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(Joy of Life by lrshad Khan)
(Bird chirping)
(Rooster crowing)
(Squawking)
(Woman and child speaking Hindi in distance)
(Mooing) (Speaking Hindi)
(Man singing in Hindi in distance)
(Horns honking)
(Bell ringing)
(Man): Time's up! Time's up! Finish! Finish your work!
Please, time's up! Hurry up! Time's up! Come on!
(Laughing)
(Speaking Hindi)
- Hi! - Hi, Deepak.
(All): Congratulations, Deepak!
(Lively music) (Cheering and laughing)
(Man singing in Hindi)
(Speaking Hindi)
(Deepak): I swear to fulfill to the best of my ability and judgment this covenant.
I will respect the hard-won scientific gains
of those physicians in whose steps I walk.
I will remember that warmth, sympathy and understanding
may outweigh the surgeon's knife.
May I long experience the joy of healing those
who may seek my help.
And I will maintain by all means in my power
the honour and noble tradition of the medical profession.
(Horns honking)
(Chicken clucking)
Swami-ji, keep the rupees!
It's all about dollars for me!
(Speaking Hindi)
(Laughing)
(No dialog)
(Bell dinging in distance)
(Meow-l?)
(Cow exhaling)
Show some respect now, huh? I'm a doctor!
(Cow grunting)
(Speaking Hindi)
(Children playing in distance)
Ma!
(Gasping)
Dr. Deepak Veer Chopra.
MD. - on!
Doctor!
Your father would've been so proud of you today!
- He would've been proud of you, Ma.
You've worked so hard for us.
Ma! Ma!
Last time!
I want us to experience the world now!
And, Ma, I can heal people anywhere!
(Speaking Hindi)
Ma?
Ma!
(Chuckling)
(Both laughing)
- Ma, pack up these spices now!
We'll need them to keep us warm.
We are moving to the land of opportunity.
- Honey... I thought we were going to Canada.
(Both laughing) - Let's go!
(All laughing)
(Nellie shouting in Hindi)
(Nellie chuckling): So many white people, new?
(Deepak): Ma, did you know the entire country once belonged to the Indians?
- Amazing! Indians!
(Both): Hello!
- Dr. Deepak Veer Chopra. Really?
(Chuckling): Millions of us Indians share many names,
but there's only one great Dr. Deepak Chopra.
- You also!
- And Vijay Sharma sponsored you?
- Yes! He's my brother!
He's got the best Indian restaurant in Toronto:
Korma Suva!
(Both laughing, stamp clicking)
Susan, you should come there sometime if you like Indian food.
We'll give you big discount!
- Welcome to Canada. - Thank you, ma'am!
- Thank you! Thank you!
Look how quickly she stamped our passports!
These Chinese, they're just like us! - OK!
- They love discounts even more than sex!
- Shhh! Shhh! Let's go!
(Nellie): Carefully! We have to find your uncle Vijay.
- OK! (Vijay): Over here! Over here!
(Vijay exclaiming, women laughing)
- Who are these girls?
- Must be his assistants, new?
(Vijay exclaiming, woman laughing)
- Hey, Uncle!
(Vijay): Welcome to Toronto! Huh?
(Deepak): So, Uncle, where's all the snow?
'WOW! - Huh?
(Laughing) - Beautiful house, Uncle!
(Speaking Hindi) Very nice!
- And where is she?
- Uncle, when do we meet Rani?
- Viju, you never told us where did you meet her?
- Uh,where? - Huh, where?
(Speaking Hindi) - She's coming.
(Hindi music)
Huh? What do you think?
Huh?
(Slowly): Welcome to your new home.
(Both speaking Hindi)
Namaste!
(Both): Namaste!
- I hope you brought your appetites. I've been cooking up a storm!
- Buzz, buzz, buzz!
Beautiful!
- Let's eat!
(Enter the Gate by Anwar Khurshid and Paul Deslauriers on stereo)
- That's fine. Thank you!
- Mmm! Rani, there's already enough food!
- Oh, but the Dalai Lama says,
"One must approach both love and cooking with reckless abandon."
- Uh-huh!
Oh, your auntie warships the snake god.
- But, Uncle, isn't the snake god a cobra?
- Um, there are no cobras here, so she worships the rattlesnake god.
(Nellie): on! - Lamb?
- No, thank you, Auntie! I don't eat meat!
(Laughing): My Deepu is a grass eater!
- Um...
- But I'll have some! (Laughing and panting)
- Nellie? (indistinct)
- Thank you! Uncle, can I serve you?
- Please! - Mmm!
Looks tasty!
- Uh. good!
(Panting) Naan?
- Thank you!
- Naan?
- Thank you!
(Laughing): Naan!
- Where did you learn to cook Indian food?
- TV!
- Uncle? Auntie? You've been godsends.
Supporting my education and now sponsoring us?
Really, words can't express how thankful lam
for everything you've done for Ma and me.
- Don't thank me. It was your aunt's idea.
She wanted us all to be together.
(Laughing)
- Really? - Thank you, Auntie!
(Laughing): You're welcome!
To my lovely Indian family!
(Laughing and panting)
(AH): Cheers!
- I'll drink to that!
- But Neelu-ji, you've never drank alcohol before!
- Well, I've never been on a plane before!
(Nellie, Deepak and Rani): Cheers!
(Laughing): I like Canada!
(Laughing): It likes you!
- Ma? (coughing)
Ma, are you OK?
(Coughing)
(Speaking Hindi)
- I would be proud to be a pan
of your medical team.
Sincerely, Dr. Deepak Veer Chopra.
(Beeping)
(Sighing)
That was fast!
(Woman on computer): Hey, sexy! You're so big!
Do you know what else is big? These massive savings!
Click now and we can have some fun! Click right here!
(Birds chirping in distance)
- A slice of cucumber on each eye;
my idea of a perfectly balanced diet.
- Really?
- Hello, ladies!
- Hot stone massage at 5:00?
- Yes, yes! Let's get stoned!
- Deepak! Looks like you just got some good news!
- It's a job offer!
I can feel it from the bottom of my heart!
- I can also feel it from my bottom! My Deepu!
- OK, guys, no need to get excited.
It's just an interview call-in.
(All cheering and exclaiming)
(Laughing): Guys! It's just an interview! Come on!
(Vijay exclaiming)
(Lively music)
(Deepak): Come on, Deepak! Confidence!
(Exhaling sharply) You can do this. You're a good doctor! Yes!
"Good morning! Good morning!
"My name is Deepak V... Good morning!
"My name is Dr. Deepak Veer Chopra.
"I'm caring and I'm compassionate."
Yes, that's it! "I'm a dedicated--"
(Person passing gas, toilet flushing)
Good day!
- Congratulations!
You've excelled at the Medical Council Evaluating Exams!
- Despite your excellent exam results,
the Canadian Medical Association requires a 4-year residency.
- I graduated from a well-respected medical school in India.
(Chuckling): on, India! Yeah! I love India!
I went to an ashram out of college.
(Chuckling): Namaste!
Anyway, Indian medical training isn't familiar to us.
- But I also know that this country has a shortfall of 26,000 doctors.
I'm confident that my credentials--
- We can't travel the world evaluating every medical school!
- We must provide competent healthcare here.
- Millions of people who can't find a family doctor are clogging--
- Our emergency rooms.
- I've had every door slammed in my face.
I've rewritten every exam successfully!
- Being a doctor is not only about treating patients...
- It's about having patience!
- Maybe you'd like to try another career,
perhaps nursing or massage therapy, Mr. uh...
(Sighing)
Brown.
(Both talking indistinctly)
(Grunting) - Sorry!
- Decaf latte with a heart for my favourite guy!
- What do I owe you? - Oh no, it's on me.
- Oh, thanks! - Have a good day!
(Soft music)
Can I help the next customer? - Just one second!
- Hey! What can I get for you?
Coffee?
(Sighing)
(Slowly): Coffee?
- I'm... I'm so sorry! I've just had such a bad day.
I can't get a job here...
- We've all had those. Bye-bye! - Thanks!
- Can I help the next clown?
- I'll take whatever's cheapest, the bathroom key and a plunger.
(Whispering): OK! - And move on it, Blondie!
I'm shitting in my pants here!
