1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,463 -Can I get another refill? -Yes. Can I get an explanation... 2 00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:07,591 ...why you're wearing overalls when there are no goats around? 3 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:12,137 Oh, great. 4 00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:13,723 Now he's drumming. 5 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:16,100 Overalls, free coffee refills, and drumming. 6 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:19,437 We can stop looking. We found the world's most annoying hipster. 7 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:23,858 Max, this isn't a diner where everything comes with attitude and E. coli . 8 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:27,445 This is the cupcake shop. You own this place. 9 00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:31,489 Ugh, success really cuts your balls off. 10 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,912 We get it. Your tribe's in trouble. 11 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:40,750 She's kidding. 12 00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:43,085 Help yourself to a fresh mocha almond refill. 13 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,545 And by the way, sick beats. 14 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,886 You threw him a peace sign? What are you, a Japanese teenager? 15 00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:53,762 It's a gesture of goodwill. 16 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:58,267 Okay, but if I see you doing an open heart, I will kill you. 17 00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,323 Hey, there's Andy. 18 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,325 I don't want him to see me. 19 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,412 Did you just openly wave to my ex-boyfriend? 20 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:20,914 Yeah, I always wave at him. 21 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:24,710 He didn't die just because you stopped letting him touch your boobies. 22 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:29,173 Well, I don't wave to the guy at the record shop that you had sex with. 23 00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:32,091 I had sex with the guy at the record shop? 24 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,137 I should keep a diary. 25 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:38,765 Oh, God, he's coming back. See what you started with your wave? 26 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,975 I'm sorry, my hand is friendly. 27 00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:43,436 Ask any guy in high school. 28 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:48,025 I was gonna try and sneak by, but that just seemed so juvenile... 29 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:52,153 ...so here, "Do you guys still like me? Check yes or no." 30 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,281 So how's she doing? 31 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,534 -She's good. -Really? 32 00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:01,037 Oh, by the way, the guy at the record store says hi. 33 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,917 Well, you tell him I said, "Who are you?" 34 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,796 I wanted make sure everything's cool with you and me. 35 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:14,050 You haven't texted me a pic of an unlikely animal friendship in 48 hours. 36 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,343 Don't worry, we're cool. 37 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:19,764 I haven't been able to top the picture I sent of the monkey tickling a parrot. 38 00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:21,099 You have high standards. 39 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:25,396 Whereas me, I see a black dog spooning a brown dog and I pull the trigger. 40 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,605 Well, save that amateur crap for your mom... 41 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,650 ...perhaps with an aunt and uncle CC. 42 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:32,861 That is so me. Well, sir, you've raised the bar. 43 00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:36,656 I look forward to our next freaky/adorable animal pic. 44 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,076 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 45 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:43,288 Since we broke up, he got fat. 46 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,709 It's only been four days. 47 00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,627 Wynonna Judd gets fat in an hour. 48 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:52,798 I'm too exhausted to even think about Andy. 49 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:55,091 Let's just change and get to the diner. 50 00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:59,555 All we have to do is make it eight more hours then we get a good night's sleep. 51 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,683 Max, you're taking your pants off in public. 52 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,644 Oh, my God! 53 00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:09,105 I'm so tired, I forgot where I was. 54 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,775 They're halfway down, what do I do? 55 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,278 I'm too tired to make the call. 56 00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:22,328 And I'll have the BLT with the french fries. 57 00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:25,455 Miss, I think our waitress is asleep. 58 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,960 We haven't slept. When she wakes up, she'll take your order. 59 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,295 But we're really hungry. 60 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,131 Leave her alone. Do I come to your job and wake you up? 61 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,968 Hi, can I take your order? 62 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,554 I can see how tired you are, Max. 63 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,932 And if I could turn the clock back to '75... 64 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:46,268 ...I'd help you out with a nice bump of cocaine. 65 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,228 But I don't do that anymore. 