1
00:00:01,127 --> 00:00:02,335
Your waitress just
went on break

2
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:04,754
and I'm just someone who likes
dressing like a polyester hot dog,

3
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,006
so I'll take that
whenever you're ready.

4
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,301
There you go. No rush.

5
00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:13,763
Okay, Mr. Rajeev Guttikonda.

6
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:18,853
I have to say, that's a pretty
Gutti scheme you got going there

7
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,355
but I Guttikonda don't believe it.

8
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,940
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what are you saying there?

9
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,609
What am I saying there, Boston?

10
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,446
I'm saying I believe
you watched Slumdog Millionaire

11
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,114
on a sticky couch
in your mom's basement,

12
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,740
but I'm not buying
that you're Indian.

13
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,994
So take your fake, East Boston,
Indian accent out of here,

14
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:37,287
or I'll call the cops.

15
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,539
Dude, stolen credit card
and you choose to eat here?

16
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,709
That's the real crime!

17
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:44,085
(CLEARS THROAT) Hey, Rajeev.

18
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:46,796
Rajeev, my man!

19
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,841
Rajeev Guttikonda!

20
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:52,136
You know what? This one's on me.
I have trust issues.

21
00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,557
(THEME MUSIC)

22
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:57,640
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

23
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,277
That's weird.
We still have three Red Velvets left.

24
00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:10,820
I guess that bulimic girl
didn't come in today.

25
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,073
No, she's here.
She's in the bathroom.

26
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,829
Hmm, if I save these for her,
would that be helping or hurting?

27
00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:21,498
Hey, everybody.

28
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:24,335
Speaking of hurting,
here comes a pain in my ass.

29
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,378
Han, do you want the last Red Velvet?

30
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:28,046
The other two are for
the bulimic girl.

31
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,757
I made the call.

32
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,509
No more cupcakes for me.

33
00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:33,510
I've been on a juice cleanse
for six days.

34
00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:37,264
Han's on the prowl and
I gotta keep this body tight, son!

35
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,977
I'm in the dating pool, you know.

36
00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:44,479
Yeah, the shallow end.

37
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,274
You know those cleanses
never work, right?

38
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,484
Really?

39
00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:50,152
Then how do you explain this?

40
00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:54,531
I don't know.

41
00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:57,075
Am I supposed to rub it
and make a wish?

42
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,995
Not bad for having three kids, Han.

43
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,917
What?
You don't see my abs coming in?

44
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:08,336
I see one large ab coming in.

45
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,841
That's at least a two-pack.

46
00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:14,884
Han, the real Tupac

47
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,846
is more alive than
your two-pack.

48
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,099
I'm gonna give this last cupcake away
as a free sample.

49
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,727
My promotional tweets haven't
been getting much love lately.

50
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:27,146
What'd you say? I black out
whenever you use work words.

51
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,106
All I said was

52
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:30,025
"promotional tweets" and "sample."

53
00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,151
What?

54
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,611
Here you go, ladies.

55
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,115
A Max's homemade
cupcake on the house.

56
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,365
Nah, I'm cool.

57
00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:40,953
I'm saving my calories for
one of those fabulous new cronuts.

58
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,204
Plus, cupcakes are so over.

59
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,750
Well, so is Blossom, but....

60
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,838
it didn't stop you
from wearing that outfit.

61
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,509
Those flower-power skanks
over there....

62
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,010
"Flower-power skanks."

63
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,346
See, these are words
I recognize and hear!

64
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:03,516
Anyway, she said she
only cares about cronuts.

65
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,144
And that cupcakes are over.

66
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,854
Cupcakes are classic, right?

67
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,271
Don't listen to them.

68
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,356
They're wearing
high-waisted jeans.

69
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,776
The only time I like seeing
women's jeans that high

70
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,611
is when I'm giving Han a wedgie.

71
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,487
Also, what's a cronut?

72
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:21,409
Cronut is what we called
my Croatian cousin with one testicle.

73
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,204
He hung himself.

74
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:28,709
Okay, well, in America,

75
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,877
it's a half-croissant, half-donut.

76
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,754
They're on the news,
Twitter, Instagram.