(Horns honking)
(Tires screeching) (Lively music)
(Tires screeching) (Man): Hey! Watch it!
- Hey! Mr. India! Where are you going?
- I don't know.
- What? In life, or...
(Sighing) - I have to go!
- W-w-wait! OK! OK!
Today, I give you 50% off to all sad Indians. Come!
- That's fine!
- What a beautiful face, huh? One smile! One smile! One smile!
Huh? Huh? Come, come, come, come!
No, no! In the front!
Indian style! Brothers, brothers! Come!
(Trilling) OK, come!
(Laughing)
What do you do? - I'm a doctor.
- You're a doctor? Check one thing, doctor!
(Laughing): Small joke! Don't mind! Don't mind!
Where are you going?
- Korma Sutra Restaurant.
- Hey! Free diarrhea with every plate of butler chicken, boss!
And that owner's so horny, man!
He must be judging the chicken nipples inappropriately also.
- He's my uncle.
- Nice guy! Very nice guy!
Oh, and that white snake lady, man!
I'd love to show her my python.
- Hey! She's my auntie! And she's very sweet.
- Oh, yeah! - Show some respect!
- Nice lady, huh? Great!
- Yeah, she is! - Oh, wow!
(Honking horn) Look at this hottie, huh?
Ooh! Ass-testis!
Hey! Excuse me, miss?
Wanna play doctor with my friend? He's an MD.
- No! Shhh! - And what are you? The nurse?
- Actually, I'm a-- I specialize in little pussy cats!
- And I specialize in cracking nuts.
- Anytime!
- I don't know him.
I'm really sor...
- Whoa!
Call me tonight, huh? 555-SEXY.
Area code: 416. My name is Tony!
(Laughing, horn honking)
(Both laughing)
- Thanks! - Anytime, boss!
- Be good! - Hey, boss?
Call, eh, if you need a cab, or a drink or a friend
or some hard chicks masala style!
(Both laughing) - Right now, all I need is a job.
- Hey, buddy! That too!
Tony's got your back. - Thanks!
(Cell ringing)
- Hi, Tony! This is Simone, the nutcracker...
(Woman laughing, bell ringing)
(The Blue Danube by Johan Strauss ll)
(Vijay): Deepu, no job here is too big or too small.
This is just temporary.
No!
- Oh! My“ - Oh!
- What are you doing? - I'm sorry!
(Grunting)
(Metal clanging)
(Men and women exclaiming, Vijay gasping)
(Screaming)
Oh! Oh!
(Timer beeping)
- Stop your surgery, Doc!
- Yes, Uncle! - Come! Come with me!
- What happened? - Come, come, come, come!
That is Dr. Calvin Porter, famous plastic surgeon.
Take good care of him and he'll hook you up.
(Deepak): With his daughter? - No!With a job!
And that's not his daughter. His daughter's much older.
That's his wife. - Wow!
- I think he implanted all of the Silicon Valley right there!
- Come on! - Huh'? Huh'?
(Bell dinging)
Wow! This one will surely impress!
- Ugh! - Go, go, go!
- This, Uncle? - Go!
- Uncle... (Sighing)
(Laughing)
Good evening, doctor!
(Both laughing) -Hi!
- Yes, yes! - It's cute!
- Cute! (Woman and Dr. Porter laughing)
Uh... we're happy to offer you our breast--
(Woman laughing) I mean--
(Woman screaming) (Dr. Porter): You're a downright idiot!
Don't touch her breasts!
- It's OK, I'm a doctor! - So am I!
(Screaming)
- I'm so sorry!
Calm down! I'm 30--
(Deepak and woman screaming)
It's gone! It's gone! It's gone!
- No, no, no! Don't go! - I'm sorry!
- We're never eating here again! - Please don't go!
- Punjabi perverts!
- What's wrong with you? You can't even serve lobster?
What idiot made you a doctor?
- Do you think I came here to work in your shitty restaurant?
Keep your stupid hat!
- Fifteen years I've slogged to get where I am!
And you want everything in 15 days?
(Grunting) (Glass shattering)
(Grunting, cat howling)
(Cats meowing)
(Laughing)
- A little lower! - Mmm!
(Cell ringing)
- What up, doctor? - Tony? I need a drink.
(Laughter) So, I'm fighting this lobster,
and the husband says, "Don't touch my wife's boobs!"
I'm like, "Your wife has boobs in her lobster!"
- Take my wiener! Take my wiener! Touch it!
With your mouth! Take the wiener! - I don't want it!
- He doesn't want it. Give it to me.
- Tell me one thing. Why are you such an elitist?
Why don't you wanna join us? You think you're too good to be a cabbie?
Join us! Be a cabbie like us! - Cabbie, me?
- OK, so what, this guy's saying he's better off wearing stupid hats,
looking at boobies, putting stupid lobsters in there, looking around!
- Listen, I don't know anything about lobsters, OK,
but I heard Tony has crabs.
- Whoa! - Ah!
You wanna see my crabs? Come, come! You like seafood?
(Lily shouting, indistinct) - I'll cut off all 2 inches of it right now!
- Simone! - Hmm, what's up?
- Where did you find this lowlife?
- I saw his blue balls hanging off the back of his cab,
and I just felt so sorry for him!
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Guys, I should... I should go.
- Go, yeah! What you should do is come to work with me tomorrow!
- Yeah! - Come on! Come just pan-time!
- Guys, I'm a doctor!
- I'm a Ph.D. in psychology.
- Physics graduate! Beijing U.
- And Tony graduated from driving school!
- I didn't wanna study like all you idiots, OK?
I always knew I was gonna be a cabbie. I'm just not a dickhead!
- I guess that's me:
Dr. Dickhead!
(All laughing except Deepak)
(All repeating except Deepak): Dickhead! Dickhead! Dickhead!
- What up, Pete?
Leave me hangin', bro!
This is, uh, Deepak, who I told you about.
He comes from 3 generations of the finest cabbies.
And, uh, this is our boss, Pete. He comes from 3 generations
of the smelliest, grumpy fans.
- What the hell are you still doing here?
- I love you too!
- Doctor, huh?
Hmm!
Well, son, like we haven't seen one of those in here before.
- Sir, these days I feel like a victim of some grand cosmic joke.
- Yeah, you and me both.
We've now got more Ph.D.'s in here than Harvard.
- Sir?
- Hmm...
- I don't mean to be rude, but how are you treating your cancer?
- Oh, what the hell'?
(Sighing)
- The anti-nausea pills...
Look, I'm not an oncologist, but I can still help.
(Chuckling): Yeah! OK...
I have lung cancer.
Chemo didn't work. - I'm sorry!
- Oh, don't be sorry. I'm the one who smoked.
Come over here.
Baby... OK! Right there!
Remember, you're a cabbie, not a pilot. - Yes, yes!
- No drinking, no drugs.
- No! - No sex.
I got eyes in every cab!
Shut up! Don't smile!
(Shutter clicking)
- Deepu! You're not a cabbie!
You're a doctor! - And why do you have to move out?
Because of what I said? - You guys won't get it!
- What?
- Uncle, you were right.
No job here is too big or too small. (Sighing)
And, Ma, I have to find my own way now.
- He cannot travel the path
until he becomes the path itself.
I start every new journey
with the blessings of the elephant god, Ganesh.
May it bring you all the happiness that it's brought to me.
(Chuckling)
- Oh, Auntie! Thank you! You're the best!
(Laughing)
See you, Uncle Vijay.
Huh? mo?
'Huh?
- Do it! Come on! - Huh!
(Both laughing)
- Bye, Mom.
- Never tell anyone that you're a cabbie.
And if you see anyone who looks like family, don't you dare stop for them!
(Chuckling)
- "Hey Meat Ball"? - Welcome home, boss!
Hey, Bruno!
Hey! This is Deepak who I told you about.
- Ah! - He's gonna be our landlord.
(Italian accent): So, this is your new roommate?
- Are we sharing a room? - We're sharing a bed.
But it's OK. It doesn't matter! And this is his beautiful daughter, Mimi!
- Hello, Mimi! - Hi!
- This guy can check you out anytime. He's a doctor!
- Ah! Dottore!
- From India! - Ah, India! Come sit! Sit!
(Laughing)
Ah! This guy always banging chicks in the room.
