1 00:00:01,459 --> 00:00:03,713 Fresh warm cupcakes! 2 00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:08,050 Enjoy this winter wonderland with some hot, hot cocoa! 3 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,053 Why are we open and selling to no one 4 00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:13,221 when we should be closed and taking a floor nap? 5 00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,516 Yes, Max, it's a blizzard right now, 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,102 but in an hour, it could be 65! 7 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,062 That's the beauty of global warming. 8 00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,814 You, stop! 9 00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:24,065 I'll give you a peppermint stick! 10 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,111 That is a straw with red stripes. 11 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:28,987 Well, what sounds better, Max? 12 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:32,450 A peppermint stick or, "A straw with red stripes"? 13 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:36,161 First of all, great impression of me. 14 00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:38,997 And second, no one in their right mind 15 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,875 is stopping for cupcakes right now. 16 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,546 (POLISH ACCENT) Hey, girls! 17 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:48,381 Guess who wants a cupcake? 18 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,384 It's me. 19 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,051 Here you go, Sophie. 20 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:54,179 See, Max, we have a customer. 21 00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:57,140 And just so you know, I'm not gonna pay. 22 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,853 Oh, I'm so glad you stayed open 23 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:03,606 even with all this snow everywhere. 24 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,358 You know, good for you. 25 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,650 You two are really committed 26 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,319 to this little cupcake window... 27 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:11,989 ...even when it's stupid. 28 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,453 That's it, we're closing. 29 00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:19,245 These streets need to be plowed 30 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,623 more than that poor married Jonas brother. 31 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,085 -No, wait. Listen! -(VEHICLE BEEPING) 32 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,378 It's the snowplow. 33 00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:28,004 Now, people will be able to get to us. 34 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,549 I told you it is gonna be one of those magical 35 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,218 New York City nights. 36 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,558 Do it again! 37 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,854 (THEME MUSIC) 38 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,024 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 39 00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,533 Why are we here? 40 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,161 It's still snowing, and we have no customers. 41 00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:02,665 I had to put money in the cash register just to steal it. 42 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:06,835 We can't just leave. Han's not here. 43 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,086 Maybe the trains aren't running 44 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,256 or Han got knocked out by a snowflake. 45 00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,758 Well, you know the diner rule.... 46 00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:14,592 the one I just made up. 47 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,554 If he's 30 minutes late, we grab whatever 48 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,514 we can fit in our pockets and leave. 49 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,433 Of course, if he's 31 minutes late 50 00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:25,687 and there's no one here, we all get fired. 51 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,941 But I say we roll the dice. 52 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,901 Well, whatever happened, 53 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,403 we can't run the diner if Han's not here. 54 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,280 That's right. 55 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:35,531 Who's gonna walk around here 56 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:37,783 guessing what a vagina looks like? 57 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,786 Uhh... me? 58 00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:43,872 (BELL DINGS) 59 00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:46,040 Pick up. I like this cold weather. 60 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,418 I get to wear my chin-cheetah hat. 61 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:50,920 Chin-cheetah? 62 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,423 That's not even a real animal. 63 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:55,843 Yes, it is. This was the last one. 64 00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:00,598 Who's that food for? We don't have any customers. 65 00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,056 It's for me and Deke. 66 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,602 We're studying pastry school stuff in the cupcake shop. 67 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,520 We're also putting rocks in snowballs 68 00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:07,687 and throwing them at hipsters 69 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,981 wearing those stupid stuffed animal hats. 70 00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:12,276 Max, you think school will be open? 71 00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:13,526 I was hoping it'd be closed 72 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:14,819 so I'd have at least have one day 73 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,237 where I wouldn't have to deal with drama 74 00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:17,781 between me and Chef Nicolas. 75 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,408 Oh, is that the married man you kissed? 76 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:25,204 -Who told you? -You! Like a hundred times. 77 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,293 Ooh! Let's play a snow day game. 78 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,294 Like what? 79 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,837 Guess the code to the safe in Han's office? 80 00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:36,383 I know the first two numbers are eight and nine. 81 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,384 How about... 