1 00:00:00,251 --> 00:00:01,585 Max, I can't wait to go home... 2 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,546 ...and illegally download that documentary about performance art. 3 00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:07,716 And I can't wait to go home and watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. 4 00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:10,553 But first you have to see this. Her name's Marina Abramović. 5 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,430 She and her boyfriend did this piece called "Confrontation"... 6 00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:15,974 ...where they just slapped each other's faces for days. 7 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:19,060 Oh, yeah? My mom and her boyfriend did that too but they called it: 8 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,230 "Who smoked the last cigarette?" 9 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:23,899 No, really, it was pure art. She's a genius. 10 00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,818 How about you and I do a little art right now? 11 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,321 (GASPS THEN CHUCKLES) 12 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,950 (BOTH LAUGHING) 13 00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:34,826 Aah! 14 00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,286 (BOTH LAUGHING) 15 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:39,707 What are they doing? 16 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:43,627 I think they might be doing a scene from Fifty Shades of Gray. 17 00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:51,301 -Aah! Okay, stop. MAX: Okay. 18 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:58,225 That's for suggesting we make a lip-sync video to "Call Me Maybe." 19 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,531 (SPEAKING IN KOREAN) 20 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,537 What's up, my man? You look pretty down. 21 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:23,000 My mother in Korea is working my last nerve, you know, Earl? 22 00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:27,379 Well, I didn't expect a back-and-forth here. 23 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,549 Uh, Max, you wanna move in? 24 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:34,637 Han, you can't let your mommy keep bullying you. 25 00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:37,640 Stand up to her. You're a 53-year-old man. 26 00:01:41,352 --> 00:01:44,438 Max, I am 29. 27 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,231 What?! 28 00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:50,027 I am 29. 29 00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:53,030 What do you got? A case of the Benjamin Buttons? 30 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:57,200 Caroline, Han says he's 29. 31 00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:01,496 -What?! Han, are you sure? -Yes. 32 00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,165 What makes you think I am older? 33 00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:05,292 Well, everything. Your hair, your clothes... 34 00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:08,336 ...the $5 check you gave me for my birthday. 35 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,388 Hi, can I help you? Oh, that sounded so sincere. 36 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:21,057 Well, when you're in my section, you'll meet the real me. 37 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,893 I have one question. 38 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:26,187 -Do you want to live? -Actually today, I could go either way. 39 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,814 You see this? 40 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,401 Go around the diner and have everyone fill it with the contents of their purse. 41 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,069 And if you do, nobody gets hurt. 42 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:36,031 Okay, okay. But I don't know how much you're gonna collect here. 43 00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:38,408 I mean, most of these customers pay with coins... 44 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,451 ...or fresh tomatoes from their garden. 45 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:44,206 Earl, listen up. We're being robbed by that man in the suit. 46 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,750 He wants everyone to empty their stuff into this bag. 47 00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:50,962 Uh, Max, I've been on both sides of this situation... 48 00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,676 ...and the best thing to do is play along. 49 00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,806 Okay, Caroline, I'm gonna tell you something... 50 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,599 ...and I don't want you to react. 51 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,728 I knew you were gonna get pregnant. Damn it! 52 00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:08,438 All right, fine. We'll get through this together-- 53 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:12,735 No. Look, we're being robbed, and that guy in the suit might have a gun. 54 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,319 -Aah. MAX: No, no, no. 55 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,237 Just do what I say and stay calm. 56 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,657 I need you to empty your purse into the trash bag. 57 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:23,746 I can't believe this is happening. Just when I saved $2. 58 00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:28,500 Max, I can't die. And I certainly can't die in this ugly uniform. 59 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,169 I mean, it looks good on you. 60 00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:36,258 Are you having a heart attack? 61 00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:39,177 I'm peeing. 62 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:45,433 -What do you mean? -I'm really freaked out and I'm peeing. 63 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:49,938 -I can't stop. -Just stop. Stop! Clench it. 64 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,230 Okay. 65 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,484 Nope. Can't. 66 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,612 -Step out from behind the counter. -Sorry, sir. I can't. 67 00:03:57,780 --> 00:04:01,407 -Why? -Well, um, I'm peeing. 