1
00:00:00,793 --> 00:00:02,460
Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

2
00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:06,089
I wanna look in the mirror
and make sure I'm still dead in the eyes.

3
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,759
You think you can handle my section?

4
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,179
Uh, yeah, I think I can handle it. Heh.

5
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:15,599
Earl, I don't know if you noticed.
I'm running the diner right now.

6
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,684
What, what.

7
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,021
The customer at table 10
appears to be choking.

8
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,483
I would help, but the last time
I gave a white woman the Heimlich...

9
00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:27,236
...I did six months
in the Birmingham City Jail.

10
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,405
Oh, my God. Are you choking?

11
00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:31,657
Oh, my God. I feel like you're choking.

12
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,243
Is anyone here a doctor?

13
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:38,997
What am I saying? I forgot where I am.
Has anyone here ever seen Scrubs?

14
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,207
What do you do when a girl is choking?

15
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,712
I just back up a few inches.

16
00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:49,466
What do we do? What do we do?
This woman is choking.

17
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,176
(CHOKING)

18
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:56,473
(SIGHS)

19
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,143
-Thank you so much.
-You're welcome.

20
00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:02,688
And feel free to tip me
what you think your life's worth.

21
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:06,817
I feel 3 bucks coming my way.

22
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,664
Here you go, guys.
I'm the only waitress.

23
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:25,043
Sorry you waited longer for the burger
than for that Cosby sweater to come back.

24
00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:30,841
Max, look at my face.
I'm very upset.

25
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,801
MAX:
Oh.

26
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,263
Is that what that means?
I just assumed you were constipated.

27
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,098
Caroline is late again.

28
00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:42,394
She better not use your new cupcake shop
as an excuse this time.

29
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:45,939
Because, sister, that crap ain't gonna fly.

30
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:49,192
First of all, stop talking
like you're in a Tyler Perry movie...

31
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:53,364
...and secondly, Caroline is here.
She is in the kitchen.

32
00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,365
HAN:
Really? Because when I was in there...

33
00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:59,328
...you told me she was out here.
You're playing me, fool.

34
00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:01,871
Stop talking like
you're in a Tyler Perry sequel.

35
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:04,375
-And secondly--
-I'll ask Earl. Earl!

36
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,418
Ow!

37
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,963
What happened? Why did you scream?

38
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:14,092
I accidentally sat on one of my boys.

39
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:16,262
Have you seen Caroline tonight?

40
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:20,014
Of course, man. I just saw her
go down the hall to the ladies' room.

41
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:24,436
There. Happy? You've solved
the big mystery, Shortlock Holmes.

42
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,314
Wait, she didn't pick up any of her--

43
00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:31,193
Caroline?

44
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:32,819
Can't talk now, Han.

45
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,281
How many times do I have
to ask you to fix this damn pie carousel?

46
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,284
The temp isn't cool enough.
Those tapiocas are gonna turn.

47
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:43,163
If you want a lawsuit, keep ignoring me.
Max, can I see you in the kitchen...

48
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:47,084
...where I was a couple of minutes ago
after I got out of the ladies' room?

49
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,502
Yeah, get on that temperature thing.

50
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:53,591
There's so much mold growing in there,
that cherry pie is gonna need a pap smear.

51
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:59,889
That was some ballsy, bold,
in-your-face awesome lying.

52
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:04,225
I learned it by watching you, Dad.
Had to lie.

53
00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:08,271
We need every minute we can steal away
from here to get the cupcake shop ready.

54
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:12,318
We still have to do the second coat of paint,
figure out tables and chairs.

55
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,402
What? Didn't have time for lunch.

56
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:18,824
I don't care. I'm surprised you're
using a spoon. I just stick my face in it.

57
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:25,705
So my brilliant idea of how we get this
all done is, we should get an intern to help.

58
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:29,460
What? No.
I can't be a person that has an intern.