82 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:41,639 If you could have sex with anyone here, who would it be? 83 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:45,558 "Could have" or "forced to have"? 84 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,770 Oleg, you go first. 85 00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:52,066 -I pick Caroline. -Oh, thank you. That's gross. 86 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,781 No, Caroline got mauled by a bear in the snow. 87 00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:00,282 I did? 88 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:03,661 No, it was me in a bear costume. 89 00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,496 She never saw me coming. 90 00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:10,167 So my only two choices are you or Earl? 91 00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:13,419 No, Earl passed away in his sleep. 92 00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:16,757 Of course, you'll feel terrible 93 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,468 when that happens in a couple of weeks. 94 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,553 Now, if you'd excuse me, 95 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,973 I'm going to go home and roll me a fatty. 96 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:27,393 Her name is Denise. 97 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,439 Okay, so I pick you. 98 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,983 Me? 99 00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:38,696 You pick me out of all these two people? 100 00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:44,951 -Luis, are you blushing? -No! I'm wearing blush. 101 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:50,124 Don't worry, everyone! I survived! 102 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,423 Still don't know where Han is, 103 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,800 but the new Bond villain just arrived. 104 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:04,387 Now there's an even bigger Octopussy in town. 105 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,725 I'm very sorry I'm late. 106 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:12,103 I got stuck in a snow bank and had to pee myself out. 107 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:13,730 Where's Max? 108 00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:15,524 And I know she's not trapped in the storm 109 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,733 'cause she's the one who taught me.... 110 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,860 how to pee my way out. 111 00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,281 Max, what is the French name for this pastry 112 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,992 that looks like a bunch of glazed balls? 113 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,326 (FRENCH ACCENT) A sha-ta-ta? 114 00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:28,745 No. 115 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:31,122 (FRENCH ACCENT) A doh-doh-doh-doh-doh? 116 00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:34,459 Oh, so close. (FRENCH ACCENT) It's a "pata-choo." 117 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,172 French and chemistry for pastry school? 118 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,798 I thought class was gonna be like, 119 00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:41,425 "Which is better, cake or bread?" 120 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,343 "They're both great, duh. Here's your degree." 121 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,596 I have terrible news. 122 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,432 Han's not dead and he wants us to do side work. 123 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:53,144 Do you mind? Harry Pothead and I are trying to study. 124 00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:56,981 Oh, Max, I know how we'll pass. 125 00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,151 We can ask that girl next to us in class for help. 126 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,110 She speaks French. 127 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,362 You know, the one with the bubble butt, Judy? 128 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:05,740 Oh, yeah! Judy with the booty. 129 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,326 You don't know her that well. 130 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,286 Please, call her "Judith with the boodith." 131 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:15,166 Max, can I interrupt this episode of "Ass Chat"... 132 00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,461 ...and talk to you outside for a second? 133 00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:20,798 -Sure. -Hey, Max. 134 00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:24,425 Her butt's so big, she walks into the room doggie-style. 135 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,052 (CHUCKLES) 136 00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:30,432 Like I said to my uncle when he came into my bedroom 137 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,893 in the middle of the night, "This better be good." 138 00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,106 Does it bother you when Deke talks about other girls 139 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,483 with you like you're a guy? 140 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,276 Not as much as it bothers me when you 141 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,112 talk to me like I'm a girl. 142 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,572 Look, Deke and I are just bros. 143 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,365 I don't want to sleep with him. 144 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,574 Not that there's anything wrong 145 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,494 with two bros sleeping together. 146 00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:53,663 I'm not bromophobic. 147 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,500 It's just not what this is. 148 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,211 So you're sure there's nothing sexual 149 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,629 going on between you and him? 150 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,673 Yes, I'm sure. 151 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,677 No! 152 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,680 Watch, I'm gonna take a snow swim. 153 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,180 (SHOUTS) 154 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,564 Not that cold. (SPUTTERS) 155 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,692 You're right, nothing sexual there, 156 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:24,194 unless you like adult men in Underoos. 157 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,492 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 158 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,913 Well, there's Nicolas. 