68 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,534 Still? 69 00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:06,955 Out of the way, girls, I'll take down this-- Whoa! 70 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:09,875 Get away from him. 71 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,211 You need to get out from behind the counter now-- 72 00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,253 Please, take her, not me! 73 00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:17,675 -What's happening? -Han, we're being robbed! 74 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:23,514 So sorry. Please take everything that is in my manny-pack. 75 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:27,475 Would it be possible if I took my prayer beads out? 76 00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:31,271 They've been in my family for hundreds and hundreds of-- 77 00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:34,149 I don't think so, homeboy. 78 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,240 You're in my house now, bitch. 79 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,959 MAX: Here's what's left in the bag. 80 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,920 Nope. Sorry, I don't see your dignity. 81 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:58,590 Max, don't. Isn't it enough that I'm wearing dishwasher whites... 82 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:01,384 ...that have been around since the invention of B.O.? 83 00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:07,850 Look at that. Something ate right through the Swiffer. 84 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,226 And I don't think it was the bleach. 85 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:14,273 How will you ever live with the shame? 86 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,692 Can you believe that is the man who saved us? 87 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,944 Yeah, I did not see a gun coming. 88 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:23,615 I saw nun-chucks, ninja smoke, maybe some hair-pulling, but not a gun. 89 00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,826 Well, good night, ladies. 90 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,911 I thought we all acted very brave tonight. 91 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,915 Well, some of us. 92 00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:37,795 Oh, yeah, I had a trauma and I urinated. Ha, ha, that's hilarious. 93 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,630 Yeah, you might need some counseling. 94 00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,925 I could drop you off at a therapist on the way to my... 95 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:44,887 ..."I Was a Human Shield" support group. 96 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,096 Am I ever gonna live this down? 97 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:51,560 -It happened like ten minutes ago. -Okay, let's move on. 98 00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:52,935 (SCOFFS) 99 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,898 Oh, look. Someone left a coupon for free movie popcorn. 100 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:59,067 Oh. I'd love to escape to a movie after my-- 101 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:02,028 Oh, I'd just love to escape. 102 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:05,240 How much are movies now? Like 200 bucks? 103 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:08,367 Unless you go with me, in which case it is free. 104 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,622 I'll take you tomorrow. I've been sneaking into theaters since I was 2. 105 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,583 I crawled into The Little Mermaid with a sack full of Cheerios... 106 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,668 ...and a baby bottle full of Diet Coke. 107 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:24,425 You know, Chestnut, the only thing that got me through that robbery was you. 108 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:26,803 I kept thinking, who will take care of you? 109 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,807 Because you can't count on Blondie Selfish-Pants... 110 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,975 ...who used me as a human shield and then peed herself. 111 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,646 Do not tell Chestnut I peed myself. 112 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,316 He's the only one from my circle who still talks to me. 113 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,610 As I was saying, Chestnut... 114 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,737 ...I would have taken a bullet for her, but she put herself first. 115 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,572 And that's okay. It's fine. 116 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,867 Max, I'm surprised you're even affected by this. 117 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,036 I mean, weren't you shot as a baby? 118 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:53,997 I feel like you told me that. 119 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:57,375 No, I told you I drank shots as a baby. 120 00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:59,418 My mother hated to drink alone. 121 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:04,132 Okay, what free movie should we see? Maybe something with a Fanning in it? 122 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:07,009 I'll see anything. Unless it's in 3D. 123 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,303 I mean, if stuff's gonna be flying at my face... 124 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,514 ...I'd better get a free prime rib out of it. 125 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,600 So, what do we do, Max? What do we do? 126 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,853 Hide in the back alley till the coast is clear... 127 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,564 ...and when the door opens, make a break for it? Ha, ha. 128 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,483 No, because it's not the 1940s. 129 00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:24,235 We just go right up in the usher's face, make an excuse... 