59
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:32,754
I can barely be a person
that doesn't have an intern.

60
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:35,299
Max, all businesses use interns.

61
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,051
We just have to post an ad online
at NYU or Columbia.

62
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,555
We'll have 20 applicants battling it out
to do grunt work for credit.

63
00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:45,475
You make it sound like
The Hunger Games: College Edition.

64
00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:49,646
Sorry, I'm against getting people
to work for free.

65
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:55,069
I'm with you, Max.
My people were interns for 436 years.

66
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,906
I am just getting used to the idea
of having my own business.

67
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,742
Now you want me to be someone's boss?
I am not the boss.

68
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:06,246
I'm the person
who talks behind the boss's back.

69
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:08,081
-Pickup.
MAX: Thanks.

70
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,250
-Isn't Han a tool?
-Total tool.

71
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:15,588
Yeah, a tiny tool.
Like the kind you fix your eyeglasses with.

72
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,261
See, that's my wheelhouse.

73
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:25,139
Look, I don't wanna ask someone
to work for free. We can do it all ourselves.

74
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:28,894
Wanna do it yourself? Great.
I'll write everything to do on a to-do list.

75
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:33,314
Why don't you "to-do" that,
and I will to-tear it up?

76
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:36,944
What are we tearing up?
If it's that ass, I already got that covered.

77
00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:39,947
Hi, Andy. That's so sweet and dirty.

78
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:43,449
Easy, easy.
What are you, shipping off to war?

79
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,329
Here, take this giant bag of Skittles
and look the other way.

80
00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:51,750
I'm not that easy.
Oh, new mystery flavors?

81
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,752
-Getting together after you get off?
-It'll be late.

82
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,588
Max and I have to go to the shop...

83
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:59,091
...and tape the windows
so we can start the trim.

84
00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:04,471
Okay, I'm not very good at painting,
but I can do this while you paint. Yeah.

85
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,305
Yeah. Roll that paint on that wall.

86
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,516
Oh, oh.

87
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:15,440
You are so freaking cute.

88
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:18,110
Ugh. White people.

89
00:05:19,737 --> 00:05:22,740
Why don't you guys just get an intern?
That's what I did.

90
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:28,327
You two are like evil warlords,
mining the souls of innocent zombies.

91
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:32,040
Keep eyes peeled at your store.
The janitor told me he saw rat droppings.

92
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:34,500
But all you gotta do is set up some traps.

93
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,336
Ugh. Oh, gross. Who's going to do that?

94
00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,798
The intern?

95
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:46,221
So Ruth, you're a sophomore at NYU,
majoring in finance.

96
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,973
You know you're not gonna get paid.
No money at all.

97
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:53,312
Yep. It's an internship.
I mean, it's all good, right?

98
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:56,856
It's all good until you need money.

99
00:05:57,441 --> 00:06:01,110
Well, we're a start-up company.
We're launching our very first retail store.

100
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,947
There's a lot of details
that you'll be responsible for.

101
00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:08,160
There's a lot of carrying things,
maybe some trapping things.

102
00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:10,329
Oh, it's cool. I have a car.

103
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,956
You have a car
and you want to be an intern?

104
00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:16,000
How about if we switch places?
I'll be intern with the car.

105
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:19,170
You can sit on a broken folding chair
next to Donna Trump here.

106
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,923
Max and I need to have
a little meeting now.

107
00:06:22,091 --> 00:06:24,927
If you could go to the waiting room,
that'd be great. Okay?

108
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:30,932
I just want to say, I know my name is weird.
But, like, it's too late, right?

109
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:34,853
Max, why are you trying
to convince her to not be our intern?

110
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,521
Why are you not saying:

111
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:40,149
"You may get rabies
and bubonic plague from our rats"?

112
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,694
CAROLINE:
Don't mention the rats.

113
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:46,322
You're chasing them away.
And we do not have rats.

114
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,367
We have rat droppings.
Let's not jump to conclusions.

