1 00:00:00,793 --> 00:00:02,378 Welcome to the Williamsburg Diner, 2 00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:03,838 my name is Max 'cause the hospital 3 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,464 wouldn't let my mother name me "Oops." 4 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:10,553 Uh, I've been out of town all summer. Anything new? 5 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,138 Anything new? Let's see, well... 6 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:15,724 Facebook went public and Edward Snowden went private. 7 00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:17,934 Kim and Kanye had a baby, 8 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,521 so now there's another Kardashian to not keep up with. 9 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,942 Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in, 10 00:00:25,024 --> 00:00:27,945 and a teacher in California's out for letting her students get it in. 11 00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:32,866 Justin Bieber got a hit-and-run, Chris Brown got a hit-and-run, 12 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,451 Rihanna got hit and still didn't run. 13 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,329 Oprah gave Lindsay two million dollars, 14 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:39,414 cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer, 15 00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:41,040 and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere 16 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,792 another excuse not to do that. 17 00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:46,171 Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier, 18 00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,923 and the NSA checks our phone like a crazy ex-girlfriend. 19 00:00:49,759 --> 00:00:51,676 Oh, and Texas hates women, Florida hates blacks, 20 00:00:51,761 --> 00:00:54,387 and everybody hates everything with the exception of Angelina Jolie, 21 00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:55,805 who is totally awesome. 22 00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:01,353 I meant on the menu. Anything new on the menu? 23 00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:03,731 I have no idea. Let me check. 24 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,358 Hey, Caroline, anything new I should know about? 25 00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:08,359 The royal baby smiled at the queen. 26 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,655 I meant at the diner. 27 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,450 Oh, I think we're maybe washing the forks now? 28 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:15,575 Let me check. 29 00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:22,165 (THEME MUSIC) 30 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:23,626 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 31 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,384 See, Max, one quick change, 32 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,305 and we went from polyester and pitiful to powerful and proud. 33 00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:37,932 Just like Superman. 34 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,391 Except that Superman changed in a phone booth, 35 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:43,270 not a stall that says, "For a good time, call Max." 36 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,024 Well, if you have a problem with it, why did you write it? 37 00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:50,485 'Cause I didn't have enough eyeliner to write, 38 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,030 "for an interesting time, call Caroline." 39 00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:56,866 Look. 40 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,495 Look, Earl, we're wearing our "Max's Homemade Cupcakes" T-shirts again. 41 00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:00,703 See the logo? 42 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:05,125 Well, actually, I try never to look you ladies in the "chestal" area. 43 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,878 It keeps things on the up and up. 44 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:12,341 Oh, Earl, you are one in a million, literally, 45 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:17,388 'cause 999,999 men have only looked me in that area. 46 00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:20,348 Well, I got to go home. 47 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,893 I'm binge-watching Dharma & Greg on Hulu. 48 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:27,105 Oh, I missed so much growing up in Korea. 49 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,608 What, like puberty? 50 00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:34,405 Max, in my country, I'm average height. 51 00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:36,699 And in my mind, I'm still rich, and my health care plan 52 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,449 isn't Flintstones chewables. 53 00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:42,288 So, who wants to go in the back 54 00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:45,039 and see how amazing our brand-new cupcake shop is? 55 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,585 Bring down the enthusiasm, Rachael Ray. 56 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,503 Right, we're not supposed to get all excited 57 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,840 about this opening tonight. Last time, we made a big deal, 58 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,300 and the shop didn't do so well. 59 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:56,050 That's like saying 60 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,512 the people near the nuclear explosion didn't do so well. 61 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,853 Girls, I am so proud of you two, 62 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,146 getting back up on that horse. 63 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,941 After my first jazz record didn't sell, 64 00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:14,736 I took to a life of drinks, drugs, and loose women. 65 00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:18,073 Funny how sometimes things just work out right. 66 00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:25,955 But how can you be opening your cupcake window right now? 67 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,125 -It's 2:00am! -Our hours are 2:00 to 4:00. 68 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:29,752 We're targeting the "post bars" demographic. 