130 00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,279 ...and then boldly walk with purpose. 131 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,406 Okay, well, just show me how. You can direct me. 132 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:30,242 I've done a lot of plays. 133 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:34,036 I could do my "Eliza Doolittle before she was civilized" walk. 134 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:37,081 (IN COCKNEY ACCENT) Hello, governor. 135 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,713 Wow, that was just ugly. I wish I hadn't seen it. 136 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,923 All right. Just watch me. 137 00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,759 Walk. Walk. Walk. Hair flip. 138 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,345 Walk. Walk. 139 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,182 (NORMAL VOICE) Walk. Walk. Walk. Hair flip. 140 00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,350 Walk. Walk. 141 00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:59,103 Good. But easy on the hair flip, Willow Smith. 142 00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,355 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 143 00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:07,987 Oh, hi, girls. Oh, I heard what happened. 144 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:13,869 Max, you got pushed in front of a gun. You must be very pissed. 145 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:18,581 Oh, Caroline, oh, what a nice outfit. 146 00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:22,293 On a scale of one to ten, you're an eight. 147 00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:25,880 Get it? "Urinate." Ha-ha-ha. 148 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,637 How do you even know what happened? 149 00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:36,432 Oh, well, Oleg told me when we were upstairs playing Hide the Penis. 150 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,769 And we laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves... 151 00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:43,315 ...but we didn't, because we're not you. 152 00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:46,902 Actually, we're going to a movie. 153 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,153 Oh, well, that's nice. 154 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:52,823 I hope you're gonna wear your big-girl pants. 155 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:54,326 SOPHIE & MAX: Ha-ha-ha. -Max. 156 00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:55,661 What? It's silly and funny. 157 00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,705 She's like a Polish fart cushion. 158 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:02,583 Look, if it makes you feel better, there can't be any pee jokes left. 159 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:07,089 What are you seeing, Something rated Pee-Pee 13? 160 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,258 (BOTH LAUGHING) 161 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:13,345 -Fart cushions are funny. -Ha-ha-ha. 162 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,267 There's the guy. I'm getting a little nervous. 163 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:21,519 I'm starting to sweat like those people on Locked Up Abroad . 164 00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:24,438 I don't know why. I haven't swallowed a heroin balloon. 165 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:26,899 Okay, let's go. Pretend we're out of breath. 166 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,110 (CAROLINE PANTING) 167 00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,404 Out of breath, not out of your mind. 168 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,993 Hey, sorry, can I just run back into the theater for a second? 169 00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:37,244 I left my iPhone... 170 00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,663 ...and the prescription for her medication is on it. 171 00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,873 -Which theater were you in? -Theater 5. 172 00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,750 Went to the 11:15, got out at 1:20. 173 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,793 A little long. Could have cut 10 from it. 174 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,837 We'll be right back. 175 00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:53,677 Wow, your walk with purpose is getting almost as impressive... 176 00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,846 ...as Han's "bang, bang, you're in my house now, bitch!" 177 00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,097 I know. 178 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,643 What about Han? Before yesterday, we thought he was 53 and unarmed. 179 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:04,395 I guess we learn something new about people every day. 180 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,274 Like how we learned that when you get nervous, I'm disposable. 181 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,942 That was very uncharacteristic of me. 182 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:15,532 Hi, um, Hallelujah. Cool name, by the way. 183 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:19,244 -How you doing today, Hallelujah? -Bitter. 184 00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:22,873 They wouldn't let me put an exclamation point on my name tag. 185 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:26,250 Um, is there any way you could make a fresh batch of popcorn? 186 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,629 I could, but it takes 10 minutes and your show starts in two. 187 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,215 Actually, it takes three, and I can miss a few trailers. 188 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:33,924 I used to work at a Cineplex Five. 189 00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:36,677 Oh, so now you just know everything about life. 190 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:41,975 Come on! The opening scene sets up where he gets his superpowers from. 191 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,937 Hey, Hallelujah here is doing the best he can. 192 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:49,566 I mean, based on his name, his parents clearly had bigger dreams for him. 193 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,985 It's not his fault you guys showed up two minutes before the show starts. 