Hey! - Shall we go, sir?
Why did you take so long?
No body Saw you right? - No. No one saw me, sir.
Come on. - Let's go.
Did you check? no one's awake?
Yes, sir.
Everyone's asleep.
Did you take the things?
Yes, sir.
Hamid is an insomniac. He is an owl.
Stays awake all night.
Make sure no one's following us.
They do keep a watch.
Hey Bashir! Wake up! Wake up!
Reporting, sir.
Did you see Captain Qureshi?
Usman is also missing?
Give me. Give me the walkie.
Alpha 123 calling. Captain Raj.
Eagle 69. Captain Qureshi.
Where are you, Captain Raj?
Captain Qureshi, where are you?
Captain Raj.
Hello, Captain Qureshi.
Captain Raj. Captain Raj.
Throw the Queen.
As if we're on a secret mission.
We come in such secrecy.
Oye You're again cheating.
Now that You're losing doesn't mean you start cheating bro?
I never cheat... even with my enemy.
That's better.
And I haven't lost yet bro. still got many moves up my sleeve mister.
Tell me something, Captain.
What's the name of my lady?
Since when did she become your lady?
Enjoy with binoculars. And stay away. ok!.
Look, Captain. swear on Pakistan.
If I don't bring her on this side..
..I'll change my name from Qureshi.
Well, She's already gone ...mister.
Let alone bringing her You won't be seeing her any more!
Left?
Sir, Did you bring the stuff?
Give him Khatri.
Usmaan.
It's just soda, sir. Soda.
Yeah.. just as they say in Indian advertisements. just soda!.
Sir, do bring betel leaf tomorrow, please!.
We'll get it.
Moron, you're concerned about your betel leaf.
Here my desires have drowned in water.
Speaking of water.
I feel like spraying a bit myself.
Why a bit? Relieve yourself completely.
And yes, do it on your side.
Yes, don't do it on their side.
Might flood their country.
"Show me a glimpse baby, come show me."
"Show me a glimpse, come show me baby."
Morning.
May I come in, sir?
Come in. Come in.
Did you call me, sir?
Not me, but none other than India's Defense Minister has called you.
Go there quickly. Before some other channel reaches.
Because we are speedy. rest are 'Fisaddi' (losers).
Wow! What a tagline! Isn't it?
Well..
Sir.
Sonam.
May I.. - Note today's tagline.
We are speedy. Others are snails.
Okay, listen. Prepare a sensational report on lndo-Pak Border infiltration.
The real infiltrator is one. who can be recognized by none.
&Singing Rajasthani folk song&
Hey! Who are you Goatherd?
I am the goatherd, sir.
What are you doing here?
Just brought my goat for grazing, sir.
The goat's name is Bab...
Your goat seems to have a pretty good appetite.
Nibbled all the grass from the desert.
You are right, sir.
But there's still some grass left.
By the way, who are you, Brother?
You seem clever. started Calling me Brother so soon.
It's very difficult to know who I am.
Still.. can I ask your name at least brother?
Name? - Yes.
Name.
Oye I'm the 'Amitabh Bachchan' oye.
What are you saying, sir?
Not just me, even my goat is also your ardent fan.
I have seen all your films.
' Laal Badshah'. 'Toofan' 'Ind raj it'. 'Sarabjeet'.
'Shilajeet'. - 'Shilajeet'?
Oye! Which film is that? Even I haven't seen it.
O Brother, nobody saw it either.
Don't talk nonsense. Goatherd, you talk a lot.
What's in your bag?
It's nothing.
Just this.
My God! It's a chocolate.
Yes Brother. the same one that you advertise on TV.
So let's have something sweet.
Before the start of our beautiful friendship.
Give me that. Before his hungry goat nibbles it too.. Have it.
You also eat. Let's have something sweet.
My friend.
Oye!.. Bab...
Did you eat it? - My friend.
You sell chocolate!
What did you mix in it? - Eat it.
Goatherd, what is in this?
You scoundrel.
Shall I ask your mother I feel dizzy.
I too feel dizzy.
How did my men fall down? - I also feel dizzy.
What is in this? - Nothing. Nothing.
To hell with you.
My men have fallen.
Where are you going with my weapons, goatherd? - Move!
May the desert scorpion bite you. - And may The desert snake bite you!
Oh God! I feel dizzy. - You feel dizzy? And I make the call.
Where are you going?
Calling alpha 222.
This is eagle 5 reporting.
There is a message for Captain Rana.
Keep it there.
Can I come in, sir?
Come. Come.
Come on. Come on.
I hope the camera is not on.
I am quite afraid of these things.
Just joking.
Come Let's talk about work.
What I am going to tell you is top secret.
You know that infiltration is a serious matter.
And our neighbors are not giving it up.
We have information that after 2 days..
..War is going to declared on the border of India and Pakistan.
And our American spy has told us..
..That China is going to help Pakistan..
..So that Pakistan can strike a nuclear attack on us.
But there's no need to be afraid? We have America's full support.
So what I want from you is to come with me to the border with me right now..
..And make up such a report that not just our soldiers feel motivated..
..But also the entire country feels a surge of patriotism.
Only ...with a slight twist.
You have to show this report as live on your channel but after 2 days.
When war has been declared.
You know well.. Who'll go there in a war situation?
You understood.. right?
So tell me Sir. What is to be done?
CHINESE
But sir.. - Hey! Just listen!
CHINESE
Sir, please can you repeat the dialogue in Punjabi?
Just Punjabi.
"Punjabi!"
Twinkle twinkle little star.
Without China How will you wage a war?
Oyr Guru ...now hear out my plan.
Wow! - I want to tell you about the nuclear bomb.
We want to launch on India. got it you fools?
If you got it then applause.
It will destroy everything fully
neither leave Jalandhar nor Delhi Now Applause.
Wow! Wow! Marvelous!
Marvelous!
Chinese are so smart. - Oh Damn it.. got me killed!
What is this?
General, such an important discussion is going on.
And you are playing games.
China is ready to deliver the nuclear bomb.
Now tell me. What should we do about it?
Yeah ..we'll Keep it in a museum. - What?
Neither It's going to work nor I want to make it work.
We don't want to fight at all. What is this?
What's this fatty blabbering?
I can smell rebellion in you words.
Wow... Great! you better not talk of smell.
Empty stomachs don't smell of roses they smell of gas only.
And don't forget This is Pakistan.
Here, Generals don't take permission from ministers for rebellion.
Understood?
Then tell me. What's the problem?
Problem?
Problem is the food for Army.
Your lentil meat has neither lentil nor meat.
I swear if anyone can find it, I'll give him half of Pakistan.
War is not fought on an empty-stomach.
Nowadays our soldiers are passing less of intelligence and more of gas.
What is this?
General Sir, this won't be tolerated here.
How come it won't be tolerated?
I will tell you what is this!
Guru!
If you fight here, who will fight at the border.. you Pappy?
The tell him. - Hey!
From now on we will provide you food too.
Look at this. - Note down the order.
Chicken Chilly. Chicken cottage-cheese.
Chicken Manchurian. Chicken dish. For Pakistani army.
Soldiersl. Oye ..Speak to me.
Just because you got new uniforms. you won't listen to me.
Soldiers. Speak to me.
Sir, sir.
Where is Qureshi? - I don't know Sir.
Speak to me. Where is Qureshi? - I don't know.
Why is he riding the camel?
Waal-ey-kum-Salam.
Salam Waal-ey-kum Sir.
Fine, But where were you, Captain Qureshi?
Had gone to arrange for water.
Why to arrange for water?
With just two bottles of water, you can either drink it or wash 'it'.
Wiping with sand for so long Out 'it's have gone sore.
See Hameed for example.
He reeks so much that he can't sleep the whole night.
Yes, sir. - Quiet.
You moron.
At least he is protecting the country by staying awake.
Protecting? sir? When people keep dogs for protection..
..They at least feed them well.
Who cares us? We're just managing with God's grace.
What are you doing here? Go there.
Oh my! What was I saying? Yes.
My Soldiers.
It's said "if you want to swim, swim in the ocean".
What's there in ponds?
Qureshi! - Sir! Sir! Very good!
And If you want to love, then love me. What's there in women?
Sir!.
What happened? Did I forget the verse.
Its 'Country'. - Oh!
If you want to love, love your country. What's there in women?
All of you, I mean, even me.
I mean, God has created all of us for this day only.
By now we have been born a thousand times, sir.
Qureshi, if you are born just once more, what will we lose?
We may not, sir but Our mothers will lose a lot.
Speak to me. Yes. So, friends, tomorrow ..War is to be declared.
Congratulations!
Oh Damn it! Again?
Again? What do you mean 'again'?
