1 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,346 Wow, bummer, dude, you have a time machine... 2 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:15,474 That somehow got programmed to this crap diner? 3 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,519 I must admit, I am quite taken with steampunk. 4 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,480 Oh, steampunk, right. I remember that trend. 5 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:25,943 It happened for like 10 seconds back in two thousand and "are you kidding me"? 6 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,654 Dude, seriously, you are sitting in a public place... 7 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,864 Tap, tap, tapping on an oldie typewriter? 8 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,785 What are you, in the league of extraordinarily pretentious gentlemen? 9 00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:37,746 - Aren't you being a little aggressive? - Yup. 10 00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:41,166 That's how people are here in the present, where we live. 11 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,669 Don't get me wrong, I'd like to go back in time. 12 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:48,382 Maybe stop 9/11 or that creep who had sex on my shoe, but I can't. 13 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:52,970 Present? Where's that uniform from, like 1998? 14 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,222 Oh, stop, or I'm gonna have to shoot you... 15 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:59,476 With the Smith & Wesson I'm currently packing in my bloomers. 16 00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:02,896 I'll go get thee a menu, my good man. 17 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:18,870 Attention, everyone. 18 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,707 Max and I have a little late-night treat for you. 19 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:26,253 Don't say it all excited like that. When it's not drugs, Earl's gonna be pissed. 20 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:30,799 You are invited to a very important taste test of Max's homemade cupcakes. 21 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:32,551 Okay, but I will have only one. 22 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:36,096 When I get a tummy, single ladies call me Buddha and rub me for luck. 23 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,850 I gotta watch out too. 24 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:44,021 Last time I had Max's chocolate Espresso cupcake before going home... 25 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:48,900 I was awake till 5 am. Hand-washing all my thongs. 26 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,069 Thongs? Earl, you devil. 27 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,113 Just because there's snow on the roof... 28 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:56,033 Doesn't mean there's not swing in the sling. 29 00:01:57,075 --> 00:02:00,871 Oh. Caroline, darling, can you go back over there? I forgot my racing form. 30 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:04,833 Aw, horse racing. Reminds me of Chestnut. 31 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:08,712 - Max, Chestnut. - What's with the sad face? 32 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,548 Your horse is living it up at a fancy stable nearby... 33 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:14,926 Not gone to the great stud farm in the sky. 34 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,971 Did someone say "stud farm"? 35 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:22,643 My fee is $10 a quart or 15 if you want a boy. 36 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:29,858 Wow. You bounced back from your Sophie breakup pretty quick. 37 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:33,153 It was not a real breakup. I will have her very soon again. 38 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:38,659 Right now, I lay low and wait in bushes like determined jungle cat. 39 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,329 Or a rapist. 40 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,665 Racing forms. Here you go. 41 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:47,959 Earl, maybe sometime you will take me out to the track with you. 42 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,420 I used to ride horses all the time in Korea. 43 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:53,840 The mechanical ones for a quarter in front of supermarkets? 44 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,134 Actually, Max, I am a very good rider. 45 00:02:56,343 --> 00:03:01,014 In fact, I was training to be a jockey but was too short. 46 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,975 Too short to be a jockey? 47 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,020 That's a hard hit, my man. 48 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:11,316 Han, I had no idea you loved horses too. Why didn't you ever say anything? 49 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,820 Why didn't you ever ask about any of my interests? I'll tell you why. 50 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:18,490 All you ever talk about is "our cupcake business, our cupcake business." 51 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,992 Doesn't your cd have other tracks? 52 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,037 Our cupcake business has a very important meeting tomorrow... 53 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,164 With Paul platt, the party planner. 54 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,833 I know a party planner too. 55 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:32,754 He sells jlo and Salma Hayek pifiatas off back of truck for cinco de Mayo. 56 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,801 Awesome. Put me down for a Hayek. More storage space for candy. 57 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:40,554 Well, our party planner is the "it" guy in Manhattan. 58 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,807 Tomorrow, Max and I are doing a tasting for him at his office. 59 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:48,186 How can someone be too short to be a jockey? 60 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,939 Isn't that the whole point? 61 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,359 Are you all right, Max? Oh. 62 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,738 I got here as fast as I could. Caroline texted me to hurry over... 63 00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:01,074 Because you didn't know you were pregnant and were giving birth over toilet. 64 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:03,410 So I grabbed my plunger and ran. 65 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:08,039 That is insane. I never texted that. 66 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,376 No, I did, when I stole your phone. 67 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,670 I needed a reason to get Sophie over here. 68 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,714 I can't believe she believed it. 69 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:19,885 Oh, come on, Max, giving birth over toilet? That is very you. 70 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,055 Now that you are here, Sophie, sit. 71 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,099 I want to tell you something important. 72 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:27,851 Well, you can forget that. 73 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:33,231 There is no way I am going to stay... A cupcake party? 74 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,610 Aw, look, this one even has a pretzel in it. 75 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:40,530 Yep, that's our salty 'n' spice, for our more adventurous customers. 76 00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:44,242 Also, for the uptight white people, we have the very, very vanilla... 77 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:48,121 Which is, big surprise, my favorite. Ha, ha. 78 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:52,042 And this is our beer-batter, maple-bacon, spring break cupcake. 79 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:55,754 That's for stoners and, big surprise, my favorite. 80 00:04:57,589 --> 00:05:00,801 We can only take four flavors to represent our cupcake business. 