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NARRATOR: The magic of childhood is always forgot.
But this is the story of one who did not.
(PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (DOOR OPENING) - (GRUNTS SOFTLY)
Morning. Er...
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
Evening. Hey.
Sorry. Er... (CHUCKLES)
I, erm, saved you some pasta sauce.
WOMAN: Mm.
Mwah.
- Hi. - Hi.
Whoa.
Whoa, are you okay?
What... What happened at work?
Did they cancel the fridge you've been working on?
No, they approved it.
Well, that's great.
No, it isn't.
Why not? It's amazing. I love this thing.
This knows me better than I know myself.
Round about this time, Timothy likes wine.
Doesn't know me that well. (CHUCKLES)
No, it knows you because
they've put a camera behind this panel here
to monitor people's eating and drinking habits
- without their permission. - No!
I told them it had to go, but they refused.
So, I quit.
- Good for you. That's... - No, it's not good.
(SIGHS) This is bad, Tim.
I don't... I don't think this is bad.
The company wants the flat back,
and the car. Everything.
We're homeless.
Okay, it's borderline bad.
I'm gonna have to tell Mum.
She's gonna be so disappointed in me.
No one has any right to be disappointed in you.
- Well, you should be. - What?
I work and you look after the kids. That's the deal.
Have you... Have you met our kids lately?
- No devices at the table. - (GUNS FIRING IN GAME)
Beth, come on.
- Dinner's ready, sweetie. - (WHIMPERS)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Put it in the scratchel, please.
- The what? - Oh, it's a screen satchel.
I made them myself.
- Out of oven gloves. - BETH: Oven gloves?
You really need to get a job.
Beth is (EXHALES)
I think she might be an influencer.
Okay, tonight, I thought
we could play some games together after dinner.
- Not real-life games? - Yeah, real-life games.
I'm too old for games.
Okay. Well, how about a little bit of dancing?
- We all hate dancing. - (TIM SIGHS)
Okay. (IN ITALIAN ACCENT) But, first,
we have a-spaghetti à la Thompson.
Just like-a Mamma used to make.
Your mum isn't even Italian.
Hey, I'm talking about my way-back mamma.
(IN NORMAL ACCENT) Joe's a cyborg.
- Guys, can we... (SIGHS) - (VIDEO GAME STARTS)
Kill, kill, kill!
Come on, mind blast, mind blast, mind blast!
TIM:And Fran, I don't remember
the last time I heard Sweet Frannie speak.
I just feel like
their childhood is just…
It's slipping away. I feel like I'm failing them.
WOMAN: How did we end up here?
- If we hadn't had kids... - No, don't... don't say that.
No, we could just run away
and we could just start a new life.
Maybe we can all just run away.
Mm.
- What are you doing? - Would you like some wine?
Not now, Fridge! Ah!
(BLOWS)
The dream binder.
This is serious, Tim.
Polly, we need this.
And the kids need this. This is.
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) the soluzione.
One of our dreams from 15 years ago?
Si. Correct.
Zione.
Which one?
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- Oh, that dream. - (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES NOSTALGICALLY)
(TRAIN CHUGGING)
(STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS)
BETH: The countryside?
Have you gone completely insane?
- What about my friends? - Will there be Wi-Fi?
Don't need it. Look, I brought everyone books.
BOTH: Books?
Si.
BETH: I can't believe you let him talk you into this, Mum.
This is the oppression of the patriarchy right here.
POLLY: Beth, your dad and I are
totally united on this. Okay?
BETH: Why don't we ask Grandma for money?
No, no. We've decided
we're not gonna tell Grandma about this right now.
Because she called Dad a loser?
Your grandma thinks that everyone's a loser.
Especially me.
This is a disaster.
It's gonna be tough, but you're just gonna have
to trust us on this, okay?
But seriously, will there be Wi-Fi?
- You know what? Give me that. - No.
This is a big change.
It's true. You're right.
But I just have this feeling
that it might be just kind of amazing.
There's this wood where we're going,
and it's full of the most beautiful big trees.
Great. Trees.
Literally the most boring things in the world.
My 5G is going!
I only have 3G!
I've only got 2G.
What's less than two? One.
1G?
- A G? What even is that? - Er, so sorry. Excuse me, sir.
- Any taxis around here? - Nope.
POLLY: No, it's all right, love. I've got it. Erm...
Now are there any taxis?
Nope.
POLLY: Oh.
So...
- TIM: Yeah. - Okay.
We'll just walk. We'll walk.
(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)
JOE: My legs feel funny.
They feel all achy.
Oh, yeah, that's, erm...
That's exercise, Joe.
Here, you grab... grab an apricot,
and that's gonna boost your energy.
- (GROANS IN DISGUST) - No, no, no. It's good.
JOE: It tastes unhealthy.
TIM: If it tastes unhealthy, it means it's healthy.
It's gonna add bulk to your stool.
(CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(RUSTLING)
POLLY: Fran! Goodness, I thought we'd lost you.
Come on, darling. Catch up.
If we're poor now, how can we even afford this place?
(PANTING) Oh. Well, the farmer said
we can pay him at the end of the summer.
During which time, we...
Grow tomatoes.
And there it is! Your answer to everything.
TIM: The microclimate here, Beth, it directly mirrors
this little town in northern Italy
- where my family are... - Not from.
We're gonna make my pasta sauce,
we're gonna sell it.
And then we give the farmer his £20,000,
and then the place is ours.
What kind of house only costs £20,000?
(CACKLES ENTHUSIASTICALLY)
(CROWS CAWING)
A house that is not a house.
Wow, it really is just a barn.
- With huge potential. - (CHUCKLES)
(DOOR CREAKING)
TIM: Okay.
Wow.
It's good.
- POLLY: Oh. - (BETH GASPS)
(GASPS) Mm. Ooh, look at this.
This is a cosy spot.
Cosy trailer.
- (BETH SCREAMING) - (SCREAMS, YELPS) What?
- What? What? - Is it a rat?
There's not even any electricity!
- (SIGHS) - Beth.
How am I supposed to charge my phone?
(CHUCKLING) Look at this!
A landline. (BLOWS)
(COUGHS) Trusty old steam phone.
- Doesn't work. - JOE: I don't understand.
Have we gone back in time?
I'm gonna get the electricity sorted.
- Okay? - POLLY: Tim?
Yeah.
(SOFTLY) Is this the kitchen?
(UNDER BREATH) Yeah.
- I love the kitchen. - I love it, too.
And the... This is the dining area.
- POLLY: Mm-hmm. - Yummy, yum-yum.
And then the sort of living area over there.
- POLLY: Yeah. - Why is there a tractor in it?
Good question, that, actually.
- (BANGING ON DOOR) - (ALL SCREAM)
Oh, my God! Who's that?
Oh, it's okay. It's just the farmer.
All right (SLURRING IN RURAL ACCENT)
(SIGHS) Hi.
How you doing? You must be Brian.
That's right. How's it... (CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
- (LAUGHING) Yeah. Yeah. - Right, now.
(IN RURAL ACCENT) you've got a set of duvets
and all that and bill and pap and whatnot up in there,
get yourselves some kip and that.
After that, it's all on you.
- Yeah. - What did he just say?
No idea.
Hi. Erm, excuse me.
Oh, he's a little man, isn't he?
Hi, little one. (CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
Do... Do... do you have any Wi-Fi?
- (TIM CHUCKLES) - Huh?
Wi-Fi.
Wi-Fi?
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wi-Fi, 'course I got Wi-Fi.
- BETH: Oh, great. - Me, I love Wi-Fi. (LAUGHS)
Oh, yeah, I get Wi-Fi.
- Oh, yeah, I'll get Wi-Fi. - TIM: (LAUGHS) Okay, okay.
See? I told you, we're not in the Dark Ages out here.
It's gonna be fine.
Here's Wi-Fi.
- (CLEARS THROAT) - Hello.
- I'm Bella. Brian's wife-aye. - Oh.
BELLA: Yeah, we spoke on the phone.
- Yeah, Bella. Of course. - Oh, Brian's wife... aye.
- (LAUGHS) Aye! - Oh, I... Now I get it.
We'll leave youse to it. Let you get yourselves
all cosy and that.
Oh. Just remember, close your windows at night
and don't go in that wood up top.
Why not?
Some folks say it's enchanted.
Strange creatures, floaty lights,
weird noises. The usual things.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) I wouldn't say that was very usual.
Why do you think this place was so cheap, eh?
- (BOTH LAUGHING) - (BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY)
Their faces!
- Taddy-bye-byes, like. - Taddy-bye-bye.
- Bye. - Night-night.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
- (CHUCKLES) - Which they will.
- Bye. - POLLY: Right.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Weird locals, spooky wood, tick and tick.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Yep.