I tell him, "No banging chicks in the room!" - Why do you bang--
- First, you bang the chicks in the room, then you wanna bang a guy.
What next? You wanna bang me? - No!
- Why would I wanna bang you? - Sir, there will be hanky-panky.
- Yeah! - No banging!
(Laughing): Dottore, you gotta try today's special!
- Ah! - My daughter's grilled octopussy. Muah!
Mimi! - Huh'.7
- Two special, huh? - Yeah! Two for the doctor! Oh!
- Sir, actually, I'm a vegetarian.
- Vegetarian? - Yes, but Tony isn't! He--
- Hey, I... I don't want no octopussy. Why don't you eat the octopussy?
- You don't want my daughter's octopussy?
You, dottore! You will love my daughter's--
- Yeah, you'll love the octopussy! - Sir, I don't eat meat.
- Why you not want my daughter's octopussy?
(Both laughing)
Dirty guys!
You think I talk about her VJ?
- I have an Uncle Vijay!
- Your uncle has a VJ? (Tony): No, no! His uncle is Vijay.
- Yes! (Choking and coughing)
- Your uncle is your auntie?
- No! His auntie has a VJ. - My uncle--
- Your auntie has a VJ? - Obviously, she has a VJ!
- Your uncle doesn't have a VJ? (Deepak): His name is Vijay!
Vijay is an Indian name. - His name--
(Mimi continues choking) But it doesn't mean--
- It's not a VJ. - No, no!
Mimi! Mimi! - Who has the VJ?
- Mimi! Mimi!
She's choking! Tony, help me! - Mimi, I got you!
- OK, OK! Ready! - OK, ready? Ready? One!
Hey! Two!
- Hey! - Three!
It When the Moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie $1
# That's amore... #
- You're OK, Mimi? - You're so sexy!
- OK! You're OK!
(Panting, coughing)
- My Lord! Dottore! - She's OK!
- Grazie! - I told you, huh'? Hey!
- Hey, hey!
(Drill whirring)
- Come on, Deepak! Confidence!
(Horn honking, tires screeching)
(Woman): You asshole! - I'm sorry!
(Man): Watch it! This isn't India, buddy!
(Man): Get a license!
(Tires screeching, horns honking)
(Man): Hey! Watch out!
(Exhaling sharply)
(Woman): Cabbie? Cabbie!
- Good day, madam!
- 368 Glen Manor Drive East.
And don't take the Lake Shore, take Eastern.
' Yes!
- Could you go any slower?
- I'm sorry! (Horn honking)
I waited 3 hours for a physical which took 5 minutes.
- Yeah...
- No, no, no, no! Take a left! Take a left!
- Yes! Of course!
(Whispering): Stupid cabbie!
- Madam, um, do you check your blood pressure regularly?
(Scoffing) - What's the point of checking?
I'd go broke if I had to buy every pill my drug plan doesn't cover.
- Madam, did your physical today include a mammogram?
- A mammogram?
- You know, today, for women over 40, it's so important that--
- They said they'd get me an appointment.
It could take 6 months.
- Six months? That's...
Oh! No, no! It's a free ride today, madam.
You're my first customer here.
- Well, thank you, cabbie!
You're a lot more caring than my doctors!
You should've been a doctor.
Oh! What the...
Come back here!
This is not the place!
- Why are you looking so stressed? - I'm fine.
- You want a hug?
- Tony, it's been 4 hours, one client...
How does this work?
- OK, relax, boss. Tony will tell you, huh?
There's an an to picking up chiquitas,
and there's an an to picking up clients.
Come, come! Go ahead! Take a U-turn. Cheers!
Wow! Tall and blonde! Oh, sexy combo!
Hurry, hurry! Quick! Follow!
Wow! (Horn honking)
Hey, Miss Long Legs!
You're too beautiful to take the bus, huh?
Why don't you hop in the cab?
Say something! - Hey, baby! Do you work for NASA?
'Cause you're out of this world!
(Tires screeching)
Oh shit! It's her!
- You got a lot of pickup lines, huh?
- Whoa, whoa! Shit! Please, miss! Please listen!
Please listen! Excuse me, miss!
When did you get pregnant?
- Immaculate Conception.
(Sighing)
- What am I saying? - Jerk!
- Miss, I'm really sorry! That came out totally wrong.
It's getting late, and it's going to rain.
Let me give you a ride, please. It's...
(Thunder rumbling)
Please? It's really the least I can do.
(Thunder crashing, horns honking)
So, have you been pregnant often'?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing! I'm just making the small talk.
- Yeah, he is actually quite small.
(Whimpering, panting)
- Oh my God! My water just broke!
- Shit, dude! You pissed her off so much, she actually peed her pants, huh?
On the seat and the floor and the shoes and everything!
- You're gonna be OK! We need to get her to a hospital.
- Look at this traffic!
- Do something! - Oh my God!
- I'm gonna get us out, OK? I'm gonna get us out of this!
- I can't believe it's happening now!
- Just please calm down, miss!
(Tony shouting, indistinct) (Horns honking)
- This is a cabbie emergency! The baby is about to pop out!
Please! Come on! - How are you feeling today, miss?
(Tony shouting in distance)
- I've been having contractions and the doctor just said it was--
- False alarms! They're called Braxton Hicks contractions.
- Yeah! Exactly what he said.
- The baby is coming! Aaah!
(Panting) - Now I think I feel it coming!
(Screaming)
(Horns honking) - Come on!
Don't stop here, you idiot!
Pull the car, Deepak! Come on! Indian style! Come on!
(Tony shouting, indistinct)
Driving like a slow idiot!
(Panting) OK!
(Tony, indistinct) - Breathe! Just breathe!
- I'm gonna call 911, OK?
- They'll never make it.
Tony, you'll have to get out, come around and take my place.
- Take your place? Are you crazy? I'm not going in the rain!
(Screaming) OK!
(Tony talking, indistinct)
(Panting)
(Tony shouting outside) - OK...
I need you to come here, lie down headfirst.
" No!
- Please, miss, trust me, I'm a doctor.
- No! You're a cabbie!
- Miss, you're gonna have your baby here right here, right now.
Please, you have to trust me, OK?
(Tony shouting in distance, knocking on window)
(Grunting)
- Let me in! Serious shrinkage, dude!
(Knocking on window)
- OK, just breathe.
I'll be right back. - Wait, what?
(Tony groaning)
- Hello! - Good! Good!
- It wasn't supposed to happen like this!
I was supposed to remember this forever!
- OK! I'm on it!
- Don't even think about it!
- Yes, ma'am! (Screaming)
- Tony, I need the vodka to clean my hands and arms!
- With what'? - With the vodka!
- OK, then say that! Go!
(Panting): OK! - OK, uh, now, miss, miss, miss?
I need to take off your pants now, OK? - OK!
Do you even know what you're doing? Why don't we just wait for an ambulance?
- Miss, you have to listen to me, OK? Trust me, I'm a doctor.
(Both screaming)
I need you to open your legs now a little.
- It's OK! - Good!
Good! (Crying)
Breathe shallow and rapid! - Shallow and rapid breaths!
- OK'? OK!
(Tony): Shallow! Breathe!
(All breathing rapidly)
- Only push when you feel a contraction, OK?
- Yeah, only push when you have...
- On second thought, tape this! If he does anything wrong,
I'm gonna sue his ass!
- Yes! Yes, ma'am! - OK?
- Are you ready? Ready?
Come on! Now breathe!
Shallow, rapid breaths! - Shallow and rapid!
Shallow and rapid!
You can do this!
- Ready? Push!
(Deepak and Tony): Push!
(Natalie and Tony screaming)
(Crying) - Hey, hey! You can do this!
(Whispering): I can't do it... - Yes, you can! You can do this!
- No! - Tony, hand her the Ganesh!
- Yes, sir!
(Natalie panting, crying)
- OK! Hold ii tight! It'll help! OK'? Ready?
Ready? Ready? Push! Push! Push!
(Screaming)
Push! OK! OK, I can see it! I can see the head! Push! Push!
One, two, three! Push! Push!
(Screaming, grunting)
(Crying)
(Laughing, crying)
(Breathing heavily)
' Why... Why isn't he crying? Why isn't my baby crying?
- Somethings wrong with the baby. Put it back in!
- Why isn't my baby crying?