If there is a war, what will you lose?
So soldiers, war..
Damn it! You have dampened my spirit totally.
Sir, he means to say if we keep on waging war..
..Our country will disappear from the map.
Discovery and National Geography will show programs like.
"Once upon a time there was a Pakistan
Hello. - Yes, Rut, tell me.
Sakshi, guess where I am.
Where? I don't know.
God! It's my dream come true.
I am at the border, dear. - Border?
Oh my God! Really?
Handsome handsome soldiers?
Yeah ..Very handsome Sit.
You are so lucky. - Madam.. time!
Now that Your dream has come true, madam.
Did you find your dream man too?
Hello.
I am asking you. Tell me.
Hello, Rut. Where did you disappear? Tell me something.
You started searching for him? Yeah ...I'll find him too.
Are you searching for something?
No. I..
Sakshi, I will call you back.
Hi. Captain Rajveer Singh Rana.
Rut Dutta.
But you can call me ..Rut.
I'll call you madam.
By the way, besides you nobody else knows about the minister's visit.
Our Defense Minister has done PhD in media management.
He only brought us here.
Sorry to disappoint you.
It's a pleasure to be disappointed by you.
And as the commanding officer your safety is my first duty.
If you need anything in this dangerous place, please.
I don't need you. But the minister needs you.
Yeah. Right. I'll see you.
These are the two Forward posts.
Very good. - These are our watchtowers, sir.
Ranjeet.
VerY QOOd. Very good.
Very good.
Hello, Captain Raj.
Jai Hind, sir. - Jai Hind. Jai Hind.
Sorry, sir. I was patrolling. 50.. - No problem.
Sir, any special reason for coming to this desert suddenly?
Well ...what do I tell you, Captain?
I feel so patriotic when I come here.
But what do I do?
I don't get much time from my work in Delhi.
So I thought I will come personally and see..
..What arrangements you have done for the safety of the border.
Sure, sir. Come, sir. This way please. Come.
Thanks. Thanks.
It won't be good from there.
Come in the front. Come in the front.
Yes. Come.
That's better.
So that the photo of our country's brave soldiers..
..Is taken from the front.
Okay, sir.
You need not be afraid.
Sir? Afraid?
I mean, if the enemy army has taken a wrong step..
..We are ready to give them a fitting reply.
What wrong step, sir? They haven't taken any step.
I want to say that we are not afraid of anyone.
I have come to the border to show you that..
..Whether bullets or cannons are fired at the border..
He is scaring as if we're going to war tomorrow...we won't back off.
True. - Jai Hind.
Sir, this bunker goes very far.
Yes.
Who is he?
What's the news, friend?
Sir, the infiltrators were trying to enter through location 'Sawant'.
I gave them some rockets to eat.
They're lying with their behinds facing the sky. - lnfiltrators? Behinds?
What is he saying? - Sir, he is our spy.
He is an expert in stopping infiltrators at location 'Sawant'.
Location Sawant. I knew that. I was just saying that..
Hey!
Captain, what was that?
Sir, this is the border. firing starts anytime.
I see. Seems I have got lots of information now.
Let's go. Come on.
And of course I have to file that report too.
Look, do one thing.
Why don't you give me the cassette. I'll send it to the channel.
You know how important it is to send this cassette.
Yadav. -Yes, sir. - Take the cassette.
Give me the cassette. - Cassette.
Come on. - Sir, stop. Where are you going?
Don't you want to go further? - Come on. Jai Hind.
Minister, listen. I've seen enough
Rocket? Bullets? - Come on. Let's go.
You didn't go Ms Datta?
You are very daring.
I have come to the border for the first time.
I will cover everything and then go
There are many bachelors in our army.
It seems you need to cover too.
Come on. Let's give these infiltrators a taste of Rajasthan's sand.
What rubbish are you talking? What nonsense!
Yeah ..that's what I said .. it's a male goat.
But Abdul said it's a female goat.
Have you consumed opium? Indian army is coming for you.
Yes, sir. Army. - Escape!
Yes. Okay, sir.
Get up. The enemy army is coming.
We'll be shot.
Hey! They are fleeing.
Chase them till they reach their relatives.
How come the minister suddenly paid a visit?
Something seems fishy.
What fishy? He can come without any reason too.
Jai Hind, sir. - Jai Hind.
What do you feel, Khatri? Relax.
The minister came for an outing?
Sir, without a reason they won't come from their mother's womb.
There's more to it. - Correct, officer.
Oh... please Come.
Everyone make your appearance proper.
Now that Madam is free from the minister.
Seems like she wants to shoot us now.
Come on everyone! Madam wants to shoot us.
Everybody come.
Everyone make your appearance proper.
And form a queue quickly.
Yes, sir.
So finally, madam, shoot these young Studs too.
Madam.
Shoot me too.
Madam, shoot me too.
Madam, me too.
Madam, I am also there.
Madam, shoot us. Shoot us. Shoot us.
Fine.
But I can shoot with this too.
Oh my! Lady Dyanamite!
Don't worry. I won't miss my aim.
Wow! You have a good sense of humor too.
For your information, I am a national games shooting champion.
Impressed.
You heard? - Yes, sir.
Amazing! - Thank you.
Okay, tell me, Captain Raj.
How do you find out that there is going to be a war?
I mean, when do you get the information?
There is no need for the information.
If they hurl a brick, we too throw a few stones.
So there must be a tense atmosphere at the border, right?
Yes. There is tension.
But you need to make an effort to lighten the tension.
What do you mean?
I mean to say, do you want to see a tense situation?
What? - Hold on.
Lieutenant Khatri. - Yes, sir.
Madam wants to see the tension. - No.
Make the arrangement. - No.
Okay, sir. - What are you saying?
No. It's okay. You have come so far here.
So see what tension means.
Captain Raj, I was just -just 2 minutes.
And you'll see the tension. - No.
See it. No problem.
Khatri, hurry up. - here, sir.
Salam waal-ey-kum Qureshi.
Ok then ...Captain! Qureshi.
Waal-ey-kum Captain.
So what did you get for lunch today?
Yeah you'll kill us if you keep asking us this question.
You won't even have to fire.
Still, tell me buddy. You found anything in lentil meat today?
Yeah right ...we got some steamy sizzles in this lentil meat.
Why don't you bring your bowl and join us.
It's okay. never mind. You'll see some good days too.
Every Pakistani soldier has his day.
So you may think as if it is that day.
So you found a bride, after all.
Captain, I have told you so many times.
Don't joke about my marriage and future bride.
No offence... Hats off to you man.
It took so long getting your five sisters' married.
That you've grown as old as their ages added together.
Still God hasn't shown mercy.
Yeah, humor me Captain.
But remember one thing.
The day I find my girl, your eyes will pop out.
Why are you scaring me?
Are you marrying a girl or a missile?
But just check your launcher before you get her.
It might misfire like your other launchers.
Tension not, Captain.
The launchers you are talking about were foreign.
This launcher is 100% made in Pakistan.
Once it fires, it will surely make a blast.
Never mind. How is Commander Khan?
Why did you mention this moron during lunchtime?
He has got cold. So he has gone to the doctor.
Must be coming. I will leave now. Goodbye.
Or else I won't have anything left to eat from this.
Okay. Fine. Goodbye.
Do you think it's a free meal camp? You have come like beggars.
I am very hungry Sir.
So you saw the tension madam?
I am shocked.
You guys... have such a relation.
Madam, war has its own place.
Whether this side or that side, both are humans.
It's the bond of humanity.
So Captain Raj, do you think there should be war?
No. Especially not with them.
Poor guys are starving to death.
And then we start firing on them?
Rather, I want to invite them for a supper someday.
As it is, who has gained anything from war?
Profits. Huge profits.
For you.
Now here's the deal.
We give you the arms and the ammunition. We support you.
I told you. Don't think about it. That's the condition.
Mr. Shawn, 5 billion dollars?
Please, Mr. Shawn.. - Hey! I gave you 20% off for Thanksgiving.
You guys go out there and spend millions and millions..
..And millions on those commonwealth games.
And you can't come up with 5 billion for war?
I know what. Maybe you can slice a little bit off your commission.
No deduction from commission, sir.
My commission is fixed. Fixed.
Please, sir.. - What do you mean please?
What do you mean please?
There is no option.
Come on.
Mr. Shawn.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Please.
Now we are talking. Now we are talking.
Well, my little chocolate chiquita.
Here's what. You guys can get the guns on EMI.
We will do it, sir. Yes, sir.
We will do it, sir. - Thank you.
Okay. We give you guys the guns and ammo.
Free of charge.
You guys give us an airbase in the Sindh province.
I swear. such bad English He speaks.
