49,761
"Can I get the fuck off work first?"

345
00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:01,398
Black women, white women,
all different kinds of ethnicities.

346
00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:05,235
They're all different. A white woman,
you can cheat on her. She won't get mad.

347
00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:07,946
She'll say,
"Okay, that's it. You need help."

348
00:24:09,823 --> 00:24:11,825
"You really do. You need help."

349
00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:14,244
"I get it."

350
00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:17,747
"Someone fucked you when you were a kid.
Now you wanna fuck everybody else."

351
00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:20,667
You're like,
"Hey, when did I tell you that?"

352
00:24:25,088 --> 00:24:26,381
"I get it, Raymond."

353
00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:42,647
The Black people are dying laughing.
The other ethnicities are in here like…

354
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,861
"This really goes on in their culture?"

355
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:52,365
"It's a lot of trauma."

356
00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:09,132
Look like
the city of Compton is in here tonight.

357
00:25:10,258 --> 00:25:12,594
Yeah.

358
00:25:16,139 --> 00:25:20,101
'Cause that's what I attract. I attract
all kinds of different types of people.

359
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:21,269
That's my group right there.

360
00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,188
You know what I mean? Yeah.

361
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:26,691
-Yeah.
-I'm gonna have your baby.

362
00:25:31,988 --> 00:25:34,533
I don't give a fuck what you wanna do.

363
00:25:36,326 --> 00:25:38,703
I'mma tell you what ain't gonna happen.

364
00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:45,377
I love you too.

365
00:25:46,586 --> 00:25:50,465
All these years, I thought
I was getting women off my looks.

366
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:53,218
Nope, I've been spending money
the whole time.

367
00:25:54,928 --> 00:25:56,304
I'm a fucking trick.

368
00:25:59,266 --> 00:26:02,394
'Cause that's what I do.
First off, I buy you a purse.

369
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,605
Yeah, I buy you a purse.

370
00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:07,857
Then I buy you a car.

371
00:26:10,068 --> 00:26:13,321
Then I take you traveling.
"Yeah, you wanna go traveling?"

372
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:15,448
"Only in the United States, though."

373
00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:19,786
"I'll take you to Florida or somewhere.
You haven't earned a passport yet."

374
00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:23,748
Then I get engaged to you.

375
00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:28,211
Then I marry you.

376
00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:31,339
Then you catch me cheating
and take me to court,

377
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:32,924
take everything I got.

378
00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:35,719
In that order.

379
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:41,182
'Cause I'mma tell you some real shit.
Women cheat in their head.

380
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:42,517
You know what I mean?

381
00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:45,478
They think about who they wanna fuck.

382
00:26:47,397 --> 00:26:50,775
If you could see the men
that your woman is fucking in her head,

383
00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:53,069
you would get rid of her right now.

384
00:26:54,487 --> 00:26:57,949
You'll be like,
"Melvin, the fucking UPS man?"

385
00:26:58,992 --> 00:27:01,661
This nigga got the nice legs with the box.

386
00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:09,919
"I'mma kill his ass in the morning."

387
00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:13,381
"Melvin, you're dead."

388
00:27:19,429 --> 00:27:22,057
And I'm looking at all the people in here,
you know what I'm saying?

389
00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,850
And I don't like to pick on white people,

390
00:27:23,933 --> 00:27:26,269
but I think
all white people are the police.

391
00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:31,316
That's right.
All white people are the fucking police.

392
00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:33,902
'Cause they can get 'em there
quicker than you.

393
00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:39,783
I was at the… uh… I was at the, uh,
Sporting Goods, Dick's Sporting Goods,

394
00:27:39,866 --> 00:27:41,868
and a Black dude had
all his shit up there.

395
00:27:41,951 --> 00:27:43,536
He got his shit at the counter,

396
00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:45,997
paying for his shit,
got all his shit up there.

397
00:27:46,081 --> 00:27:48,291
He told the lady,
"Hey, man, I gotta grab something else."

398
00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:51,544
She said, "If you get out of the line,
you see it's a long line,

399
00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:52,837
I gotta let the rest of…"

400
00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:55,924
He said, "Ma'am, relax.
I'm going right there."

401
00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:58,218
He… She said, "Man… Sir, if you do…"

402
00:27:58,301 --> 00:28:01,054
So he got mad.
He was like, "That's bullshit."

403
00:28:01,137 --> 00:28:02,889
Man, there was a white dude
standing in line,

404
00:28:02,972 --> 00:28:05,308
and he had nothing to do with it.

405
00:28:06,059 --> 00:28:07,560
He said, "Calm down, buddy."

406
00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:19,698
I said, "Oh, shit."

407
00:28:20,907 --> 00:28:24,619
So the Black dude got mad. "Motherfucker,
you ain't got nothing to do with this."

408
00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:26,538
I said, "Oh, here the shit go."

409
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:31,584
Do you know the fucking white guy pulled
some handcuffs out of his pocket?

410
00:28:33,044 --> 00:28:35,130
And I don't know what it is
about Black people,

411
00:28:35,213 --> 00:28:38,007
but sometimes we just get relaxed
with the… when the police…

412
00:28:38,091 --> 00:28:41,594
We just… He just put his arm,
and he said, "Man, I ain't do nothing."

413
00:28:45,098 --> 00:28:49,394
Do you know this fucking white guy
put the handcuffs on this dude

414
00:28:49,477 --> 00:28:52,981
and pulled his regular phone out
and called the police?

415
00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:58,319
So everybody was like, "Wait a minute,
he ain't the fucking police."

416
00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:00,363
So the dude started going crazy.

417
00:29:00,447 --> 00:29:02,574
He's like,
"Motherfucker, take these handcuffs."

418
00:29:04,534 --> 00:29:06,369
Police show up 15 deep.

419
00:29:06,870 --> 00:29:09,080
Guns out, police everywhere.

420
00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:12,500
Locked the white guy up
for being a fake cop.

421
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,461
Did you see… did you see that shit?

422
00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:17,589
Locked him up
for impersonating the police.

423
00:29:20,258 --> 00:29:23,136
I'm looking for the Black guy,
I… I said, "Where's the Black guy?"

424
00:29:23,219 --> 00:29:25,305
He's still in handcuffs in the car.

425
00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:29,142
They've been looking for this motherfucker
for ten years.

426
00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:36,691
I said, "It's hard
to help a fugitive, man."

427
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,026
I'm telling you, man.

428
00:29:41,154 --> 00:29:44,449
You know what's crazy? I've been thinking…
I thought I was Black all these years.

429
00:29:44,532 --> 00:29:48,953
I'm 55 years old.
I'm thinking I'm a Black… I'm a Black man.

430
00:29:49,037 --> 00:29:51,164
I've been calling white people "crackers"

431
00:29:51,247 --> 00:29:53,958
and all kinds of shit
I ain't supposed to be saying

432
00:29:54,042 --> 00:29:55,210
about white people.

433
00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:01,007
I go to Africa.
I ain't never going back over there again.

