1 00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:06,590 Max, look out. You're so tired you're spilling batter all over yourself. 2 00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:11,220 Ugh. I knew it was only a matter of time before I became a battered woman. 3 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:12,429 [Sighs] 4 00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:14,598 This is a huge disappointment. 5 00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,558 I heard that. 6 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,727 You don't even know what I'm referring to. 7 00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:21,939 Oh, I just assumed we were talking about everything. 8 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,775 I'm referring to our expensive new cupcake website. 9 00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,443 Not one job offer. 10 00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,737 Want a website that'll make you feel better? 11 00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:31,448 Go to modelsfallingdown.Com. 12 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,662 Number one, "Klum goes boom." 13 00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:38,497 [Knock on door] 14 00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,791 It's 3 am. Who would be coming over now? 15 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,252 I don't know. My dealer, my other dealer. 16 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:46,588 That guy who always asks if I know where my dealer is. 17 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,633 - Who is it? - You can't handle... 18 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,468 What's on the other side. 19 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:54,680 Yesterday I saw a guy on a stoop frenching his cat. 20 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,265 I can handle anything. 21 00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,147 Oleg, what are you doing here? 22 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,359 And you put the "oh, no" in "kimono." 23 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:11,280 Your upstairs neighbor, Sophie, is allowing me to have sex with her... 24 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,824 And I came down to borrow some sensual oils. 25 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:16,493 Preferably ones that you can eat. 26 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,455 How did you get out of apartment? 27 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,165 You know the rules. 28 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:25,377 I came down to borrow sensual oils. 29 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:29,172 Yeah, but no peppermint. It makes his tongue swell. 30 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:33,343 And, let's face it, his tongue is the best part about him. 31 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,389 You're right. I can't handle that. 32 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:54,865 Those nice-smelling men in booth 2 just asked me if I was on the down low. 33 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:56,408 What does this mean? 34 00:01:56,575 --> 00:02:00,787 Uh, brother, I'm gonna need a little more context. 35 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,456 "Are you on the down low? 36 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,667 Because we have a friend who is a big-time rice queen." 37 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,462 Again. Coming up dry. 38 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,631 Rice queen, is it a Korean dairy queen? 39 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,466 Kind of. 40 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,302 Here's table 7's check, Earl. 41 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,972 Max, the guy there at booth 2, just asked han if he was on the down low. 42 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,974 They think he's gay. 43 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:24,645 That's a step up. Usually, people think he's a lesbian. 44 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,526 - Here you go, Sophie. - Uh, Max. 45 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,488 Caroline, uh, yeah, about last night. 46 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:38,492 I hope you can keep that just between us girls, you know. 47 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,079 I'm sure we have all done things in the dark, late at night with men... 48 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,206 That we'd like to forget. Caroline: Heh. 49 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,249 Why stop at late at night in the dark? 50 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:50,587 How about early morning or a nooner at the port authority bus terminal? 51 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:54,174 Oh, ha, ha. Good. And you too understand, Caroline? 52 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:55,384 Actually, no, sorry. 53 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:58,178 I haven't done anything with a man that I'm ashamed of. 54 00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:02,849 Oh, yeah, but your father did steal millions and millions of dollars, yeah? 55 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,353 So don't forget that. Heh. 56 00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,398 [Caroline sighs] 57 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,025 Han just sat your favorite gays. 58 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,361 Max, their names are Steven and Michael. 59 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:17,072 And it's not very PC to reduce people to a stereotype. 60 00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:20,200 - Hey, girl. - What's up, care bear? 61 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,703 Yeah, they're not stereotypes. 62 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:26,206 What would you say if they called you the big-boobed waitress... 63 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,093 Who had sex with everyone in high school? 64 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,628 I'd say, that's why I love the gays, they get me. 65 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:32,963 Come over and say hello. 66 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:36,883 They're the first and only people that ever hired us to do a cupcake job. 67 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,387 Do I have to? Can't I just stand here and judge from afar? 68 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,889 Come on. Let's not mention how bad we're doing. 