1 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,465 Club sandwich. Burger. 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,134 Why the big smile, han? 3 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,303 You going commando under those corduroys? 4 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,180 No. Max, I am happy today... 5 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:16,725 Because diner clientele has finally changed for the better. 6 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:21,647 Look, two parties of cool hipsters are sitting at tables near wall. 7 00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:25,067 You think those are six hipsters? 8 00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:29,571 Okay, let's go over this one more time. Hipster or homeless? Pop quiz. Ready? 9 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:30,906 - Ready. - Hipsters wear? 10 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:32,491 - Skinny jeans. - Homeless wear? 11 00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:33,700 Dirty jeans. 12 00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,620 - Hipsters listen to? - Radiohead. 13 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:40,040 - Homeless listen to? - The voices in their head. 14 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,793 - Hipsters have? - Beard and a brogue. 15 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,337 - Homeless have? - Beard and so much sadness. 16 00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,799 I see sadness there and there. 17 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:54,429 I told you before, I don't want your kind in here. Take a trendy hike. 18 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,639 [Murmuring] 19 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,976 Better step it up. The apple store closes at 10. 20 00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,938 Max, why did you kick out the hipsters? 21 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:06,775 Because I can not be in the background of another Instagram photo. 22 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:22,666 Here's the last check, Earl. And, Max, they stiffed us on the tip. 23 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,459 But they forgot their camera. 24 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:28,880 Oh, I'll give it to Oleg. He can take one of his special pictures. 25 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,634 That way when they come back to get it everyone will have been stiffed. 26 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,178 Well, good night, ladies. 27 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,472 I gotta get home before the snow starts. 28 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,850 It's not gonna snow, Earl. It's 50 degrees. 29 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,268 Oh, it's gonna snow. Trust me. 30 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,770 I couldn't tell when my first wife was coming... 31 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,815 But I can sure tell when a storm is coming. 32 00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:52,112 All right, so, what's the plan? 33 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,031 What are we gonna do if it does snow? 34 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:56,950 You're so white I'm worried we're gonna lose you. 35 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,327 I love the snow. 36 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:02,039 Opening my balcony doors and watching it fall like fresh white linen. 37 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:06,001 And then running across the street to the park to make snow angels. 38 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,295 Yeah, that's snow when you're rich. 39 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,547 The only snow angels you'll see this year... 40 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:14,051 Are the six crack addicts frozen to our stoop. 41 00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,637 Oh, not to mention the adorable frozen horse... 42 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,805 We have illegally living in the back. 43 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,225 Don't overreact. Chestnut's fine. It's not gonna snow for weeks. 44 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:25,479 I wouldn't wanna be the next tenants who have to figure out... 45 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:29,149 Why a pissed-off horse is haunting a Brooklyn apartment. 46 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:33,654 "I was cold and she thought she knew weather patterns." 47 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,741 Oleg, take a picture of yourjunk on this camera. 48 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,326 Done. 49 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,163 - Aren't you gonna ask why? - No need. 50 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,626 [Caroline screams] 51 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,630 - I just saw Oleg's... - Yeah, that might've been my fault. 52 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:52,839 [Caroline sighs] 53 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,967 Kind of a shock seeing it for the first time. 54 00:02:57,219 --> 00:03:01,181 Max, I don't like you implying that I would ever be cruel to Chestnut. 55 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,393 I'm not implying it, I'm saying it outright. 56 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:05,769 It's winter. 57 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:09,773 I've been thinking about it, but Chestnut belongs in a special home. 58 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,401 You belong in a special home. 59 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:16,863 I found a retreat in the grand tetons where newly-divorced women come... 60 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:20,200 To hug horses to help them gain back their ability to trust. 61 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:24,204 The only grand tetons Chestnut trusts are mine. 62 00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:29,418 You gotta get a reality check real quick because Earl thinks it's gonna snow. 63 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,545 Earl also thinks the theme from shaft... 64 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:35,549 Was stolen from a cassette tape he sent out in 1975. 65 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,260 Shut your mouth. That happened. 66 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:41,221 Max, it's not gonna snow. I know snow. 67 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,724 We owned a ski chalet in saas-fee, Switzerland. 68 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:48,061 I think I'd know more than anyone in this restaurant about living in cold climes. 69 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,068 Snow is coming. 70 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,988 Swiss miss, wanna have a conversation about cold climes... 71 00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,573 With snow-leg over there? 72 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:03,827 Oh, Max, I almost forgot, the camera. 73 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,663 I think you'll be very pleased. 74 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,083 I made a little video as well. 75 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,335 Why are you wearing two coats? 