1 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:04,964 -Max? -No. 2 00:00:05,131 --> 00:00:07,006 Don't come over here with that "I'm the boss, 3 00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,176 you're the waitress" look, 'cause I could just as easily give you 4 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,179 the "I'm the murderer, you're the victim" look. 5 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:16,600 The muscular woman at table two is sending her bagel back. 6 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:18,268 She said she ordered a plain one. 7 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,855 I'm sorry, did you say she wanted a multi-grain? 8 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,565 -No, plain. -Whole grain? 9 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:23,774 No, plain. 10 00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:27,486 -Garlic? -No. The plain! The plain! 11 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:35,411 It took me two years, but I finally got him to say it. 12 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,789 (THEME MUSIC) 13 00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:41,375 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 14 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:51,761 (CAT MEOWING) 15 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,722 Are you telling me you don't hear that cat? 16 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,558 We have to let it in. It's clearly a stray, 17 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,228 or this marine I met last week at a blood drive. 18 00:01:03,606 --> 00:01:05,941 Last week there was a man outside our door screaming, 19 00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:09,611 "I've been stabbed," and all you did was yell, "Shut up." 20 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:16,826 Because he said, "I think I've been stabbed." 21 00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:20,748 You're either stabbed, or you're not stabbed, my friend. 22 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,209 (CAT CONTINUES) 23 00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:25,710 Listen, it sounds like the cat's saying hello. 24 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,837 (MEOWING) 25 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,676 Hello, hello. 26 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,302 (MEOWING CONTINUES) 27 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:36,388 Listen, it's talking. 28 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:39,849 It's saying, "Help. Can I come in?" 29 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,144 Really? 'Cause I think it's saying, 30 00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:45,021 "I'm fine. Go back to sleep." 31 00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,606 (MEOWING) 32 00:01:47,066 --> 00:01:48,984 Come on, it clearly just said, 33 00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:52,655 "Let me in. Ignore the blonde. She's a bitch." 34 00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,073 Look, you can't just let in everything 35 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,866 that shows up at our door and says hello. 36 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,786 Yeah, I can. I've done it. 37 00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:02,456 Max, we can't. We can't become cat ladies. 38 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,834 And it always starts out innocently, rescuing a stray, 39 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,335 but then you have to get another one 40 00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:09,295 so that they can entertain each other while you're at work. 41 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:12,007 And then somewhere along the line, four more sneak in, and you think, 42 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:15,093 "We're good. We're cool. We're the cute girls with six cats." 43 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:18,222 And then, one day, there you are on Animal Cops, 44 00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:21,558 screaming, "Don't take my babies! 45 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:25,396 These 27 angels is all I got!" 46 00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:31,568 That's how it goes, Max. Once you get one, you get 27. 47 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,320 -Not true. -Really? 48 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,740 How many garden gnomes do you have under your bed? 49 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,783 Twenty-seven. 50 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,246 What? They understand I'm only keeping them there 51 00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:44,163 until I get a yard. 52 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,209 Come on. I want a kitty. 53 00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,086 Kitty for Max! Kitty for Max! 54 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:52,798 Max, we already have a horse. We can't afford another animal. 55 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,716 -We're broke. -Come on. 56 00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:56,384 Chestnut needs a friend. 57 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,554 He is dying to trash us to someone, 58 00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:01,681 and all he's got is that rat, who is super self-involved. 59 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:02,974 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 60 00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,269 Who the hell is that? It's so late. 61 00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,854 It's probably the cat, or the guy who's raping girls in Brooklyn. 62 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,606 Open the door, and roll the dice. 63 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:14,485 Oh, please. 64 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:21,951 (POLISH ACCENT) Please, somebody tell me they killed that damn cat. 65 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:26,122 And where did it learn how to say hello? 66 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,042 Told you. 67 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:30,544 It's been keeping me up all night. 68 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:33,129 This poor cat has been crying at our door 69 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:36,008 every night trying to get in, trying to get a little warm milk, 70 00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:37,968 maybe a skosh of tuna. 71 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,888 Max, that's our dinner tomorrow. 72 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,307 Wait. Be careful. 73 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,975 A cat is not always a cat. 74 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,771 Oh, please continue. 75 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:52,149 In Poland, we believe if you die outside, 76 00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:54,776 you're reincarnated as a cat. 77 00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:59,823 Am I the only one who thinks Poland sounds like a real freak show? 78 00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:01,824 So never let a cat in, 79 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:04,828 because it's just a person that's been reincarnated 80 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,331 and will bring in all the bad jus. 81 00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,377 I think you mean juju. 82 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:15,088 Oh, do I? 83 00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:16,839 Nighty-night. 