77
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,381
People can't stop talking about them.

78
00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:38,343
If cronuts had tongues, they'd be
the Miley Cyrus of pastries.

79
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,930
You're right.
They sound stupid.

80
00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,598
Stupid delicious!
Where can I get one?

81
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,685
You can only get them
at this one pastry shop in SoHo

82
00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:48,520
and people start lining up
at 4:00am.

83
00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:51,064
Boy, times do change.

84
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:52,231
Back in the day,

85
00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:55,652
4:00am was when people would
snort lines, not stand in 'em.

86
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,991
Who has the time to wait in line
all day for a piece of lame pastry?

87
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:04,161
(POLISH ACCENT) Hey, everyone.
I got a cronut!

88
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:11,251
I waited in line for two whole days.

89
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,670
Sophie, you bought into the hype too?

90
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:14,754
Oh, come on,

91
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,800
you know your girl Sophie
is always on trend.

92
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,177
I was the first one wearing Crocs.

93
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,512
I brought the Crocs craze to America.

94
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:24,973
When I was rich,

95
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:27,685
I sent 10,000 pairs of
Crocs to children in Africa.

96
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,687
Why?
To make them less cool?

97
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:34,441
Look, girls,
here I am in the cronut line.

98
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,151
And here I am still in line.

99
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:41,322
Oh, and oh, and here I am
riding a baby elephant.

100
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,659
And here I am eating a cronut!

101
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,538
Max, as stupid as it is,
we've gotta go over there.

102
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,874
We need to figure out
what they have that we don't.

103
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,377
Oh, I'll tell you what they have.

104
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,254
Cronuts!

105
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,427
Oh, my God.
Look at this line.

106
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,302
I knew we should
have gotten here sooner,

107
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,305
but, no, I had to be
a good person.

108
00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:07,348
I had to carry that torso man
on the skateboard

109
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,059
up the subway stairs.

110
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,062
All this is for a croissant
and a donut?

111
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:13,814
Those things already existed.

112
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,149
Where was all the fanfare

113
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,401
when I combined the sleeping pill
with the morning after pill,

114
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,317
and called it the

115
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,028
"sleep-through-the- morning-after"
pill?

116
00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:22,031
How did these things
get so popular?

117
00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:24,533
There's no science
to this trend stuff.

118
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,536
It's all decided by one bitchy
gay guy typing in his room,

119
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:28,704
making it all up.

120
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,747
Well, then we have
to do some trend research.

121
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:31,790
We've got to figure out

122
00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:32,957
how to make Max's
homemade cupcakes

123
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,043
the next cronuts.

124
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,002
I hate all these stupid trends.

125
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,422
Cleanses, cronuts, condoms.

126
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,216
Excuse me, sir....

127
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,093
My name's Caroline.
I'm a trend researcher.

128
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,346
I'm Chuck.
I sell magnets.

129
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:51,435
What made you wanna spend
an entire day in line for cronuts?

130
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:55,564
I like croissants. I like donuts.
I'm a fat guy.

131
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,316
It all adds up.

132
00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:59,692
True. You are a fat guy.

133
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:02,028
And there's a donut shop
right across the street.

134
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,406
So why don't you just stop there,
get a damn donut

135
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,867
and save the last 200 possibly
life-threatening steps to here?

136
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,747
Look, it's two things I like
put together. End of story.

137
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,709
That's it, Max.
It's the two things together.

138
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,293
One thing isn't enough anymore.

139
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:20,172
Yeah, that's why Oleg's cousin
hung himself.

140
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:22,507
I'm serious.

141
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,718
When's the last time
you did just one thing?

142
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,387
Like, watch a movie without
playing a game on your phone?

143
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:31,057
Magic Mike. Wait, does playing
with yourself count?

144
00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,268
Come on.
Let's get to the end of the line.

145
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:36,146
(SCOFFS) End of the line?
That's for rookies.

146
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,773
I'm a line pro.

147
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,733
My mom and I waited
in line for food stamps,

148
00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:41,651
Bob Seger lawn seats.

149
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,071
We spent a Saturday
in the "guns for cash" line.