76 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:15,338 Same reason I wear two condoms. In case one breaks. 77 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,472 Max: What the...? 78 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,936 Good morning, world's worst weather girl. 79 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,773 I have never seen so much sunshine. 80 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,819 You know what that means? Earl wrote shaft. 81 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:41,198 Max, I know it snowed. You don't have to tell me. I'm surrounded... 82 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:45,327 By so much white stuff I'm like al Pacino in the last scene of scarface. 83 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,704 What are you wearing? 84 00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:50,874 You look like a bag of crazy garbage grew arms. 85 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,502 It's the hefty 2011 winter collection. 86 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,630 I gave Chestnut my coat. This is the only way to keep the snow off me. 87 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:57,839 [Caroline grunts] 88 00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,343 Look at poor Chestnut. What is he wearing on his hooves? 89 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:03,303 I cut up my fendi cashmere leggings. 90 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:07,182 I grabbed them when we raided the house. I thought ahead, but not for him. 91 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,810 He is humiliated in those ladies clothes. 92 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,312 He looks like j. Edgar hoover. 93 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:16,566 I've been out here sweeping since 4 am, but it just keeps coming down. 94 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:20,362 What is your problem, snow? I used to love you. 95 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:26,368 Maybe we should ask your old doorman, "insert generic Irish name here" to help. 96 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:30,413 I know their names. Day James, night James and black James. 97 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,791 You're gonna sweep the snow till spring... 98 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,126 While the horse is trapped under this tarp. 99 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:38,922 Which was covering the out-of—business Cuban restaurant down the street. 100 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,383 They were out of business. And I left a note. 101 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,927 What did it say? "I'm loco, gracias." 102 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:47,389 No, it said, "sorry I took your roof. Hang in there." 103 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,308 Max, don't be so negative. 104 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,936 It doesn't matter where it came from. It's working. 105 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:56,314 I just need to secure this tarp a little. 106 00:05:56,481 --> 00:06:00,652 Stop. You're gonna climb on an icy chair in six inch heels and break your neck. 107 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,154 I'm gonna be stuck with you in a wheelchair... 108 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:07,742 With a chopstick in your mouth tapping, "I thought that would work." 109 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,996 I learned to build when I volunteered with habitat for humanity. 110 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:14,332 Looking back, they had so much more than I have now. 111 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,585 Okay, argh... 112 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:20,547 I gotta go to my babysitting job, but when I get back, you and I... 113 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:24,968 Are gonna sit down and come up with a more realistic home for j. Edgar hoofer. 114 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:28,388 Max, he lives here. And I'm telling you, this is working. 115 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,933 What I'm doing is actually kind of brilliant. 116 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,310 [Both scream] 117 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,270 [Max groans] 118 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:39,733 Now I'm worried about those houses you built. 119 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:45,780 Hey, peach. 120 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,909 Max, I have the most incredible news. 121 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,745 Lawyer finally found a loophole in your pre-nup? 122 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,247 I wish, no. 123 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,665 I just got an e-mail... 124 00:06:55,832 --> 00:07:00,587 And I have made it to the final round of casting for real housewives of Tribeca. 125 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,424 Real housewives of Tribeca? They're doing neighborhoods now? 126 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,928 What's next? Real housewives of from here to there? 127 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,512 Producers are on their way. 128 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:13,600 I want everything to be perfect when they see Brad and Angelina. 129 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:17,354 Uh, peach? Are you aware that your children are being eaten by clothing? 130 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,108 The snow suits are burberry. 131 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,319 The padding hides Angelina's weight problem. 132 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:28,365 Okay, you have to stop saying that. She doesn't have a weight problem. 133 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,993 She's gained 25 pounds in one year. 134 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,247 Yeah. Because she started at zero. 135 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,335 Max, we all have to look our best. Because, ready? 136 00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:44,631 The last spot on the show is between me and misty mastbaum. 137 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:49,678 - I thought she was your bestie. - She is. But my bestie's a bitchy. 138 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,138 She's crazy competitive. 139 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,516 As soon as we were approached about the show... 140 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:58,144 She adopted a three-legged corgi and named it Mr. Pickle. 141 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,981 That's crazy bitchy. 142 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:05,485 So now I'm looking up handicapped animals to impress the producers. 143 00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,154 Oh, you want a handicapped animal? 144 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,657 I got your handicapped animal. 145 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:15,662 I know a homeless horse with gender identity issues. 146 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,832 I was thinking something cute, but damaged. 147 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,001 Like a one-eyed French bulldog. 