81 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:05,055 See? Not one word, ever, about anyone else. 82 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,934 I have a pet ferret, if anyone gives a damn. 83 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:14,397 Well, I have some big news I want to share with you all as well. 84 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:17,067 Sophie, that classy lady right over there... 85 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:19,903 Mm, I like this one. 86 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,740 She recently broke it off with me... 87 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:27,369 Because she wanted to be with a man who had a dream and a drive. 88 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:31,623 So I have bought a drive, a Lincoln town car. 89 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,960 Yes, I have a new car service and slogan: 90 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:39,089 "Lie back and I will ride you till you tell me to stop." 91 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,470 So, Oleg, you now have a town-car business? 92 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,390 And, Sophie, you rent town cars all the time. 93 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,350 Mm. Oh, please. 94 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:55,605 I mean, I love pizza too, but that doesn't mean I have to marry papa John. 95 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,611 I was just thinking you might want to come out back... 96 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:05,073 And take a look at the light-up makeup mirror on visors. 97 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:08,952 Light-up makeup mirror? 98 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,496 Oh. I might be interested. 99 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:15,792 But not just you and I. Han will come as well. 100 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,962 Finally. Han is getting invited to something. 101 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,672 Other than linkedln. 102 00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,591 Well, so much for the taste test. 103 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,385 It's fine, I know what's best for our cupcake business. 104 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:28,513 I do say that a lot, but I think it's kind of charming. 105 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,890 I'll go get our coats. 106 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,809 Mm, mm, mm. Look at you. 107 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:36,187 I must say, I am impressed with how far you've come. 108 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,189 You burn a few thousand cupcakes... 109 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,192 - You're bound to get better. - Not just the cupcakes, Max. 110 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,694 Look how far you've come. 111 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,947 When I think of that girl who came in just looking to get by? 112 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,993 Hey, and check you out now. Big fancy meeting in Manhattan. 113 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,453 Lordy lord. 114 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,622 - It's only a meeting, Earl. - Earl: Maybe. 115 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:58,710 But if you were one of these horses, I'd put all of my money on you, Max. 116 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,108 Paul platt parties, please hold. Paul platt parties, please hold. 117 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,676 - Paul platt parties, please hold. - Poor kid. 118 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:10,472 If I had that job, I'd be asking someone to please hold a gun to my head. 119 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,099 He's probably excited to be working for Paul platt. 120 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:16,603 Look at all these magazines calling him the next Martha Stewart. 121 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:20,023 Someday we'll have articles about us. Pictures of you and me... 122 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,484 - Standing outside our country home. - Hold on. 123 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:25,070 We're rich and still living together? 124 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,741 - Okay, she's leaving. This is us. - About time. 125 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,035 Been sitting here so long, my ass is asleep. 126 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:35,747 Which kind of goes against my theory that it won't quit. 127 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,124 Hi. Paul's gonna be a little longer. 128 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,794 - It's fine. Just... - Paul platt parties. Please hold. 129 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:44,714 - Paul platt parties. Please hold. - How much longer...? Me or them? 130 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,634 - I got the ass pins and needles. - Max. 131 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,511 What? We're on hold. 132 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,221 Have a seat. Five more minutes. 133 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,516 Brody: Paul platt parties. 134 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,811 The word "party" at a party planner's? Little obvious. 135 00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:01,439 Like me having art that says "will die alone." 136 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,775 Wait. 137 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,152 I think this is Johnny's art. No way. 138 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:08,446 No way is right. Johnny's a nobody. 139 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,949 Paul platt wouldn't have a framed Johnny in his office. 140 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:15,578 Look. Signed jpeg. That's his tag. Yo, what's the deal with this art? 141 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:18,248 It's a street artist. Everyone's getting into him. 142 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:21,751 Oh, yeah? He was trying to get into me a few months ago. 143 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,839 It was more emotional than that. 144 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,925 He cheated on his girlfriend with her and then blew her off. 145 00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:30,802 It was really hard for us. 146 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:35,223 And you thought me slapping my ass in front of him was inappropriate? 147 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,935 - Wow, Johnny made it. - Well, good for him. 148 00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:40,812 He's making it, we're making it. 149 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,190 We're making it? I magic markered over the scuffs on my boot... 150 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:48,028 And we can't even get past the poor man's John cusack over there. 151 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,489 Max, we are making it. 152 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:52,866 We've come a long way. 153 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:56,369 We haven't used Starbucks napkins for toilet paper in months. 154 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:57,996 And now look where we are. 155 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,540 We've got a meeting with Paul platt. 156 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,792 Say it. We're making it. 157 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,879 I'm serious. Say it, Max. We are making it. 158 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,630 Okay. We're making it. 159 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:11,217 - Caroline Channing? - This is us. 160 00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:14,679 - Ah. - What, five more minutes? 161 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,806 Monday at 4. Something came up. 162 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:20,643 - Oh. Okay, well, Monday at 4. - There's no Monday at 4. 