1 00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:05,923 Hot food from a hot man. 2 00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:10,469 A woman in my section wants to know if we do anything gluten-free. 3 00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:12,676 - What do I tell her? - Tell her she's not allergic. 4 00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:14,681 She's just masking an eating disorder. 5 00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:17,893 Look alive, people. 6 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:22,481 Club sandwich, burger medium, and a shrimp salad for the gambling man. 7 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,775 I asked for salt and pepper. 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,402 I wanted mayonnaise and mustard. 9 00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:29,947 You forgot my diet soda. 10 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:34,243 Oh, I'm sorry. I'll be right back with... Oh, what? 11 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,456 Never doubt me. 12 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,678 Max: Here's my last check, Earl. 13 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:54,346 Look here, Max. 14 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:57,015 That iadyjust slipped me her number. 15 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,851 Like I need another menopausal white woman... 16 00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,729 Scratching at my window like a cat in heat. 17 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,193 God, I love money. 18 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,405 I know. I'm so sorry it broke up with you. 19 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:17,578 Look, this week's new iPad just came out, spread the words. 20 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,710 I saw that on the wire. 21 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,712 Max, three weeks in a row... 22 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:30,424 You have not yet accepted my request to be a Facebook friend. 23 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,386 Max, I am talking to you. 24 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,264 Oh, I didn't hear you. I have my earbuds in. 25 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,766 What are these? 26 00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:43,770 Okay, you had to bust a move, get all the truth on my ass? 27 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:47,566 Fine, let's go there. Han, I'm never gonna be your Facebook friend. 28 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,069 Hard to hear. 29 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,573 Well, I accepted you, han. 30 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:58,577 Yes, thank you. You make my heart sing. 31 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,372 Hurt me still. 32 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:08,003 That was like watching someone club a baby seal. 33 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,964 Why wouldn't you just say yes to his request? 34 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,258 Because I never check Facebook. Why would I? 35 00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:16,261 So some girl I worked at a movie theater with in 2005... 36 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:19,598 Can tell me it's raining and she's totes bummed? 37 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,475 Caroline? 38 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,268 Better check Facebook page. 39 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:27,105 Maybe someone just post on your wall. 40 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,446 "Han Lee has tagged you in 25 photos." 41 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,165 Wanna borrow my seal club yet? 42 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,378 Oh, that stings. 43 00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:53,632 I've lost like 300 Facebook friends since my father was arrested. 44 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:58,428 Your father's probably made that many new friends in prison, so it all evens out. 45 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,681 Okay, ready to go? 46 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:05,894 Do we have to? It's so hot outside. When did heat get so hot? 47 00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:08,480 Ahh. Stop fighting it. Just give in to it. 48 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:11,566 I don't know why I'm quoting a rapist. 49 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:16,154 Can't we just stay a bit longer? We don't have any a.C. At home. 50 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:19,574 I have an ac. You girls can use. 51 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:22,869 - You have an air conditioner that works? - Oh, it works. 52 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:36,049 That's like an ac. That just had salami. 53 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,761 There's more salami where that came from. 54 00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:49,604 - And my feet hurt. - You gotta stop wearing those stilts. 55 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,691 Get a pair of skechers like normal broke-ass waitresses. 56 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:56,903 Skechers? How dare you? 57 00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:01,116 Besides, I can't afford new shoes. These cost $900. 58 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:04,202 Well, then that's not pain, that's Karma. 59 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,204 Look, I will help you out. Okay? 60 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:09,207 I know a place that has designer things at good prices. 61 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,376 Like a barneys warehouse? 62 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,545 Kind of. 63 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:19,801 The goodwill? 64 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,304 Welcome to my place. 65 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:28,435 We're shopping at the goodwill? You led me to believe we were real shopping. 66 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,882 I know. Ha, ha. 67 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,773 I couldn't wait to see your face when you saw. Do the face again. 68 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,649 I love it! 69 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,277 Okay, what's that smell? 