434
00:30:04,636 --> 00:30:06,763
'Cause I'm thinking I'm Black.

435
00:30:06,846 --> 00:30:10,225
Man, I'm getting my bag
and two African dudes over there.

436
00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:12,143
That motherfucker said,
"You… They not like us."

437
00:30:12,227 --> 00:30:14,062
I said, "Who ain't like y'all?"

438
00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:16,564
He's talking about me.

439
00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:20,985
I said, "What the fuck
are you talking about?"

440
00:30:21,069 --> 00:30:24,030
He said, "No, you're not like us."
I said, "Who am I like?"

441
00:30:24,113 --> 00:30:27,534
He said, "I don't know."
I said, "Oh, that's some bullshit."

442
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:30,245
I said, "I'm a Black man from Amer…"

443
00:30:30,328 --> 00:30:32,455
He said, "No, no, no, no, no."

444
00:30:33,289 --> 00:30:36,376
"You need to go do your ancestry.com…

445
00:30:38,878 --> 00:30:41,673
…to tell a little more about who you are."

446
00:30:42,257 --> 00:30:45,677
I said, "Okay, I'mma go do it."
Smart ass motherfucker. I'mma go do it.

447
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,096
I went and did it like a fucking dummy.

448
00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:52,559
You know how they got the box
to show you the ethnicity?

449
00:30:53,059 --> 00:30:55,228
White man popped up in the second box.

450
00:30:56,938 --> 00:30:58,022
I'm white.

451
00:31:00,608 --> 00:31:03,444
Look at my nose from the side.
That ain't no nigga nose.

452
00:31:04,737 --> 00:31:08,116
I look like the man on the dime.
Look at the little white man on the dime.

453
00:31:10,326 --> 00:31:12,912
I've been talking
all this Black power shit,

454
00:31:12,996 --> 00:31:14,664
and I'm white as hell.

455
00:31:20,044 --> 00:31:21,880
Ain't that a bitch?

456
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:25,925
You know, the crazy thing about life, man,

457
00:31:26,009 --> 00:31:28,511
a lot of people think
they're going to heaven, and they're not.

458
00:31:31,306 --> 00:31:32,473
Especially old people.

459
00:31:32,557 --> 00:31:34,893
They swear up and down
'cause they lived a lot of years,

460
00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:36,269
they're going to heaven.

461
00:31:37,937 --> 00:31:38,771
Yeah.

462
00:31:39,689 --> 00:31:43,401
"Oh, good Lord waiting on me."
"No, you did some shit in the '40s."

463
00:31:44,193 --> 00:31:47,155
"He gonna get your ass.
You ain't getting away with that."

464
00:31:47,238 --> 00:31:49,532
"Think you finna outlive your sin?"

465
00:32:06,549 --> 00:32:09,469
That sounds like
some cabbage and shit over there.

466
00:32:15,016 --> 00:32:17,435
Yeah, you ain't getting away
around this motherfucker

467
00:32:17,518 --> 00:32:20,730
'cause people be talking about,
"Oh, man, he's in a better place."

468
00:32:20,813 --> 00:32:22,315
Like hell is empty.

469
00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:27,236
Yeah.

470
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:28,571
And you're gonna get to heaven.

471
00:32:28,655 --> 00:32:31,699
You're gonna get up there and see
a lot of people that didn't get in,

472
00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:34,035
like your friend's grandmother,
Miss Turner.

473
00:32:35,954 --> 00:32:39,540
"Miss Turner, what did--" "Oh baby…
baby, I don't know what happened."

474
00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:48,007
"And I looked at Jesus.
He seen me and kept going in there."

475
00:32:53,179 --> 00:32:56,224
"You've seen
the Bible ministry that I do."

476
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:00,937
Mental health is real.
I'm telling you, man.

477
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:03,898
Mental health is fucking real.

478
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:06,359
And if you know anybody
having mental health problems, man,

479
00:33:06,442 --> 00:33:07,735
be really patient with them.

480
00:33:08,403 --> 00:33:10,571
You know?
'Cause it's really real, you know,

481
00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:12,699
and they need people that love them,
you know?

482
00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:15,702
It's like, I had a friend call me
the other day. He was sad and shit.

483
00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:16,744
I said, "What's wrong?"

484
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:19,622
He said, "I don't wanna do it no more."
I said, "Hey, man,

485
00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:21,916
we ain't gonna… we don't do that.
You know what I mean?"

486
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,502
"We got… we got faith in God.
We're gonna stay strong."

487
00:33:24,585 --> 00:33:26,421
"We're gonna give ourself another day."

488
00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:29,132
You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

489
00:33:29,215 --> 00:33:31,884
Yeah, we don't give up that soon.
You only get one life.

490
00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:33,553
We ain't giving up in this life.

491
00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:36,723
He said, "It's time to go, right?"
I said, "Yeah." I was talking to him.

492
00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:38,391
'Cause I know what he was going through,

493
00:33:38,474 --> 00:33:41,519
so I put some money in…
I… I sent him some money and shit.

494
00:33:41,602 --> 00:33:43,855
And I called him the next day.
I said, "How are you doing?"

495
00:33:43,938 --> 00:33:45,231
He said, "A lot better."

496
00:33:59,829 --> 00:34:01,706
Two weeks later, his wife called.

497
00:34:01,789 --> 00:34:03,666
"Oh, man,
Ray don't want to do it no more."

498
00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:05,626
I said, "Oh God, here we go."

499
00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:09,380
I said, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
let… let him do it this time."

500
00:34:09,464 --> 00:34:10,381
"I'm tired."

501
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:12,884
"I'm tired. He's tired."

502
00:34:13,801 --> 00:34:15,011
"You're tired."

503
00:34:16,345 --> 00:34:19,182
"The earth ain't a place for him.
Let him go on."

504
00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:22,435
"Everybody don't do well here.
I'm tired of it."

505
00:34:23,061 --> 00:34:26,773
And I don't have no more "save you" money
to save no more lives.

506
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,777
I thought I was having a heart attack.

507
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:32,612
I'm lying on the ground.
Paramedics and shit.

508
00:34:32,695 --> 00:34:34,238
This is real shit. I'm on the ground.

509
00:34:34,322 --> 00:34:36,240
Something told me to look up.

510
00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:39,535
I seen the police. I said,
"Wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no, no."

511
00:34:39,619 --> 00:34:42,580
"I didn't call y'all.
Get y'all's ass out of here."

512
00:34:42,663 --> 00:34:45,041
"Don't start that shit right there."

513
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:49,128
'Cause while I'm on the ground,
they're in the house searching for shit.

514
00:34:49,212 --> 00:34:50,296
Them niggas in the back.

515
00:34:52,715 --> 00:34:53,633
They find something.

516
00:34:53,716 --> 00:34:56,803
"We're gonna get it after this.
We got you. Look what we got right here."