69 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,461 Drunk Williamsburg guys. 70 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,379 That's my target when I'm by myself 71 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,215 and now my target at the new shop. 72 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,093 Funny how sometimes things just work out right. 73 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,139 We have no big expectations about the opening tonight. 74 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,389 It's a soft opening. 75 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:46,518 What's the difference between a soft one and a hard one? 76 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:50,730 You want me to show him? 77 00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,822 Thanks, but we're cool. 78 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,949 Seriously, it won't take me a minute. 79 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,409 It's fine, Oleg. 80 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,537 Just so you know, I'm already there. 81 00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:11,293 Get ready, this room's had an amazing transformation. 82 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,252 -Rachael Ray? -I mean, it's fine, whatever. 83 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,296 Han, before we go in, close your eyes. 84 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:16,632 I want you to get the full effect. 85 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:17,841 Yeah, and I want to trip you. 86 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,177 -She's kidding. -No, she's not. 87 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:21,595 Yeah, I'm not. 88 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,096 Han, I promise, I won't let her trip you. 89 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,055 Now, close your eyes. 90 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:28,435 (SHRIEKS) 91 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:31,689 What? 92 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,524 Now, I thought she was going to hit me. 93 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,610 -She was not. -Yeah, I was. 94 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,571 Okay, no more blind eye bull crap. 95 00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:41,781 Just show me the damn smelly back room. 96 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:44,242 Let me turn off the lights for a more dramatic impact. 97 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,161 (HAN SCREAMS) 98 00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:53,084 -What? I didn't do anything. -OLEG: It was me. 99 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,175 He now knows what hard is. 100 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,726 I cannot believe my eyes. 101 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,812 I felt the same way when I first saw you. 102 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,733 Original tin, original tile, original too. 103 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,151 -What do you think, Oleg? -Nice. 104 00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:21,697 "Nice"? All you got is "nice"? 105 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:24,365 This place was like Great Adventure for rats! 106 00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:26,994 They were waiting in line to bite us. 107 00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:28,454 Caroline, show them your bite marks. 108 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,874 -I'd rather not. -Nice? 109 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:35,711 It used to smell like the place poop comes to die. 110 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,005 Or death comes to poop. 111 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,716 And look what we did! We created 112 00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:45,262 the greatest, coolest, chic-est cupcake shop, and I love it! 113 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,346 But you know, no enthusiasm. Just soft opening. 114 00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:49,932 And, Han, this was all possible 115 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,935 because you gave us the space rent-free. 116 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,521 Rent-free? Now, refresh my memory. 117 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,066 When exactly did I say "rent-free?" 118 00:05:57,149 --> 00:06:01,028 On the 27th, 4:15pm, you said, 119 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,613 "I don't care about that dump, you can have it for free. 120 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,615 Burn it to the ground, for all I care." 121 00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:10,579 I knew learning English would come back to bite me in the ass. 122 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:13,581 (BANGING ON WINDOW) 123 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:17,086 Somebody's already knocking? That's a really great sign, Max. 124 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,086 CAROLINE: Time to open. 125 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,463 (BLOWS PARTY HORN) 126 00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:27,553 (POLISH ACCENT) Look, girls, I'm blowing this party horn for you. 127 00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,764 Thanks, Sophie, but we didn't want to make a big deal. 128 00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:33,644 -It's a soft opening. -Oh, I love a soft opening. 129 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,728 (BLOWS HORN) 130 00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:40,567 -Hello, Sophie. -Oh, hello, Oleg. 131 00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,735 Sorry, Sophie, about this uncomfortable meeting. 132 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,362 If we had known you were gonna surprise us, 133 00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,281 -we wouldn't have invited Oleg. -Yeah, I was there 134 00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:49,326 when you two broke up and I'm still suffering from PTSD. 135 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,579 "Post-traumatic Sophie drama." 136 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,124 There's no drama. 137 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,668 And the award for the best drama goes to... 138 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,672 ...not us. Right, Oleg? 139 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,464 Yes, we're friends now. 140 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,591 See, girls, I cheated on her, 141 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:08,137 so she smashed in my car windows. 