70 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:40,113 It's gonna be your smell from now on. 71 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,949 Now, pay attention. I know where the good stuff is. 72 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,536 I know where the good stuff is, Madison and 57th. 73 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,413 Follow me. 74 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,583 Clever bitches hide stuff they wanna come back and buy... 75 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,753 Because sometimes they don't have $3 to buy it at the time. 76 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,630 Who doesn't have $3? 77 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,802 Last week, I hid a dope vintage blazer in the back of a nightstand. 78 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:06,056 Six bucks. Clever bitch. Bang, bang. 79 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,976 All right, well, we're here. I'm gonna make the best of it. 80 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,146 But first I need a basket without a snow cone in it. 81 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,482 Hey, Trish. 82 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,193 Not for day-to-day but at the country club? 83 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,195 You're kidding, but you're right. 84 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,699 Hey, when you find something, check the pockets for pills. 85 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:30,330 At a thrift store, I found a purple one once, took it, fell asleep for eight hours. 86 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,207 That was my vacation that year. 87 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,961 Caroline: Yay, shoes. 88 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:39,172 I can't believe I just said "yay" in goodwill. 89 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,842 Look, don't freak. Shoes can be funky. 90 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,386 I have a special spray at home, makes them like new. 91 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,514 Did you get it from a wizard? 92 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:52,894 Oh, my god. 93 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:58,149 Oh, my god. These Brian atwoods were mine. 94 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:03,029 I donated these to charity because I was photographed wearing them twice. 95 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,533 Okay, they were $800 when I bought them. 96 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,618 Now they're 8? 97 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,871 Like me. 98 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,540 I'm $8. 99 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,209 Oh, my god. 100 00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,920 I'm $8. 101 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,424 I've been reduced. 102 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,385 I'm sorry. It just all became so real to me. 103 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,637 I mean, I can't believe it. 104 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,896 Um, didn't you see me crying? 105 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,566 Lots of people cry at goodwill. 106 00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:44,237 You go to France, you eat snails, you come here, you cry. 107 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,532 That's odd. You didn't even react. 108 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,743 You need to react when people cry. 109 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,537 I did. I rolled my eyes. 110 00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:57,292 Look, eventually you'll learn to do that on the inside. 111 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:02,255 Okay. Well, just fyi, when I used to cry in front of my other girlfriends... 112 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,925 They'd be like, "what you crying about, c-line? 113 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:08,428 Look at you, girl, you're fierce. You got your glam on." 114 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,765 Are your girlfriends black drag queens? 115 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,438 Oh, awesome strokes tee. 116 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,441 I went to this concert, but I couldn't afford the shirt. 117 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,944 Oh, we're done with me? 118 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,113 I went to see them the summer after my junior year. 119 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,075 It was a warm night and I snuck out of the house, and we... 120 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,786 Ahem. Whatever. 121 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,623 And what? What? Did something great happen the night you got the tee? 122 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,626 Look at me. Does it look like something great ever happened? 123 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,419 Hey, cute tee. 124 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:42,754 I had my eye on it. 125 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,966 I was bringing my girl back to see it. She was in the bathroom. 126 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,301 I had to throw up. 127 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,594 So hand it over. 128 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:50,845 You know the rule. 129 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:54,099 Turn your back on the rack, you're under attack. 130 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,353 That's not me. That's the law of the will. 131 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:04,150 Yeah, you better walk away. 132 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,779 That was intense. 133 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:10,615 Oh, just another Wednesday at the will. 134 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:13,451 You said to look in things, right? 135 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,997 Max, look, on my first try. 136 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:20,667 Ooh, slick. Whoever hid those is gonna be pissed. 137 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,752 Quality check. 138 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:28,508 Fabric, sturdy. No mysterious crotch stains. Nice work, Nancy drew. 139 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,887 And look, they're designer. Summer 2009. 140 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,056 Three hundred and fifty dollars. 