- He's gonna be OK!
- Deepak, do something!
(Crying)
It's OK! Shhh!
(Baby crying)
- He's... he's crying! He's crying! (Laughing)
He's crying! Yes!
(Baby crying)
(Panting)
- Congratulations!
It's a boy!
(Baby crying)
(Sighing)
(Tony): Then I saw the baby. (Man): Good to go!
- A little bit of vomit came, actually.
From me, not from the baby!
Although, the baby also vomited, but that I've heard.
Deepak told me natural juices come from all parts of the baby and the mother.
It's quite gross and beautiful, actually, at the same time.
You know, cabbies are always prepared, I had this vodka...
- Close it up!
- Actually, you know, I saved the day! I don't mean to be...
- What can $37.50 get you nowadays?
The cos! of delivering a baby
if you don't mind having the baby in the backseat of a cab.
(Tony): I'm on it! Come on!
(Deepak): Now breathe! Shallow, rapid breaths!
(Tony): Shallow and rapid!
(Natalie screaming on video)
(Deepak): Hey! You can do this! You can do this, OK?
You have to be strong! One more push!
(Man): A young cab driver, Deepak V. Chopra, delivered a baby today in his cab.
(Tony): Something's wrong with the baby! (Natalie): Why isn't my baby crying?
(Tony): Deepak, do something!
- I heard you had quite the delivery!
- Oh, you have no idea. - Mmm!
(Knocking) - Good morning!
- Hi! - Good morning!
- I hope I'm not interrupting.
- No! Come on in. - Thank you!
I... I thought I'd come and check up on my first patients.
- Hey, Dr. Cabbie!
- You can call me Deepak.
- My name's Natalie, by the way.
(Laughing): It's nice to meet you, Natalie!
So, how is he doing?
- He's so good! - Yeah?
- He's so cute!
- Have you found a name yet? - I got nothing!
I've been working on it all day. I can't think of anything.
Any Suggestions?
- Uh...
(Laughing): How about Ganesh?
- Wait, you mean, like, that thing?
- That thing is the Hindu elephant god, Ganesh.
- Cool! - They say he's the god
of all things auspicious, the remover of all obstacles.
- So he's even more of a celebrity than you and I.
I imagine that you've seen this?
"Hot Babe Gives..." (Both): "Birth in a Cab."
- Awesome! - I'm really sorry about all of this.
My friend Tony, he says he accidentally hit "upload" and--
- Well, he's a jerk.
- I know.
(Both chuckling)
- Do you, um, do you wanna hold him?
- I would love to.
OK...
- Isn't he sweet? All right!
- Come on! Come on! - Look it! Yeah!
- Yeah! - on!
- Your father must be so proud!
(Humming) (Andrew): Colin?
(Sighing)
Your little accident is all over the damn press!
This could cost you your bid!
- Oh, I look good in print!
Hi, Dad!
A bit of news and controversy is never a bad thing.
- Bonnie! - Have a seat!
It's a speed bump! Relax! I'm in it to win it.
- Then stop being a poster boy for page 3, and start making some real news!
- Headlines? Easy-peasy!
I'll throw on a suit and start kissing babies.
- You wanna be the next mayor?
Then start by practising with your own baby!
'Cause granddad wants a happy ending.
. Happy ending?
- You must be psychic. (Phone ringing)
- I can't wait 4 months for my appointment.
I need to see Dr. Cabbie.
- Our company is called Co-op Cabs, not Co-op Clinic.
- Can I speak with Dr. Cabbie? - There's no doctor here!
- I can't find a family doctor! - This isn't a doctor's office, you know.
- My hemorrhoids are killing me!
- I'm getting a migraine!
- I'm no! going to the emergency!
- Wait a minute... Pete, someone's calling about a doctor'?!
- No, don't talk to me, Deepu!
So the whole world knows about my son's heroism, except me.
" Ma!
- You know how many messages I've sent you?
- Ma, your son is a famous cabbie now.
- Famous cabbie? Hmph!
So I should be proud of you? - Yeah!
- Gandhi says that, "The only way to find yourself
"is to lose yourself in the service of others,"
so we are very proud of you!
- Thank you, Auntie!
(Laughing)
(Bells jingling) - Pick up that box!
- What is it? - Just pick it up!
(Sighing)
Papa's stethoscope...
Oh, Ma!
Thank you!
(Sniffling)
- Gandhi would've been proud too!
(Both laughing)
- Thank you for picking us up! You didn't have to do that.
- Well, I just couldn't trust you with any other cabbie.
- It's crazy that something so small is gonna take over my entire life.
- As a new mother, you have so much to look forward to.
- Yeah, I know. 3:00 a.m. feeds, dirty diapers, breast pumps...
(Laughing)
(Simone): Shhh, shhh, shhh!
(Lily whispering): He's here! - Hey, guys!
- Hey! - Hey!
- Hey, buddy! - What's going on?
- Can't help you, boss.
- I mean, honestly, it isn't fair. If you get fired for that,
then Tony should've been fired, like, 100 times.
- I'm fired?
- Dude, you had a chick with her legs open in your cab!
- Yeah, he messed up! - That's only allowed in Amsterdam.
- Your suspension papers.
- What?
Pete! - Open it.
Who's she'? I'm not hiring any more of your friends.
- Oh, no. She only rides me.
(Hit on the arm) With me! With me!
(Pete grunting) (All cheering and laughing)
- Congratulations, man! - Yeah!
(Deepak laughing, all cheering)
Cabbie! Dr. Cabbie! (Laughing)
- I'm putting you in the square one!
- Square one?
# Yeah yeah Dr. Cabbie #
- Good morning! Co-op Taxi!
(Dr. Cabbie by Deesha)
- You know why there's such a shortage of doctors in this country?
(Laughing): 'Cause you guys are too busy driving cabs!
- When was the last time you had your prostate checked?
- What?
(Struggling with door handle, banging)
(Woman on phoney Co-op Taxi?
- Everything is normal.
Cholesterol is a little high, so we have to get you moving.
Come on, Mimi!
Hey! No! No ice cream, Mimi! No ice cream!
- I've had this pain all morning.
- Sir, I'm going to need you to place two of these under your tongue.
(Groaning)
- Hey, I have a big meeting in 15 minutes.
- Sir, you're going to have a heart attack in 15 minutes.
(Tires screeching)
(Camera shutter clicking)
OK! - Thank you!
- Hi, doc! I got this problem. I got this really stupid friend
who had this real drunken night and he hooked up with this...
I guess it was a girl, but kinda like a guy. She had man hands.
All of a sudden, now, he thinks he has an STD.
He should've known because the minute she opened her legs,
it made your eyes water, I mean, his eyes water.
- Calm down, sir. Just drop your pants.
Come on! Let's take a look.
- Be gentle, all right?
I haven't "manscaped" since it happened, so get ready!
(Laughing): Get those weed whackers out!
You gotta get rid of the pain.
If you wanna leave the swelling, I'm OK with that.
I don't need it, but you know what I mean? Every little bit helps, am I right?
This guy knows what I'm talking about!
(Laughing, zipper lowering)
(Horn honking, tires screeching)
- Pain? - No.
' Yes! (Sighing)
(Traditional Indian music on car stereo)
- You call this music, yo?
- This is Indian music, sir.
- That ain't no music. Check it! Watch this!
(Beatboxing) - OK!
(Groaning)
- Are you OK, sir?
- What's going on? - His appendix is inflamed.
He'll be fine. We have to rush him to emergency.
(Tires screeching)
- How do you tell the difference between an oral thermometer
and a rectal thermometer?
- The taste!
(Grunting)
(Pete): This is turning into a real pain in the ass.
(Sighing)
- All stocked up, boss?
- Your pimp just booked a bunch of new appointments.
And somebody called for a refill on a prescription.
So what's next? Surgery?
- I know I'm in deep, Pete. - Yes, you are.
- But at least I'm making a difference! - Yeah! We all are.
(Groaning)
Hold my son I was dying, last night. - No, Pete! No!
- I know! I'm living now.
- I believe the expression is, "I'm living for the moment."
(Chuckling): Oh, yeah! Well...
OK... - Come on. Let's go.
What happened? - You got that puppy-dog look today.
(Laughing): No! - Natalie, right?
- Is it that obvious?