115
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:53,497
You're right, the rats are probably
just coming in here to use the bathroom.

116
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:57,500
Look, we need an intern.
Now, who do you like so far?

117
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,670
-The one with the big boobs.
-I knew it.

118
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:03,173
All you big-boobed people stick together.

119
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:06,425
Hi, girls.

120
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:11,723
Are you having a beauty contest and didn't
invite me to give the other girls a chance?

121
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,978
-We're interviewing people to be our intern.
-Who doesn't get paid.

122
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,896
Well, this is for you.

123
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:22,276
You didn't have to do that.
You already gave us money for the shop.

124
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,319
I know. I'm too wonderful.

125
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:28,031
But it's for good luck.
And sounds like you're gonna need it.

126
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:31,367
Oleg says that it's rat central station
around here.

127
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,704
Not rats, Sophie.
Just rat droppings.

128
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:39,918
Oh, just rat droppings.
Oh, okay, no problem there. Heh-heh.

129
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:47,759
Are you out of breath because
you jogged here all the way from 1974?

130
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:52,723
Sexy, huh? You should see
his badonkadonk when he jogs.

131
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:56,475
Well, here they are, 60 rat traps!

132
00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:59,812
(INTERNS CHATTERING)

133
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,649
Girls, I don't want to interfere
with your business...

134
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:07,362
...but what the hell is going on here?

135
00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:10,824
There's no fancy tables or pretty chairs.

136
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:15,579
I mean, this place is so unappealing,
even I don't look good here.

137
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:24,420
No worries. We have some adorable
old-school ice cream tables and chairs...

138
00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:27,466
...on hold at a kooky, fun
Staten Island junkyard.

139
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:30,718
Wow. I can't believe you
didn't shoot a blood clot...

140
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:33,846
...trying to make dump furniture
sound cute.

141
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:37,643
Okay, girls, well, call me
when you have a real business.

142
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:41,730
Yeah, and I'm gonna take this.
You know, so that the rats don't poop in it.

143
00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:44,106
Come on, badonkadonk. All right.

144
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:49,446
Oh, and, Max, oh, she's good, yeah.

145
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,408
I knew it.
All you big-boobed people stick together.

146
00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,998
Well....

147
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,586
Here we are.
The final three.

148
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:13,720
Well, you know the one I like.
I'll give you a clue: one, two.

149
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:18,557
Standing in front of me,
I see two beautiful, qualified young women.

150
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,269
Is she really going all Top Model right now?

151
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:24,313
If only. They pay.

152
00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:26,857
I'm out, Tyra.

153
00:09:28,527 --> 00:09:31,822
Ruth, congratulations.
You've been selected to be our intern.

154
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,448
Max, will you get Ruth started
on something?

155
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,870
-Yeah, I got the internship.
-Um....

156
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,288
You know what? I got it.

157
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,581
It's not like you're getting paid.

158
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:47,044
Big-boobed people are so much easier.

159
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:03,562
As a kid, people told you everything
you did was amazing, didn't they?

160
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,980
I was given a lot of positive reinforcement.

161
00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:09,400
It gave me the confidence
that's gotten me through this last year.

162
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:13,322
Well, it's time you heard the truth.
You stink at stuff.

163
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,532
Like painting.

164
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,034
Fine.
And you stink at stuff too.

165
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,245
Like telling an intern what to do.

166
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,914
Ruth had to go to that concert.
She had the tickets for weeks.

167
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:27,043
It was Ashley D. and
Ashley B.'s joint birthday. Duh.

168
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:30,004
And so the intern is out having fun...

169
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:33,591
...and here we are, the bosses,
painting the walls at 3 a.m.

170
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:34,926
Well, I'm painting.

171
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:39,347
You got a kind of autistic ballerina thing
going on over there.

172
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,057
Can I ask you something?

173
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,018
I don't like Maroon 5.