159 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,415 I was not prepared for this. 160 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,459 Really? 'Cause we spent the entire subway ride 161 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,545 preparing you for this. 162 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,673 Okay, look, should I brace myself for weirdness 163 00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:45,632 between you two? 164 00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,300 And by that, I mean should I hit this? 165 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,218 No, I'm cool. 166 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,428 Cool as a cucumber. 167 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,307 LL Cool J. Never been cooler. 168 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,143 Ugh, why didn't I drink before you said that? 169 00:07:56,894 --> 00:08:00,105 Oh, yeah. I am gonna ice him out. 170 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,608 Well, maybe lose a couple of those cubes 171 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,401 because he is your boss, and the only reason 172 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,778 I can afford to go here is 'cause you work in the office. 173 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,824 Don't worry, he'll never know. Pretend you're Nicolas. 174 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,035 (IMITATING NICOLAS) Hello, Caroline. 175 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:17,706 I am a man, but I am pretty like a lady. 176 00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:22,084 -Good morning, how are you? -Ooh, that was good. 177 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:23,502 -(ELEVATOR DINGS) -'DEKE: Sup, Max? 178 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,797 -Look who I got to ride up with. -Hey, Max. 179 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:28,175 Hey, Jude. You ever heard that one before? 180 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,595 Yeah. Is that, like, a thing? 181 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,429 Thanks for the ride up, Deke. 182 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,475 Caroline. (MOUTHING) 183 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:42,730 I thought we were gonna have to take the freight elevator. 184 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,234 Really? I assumed you guys would take the 185 00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,360 ass-calator. 186 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:51,530 Oh, hello, Caroline. 187 00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:52,865 Good morning, how are you? 188 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,368 Very well, thank you. 189 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,787 Can't you see I'm mad at you? 190 00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:01,792 -Then why are you smiling? -This is my fake face. 191 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,418 Then what does your real face look like? 192 00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:08,215 How dare you kiss me when you're married? 193 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,509 I prefer the fake one. 194 00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:17,515 -Bonjour, class. -Bonjour, Chef Nicolas. 195 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,101 Today, we will be concentrating 196 00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:23,647 on the chemistry of baking, for tomorrow's test. 197 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,565 I don't know about the damn test, 198 00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:28,402 but I would ace a pop quiz on that ass. 199 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,904 -Oh, sorry. -I'll get that. 200 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:32,947 Let Judy pick it up. 201 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:34,157 It's a chance to see it in motion. 202 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,451 You think she got that thing 203 00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,913 at a Kim Kardashian backyard sale? 204 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,085 When you add water to the flour 205 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:46,836 to hydrate the two proteins, 206 00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:49,673 glutenin and gliadin, those two proteins 207 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,841 are drawn to each other, and they bond. 208 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,594 Like I like to say, they're hot for each other. 209 00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:57,681 Max, look, they were drawn to each other, 210 00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:58,682 they bonded, 211 00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:01,058 and now, we've got our own big butt. 212 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,979 Dat ass, though! 213 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,731 More like dat ass dough. 214 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,652 You need to wet the dough with water 215 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,446 to keep it moist and supple. 216 00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:14,114 Wet your bread, everyone. 217 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,698 Wet your bread. 218 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,868 Mine's pretty wet. How's yours? 219 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,703 Mine would be, but it's on antidepressants. 220 00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:22,413 Work with your partner. 221 00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:23,706 Help each other out. 222 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,458 Here, let me help, Max. 223 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,126 Yeah, mine's not as smooth as yours. 224 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,837 Keep kneading it. You need more water. 225 00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:37,888 It's better, right? 226 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,765 Yeah, I think wetting it helped. 227 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,357 Caroline, something is really wrong with me. 228 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,567 Don't freak out. 229 00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:51,610 I'm here for you. 230 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,403 Unless it's something I can catch. 231 00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:57,115 Something weird happened. 232 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,076 I think I might have feelings for Deke. 233 00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:01,035 Oh, God, no! 234 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:05,499 I mean, that is interesting. Let's talk about that. 235 00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:07,292 I don't know what to do. We're bros. 236 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,626 And I don't want to ruin the friendship... 237 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,461 Which is really unlike me. 238 00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:11,754 I always ruin friendships. 