1 00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:05,088 Hi, it's been 20 minutes. Have you decided? 2 00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:07,549 Uh, we still need more time. Can you come back? 3 00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,968 Sure. And I'm back. 4 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,054 Come on, guys, you're not buying a house. 5 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,305 Everything sucks. 6 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,308 Pick the thing that sucks the least and put it in your mouth. 7 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,810 Max, everyone keeps telling me they can't decide. 8 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,813 It's like a support group for bisexuals. 9 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,650 Something very magical about to happen. 10 00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,820 Please let it be the rapture. I need a day off. 11 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:32,241 In two minutes, something very hip is happening. 12 00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:36,286 If you have a camera, make sure the flash is on. 13 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,914 Why is he speaking like that? 14 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,124 Wait a minute. 15 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,709 No one's ordering. 16 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,087 People keep checking the time on their phones. 17 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:48,298 Everyone's wearing matching new balance sneakers. 18 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:50,926 - Flash mob! - Flash mob! 19 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,934 [Lmfao's "party rock anthem" playing on radio] 20 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:54,972 Party rock is in the house tonight 21 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,598 everybody just have a good time 22 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,308 oh, hell, no. 23 00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:01,311 Caroline, Earl, code red. 24 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:06,483 Everybody just have a good time -let's go! 25 00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,444 [Music stops and all shout] 26 00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:11,405 I couldn't stop disco... 27 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,325 But I'll be damned if any more of that crap gets by me. 28 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,788 Why is flash mob over? 29 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:22,332 Flash mobs were over a year ago. 30 00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:24,001 Nobody told han. 31 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,919 I want so bad to be hip. 32 00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:29,006 Start by never saying that again. 33 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:48,942 [Phone ringing] 34 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,540 Hello? 35 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:07,586 - Max, phone. - No. No, what are...? 36 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,589 What are you doing? Never answer the wall phone. 37 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,591 - —Why? - Only two people call the wall... 38 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,760 Collection agencies and the landlord... 39 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,970 Looking for the tenant on the lease. 40 00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,430 - Hang up. Quick. - Too late. 41 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,974 I've got to man up and face it. 42 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,810 [As old woman] Hello? 43 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,273 This is what collection agency? 44 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:32,110 No, my granddaughter Max is not here. She died. 45 00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:35,280 On her deathbed, she said it was the stress... 46 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,700 Of being constantly harassed by creditors. 47 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:41,870 That's juvenile. Give me the phone. 48 00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:46,208 Hi. So sorry about that. What's the issue exactly? 49 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:49,378 Well, I'm sure she has every intention... Mm-hm. 50 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:53,757 Mm. Mm-hm. Oh. 51 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,009 Well, you're a doody head. 52 00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,221 Never answer the wall. 53 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:01,056 But what are you gonna do about it? 54 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,892 You can't just keep lying to collection agencies. 55 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,435 You have to pay your bills. 56 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,729 I have a system. I pay everyone $5 a week. 57 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,648 Enough to keep them from freaking out. 58 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,317 It's the methadone-clinic banking system. 59 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,861 That is a complete waste of money. 60 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:19,199 Five dollars won't even cover the interest. What's the interest rate on your credit card? 61 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:22,911 Don't know, but my interest rate in this conversation is zero. 62 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,996 Max, how could you not know that? 63 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,791 That's one of the first things my father taught me about finance. 64 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:30,335 Where? At embezzle u? 65 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,677 Max, I interned at merrill lynch. Let me help you with this. 66 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,722 It's the least I can do. I had nowhere to go. You took me in. 67 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,433 Let me repay my debt to you by helping with your debt... 68 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,352 To everyone in the world, apparently. 69 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,856 If you keep talking, I'm going to merrill lynch myself. 70 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:55,485 I'm one of those people who gets off on untangling big, complicated messes. 71 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,697 And since you won't let me do your hair, let me do your bills. 72 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,325 You wanna do my bills? 73 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,495 [Grunting] 74 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,711 Here's my portfolio. 75 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,382 And, uh, if you find chocolate sprinkles in there... 