1 00:00:00,501 --> 00:00:01,836 (BELL DINGS) 2 00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:05,381 Good morning. Name? 3 00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,799 Not until I see my lawyer. 4 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,093 And by the way, I was with them last night. 5 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,137 Max, it's just for the spring semester. 6 00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:14,724 Sorry, she watches a lot of Lockup: Raw. 7 00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:17,434 Uh, actually, I'm here to return checks. 8 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,312 There is no spring semester. The pastry school has been closed. 9 00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:23,774 What? 10 00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:25,775 Feel free to collect any personal items 11 00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:27,820 you may have left in the workspace. 12 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:30,280 You get the weed, I'll get the other weed. 13 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:34,784 This is insane. How can school be suddenly closed? 14 00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:37,454 Oh, good. John's here. He'll know what happened. 15 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,039 What makes you think he knows? 16 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,459 He's a big queen, Max. 17 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:46,130 He'll know why school's closed and why Lady Gaga's last album failed. 18 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,759 (THEME MUSIC) 19 00:00:50,009 --> 00:00:51,426 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 20 00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:03,981 -Where's Chef Nicolas? -France... With his wife. 21 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,067 Why is he in France? 22 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,403 Hmm, turns out someone in this room, 23 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,322 maybe someone I'm looking at right over there, 24 00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:14,365 had an affair with him and his wife found out all about it. 25 00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:18,829 Deke! 26 00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:24,251 Shocking! I... I didn't even know Chef Nicolas was gay! 27 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:28,171 Oh, please. If he was gay, I would've been all over that. 28 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:32,343 Like a gorilla on a breadstick. 29 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,346 Lady, we all know it wasn't Deke. 30 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,307 Okay, yes, yes, fine. It was me. 31 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:41,352 And my parents say I'm loose as a goose. 32 00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:43,561 But it was not an affair. 33 00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:47,358 We made out once, in six different places, on eight different occasions, 34 00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:49,109 and then I ended it. 35 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:53,155 You ended that and you ended this! All of this! 36 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:57,909 Forget my spatulas! Forget my whisk! It's over! 37 00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,370 Brigadoon is over! 38 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,164 Thanks, Caroline! 39 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:07,710 You're acting like I'm the only one who ever closed a pastry school down. 40 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,134 Can't you just go to Deke's without me? 41 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,927 I'm too down in the dumps. 42 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,514 Then what better place to be than in a dumpster? 43 00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:20,765 And Deke said to make sure to bring you. 44 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,519 And relax, it's not a three-way situation. 45 00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:24,978 When we made our three-way list, 46 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:26,646 you were at the bottom with Taylor Swift. 47 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,233 Well, at least I'm with Taylor. 48 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,861 On the three-way list, who's above me? 49 00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:35,948 Vicki what's-her-name from Real Housewives of Orange County. 50 00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:37,615 Is that the one with all the face work? 51 00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:39,909 You're gonna have to be more specific. 52 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:45,540 Welcome, welcome. Wipe your feet on the way out. 53 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:51,881 Deke, I'm warning you right now, I am not in a partying mood. 54 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:55,800 Ain't no party like a Caroline party 'cause a Caroline party don't start. 55 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:59,847 I'm heavy with guilt and that cheese omelet we just split. 56 00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:05,060 We're not partying, but I did snatch back the weed 'cause I's perfect. 57 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,270 Good. 58 00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:08,438 I got it from Earl and he says it knocks you out so hard, 59 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,734 he once used it and faked death to cash in a life insurance policy. 60 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,028 Well, we might need to do that too after what I did. 61 00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:17,072 Deke, I am so sorry about all of this. 62 00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:20,450 I am filled with regret and those home fries I just ate. 63 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,162 (MOCKING TONE) We all so sad pastry school got all closed. 64 00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:25,163 We don't know what to do. 65 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:29,418 I know what to do. Eat the pound cake in my purse. 66 00:03:30,336 --> 00:03:33,631 Okay, so we all loved the pastry school, right? 67 00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:36,383 Eh, it was all right. No big deal. 68 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:41,013 No big deal? We had sex in like every classroom and both stairwells. 69 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:44,432 And on Caroline's desk, but, eh, no big deal. 70 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,102 Eh, kind of a big deal. 71 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,729 Was it a Tuesday on top of the New York Times? 72 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,941 And did you eat my cranberry Clif Bar after? 73 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:55,276 'Cause I made someone cry about that. 74 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:59,781 Okay, yes, it was fun. But it's over and that's life. 75 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:03,201 Pastry school, no pastry school, eh, no big deal. 76 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,495 I'm gonna buy it. 77 00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,955 -What? -Yes! 78 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,917 Yes, I love that frickin' place! 