239 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,173 I've tried to ruin ours since you moved in. 240 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,551 Well, what changed with Deke? 241 00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:19,261 It was so weird, he was wetting my bread 242 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,889 and then my bread was wet, if you know what I'm saying. 243 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,227 Okay, thank you. I'm finally off bread. 244 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,522 Look, I understand. 245 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,356 You can't always help who you're attracted to. 246 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:31,607 It's like with me and Nicolas-- 247 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,068 This is not the same as you and Frenchie. 248 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,278 I wasn't attracted to Deke before today. 249 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:37,697 The first time you met Nicolas 250 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:38,990 your vagina fell on the floor 251 00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,951 and tried to crawl up his leg. 252 00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:45,580 Yes, but I scooped it up and snapped it back on. 253 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,706 Because I was not born 254 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,209 to have sex with a married man. 255 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,503 If I was, I would have flirted with Matt Lauer 256 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:53,004 when he came over for the Christmas tree lighting 257 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,423 at my house. 258 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:57,842 Matt Lauer, that guy's got game. 259 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,636 No hair, but game. 260 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:04,099 Hey, everybody, good news! 261 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,769 Oh, I passed that kidney stone. 262 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:11,273 Yeah, I think the skiing loosened it. 263 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:16,068 Oh, I felt like I was birthing a baby through my eye hole. 264 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,280 Did you save the stone? 265 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:20,282 'Cause only three more 266 00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:21,991 and you can make me that necklace. 267 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,411 Max, don't change the subject. 268 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,953 What are you gonna do about Deke? 269 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,373 Oh, wait, I love giving advice. 270 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,792 I had my own advice column in Poland. 271 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,961 It was called, "Don't Do That!" 272 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,591 Sophie, have you ever had sex with a friend? 273 00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,384 (GASPS) Oh, no. 274 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,177 Are you two gonna do it? 275 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:47,057 -No, that is not what-- -Oh, don't do that! 276 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,186 No, it will ruin your relationship 277 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,312 and my opinion of Max. 278 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,773 What about your opinion of me? 279 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:57,485 (MUMBLES) It's already pretty low. 280 00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:01,490 What am I gonna do about Deke? 281 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,575 He's coming over to study tonight. 282 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,535 Oh, God, I sound like such a girl from the '50s. 283 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:09,080 Gonna go cry into my princess phone. 284 00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:12,082 You should tell Deke how you feel, 285 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,083 and tell him tonight, 286 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,711 because I think that Judy girl likes him 287 00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:16,254 and I think he might like her too. 288 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,630 Why do you say that? 289 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:18,881 I literally don't care at all, 290 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,051 but I just want to know, why would you say that? 291 00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:24,803 Max, he likes big butts, and he cannot lie. 292 00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:31,977 "At what temperature does sugar crystallize?" 293 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:33,980 "Fahrenheit and Celsius." Go, Max. 294 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,232 Max. 295 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,110 Why are you looking at me like that? 296 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,947 This doesn't make any sense! 297 00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:44,032 Well, your book is upside down. 298 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,663 Hey, hearing a lot of chitchat in here. 299 00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:51,789 Just wanted to make sure you two are studying. 300 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,043 Stop studying. Kiss him. 301 00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:00,090 All right, well, I better be going. 302 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:04,219 -Just, pretend I'm not here. -I always do. 303 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,013 Hey um... 304 00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:08,764 This is weird, but before we study, 305 00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:11,142 I kind of have something to tell you. 306 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,894 Weird, 'cause I kinda have something to tell you. 307 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,855 That is weird. Maybe it's the same thing. 308 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,649 Someone wants to have sex with me. 309 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,693 How did you know that? 310 00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:23,279 'Cause Judy with the booty just texted me, 311 00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:24,614 "Would you like to study tonight? 312 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,658 And then have sex with me?" 313 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:30,452 I think you've interpreted that correctly. 314 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,623 Wow, she's direct and, I might add, slutty. 