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
(OWL HOOTS)
- (SOFT RUSTLING) - (GUITAR PLAYING)
(BLOWING)
(COUGHS)
This is so cosy, isn't it?
I'm freezing.
I miss central heating.
(EXCLAIMING)
Ooh, I just thought of something.
Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
It's the perfect time,
- for the family song. - (WHIMPERS) No.
(LAUGHS) Feel free to harmonize,
do the dance, just follow your hearts, okay?
- Okay. - (SIGHS)
# We're a rootin'-tootin' family #
# Together we're a home #
I'm going to bed.
And I hope I never wake up.
# When you're with your family #
I'm going to bed too.
# You're never alone #
# Oh, oh, we're together #
# Come rain or shine #
I think this wood's wet, love.
I'm gonna take Fran to bed.
# So clap your hands and sing along #
Come on.
# We'll all join in and sing the family song #
# So clap your hands and sing along #
# We'll all join in and sing the family #
# Song #
Oh. Right.
(DUSTING HANDS) Bedtime.
Still not talking much, eh?
You used to be such a chatterbox
when you were little. Do you remember?
Do you know that you always used to give me my best ideas?
You did.
Funny little child's brain.
The most wonderful thing on Earth.
Don't hide it away, darling.
Right.
(GROWLS PLAYFULLY)
(POLLY CHUCKLES)
(MIMICS KISSING)
Mwah!
Night-night.
I saw a fairy today.
Did you?
(WHISPERING) I think Fran spoke to me.
What did she say?
"I saw a fairy today."
(GIGGLES)
(TIM SIGHS CONTENTEDLY)
- (INSECTS CHIRPING) - (CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
- (WINDOW CREAKS LOUDLY) - Oh!
Come on.
(SIGHS) I can't believe I let you talk me into this!
- She's human! - Yes, but she's a good human.
She's kind. She gave me back my purse
and she deserves our thanks.
So we need to be kind to her.
Now, in you go.
Oh. Oh, I see.
Get the tiny little pixie
to go through the tiny little gap!
And what's wrong with that?
It's size-ist! That's what!
I mean
you're a fairy, mm?
Aren't fairies supposed to be small
and fly about the place like a little bird?
Well, Pixie, you know, that's a sore point for me, so...
Oh. So I have to suffer?
And face the wrath of Moonface?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, it's fine.
So you just didn't want any of those pop cakes, then?
I like pop cakes.
Just this once, Silky.
In you go.
- Don't tell me what to do! - Okay.
On the count of three,
you're going to jump, all right?
- PIXIE: Ooh-hoo-hoo. - Okay.
Three, two, one.
I'm not scared.
I'm a little, you know...
Whoo! (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
- Count to five. Less scary. - Ooh.
- Five, four... - Mm. Mm.
- Three, two... - Ooh. (YELPS)
- (SCREAMING) - Ooh.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! (GROANS)
I can't believe you pushed me.
Time for business.
- You ready? - (GRUNTS) Silky
(THUDS) - (PIXIE GROANS)
Now, go. You've got a job to do.
PIXIE: I want loads of pop cakes for this.
(GRUNTS) Whoa, whoa!
(PANTING)
- Be careful. Easy does it. - (PIXIE STRAINING)
- That's it. Easy. - (GROANING)
A little further.
You're nearly there. Push it.
- (STRAINS, EXHALES) - (SILKY GASPS)
(EXHALES CONTENTEDLY)
Whoa.
Oh. (GRUNTS)
(GASPS) Ooh, ooh!
Now look what's happened.
Great plan, Silky!
(GIGGLING)
How is this funny?
I'm not laughing!
Oh. (MUMBLING) Oh, my God, it's...
(LAUGHING)
(COCKEREL CROWING)
- BETH: What's that noise? - Ah, hey, Beth.
Oh, it's Roger. Nature's alarm clock.
- Fine. - (CLUCKING)
Snooze mode.
- Hey! Whoa! No! - (COCKEREL CLUCKS)
That's not cool. Not cool, Beth.
(SIGHS)
You all right, Rog?
(ROGER CROWING IN DISTANCE)
SILKY:Thank you for giving my purse back.
Come and see us for tea and cakes
at the Faraway Tree.
From your friend, Silky.
PS. Don't tell Moonface.
Bring a gift.
(RAPID THUDDING)
POLLY: Oh, good. Frannie, you're up.
You can help me with breakfast.
It's fried eggs,
but I just have to figure out the oven.
(SIGHING) Okay.
- (SCREAMS) - (CLUCKING)
There's a chicken on it.
Why is there a chicken on it?
Shoo, chicken.
Shoo, shoo. Shoo, shoo. Breakfast might just be
a little bit delayed, sweetheart.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
Whoa. Hey. Hey, hey.
Hi. Whoa, that's too much.
You said you wanted a load of manure.
I did. As in "some" manure. Not a truckload.
BRIAN: What's he blathering on about?
BELLA: I don't know, do I?
- You all right, Frannie? - BELLA: Go on.
- Oh, yeah. - (BRIAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
How big was this horse?
(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)
SILKY: First, enter the wood.
Then, cross the stream.
Go under the tree.
Oh, ignore the signs.
(ENCHANTING MUSIC CONTINUES)
Enter the clearing and you'll see it.
The Magic Faraway Tree.
(FAINT INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
SILKY:Now close your eyes and say,
"I believe in magic" three times.
I believe in magic.
(MAGICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(TREE CREAKING)
(CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Wow.
Whoa!
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTS)
I'm calm. I'm happy. I'm happy.
I'm happy. I'm calm. Mm.
- (SCREAMING) - (GASPS)
- Er, sorry to bother you. - (PIXIE SCREAMING)
Go away and never come back!
(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTS)
Whoa.
(LIGHT METALLIC HUM)
Moonface?
Of course I told Watzisname
not to eat the bang-bang mustard,
and now he's awfully uncomfortable.
(PANS CLANKING)
- Shame, really. - (BOTH GASP)
Good gracious!
I mean... er, a thief! Intruder!
(PANTS) Saucepan Man, go get help.
- (PANTS) Who... - (CLANKING)
Who are you?
What do you want?
- Erm... I... - (CLANKING)
- What's that? - You said, "Go get kelp."
I said go get help for me!
(GRUNTS, SPUTTERS) What are you doing?
You said, "Throw some kelp at me."
- MOONFACE: Gah! - Goodness me.
What is all this caterwauling?
I came in to find this tiny little human
with her grubby little fingers all over my precious things.
Hello. I'm Silky.
So called for my silky golden hair.
What's your name, little one?
Er, Francesca.
Fran for short.
Oh.
See, she's not a stranger.
This is Francesca Franfershort.
But she... But she's a human!
Humans are expressly forbidden
from entering the Enchanted Wood!
Yes, but she's brought a gift.
And humans are allowed
into the Enchanted Wood if they bring gifts.
We agreed that at the last
- general meeting, remember? - What meeting?
- (CLANKS) - Hmm?
The one that... that you missed.
Show him the gift, Franfershort.
Oh, it's in my bag.
- SAUCEPAN MAN: Hmm? - Oh.
Oh, it's a...
Oh, it's one of these. Ah.
Well
demonstrate the gift.
SAUCEPAN MAN: Mm.
(RAPID THUDDING)
- Huh. - (GASPS)
(CHUCKLES) It seems like a silly little thing.
SILKY: Oh. SAUCEPAN MAN: Mm.
Well, well, well, I... I
shall master this pathetic device in seconds,
because I am the greatest at all things.
- (CHUCKLING) - Here we go.
(PANS CLANKING)
Shush your pans, Saucy! You're putting me off!
Whoop. Just... (CHUCKLES UNCERTAINLY)
See?
Oh. Oh. (MUTTERS)
(PANTS, GRUMBLES)
That's Moonface.
- Goodness gracious! - I guessed that.
- MOONFACE: Silly thing! - And this...
(GRUNTING)
This is Saucepan Man.
Saucy, this is Fran.
- Hello, Stan. - Oh.
Er, he's a little hard of hearing
on account of all the saucepans.
Why doesn't he just take them off?
Take them off? Well, then I wouldn't be.
Saucepan Man, would I? Dumb-dumb.
Oh. Did you meet the angry pixie downstairs?
Angry? (LAUGHS) I'm furious!
Don't worry about him.
Come on, let's go meet the others.
(MOONFACE GRUNTING)
Come on, Moony.
You all live in this tree?
Yes. Can you imagine a better place?
It's amazing.
Yeah, it's all right.
It's a bit better than just all right.
(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)
FEMALE: Incoming!
SILKY: Oh! Better stand aside.
That's Dame Washalot.
She empties her bucket around this time of morning.
