1 00:00:03,254 --> 00:00:04,588 Max, your boyfriend is naked 2 00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:07,466 and waving from the dumpster he calls his apartment. 3 00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:10,385 Make sure it's Deke. Last time you said that, I went over, 4 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,263 and it was just a naked meth head in a normal dumpster. 5 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:16,182 I mean, we had a blast, but still. 6 00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,978 Well, at least that meth head bought a bunch of cupcakes. 7 00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:22,189 I mean, he thought they were alive, but he bought them. 8 00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:26,068 -Hey, I'm gonna cut out early. -You're sleeping over again? 9 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,571 Seriously, Max, sleeping in a dumpster? 10 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,698 Are you trying to bring SARS back? 11 00:00:30,823 --> 00:00:33,033 Well, I did bring it in the first time, 12 00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,786 and that is the last time I hook up with a bat in Thailand. 13 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,371 DEKE: Hey, Max. 14 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,290 -Oh! (LAUGHING) 15 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,835 (THEME MUSIC) 16 00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:45,463 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 17 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,097 Max is 45 minutes late. 18 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,392 And she better not say she have a prostate exam 19 00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,728 because I'm not falling for that again. 20 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,397 Relax, she's just down the street at Deke's place. 21 00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:06,692 You know how it is when you first start sleeping with somebody, 22 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,319 and you can't keep your hands off each other... 23 00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:10,905 Yeah, just take my word for it. 24 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,784 I know I couldn't keep my hands off my first love. 25 00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:17,286 I'm talking, of course, about my penis. 26 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,373 I've had enough! You two girls walk all over me. 27 00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:25,043 A baby can walk all over you. 28 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,963 (POLISH ACCENT) Hi, everybody. 29 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:34,762 Oh, I just heard two hobos getting freaky in the garbage. 30 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,847 Sophie, that was Max and Deke. 31 00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:40,225 Oh, I get it. 32 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,270 You gotta do crazy things to keep it fresh. 33 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:48,234 You know, I once had sex on a bus, and I was driving it. 34 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,820 Boy, were those kids late to school. 35 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:58,117 That's it, I am marching over there and putting my foot down with Max. 36 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,912 No one has sex on my clock. 37 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,957 Well, maybe your clock's not big enough. 38 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,710 That's it. No more free Jell-O. 39 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:12,925 (KNOCKING LOUDLY) 40 00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:14,551 Max! 41 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,180 Max, open up. I'm very upset. 42 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,641 More upset than that time you enrolled me in Little League. 43 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:26,479 Hey, it was your decision to play the full season. 44 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:30,192 Oh, goody, I was hoping for some hecklers at this, my lowest moment. 45 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:33,695 Hey, if the dumpster's rockin', don't bother knockin', baby. 46 00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,781 Hey, man. 47 00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,659 Hello, little girl. 48 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,121 I'll take three boxes of Samoas and a Thin Mints. 49 00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:43,497 Don't forget my Tagalongs. 50 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,290 They're called Peanut Butter Patties now. 51 00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:47,918 Why must I be that person? 52 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,962 -What up, fools? -Hey, girl. 53 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,966 Max, you're 48 minutes late for work. 54 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,093 Look, Little Debbie, 55 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:59,471 we're in here preparing for a big pastry school competition tomorrow. 56 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:00,639 And having sex. 57 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,808 And if you ever interrupt me while I am studying-- 58 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,644 And having sex. 59 00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:08,229 ...again, I will dropkick your baby-powdered ass 60 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,274 back to the Shire with the other hobbits. 61 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:13,610 I told her. 62 00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:16,989 Did you? 63 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:24,788 All flowers must be set on top of the cakes by the time we call "time." 64 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,789 Everyone, final touches. (MAX CHUCKLING) 65 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:29,793 That's what I used to say when I finished my shift at Hooters. 66 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,961 Hot. You still got that uniform? 67 00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:35,758 Oh, not sure it'd fit me anymore. I used to have really big boobs. 