148 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,796 What if I told you that this horse was a celebrity horse? 149 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,507 Tell me more. 150 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:31,011 - My friend Caroline Channing... - “How do you know Caroline Channing? 151 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:34,389 She's my aa sponsor. 152 00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:38,101 Makes sense. Go on. 153 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:42,522 Anyway, she has this cute, but crazy damaged horse... 154 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,900 And since her life flipped upside down, he needs a good home. 155 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,403 Well, I'd have to meet Caroline first. 156 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,739 Bring her by on Saturday. 157 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,784 Max, what an amazing idea. 158 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,370 Misty is literally going to die. 159 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,751 I am so thrilled you have a drinking problem. 160 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:09,549 [Chestnut bangs & neighs] 161 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,593 Did you have to put him in my bedroom? 162 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:16,181 It was the easiest room to horse-proof. You have so little of worth. 163 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:20,226 You can stop googling. I already found a perfectly good place to put him. 164 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,354 You're not still suggesting I give Chestnut to peach landis. 165 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,983 Max, look at me. Look at me in the eyes. 166 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,902 Are you high? 167 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:33,114 No. I couldn't find my bedroom stash since you moved everything around. 168 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:36,367 Chestnut needs affection, and peach won't even hug her children. 169 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,995 - She pays you to do that. - That's why it's perfect. 170 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:43,249 She'll pay for the fancy stable, we'll go hug Chestnut for her whenever we want. 171 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,920 - You just need to meet her and it's done. - I have the DNA of a rich girl. 172 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:50,924 Though I'm in bed in a tenement and I bought my dinner with dimes... 173 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,675 Chestnut and I are old money. 174 00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:56,930 Old money doesn't parade itself around in front of cameras, beg for attention. 175 00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:01,976 You're not the only one with old money. Had a dollar in myjeans for three weeks. 176 00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,687 You're meeting peach and saying goodbye to the horse. 177 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,524 Why is getting rid of Chestnut so easy for you? 178 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,859 Didn't you ever have a pet as a child? 179 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:12,737 Yes, I had a puppy. After a week of living with my mom... 180 00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:16,574 He pulled the car over and put us out on the side of the road. 181 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,786 - She got rid of it? - Look, pets are not my thing. Okay? 182 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:24,624 I have something needy and fluffy that'll die if I don't take care of it. You. 183 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:25,834 [Chestnut bangs & neighs] 184 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,752 Go. It's your turn to go check on him. 185 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,713 No. I went the last time and caught him eating my bra. 186 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,174 Don't exaggerate, he only ate half of it. 187 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:38,304 I'm sorry, you're right. I should be more positive. One of my cups is half full. 188 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,015 [Chestnut neighs] 189 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,017 What's going on in there? 190 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:48,148 I don't suppose there's any way you took a giant dump on your dresser? 191 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,442 You can't blame Chestnut, he's probably nervous. 192 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:55,947 After wearing your leggings, he's getting ready for his fame audition. 193 00:10:56,114 --> 00:11:00,326 He's a maniac, maniac, on all fours. 194 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,120 Max, here's something. 195 00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:04,289 The Ivy bridge riding stables in Brooklyn. 196 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,957 Only 5 miles away. 197 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:09,836 It says on their website their horses are featured in commercials and films. 198 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,673 Can you say, "Chestnut, star of the war horse sequel"? 199 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,885 Did you take the weed from my bedside table? 200 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:20,013 Look at me. Look at me in the eyes. 201 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:23,975 - Are you high? - Honestly? 202 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,727 A little. 203 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,605 - Now, close that and go to sleep. - No, I'm still reading. 204 00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:32,150 Look at that, I just pulled down your browser history. 205 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:33,359 Interesting list. 206 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,946 "Kitten plays a keyboard. Kitten sneezes and farts at the same time." 207 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,531 Give me that. That's private. 208 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:42,493 "Kitten folds a t-shirt. Kitten rings a doorbell." 209 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,455 - Thought you said you weren't into pets. - I'm not. 210 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,875 It's a kitten ringing a doorbell. 211 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,962 He was trying to get in, like people. 212 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,590 You have a secret soft spot for animals. 213 00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,926 No, I'm just into freaky kittens. 214 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:02,096 There's one who puts on a snake skin suit and goes on a business trip. 215 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,391 - That's not soft, that is freaky. - Fine. 216 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:09,312 You're telling me to get a reality check about Chestnut, but you need one too. 217 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,898 You're gonna miss him when he's gone. 218 00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:13,775 Max, are you listening? 