- Hello. - Oh!
And this is Mr Watzisname.
Oh, I hate it when I forget people's names.
Oh. No, no. He can't remember his name.
It's true. I used to know so much,
but now, nothing at all.
Still, happens to everyone, I suppose.
Actually, it hasn't happened to anyone else I know.
- (BELL DINGING) - BOTH: Ooh!
That is a new land
arriving at the top of the Faraway Tree.
Would you like to come and have a look?
(EXHALES)
Have fun. Nice to meet you.
(MOONFACE GRUNTS)
- DAME WASHALOT: All right? - And this is Dame Washalot.
Need anything washing, sweetheart?
No. I'm okay, thanks.
Dame Washalot knows everything there is to know
about the lands at the top of the tree.
- Oh, stop it. (GIGGLES) - SILKY: Ooh!
Shall we see what's up there today?
DAME WASHALOT: Ooh, that's a good idea.
Let's take a look.
(CHUCKLING)
It's the Land of Goodies today!
Oh, you'll have a great time up there, little one.
Nothing to fear at all.
Except you must leave before the land turns!
Otherwise, you'll be stuck there for good. You hear?
She does that a lot.
Oh, you'll have so much fun. (GIGGLES)
Shall we go into launch mode?
What's launch mode?
Just you wait.
Launch mode goes a little something like this.
- (UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) - SAUCEPAN MAN: Let's go.
SILKY: I love this one.
We can do it together. Start like this.
And bigger, and twirl.
Let's go this way.
(UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC CONTINUES)
I love this one.
(MUFFLED UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
SAUCEPAN MAN: Here we go.
Yeah, go.
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
- (MUSIC ENDS) - (CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Wow.
(TUTTING)
Attention!
Welcome to the Land of Goodies.
(GIGGLES)
Here, there's one rule and one rule only.
Don't be greedy.
So I'm gonna let you guys go and get a lot... Oh!
(WARBLING)
Everybody duck, flying saucers.
(CHUCKLES) I love flying saucers.
- POLICEMAN: Remember... - (SILKY GASPS)
There is no need for greed.
Fran, look!
(GIGGLES)
- Thank you. Cheers. - POLICEMAN: Remember,
- no greed. - (SIGHS) Jobsworth.
Right. Load me up.
- Don't be shy. - FRAN: Mm!
Sour. Love it.
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY) Look at them!
They are much bigger than last year, aren't they?
(GASPS) Oh!
This is called a pop cake.
- Why is it called a pop cake? - You'll see.
- (POPS) - (GASPS)
(GASPS) What do you think?
- Mm! Mm! - (SILKY GIGGLING)
- Mm. - Beware! Decay! Beware!
- Decay! - Crackpot.
- HELPER: Beware! Decay! - Jog on.
Sugary, sugary fruit punch?
Don't mind if I do.
Yeah.
Hmm.
- (GRUNTS) - (LAUGHTER)
(CLEARS THROAT, CHUCKLES) Got quite a kick to it.
The most delicious marshmallows
in all of the lands.
- What do you think? - FRAN: Wow, my favourite.
SILKY: Let's have a look.
MOONFACE: Mm. Nothing like marshmallows.
SAUCEPAN MAN: Right, go on. Get the marshmallows.
MOONFACE: Absolutely.
- (CLUCKING) - (ENGINE SPLUTTERING)
(POPS, BACKFIRES)
(ENGINE SPLUTTERING)
- What are you doing? - Hey!
(HORN BLARING)
Oh, no, you know,
- getting the old... - (CLANKS)
The tracky going. You know how it goes.
(CLEARS THROAT) Yeah, gonna make this baby sing.
(EXPLODES, HISSES)
POLLY: Tim? TIM: Yeah?
I'm thinking that I'm gonna start applying for jobs.
- No, no, no, no, no, no. - Yes.
TIM: I think the kids might be getting into it.
My game just died.
What do I do now?
Go outside and play, Joe.
Mm, with what?
With other humans.
Play with your sisters. Where's Beth?
Beth says this place has triggered boredom trauma.
- (BOTH LAUGHING) - TIM: I can't do it.
It's been a day, dude!
At least Fran's out there having a good time.
Oh. Where is Fran? I thought she was with you.
No, I thought she was with you.
- No. - Er...
Oh, I did see her. She was, erm...
You don't think she would
she would have gone to the wood up top, do you?
The wood they said not to go in?
Yeah, the haunted wood.
POLLY: Uh-oh. TIM: Oh!
(TIM GROANS)
(FLYING SAUCERS WARBLING)
SAUCEPAN MAN: Just flying saucers and no bananas.
But I like bananas more.
I'm on the lookout for some flumps.
Hello. Have you got any flumps?
Oh!
SAUCEPAN MAN: Oh, thank you. Very good.
Thank you.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(PANTS)
Oh. Careful, little one.
You won't be able to carry that basket soon.
(LOUD RUMBLING)
- What's going on? - The land's about to turn.
We need to get down the hatch, quick!
SAUCEPAN MAN: Come on, Silky. SILKY: Come along, Fran!
FRAN: But I haven't had a marshmallow.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm stuck!
(TUTTING)
Very disappointing.
- "Be sensible," I said. - (BREATHING HEAVILY)
- Let's start with your name. - FRAN: I have to go!
The only place you're going
is to a greedy, greedy prison, young lady.
- (RUMBLING CONTINUES) - POLLY: Fran!
- Fran! - TIM: Fran!
Frannie!
- Fran! - Frannie!
- (RUMBLING) - Oh. Oh.
- Where's the little one? - We can't go back.
We'll get stuck. Leave her.
We can't leave her. Come on!
No one touch me flying saucer!
- Fran! - Fran!
Fran? I see her!
I see her!
MOONFACE: Well, it would be marshmallows.
SILKY: Oh, Fran! POLICEMAN: Excuse me.
- FRAN: I'm stuck! - Oh! Quick, help! She's stuck.
POLICEMAN: You guys are aiding a felon!
You're all under arrest! I need names!
We're hardly gonna give you our names, Officer.
- Help us face, Moonface! - Moonface, all right.
Oh, thanks a lot, Silky!
- Silky, gotcha! - Come on, help!
All right!
POLICEMAN: So many
greedy, greedy prisoners for greedy prison.
(STRAINS)
- (GRUNTS) - POLICEMAN: Aha! You see?
You're all under ar
(CLANKS) - (SCREAMING)
- Come on! - FRAN: Nice shot,
- Saucepan Man. - (WHIMPERS)
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Me google buns.
Oh! They're all right, actually.
- (RUMBLING) - (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
They're not gonna make it.
Come on! Get out of the way! Move!
(CLAMOURING)
Get a flipping move on!
POLICEMAN: You're under arrest.
- (HELPER SHOUTING IN PANIC) - Shush!
Stop! Stop!
Stop! Oi!
You'll be back, and I'll be waiting,
you greedy greedies!
- How was it, then? - It was amazing.
Well, you haven't seen the best bit yet.
The slippery slip.
The what?
- (WHIMPERS SOFTLY) - Worry not, little one.
There's absolutely nothing to be afraid of.
You all right?
- Erm... - Great.
ALL: Five, four, three,
- two... - (SCREAMS)
- One? - Oh, Moony.
(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoa!
(SCREAMS)
Whoa!
(PANTS)
- Got it. - Okay, great.
We gotta quickly get a search party.
- Search party? - Yeah. For your sister.
She's missing. Remember your sister?
You used to care about her and love her, and she's missing.
- It's partly your fault. - My fault?
- Yeah. - How is this my fault?
If you'd been playing with her instead of
sitting in your room and throwing shoes
- at chickens... - Playing with her?
Do I look eight years old?
If anything, this is your fault
for filling her head with rubbish about some wood
being full of joy and wonder.
When can we get electricity?
- Joe, no! - Ah! Just give me a minute.
You're both behaving like a couple of spoiled brats!
Spoiled? Is it too much
- to ask for electricity? - Yes, it is, actually!
Do you know where electricity comes from, how it's made?
It comes from plugs, doesn't it?
- Oh, Joe. - Yeah, well, maybe if you'd
had a job as well as Mum, then we wouldn't have had to
- move here in the first place! - Beth!
- Why are you all arguing? - (POLLY GASPS)
- Oh, Frannie! - Fran!
TIM: Oh, darling!
- Oh, my God, I was so worried. - Oh!
Where'd you go, you silly billy? Huh?
I'm sorry.
- I lost track of time. - Oh, it's okay.
- It's okay. - No, no, no, it's not okay.
No, no, it's not okay.
Where have you been, Fran?
I was in the wood, but it's not spooky at all.
It's enchanted and wonderful. Just like you said, Dad.