79 00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:14,003 We had sex on your desk while eating your Clif Bar. 80 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:15,381 It was awesome there! 81 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,221 Deke, what are you talking about? 82 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,475 I'll ask my parents to buy it as an investment. 83 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:27,725 Caroline, you can run the school. 84 00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,394 You're already killing it in the office. 85 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,646 And Max and I can be the badass students 86 00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,649 who won't take guff from no damn teachers. 87 00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:36,442 How 'bout you stuff the cannoli again, bitch? 88 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:37,987 I own the damn place! 89 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,992 Wait, is this even possible? I mean, it'll cost millions. 90 00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,701 Who cares? He's rich! 91 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,911 Now I get the whole idea of money. 92 00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,999 It's lovely! It's the greatest idea ever! 93 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,002 I know and since we're doing it together, 94 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,670 you'll both have to come meet my parents. 95 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:56,838 Max, they've been asking to meet my girlfriend anyway. 96 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,091 Meet your parents? 97 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,468 Uh, the pastry school wasn't all that. 98 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,389 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 99 00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:10,144 The elevator opens right in your apartment? 100 00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,937 Nope, don't belong here. Hold the doors, bub! 101 00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:17,108 We're okay. Thank you, James. 102 00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:20,612 Max, just do the opposite of everything you would normally do. 103 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,322 I already am. I'm here! 104 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,161 Deke, hello. 105 00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:29,954 Go. Be warm. 106 00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:32,165 Hello, Mrs. Bromberg. I'm Max. 107 00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:34,793 I'm the housekeeper. 108 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,048 This is Iris. Been with us for years. 109 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,468 Well, it was a lovely hug. 110 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,470 I'll tell your parents that you've arrived. 111 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,637 (DEKE CHUCKLES) So, what, Max? 112 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:49,891 You think any black woman you see here could be my mother? 113 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:55,230 Well, any white man I see anywhere could be my father. 114 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:57,816 Let's go. I already screwed up. 115 00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:01,487 No, you heard Iris. It was a lovely hug. 116 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:04,906 But then again, she is being paid. Here, better wear my pearls. 117 00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:09,327 Yeah, right! Me in those pearls is like a monkey in baby clothes. 118 00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:10,661 Just plain wrong. 119 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:14,500 -Relax, Max. -What, are you crazy touching me? 120 00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,418 Your mother comes in here right now and she's like, 121 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:20,297 "Oh, there she is, the hooker from the projects... 122 00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,675 ...getting it on with our son in the...." 123 00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:26,637 What, fancy-ass book room? 124 00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:31,725 Deke, you have a Warhol soup can? 125 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,769 Uh, yeah, it used to be in my bedroom. 126 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:34,978 It got moved out here 127 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:37,898 after I scotch-taped a Star Wars poster over it. 128 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:41,944 Okay, okay. See, now, here is something we have in common. 129 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:47,115 I used to drink that soup. I can talk about that. 130 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:50,952 -Perfect, yeah. Talk about that. -MAX: Yeah. 131 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,122 Okay, see, when my mother was on a bender, 132 00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:56,500 I would bust open the can on the kitchen counter 133 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,709 'cause I could never find the opener 134 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:02,047 'cause she'd use the sharp tip of it to clean out her hash pipe. 135 00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,384 -Give her the damn pearls. -Give me the damn pearls. 136 00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:07,552 It's just a little help. 137 00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:10,848 A signal to the rich people that says, "I'm one of you." 138 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:13,809 Like seeing another Hells Angel wearing a vest with a patch 139 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,894 that says, "Suck it, pig." 140 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:20,231 Well, Deke better give me a signal when his actual mom comes in 141 00:07:20,399 --> 00:07:23,192 because the way I'm going, I'd hug Oprah. 142 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,612 Oprah doesn't like to be hugged. 143 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:30,283 A mistake I made at her Legends' Ball. 144 00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:32,577 One hug and 20 minutes later, 145 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:37,249 my place setting was moved next to La Toya Jackson. 146 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:40,961 Oh... 147 00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:45,798 Thanks, girl. 148 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,800 You're Max. 149 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,303 I'm Deke's mother, Genet. 150 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,471 Uh, Mom, this is our friend, Caroline. 151 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:56,100 Thank you for inviting us. Amazing art collection. 152 00:07:56,268 --> 00:08:00,314 Oh, thank you. I'm afraid my husband and I are pop-art junkies. 153 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,151 I eat soup. 154 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,204 Speaking of my husband... David? 155 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:18,456 "I eat soup"? 156 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,667 He was right behind me. 157 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:24,545 Oh, sometimes I swear, I should just leave a trail of breadcrumbs. 