- The expression is,
"There's no cure for love."
You gotta grab it by the balls
and take I! for a ride!
- Hey, cabbie!
(Gasping)
You stalking that blonde? - I'm busy!
(Knocking on window) Go away, kid!
- Pervert!
- What's your problem, huh? - You're such a loser!
She's too hot for you anyway! - Come back here!
- Forget about it!
(Baby crying) (Keypad beeping)
(Cell ringing) - Hello?
- Hey!
- Natalie!
Hi! How are you?
- Oh, I'm fine. You know,just tired.
How are you doing?
- Oh, I'm so busy! I'm helping out at my uncle's restaurant.
' Hmm!
Yeah, you should come by and see the baby sometime.
- Uh, I would love to!
How's tomorrow?
- OK!
- OK! See you soon!
Yes! (Laughing)
(Horn honking) (Man): Idiot! Get out of the street!
# AH I need is you #
it And I'm so glad I've found you $1
it I never thought I'd ever find a love like this $1
it I never thought I'd find someone like you $1
it I thought I'd go through life being so lonely $1
it I never thought Pd need it like I do $1
# Ooh I wanna be your girl oh #
# I've been searching around the world #
# And all I need is you #
# AH I need is you ooh #
(Vijay): Rani, what is he doing? - He thinks it's a girl!
(Nellie): He's so cute! (Gasping)
'Hi!
(Nellie and Rani): Hi!
- My Deepu's in love. - With a mop.
- Love is meant to be enjoyed, not understood.
- You're so wise.
(Laughing): Yeah!
- Good, good, good, good!
(Chuckling)
Good boy!
(Chuckling): This was my father's.
My heartbeat was the first one he heard from it.
See? Hey!
He's beautiful! - Thank you!
- You have your mother's eyes!
Yeah, you do!
High five! Give me a high five!
- You must be hungry. I cooked dinner.
- I'm starving! Let's eat.
(Anything For Your Love by Mayou
# Ooh oh yeah #
- You like steak, right?
(Chuckling): Love it!
- Yeah? - Yeah.
# I would do anything for your love... #
- It was between this and lobster.
- Mmm! Holy cow! That is... is good!
Thank you!
(Woman vocalizing)
(Vomiting and groaning)
I'm sorry! - Oh, it's OK! Shhh!
# I'll do anything for your love #
(Make U Want Me by Selena Dhillon)
# Oh are you ready #
(Tony): I am ready! (Laughing)
# Can you feel me #
(Tony grunting in distance)
- I just wanna eat it! - Come here, darling!
- You want me to come? You want me to come? OK, I'm coming!
It Let me show you Don't be shy $1
(Tony grunting, Simone laughing)
# What I love and what I like #
(Squawking)
# I'm really feeling you and I #
(Laughing): Yeah! Oh!
It Make you want me Boy make you want me $1
(Growling, laughing)
Wait! - What?
- On! Ah! Ah! Ah! - Uh-huh!
# Gonna spin and you won't know which way to go... #
- Oh! Hey! Yeah! - Let's do this!
- Mimi!
(Speaking Italian)
- Going to bed!
It Let me show you Don't be shy $1
(Both laughing)
# What I love and what I like #
- How many times I tell you, no doing sex here in my house!
- I'm not doing sex in your house.
- Hey! Who's that?
- Where? - Where! The signer... The signer...
(Bruno and Tony grunting)
What do you have in your mouth?
- Bubble gum.
- Bubble gum? Show me!
(Both grunting)
# Boy make you want me #
(Car horns honking)
(Cell buzzing)
(Grunting)
(Sighing)
- What time is it? (Woman groaning)
- What's up, Love Muffin? - Yeah?
(Andrew): Colin, I told you to clean up this baby mess!
- The press is on us like diaper rash! Get on it now!
- Yeah, OK. No, I heard you, Dad.
Yeah, I'll deal with it. - New!!!
- I said I'll deal with it. OK, bye!
- Hey, what's going on? (Sigh)
- Cancel my massage. And get me a nice gift for a newborn,
and the newspaper, and some breakfast,
and a scotch, and a cup of coffee.
Stupid baby!
- Thank you, doctor. - Of course!
- So, whatever happened between you and him?
- Him who? - The baby's father.
- Colin. - Mm-hmm.
(Chuckling): Well...
I was a young lawyer,
and I thought he had everything:
career, looks, charm.
He asked me to look over his briefs,
and I thought he meant legal papers.
A week later, he stopped calling me Pumpkin, and then no more calls.
- What happened when you told him you were pregnant?
- He asked me whose it was, and had me kicked out of the firm.
Thanks to him, I serve coffee for a living now.
(Sighing)
(Doorbell buzzing)
Mmm! I have no idea who it is. One second.
(Baby coming)
- Daddy's home! - What are you doing here?
- I come bearing gifts.
Something for Mommy, something for little Colin Jr.
Uh, where is he? Is he inside?
Little Colin Jr.!
- His name is Ganesh!
- G-g-gesundheit! Sorry. What did you say?
- I'm serious. - Ganesh? Really?
Is that a vindaloo dish at a cheap Indian takeout?
Here,these are for you.
- It means "god of all things auspicious, remover of obstacles."
- Oh... Oh hey, hi! We didn't order a cab. How did you get in here?
- Don't be a jerk!
This is the man who delivered my baby. This is Deepak.
- Thank you very much! - It's fine!
- Oh! Hold these for a second, 'cause I have something for you.
I wanted to thank you. It's your delivery fee.
(All shouting, indistinct)
- Please don't do that! - I gotta go.
- Thank you very, very much! - Get the hell out of my house!
- OK. Look, I don't know what's going on with you two,
but the cabbie can drive you to the showroom, but he can't buy you the Dior handbag.
The good things in life need the good money, and you know that. Think about it.
(Baby crying)
(On phoney Dr. Cabbie, it's Edith, uh, Mrs. Robinson.
Yeah, I think somethings wrong.
(Camera beeping, shutter clicking)
- It's good to see you again, Mrs. Robinson.
- Thank you, doctor. - OK! Let's take a look.
Mrs. Robinson, you need to see an ophthalmologist right away.
- My health plan only allows that once a year. It'll have to wait.
- How about we end our date with a drive to the hospital?
Now, Mrs. Robinson,
blood pressure medication, Ramipril, once a day.
- Oh, son, you're taking a huge risk.
- Shall we?
- They're so big!
(Laughing): I know!
You can have them too!
- Socks! - Yeah, socks! No one has to know!
(Laughing): All right!
- Underneath, so like...
- Like that? - Oh, yes! So it's like boobies!
All right! - The tea, is it hot?
- Put this over there! Come on! - OK!
- They're gonna be here soon, guys!
- Look at these gulab jamun. They're completely cold!
- Go and microwave them, then!
- Why do it now? - Please!
(Rani): OK, I think it looks... (Vijay): Come on, Rani,
put this over there! Yeah! - Hello, family!
- They're here! (Nellie): on!
- Ah, Natalie! Welcome to our home!
(Rani): Yeah! - Natalie, can I have the baby?
- Oh, our little, white Ganesh! - My little Ganesh! Just look at him!
- Come, come! - Look at him!
(Rani): That's what you said, "Look at him!"
- Hi, guys!
- Open your eyes, baby!
(Nellie): He's a darling!
- Little baby nose!
(All three laughing)
- His eyes are just like Deepu's! Look!
(Vijay): How did that happen? - That's because
we're all connected by an akashic field. - Of course!
- You know, Deepu's never had a girlfriend before.
(Coughing) (Vijay): Oh, nice boy!
- You're so lucky!
I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found my maharaja!
" Me! (Laughing)
- Where, um... where'd you find him?
(Rani): Well-- - Oh! Try the gulab jamun!
- Brown balls? (Rani): Yeah!
- They're very good.
- Trust me, once you go brown, you'll never frown.
(Vijay): So true. (Rani): Promise!
'Huh?
(Rani): Do it, Deepu! Do it! - Huh'?
- Yeah, OK!
(Laughing)
- Uh, Mrs. Chopra, you must be so proud
to have such a caring, compassionate son.
- So, you mean I don't have to worry about Deepu's marriage anymore?
- Ma! (Whispering): Joking!
(Rani): You're so lucky!