174
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:46,312
No matter how many times you ask,
the answer will always be no.

175
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:50,192
Not that. Would it be okay
if I told Andy not to come over tonight...

176
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:54,071
...because I'm exhausted,
or is it too early in the relationship to be all...

177
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,282
...I don't think I can have my legs
up around my ears tonight?

178
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:01,995
It's fine. You don't think he'd enjoy a night
off from constant Maroon 5 badgering?

179
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,621
He would.

180
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,417
Feels awkward. Can't.
My legs can go up. They're fine.

181
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:11,504
-I don't wanna have that conversation now.
-Hey, look, I get it.

182
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,006
There are conversations
you don't want to have...

183
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:17,677
...like, "Hey, Ruth, here's zero dollars.
Put down some rat traps."

184
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,888
We have a box here
that's not touched.

185
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:23,392
Look, we're not talking about your
relationship anymore. We're done.

186
00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:27,479
And relax, it's probably not even a rat.
It's probably a mouse. Not a big deal.

187
00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:29,815
(RAT SQUEAKING)

188
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,400
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I see it. There it is.

189
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,778
-The mouse?
-That is not a mouse.

190
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:36,947
That is a car that a mouse drives.

191
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:39,533
Oh, my God. Where did you see it?
It was in the middle, right?

192
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,701
-Shh!
-Why are you whispering?

193
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:44,703
-I don't want him to hear me.
-How do you know it's a he?

194
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,374
He looked at me kind of rapey.

195
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,043
-There! It ran behind the thing.
-What thing?

196
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:53,004
-That thing.
-This thing? Aah!

197
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,381
-What? Did you see it?
-I don't think so.

198
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,134
-Oh, you'd know so. It has a saddle.
-Oh!

199
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:07,269
Oh, my God. He just opened the door
with the strength of his whiskers.

200
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,690
He's gone. He went into the kitchen.

201
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,942
What should we do?
Should we call the cops?

202
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,445
He doesn't have a gun.

203
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,947
Let's just get out of here.
We'll call an exterminator in the morning.

204
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:23,033
Oh! Too late. He's coming back.

205
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,412
-Aah! He's charging us.
-He's gonna bite me.

206
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,538
(CAROLINE GRUNTING)

207
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,169
(GRUNTING)

208
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:39,926
You can stop now.
You painted him to death.

209
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:49,269
I just got a glimpse of you
at a Barneys sample sale.

210
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,688
What a mess. Who's gonna clean that up?

211
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,192
The intern?

212
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,864
CAROLINE:
Oh, Andy.

213
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,948
ANDY:
I know. I'm good at this.

214
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,283
(CAROLINE GASPS)

215
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,160
(CAROLINE SCREAMING)

216
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,288
MAX:
What? What? Is it another rat?

217
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,831
Max, what are you doing?

218
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,918
I forgot Andy was here.

219
00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:16,879
And your sex voice
is the same as your murder voice.

220
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:20,091
So are you just gonna stand there?

221
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:23,552
Are you offering me a three-way?

222
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,139
(INTERCOM BUZZES)

223
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,976
Well, looks like we're
about to be a full-blown orgy.

224
00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:34,648
-It's 2 a.m. Who could this be?
-It's Ruth.

225
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,567
-Ruth?
RUTH: Yes. I'm late, right?

226
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:39,818
Why is she here?

227
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,655
I texted her
and said you needed an enema.

228
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,991
Okay, now,
this is some industrial strength girl talk.

229
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:48,411
I had to do something
to show her who was boss.

230
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:50,371
I learned it interning at Condé Nast.

231
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:54,000
We've all gotten someone an enema
in the night. It's a rite of passage.

232
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,586
For someone to get their passage right?

233
00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:58,963
Beat me to it.

234
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,506
(KNOCK ON DOOR)

235
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,176
There, go open the door.
You know what has to happen.

236
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:08,139
Max has to put Ruth in her place
so she can learn how to be a boss.