158 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,964 (LAUGHING LOUDLY) That's funny. 159 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,802 Okay, hold on a second there, folks. 160 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:32,971 I'm just sending some business e-mails. 161 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:34,847 Actually, I'm not. 162 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:38,976 I'm looking at celebrities without their makeup, 163 00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:43,523 and I gotta say, Hugh Jackman, better without makeup. 164 00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,153 I'll take that. 165 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,029 All right. 166 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,573 -And what's in your mouth? -Sour ball. 167 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,076 Give it to me, please. 168 00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:57,663 Genet, I'm a grown man. I can have a sour ball. 169 00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:00,331 You asked me to help you stop eating candy. 170 00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:02,208 -It's just one sour ball. -Spit it out. 171 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,585 -I can't. -Why not? 172 00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:05,003 It's a Mini Three Musketeers. 173 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:11,009 There he is! There's my son! 174 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:14,221 Until we get the results of the paternity test back. I love him! 175 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:18,015 Hey, come on. No tongue in front of my girlfriend. 176 00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:19,225 Max, come over here. 177 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:22,312 Fine, but no tongue till after dessert. 178 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:24,105 (LAUGHING) 179 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:28,442 "No tongue till after dessert!" She's pretty and funny. 180 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:29,778 Who's your bodyguard? 181 00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:33,698 Oh, uh... (CHUCKLES) This is my friend. 182 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,866 Mm, help me out. Totally blanked. 183 00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:41,206 Oh, she's a little nervous. Hello, Mr. Bromberg. I'm Caroline. 184 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:42,957 Drink before dinner, yes? 185 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:47,129 Yes, but just one. But not because I'm pregnant! What? 186 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:51,966 Sit. Let's talk. 187 00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:54,219 Yes, let's sit down. 188 00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:59,057 Have a nice conversation. Get to know each other better. 189 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:03,477 -So, tell me about pastry school. -Yes, tell us about pastry school. 190 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:06,148 Well, we went to class the other day and it was closed 191 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:09,317 and John, this big, gay pastry chef, was freaking out. 192 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:12,070 -Max does a great impression of him. -No. No, I don't. 193 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:14,865 Yes, Max! It's really funny and totally charming. 194 00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:18,076 Oh, okay. Uh, he's like six five. 195 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:20,912 -Stand. You gotta stand. -Yeah, okay, okay, okay. 196 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:24,124 And he had his arms up in the air like this. 197 00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:37,511 Um, I think his arms were down. 198 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:40,724 No, they were totally over his head. 199 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,769 Yeah, she's right, they were down. 200 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,522 Way down, like a crocodile. 201 00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:50,484 Or CeeLo. 202 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:57,115 What are you talking about? They were way up here. 203 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,576 Way over his head and.... 204 00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,870 Oh, yea... They were down. 205 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:06,625 You know what? I think he was sitting and was really quiet. 206 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,294 Excuse me. I have to use the powder room. 207 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,464 -Max, would you come with me? -Try and stop me. 208 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:16,927 (FRANTICALLY PRESSES ELEVATOR BUTTON) 209 00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,513 Max, it's over here. (ELEVATOR DINGS) 210 00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,389 We're not making a break for it? 211 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,018 Trapped. Trapped like rats. 212 00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:30,649 What is wrong with you? Why are you sweating so much? 213 00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:33,402 I think we'd be better off just wetting the whole dress. 214 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,739 I know. It must be the pearls. 215 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:41,576 My white-trash body is working overtime to reject them. 216 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:44,495 Ooh, okay. Raise your arms. 217 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,164 Why bother? They already hate me. 218 00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:49,584 -Max, they do not hate you. -Well, they will. 219 00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,836 This is Tommy Dolan all over again. 220 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:56,258 Who's Tommy Dolan? And FYI, great upper arm workout. 221 00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,845 He's this rich kid I liked in eighth grade. 222 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:03,139 And by rich, I mean his family could afford the acne medicine. 223 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,101 He asked me out, but his parents said no because I was poor. 224 00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:09,479 And, to be clear, that was before I shot the ten BBs 225 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:11,398 into their front picture window. 226 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:15,610 Max, you're not in eighth grade. This is a grown-up relationship. 227 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,571 Tonight's not just about a pastry school, 228 00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:20,115 it's about you and Deke, so get it together. 229 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,533 You have a lot on the line and I have a neck cramp. 230 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,203 (KNOCKING) 231 00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,621 Ladies, it's Genet. 232 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,583 Trapped. Trapped like more rats. 233 00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:37,423 Is everything all right in here? 234 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,217 -I didn't take anything. -I.... 235 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,221 Caroline, do you mind if I speak to Max alone? 