219 00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:14,943 [Cat meows on computer] 220 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,236 [Doorbell rings on computer] 221 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,445 [Chuckles] 222 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,574 Don't worry. I know it's all gonna work out perfectly at the stables tomorrow. 223 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,784 I'm not worried. 224 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,631 [Cat meows then doorbell rings on computer] 225 00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:38,341 The man's not here yet. Damn it. Turn us around. We have to enter again. 226 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:44,138 Come on, we borrowed these coats from Oleg to make a dramatic star entrance. 227 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:47,725 You want me to fake it again, buy me dinner and call me pretty. 228 00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:49,811 Fine, then help me down quickly. 229 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,897 I don't wanna be mid-dismount when the stable guy walks in. 230 00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,237 Ugh! Pfft! 231 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,822 You just sat on my face. 232 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,283 Like I haven't done enough for you. 233 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,452 Oh, hello, are you Tony? 234 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,080 - Last time I checked. - Oh, jeez. 235 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,416 I'm Caroline Channing, we spoke on the phone. 236 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,251 And this is Chestnut. 237 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,752 Max, step back. 238 00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,212 I'll just be over here... 239 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:19,799 Like the awkward father in the background on toddlers & tiaras. 240 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,928 Well, here he is. And as we discussed, Chestnut is a champion jumper. 241 00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:27,598 His dressage is impeccable. He's ribboned at the Hampton classic. 242 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:31,436 And he comes from a historically elite line of distinguished show horses. 243 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:34,105 And he pees like a civil rights fire hose. 244 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,107 Max, step further back. 245 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:40,945 Come on, let's cut to the chase. He's nice, brown, he looks sick in leggings. 246 00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:43,656 And he's free. So take him or leave him. 247 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,491 When'd you say he was a jumper? 248 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,495 He was in a class by himself. 249 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:53,124 Well, maybe he was a jumper, but he isn't anymore. 250 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,376 - What? - Well, he's a little out of shape. 251 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,754 Well, you have a gut. 252 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,381 Whoa. I'm just saying, he's seen better days. 253 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,633 I'm just saying, your hair's falling out in fistfuls. 254 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,385 - Whoa. - Okay, okay. 255 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,196 Let's not get personal. We all want this to work. 256 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:09,098 He's the one getting personal going after Chestnut. 257 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:12,352 Okay. You tell me, when's the last time he's exercised? 258 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,354 When's the last time you exercised? 259 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,273 Wow, show business is rough. 260 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,443 - All right. It's Tony, right? - Last time I checked. 261 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:24,989 You'll have to forgive her. She really loves him and wants this to work out. 262 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,492 Bottom line is, even a free horse isn't free. 263 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:30,036 I'd still have to feed him and take care of him. 264 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,997 And truth be told, this horse isn't gonna make me a penny. 265 00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:38,127 If my film guy comes in here, he's gonna pick that beauty over this one. 266 00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:42,173 - Oh. - So it's not going to work out, girls. 267 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,385 All right, well, we got other offers, fatty. 268 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,553 Caroline, let's go. 269 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:53,142 You know, maybe next time, before you let someone ride 5 miles... 270 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,979 Across Brooklyn in a toxic Russian Cologne-soaked rent-a-fur... 271 00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:02,360 You should be clear, the film business, even for horses, is ageist and elitist. 272 00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:05,488 And yes, we may have seen better days, but with hard work... 273 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,908 Determination and a little luck, one day, we'll be back on top. 274 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,620 Yeah. And I'm not impressed by your big star pony over there. 275 00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,038 He's just standing still. 276 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:17,417 You wanna impress me? Have him meow and ring a doorbell. 277 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:24,549 Don't take it personally, Chestnut. Those horses have had work done. 278 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:32,890 Maybe you wanna take the cinch sack off before you meet peach. 279 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:36,644 No. It's snowing again, and I'm a penniless beggar. I should look like one. 280 00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,980 Besides, she'll probably think it's a look. 281 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,607 I know this one-on-one isn't your ideal scenario... 282 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,944 But it's what's best for Chestnut. So man up and face reality. 283 00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:47,155 You're right. 284 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,617 And my friend Caroline Channing... 285 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,661 What is it? 286 00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:57,623 You might be ready to face reality, but are you ready to face reality TV? 287 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,793 The place is crawling with TV cameras ready to meet you. 288 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,296 - She totally set us up. - Are you kidding me? 289 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,798 Fabulous. This is awesome. Just awesome. 290 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,635 She's using the Caroline freak show to get herself on another freak show. 291 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,512 Let's go. You don't have to do this. 292 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:15,433 No. If I made Chestnut parade around and be humiliated in public... 