What is he saying?
He wants an airbase in the Sindh province.
An airbase in the Sindh province?
Leave alone Airbase?.. Make a racecourse.
Thank you. Thank you. - Not just Sindh.
Make it in Pakistan. - What nonsense are you talking?
What is this? - General, try to understand.
Do you want the same Lentil Meat for your whole life?
No no. you Talk.
Excuse me. Sir. Sir.
We want little more money.
What! You got to be kidding!
I just gave 2 billion dollars in aids.
AIDS? No. Here, no one has AIDS.
Not AIDS, you idiot. Aid. Aid.
2 billion dollars on aids. - He is asking what you did..
..With the money he gave you recently.
General, you know the condition of the country.
Explain that to him.
He still needs money. More money.
You...
Alright. Alright. Alright.
Take the money.
See? He agreed.
He called you beggar too. Beggars.
Soldiers, madam wants to see how much we toil for our country.
Shall we show? - Yes, sir.
Is everyone ready? - Yes, sir.
Good. So start the drill.
Put in so much effort that we can hear the enemy trembling from here.
Qureshi. Qureshi.
Qureshi, what are you doing?
Are you keeping a watch on the enemy or staring at women?
Quiet. The enemy army is conducting war drill.
Bill? What bill? What bill is to be paid?
Sir this one drill is very dangerous. Very dangerous.
It'll tear things apart.
Why're you scaring us Qureshi?
For your aunts sake ...tell me. What's so dangerous?
Sir. - Yes.
Passing beneath the 'Taare'(Stars). - You kidding me Qureshi?
From where do I bring stars from in this afternoon?
Yeah why don't we take it out from the flag, sir.
I mean 'taare', wires. Wires.
Oh ..that's not much Listen you Idiot, I have some work.
What Sir? - I will tell you... Come.
Soldiers. - Yes, sir.
It's a very easy job.
You have to crawl beneath these wires and reach there.
Sir, aren't the wires too low?
First enter, make an effort you lazy bones.
Bend and crawl You moron.
Bend your neck.
Martyrs of the country, you have no one.
But if you keep crawling like this..
..One day Pakistanis will eat chickpeas in Delhi.
Very good. My brave soldiers.
Sir, your grasp shouldn't exceed your reach.
Write my message on each grain.
Have mercy Sir. - Oh God! - Sir.
If you have a pen, write Pakistan on their coffin.
Very good.
Man, he does he always have to rhyme about death and martyrdom.
Come on. Stand up.
So how was it?
Brother, no one would recognize us in these clothes ...right?
But that goatherd recognized us Brother.
Don't remind me about that Scoundrel.
That idiot took our weapons.
Do you know how mortified I was?
I feel like crying when I think of it.
If I meet him again, I won't spare him.
Found him.
Hey goatherd.
Who are you? - Who are you?
My name is Soorma Bhopali.
Who are you? - Soorma Bhopali.
This is not Bhopal and there is no Soorma (kohl) in your eyes.
Who are you?
Wait.. now you'll say you are a goatherd.
Brother, that one was also grazing his goat.
No, brother. It was a male goat.
You were standing behind. did you see the bell?
Yes, brother. I saw a bell ...around his neck.
Don't talk nonsense. You Check his bag.
Oh my God! Why do you take the trouble?
I will do it myself.
What is this? - It's Soorma (kohl). It's applied in the eyes.
Hmmm. - So less grass and a goat.
Is he the same scoundrel? - No, brother.
It was a male goat. I swear on God.
Come on. Let's apply his soorma (kohl) and see.
We will find out whether he is the same man or not.
Listen, apply kohl.
Please bend a bit brother.
A Pathan never bows in front of anyone. Don't you know?
Stupid man.
Will you be a donkey for a while mister?
Come on.
Hey! How dare You ask a Pathan to be a donkey?
He won't be a donkey. He'll be a horse.
Be anyone. It's your wish.
You fool. What did you apply in our eyes?
Soorma (Kohl). - You scoundrel.
Forget distant objects, I can't even see the close ones.
Tell me, you scoundrel. What did you apply?
You applied kohl and made me blind.
Where are you going?
Leave my weapons. Where are you going?
It's very nice.
Madam, isn't captain Raj amazing?
What do you mean?
I mean, what a personality he has! Very nice.
What nice?
His personality is not so great.
More than the minister and drill His attention was more on you.
Shut up, Raj. I mean, shut up, Ranjeet.
Great, madam! Now you can see Raj in Ranjeet too.
Yes. He was also staring at you. See the footage.
See this.
I told you to change the cassette.
I did that already, madam.
But there were plenty of close-ups of Raj sir, madam.
"Your eyes said."
"I don't know what with the eyes."
"I can't sleep at night."
"At night."
"I often stay awake."
Oh my!
My God!
Will you just stop taking God's name?
And tell me what you are seeing, Qureshi?
Marvelous!
"You have cast a big spell on me."
Qureshi, all this seems a master plan to destroy Pakistan.
"Your eyes said."
"What is in me that you like?"
"is what You asked me in the beginning."
"When I look at you, lfeel lively."
"is what I replied."
"Forget it. Don't tell tall tales."
"When did I say that?"
"Don't tease me." - this Jaat is talking a lot.
My sweetheart. I have loved.
And you are flirting with her.
"Now stop it."
"You have cast a big spell on me."
"I often stay awake."
"You have cast a big spell on me."
He must have said something.
He is acting too smart. I will show him.
And now there is no need to look for a girl too.
Oh I see. So you've got a girl?
Yes. I have. But it is just that once, I want..
"I am a young blooded Jaat. Mad and insane."
What was that?
I see, Qureshi. Is that it?
Come on, madam, it's time to give an answer. Come on.
Answer? - Come on, madam, come with me.
Come on.. - Hey!
"I am a young blooded Jaat. Mad and insane."
"Oh Lord. I didn't realize such a small thing."
"That.."
"She loves me."
"And she is crazy about me."
"Hey!"
"She loves me."
"And she is crazy about me."
Hey, Captain Qureshi. Since when did you become a Jaat?
Yes, you do seem mad and insane.
And just understand one point.
She doesn't love you. She loves me.
Did you understand or not?
What are you saying Raj?
No, no, don't worry. It was just to make him keep quiet.
But the rest is your wish.
Hey, Captain, why are you getting so upset, brother?
Why are you getting so emotional?
I had just started Antakshari(game of songs).
We have stopped at H. now sing a song with H.
Is that it, my friend?
Very smart? but never mind.
Come on, brothers. We are beginning with Antakshari.
Come on, everyone.
Now listen to a song that starts with H.
A song with H.
Sir. Sing your favorite song with that starts with H.
Yes, sing. Come on, sing the song.
"Hey, Lord has made you.."
"So beautiful."
"Hey, Lord has made you so beautiful."
"I feel like looking at you all the time."
"Hey, Lord has made you so beautiful."
"My heart doesn't agree with me. I tried a lot to reason with it."
"I feel like looking at you all the time."
"Hey, Lord has made you so beautiful."
Yes. - That was great. Now sing with Y.
Hey, Captain.
You trapped me at Y again.
Wait, I will think of one.
Where can we get songs starting with Y? - Sir, I know of one.
Yes. - Then go ahead and sing.
"This is a country of Young and brave men."
"Of amazing and incredible men."
"What more do we say about this country.."
"Hey!"
"What more can be said about friends?"
"It's like ajewel on the face of this world."
"Hey!"
H.. - H.
Come on, we have come to H again.
Very good, friend. Very good.
You sang a song to mark the greatness of our country.
We are very happy-
Hey, mister.
Music and talent don't belong to any particular country or region.
It doesn't have any boundary and it doesn't belong to anyone.
The song you sang before this, isn't it by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.
Where is he from? He is from our country.
Wow, my friend. This is the first time you made sense.
H 1. - Hey, wait. Hey, friends. Sing with H.
H 2.. - Hey, sing with H.
Hey, wait.. - H 3.
Hey, think of something. - Come on. H4.
Hey, wait. I am telling you. - H5.
H6.
"Hey, my Lord.."
"Please keep evils from my path."
"Hey, Lord. Please accept my prayers."
"Hey, Lord, you are the one to keep us from evils."
"You are the first and the foremost Lord."
"Hey!"
Hey, not just keep you from evils, we will keep your respect intact.
Please accept my invitation! Oh my Lord. Great!
Even you will be amazed that one can be so loving towards another person.
Wow. - Wow.
"Hey, Lord, you are the one to keep us from evils."
"You are the first and the foremost Lord."
"You are the greatest Lord."
"You are the number one."
R. R, R, R
hoY.
Hey! Hey, captain!
This is utter cheating on your side. - Yes, he is right.