68 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:39,762 -Bebe, how much time is there left? -For all of us? 69 00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:44,015 Oh, gosh, I'd say two months, tops. 70 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,725 No, no, for the cake competition. 71 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:50,104 -Oh, 60 seconds. -Only 60 seconds? Come on! 72 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,691 I'm sorry, I can't handle this pressure. 73 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,777 It's only a matter of time before I start eating my eyelashes again. 74 00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,740 The winning team will earn a free week of class. 75 00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:02,033 And also... how do you say... bragging rights. 76 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,242 (CLASS WHOOPING) 77 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:06,872 Hurry! Move faster, Lindsay Slow-Hands. 78 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:11,043 Forget about it, Big Mary. These competition is ours. 79 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,211 Deke and I are broke. We need this more than you. 80 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,004 Fifteen seconds! 81 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,882 Bonjour, Caroline. This is a real treat. 82 00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:20,177 Mm-mm, uh-uh, don't do that. You're married. 83 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,762 I'm only here in an official capacity. 84 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,764 Bebe's in an emotional ball in the hall. 85 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,307 -Ten seconds! -Come on, girl. 86 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:29,060 Bring it home, bring it home, bring it home, bring it home! 87 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,771 I am way too excited about this. 88 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,524 Okay, everybody. I see a clear favorite here. 89 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,442 But, Caroline, in truth, 90 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:39,862 if I were to pick the prettiest flower in the room, I'd pick you. 91 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:43,992 That is... Incredibly obvious 92 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,120 and incredibly accurate. 93 00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:48,956 Come on! Get a stairwell! 94 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,834 -Your timer. -Merci. 95 00:04:58,382 --> 00:04:59,091 (DOOR CLOSING) 96 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,968 Just tell us who won. 97 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:04,096 The winners are, I am very happy to say... 98 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:08,016 Max and Deke. (CHEERING) 99 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,101 You were amazing! I love you. 100 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,103 I love you too. 101 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,233 Wait, you do? 102 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,819 Do you? 103 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,781 Yeah, I do. 104 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,367 Yeah, well, I do too, 105 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:29,663 so suck on that. 106 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,086 Okay, two important things. 107 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:40,132 One, I'm the guy you've been talking to on OK-Cupid. 108 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,302 And two, I need five minutes of girl talk 109 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:47,598 and not a minute more because I'm worried it'll turn me into a girl. 110 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:51,143 Go. Tell me. Leave nothing out, leave everything in. 111 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:54,480 I said something today I never thought I'd say. 112 00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:56,355 "Thank you?" 113 00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:59,901 I said "I love you" to Deke. 114 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,196 He said, "I love you," and I said it back. 115 00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,615 Oh, cool. Good for you. 116 00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:07,492 Wait, that's it? 117 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,995 I finally decide to cave and be a girl for you, 118 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,497 and you hang me out to dry? 119 00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:14,249 I've seen movies. You're supposed to jump around and say, 120 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,793 "This calls for a margarita!" 121 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:19,922 This calls for a margarita! 122 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,464 Too much, too late. 123 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,382 Your first reaction said everything, 124 00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:25,259 and your second one was just annoying. 125 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:29,014 I'm sorry, I just didn't think you were taking him so seriously. 126 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:32,058 He has no money. I mean, the man lives in a dumpster. 127 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,269 You are such a snob. 128 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,646 It doesn't bother you he has to move his house 129 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:39,358 every Tuesday between 10:00 and 2:00? 130 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:44,362 No, I've always wanted to travel. 131 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,115 (KNOCKING) 132 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:50,827 Come on, you can't really be in love with him, right? 133 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,954 I mean, you can't love Deke. 134 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,956 Max, you're in love 135 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,086 with that cute mochaccino homeless guy with the Jew-fro? 136 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:05,925 He is not homeless. He lives in a beautifully decorated dumpster. 137 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:09,053 So, homeless? 138 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,471 I get it. 139 00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:15,018 You know, I used to be engaged to a man who lived in the sewers. 