1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,923
[Russian accent]
Pick up. Tables 12, 4, 11.

2
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:09,009
Got it. Hey, when you get a second...

3
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,511
Stop looking at my boobs.

4
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:16,808
Excuse me.

5
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,018
[Snapping]

6
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:24,483
- Hi. What can I get you?
- We need some...

7
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:25,776
[Snapping]

8
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:26,985
Is that annoying?

9
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,362
[Snapping]

10
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:29,696
Is that obnoxious and rude?

11
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,490
[Snapping]

12
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:34,284
Would you find it distracting
while you were working?

13
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,328
Oh, you don't have a job. Sorry.

14
00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:39,164
Ha, ha. Damn, dude. She burned you.

15
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:42,209
Oh, no, hipster.

16
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:46,004
No. Do not think we're on the same team.
We have nothing in common.

17
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:50,467
I wear knit hats when it's cold out,
you wear knit hats because of coldplay.

18
00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:55,597
You have tattoos to piss off your dad,
my dad doesn't know he's my dad.

19
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,849
And finally, you think...

20
00:00:58,016 --> 00:00:59,059
[Snapping]

21
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,019
This is the sound that gets you service.

22
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,312
[Snapping]

23
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,856
I think this is the sound
that dries up my vagina.

24
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,360
The other waitress disappeared.
The Russian one.

25
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,862
- We need horseradish.
- Please.

26
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,991
That, ladies, is how you treat a waitress.

27
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,790
Paana?

28
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,042
[Shelf banging]

29
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,836
Paulina:
Oh, this is so good. Oh.

30
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,213
Sorry, I didn't realize you were on break.

31
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,470
- I just need some horseradish.
- Paulina: Here.

32
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:32,926
Oh, cool.

33
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,762
[Paulina grunting]

34
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,016
Excuse me. Where's my waitress?

35
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,517
[Paulina screaming]

36
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:41,768
She's coming. Ha, ha.

37
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,624
Earl. I made your favorite. Red velvet.

38
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:07,628
My little cupcake
brought me a cupcake. Ha, ha.

39
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,297
- Let me pay you for that.
- No. No, it's on the house.

40
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,923
It's your birthday.

41
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,551
- How old are you gonna be?
- Seventy-five.

42
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,720
Oh, Earl,
if you were just three years younger.

43
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,347
[Earl chuckles]

44
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:19,931
Yo, Max. Max. Big news.

45
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,893
The new boss fired
that Russian waitress, Paulina.

46
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:27,189
Turns out chesty kournikova
was Vladimir putin it out.

47
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:34,988
Ah. Hello, today. I have paycheck for you.

48
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,325
I need to talk to you.
You fired Paulina, han?

49
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,743
I am no longer han Lee.

50
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,663
I have new American name
to go with changing neighborhood.

51
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,247
"The" changing neighborhood.

52
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,583
Remember this
for your immigration exam.

53
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,670
Correct.
To go with the changing neighborhood.

54
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,546
[Clears throat]

55
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,675
Max: "Bryce."

56
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,010
Your name is Bryce Lee?

57
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,015
Wait, wait. Um, um, um...

58
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,685
Don't hire a new waitress. Okay?

59
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:07,521
I've been doing all the work
and could use extra money.

60
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,523
- You need help.
- No, I don't.

61
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,858
Everyone need help sometimes.

62
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,111
I don't. I've been waiting my whole life.

63
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:19,199
I've waited on tables, I've waited in bars,
I've waited on home pregnancy tests.

64
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,201
I already hire new waitress.

65
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,995
She work in all top restaurants
in Manhattan.

66
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:25,831
I gave her Paulina's uniform.

67
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,336
Hi. Mr. Lee?

68
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:35,882
Not to complain, but I think
someone wore this uniform before me.

69
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,676
Like, right before me?

70
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,554
Is it possible
that I could get another one?

71
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:44,057
Maybe one that's a little less moist.

72
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,728
Also, this mustard color
doesn't really go with my skin tone.

73
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,522
Neither do the mustard stains.

74
00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:53,066
And these various other stains.

75
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:56,403
And smells.
I hope that's clam chowder, so...