236 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,475 Our neighbors have just stopped by. 237 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:51,980 They've opened a bottle of champagne. It's French. Wonderful. Enjoy. 238 00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:56,109 Girl, you need to chill. 239 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:03,950 -Um, uh... Excuse me? -You have got us all wrong. 240 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,745 You walk in here, see this fabulous apartment 241 00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:09,038 and all of this "fabulosity" 242 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:12,292 and you think... you think I'm some rich bitch. 243 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:17,755 I am. 244 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:23,845 But I wasn't born that way. Uh-uh. I am from Queens, New York. 245 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:28,057 Yeah, that's right. I'm just Genet from the block. 246 00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:34,355 Wait, then how did you get your own elevator and fish wallpaper? 247 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:38,275 Well, when David met me, I was a dancer. 248 00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,486 Oh, you mean like on Broadway? 249 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,114 Yeah, well, close to Broadway. 250 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:50,205 The point is that we fell in love so completely... 251 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:54,459 ...that I even stopped taking his money after the third visit. 252 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,884 (POSH ACCENT) Tell us, Deke, why a pastry school of all things? 253 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:07,764 Who cares? We're just thrilled he's no longer in the circus. 254 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,517 -Girls-- -I didn't take anything. 255 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,938 Amy and Adam have lived in the building since Deke was little. 256 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:19,067 Mom, don't tell Max I'm little. 257 00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,278 I've convinced her I've got the biggest one she'll ever have. 258 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:26,157 Deke! Naughty, dirty, funny! 259 00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:29,369 Adam and I love naughty comedy. We watch Bill Maher. 260 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,956 This pastry school would be a huge financial commitment, David. 261 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,499 Why don't you just go down to Union Square 262 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,625 and light a bag of money on fire? 263 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,629 Mr. Chase, I agree, it's a huge undertaking. 264 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,463 And if you'd like, we can discuss a business plan. 265 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,009 I did graduate top of my class from Wharton. 266 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:50,222 Wharton. In Philadelphia. The city of brotherly love. 267 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:53,809 And let me tell you, it certainly is. 268 00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:59,649 Our son, Hunter, went to Wharton. He's about your age. 269 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:03,903 I'll text and tell him we've met you. What is your last name, Caroline? 270 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:05,697 Um... 271 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,869 Channing. 272 00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:13,245 Caroline Channing? 273 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,623 Your father isn't Martin Channing, 274 00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:16,750 the one in prison for the Ponzi scheme? 275 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:22,547 Amazing fish! I love this tilapia. It's almost a chicken-y fish. 276 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,341 Deke, you never told us about this. 277 00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:27,885 What, that the fish was chicken-y? 278 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,847 You know that's why I don't come home anymore. 279 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,934 Why would I tell you? She didn't steal the money. He did. 280 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,645 Deke does have a point. 281 00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,856 It wasn't Caroline and her father is serving time. 282 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:44,568 Ah, speaking of serving, there are like nine forks here. 283 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,571 Where do I go next? 284 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,865 It's easy for you to say, Deke. You didn't lose money. 285 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:53,036 Amy and I had to move from the penthouse to the fourth floor. 286 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,706 The fourth floor, Deke! That's three above the doorman. 287 00:15:57,999 --> 00:15:59,167 Only five bedrooms, 288 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:02,253 and I can hear the "whoosh-whoosh" of the damn elevator all night long! 289 00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:06,924 Genet, I cannot believe you would invite a Channing into your home. 290 00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,763 Sir, if you say another bad word about her, 291 00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:14,224 I'm gonna "whoosh-whoosh" you off that chair. 292 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,476 Max, these are our friends. 293 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,105 Yeah, well she is my friend and she's had it pretty rough. 294 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,524 And I'm not gonna sit here and let them insult her. 295 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,485 Oh, you only have five bedrooms? 296 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,072 Well, she sleeps in the wall. 297 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:37,956 You rich people are all the same. 298 00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:41,084 Max, take it down. You're gonna "whoosh" you did later. 299 00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,421 No, Deke. I mean, look at this table. 300 00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:47,090 Seven forks and ten knives, for what? 301 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,341 You know what we have at our apartment? 302 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:53,763 Five chopsticks and a spork from Kentucky Fried Chicken 303 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,932 and we do fine. 304 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,352 We don't need to sit here and gravel-- 305 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,855 -Grovel. -Whatever. 306 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,192 For your money or their approval. 307 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,403 All I can say is you rich people are lucky those cops took my BB gun. 308 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,696 Let's go, Caroline. 