66 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,813 Earl, you quit coke in 1975? 67 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:53,776 No, when I was 75, last year. 68 00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:57,487 It just felt like time. 69 00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,324 Now, all I can give you is a nice bump of this. 70 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:05,496 I need you to explain something to me because I can't figure it out. 71 00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:08,831 That's hard to believe since you're 90 percent head. 72 00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:14,253 It's not a laughing matter, Max. I broke my mother's pelvis coming out. 73 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:20,511 At least you finally came out. 74 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:27,559 Oh, so you're awake to ridicule the boss, but not awake enough to wait on tables. 75 00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:29,519 See, there's that big head working. 76 00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:34,692 And don't exaggerate. Caroline and I are doing a great job. 77 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,903 -Wake up. -Hi, can I take your order? 78 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:41,824 All I know is, if I was doing my job as bad as you two tonight... 79 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,242 ...I'd take my own life. 80 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,702 That's not off the table. 81 00:04:47,286 --> 00:04:50,707 Han, cut us a break. We're working two jobs, we got two hours of sleep. 82 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,918 We just wanna get home and climb into bed. 83 00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:55,295 You're sleeping together? 84 00:04:56,879 --> 00:05:00,550 I mean, it's been a "will they" or "won't they" since they met. 85 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,305 Hi, everybody. Sophie's here. 86 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,057 And look at my new coat. 87 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,560 It's double-breasted. 88 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,230 Pretty nice, huh? It was a gift from me. 89 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:18,276 It's the only thing he ever gave me that didn't threaten my reproductive health. 90 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,487 Think that fox took its own life... 91 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,240 ...when it saw what kind of coat it was gonna be on. 92 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:24,992 What is the occasion? 93 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,744 What is the occasion? 94 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,245 I'm hot and it's cold. 95 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:34,793 And it's also the anniversary of the first time Oleg and I 70'd. 96 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:38,338 The way I do it, it's one more than 69. 97 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:46,764 Max, I just hung up from a very panicked phone call. 98 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,598 You'll never believe what happened. 99 00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:52,478 The guy from the record store called to say I have super gonorrhea? 100 00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:56,564 You actually think a guy that you don't even remember... 101 00:05:56,731 --> 00:06:00,444 ...called to tell me that you have super gonorrhea? 102 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:03,654 Yes, that's how tired I am. 103 00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:06,533 Are you gonna make me wait forever? Do I have it or not? 104 00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:09,952 It's not super gonorrhea, but it is super bad news. 105 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,874 This woman just called to confirm her order for 1000 cupcakes for tomorrow. 106 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,459 I've been so tired, I completely forgot. 107 00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:19,295 I'd rather have super gonorrhea. 108 00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:23,050 Are you insane? We can't do a thousand cupcakes by tomorrow. 109 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,011 We have to do it. It'll ruin our reputation if we don't. 110 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,555 I know we're tired, but if we stay up all night... 111 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:31,641 ...we'll have $4000 by tomorrow at 10 a.m. 112 00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:33,476 They have to be done by 10 a.m.? 113 00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:37,189 I'm so tired, remind me: Is a.m. the morning one? 114 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,524 We can't do it. It's impossible. 115 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:43,569 My brain's too foggy to crunch numbers, but I'm sure it's doable if we leave now. 116 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:47,324 -We're in the middle of waiting tables. -Well, we come up with an excuse. 117 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:51,411 Give me your hand, bend over and pretend to be sick. It'll work. 118 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:55,081 I've used this to get out of eight jobs, six final exams, one wedding. 119 00:06:57,167 --> 00:07:00,586 Han, we have an emergency. Caroline's sick, she can't even stand up. 120 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,007 We won't be able to finish our shift, we have to go to the emergency room. 121 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:06,218 (CAROLINE MOCK RETCHING) 122 00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:10,012 We don't know what's wrong, it's coming out of both ends, it might be super gonorrhea. Bye. 123 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:16,894 That's so unfortunate. 124 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:20,356 And on the night they were finally gonna do it. 125 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:30,576 -Whoa, those are some big-ass coffees. -Yep, 64-ouncers. 126 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,827 They're bigger than the human stomach. 127 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,620 And the coffee's already working. 