76
00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:01,491
I think it'd be better for everyone,
including my immune system...

77
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:05,829
If I just keep on wearing
what I'm wearing, and add the apron.

78
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,080
Because this is Chanel.

79
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:12,085
So thank you and let's waitress.

80
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:19,760
Whatever that is,
it does not belong in this diner.

81
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,678
It belongs in a show on bravo.

82
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:28,101
But she blond. Hair so shiny.
Good for business.

83
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:31,104
Where do you even find these people?
The Russian hooker.

84
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,106
The one before that was a meth addict.

85
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,067
You train her. I am boss. The boss.

86
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,405
Fine. But make her wear the uniform.

87
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,782
[Sighs]

88
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:45,577
You sure we can't get the meth addict
back? She was good at cleaning.

89
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,830
But her teeth fall out.

90
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,961
You are really judgmental,
you know that?

91
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,467
I'm only gonna say this once,
so pay attention.

92
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,928
I'm Caroline, by the way.
And you're Max?

93
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,722
Don't get attached.

94
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:09,726
So this is the williamsburg diner,
owned by han Lee...

95
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,453
Who changed his name to Bryce Lee...

96
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,272
Because he wants people
to take him even less seriously.

97
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,651
Eight months ago he bought it
from the Russian mob.

98
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,946
Clientele used to be eastern bloc criminals
and crack whores...

99
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,782
But then he took it over and ruined it.

100
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,577
Hey, sexy woman.

101
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,163
You look so pretty today.

102
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:34,501
You look so beautiful,
I forgot how bad your personality is.

103
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,587
Thanks, Oleg.

104
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:39,965
Hey, Barbie.

105
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,178
- Ugh.
- That's Oleg.

106
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,931
He will hit on you aggressively
and relentlessly.

107
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:51,935
He doesn't realize he looks like that,
and I don't have the heart to tell him.

108
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,187
Miss, can we get some menus?

109
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,690
- Oh, sure.
- Don't smile.

110
00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,360
It raises the bar,
and then I have to smile, and I can't.

111
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,029
It's exhausting and I have a bad back.

112
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,700
That's Earl. We're in love.

113
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,829
Do not talk to him unless you wanna feel
whiter than you already are.

114
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:15,542
Oh, and that stain, not clam chowder.

115
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,795
Go marry the ketchups.

116
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:22,424
Marry the ketchups. I'm on it.

117
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:38,398
Okay. Now divorce the ketchups.

118
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,572
Stop. Stop. Stop. There's no such thing
as divorcing the ketchups.

119
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,575
- You've never waitressed in your life.
- Yes, I have.

120
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:52,078
Expect me to believe you after watching
that temple grandin routine?

121
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:56,082
- I'm telling Lee.
- Okay. I may have enhanced my résumé.

122
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,544
Enhanced? What are we, in Paris?

123
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,088
Please. I really need this job. Okay?

124
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:06,092
We lost all of our money,
my trust fund was taken for legal fees...

125
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,761
My dad is in jail. Max: What?

126
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,055
What are you,
Martin Channing's daughter?

127
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,100
Where's the paper?

128
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:19,564
Martin Channing, the guy who ripped off
the entire city, is your father?

129
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,733
He told us we were having a good year.

130
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,362
You're Caroline Channing.

131
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,947
You're, like, a billionaire.

132
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,366
Was. Was a billionaire.

133
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,785
They froze all our assets.
Everything's gone.

134
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,872
I only have what I could grab.
And I grabbed all the wrong things.

135
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,625
- Do you know the president?
- I've met him.

136
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,072
- He's hot.
- He's the president.

137
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,628
- You been to Switzerland?
- Yes.

138
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,963
- You have a horse?
- Yes.

139
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,799
- Do you know Paris Hilton?
- No, she's a hundred.

140
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,469
Excuse me. Two hot chocolates, please.

141
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,097
- Coming up.
- Caroline: Let me do that, please.

142
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:55,141
I'm a really fast learner.
I went to wharton business school.

143
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,560
I got 2300 on my sats.

144
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:01,314
- Can you make a hot chocolate or not?
- Yeah.