141 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,518 And for me today, $5. 142 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,186 That's a reduction I like. 143 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,981 Ee! Five dollars! Oh! 144 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,359 Five dollars, $5, $5. 145 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,696 Five dollars, $5, $5. 146 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,699 - Hi, Maria. - How are you, Max? 147 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,586 - Good. How's your mom doing? - Maria: Good. 148 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,078 She really appreciated the cupcakes you made her. 149 00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:00,040 Hi, Maria. I'm Caroline, Max's friend. 150 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,542 Any way we can get the price down a bit for these? 151 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,545 I think $8 is steep considering their condition. 152 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,839 I happen to know the heel has been replaced. 153 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,593 I cannot believe you're trying to shoe her down. 154 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,553 I can do $6. 155 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:19,017 Oh, you happy? You haggled a charity. 156 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:22,062 You're turning goodwill into bad will. 157 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:26,566 My t-shirt's gone. 158 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,610 It's not here. 159 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,819 I bet it was that... 160 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,321 Puerto rican girl... 161 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,239 Who was eyeing it. 162 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,741 Maria, can we call security? 163 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,243 I'm sure the cameras must've captured the theft. 164 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,580 Cameras? What do you think this is, target? 165 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,041 It's gone, Caroline. 166 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:46,628 Must have stolen it while I was watching you do your stupid $5 dance. 167 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:51,382 I didn't turn my back on the rack. Why am I under attack? 168 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,969 See, this is why I shop alone. This is why I eat alone. 169 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,638 This is why I'm leaving alone. 170 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,308 Maria, I'll pay for these. 171 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,936 You don't have to box them. Just use tissue paper. 172 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:06,397 Even as I'm saying this, I know it's not gonna happen. 173 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,572 Max: Hey, Chestnut. 174 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,908 Hot as a mother, right? 175 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,164 Better, right? 176 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,794 It's getting hot in here so hot 177 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,796 so take off all your clothes 178 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,173 I am getting so hot 179 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,301 I'm gonna take my clothes off 180 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:40,932 keep your voice down. This building has three registered sex offenders. 181 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,309 It's getting hot in here 182 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,521 so leave all that strokes t-shirt drama behind 183 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:51,067 come on, it's our night off. Let's go get drunk in air conditioning. 184 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,027 We won't even have to pay for drinks. 185 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:56,781 These shorts is gonna pay for our drinks. 186 00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,451 You are literally a $5 whore right now. 187 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,495 Come on. 188 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,169 Hey, Johnny. 189 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,629 I told you to keep your tragic ass out of here. 190 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,716 The only thing that isn't tragic about me is my ass. 191 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,761 - Who's the blond, bony skank? - Oh, dude, she's not in on this. 192 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:23,308 Oh, I'm so sorry, miss. Hey, I'm Johnny. I'm Max's friend. 193 00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:26,311 I'm Caroline. I'm freaked out. 194 00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:27,645 This is something we do. 195 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,565 - To remind us of our families. - Mm-hm. 196 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,275 Excuse me for a second. 197 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:36,112 These guys tip more if I high-five them when they talk about chicks. 198 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:39,407 - Vagina. - Yeah. Yeah. 199 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:43,119 Wow, girl, your bartender friend is cute. 200 00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:48,333 - Look at those arms. Nice guns. - Not just a bartender. This dude is legit. 201 00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,752 He's a street artist. Goes by j-peg. 202 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:54,797 Hmm. Well, right now, he's cutting up limes and cleaning glasses. 203 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,299 Well, you're an heiress... 204 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,968 Who's slinging burnt hash and stale toast. 205 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,971 - Touché. - Douché. 206 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:06,100 These are from the gentlemen with the sweet note, "nice ass, nice rack." 207 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:23,159 If that's your Tequila noise, god knows what your orgasm sounds like. 208 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:26,371 Same face, no sound. 209 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:35,546 Oh, my god. I can't believe it. It's the girl from the will. 210 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,966 I got your back, "girr." 211 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,222 - What is she doing? - She thinks goodwill made her tough. 