163 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,729 He said Monday at 4. Monday at 4, right? 164 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,439 Absolutely, Monday at 4. 165 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,233 There is no Monday at 4. 166 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,611 I'm confused. Is there a Monday at 4? 167 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:32,219 In the books. Monday at 4. Paul can't wait. 168 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,699 There is no Monday at 4. 169 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,619 I don't understand. Are we coming in Monday at 4? 170 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,667 Absolutely. Paul's a big fan. 171 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,415 Don't come in on Monday. 172 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,210 Can you please tell me what's going on? 173 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:50,924 It's this news about your father being moved to a cushy white-collar prison. 174 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,532 Paul can't have anything to do with someone named Channing... 175 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,471 Because everyone in New York is pissed. 176 00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,765 Look at all that. It never stops. 177 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,767 How much more of this do I have to take? 178 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,615 We'll see you on Monday. 179 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:03,978 Don't come. 180 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:07,440 I woke my ass up for this? 181 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:14,405 Mm. This was delicious, Max. 182 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,450 Here's a 20. Keep the change. 183 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,286 What are you doing, Sophie? You don't pay for cupcakes. 184 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,080 No, take it for your business. 185 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,125 Ever since your big party-planner meeting went bust... 186 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:30,004 I was worried that you two girls might form a joint suicide pact. 187 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,592 No, we're not that organized. 188 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:39,305 - So how is Caroline today? - She's handling it better than I thought. 189 00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:41,914 She's with her father's lawyer to figure out the best time... 190 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,620 For her to go out to the prison to see him before he's moved. 191 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,981 Oh. That is my new phone. 192 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,317 - Uh... - You know there's a phone... 193 00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,987 Stuck to that gay furby, right? 194 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:59,701 Yes. This is from my favorite store on 14th street, rhinestoned. 195 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:03,246 It's just a text from my driver. He is waiting out front. 196 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,456 Why don't you just invite Oleg inside? 197 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,418 I am not sure yet he deserves to come inside. 198 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,713 Well, from what I heard, he's already come inside. 199 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,843 Max, I love it when you're dirty. 200 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,388 - Max: Hey. How'd it go? - According to my father's lawyer... 201 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,807 The prison is surrounded by so much press... 202 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,852 Daddy doesn't want me to come out and be exploited again. 203 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,521 Why is he still the only news story out there? 204 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:34,027 Well, the good news is your hair is especially shiny today. 205 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,154 It is? Thanks, Sophie. 206 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,907 So try not to kill yourself. 207 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:43,369 Well, if I didn't kill myself reading these in the car, I won't. 208 00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:46,206 Hate mail. It was being held at my old po. Box. 209 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,042 My father's lawyer picked it up for me. 210 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,836 Why didn't he punch you in the face and call it a day? 211 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:55,715 It's like the end of miracle on 34th street, only everyone's calling me a bitch. 212 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:58,927 Aw. Come on, not everyone is calling you a bitch. 213 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:03,556 "Dear bitch, I hate you." 214 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,935 "If I ever see you on the street, I will... 215 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:11,689 Shake your hand and wish you well as you have been through so very much." 216 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,150 - That is not what that says. - It might be. 217 00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:17,737 It's hard to read his actual words as they are written in blood. 218 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,532 Oh. Look how fancy. This is not hate mail. 219 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:26,955 No, this is invitation to metropolitan museum annual gala. 220 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:31,042 It is? This is my favorite social event in all of New York. 221 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,879 I've gone every year since I was 18. It's a fashion ball at the museum of... 222 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,090 I know what it is. I catered it last year. 223 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:40,468 Max, how weird. We were probably right in the very same room. 224 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,346 Then there's a good chance I spit in your drink. 225 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:46,391 Not really, unless you were acting all prissy and demanding. 226 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,894 - Good chance you spit in my drink. - Good chance I spit in your drink. 227 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,522 See? This is happy news. 228 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:56,276 No. As much as I want to, I can't go. Everybody hates me. 229 00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,903 And much worse, I have nothing to wear. 230 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:02,407 And if you're gonna be hated, you better look damn good. 231 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,827 I give up. That invitation finally broke me. 232 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,787 Why are you pulling down your bed? 233 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:11,624 Because I don't have a door to slam. Hell, I don't even have a door. 234 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,960 Everything's been taken away, Max. 235 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:18,506 My fortune, my business career, my social life, my sweet, sweet horse. 236 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:22,135 Okay, take a nap. You're upset. You have a good reason to be. 237 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:23,803 A good reason? 238 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:27,807 I say she has 2-, 300 good reasons. 239 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:31,811 I mean, read these. These are like letters to the devil. 240 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,647 I'm just gonna get in there and never get out. 241 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,401 Close it up, Max. Put me in the wall. 242 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:42,322 No. It's really hard to close it when you're in there. I've tried. 