128 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,249 It's midnight now, we have to be done at 10 a.m. 129 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:40,586 So if it's 40 minutes per batch, baking four dozen at a time... 130 00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:43,463 ...that's 48 cupcakes times 20 which equals nine hours... 131 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,548 ...which equals $4000. 132 00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:48,927 Give me that. Let's see if I can do math too. 133 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,430 Ask me something. 134 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,182 Sixteen times 12? 135 00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,766 I'm just going to enjoy my coffee. 136 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:58,103 Enjoy. I'll preheat the oven. What's the temp? 137 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:01,023 Three twenty-five. There, that's the coffee talking. 138 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,524 (CELL PHONE CHIMES) 139 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,987 Andy just sent me a picture of a deer nursing a turtle. 140 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:11,949 This is why they tell teen turtles never to post stuff on Facebook. 141 00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:15,370 Oh, I didn't realize you two were still texting. 142 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:18,790 We're mostly just sending pictures of unlikely animal friendships. 143 00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:20,959 See? There's a bear napping with a bunny. 144 00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:22,336 And what's this? 145 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,880 It's a labradoodle high-fiving a koi fish. Pretty self-explanatory. 146 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:28,925 No, underneath that. This: "How's Caroline?" 147 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:31,511 I thought this was an unlikely animal friendship. 148 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:36,140 It is, mostly, but every other text, I get the idea that maybe he's not over you. 149 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:38,644 He's the one who broke up with me. 150 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,687 Well, maybe he regrets it. 151 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,190 Maybe you two are like Chris Brown and Rihanna... 152 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,817 ...minus the punching and the duet. 153 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:49,738 I'm kind of surprised. I thought you guys were good together. 154 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:54,076 Andy is great. And on the surface, he was there for me and very supportive. 155 00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:57,828 But then he kind of got fed up when it was so much about me and my career. 156 00:08:57,995 --> 00:09:02,000 When push came to shove, he felt like he had to pull away for his own well-being. 157 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,254 Oh, my God, we are Rihanna and Chris Brown. 158 00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:08,005 But I'm Chris Brown. 159 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:12,635 Speaking of Chris Brown, I'm gonna start to batter. 160 00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,346 How's that stove? 161 00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:16,514 Warm. But it's really wobbly. 162 00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:19,393 Yeah, it wobbles, it smokes, and one time, it burned me. 163 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:21,769 That's why I nicknamed it, "Mom." 164 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:25,148 -What is this wood thing under the leg? -It's the shim. 165 00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,192 I think it's making it worse. 166 00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,693 Don't-- That's holding the leg up. 167 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,696 (BOTH SCREAM) 168 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,533 But I guess you figured that out now. 169 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:38,036 You heard me say it was the shim. 170 00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:42,456 I don't know what a shim is. I thought it was just one of those things you say. 171 00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:46,043 -What did you think it could be? -I thought it was a cool word blend... 172 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,963 ...like she-him for a transsexual, a shim. 173 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:53,259 You thought a tiny transsexual was holding up our stove? 174 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:58,389 Yes, Max, I'm that tired, I thought a tiny transsexual was holding up our stove. 175 00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:01,143 This is a disaster and our oven at home is too small. 176 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,519 What are we gonna do now? 177 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,272 Good, you're still here. 178 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,399 Don't anybody leave, our night got worse. 179 00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:10,568 Don't come any closer, super gonorrhea. 180 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:14,447 I'm sorry to say, we lied to get off our shift. 181 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,658 But we have to make a thousand cupcakes. 182 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:19,244 Our oven broke at the shop, we need to use yours. 183 00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,495 You lied to me and now you want a favor? 184 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,789 Yes. Han, we know it's a big favor... 185 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:26,293 ...and it probably looks even bigger to you. 186 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,669 But I'm sure you can see past our lie. 187 00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:33,049 And if you can't, get up on that chair, or I could put you on my shoulders.... 188 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,845 Long story, abnormally short, will you help us? 189 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:40,222 Well, those 12 short jokes really primed me. 190 00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:43,268 Fine. You can use the oven and any of the supplies you need. 191 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,604 Thank you. We need to fill this order. 