76 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,594 They're not chocolate, or sprinkles. 77 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,478 Okay. I've divided your bills into three categories: 78 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:35,400 "Impossible, next to impossible" and "how the hell did that happen?" 79 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,403 And I've divided my roommate into three categories: 80 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:42,115 "Annoying, super-annoying" and "how the hell did that happen?" 81 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,326 [Bell rings] 82 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,369 I'm closing kitchen in 10 minutes. 83 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:50,165 I cannot stay later. I have date with new woman in my life. 84 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:53,919 She's very special to me. I think she may be the one. 85 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,922 You are both welcome to come watch us have sex. 86 00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,468 - Just putting it out there. - Just put it back in there. 87 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,348 I'm so excited, I don't even know where to start. 88 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,058 Drumroll, please. 89 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,101 No? Okay. 90 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,645 Oh, interesting. 91 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,523 A bill from the pet castle, yet you don't have a pet... 92 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,525 And you've never been to a castle. 93 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,152 Oh, except white castle. 94 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,154 You used a credit card at white castle? 95 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,448 Yep. That was good weed. 96 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:28,745 The pet thing was because I found a stray and had to have her cleaned up. 97 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,705 That would also explain the neutering. 98 00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,332 No, actually, that was for me. 99 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,751 Can't have any more of these coming out. 100 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,630 Do you really think it's fiscally smart to be taking in strays? 101 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,382 Good point. Move out tonight. 102 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,969 What is this? A student loan? 103 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,638 Oh, my god. Max, you went to college? 104 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,516 That wasn't a judgment. It was just shocking... 105 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:53,895 Kind of like seeing a baby smoke on the Internet. 106 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:02,445 Max, a student loan is the worst bill you can ignore. 107 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,239 It can never be expunged. 108 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,950 We're breaking out "expunged" on a weeknight? 109 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,827 You can't run away from this bill. 110 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:12,455 I can run away from anything. I'm on my fifth identity. 111 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,750 It's just like that but undennater. 112 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:19,087 Guys. Sorry, we're just closing, guys. 113 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,673 I'll take them, Max. We need the... 114 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,095 Uh, sit anywhere. 115 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,933 What was that roadrunner move you just pulled? 116 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,269 There's still a smoke outline of your body... 117 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,479 Hanging in the air out there. 118 00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,815 Did wile e. Coyote just come in the diner? 119 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:41,568 No, but my ex-boyfriend did. 120 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,987 Meep-meep. 121 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:50,368 Why is William in Brooklyn? Why is William in this diner? 122 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:53,038 Why is every inbred rich guy named William? 123 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,331 I don't wanna see him. 124 00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:01,630 Max, close the door. I don't want him to come in here. 125 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,633 Yeah, because that happens all the time. 126 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,677 Customers come in the door and beeline through the kitchen... 127 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:11,097 To see if there's a waitress hiding in the walk-in freezer. 128 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,100 Okay, what is the deal? 129 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:17,646 Tell me fast. I'm nipping like crazy in here. 130 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,982 You're smuggling some gumdrops there too, ice queen. 131 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,819 His name is William Van horn and he's... 132 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,740 I am leaving for sex. 133 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,826 Last chance for threesome, foursome, possibly fivesome... 134 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,913 If her sister's train gets in on time. 135 00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:38,959 Oleg, please. I don't have time to be harassed right now. 136 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:42,295 Oh, okay. I'll see you and the gumdrops tomorrow. 137 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,257 Story. Go. 138 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,094 We met at our parents' companies' parent-company picnic. 139 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,346 - His family is the Boston Van horns... - Stop. 140 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,098 Cut to the end. Do we hate him? 141 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,141 He dumped me when I lost all my money. 142 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,435 Never called me, not an e-mail, nothing. 143 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,687 Oh, we hate him. 144 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,189 Which one's your ex? The Asian one, the black one? 145 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,566 I'm kidding. No, seriously. 146 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,197 The white one or the really, really white one? 147 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,659 Really, really white. 