1
00:00:01,354 --> 00:00:03,153
Max,
I can't wait to go home

2
00:00:03,154 --> 00:00:05,537
and ilegally download that documentary
about performance art.

3
00:00:05,554 --> 00:00:06,853
And I can't wait to go home and watch

4
00:00:06,854 --> 00:00:08,237
"Here comes Honey Boo Boo."

5
00:00:08,954 --> 00:00:10,237
But first you have to see this.

6
00:00:10,354 --> 00:00:12,037
Her name is Marina Abramovic.

7
00:00:12,038 --> 00:00:14,537
In the 90's she and her boyfriend
did this piece called "Confrontation"

8
00:00:14,538 --> 00:00:16,837
where they just slapped
each other's faces for days.

9
00:00:17,338 --> 00:00:18,003
Oh yeah?

10
00:00:18,004 --> 00:00:19,537
My mom and her boyfriend
did that too,

11
00:00:19,539 --> 00:00:22,390
but they called it,
"Who smoked the last cigarette."

12
00:00:22,392 --> 00:00:25,042
No, really, it was pure art.
She's a genius.

13
00:00:25,044 --> 00:00:28,212
How about you and I
do a little art right now?

14
00:00:35,013 --> 00:00:36,312
Ah.

15
00:00:39,685 --> 00:00:41,017
What are they doing?

16
00:00:41,019 --> 00:00:42,485
I think they
might be doing a scene

17
00:00:42,487 --> 00:00:44,554
from <i>Fifty Shades Of Grey.</i>

18
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,827
Ah, okay, stop.

19
00:00:50,829 --> 00:00:52,162
Okay.

20
00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:57,467
That's for suggesting
we make a lip-synch video

21
00:00:57,469 --> 00:00:59,936
to <i>Call Me Maybe.</i>

22
00:00:59,938 --> 00:01:02,472
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

23
00:01:03,942 --> 00:01:07,010
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh *

24
00:01:08,942 --> 00:01:13,010
<font color="#ff8c00">Sync & corrections by Alice</font>
<font color="#ff8c00">www.addic7ed.com</font>

25
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:21,074
Watch any video online with Open-SUBTITLES
Free Browser extension: osdb.link/ext

26
00:01:22,726 --> 00:01:24,893
What's up, my man?
You look pretty down.

27
00:01:24,895 --> 00:01:26,595
My mother in Korea
is working

28
00:01:26,597 --> 00:01:28,330
my last nerve,
you know, Earl?

29
00:01:28,832 --> 00:01:32,033
Well, uh, I didn't expect
a back and forth here.

30
00:01:34,570 --> 00:01:37,305
Uh, Max,
do you wanna move in?

31
00:01:37,307 --> 00:01:40,008
Han, you can't let your mommy
keep bullying you.

32
00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:43,044
Stand up to her.
You're a 53-year-old man.

33
00:01:46,983 --> 00:01:50,252
Max, I am 29.

34
00:01:50,254 --> 00:01:53,488
What?

35
00:01:53,490 --> 00:01:55,423
I am 29.

36
00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:58,393
What do you got, a case
of the Benjamin Buttons?

37
00:01:59,762 --> 00:02:02,497
Caroline,
Han says he's 29.

38
00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:05,000
What?

39
00:02:05,002 --> 00:02:06,368
Han, are you sure?

40
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:08,503
Yes, what makes you
think I'm older?

41
00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:10,438
- Well, everything...
your hair, your clothes,

42
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,075
the $5 check you gave me
for my birthday.

43
00:02:19,982 --> 00:02:23,618
Hi, can I help you?
Ooh, that sounded so sincere.

44
00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:26,955
Well, when you're in my section,
you'll meet the real me.

45
00:02:26,957 --> 00:02:29,457
I have one question.
Do you wanna live?

46
00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:32,193
Actually, today,
I could go either way.

47
00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:33,728
You see this?

48
00:02:33,730 --> 00:02:35,530
Go around the diner
and have everyone fill it

49
00:02:35,532 --> 00:02:36,798
with the contents
of their purse,

50
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,833
and if you do,
nobody gets hurt.

51
00:02:38,835 --> 00:02:40,302
Okay, okay, okay,
but, uh, I don't know

52
00:02:40,304 --> 00:02:41,736
how much
you're gonna collect here.

53
00:02:41,738 --> 00:02:43,905
I mean, most of these customers
pay with coins

54
00:02:43,907 --> 00:02:46,641
or fresh tomatoes
from their garden.