69 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,435 We want them to think we're a big success so they'll recommend us. 70 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,895 You know the gays, they party about everything. 71 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,189 And there's another stereotype. 72 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,943 - Hi, guys. - Happy leap year. 73 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:58,822 Fyi, people are still talking about those cupcakes you made for our shower. 74 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,782 - Everyone. - How's business? 75 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,492 Fabulous. Amazing. Killing it. 76 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,287 Or it's killing us. We're not quite sure. 77 00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:07,497 I'll go grab some menus for you girls. 78 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:08,957 - Max. - Sorry. 79 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:12,127 I'll go grab some menus for you ladies. 80 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,671 Love her. So Madeleine stowe in revenge. 81 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:16,923 - She is. - I don't watch that. 82 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,009 Loveit it's about a young blond woman... 83 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:22,137 Who's out to seek revenge on everyone for destroying her family. 84 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:23,847 Yeah. Too close to home. 85 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,518 - Max, guess what? - You're not supposed to tell me... 86 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,646 I'm on intervention until the actual intervention. 87 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:35,108 I just got offered $600 to stay at Steven and Michael's apartment... 88 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,486 And watch their dogs for two days. 89 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:41,364 Why would anyone pay $600 to watch dogs for two days? 90 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:44,284 They want a certain amount of attention to be paid... 91 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,871 Just say it. They're gay and they think their dogs are their children. 92 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,040 Max, you have to stop doing this. 93 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:51,875 I'll stop when they stop. 94 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:55,545 This is so exciting. It'll be like a paid vacation at an amazing hotel. 95 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,048 I need to get as far away from here as possible. 96 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,675 - Oh, where do they live? - Four blocks away. 97 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,719 Well, have a good time. 98 00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,388 While you're four blocks away having your vacation... 99 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:09,476 I'll be home, maybe taking a little masturba-cation. 100 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:13,980 What are you talking about? I wouldn't go on vacation without you. 101 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,900 We'll split the dog money to cover the shifts we take off. 102 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,986 Thanks, but I don't do that thing where you take off work. 103 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:24,324 "Hi, I'm Max, I can't go to a fancy apartment and have fun. 104 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:28,203 I'd rather work in a steel mill and sing Bruce Springsteen songs." 105 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,832 Max, when was the last time you had a vacation? 106 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,835 Never. Unless you count the summer I hid under the porch... 107 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,212 From my mom's new boyfriend. 108 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,173 We need to get out. This is more than spring break. 109 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,009 It's a break from the diner, from the cupcake business. 110 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,929 From being poor, from everything depressing right now. 111 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,014 Things aren't that depressing. 112 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,017 [Thudding] 113 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,062 [Cookware clanging and breaking] 114 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,788 Oh, well... 115 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:15,709 Well, I'm sure we have all done things with men in kitchens... 116 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,753 That we are not proud of. 117 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:28,597 [Elevator bell dings] 118 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,476 Spring break is the greatest time ever. 119 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:37,480 You just go crazy and do shots and throw all the rules out the window. 120 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,775 Oh, I've done that. But when you're poor, you just call it Tuesday. 121 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:45,322 [Caroline humming] 122 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:49,159 - Why are you walking like that? - This is my spring break walk. 123 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:52,829 These shoulders have shimmied like this all the way from majorca to Ibiza. 124 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,206 Try it, Max. Shake a little. Shake. 125 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:58,835 That's cool. I'll just wait till I get the dts later. 126 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,547 Maybe I don't have the right key. 127 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,507 Oh, hi. 128 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,760 Sorry. We might be at the wrong door. 129 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,595 That's a bummer for the door. 130 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,932 It's over there, 12d. We're house-sitting for a few days. 131 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,350 Cool. I'm Brendon. 132 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:16,394 Hi, Brendon. I'm Ashley and she... 133 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:19,898 I'm surprised. And also Max. 134 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,067 Uh, I'd shake your hands, but I kind of stink. 