150
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,072
Now that's a line you
don't wanna cut in.

151
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,533
Follow my lead.

152
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,540
Hey, man, cronut line.

153
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:55,790
What do you wanna do after this?

154
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,584
-Get my cronuts before you.
-Hey! You had better get to the back!

155
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,254
Okay, all right, all right!

156
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,463
Back of the line!
Everybody, relax.

157
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,384
Guess my mom being topless

158
00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:08,971
had more to do with my
line skills than I thought.

159
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:12,223
Oh, great!
Look at the cronut line.

160
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:14,059
I told you we should
have left sooner,

161
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:17,687
but, no, you said
we had to stay at temple.

162
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,524
You're the rabbi.

163
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,233
Yeah, a career I was forced into

164
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,485
'cause someone
wanted to write his memoir.

165
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:27,281
We get it, Garry.
You're adopted.

166
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,745
Wha? Move up, hon.
You gotta fill the gap.

167
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,499
I would if you would stop
trying to fill my gap.

168
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,500
What difference does it make?

169
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,502
You're still gonna have
the same amount of time to wait.

170
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,879
And then, in 30 years,

171
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,882
we're all gonna die
from Wi-Fi cancer.

172
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,218
Okay, let's all just take a breath.

173
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:49,927
It looks like we're gonna
be here for a while.

174
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:52,389
You know what?
You're right. Hi, I'm Jerri.

175
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,557
And I'm Garry.

176
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:57,519
I'm Jerri, he's Garry.
I'm tall, he's small. Cute, right?

177
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,812
That's our thing.

178
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,314
I'm Caroline and this is Max.

179
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,317
That's it.
We don't have a thing.

180
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:04,985
So what drew you here today?

181
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,862
Oh, well, we're trend-chasers.

182
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,237
When something new hits,

183
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,406
we are on it like sea salt
on dark chocolate.

184
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:11,617
Mm!

185
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:16,038
We did Pinkberry, Dippin' Dots,
kale, quinoa, Kombucha.

186
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,665
All the ka's.
Just 'cause!

187
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,211
Can you tell we don't have kids?

188
00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,797
-She couldn't.
-Garry!

189
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,132
Actually, it's true,

190
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,718
and you can read all
about it in his memoir.

191
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,762
It's called-- (SNORES)

192
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,181
You know what?
Jerri, Garry,

193
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,514
I think we got too close too soon.

194
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:36,975
Maybe we need a little space.

195
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,187
We gotta move up in line
to get away from these people.

196
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,897
Should I just take my top off?

197
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,234
-Next in line.
-(GASPS)

198
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,568
It happened!
We made it to the front of the line!

199
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,738
-We're the front people!
-(BOTH CHEERING)

200
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,490
Yeah, we're the front people!
Back people suck!

201
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,620
No, no, I said "back people,"
"back people."

202
00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:00,123
Baruch Hashem.

203
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,125
We loved The Butler.

204
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:05,379
You know, we've been through a lot.

205
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,297
Tempers flared, things were said.

206
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,883
I'm fairly certain
that Dutch guy back there died.

207
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,219
But we made it
and you guys are good people.

208
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,011
The sea salt of the earth.

209
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:15,972
-Who's next?
-We are.

210
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:17,682
I can only take a party of two.

211
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:18,933
-Are all four of you together?
-Nope.

212
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,143
-We don't know them.
-Guys?

213
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:21,269
Cut 'em loose, Gar.

214
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,022
All sold out.
We're closed.

215
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:25,565
I know you're driven mad

216
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,525
with the power of being
a doorman at a bakery,

217
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:28,652
but come on!

218
00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:31,571
Max, you know what I want
more than anything?

219
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,030
To kill Jerri and Garry?

220
00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,490
'Cause I'm totally on board.

221
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,661
No, I want our business
to have a line.

222
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:38,912
I wanna sell out.

223
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,414
I want people to turn
against each other for our product.

224
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,875
Again, I could just take my top off.

225
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,335
I know and thank you.

226
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,336
We have that in our back pocket.

227
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,130
But I have an idea we can try first.