I went up the Faraway Tree
and got stuck in the Land of Goodies.
But the Saucepan Man and Silky came to help.
And Moonface, even though he doesn't like me.
- And she's gone totally mad. - Hey, Beth.
I think I preferred the non-talking Fran.
TIM: Shh!
Does no one believe me?
Yeah, we do. Of course we do, darling.
But we're so glad that you had a good time, sweetheart.
But the next time that you want
to go to your enchanted wood, you have to go
- with Joe and Beth. Okay? - TIM: With Joe and Beth. Yeah.
- Okay? - Okay.
It's so lovely to hear your voice.
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) - TIM: Hmm.
Mm! Oh. (SIGHS)
(CLUCKING)
(WHISTLING)
Buongiorno. Buongiorno, bambini!
Rise and shine.
It's a beautiful day at Casa Thompson.
(WHISPERING) Ciao. Ciao, bambini.
How we doing? Here we go.
Huh?
Oh, come on!
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHS)
- Say hello to running water. - (LAUGHS)
I might have had an idea for an irrigation system.
(BLOWS)
- This is the basic structure. - Okay.
- Yeah, here? - I think we need to put
the corners out, and then we can measure it accurately.
There's one window, there's two windows.
Yep, watch out for that thing.
- Okay. - We did it.
BETH: Dear Grandma,
I know I'm not supposed to tell you, but you should know.
We've become poor and moved to the countryside.
Dad is making a fool of himself as always.
TIM: Oh.
BETH:And his crazy plan to grow tomatoes
is infecting the whole family. Even Mum.
She's now actually helping him.
I'm starting to worry she's been completely brainwashed.
(YELPS, LAUGHS)
- Yeah! - BETH: Joe has got
- severe withdrawal problems. - (MIMICS SHOOTING)
Let's get the chest. Stupid meg sword.
BETH:And Fran's senses have gone completely.
Please come to the Enchanted Wood.
BETH:I've tried making friends with the local kids,
but the conversation is far from riveting.
These are no ordinary wellies.
They have a Gore-Tex lining for extra dryness.
Got any Gore-Tex wellies?
No.
Oh, Grandma, please rescue us.
You're the only one who could end this insanity
and get us back to the real world.
Best wishes. Your granddaughter, Beth.
Er, you've also had an email from Buckingham Palace.
Would you like to have tea with the King on Thursday?
Oh, that's a hard no.
(SCOFFS) I can't stand their stair carpet.
Oh. Look, sorry, I almost forgot.
There's also this.
GRANDMA: Oh, a letter!
- Yes. - (LAUGHS) I remember those.
Yes. What fun!
- But how do you get into it? - Oh. I'm sorry. God, sorry.
Er, I'll just open that for you.
Oh!
What is that smell?
I believe it's horse manure, ma'am.
Oh, horse manure? Oh.
(SNIFFS) Ugh, horse manure. (COUGHS)
- (GREGORIAN CHANTS PLAYING) - (CHANTING WITH MUSIC)
What are you doing now?
Gregorian chants, darling.
Good for the plants. They love it!
(ENGINE STARTS)
And I've got the tractor running on tomato juice.
- (WHOOPS) - (LOUD SNAP)
- (YELPS) - Oi!
Well, it's a work in progress.
(TIM CHUCKLES)
What do you want?
Please come to the Enchanted Wood.
You know what? Fine.
Anything is better than being here.
Finally!
(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)
Seriously?
Ugh, it's wet! Ugh!
(JOE GRUNTS)
Ugh!
Oh, my God, it's in my hair!
Hello? I'm literally seeing warning signs right now.
Don't worry. They're just to scare humans off.
- But we're humans, aren't we? - It's okay. They know me.
- Who's they? - Don't you remember, Joe?
Fran's friends with the fairies.
JOE: I'm tired.
Guys, it's just there.
It's just a tree.
Now close your eyes
and say, "I believe in magic" three times.
There's no way I'm saying that.
- I believe in magic. - I believe in magic.
Close your eyes.
- I believe in magic. - I believe in magic.
BOTH: I believe in magic.
Oh, my God, Fran. A fairy! Look! (BLOWS)
It's because you didn't say it, Beth.
I'll say it, and then it will be evidenced
as juvenile nonsense.
I believe in magic.
- (TREE CREAKING) - (MAGICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
I told you. Come on!
Come on!
- Whoa! - There they are.
- Get on. - JOE: Okay.
Why are we getting on them?
FRAN: You'll see.
What happens now?
- They go up. - Up?
- Up. - BETH: Whoa!
FRAN: Yay! JOE: Mummy!
(CHUCKLES) Do you want to practise kissing? Mm.
You're such a good kisser.
Oi! (SCREAMS)
FRAN: That's where the angry pixie lives.
What is this place?
FRAN: And this is Mr Watzisname.
Mm, morning.
Joe, Saucepan Man. Saucepan Man, Joe.
Hi, Banjo.
Why are you covered in saucepans?
(SIGHS) Why does everyone keep asking me that?
The clue is in the name.
MOONFACE: Great. More humans.
Get ready for more broken promises.
And this is Moonface.
He hates humans.
I'm in charge here.
I'm the wisest
and most cleverest creature in all the lands.
- He's a bit big-headed. - (BOTH CHUCKLE)
That's just hurtful.
Just because someone's physically different...
SILKY: And who am I?
You might be wondering. Hi, Fran.
I am Silky.
So called for my silky golden hair.
- (CHUCKLES) - Oh.
- Is something amusing? - BETH: No, it's just
that's how you define yourself, is it?
By your blonde hair?
No. No. I bake cakes and I look pretty also.
Feminism not made it to these parts, then?
Oh, on the contrary, I love being feminine.
I like you. Hope we can be friends.
I've got enough friends, sister.
(LAUGHING) We can't be sisters, silly.
Well, I mean, unless your parents are from
- the Land of the Fairies. - What?
- DAME WASHALOT: Incoming! - Oh!
Quick! Out of the way!
Why?
(GIGGLES)
What the heck?
Oh, dear.
- Dame Washalot. - (DINGING)
Land of Birthdays is here!
Land of Birthdays!
Run along, I'll catch you up.
- Let's go! Come on! - Come on, Beth.
(SIGHS)
FRAN: You'll love this, Joe.
It's a ladder that goes to other worlds.
JOE: Sounds amazing.
Have you gone insane?
I can't let you go up a massive ladder
through a hole in the clouds.
Why not? We'll be fine.
Worry not, sister. We'll look after them.
Oh, it's wet.
- Please, Beth! - Come on, Beth.
Fine. I'll give you five minutes.
- Yes! - DAME WASHALOT: Lovely.
That'll give me enough time to wash your top.
Come here.
You're covered in soap suds.
Whatever have you been up to?
- (CHUCKLING) - I wonder.
Take it off.
Right. Are we ready for a bit of launch mode?
- Yes, yes. - DAME WASHALOT: Ooh. Oh!
And remember to wrap up warm up there!
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) - Why?
The reason we have to dress up warm is,
because of the icing!
(GASPS SOFTLY)
MOONFACE: Come on. Don't dawdle.
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
Welcome.
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Welcome to the Land of Birthdays!
Where every day is your birthday!
And your wishes all come true.
What are you? Pixies?
(ALL GASP)
Please do not insult us like that!
Actually, we are elves.
Birthday elves to be precise.
Please come join us for your birthday celebration.
ELF: Come on. Come on.
- Look at the jelly! - Wow!
Burger shake.
- Pizza, my favourite! - My favourite!
- SAUCEPAN MAN: Mm! - And now, if you make a wish,
- it shall come true. - SAUCEPAN MAN: A fish?
What's he talking about? How do you make a fish?
Mate, you never hear anything.
You need to lose the saucepans.
Fine! I wish that I had no saucepans.
Then you'll all see why I need them.
Hmm!
- (YELPS) - (GASPS)
SAUCEPAN MAN: Hmm? Hmm?
- (LAUGHING) - Happy now?
I look ridiculous!
Totally naked!
I love video games, but Mind Blast is my favourite.
So I wish I could be my Mind Blast game character.
- (GASPS) - Ooh!
JOE: So cool!
I love it! I love it! I love it!
Incredible!
Extraordinary!
Me next.
I want to be small, I want to have wings,
I want to be
the fairiest fairy in all the lands.
(CRACKLING)
Silky?
- MOONFACE: Silky? - Where are you?
MOONFACE: Where have you gone?
(MAGICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- (ALL GASP, APPLAUD) - (SIGHS)
- ELF: Little. Little wings. - (EXHALES) Oh!
- (GASPS) - ELF: Little wings!
- (GIGGLES) - Oh!
(GASPING)
- Whoa. She's flying. - Whoa!
I can fly.