517
00:34:56,886 --> 00:35:00,556
"When they're done with you,
we'll look at what we got, so let 'em…"

518
00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:04,560
Now, I might, you know, be shining up here

519
00:35:04,644 --> 00:35:06,354
and, you know,
trying to look like something,

520
00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:09,607
but I ain't always, you know,
had a little gloss to me, y'all.

521
00:35:09,690 --> 00:35:12,151
I… I started off dusty, you know?

522
00:35:12,902 --> 00:35:14,987
Yeah, I started off real dusty.

523
00:35:15,071 --> 00:35:17,532
That's why they're talking about
cutting them food stamps off.

524
00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:20,201
I been there.
I had mine cut off a long time ago.

525
00:35:21,744 --> 00:35:25,456
I've been on food stamps,
then got cut off and all that shit.

526
00:35:25,540 --> 00:35:28,501
I grew up
with a social worker coming to our house.

527
00:35:29,293 --> 00:35:32,171
Some white lady come in there,
and your mother, "Y'all go play."

528
00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:36,634
You stay to listen to your mother.
Your mother be cussing her out.

529
00:35:36,717 --> 00:35:40,054
"Bitch, I don't have to tell you nothing
about my personal life."

530
00:35:44,767 --> 00:35:46,811
Back in the day,
if you was on food stamps,

531
00:35:46,894 --> 00:35:48,646
you couldn't have a man at your house.

532
00:35:49,897 --> 00:35:52,733
So your uncle be over there,
and the social worker show up.

533
00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:55,736
"Get out of here, Tony."
You see your uncle running out.

534
00:36:01,242 --> 00:36:04,036
The lady, "We seen a man in your house."

535
00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:07,165
"We're gonna cut your food stamps."

536
00:36:10,459 --> 00:36:12,837
That's crazy as a motherfucker, man.

537
00:36:14,088 --> 00:36:18,134
You know, I started off working jobs.
I had a lot of jobs, you know.

538
00:36:18,634 --> 00:36:21,095
I worked at Hardee's.
You ever heard of that?

539
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,013
Yeah.

540
00:36:22,096 --> 00:36:24,223
That's some Midwest shit, yeah.

541
00:36:24,307 --> 00:36:25,683
I worked at Hardee's.

542
00:36:26,267 --> 00:36:29,187
I worked…
Every job I worked at, I sold drugs on it.

543
00:36:32,231 --> 00:36:35,193
So I was the weed man on all my jobs.

544
00:36:36,194 --> 00:36:40,031
And the boss would wonder why I had more
than the rest of the employees.

545
00:36:42,366 --> 00:36:46,120
When you sell drugs on a job,
you can give out credit till Friday.

546
00:36:53,336 --> 00:36:55,379
Then I graduated.

547
00:36:56,047 --> 00:36:57,006
That's how I was doing.

548
00:36:57,089 --> 00:37:00,009
I was working at 7-Eleven.
I was bagging groceries and shit.

549
00:37:00,092 --> 00:37:04,805
And my friends that started selling crack
was coming in the store buying baggies.

550
00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:06,682
You know the little sandwich baggies?

551
00:37:06,766 --> 00:37:08,309
They was coming in there buying baggies.

552
00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:10,394
They had jewelry on.
They was laughing at me.

553
00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:13,397
"You still sacking groceries?"
I was like, "What y'all doing?"

554
00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:17,610
See, I had no business selling drugs
'cause I was a Jehovah's Witness.

555
00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:23,282
How do you go door-to-door to car-to-car?

556
00:37:26,244 --> 00:37:30,414
Yeah, I didn't have no business…
My mother didn't know I was selling crack.

557
00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:34,043
I was so excited to sell crack,
and I didn't know what I was doing.

558
00:37:34,126 --> 00:37:36,087
'Cause I was watching the videos and shit.

559
00:37:36,170 --> 00:37:39,757
I was listening to N.W.A. And I was like,
"Oh, I'm getting in this shit."

560
00:37:41,133 --> 00:37:42,927
And my big brother, John,
he just kept saying,

561
00:37:43,010 --> 00:37:45,054
"Yeah, I got a black suit for you."

562
00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:46,180
I'm like, "For what?"

563
00:37:46,264 --> 00:37:48,057
He's like, "Nigga,
you gonna get fucked up."

564
00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:51,352
But don't forget
I was a Jehovah's Witness,

565
00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:53,354
so I was a nice drug dealer.

566
00:37:54,063 --> 00:37:56,357
That's why the drug addicts liked me.

567
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,443
You know, I was real nice. I felt sorry
for the people that I was selling dope.

568
00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:02,863
Before I gave it to 'em, I'd say,
"You really need to change your life."

569
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,951
And then I'll sell it to them.
"Give me the money anyway."

570
00:38:07,034 --> 00:38:08,744
Somebody else is gonna get the money.

571
00:38:12,373 --> 00:38:14,917
And one time I sold it to an informant.

572
00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:20,256
It was a club called M&J's.
It was like a nightclub.

573
00:38:20,339 --> 00:38:21,716
And I had just copped.

574
00:38:21,799 --> 00:38:24,468
I had just got my…
You know how when you first cop?

575
00:38:24,552 --> 00:38:27,179
I just spent my money on my dope.
I bagged it up.

576
00:38:27,263 --> 00:38:30,891
And I'm sitting over in the car
at the park, and I sold some dope.

577
00:38:30,975 --> 00:38:33,894
The dude… Something told me, "Don't sell
this shit to this motherfucker."

578
00:38:33,978 --> 00:38:35,313
'Cause he… he was moving too fast.

579
00:38:35,396 --> 00:38:37,857
He's like, "Come on,
I gotta get… I gotta get up out of here."

580
00:38:39,108 --> 00:38:40,484
And I sold it to him, man.

581
00:38:40,568 --> 00:38:43,362
And as soon as I sold it to him,
and I got out the car,

582
00:38:43,446 --> 00:38:45,531
the motherfucking narcos rolled up on me.

583
00:38:45,614 --> 00:38:46,866
Took me to jail

584
00:38:46,949 --> 00:38:49,869
for dealing in possession of cocaine
over seven grams.

585
00:38:49,952 --> 00:38:53,372
And if you Google "Mike Epps mug shot"
on your phone right now,

586
00:38:53,456 --> 00:38:56,876
you will see
where I caught that case. 1990.

587
00:38:56,959 --> 00:38:58,169
Look at the picture.

588
00:38:59,587 --> 00:39:01,297
Look at the picture.
I'mma give you a second.

589
00:39:01,380 --> 00:39:02,798
Oh, you ain't got no phone?

590
00:39:09,597 --> 00:39:12,266
Imagine me in 1990.

591
00:39:14,018 --> 00:39:16,228
When you get home, Google that shit.

592
00:39:17,563 --> 00:39:19,774
Yeah, I'm sitting there, man.
The motherfucker got…

593
00:39:19,857 --> 00:39:22,068
Uh, and I kept trying to tell
the drug officer.

594
00:39:22,151 --> 00:39:24,070
I'm like, "Man, I… I'm… I'm a user."