It stopped on R. Where did Y come in from?
Hey, if you don't know a song starting with Y..
..Then accept the fact that you have lost.
Hey, I don't accept a defeat... not even from my father.
We'll sing.
Y.. - Sing with Y. Sing with Y. Come on, come on, Y.
Y
Hey, what is this? Sing a song. - I don't remember any song.
Y
Yes, yes, count slowly.
Y
Hey, farookh. think of something.. - I cannot think of anything.
Y4.
Y5. - Y5.
Hey, you are counting too fast, count slowly.
Y 6.. - Come on, think of something idiots.
Y
Y9. - Y9.
Sir, I know of a song. Can I sing it? - Yes, go ahead and sing it.
Y9. - Y9.
Make it fast, come on. - Sir, I hope there's no problem.
There wouldn't be any problem. Sing it.
"This world.."
"ls a bride."
"This world is a bride. A bride."
"And this bride's vermilion dot is."
"is my lndia."
I love my Ind
Hey! Praise Mother India - Hail!
I love my Ind
This is my Ind
Hey, after all, you realized and said it out loud.
I love my India!
I love my Ind
Hey, shut up... shut up you fools! Stop. Stop it. Stop this song.
You are singing that you love India. Fools from Chaubakistan.
I love my India indeed. couldn't you think of anything else?
You yourself said it, sir. Music is music.
It doesn't belong to any country or region.
So what if I said?
Couldn't you ...instead of India'... sing 'I love my Pakistan
But it wouldn't have rhymed, sir.
Hey, are you so concerned about rhyming it?
Were you born out of a poet?
Are you on their side or ours? Tell me.
For the last 32 years, I'm still looking for this answer sir.
Maternal family is in India. And paternal side is here in Pakistan.
And I am hanging in a No man's land.
You tell me sir. Which side should I be on?
It was too much today. I love my India.
But it was fun, sir. nice mood it was.
Tell me something, Captain Raj.
Do you want the war to happen ever?
Madam, why are you going on talking about the war? Yes?
And in any case, who are we to decide.
You can do anything if you so wish.
Yes, we can do anything. There is just one task that we cannot do.
What is that?
We cannot stop you from leaving.
By the way, Raj, after watching the Antakshari today..
..L felt that all of you know how to enjoy the tension as well.
Yes. Correct.
By the way, I think we must leave now.
Raj. I had to tell you something important.
Yes. Tell me, what is it?
Thank you.
Do you know why did the minister come today?
We have Information that after two days..
..On the border of Pakistan and India.
There it goes.
War is to be declared Day after Tomorrow? ..yes!
China is helping Pakistan to..
.. Iaunch a nuclear strike on us through them.
But today, after seeing everything, I don't think there should be any war
you should stop this war.
Stop this war?
Madam, the war hasn't even started yet. Why are you getting tensed?
Come.
The matter is not about getting tensed, Raj.
The matter is about those two countries..
That were one at a point of time.
In order to make others' motives successful..
..We are harming ourselves.
You should stop this war.
Listen, I am a captain here. Not the prime minister.
Yes, if it would have been in my hands, I would have stopped it for sure.
And in any case, ourjob is to carry out our orders. At all costs.
And my soldiers and I know our job very well
And you are talking as if the war has started.
Please be assured. Nothing is going to happen.
And there will be some solution by day after.
Best of luck with your report. And don't worry.
If I am alive, I will come and meet you myself.
"The Earth is shining and gleaming."
"There is beauty all around in the environment."
"The Earth is shining and gleaming."
"There is beauty all around in the environment."
"The cuckoo is signing beautifully and the peacock is dancing."
"There are waterfalls everywhere."
"And rivers are flowing away in severe gusts."
"When the breeze rustles away, buds start blooming."
"The fields are golden."
"And the harvest looks silver."
"My country is great. My country is great."
"When our flag, the Tricolor, flies away in the pride of being lndian."
"We stand with our heads held high with pride."
"And our chest becomes broad filled with pride."
"When our country calls out to us, we can sacrifice our lives for it."
Khatri.
Rut has told me that war is to be declared a day after.
I think we should check it.. - Okay, sir.
Take the stuff. - Okay, sir.
"The fields have a golden color."
Take a u-turn.
Madam, this is war time.
We'll get stuck.
The whole country is stuck.
Now it is time to get it out of this mess.
Suresh, take a U-turn.
"My country is great. My country is great."
"Our country is really great."
"My country is great. My country is great."
"Our country is really great."
"My country is great. My country is great."
"Our country is really great."
"My country is great. My country is great."
"Our country is really great."
"My country is great. My country is great."
"Our country is really great."
"My country is great. My country is great."
"Our country is really great."
"My country is great. My country is great."
"Our country is really great."
"My country is great. My country is great."
"Our country is really great."
Hey, madam. You came back?
Where is Captain Raj?
Now boss, India has got information from somewhere..
..That we want to strike them through you.
But don't worry. Hey, we have changed the plan.
Now the nuclear bomb will reach by tomorrow morning.
Guru now clap your hands.
Hey, general sir. General sir.
Sir, general, please get done with it. And come out.
This Chinese has gone mad.
Hey, let me do something peacefully.
I wouldn't get out right now. - There is no tension.
I mean the job that was to be done tomorrow will be done today.
And today's job will be done right now.
You mean the attack will be done today?
Yes, Sir. Right.
Boss, God knows how were those people who got love in return for their love.
Hey, he is saying he wants the attack them today itself.
You expect me to declare a war from this toilet seat? I can't come out.
Oh no. You are too disgusting.
Now come out.
Hey, I am trying-
who can predict them? They might throw the bomb right now.
What is this?
Just assume we've declared the war.
According to our sources, infiltration from Pakistan
.. border have increased a lot the Indian army is on high alert.
Gosh, what is that?
Keeping all these things in mind..
Hey, the Pakistani minister just visited our place, right?
For that peace and harmony treaty.
Hey, Nikki. You're chatting in Pakistan zone, right?
Yes. - I see. Ask him.
The news is showing that the war is about to start.
Once again, the lndo-Pak relations have been strained.
Hey, the girl from India has sent a message.
She has written that war is about to start.
Tell her that it is the same here as well.
The same crap is there as well, buddies.
Guys, what is your thinking about this?
Is this the time for a war? War is useless.
Leave the war aside, buddies.
Sir. Did you contact the border?
Slowly. Slowly. Don't worry. I am trying.
Make it fast.
A guy on cycle would've delivered the message by now.
So why don't you correct your mistake now. Send someone by cycle itself.
What? - Should I just leave this and play my game?
Hey, no, no, general Sir.
Tell me. This is too much.. - Please remain calm.
Hey, fool.
Can't you see I'm dying of Malaria?
Please pick up the phone, son.
He's gone to pee I guess.
Fool. Hey, the phone..
There you are ...sleeping right here? Get up.. - What?
Hello. Speak to me.
Yes, yes, speaking. This is General this side.
Oh my God... it's the mother.. - Yes, okay, okay.
It is okay till there.
Listen to me carefully. - Yes, tell me, sir.
The bomb has to be fired today.
Yes. Which one?
Hey, which one? Do you have 150 bombs with you?
There is only one bomb. And there is only one country.
The job has to be done today.
What? Today?
Yes. Today.
Meaning right away? - Right away.
Hello, are you the the General speaking?
This is the General here. One minute. You can ask him.
Who is speaking? - Hey, the General is speaking.
Did you hear that?
Hey, no, no, lthought it is a wrong number.
Sometimes I get calls from wrong number. Should I explode the bomb?
The attack has to be done today. Okay?
Right now? - Right now. Over and out.
Yes. - Yes. Make it quick.
Thank you.
You were great.
Wish you a happy Eid. - To you too.
Come on, come quickly. Soldiers.
Come on, now's the time to make history.
What happened, sir?
Listen. Listen to me carefully.
The bomb has to be exploded. Where are Qureshi and the others?
Sir, they must be sleeping in the tents. - Sleeping?
What kind of soldiers are they? They are still sleeping?
Go and tell them. I have called. - Yes.
The bomb has to be fired.
We have come to know from our reliable sources..
..That there is a lot of tension at the border.
Hey, put Queen here. the Queen.
One minute. let me check.
Hello Captain Raj. Alfa 123 calling.
Where are you Captain Raj?
Madam, they must be towards the border.
Shall we go there?
Everyone, come here.
Reporting sir. - Have you seen Captain Qureshi?
If I don't bring her on this side.. I'll change my name from Qureshi..
Well, She's already gone ...mister..
Don't talk of leaving today.. - Sir.
What? - I couldn't find Captain Qureshi anywhere.
When will you find him? After the bomb explodes?