148 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:18,957 - Service, service, service, service, service. - Ha-ha-ha. 149 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,001 You heard your bro. Service him. 150 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,503 Oh, crushed. 151 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,923 You better be careful. I can give you a run for your money. 152 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:30,051 - I don't have any money. - With a body like that, you don't need any. 153 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,429 Oh! Ba-bam! Ha-ha-ha. 154 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,389 Did you think that was a good line... 155 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:37,183 Or is that so the check gets paid by Richie rich? 156 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,852 Hold on. Who said I was rich? 157 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,103 Let me see your hands. 158 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,981 What? Looking to see if I have poor-people calluses? Heh. 159 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,276 No, I wanted to see how big your penis is. 160 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,918 With hands that size, you better be rich. 161 00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:53,450 Oh! Shazam! Ha-ha-ha. 162 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,036 Not cool, bro. 163 00:08:56,494 --> 00:09:00,623 - What's your name? - Michelle Obama. We're closed. 164 00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,209 I'm William. Give me your number. 165 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:07,297 Why? So you can put it in your phone and never call or text or e-mail? 166 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:08,548 Seriously. 167 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,051 You wouldn't know what to do with a good girl. 168 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:14,095 Well, you're not a good girl. That's why I want your number. 169 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,140 - So how about it? - We're closed. 170 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,642 Your sign says "open till 2." 171 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:33,740 My, my, how time does fly. 172 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,662 Two o'clock, gentlemen. Nighty-night. 173 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,248 [Guys chattering] 174 00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,584 What did I ever do to you? 175 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,173 You didn't mention me, did you? 176 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,592 - I gave him... - Get to the end. Do you hate him? 177 00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,761 I hate him. 178 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,806 That was the weirdest thing, seeing him come in here. 179 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,475 No, the weirdest thing is coming in here right now. 180 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,563 Why no? 181 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,691 Girl at urban outfitters said it was hip. 182 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:13,613 You look like a lesbian I made out with once on a dare. 183 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:21,579 Han, you're adorable exactly as you are. Why are you trying to be hip? 184 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,666 To meet girls. 185 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,752 [In unison] Ohh! 186 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,674 It's not that bad in here. 187 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:36,427 I thought my first trip to a laundromat would be a lot more depressing. 188 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:54,529 Six years we spent together and now he won't even look at me. 189 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,159 Oh, not the bag. 190 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:02,203 I just looked at his bag, now yours? 191 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,999 Max, it's driving me crazy. What did you major in in college? 192 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,584 I majored in changing topics. 193 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:11,671 So, what did you ever see in your ex, the lost winklevoss twin? 194 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:15,341 We're not talking about William, we're talking about your bills. 195 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,595 Well, I'm talking about your bill. Oh, face. 196 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,722 We're trying to start a cupcake business. 197 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,974 And I can't believe I'm about to say this... 198 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:27,478 But with my father's financial baggage, you're our best chance for credit. 199 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:31,399 Listen, everybody's broke in their 20s. And everybody hides from stuff. 200 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:35,195 You run into freezers. I practice ignorance and blackout drinking. 201 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,243 What's happening right now? 202 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:45,163 Ho/a, duderinos. 203 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,040 The laundromat's closing early. 204 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:50,710 We've rented it out for our '80s pop-up disco party. 205 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,629 Bobby. 206 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,341 Shouldn't it be called an '80s pop-up... 207 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,802 "Lame hipster will do anything to be ironic and lame" party? 208 00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:02,722 Lame? Don't think so. 209 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,892 What? Vicki from small wonder is coming? 210 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,229 Oh, embarrassed to be you right now. 211 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:13,107 Unless you chicks have 75 disco-loving bucks... 212 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:17,153 Be gone in 10 minutes or my man here will throw you out. 213 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:18,905 Don't let his tube top fool you. 214 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,283 Bobby is mad wiry. 215 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:23,660 I'm wiry. 216 00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:29,916 Small wonder? 217 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,795 Is that the show on tlc about the little-people magicians? 218 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,799 It's an '80s sitcom about this little girl robot... 219 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,717 Who lives with a loving family. 220 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:43,012 A girl robot? That's totally unbelievable. 221 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:45,473 No, that's totally awesome. 