595
00:39:24,153 --> 00:39:27,823
He said, "No, you ain't no user."
I said, "Yes, I am. I use drugs."

596
00:39:27,907 --> 00:39:30,451
He said,
"No, that was too much for a user."

597
00:39:30,951 --> 00:39:32,286
"You was selling it."

598
00:39:33,079 --> 00:39:37,249
So the guy who set me up was
a drug addict too. They couldn't find him.

599
00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:39,877
They was trying to make him come
to court to testify on me,

600
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,420
but they couldn't find him.

601
00:39:42,004 --> 00:39:45,466
So I went from 20 years to 8 years.

602
00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:47,885
They suspended five,

603
00:39:47,968 --> 00:39:51,514
and I did two years
in the Marion County Jail in my hometown.

604
00:39:51,597 --> 00:39:55,518
Two years in the Marion County Jail.

605
00:39:55,601 --> 00:39:57,937
And I'm sitting up
in the motherfucking jail, man, and I'm…

606
00:39:58,020 --> 00:40:00,398
I'm… I don't look that much different
than I do now.

607
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:02,650
I ain't had no hair on my face,
had curly hair.

608
00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:04,652
I'm sitting in there with some real goons.

609
00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:08,864
And that story about don't drop the soap
and the predators,

610
00:40:08,948 --> 00:40:10,199
that shit's real.

611
00:40:12,952 --> 00:40:15,704
I'm sitting up in the jail,
and a dude just walked up to…

612
00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:17,039
I don't know what the fuck…

613
00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:20,000
This motherfucker looked like
a swollen snake. He was big.

614
00:40:21,001 --> 00:40:24,004
He just walked up on me and said,
"I'mma hit you in your throat."

615
00:40:24,088 --> 00:40:25,256
I said, "What the fuck? What?"

616
00:40:25,339 --> 00:40:28,342
"Nigga, I ain't even did nothing.
I… I don't even know you."

617
00:40:28,968 --> 00:40:31,011
I guess he wanted to…
he was trying to fuck me.

618
00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:32,221
That's how they do it. They…

619
00:40:33,305 --> 00:40:34,265
They bully you,

620
00:40:34,348 --> 00:40:37,309
and then if you let them bully you,
they bully you.

621
00:40:38,144 --> 00:40:40,855
So he… I guess he thought
he was trying to set me up for that.

622
00:40:40,938 --> 00:40:42,523
I said, "Oh, I gotta figure something."

623
00:40:42,606 --> 00:40:43,566
I kept saying to myself,

624
00:40:43,649 --> 00:40:46,193
"I'mma bite this nigga
if… if nothing else."

625
00:40:46,861 --> 00:40:49,238
A bite is a bad motherfucker, yeah.

626
00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:52,616
Somebody get you on the ground, bite 'em.
They're getting up.

627
00:40:54,076 --> 00:40:55,953
I'm biting the shit out you, nigga.

628
00:40:58,330 --> 00:40:59,248
Big Mac style.

629
00:40:59,331 --> 00:41:03,294
Wherever you got me on the ground,
I'm biting the fuck out of you.

630
00:41:05,296 --> 00:41:08,591
Nigga didn't know I was finna use my mouth
on that nigga for real.

631
00:41:15,848 --> 00:41:19,768
I'm sitting up in the jail. I'm… I'm like,
"Damn." Boy, I'm nervous as hell.

632
00:41:19,852 --> 00:41:22,104
And I seen a dude, man, named Louie.

633
00:41:22,188 --> 00:41:25,816
He was big.
He looked crazier than the other dude.

634
00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:28,360
And he said, "Mike?" I said, "Louie?"

635
00:41:29,111 --> 00:41:30,654
And he was a drug addict.

636
00:41:30,738 --> 00:41:32,990
This dude, Louie, on the street,
he was a drug addict.

637
00:41:33,073 --> 00:41:36,285
On the street, he was real shriveled up.
He was dirty.

638
00:41:36,368 --> 00:41:40,039
But in jail, when he get his rest,
and he's eating and working out,

639
00:41:40,122 --> 00:41:41,790
he looked like a monster.

640
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,919
And I said, "Louie?"
He said, "Mike, what you doing here?"

641
00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:47,505
I said, "Man, I was trying to sell
some dope and got caught."

642
00:41:47,588 --> 00:41:51,300
He said, "Man, you know you ain't the type
of person who's supposed to be in here."

643
00:41:51,383 --> 00:41:53,302
He said, "How's your sister?"
He knew my sister.

644
00:41:53,385 --> 00:41:56,597
He said, "How's Julie doing?"
I said, "Man, she's doing good."

645
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,392
He said, "Man, if you have any problems…"
I said, "I got one right now."

646
00:42:08,275 --> 00:42:11,654
I said, "God is good, nigga,
and I got favor. You hear me?"

647
00:42:11,737 --> 00:42:12,947
"I got favor."

648
00:42:14,573 --> 00:42:15,699
He said, "Who?"

649
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,410
I said,
"He's standing over there right now."

650
00:42:19,495 --> 00:42:23,874
He said, "Point him out." I said, "No."
I said, "He just… uh… he's looking at us."

651
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,627
'Cause I didn't know if I pointed at him…

652
00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:29,296
I said, "I ain't pointing at him.
He's over there."

653
00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:33,592
Man, he went over there
and whispered in the dude's ear.

654
00:42:33,676 --> 00:42:38,097
And when he backed up, he came back to me.
He said, "Yeah, Mike, check this out."

655
00:42:38,180 --> 00:42:41,433
"The dude right there,
he's a… he's a bully, but he's a bitch."

656
00:42:41,517 --> 00:42:44,019
"He ain't supposed to look at you,
talk to you, walk past you."

657
00:42:44,103 --> 00:42:45,563
I said, "Oh, thank you."

658
00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:47,231
So the whole time I was in jail,

659
00:42:47,314 --> 00:42:49,858
this other dude
was walking past me like this…

660
00:42:51,318 --> 00:42:54,405
I said, "Oh Lord,
what the fuck did he say to him?"

661
00:42:56,782 --> 00:42:57,616
Thank you.

662
00:42:59,785 --> 00:43:01,704
So, you know, I got out of jail.

663
00:43:02,329 --> 00:43:04,999
I started sleeping on my sister's couch.
I ain't had nowhere to stay.

664
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:08,168
You know, I just had a new baby,
which is my daughter Bria.

665
00:43:09,545 --> 00:43:10,671
My oldest daughter.

666
00:43:12,047 --> 00:43:14,675
You know, if I could do
anything in the world, man,

667
00:43:14,758 --> 00:43:19,597
if I could explain to my daughter
that I was a kid when I had you,

668
00:43:20,180 --> 00:43:23,142
I wasn't gonna be a good dad.
You know what I mean?

669
00:43:23,225 --> 00:43:26,437
Sometimes it takes years
for you to become a good dad.

670
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,315
You know?
It's called babies having babies.