243 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:45,825 Look, I know it's not even remotely close to what you had before... 244 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:49,537 But we do have our cupcake business and our purple stove... 245 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:53,374 And we do have $922. And we're gonna make it. 246 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,337 Wall me. 247 00:13:57,545 --> 00:14:02,675 Come on, all you need is a big, glamorous party. 248 00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:06,262 I mean, look at all the celebrities that are on the list: 249 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:12,477 Martha Stewart, Justin Timberlake, ooh, Hugh Jackman. 250 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:17,398 Oh. I like to call him huge Jackman because I bet you he has a big penis. 251 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,152 Wall me. 252 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,035 Thank you, sir. 253 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,704 Welcome home, buddy. 254 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:35,124 As you can see, we haven't put the pool in yet. We'll get to it. 255 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:38,669 Tree, grill, shovel, usual cast of characters. 256 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,671 Now, I'm gonna take you in to her... 257 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,050 But I should warn you, she hasn't been out of bed for two days... 258 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:47,470 And that means no tooth brushing, and it's bad up in there. 259 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,640 I'm pretty sure horses have a keen sense of smell, so just be prepared. 260 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,268 I missed you too. 261 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:02,568 Max, I'm trying to sleep. Take your boots off. 262 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:05,113 Max: Caroline, I have something for you. 263 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,907 Go away, I'm dead. 264 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:12,120 Jeez, and you said my breath was bad? 265 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,331 You have a visitor. Someone you love. 266 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,209 Chestnut! 267 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,379 Chestnut. Hi, baby, hi. 268 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,298 - How did he get here? - I went to peach and told her... 269 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:27,510 It was a matter of life and death and we had to have him back. 270 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,512 And what? She gave him back to you? 271 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,974 Well, I did have to agree to come back and babysit one day a week... 272 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,726 For the rest of my life, but, hell, Chestnut's home. 273 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,521 Max, thank you so much. You brought me back to life. 274 00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:40,565 Oh, my god, don't exhale on me. 275 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:45,653 Your breath is like you went down on a Brussels sprout. Tip your head that way. 276 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:49,615 - Chestnut, Chestnut. - Don't breathe on him either. 277 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,952 His whole head is a nose. He can't handle that. 278 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,414 Chestnut's home. Oh. 279 00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:03,129 Han, I'm so excited. Did you hear my horse is back? 280 00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:07,300 Oh. This is not conversation. This is just the other thing you say. 281 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:11,220 "My cupcake business," "my horse," "my horse," "my cupcake business." 282 00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:14,682 Well, in case anyone's interested, my ferret's name is Alvin. 283 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,395 And Alvin's telling his friends he has a pet named han. 284 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,274 Hey, Earl. Long time no see. 285 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,443 Well, well, well, Johnny. 286 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,653 If it isn't the famous street artist. 287 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,155 Well, I'm hardly famous. 288 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:33,951 You got that right. My remark was laced with sarcasm. 289 00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:36,496 Can you tell Max I'm here? 290 00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,373 That depends. Are you still a two-timing bum? 291 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:43,252 That's his name. Don't wear it out. 292 00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:44,837 Hi, slugger. 293 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:46,964 Can you do me a favor and call Earl off? 294 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,383 I may be on day six of my p9ox... 295 00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:52,011 But I'm in no shape to take on a heavyweight like him. 296 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,014 It's okay, Earl, we're cool. 297 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,767 Well, I am. He's just riding my fumes. 298 00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,852 So, uh, where's your section? 299 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:03,648 - Counter. - Hmm. Same old, same old. 300 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,154 Johnny's in the diner. Why is he here? 301 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:14,158 It cantbe to eat. He's made it." He eats' 'rnade it food" now. 302 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,202 Well, obviously, he's here to see you. 303 00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:19,288 Or he won the award for biggest lying jerk in New York... 304 00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,624 And this is the first stop on his press tour. 305 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,293 I don't know why he's here, but you better come with me. 306 00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:25,545 He looks really good... 307 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:29,507 So I'm not listening to a thing coming out of his pretty mouth. 308 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,510 Well, I was gonna ask what the specials were. 309 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:35,555 Can I actuallyjust get, uh, one of Max's homemade cupcakes? 310 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,307 - Okay. Which flavor? - Surprise me. 311 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:41,269 Kind of like how you surprised her with your girlfriend? 312 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,855 Okay, I'm starting to get a vibe here. That's why I came in. 313 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,984 Because I feel bad the way things went down between us... 314 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:51,404 And I came to say goodbye because I'm moving. 315 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,532 - Oh, moving? To where? - Manhattan. 316 00:17:54,740 --> 00:18:00,079 Manhattan? That hardly calls for a goodbye speech. It's over there. 317 00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,039 I know, but it's a big change for me. 318 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,834 We're not gonna be rolling in the same circles anymore. 319 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:07,253 And I'm getting married. 320 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,338 Over there. 321 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,882 At least you and your girlfriend worked it out. 322 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,303 Actually, we broke up. This is someone I met a couple months ago. 323 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:21,809 I was only watching his lips, but did they just say what I think they said? 324 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,023 Well, there's your cupcake. That'll be $5. 