142 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,971 And my apartment windows. 143 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,682 And your stereo and your flat screen. 144 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,726 And my brother's flat screen and his daughter's computer. 145 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,062 (SOPHIE LAUGHS) 146 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:20,524 Yeah, she surprised me. She wasn't supposed to be home. 147 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:25,069 We got it out of our systems. Good night, friend. 148 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,699 Good night, friend! And, Oleg? 149 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:36,874 (BLOWS HORN) 150 00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,795 Wow. That is one lucky horn. 151 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,136 Honey, look. Look, some customers. 152 00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:51,053 Hey, cool guys! 153 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,348 Come over here and eat something from the girls' soft opening! 154 00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:59,271 That is so not the way I would've gone, but I'll take it. 155 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:03,608 (BRITISH ACCENT) Hello, hello. What have we got here? 156 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,651 Welcome to Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 157 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:08,237 In England we call 'em "fairy cakes." 158 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,449 Fairy cakes? Damn it. 159 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:14,244 Why are the hot ones always gay? 160 00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:18,956 Here you go, darling, give us the whole lot. 161 00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:22,377 (WHISPERING) Oh, my God! 162 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:24,838 A black American Express card? 163 00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:27,925 I haven't held a black one in my hands in years. 164 00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:35,014 I would've guessed you hadn't held a black one ever. 165 00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,352 Sorry, it's our first night. Cash only. 166 00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:43,398 Oh, wow. He is really out of it. 167 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,650 -What is he on? -Besides me later? 168 00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,028 Do not know, but am jealous. 169 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,822 (CAROLINE GASPS) 170 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,033 And now I'm really jealous. 171 00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:56,452 I'm sure he'll be fine. 172 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,163 Oh, I'd say he's more than fine. 173 00:08:58,246 --> 00:08:59,873 I'd say he's my next boyfriend. 174 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:01,917 Roland, mate. Wake up. 175 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,043 MAN: He's not breathing. 176 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:06,004 I can't wake him, call 911! 177 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,380 Call 911! 178 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:12,510 Let's all just calm down. I have seen this happen a lot. 179 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:15,681 One summer I had a part-time job, I was a life guard at a crack house. 180 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,849 He'll come to in a second. 181 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,475 He's dead. 182 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:20,851 Called that wrong. 183 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,317 Max, the guy who died in front of our shop last night 184 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:31,279 was a rock star. He used to date Kate Moss. 185 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:34,700 No offense, but dating Kate Moss is like a law in England. 186 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,412 Everyone has to do it when they turn 21. 187 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:42,749 His name was Roland Glass, and he has two gold records. 188 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,418 I can't believe I've never heard of him. 189 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,837 I can. Your go-to jam is the soundtrack from Newsies. 190 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,551 Yesterday a rock star, and today he's gone. 191 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,386 You never know. That's why I ordered us breakfast 192 00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,221 from the fancy breakfast place on the corner. 193 00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,599 You ordered from "Magna Cum Latte? 194 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:03,227 Everyday when I pass by it, I think two things: 195 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,812 One, I wish I had a gun. 196 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:09,317 And, two, someday I'm gonna order breakfast to be delivered 197 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,153 with one of their fancy-ass croissants. 198 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,238 Who knows, tonight I could do too much heroin 199 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,822 and die an unexpected death. 200 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,451 But at least then I'd die doing something my mother loved. 201 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,202 You're right, Max. You only live once. 202 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,080 YOLO. 203 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,082 And you only live till the next time you say "YOLO." 204 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:30,838 (CELL PHONE CHIMES) 205 00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,341 Oh, no. More bad news. 206 00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,760 According to my Google alert for Max's Homemade Cupcakes-- 207 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,721 You have a Google alert for our business? 208 00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:40,389 I only have a Google alert for "Oprah goes topless." 209 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:42,768 I'm not saying it's gonna happen, 210 00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,895 but I'm saying, if it does, I'm gonna be the first one to know. 211 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:49,732 Look, it's online that Roland Glass died in front of our shop. 212 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:53,028 And now my phone just died. It's an epidemic. 