212 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,557 Caroline: Um, hi. How are you? 213 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,227 I wanted to talk about that shirt at the goodwill. 214 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:53,147 See, my friend really wanted it and, well, your friend has it. 215 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,525 Ahem. What are you saying, bitch? 216 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,403 I think we might have got off on the wrong foot. 217 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,571 Do you wanna feel my foot, bitch? 218 00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:03,491 Well, I guess we know what your favorite word is. 219 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,622 Those are not extensions, bitch. 220 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,250 I should break this up. 221 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,544 Give her four seconds to learn her lesson. 222 00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:18,381 - Okay! Ow! All right! All right! Ow! Aah! - Okay, okay, okay. 223 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,216 Johnny: Okay. Come on, come on. It's okay. 224 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,176 Shh, shh. 225 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:26,806 Max: "Those are not extensions, bitch." 226 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,393 Are you still laughing? It wasn't funny. 227 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,160 It was so funny. It was like looney tunes funny. 228 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,606 Like "bugs bunny getting shot in the face" funny. 229 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:40,778 Only in your version, bugs bunny tries to have a dialogue with the shotgun. 230 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,406 I was trying to get your t-shirt back. 231 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,659 I wanted you to have it. You lit up at the will when you saw it. 232 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:50,705 I do not light up. Okay? There's no light inside me. 233 00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:52,540 What you're seeing is radiation... 234 00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:55,543 From the summer I collected uranium tubes by the tracks. 235 00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:56,794 That was good money. 236 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,881 "Thanks for looking out for me, Caroline." You're welcome. 237 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,551 It's a t-shirt. It's gone. I don't get attached to things. 238 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:08,348 Ow. My nail practically got torn off back there by Kat Von d-minus. 239 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,642 I'm gonna have to sleep with it elevated. Is there a nail place? 240 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:15,897 Well, this is New York so there's probably gonna be one right here. 241 00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,273 I love when that happens. 242 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,901 Look, a two-for-one girlfriend special. Genius. 243 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,820 Go with me tomorrow before work, it'll be cheaper. 244 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,322 I really need one. 245 00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,115 Plus you need one too. 246 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,202 Well, I can't. I have my own day of luxury already booked. 247 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,413 I'm doing laundry and then the tasting menu at Wendy's. 248 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,917 Come on. You and me, nails and air conditioning. 249 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,211 It'll be fun. You're doing it, girl. 250 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,880 Me and my friends used to love getting manicures. 251 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,633 Because they're black drag queens. 252 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,409 Hey, dude. 253 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,125 About that time? 254 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,587 Let me get the pooper-scooper. 255 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:27,593 All right. Let's do this. 256 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:34,308 Hey. Woman: Hey. 257 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,772 Let me ask you something. How is it that you, a horse, and Caroline... 258 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,442 Are living with me, and you're less of a problem? 259 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,569 You tell me, you've known her longer. 260 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:47,738 She picks a fight with a tatted-out white chick from the Bronx? 261 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,615 What is up with that? 262 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,660 I don't know, man. I'm just used to it. 263 00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,538 That's what you'd sound like if you talked. 264 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,665 I agree with you, by the way. 265 00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:00,168 Everything you say is right, Max. 266 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,587 Thank you, Chestnut. 267 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,547 You should kill her. 268 00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,841 Chestnut, I can't do that. 269 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:10,470 It'd be easy. We could kill her and eat her. 270 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,346 Chestnut. 271 00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:16,642 All right, buddy, here's your spot. 272 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,353 Come on, do your business. 273 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,147 Come on, ches. 274 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,818 Come on. Ha, ha. 275 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,528 Come on. Come on. 276 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,375 Chestnut, I got a lot of crap to do today. 277 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:33,826 And so do you. Jeez, don't be shy, buddy. 278 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,745 Oh, no, don't... 279 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:44,837 I hope you're happy. I look like a Cambodian stripper. 