293 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,768 Then I have to be willing to do the same. 294 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:20,271 Here, hold my coat. 295 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:25,485 - You always have those with you? - Yes, I'm from Manhattan. 296 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,530 Okay. Thank me for coming. 297 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,032 - What? - Thank me for coming. 298 00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:34,160 That's what people did all the time when I was a billionaire. 299 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,828 Thank you for coming. 300 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,665 No. Thank you for inviting me. 301 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,168 Wow. That's so cool. 302 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,503 [Sighs] 303 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,171 Don't freak out. 304 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,840 I'm about to get my rich on. 305 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:51,010 - When we go in, I'll introduce you? - You don't have to. 306 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,346 Rich people always pretend to know each other. 307 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,182 Now, open that door and let's get my baby a home. 308 00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,352 [All gasp] 309 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:04,815 Peach, I wanna thank you for inviting me into your beautiful home... 310 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:09,612 And showing me such kindness during this very difficult, difficult time. 311 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:16,827 Ladies, I would like you all to meet my dear friend, Caroline Channing... 312 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:22,375 Who, in light of her recent very difficult, difficult, financial troubles... 313 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:26,170 Has asked me to adopt her damaged pet horse... 314 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:32,552 Who was brought to my attention by my alcoholic servant, Max. 315 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,929 Right over there. 316 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:40,685 Caroline, thank you for coming. 317 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,521 No, thank you for inviting me. 318 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,568 - I'm proud of you. - No, I'm proud of you. 319 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,279 Heh, I just got the chills again. 320 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,286 Caroline: Aw, Max, look at him. He's smiling. 321 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,454 He likes this place. 322 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,624 Yeah, it's almost worth you being humiliated on reality TV. 323 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:06,669 Oh, I'll never be on that show. I didn't sign the release. 324 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:10,131 - What? - Old money don't sign. 325 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,550 You're gonna love it here, huh? 326 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:16,095 Aren't you gonna love it here? A nice big stable? 327 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,890 Maybe I will, maybe I won't. 328 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:23,936 Maybe I should come home and live with my best friend, Max. 329 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,438 But what about Caroline? 330 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,608 She can sleep under the tarp. 331 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,944 So I guess you found your weed. 332 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:36,198 This is just something we do when we're alone together. It's kind of our thing. 333 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:39,285 You really love Chestnut, don't you? 334 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,455 He's all right. He's no kitten. 335 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:47,293 Okay. I'll see you soon, Chestnut. 336 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,295 You want a minute alone? 337 00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:52,298 I'll be out front. 338 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:57,970 Hey. 339 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,515 This is probably gonna seem ridiculous to you. 340 00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,643 You're a horse and I'm just some lady... 341 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,979 That's been slipping you carrots for the last few months... 342 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,441 But I really got attached to you. 343 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,319 This is way more than most horses get out of me. 344 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:19,325 I wasn't even this upset when they discontinued tan M&M's. 345 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:26,165 I haven't had much go right for me in my life... 346 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:29,043 I'm pretty sure things are gonna keep getting worse... 347 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,462 But you were a good thing. 348 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:36,342 And when everything sucked, you were the best thing we had going. 349 00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:39,512 And you're fuzzy too. 350 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:43,224 You're so fuzzy and no one can argue that touching a warm, fuzzy thing... 351 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,184 Isn't straight-up lovely. 352 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:52,358 So thank you for everything you did for us, but especially for being fuzzy. 353 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,698 Max, are you okay? 354 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,200 Yeah, fine. I'll always be fine. 355 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,868 Are you crying? 356 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,080 Yeah, I'm crying because I wish I could live here. 357 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:12,420 Don't worry. 358 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:16,215 We'll come visit and we'll find a way to bring him home in the spring. 359 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,426 Come on, I have a pocket full of dimes. 360 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:21,053 Let's go get some convenience-store taquitos... 361 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,848 And wash them down with blue-raspberry wine coolers. 362 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:27,810 They're on sale at the bodega. Two four-packs for $5. 363 00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:32,231 You know exactly what to say to cheer a broke sister up. 364 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:37,695 And when we get home, I found a video of a kitten singing Bruno Mars. 365 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,283 [Cash register dings] 366 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:09,018 [English - us - sdh]