671
00:43:29,815 --> 00:43:31,400
And when your baby is mad at you

672
00:43:31,483 --> 00:43:34,528
'cause she don't realize
you was a baby when you had her.

673
00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:36,655
-So it take time to grow.
-Yeah.

674
00:43:36,739 --> 00:43:39,450
So I had my daughter.
I'm sleeping on my sister's couch.

675
00:43:39,533 --> 00:43:41,035
I ain't got no education.

676
00:43:41,118 --> 00:43:42,411
I ain't got no job.

677
00:43:42,494 --> 00:43:45,456
Selling motherfucking drugs.
I ain't got no money.

678
00:43:45,539 --> 00:43:47,791
I owe a couple drug dealers money
in the city.

679
00:43:47,875 --> 00:43:50,794
I'm lying on the couch,
and I'll never forget my baby mama.

680
00:43:50,878 --> 00:43:53,213
She had an auntie named Janet, real sweet.

681
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:55,049
Used to come to Indiana from Atlanta.

682
00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:58,218
She said, "Mike, hear you're having
a hard time in Indianapolis."

683
00:43:58,302 --> 00:44:02,014
"If you ever need to get out
of Indianapolis and move to Atlanta

684
00:44:02,097 --> 00:44:04,141
and change your life,
you can stay with me."

685
00:44:04,224 --> 00:44:07,478
So I… I said, "Okay,
I'm gonna hold you to that, Janet."

686
00:44:07,561 --> 00:44:10,856
Meanwhile, they got a comedy competition
on the radio.

687
00:44:10,939 --> 00:44:15,319
"Come to next week's comedy competition
here at Club Seville's."

688
00:44:15,402 --> 00:44:19,073
And I'm… I got two buddies,
a buddy named Otis Brown, Gary Bates.

689
00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:19,990
They betted me.

690
00:44:20,074 --> 00:44:24,536
They said, "Mike, you funny around here.
You funny in jail, you all that shit."

691
00:44:24,620 --> 00:44:27,456
"But I bet you can't go up there
and be funny in front of people."

692
00:44:27,539 --> 00:44:28,540
I said, bet.

693
00:44:28,624 --> 00:44:31,335
We go to Club Seville's. They bet me $500.

694
00:44:31,418 --> 00:44:33,671
When we walk in the club,
it's a bar and grill.

695
00:44:33,754 --> 00:44:37,716
Nothing but street motherfuckers in there.
There's smoke everywhere.

696
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,301
I'm standing in the back getting drunk.

697
00:44:39,385 --> 00:44:42,513
I said, "I'm scared as a motherfucker.
I'm gonna tear their ass up."

698
00:44:42,596 --> 00:44:46,100
I'm in the back getting drunk.
They're booing everybody off the stage.

699
00:44:46,642 --> 00:44:49,144
I get up on the stage.
I make everybody laugh.

700
00:44:49,228 --> 00:44:51,855
Boom! Everybody laughing.

701
00:44:51,939 --> 00:44:54,233
First time I went on stage.

702
00:44:54,775 --> 00:44:56,944
The next week, my name was on the radio.

703
00:44:57,027 --> 00:45:01,240
"Come next week, Club Seville's.
Mike Epps, new comedian."

704
00:45:01,323 --> 00:45:04,868
So now the whole city coming up to me.
"Man, I heard you on the radio."

705
00:45:04,952 --> 00:45:07,371
"You doing your comedy?"
I said, "Yeah, I'm doing my comedy."

706
00:45:07,454 --> 00:45:11,917
I'd invited my mama, my neighborhood,
everybody out the next week.

707
00:45:13,210 --> 00:45:16,588
I went and got a suit,
had the tie, everything.

708
00:45:16,672 --> 00:45:20,509
As soon as I walked up in the club,
I seen two dudes I owe some money to.

709
00:45:20,592 --> 00:45:21,719
I said, "Oh, Lord."

710
00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:25,639
That fucking radio done told everybody
to come up here.

711
00:45:26,765 --> 00:45:30,144
They like, "I know where to find his ass
at that comedy show next week."

712
00:45:31,061 --> 00:45:34,106
Two motherfuckers I owe money to,
so I'm nervous now.

713
00:45:34,189 --> 00:45:36,817
Do you know
I went up on that stage and bombed?

714
00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:39,027
Everybody booed me off the stage.

715
00:45:39,111 --> 00:45:40,279
Wasn't funny.

716
00:45:40,362 --> 00:45:42,740
I'll never forget.
I'm riding down the street.

717
00:45:42,823 --> 00:45:44,783
I'm riding down Michigan Street.

718
00:45:44,867 --> 00:45:47,953
And, uh, I'm crying
'cause I'm like, "Damn. I…"

719
00:45:48,036 --> 00:45:52,124
I didn't… I… I've been a failure
since the first grade.

720
00:45:52,875 --> 00:45:56,587
Fuck a life.
I've been failing since a baby.

721
00:45:59,089 --> 00:46:01,508
You know how that feel to keep failing?

722
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:04,636
So I'm riding, and I…
and I called my baby mama's auntie.

723
00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:06,096
When she came, I said, "Janet,"

724
00:46:06,180 --> 00:46:08,640
I said, "remember
when you said I can come to Atlanta?"

725
00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:11,268
"I'm ready to get away from here.
I'm trying to be a comedian."

726
00:46:11,351 --> 00:46:13,437
She said, "Mike, I got bad news."
I said, "What?"

727
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,773
She said, "Mike, I got married."

728
00:46:15,856 --> 00:46:18,442
She said, "I got married.
I got a new husband. He's different."

729
00:46:18,525 --> 00:46:20,861
"He ain't as cool as, you know,
I thought he was."

730
00:46:20,944 --> 00:46:23,781
I went anyway. I said, "Fuck that shit."

731
00:46:24,448 --> 00:46:27,326
I went and bought
a bus ticket from Greyhound.

732
00:46:27,409 --> 00:46:29,912
My sister gave me $85 in food stamps.

733
00:46:29,995 --> 00:46:33,165
That's when you could rip them out
of the little book.

734
00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:35,459
I had $85 of food stamps.

735
00:46:35,542 --> 00:46:38,670
And I had a .38
that had a pin in it fucked up.

736
00:46:38,754 --> 00:46:41,924
And it skipped like this.
Click, click, wow!

737
00:46:42,007 --> 00:46:44,718
Click, click, click, wow!

738
00:46:45,219 --> 00:46:47,679
So if you stayed for them clicks,

739
00:46:49,056 --> 00:46:50,766
it was gonna pop you on the third one.

740
00:46:50,849 --> 00:46:54,478
So you can stay there and look at
the raggedy-ass gun if you want to.

741
00:46:54,561 --> 00:46:55,604
It's gonna pop.

742
00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:04,780
So by the time I get to Atlanta,
I called Janet on the phone.

743
00:47:04,863 --> 00:47:06,990
So I said, "Janet, I'm in Atlanta."