145
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,149
[Max gasps]

146
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,244
We split the tips. Give me yours.

147
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,418
You did better than I thought you would.

148
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,337
Listen, I thought of a way
we could make some extra money.

149
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,799
They've underestimated the price
on those red velvet cupcakes.

150
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,468
In Manhattan, the asking price
is at least 7...

151
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,763
So we could sell them for 7
and then pocket the difference.

152
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:37,183
Nothing about that
sounds wrong to you?

153
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:41,479
Not our fault the idiot who makes the
cupcakes doesn't know their worth.

154
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,357
I'm the idiot who makes the cupcakes.

155
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,652
New information.

156
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:51,489
Look, that's stupid. No one would pay $7
for one of my cupcakes.

157
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,367
Really? Because...

158
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,041
Well, at least we know
you're not adopted.

159
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,171
So how did you even end up
in Brooklyn?

160
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,173
Oh, I went on monster.Com.

161
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:12,385
Typed in: "Place where nobody from the
Upper East Side would ever go. Ever."

162
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,137
And this diner came up.

163
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:19,392
You can't wear a fancy ieatherjacket
in this neighborhood. Turn it inside out.

164
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,734
So where do you live?

165
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,820
Our townhouse was taken
and bolted up by the bank, so...

166
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,073
Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?

167
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,575
I mean, I don't want you to...

168
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:39,079
But, just so you know,
a well-adjusted person would.

169
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,248
I'm dead inside.

170
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,043
You make that pretty obvious.

171
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,838
Anyway, I'm just gonna stay
in the city with a friend.

172
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,049
I live a couple of blocks that way.

173
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,720
I'd walk you to the subway,
it's just that I don't want to. Heh.

174
00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,430
Got it.

175
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,058
- Okay.
- Heh.

176
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:09,317
[Rock music playing on speakers]

177
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:14,364
Robbie. Why is the music so loud?

178
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:15,990
Men: Whoa!

179
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:19,285
- It's 3 in the morning.
- I'm sorry.

180
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:22,247
It's cool. So, what are you doing?

181
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,958
The band's practicing.

182
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,295
- You're not playing any instruments.
- Yeah. That's how we practice.

183
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,882
We, like, listen to other good music
and play in our head.

184
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,261
It's like the secret.

185
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,139
Well, I have a secret for you guys.

186
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,974
-Get out. Men: Whoa!

187
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,561
- You guys better go.
- Men: We should go.

188
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,980
Sorry, guys.
I still have to make the cupcakes.

189
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:51,067
Cupcakes? For why?
You can just buy them at the store.

190
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,821
You can do that in the morning.
Come to bed.

191
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:58,658
No, I can't. I have
to be in the city by 10.

192
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:02,829
Fine, you can have three minutes.

193
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,167
Fine. You can have eight.

194
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:11,129
- One for each ab. Boom.
- Yeah?

195
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,509
Man [over pa]:
Stand clear of the closing doors.

196
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,810
Well, I can cross that off my bucket list.

197
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,530
- Hey.
- I have a taser!

198
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,866
[Stun gun zaps & Max groans]

199
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,494
Oh, my god.

200
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:49,042
I am so sorry.

201
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,086
I didn't think it would hurt so much.
It's pink.

202
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:54,339
Didn't feel pink.

203
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,842
I didn't know it was you.
I thought I was being raped.

204
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,179
That's not what rape feels like.

205
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,559
Did you sleep on the subway?

206
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:10,521
I had nowhere else to go,
and I'm too afraid to sleep on the street.

207
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,357
Heh. God, you're spoiled.

208
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,568
Man [over pa]:
Next stop, greenpoint.

209
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,202
Ugh. Get your stuff.
I'll take you to my place.

210
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,741
Hurry.
I have to be in the city in 30 minutes.

211
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,372
Call me.

212
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:34,587
Oh, my god. You've been robbed.

213
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,007
This is how it always looks.

214
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:41,052
Oh, my god. Totally cute.

215
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,013
I'll be back at 4 and we can go to work.

216
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,141
Bathroom, bedroom,
boyfriend sleeps till 4, yard.

217
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,894
Oh, you have a yard?

218
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:53,815
Looks like a really nice place
to relax and do crack.