192 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,315 I'll stay and help. I also had something to fill... 193 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:52,027 ...but I'll just text Sophie and tell her I'm working. 194 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:56,280 I'll help too. I can't bake, but I can certainly lift the spirits. 195 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:59,701 As long as there are spirits. It's open bar, right, Han? 196 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:01,952 Okay. I'm in too. 197 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,123 Earl, make me a Sea Breeze. Easy on the breezy. 198 00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,292 Because of my childhood... 199 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,294 ...I won't be able to process that you've done nice for me. 200 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:15,299 So if I run into you in 10 years and start crying, this is what it's about. 201 00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:21,514 Nine hundred and counting coming through. Where do you want them? 202 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,683 Put them over here. Next to the world's slowest helper. 203 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,686 Took you longer to make that cupcake... 204 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,688 ...than it took James Cameron to make Avatar . 205 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,942 Well, I've been doing this for two minutes... 206 00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:37,489 ...and I have to say, "Not for me." 207 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,158 But you know what is for me? 208 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,911 Another free cognac. 209 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:46,498 -Ready for another Sea Breeze, Han? -Not before I get this right. 210 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:50,043 And you don't want to see me on two Sea Breezes. 211 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,879 What happens? You become Lindsay Lo-Han? 212 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,966 Okay, let me show you how it's done. 213 00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,927 There. You feel how that is, Han? 214 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,847 -Uh, yes. -Okay. 215 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,057 Now, you just squeeze that bag. 216 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,893 Good. Little harder. 217 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,145 -Good. Little harder. -Oh! 218 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,647 Oh. 219 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:14,442 I am humiliated. 220 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:21,575 It's okay, Han. It happens to a lot of guys their first time. 221 00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:26,538 Get yourself a tissue and clean yourself off, like everyone else. 222 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,416 Han, you're off the bag. I'm moving you to batter. 223 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,586 Not a demotion. You stink. I wanna give you something easier. 224 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,547 Max, you just got that all over your apron. 225 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,591 I'll wipe it down. Mine's a mess too. 226 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,970 Pretty slick move. Wanna try for my bra next? 227 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:47,100 (IN DEEP VOICE) Yeah, baby. I'll take off your bra. 228 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,354 What the hell was that? 229 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,523 (IN NORMAL VOICE) What? It's my guy voice. 230 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:56,109 That's your go-to guy voice? 231 00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:59,361 Is his identity being protected on Dateline? 232 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,990 Well, what's your guy voice like? 233 00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:04,326 I'm doing it right now. 234 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,123 I'm gonna take a quick pee break. 235 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:13,501 Earl, I think you might be making the drinks too strong. 236 00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,629 We're not drunk, Oleg, just punchy. 237 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,380 I'm just drunk. 238 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:26,139 It was so nice of everyone to stay that long. 239 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,099 Everything's baked, except for those. 240 00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:29,975 We're gonna make it, Max. 241 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,105 Andy sent me a cat and a dolphin kissing. 242 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:39,068 I hope they go all the way. I'm dying to see their baby. Cat-dolphin? Yes. 243 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,488 I don't think that's healthy. 244 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,823 Well, if they're in love, it's really none of your business. 245 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,494 Why are you texting him in the middle of the night? 246 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:50,580 In fact, why is he still up? Is he talking about me? 247 00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,915 You look upset. Want me to stop texting him? 248 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:56,378 No, it's fine. It's just I'm tired and we're almost finished... 249 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,837 -...and I just wanna go home. -Got it. 250 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:02,174 So hot. Let me just get this hair off my neck. 251 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,844 Why are you wearing only one earring? 252 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,179 What are you talking about? I'm wearing two. 253 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:08,807 That's weird. 254 00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:11,058 Where is it? Is it in my hair? 255 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,019 No, no. Did it fall down? 256 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:16,022 Yeah, check your boobs. That's where you found the remote. 