213 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,822 Oleg, what are you still doing with the arrow from our shop? 214 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,283 I thought that you said that was hung. 215 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,118 No, I said I was hung. 216 00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:02,913 And I can't put it up now, 217 00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,331 with that crowd of people in front of your window. 218 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,793 There are people in front of our window? 219 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,297 Dude, is this where my man Roland died? 220 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,298 Yeah, right over there. 221 00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,385 Then I'm gonna put this here, next to Paddington bear. 222 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,804 I caught this at his last concert. 223 00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,347 And I also caught this. 224 00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:26,269 So, like, what, dude? He just dropped to the ground? 225 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,147 Actually, he hit right here first, smiled, then fell. 226 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,774 He smiled? Dude. 227 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,860 Max, can I see you over here? 228 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,279 Sorry for your loss and dope hat. 229 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,907 Thanks. I found it in a dumpster. 230 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,911 Max, what are you doing? Don't tell them he hit our counter. 231 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,288 We need to distance ourselves from the entire event. 232 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,665 This spells disaster for our new business. 233 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,710 Dude, can I get three dozen cupcakes? 234 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,254 Or it spells success. 235 00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:56,549 I have beaucoup friends coming here for the midnight vigil. 236 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,884 How much are your cupcakes? 237 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,638 -Seven dollars. -That's a lot. 238 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,765 Dude. Roland would've wanted it that way. 239 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,023 (SINGING "KNOCKING ON HEAVEN'S DOOR") 240 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,904 And he hit right here before he fell. 241 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,783 And as he fell, he looked up at me and smiled. 242 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,288 Content. Peaceful. 243 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,623 That'll be seven dollars, cash only. 244 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,500 Mira, can you break a 50? 245 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:35,172 -Max! -Yeah, what do you need? 246 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:38,133 -Change for a 50. -Got it. 247 00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:39,884 I mean, why, God, why? 248 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,219 MAN: Everybody! 249 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,304 (SINGING) 250 00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,225 Ten, ten, ten, ten. 251 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:51,187 Max, we're almost sold out in here. 252 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,647 I need more cupcakes from the kitchen. 253 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,024 Got it. I'll come right in. Earl? 254 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:56,650 Yo! 255 00:12:56,817 --> 00:13:00,071 Same split as before. 30 cents on every dollar you sell. 256 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,907 What a waste. 257 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,951 You know how much money we could make if we sold pot? 258 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,245 You want in on that too? Same split. 259 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:13,293 Oh, man, that hippie patchouli smell 260 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,793 is worse than the poop was. 261 00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:19,298 Han! These people are in mourning. Show some respect. 262 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:21,259 Me? Me show some respect? 263 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:24,261 What will you two do next, sell cupcakes at the diabetes wing 264 00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:25,764 at the children's hospital? 265 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,390 How dare you doubt my sincerity? 266 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,184 I personally have shooed a homeless man 267 00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,102 away from peeing on that shrine twice. 268 00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:34,355 I don't care what I may or may not have said 269 00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:36,441 on the 27th at 4:15pm. 270 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,193 Your business is booming, and now I want rent. 271 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:42,197 No way, Han. That man could've overdosed anywhere. 272 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,283 But God made him overdose in front of our window as a gift. 273 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:48,452 And, yes, we are accepting that gift because you only live once. 274 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:49,703 YOLO. 275 00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,082 This isn't "YOLO" it's "HODO." 276 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,500 "He Only Died Once." 277 00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,754 I'm surprised you aren't selling "HODO" t-shirts. 278 00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,463 How dare you again? 279 00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,383 We are simply providing some comfort food 280 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,259 to people who need comfort. 281 00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:07,054 And, I might add, we are doing it with the utmost respect. 282 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:10,767 (SINGING) Knock, knock, knocking on the Apple Store's door 283 00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:14,354 That's it, your business is booming, I want rent. Two hundred. 