84 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,841 (CAT CONTINUES) 85 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,761 Look, we just have to put up with it, 86 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,805 and after a while, it'll go away on its own. 87 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,514 Go away on its own? 88 00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,725 It's a stray cat, not my father. 89 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,685 Good night, Max. 90 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,896 Fine. No kitty for Max. No kitty for Max. 91 00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,778 See, Max, I told you the cat would stop. 92 00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:40,572 Max? 93 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,534 Max! 94 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,704 Can we keep it, Ma? Can we keep it? 95 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,293 Earl, you don't want a cat, do you? 96 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:56,588 A cat? God, no. Cats steal your weed. 97 00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,591 See, Caroline? Nobody wants the cat. 98 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:04,053 We're keeping it, and I think we should start celebrating right meow. 99 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,016 Max, you didn't even try to convince him. 100 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,268 Come on, Earl. Don't you want a cat? 101 00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:11,687 Kitty for Earl. Kitty for Earl. 102 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,480 I'm too old to have a cat. 103 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:17,151 I'm about six months away from crapping in a box myself. 104 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,238 Oleg, how do you feel about cats? 105 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:25,826 Loved it. Saw it nine times on Broadway. 106 00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,579 Very clever show, but a little expensive. 107 00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:33,207 The most I've ever paid to see a pussy dance. 108 00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:39,923 So far, we're keeping the cat. 109 00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,175 Hey, Han, do you want a cat? 110 00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:44,470 You could finally have a friend your own size. 111 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,305 Come on, you could ride it to work. 112 00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,348 No, I can't have a cat. 113 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,185 They're lazy, moody, and judgmental. 114 00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,228 I don't need another you. 115 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,649 -Plus, they don't show affection. -Sure they do. 116 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,778 You just have to know how to get it out of them. 117 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,279 Cats love to be lightly spanked on their bottom. 118 00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,115 I don't understand why a cat would like that. 119 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,533 It's so mysterious. 120 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,454 Kitty. Kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty. 121 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,290 Kitty. Kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty. 122 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,875 Hmm... 123 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,836 Well, I can't have a cat. I work all the time. 124 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,800 Why did I like that so much? 125 00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:26,302 I don't know, something with boobs was touching you? 126 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:30,307 -People with boobs touch me. -She means aside from your mom. 127 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,809 Then, no. 128 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,812 Well, we've asked everyone we know, 129 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:39,691 and now I'm depressed, because this is everyone we know. 130 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,317 Let's start asking people in the diner. 131 00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:42,778 We need to find it a place to live. 132 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,697 Why? Why can't it live right here in my arm 133 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,074 in between my hot naturals? 134 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,495 Kitty. Kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty. 135 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,790 I have to admit, that does feel kind of good. 136 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:59,336 Excuse me. I overheard you two asking people if they want a cat. 137 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,338 And I'd really love one. 138 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,173 Really? Well, we have your cat. 139 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,177 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast. I got a couple of questions first. 140 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,012 -Do you smoke? -Yes. 141 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,221 -Drink? -Yes. 142 00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,516 -Prescription drugs? -Occasionally. 143 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,726 Forget the cat. Will you take me home? 144 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,483 Kitty, you're gonna love this lady. 145 00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,985 She smokes, drinks, does prescription drugs, 146 00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,778 which we all know means oxy. 147 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:27,738 Hi. 148 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,283 Oh, my God. There she is. 149 00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:32,286 She's purr-fect. 150 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,290 Come in. Welcome home, you. 151 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,082 See, Max? It's great. 152 00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:39,334 (LOUD MEOWING) 153 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,295 What the hell is going on in here? 154 00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:45,132 Look at all these cats crammed in this little space. 155 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,632 It's so sad. 156 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,718 The only thing missing is 157 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,511 Sarah McLachlan singing in the corner. 158 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,598 What? It's fine. There's not that many. 159 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,182 They're attacking! 160 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,685 Sorry. He loves blondes. 161 00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:00,021 And apparently pooping on the carpet. 162 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,732 No, Twinkles, no. 163 00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:04,358 Okay, quick introductions. 164 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:07,987 That's Bethany, Radford, Sellers, Franklin, Eleanor, 165 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:11,699 Pudding, Mustachio, Mitzi, Meredith, Baxter, Birney. 166 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,076 She remembers all of their names? 