744
00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:09,868
She said, "Mike, it's 3:00 in the morning.
What you doing in Atlanta?"

745
00:47:09,952 --> 00:47:11,286
I said, "I came anyway."

746
00:47:11,370 --> 00:47:13,497
She said, "I told you
you couldn't come down."

747
00:47:13,580 --> 00:47:15,833
I said, "Janet, I'll tell you what."

748
00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:21,296
"In the morning, come pick me up
and take me to the Salvation Army."

749
00:47:22,089 --> 00:47:23,674
I was gonna… I… This is how…

750
00:47:23,757 --> 00:47:26,635
I wanted to change my life that bad

751
00:47:27,469 --> 00:47:31,181
that I told her, "Come pick me up,
take me to the Salvation Army."

752
00:47:31,265 --> 00:47:32,724
"I'mma sleep with the homeless people

753
00:47:32,808 --> 00:47:35,018
'cause I just wanted
to get the fuck away from Indiana

754
00:47:35,102 --> 00:47:36,937
'cause I knew I was gonna die
or go to prison."

755
00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:38,355
I said, "I got a talent."

756
00:47:38,438 --> 00:47:41,400
I found my…
I found my talent, which was comedy.

757
00:47:41,483 --> 00:47:43,151
I knew I was going to get down there.

758
00:47:43,235 --> 00:47:44,570
So she was riding with me.

759
00:47:44,653 --> 00:47:47,698
And we're riding down 85,
and she started crying.

760
00:47:48,907 --> 00:47:49,741
And, uh…

761
00:47:51,994 --> 00:47:53,495
…she said, "Mike…"

762
00:48:04,756 --> 00:48:07,718
She said, "Mike, I can't take you to…
I can't take you to the homeless."

763
00:48:07,801 --> 00:48:09,177
"I can't take you there."

764
00:48:09,261 --> 00:48:12,764
She said, "You can come and stay with me,
but my husband works second shift."

765
00:48:12,848 --> 00:48:14,725
"You can't come out the basement
till 3 o'clock."

766
00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:21,648
So I'm in the basement hiding
like Anne Frank.

767
00:48:23,483 --> 00:48:27,237
I hear the TV on. I hear people walking,
but I can't move yet.

768
00:48:28,614 --> 00:48:30,032
About two weeks then went past.

769
00:48:30,115 --> 00:48:33,327
I done snuck upstairs, man,
and he hadn't went to work.

770
00:48:34,328 --> 00:48:35,370
I come up out the basement.

771
00:48:35,454 --> 00:48:37,998
I got a pair of boxer drawers on
and a bowl of cereal.

772
00:48:38,081 --> 00:48:40,334
And when he turned around,
he said, "Who the fuck is you?"

773
00:48:40,417 --> 00:48:43,295
I said, "I'm Janet's nephew."
He said, "I don't know no Janet's nephew."

774
00:48:43,378 --> 00:48:46,548
So he called her on the phone.
She talked to him.

775
00:48:46,632 --> 00:48:47,549
Me and him sat down.

776
00:48:47,633 --> 00:48:50,886
I said, "Hey, man,
I'm just trying to save my life."

777
00:48:51,970 --> 00:48:53,764
I told him everything I was trying to do.

778
00:48:53,847 --> 00:48:56,642
The man let me live with them
for a whole year.

779
00:48:57,142 --> 00:48:59,645
Got me a job.

780
00:49:03,523 --> 00:49:06,777
So a whole year went past.
I got my tax check.

781
00:49:06,860 --> 00:49:10,447
And I claimed one of my nephews on it,
so I could get an extra $500 on there.

782
00:49:10,530 --> 00:49:13,617
You know how back in the day
you can claim somebody on the check?

783
00:49:13,700 --> 00:49:16,995
I claimed my nephew on the taxes,
got an extra $500.

784
00:49:17,913 --> 00:49:20,499
T.K. Kirkland,
a comedian named T.K. Kirkland.

785
00:49:20,582 --> 00:49:23,085
You heard of T.K.?
T to the motherfucking K?

786
00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:26,880
He said, "You a bad motherfucker, man,
but you ain't gonna make it in Atlanta."

787
00:49:27,464 --> 00:49:28,382
"Where I got to go?"

788
00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:30,759
"You either gotta go
to Hollywood or New York."

789
00:49:30,842 --> 00:49:32,260
I said, "I'm going to Hollywood."

790
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:34,972
He said, "You ain't ready."
He said, "You need to move to New York."

791
00:49:35,055 --> 00:49:37,349
The next week I was gone to New York.

792
00:49:37,432 --> 00:49:39,935
He had a manager about this big
named Dave Klingman.

793
00:49:40,018 --> 00:49:43,438
Looked like a little Jewish dude.
Looked like Danny DeVito.

794
00:49:44,773 --> 00:49:47,275
I went to New York,
and I met him at Port Authority.

795
00:49:47,359 --> 00:49:48,318
He picked me up,

796
00:49:48,402 --> 00:49:51,822
took me all around New York,
started taking me in comedy clubs.

797
00:49:51,905 --> 00:49:53,824
The first comedy club I went in,

798
00:49:53,907 --> 00:49:57,244
my man Royale that's directing the show,
he was hosting it.

799
00:49:57,327 --> 00:50:00,080
It was snow all on the ground.
It was right in Brooklyn.

800
00:50:00,163 --> 00:50:03,875
He… After he took me to the comedy club,
he said, "Man, you good."

801
00:50:03,959 --> 00:50:05,752
"But you need… you need a little work,

802
00:50:05,836 --> 00:50:07,879
so you're gonna have to go
back to Indiana."

803
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:11,383
I'm sadder than a motherfucker.
I gotta go back to Indiana.

804
00:50:11,466 --> 00:50:15,095
I'm crying 'cause I know it's over with.
I done failed again.

805
00:50:15,887 --> 00:50:20,100
On my way back there,
every white person got a Black friend.

806
00:50:20,684 --> 00:50:21,643
Not every white person,

807
00:50:21,727 --> 00:50:23,687
but a lot of you motherfuckers got
Black friends.

808
00:50:25,355 --> 00:50:29,192
This little Jewish dude had
a Black friend named TC.

809
00:50:29,776 --> 00:50:33,363
And TC, he said, "Man," he said,
"I wanna introduce you to somebody."

810
00:50:33,447 --> 00:50:36,033
'Cause I was talking shit.
I'm from the hood and shit.

811
00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:39,870
I done called the white men,
three, four white men, all kind of shit.

812
00:50:39,953 --> 00:50:43,081
"I'mma introduce you to somebody."
So he introduced me to TC.

813
00:50:43,165 --> 00:50:47,753
TC was a professional squatter.
He knew how to squat.

814
00:50:47,836 --> 00:50:50,213
He… he became friends
with real rich white people

815
00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:52,841
and squatted at their house
while they're gone out of town.

816
00:50:54,009 --> 00:50:56,094
So he was letting me live
in these white people's house

817
00:50:56,178 --> 00:50:57,012
while they was gone.