194 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,322 Maybe next time you'll show up 10 minutes early... 195 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,573 ...without the attitude and the fidgety exhaling. 196 00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,369 -You think Hallelujah doesn't hear that? -He does. 197 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:04,331 Sorry to be such a problem. We'll take whatever you've got ready. 198 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,625 No, girl. I got you. 199 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,710 I'm gonna make you a fresh batch. 200 00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:10,796 Hallelujah? Could I have some fresh too? 201 00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:13,340 You'll get the burnt ones and like it, nerd. 202 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,096 Let's sit down there. 203 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:23,057 Oh, I'm not sticking to the floor yet. Fancy theater. 204 00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:26,352 Oh, hey, guys, hope I wasn't too hard on you out there. 205 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,980 -Nice cape. -Thanks. I had it in my backpack. 206 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,234 -I wasn't sure. MAX: Hmm. 207 00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:37,530 You made the right choice. 208 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,534 She likes my cape. 209 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,703 Technically, she likes your sister's cape. 210 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,292 Okay, so I don't know anything about these superhero movies. 211 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:52,044 It's a remake of a prequel to a sequel? 212 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,548 -I'm already confused. -Okay, so... 213 00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,298 ...there's always a nerdy guy... 214 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,884 (MAX WHISTLES) 215 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:02,139 ...and he's either been wronged or bitten or exposed to something toxic... 216 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,306 ...that gives him powers. 217 00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:05,642 He's in love with a girl who his rival tries to kill... 218 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,936 ...but won't, because they have to make another movie. 219 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,522 Also partial nudity, product placement, dope explosions... 220 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,524 ...and a killer score by Hans Zimmer. 221 00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,860 Okay, your knowledge of these superhero movies... 222 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,321 ...is kind of turning me on right now. 223 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,576 Wait, are you kidding me? 224 00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:24,827 The hero has red hair as a child? 225 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:29,081 Um, weird because when he grows up, he has black hair! 226 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,125 Was there some sort of chemical spill? 227 00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:34,379 Which, by the way, wasn't in the original comic book! 228 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:37,090 -What am I, dumb? -Okay, okay, come on. 229 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,801 -Let's go to another movie. -What are you talking about? 230 00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:42,553 Well, you obviously hate this. You're yelling at the screen. 231 00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,222 Yelling at the screen is the best part of going to movies... 232 00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:47,267 ...and more white people should learn that. 233 00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:50,854 (CAR EXPLODES ON SCREEN) 234 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,815 GIRL (ON SCREEN): Aah! -Oh, wow, look at that. 235 00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:56,442 That car just exploded in front of those two girls... 236 00:12:56,610 --> 00:13:01,990 ...and one didn't use the other's body to block her from the flying debris. 237 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,701 Are you ever gonna let this go? 238 00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,952 I don't know, I mean, it was kind of a big deal. 239 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,496 You put my life in danger. 240 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:14,043 Well, I've apologized about it twice. I don't know how much more I can do. 241 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:22,344 Yeah, I could have died, but you apologized twice, so I guess we're good. 242 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,429 I don't like this movie. It's violence against women. 243 00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,932 Let's go see that Katherine Heigl rom-com sequel. 244 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:31,186 Talk about violence against women. 245 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,312 I am gonna go spend some time with Katie Heigl. 246 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,105 At least she won't make me feel guilty. 247 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:39,903 See you. Enjoy three "Walking on Sunshine" montages. 248 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,823 I don't wanna go to a movie by myself. 249 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,869 And you're right, I'm sorry. I hate the way I acted. 250 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,330 I'm a spoiled rich girl, I always put myself first... 