219
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,197
I gotta go. I'm gonna be late
for my other job.

220
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:02,615
You have two jobs?

221
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,201
Yes. I babysit
for a Manhattan socialite diva.

222
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,661
Now I have a set.

223
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,166
Sorry I'm late.

224
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,669
Thank god you're here.
There's a bridge-and-tunnel smell...

225
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:17,338
Over by the babies
that's stressing me out.

226
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:18,548
[Babies babbling]

227
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,508
Their diapers need to be changed.

228
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:23,970
Again? I swear,
the morning nanny just did that.

229
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,930
Motherhood is for reals.

230
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,601
Max, remind me.
What's my Twitter password?

231
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,228
"Twitter password."

232
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:38,901
Max: Hi, Brad. Hi, Angelina.

233
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,821
Max, I need to tell you something
because we're family.

234
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:45,074
Now, get me room temperature water
and come over here.

235
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:52,248
We are victims
of the Channing Ponzi scheme.

236
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,336
Me, David and Brangelina.

237
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,838
How much money did you lose?

238
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,716
Hold my hands.

239
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,011
Nothing.

240
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,555
But it really scared me.

241
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:10,767
Open that?

242
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,562
So do you know Caroline Channing?

243
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:18,691
No, but she lost everything.
She has no money.

244
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,860
Can you imagine having no money?

245
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,236
I mean...

246
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,405
You wouldn't even have any money.

247
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,534
You should tweet that.

248
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,371
And no one will even talk to her.

249
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,665
She went to six different friends' houses
for a place to stay.

250
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:37,668
And they all had to pretend
they weren't home.

251
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,379
- That's not cool.
- Yeah.

252
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,756
- That's really sad.
- So sad.

253
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:45,885
Breaks my heart. I guess motherhood
has really opened me up emotionally.

254
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:49,347
Max, I need to hold one
of the babies. Bring me one.

255
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,268
[Max coosi

256
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,188
no, the other one.
That's not the good one.

257
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,528
Hello?

258
00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:05,321
Oh, hi.

259
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,323
Oh, I'm so sorry if I woke you up.

260
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,283
[Chuckling]

261
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,744
- Who are you?
- I'm Max's friend.

262
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:16,040
Uh, don't tell her I said that. If she
heard me call her my friend, she'd stab me.

263
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,625
[Robbie chuckles]

264
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:20,336
- What are you doing over there?
- Washing my uniform.

265
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:23,714
Trying to make it a little more cute,
a little less crusty.

266
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,884
- Oh, watch out.
- Oh, sorry. Oh, my...

267
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,638
- Do you have a towel or a rag?
- You know what? I got it.

268
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,807
Oh, okay.

269
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,983
- I'm Robbie.
- I'm uncomfortable.

270
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,359
You're getting me wet.

271
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,695
That's the point.

272
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,447
You're Max's boyfriend.

273
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,907
- It's cool.
- No, it's not.

274
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,284
Back up, Jersey shore.

275
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,080
You're pathetic.

276
00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:58,583
And that's coming from someone
who is homeless...

277
00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:01,210
And wearing white after labor day.

278
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,761
And I've seen better.

279
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,723
No, you haven't.

280
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:23,024
Hey. Why didn't you wait for me?
I thought we were coming over together.

281
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:27,195
Oh, um, I wanted to get here early
to marry the ketchups.

282
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,365
Listen, I heard something
really upsetting about you today.

283
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,201
What did he say? I came on to him?

284
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,829
- Him who?
- Nothing.

285
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,754
Him, Robbie?

286
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:49,133
It's none of my business,
but you deserve better than that guy.

287
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,637
Yeah, it is none of your business.

288
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,014
Ooh, I was just starting
to feel sorry for you.

289
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,559
I'm just saying.
You're worth more than that.

290
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:00,686
I'm supposed to believe you about this?

291
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:05,399
The person who lied on their résumé,
and about the cupcakes? You're a liar.

292
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,109
I'm just trying to help.

293
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:10,196
Since you seem to know so much
about everything...

294
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,032
Why don't you take your degree
and ridiculous coat...