222 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:48,476 The unbelievable part is the loving family. 223 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,727 I love Vicki. 224 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,854 She had no emotions and was empty inside. 225 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,232 My role model. We're staying. 226 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,942 Seventy-five dollars? 227 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,653 To do what, stand here and dance next to... 228 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,114 Guy-girl and girl-guy over there? 229 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,580 Come on, Chestnut, go poo-poo near the hipsters. 230 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:13,209 How cool would it be if we could get chess to go poo on a hipster? 231 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:18,339 How can all of those people have $75 just to dance at a laundromat? 232 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,425 I've been doing my roots with wite-out. 233 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,094 Hipsters in williamsburg will pay for anything... 234 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:26,639 If it makes them feel they're in on something no one else knows about. 235 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,349 All you need's a gimmick. 236 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,102 Dudes. Can we ride your horse? 237 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,687 Sure. A hundred bucks. 238 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,647 Okay. I gotta go to the atm. 239 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,691 Stay right there. We'll be right back. 240 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:41,696 Oh, my god, Max. We are literally looking our gift horse in the mouth. 241 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:45,241 We have something better than an '80s disco party. We have a horse. 242 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:48,161 If we throw a big enough party, charge for horse rides... 243 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,413 We could pay off your student loan. 244 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:51,789 You'd whore out Chestnut? 245 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,292 Don't you have to get him hooked on heroin first? 246 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,420 Max, I've got this. I'm a brilliant event planner. 247 00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,714 My sweet 16 was off the chain. 248 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,758 Penthouse party, pink and black theme. 249 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,927 Alanis morissette sang songs from jagged little pill. 250 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,722 On my 16th, my mom took too many jagged little pills... 251 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,266 And I had to drive her to the emergency room... 252 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:11,851 To get her stomach pumped. 253 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:15,480 Was your childhood based on the novel push by sapphire? 254 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,732 I wish. 255 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,153 The theme is '903 horse party. 256 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,406 It's exactly the kind of hip event you're dying to be a part of. 257 00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,367 After closing, won't affect business. 258 00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,660 And all the rides will take place out back. 259 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,954 So no damage will come to the diner. 260 00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,415 But why would I say yes to giving up my diner... 261 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,125 For no cash return? 262 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:37,835 You might get laid. 263 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:47,220 Great. The '903 horse party is happening on Thursday. Fantastic. 264 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:48,513 Any other questions? 265 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:54,352 Yes. What exactly is possibility of percentage of me...? 266 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,728 Getting laid? 267 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:01,776 All I can say is, with the cute '903-themed clothing incentive... 268 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,277 And the trivia contest... 269 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:06,322 Lots of cute hipster girls will be here looking to... 270 00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:07,990 Get laid. 271 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:14,038 I will go now and start to research American trivia facts about the 19903. 272 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:20,253 We're gonna have to give him something, like flash a little boob, something. 273 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,338 I feel like han's more of an ass man. 274 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,049 Good point, because his head is right there. 275 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:33,099 [Tlc's "creep" playing on speakers] 276 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,815 Oleg, what's up? Not enjoying the '903 horse party? 277 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:44,277 I thought you said ' "90s whores party." 278 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:50,450 Now I'm wearing girdle and deodorant for no reason. 279 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,619 Quite a turnout, Max. 280 00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:56,330 Reminds me of the after-hours clubs I used to go to... 281 00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,499 If all the cool cats shooting dope... 282 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,961 Were replaced by sad, white fools sipping light beer. 283 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:09,302 I did research and make myself a 1990s trivia t-shirt. 284 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:12,430 "Talk to the han." Get it? 285 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,724 "Talk to the han." 286 00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:18,936 That actually is cool. 287 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:22,023 I am hoping it will help me... 288 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:31,032 Care to purchase a tamagotchi or 9021-oreo cupcake? 289 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,535 We came here wanting to hate on you chicks hard. 290 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:38,748 But that horse you got out back is mad cool. 291 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:44,754 You bested us, party beast. And to that, I doff my cap. 292 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,549 - How much are the cupcakes? - Ten dollars each. 293 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,719 I doff my cap again, milady. 