257 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:20,860 -It's not-- It's not anywhere on me. -When's the last time you saw it? 258 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,611 I don't know, but it couldn't have gone far. 259 00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:24,947 I was in this area the whole night. 260 00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,865 You mean over the batter? 261 00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:32,746 -No, no, no. Nothing, nothing, no. -No, no, no, nothing, nothing, no. 262 00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:34,540 No, no, nothing, nothing. 263 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:38,919 It's not here, which means it's in one of those already-baked cupcakes. 264 00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,923 Let's go. We have to start pulling these apart. 265 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,341 Really? Come on. Don't be ridiculous. 266 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:48,221 Look, worst-case scenario: one of the thousand cupcakes has an earring in it. 267 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,472 We'll tell them it's a surprise. 268 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:53,350 No, the worst case scenario is someone bites into it... 269 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,894 ...rips their lip open and sues us. 270 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,230 Let them sue us. We don't have any money. 271 00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,941 And that's why we'll go to jail. 272 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,985 I'll be locked up raw and forced to be someone's girlfriend. 273 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:06,740 I'm a bad girlfriend out of prison. It's not gonna be any easier with Big Joan. 274 00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:10,284 Calm down. If we go to prison, I'll be your girlfriend. 275 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:13,495 Until someone hotter comes along, that's the way it goes in prison. 276 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,788 Start looking. 277 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:17,917 I am not going to smash 900 cupcakes. 278 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:21,086 -Then we'll just have to start over. -Oh, no. 279 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,923 I would rather hitch a ride west and become a sister wife. 280 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,929 This is crazy. Can't I just text them and tell them we can't do the job? 281 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,475 No, you can't text them. We need the money. 282 00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,309 And stop with all the texting. 283 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:38,480 If you were thinking less about texting with my ex-boyfriend... 284 00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,856 ...you wouldn't have lost your earring. 285 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,484 You should have just said it. 286 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,778 You have a problem with me texting Andy. 287 00:15:44,943 --> 00:15:46,779 I do not have a problem with it. 288 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,323 Oh, good, because he's my friend too. 289 00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:52,619 You'd think your loyalty to your best friend and business partner... 290 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:55,621 ...would be more important than stupid animal friendship. 291 00:15:56,623 --> 00:16:00,335 I'm surprised I even have to tell you that, Max. It's kind of girl code. 292 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:05,298 Oh, I am way too tired to hear "girl code." Shut it down. 293 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:11,804 Girl code, Max. Girl code. 294 00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:16,809 Shut up, Caroline. Shut up. 295 00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,979 I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response. 296 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,440 Yeah, that was the goal, bitch. 297 00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,567 I don't have time for this. 298 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:28,529 I have to find an earring you lost in one of these thousand cupcakes, bitch. 299 00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:34,201 The thousand cupcakes that you forgot to tell me about. 300 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:37,831 And the girl code means that when a girl breaks up with someone... 301 00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:42,043 ...you don't interfere with their boyfriend, she needs some distance. 302 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:46,380 Well, why didn't you tell me that when I asked you 14 hours ago? 303 00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:53,178 Hey, Max. I got your text. I'm here to help. 304 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:54,847 MAX: Um.... 305 00:16:55,014 --> 00:17:00,102 That was a pre-girl-code text. I thought we maybe needed a backup... 306 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:03,022 ...after Earl passed out and I made Han cry. 307 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,948 Andy, on the list of things I feel guilty about in life... 308 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:15,492 ...calling you to help is number two. It would be number one... 309 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:19,622 ...if I hadn't pushed that girl down the stairs to get into the 98 Degrees concert before her. 310 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:23,000 Well, it was 98 Degrees. People had to die. 311 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:24,794 (OVEN DINGS) 312 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,881 Let's stop all this joking and get down to why I came here. 313 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,758 Come on, Caroline, glove me. 314 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,676 Did you just say, "Caroline, love me?" 315 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,846 No. I said, "Caroline, glove me." 316 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,682 What kind of loser would say, "Love me"? 317 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,726 Unless you do. 318 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,189 So how you doing? 