- And now, it is your turn. - (SNAPS FINGERS)
I hate the sound of my own voice.
Aw.
I wish.
I had someone else's voice.
- (CRACKLING) - (ALL APPLAUD)
(IN GRUFF VOICE) I wonder if it worked.
Oh, no! This is worse than before.
Oh!
Please, sir, can I change my wish?
Er...
Me too. I can't eat my pizza.
Ah, no. Once a wish has been wished...
It cannot be reversed.
- Until when? - Until the end of time.
- What? - Buh.
Uh-oh.
(DAME WASHALOT HUMMING)
There you are, dearie. All done.
Well, it's shrunk a bit.
Well, maybe a bit.
I mean, it's all that synthetic material
they use in your world.
(SCOFFS)
My world? What are you talking about?
It is a bit confusing, isn't it?
Worlds, lands. But it's really very simple.
At the top of that ladder are lands that come and go.
Come have a look. This shows us what land we're on.
There's loads. There's, erm, the Land of Toys. Mm?
Land of Dreams. Ooh, that's a good one.
And, oh, yes, the Land of Giants.
(CHUCKLES) I mean, they're all nice, really.
Not a bad land among them.
Apart from the Land of Dame Snap!
Oh, sorry, did I say land? I meant prison!
(LOUD CLANK)
You're going to stay here to learn.
And to learn,
I must break you.
Like this!
Okay.
But it's the Land of Birthdays today, right?
Nothing bad can happen there.
Well, I mean, only if they've wished for something silly.
But they wouldn't do that, would they?
Well, you can have this back.
Oh. You sure you don't want it?
It gets chilly up there.
Suit yourself. Oh.
If you are going up,
can you give this to the birthday elves?
It's their washing.
Thanks, dearie.
(SIGHS) Kids these days.
They really are so ungrateful.
(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, my God.
(WHOOSHES)
ELF: Fantastic, our laundry. She's here.
Welcome to the Land of Birthdays!
PINK ELF: Where every day is your birthday...
- And all your wishes... - Come true. Yeah, I know.
Er, fine. I wish my dad's dumb tomato dream fails
- so we can all go home. - (EXPLOSION)
It's a bit early for the wishes, but okay.
Great. Now where's my brother and sister?
FRAN: (IN GRUFF VOICE) It's Beth!
Beth, we've made some terrible mistakes.
Let me take a wild guess.
You all made stupid wishes.
I just wish I had my own voice back!
SILKY: Well, Beth, I think you'll see
that we didn't all make stupid wishes.
My one is pretty spectacular, as I'm sure you'll agree.
If you wish to be a flying cupcake... Perfect.
And you,
are no longer my sister.
LIGHT BLUE ELF: Can we have our laundry already?
- Laundry? - My colours are going limp.
- Laundry, s'il vous plait. - (ELVES CLAMOURING)
- Uh, uh, uh. Not so fast. - (CLAMOURING STOPS)
No clean clothes until the wishes are reversed.
- What? - But there is no way.
But we need clean clothes, eh, Jean?
There is a man
who lives in the basement beneath this land.
He may be able to help you.
But we must warn you. He is, er,
- not a nice man. - No.
What's his name?
Mr Oom Boom Boom.
(IN GRUFF VOICE) It says knock seven times.
(SCOFFS)
MR OOM BOOM BOOM: In a row!
You're kidding met. What? Who is it?
Erm, the elves sent us.
They said you might be able to help us?
Mr Oom Boom Boom helps no one but himself!
I wonder why they call him Mr Oom Boom Boom.
- (SIGHS) - (SLAMS)
So I've got a loud voice.
I've had it since childhood!
So rude!
Oh, please, Mr Oom Boom Boom.
Just reverse their wishes and we'll be on our way.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
You're very small.
(CHUCKLES) I know.
Who are you?
Oh. Well, I am Silky.
And I am the most fairiest fairy
in all of the lands.
Oh, oh, I-I do not need my wish reversing, by the way.
I am incredibly happy with it,
in spite of what some people might think. Huh!
Mm...
Mm. (INHALES, SPLUTTERS)
You know, on second thoughts, I, er,
changed my mind.
- I will help you. - Really?
(SHOUTING) That's what I just said, didn't I?
- SILKY: Oh. - Now follow me.
Oh, excuse the mess.
I wasn't expecting visitors.
This place is usually by appointment only!
Are you a scrap dealer?
I prefer the term "art dealer".
I deal in valuable artefacts
from all the lands!
See, this is a snowman
from the Land of Ice and Snow!
Right.
Obviously, it melted, but you
you... you get the idea! Okay?
I've got spells.
I've got spells
from the Land of... Spells.
- The Land of Spells? - Yes.
JOE: Is there one to reverse our wishes?
Oh, well, wouldn't that be convenient? No!
You need this...
Wait. What... what...
Aha! Here we are. Yes.
I won this door playing poker
with a bloke from the Land of Back to Front.
Four aces I had without cheating!
You go in there, say your wishes again,
and they'll be reversed.
- BOTH: Great. - Ba-ba-ba-ba.
Not so fast.
Like I said, I am a dealer.
So before you go in there, we have to strike a deal.
Fine. What's the deal?
I want the fairy.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
- Absolutely not. - (IN GRUFF VOICE) No!
- Never. - It's not for me,
it's for Santa Claus!
Santa Claus? Seriously?
He offered me money to find him
the best fairy in all the lands
for his Christmas tree this year.
That's the deal.
Take it or leave it.
Not in a gazillion years.
SILKY: Wait.
- I agree to the deal. - (GASPS EXCITEDLY)
- Silky? - No.
We can't let you do this.
It won't be so bad. I'll be with "the" Santa Claus.
I mean, what could be more fun for a fairy than that?
I have to do this,
if not for you, my old friends, then
the children,
my new friends.
Beautiful sentiments. Thank you, fairy.
You'd do this for us?
'Course I would.
I was wrong about you, Silky.
And I was wrong about you.
When?
I... I... I don't know,
it just sort of felt like the right thing to say.
I think we could have been friends.
Maybe even sisters.
(GASPS JOYFULLY)
BETH: And I was being mean before.
You look great.
I just thought you looked pretty cool the way you were.
Oh.
Can we hurry this along, please?
I've got to catch the last post!
So, go, fairy,
to the packing station, if you please.
- (BUZZING) - Oh.
Before you go in there,
there are snacks.
So help yourself.
(OMINOUSLY)if you can.
Or, "nac-uoy-fi", as they say here.
- Nac-uoy-fi? - SILKY: Bye, Joe.
- Bye, Beth. Bye, Fran. - SAUCEPAN MAN: Bye, Silky.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Nac-uoy-fi,
if you can.
Nac-uoy-fi
if you can.
(DISCORDANTLY) We need to speak backwards.
(CRUNCHING)
(DISCORDANTLY) Oh, my gosh.
(DISCORDANTLY) I wish I was my Mind Blast character.
Mm. In you pop.
That's it. Nice and safe.
Snug and warm.
Sorry, fairy! This ain't going to Santa Claus!
It's going to Dame Snap! (LAUGHING WICKEDLY)
(IN GRUFF VOICE) I wish I had someone else's voice.
FRAN: (IN NORMAL VOICE) Yay, it worked!
(LAUGHING WICKEDLY)
Oh, Dame Snap will be so pleased
- with little Oom Boom. - DAME SNAP: Who's a good boy?
Dame Snap!
Silky is in danger.
Hey, what are you doing?
Mind your own beeswax!
You're sending her to Dame Snap.
Dame Snap?
This will not dot.
- (MOCKINGLY) Ooh. - Come here!
Oh! (CHUCKLING)
- (GRUNTS) - Whoa, oh!
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY) - You come here, you! (YELLS)
(YAWNS) That was quick.
Wow, the North Pole.
Oh, you're okay.
Santa,
you look exactly like my friend Beth.
I am Beth.
Oom Boom Boom was gonna send you to Dame Snap.
You saved me.
- Er, I guess. - (OOM BOOM BOOM EXCLAIMING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHS) Hands up!
- (GASPS) - This here is a toffee gun.
See? (LAUGHS WICKEDLY)
And I'm not afraid to use it!
If you don't hand the fairy back,
- the lot of you are gonna... - (CLANGS)
- (MUFFLED SHOUTING) - And that is why
I wear saucepans.
Ooh! Good to have you back.
- (LOUD RUMBLING) - MOONFACE: Oh!
The land's moving! Let's get out of here!
Wait! Where's Silky?
- Hey. - Hey.
All the wings and the tininess,
that wasn't really me.
I prefer me.
SAUCEPAN MAN: Right, let's go! Come on!
- Go, go, go! - Oh! Come on, this way!
JOE: Run, run!