- I always told the studmuffin,
"Let a nice girl dance into your heart...
(Rani and Vijay laughing): "Not the back of your cab."
(Laughing) - Funny!
(Laughing): He's so funny!
- Did, uh... did Rani dance her way into your heart?
- Uh...
(Speaking Hindi)
- Yes, Uncle, tell us!
- OK... - Come on!
(Chuckling): It was so long ago!
- Tell them, honey! Tell them!
- It was the 90s. - Yeah!
(Vijay): I'd been here 3 years.
The government was sending me back to India on urgent business.
(Both exclaiming)
But before I left,
there was one thing I simply had to do:
watch Renee Rogers dance at my favourite venue
for the performing arts. (Soft music)
(Sighing)
- You? - I know!
- I bought a front-row orchestra seat.
(Rani and Vijay laughing)
- Big money!
(Vijay): That night, Rani was Eve,
and the stage was her garden.
Remy Yeah! Like magic!
- Such poise, such artistry...
(Rani): Oh, honey! He's so sweet!
- The finer details of her costume filled my eyes with wonder.
- Silky!
(Vijay): I was so moved... (Rani laughing)
...I was ready to... pop... the question.
- So romantic!
- Marry me, babe!
(Both grunting)
Please! Make me the happiest man alive, darling!
Ah!
- Looks like I just did! (Fireworks)
- Hmm! - That's so romantic!
(Deepak): That's so sweet!
- You know, Viju, I always say, "When in Rome, do the Romans!"
- I did!
(Rani and Nellie laughing)
(Door opening)
(Door creaking)
" Hmm?
(Mimi imitating cat meowing and purring)
(Mimi giggling)
# Don't don't don't you want me... #
- I hope you're ready, doctor!
(Mimi imitating cat meowing, Deepak gasping)
Yeah! Come on!
- Mimi, no! No, Mimi! (Whispering): Sexy doctor!
# Don't you want me #
it Let me show you Don't be shy $1
(Mimi purring, Deepak grunting)
# What I love and what I like #
- No, Mimi! Please! Please!
# I'm really feeling you tonight #
Tony, wake up! (Giggling): Mmm!
# Boy make you want me #
- Hey!
It Let me show you Don't be shy $1
# Don't be shy #
- Please! Tony!
(Music stops)
' Deepak! " No!
(Deepak and Tony): Mimi! Mimi!
(All screaming)
(Gasping)
(All screaming, Mimi crying)
- Natalie, Natalie, look, I've stopped drinking.
I'm... I'm cleaning up my act.
Look, I know I've been an ass, and I do not expect you to forgive me, OK?
Hear me out! Hear me out!
Look, look, I'll... I'll understand if you say no.
(Sighing) Can I just hold my son?
- Oh! Look at that smile!
- Oh! That's the most beautiful face I've ever seen.
' Hmm! (Both laughing)
- We do good work! - Hmm!
(Camera shutter clicking)
- Whoa! Broke a window!
(Laughing)
- You've done a very good job.
Our backers are very pleased! - Ah...
- The media is loving our family-man spin. - Yeah, but it's killing my mojo.
(Woman): Excuses, excuses!
- There's 3 things you need to win an election:
money, media and minorities.
Come on, Bonnie!
(That's Amore by Rocco Granata)
# In Napoli... #
- So, welcome to my home!
Well, upstairs... I live upstairs. - Oh, OK!
# Here's what they say #
(Lively music)
it When the Moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie $1
# That's amore #
it When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine $1
# That's amore #
# Bells will ring... #
- Antipasto. - Thank you!
(Speaking Italian)
- Thank you!
- No octopussy?
- No... no octopussy today, Mimi. - Octopussy?
- It's Mimi's special. (Giggling): Mmm!
- Thank you! - You're welcome!
Hmph!
- Please!
Oh! So, uh...
my family is having this really small birthday party for me next week, and...
and we would just love for you to be there. - Of course! I'd love that.
So, what can I get for the birthday boy?
- Well, a residency in a hospital would be great.
(Chuckling) - How's it going on that front?
- Good! You know, actually, I've applied to some US schools and...
Um, you know, it's such a long shot and--
- No, that's great! Really! - Yeah!
And I might not even go by the end. - You gotta do what you gotta do, right?
- Yeah!
(Natalie clearing her throat)
Hi, Tony!
- I'm sorry, boss!
(Tires screeching)
- Hey! Miss?
Look, miss, we've...
Look, we've all had our bad days.
Miss? - Leave me alone! Go away!
- This bridge... (Sighing)
It's not high enough to kill anyone.
You're just gonna wake up in the hospital,
broken bones, face mangled beyond recognition.
- Don't get close, or I'll jump!
(Crying)
- I can give you a ride to a taller bridge, huh?
My... my cab is right there.
- Go away!
- I'm going.
(Crying)
- I'm in love.
And I'm pregnant.
My boyfriend... is a white guy.
If my family finds out--
Stay right where you are!
- I'm in love too.
And she's a white girl.
And I'm not sure she sees a future with me.
I get it.
(Sniffling) - What are you doing about it?
- I'm trying to build bridges...
not jump off them.
- What's her name?
- Natalie.
- Boring!
- OK!
What's yours?
- Zarah.
- I'm Deepak.
(Crying)
- It will kill my parents if they knew!
- Zarah, if you jump off this bridge,
your love ends.
But if you walk this way, you can bring hope.
You don't wanna kill your love, Zarah.
Hey. Hey, come on.
You don't wanna do this. - Let me go!
God! Please! Please!
- Come on, Zarah.
(Crying)
- It's gonna be OK!
H's OK.
Zarah, promise me you'll tell your family about this.
(Sighing) Zarah,these are for you.
They'll help keep you calm,
and they're perfectly safe during your pregnancy.
But just one a day for 2 weeks, OK?
(Foreign language)I
(Electronic Indian music)
(Rani): Honey! (Nellie): Hello!
- Oh, look at the two of you! - Ah?
(All): Ah!
- Real good, Britney Spears! (Rani): Yay, Britney!
- On! My, my!
- Look at this! Huh'? All me.
- Yeah. Oh,wow!
(Nellie): Oh, Natalie! There you are. - I didn't even recognize you. Oh, hi!
'Hi!
- My hair, you mean. That's all Rani.
- Yeah, thank you!
(All cheering)
- Come on, come on!
- Shame on you! Oh, shame! - Come dance!
- Where, um... where is the birthday boy? - on!
- Where is Deepak? That's right. Where is he?
- Where is he?
(Popping, all cheering)
- Champagne for everybody!
# For he's a jolly good fellow #
# Which nobody can deny #
(All cheering and applauding)
(Electronic Indian music)
(Singing in foreign language)
# Uh-huh #
# Really #
# Come on #
- Happy birthday, Dr. Cabbie.
Hey.)'- . Hey-
- So, I, uh... I thought you said it was a small party.
(Chuckling) - It's not that big.
By Indian standards.
- Oh, right.
You've been running away from me all night.
- Natalie, look, it's... it's OK.
I... I may never end up being a doctor again,
and could just be a cabbie for the rest of my life.
- Wait... What are you talking about?
- I saw the pictures in the newspaper.
- Listen, he tricked me.
He planted those pictures for his potential campaign,
and... l should've known better.
- Colin can offer you the world.
- He can, and he did.
But I have my own.
(Crowd): Tony! Tony!
(Rapping in foreign language)
- Whoo-hoo!
- Hey! - No! No! What are you doing?
(Man singing in foreign language)
(Laughing)
# Uh-huh #
# Uh-huh mm-hmm #
(Crowd cheering and whistling)
(Muffled music)
(Deepak): What's going on?
(Deepak grunting)
(Officer, echoing): Deepak Chopra, you are under arrest.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say
can or will used against you in a court of law.
You have a right to an attorney... (Natalie): Don't worry!
...one will be appointed to you. Do you understand your rights?
(Deepak): Please!
Tony!
(Tony): No, please! Where are you taking him?
(Deepak): Please, listen to me! This is a mistake!
- Zarah's life hangs by a thread.
So does Dr. Cabbie's fate. Once the darling of the city,
he could now face up to 15 years in jail
on charges ranging from impersonating a doctor
to dispensing controlled drugs without a license
and criminal negligence causing bodily harm.