55
00:02:46,643 --> 00:02:48,143
Uh, Earl, listen up.

56
00:02:48,145 --> 00:02:49,878
We're being robbed
by that man in the suit,

57
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,147
and he wants everyone to empty
their stuff into this bag.

58
00:02:52,149 --> 00:02:54,182
Uh, Max,
I've been on both sides

59
00:02:54,184 --> 00:02:55,987
of this situation,

60
00:02:58,989 --> 00:03:03,158
and the best thing to do
is play along.

61
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,561
Okay, Caroline,
I'm gonna tell you something,

62
00:03:06,563 --> 00:03:07,996
and I don't want you
to react.

63
00:03:07,998 --> 00:03:09,998
I knew you
were gonna get pregnant.

64
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,834
Damn it!
All right, fine.

65
00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:14,602
- We'll get through this together.
- No!

66
00:03:14,604 --> 00:03:17,405
Look, we're being robbed,
and that guy in the suit

67
00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:19,007
might have a gun.

68
00:03:19,009 --> 00:03:22,010
No, no...just do what I say,
and stay calm.

69
00:03:22,012 --> 00:03:24,079
I need you to empty your purse
into the trash bag.

70
00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:27,349
I can't believe
this is happening

71
00:03:27,351 --> 00:03:29,684
just when I saved $2.

72
00:03:29,686 --> 00:03:32,587
Max, I can't die,
and I certainly can't die

73
00:03:32,589 --> 00:03:34,255
in this ugly uniform.

74
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:36,324
I mean,
it looks good on you.

75
00:03:39,895 --> 00:03:42,630
Are you having
a heart attack?

76
00:03:42,632 --> 00:03:44,699
I'm peeing.

77
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,802
What do you mean?

78
00:03:47,804 --> 00:03:52,073
I'm really freaked out,
and I'm peeing.

79
00:03:52,075 --> 00:03:53,241
I can't stop!

80
00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:55,243
Just stop, stop!
Clench it.

81
00:03:55,245 --> 00:03:57,045
Okay.

82
00:03:57,047 --> 00:04:00,148
No, can't.

83
00:04:00,150 --> 00:04:01,483
Step out
from behind the counter.

84
00:04:01,485 --> 00:04:02,951
Sorry, sir, I can't.

85
00:04:02,953 --> 00:04:06,755
- Why?
- Well, um, I'm peeing.

86
00:04:07,257 --> 00:04:08,890
Still?

87
00:04:08,892 --> 00:04:10,792
Out of the way, girls.
I'll take down this...

88
00:04:10,794 --> 00:04:13,762
whoa!

89
00:04:13,764 --> 00:04:15,597
Get away from him.

90
00:04:15,599 --> 00:04:17,065
Miss, you need to get out
from behind the counter now

91
00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:20,969
- before I...
- Uh, please take her, not me.

92
00:04:20,971 --> 00:04:23,004
- What's happening?
- Han, we're being robbed.

93
00:04:23,506 --> 00:04:24,639
So sorry.

94
00:04:24,641 --> 00:04:26,508
Please take everything

95
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:29,778
that is
in my manny-pack.

96
00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:33,181
Would it be possible
if I took my prayer beads out?

97
00:04:33,183 --> 00:04:37,085
They've been in my family
for hundreds and hundreds of...

98
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:40,155
I don't think so, homeboy.

99
00:04:45,261 --> 00:04:48,329
You're in my house now,
bitch.

100
00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:57,272
Here's what's left
in the bag.

101
00:04:57,274 --> 00:05:00,275
Nope, sorry.
I don't see your dignity.

102
00:05:00,277 --> 00:05:02,043
Max, don't.

103
00:05:02,045 --> 00:05:04,179
Isn't it enough that
I'm wearing dishwasher whites

104
00:05:04,181 --> 00:05:06,748
that have been around
since the invention of B.O.?

105
00:05:09,552 --> 00:05:13,621
Oh, look at that, something
ate right through the swiffer,

106
00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:16,558
and I don't think
it was the bleach.

107
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,961
How will you ever live
with the shame?

108
00:05:19,963 --> 00:05:22,464
Can you believe
that is the man who saved us?

109
00:05:22,466 --> 00:05:24,666
Yeah, I did not see
a gun coming.

110
00:05:24,668 --> 00:05:27,535
I saw nunchucks, ninja smoke,
maybe some hairpulling,

111
00:05:27,537 --> 00:05:28,970
but not a gun.