135 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:26,446 I've been at my microbrewery most of the day so I'm sorry if I smell like yeast. 136 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,782 Hey, that's my apology. 137 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,241 Whoa. Ha, ha. 138 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,868 All right. Cool. 139 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,537 Well, I will see you guys around, yeah? 140 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:35,789 Yeah, totes. 141 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,457 [Caroline chuckles] 142 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,920 Do you have something you wanna tell me, Ashley? 143 00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:45,465 I never use Caroline Channing on vacation for security reasons. 144 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,718 I was almost abducted at gunpoint for a ransom in Mexico City. 145 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:52,138 Wow, gunpoint. Were you using the word "totes" at the time? 146 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,475 Can you take out the paper that has the alarm code on it? 147 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,560 [Alarm beeping] 148 00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:00,897 Oh, wow, this place is amazing. 149 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:04,067 It's like the cover of gay, gay, gay magazine. 150 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,989 Max, you have to stop reducing them to that gay stereotype. 151 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,907 Now read me the security code. 152 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:14,911 It's "Liza." 153 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,582 A lot of different types of people like Liza minnelli. 154 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:21,751 [Both gasp] 155 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:26,923 Oh, look. It's a poodle in a tutu. 156 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,467 That's not gay, right? 157 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:30,927 Lots of... 158 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:35,765 Lots of different types of people have a poodle in a tutu. 159 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:39,436 Named Barbra Streisand. 160 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:42,480 Oh, there's the book of instructions. 161 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,526 "Hey, girl, hey, care bear. 162 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,279 Have fun with Barbra Streisand and wynonna judd. 163 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,323 Wynonna is temperamental and tends to stay in the bedroom. 164 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,952 We didn't have time to purge her anal gland before we left. 165 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,288 Instructions on page two." 166 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:01,291 I'm starting to understand the $600. 167 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,376 "It's easy. We do it all the time." 168 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,004 No wonder wynonna is so temperamental. 169 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:10,467 "Help yourself to anything in the fridge. There are portable saunas in the closet." 170 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:14,137 Portable saunas? Love it. What is it? 171 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,809 This is so cool. 172 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,145 I'm hot like I'm at the beach... 173 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:25,231 But I'm not stepping in any used condoms. 174 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,483 Yeah, these are great. 175 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:29,986 My friend Candice travelstead used one to make weight for prom. 176 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:33,031 - Are you done with that? - Yeah. Switch? 177 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,034 I always love spending the day at the beach. 178 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,578 - Just the chilling and the girl talk. - Yeah. 179 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,999 Tell me again about the sound the anal gland made when you squeezed it. 180 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,752 Please, stop. I already told you twice. 181 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,088 And now wynonna judd won't even look at me. 182 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,049 Well, not without her lawyer in the room. 183 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,510 I'm hungry. What do you eat on vacation? 184 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,012 Anything we want. Let's see. 185 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:01,559 I bet their refrigerator is stocked with all kinds of patés... 186 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,354 And cheeses and those parm crisp things. 187 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,855 By the way, nice suit. 188 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,662 You look like someone should be pouring a 40 on you in a rap video. 189 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,194 Heh, thanks. 190 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,863 There's nothing. 191 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,574 I mean, come on, what kind of gays are they? 192 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,119 All anal gland and no cheese. 193 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,412 I just expected everything to be better. 194 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,290 You know, champagne on ice, 1000-thread-count sheets. 195 00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:27,293 - Towels, they're not even bath sheets. - Wait. 196 00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:31,214 The towels aren't good? Because I already stole two. 197 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,758 They're fine. They're not what I was expecting. 198 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:37,804 What's happening over there? You could use a little shoulders. 199 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:41,391 Right. We're on vacay. Let's get dressed and find some place to eat. 200 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,601 Are you crazy? I am not leaving this thing. 201 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,229 This is the happiest I've ever been in my life. 202 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,398 We'll order in, pretend it's room service. 