140 00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:18,605 Yeah, the heart wants what it wants. 141 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:22,651 Plus, he told me he was friends with the Mutant Ninja Turtles, 142 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,821 and they were a huge deal at the time. 143 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,531 At the time? 144 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,660 If he can introduce me to Donatello, get him back. 145 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:35,329 How did you know you loved this... sewer man? 146 00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:39,084 Well, he made me laugh. 147 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,502 He was very passionate, 148 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:45,007 and I wanted to be with him constantly. 149 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:48,384 Probably because he got me hooked on heroin. 150 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:51,471 That was a crazy summer. 151 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,348 See? I feel the same way. 152 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,019 Minus the heroin part, unfortunately. 153 00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,980 Hey, can I use your bathroom? 154 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:03,192 I have to tinkle, and there's a wasp in mine. 155 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,944 Go ahead, Sophie. 156 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,028 (DOOR CLOSING) 157 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:10,072 What's that look? Is the wasp behind me? 158 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:12,492 I can't believe you. 159 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,494 Even after three years of being friends with me, 160 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,913 you still have a thing against poor people. 161 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:19,625 Max, you love him, I can love him. 162 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,293 I just have to get to know him better. 163 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:24,545 Invite me over to the garbage can for a wine and cheese party. 164 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,048 Wait a minute. Wine and cheese party? 165 00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:29,634 I'm gonna bring my new boy toy. 166 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:34,681 He's the Caesar salad pepperer at the Olive Garden. 167 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,143 No date, Sophie. 168 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,436 The place is so small, 169 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,980 I once accidentally took it home in my purse. 170 00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:47,402 (SNIFFING) Mmm. 171 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:51,697 This camembert smells like feet, so you know it's good. 172 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,786 Look at you, Mayor McCheese. So fancy. 173 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,538 It's just the usual diner crew, you know. 174 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:02,167 We serve imitation imitation crab. 175 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,086 Well, I just wanted to class the place up for you. 176 00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:09,341 You know, get some wine, get some cheese, flush. 177 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:12,677 You did not need to do that. I love that you live here. 178 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,264 And if a dumpster was good enough for me as a baby, 179 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,307 it is still good enough for me as an adult. 180 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:22,270 Oh, you love that I live here. Do you love anything else? 181 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:26,774 Well, I loved The Karate Kid movies until Will Smith's kid ruined them. 182 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,070 Okay, can we please be serious for a minute? 183 00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,364 Did you just say "I love you" because I said it first? 184 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:37,786 Look, honestly, yes. But I definitely meant it, I think. 185 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,996 Look, I suck at this stuff. 186 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,665 This and not laughing when kids fall. 187 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:48,713 Just know that if, slash, when I say it again, I will mean it. 188 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,466 I can totally wait-- I love you, Max. 189 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,302 -Nice try, sneaky. (BANGING ON DOOR) 190 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,054 Oh, hi. Come on in. 191 00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,975 And be nice. Remember, you barely have a bed. 192 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,686 Don't worry. I love this area. 193 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,980 I met your neighbor, the mattress. 194 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,981 Oh, that queen? 195 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,735 So, would you like a cabernet or a shiraz? 196 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,946 (LAUGHING) Shiraz. 197 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,490 Oh, that's a real name? 198 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,951 Oh, wow. (CHUCKLING) 199 00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:20,162 Some interesting pairings here. 200 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,998 In fact, I'm looking at one as we speak. 201 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,292 Please, someone else come right now. 202 00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:27,043 (BANGING) 203 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,505 Hi, everyone! I'm here. 204 00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:34,009 Please, someone else come right now. 205 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:37,136 I brought some homemade kimchi bin dae duk. 206 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:41,390 Would you like to try it, or should I just throw it right into the garbage? 