295
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,618
- And figure this all out yourself?
- Max.

296
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:16,869
Max, wait.

297
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,705
The arcade fire concert
just let out across the street.

298
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,499
Good luck with that.

299
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,125
She's coming back, right?

300
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:26,671
She's not gonna leave me here alone
with a restaurant full of people?

301
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,881
Let me put it to you this way.

302
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,927
You might as well be a night maid
at the Schwarzenegger house.

303
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,722
You got screwed.

304
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,938
[Tambourine jangles
& Nikki moans]

305
00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,731
Robbie: Oh, yeah.

306
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,817
-That feels so good. Nikki: Oh.

307
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,624
Robbie:
Now put your tambourine around it.

308
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,779
[Tambourine jangling]

309
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,323
Hi, honey. I'm home.

310
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,787
I want you gone by the time I get back.

311
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:01,956
Babe, babe, I can explain.

312
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,418
You weren't supposed to be home.

313
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,130
- People say I deserve better than you.
- Who?

314
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:12,133
That blond girl? She doesn't know
what she's talking about.

315
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,844
She went to wharton.

316
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,137
And Switzerland.

317
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,316
Yo, yo. Look at that.

318
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:31,193
That girl is working harder
than Stephen Hawking...

319
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,280
Trying to put in a pair of cufflinks.

320
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,660
- Let me help you with that.
- I don't need any help.

321
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,954
Everyone needs help sometimes.

322
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,338
Man: This isn't what I ordered.

323
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:52,548
This is Caroline.

324
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,926
She may have gotten your order wrong,
but she does get some things right.

325
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,061
- Thank you.
- No, thank you.

326
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,522
What did you see in that guy anyway?

327
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,025
- He had these muscle thingies.
- Oh, those things?

328
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:12,401
- Max: Yeah.
- Yeah.

329
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:17,031
I don't know what those are called,
but they make smart girls stupid.

330
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,993
Max, I thought your tight ass
wasn't coming in tonight...

331
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,330
And my heart broke in half.

332
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:26,832
You know what, Oleg?

333
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,918
I needed that.

334
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,175
So, um...

335
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,388
I need a roommate if you wanna crash.

336
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:44,725
Hmm. Not gonna lie.
The subway is cleaner than your couch.

337
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:50,231
Heh. Wow, I just felt myself
starting to like you.

338
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:53,901
- Really? I really feel like we could...
- Ha, ha. I knew that wouldn't last.

339
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:56,821
Come on.

340
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,907
Tomorrow we can go
and get the rest of your stuff.

341
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,243
Everything's locked up.

342
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,538
Well, you have nothing
that you care about that we can get?

343
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,039
Well, there is one thing.

344
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,253
The weirdest thing
is that nobody stopped us.

345
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:18,092
I'm gonna save a fortune keeping him
here instead of in the stables.

346
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:22,471
When did you put this whole
horse-in-my-yard thing together?

347
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:25,599
I can't help it. I see an opportunity
and I make it happen.

348
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,852
Like with your cupcakes.

349
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,646
- Like what with my cupcakes?
- Ready?

350
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:35,109
To open a bake shop, all we'd need is 250
grand start-up money for the real estate...

351
00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:37,945
- And the basic equipment...
- Yeah. Oh.

352
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:40,614
- Two hundred fifty grand. That's all?
- Yeah.

353
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:44,285
Did freaking Chestnut here kick you
in the head while I was in Starbucks?

354
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,913
Hear me out. If we both worked two jobs
and made $2000 a week...

355
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,416
We could open a cupcake business
in a year.

356
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:54,420
In the past two days, we've made $387.
And that's a good start.

357
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:58,466
We can make extra money at otherjobs,
like publicists, advertising executives...

358
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:01,635
Janitors, drug mules...

359
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,972
We really need to work
on your self-esteem.

360
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:08,017
So you, cupcakes.

361
00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:09,518
Me, business background.

362
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,645
Us, success.

363
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:12,980
What do you think?

364
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:16,192
I think you have a horse.

365
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:18,986
I think we have a horse.

366
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:20,905
[Whinnies]

367
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,407
Don't get attached.

368
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:55,481
[English - us - sdh]