I have woken up all the soldiers twice.
But they are not getting up. - Kick their backside and make them!
Rather put the bomb.
They'll wake up by the explosion.
I feel like spraying a bit myself.
Okay, tell me something, captain Qureshi.
Is there any information on your side?
Is there information on your side? - Yes, there is.
I have heard that a war is going to be declared a day after.
Oh great! here we got ahead of you guys.
We've been informed that it is going to be declared tomorrow.
Hey, throw off this underwear on the launcher at least.
Now fire it.
Now listen to this Khatri, its hillarious
We have information that the war is to be declared the day after tomorrow.
But they have information that the war is to be declared tomorrow itself.
Now let's see whose information is right.
Hey!
Go off...
The tank's empty. finished all I had... Sir
Oye, Khatri. - Hey!
Hey, Khatri!
Sir.. Neither their Information nor our's is correct...
the War has already been declared. Run.
Take it, take it, take it. Take the stuff.
Hey, fool. Not that the bottle. Take the rifle.
You all right? - Yes, I am fine, sir.
Qureshi. We leave this game here.
Leave it. Leave it. Come on, come on. - And will start from this very point.
If only ...you remain alive.
SURINDER.
They are throwing stones we should reply them with boulders.
Okay, sir.
Everyone, take positions around the bunker.
Sir. - Sir.
Come on. - Come on.
Is this a joke?
They are throwing bombs without informing us.
What is this man ?
Why are you getting scared? And running here and there?
Speak to me.
What is this? - Hey, run, run.
Bhutto.. Bhutto.
Son, there is milk on the heater, Bhutto. Come on, run. Come on.
Wait, where are you all going?
Come on, run fast. Keep moving.
What are you doing here?
Why did you come back?
Scoundrels .. Are you in the army to crouch and sit inside a tent frightened.
What are you doing here? Should I give you bowls?
Seems you are sitting in a refugee camp
Only the bowls are lacking here.
Now get up you fools and take positions in the bunker.
Quereshi, Eat something. How will fight on empty stomach.
Let us have bullets, sir. Shall we go?
Come on , make it fast.
Hello? Hello, sir. Ruth.
Yes, Ruth, tell me.
Sir, the information was wrong.
I knew, these ministers are all the same.
No, sir. Instead of starting day after, the war has begun today itself.
What you are hearing, sir is live fire.
What? Fantastic!
Where is the camera? Where is the camera? Ruth, we are going live.
Camera? It is with me, sir.
Where is the camera? Go live, go live, go live.
Go.. - Live, sir? But..
I don't want to listen to anything. Just go live.
Forget ifs and buts. Just go live.
Connect it. Fast.
Madam, in order to show this live..
.. My village folks will see my death video live.
And we don't listen to him..
.. Your family wouldn't be able to see you for the last time
Your dead body will straight to your village. Will that be fine??
Go, come on, make it fast.
Ruth. What happened? - Yes, sir.
Ruth, what happened? - Yes, sir. Just give me one second.
Give me one minute.
Ruth, where are you? Ruth? Where are you, darling?
Ranjit! Come here. Connect this.
Sir, recording live. - Madam, what are you doing?
Switch off your phone. - One minute. Come on.
Yes, yes, yes. Got it, got it, got it, got it.
Close in on that soldier. Yes, Sir.
Stay there, stay there.
Fantastic. Fantastic.
Hey, madam, what are you doing? Just switch off your phone.
Two minutes, Raj. Two minutes. - Stay right there on that soldier.
Yes, sir.
Stay there. Stay there.
Fantastic. Great.
Oh crap! - Oh crap!
Get up from here. What are you doing?
They are tracing the signals and hitting the bomb right on the target.
Hey, take a close up of the bomb. - Yes, sir.
Actually that.. - why isn't the bomb exploding?
Actually that.. - Switch off the phone.
It is not exploding. - Just switch it off.
Oh crap.
Ruth, where are you? Even the phone got disconnected.
Anchor. Anchor in. Anchor in.
We will play with all our might.
Who can be a better example of this saying except Ruth Dutta.
Our brave reporter who was giving us live news from the border..
..That's when this bomb fell right in front of her.
Look at this.
The great brave woman has come in front of us in the disguise of Ruth.
She is covering the bomb till now.
Now we have to see whether this bomb will explode or not.
You will tell us whether this bomb will go off or not.
Type your answers..
.. Right now and send us to 348780 right now.
Raj. What are you doing?
Are you insane?
Madam, this is worse than a diwali cracker.
Why did you pick it up?
Don't worry. This won't explode. Look at this.
Made in China.
Do one thing. Do one thing.
The winner of question we asked ..
..Before we went for a break is.
..Nandkuram Mithomal Khedachand Gangu Ramani.
He answered that the bomb will explode.
And look at this. - Yes
So at last, the bomb has exploded.
The brave reporter of our channel, Ruth Dutta is out of danger now.
Her bravery is being made for everyone to see.
Forgive me, it can be seen by everyone.
Seems like the connection with the border is breaking.
Once again lets show you what happened.
Not only once. It feels that this bomb is exploding"
.. again and again since morning.
I feel like this blast video is animated, man.
I think so.
Hey, Nikki. Ask your Pakistani friends.
What is happening there?
And at the same time, if you have to talk about the viewpoint of Pakistan..
..Even Pakistan says..
Hey, that girl in India. She has her point of view about about the war..
..Saying that Pakistan has started the war.
Pakistan? The talk here is that India has started the war.
Write it to her.
India is blaming Pak. And Pak is blaming India.
I think someone has really thought of causing problems.
We have been fighting for the last 65 years.
The war has begun.
And Afghanistan is Great!
Brother. Pakistan is this side. And India is on that side.
Oh no, I made a mistake. Wait.
Pakistan is this side. And India is on that side, brother.
This side? Then I will shoot this way. Yes.
Brother. - Yes?
Pakistan is this side. And India is on that side.
Hey!
Don't talk rubbish.
Earlier, you got me confused between a female and male goat.
Now you are getting me confused between India and Pakistan.
Should I ask your mother where India is?
Son of a Scoundrel! Fool!
I will tell you. Take a look.
Afghanistan is here.
Doha is with Afghanistan. Where your uncle stays. Yes, brother.
Turkmenistan is above that.
Besides that is Uzbekistan.
Where your aunt stays. - Yes brother.
Infront of that is Kazakhstan.
Rooshiya is below Kazakhstan.
Below Rooshiya is China. - Yes.
Under that, Bay of Bengal.
And under that, Sri Lanka.
Yes. - And above that, my deserving friend is India.
Yes, brother. - India is here.
Yes brother indeed!
Made a fool out of you.
I was just testing you.
India is not this side, fools. It is this side.
Here comes my Missile.
Hey, Captain Raj. I am Commander Khan.
Holy Crap!!
Someone exploded the bomb on our side.
Sir, I feel .. - What?
Someone got an upset stomach by having pulses without meat, sir.
He is rebelling, sir. exploding a bomb on our side.
Let me see who this scoundrel is.. - One minute, one minute.
Let us first talk to the ones in front of us.
If they explode a bomb, we will be picking our minced meat, sir.
You are right. - Sir.
Hey Captain Raj..
You can cough up first. And keep coughing in peace.
And see that your intestines don't come out coughing.
Did you see? He is wishing ill for me.
Hey, I will take your intestines out.
Speak to me. - Hey, sir, sir. Control.
If you get satisfied talking
.. go ahead and talk. - Control, sir. Control.
You will feel light at heart.
You talk to them. Don't take my name. - Okay.
And if you have to talk, have cough syrup before coming.
Tell him that I had it. Tell him.. - He had cough syrup.
I see. Qureshi. Qureshi, I am talking about syrup and not country liquor
Rude fellow.. - Look what he is saying. All rubbish.
Maybe Khan has become so old that even the syrup is no more effective.
Your father must be old.
I am still young.
And listen to me.
I will have breakfast in Jaipur, lunch in Jodhpur..
..And dinner in Delhi. And have ice-cream in Patna. Tell him.
Sir. - What happened? - Sir. Patna cancelled. Not Patna.
One mustn't go to Patna, sir. I have heard that..
..People from Patna are such that..
.. They turn every place that they visit into Bihar.
Sir, Patna cancelled. Patna is.. - You only talk to him.
Don't take my name. Talk to him.
So the ice-cream program in Patna is cancelled.
Its okay till Delhi.
In any case, we have a stomach upset because of the food here.
Why are you telling them about all this?
Hey, you just tell us about the menu. Menu.
Menu.
Hey, have you come for the wedding procession of Sania?
Forget the menu. Take this bullet.
Hey, rude man. Till now, you were talking about a medicine for cough.