Go, go, go, go, go!
(MUFFLED) So unhappy right now! (SOBS)
(LOUD RUMBLING)
- SAUCEPAN MAN: Go, go, go! - (CLAMOURING)
MOONFACE: (PANTING) Come on down the hatch!
- FRAN: Hurry! - Always with the door!
(GRUNTS)
- (MUSIC ENDS) - Cocoa, please, Mummy.
FRAN: Hi, Mr Watzisname.
Er, er... Hello.
- Do me a favour, okay, Silky? - Anything.
Don't let any of these boys boss you around any more.
All right.
Now, you do me this favour.
BETH: Sure.
Wear this pretty flower in your hair.
Okay.
Come on, you guys! Hurry up!
What the...
See you on the other side.
(WHOOPS)
There is no way I'm going down that.
Never in a million years.
- (ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING) - (SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
Yes! Amazing!
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
(DISTANT HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
What's that?
It's Grandma's helicopter.
Grandma?
How did she know we were here?
I don't know. I'm a helicopter, too, guys.
(MIMICS HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
Well, you don't quit your job over silly things
like moral principles!
I mean, what am I to say
to people down at the club when they ask about you, mm?
I will have to say she's
unemployed!
No! I will say you are in a coma or something.
Frieda, would you like some pumpkin seeds?
No. What do you think I am, a hamster? (SCOFFS)
Ah, kinder. (LAUGHS DRYLY) Ugh!
Stand up straight, get a haircut. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, so pretty, Fran. Ja. (CHUCKLES)
Beth. Good girl.
POLLY: Hi, guys.
- TIM: Hey. (LAUGHS) - Where have you been?
Beth and Joe came with me to the Enchanted Wood.
It was so fun!
- Really? - Yeah.
And what did you learn in this Enchanted Wood?
Learn? Oh. Er.
- I don't know. - "I don't know."
TIM: No, it's okay. It's playtime.
Playing is plenty.
So how are you going to pay this farmer his money? Mm?
We're making Dad's tomato sauce...
Dad's tomato sauce? (LAUGHING)
There will be a grand launch at the end of...
- (MUFFLED SPEAKING) - TIM: Mm.
- FRIEDA: Oh, ja, ja. - Yep.
FRIEDA: No, I... I forgot about.
Timothy's heritage.
(SPEAKS ITALIAN)
Oh, I actually don't know how to speak Italian, yet.
But you're learning, are you?
No, no, no. My dad said, one day,
it would just, sort of, come to me
when the, erm... you know, when the time was right.
Yeah, of course it will. And how will you be paying
your manufacturing expenses, hmm?
Your machinery, your equipment?
- I'm doing that. - TIM: Mm!
- You? - Yes.
(LAUGHS DRILY) I'm laughing! Ho-ho-ho!
Polly has designed
and made literally everything that we could possibly need.
Tim.
TIM: She made an automated
irrigation structure from nothing.
Sprinkler?
Oh, no, but then you combine it with this.
This multi-domed,
temperature-regulated climate marquee.
A greenhouse?
You do know these things
have already been invented, don't you?
That's not really the point, Mum.
FRIEDA: (SHOUTING) Then what is the point, Polly?
If you don't mind me asking.
Frieda, let's pump the brakes.
I am extremely disappointed in you, Polly.
I thought you would be.
How about we put this truck in reverse?
Beep, beep, beep, beep
I am not playing bumper cars with you, Timothy!
It may seem strange to you, Frieda, but we're happy here.
Well, I'm sure you are, Timothy.
But what about you, Beth, huh?
Don't you miss your friends?
Don't you want to be back in the city?
- Well, yes, but... - FRIEDA: Well, there we are.
I will get you a place in a good school
in the city next term and you can stay with me.
- Mum! - TIM: Whoa.
Don't worry, I will leave you alone for now.
Or, in fact, put this grand launch into the diary.
(LAUGHS SMUGLY)
Yes, I will be here
to witness the disaster.
- Oh, great. - And then, of course,
rescue you from all this chaos.
We'll see ourselves out.
Thank you for your letter, Beth.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
Hmm. (LAUGHS SMUGLY)
Oh, dear.
- (SIGHS) - (TIM SIGHS)
(TUTS)
Er... (EXHALES) Well...
Sun's going down. I'd best fire up the electricity.
We've got electricity?
And Wi-Fi.
- He... He doesn't mean... - He doesn't mean me. No.
He means actual Wi-Fi.
Ah.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES)
- (GIRLS CHATTERING) - Hi! I'm back!
- Oh, gee, we missed you! - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I missed you, too.
GIRL 1: You okay, though?
Sure. Why?
You've got plants in your hair, babes.
- (CRACKLING) - Oh. Oh.
(GROANS) The electricity is gone. Hello?
(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION)
- (CRACKLING) - (TIM PANTING)
(BEEPING)
(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION)
(PANTING)
- (SHORT, RAPID BEEPING) - (SIGHS)
(WHOOPS)
POLLY: Oh, Beth, there you are.
I'm just about to show Fran and Joe the dream binder.
What's a dream binder?
It's something that me and your dad made
when we were students.
It's a place where you record your dreams.
Dreams of what we wanted to do, who we wanted to be.
It's the reason that we came here, in a way.
Really?
Yeah. Well, you know that your dad grew up round here,
just the other side of your wood, actually.
And his dad grew tomatoes, just like we're doing.
What happened?
Well, your granddad
died very suddenly when Daddy was little,
and him and his mum,
they tried to keep the business going,
but it was too much just for the two of them.
So, eventually, they moved to the city,
and your dad went to art school.
And that's where we started dreaming together.
Don't judge the drawing.
There we are.
- JOE: That's you. - That is me. Very young me.
- (CHUCKLING) - Dad wanted to be a rock star?
He did, yeah, among other things.
- (CHUCKLES) - Why didn't he?
Well, he was busy looking after you lot.
Oh.
Which let me go after my dreams.
You made a space station?
Oh, no, I didn't.
I invented a fridge.
But one day, a space station.
- Oh. (CHUCKLES) - Is that Grandma?
It is. Yeah.
It's funny, I'd forgotten I'd drawn that.
You got her face wrong.
Yeah, it's probably because she's smiling.
- Yeah. Yeah. - (LAUGHS)
All I ever wanted to do was to
well, make her proud.
That's the thing about dreams, isn't it?
Sometimes they just don't come true,
no matter how hard you wish for them.
(GASPS) Oh. Now, this is the one I want to show you.
Now, your dad and I, we drew this
before any of you were even born,
because one of our dreams
was that we'd live here in the countryside,
living off the land, with hopefully a happy family.
You guys, basically.
There we are.
But why am I a girl?
Er, yeah. Well, like I said,
you can't have everything, can you?
(ALL LAUGH)
I wanted you guys to know why we're here.
Look, I... I know it's been hard,
and mad.
But your dad and I just felt like we were all growing apart
and that, maybe, a place like this
would help to bring us all back together again.
Maybe it's worked.
Do you remember the last time we did this?
I don't think we've ever done this.
(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)
(HORN BEEPS)
Any jars, anyone? Spare jars?
(HAMMER THUDDING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Hang on. (GROWLS PLAYFULLY)
Here you go.
Mm!
(GASPS)
- Put it in your mouth. - (POLLY EXCLAIMS)
It's the dirtiest glove in the whole world.
(GRUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
(GRUNTS) Great, just stepped in snail poop.
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
Guys, it's from Silky.
The Land of Dreams is at the top of the tree today.
Today? Okay, come on, guys, let's go.
Joe, we've got to finish this.
We will. Land of Dreams tonight!
- Tonight! Yes! - Here we go! Get to work.
Let's go. Come on, we've got this.
Hey!
- (TIM EXCLAIMS) - (PLAYFUL CHATTER)
(CHILDREN SQUEALING, LAUGHING)
(TIM LAUGHS)
Mm! Best pasta sauce yet, Dad!
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) It is the climate, just like Italy,
- where my forefathers... - POLLY: Oh, no!
They tilled the land with their bare hands.
You're not Italian, you fool.
We haven't even been to Italy.
Why is my pasta sauce-a so good, eh?
Spaghetti race, me and you.
Three, two, one!
- (IN NORMAL VOICE) Go, go, go! - Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
- TIM: Race, race, spaghetti. - POLLY: Go, go, go, go!
BETH: Come on, Fran, you've gotta beat him.
(LAUGHING)
- (ALL LAUGHING) - TIM: (LAUGHS) No! Don't, no!
Why aren't they coming back?
I thought they quite liked us.
Don't worry, everyone. Of course they're coming back.
Hmm.
(INHALES)
(SNIFFS, CLEARS THROAT)
- (LIGHT CLANKING) - MOONFACE: Hmm?