228
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,924
I'm gonna use work words now,
so listen up, skank.

229
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,176
I'm listening.

230
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,635
I read in The Wall Street Journal

231
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,096
that there's a whole black market
for cronuts on Craigslist.

232
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,265
Craigslist? Oh, no!

233
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,350
I don't want one bad enough

234
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,019
to let some guy lick my armpit
for an hour again.

235
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,062
They're not for us.

236
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,606
We'll sell them at our window,
just to attract attention,

237
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:08,899
and then when they sell out

238
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,693
we'll effortlessly switch
to cupcakes.

239
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,361
Classic bake and switch.

240
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:15,615
All that work for some stupid fad?

241
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,284
I said "fad."

242
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,373
We loved Behind the Candelabra.

243
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,421
Try texting him again.
He's 15 minutes late.

244
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,048
You're really surprised that
a guy reselling pastries

245
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,716
in the Rants and Raves
section of Craigslist

246
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:36,094
-isn't the punctual type?
-(POUNDING ON WINDOW)

247
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:37,636
This is so exciting.

248
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,097
I've never bought anything
on the black market before.

249
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:43,184
I'm still afraid to go to that
Filipino market around the corner.

250
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:50,734
Are you the guy?

251
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,943
I don't know.
Are you the girl?

252
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:55,447
So far, this musical sucks.

253
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,200
What's the password?

254
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,909
Cronut.

255
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,788
Was "1234" already taken?

256
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:09,251
Meet us by the door,
which is code for

257
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,296
"Meet us by the door."

258
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,672
Which is code for

259
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,298
"You're really bad at code."

260
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:17,552
Okay, let's talk about our plan.

261
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,303
It's a classic good cop, bad cop.

262
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,971
I'm gonna ask the
guy for ten cronuts

263
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,599
and he's gonna quote me 250.

264
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,059
Right, then I play bad cop
and act outraged.

265
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,687
And then I play good cop
and we settle at 200.

266
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,063
Yeah, and don't worry about me.

267
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,690
I'll improv some good
stuff on the spot.

268
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,692
Are you sure you don't wanna
run it by me first?

269
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,277
I was in an improv group at Wharton.

270
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,321
We were called "The Fun Percent."

271
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,157
And I can imagine myself
not laughing

272
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,118
with 99 percent of the audience.

273
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,081
Let's make it quick.

274
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,667
You're not the only girls in town
who want my nuts!

275
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,169
I assume you mean cronuts.

276
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,673
No, I'm also a male prostitute.

277
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:57,341
Let's see the product.

278
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,602
She meant the other baked goods.

279
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,356
You gotta be clear.

280
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,863
Pretty maids, all in a row.

281
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,697
Let mama get a taste.

282
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,409
It's pure.
How much for ten?

283
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,703
I know I said 250 earlier, but--

284
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,623
Bullcrap!
One-fifty or we walk, bitch!

285
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,710
Okay, let's all just calm down.

286
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,294
That's a really good deal, Max.

287
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,379
-How about we settle at 200...
-Yeah....

288
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,340
-...and call it a night?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. About that.

289
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:40,177
I be getting mad offers
for these things tonight.

290
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,178
I actually gotta raise it to 300,

291
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,097
or I walk, bitch.

292
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,808
(GROANING)

293
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,519
Your hands are cold.

294
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,229
What'd you call me?

295
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:53,856
-Nothing.
-That's what I thought!

296
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,525
She said 200.
We'll pay 200.

297
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:57,860
And you'll take it.

298
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,488
You'll shove it in this...

299
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:02,032
Hanes Her Way
hoodie you're wearing.

300
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,366
You'll say, "Thank you, Max"

301
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,076
and you'll hit the bricks, capisce ?

302
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,328
Caroline, cash!

303
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,168
-Thank you, Max.
-What'd you say?

304
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,461
Thank you, Max!

305
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,880
I've got the chills now.
Do you guys serve tea?

306
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:22,885
How's that for bad cop?

307
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:27,014
Riveting. I felt like I was
watching SVU Bakery edition.

308
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,316
Okay, here we go.
This is the last one.