(Man): The cabbie from India who fought for his hospital residency
may be fighting for his own residency in this country.
- Please, please!
I'm here today to offer support, I'm hereto offer sympathy,
and more than anything, to find solutions
to help this shattered family and this outraged city.
Well, after this Dr. Cabbie's trial,
on behalf of the Mahmoods, our law firm is gonna launch a civil suit
that will make sure that this hard-working, immigrant family...
never has to work another day in their lives.
Thank you. That's all for now. (Woman): One question!
(Inmates shouting and whistling)
- Your lawyer's here.
- Hey!
- What are you doing here?
- I'm hereto see you, idiot!
I, um...
I started my own law firm today.
As your first patient,
I'd like to ask you if you'd be my first client.
- Natalie, I do not want to drag you into all of this.
- Deepak, I dragged myself into this the moment I set foot in your cab.
- You're wasting your time.
- Do you believe you did the right thing by treating those people?
(Sighing) - Drop it! It's over.
- Maybe I was wrong about you.
Maybe you don't believe what you did was right.
Maybe you're not the man I thought you were.
- I'm not.
(Keys jingling)
Attorney Wilman! Please wait!
- Sign here.
I'm gonna need a lot of autographs.
By the way, really liking the stubble, doc.
Bail was set at $25,000.
Your uncle took care of it.
Before you sign this rookie who is going up against a 28-year veteran,
just know that there's always a risk.
Like, a risk that you may never be a doctor again.
(Chuckling)
- We're in this together.
- Hey...
(Colin): Hmm! Wilcher! - Uh-huh'?
(Colin chuckling)
- Wilchie! - Uh-huh'?
- These pics are great.
- Here you go.
The cops have been following this guy for months.
- You nail this cabbie, I'll make you my chief legal officer
when I'm elected mayor.
Look, I don't care how you do it,just...
get Dr. Rickshaw sent back to wherever the hell it is he came from.
- Dr. Curry will be sent home in a hurry. Not to worry.
- That's racist. - Uh...
- I gotta keep this stupid family-man act up till after the election.
I just want him out of Natalie's life.
- Hey, listen, talking about your baby-mama,
I hear she wants to play lawyer.
Is she any good? - Oh, Natalie's very, very good.
She used to work under me.
- I like a good fight.
- Oh, you mean as a lawyer? Pfft!
No, I... l wouldn't worry about her.
Lawyer! (Laughing)
- Hey. you all right?
(Nellie): Deepu?
Deepu... (Rani): Hi, Deepu!
(All encouraging)
- Natalie! Natalie, are you ready? Are you ready?
- Papa's with you! - It's all gonna be OK.
- Papa's with you!
- Sir? Natalie Wilman.
Hmm...
- Hey! Come here, come here.
You know what? I'm actually in a pretty generous mood today,
so, uh, you get your client to plead guilty...
(Clearing throat) ...to impersonating a doctor,
then I'll drop all the other charges. What do you say?
(Chuckling)
- He's innocent, and pleading guilty means deportation.
- Ah! - So no deal.
- All rise!
(Exhaling sharply)
- Mr. Chopra, how do you plead?
- I object, Your Honour.
- Miss Wilman, normally you only object to things he says.
Objecting to what the judge says can seriously offend him.
- Your Honour, you referred to my client as Mr. Chopra.
He's a certified doctor and deserves to be addressed as such.
- Mr. Chopra?
- Not guilty, Your Honour.
- Yes! Not guilty! - Shhh! What are you doing?
- OK.
Let's go!
(Officer): After putting Mr. Chopra under surveillance,
I found a full medical clinic,
client charts and prescription drugs
like oxycodone, morphine and lorazepam.
- But Dr. Chopra said it was a symptom of retinal detachment,
and he dragged me off to the ER. - And was his diagnosis accurate?
- Well, the specialist said if I had waited,
I would've lost my eye.
- Thank you.
- You are saying that you paid Mr. Chopra $50
as payment for medical services.
- Yes, but it was a tip!
- For medical services.
Yes or no?
Yes or no, Mrs. Robinson?
- Yes. - Thank you.
Thank you very much for clarifying that.
(Sighing)
- I came here thinking I could make a difference.
What have I done?
I've shamed our family.
(Sighing)
I've ruined Papa's legacy.
- Deepu, there are 3 things that can never be hidden:
The Sun, the Moon and the truth.
And the truth is you help people, Beta.
(M uttering indistinctly)
- Not everybody thinks so.
- Well, then, they're mean.
But you know what they say about mean people?
That they come back in their next life as a fly and eat poop!
(Laughing)
(Sniffling)
(Tony): Here we go.
(Simone): Tony, don't be nervous. Just be yourself, OK?
- So, what was this, then? A little side-business you two had going?
(Judge clearing throat)
(Clearing throat)
- Uh... (Audience groaning)
See, as brownies, we'll do a lot for an extra buck, huh?
We'll, uh... cut your hair with one hand and we'll cut your taxes with the other.
(Audience laughing)
Asking me to deliver a baby in the back of my cab for an extra $20,
I mean, that's a little much, even for us, huh?
(Wilcher): Thank you very much. That was a compelling comedy routine.
- Uh, you know...
Deepak, man, he saved 2 lives in the cab.
Two lives!
He's a hero.
Our hero.
- Mr. Donaldson, what did Dr. Chopra prescribe you?
- Herbal medicine and hope.
What's the matter with all you stupid, smart people?
There's a lot of people in this country! They need doctors!
(inhaling sharply) And you've got your heads
so far up your asses, you can't see you got a really good one
sitting right there in front of you?!
I'm on my way out,
but he just might save your life one day!
You're gonna beat it, kid!
You gotta grab 'em by the balls and enjoy the ride!
(Wilcher): Your Honour, please!
- The defence calls Zarah Mahmood to the stand.
- Zarah, you swallowed the whole bottle of antidepressants.
Why'?
- When I overheard my mom and dad say...
that I had shamed them...
they would rather die...
(Sniffling)
I decided to take my own life...
(Crying)
...to let them live.
- Now, tell us the night that you contemplated suicide,
did Mr. Chopra... did he call 911?
- No. - No. Did he call social services?
- No. - Did he call your parents?
- No. - Zarah, did Dr. Chopra, in any way,
influence your decision to take your life?
(Chuckling) - He saved my life.
- But he did give you a bottle of illegal prescription drugs.
Is that correct? - Yes.
- Zarah, Mr. Chopra was an irresponsible young man
who failed in his basic civil duty.
- Objection, Your Honour! - Sustained!
- I stand corrected, sir. Thank you, Zarah.
(Judge): Careful, Mr. Wilcher.
- My parents used to bring me here when I was little.
I like to come out here when I miss them.
- Look at each plane.
So many different people, so many different dreams.
How many of them actually come true?
- Your dream of becoming a doctor has turned into a real nightmare, huh?
- I was bound by an oath that Hook.
- You always keep your promises?
- Yeah, of course.
(Wind whistling)
(Chuckling)
(Wilcher): Can you tell me how you justify...
a tip that is 5 times your cab fare?
- Sir, from what I understand, in some professions,
people charge $50 for just 5 minutes of service.
(Wilcher): Prostitutes.
- Lawyers.
(Audience laughing)
(Gavel hitting block)
(Judge); Order!
- I'm glad that you're having a good time here, Mr. Chopra,
but tell me, there are millions of needy in India,
yet you fly 7,000 miles to come here and treat people for free?
- I came hereto heal people,
no matter where they come from.
- That's very, very moving,
and so sincere.
But tell me,
did you at any time know that what you were doing was illegal?
- I had taken an oath-- - Yes or no, Mr. Chopra?
- Yes.
Yes, I did.
- Thank you, Mr. Chopra.
- You may step down, Mr. Chopra.
(Echoing): Mr. Chopra, you may step down.
(Whispering): I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment...
- Uh, we're finished with the witness. - Please, Your Honour!
- May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling...
and may I long experience the joy of healing those who may seek my help.
I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart,
a cancerous growth,
but a sick human being.
I will remember that I remain a member of society
with special obligations to all human beings.
I will respect the hard-won scientific gains
of those physicians in whose steps l walk.
I will remember that warmth, sympathy and understanding...
may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.
I will no! permit race, religion,
nationality or social standing
intervene between my duty and my patients.