They're not coming back, are they?
I told you.
They always forget about us when they grow up.
Well, best we forget about them, too.
Come on.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
Dad, someone from the DeCanio's
is coming to the launch today.
- POLLY: What? - What?
They're the biggest tomato sauce company in the world.
Hey, if they like your sauce, then we can pay off this place
- in no time. - TIM: Well, all right.
Does anyone want to help me harvest
some really juicy tomatoes?
- Yeah! - (LAUGHING)
- Okay, let's go! - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)
# Let's get tomatoes #
ALL: # Let's get tomatoes #
- ? Let's get tomatoes? - TIM: # Hey, hey! #
(JOE WHOOPS)
TIM: Okay, drum roll please, Joe!
- (MIMICKING DRUM ROLL) - Trumpet, Fran!
- (MIMICKING TRUMPET) - ALL: Hey!
(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
TIM: No. No, no, no, no. No.
How?
I don't understand.
They were fine yesterday.
(TIM BREATHING HEAVILY)
Maggots.
(PLOPS)
- POLLY: No. - Ruined. They're all ruined.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
TIM: (SIGHS) Okay.
I'm sorry, guys.
Adventure's over.
Better start packing.
(SIGHS) I should probably tell the villagers
that the opening is off, and, erm
people from DeCanio's, too.
Wait. Can we have a couple of hours?
- POLLY: What for? - If we can still get
the farmer his money, we can stay, right?
- Yeah, but... - Bethy, it's over, darling.
I can't explain. Just trust me.
Please.
Okay.
Come on, let's go.
JOE: Beth, where are you going?
BETH: This is all my fault. FRAN: No, it's not.
It is.
I made a stupid wish in the Land of Birthdays
for the tomatoes to fail so we could all go home.
All right, then, it is your fault.
Yes. And why didn't you just reverse it?
I wish I had, but I didn't.
So now I've got to fix it.
Are you coming?
- Yeah. We're coming. - Yeah.
(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)
MOONFACE: Do you expect us to help you
when you abandoned us?
We didn't technically abandon you.
We were helping Mum and Dad.
We're going to help them, Moonface.
They're our friends.
MOONFACE: Who put you in charge?
I did, Mister...
Man... head!
- Was that better, Beth? - Getting there, Silky.
All right.
What do you propose?
Oom Boom Boom said there was a Land of Spells?
Yes, a spell would do it.
Yes, a spell that makes tomatoes better again.
Good idea. Only problem is,
the Land of Spells is months away.
Can we cross the lands ourselves?
Completely impossible.
Or.
- Completely possible. - Oh.
It's the Land of Know Alls at the top of the tree today.
If anyone were to know
how to get to the Land of Spells, it's them.
(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)
KNOW ALL 1: You wish to cross the lands...
KNOW ALL 2: To locate a magical spell...
KNOW ALL 3: To save some tomatoes.
So that your father can make his Italian pasta sauce.
Which, in turn, will mean your house and lands
can be saved from your evil grandma.
But crossing the lands is very difficult.
And for this reason, you have come to us,
the Know Alls, for help. (CHUCKLES)
We know all of this
- because... - Because
- we are... - we are
- ? The Know Alls? - ? The Know Alls?
- ? Know Alls? - ? Know Alls?
No. You know all that because we just told you it.
All right, no need to get shirty.
- (SCOFFS) - It's still
stuff we know.
Look, we're in a hurry.
- Ah! - Ah!
You're in a hurry.
I can tell.
I feel the hand of time
weighs heavy on your shoulders.
A ticking clock, no less.
You're doing it again!
Now you're raising your voice at us.
Shouting.
- Losing your temper. - Are we correct?
- ALL: Yes! - That's why
they call us the Know Alls.
- ? Know Alls? - ? Know Alls?
# Know Alls #
(HIGH-PITCHED)? Know Alls?
Do you know a way to cross the lands or not?
- (LAUGHS) - (SCOFFS) Of course.
- What a question! - We know!
- KNOW ALL 1: 'Course we know. - Okay.
KNOW ALL 2: We know everything.
- Tell me, then. - Er...
Oh, erm...
- We, er... - Er, yes.
There's a land-hopping machine in the next room.
- (SIGHS) There. - (ALL GRUMBLE)
Come on, everybody.
- (BEEPS) - (RAPID THUMPING)
(WHIRRING)
JOE: Whoa! It's just like the plane in Mind Blast.
MOONFACE: Mind Blast? JOE: We are looking good.
(SAUCEPAN MAN MUTTERS)
Buckle up, guys.
- (ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING) - Whoa!
- MOONFACE: Oh, no! - (JOE WHOOPS)
I can fly! (WHOOPS)
SAUCEPAN MAN: Oh, we're not going in there, are we?
(RUMBLING)
(FIZZING, CRACKLING)
BETH: Oh, look, there are the others.
Maybe they've had more luck.
SILKY: Hey, guys!
We found a plant growing spell!
- That's great. - Yes, but the bad news is
he won't sell it to us.
JOE: (SIGHS) Why?
I don't know. The idiot keeps on speaking in riddles.
I don't believe in material objects, that's all!
This spell, 'tis a personal favourite of mine,
so I want something priceless
which cannot be bought or sold.
- Oh, forget about it. Come on! - SILKY: All right.
Moony, there's a good bloke over there.
- I hear he's got a good stall. - MOONFACE: Yeah.
- Wait. - BETH: What?
I've got an idea.
(EXPLOSION)
No, absolutely no.
You've got to be joking.
Fine.
I'll do it myself, then.
JOE: Fine.
# We're a rootin' tootin' family #
# Together, we're a home #
# When you're with your family #
# You're never alone #
CHILDREN: # Oh-oh We're together #
# Come rain or shine #
# So clap your hands and sing along #
# We'll all join in and sing the family song #
# We're a rootin' tootin' family #
# Together, we're a home #
# And when you're with your family #
# You're never alone #
# Oh-oh, we're together #
# Come rain or shine #
# So clap your hands and sing along #
# We'll all join in and sing the family song #
(RHYTHMIC BEATING)
# Sing the family song #
# We're a rootin' tootin' family #
# Together, we're a home #
# And when you're with your family #
- ? You're never alone? - ? You're never alone?
# Oh-oh, we're together #
- ? Come rain or shine? - ? Come rain or shine?
# Come rain or shine #
# So clap your hands and sing along #
# We'll all join in and sing the family song #
# The family song #
# So clap your hands and sing along #
# We'll all join in and sing the family song #
# We'll sing the family song #
Yeah, that was, erm
beautiful.
Thank you.
(RUMBLING, CRASHING)
Moonface, which way back to the Faraway Tree?
- Erm, right. - JOE: Right!
MOONFACE: No, wait. JOE: What?
- Bear left. - JOE: Left?
MOONFACE: No, wait. Bear right.
JOE: That makes no sense!
No. Left. Definitely left.
- Are you sure? - You can trust me, tiny human.
(BEEPS)
- (ALARM WAILING) - MOONFACE: Whoa!
- What's happening? - We're losing power.
We must be out of fuel.
It doesn't have fuel.
- (SNORING) - As an aviation expert,
- I think the plane is tired. - Tired?
We mustn't let it get overtired
or it'll have a mid-air tantrum,
and it won't be good.
(LOUD SNORING)
JOE: Wait, what's that sound? FRAN: It's snoring.
It says it's asleep.
MR WATZISNAME: It just needs a rest.
JOE: Wait, I see a land. I'll bring it down.
(TYRES SCREECH)
(PLANE SNORES AND HUMS)
SILKY: Ah, this land seems lovely.
MOONFACE: If you say so.
FRAN: This place is creepy.
There are no bad lands, are there?
Oh, there's one. Dame Washalot told me about it,
said it was like a prison.
What was it called? The Land of er...
Dame Snap?
Welcome
all you new pupils to my school,
and so keen.
I didn't even have to lure you here.
You just walked right into it.
- Like so many little flies... - (FLIES BUZZING)
Into a spider's
web.
Oh.
(CRUNCHES)
(ALL GROAN IN DISGUST)
- (SLURPS) - MOONFACE: Poor fly.
- There was no need for that. - DAME SNAP: Right.
I'm in the mood for some music.
Aren't you?
Off you go.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(CHUCKLES)
BETH: Wait. No! We don't have time for this!
(HUMMING)
DAME SNAP: # Ah #
# If you go down in the woods today #
# You're sure of a big #
# Surprise #
# If you go down in the woods today #
# You'd better go in disguise… #
What's happening?
# For every bear that ever there was… #
I'm not quite sure.
# Will gather there for certain #
# Because today's the day #
# The teddy bears have their picnic #
(LAUGHING)
Did you just laugh at me?