284 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,938 A year? 285 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:19,275 A month, and it's a bargain for my beautiful space. 286 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,236 This space is only beautiful because we made it beautiful. 287 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,697 -Yeah, show 'em your bite marks! -Max, I'd rather not. 288 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,783 You will pay me $200 a month, 289 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,784 and there is nothing you can do to change my mind! 290 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,578 -Show him your bite marks! -Fine! 291 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:33,789 A rat bit her ass? 292 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,165 Okay, 195. 293 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,878 No rent, Han. That wasn't the deal you made us. 294 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,088 This is not personal, it's business. 295 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,966 I want a slice of grief pie! 296 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,845 -Show him your front bites! -No! That's too personal. 297 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,765 -Sorry you had to do that. -So am I. 298 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,851 -It's healing nicely. -Don't lie to me. 299 00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,816 I think it's nice of us to add our flowers to the others. 300 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,192 Shows respect. 301 00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,943 You're acting like you didn't steal them. 302 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,363 Max, it's the thought that counts. 303 00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:06,655 And I thought it'd be cheaper 304 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,115 to pull them out of someone's garden. 305 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,452 Wait, where's the shrine? 306 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:15,039 CAROLINE: Look, Han moved it over to the diner door. 307 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:18,585 That insolent charlatan! 308 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,919 Whatever that means. 309 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:24,841 (SINGING "KNOCKING ON HEAVEN'S DOOR") 310 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,763 Can you believe this, girls? 311 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,139 He's cashing in on a man's death. 312 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,432 Without us. 313 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:38,020 And in his honor, tonight we a serving chicken à la Roland! 314 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,856 At a mourner's discount of just 8.95. 315 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,152 Looks like Jiminy Cricket turned to the dark side. 316 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,529 I also have rock star pudding. 317 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,411 Nope. No way, Max. This is our shrine. 318 00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:54,913 Grab a handful of bears. 319 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,831 We're moving the dead guy's shrine back? 320 00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:00,293 Wait, let me just light a candle for my dignity. 321 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,753 It died here, too. 322 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:05,173 Max, do you want to be successful or not? 323 00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:07,676 Because if you do, grab one of these poems 324 00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,802 that doesn't follow any of the rules of poetry, 325 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,554 and move it back to the cupcake window. 326 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:15,350 Because this is our death. 327 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,561 I think maybe you're being a little harsh. 328 00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:21,272 "Rock out in heaven. Love, Kevin." 329 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,816 That is gold. 330 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:27,611 Oops, knocked over a candle. Small fire! Small fire! 331 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:29,447 Fire on my shoe. 332 00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:32,533 If I don't get this out, it's gonna be my memorial service. 333 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:38,748 Look, look! Those girls are disrupting the shrine of a dead man! 334 00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:41,793 Look, look, a roach got out of the diner! Quick, step on it! 335 00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:45,171 Look, hippies, look! Put down those bongs and look. 336 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,173 They're moving the place where a man died 337 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,591 for their own financial gain! 338 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:53,263 -Hey, that's so not cool, man. -Yeah, come on. 339 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,932 -He's the not cool one. -Yeah, look at him! 340 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:01,895 Roland Glass died a horrible death 341 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:03,981 in front of our adorable cupcake window. 342 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,316 See? "Horrible, adorable"? 343 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,152 That rhyme just came right off the top of my head. 344 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:11,655 Hey! Hi. Hi. He knows! 345 00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:15,076 I told him to stop peeing on the shrine when it was still over there! 346 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,787 -Isn't that right? -Yep. That's the bitch. 347 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,830 Yes! Yes! I'm the bitch! 348 00:17:20,038 --> 00:17:23,460 So not cool, dude. Let's get him out of here. 349 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,753 (CROWD CLAMORING) 350 00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:28,423 No! Stop! That's my wallet! 351 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:31,175 Stop! That's not my wallet. 352 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,304 Stop! Stop! 353 00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,431 Cast of Rock of Ages, stop! 354 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,726 Put him down. He's cool. 355 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,769 Even with those clothes and that head. 356 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:46,441 I mean, really. Are we that desperate for success? 