251 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,624 ...and I know that's something you would never do. 252 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,459 Shut up. 253 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,421 Max, I think I just saw Han. 254 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,174 MAX: It is Han. What's he doing here? 255 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,094 Why's he sitting all the way in the back? 256 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:08,139 I don't know, maybe he's afraid of blocking absolutely no one's view. 257 00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:12,519 And who is that guy and girl he's sitting with? 258 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,772 Is Han in a threesome? 259 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:19,234 -Does he secretly have game? -Heh. Please. 260 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:23,446 The only game Han has is "One, two, buckle my shoe." 261 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:29,911 Wait, he's leaving, and so is the guy he was sitting next to. 262 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,621 Did Han just get more interesting? 263 00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,874 We have to follow him. 264 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:39,587 Oh. He can blast a wall with his thoughts, but he can't get out of handcuffs? 265 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:42,298 Even I could get out of handcuffs! 266 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:46,219 -Have fun being lied to. -You're right. You're always right. 267 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,596 Hey, are you seeing anyone? 268 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,307 That was hard to watch. 269 00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:57,647 CAROLINE: Why is he going to the bathroom with that stranger? 270 00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,649 Is Han also a Republican senator? 271 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,568 Usher. 272 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,245 Are all men's rooms this depressing? 273 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,706 We are such different people. I was gonna say how nice it is. 274 00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:20,294 I don't hear sex sounds, and he's not on the changing table. 275 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,673 So maybe drugs are involved. 276 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,051 You think Han's an Asian drug dealer? 277 00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:29,053 What's he selling? Crystal math? 278 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,431 -Oh, look, Han's coming. -Oh, gross. 279 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:35,143 No, no. I meant he's coming this way. 280 00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,562 You're running. Don't run. 281 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:42,817 It's Han. For him every step we take is like a hundred-meter dash. 282 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,611 Sorry, you're the one who doesn't want Han to see us. 283 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,905 I don't want that kind of relationship with him. 284 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:51,618 You mean the kind of relationship where you see someone you know and say hello? 285 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,162 Yeah, I definitely don't want that. 286 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:58,040 -Ladies, may I see your tickets, please? -Tickets? Max, do you--? 287 00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:04,589 Can I see your tickets, please? I saw you go into another theater. 288 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:09,385 -Caroline? -Hi, honey! 289 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,221 Hello? 290 00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:15,475 Honey, I forgot my ticket. He has my ticket. 291 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,144 Han, this nice usher man thinks I snuck into the theater. 292 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,895 So just show him the tickets. 293 00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,565 Uh, uh.... 294 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:26,735 -You two are together? -Yeah, why? 295 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:31,198 Oh, it's nothing. None of my business, but he just seems too old for you. 296 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,369 -He's 29. -What?! 297 00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:35,953 Uh.... 298 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,873 I'm gonna have to see you and your girlfriend's tickets. 299 00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:42,168 -I thought I put the ticket in here. -Tickets. 300 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:47,423 -You put two tickets in there, honey. -Um, okay. 301 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:51,344 I cannot find it. Them. 302 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,931 Sir, you know that sneaking into a theater is a felony, right? 303 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,975 It is? 304 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,062 Hon, what's that face? 305 00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:03,940 It's the same face I made when I peed-- 306 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:07,443 Oh, honey. 307 00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:10,113 How will I live with the shame? 308 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,740 Well, at least your fanny pack... 309 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:14,409 ...isn't the most embarrassing thing about you anymore. 310 00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:24,919 Well, well, well. Look who it is. 311 00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,463 Hair-flipping girl. 312 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,842 I don't know what you're doing, but it feels weird. 313 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:34,471 Now look who's walk, walk, walking with purpose away from me. 314 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,181 -Again. -What? 315 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,182 -It wasn't a big deal. -Really? 316 00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,434 Because I went to movie jail with Han. 317 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,644 -Cool. -We have a mug shot. 318 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:45,731 We're a notorious gangster couple now down at the Cineplex. 