167 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:17,079 I don't even remember the name of the guy I lost my virginity to. 168 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,124 Best I can do is "Coach" something. 169 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,125 Well, Catherine, I think it's lovely 170 00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:24,254 that you have such a big, loving, hairy family. 171 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,714 Kind of like the Kardashians. 172 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,343 There's only 24. 173 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,889 Thirty-one. 174 00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:38,184 Let's go before one of these rabid cats bites us 175 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,269 and we become half-human, half-cat hybrids 176 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,855 who wander the streets but are never cold. 177 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,984 We're just gonna go have a little conversation in the hall. 178 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:49,403 And FYI, the mother looks like she's eating the little one. 179 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,490 Just a thought. I'm only saying that 'cause it's in her mouth. 180 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,993 Mitzi, release! 181 00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:56,827 Let's go! 182 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:59,206 In less than five minutes, it went from 24 to 31, 183 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,667 and I saw two cats in the corner doing it doggie style, 184 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,336 so in two months, we could be looking at 50 cats. 185 00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:07,214 Max, you can't get pregnant doggie style. 186 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,674 Right? 187 00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:16,514 We can't go back in. There's so much hair in there, 188 00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:19,142 I saw a cat using a lint roller. 189 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,895 Okay, but if we don't leave her here, we only have one other option. 190 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,356 No, Kitty is not going to a shelter. 191 00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:29,110 Why? Lots of cats get adopted and end up in beautiful homes. 192 00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:33,948 Look, I didn't want to say this, but she's not pretty enough. 193 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:38,537 -What are you talking about? -She's not pretty enough. 194 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,874 Come on, she doesn't have classic good looks, 195 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,584 but she's adorkable. 196 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,796 We cannot take her to a shelter. She'll die there. 197 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,590 And, yeah, everyone says they want one with a nice personality, 198 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:53,051 but they really just want a hot, sexy, young kitten 199 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,136 who still gets excited about balls in her face. 200 00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,308 Everything okay, ladies? 201 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,977 No, everything is far from okay. 202 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,772 My boots are now UGGs, thanks to all the cat hair in there. 203 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:09,567 Ow! Stop it! Sorry, that's Gina. 204 00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:11,986 She's bipolar, and she refuses to take her meds. 205 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,114 Stop it, Gina! 206 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,325 I'm sorry, Catherine. This isn't gonna work out. 207 00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,701 It's nothing personal. It's just that you're crazy. 208 00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,580 Truly, I'm heartbroken. Ow. Ow! 209 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:25,375 I already have a name picked out for her. Veronica Two. 210 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,625 Ow! Stop it! 211 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,378 (SCREAMS IN PAIN) 212 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:31,798 I got to go! Who wants treats? 213 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:37,386 Um, just so we all know, Veronica One committed suicide, right? 214 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,932 Kitty, we're gonna find you a nice home. 215 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,774 Psst! Want a cat? 216 00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:52,068 Free cat? 217 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,364 Want a cat? 218 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,866 You are going to love it here. 219 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:02,037 Park Slope is like the Beverly Hills of Brooklyn. 220 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,039 Here comes a good one. 221 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,333 Hey. Want a cat. 222 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,461 -Excuse me? -Cat? 223 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,881 Yeah, I'll take some crack. 224 00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,341 She said "cat." 225 00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,552 We're looking for a nice home for a cat. 226 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,846 -Oh, so no crack? -No. 227 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,015 Well, why would I want a cat? I'm a crackhead. 228 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,813 Well, Kitty, as hard as this is, 229 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,399 I think it's time to let you back out there into the world. 230 00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,235 At least if we leave you in a rich neighborhood 231 00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:34,903 you'll have a better shot at life. 232 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,738 Max, you are okay with this? 233 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:39,908 Well, I was more okay when I did this with my cousin's baby. 234 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:45,746 There you go. 235 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,253 Oh, yeah. Move him to the next house. 236 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,255 South-facing sun. Pre-war building. She'll love it. 237 00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,841 There you go. 238 00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:59,009 You live in Park Slope now. 239 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:03,722 You can adopt an African baby and wheel it around in a $900 stroller. 240 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,851 Can you believe that was my plan B? 241 00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,187 Run! Run away. 242 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,772 Go. 243 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,732 Oh, screw it. She lives here now. 244 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,240 Ooh, look, they have a piano! 245 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:24,411 You can make videos. You'll be a YouTube star. 246 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,956 Bye, Kitty. 247 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:32,210 Wow, I'm shocked you didn't stop me. 248 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:34,712 Stop you? If I had known that was an option, 249 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,423 I would have had you stuff me in there. 