207 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,769 It took me a year to get this kind of smell out of here, 208 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,313 but thanks, Han. 209 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,232 Oh, what a dump. 210 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:54,363 I thought of that on the way over. 211 00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,365 All right, let's do this. 212 00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,326 I'm ready to rage all night, baby. 213 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:05,916 Oh, hell no. I am too old for this. 214 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,918 Sophie, watch your head. You might wanna take your heels off. 215 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,712 Take my heels off? 216 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:16,551 Communist Russia couldn't get me to take my heels off. 217 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,679 Hey, Earl, you wanna go get drunk somewhere? 218 00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:24,558 We don't have to bend over till we want to? 219 00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:26,894 Indeed, I do. 220 00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:35,236 Not to brag, but I'm the only one who can stand up in here. 221 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,198 Cool brag, Han. 222 00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:43,452 -So, Deke, tell me about yourself. -Hey, stop Guantanamo Bay-ing him. 223 00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:46,623 Well, I go to pastry school, I live in a dumpster, 224 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:49,835 and I was thrown out of One Direction for being too handsome. 225 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,421 -That's about it. -There must be more to you than that. 226 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:54,130 I mean, I'm surprised to see a Roquefort cheese 227 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,508 paired with a 2001 Syrah from the Rhone region of France 228 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,177 at a dumpster party. Where'd you learn about wine? 229 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,429 Well, I wanted to impress you, 230 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,432 and I keep my adult grape juice game on point. 231 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:06,893 So where are you from originally? 232 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,019 Did you grow up in a storage facility or-- 233 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,688 Will you stop? 234 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,316 He looks nervous, like the fat guy at a birthday party 235 00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:15,025 when he finds out there's a pool. 236 00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:16,235 (BANGING) 237 00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,779 Coming, coming. 238 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:22,241 Good. We have the right dumpster. 239 00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,619 I brought some wine. Bebe brought cheese. 240 00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,078 Kind of. 241 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,831 Hey, guys, thanks for inviting me. Happy to be included. 242 00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:31,793 All right, another babe. 243 00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,336 Throw your keys in the bowl. 244 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,547 Right now, it's just me and Han, and... 245 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,883 That ain't happening. 246 00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,635 What is Nicolas doing here? Hide me. 247 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,472 I think you're gonna run into him. 248 00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:48,476 -Sorry, I thought you were into him. -I'm not into him. 249 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,812 Please, Caroline, relax. It's just a party. 250 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:51,980 I'm here as a friend. 251 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:56,067 -And where is your hand? -On your beautiful bottom. 252 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,903 Sorry, it's crowded. It was either there or in the sink. 253 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:02,157 -Please remove it. -I--I did. 254 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,366 That one's mine, baby. 255 00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:12,082 Come on, it's 8:45, and nobody's got their tops off. 256 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,211 Somebody's gotta do something. 257 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:19,508 Oh, one time I played "Seven Minutes in Heaven." 258 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:23,677 Well, I got hit by a bus, and I was dead for seven minutes. 259 00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:26,014 Bebe, do you want some wine? 260 00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:30,184 Sure, why not? I don't have anything to do tomorrow except move to Canada. 261 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,811 ALL: What? 262 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:35,941 Yeah, no biggie. Long story short, they found me. 263 00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,861 Caroline, looks like it's gonna be just you and me in the office. 264 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,490 Nicolas, please. What did I tell you about your hand? 265 00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,533 That's me! 266 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,870 I was trying to push my way to the cheese. 267 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:52,790 Hey, Bebe Gun, if you're ever in Alberta, hit the Fairmont at Banff. 268 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,584 Super fun. 269 00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,629 I got wasted and cannonballed into the lake there once. 270 00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,673 It was frozen. Shattered my pelvis. 271 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,259 Good times. 272 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:05,636 Hey, I know that place. Fairmont Chateau on Lake Louise? 273 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,682 We used to winter there. That's a really exclusive resort. 274 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:12,018 I once saw them tell Barbra Streisand to take it to the Holiday Inn. 275 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,312 Caroline, you want some of my triple crème? 