112
00:05:28,972 --> 00:05:31,573
Well, good night,
ladies.

113
00:05:31,575 --> 00:05:34,309
I thought we all acted
very brave tonight.

114
00:05:34,311 --> 00:05:37,312
Well, some of us.

115
00:05:37,314 --> 00:05:40,348
Oh, yeah, I had a trauma,
and I urinated.

116
00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:43,585
Ha, ha!
That's hilarious.

117
00:05:43,587 --> 00:05:45,086
Yeah, you might need
some counseling.

118
00:05:45,088 --> 00:05:46,721
I could drop you off
at a therapist

119
00:05:46,723 --> 00:05:50,225
on the way to my "I was a human
shield" support group.

120
00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:52,393
Am I ever
gonna live this down?

121
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:55,063
It happened,
like, ten minutes ago.

122
00:05:55,065 --> 00:05:58,233
Okay, let's move on.

123
00:05:58,235 --> 00:06:01,436
Oh, look, someone left
a coupon for free movie popcorn.

124
00:06:01,438 --> 00:06:04,839
Oh, I'd love to escape
to a movie after my...

125
00:06:04,841 --> 00:06:08,076
well, I'd just love
to escape.

126
00:06:08,078 --> 00:06:10,578
How much are movies now,
like 200 bucks?

127
00:06:10,580 --> 00:06:13,848
Unless you go with me,
in which case, it is free.

128
00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:15,350
I'll take you tomorrow.

129
00:06:15,352 --> 00:06:17,352
I've been sneaking into theaters
since I was two.

130
00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:18,520
I crawled
into <i>The Little Mermaid</i>

131
00:06:18,522 --> 00:06:19,854
with a sack
full of Cheerios

132
00:06:19,856 --> 00:06:22,023
and a baby bottle
full of Diet Coke.

133
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,762
You know, Chestnut,
the only thing

134
00:06:27,764 --> 00:06:30,131
that got me
through that robbery was you.

135
00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:32,467
I kept thinking,
"who will take care of you?"

136
00:06:32,469 --> 00:06:35,570
Because you can't count
on blondie selfish-pants

137
00:06:35,572 --> 00:06:38,306
who used me as a human shield
and then peed herself.

138
00:06:38,808 --> 00:06:40,975
Do not tell Chestnut
I peed myself.

139
00:06:40,977 --> 00:06:44,646
He's the only one from my circle
who still talks to me.

140
00:06:44,648 --> 00:06:48,416
As I was saying, Chestnut,
I would have taken a bullet

141
00:06:48,418 --> 00:06:50,084
for her,
but she put herself first,

142
00:06:50,086 --> 00:06:51,920
and that's okay.
It's fine.

143
00:06:51,922 --> 00:06:54,422
Max, I'm surprised
you're even affected by this.

144
00:06:54,424 --> 00:06:57,792
I mean, weren't you shot
as a baby?

145
00:06:57,794 --> 00:06:59,394
I feel
like you told me that.

146
00:06:59,396 --> 00:07:03,131
No, I told you I drank shots
as a baby.

147
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:06,167
My mother hated
to drink alone.

148
00:07:06,169 --> 00:07:07,669
Okay, what free movie
should we see?

149
00:07:07,671 --> 00:07:09,904
Maybe something
with a Fanning in it?

150
00:07:09,906 --> 00:07:12,340
- I'll see anything
unless it's in 3-D.

151
00:07:12,342 --> 00:07:14,275
I mean, if something's
gonna be flying at my face,

152
00:07:14,277 --> 00:07:16,844
I'd better get a free prime rib
out of it.

153
00:07:16,846 --> 00:07:19,480
So what do we do, Max?
What do we do?

154
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,316
Hide in the back alley
till the coast is clear,

155
00:07:21,318 --> 00:07:24,152
and when the door opens,
make a break for it?

156
00:07:24,154 --> 00:07:27,188
No, 'cause it's
not the 1940s.

157
00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:28,957
We just go right up
in the usher's face,

158
00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:31,593
make an excuse, and then
boldly walk with purpose.

159
00:07:31,595 --> 00:07:33,328
Okay, well,
just show me how.

160
00:07:33,330 --> 00:07:35,430
You can direct me.
I've done a lot of plays.

161
00:07:35,432 --> 00:07:37,498
I could do
my "Eliza Doolittle"

162
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:40,435
before she was civilized"
walk.

163
00:07:40,437 --> 00:07:43,504
Hello, governor.