237
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:09,349
Oh, that's all?

238
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:13,144
Good. I thought from your tone, you were
gonna force Max to have an enema.

239
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:18,984
Sorry I'm late. I had the tiniest pot cookie
and had to pull over to take a nap.

240
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,529
Anyway, here is your enema. Enjoy.

241
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,282
They only had the triple pack.

242
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,493
Wait, Ruth. Max has something
she wants to say to you.

243
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:34,039
-Max, what did you want to say to Ruth?
-Um, thanks for the triple?

244
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,918
Three times the fun.

245
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,341
Sure you don't want me to help you?

246
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,886
Oh, no, it's okay. You took the rat traps out
of the box. You need a break.

247
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,724
We couldn't afford the game Mouse Trap
when I was a kid.

248
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,850
This is the closest I'm gonna get.

249
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,144
So when do you make the cupcakes?

250
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,062
Um....

251
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,524
-I guess I could make them now.
-Fun. I'll go get the coffees, right?

252
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:04,696
Sure. Of course. Do whatever. You got a life.
Who am I to tell you what to do?

253
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,033
Well, here's our Martha Stewart blurb
all blown up...

254
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,745
...and ready
to roll out and paste up on that wall.

255
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:12,995
Where's Ruth?

256
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,081
-In the kitchen.
-I was just in there.

257
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,957
Then she's in the bathroom.

258
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,044
Oh, my God. You're Han-ing me.

259
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,338
She took a coffee break.

260
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,591
What? She didn't need a break.
She just started 20 minutes ago.

261
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:29,763
Heh. Your rich is really coming out
and it is not pretty.

262
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:34,058
Forgot my phone.
I mean, get it together, Ruth, right?

263
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:35,684
Watch and learn.

264
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:38,562
Ruth, can you put the rat traps down?
One in each corner.

265
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:41,274
And then you can get coffee later.
After interning.

266
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,734
Thanks.

267
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,611
She's kind of a tool, right?

268
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,283
-Max, were you saying something?
-Nope.

269
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,576
(TRAP SNAPS)

270
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,788
Ouch, right?

271
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:06,341
Oh, look at this cage.
I think my mom used to dance in it.

272
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:12,721
Here they are. These are the ones I had the
guy hold for us. Only $600 for all of them.

273
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:16,725
-What do you think, Daddy?
-I like them, doll. Wrap them up.

274
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,979
And can Daddy get something he wants?

275
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,980
So cute. Over the counter.

276
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,484
That way, when I'm hung over
and taking a nap...

277
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,860
...people can still find the cupcakes.

278
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:30,155
We can have Ruth clean it.
Then paint and reupholster these.

279
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:33,493
By the way, where is she?
She was supposed to be here an hour ago.

280
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:37,455
-Text and find out where she is.
-Why are you so interested in where she is...

281
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:40,125
...what she's doing?
Are you obsessed with her?

282
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:43,836
I don't wanna make a purse out of her skin.
I just want her to do her job.

283
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,130
Never mind. I'll just text her.

284
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,801
Well, be careful. Don't delete
any of my penis-with-a-hat pictures.

285
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:53,679
Even if I did, it's not a big deal.
Oleg will always pose again.

286
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,350
Yeah, but I'll never get
that little pilgrim hat back.

287
00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,979
"Where are you?
We needed you here yesterday."

288
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,313
All in caps.
Because bosses talk in caps.

289
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,525
(COUGHING)
Total tool.

290
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,067
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

291
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:10,404
Look at that, texted right back
because I'm the boss.

292
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,365
She says,
"Yesterday was super hard"...

293
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:16,702
...so she's not feeling great
and she can't come in today. Heh.

294
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,830
That's it. She's fired.
Here, you have to fire her.

295
00:17:20,038 --> 00:17:23,209
She said she was sick, Condé Nasty.

296
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,003
She's not sick.
She's just taking advantage...