357 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,692 We'd let Han be torn apart? 358 00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:51,779 I'm thinking. 359 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:56,534 -Caroline-- -(SLOWLY) Max, I'm... thinking. 360 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,875 Well, no one's knock, knock, knocking on our door now. 361 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,252 It's more dead out there than when there was a dead guy out there. 362 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,507 I'm having second thoughts about how we behaved today. 363 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,467 I mean, how could we have let Han live? 364 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:15,220 Hello. 365 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:19,516 I brought you some rock star pudding to say thank you. 366 00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:22,268 Rock star pudding. What's in it, pills? 367 00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:25,188 Broken dreams? Tear-stained panties? 368 00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:29,858 -Caroline? -I'm not as easy as Max. 369 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,444 Said every girl in my seventh grade class. 370 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:35,365 Look, I was wrong. 371 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:38,284 No, Han, I was. We should pay rent. 372 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,077 I wasn't talking about the rent. 373 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,372 Rent? Who said anything about rent? 374 00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:47,085 I was wrong when I said it wasn't personal, it was business. 375 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,002 After Max stopped me from being torn 376 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,838 limb from limb by the smelly hippies, 377 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:55,093 I realized, with us, it is mostly personal. 378 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:56,760 And a little business. 379 00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:59,721 A little business? What other kind could you have? 380 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,392 Max, let's not be hard on Han. 381 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,352 He's giving us this space rent-free. 382 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,061 No one said "rent-free." 383 00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:09,566 But I came up with a number I think is fair. 384 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,442 -$250,000. -Yeah, sounds fair. 385 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:16,196 I remembered that was your original cupcake shop goal. 386 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:20,076 So when you hit that amount, we can talk rent. 387 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,828 Han, that is so sweet. 388 00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,123 And I'm not gonna ruin it by bringing up the fact 389 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,875 that she just said "hard on Han." 390 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,545 Really, Han, it's so, so generous. 391 00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:32,797 But I don't know if we're comfortable with it. 392 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,923 What if we offered you a small piece of the business? 393 00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:38,051 I'll wait for the rent. You two are good friends. 394 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:45,226 A woman finally offers Han a piece, and he turns it down. 395 00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:46,853 (CELL PHONE CHIMES) 396 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,441 -Max. Google alert. -Oprah's topless? 397 00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,903 Max, let that go. It's never gonna happen. 398 00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:56,613 Not with that attitude. 399 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,450 No, the autopsy says Roland Glass 400 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,951 choked on a Max's homemade cupcake. 401 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,452 This is a disaster. 402 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,998 Hey, where's your enthusiasm now, Miss Rachael Ray? 403 00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,250 This place is the balls! 404 00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,251 And it's just a matter of time 405 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:12,961 till those sicko hipsters are lining up 406 00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,548 for "one of those cupcakes that killed that dude." 407 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,925 Open the window! We're back, baby! 408 00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:22,096 But we can't count on a guy dying every week. 409 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:25,016 I mean, I have a positive attitude, but that's too Pollyanna. 410 00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:26,768 We don't have to. 411 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,353 That's what's so great about this window. 412 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,770 Who knows what'll happen? 413 00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,897 Right, and we won't have to chase business down, 414 00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:33,691 because we'll be right here on the street 415 00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:35,192 waiting for it to come to us. 416 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:39,113 Max, I feel so good about the possibilities. 417 00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:41,324 One night it could be a black American Express card, 418 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,784 -and the... -(LIQUID SPRAYING) 419 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,247 Max, is it--? 420 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:49,582 (ZIPPING PANTS) 421 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:55,587 Other nights, it's a friendly little visit from our homeless guy. 422 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,632 (CAROLINE SCREAMS) 423 00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,303 (CASH REGISTER DINGS) 424 00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:28,328 (English US - SDH)