164
00:07:45,441 --> 00:07:48,476
Wow, that was just ugly.
I wish I hadn't seen it.

165
00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:52,447
All right,
just watch me.

166
00:07:52,449 --> 00:07:56,818
Walk, walk, walk, hair flip,
walk, walk.

167
00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:59,721
Walk, walk, walk, hair flip,
walk, walk.

168
00:08:01,724 --> 00:08:04,392
Good, but easy
on the hair flip, Willow Smith.

169
00:08:08,665 --> 00:08:11,132
Oh, hi, girls.

170
00:08:11,134 --> 00:08:13,334
Oh, I heard
what happened.

171
00:08:13,336 --> 00:08:16,170
Max, you got pushed in front
of a gun.

172
00:08:16,172 --> 00:08:19,240
You must be
very pissed.

173
00:08:20,476 --> 00:08:23,911
Caroline,
oh, what a nice outfit.

174
00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:28,082
On a scale of one to ten,
you're an eight.

175
00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,651
Get it?
Urinate.

176
00:08:35,091 --> 00:08:36,991
How do you even know
what happened?

177
00:08:36,993 --> 00:08:39,494
Oh, well, Oleg told me
when we were upstairs

178
00:08:39,496 --> 00:08:43,231
playing "hide the penis,"

179
00:08:43,233 --> 00:08:45,500
and we laughed so hard,
we almost peed ourselves,

180
00:08:45,502 --> 00:08:48,569
but we didn't
because we're not you.

181
00:08:50,439 --> 00:08:52,607
Actually, we're going
to a movie.

182
00:08:52,609 --> 00:08:54,909
Oh, well,
that's nice.

183
00:08:54,911 --> 00:08:58,112
I hope you're gonna wear
your big girl pants.

184
00:08:58,614 --> 00:09:00,948
- Max.
- What? It's silly and funny.

185
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:04,752
She's like
a Polish fart cushion.

186
00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:06,120
Look, if it makes you
feel any better,

187
00:09:06,122 --> 00:09:07,922
there can't be
any pee jokes left.

188
00:09:07,924 --> 00:09:09,524
What are you seeing,

189
00:09:09,526 --> 00:09:12,360
something rated
"pee pee 13"?

190
00:09:15,198 --> 00:09:17,665
Fart cushions
are funny.

191
00:09:26,196 --> 00:09:27,830
- There's the guy.
- I'm getting a little nervous.

192
00:09:27,832 --> 00:09:29,565
I'm starting to sweat
like those people

193
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:32,068
on <i>Locked Up Abroad.</i>
I don't know why.

194
00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,936
I haven't swallowed
a heroin balloon.

195
00:09:33,938 --> 00:09:35,505
Okay, let's go.

196
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:39,108
Pretend we're out of breath.

197
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:42,078
Out of breath,
not out of your mind.

198
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,913
Hey, sorry.

199
00:09:43,915 --> 00:09:45,548
Can we just run back
into the theater for a second?

200
00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:47,383
I left my iPhone in there,
and the prescription

201
00:09:47,385 --> 00:09:49,252
for her anti-seizure
medication's on it.

202
00:09:49,254 --> 00:09:50,853
Yeah, which theater
were you in?

203
00:09:50,855 --> 00:09:52,722
Theatre five.
Went to the 11:15.

204
00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:54,390
Got out at 1:20.
A little long.

205
00:09:54,392 --> 00:09:56,459
Could've cut ten
from it.

206
00:10:00,764 --> 00:10:02,565
Wow, your walk with purpose
is getting

207
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,767
almost as impressive
as Han's "bang, bang,"

208
00:10:04,769 --> 00:10:06,803
you're in my house now,
bitch!"

209
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:08,738
I know.
What about Han?

210
00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:11,574
Before yesterday, we thought
he was 53 and unarmed.

211
00:10:11,576 --> 00:10:13,142
Guess we learn something new
about people every day.

212
00:10:13,144 --> 00:10:14,610
Yeah,
like having to learn

213
00:10:14,612 --> 00:10:16,813
that when you get nervous,
I'm disposable.

214
00:10:17,315 --> 00:10:20,783
That was very uncharacteristic
of me.

215
00:10:20,785 --> 00:10:24,220
Hi, um, Hallelujah.

216
00:10:24,222 --> 00:10:25,721
Cool name,
by the way.

217
00:10:25,723 --> 00:10:27,223
How are you doing today,
Hallelujah?

218
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:29,258
Bitter.

219
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:30,960
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