1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,088 Watch my tables while I run to the restroom? 2 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:09,551 I am. I've been watching that model girl pretend she's eating for 30 minutes. 3 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,804 Oh, she's nice. She always tips on what she would have eaten. 4 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:19,102 Guess what, everyone. I have a secret. 5 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,771 You're a woman in a man's body? 6 00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:23,690 - No. - You're a man in a woman's body? 7 00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:26,652 You're a boy trapped in a little girl's body? 8 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,071 I am a man in a man's body. 9 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,698 We're not talking about your night life. 10 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:36,620 I have discovered something when going over the employee applications. 11 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:39,831 Okay, perhaps I never worked at the Waldorf astoria... 12 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:43,752 But I did work with this guy, Waldorf, in astoria. 13 00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,797 It's not you. Tomorrow is Caroline's birthday. 14 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,717 Why wouldn't I know that? She tells me everything about her life. 15 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:55,305 I know so much about her cycle, I'm feeling pressure to impregnate her. 16 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,016 I can do that for you. 17 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:01,353 It's weird. Why wouldn't she celebrate her birthday? 18 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,771 She celebrates everything. 19 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:06,650 Heads up, everybody, I just refilled the paper towels. 20 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:09,861 Who's a team player? What? What? 21 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,256 You know what we have to do. 22 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,633 Oh, man. I knew this day would come. 23 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:36,013 All right, what's the least amount I can do to keep my job? 24 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:39,016 Just tell me when it's over. 25 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,018 And when it starts. 26 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,687 It's time to talk about Caroline's birthday. 27 00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:45,647 You have to throw her a party. 28 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:48,984 Ugh, I'd rather you just have your tiny way with me. 29 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,946 I don't like birthdays. I don't know when mine is. 30 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,782 My mom narrowed it down to a two-week window in June. 31 00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:01,163 But you are Caroline's bff. 32 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,665 And it is bff's job to throw friend a party. 33 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,126 Han, I don't have enough money to throw a party. 34 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:09,546 I don't even have enough money to throw a baseball. 35 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,632 You have money, you be her bff. 36 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:15,093 I already have a bff, jamarcus. 37 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:19,056 And my last birthday, he threw me a sick surprise party. 38 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,975 You must think bff stands for barely freaking friends. 39 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,020 There's no way you're down with someone named jamarcus. 40 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:29,316 Oh, really? Then why did we exchange atm pin numbers? 41 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,989 I'll just crop that, and we'll be good to go. 42 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,076 Max, Edwin's ready to show us the design for our new website. 43 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,327 Come see it. 44 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:44,539 Dude, you and the webmaster have been "talking business" every day for a week. 45 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:45,916 Something going on there? 46 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:48,752 Shouldn't the web be mastered by now? 47 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,879 It's strictly business. 48 00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:55,342 All right, but it's costing us $200. Might as well get something out of it. 49 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,636 Maybe let him browse your yahoo? 50 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,225 Looks like he might have a big old hard drive with a lot of ram. 51 00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,268 [Chuckles] 52 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,271 Yeah, he's cute, but I don't want a relationship right now. 53 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:12,234 - And I don't do one-night stands. - All right, so don't stand. Lay down. 54 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:15,404 That's not me. The next morning, doing the walk of shame. 55 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:18,448 I always see those girls, with their messed-up sex hair... 56 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:21,952 Carrying heels, clutching their coats to hide last night's outfit. 57 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:27,082 Going into kinko's to use Google maps so you can figure out where you are. 58 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:31,211 You really put the ho in kinko. 59 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,754 [Door opens] 60 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,215 Oh, sorry, Sophie, we're closed. 61 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:38,885 Oh, no, I'll be quick. I just want a cupcake to go. 62 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:42,222 I'm on my way to 24 hour fitness. 63 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:47,561 Yeah, and I put it in the cupcake holder on the treadmill. 64 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:53,316 Ha, ha, uh, Max, urn, my town car is parked out front... 65 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,123 And I was wondering if you wanted me... 66 00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:58,613 To wait for you and Caroline to give you a ride to our building. 67 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,220 It's okay. We still have to clean up and take the garbage out. 68 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:11,334 Oh! Looks like the garbage is taking itself out. 69 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,755 The game continues. 70 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,173 Here is my number. 71 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,843 I invite you to call me when you realize what a catch I am. 72 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,846 Or any time you are drunk and willing. 