276 00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,565 I don't want any of your crème. 277 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,482 You know what, it's getting a little crowded in here. 278 00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,317 I'm just gonna slip out without anyone noticing. 279 00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,403 Oh, excuse me. 280 00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:24,530 Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. 281 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:28,033 Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 282 00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:29,702 So... 283 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,955 Deke... what do you think? Do you like him now? 284 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,456 Well, before tonight, I thought he was 285 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:34,832 the guy who walks around singing, 286 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,375 "When you're sliding into home 287 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,503 and your shorts are full of foam, diarrhea." 288 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:41,047 Now I find out he knows all about cheese 289 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:43,841 and has been to this massively expensive resort, 290 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,427 so I'm even more confused. 291 00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:49,264 What's confusing? The foam is diarrhea. 292 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:50,682 Caroline, wait. 293 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,100 -Let me walk with you. -No, no, no. I'm good. 294 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,144 Please, at least take my scarf. It's cold. 295 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,105 No, I'm fine... 296 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,735 -Are you okay? Here, let me help. -No, Nicolas. 297 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,736 I am not going to be the other woman. 298 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:08,283 Despite the fact that I am literally lying in trash, I am not trashy. 299 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,288 Caroline, listen. 300 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,956 Things aren't always what they seem. 301 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,668 Just because that is garbage on the outside 302 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,796 doesn't mean that it cannot be a nice apartment on the inside. 303 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,965 Just because I'm married on the outside 304 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,134 doesn't mean I'm married on the inside. 305 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,010 Life is complex. 306 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,721 Your whole thesis is hinged on the fact 307 00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:33,182 that I think that dumpster is nice on the inside... 308 00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,476 ...which I don't. Good night. 309 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,937 -Oh, Caroline-- -Nicolas, please don't beg. 310 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,899 -I just-- -Maybe another world, another life. 311 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:43,025 - I want-- - You can't leave your wife for me. 312 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,985 -No, it's just-- -Seriously, you don't have to say it. 313 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,904 No, I do. 314 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:49,323 You have a diaper on your back. 315 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,161 I am aware. 316 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,879 What are you working on there? 317 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,798 Is that a family having a picnic at a park? 318 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,509 No, it's the letter "G"! 319 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,471 I haven't written anything by hand since 1996. 320 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,472 Well, my writing's really good. 321 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,017 I forge a lot of checks and prescriptions. 322 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,769 I'm kind of a famous doctor. 323 00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:26,653 You're really saying it. That says, "I love you." 324 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,115 No, it's Khloe Kardashian windsurfing. 325 00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,493 Yes, Deke, I love you. 326 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,121 Oh, Bebe. 327 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:39,749 I wasn't expecting you today. I thought you moved. 328 00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,668 I'm on my way. My car's outside, 329 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:44,294 but I remembered I left my medication here. 330 00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,677 Okay, now where's the big one? 331 00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,389 Well, as long as you're here, 332 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,682 could you show me where the student financial files are? 333 00:16:56,850 --> 00:17:01,019 Sure, they're here in this folder I've labeled "Depressing." 334 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,523 I wanna check Deke's file and see if he's on scholarship. 335 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,733 He's definitely not on scholarship. 336 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,986 His family's super rich. He's a Bromberg. 337 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:10,320 Wait, Bebe. Bromberg? 338 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,656 I thought Deke's last name was just "Berg." 339 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:16,076 As in "Ice-" or "Pitts-." 340 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:17,912 No, he just goes by Berg for short. 341 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,374 You know, like me, my full name is Bebebebe. 342 00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:27,963 So you're telling me Deke is from the Bromberg family, 343 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,673 as in the Bromberg Elevators, 344 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:32,050 the ones that are in every building in the city? 345 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,721 As in the Bromberg Colorectal Center at the New York Hospital? 