319 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:50,068 That's right, Han-nie and Clyde. But you know what? I'm fine. 320 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:54,115 I'm thrilled, actually, because you walking away gave me one thing. 321 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:57,410 An unobstructed view of my sweet, sweet ass? 322 00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:01,498 No. The satisfaction of knowing that you are just as selfish as me. 323 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,665 What a selfish thing to say. 324 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,795 Oh. You can walk, walk, walk away from me, Max. 325 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,838 But you can't walk away from knowing that you split the scene. 326 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,673 What? I thought you were behind me. 327 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,634 And besides, we couldn't both get caught. 328 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,596 Who would live to tell the tale of the great Caroline Channing: 329 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,681 "the girl who couldn't walk fast enough"? 330 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,308 Oh, no, no, no. Don't turn this around. 331 00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:24,186 Now I see it, the whole "Max" of it all. 332 00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:27,105 When we got caught, you only thought about saving yourself... 333 00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:29,275 ...and you weren't defending poor Hallelujah... 334 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,653 ...you just wanted fresh popcorn for yourself. 335 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,779 What can I say? I guess you're onto me. 336 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,824 You said you'd take a bullet for me. 337 00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,784 You'd never take a bullet for me. 338 00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,868 Probably not. No one ever takes a bullet. 339 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,329 It's just something people say that they don't mean. 340 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:46,125 Like "How was your day?" or "We'll stop if it hurts." 341 00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:52,714 Wow. So this is who we are, huh? 342 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,009 Two selfish girls who always put ourselves... 343 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:58,429 ...before everyone else and are willing to do anything to survive? 344 00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,681 Guess we are. 345 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,307 Man, we're gonna crush the cupcake competition. 346 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,810 But, Max, even though we're ruthless... 347 00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:07,605 ...every now and then, on our behalf, we do put ourselves second. 348 00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:10,650 And I guess that's what makes us best friends. 349 00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,819 -I don't think I've ever done that. -Yes, you have. 350 00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:17,198 You let me stay on your couch when I had no place to stay. 351 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:21,118 -I guess I did. -And I gave you.... 352 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,372 Go ahead. 353 00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:28,710 Well, there must be something where I didn't put myself first. 354 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,128 Let me know when you find it. 355 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,174 Sophie, just look at you. 356 00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:38,677 You couldn't look more scrumptious. 357 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:43,348 Oh, maybe I could, with a little chocolate drizzled on me. 358 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,896 Oh, good, there you are, Han. 359 00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:52,858 I just have one question that I have to ask you. 360 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:56,988 What is your favorite musical? Is it The Wiz? 361 00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,156 (SOPHIE LAUGHING) 362 00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:02,701 "Wiz," Max! I found another one, right? 363 00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,203 How do you even know about this? 364 00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:09,041 Oh, Oleg told me while we were having phone sex. 365 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:14,130 And by "phone sex," she means we were using the phone in the sex. 366 00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:16,840 Don't worry, Han. 367 00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:20,053 A lot of older men can't control their bladder. 368 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,596 I am twenty-freaking-nine! 369 00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:25,432 What?! Ha-ha-ha. 370 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:33,691 -I am humiliated, Max. -Hey, listen to me. 371 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:36,527 You didn't sell Caroline out. A lot of people would have... 372 00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:40,073 ...but you just stood there like a man and peed your pants. 373 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,491 That's true. I did. 374 00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,411 By the way, why were you at the movies in the middle of the day? 375 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:48,914 Sometimes people bug me and I need some time away. 376 00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:52,417 You know what, Han? You're cool. 377 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:56,881 We're gonna hang sometime. Not now, not in a week, but in the future. 378 00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,675 I'm just saying, I've got my eye on you. 379 00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:31,249 English - US - SDH