73 00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:26,099 Max, I'm going to need a doggie bag as well. 74 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,853 No, not for the cupcake. To puke in. 75 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,694 So I'll get this finalized and I'll stop by the diner tomorrow. 76 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,197 You can sign off on the layout before we go live. 77 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,199 This is so exciting. 78 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:46,119 Oh, wait, Edwin, shoot. I forgot to show you the new pricing chart. 79 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,039 It's cool. I can draft it up right now and upload it. 80 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,166 Yeah, webmaster, you work pretty fast. 81 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:56,046 But I bet you can work slow too. Then really fast again, heh. 82 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,466 - I can be done in a minute. - Ooh, not what you want to hear. 83 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,844 Max, heh. It's fine. We can wait. 84 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,221 You know what? Stay here. 85 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:07,057 I have to go to the store and pick up stuff for your... 86 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:10,310 - My what? - Your cupcake business... 87 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,771 That you're making me do with you. 88 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,399 Get home safe. Urn, hey, where do you live, Edwin? 89 00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,527 - Hell's kitchen. - Oh, cool. 90 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,737 You're gonna take the c, transfer to the I. 91 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:23,907 And if you get lost, there's a kinko's on sixth and 14th. 92 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,410 That's embarrassing. Max is just trying to... 93 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,496 Yeah, I work on complicated web programs. 94 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,873 - I think I cracked that code. - Heh. 95 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,585 - She wants us to hook up. - Yeah, I'm sorry. 96 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:39,297 Why are you sorry? It's all I've been thinking about. 97 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,521 Yum-yum. 98 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,274 Oh, my god. 99 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,818 They are so hot. 100 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,747 Don't give me that look. 101 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,045 [Door closes] 102 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:28,138 - Oleg. - Caroline. 103 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:31,057 - What are you doing here? - What are you doing here? 104 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,475 I live here. 105 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,562 And I'm just coming in from going to get coffee. 106 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,981 It was delicious. I drank every bit of it. 107 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,567 Outside. That's why I don't have a cup. 108 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,612 But you're wearing the same outfit from last night. 109 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,615 You're wearing the same outfit from last night. 110 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,992 And you have messed-up sex hair. 111 00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,578 You have messed-up sex hair. 112 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:52,913 Webmaster? 113 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,415 Sophie? 114 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:59,002 She called me up and we made hand love. 115 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,837 But I thought Sophie hated you. 116 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,673 Well, she doesn't hate my hand. 117 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,844 But you cannot tell anyone. That was her one condition. 118 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:12,015 That and a copy of my recent blood tests signed by a medical professional. 119 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,684 Deal. And you can't tell anyone about me either. 120 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,187 Especially Max. I'd never hear the end of it. 121 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,189 - Deal. - Pinkie swear? 122 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,524 I don't know where your fingers have been. 123 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,985 I just told you where they've been. 124 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,744 I'm so excited for this party. 125 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,081 I wore my loose clothing so I can dance all night. 126 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,584 God, I can't take this party pressure. 127 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:43,338 I'm just gonna go in the back and run a can opener across my wrist. 128 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,590 Oh, Max, I'm sure you did a great job. 129 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:51,179 You know, as long as you have a dj, some champagne and a psychic. 130 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:55,642 No, no, and no. I got some balloons, a hummus tray... 131 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,603 And possibly Earl. He still hasn't confirmed. 132 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,648 Oh, you don't need psychic to know... 133 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,527 That this is going to be a horrible, horrible party. 134 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,654 Well, thank god Caroline has new boy toy. 135 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,739 She might not mind as much. 136 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,366 Max: What are you talking about? 137 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:14,619 Yeah, I saw them kissing in front of the diner last night. 138 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:18,581 Yeah, I sat there and watched for an hour. 139 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:23,336 Heh, they were really going at it hot and heavy. 140 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:27,674 You know, like the showtime network in the good old days. 141 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,677 Oh, great. Now I have to invite him to the party too? 142 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:35,223 I only got a six-pack of Capri suns, so people are gonna have to share. 143 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:38,727 Congratulations. It's official. Our website is now live. 144 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:42,647 Congratulations. It's official, you're a whore. 145 00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:47,110 I hear you got your kinko's card punched. 146 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,487 - What, heh? - Don't "what" me. 147 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,865 I know you hooked up with the webmaster. 148 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,074 [Bell rings] 149 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,785 - Pick up. - Oleg, you told Max? 150 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,829 What's happening? 