203 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,733 They must have a menu drawer here somewhere. 204 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,820 We'll never find a restaurant with a portable sauna section. 205 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:57,949 "Food network party tonight to celebrate the release of a cookbook. 206 00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,576 Food and drink provided." 207 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:03,413 Free foodie food, free foodie drinks. Yay, let's go. 208 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,249 No, I like it in here. It's amazing. 209 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:09,836 Ashley wants to go. Ashley wants to go. 210 00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,088 Fine, but can I bring the dog? 211 00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:15,425 I want to be one of those girls who brings a tiny dog to a place... 212 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:19,429 And just looks at everyone like, "yeah, I have a tiny dog, so what?" 213 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,307 You can be whoever you wanna be. You're on vacation. 214 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:26,144 I'm gonna go invite Brendon to come. You gotta have a crush on spring break. 215 00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:27,812 Well, I'm sitting in my crush. 216 00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:30,315 Hey, shouldn't you put something on? 217 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,192 Uh, it's spring break. 218 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,114 [Yells] 219 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,286 Barbra, get help. 220 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,122 Go, Barbra Streisand, go. 221 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,714 Hey, look at the book title, 306 degrees of heaven: Bacon. 222 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,007 [Chuckles] 223 00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:59,135 "Heaven bacon." That's good word play. 224 00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:02,805 It's okay. Not much of a crowd. The party is a little disappointing. 225 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:06,517 Bacon truffle, Barbara Streisand? Hmm? 226 00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:10,897 Yeah, I'm feeding my tiny dog a truffle. So what? 227 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,233 -Miss? Max: Mm. 228 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,235 - Miss? - Excuse me. What are these thing for? 229 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,862 - It holds your drink while you get food. - Max & Brendon: No. 230 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:21,866 Heh. Yeah. Yeah, these are great when you see them for the first time. 231 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,827 For me, it was on a yacht, in the mediterranean. 232 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:29,332 You know what else these are good for? Frees up your shoulders to shimmy. 233 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,709 You shimmy. I'm gonna go walk over here... 234 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:36,089 And find us a bigger, shinier something to do later. 235 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,591 Later? We're going home to our amazing apartment. 236 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,178 Or not. Come on, Max, it's spring break. Let's not get tied down. 237 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:45,473 - I'll be over there. - Yeah, we'll be over there. 238 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:46,891 Oh! 239 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:51,437 Hi. You're not allowed to have a dog in here. 240 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:53,356 Unless he wants to buy the book. 241 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:56,025 What are you? Some kind of foodie bouncer? 242 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,111 Worse. I wrote the book. 243 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,904 Well, nice sleeves. 244 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,699 You get those in the tattoo gold rush of '09? 245 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:04,867 I'm Zeke. What's your name? 246 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,786 I'm Max. This is my tiny dog. 247 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,539 I take her everywhere. So what? 248 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,375 Hey, Max, you wanna try my thick-cut bacon? 249 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,461 Maybe. Let's just take things slow. 250 00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:19,882 I'm telling you, it serves the best vegan stew anywhere. 251 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,551 You should put it in your blog. 252 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,220 Oh, if I write one more article about something vegan... 253 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:26,389 All of my devoted 10,000 readers... 254 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,976 Will hold hands and jump collectively out a window. 255 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,437 I know you like to find what's new, what's next. 256 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,480 Chocolate bacon? 257 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,774 I just need a minute over there. 258 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:40,153 Hi. Couldn't help but overhear. 259 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,448 If you're looking for what's new, I found two adorable girls... 260 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:46,075 Who run a cupcake business in williamsburg. 261 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:50,580 I know how that sounds, but trust me, totally fresh and not at all overexposed. 262 00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,790 You're someone I should listen to because...? 263 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,959 Sorry, didn't introduce myself. 264 00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:57,754 Ashley Emerson, style editor for Elle. 265 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,922 -Heh. 266 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,425 If you're interested, I have a card in here. 267 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,594 I was holding onto it for Martha. 268 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,929 Mr. Bacon action figure? 269 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,474 A world of bacon sampler. 