325 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,526 The price has gone up. Yeah, we're successful now. 326 00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:33,529 In fact, we may be working with, uh, Martha Stewart. 327 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:36,073 Caroline knows her from, you know, before. Heh. 328 00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:40,536 Uh, we're gonna talk it over with her at the met gala ball Caroline got invited to. 329 00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:44,248 Martha's on the committee, Caroline goes every year. Not a big deal. 330 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:47,877 My first time. Not a big deal either. In fact, none of it's a big deal. 331 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,879 Just two girls who are making it... 332 00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:53,090 But who choose to stay in Brooklyn because we're cool. 333 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,010 That's awesome, Max. That's awesome. 334 00:18:56,218 --> 00:19:00,389 It's just funny because whenever I think of you, I think of you in this diner. 335 00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:02,266 In that uniform. 336 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,976 In a good way. 337 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,023 You want money now? 338 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,608 Yeah. It's business. 339 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,486 It's not like we had a relationship or anything. 340 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:17,531 In fact, you can pay Caroline. She's the money, I'm the artist. 341 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:22,161 You know, I'm doing pretty well as an artist myself. 342 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,413 I've been selling a lot of my stuff. 343 00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:26,415 Really? We hadn't heard. 344 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:27,833 And there's your cupcake. 345 00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,836 In case you didn't notice, that container's to go. 346 00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,880 Got it. 347 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:37,635 He's gone, I got rid of him. Max? 348 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:42,014 - What are you doing? - Punching cheesecakes. 349 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,767 It's my version of going to bed for two days. 350 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:48,312 Are you more upset about the marriage thing or the uniform thing? 351 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,648 This isn't about Johnny. I'm mad at the cakes. 352 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:55,277 They were supposed to have cherries on top. And I wanted cherries! 353 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,029 Why not me? 354 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,283 Okay, maybe it's half no cherries, half Johnny. 355 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:06,122 Nothing ever does work out for us. I hear myself saying that stuff... 356 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,666 About us talking to Martha Stewart at the gala. 357 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,668 I mean, what was that? That's insane. 358 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:14,547 Is it? Wait, seriously. Is it? 359 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,966 Or is it just insane enough to be genius? 360 00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,510 Max, we have the invitation, she'll be there. 361 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:23,139 Why are we wasting time with Paul platt when we can meet the real thing? 362 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,975 We can take Martha our best cupcake, explain our situation... 363 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,643 And maybe she'll talk to us. 364 00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,979 I mean, she was a girl with a dream once too. 365 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:32,523 And she certainly understands hard times. 366 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,652 You are talking about us stalking Martha Stewart. 367 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:40,114 I am talking about us stalking Martha Stewart! 368 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,284 I even have my gorgeous Judith leiber jeweled-cupcake purse... 369 00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,453 To smuggle the cupcake in. It's perfect. 370 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,901 I knew there was a reason I took that from the townhouse. 371 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,791 Great. You have a cupcake and a cupcake purse. 372 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,210 What else are we gonna wear to the ball, cinderella? 373 00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,297 Are the rats in the alley gonna whip us up some ball gowns? 374 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,175 I mean, it's not exactly like we have a fairy godmother. 375 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,343 Look, girls. 376 00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:06,056 I got myself a crown and a wand at rhinestoned. 377 00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:10,728 I'll have the soup in my booth. 378 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:18,652 Well, this is as close to a fairy tale as you and I are ever gonna get... 379 00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:19,904 So, what the hell? 380 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,782 Does that mean we're gonna find a way to go to the ball? 381 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:27,828 Oh, yeah. Get your cupcake on because we're gonna get balled. 382 00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:37,922 Sophie, this is so generous of you to offer to buy us dresses for the gala. 383 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,800 As much as my shoes love being in their place of birth... 384 00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:43,427 Your shoes were born here? Mine were born in China... 385 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,846 But I adopted them at payless. 386 00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:49,183 We should find something cheaper at those consignment stores. 387 00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:54,063 Consignment stores? Come on, what are we, gypsies? 388 00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:57,858 No, this is big fancy ball. We need ball gowns. 389 00:21:58,067 --> 00:21:59,860 I've never really been a fan of balls. 390 00:22:00,069 --> 00:22:02,947 In fact, always thought they got in the way. But here we are. 391 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:06,116 We have to look amazing if we're approaching Martha Stewart... 392 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,494 With a cupcake, so we'll pay you back. 393 00:22:08,702 --> 00:22:11,413 And start by doing some cleaning jobs for you for free. 394 00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:15,167 No. Every year, I give money to charity... 395 00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:20,256 And I like you two girls way more than the babies with the broken smiles. 396 00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:21,841 So don't worry. 397 00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,634 I got plenty of cash. 398 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:26,178 Aw. A roll of hundreds. 399 00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:29,431 Reminds me of my Christmas stocking stuffers. 400 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,892 Mm-hm. Yeah, this is fun day. 401 00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:36,021 I'm like Richard Gere and you're my two hookers. Ha, ha. 402 00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:39,859 Well, when you put it like that, I'm a little more comfortable. 403 00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:42,403 Good afternoon. How can I help you? 404 00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:46,699 Hi, how are you? We don't have a lot of time. We have to be at work by 6. 405 00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,326 Can you show us your best formal spring couture? 