309 00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,449 No, this is my fault. I'll go. 310 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,867 No, you know what? We'll all go. 311 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,244 Deacon, sit down. 312 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,038 You are not leaving the table with them. 313 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,707 I go where she goes. 314 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:23,460 Except not in the bathroom because we like to leave a little mystery. 315 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,548 I mean, what is the big deal, anyway? 316 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,674 You have a problem with her because of her father, 317 00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:33,219 but no problem with his mom being a stripper? 318 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,638 What? You were a stripper? 319 00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:39,308 Mom? 320 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:43,688 -Max! -Oh, is that not common knowledge? 321 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,319 -I feel so bad. -Don't. I should have guessed. 322 00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,654 My mom's way too limber at tennis. 323 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,365 And it totally makes me respect my dad more. 324 00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,660 A Jew marrying a black woman is impressive. 325 00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:00,163 Marrying a black stripper is awesome. 326 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:04,166 No, I feel bad about your parents cutting you off financially. 327 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,586 But you're okay with outing my mom? 328 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,838 Look, they gave me a choice, my money or you. 329 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,717 It only took me two hours to decide and I picked you. 330 00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,886 I wish it took you two hours. You didn't even think it over. 331 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:18,263 You were out of there immediately. 332 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,016 Deke, how are you gonna live without money? 333 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:23,685 Hey, I already live in a dumpster. I'm used to roughing it. 334 00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:26,230 -Who bought the dumpster? -They did. 335 00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,106 Who bought the solar panels on the roof? 336 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,068 They did. But I bought that cool skateboard poster. 337 00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,445 -Deke. -Okay, it was in a box of Honeycomb. 338 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:37,784 -And who bought the Honeycomb? -They did. Max, it'll be fun. 339 00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:40,869 Oh, come on. How hard could it be? 340 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,205 Look, I get up tomorrow, I get a job here. 341 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,541 Zippity-boo, get another job there. 342 00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:48,211 Now I got 20,000, then zippity-pow. 343 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,421 Make another 20,000, zippity-zang. 344 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,714 Then I'm lousy with Honeycomb. 345 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,718 Now, cheechity-chong, where did I put Earl's weed? 346 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,184 What's the emergency? Are you all right? 347 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:07,230 I'm fine, but Deke's insane! 348 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,606 He thinks he can make it as a poor person. 349 00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,902 You never know, I did. Sure, the first.... 350 00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,570 What's today, Monday? 351 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:17,030 Sure, the first thousand days were hard, but.... 352 00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,907 Deke is nothing like you! 353 00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:22,537 You are resilient and smart and creative and driven. 354 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,955 No one could do what you did. You're amazing. 355 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,750 Max, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. 356 00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,961 Oh, don't get all wet. You're still at the bottom of the three-way list. 357 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:36,342 My point is, I can't let Deke give up his money. 358 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:40,471 It's his decision. And it's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. 359 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,723 It's crap! 360 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:46,102 I care about Deke more than I have ever cared about anyone. 361 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,439 So I have to give him back. I just called his mother. 362 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,442 At 2:00 am and she picked up the phone? 363 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,109 Oh, right, I forgot. She was a stripper. 364 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,445 She's used to picking things up at night. 365 00:19:57,322 --> 00:20:00,950 And she said they'd take Deke back, but he has to come to them. 366 00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,285 That's great. 367 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:05,622 So, come on. You and I are pushing him home. 368 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:06,788 In the dumpster. 369 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,209 Pushing it to the Upper East Side? 370 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,753 Yes! He's totally knocked out on Earl's weed. 371 00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:14,130 He will not feel a thing. 372 00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,299 Help me push right now before I realize what I'm losing 373 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:18,843 and change my mind. 374 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,845 Go! You take that side, I'll take this. 375 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,471 And we won't stop till we're there 376 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,557 or one of us falls off the Brooklyn Bridge. 377 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,643 We can never get it there, Max. 378 00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:29,770 Then we'll get it as far as we can and then at least when Deke wakes up, 379 00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:32,065 he won't be stuck here with me in the morning, 380 00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:33,816 and he can have a life. 381 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,653 I was wrong earlier. 382 00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:39,113 This is the most romantic thing I've ever seen. 383 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,576 Don't cut yourself on the dumpster or you'll get lockjaw. Push. 384 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:49,915 Max, even better upper-arm workout! 385 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:53,126 See, only you would say that. 386 00:21:00,134 --> 00:21:01,176 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 387 00:21:24,741 --> 00:21:26,743 (English US - SDH)