250 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:43,596 I wonder what Kitty's doing in her fancy townhouse right now. 251 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:47,183 She's probably snuggling with an older gay guy who likes to read. 252 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,977 You know, 'cause gay guys are the only ones who still read. 253 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,440 They're probably on the couch right now with A Tale of Two Kitties. 254 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,195 I'm proud of us. We selflessly gave that cat a better life 255 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,821 than we could ever afford for ourselves. 256 00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,740 Don't try to get in on that. I did the right thing. 257 00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:06,285 You tried to leave her at that crazy lady's pussy riot. 258 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,663 Hi. Excuse me. 259 00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,831 Would it be okay if I put this flier next to your window? 260 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,833 -No. -Sure. 261 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,961 We lost our cat, Jinxy, like, a week ago in this neighborhood. 262 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,838 Have you seen her? 263 00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,423 No. No. 264 00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,801 I haven't seen a cat in a long time. I was just saying to her yesterday, 265 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,761 "I haven't seen a cat in a long time." 266 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,096 Um... 267 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,390 How come you didn't have a collar on her? 268 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:29,893 And where's her ID tag? 269 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,019 Even my mother had an ID tag on me. 270 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,022 Well, it was a flea collar, but... 271 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,359 Why did it take you so long to put the signs up? 272 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,445 Um, what's happening? 273 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:41,904 Um, here's what's happening. 274 00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,533 We are more than happy to put up this flier of your cat, 275 00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:46,076 which we have never, ever seen. 276 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,495 I mean, seriously, where did all the cats go? 277 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,246 Queens? Staten Island? 278 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,499 'Cause they're not in this neighborhood. 279 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,543 Okay. This was weird. 280 00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:00,381 Is there any way this cat isn't Kitty? 281 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:03,592 Nope, that's her. Same green eyes, same notch in the ear. 282 00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:06,053 Hello. Hello. 283 00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,807 Oh, God. Oh, God. 284 00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:11,017 Hey, girls. What's shaking? 285 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,061 Not me, 'cause I'm all held in. 286 00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:17,649 Sorry, Sophie, the cupcake window isn't open during the day. 287 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:21,193 I don't need your life story. I just need a damn cupcake. 288 00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:25,197 Sophie, do you remember that cat that was crying outside our building? 289 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,994 -Yeah, you put it down? -We thought it was a stray, 290 00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:31,413 so we tried to find a home for it, but couldn't. 291 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,749 -So you put it down. -No. 292 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,793 We left it in a really nice neighborhood. 293 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,837 So a rich person put it down? 294 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:42,006 It turns out it wasn't a stray at all. 295 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:45,634 -We just met its owner. -This is the cat, Sophie. 296 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,095 Her name's Jinxy. 297 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:50,764 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 298 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:55,019 You remember how I told you that if you die outside in Poland, 299 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,855 you come back as a cat? 300 00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,856 Yeah, that's kind of hard to forget. 301 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:02,943 That's not Jinxy. That's my friend, Nancy. 302 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,780 Look at her. 303 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:09,618 Same green eyes, same notch in the ear. 304 00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:11,785 Same whiskers. 305 00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:14,456 -I don't think that this is Nancy. -Oh, yes. 306 00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:16,666 She and I got in a big fight 307 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,168 and how she's come back to haunt me. 308 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:22,212 She died waiting for an apology from me, 309 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,131 and now she's back. 310 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,134 Guess what? 311 00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,761 She's not gonna get it. 312 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,270 Jinxy! Jinxy! 313 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,273 Jinxy, come on, girl. 314 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,985 Look, I said on the phone, this area is where we randomly spotted her. 315 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:47,489 I wonder how Jinxy got all the way to Park Slope. 316 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,198 Just wait. She's here, I promise. 317 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,409 Jinxy! Jinxy! 318 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:54,328 Nancy. 319 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,289 -Nancy! -Nancy! 320 00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,000 -Nancy! -Nancy! 321 00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,336 Come on, Nancy! 322 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:06,048 (IMITATING SOPHIE'S ACCENT) Nancy, it's Sophie! I'm here to apologize! 323 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,010 Um, what's happening? 324 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,099 Oh, my God, it's Nancy! I mean, Jinxy. 325 00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,767 I mean, Kitty. 326 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,562 Hello. Hello. 327 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,941 Hi, baby. 328 00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,360 Kitty, kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty. 329 00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:28,446 What she's doing, they like it. I know, because I liked it. 330 00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:31,573 Anyway, we found your cat. Isn't that great? 