406 00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:53,998 Perhaps you ladies might be more comfortable down in ready-to-wear. 407 00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:57,084 As I said, we're in a bit of a rush. We might move quicker... 408 00:22:57,293 --> 00:23:00,713 If you dropped the attitude and picked up some dresses. 409 00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:02,965 Show her your wad. 410 00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:06,093 Let's look at some dresses. 411 00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:10,472 Yeah, and get us some champagne, like in the movies. 412 00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:53,617 One, two... 413 00:24:55,953 --> 00:24:58,622 Han, did you just go up on your tiptoes like a big boy? 414 00:24:58,831 --> 00:25:01,041 Well, I wasn't expecting a photo opportunity... 415 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:03,627 And I left my Tom Cruise man-heels at home. 416 00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:04,878 Max, give him a break. 417 00:25:05,087 --> 00:25:07,423 This was a man who was too short to be a jockey. 418 00:25:07,631 --> 00:25:09,758 Give me your camera. I must approve picture. 419 00:25:09,967 --> 00:25:14,555 - We've already taken it three times already. - Han, if you want a nip slip, just ask. 420 00:25:14,763 --> 00:25:17,016 My dress is too pretty for this conversation. 421 00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:19,476 I'm gonna get the cupcake from the refrigerator. 422 00:25:19,685 --> 00:25:22,938 And I'm going to warm up my new town car for the ladies. 423 00:25:23,147 --> 00:25:25,649 New? Ha, ha. 424 00:25:25,858 --> 00:25:28,652 What is this, 2002? 425 00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:34,491 I hope so, then I will have chance to meet you for first time all over again. 426 00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:37,119 This is not professional driver talk. 427 00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:41,290 Hey, fancy ball buster, what's your deal? 428 00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,959 You told him to get a dream and a drive, and he did. 429 00:25:44,168 --> 00:25:48,630 Max, I have two sore spots: Trusting men, and here... 430 00:25:48,839 --> 00:25:52,134 Where that crazy Jamaican wove my extensions too tight. 431 00:25:52,342 --> 00:25:56,305 I'm thinking I should wait to put the cupcake in the purse till we get out of the car. 432 00:25:56,513 --> 00:25:59,808 We want our beer-batter, maple-bacon cupcake to represent our business. 433 00:26:00,017 --> 00:26:03,896 We have a new record! She said "cupcake" four times in one speech. 434 00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:09,026 We should go. Upper East Side from Brooklyn is crazy. 435 00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:12,362 - We came in here to show Earl. - Maybe Earl decided not to come... 436 00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:13,989 Since he had the night off. 437 00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:18,452 Max, we really should be there at the start. That's prime Martha Stewart stalking time. 438 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:21,205 You're right. Martha will have to leave early to bake. 439 00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:24,875 A little something I knows about. The difference between Martha and I... 440 00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:28,045 Is she doesn't have to worry about waking up her roommate... 441 00:26:28,253 --> 00:26:31,924 Who lives 4 feet from the oven. But otherwise, twinsies. 442 00:26:35,052 --> 00:26:36,595 Earl: Hold up. Hold up. 443 00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:40,140 - Hold up. - Earl, slow down. Your heart. 444 00:26:40,349 --> 00:26:45,479 Sorry I'm late, ladies. But if! Run any faster, the cops tend to pull guns on me. 445 00:26:46,063 --> 00:26:49,608 Got held up at the florist shop, but I made it. Here you go, ladies. 446 00:26:49,817 --> 00:26:52,569 Oh, Earl, you got us flowers? 447 00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:55,155 Wrist corsages. I hope they're still in style. 448 00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:58,742 They're a classic, Earl. Like you. 449 00:27:00,702 --> 00:27:04,331 Mm. That was worth the run. 450 00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:08,544 Let's go, ladies. Oleg is waiting to drive you. 451 00:27:08,752 --> 00:27:13,757 - And you drive me crazy. - Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the marines. 452 00:27:14,258 --> 00:27:18,095 Here, Earl, take my phone. I can't fit it in the purse with my cupcake. 453 00:27:18,303 --> 00:27:22,766 Have the best time in the world. And say hello to huge Jackman for me. 454 00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:29,356 Sophie: Oh. 455 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,111 That is not a good sign. 456 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:39,616 That car is smoking harder than Bob Marley on a rasta holiday. 457 00:27:44,079 --> 00:27:47,374 Sophie, if my cousin Yuri said he would be here in half-hour... 458 00:27:47,583 --> 00:27:49,960 With parts to fix, he will be here in half-hour. 459 00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:53,714 - Actually, it's been 40 minutes. - Your cousin is like you. 460 00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:55,591 He takes too long to come. 461 00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:59,636 Oh, this is news. Suddenly a woman wants a man to finish fast? 462 00:27:59,845 --> 00:28:01,346 Oh, please. 463 00:28:01,555 --> 00:28:03,348 Sex is not a carnival cruise. 464 00:28:03,557 --> 00:28:06,977 I'm a busy woman. You get on, you get off. 465 00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:10,480 - Can I get a hit off that? - We'll just have to wait, I guess. 466 00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:13,317 I mean, if I still lived in Manhattan, I'd hail a cab... 467 00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,319 But that's not gonna happen here. 468 00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:20,032 Plus, even if we could afford a cab, we'd be stuck forever in rush-hour gridlock. 469 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:24,661 Take it down a notch. Hipsters are starting to look at us like we're trying too hard. 470 00:28:25,204 --> 00:28:27,831 Where did han go? He said he might have a plan. 471 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,833 Oh, my lord and Taylor. 472 00:28:42,262 --> 00:28:45,349 That little mother can ride. 473 00:28:51,855 --> 00:28:55,359 You two look like two princesses in a fairy tale. 474 00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:56,777 Are you feeling safe? 475 00:28:56,985 --> 00:29:00,697 I couldn't feel any safer if we were riding a rubber into town. 476 00:29:00,906 --> 00:29:02,824 - Here we go. Bye, guys. - Sophie: Bye. 477 00:29:03,033 --> 00:29:04,618 - Earl: Bye. - Go, Chestnut. 478 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,297 Hey, check it out. Do you see what I see? 479 00:29:17,506 --> 00:29:21,426 Hello, officers. We're on our way to the ball down the street. We were wondering... 480 00:29:21,635 --> 00:29:23,887 If we could leave our horse with your horses. 481 00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,431 I can save you the time on the breathalyzer tests. 482 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:30,018 No, we are not drunk or on some bachelorette-party scavenger hunt. 483 00:29:30,227 --> 00:29:33,563 Our car broke down, so we rode over the Brooklyn bridge and up. 484 00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:36,108 You rode a horse across the Brooklyn bridge? 485 00:29:36,316 --> 00:29:37,901 That's bad-ass. 486 00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:40,570 Yes, and illegal. 487 00:29:41,071 --> 00:29:45,242 - In that case, we took the tunnel. - Well, I think we can help you two ladies. 488 00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:47,452 Not gonna happen, Dave. We're on duty. 489 00:29:47,661 --> 00:29:49,454 Officers, we're already a little late. 490 00:29:49,663 --> 00:29:53,083 And with all due respect, we don't have time to play good cop, bad cop. 491 00:29:53,292 --> 00:29:55,460 Or in your cases hot cop, hot cop. 492 00:29:56,295 --> 00:30:00,549 Well, I think we can help you ladies. Let's get you down off of there. 493 00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:03,176 I got the one in the low-cut. 494 00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:06,179 Thanks, officer hot and officer hotter. 