818
00:50:57,095 --> 00:51:00,557
He's like, "Get out of here by Tuesday."
I'm in the white people's house.

819
00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:03,977
Donny Lalonde…
There was a boxer named Donny Lalonde.

820
00:51:04,061 --> 00:51:06,730
I'm in his apartment, right?
I'm down in SoHo.

821
00:51:06,813 --> 00:51:09,566
I'm living in his apartment,
but they're selling the apartment.

822
00:51:09,649 --> 00:51:12,360
I'm lying in the motherfucker on an…
on an air mattress.

823
00:51:12,444 --> 00:51:13,695
Me and a girl lying in there.

824
00:51:13,779 --> 00:51:16,031
And the lady walks in
to show somebody the…

825
00:51:16,114 --> 00:51:16,990
"Oh God!"

826
00:51:17,074 --> 00:51:19,659
I said, "I'm getting out of here.
I ain't supposed to be in here."

827
00:51:22,996 --> 00:51:26,917
The first show that I ever did in New York
was called New York Undercover.

828
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,377
I don't know
if you remember New York Undercover.

829
00:51:29,461 --> 00:51:33,090
But it had Malik Yoba
and another little Spanish dude.

830
00:51:34,508 --> 00:51:36,718
Yeah, then I did Showtime at the Apollo.

831
00:51:36,802 --> 00:51:40,472
Remember Showtime at the Apollo?

832
00:51:40,555 --> 00:51:44,726
But I… I came as an entertainer,
and you know who I was on the show with?

833
00:51:44,810 --> 00:51:46,186
Destiny's Child. That's…

834
00:51:46,269 --> 00:51:48,188
They wasn't even nobody yet.

835
00:51:48,271 --> 00:51:51,691
They got out of an old raggedy-ass limo.
They walked up in the thing.

836
00:51:52,567 --> 00:51:55,487
We was all dusty.
I'm telling you some real shit.

837
00:51:56,029 --> 00:51:59,157
This early '90s. We all dusty.
Ain't nobody got shit.

838
00:52:00,617 --> 00:52:03,495
Man, I did the Apollo
then I got on Def Comedy Jam.

839
00:52:03,578 --> 00:52:05,080
I did Def Comedy Jam.

840
00:52:06,706 --> 00:52:09,251
Then I got on the Def Comedy Jam Tour.

841
00:52:09,835 --> 00:52:13,213
I said, "Oh, man, I gotta go now.
I gotta… It's time to go to LA."

842
00:52:13,296 --> 00:52:15,841
So I took a bus from New York to LA.

843
00:52:15,924 --> 00:52:17,759
Took seven days to get to here.

844
00:52:19,928 --> 00:52:22,514
I called a buddy named Red Grant.
I said, "Man, I'm out here."

845
00:52:22,597 --> 00:52:24,599
He said, "Man, I ain't got no furniture
in my house,

846
00:52:24,683 --> 00:52:26,393
but you come sleep on my floor."

847
00:52:26,476 --> 00:52:29,437
I went over to Red Grant's house,
sleeping on his floor.

848
00:52:29,521 --> 00:52:33,066
While I'm staying in the apartments,
it was apartments called Watseka Trails.

849
00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,819
I'm living in apartments
over at Watseka Trails.

850
00:52:35,902 --> 00:52:38,697
I ran into a little young dude, man,
but he had a good-ass heart.

851
00:52:38,780 --> 00:52:40,740
He was a good dude. His name was Marcus.

852
00:52:40,824 --> 00:52:42,617
He was telling everybody
he was my manager.

853
00:52:42,701 --> 00:52:44,870
We riding around. "This… this my manager."

854
00:52:45,745 --> 00:52:48,832
Uh, but I didn't know who he was.
I didn't know.

855
00:52:48,915 --> 00:52:50,709
People was like,
"You know who that is though."

856
00:52:50,792 --> 00:52:54,504
I said, "No, he's nice to me.
I don't know what the fuck he do."

857
00:52:57,257 --> 00:52:58,425
Man, we riding around.

858
00:52:58,508 --> 00:52:59,968
Do a show at the comedy club.

859
00:53:00,051 --> 00:53:01,178
We at The Comedy Store,

860
00:53:01,261 --> 00:53:04,973
and when I got offstage, Marcus said,
"Man, Ice Cube wants to holler at you."

861
00:53:05,056 --> 00:53:06,433
When I turned around,

862
00:53:06,516 --> 00:53:09,102
Ice Cube and John Singleton
were standing right there.

863
00:53:11,396 --> 00:53:12,647
I said, "Oh, man."

864
00:53:14,399 --> 00:53:17,903
Ice Cube said, "What up?"
I said, "What's up?"

865
00:53:18,695 --> 00:53:21,781
He said, "Can you act?"
I said, "Hell yeah, I can act."

866
00:53:24,242 --> 00:53:25,827
I started auditioning for the movie.

867
00:53:25,911 --> 00:53:28,580
He made me audition for that movie
about seven times.

868
00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:32,876
Every time I thought I had the movie,
he looked at me, kept going like this…

869
00:53:32,959 --> 00:53:34,211
Like, "You got the movie."

870
00:53:34,794 --> 00:53:37,005
And I was looking at him like,
"Thank you."

871
00:53:38,506 --> 00:53:42,093
But every time I come back,
it was more comedians reading for it.

872
00:53:42,177 --> 00:53:44,179
I'm like, "Oh, he playing with my head."

873
00:53:44,679 --> 00:53:48,016
So I got the role. I got the role.

874
00:53:52,687 --> 00:53:53,772
I called my mother.

875
00:53:53,855 --> 00:53:56,983
My mother was living in some apartments,
man, and I called my mother.

876
00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:58,526
I said, "Mama, what you want?"

877
00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:01,529
She said, "Just buy me a washer and dryer.
That's all I want."

878
00:54:02,489 --> 00:54:04,241
I said, "I'mma buy you a house."

879
00:54:04,324 --> 00:54:06,952
She said, "No,
you're gonna fuck my Social Security up."

880
00:54:08,495 --> 00:54:10,288
I get $700 a month,

881
00:54:11,289 --> 00:54:14,292
and you're not finna
fuck my Social Security up.

882
00:54:14,376 --> 00:54:16,461
'Cause she wouldn't let me
give her no check or nothing

883
00:54:16,544 --> 00:54:17,963
'cause the Social Security people.

884
00:54:18,046 --> 00:54:21,341
I had to fold the money up
and… and back it to her like this

885
00:54:21,925 --> 00:54:23,260
and slide it to her.

886
00:54:28,098 --> 00:54:30,016
Sometimes she pulled back.
I said, "What's wrong?"

887
00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:32,560
She said, "They got ways
of finding out everything."

888
00:54:32,644 --> 00:54:35,897
I said, "Mama, we in the kitchen.
Fuck Social Security."

889
00:54:43,697 --> 00:54:45,782
And I've been sober for 20 years.