280 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:51,469 Um, they prefer to be called ping-pong-ball artists. 281 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,389 These cost $70.43. 282 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:59,477 She forced me to get tips and then tip her for the tips. 283 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,562 See, and all because you never showed up. 284 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:05,483 I didn't get the two-for-one discount because I was waiting alone for you. 285 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,986 Max, I have really tried to be girlfriends with you... 286 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,072 But you obviously have some issues. 287 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,823 Follow me to the walk-in. 288 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,576 Good. Let's get it out. 289 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:24,835 Here. 290 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,258 I thought we were gonna talk. 291 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:33,761 No, we just didn't have any chocolate cream in the case. 292 00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:37,098 Why didn't you show up? You told me you were gonna be there. 293 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,933 I had a lot of crap to do. 294 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,227 You gave me the impression you were going. 295 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,021 I gave you the impression? I don't do impressions. 296 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,274 Well, that's not true. I do one, my mom. 297 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:51,195 But to do that, I need a Christmas tree, a gallon of vodka, and a lit cigarette. 298 00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:54,198 So are we gonna be girlfriends or not? 299 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,076 Look, I'm gonna give this to you straight-up. 300 00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,037 I am never gonna be the type of girlfriend you're used to. 301 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:03,249 I'm not your "girr" or your girl... 302 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:07,128 And I am not someone's two-for-one girlfriend crap at a nail store. 303 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,131 In fact, think of me as a dude. 304 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,466 So we good? 305 00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,719 Yeah, we good. 306 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,762 I get it. You're not a girl's girl. 307 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,556 Okay, good. 308 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:23,102 I can be a girl's girl. 309 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:32,486 Oh. Caroline, please do not take advantage of me with your horse. 310 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,822 - What? - My trash pickup company... 311 00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:38,826 Charge me extra because my dumpster is full of all your horse droppings. 312 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:42,622 - How would that be possible? - I see your good friend Max... 313 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:47,335 Walking your horse every morning and dropping droppings into my dumpster. 314 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,132 Did you walk my horse today? 315 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,468 Yeah, and every other morning. 316 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,471 - That's so sweet. I wish I had known. - What was I gonna do? 317 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:03,142 Post it on your Facebook wall? "Hi. Walked your horse again. Totes gross." 318 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,187 Besides, who did you think was doing it? 319 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:07,813 I've always had things done for me. 320 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,358 I've never thought about the people doing them. 321 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:13,653 Yeah, and I've never had things done for me, so I just do them. 322 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:18,157 Like now, how I'm making the coffee and you're just standing here watching me. 323 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,369 I wish you would have told me so I could say thank you. 324 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,371 Well, it's not really my style. 325 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:26,123 You are one complicated dude. 326 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,793 Pick up, borscht. 327 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,883 - Unbelievable. - What? 328 00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,054 Hey, how you guys doing? 329 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,223 Cute strokes tee. 330 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:45,059 Probably look better on me, considering it's mine. 331 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,728 You snooze, you lose, puta. 332 00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,316 Nice language. 333 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,486 You kiss your obviously closeted boyfriend with that mouth? 334 00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,990 You know what? I wouldn't even want it now. 335 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:03,160 Now that it's been on you, it might as well have been a Kenny g shirt. 336 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,873 And now I walk. 337 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:12,086 - You can't just let her win. - Oh, forget it. It's over. 338 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:15,089 Borscht. Pick up, pick up. 339 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:22,847 Hi, |'|| be right with you. 340 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:37,570 I'm still a little clumsy. It's my first week. 341 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,238 I'll bring you some soda water. 342 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:44,076 But seriously, your boyfriend will come out before that borscht stain does. 343 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:52,877 - That was awesome. - Yeah, I kind of just do stuff. 344 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:56,505 Like I just did while you were standing there watching me. 345 00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,801 Thanks, girlfriend. 346 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,636 - Oh. - What? Is she coming for me?