495 00:30:07,347 --> 00:30:08,974 You know I'm officer hotter, right? 496 00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:13,270 Oh, come on, man, have you seen me in my sunglasses? No contest. 497 00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:21,570 Max, I'm impressed with how well you're maneuvering around in that long skirt. 498 00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:24,614 Yeah. I was a serving wench at a medieval times restaurant. 499 00:30:24,823 --> 00:30:29,244 It's a breeze when I'm not carrying a tray loaded with Turkey legs and ale. 500 00:30:29,453 --> 00:30:31,246 There's the will-call table. 501 00:30:31,455 --> 00:30:35,667 Walk in front and I'll hide behind you, as I'm the most hated woman in New York. 502 00:30:35,876 --> 00:30:37,377 So basically I'm a human shield? 503 00:30:37,586 --> 00:30:40,714 Well, you have more up here to stop anything. 504 00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:43,842 - Max. - What? Did someone pull a gun? 505 00:30:44,051 --> 00:30:45,427 I knew that was gonna happen. 506 00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:47,846 No, I screamed because I saw the couple... 507 00:30:48,055 --> 00:30:50,432 Whose sworn statement put my father in prison. 508 00:30:51,266 --> 00:30:54,311 - Max. - Acid in your pretty face? 509 00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:57,773 Sorry. I stayed up reading what people wanna do to you in your mail. 510 00:30:57,981 --> 00:30:59,066 What was it? 511 00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:02,277 I went down so fast I may have smeared my cupcake. 512 00:31:02,486 --> 00:31:05,489 That's the filthiest-sounding clean thing I've ever heard. 513 00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:06,865 It's fine. Good. 514 00:31:07,074 --> 00:31:11,036 Let's go get those cheap, plastic, security bracelets that ruin our expensive gowns. 515 00:31:12,954 --> 00:31:14,915 - Can I get your name? - Caroline... 516 00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,166 Channing. 517 00:31:16,375 --> 00:31:18,710 - I'm sorry, what? - Caroline... 518 00:31:18,919 --> 00:31:20,003 Channing. 519 00:31:20,212 --> 00:31:23,382 - What's with you? Just say your name. - Channing. 520 00:31:23,590 --> 00:31:26,301 Did you say Channing? Caroline Channing? 521 00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:29,429 Wait, are you that Caroline Channing? 522 00:31:29,638 --> 00:31:33,517 Shh. Yes, and I personally called the rsvp number. It has to be there. 523 00:31:33,725 --> 00:31:38,313 Channing, Channing, Channing. No, I don't see Caroline Channing. 524 00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:41,983 Shh. Maybe it's under my name. Max black. I'm with her. 525 00:31:42,192 --> 00:31:45,737 Black. No, no, no. I don't see any blacks here. 526 00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:48,740 You mean besides the ones working security? 527 00:31:48,949 --> 00:31:51,576 Let me check with Paul platt, the party planner. 528 00:31:51,785 --> 00:31:53,537 He's on the phone with him right now. 529 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:55,288 Hey, Brody? 530 00:31:55,497 --> 00:31:56,957 Max & Caroline: Oh, no. 531 00:31:57,165 --> 00:32:00,502 There's a problem with the list. She's not on it. 532 00:32:00,710 --> 00:32:03,296 - Her. Caroline Channing. - Shh. 533 00:32:03,505 --> 00:32:06,299 Paul? I've got Caroline Channing and she's not on the list. 534 00:32:06,508 --> 00:32:09,344 If everybody in this line could just wait... 535 00:32:09,553 --> 00:32:13,682 Until we get the Caroline Channing situation under control. 536 00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:15,767 If you say "Channing" one more time... 537 00:32:15,976 --> 00:32:18,270 I'm going to actually pull your voice box out. 538 00:32:18,478 --> 00:32:20,939 And it is so much more violent than it sounds. 539 00:32:21,148 --> 00:32:23,191 Yes, Paul. I'll tell them. There's been a mix-up. 540 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,080 Five more minutes. We'll get you right in. 541 00:32:25,277 --> 00:32:27,237 You're not getting in. 542 00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:31,450 Well, that's it. We tried. 543 00:32:31,658 --> 00:32:33,618 - We gave it our best shot. - Oh, no. 544 00:32:33,827 --> 00:32:37,706 This is the closest I have ever gotten to anything in my life almost working out. 545 00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:40,041 - We're not giving up. - How are we getting in? 546 00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:41,501 Security's everywhere. 547 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:44,129 Yeah. Out here. But not at the servers' entrance. 548 00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:47,841 I catered this last year. That's right. We're going back door. 549 00:32:52,846 --> 00:32:54,681 That lady just punched me. 550 00:32:54,890 --> 00:32:56,725 I knew that was gonna happen. 551 00:33:04,816 --> 00:33:09,738 So you can just walk in here? Anyone can just walk right in? 552 00:33:09,946 --> 00:33:14,910 It helps that last year I made out with the tent-flap guard, rico, but, yeah, anyone. 553 00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:19,164 When I think of all the times I left my purse on a table here unattended, I shudder. 554 00:33:19,372 --> 00:33:21,082 Shudden 555 00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:24,544 okay. So we can't get in the actual building without being caterers. 556 00:33:24,753 --> 00:33:26,838 So we have to change into those uniforms. 557 00:33:27,047 --> 00:33:30,467 Wait. You never mentioned anything about a rent-a-clothes situation. 558 00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:33,136 Small price to pay for us making it. 559 00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:36,932 Is it? Is it a small price to pay? 560 00:33:40,268 --> 00:33:42,229 Hurry. We have a superstar to stalk. 561 00:33:42,437 --> 00:33:46,483 I thought I would hate it, but I'm kind of into it. I'm very Janelle monae. 562 00:33:46,691 --> 00:33:50,862 - No, you're Janelle i-have-no-monae. - What are we gonna do with our dresses? 563 00:33:51,071 --> 00:33:53,949 We can't leave them. I need them. I have to look amazing... 564 00:33:54,157 --> 00:33:56,618 - When I meet Martha Stewart. - What does it matter? 565 00:33:56,826 --> 00:34:00,080 We're still gonna be the two crazy girls chasing her with a cupcake. 566 00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:01,998 That's why it matters. 567 00:34:02,207 --> 00:34:05,460 Oh, ooh, I know. Here. Help me get the shelves out of this. 568 00:34:05,669 --> 00:34:07,963 We can hang our dresses in here and push them in. 569 00:34:08,171 --> 00:34:11,299 Brilliant. Like the Louis Vuitton travel wardrobe I used to have. 570 00:34:11,508 --> 00:34:14,844 Or the service elevator I was born in. 571 00:34:16,805 --> 00:34:19,599 - Max: Coming through. Hot food. - Look out. Very hot. 572 00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:22,227 - Man, it's hot. - You're a waiter, not a weatherman. 573 00:34:22,435 --> 00:34:25,146 Hey, pretty girls. I like the way you push that big box. 574 00:34:25,355 --> 00:34:28,692 Why don't you come over here and I'll have sex with you? 575 00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:33,280 A display like that really makes you appreciate Oleg's nuanced wit. 576 00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:39,828 Okay. Let's go right to the ladies' room so we can change. 577 00:34:40,036 --> 00:34:42,706 Is it that way or that way? 578 00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:45,333 - What? - Shh. Johnny. 579 00:34:46,001 --> 00:34:49,170 How'd he get invited? This used to be an exclusive event. 580 00:34:49,379 --> 00:34:52,007 He's "made it." He goes where' 'rnade it" people go. 581 00:34:52,215 --> 00:34:54,551 Why are we hiding from that lowlife? 582 00:34:54,759 --> 00:34:58,722 If he sees me in another waiter uniform, I'm the sad girl always in the uniform. 583 00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:01,891 If he sees me in that dress at the ball, he can suck it. 584 00:35:02,100 --> 00:35:04,603 Ladies' room. That way. 585 00:35:10,525 --> 00:35:13,778 The ladies' room is right down here. Push harder. 586 00:35:14,863 --> 00:35:17,490 Harder! Do you want Martha to see you dressed like that? 587 00:35:17,699 --> 00:35:21,202 - Move. Coming through. - Excuse us. Food emergency. 588 00:35:21,411 --> 00:35:24,251 - Caroline: Fingers, fingers, fingers. - Coming through, coming through. 