151 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,248 Our deal's off. Oleg had sex with Sophie last night. 152 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:01,458 [Gasps] 153 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:06,254 No. No, it wasn't sex. Just hand stuff. 154 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:09,966 Yeah and nothing above the waist. I'm a lady. 155 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:16,056 Yeah. I got all hot and bothered watching Caroline and big han. 156 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,265 Okay. 157 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:18,725 [Chuckles] 158 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,437 You know, I really think this is between Caroline and me. 159 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:25,356 You mean between Caroline, you, and your strippers. 160 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:29,152 - Strippers? - I have seen this man in a strip club. 161 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,613 Han, you were in a strip club? 162 00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,075 Earl took me. 163 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,749 Damn it, han! You gonna sell me out... 164 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:46,586 After I spotted you a hundred dollars in ones. 165 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:50,090 You went to spreaders without me? 166 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:53,134 Why would you take han to a strip club? 167 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:56,554 Yeah, is his lap even big enough for a dance? 168 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,807 Earl, I'm so disappointed in you. 169 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:01,351 That's it. I'm not going to your party. 170 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,520 - What party? - Damn it, Earl! 171 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:06,189 It's supposed to be a surprise for her birthday. 172 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,191 Who told you it was my birthday? 173 00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:11,986 - Han. - Damn it, han! I didn't want a party. 174 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,447 I don't want to celebrate my birthday this year. 175 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:18,576 Well, too bad, because your bff is throwing you a big blowout. 176 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,329 Oh, Max. Now, I feel bad. 177 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:24,290 If you feel bad now, wait till you see the party. 178 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,963 Caroline's birthday. 179 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,965 Whoop-whoop! 180 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,135 Thanks, but you don't have to say that after everything. 181 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,387 [Sighs] 182 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:42,684 Max, I know you had limited budget, but music is free. 183 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,270 Yeah, well, I'm a douche. 184 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:50,191 Speech! 185 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,777 Speech! 186 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:57,198 I can't carry this party much longer. 187 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,703 - Okay, I'd like to say something. - Sophie: What? Wait! 188 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:05,498 - Can't we wait till we cut the cake? - Cake? 189 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,709 People are still doing that? 190 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,588 Yes. Our livelihood depends on it. 191 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,716 There's only one party as bad as this one. 192 00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:17,260 That's the donner party. 193 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,475 And even they had better food. 194 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,771 I'd like to say "happy birthday"... 195 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,108 To a very pretty lady who I just had the pleasure of meeting. 196 00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,694 And I think I'm gonna be seeing a lot more of her. 197 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,112 Aw, heh. 198 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,864 I'll go get us some more drinks. 199 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,365 Caroline: Okay. 200 00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,076 Get rid of him. 201 00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:44,829 - What? - It was a one-time thing. 202 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,873 Thought you weren't that kind of girl. 203 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,542 I realized it had almost been a year since I had sex. 204 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,045 I decided I'd rather not be that kind of girl. 205 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,548 - But I don't want a relationship. - Hey, I get it, hit it and quit it. 206 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:59,552 - Hit it, don't babysit it. - Max, please. 207 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,512 Fine. How am I gonna make him go away? 208 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,974 It's not gonna take a lot to convince someone to leave this party. 209 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:09,729 I'd like to ask everyone to raise their cocktail, but I can't. 210 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,899 So raise your capris to the sun... 211 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:20,531 For a very special lady, who I'm sure I will be seeing more of. 212 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,291 Get rid of him. It was a one-time thing. 213 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,712 So was that the worst party you've ever been to? 214 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,507 That was the worst party anyone's ever been to. 215 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:42,512 So with the webmaster, how was the sex? 216 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,347 Pretty good, heh. 217 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:47,517 But he did that thing where he pretended he was gonna choke me. 218 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,185 When did guys start doing that? 219 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:53,439 If I knew that was his thing, I would have asked him to choke me at the party. 220 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,818 How did you get rid of him? What'd you say? Let him down gently? 221 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,861 No. I told him to hit the pike. 222 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,989 It's a one-night stand. Guys get that. 223 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,658 So that's it? He wasn't upset? 224 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:05,785 Guys don't care. 225 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:09,622 One-night stands, they come, they go. Literally. 226 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,791 But what if he wants to see me again? 