270 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,768 I apologize for the food network trucker hat... 271 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:15,438 Which has nothing to do with bacon, everything to do with being a sell-out. 272 00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:18,024 Guess what. Ashley gave our card to a woman... 273 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:21,027 Who's such a bitch, she must be important. 274 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:24,697 She's a food blogger. It's a long shot, but we need to get some exposure. 275 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,866 Whoa, we're on vacation. 276 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,619 No business talk. That was the deal, right? 277 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:33,498 This is Zeke. Chef-slash-author- slash-corporate sell-out. 278 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,375 We were, uh... 279 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,795 We were thinking about going to the apartment to hang. 280 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:41,839 Oh, sounds fun. Can I see you alone for a second? 281 00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:45,968 Well, not alone. I bring my tiny dog everywhere. So what? 282 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,805 Come on, I heard of an after-party in soho... 283 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,807 And an after-after-party in dumbo. 284 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:54,477 So let's go, ho, have fun and get this vacation started. 285 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,896 I'm holding a dog at a bacon-book party... 286 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,565 Laughing with a guy who wrote a book about bacon. 287 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,652 I think my vacation's already started. 288 00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:05,822 All right. Well, have fun. I'm gonna go party. 289 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,657 Oh, do your thing, ash. 290 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:18,251 I don't wanna say that I'm hot, but the bacon in my pocket is done. 291 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,086 [Brendon chuckles] 292 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,839 We said turns were five minutes, you bastards. 293 00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,217 Oh, hi. More sauna fun. 294 00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:28,344 Max, can I see you in the hall? 295 00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,763 But it's my turn to sweat my balls off. 296 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,851 Don't think the clock is not running while I'm out there. 297 00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:38,855 We're going on a real vacation. How quickly can you pack a bag? 298 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,523 Don't worry about evening wear. 299 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,818 Every four seasons has a Gucci near the bulgari store in the lobby. 300 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:48,448 None of those words made any sense. I think you've had a spring-break stroke. 301 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:52,368 No, seriously, there's a car waiting downstairs to take us to a private plane. 302 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:55,037 Teterboro in 20 minutes and Tahiti in eight hours. 303 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,248 The Greek is paying for everything. 304 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:02,003 What did they give you? What's the last thing you can remember? 305 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:06,716 - Nothing. I just had some cristal. - Some crystal meth? 306 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:09,260 No, I'm just really excited. 307 00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:12,054 I went to the after-party and met the shipping magnate. 308 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,099 It's not gonna be sexual. More like a father thing. 309 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:18,144 Anyway, let's go. Finally got us a good vacation. 310 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:21,772 - But we're having a good vacation. - Max, don't take this personally. 311 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:25,151 You don't know what a good vacation is. You've never been anywhere. 312 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,779 I mean, you walked into that apartment and yourface lit up, like, "ah!" 313 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:32,366 Like it was amazing, and that's because you don't know that it's not. 314 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,869 Trust me. I have been everywhere... 315 00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:38,706 And I'm telling you, this is the worst vacation ever. 316 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,584 So let's ditch the bacon freak and the beer bro... 317 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:44,462 Get on that plane, spend one great day at the beach... 318 00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,797 And then come back and make $8 an hour. 319 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:49,967 That sounds fun. You skipped the part where we get abducted... 320 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:53,304 And Nancy grace covers the yearlong search for our bodies. 321 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,555 [Cell phone beeps] 322 00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:55,890 It must be constantine. 323 00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:59,060 He's gonna be upset. You never keep a Greek waiting. 324 00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,311 Oh, my god, Max. 325 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:03,481 We just got an e-mail on our website from that food blogger. 326 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,691 If we drop off four cupcakes by morning... 327 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,861 She'll consider writing about them for her column that day. 328 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,030 What's it gonna be? Caroline or Ashley? 329 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:14,033 Cupcakes or Tahiti? Your call. 330 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,827 Is the Greek still waiting? 331 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,120 He just pulled away. 332 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,873 I'm sure he'll come back here for Ashley sometime. 