- (LAUGHS) - SILKY: Shh!
- No. - Did you...
Do you want...
- Do you want a slap? - Ooh.
- (SILKY GASPS) - Ooh. Ooh.
DAME SNAP: That used to be my name, you know.
Dame Slap!
But not any more, because the school inspector came
and said that I wasn't allowed to hit my pupils any more.
(LAUGHS)
But he doesn't come to this school any more, does he?
- And neither do the children. - And neither do the children.
- Because it's a bad school. - Because it's a bad...
No, it's not a bad school, is it? No.
It's the pupils that are bad!
But you don't even know us.
All right, then, let's get to know you, then, shall we?
You. (SNAPS FINGERS)
Beardy weirdo, what's your name?
Er, erm... I don't know.
- What? - Sorry, er, Miss
er, I don't know my name.
Are you pulling my chain?
No, it's not gonna rain. It's sunny outside.
I am going to snap.
- I mean it! - Hmm. All right.
So one more time, what is your name?
It's on the tip of my tongue. My... My name is.
S... Ch...
(SPLUTTERS) No, I don't know.
Three days' detention! Out!
MOONFACE: Detention?
- Where's he going? - DAME SNAP: Right.
Anyone else? Detention?
Mm-mm? No?
Yes.
Get out!
What are you doing?
BETH: We've got to get back, remember?
We have a better chance
of escaping detention than here.
(SILKY GASPS SOFTLY)
- (GASPS) - (SIGHS)
Who threw that?
I did!
Right.
Detention, right now!
Thank you.
Out! Out! Out!
- Miss? - Yes?
I think you're one of the best teachers
in the universe.
I have a question.
Come a little bit closer.
(FARTING)
DAME SNAP: That's disgusting.
Get out!
(FARTING)
(FARTING INTENSIFIES)
Ah. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY)
What is happening? Get out!
With pleasure. (FARTS)
- Oh, Moony. - MOONFACE: Ooh.
Oh, Miss. (FARTS)
Is it just me, or does it smell.
(FARTS) like roses in here?
Get out of my classroom, pot head!
MR WATZISNAME: Is anyone hungry?
Because I've been sitting
on this pile of rotten vegetables,
which might be quite nice.
- Yuck! - Great plan, Beth.
Get put in prison.
Well, why don't you think of another plan, then?
Well, I could.
I am the best in all the lands at coming up with plans,
- but I don't want to. - Why?
Because I'm done helping humans.
I told you we should never have
let humans back in our lives.
They come as children,
"Oh, let's play all day in the sunshine"
"and we'll remember you forever."
But then, they grow up
and they forget all about you.
Well, that's just the way it is, Moonface.
- It has to be that way. - It's true, Moony.
Only children believe in magic.
- Mm. - Grown-ups always forget.
FRAN: Our dad didn't.
He used to live around here.
And he said the woods were full of fairies
and pixies and joy and wonder.
And he was right.
- What's his name? - Tim. Tim Thompson.
(GASPS)
Timmy?
- You knew him? - Oh, yes.
Yes, we loved him.
Especially Moonface, but.
(GASPS) one day
he just stopped coming.
We... We thought he'd forgotten us.
- Hmm. - (BREATH TREMBLING) But
he... he didn't.
He came back.
He came back after all.
(INHALES SHARPLY) Right.
Plan. What's the hardest rotten thing on that pile?
This potato.
Good.
Joe, growing spell, please.
- Hey, not all of it. - Don't worry.
There's plenty left. It's strong stuff.
Leave this to me, Moony.
Saucepans are the perfect protection
in a situation like this.
(GRUNTS) Right. Okey-doke.
(CHUCKLES)
- Fire in the hole! - Everyone get behind Saucy.
You really are good at plans.
Of course. Do you think I just make these things up?
(THUDDING)
Who wants to get out of prison?
- JOE: I do. - Yeah, let's go.
- JOE: Nice! - (MOONFACE LAUGHS)
BETH: Faster, faster! Hurry, Fran.
MOONFACE: Get to the land hopper!
- (DISTANT SHOUTING) - (GASPS)
DAME SNAP: It can't be.
MR WATZISNAME: Wakey-wakey, rise and shine time!
- Wake up, plane! - Wake up!
(YELLS)
(SCREAMING)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
It's awake! She's woken it up!
BETH: It's working! It's working!
JOE: Come on, let's got. FRAN: Hurry!
(YELLS)
No, no, no!
BETH: Go, go, go!
- She's coming out of the gate! - She's coming!
MR WATZISNAME: She doesn't look very happy.
- FRAN: Come on, Joe! - (ENGINE REVVING)
(SCREAMS)
- (REVS) - Whoa!
(TYRES SCREECHING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(PANTS)
(CHUCKLES SMUGLY)
(GASPS)
(WHOOPS) Yeah!
I knew she wouldn't give up on us!
SAUCEPAN MAN: Well, well. (LAUGHS) Bye-bye, Snappy.
(GROANS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
- (SIGHS) - (PEOPLE CLAMOURING)
Oh, dear, what's that?
(CLAMOURING)
No! No, sorry!
Sorry, sorry.
The grand launch is cancelled.
There's no tomato sauce here today. I'm sorry.
It's... It's all a mess. It's all bad. It's all wrong.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)
TIM: My children were supposed to
were supposed to send a message.
Beth!
- (CLAMOURING) - POLLY: Stop!
- TIM: Honestly... - (CRACKLING)
(MUFFLED EXPLOSION)
- (CLAMOURING CONTINUES) - POLLY: Please, please!
TIM: I'm sorry! Please!
They failed! My plants, they failed!
It's all failed. I'm sorry!
Be...
What are you talking about, failed?
They's beautiful!
Aye, they's beautos, mate.
- What on Earth? - (GASPS)
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHUCKLES)
(SOFTLY) I have no idea what you did.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Thank you.
We didn't really do anything.
Come here.
(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)
(CLINKS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(MAN SPEAKS ITALIAN)
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(CONVERSATION CONTINUES IN ITALIAN)
(GRUNTS)
(SPEAKING ITALIAN EXCITEDLY)
Amore mio. (LAUGHS)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Do you think they'll stay?
I'm sure they will.
Or my name's not...
Hey, guys!
I've remembered my name!
What is it, then?
It's... S...
It's...
- No, it's gone again. - (SILKY SIGHS)
(RUSTLING)
Wait.
Where's Moonface?
Oh.
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
- Hey, Beth. - GIRL: Hi, Beth.
Phones in the scratchel, please.
Scratchel. Screen satchel.
Scratchel...
Erm
I love it. It's so rural.
Whoa. Everything looks so cool here, Beth.
Wait till you see what's in the wood.
Come on. I'll show you round.
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
Welcome home, Timmy.
Moonface...
(SOBS)
(CHUCKLES)
(GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES)
TIM: # We're a rootin' tootin' family #
# Together, we're a home #
# When you're with your family #
# You're never alone #
# Oh-oh, we're together #
# Come rain or shine #
# Come rain or shine That's right #
# So clap your hands and sing along #
# We'll all join in and sing the family song #
Sing along now! Sing along, y'all!
But he has not won yet.
I will get them back to the city
if it is the last thing I do.
- Bye-bye, my lovers. - Laters, potaters.
- About high time, innit? - Don't speak to them.
Don't speak to them!
(IN POSH ACCENT) So much fun
messing with city folk, darling.
(IN POSH ACCENT) Ah, big time, so much fun.
(LAUGHS) Fancy a dance?
Don't mind if I do.
TIM: # We'll all join in and sing the family song #
MAN:Hey, I like this family song.
What happened then?
TIM: # Sky is blue Sun is hot #
# Put them tomatoes in the pot #
# Oh-oh, it's Family Song #
MAN: Yee-ha! All right!
TIM: # Beth is tired Fran's inspired #
# Mum could swear that Joe is wild #
MAN:He's wild! Oh, yeah, he's wild all right!
Hey-hey, hey-hey!
TIM: # Muddy boots? MAN:? Muddy boots #
TIM: # Pat a moose? MAN:? Pat a moose? #
TIM: # Shake your arms and make 'em loose #
# Oh-oh, the family song #
MAN:You better make 'em loose. I'm getting loose.
TIM: # We're a rootin' tootin' family #
# Mum, Dad, Fran, Joe and Beth #
# When you think about it We really are the best #
# Oh-oh, we're together #
# Come rain or shine #
MAN:Bring it on home now, Thompsons! Bring it on home!
Whoo!
TIM: # So clap your hands and sing along #
# 'Cause we just sang our whole darn family song #
MAN: Yee-ha! Whoo-hoo! Ride 'em, cowboy!
Where am I?
(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)
(UP-TEMPO DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Would you like some wine?