227 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,294 Relax. It is not gonna come back to haunt you. 228 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:18,131 Unless you start feeling an itch. Or a kick. 229 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,967 Well, thanks for dumping him, and for the... 230 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,803 I'm gonna go ahead and call it a party. 231 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:28,349 I knew you wouldn't want me to use any of the cupcake money, and I was broke. 232 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:32,937 So I guess I am your bff, your "broke friend forever." 233 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,023 Doesn't matter what you would have done. 234 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:38,234 The only thing I wanted for my birthday was to see my father. 235 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:41,446 And he's in prison, so that didn't happen. 236 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:46,034 I may not be a good bff, I may not throw a great party... 237 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,328 But I do know where to find a free bus to prison. 238 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,871 [Caroline chuckles] 239 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,874 Hey, everybody, we got a birthday girl on board! 240 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,085 Sit your ass back down. 241 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,212 See? Now we got a party. 242 00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,214 [Chuckles] 243 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,970 This is nice, getting out of the city. 244 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:08,097 Reminds me of the ride to the Hamptons. 245 00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,390 Woman: 246 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,976 This your first time on the bang bus? 247 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:16,189 We call it the bang bus because everybody here gonna get banged. 248 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,192 And in addition, because we on a bus. 249 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,402 - Mm, makes sense. - Hey, I'm shonda. 250 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:22,612 I'm Max. This is Caroline. 251 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:26,657 Heh. So you're all going for, like, conjugal visits? 252 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:30,703 Pretty fancy term for getting shawshanked on a three-legged cot. 253 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,039 Shawshanked. I like her. 254 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,667 I like your hair. Did you just get back from Cancun? 255 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:41,214 Oh! No, I saved up and I got these done for my man. He says they make me look... 256 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,883 Like Alicia keys meets ed Norton in American history x. 257 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,093 [Max chuckles] 258 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:48,513 - How sweet. - Oh, yo, what's your man in for? 259 00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:51,432 My man's in for possession of a sweet, sweet ass. 260 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,727 He makes that joke every time. 261 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,604 He's not my man, actually. He's my dad. 262 00:14:56,771 --> 00:15:00,691 Oh, oh! So you a freak. That's all right. I don'tjudge. 263 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:04,153 You see a name tag on me that says "Judy?" 264 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:08,074 - Oh, look. We just passed carvel. - What's a carvel? 265 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:12,203 Carve! Ice cream. You know, fudgie the whale. Cookie puss. 266 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,914 How could you not know? They have them everywhere. 267 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,874 Oh, wait, is that that white trash ice cream? 268 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,084 [Gasps] 269 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:22,422 How dare you? It is not white trash. And I wouldn't be so high and mighty. 270 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,424 You're on a free bang bus to a prison. 271 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:28,970 Sorry, I didn't realize you had a strong emotional connection to ice cream. 272 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:33,057 Not to the ice cream. The ice cream cake. 273 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,685 When I was 10, I asked my mom for a birthday party. 274 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:38,729 She said yes, but then flaked out and forgot to call anyone. 275 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,899 I'm starting to understand why you don't like birthday parties. 276 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:45,820 So after I waited on the porch for an hour, I stole 20 bucks from her purse... 277 00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:48,948 Thumbed it out to carvel, and bought myself a cake. 278 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,826 I ate the whole thing with a pink plastic spoon... 279 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:54,787 And it was better than any party ever could have been. 280 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,665 I heard that. Ain't nothing better than fudgie the whale. 281 00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,625 I love the chocolate crunchies, heh. 282 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,712 Bitch, everybody love the damn chocolate crunchies! 283 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,470 - Hey, shonda, who you here to see? - Who's available? 284 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,640 I'm just cracking wise. You know I'm here to see squirm. 285 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:20,146 - Search her. - Damn. Is it my turn again? 286 00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,610 - We're not on that. We didn't call. - Leave it to me. 287 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,488 I've gotten into every club I've ever wanted to get into. 288 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,115 Hi. Caroline Channing, plus one. 289 00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:34,327 - I don't see you on the list. - Really? That's weird. 290 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,205 We should be on the list. We're always on the list. 291 00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,248 - Max, we're not on the list. - We're not? 292 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:42,335 I'm gonna kill my assistant. 293 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,003 Oh, I know. 294 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,381 It might be under Deangelo Jefferson. 295 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,509 Come on, girls, don't waste my time. 296 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,178 I'd like to see a manager. 297 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:58,184 There's no manager. It's a prison. 298 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,770 Well, then, who runs this place? 299 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:04,190 Well, the Aryan brotherhood's getting pretty strong. 300 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:10,363 This is such amateur hour. Give me 50 bucks for the door guy. 301 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,658 Are you seriously trying to bribe an officer of the law... 302 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,536 While inside a prison? 