Where did this bullet come from?
Don't think that I didn't aim right.
And in any case, we don't launch attacks on dumb people.
That is why my bullet shot passed by Khan's ear.
Listen to our commands. The next time, my aim wouldn't fail.
Fire.
Hey, there thing is good.
Each second, they are firing dozens of bullets.
And look at us. Even our bullets have been counted.
We are not getting a chance from this location.
Lets change and go to a different location.
What I don't understand is, How can they keep firing?
Now shoot.
And show to the entire country.
How each Indian soldier is equal to ten of them.
Are they firing bullets or throwing them?
Holy Crap.
After giving us lame horses they are asking us to win the race.
So brother, now what should we do?
I told you, These made in China weapons will get us in trouble.
Now make your soldiers operate the weapons.
I can operate.
But actually I wouldn't be able to see anything.
To hell with it!!
This is the bomb. It has to be released towards their side.
What are you doing? Make it fast.
Now hold it in their direction..
Hey, lower your volume They will hear us.
..And release it
Holy Crap!! It fell down here only. Run. Run.. - Come on, run.
It is about to explode. Run. - Come on, run.
Soldiers. Keep on firing.
See to it that not even one comes fonlvard.
Sir, we are firing constantly.
They are the ones hiding safely.
Really?
Please come, madam.
I will make you meet our X-man.
X-man?
Brother X-man. - Yes, sir.
These Pakistanis are hiding inside their bunkers.
How can we trace them?
Sir, order some chicken in that case.
Chicken? You had food, right?
Sir. Look at this. Tracker chip.
Pakistani soldiers will come out of their bunkers like anything.
We will target and shoot them.
Keep watchingl!
Really? Subedar. - Sir?
Get some chicken.
But the chicken should be alive.
Now look at the tracker's efficiency.
Keep watching, sir.
How all of them will come out of their bunkers seeing these hens.
We got lucky to see the chicken after so long.
You keep the fire burning. I will feed you roasted chicken today.
Here comes a Pakistani.
I won't spare you.
Get them.. - Come on, get them.
These red ones are our hens and green ones are Pakistani soldiers.
Wow, they are coming out.
Get them.. - Come on, get them.
Lord, you have heard our prayers after a long time today.
Sir, many of them have come out.
Sir, we should start attacking them right now.
No, no, wait for some time.
Get them.. - Come on, get them.
No, no, I got hold of that.. - I last chicken had in my reception.
You line of beggars. Leave them.
Come back and take your positions inside bunkers.
Leave him eat, sir. The poor one is hungry.
Hey, fool!
Sir, sir.. - What happened?
Where is the chicken sir ?
Idiots! They are hens from India.
It is some ploy of the enemies to catch you off gaurd.
Qureshi, these are Pakistani hens. Take a look.
They are wearing an amulet on their neck, dear.
My eyes won't betray me.
Amulet?
Morons they are.
These are not amulets. But transmitters.
Qureshi, you will die. Don't go there.
Fools, come back you hungry nuts. - Chicken, sir, this is great.
Hey, you idiots.. - Sir, look at the chicken.
Leave them. - They are leaving sir. Lets shoot them, sir.
No, no, wait. - Sir, look, they will go, sir.
Fools.. leave that chicken.
Sir. Look, they will leave, sir. - Wait.. - But sir..
Each on of us will die, you idiots.
Sir, they are all gone.
Even I am hungry. Even lfeel like having roasted chicken.
But understand, enemy is trying to trick us.
All of them are gone.
Shoot now.
Oh no, this one is quite stocky. Everyone will get a piece of it.
But after the war ends. Wait here quereshi, I will be back.
We will win the war indeed.
Our soldiers on the border are also a part of our public.
We will be victors for sure.
We and our country.. - This minister is quite powerful.
I must say.. - Impossible.
His age is to have supplements.
Power without Supplementsll - We must encourage them.
All I am saying is..
There is so much tension on the border.
And he went there all alone?
Ask your friend from India.
We are not scared of anyone. - Guys.
Taufiq is saying that their minister visited the border amidst all tension..
Its the same things happening here as well.
It is all a war game, man.
It is all vote bank politics.
He must have gone earlier and they are just showing it now.
You are right. Without a reason they don't leave their house.
And he will go to the border?
All of this is rubbish. There is some drama or the other.
I will stay here at the border..
.. Till the time my soldier brothers are standing here.
Thank you and may Lord be with you.
Cut! What a shot, sir.
You acted so well.
Mister, was everything fine?
Sir, the public wouldn't even come to know..
..That this shoot happened inside this studio.
Take a look at the footage.
Its coming out as if it is completely live.
Did you see the talent of our brave soldier?
They went after the chicken so vehemently.
But sir, they have gone into hiding once again.
Now take a look how we will get them out of their burrows.
Brother, before I call out to them..
..Take your respective positions.
Okay? - Yes, sir.
Shoaib Ali reporting.
Present, sir. - Fire.
Oh Mother. it was them who called.
I am saved.
Shahrukh Khan reporting.
Reporting, sir. - Fire.
Present, sir.
Why did you stand up?
Sir, you only gave the command.
I called out to the Shahrukh Khan on their side.
Sir, Shahrukh is common on both sides.
Specially when it comes to Indian films.
Oh no, take your position. Come on.
Keep sitting. No one will get up, you fools.
Because of foolish soldiers like you..
The reputation of Pakistani army is in shambles.
Don't be surprised. I am here. I am here.
Sachin Tendulkar reporting.
I see. So he trying to trick us with our own ploy?
Sir. What are you doing?
What happened? -There is only one Sachin Tendulkar.
And he is in the Indian Cricket team. How can you call him here?
I see. I made a mistake. I will try once more.
Sachin Tendulkar reporting.
You sons of a fool! I told you to keep sitting.
We stood up to see Sachin Tendulkar, sir.
Stood up. You idiots have a problem in there.
All the time it stands up.
No one will stand up now.
Listen, what is his name? Read it.
Rajvir Singh.. - Rajvir Singh?
Rajvir Singh Rana reporting.
Hey, Rajvir Singh Rana.
I will show him how it works.
When ajat is hits, he hits it hard.
You are amazing.
Who called for Rajvir Singh?
Stand up and show me your face.
Okay, I will.
It is me who called. Speak to me..
Hey, sir..
Did they shoot at me?
You only gave them an invitation, sir.
Really. -Speak to me. Sit down sir, before another bullet is shot?
What are you scolding me?
The neighbour country is intelligent, sir.
Got it? They could have made you look like an idiot.
How rudely you are speaking to me.
I have brought you up like a kid. Like a kid.
And now you.. - Even I have brought you up like a father, right?
This is the limit of ungratefulness.
Myself Satyendrapal Singh Gasona. And you are?
I think he has a weak memory.
Give him some 'Memory Plus'.
He's asking me my name.
Forget this. Now listen to me.
I've received news that a herdsman..
..Stops our brave infiltrators from infiltrating.
So, I've made arrangements for them.
He's right.
Do you have chocolates? - No.
Kohl? - No.
Do you always say
Let's have something sweet before offering anything?"
Its always bitter first for us.
And the spying goat? - Its Pure Rawalpindi.
Brother.. - Don't say that it's a he goat.
So tell me, What are your arrangements? - Yes.
Map for you.
It will take you directly to Jodhpur.
My rulers have sent it for you.
Wonderful.
Now, hurry up you both. Make it fast.
And you meet me with your entire force at Jodhpur.
Understand, soldier.
Good bye. - Good bye.
Sorry.
He made a mistake. He doesn't know, he's a fool.
Allah be with you.
I say let's just sit here.
Let them fire all they way.
The more we fire, the more it backfires.
I will do it. I will do it.
When you've no one, then there's China.
FucoL
Fu...Fucol 69? - Yes.
No, sir. How can we use Fucol 69?
Two days later, when the war would have begun..
..A Chinese engineer was supposed to show us how to use it.
How will we use it?
Then who will? You're turning your back?
L...l.. - Bhutto.
No. you're smarter than him.
You will use it.
Lift it. Lift it.
Everyone's lost their mind, now let's lose our lives too.
Fool, you're shrouding Khan sir.
Rascal, always turning off my lights.
Lift the top. - Lift it you horse.
Right, sir.
Wonderful.
Again a Box. Lift it. - Lift that up.
Wonderful.
Sir, I think the Chinese are very fond of packaging.
There it is.
It looks like a toy guy. - What a discouragement.
Sir, Fucol 69? This..
There's a booklet along. Look at its content.
Heat sensing device.
It senses the heat from the soldiers, and their guns..
..And aims at them.
What's this?
I think it's a remote control.
China Gate. Good job Man.