315 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:37,085 I know, she's got balls to go with that butt. 316 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,961 So what were you gonna tell me? 317 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,965 Oh, I--I was going to tell you 318 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,966 what you just told me. 319 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,846 That Judy with the booty wants to have sex with you. 320 00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,471 Glad she got up the guts to tell you. 321 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,390 So go for it. 322 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,768 Wait, you want me to go for it? 323 00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:56,062 Yeah, totally, go for it. 324 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,230 She seems kind of clean, go get it. 325 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,149 But we're supposed to study. 326 00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:02,067 I wouldn't want to bail on you just to go hit that. 327 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,653 Hey, if you don't, I will. 328 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,654 You're really gonna pass that ass up? 329 00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:06,489 Now get going 330 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,948 'cause I have to memorize what temperature 331 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:10,493 cho-cho-cho turns into chan-chan-chan. 332 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:14,663 -So you're telling me to go? -I'm saying, "Ta-ta-ta." 333 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,333 Go get her bread wet. Make it rise, bro. 334 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,043 Okay, then, bro. 335 00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:22,129 I guess I will go, but with that butt, 336 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,174 if I come back a crack addict, it's your fault. 337 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,722 Where's he going? Is this a condom run? 338 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,850 Is he going on a condom run? 339 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:34,768 'Cause, if he is, 340 00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:36,644 can you text him to pick me up a Diet Coke? 341 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,812 Can, not a bottle. You know the deal. 342 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:41,274 He's going to have sex with Judy. 343 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,775 You were right, he's into her. 344 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:44,860 I'm so glad I didn't say anything. 345 00:15:44,943 --> 00:15:46,654 That would have felt terrible. 346 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:49,532 -How do you feel now? -Terrible. 347 00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:51,451 But at least I didn't embarrass myself. 348 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,702 I was this close to showing him my gnomes. 349 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:59,417 Wow, you must really like him 350 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,128 if you were willing to let him know that you're an insane person. 351 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,755 Well, I'm about to be more screwed than Judy 352 00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:06,341 because I didn't study at all. 353 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,217 I know French. I can help you. 354 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:12,096 You can help me with the keys you have to Nicolas' office. 355 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,390 We are breaking in and stealing the test! 356 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,684 Why are you covering his ears? 357 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:17,769 He knows you steal. 358 00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:19,854 You took him from someone's yard. 359 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,485 I can't believe we're sneaking into his office to steal your test. 360 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:27,653 This is cheating. 361 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:28,488 Oh, don't worry. 362 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,990 I hear my teacher's kind of into cheating. 363 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,869 Can't argue with that. 364 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,331 Max, please hurry. Find the test 365 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,332 and let's get out of here 366 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,375 because we shouldn't be in here 367 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,168 and it smells like him and I like it. 368 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,423 Okay, one of these papers has to be it. 369 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:50,301 Oh, no, everything's written in secret code! 370 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,678 Max, that's French. 371 00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,307 How is it possible he's even better-looking 372 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,350 in photos than in real life? 373 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,562 Max, hurry up. I can't be around his stuff. 374 00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,690 My vagina's trying to get out of my pants again. 375 00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:07,152 Well, get her out here! 376 00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:08,569 Maybe she can help me look for the test 377 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:09,695 'cause you're useless. 378 00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,280 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 379 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,824 Oh, no, it's Nicolas. 380 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,660 I can smell him in the hall, and I like it. 381 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:17,036 Max, let's get out of here. 382 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,496 Okay, well, you have to stay and distract him 383 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:19,497 so I can sneak out. 384 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:20,789 Just pretend you're not mad 385 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,000 and you came in to see him. 386 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,167 I can't just turn it on like that. 387 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,461 What am I, an actress at a cocktail party? 388 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,672 You have to, it's the only logical explanation you have 389 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,048 for being in here. 390 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:31,968 Caroline. 391 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,052 I've missed you. I'm in your office. 