297
00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:29,007
...because you're too friendly with her.
She works for us.

298
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,009
Yeah, for free.

299
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:34,971
Why don't you just hollow her out
and live inside of her, you monster?

300
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,265
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

301
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:40,727
Um, I don't think
we were supposed to get this.

302
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:45,397
"The dumb one wants me to pick up
all this crappy furniture, right?

303
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:49,611
As if. I'll be at the bar in 10.
Order me a Bellini."

304
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:53,072
Oh, who's the monster now?
She just called you the dumb one.

305
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,825
Uh, she called you the dumb one.

306
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,202
It's your phone. You're the dumb one.

307
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,121
She knows I don't talk in caps.

308
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,707
-So that's to you, you're the dumb one.
-Fire her.

309
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,416
-No, you fire her.
-You fire her.

310
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,211
No. You hired her. You fire her.

311
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:08,128
I wanted to go with Molly Big Boobs.

312
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:11,758
She'd be here right now,
with four chairs on each boob.

313
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,969
Why can't you fire her?
It's clear she called you the dumb one.

314
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:18,807
All right, fine. I know she called me
the dumb one. But I can't fire her.

315
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,768
I want to, but there's a block. Right here.

316
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:25,270
It comes up, and then goes, "Nope."
It goes right back down.

317
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,106
I am not supposed to fire someone.

318
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,277
I'm the someone
who's supposed to be fired.

319
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,363
So I guess I'm the boss then.

320
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,781
Sounds like a plan.
I'll be in my mom's cage.

321
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:42,163
All right, come on, you lowly worker,
help the boss pull these chairs out.

322
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,790
Don't yell at me, boss. I'm blocked.

323
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,917
Wish you had your enemas now,
don't you?

324
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:49,586
(SQUEAKING)

325
00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:51,964
(BOTH SCREAMING)

326
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,384
MAX: They followed us.
We walked into a trap!

327
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:57,095
-It's a vendetta!
-Oh, I can't believe this!

328
00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:00,222
Our intern is out having cocktails,
and I'm trapped on top of Rat Mountain.

329
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,558
Aah! He's coming after me!

330
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,143
(SHRIEKS)

331
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,314
-Oh, my God.
-Max, help.

332
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,150
No, you bastards. Get off her.

333
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,319
(BOTH SCREAM)

334
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,281
-Get off.
-My foot is caught under this thing.

335
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:19,616
(MAX GRUNTS)

336
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,744
(BOTH SCREAM)

337
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:30,002
Max, that was amazing. You just
lifted that giant thing up with one hand.

338
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:34,548
I know.
And now I'm gonna fire that bitch.

339
00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:42,848
Wow. You suck at this too.

340
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:48,438
Sorry I'm late. I was having a dream that
I was sleeping in, then I woke up and I was.

341
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,234
Who's the boss?

342
00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:55,862
Tony Danza.

343
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,448
No, Max, who's the boss?

344
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,700
I am.

345
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,952
-Have a seat, Ruth.
-Here?

346
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:05,872
Good call.

347
00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:10,500
In addition to being a boss,
I am also a waitress.

348
00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:13,211
But when I do my job,
I don't call people dumb.

349
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:15,548
All right, I do. At least it's to their face.

350
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:19,009
Oh, you're talking about that thing?
I meant Caroline.

351
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:23,013
No, I know you meant me, because
I'm not dumb, and neither is Caroline.

352
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:25,349
One thing I figured out
is that in business...

353
00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:30,020
...maybe I have to be a little more ruthless,
meaning no more Ruth. You're fired.

354
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:34,107
So I'm not getting college credit?

355
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:38,278
I'll probably get kicked out of school again,
but no worries, right?

356
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,912
I'm really proud of how
you stuck up for yourself.

357
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,582
You're fired. Sorry, I can't stop.

358
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:55,087
Look, Max, we're on our way.

359
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,287
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