Should I press the button. - Don't delay. Press it.
Sir. Sir. Careful.
Move aside. It could be dangerous.
Qureshi. Qureshi.
He's the one who kept you in captive.
Freedom. Freedom. - It senses the heat.
What the..
I told you...it can be dangerous.
Made in China.
Good person.
I told him don't let this thing out.
Now, you face it.
Don't speak, we're speaking in English. Bhutto.
I don't want to play.
I don't want to play this game.
Tell him Qureshi. - It's not working, Sir.
Remote control is out of control.
Where are you going? Where are you going?
Sir, we understand that this thing senses heat from the soldiers.
But who will tell Fucol 69 to differentiate..
..Between an Indian soldier and a Pakistani soldiers?
Bhutto, what's this.
This..
O'Chinese toy, now see what a Pakistani can do?
Sir...sir..What to do now?
Sir..
Soldiers..
Someone's calling me. Someone's calling me.
That's made in China.
Doesn't understand Urdu.
Soldiers. I think the enemy has bought a new weapon.
Pure made in China, bomb has been delivered to you.
Blast it now, that the war has begun.
So, what are you waiting for?
Before the Indian army is prepared..
..Let's have a Nuclear war.
Then, let's blast it here. - No.
Try explaining him. What is he talking?
Sir, look...it'll take some time delivering it to the border.
You don't take me too seriously.
But let me tell you, I am not that foolish.
Come, Watch my arrangements yourself.
Here. Take this.
Musharaff Movers and Packers.
General. I think I've heard this name.
What is this?
You forgot him.
Oh yes.
Great. Wonderful. - Let's go. Let's go.
You know, in this episode since morning..
..I've seen everything
Friendship, love, jokes.
There's just one thing that's a problem. - What is that Madam?
Information.
We should try to end this episode? - It'll fail.
Why? Have we tried yet? - No.
Then, how can we fail?
We'll have to stop this war tonight.
The armies of both the countries will be here in the morning.
Then it will be impossible.
Listen, to win we need to diffuse the mines.
I am going to cross the border.
Give me cover-fire.
Which cover-fire are you waiting for?
Catch him.
He's Khatri too.
Myself, Sahil Khatri.
Which Khatri are you? - Kabir Khatri.
So, Kabir Khatri.
Where are you from?
Sind.
My forefathers were from Sind.
Now we'll enjoy fighting.
Where from in Sind? - Pathan Gali.
Even my forefather was from Pathan Gali.
Now we'll enjoy fighting.
Where in Pathan Gali?
8110. Khatru-Alam Vila
Now we'll enjoy fighting even more..
Khatru-Alam Vila?
Now, Don't say that your father had a retail shop?
Yes, he did. Why?
Now there'll be no fun fighting.
They both are brothers.
Whether we like it or not.
But be it parents, siblings or girlfriend..
..Nothing comes before our country.
No one's greater than the country.
Khatri. - Sir.
Take your position in bunker 12.
Sir, I'll fight at the fonlvard post.
Khatri, it's an order. - But, sir..
Khatri!
It's incredible right, Raj.
Two brothers, at the battlefield.
Pointing guns at each other.
And whoever kills first will get a medal.
Now, that's what I call a story.
Right, Ranjeet. - Of course.
What fun!!
One brother, kills another.
And you're enjoying it.
This isn't two neighbors fighting..
..Where the others can gather around and have fun.
You're loving it.
Then stop it.
Stop this war.
Madam, you're a reporter.
Your job is to speak.
That doesn't stop the war.
Then, either we finish them, or let them finish us.
Then will this war stop.
Madam, you're rebuking at me, as if I've declared this war.
This is our superior's order. - Superiors.
And what if your superiors..
..Get an order from their superiors, then?
We won't take a second to stop the war.
Then that's possible.
You just have to help me.
I'm ready to help you all your life.
Just send me across the border. - What?
Across the border?
It's not the easy.
But it's not that difficult either.
Contact Qureshi.
Will everything be okay?
Surprising it is.
Brave at one time, and the next..
I don't know what will happen.
To get you across we need to stop the firing.
Hnece this is important.
Sir.
Okay.
What happened? - Coming.
Get up!
Good for nothing fools.
Get up!
Qureshi. Qureshi.
Captain Raj here.
Sir, why aren't you answering? - Qureshi.
Where are you?
Friendship and war has its own place. - Qureshi.
But when it's about being mannerless, I can't tolerate it.
Officer Qureshi.
Captain Qureshi.
Respect lies in one's hand.
Speak, captain sir.
Your oath's fulfilled.
Madam wants to come across for her reporting.
She's back for me.
Yes...l mean, that's good.
Even we want peace.
And listen.
We're sending your soldier Kabir Khatri along.
You just need to take care of Commander Khan.
Do one thing.
Bring the reporter madam at Location Sherlyn.
And then...send Khatri at location Sawant.
I will handle Khan sir.
Okay.
What did you say her name was?
Madam Ruth dutta.
Madam Ruth...
Fine, send her soon.
Okay, we're leaving.
You just need to handle Qureshi.
He's looking for a bride.
She's coming.
Be obedient like a younger brother.
Lay out the table and chair.
And arrange for snacks.
Get it.
You all wait here.
Ranjeet, you wait here too.
Me and Ruth madam will go ahead.
Sir.
We'll have to stop firing for a while.
But, we aren't firing?
Sir, we've to stop whatever we're firing.
You've been bribed, right. You've been bribed.
Sir, You're always cracking jokes.
This is why no one respects you.
What do you mean?
I mean Kabir Khatri was stuck at the Indian border.
We told him to get out..
..But for that we need to stop firing.
Do one thing Sir.
Go to Location Sawant and receive him.
Come on. - Let's go.
Hold on.
Who's the senior?
It's not about seniority. - Speak to me.
He only trusts you.
Liar.
Sir, may you rot in hell if I am lying.
Yes.
Lets Go.
Soldiers. Stop firing.
"There's a ruckus here."
"The entire world will see it."
"Where will they go tonight."
"I think they'll cut the border wires."
"Let's forsake war."
"No point in awar."
"Why is everyone so willing. War."
"Try to understand, War."
"Let's forsake war."
"No point in awar."
"Why is everyone so willing. War."
"Try to understand."
"Everyone called out from the heart."
"Let's do as we please."
"War at a moment and friends at next."
"Don't think it's a child's play."
"It becomes a problem for everyone."
"It affects everyone."
"Let's forsake war."
"No point in awar."
"Why is everyone so willing. War."
"Try to understand, War."
"Let's forsake war."
"No point in awar."
"Why is everyone so willing. War."
"Try to understand."
Madam.
I just wanted to say something.
Just one thing.
Yes.
L...
I... Thank you very much.
What for?
You saved my honour, in front of my forces.
In a fit of emotion, I swore on bringing you on our side.
And you fulfilled my oath.
By the way, I should thank you too.
You had said, "Madam, we'll always honour you".
And you did.
Shall we go?
Thank you.
- See you Captain Qureshi.
Let's go.
Captain sir. I want to...
'--
Captain sir, I was saying..
It's a complicated matter.
I had a talk with madam, and came to point..
..That the madam loves you.
This hug doesn't mean I'll let you off easy.
Get that. Be ready.
I was born ready.
Allah be with you.
I want to tell my Indian soldier brothers..
..We started this war.
It's our fault.
Please forgive your younger brother.
We're Indians after all.
If they don't fire, we won't fire.
Sir, is this video fake.
Are they planning to do something secretly?
No, their tears showed their honesty.
I've seen them, heard them.
Look, brother. It's true.
We trusted them every time. Let's trust them once more.
Okay, sir. And anyway, they've stopped firing.
Sir! Sir!
We've been betrayed.
Something's happening at the back.
I think the Pakistani army is trying to infiltrate from the back.
Everyone will take their positions, quickly. - Sir!
Surendar. Gun!
Ohh! So, it's you.
Our herdsman did tell us about you.
Was the map correct?
By the way, where are you coming from?
I said where are you coming from?
Jodhpur, herdsman. Chocolate. Infiltration.
That goat.
No, boy. You've been made a fool.
Brother. Brother.
Welcome. Welcome you two.
Now all of you kneel down. Come on.
When will you learn?
Sometimes you infiltrate the neighbours, sometimes us.
And that's why you couldn't stop..
..The infiltration in your own country.
Sir, we're helpless.
Oh, God.
I took the gun not for Islam - There he goes again.
I did it for my family.
No infiltrator is born this way.
The world makes him one.
Take him away before any director spots him. - The people do make him
A real infiltrator can't be recognised by anyone.
But you recognised me..
..Because you're not an infiltrator.
I'm a better infiltrator.
What's this?