If I do not violate this oath, may I be respected while I live,
remembered affectionately thereafter.
- Your Honour, may I?
Dr. Chopra, what did you just recite?
- The Hippocratic Oath. - Why'?
- Because I swore to it.
- Dr. Chopra, do you believe that what you did was right?
- With all my heart, yes.
And had I not done so, I would've betrayed my profession...
and everything I believe in.
- Thank you.
Your Honour.
(Sighing)
- Do you want our great medical system to be run by cabbies?
No.
I urge you to disregard Mr. Chopra's celebrity status
and his phony philanthropy,
and keep in mind his utter contempt for the law.
- Dr. Chopra is a doctor of medicine.
He upheld an oath...
that transcends borders, languages, cultures.
Members of the jury, I ask you:
what if you were in the back of that cab?
(Soft music)
Would you find this man guilty
if I! was your life that he saved?
What if it was the life of your child?
(Protesters, chanting): Cabbie! Cabbie...! (Woman): We love you, Dr. Cabbie!
We love you!
(Protesters cheering)
(Reporters shouting)
- Any comment, please!
- I'm trying to get you to deliver my baby!
(Woman): We love you!
- Has the jury reached a verdict?
- Yes, we have, Your Honour.
- On the charge of impersonating a doctor, what say you?
- Not guilty.
(Audience sighing)
- On the charge of criminal negligence causing bodily harm?
- Not guilty.
(Audience exclaiming)
(Gavel hitting block)
- And possessing and dispensing controlled drugs without a license?
- Guilty.
- Members of the jury, thank you for your time.
- Your Honour, the prosecution recommends a minimum 4-year jail term,
after which, since Mr. Chopra is not a citizen of our country,
we recommend that he be deported.
(Audience shouting) (Tony): You can't do that!
- Order! (Tony): Idiot!
- I'll pronounce the sentence in 2 hours.
- All rise!
(Woman): Excuse me...
- Come on. We don't have much time.
- Where are we going? - You'll see.
- Natalie! Natalie,just...
Listen, w...!
Where are we going?
- Your Honour, I'd like to present important evidence
before sentencing the accused. - Miss Wilman,
evidence comes before the guilty/not-guilty thing.
(Chuckling)
It's against my better judgment,
but you may proceed.
- Your honour, I ask you to consider the value
Dr. Chopra's deportation would serve his new wife and child.
- Mr. Chopra was a bachelor when this trial started.
What am I missing?
- Well...
- Shhh!
- You ready, boss?
- Come on! Come on!
Hi! - Hi! Do you have the marriage license?
- Yeah, here you go. - Marriage license?
- Yeah, you signed that when you signed me.
Always read the fine print, Dr. Chopra.
Nervous? Me too. It's my first time.
(Witnesses laughing)
- Do you want me to marry you only so I can stay in this country?
- No, I... want you to marry me because you love me.
" No!
- Idiot!
- What is he doing?
- Is there an objection?
- Yes! I... I object.
(Nellie, whispering): Deepu, don't!
- I'm sorry, I... I can't marry you.
(Nellie): No!
- Not like this.
- -Deepu!!
- Natalie...
I don't know what tomorrow will bring...
but with you as my wife
and Ganesh as my son,
I know I can face it.
I promise to love you both forever.
Will you marry me?
- Of course I will!
(Witnesses cheering and applauding)
- I'm so happy!
- And... now we're happily married.
(Applause)
- Thank you, Miss Wilman.
Prescribing drugs without a license
has meant ruin for many before you.
But I see more gain in sentencing you to 500 hours of community service...
(Audience members exclaiming) ...than putting you in jail.
And you will not practise without a license.
Considering your deep family ties in this country,
it is this court's decision not to deport you.
(Cheering)
(Rani): We did n!
- This court is adjourned. (Gavel banging)
(Cheering)
(Tony): Good job, everybody!
Good job, everybody. Good job! - on!
- Ah! Ah!
- We did it! - Let's go, let's go!
(Vijay): Rani! Rani, let's go!
(Rani): This is a good thing, right?
Oh my gosh!
- Oh, Deepak! I love you!
I love this guy!
(Bellowing) (Laughing)
(Vijay): All right, let's eat!
(Vijay and Tony shouting, indistinct)
- Yes, yes, yes!
(Vijay): Come on, let's go!
- Natalie! Wow!
So vicious, but sexy!
Seriously, so much sexier since my baby tumbled out of your vagina.
That's a compliment! OK, you know what? You wouldn't have given
Slum Doc here a second chance if he hadn't seen your powdered kitty
in the back of the cab. - Leave it, Deepak. He's drunk.
- What did you say?
- I said, "Birdie Num Num Num Num."
Oh!
Oh God!
- Are you OK? - Yeah, well, he just punched--
- Dick! - Why does that feel good?
I like that. I don't know why. Oh God, that feels...
- As I was saying, how does a honeymoon in India sound?
- I'd love to see the Taj Mahal with you.
(Ringing)
- Ah! (Speaking Hindi)
(Shouting gibberish)
# Come on #
(Electronic Indian music)
(Woman on PM: Dr. Chopra to radiology. Dr. Chopra, radiology.
- How are you feeling, honey? - Fine.
- I told you false alarms, Braxton Hicks contractions, nothing else.
- Honey, I'd just really like to give birth in a hospital this time,
you know what I'm saying? - You got it.
- You don't want me to fall in love with another cabbie, do you?
- Just make sure he's a doctor.
# I'm living the life #
# I've been feeling right #
# It must be magic #
(Dr. Cabbie by Deesha)
(Engine revving)
You know, I always wonder, will we ever find a cure for cancer?
It I'm not home It's an emergency... $1
- You know what I wonder'?
Why is a "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
It My temperature is rising and I just can't stand it $1
it Time is running out for you to set me free $1
# Dr. Cabbie Dr. Cabbie... #
- You're looking good, Tony.
Now, all I need a urine and a stool sample.
- OK, doc! - OK.
Ti Dr. Cabbie Dr. Cabbie Can you fix me... $1
What are you doing? Tony, what-- - Shhh!
- Tony, what are you doing?
- There you go, doc! That's the way.
# My desire #
# The fire's burning higher #
# Your body's calling me #
(All shouting)
- Deepak, I am so sorry! - I don't mean any disrespect.
- Get the (bleep!) Sorry.
(All laughing)
- Do your nipples always get hard when you're cold?
- Only when I'm horny.
(Both laughing)
- Are you a safe driver?
- Yeah, I've got a condom on right now.
(Giggling)
(Bruno): Show me!
(Laughing) (Bleep!)
Another one? (Snickering)
# Time for you to set me free #
# Dr. Cabbie Dr. Cabbie #
it Can you fix me Fix me up right now $1
# Pick me up right now... #
- How many wives do you have?
- Three... a week,
hmm, until their husbands find out. (Chuckling)
- Welcome to the Korma Sutra.
Ah!
- On! (Laughing)
- I ask this girl, OK, politely, 3 times to go out with me.
Politely! And you know what she says?
(Snapping fingers) No. Pfft! Just like that.
- Maybe your approach is all wrong. - What do you mean, my approach is all wrong?
You're the king of approaches, or what?
- OK, show me!
- You're a dude! - Try. It'll be fun.
- OK, ahem!
It Time is running out For you to set me free... $1
Let's have sex.
- No, no, Tony-- - Wait, wait! No, no, no!
Let's have sex, please. - Tony, you can't say that.
- What do you mean? OK, please, let's have sex.
- Tony-- - Please, let's have sex, please!
Please, please! Let's have sex, please! - No!
- You're just like every other woman!
You suck!
(Electronic Indian music)
(Man singing in foreign language)
# Uh-huh #
# Really #
# Come on #
(Tony rapping in foreign language)
(Man singing in foreign language)
# Uh-huh #
# Uh-huh mm-hmm #
(All I Need Is You by Raghav)
# AH I need is you #
it And I'm so glad I've found you $1
it I never thought I'd ever find a love like this $1
it I never thought I'd find someone like you $1
it I thought I'd go through life being so lonely $1
it I never thought Pd need it like I do $1
#Ooh#
# I wanna be your girl oh #
# I've been searching around the world #
# And all I need is you #
# AH I need is you #
# Ooh all I need is you... #
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