890
00:54:48,159 --> 00:54:49,869
I've been sober for 20 years.

891
00:54:51,454 --> 00:54:54,833
I work with some of the best
actors and actresses in the world,

892
00:54:54,916 --> 00:54:55,792
you know what I mean?

893
00:54:55,875 --> 00:54:58,169
First movie I did was Next Friday.

894
00:54:58,253 --> 00:55:00,839
The… Yeah.

895
00:55:00,922 --> 00:55:03,883
The second movie I did was
All About the Benjamins.

896
00:55:06,636 --> 00:55:09,723
I was on coke by then.
I'm in the motherfucking mood.

897
00:55:10,682 --> 00:55:13,310
Go watch that movie again.
The guy is higher than a motherfucker.

898
00:55:14,269 --> 00:55:19,607
When I was saying… 15, 30, 35, 40

899
00:55:22,485 --> 00:55:23,653
Forty-five, forty-seven

900
00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:26,281
I was on coke like a motherfucker.

901
00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:32,120
Love you!

902
00:55:32,203 --> 00:55:34,539
I did Bernie Mac's last movie, y'all.

903
00:55:34,622 --> 00:55:37,292
It was called Soul Men, y'all.

904
00:55:37,375 --> 00:55:41,504
I was on the set with Bernie Mac
in his last movie, man.

905
00:55:41,588 --> 00:55:44,591
I… I… Man, you couldn't pay for this shit.

906
00:55:44,674 --> 00:55:48,678
I'm sitting there talking to Bernie Mac,
and he had a oxygen tank, man, he was…

907
00:55:48,762 --> 00:55:50,180
Yeah, he had a oxygen tank,

908
00:55:50,263 --> 00:55:53,099
but one thing I could say about him,
he was still having fun.

909
00:55:53,183 --> 00:55:54,434
He was still talking shit.

910
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:57,729
He was like, "Fuck these motherfuckers.
Punk motherfuckers."

911
00:56:00,023 --> 00:56:02,067
And I said,
"Bernie Mac, give me some advice."

912
00:56:02,150 --> 00:56:04,194
"What's your best advice
you can give a young comic?"

913
00:56:04,277 --> 00:56:07,113
He said, "Don't do nothing for money."
I said, "Huh?"

914
00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:12,952
You can't tell…
tell no young, poor-ass comedian that.

915
00:56:15,497 --> 00:56:18,917
The next movie I did was, uh,
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins.

916
00:56:20,168 --> 00:56:22,212
Then I did a movie called
Jumping the Broom.

917
00:56:22,295 --> 00:56:23,630
Yeah!

918
00:56:23,713 --> 00:56:26,424
Then I did a movie called Petey Greene.

919
00:56:27,050 --> 00:56:29,886
You ain't never seen that, have you?

920
00:56:29,969 --> 00:56:34,224
Go check it out.
Me, Don Cheadle, Taraji, uh, Chiwetel.

921
00:56:34,307 --> 00:56:36,393
Go check it… These is independent films.

922
00:56:36,476 --> 00:56:40,772
Then I did another movie
with, uh, Forest Whitaker called Vipaka.

923
00:56:40,855 --> 00:56:43,691
And I played a nigga
in all these movies, y'all.

924
00:56:45,402 --> 00:56:48,363
And I got a chance to work
with the great Whitney Houston, man.

925
00:56:48,446 --> 00:56:49,697
And just…

926
00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:52,742
Yeah, just coming on the set with her
every day was crazy

927
00:56:52,826 --> 00:56:55,328
'cause she come…
she didn't wanna fuck with nobody but me.

928
00:56:55,412 --> 00:56:57,205
She said, "Let's go smoke a cigarette."

929
00:56:57,288 --> 00:56:59,082
And me and her on…

930
00:56:59,165 --> 00:57:02,252
This how she was on the side
of the building smoking a cigarette.

931
00:57:05,463 --> 00:57:08,508
I said, "This the best time
to ask Whitney Houston some real shit."

932
00:57:09,926 --> 00:57:12,929
I said, "Did Ike and Tina have anything
on you and Bobby Brown?"

933
00:57:13,012 --> 00:57:14,514
She said, "Hell no!"

934
00:57:16,724 --> 00:57:18,560
They didn't have shit on us!

935
00:57:22,605 --> 00:57:26,484
I just wanna tell y'all, man,
the whole time I was on that journey,

936
00:57:26,568 --> 00:57:27,902
I was delusional.

937
00:57:29,070 --> 00:57:33,658
And I'd just like to tell y'all
that it's okay to be delusional.

938
00:57:34,659 --> 00:57:38,955
You know what I'm saying?
Sometimes… you gotta be delusional.

939
00:57:39,456 --> 00:57:46,004
You gotta be outta your motherfucking mind
to be successful, to become great.

940
00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:48,047
You gotta be blissful.

941
00:57:51,676 --> 00:57:53,970
Delusion comes from trauma.

942
00:57:54,596 --> 00:57:56,556
It comes from not being accepted.

943
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:01,644
So whatever you gotta do to make it,
to become who you need to become,

944
00:58:02,395 --> 00:58:03,688
stay delusional.

945
00:58:03,771 --> 00:58:05,732
I'm Mike Epps, man. I love y'all.

946
00:58:06,483 --> 00:58:08,026
Yaamava'!

947
00:58:10,528 --> 00:58:13,406
Climb the highest mountain around

948
00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:17,577
But I can't get over you

949
00:58:18,369 --> 00:58:20,121
I can't get over you

950
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:28,296
Fast as a jet aeroplane on foot I can

951
00:58:28,379 --> 00:58:30,715
Beat the Japanese bullet train

952
00:58:31,508 --> 00:58:35,386
But I can't get over you

953
00:58:36,179 --> 00:58:38,014
I can't get over you

954
00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:46,564
Every day without you, girl
You know that I'll be getting better

955
00:58:46,648 --> 00:58:48,399
Can't let you break me down

956
00:58:48,483 --> 00:58:50,735
Oh no, Lord, I can't let her

957
00:58:50,818 --> 00:58:53,738
Do

958
00:58:54,239 --> 00:58:55,907
Do me the way she do

959
00:59:00,119 --> 00:59:04,499
Every day without you, girl
You know that I'll be getting better

960
00:59:04,582 --> 00:59:06,334
Can't let you break me down

961
00:59:06,417 --> 00:59:08,711
Oh no, Lord, I can't let her

962
00:59:08,795 --> 00:59:12,048
Do

963
00:59:12,131 --> 00:59:13,675
Do me the way she do

964
00:59:17,470 --> 00:59:20,056
I can see through buildings
With X-ray vision

965
00:59:22,016 --> 00:59:24,894
I can look through suckers'
Planned-out decisions

966
00:59:25,478 --> 00:59:28,982
But I can't see through you

967
00:59:30,066 --> 00:59:31,776
Can't get over you

968
00:59:35,363 --> 00:59:38,449
Stronger than my two-ton Ford