309
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,984
You want this cronut?

310
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,778
Lift up your shirt and
let me see 'em.

311
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,280
Go get Han.

312
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,908
I wanna show him what an ab is.

313
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,286
Max, you should see the line.

314
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:49,663
It's halfway down the block.

315
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,539
We have a line.
It's working.

316
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,082
But what's gonna happen now?

317
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:55,793
I worked at Target the Christmas
they ran out of Tickle Me Elmo

318
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,254
and there was so much blood.

319
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,676
As planned, we'll just calmly switch
to our delicious cupcakes

320
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:04,844
and then those'll sell out too
'cause they're that good.

321
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,136
Okay.

322
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,681
Attention, everyone.

323
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,099
Everyone, can I have your attention?

324
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,058
Actually, we are very sorry

325
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,102
but we are now sold out
of cronuts.

326
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,604
(DISAPPOINTED GROANS)

327
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,148
We do, however,
have something even better.

328
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:18,899
Max's homemade cupcakes!

329
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,152
-Cupcakes? Jeez!
-Okay. Come on!

330
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,738
All right, go! Leave!

331
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,283
Chase your stupid trends.
But we're not worried!

332
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,243
Cupcakes are classic!
We're Audrey Hepburn!

333
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,412
Max, cupcakes are over.

334
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:31,705
And you know why?

335
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,248
Because cupcakes
are just one thing.

336
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,584
If we had two things,
then we'd be something.

337
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,960
That does it.
I'm calling the dealer.

338
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,711
I don't think
we should order more cronuts.

339
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,129
Oh, no, I mean my drug dealer.

340
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,673
I need to take the edge off.

341
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:42,631
This sucks.

342
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,552
I feel worse about myself than I did
when I dropped the torso man.

343
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,681
What are you doing with those fries?

344
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,349
I'm dipping 'em in frosting.

345
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,143
I do it when I'm depressed.

346
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,145
I went right from baby food
into fries in frosting.

347
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,105
Is it good?
It looks disgusting.

348
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,109
It is both. Just taste it.

349
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,572
These are pretty good.
Sweet and salty.

350
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,115
Cupcakes and fries.

351
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,701
That's two things.

352
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,495
Cake fries!
We're millionaires!

353
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,917
My willingness to eat anything
finally pays off!

354
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,921
Wait, are you sure
it's not just us being desperate?

355
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:24,173
Like, when Adam Levine made
that music video in Brooklyn,

356
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,842
and you walked past the set all day
in a wet tank top?

357
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,761
It can't hurt to put them out there.

358
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,056
That's what you said that day too.

359
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,434
Just sit down for
a second, Han.

360
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,062
But this is the middle of a shift.

361
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,062
I'm gonna tell everyone

362
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,563
you're in the middle of
a male-to-female shift

363
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:40,690
if you don't sit down!

364
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,278
All right. You are here tonight
to taste the next big thing.

365
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,697
Okay, now you're just repeating
my pick-up lines back to me.

366
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,951
No, it's a new dessert,

367
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,827
and we've assembled
the perfect focus group.

368
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,623
A black man,
a pig and a health fanatic.

369
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,165
Y'all know who you are.

370
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:01,919
I suppose I have been trying
to eat better lately.

371
00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:04,004
Hey, extra, extra!

372
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:07,341
Read all about it!
I'm bisexual now!

373
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,388
Oh, perfect!

374
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:14,307
Now we have the LGBTQ
community represented.

375
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,725
-Uh, what's the "Q"?
-Questioning.

376
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,519
And answered.

377
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:22,606
Hey, everybody.
Meet Veronica.

378
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,067
She's cute, she's black,

379
00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:26,528
she has short blonde hair,
she's exciting.

380
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,904
And we met in Soul Cycle class.

381
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,698
Yes, we did.

382
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:33,909
I slipped in her sweat
and she bought me a Luna bar.

383
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:37,496
Now?
Now you're bisexual?

384
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:43,168
Well, yeah, you gotta
keep up with the trends.

385
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,631
Okay, focus group, let's focus.

386
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,301
This is our new product
called cake fries.