331 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:35,452 -Actually, she's my boyfriend's cat. -I'm keeping her. 332 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,371 Max, just close your eyes and look away, 333 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:39,081 like you do whenever those people ask you 334 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,084 if you have a minute to save the Earth. 335 00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:45,547 Just stick it in here. 336 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,298 "Just stick it in here"? 337 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,717 That's what I say when my hand gets tired. 338 00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:05,150 Maxy. Maxy. 339 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,318 Maxy, Maxy, Maxy. 340 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,041 Now, do me. 341 00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:29,007 First of all, I own the diner now. 342 00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:34,511 Secondly, don't ever do that again. 343 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,516 I guess I'll just have to spank myself. 344 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,810 No surprise there. 345 00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,440 I hope you're happy. 346 00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,192 I found Jinxy's owners on Facebook. 347 00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:48,651 Not one pic of Kitty, 348 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,819 not even a status update saying, "We found our cat." 349 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,322 But she is more than willing 350 00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:53,865 to talk about her reverse French manicure 351 00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,532 and posts pictures of a meal 352 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,367 I know she's gonna make herself throw up later. 353 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,622 Come on, Max. There's got to be one photo of Kitty. 354 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,664 (GASPS) Oh, wow! 355 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,210 -You found one? -No, that manicure is heaven. 356 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:09,047 Max, photos or not, we need to focus on the fact 357 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,048 that the cat is back with the guy who loves her. 358 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,425 The guy who loves her? He doesn't love Kitty. 359 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,554 If he did, why aren't there any pictures of her at his first wedding? 360 00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,348 What, he couldn't spring for a cat tuxedo? 361 00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,518 They're, like, 20 bucks. 362 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,728 I know because I have one on my garden gnome. 363 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:27,315 This is not a loving home. Pics, or it didn't happen. 364 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,192 Okay, Max. Okay, just say it. 365 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,652 I put the cat in an abusive home. 366 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,403 You put the cat in an abusive home. 367 00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,743 I have a gift for you. 368 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,788 (KITTY MEOWS "HELLO") 369 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,998 No way! No way! 370 00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,250 Oh, yeah, it's Jinxy. 371 00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,461 It's Nancy. Jinxy was her slave name. 372 00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,423 Oh, Nancy, I missed you. 373 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,551 I missed you so much. 374 00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,720 What did you do? How did you get her? 375 00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:59,638 Well, it was really complicated. 376 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,474 I went to their apartment, and I said, "You don't love that cat," 377 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,477 and they said, "You're right. Take it." 378 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,066 Oh, my God! Is this what happiness feels like? 379 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,443 So what made you change your mind? 380 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,196 Because two years ago I was outside your door, 381 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:19,534 saying, (MIMICS MEOWING) "Hello. Hello." 382 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:23,328 And you let me in, and it changed my life. 383 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,124 That's kind of different, though, because I didn't want to let you in, 384 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,542 and I did want to let the cat in. 385 00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,170 But you did let me in. 386 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,048 You let me in, and you gave me food and shelter and love. 387 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,174 Not the way I wanted to give to the cat. 388 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:40,054 Max, are you trying to equate a person's love with a cat's love? 389 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,472 Not really. A cat's love is eternal. 390 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,601 Hey, girls. 391 00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:47,060 I'm heading over to the bodega salad bar. 392 00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:49,105 They just added hot ribs and a sneeze guard. 393 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,231 You need anything? 394 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,317 Sophie, we got the cat back. 395 00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,737 She was in a house where she wasn't wanted. 396 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:59,865 Oh, yeah. That is so Nancy. 397 00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,202 Sophie, do you want to see the cat? 398 00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,248 She's in the apartment? 399 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,336 No, no, no. 400 00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:15,131 No, no. I can't see her right now! 401 00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:17,258 It's too much! 402 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,551 I'm happy for you, Nancy! 403 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,679 But I can't do this right now! 404 00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,597 (SCREAMING) 405 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,355 Wait, where did the cat go? 406 00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:34,692 Oh, no, Chestnut. I left the back door open. 407 00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:42,616 Oh, my God, look! She's on top of Chestnut. 408 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:45,494 -They like each other. -Why wouldn't they? 409 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:48,205 She's a foxy redhead, and he's a stud. 410 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:50,540 You did the right thing. 411 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,835 Kitty, kitty. Kitty-kitty-kitty. 412 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,212 Why do I like that so much? 413 00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,673 'Cause something with boobs is touching you? 414 00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:01,885 (CASH REGISTER DINGS) 415 00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:27,412 (English US - SDH)