319 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,773 I'm okay. 320 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,817 A little tired. 321 00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:50,278 You know, I've been thinking about you a lot. 322 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,404 Pretty much all the time since we broke up. 323 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,655 Um.... 324 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:57,493 Maybe I overreacted to your whole "obsession with work" thing, you know? 325 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,454 You are here at 4 a.m. because I needed help... 326 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,582 ...making 1000 cupcakes in four hours. 327 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,584 One might call that obsessive. 328 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:08,253 One might, or pretty much everyone might. 329 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:13,343 And, Andy, just know that even though it didn't work out... 330 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,012 ...I do glove you. 331 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,223 I glove you too. 332 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,726 Get the cupcakes before they burn. 333 00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:26,271 -I don't have energy to do this again. -There's the girl I broke up with. 334 00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,900 Everything's ready to go out there. 335 00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:33,320 I've had my hands in more boxes tonight than a gynecologist at a free clinic. 336 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,451 It's not that funny. 337 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:43,623 Stay up another 27 hours, it'll be the funniest damn thing you've ever heard. 338 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,585 Well, that's the end of it. 339 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,546 Yeah, I think it is. 340 00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,964 I'm talking about more than the cupcakes. 341 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:55,175 Yeah, I could tell by your Bradley Cooper tone. 342 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,220 It's not gonna work out between you two? 343 00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:01,223 -No. And I think we have to break up. -I thought you already broke up. 344 00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:03,142 No, I'm talking about you and me. 345 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,894 You're dumping me? 346 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:08,605 Wow, last guy who dumped me, I burned down his house and moved. 347 00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:10,942 Still wanna continue this conversation? 348 00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:14,194 It wouldn't work. I would always be asking you about Caroline. 349 00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:18,240 Look, I get it, it's weird. People don't stay friends with their friend's ex... 350 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:22,369 ...but then cats don't usually become friends with dolphins. 351 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:25,707 But sometimes, for no apparent reason, it happens. 352 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:29,460 Yeah, I just wish I was as grown-up as a cat or a dolphin. 353 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:33,088 I hear you. So, what's next, breakup text? 354 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:37,844 That's just gonna lead to make-up text, and then we're back in a vicious cycle. 355 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:41,055 I'll stop by your place, pick up my CDs, T-shirts... 356 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:44,182 -...and my three grand. -You've never been to my place. 357 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:47,811 See, this is why I'm breaking up with you. You're a liar. 358 00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:50,440 I'll see you in small-claims court, bub. 359 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:57,947 Well, we did it, Max. We made $4000. 360 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,284 And as far as Andy and I go, I think we're in the right place... 361 00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:04,037 ...because when he said he'd been thinking about me... 362 00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:06,788 ...I realized I'd only been thinking about the cupcakes. 363 00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:09,500 Oh, please, God, shut up. 364 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,961 Thank you. I was dying to shut up. 365 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:13,171 (CELL PHONE CHIMES) 366 00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,258 Look, it's a text from the place. 367 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,719 They loved the cupcakes. 368 00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:21,971 Why do I have your phone in my apron? 369 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:24,641 No, my phone was in my apron. 370 00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:29,394 Unless I handed you the wrong apron after I wiped them down. 371 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,565 What? What? 372 00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:35,817 Your earring. 373 00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:37,737 I had it in there the whole time. 374 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,739 Oh, we're idiots. 375 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,576 We're two very different kinds of idiots, but we're idiots. 376 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,369 And yet, somehow, we work. 377 00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:48,830 -We're the most unlikely animal friends. -I don't know about that... 378 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:52,417 ...but a picture of me nursing you would definitely go viral. 379 00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,253 -Good night. -Good night. 380 00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,923 -Where are you going? -I'm too tired to pull my bed down. 381 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:01,760 -I'm sleeping with you. -You're not. You have super gonorrhea. 382 00:21:31,164 --> 00:21:33,166 English - US - SDH