303 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,330 - That's a federal offense. - Is it? 304 00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,083 Probably. 305 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,294 I should have you thrown out for suggesting it. 306 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:28,130 - We do not accept bribes. - Okay, fine. 307 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:31,759 I'll let you take your sweet time searching me on the way in. 308 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,179 These two are clear to go through. 309 00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:40,059 - Max, you can't do that for me. - It's really for me. It's been a while. 310 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,394 Whoop-whoop! 311 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,733 I'm so excited to see my father after all this time. 312 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,111 - How do I look? - You look good. How do I look? 313 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:51,946 Do I still have that freshly felt-up glow? 314 00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,406 [Caroline chuckles] 315 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:58,202 Well, that ginger over there thinks you look good. He's full-on staring at you. 316 00:17:58,369 --> 00:17:59,954 Well, I should hope so. 317 00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:03,833 If you can't get a dude in prison to check you out, it's time for a makeover. 318 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:08,212 No, he's looking and nodding, like he knows you. 319 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:15,595 - Never seen him before in my life. - Max? Max black. 320 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,515 - It's me, Irish. - I don't know, dude. 321 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:23,394 - I think you got the wrong girl. - Max, I could never forget that face. 322 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:26,147 Trust me, you've never seen me before. 323 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:30,818 - Oh, damn. - Oh, my god. 324 00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,486 That's you. 325 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,615 - So you do remember? - Of course. 326 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,659 Get rid of him. It was a one-night stand. 327 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,621 - See, they do come back to haunt you. - Shirt on. 328 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,581 Max, can you believe it? 329 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:46,542 Of all the prisons in all the world, you walked into mine. 330 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:47,793 It's kismet. 331 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,796 I get rid of yours, you get rid of mine. 332 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:53,841 Listen, Irish. It was a one-time thing. 333 00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,551 You're a guy. You get that. 334 00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,512 How could you say it's a one-time thing? I love you. 335 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:00,973 I blew up that chipotle for you. 336 00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:05,978 Listen, I appreciate the ink, but I don't really believe in love... 337 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,607 And truth be told, I'm not even a fan of Mexican food. 338 00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,776 Caroline Channing? This table. 339 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:15,237 - Max, we have to go. My dad's coming. - Okay. Heh, nice to see you, Irish. 340 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,823 - Your body looks sick. - Max, hold up. 341 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,160 - I'm not gonna tell you again to back up. - I'm not gonna lose you. 342 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,371 - I said back up. - Don't tell me to back up. 343 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:24,872 That's the love of my life. 344 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:28,376 - Come on, dude, hit the pike. - Calm down. 345 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:29,627 Don't tell me to calm down! 346 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,796 [Alarm wailing] 347 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,133 Visiting hours are over. Everybody out. 348 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,261 - No, no, no, wait. I can't leave. - Damn. 349 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,223 No, wait, there's my father. I can see him. 350 00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:45,851 He's just coming in now. Daddy, daddy, hi. 351 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,938 Well, thank you very much, ladies. 352 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:52,191 My man was barely in when I got pulled out. 353 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:55,903 I would like to apologize to everyone... 354 00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:58,239 For taking the bang out of the bus. 355 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,282 But in my own defense... 356 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:03,619 Everyone here knows a little something about crazy guys. 357 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,538 Sit your ass back down. 358 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:08,624 Max, sit down before you start another riot. 359 00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,251 I'm sorry. I blew it. 360 00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:13,754 I screwed up your chance to see your father, I screwed up your party. 361 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:17,216 I even screwed up the easiest birthday thing to do, like get a cake. 362 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:22,054 - I'm a terrible bff. - It's okay. Really, it's fine. 363 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,807 It's not like you could have made everything better... 364 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,600 Just by getting me a cake. 365 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:30,229 Well, no. Not just any cake. 366 00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:38,612 - Just as good as I remember it. - Best 40 bucks we ever spent. 367 00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,740 This birthday turned out to be all right. 368 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,743 I did get what I wanted. I got to see my father. 369 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:47,538 It was only for a second, but I saw him. And he saw me. 370 00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,290 So thank you. 371 00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,667 Yeah, and I got to see Irish. 372 00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:54,086 I think he might be the one that got away. 373 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,380 Well, the one that got put away. 374 00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:58,507 You know, you and I are better than bffs. 375 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:02,094 We're bbfs, bang bus friends, heh. 376 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,960 [English - us - sdh]