392 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,013 That's the only logical explanation I have 393 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,347 for being in here. 394 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,061 Oh, ouch! 395 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,564 Oh, sorry. Did I hurt you? 396 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,775 Oh, no, I'm sitting on something. 397 00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:49,234 Oh, sorry. Oh, those are the exams for today. 398 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,945 Oh, well, let me just give us some room 399 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,156 while I push these exams on the floor. 400 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,243 Now, kiss me again, 401 00:17:58,286 --> 00:17:59,662 but, this time, lay on top of me 402 00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:02,123 so your legs are out of the way. Now, go! 403 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,883 Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 404 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,635 You know this can't happen. You're married. 405 00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:16,054 Now, if you'll excuse me, 406 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,056 I have to go snap something back on. 407 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,605 Well, here are the test answers. 408 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:27,816 But I don't know what the questions are 409 00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,107 because I only got half the test, 410 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,568 and I'm only half sure those are the answers. 411 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,113 Whoa, dude, how did you get this? 412 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:36,199 I turned Caroline into a whore. 413 00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:38,910 Can you figure out any of this? 414 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:42,622 I don't have any idea what these questions could be. 415 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:43,957 I didn't study either. 416 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,542 Judy and I got to talk, and it got pretty involved. 417 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,086 Well, now we're screwed. 418 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,711 I mean, you already got screwed. 419 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,588 Congrats. Proud of you, bro. 420 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,634 Max, we're gonna flunk this test. 421 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:55,759 Better go to the men's room 422 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,054 and write all the answers on my penis. 423 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,057 Don't worry, they'll fit. 424 00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:05,228 I hope you're happy? 425 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,313 I've now kissed a married man twice. 426 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,481 Oh, and here, I grabbed this from Nicolas' office. 427 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,442 That's not the test. It's a phone bill. 428 00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:14,403 I know, I wanted you to see he doesn't call his wife much. 429 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,614 (FIRE ALARM BLARES) 430 00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:19,032 Fire! Everyone get out! 431 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,411 Move your big ass! We're gonna burn! 432 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:22,953 Scoot. 433 00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:27,666 Oh, my God, Max! I hope Nicolas is okay! 434 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,296 Don't worry about me, I'm right behind you! 435 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,590 Caroline, I want you to be safe. 436 00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:35,674 Come with me. 437 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,093 You're married. 438 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,011 I'll just stay here and burn. 439 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,805 Caroline, don't be crazy. 440 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:44,057 This is all your fault. 441 00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:50,022 Don't worry about me, I'm right behind you! 442 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,691 (ALARM STOPS) Max, wait. 443 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,278 It's just a false alarm. I pulled it. 444 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:56,945 So classy. 445 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,823 You weren't gonna pass that test 446 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:01,159 and I need you in that class with me. 447 00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:02,868 You did this for me? 448 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:05,121 Yeah, and for me too, I wasn't gonna pass either. 449 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,164 But, look, 450 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,125 when you were talking about me and Judy just now, 451 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,500 you seemed kind of weird, and-- 452 00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:13,378 Oh, hey, I just had a weird moment yesterday 453 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,838 when you were getting my dough wet 454 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:16,298 and I kinda got turned on. 455 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:19,344 Sort of thought I liked you. Yeah, gross, right? 456 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,555 Oh, right, yeah. Totally gross. 457 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:24,682 Anyway, dude, we're just bros. 458 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,726 Okay, bro... 459 00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,435 But just so you know, 460 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,730 nothing happened between me and Judy last night. 461 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:31,980 That's lame. 462 00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:32,856 If you like a girl 463 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,651 you should just grab her and kiss her. 464 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:35,943 Okay. 465 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:44,076 -Was that weird? -Yeah. And I liked it. 466 00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:47,747 Max, come on! Oh. 467 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:48,914 Sorry to interrupt, 468 00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:51,084 but we're supposed to evacuate the building. 469 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,752 There's no fire. Deke pulled the alarm. 470 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,255 I wanted to kiss her. 471 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:59,258 Yeah. Turns out he's into dudes. 472 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,346 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 473 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,496 (English US - SDH)