Two hearts are uniting here..
..And they are scaling our walls.
Honestly, if we get the orders to stop this war..
..L would invite my brothers over.
They're fed up of eating lentil and meat.
But, how do we stop this war.
Leave that to me.
The country has seen enough fake breaking news.
Now we'll show them real exclusive news.
I just need some time.
You will have to wait until morning.
Dutta the warrior.
Move fast. We've to reach board.
C:.m O "2
"What seemed like a dream.."
"Has finally turned to reality today."
"What seemed like a dream.."
"Has finally turned to reality today."
"The hope that was alive in my heart."
"Will finally show its colors tomorrow."
"Everyone believes, the dawn will come."
.-We-re a storm."
"We know...what we're capable of."
"In any direction we march."
"We find a new route."
According to our sources..
..This border battle between India-Pakistan can turn into a full blown war.
According to sources, the war between India-Pakistan"
..might take a bigger turn.
While the army's policing the border..
Nobody from the ministry is ready to speak on this issue.
Home Ministry has issued orders to all three forces.
The Air Force has been kept on high alert..
We can still here the shots being fired.
And assumptions have been made..
Rut. Where are you?
And why did live feed stopped?
Sir. There was a technical problem.
Is everything okay now?
Sir. I'm going to send you a exclusive news. - Okay.
And the entire country will be shaken by it.
Just one thing.
You have to show it 'live'.
Sure. Sure.
Such news will definitely shown live.
Okay, sir. Remember, no editing.
Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure.
Listen guys, live news from the border.
I don't want any interruption ...no editing.
Hello. I am Rut Datta.
And now, please watch the following news very carefully.
Reporting from the border, live from the heart.
Excuse me, is the camera on?
I'm very scared of these things.
What I'm going to say now is a very confidential.
"When we've the courage to say the truth."
"Then why should we keep quiet?"
"It was a wall.."
only ...with a slight twist... that this report release this report..
.. You'll show two days later, as live.
After the war has been declared.
Oh ..What did we just played live?
I will ruin you.
I will destroy this channel.
You won't be able to do that, sir.
This isn't your Ministry right?
It comes under our Ministry.
The Information and Broadcast Ministry, sir.
So go on and try saving your position.
And you, Mister.
Your channel, which always shows the truth..
..Don't need people like you.
We don't want war.
Not just us soldiers, but any Citizen of any country
..doesn't want a war.
And anyway, our country is like your younger brother.
Forgive us.
Give us Madhuri Dixit and take Pakistan.
Now, there's a new one.
Give us Mallika Sherawat.
Oh come on?
Didn't we give you Sania Mirza?
Be happy with that.
I want to see India.
My father was in the army as well.
He attained martyrdom five years ago.
What do they say?, "Make love not war".
I've been getting so many marriage proposals.
But, only if I get a leave from here.
First, I first thing I want to say to my Indian soldier brothers..
Is Salam-waal-ey-kum ..Sorry.
Namaste!.. is what I want to say.
And second, is that I want to have a chicken feast with them.
I want war.
But only in cricket.
That never ends.
We don't know where to fire?
The superiors say fire here, and we do.
They say fire there, we do that too.
Why don't they understand this small thing..
..That, if we fire nuclear weapons on them..
..Will they shower flowers on us.
What should I say more?
I just don't want a war.
There's just two ways.
First is love, second with the sword.
The only difference is, that the sword divides one into two..
..But love...unites two into one.
These borders which have been chalked out..
..Between two countries, were the deeds of emperors and rulers.
But these divisions shouldn't make home in our hearts.
This isn't any breaking news, and it's some exclusive sting operation.
What you saw, is the truth..
..Which the people of India and Pakistan always felt.. since ever!
It might sound weird, but some super-power countries..
..Are making a fool of us.
But, maybe that's the truth.
But the truth is, one super-power..
..Wants to attack us through Pakistan..
..Whereas another super-power..
..Wants to cash on this vulnerable situation of both of us.
Now, everything lies in your hands
Seems our media has finally grown up today.
It's concerns your future generation as well.
They've finally shown the real power of media.
This is the place where I did the chroma-shoot..
..Of our Excellency.
I've realized my mistake.
Both the countries are good friends.
No, in fact they were just one.
But, were divided into two.
And were given different colors.
We Pakistanis want peace.
Our people gets the real picture gradually.
Citizens of both the countries are out on the streets.
It's seem inevitable that this war shall end soon.
I think, to take a stand against these super-power countries..
..We should boycott these products..
..With immediate effect.
No Chinese from today, and fritters and stuffed bread is on.
China infiltrated in Ladakh 19 kilometers
into our lndia..
See ..We don't war at all.
So From my side, boycott Made In China.
No more selling China items.
Boycott Made in China.
Only If India-Pakistan keep fighting..
..Will they be able to sell their weapons to us.
I think the Ministers are behind all this.
India and Pakistan should just sit down and reach a truce.
I don't think that the common people are happy with the war.
"The land changed, and so did the sky."
"A new sun shall arise."
Now you see the people out on the streets..
..It symbolizes that this War will end soon.
What a revolution, man.
You do one thing.
Message everyone in your friend's list.
Please boycott war completely.
I've already created a community.
'War Chhod Na Yaar.'
We're getting bad reports.
Cancel the arms deal with India-Pakistan.
Mr. President, we'll lose billions of dollars.
I'm in total mess, man.
I can't live without the 'Fafda'(Gujrati snacks).
We will boycott the war.
Guru! ...lndia has boycotted Made In China products..
..So it seems we'll have to end this war, or we'll be ruined.
Just like no one can destroy the sun..
..Similarly, no one can defeat India.
Now Clap your hands. - What are you saying?
The bomb has already reached the border.
It must be heading towards Delhi any minute.
Forget the war, and let it bomb Islamabad.
What are you saying?
Just ask for milk and we'll give porridge, but dare not ask for Kashmir..
This won't do.
Seems like his translatorjust expired.
Curses.
Hey you guys, the guns deal is off.
Say something.
Mr. Shawn. - Sorry, baby. Not for you, not for you.. not for anybody..
Sir...sir..
Now you go out there, and stop that goddamn war, now.
Hey guys, I am sorry.
The guns deal is off.
But...the airbase remains.
I feel like beating him black and blue. - What is this?
Very good, you've learnt.
I would like to say, that we strongly oppose the war..
..Between India and Pakistan.
The way people boycotted this war..
..It seems India and Pakistan ministers..
..Will have to stop this war soon.
So, who was effective today?
Jaat or Dutta?
Neither Jaat, nor Dutta.
It's the People.
Whenever the people join hands they're are always effective.
Cease fire. Hold your positions.
Stop. Stop. What do you want?
Where can I find commander Khan?
Here only but What do you want?
There's a parcel for him.
What's written on this bomb, can any of you read it?
It's sounds like a shampoo.
Don't you know..
When this bomb explodes, it'll give dandruff to millions.
And all the Indians will go crazy scratching their head.
That's when China will launch a new shampoo.
Understood.
Sir, we don't need this now.
A full fledged war doesn't seems likely. - Speak to me.. Buddy
Sir, our missiles have not been tested yet.
And anyway this is a missile-free bomb.
Just light the fuse at the back.
The hatch will open from the front and it will fire automatically.
Commander Khan.
Why are you taking my name?
Commander Khan.
Did you launch the bomb?
Not yet, but I've lighted up the fuse.
On the Orders from the General.
To hell with the General? - What is this? What is this?
Someone put it out.
It's a live news-telecast, right?
I said, is this live-news?
Yes, sir. Full live.
Call the fire-brigade. - Fire-brigade.
Fire-brigade to douse a lousy fuse? - So, shall I call the ambulance?
This is not someone's home that's on fire.
Our home's are on fire, sir.
And Time has come to put it out.
The video tape you were seeing a while ago..
..Was absolutely wrong.
It's not true.
Douse it. Douse it.
Douse it.
What did you do, sir? You took out the fuse itself?
Now it'll explode here only. - What?
Curses.
We're done for, sir. - Run. Run.
This will explode here. - You're deserting your army.
You're scared.
We're not scared of anyone.
Who fired?
Sir, I told you before. This is the border.
Firing starts anytime
Please stop this war at any cost.
Who fired now? Let's go.
Sir! Wait!
Why are you all clapping?
Didn't you hear? It's going to explode.
Sir.
Not speak to me.. let me hide!
Y4...Y5
Y 6. - Think.
Y 7. - Not you.
Y 8. - Rascals.
Y
This..
"We'll never forsake this friendship.."
"We'll give up our lives, but never leave your side."
Bhutto, who's that girl?
"We'll never forsake this friendship.."
"We'll give up our lives, but never leave your side."