346 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,766 Yeah. 347 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:42,604 You know, I once left a purse and two feet of my large intestine there. 348 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,105 Nice knowing you. Bye. 349 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:48,777 (TAPPING) 350 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:50,903 Ooh. I'll be right back. 351 00:17:51,069 --> 00:17:53,740 If you mess up our batter, I'll cut your thing off. 352 00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:57,911 Sweet, I could stand to lose five pounds. 353 00:18:00,078 --> 00:18:02,123 I have some exciting news to share. 354 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:05,167 Unless it's about an off-season Shamrock Shake, I don't care. 355 00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:10,256 Your Deke... Dumpster Deke... is actually Deacon Bromberg. 356 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,592 Of the Manhattan Brombergs! He's rich! 357 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,426 What are you talking about? That is crazy. 358 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:15,804 I would know if he were rich. 359 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:18,013 I wouldn't have just told a rich guy I love him. 360 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,349 It's all right here. Isn't this amazing? 361 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:24,604 This is like buying a dress you love and finding out it's rich. 362 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:34,530 -Whoa, why'd you do that? -You're rich. 363 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:39,117 -Max, wait. -You pretended to be poor. Liar. 364 00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:43,080 Ooh, lordy be. 365 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:46,750 This kind of drama's the reason why I quit the Ohio State Football Team. 366 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,259 Why are you so upset? 367 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:58,471 Lying about being rich is, at most, a little white lie. 368 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:02,307 It is literally the whitest lie I have ever heard, 369 00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:03,433 and it's a huge deal. 370 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:06,104 I never would have fallen in love with someone who has money. 371 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:10,775 We are drastically, massively, monumentally different people. 372 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,068 Hey, Max, can we talk? 373 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,488 Oh, I don't know. Depends on who I'm talking to. 374 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:20,159 Am I talking to Deke or Deacon Bromberg, the elevator king? 375 00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:22,244 Man, if you're this upset about the money, 376 00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:25,623 how are you gonna react when you find out I'm really a woman? 377 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,042 We wouldn't care. 378 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:33,338 I never tell anybody I'm rich until after we say I love you, 379 00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:36,009 because I don't want money to change anything. 380 00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:38,176 Money changes everything! 381 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,930 Now excuse me. I gotta do my second job, 382 00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,640 which you wouldn't know anything about. 383 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,809 Don't you have an ascot convention to get to? 384 00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:47,519 DEKE: Still here. 385 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,355 Also, two customers just showed up. 386 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,232 We don't need their money! 387 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:55,236 We're big, fat liars pretending to be poor too. 388 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:58,655 Yeah, my mom invented dogs. 389 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,911 Any time someone buys a dog, we get ten percent! 390 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,163 Now I can't believe it. 391 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,457 Even after three years with me as a friend, 392 00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:09,208 you still have a thing against rich people. 393 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,627 I do, because rich people suck. 394 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,380 They think they're better than everyone and are generally sucky. 395 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,715 So he has money, I don't want it. 396 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,635 Again, just wildly different people. 397 00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:22,055 And, Max, just because he's rich on the outside 398 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:24,222 doesn't mean he's not like you on the inside. 399 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,807 Life is complex. 400 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:26,808 (KNOCKING) 401 00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:29,186 I don't wanna see you right now! 402 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:32,230 Hey... I don't wanna see you either! 403 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,902 Just toss me something chocolate with some cream in the middle! 404 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:38,403 And speaking of cream in the middle... 405 00:20:38,528 --> 00:20:41,365 Your little homeless boyfriend is tryin' to get your attention. 406 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:47,497 He's not homeless, he's not my boyfriend, he's rich. 407 00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:50,583 Rich? And he's single? 408 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:51,541 (GASPING) 409 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:55,046 Maybe I will take off my heels! 410 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,096 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 411 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,453 (English US - SDH)