589 00:35:24,456 --> 00:35:26,666 - Excuse us. - Look alive, red, I almost hit you. 590 00:35:26,875 --> 00:35:29,836 Hold up. Now, just hold up. What is going on right now? 591 00:35:30,045 --> 00:35:31,630 You can't bring food in here. 592 00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:34,841 Oh, it's not food. That would be weird. It's dresses. 593 00:35:35,050 --> 00:35:37,719 We have to change. She has this guy she wants to impress. 594 00:35:37,927 --> 00:35:40,639 And I have to change into it because I'm stalking Martha Stewart. 595 00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:43,683 Oh. I'd be a terrible spy. 596 00:35:43,892 --> 00:35:46,372 Usually I don't get the long stories till the end of the night. 597 00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:50,440 And by then, the girls are crying and begging me for wisdom and tic tacs. 598 00:35:50,649 --> 00:35:53,234 I'll go first. I have to get two of these in one dress. 599 00:35:53,443 --> 00:35:55,278 Miss, do you have a shoehorn? 600 00:36:01,910 --> 00:36:05,497 Caroline: Come on, Chanel shoes. 601 00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:07,332 Come on, Chanel knockoffs. 602 00:36:08,625 --> 00:36:11,878 - Why are you not dressed yet? - Because ladies take forever. 603 00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:14,255 It's all the spanx. 604 00:36:14,464 --> 00:36:15,674 Well, go, use my stall. 605 00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:19,260 I'm gonna stick my head out and see if I can scope out Johnny. 606 00:36:20,136 --> 00:36:22,514 No, ma'am. No. Not fair, ma'am. 607 00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:24,516 Try the handicapper. This side. 608 00:36:24,724 --> 00:36:26,142 Caroline: Good idea. 609 00:36:26,726 --> 00:36:29,646 I cannot get a break tonight. 610 00:36:33,566 --> 00:36:36,569 - Psst. Yo, Max. - Johnny? 611 00:36:37,404 --> 00:36:40,031 - Who are you looking for? - The domino's guy. 612 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:43,660 I was hiding in there because five more minutes, the pizza's free. 613 00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:47,247 - I was hoping I'd run into you. - Yeah, no big deal. 614 00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:49,749 Pretty big deal. You look amazing. 615 00:36:49,958 --> 00:36:53,294 Amazing. I will go as far as amaze-balls. 616 00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:58,883 You look like a guy in a commercial who has a ring and a puppy hidden somewhere. 617 00:36:59,676 --> 00:37:02,220 Can you believe it? We're both at this schmancy thing. 618 00:37:02,429 --> 00:37:04,013 Look how far we've gotten. 619 00:37:04,973 --> 00:37:08,101 Actually, when you think about it, we didn't get very far at all. 620 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,772 Nope. You're right. We didn't. 621 00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:14,774 Yeah, why? 622 00:37:16,776 --> 00:37:18,278 Timing, I guess. 623 00:37:18,945 --> 00:37:20,655 Timing? 624 00:37:22,031 --> 00:37:23,450 Okay, whatever. 625 00:37:24,159 --> 00:37:26,411 You know, from now on, when I think of you... 626 00:37:26,619 --> 00:37:29,956 I'm gonna think of you in this and not the uniform. 627 00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:35,462 You know, from now on maybe you shouldn't think of me at all. 628 00:37:37,005 --> 00:37:38,715 Gotta go, Mr. Manhattan. 629 00:37:42,469 --> 00:37:43,595 That was awesome! 630 00:37:43,803 --> 00:37:46,264 - Caroline, where are you? - Caroline: I'm almost dressed. 631 00:37:46,473 --> 00:37:50,518 I just had the perfect in-your-face goodbye with Johnny. 632 00:37:50,727 --> 00:37:54,939 And speaking of in-your-face, he couldn't take his eyes off my boobs. 633 00:37:55,148 --> 00:37:58,818 Boobs that he can never have now that he's getting married. 634 00:38:02,322 --> 00:38:05,116 Tsk. Damn, girl, you look good. What you doing later? 635 00:38:05,325 --> 00:38:07,160 Can I get your number? 636 00:38:10,663 --> 00:38:11,873 Oh, no. 637 00:38:12,081 --> 00:38:14,959 The cupcake got a little smushed in my purse. 638 00:38:15,168 --> 00:38:17,045 We can't show this to Martha Stewart now. 639 00:38:17,253 --> 00:38:19,464 We can. You think she never had a cupcake smush on her? 640 00:38:19,672 --> 00:38:21,152 Caroline: Heh. I doubt that very much. 641 00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:24,677 Martha Stewart is perfect. Her feet don't even touch the ground. 642 00:38:24,886 --> 00:38:27,055 The woman probably doesn't even go to the bathroom. 643 00:38:30,517 --> 00:38:32,644 Martha Stewart's hardly perfect. 644 00:38:32,852 --> 00:38:35,772 - And how are you this evening? - Caroline: No, you're right. 645 00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:39,526 - Martha Stewart isn't perfect. - Oh, I never said that. 646 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,487 Caroline: In fact, I hear she's a real ball buster. 647 00:38:42,695 --> 00:38:45,865 - Oh, you did not hear that. - Caroline: Yep. A real ball buster. 648 00:38:46,074 --> 00:38:48,243 - You know? - No, I do not know. 649 00:38:48,868 --> 00:38:51,704 Would you mind handing me a towelette, please? 650 00:38:53,581 --> 00:38:55,041 Oh. One's fine. Thank you so much. 651 00:38:55,250 --> 00:38:57,669 Caroline: But the fact that Martha Stewart is so tough... 652 00:38:57,877 --> 00:39:00,004 Caroline, you need to get out here right now. 653 00:39:00,213 --> 00:39:04,551 - The fact that she is a real ball buster... - Oh, dear god, help me. 654 00:39:04,759 --> 00:39:06,679 Caroline: Is what I like and respect about her. 655 00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:08,346 I mean, the woman's a genius. 656 00:39:08,555 --> 00:39:09,973 Now it's getting interesting. 657 00:39:10,181 --> 00:39:12,350 Caroline: And besides, you can't really believe gossip. 658 00:39:12,559 --> 00:39:16,855 Look at all that hate mail I got with people calling me a bitch. And I'm not a bitch. 659 00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:19,274 Well, that's debatable. 660 00:39:19,941 --> 00:39:22,527 - Martha Stewart. Hi. - Hello. 661 00:39:22,735 --> 00:39:25,029 I'm Caroline. This is my business partner, Max. 662 00:39:25,238 --> 00:39:29,367 - We have a start-up cupcake business. - Are you serious? You're still going for it? 663 00:39:29,576 --> 00:39:32,537 I know this is inappropriate, but we brought a cupcake here... 664 00:39:32,745 --> 00:39:34,414 In hopes that you might taste it. 665 00:39:34,622 --> 00:39:37,709 So you want me to taste your cupcake in the ladies' room? 666 00:39:37,917 --> 00:39:40,211 What's inappropriate about that? 667 00:39:40,420 --> 00:39:42,714 We're a start-up business. We've gotta take risks. 668 00:39:42,922 --> 00:39:45,508 - This is Max. She's the baker. - You're the baker? 669 00:39:45,717 --> 00:39:46,759 I'm the baker. 670 00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:49,429 Hmm. It looks quite appealing. 671 00:39:49,637 --> 00:39:51,472 Oh, my god. 672 00:39:51,681 --> 00:39:55,602 I know this is a social event, so I'm so sorry for making it about business. 673 00:39:55,810 --> 00:40:00,565 When you're in business, you have to take every situation as a business opportunity. 674 00:40:00,773 --> 00:40:04,611 Look. I have five of these in here. 675 00:40:05,778 --> 00:40:07,363 I love your magazine. 676 00:40:07,572 --> 00:40:12,493 I read every single issue until they realized I didn't even go to that doctor. 677 00:40:12,994 --> 00:40:14,412 Well, in spite of the fact... 678 00:40:14,621 --> 00:40:16,789 That you have not yet washed yourhandsuu 679 00:40:16,998 --> 00:40:19,584 - oh. I was just changing my dress in there. - I'll taste it. 680 00:40:19,792 --> 00:40:22,921 - —You will? - I like your entrepreneurial drive. 681 00:40:23,129 --> 00:40:27,800 And, uh, I have a feeling that it's actually the only way I'm gonna get out of here alive. 682 00:40:28,718 --> 00:40:32,430 That is our beer-batter, maple-bacon spring break cupcake. 683 00:40:32,639 --> 00:40:34,432 - Hmm. Clever name. - Thank you. 684 00:40:34,641 --> 00:40:38,645 - It is a little smushed. That's unfortunate. - I told you. 685 00:40:42,899 --> 00:40:47,111 Mm. Quite tasty. I like it. 686 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,364 Do you girls have a card? 687 00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:52,617 Get it out, get it out, get it out. 688 00:40:54,410 --> 00:40:55,787 Ah. Thank you very much. 689 00:40:55,995 --> 00:40:59,040 "Max's homemade cupcakes." 690 00:40:59,248 --> 00:41:01,668 You know who would really like that cupcake? 691 00:41:02,210 --> 00:41:03,711 Stoners. 692 00:41:06,047 --> 00:41:08,549 She said "Max's homemade cupcakes." 693 00:41:08,758 --> 00:41:10,593 Both: Martha Stewart likes our cupcakes! 694 00:41:12,053 --> 00:41:15,515 Both: Martha Stewart likes our cupcakes!