387
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,427
Cute, right?

388
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:53,221
You just take a fry
from the left side,

389
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,056
dip it into the cupcake
frosting on the right,

390
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,600
and enjoy your sweet,
yet savory dessert.

391
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,312
Is this woman seriously trying
to teach me how to eat food?

392
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,106
Oh, no, this looks very fattening

393
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,442
and I've been on a fast.

394
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,652
One lick isn't going to kill you.

395
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,738
Yeah, just ask Sophie.

396
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,074
Okay, one bite.

397
00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:16,076
Now I don't want any of you
to hold back.

398
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,996
Be completely honest
in your criticism.

399
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:19,955
-Well, I feel like--
-Shut up, Han.

400
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,125
No, I was gonna say
this is very good.

401
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,752
Too good.

402
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:27,963
Uh-oh, look away, girls.

403
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,423
You've released the Kraken.

404
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:33,552
Damn! That is tasty!

405
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,846
Now you may have
given me diabetes...

406
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,851
...as I have just lost the feeling
in my left foot.

407
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:44,439
You know what,
I think I might be trisexual,

408
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,608
because I'm having a love affair
with these cake fries!

409
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,943
Oh, my gosh, this is gross!

410
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,779
And it's very messy.

411
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,740
Oh, come on!
Then what was earlier?

412
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,786
Okay, everyone,
this is all very helpful.

413
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,287
We're still working some things out.

414
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,165
Uh-oh.
My tummy feels funny.

415
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,751
You mean your ab is hurting?

416
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,297
Han, your first food in a week

417
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,217
probably shouldn't have been
a fistful of fries and frosting.

418
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,675
You know what, guys?

419
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,304
We've all worked hard today.
Let's call it a night.

420
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:19,265
-But it's only nine o'clock.
-Pardon me. Excuse me.

421
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,477
-Uh-oh. You don't wanna see that.
-Look out!

422
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,438
Move it! Move it or lose it.

423
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,773
Move it or I lose it!

424
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:30,276
Out of way!
Out of my way now!

425
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:36,950
Oh, dear.

426
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,828
This is more embarrassing
than when Han fell asleep

427
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:43,623
and Oleg drew
a penis on his face.

428
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:48,211
I traced that penis on his face.

429
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:54,259
Now, you dip the fries
in the frosting,

430
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,676
but I find the best way to eat this

431
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,054
is to first make sure
you feel super empty inside.

432
00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,097
Not gonna be a problem.

433
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:03,351
These are adorable.

434
00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:05,394
Could you please take a picture
of me with it?

435
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,813
It's so cute.

436
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:12,861
And make sure you
hashtag that picture,

437
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,612
"Max's homemade cake fries",

438
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,364
when you post it online.

439
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:22,287
A sad girl smiling
with our cake fries.

440
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:23,746
Once that hits iVillage,

441
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,207
we'll be knee-deep
in canvas totes and cankles.

442
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,459
Here you go!

443
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:31,170
Sorry, that was our last cake fries.
We'll have more tomorrow.

444
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,257
-Wait. We sold out?
-We sold out!

445
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,425
Oh, my God!
We sold out!

446
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:37,594
Yes! I'm a sell-out!

447
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:39,679
Let's buy a helicopter!

448
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,597
Hi, girls.

449
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,307
Oh, hey, Sophie.

450
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,351
We're sorry,
but we just ran out of cake fries.

451
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,060
Oh, that's fine by me.

452
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:50,898
I'm going back to the basics.
Cupcakes and penis.

453
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:55,236
Here's your cupcake.
We don't sell the other basic.

454
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:00,950
You know,
it's nice to eat something

455
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,577
you don't have to compliment
every five minutes.

456
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:10,751
You know what, Max?

457
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:13,086
Cupcakes, cronuts,
cake fries, whatever.

458
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:14,505
We're gonna be successful

459
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,424
because we have the two things
that really matter.

460
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:18,759
You and me.

461
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,888
We're kinda like cake fries.
I mean, salty and sweet.

462
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,642
-I'm sweet.
-And I've been assaulted.

463
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,605
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

464
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,673
(English US - SDH)