294 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:55,973 Max, look at all this. We're a success. 295 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:59,268 I'll tell you what's not a success, the plan to get han some action. 296 00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:00,853 Look at him over there. 297 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,820 - That's so sad. - I know. 298 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,365 Go over there and give him a "han" job. 299 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,666 Meep-meep. 300 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:30,550 You realize this is a freezer, not a panic room, right? 301 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:35,054 Just go out there and tear his smug, white ass a new one. 302 00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:36,514 I can't face him, Max. 303 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,100 Why? He's the one who didn't call you. 304 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,435 I can't face him because I'm a waitress. 305 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,689 Last time he saw me, I was a billionaire in a townhouse. 306 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,441 Now I'm a waitress in a walk-in freezer. 307 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,945 When you were laying around on your trust fund, doing nothing... 308 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:54,282 Having people scrub your toilet, you could hold your head up high? 309 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:57,743 But now that you support yourself, that's somehow shameful? 310 00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,120 Who cares what he thinks? 311 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:03,833 He is the guy who just paid $100 to party with a horse. 312 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,295 He's the loser, not you. 313 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,463 Really? Because he's out there having fun... 314 00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:13,551 And I'm in here, hugging a tub of expired blue cheese. 315 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,597 Look, you see that wad of cash in your hand? 316 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:18,848 You earned that. 317 00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:23,185 Slap that wad in your palm a few times. Feel its power. 318 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,897 That's all you got? 319 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:30,526 Come on, really squeeze that wad. It feels good in your hands, right? 320 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,778 - Feels pretty good. - Yeah. 321 00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:35,906 Now slap it and say, "this is my wad." 322 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,492 This is my wad. 323 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,245 This is my wad. 324 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,623 This is my wad. 325 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:44,957 Go out there. 326 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,627 I'm going out there. 327 00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,629 As soon as the ladies calm down. 328 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:53,841 Are you kidding? Show him what he's missing. Let them pop, player. 329 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,388 Where are you, you rich poser? 330 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:00,890 Max: Oh, uh... 331 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:05,770 Listen up. That was meant exclusively for one specific rich poser. 332 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:11,233 Heh. All you other rich posers, just continue with the '90s, woo-woo! 333 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:13,903 Where is he? Do you see him? 334 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,489 No. He was right over there. 335 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,450 He's gone. I don't get to shove this in his face. 336 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:23,829 It would've been nice to put my wad in his face for a change. 337 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,089 Oh, speaking of wads, look over there. 338 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,720 He's such a little pimp. 339 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:43,724 - Are you okay? - Yeah. Actually, I am. 340 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,727 I didn't need to go over there and make some big speech... 341 00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:50,189 Telling him that even though I'm a waitress, I'm better than him. 342 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,650 I know that now. Thank you. 343 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,236 And when I see him one day in the future... 344 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,780 I'll be happy to tell him that. 345 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,033 - He came out of the men's room. - Get out of here. 346 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,410 You wanted to talk to him. 347 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,080 I said, "the future." This is the '903. Let's get out of here. Run. 348 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,628 Feels good running away from your bill, huh? 349 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:13,879 So great. 350 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,756 See, that's what I've been saying. 351 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,008 You don't have to run from your student loan. 352 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,554 We can pay that off and still have $50 for the cupcake fund. 353 00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,974 - I hate that college won. - Didn't you get anything out of it? 354 00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:28,436 Besides mono and an art teacher whose idea of finger-painting... 355 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:31,605 Was a little more "finger" than "painting"? 356 00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,232 Art teacher? 357 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,443 Max, was that your major, art? 358 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,404 Keep your eyes on the road. You're driving. 359 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:42,742 I thought for like a second, I could maybe illustrate children's books. 360 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:45,369 Max, that's so sweet. 361 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,079 You're not like Vicki at all. 362 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,916 Max, look. Han. 363 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:54,837 Aww, our little something-something got him a little something-something. 364 00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,339 I doff my cap, milady. 365 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,627 [English - us - sdh]