333 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,584 And when that happens, I wouldn't wanna be her. 334 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:27,338 - Well, after tomorrow, you won't be. - Heh. What can I do? 335 00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:31,050 You mean after your two personalities meet and kill each other? 336 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,843 Max, I told you I needed a break. 337 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,555 I just didn't know it was gonna be a psychotic one. 338 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:39,559 You need to chill. You can't freak out because you're not where you wanna be. 339 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,561 On vacation or in our business. 340 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,897 I mean, it's life. Lower your expectations. 341 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,983 This microbrew is actually really good. 342 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,609 Tastes better in the batter. 343 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:51,404 Hey, crumble up some of that maple bacon for me. 344 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:55,074 Sorry about that stuff I said about you never having gone anywhere. 345 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,994 Why? I never have gone anywhere or done anything. 346 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,037 Now I'm thinking that's a good thing... 347 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:03,916 Because I can still get excited, make a face when something's new to me. 348 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,626 Because basically everything is. 349 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,128 That must be nice. 350 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,630 All right. Here. 351 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:14,468 Taste it. My beer batter maple bacon spring break cupcake. 352 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:20,725 Oh, my god. You made the "something new" face. 353 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:23,436 I did. Because you made something new. 354 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:26,022 - It's delicious. - Do the face again. 355 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,942 [Chuckles] 356 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:37,116 Oh, there they are, the world travelers. 357 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,327 Shouldn't people be throwing confetti? 358 00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:43,914 I'm all out. I snorted mine in the power outage of '65. 359 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,208 How was your vacation? 360 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,461 It turned out to be more of a day-cation. 361 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,213 - But we had a great time, didn't we? - Yes, we did. 362 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:54,216 Max, things sure are dull around here without you. 363 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,094 Everyone walking around all PC, nobody called me "black." 364 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,346 Hell... 365 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:01,974 I haven't laughed once since you been gone. 366 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,186 When it comes to this job, you are my vacation. 367 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,566 And that, Earl, is why I got all five of these gift bags for you. 368 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,197 Welcome again to the williamsburg diner. 369 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,282 This way, please. 370 00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:21,869 I have looked up "down low" and "rice queen" on Wikipedia. 371 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:26,957 And, no, I'm not a secret homosexual or a man who chases only Asian men. 372 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:30,002 I'm great, I'm straight, get used to it. 373 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:35,925 - Hi, guys. How was your vacation? - Great. Did you have fun at our place? 374 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:40,596 - Totes. Your saunas are sick. - I know. Could they be any gayer? 375 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,557 [Both chuckle] 376 00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:47,728 Just one thing. Wynonna is still a little upset about the anal gland event. 377 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:48,979 What? 378 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,524 I told you she wouldn't know it was a joke. 379 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,322 How could she not know it was a joke? 380 00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:02,076 I mean, who would ask someone to squeeze their dog's pooper? 381 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,161 We're paying you another 50. 382 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:07,998 Dude, she went second-knuckle deep in your beagle's back door. 383 00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,793 You're throwing her a 50? 384 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,211 One-fifty. 385 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,838 Heh. Thank you. 386 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:17,842 And just one other thing. Our business is actually not that great right now. 387 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,469 If you could recommend us, that would really help. 388 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,513 - Good for you. - Business will pick up... 389 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,975 - After that blog blurb. - Wait. Blog blurb? 390 00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:29,353 About your spring break cupcake. We just read about it. 391 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,772 Yeah, in that foodie bitch's blog. 392 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:35,109 Max, it worked. Let's go look at the blog on han's computer. 393 00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:36,902 Excuse us, we'll be right back. Heh. 394 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,156 We got a little break and a big break. 395 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:51,041 Yeah, I did it again. Yeah. 396 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,509 Welcome back. 397 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:03,304 You missed the best two days of my life. 398 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:35,211 [English - us - sdh]